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raysofcrosby · 4 years ago

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WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU – m. tkachuk

part fourteen – CONSEQUENCES

warning(s): language, alcohol, violence, angst, very slight mentions of throw up.

summary: matt’s night out with friends turns into a frantic, drunken 2 am unannounced visit to caroline’s after learning some unnerving news and things get way out of hand. chantal helps ease his fears with another overdue gift. and on his apology tour the next night, matt and caroline sit down to put everything out in the open...but unbeknownst to them, they’re not alone. and as the night draws to a close, caroline is faced with a horrifying discovery.

word count: 16,488

an: not me double updating this week because i’m avoiding having to pack 😊 either way, here’s another update, i hope you enjoy 👀🥰 credit for the poem found here.

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That night was really only the first of the week that Caroline and Ethan would find themselves staying over late at the Tkachuk house. That first night, the three of them had stayed downstairs after Matt’s parents went to bed and the Marsh’s went back home, munching on the leftover chocolate-covered strawberries from dessert and watching the episode of 20/20. The next, Ethan had asked if he could come over to watch Calgary play Edmonton. Caroline brought him over an hour before the game started but didn’t stay, instead, going over to Brady and Emma’s to help Emma with some wedding planning. She came back just as the third period started and sat down on one of the couches, listening to Matt and Ethan give her a recap of the game. But when Matt looked over ten minutes later, she was out like a light.

The next day, Wednesday, Caroline let Ethan and Matt just hang out together, citing that she needed to help Heather with some home chores since Noah was visiting with Blake’s parents for the week since they weren’t around for Christmas. Matt would’ve liked for her to hang out with him and Ethan, but he also didn’t mind that it was just the two of them. They did a lot of things together– from Matt’s PT stretches (where Ethan had actually joined him for his appointment that day), to working on skills in the basement– Ethan was more willing to work on his backhand and was getting real close to being able to move onto something else. Ethan had convinced Matt to take him to Grove Park High School to watch the boys Varsity team practice– something Matt was more than sure wasn’t possible, but texted ahead to one of Brady’s best friends, who was actually an assistant coach on the team and gave them the go-ahead. Caroline and Ethan were right when they said that the older boys on the team had adopted him as a little mascot, cause when they showed up to the empty rink in the middle of practice, a lot of the players had taken the time to wave and say hi to Ethan during a water break.

It was there that Preston, Brady’s childhood best friend, mentioned that his older brother Declan, a former teammate of Matt’s, was in town and that Brady invited them to the game Thursday and that they should all go out for drinks afterward.

Which is exactly what they did, the next day after the Blues 6-2 win over Columbus. After the game when Brady came out of the locker room and greeted their families, the two brothers parted ways with their old friends and set out downtown, first to stop at a quick sit down place to grab a bite to eat before going off to the bar of Brady’s choice since the Blues had won. And as expected, Brady picked the place that Matt always teased him about since Brady had turned 21. It was the bar where Brady, who was already well past drunk on their bar-hopping excursion, spent five minutes in the bathroom trying to pump himself up in the mirror to call ahead and order the party pizza from the restaurant down the block. Their Dad had sent Matt into the bar’s bathroom to go in and check on him, just to make sure he wasn’t hunched over a toilet and Matt walked in on Brady finishing up his self-proclaimed championship speech and already holding his phone to his ear, slurring about pizzas.

He was on the phone with Emma, who was outside in the main lobby of the bar.

The four of them had settled off at a small booth of their own, not really interested in mingling on the dance floor or really with anyone else. It was more of a sort of, ‘hey, it’s been a long time, how are you doing?’ kind of thing. Declan, who Matt played on a team with from elementary school to after his freshman year of high school, had decided to play the baseball route in college instead of hockey and earned a scholarship to St. Louis University. Preston had gone to Boston University with Brady, but stayed all four years and got his degree instead of declaring for the draft, since playing pro was never really his thing. Declan had graduated with a degree in Sports Management and was working with an ECHL team in Florida as a Game Day Coordinator. Preston had a degree in Physical Education and started working at Grove Park as a gym teacher and got hired on as the boy’s varsity assistant coach.

They talked about life in Calgary and Ottawa for the two brothers respectively, Declan’s life down in Florida and the girlfriend he had for a little over a year, Preston’s pining over the new History teacher he keeps trying to get one of his Sophomore players to introduce him to since, get this, it’s his older sister. It was nice and at the beginning of the night, every so often there would be a vibration in Matt’s pocket and he’d bring out the phone to see a picture or just a text sent directly from Ethan’s very own Apple I.D. Caroline had helped him set up using what was also Ethan’s very first email address. A picture of NHL 24 on the screen with Calgary as Ethan’s team of choice, or Ethan asking what he was doing and questions about the team. Whatever he would send, Matt would reply before sliding his phone back into his pocket, ignoring every other notification and returning to the conversation. He was surprised that Ethan was even up this late– 10:30– considering he spent the afternoon after Caroline picked him up from the Tkachuk’s unable to keep any food down. Turns out, most of his team was now fighting off a stomach bug. How the adults managed to avoid it, no one knows.

“Kids are petri dishes of germs,” is what Richard said when he dropped off a bunch of Pedialyte bottles for Caroline to give to Ethan. And he wasn’t wrong. The last time Matt had seen Ethan was yesterday, Wednesday afternoon when Caroline said Ethan wouldn’t be able to come over that night cause he’d spent the last few hours since Matt had dropped him off pretty much living in the bathroom. Matt had his Mom cook up some of her notorious chicken noodle soup before he walked it down to Caroline’s place. It was then that Ethan had wandered down the hall with some crazy bedhead, looking all flushed and just wearing pajama pants and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He said hi before asking Caroline if he could take a bath because he felt “gross” and his body was achy. Matt had told her to text him if they needed anything and told Ethan he hoped he got better before walking back to his house.

He hadn’t seen either of them since, but often would exchange texts with Caroline every so often throughout the day and would even play with Ethan on Xbox live.

“Every bar in the place and he happens to walk into this one?” Brady asked, nodding towards the area of the bar entrance as the three of them followed his direction to see none other than Jonathan looking relaxed for the first time in his life, surrounded by a group of four guys– all laughing and smiling before they made their way to their own booth.

“Jonathan?” Preston asked, taking a sip of his beer. “What’s the beef there besides the fact he’s engaged to Caroline?”

“That’s exactly what it is,” Brady laughed, looking at Matt. “Right, Matt?”

Matt just rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Get fucked, Brady, seriously.”

“You guys are talking again?” Declan asked, picking up his beer. “Last I heard the two of you hadn’t been on speaking terms in years.”

“Really?” Matt asked, tilting his head to the side. “How did you hear that?”

“Caroline and I would hang out from time to time when we went to school,” he replied, taking a sip of his beer. “I’d help her watch Ethan from time to time and she helped me with my research papers.”

“Wait,” Brady said, leaning onto the table as he looked around, ducking his head low. “So do you...know?”

“About Ethan?” He asked, looking at them all before nodding his head and laughing. “Yeah, it wasn’t really that hard to do the math considering I was friends with the both of you through high school. She didn’t tell me, if that’s what you’re asking. I was over at her apartment for tutoring and just asked if he was yours.”

Matt looked at Preston, picking up his beer and taking a sip. “Did you know?”

He gave a sheepish smile before shrugging. “I might’ve overheard a conversation when I was over at your place between her and your Mom. Sorry man.”

Matt just shrugged and took another sip of his beer. “Not much I can do about it now.”

“Uh, yeah actually,” Preston replied, nudging his head over in the direction of Jonathan’s group. “What was Brady talking about? What’s your beef with Jonathan?”

“Besides the fact he’s a pretentious prick?” Matt asked, raising an eyebrow before sighing, shaking his head. “I may...slightly kinda sort of, have feelings for Care...still.”

“That is a huge understatement,” Brady said, shaking his head. “Like...monumentally huge.”

“How is it kinda sort of?” Preston laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t you know?”

“Well for one, she’s engaged,” Matt replied, waving off his Jonathan’s direction. “And two...I don’t know, it just sort of is. I mean, I’m not all that sure that my feelings for her ever left, you know?”

“You mean you didn’t get over her two years later and indulge in the NHL social life?” Brady teased.

“Emphasis on the two years later, you dick,” Matt replied, kicking at Brady’s shin. “And just because I hooked up with other people, doesn’t mean anything.”

“Besides the fact, your hookup ratio has drastically declined,” Brady chimed back in, smiling as he looked at their friends. “He went from casual hookups to having three regulars, to only the one last season and now he’s celibate.”

“Drink your beer and shut up,” Matt said, tilting Brady’s beer to his lips.

“What’s with the rapid decline?” Declan asked, nodding at him. “I’m sure your Dm’s are active.”

“Wouldn’t know, I don’t look at them anymore. I’m not really into the whole...no strings attached hookup thing anymore I guess.” He took a long sip of his beer shrugging his shoulders. “I’m getting older and honestly, it’s just exhausting dealing with the constant ‘hey can I come over?’ ‘you up?’ ‘I need to get railed’ text messages and 90% of the time, none of them even care if they get off.”

Preston snorted, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t go around admitting you can’t get a girl off Matt. Not a good look for a three-time NHL All-Star if you ask me.”

“Fuck off, it’s not that,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “I just...I don’t care about it, you know? I’m more interested in getting off than really caring if they do– it’s just...boring. There’s nothing there.”

“So basically, you’re saying that you want a relationship?” Declan asked, raising an eyebrow. “And you want that with Caroline?”

“I mean...I don’t know, maybe? Being around her and Ethan and hanging out reminds me of how things used to be and I just feel...better, you know? Like whatever that feeling was that I was missing in Calgary, I found when I was with her.”

The three of them stared at him, Declan stuck out his bottom lip and nodded. “Shit, that just got deep real fast.”

“You forgot to tell them about the cuddling,” Brady said, holding up his beer and nodding. “Richard said he found the two of them all cuddled up together on the cot in Ethan’s room when he stopped by before he went home. Covered them with a blanket and everything. I think our families lost their shit. The prodigal children are finally finding their way back to each other.”

“Ha, yeah,” Preston snorted, looking off into the distance. “Except for the fiancé.” Everyone stared at him as he took a sip of his beer, noticing their stares and bringing the bottle away from him. “What?”

“You just killed the mood.”

“Yeah and I’m going to get some shots,” Matt said, scooting out of the booth, pointing at Brady. “Keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell them about that time I walked in on you and Caroline getting busy in the living room summer before Junior year? Or that time you guys almost got caught by Mrs. Benson in Dad’s car the summer after you got your license because someone had kicked on the high beams and shined them right in her window when you guys were–”

Matt just flipped him off and held it up as he distanced himself from the booth, ignoring his friend's laughs. He navigated his way through the small Thursday night crowd and leaned against the bar, waiting patiently for the bartender. “What can I get you?”

“Can I get eight Irish car bombs, please?” The bartender nodded before working on making Matt’s order.

“What can I get you?” He asked, looking up as he made the shots.

“Ten kamikazes, thanks.” Matt looked to his right to see Jonathan leaning against the bar, looking down at his phone and typing before putting his phone back into his pocket, looking around before finally noticing Matt. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey,” Matt replied, looking away and at the numerous bottles behind the bar, the awkward tension between them super evident that even the bartender caught wind of it and looked between the two. Matt sighed and turned, nodding at him. “Celebrating?”

“With friends, yeah. You?”

He nodded back towards the booth. “Blues won, so yeah...celebrating.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you seen Caroline, lately?” He asked, looking down at his phone in his pocket.

“Not since yesterday, no. Ethan’s got a stomach bug so they’ve been holed up in the house.” Matt replied, watching as he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. He wondered if he was texting Caroline and she wasn’t answering still. “Just give her time, dude. Let her figure it out.”

“We’re already talking again, but thanks,” Jonathan replied, typing back on his phone and missing Matt’s subtle eye roll.

“Alright, ten kamikazes and eight Irish car bombs added to the tabs,” the bartender said, sliding a tray over to each of them that held their shots.

Jonathan shoved his phone into his pocket and nodded at the bartender, picking up his tray and looking back at Matt. “Don’t worry, dude. I swear I learned my lesson and I’ll be more diligent the next time Ethan’s around.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. “You helped me realize that.”

He patted his shoulder and then walked off across the bar floor, never looking back. Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes, picking up his tray and walking the short distance to the booth, all but letting the tray crash onto the table before he sat down and picked up a shot, downing it before the rest of them could grab their first.

“Uh...okay?” Brady asked, furrowing his brows. “Everything okay?”

Matt slammed his shot glass down onto the tray and picked up the other, staring at them to take their shots. “Just peachy.”

The drinks were flowing as their time at the bar flew by. They had stayed seated in their booth, just laughing and talking as each of them took turns to get the table more drinks. By midnight, they were ready to move on to another bar, but first, Matt had to, unfortunately, break the seal and make a trip to the bathroom. Brady waited for him just outside of the hall, chatting with the bartender, Declan, and Preston finishing up their drinks in the booth when he wandered into the surprisingly empty bathroom.

Nothing ever good happens once you break the seal, but Matt didn’t care. He was already drunk and would much rather go in the urinal than pee his pants later on if he got more drunk– which he planned on doing. Once he was done, he started to wash his hands, only to see there wasn’t any soap in the dispensers. He groaned and walked towards the big stall as the door opened and Jonathan was in front of him. “Sink’s broken,” he said, walking to the sinks where Matt just came from with soap in his hands.

Matt walked into the big stall and over to the dispenser, pumping the soap into his hands before turning around and walking out of the stall, keeping his right hand curled to keep the soap in his hands. As he walked to the third sink over, keeping one sink between him and Jonathan.

The two washed their hands in silence before Jonathan cleared his throat, turning off his water. “I know she told you to get me to leave the hospital that night, but that’s over,” he said, looking up at Matt, clearly unamused. “We’re fine now, so no need to be a guard dog anymore.”

“I wouldn’t have to be if you knew your boundaries,” Matt replied, scrubbing his hands.

“You’re one to talk about boundaries,” Jonathan said, looking at him. “She’s engaged and whatever the two of you had back in high school is over with, done. Okay? Stop trying to slide in and get with her under the guise of you just wanting to hang with Ethan.”

“There’s no guise, Jonathan. If she wants to hang out with me when I’m with Ethan, I’m not telling her no,” Matt replied, turning off the water and wiping his hands on his jeans. “She was my best friend way before she was my girlfriend and quite frankly, I don’t let other people tell me who I can and can’t hang out with.”

Jonathan just glared at him and rolled his eyes, turning his back to him and Matt was drunk and very much annoyed that he’d even dare to try and tell him he couldn’t hang out with her. Matt didn’t much care for the fact that the chocolate-covered strawberries were part of the apology gift Caroline told him about– but he couldn’t think of any better way to rub it in Jonathan’s face than to bring it up. “Oh and by the way,” he said, looking up from the sink as Jonathan grabbed the paper towels to wipe off his hands, not even bothering to look in Matt’s direction. “The chocolate-covered strawberries were delicious. Thanks for those.”

Jonathan stopped and turned around, glaring at him. “What did you say?”

“Those chocolate-covered strawberries you bought as a half-assed ‘I’m sorry for almost killing your kid’ apology gift,” Matt replied, shrugging his shoulders and a smug smile on his face. “Care, Ethan and I munched on them the other night in the living room before we went to bed. Great late-night snack, so thanks for those.”

The look in Jonathan’s eyes was eerily similar to what every player Matt had fought against had in theirs moments before they threw the first punch. Matt was ready for it too, he knew he crossed a line, but he also really didn’t fucking care. He was already playing through in his mind how he could manage to fight Jonathan without risking injuring his shoulder.

Jonathan laughed, rubbing his chin as he tossed the crumpled paper towel into the trash before turning back to Matt. “The little bonding thing you’ve got going on? Enjoy it while you can, because once we move to New York, you’ll be lucky enough to get either of them in the same room as you if I have anything to do with it.”

Hold up, New York?

He must’ve seen the confusion on his face because he gave Matt a fake sympathetic look before a smile took over his face. “Did she not tell you? We’re moving to New York at the end of the summer. I got the job and I head up there next month to look at homes for us in this area in Tribeca, it’s really nice.” He grabbed another paper towel, drying his hands again. “Private schools, upper-crust type homes. I was thinking about three bedrooms, maybe four. I mean, Ethan would want a sibling or two, right?”

Matt hadn’t even known she had talked to Jonathan since New Year’s Eve. As far as he knew, she was still giving him the cold shoulder, at least that’s what she’d been telling him. But also, the last time he asked was two days ago...on Wednesday. For all he knew, Jonathan had managed to slither his way back in with his conniving ways and prep-schoolboy manipulative attitude.

“I’m glad you liked the chocolate-covered strawberries, Matt. And really, I want you to enjoy the time you have left with both of them, I really do.” He turned back and tossed the paper towel away before turning back to Matt, the sarcastic smile replaced with a cold, hardened glare. “Because you will never get her back and Ethan? Ethan doesn’t even know that you’re his Dad for Christ’s sakes! Caroline won’t tell him, but you know what she told me?”

He stepped towards Matt, a smug look on his face. “She told me that Ethan’s Dad was just some stupid high school boyfriend...that was it. That’s what she brushed,” he reached up to Matt’s shoulder and pretended to brush something off, but Matt smacked his hand away, clenching his jaw as he looked at him. “Brushed you off as. Just some guy from high school.”

Matt knew that he was saying this to get under his skin and Matt had really tough skin. It was hard for anyone on the ice that he’s ever played against to say something to him that was bad enough to make him pounce. But this was different. This was a man who had known adult Caroline since she started working at the high school. A man who had been romantically involved with her for the last two years– a time when she kept Matt’s identity a secret. Maybe she had brushed him off as some high school boyfriend in an effort to keep Jonathan from asking...but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. And God, he wanted nothing more than to just be able to let his words bounce off of his skin like any other chirp would– but this wasn’t some stupid insult thrown out in the middle of a high-intensity sport.

This was deliberate and thought out.

“So insecure in your relationship that you have to result to insults, Jonathan?” Matt asked, trying not to act as bothered as he was. “Care told me about why she hid who I was from you. Because she couldn’t trust you to know,” okay...pretty much a lie. “Imagine being so insecure about me being back in her life that you can’t think straight.”

“She tells you everything?” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “So she told you about how we’ve already filled out the paperwork for me to adopt Ethan then, right?”

“What?” The word and his defense slipped from him before he could control it. The knot in his throat and the feeling of his stomach dropping into his shoes all came from whatever the hell Jonathan just said. “You can’t–”

“But I can,” Jonathan replied, stepping closer to him and glaring at him. “You weren’t there when Ethan was born, so your name was never put on the birth certificate and paternity was never solidified since you couldn’t sign. Therefore, you have no rights. We filled out the paperwork right after we got engaged. All we have to do is mail it in and Ethan’s my son, not yours.”

He grabbed Jonathan’s shirt with his left hand and held him still while he swung out his right fist, faster than his brain could even process a single thought. Jonathan stumbled back out of his grasp and stared at Matt as if he couldn’t believe he actually hit him, but that didn’t stop him from charging right back. The alcohol definitely inhibited Matt’s reflexes, as Jonathan’s knuckles scraped against his jaw thanks to a late attempt of a dodge. Matt reached back in to grab his shirt again, throwing another punch and barely missing as Jonathan struggled to get out of his grip. Instead, just like he did outside of the hospital, he used both hands to grab onto his shirt and pinned him against one of the separations of the stalls, lifting him slightly just as the bathroom door opened.

“Matt what the hell are you doing?!” Brady yelled, rushing over and trying to peel Matt off of him as Preston went to try and get Jonathan’s shirt out of his grip.

Matt kept trying to shrug them off with his elbows as he leaned into Jonathan’s face, his nostrils flaring as he felt his anger running through his veins. “You’re not taking them from me.” He growled, shoving him further into the stall before letting Brady and Preston separate them.

“Get the fuck out of here, now,” Brady yelled, shoving Matt towards the door as Matt kept staring at Jonathan. “Now, Matthew!”

Preston stood by Jonathan for a few seconds before walking away and coming ahead of Matt. It wasn’t obvious now, but Jonathan would probably have a black eye come tomorrow, something Matt tried to bask in until Brady shoved him out of the bathroom and into the hall.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” He yelled above the music as Preston went ahead to grab Declan, probably to tell them we needed to leave. “Do you realize what you just did?”

“I punched the asshole, so what?” Matt replied, Brady, leading them through the crowded bar.

“You punched him at a bar, Matt. A bar! Where he’s here with friends! You don’t think he’s going to tell them or hell, I don’t know, file a fucking police report for assault? Because that’s just what you need, right? Fly home to rehab an injury and get blasted in the news for assaulting a guy in a bar.”

“He’s too much of a prideful prick to tell anyone, Brady,” Matt spat back, trying to purposely drag his feet so Brady wouldn’t be able to drag him out of the bar as fast.

And what he said was true. There was no way that Jonathan would admit to anyone that he’d gotten into a fight with Matt in a bar bathroom– except for maybe Caroline if he wanted to snitch, which...he definitely would. But Matt could handle that.

All he’d have to do is tell Caroline what happened and it would all be okay.

“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it right with how reckless you were,” Brady finally got them outside, Preston and Declan following behind them. “Don’t fucking move, I’m ordering us an uber home.”

“No,” Matt replied, ripping his arm out of Brady’s grasp. “I’m not going home. I–I want to get drunk with my friends,” he walked over to Preston and Declan, both equally as drunk as him, but further confused as to what the hell was going on. “And my hat trick scoring brother.” He walked over to Brady and placed his hands on his shoulders, bumping his forehead against his. “It’s only 11:30 and this is a celebration. So, let’s celebrate!”

He could tell that Brady was torn between going to another bar and continuing with the friend reunion/celebration and putting their asses in an uber and going home. But when he sighed and put his phone back into his pocket, he knew that he won.

“I swear to God if you act like a fucking idiot or punch someone else, I’m going to kill you.” Brady pointed, glaring at him. “I’m not messing around, Matt. You could’ve done some serious damage back there and–”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Matt replied, rolling his eyes and tossing his right arm over Brady’s shoulder before reaching over and patting his chest with his left hand as they all walked down the busy street to their next destination. “Next round’s on me.”

As soon as the four of them eased back into a casual and relaxed conversation, Matt let the stuck-on smile fade off. He was drunk, yes. Drunk enough? Hell no. The throbbing of his right knuckles from hitting Jonathan was enough to ruin and plague the rest of his night with the shit Jonathan had told him. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was it true? Was she going to actually let Jonathan adopt Ethan? And they signed the papers without even telling him? Were they moving to New York? If Jonathan was spiteful enough to mail in the papers before Matt ever had a chance to plead his case to Care, which he never thought he’d need to, then there was no way in hell he’d ever be able to get Ethan for the summers.

He risked losing Ethan and Care.

But he didn’t want to think about that right now, he just wanted to get drunk enough to erase the events from the last five minutes out of his mind before he did something stupid.

She was absolutely exhausted and couldn’t remember the last time she’d been thrown up on so many times in a single day. If you wanted to count all of the times Ethan used to spit up on her when he was a baby, then this current record didn’t come anywhere close. The horrible 24-hour-stomach flu when he was five had her changing her clothes a good four times that day, but today...today he might’ve broken his record with a whopping six times. Each time was when he swore that he felt better and didn’t want to stay in his room or the bathroom anymore, but then...surprise, it turned out that he wasn’t feeling that well at all.

The culprit was some stomach bug that was going around the city that Ethan and most of his teammates had somehow managed to come across that one day at the rink. Thursday was a lot worse than today though. He didn’t seem to be in the clear yet, but he was definitely a lot achy and his fever wasn’t as high. Still, he was nowhere near being in the clear, and despite wanting to stay up till 11 to watch a pushed back Calgary game, Caroline sent him to bed just after 10:30, where he’s been sound asleep for the last three hours.

She spent the time cleaning up the hall bathroom he’d found himself in more than a few times today before grabbing some of the optional extra credit papers she assigned before the break that would be the student's first grades of the new semester. Something to go ahead and give them a little boost in both their grades and the morale of starting off the new year right. Which is where she’s sat for those same last three hours– three and a half, now that it was 2 am. She wasn’t wanting to stay up so late, but she found herself wanting to finish grading all of the papers, that way she was free to just relax for the weekend before the teacher’s planning day on Monday and then the return to school Tuesday.

She let out a huff of air as she leaned back in the dining room chair, stretching her arms up as she stared at the stack of graded papers. Her eyes could barely stay open, so she picked up the stack and held them in her arms before turning off the dining room light and walking across the living room to turn off that light as well.

Until the loud banging on her door. She jumped, jamming her knee into the back of the couch and her foot at the leg of it, papers falling out of her arms as she stared at the front door in silence. There was no way she could just turn off the light and pretend like no one was home– it was already on and there was no way that whoever was banging on her door right now, didn’t know it. Her phone was on the dining room table and she placed the rest of the papers down onto the back of the couch before quietly retracing her steps, to go and grab it when there were more pounds on her door, only this time they were a little softer.

“C-Care?” She stopped and stared at the door, immediately recognizing the voice.

She walked up through the door and looked through the peephole, seeing the curly mop of dirty blonde hair before sighing and unlocking the door, opening it to see Matt with one arm holding him up against the doorway as he was leaning over and swaying slightly. “Matt? What are you doing here?”

He kept his head down, mumbling something that she couldn’t quite hear as he let his arm drop by his side, the lack of support causing his body to sway again and almost stumble back. She quickly reached out and grabbed his shirt to help him regain his balance, the cold night air a heavy contrast to the heater she currently had on inside.

“Come on,” she said, tugging him towards her and stepping aside as she let go of his shirt and pressed against his upper back, bringing him into the house before closing the door behind him and turning around. “Now what did you say?”

“I said yo-you can’t leave!” His voice started off almost like a mumble before it got louder in the middle of his sentence as he stumbled his way towards the back of the couch, bumping against it and holding onto the pillows for support.

He was absolutely trashed and she didn’t need to hear him talk or see him try and support himself to see that. It was all in his eyes with a– my body’s awake but no one’s home - kind of stare.

“You c-can’t leave! You can’t,” he hiccuped, shaking his head as he rubbed at the side of his head, squinting his eyes as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. “You can’t t-take my son away from me!” He opened his eyes, glaring at the wall that was decorated in family pictures. “I wo-won’t let you!” He tried to stand up straight, almost falling completely forward.

Caroline quickly stepped towards him, resting her hands on his stomach as she pushed him back towards the couch for support. “What are you talking about?” She asked, furrowing her brows as she stood just a bit away from him, but not too far in case he was going to fall again.

He scoffed, throwing his arm out towards her as if he was brushing her off. “Oh, don’t act surprised, Caroline. J-Jon told me.” He hiccuped again, moving his glare from the pictures to her. “He told me all about y-your plans to move to New-New York.” He rested both of his hands on the couch, holding himself steady as his body was still swaying slightly, a look on his face she could only compare to that of being nothing short of disgust. “You can’t take my son, I won’t let you! H-He’s mine!” He said, shoving his finger into his chest, almost missing. “Not his.”

She had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. She hadn’t talked to Jonathan since New Year’s Eve and the last thing she knew, he hadn’t gotten the news on whether or not he was actually offered the job. He was supposed to tell her the moment that he did because they were going to have a conversation on whether or not he was going to take it– the New York conversation that had yet to happen. That was a whole nother concern on her mind, the first...was Matt waking up Ethan.

“Matt, you need to calm down,” she said, keeping her voice low as she stepped towards him, carefully placing one hand on his chest and another on his shoulder. “Okay? You need to–”

“No!” He spat, reaching across and brushing her hand off of his shoulder as he stood himself up off of the couch, glaring down at her. “No, I w-won’t calm down! You kept him from me fo-for eight years a-and now you’re–you’re-”

She grabbed him by his right arm and dragged him towards the front door, opening it and using every bit of strength she had to move him out onto the porch. She stepped outside, the bitter cold air greeting her harshly as she pulled the door shut behind her before stepping off of the sidewalk and reaching for the small birdhouse that was perched up on its own stake, reaching in and grabbing the key she forced Andrew to put back. One hand on a swaying Matt, she reached with the other to lock the door, shoving the key into her pajama pant pocket before grabbing moving her left hand from his arm to the back of his shirt, grabbing a bunch of the material as her right hand held onto his arm to make sure he stayed steady.

He kept mumbling things under his breath and trying to steady a plastered, 6’2”, 200-pound hockey player who was pretty much near being dead weight at this point, was a lot harder than she thought it would be. But as they neared the Tkachuk’s driveway and she saw a frantic Brady running down their front yard looking around, she felt relieved.

“Brady!” He looked in her direction as she neared the end of their driveway and shook his head.

“What the hell, Matt? You said you had to throw up!” Brady said, clearly not amused and a lot less drunk than his older brother.

“She can’t take him!” He said, voice not loud enough to gain anyone’s attention, but loud enough for Brady and Caroline to want him to be quiet.

“He’s drunk off his ass,” she said, handing him over to Brady before crossing her arms. “He was pounding on my door.”

“Come on Matt, go to the porch,” Brady sighed, trying to turn Matt around.

“I won’t let you!” He yelled, turning back around and trying to get out of Brady’s grip. “He’s m-my son too, Care!”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the fear from him pounding on her door scaring her and making her think she’d need to call 911 and hide in Ethan’s room at 2 am, or maybe it was the pure anger she was feeling towards the fact that drunk or not, he would come yelling all of that when he knew Ethan hadn’t known. When he knew they were supposed to tell Ethan Friday...today, in fact.

She stepped closer to him, not afraid to get into his face as Brady’s grip on his arms prevented him from falling over. “If you want to have a real adult conversation about this, then come to my house when you’re sober. Not drunk off your ass with booze leaking out of your pores. Now excuse me, I have to go home to our son, who hopefully didn't wake up.”

Matt gaped at her and Brady turned him around giving him a light nudge up the front yard grass. “Go wait for me on the porch.” He nudged him again when he wouldn’t move and kept his eyes on him until Matt had made his way onto the front porch, leaning back against the wall.

When Brady turned back around, she hadn’t expected to see the anger on his face. “You need to figure out your shit, Caroline,” he said, shaking his head. “Whatever the hell you’re going to do about your relationship with Jonathan, figure it out because my brother acted like a pure idiot tonight by punching him in a bar bathroom, putting all of his shit at risk.”

Caroline stumbled back slightly, not expecting to hear the anger come out of his mouth though it was written all over his face. “I-He did what? Why would he do that?”

Brady laughed and shook his head, looking at her. “Because he thinks he might have a chance with you, Caroline! And whatever shit you’re playing with Jonathan clearly isn’t working because the two of them fought it out in a bathroom. Grow up, sit down, and have a damn conversation with your fiancé or with Matt, I don’t care. But figure your shit out before this gets ugly and it’s going to get ugly, I can promise you that.”

She held her arms closer to her, nodding. “I’m sorry, yeah...okay, I will.” She turned to walk back down the block. “I’m sorry.”

Brady sighed, motioning towards her. “Line...I love you, I really do.” He looked towards the porch for a few seconds before looking back at her. “But there’s so much more going on than just this being a little family reunion. And I don’t know if you see it and are ignoring it or if you have no clue...but you really need to figure it out, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Caroline.”

She quickened her pace as she felt the cold air blow against her, her feet practically freezing against the cold sidewalks as she made her way home. She couldn’t get the key out fast enough, unlocking the door and walking inside, shutting it behind her and locking it before leaning her head back and closing her eyes, letting out the breath she’d been holding.

It was 2 am, everything was a mess and she had no idea what to do.

She placed the key on the dining room table before grabbing her phone and walking back across the living room, shutting off the light, using her phone’s flashlight to light her way down the hall. When she reached her room, she reached inside and turned on the light before walking back down the hall and reaching Ethan’s room, opening the door and praying that he was still fast asleep.

Sure enough, he was lying down exactly as he had been when she tucked him in and the heavy breathing mixed with soft snores told her everything that she needed to know– Matt’s rant hadn’t woken him up. She walked into his room and stopped by his bed, dimming the flashlight off as she rested her phone on the bedside table. She sat down on the space behind Ethan and reached out, pulling up the blanket when he took a deep breath and rolled over.

“Hi, it’s just me,” she whispered, reaching up and brushing his bangs back as she leaned in and pressed her lips to his forehead. “You feel a lot better than you did earlier, your temperatures down.”

“I’m cold,” he mumbled, stretching his arms out above his head as he yawned.

“That’s because you took off your shirt when I told you not to,” she laughed, reaching across and grabbing the long sleeve pajama shirt that was crumbled up by the corner of his bed. “Come on, give me the arms.”

He lifted his arms, keeping his eyes closed as she tried to navigate the t-shirt over his arms and head without waking him up fully. When she tugged it down far enough, he laid back down, rolling onto his right side and moaning slightly.

“You still feel a little achy?” She asked, brushing her thumb against his cheek.

“My arms and my head,” he nodded.

“Come on,” she said, peeling the blanket and sheet off of him before holding out her arms. “Come sleep in my bed, cuddles always make you feel better.”

“Will you rub my belly?” He asked, pouting his bottom lip as his eyes fluttered open slowly.

“Of course,” she laughed softly, making grabby hands at him. “Come on, I’ll carry you.”

He pushed himself up onto his side and reached out, draping his arms over her shoulders. She stood up and crossed her arms beneath his bottom before walking out of his room and down the hall to hers. She used her foot to close the door behind her and bent down slightly to lock it before walking around her bed and pulling the blankets back, laying him down, and covering him.

No sooner than she placed him down did he roll onto his right side, watching as she walked around to turn off the light and then over to her side of the bed and got in, snuggling down beneath her blankets. “Do you want me to put something on to help you fall asleep?”

“Can you put on the Mighty Ducks?”

She nodded and turned on the tv, letting it load before she clicked on Disney+ and waited for the screen to load, soon clicking on the first movie in the trilogy. She turned on the sleep timer before putting the remote on her bedside table and relaxed her head down onto her pillow. As soon as she was relaxed, Ethan scooted all the way over and nudged himself under her left arm.

“You’re cold,” he mumbled, resting his head to the side.

“I know, but cuddles fix everything, so I’ll warm up quick,” she replied, bringing her left arm around him and resting it on his stomach, rubbing her hand in small circles. “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, keeping his eyes closed as he sighed and nestled his head lightly. “Goodnight, Mommy.”

She felt the tears brim in her eyes as she let out a small sigh, leaning down and kissing the top of his head. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

He had to take an Uber to PT in the morning. That’s how hungover he was. The moment his alarm went off, it was like a hammer had already been banging against his skull for hours. His eyes were sore to open, his head felt like a deadweight and he swore that if he even moved the wrong way– he’d probably be greeted with his dinner from last night. But still, he was home to strengthen his shoulders and he was only days away from being able to actually incorporate actual hockey activity into his rehab. So, unfortunately, no matter how badly his body wanted to just stay in bed– he had to go.

A session that went almost 30 minutes longer than it normally would considering he had to run off to the bathroom about three times in between his breaks.

When he got home, he looked down the sidewalk towards Caroline’s house like he always did, where Ethan would always be waiting to run down the sidewalk to greet him. But when he saw nothing, he felt a more upset than he had that time last month when he went a whole week without being greeted by the smiling eight-year-old. When it came to walking into the house, he was preparing himself to see his parents in the kitchen or even the living room either ready to greet him and ask how his PT went or just sitting and waiting to scold him for what he did last night, which he was sure that they knew of seeing as Brady crashed in his room last night and was gone before Matt woke up this morning, and he probably told them while they were making their morning coffee.

Instead, he was greeted by Brady walking out of the front door and headed towards his car in the driveway. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Matt replied, shutting his car door. “Would you believe me if I said I felt like it too?”

“Would be kind of hard not to seeing as how drunk you were last night,” he replied, stopping in front of his car and holding up a binder. “Emma’s sick this morning, so she had me come over to get some wedding stuff Mom collected for her.”

“Is she in the kitchen?” Matt asked, leaning against the front of his own car as Brady nodded. “Well, shit.”

“She won’t bombard you if that’s what you’re thinking.” He said, rustling his keys. “I didn’t want to tell them.”

“So they know?”

Brady nodded. “Dad was in the kitchen getting water when we walked in and you were drunken rambling while I tried to shove your ass up the stairs. He cornered me in my room and asked what the hell happened...and I told him.”

Matt sighed, looking towards the front door. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I let Jonathan get to me and I went off the deep end.”

“What did he say?”

“He was just saying how once they move to New York, that if he had anything to do with it, I’d be lucky to get either one of them in a room with me– basically just saying how he’ll keep me from them,” Matt replied, crossing his arms as he clenched his hands into fists. “And then he said that they had the paperwork all filled out so that Ethan would be legally his.”

Brady squinted, shaking his head. “What? How is that even possible?”

“I wasn’t there...when he was born,” he replied, taking a deep breath and exhaling. “So, when it comes to who the father is on his birth certificate...there’s no name because I wasn’t there to sign it and even if she put my name down, it wouldn’t be official paternity unless I signed. Apparently, after the engagement...they filled it all out and all he has to do is mail it in and poof...he’s legally his Dad and all my rights go out the window.”

“Shit,” he huffed, leaning his hip against his car. “I’d punch him too.”

“Which is why I stormed over to Care’s last night. I was so pissed I just...needed to know if Jonathan was lying or if he was telling the truth.” Matt stood up straight, exhaling as he shook his head. “Anyway, thanks for getting me out of there. Sorry, I ruined your night.”

“It’s all good,” he replied, unlocking his car. “I’ll text you later.”

“See ya.” Matt nodded and started to walk towards the front steps of their house.

“Hey, Matt?” He turned around to see Brady leaning on top of his car door. “If it’s any solace...I don’t think Care would do that to you...just let Jonathan adopt Ethan like that. She might have been dumb and hidden him from you...but if there was one thing she was always adamant on, it was that you’re his Dad. Engaged to Jonathan or not, I don’t think that’d ever change.”

“Thanks, Brady,” Matt replied, turning around and walking up the front steps before opening the front door and walking inside. He could hear his Mom moving around the kitchen but didn’t dare to walk near it. “Mom, it’s me. I’m gonna go upstairs and take a shower, maybe a nap.”

“Okay, I’ll bring you some aspirin and water later.”

“Thank you.” He replied, walking up the stairs and into his room, dropping the duffle bag by the door before walking down the hall and into the bathroom. By the time he had paused to turn on the shower, his entire body was aching, practically screaming at him to just go lay down in his bed. But he was sweaty and had alcohol leaking out of his pores from last night's drinking mixed with this morning's workout.

Even once he was stripped out of his clothes and standing in the shower, it was all he could do not to fall asleep. Once he sped through his routine, he was quick to wrap a towel around his waist and leave the bathroom to his bedroom. He got dressed in some gym shorts and a t-shirt and just crawled into bed falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

“Wake up,” his Mom said, nudging his shoulder. “Matthew, wake up or you'll stay up all night.”

“Mom, no,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes shut as he reached behind him for his blanket to tug it up. “I’ve only been sleeping for like, 30 minutes.”

“Try three hours.” She said, tugging onto the back of his shirt. “Get up, we need to talk.”

He let out of heavy groan, shutting his eyes tight before taking a deep breath and opening them slowly. He was lying flat on his stomach and when he looked, he saw that the only reason why he couldn’t find his blanket when he reached for it, was because he’d kicked them all the way to the end of his bed. He laid there, staring at his wall as he continued to blink in an attempt to wake himself up. He rolled over onto his back and sat himself up, looking at his Mom who was standing by his bed.

“I’ll give you two options. We talk here or downstairs.”

“Here, so I can go back to sleep afterward.” He sighed, propped up against his pillows. “So what is so important that you woke me up from my much-needed sleep?”

“I want to talk about last night.”

He leaned his head back and groaned. “Mom–”

“I don’t have much to say about what you did at the bar, besides that I know I raised you better than that and you’re so much smarter than that,” she said, holding up her hand to cut him off before letting it fall. “I want to talk about how you stormed over to Caroline’s house at 2 am.” She sat down on the side of his bed and sighed, looking at him with concern written all over his face. “Why did you do that? What was so important to you that you had to go down there at 2 am and give the poor girl a heart attack by pounding on her front door like a drunk?”

Matt brought his knees up and rested his arms on them, holding onto his hands. “My name’s not on Ethan’s birth certificate, so while he’s biologically mine...legally in the eyes of the government, he’s not. Jonathan was kind enough to tell me that last night and then said that after they got engaged, he and Care filled out the paperwork for him to legally adopt Ethan...as his.” He looked up at his Mom, frowning. “He called Ethan his son when he’s not. He’s mine. He’s mine and Caroline never bothered to tell me any of that and was just quick to brush me off and my rights before I ever even knew he existed.”

Immediately, he saw the anger cross his Mom’s face and he was scared. His Mom was never one to get angry often, but when she did...man, was it scary. And he was preparing himself to be the brunt of that anger until she sighed and shook her head. “Caroline wouldn’t let that happen, Matthew. You’re Ethan’s father.”

“He’s her fiancé.”

“You’re Ethan’s father. You,” she said, poking his hands. “Not Jonathan, you. Caroline knows that, she’s always known that and she would never let that change.”

“How do you know that?” He asked, frowning. “It’s not like she didn’t keep him from me for so long.”

“Because she told me that she tried to give him your last name at the hospital when he was born. She tried, Matthew, but since you weren’t there...they didn’t allow it.” She took a deep breath and sighed, standing up. “Wait here, a second. I want to show you something.”

Matt just nodded as his Mom walked out of his room and down the stairs. Matt sat there, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, focusing on his breathing as he tried to relax. If he was having this conversation with his Mom now, he could only imagine the conversation his Dad would want to have with him later on, only that one would be about the fight.

When he heard her steps coming back down the hall, he looked over towards the door and saw his Mom coming back in holding a small, blue plastic bin in her hands. She walked over and sat down, holding it out to him. “Go on, open it.”

He pulled down the plastic hooks that kept the lid closed before lifting the lid and putting it beside him. He grabbed the box from her hands and rested it on his lap as he crossed his legs. “What is this?” He asked, reaching in and pulling out what looked to be a bunch of art projects.

Papers with tiny handprints and footprints, a blue small handprint keychain, homemade cards, drawn pictures, a homemade picture frame made with popsicle sticks that were clearly painted by a child and decorated with glued sparse different colored cotton balls– a picture of a younger Ethan smiling, in it– a baby handprint picture frame kit with baby pictures of Ethan. Each gift was clearly an art project of some sort– but all of them had one single thing in common.

‘Happy Father’s Day’ was painted or written on every single one.

“She had him make you something every year,” she sighed, nodding down at the small box. “And every year without fail, she’d send me a text and then drop it off on the front porch. She never missed a Father’s Day, Matthew. Not a single one.”

He stopped on what looked like the first Father’s Day gift she had made– a simple square sheet of thick baby blue paper, the top half having white and light blue vertical lines, while the bottom half was the baby blue. In cursive writing above a simple drawn heart, was ‘Daddy’s heart and me.’ To the left was a baby Ethan, at least a few months old, with only two bottom teeth showing and his dimple on full display. In the drawn heart, was a tiny black handprint. And to the left– a poem that read:

“YOU will always be my DADDY, no matter where I go. No matter years that pass or how Big or Tall I grow. Today I take my little hand and place it on your HEART, so little ME and YOU will never be apart.”

“You need to talk to her, Matthew. The both of you need to sit down and just...talk. That argument you guys had on Thanksgiving, wasn’t a talk. Because this is a lot more than just you needing to get to know Ethan. You guys are parents and whether or not you choose to do that together or co-parent, what matters most is Ethan and what’s best for him.”

Matt nodded and put all of the gifts back into the box, placing the lid on top and locking it. “I’ll go ahead and reach out to her.”

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Good. Now you’re Dad wants to talk to you later on, so go ahead and prepare yourself for that one.”

“Already working on it.” He laughed, watching as she walked out of his room and back down the stairs. He pulled out his phone and exhaled, opening Caroline’s contact.

Matt: Hey...can I come over to talk?

Care Marsh 🐻: Sure. E’s been really tired, so he’s heading to bed at 6:30. Come over at 7?

Matt: Sounds great. I’ll bring dinner.

From the moment that he sent that last text, it felt like time was just passing painfully slow. He kept himself up in his room, shifting through the small box of gifts while also trying to figure out what the hell he was going to say when he went over. He was definitely going to apologize for the way he came over, but he wasn’t going to apologize for what he came over for. Because even if it wasn’t true and it wasn’t happening– Jonathan was clearly talking about it like it was a heavily considered option. Which isn’t fair at all to him.

He went ahead and ordered a large pizza for them to split– pepperoni and cheese, with half having green peppers. And when it came over, it arrived just a few minutes before seven, so he paid for it, waited for the pizza guy to leave, and then walked down the block to Caroline’s place. He felt nervous with each step he took, unsure of what mood Caroline was going to be in when she answered the door, but nonetheless– they needed to talk. Or at least start a conversation that his Mom was right– they both needed to have it.

He knocked on the door and she answered, dressed in some leggings and a long sleeve t-shirt, her hair in two french braids. “Hey, come in.” She said, stepping aside and letting him inside the door.

“Where do you want me to put this?” He asked, taking his shoes off at the door.

“The kitchen is fine,” she nodded walking by. “I’ll grab some plates, you can go ahead and sit down in the living room.”

He nodded, not wanting to tell her he’d like to help set up dinner, and instead placed the box inside of the kitchen and then walked right out, standing behind the couch. Of all of the times he’d been over here, he never actually took the time to look around. He spotted a bunch of picture frames on the wall ahead of him and walked over. There was a mix of pictures inside of the frames– family pictures of the Marsh’s, pictures of Ethan growing up with both the Marsh’s and the Tkachuk’s, pictures of young Caroline and Andrew with the Tkachuk siblings– it was all so personal and he couldn’t help but notice how there were none of her and Jonathan, her, Jonathan and Ethan...and also, none of Ethan and Matt. Which made him feel much worse.

As he moved down the wall of pictures, he came to a stop of a picture of Ethan, close up and wearing a very familiar hockey jersey– identical to the one he wore in mini mite. “Hey, I had one like that,” he said, looking to his left as Caroline came walking over with two plates in her hand, each having two slices of pizza. “Did he play for the same league I did?”

“No, they disbanded years ago,” she said, looking at the picture and nodded. “That’s yours. Your Dad let him wear it when he started playing.” She handed him the plate and nodded towards the couch. “Come on.”

The two sat down and ate as Grey's Anatomy on Netflix played in the background. There was some small talk– how’s Ethan? How was Brady’s game? It’s supposed to freeze tonight. Did you move your extra key?– and while it was comfortable between the two of them, there was that tension of what happened last night that was hanging over their heads and they knew it. Before he knew it, almost 40 minutes had gone by and they were cleaning up dinner and hadn’t talked about anything he came over to talk about. As he rinsed off their plates, he sighed, handing them off to her so she could put them in the dishwasher.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at her as she closed the dishwasher. “For coming by the way that I did last night and possibly waking up Ethan. That was a real asshole move.”

“It was,” she nodded, walking out of the kitchen and back out into the living room, waving him over to the couch before sitting down. “It’s okay though. But I don’t appreciate being attacked like that.”

“Well, I didn’t appreciate hearing from your fiance´ that you’re planning on moving across the country and taking my son with you. It’s already bad enough you’re letting that asshole adopt him.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, staring at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Care,” he sighed, shaking his head. “You don’t need to lie to me, okay? I know Jonathan got that job and I know you guys are moving to New York. And you know what? Congrats, good for you both! But I kind of wished you would’ve told me from the beginning about it all. Especially having that paperwork filled out.”

“What paperwork?” She shifted in her seat, bringing a leg up onto the couch. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Matthew.”

“The paperwork you and Jonathan filled out after you got engaged!” He said, waving towards her. “So Jonathan can legally adopt Ethan since, you know, you never told me you were pregnant in the first place and I missed Ethan being born and never got to sign his birth certificate as his father.”

“Watch the tone, Matthew,” she said, sitting up straight as she hugged her right leg to her chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I-I mean, were you just going to let it happen and let me think I had any paternal rights to him until I actually wanted to take him for a summer and then throw it in my face?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She said, shaking her head. “Jonathan hasn’t gotten the job and we’ve never sat down and talked about New York and I don’t know what paperwork you’re talking about! I haven’t filled out anything!”

Matt sat back, trying to take in her body language and her reaction...she was telling the truth, she had no clue and was just as confused as he was last night. “That motherfucker.” He scoffed, shaking his head.

“Tell me what happened last night,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I mean, I know you guys fought...but why?”

“He tried to tell me not to hang out with you anymore, and I may have rubbed the fact we ate his chocolate strawberries in his face and he got pissed.” He said, turning towards her and shaking his head. “Pretty much told me that I should enjoy the time I have with you and Ethan now while I can because once you guys move to New York, I’d be lucky to ever see you again if he had anything to do with it.”

He watched as her eyes widened, the shock written all over her face as the anger started to emerge in her eyes. “He made it sound like the two of you were set on New York and how he’s looking for houses with three or four bedrooms because you guys are going to start a family.” He draped his arm over the back of the couch, picking at the fabric. “He said you told him that Ethan’s Dad was just some stupid boyfriend from high school and then when I tried to argue back, saying I knew why you’d told him that...he threw it back in my face and said that you guys had already filled out the paperwork for him to adopt Ethan.”

“He what?”

“And Care, I swear I really didn’t want to hit him, but God he was just rubbing it in my face. Going on about how since I wasn’t there when Ethan was born, that I’m legally not his Dad and that after you got engaged you filled out the paperwork and he called Ethan his son, Care. His.” He let his hand drop against the back pillow and shook his head. “But he’s not, he’s mine. Ethan’s my son and I...I just decked him.”

She sat there, resting her elbows on her legs as she stared down at the couch as if she was trying to digest everything that Matt had just told her. When she took a deep breath, she looked up at Matt, a hurt look on his face. “And you believed him? You really thought I’d do that? Let him just...take Ethan from you?”

Matt opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, nodding his head. “Yeah, I did.”

“Wow,” she laughed, shaking her head. “You know me, Matt. I would never do that, ever.”

“That’s just it, Care,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know you.”

“I’m the same Caroline, I’m just a Mom now.”

“No, Care...you’re not that girl,” he replied, leaning forward. “The Care that I know wouldn’t let a guy dictate where she goes in her life. She wouldn’t even consider giving him a second chance the moment he slipped up doing something as serious as not bothering to read a label.”

“But the Care that you knew hid your son from you for years…” she spoke softly, hugging herself as she looked down at her lap.

“Yeah...I know.”

“I haven’t talked to Jonathan since New Years', Matt,” she swallowed, looking at him. “I’ve ignored every text, every call. I’ve been sitting here, taking care of Ethan and trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my relationship with Jonathan and,” she paused, sighing. “And with you.”

“Have you figured it out yet?” He asked, his voice soft.

She shook her head, hugging her arms tighter. “No, but I know I want to fix it...everything that I’ve done to you. Hurting you, hurting Ethan...I want to try and fix it and to make it right, but I can’t,” she said, shaking her head again. “Because I can’t go back in time and change my mind, no matter how badly I want to.”

“Start over.”

“Huh?” She asked, furrowing her brows.

“Pretend that we’re back to after when you told me you weren’t pregnant...when you decided to keep him,” he said, motioning towards her. “What would you say if you called me?”

She brought her knees up and hugged them, resting her chin on top of her knees and sighing, looking down at the couch. “I’d say that I lied and that the test was positive. That I didn’t want to tell you that because I wasn’t sure I was going to keep it, but then I saw this little baby on the ultrasound screen and heard its heartbeat and...I’m keeping it. That I'm pregnant, I’m scared and I’m really sorry that I lied, but that you’re going to be a Dad.”

“I wish I could tell you what I would’ve said, Care,” he whispered, scooting close on the couch and rubbing the outside of her calves. “I probably would’ve stuttered like a scared teenager or said something stupid. But I want you to know that even back then, I always would have supported you in whatever you chose to do.”

Her bottom lip trembled as she nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he replied, nodding back. He took a deep breath and exhaled, holding out his hand. “Hi, I’m Matt. You might recognize me as that chubby little twerp who ran over your sand pile and destroyed it. Or the cute angel face 12-year-old who kissed you in the middle of all of their friends at a dance. I might even resemble your first boyfriend. But I’m 26 now, I have a really cool 8-year-old son...and I want to make this work with you...this parenting thing I’m still trying to figure out.”

She laughed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her left hand as she shook his with her right, smiling. “I’m Caroline. I worked really hard on that pile, but thank you for helping me put it back together. I really hope you didn’t mind my strawberry lip gloss since it was my favorite. My first boyfriend was a great guy and my best friend. Funny enough, I’m 26 and also have a really cool 8-year-old son…” she sighed, nodding her head. “And I’m still trying to figure out the whole parenting thing too...but I’d really love if we could do this together.”

“Nice to meet you.” He smiled, squeezing her hand lightly.

“Always is.” She smiled back, earning a laugh from him as he tugged her into him and hugged her. “I’m really sorry, Matt. For what Jonathan said to you...for what I did back then and how I haven’t been so straightforward with you.”

“It’s okay, we just need to work on this together,” he nodded, pulling away. “We at least owe it to Ethan.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

He stood up and stretched, yawning. “It’s 9:30, I should probably get home. I’ve got a lecture from Dad I need to attend.”

“Good luck with that one,” she laughed, walking him towards the door. “His lectures were terrifying.”

“Tell me about it.” He replied, walking out into the cold night air. “We’ll talk later?”

“Yeah, later.” She nodded. “Goodnight, Matt.”

“Goodnight, Care.” He smiled, nodding his head before walking down the sidewalk and then the driveway as she closed the door behind him. He pulled his hood up onto his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets, letting out a breath of air and watching it turn into vapor in the cold night air.

He left her house feeling a lot better than he did when he went there an hour ago. And while he knew that this conversation was really only the beginning...it was still a pretty good start.

He heard it all.

Even though his Mom had tucked him in almost two and a half hours ago, he wasn’t tired. Or maybe he was, but he just couldn’t sleep. His stomach had stopped hurting earlier today, but his body was just tired from the few days of being sick and he couldn’t sleep. So, he propped up his iPad on his bedside table and watched D2: Mighty Ducks on Disney+.

He thought he might’ve been falling asleep as the movie came to an end until he heard voices coming from down the hall in the living room. He paused the movie, trying his best to focus on who had come over since he hadn’t seen anyone but his Mom since Wednesday. When he couldn’t hear, he got up out of bed and opened the door slowly, making no noise as he crept down the hall and pressed his back against it so his Mom wouldn’t send him back to his room.

As soon as the voice that wasn’t his Mom talked, he got excited. It was Matt and maybe since it was still pretty early and he was feeling better, his Mom would let him sit out there with the two of them and they could watch a game on TV or even play Xbox. He went to step out of the shadows of the hall when he heard Matt apologize. “I’m sorry for coming by the way that I did last night and possibly waking up Ethan. That was a real asshole move.”

Part of him thought that maybe the faint yelling voices coming from the living room last night was part of a dream...but it wasn’t. It was real and it was just who he thought it was– his Mom and Matt. He’d never heard them argue before and even through the wall, he could hear the anger in Matt’s voice. The confirmation that it was Matt made him feel confused because he never thought Matt would talk towards his Mom that way. But he did, just like Jonathan had. But the only difference, was that his Mom hadn’t yelled back...so was it really a fight between the two of them?

What was Matt so upset about?

When he had finally zoned himself back into their conversation, that’s when he heard it– what the two of them had been arguing about last night. “Well, I didn’t appreciate hearing from your fiancé that you’re planning on moving across the country and taking my son with you. It’s already bad enough you’re letting that asshole adopt him.”

He felt like something had just shoved him in the stomach as he stumbled back down the hall and away from the spot near the end of it. They couldn’t have been talking about him...right? There was no way that Matt was his Dad– she would’ve told him because they don’t keep secrets. She’s known the Tkachuk’s all her life...they’ve been here all along, just down the block for his entire life. She would’ve told him if Papa Walt was his Grandpa. That Mimi was his Grandma and both Bee-Bee and Ti-Ti were his Aunt and Uncle. Most importantly, she would’ve told him the moment Matt came back around...that he was his Dad.

Wouldn’t she?

“And Care, I swear I really didn’t want to hit him, but God he was just rubbing it in my face. Going on about how since I wasn’t there when Ethan was born, that I’m legally not his Dad and that after you got engaged you filled out the paperwork and he called Ethan his son, Care. His. But he’s not, he’s mine. Ethan’s my son and I...I just decked him.”

He felt his heart thump against his chest and turned back around, rushing back to his room but making sure to close his door quietly behind him as they kept up with their conversation. His breathing started to match the pace his heart was beating as he walked back and forth through his room.

Matt’s his Dad.

His Mom knew and never told him. Which meant that Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Andy knew too. And Papa Walt, Mimi, Bee-Bee, and Ti-Ti...they all knew. They all knew and never told him.

All of the trips to Aunt Clara’s in Florida that were just him and his Mom instead of the whole family...they weren’t just because she wanted to go and see Aunt Clara as a yearly thing...it was because the hockey season ended and Matt would be home.

Jonathan wants to adopt him– be his Dad.

His Mom is making him move to New York.

He went over it again and again in his head and each time he came back to the beginning, he felt like he was going to throw up. He felt angry and he wanted to throw something against the wall, but he wouldn’t. He kept squeezing his hands into fists as he paced his room, squeezing his eyes tightly as he felt the familiar burn of tears in them. He could feel the anger and the sadness inside of him start to swirl and grow, the adrenaline of it all rushing through his body and making him shake as he kept pacing.

He stopped in the middle of his room and stared ahead at his window before walking towards it and flipping the lock to open and lifting it up– the cold night air immediately blowing in from a breeze. A cold air that should’ve made him want to close the window…but it didn’t.

It comforted him. It was like being out on a fresh sheet of ice at the rink when you first step inside the cold area.

“The silence of an empty arena is a lot louder and a lot more comforting than staying in my head.”

He stepped back and turned towards his closet, slowly opening the doors and squatting down to find some sneakers, putting them on his bare feet before standing back up and grabbing a long sleeve shirt and tugging it over his pajama shirt and then a sweatshirt, putting that over the shirt. He closed the closet door and walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of flannel plaid pajamas and pulling them up over the pajama pants he was already wearing, closing the drawer before walking back to the window.

He lifted it up, slowly climbed out, and closed the window back until it hit a snag, not closing all the way. He huffed and walked away, slowly walking across the grass and over to the garage where he left his bike and helmet just outside of the door. He put the helmet on over his head and got onto the bike, flicking on the white light Bee-Bee had helped him put on last summer before he started training camp– “cool kids always have a light on their bike.”

One last look over his shoulder towards the front door was all he did before peddling down the driveway and sticking to the sidewalks with one destination in mind.

The moment Matt left the house, Caroline sent Jonathan a text, telling him to come over and that they needed to talk. She couldn’t sit still the moment he replied saying that he’d be right over. She just paced around the living room and the kitchen, trying to ease her shaking body and nerves as she played through what she was going to say. One thing was for sure, they were not going to be able to have this conversation in the living room so close to Ethan’s room. Because she knew that voices were probably going to be raised and Ethan had already expressed to her once just how much he didn’t like to hear or see them fighting.

The moment he knocked on the door, she raced towards it and opened it, stepping aside and letting him walk in. Even at 10 pm he looked put together– except for the black and blue mark beneath his right eye– that must’ve been where Matt hit him. She closed the door and locked it, turning around to face him.

“I’m so sorry, Caroline. About Ethan a-and New Years,” he sighed, stepping towards her with his arms ahead of him. “Thank you for giving me a chance to expl–”

“Follow me.” She said, keeping a straight face as she brushed by him and walked past the kitchen, turning left and going down the hall to the laundry room. “In here.”

Jonathan followed with furrowed brows, stepping into the laundry room. “What’s going on?”

She didn’t answer as she walked in and closed the door behind her, leaning to the dryer and turning the timer onto 70 minutes before pressing start, the loud rumbling sound of already dried towels she’d forgotten to fold, were thrashing inside.

But it was the perfect noise barrier for the argument that was about to happen.

“What the hell, Jonathan?” She said, crossing her arms. “Why did you tell Matt that I was letting you adopt Ethan?”

Instantly the color drained from his face and any hopes that he had of this being a reunion, were visibly crushed. “I-I–”

“Don’t even say that you didn’t say it, because he told me that you did. He told me about what happened last night. How you told him he better enjoy the little time he has left with me and Ethan because if you had anything to do with it, he’d be lucky if he ever got to see either of us again? Who the hell do you think you are to try and dictate who I allow into mine and my son’s life?”

“How was I supposed to react, Caroline?” He yelled back, throwing his arms out to the side. “He rubbed it in my face that the three of you were buddy buddy eating the strawberries that I got for you and Ethan. Not for him! He’s been rubbing it in my face that he’s known you longer and that the two of you have this magical, lifelong relationship and I’m just the dude who happened to wander in. You’re my fiancé, Caroline! And you’ve been spending more time with him and Ethan than with me and Ethan! How am I supposed to compete with a guy who you clearly still have feelings for?”

She scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. “You come to me and we talk like adults, Jonathan. You’re 30-years-old, start acting like it! If you’re concerned about Matt and me, talk to me! Tell me that it makes you uncomfortable! Don’t just blatantly attack him in a bar bathroom with this bullshit about us moving to New York and him never getting to see Ethan because you’re going to legally be his Dad!”

She let her arms fall down to her sides, shaking her head. “You haven’t even gotten the job! We haven’t even had the conversation about New York! And I’ve told you, constantly, every single time you’ve brought up the idea of adopting Ethan, that I wasn’t comfortable with it!”

Jonathan’s jaw clenched as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I got the job, Caroline. I would’ve told you, but you’ve been ignoring my text messages and calls. Maybe because you’re still upset about the mistake I made on New Years' or maybe because you’ve been too busy finding comfort in Matt. But I got the job and they want me there this summer as soon as the school year ends to help with summer school classes.”

She felt stuck between congratulating him and staying silent. This was a job, that from the moment he brought it up right after they got engaged. It’s all he’s been able to talk about from the moment he got notified he was in the final selection process.

“Looks like it’s time for that New York conversation after all,” he said, staring at her. “I’m going up to the school in February to fill out some paperwork. Do I need to look for houses while I’m there? Or will I be living in a condo for a whole year until we’re married and you move up?”

“Jonathan I…” she crossed her arms, shaking her head. “I need time.”

“Christ, Caroline, you’ve had time!” He yelled, running his hands down his face. “We’ve almost been engaged for a year! You’ve pushed back the wedding, you haven’t even started planning, you won’t move in with me– what are we doing?”

“I have a son, Jonathan,” she replied, trying to stand taller. “I have a son who has known no other place, but here. Everyone he knows lives here. His whole life is here. There is so much more that goes into deciding whether or not we’re moving to New York than just being able to pick up and leave.”

“Are you scared to leave because of Ethan? Or is it Matt?” He asked, his voice cold. “I’m not an idiot, Care. I know there’s more than just the surface shit that goes with this, but the real question is, do you?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Then make a damn decision!” He said, stepping towards her. “Make a damn decision already. About me, about Matt about what life you’re going to choose. The one we’ve had for the last two years? Or the one that you left behind eight years ago where you can’t even be sure that it’s the same?”

She looked at him as he reached for her hand and picked it up, holding it in his as he held it to his chest. “The only thing changing when you’re with me...is the freaking state we’re living in. Everything else? The fun times, the laughs, the jokes, the good memories...all of that will carry on with us, together. You don’t even know what you’ll get with him. H-He’s on the road how many times out of the year? He doesn’t have a stable place to call home since he lives in literally two different countries. You both grew up– how are you even sure he’s the same guy you loved back then? When you know that I’m me– I’m the Jonathan from your first day at work...from that blind date.”

So many thoughts were swirling around in her mind she started to feel dizzy and it didn’t help that the running dryer was starting to make it hot inside of the room. He pressed her palm against his chest, the steady beat of his heart thumping against her hand as he looked at her with the purest sincerity in his eyes.

“Jonathan,” she whispered, taking a shaky deep breath before pulling her hand away from him. “I...I just really need some time, okay? I know there’s more that goes into this, I do. And I need you to trust me and give me that time to make a decision. It’s always been Ethan first for me and you’ve known that from the moment we started dating– you accepted that. And this...New York, leaving Missouri...that’s one big decision that has his wellbeing at the forefront. Not my feelings, not our relationship– but him and his happiness and his health. No one else matters but him.”

His arms dropped to his sides in disappointment before he nodded. “Okay.”

She stopped the dryer and turned around, unlocking the door and walking back out into the hallway, Jonathan following behind her all the way to the front door. She opened it and crossed her left arm across her, nodding. “Goodnight, Jonathan.”

“Goodnight, Caroline.” He replied, kissing the side of her head hesitantly before walking out the front door and down the steps, stopping before turning around. “You need to stop running at some point in your damn life and face reality.” He swallowed and shook his head. “I know it sounds harsh, but you really do. I may be 30, but you’re 26 and you’re still running from your problems like you’re 17.”

He was right and she knew it. So many times in decisions, especially recently, she’s felt like she was that 17-year-old girl again. “Goodnight, Jonathan.”

“Goodnight, Caroline.” He replied, turning back around and walking down the driveway to his car.

She closed the door behind her and locked it, closing her eyes and resting against the door like she had done the night before as both conversations washed over her. She checked the time on the stove, seeing that it was almost 10:30. Their entire argument had only spanned 30 minutes and yet it felt like it took hours and drained the life out of her while doing it.

Walking down the hall to her room, she knew that a hot shower would help her decompress from the emotions she was feeling from the aftermaths of both conversations. But even the hot water wasn’t helping and she just felt like a hopeless mess. When she got dressed into a pair of shorts and a shirt, she walked back out into the living room and kitchen, turning off both lights before walking back to the hall and turning on the light, stopping just outside of Ethan’s room.

He’d been asleep since 6:30 and hasn’t made a peep since. She knew that he was coming off of his stomach bug and figured that the many times of waking up throughout the night had put a huge dent in his sleeping schedule, so she figured that tonight would be the night he’d get some solid sleep. She slowly opened his door and walked in over to his bed, only to see that it was empty. She quickly walked back over to his door and turned on the light, only to see that his room was empty and he was nowhere to be found.

“Ethan?” She asked, walking towards the closet and opening the door, checking to make sure he wasn’t playing a practical joke. “Ethan, this isn’t funny.” She walked back to his bed and crouched down, reaching underneath to see if he was hiding underneath the space. When she sat up on her knees, she felt a cold breeze.

The window was cracked open.

Her heart dropped in her chest as she scrambled off of the floor and rushed to the guest bedroom, turning on the lights. “Ethan? Ethan, honey where are you?”

She moved from the guest bedroom to her room, checking the closets and her bathroom before moving to the hall bathroom to see if he was taking a shower or was crouched over the toilet, only for it to be empty.

The panic was rising within her as she raced down the hall, turning on every light in the living room and kitchen and checking to see he was there, even though she knew he wasn’t since she’d just been in those rooms. She silently prayed as she checked the laundry room, looking in the washer and dryer before going to the last place he could be if he was in the house– the garage. She closed her eyes and opened them as soon as she flipped on the switch, a small cry erupting from her throat when she was greeted with only her car taking up the space. She ran over, looking inside of the windows to see if he was inside, running back inside to grab her keys to check the trunk, maybe he was messing around and got stuck. Only when she came back and checked...it was empty.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, her hands shaking as she ran back to the living room and grabbed her phone off of the dining room table, sliding on flip flops and opening the door, shutting it and locking it behind her as she walked out into the cold night air, clicking on a contact in her phone.

It rang...and rang...and rang...until she was greeted with Brady’s voicemail. He had to be done with the game by now, but maybe he was in the shower. So, she called Emma.

“Hello?”

“Emma! Is Brady with you?” She asked, her teeth chattering as she hugged her arms close.

“He just got home, why?” She asked the sound of jingling keys in the background.

“Is Ethan with him?”

“No, it’s just Brady. Is everything okay?” In the background, she could hear the low mumbling of Brady’s voice before the shift in the phone.

“Line? What’s up?”

“Ethan’s go-gone and I can’t find him,” she cried, the tears building in her eyes as she tried to force him back. “I checked everywhere and he’s not in the house a-and did he just show up to the arena or something? Please tell me he’s being a little jerk and tried to get into your game and there’s a lost child at the lost and found.”

“No, he’s not here and I didn’t see him,” He replied, movement in the background. “Have you checked your parents or mine?”

“I’m on my way now,” she said, walking up to her childhood home and knocking on the door. “Oh my God, this can’t be happening.”

“Emma and I are on our way, okay? We’ll come help.”

She hung up the moment a frazzled and sleepy Andrew answered the door. “Caro? What’s up?”

“Is Ethan over here?” She asked, walking into the house and brushing by him.

“No? It’s just me. Mom and Dad are having a double date dinner with Keith and Chantal next door.” He asked, grabbing onto her arms and turning her to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s gone,” she said, looking around frantically. “I-I went to say goodnight and his bed was empty and the window was open a-and he’s not in the house and he’s gone and I don’t know where he is.”

Andrew wrapped his arm around her and led them out the front door, shutting it behind them before walking fast two doors down to the Tkachuk’s, knocking on the door frantically. “I’m sure he’s just over here. You said it yourself, Caro. He was starting to get stir crazy.”

The front door opened and Keith answered, laughing at something before he turned and looked at their worried faces. “Is everything okay?”

“Is Ethan over here?” Andrew asked, as Keith ushered them in and closed the door.

“No, I haven’t seen him,” Keith replied, walking by them and into the dining room. “Honey, when we were cooking, did you or Susan see Ethan come over?”

“No, we haven’t seen him since Wednesday before he got sick,” Chantal replied, walking over to the living room where Andrew and Caroline stood, both of their parents following behind her.

“Caroline? What’s wrong?” Her Dad asked, coming towards her. “You need to calm down, you’re breathing too heavily.”

“I-I can’t find Ethan,” she said, looking at all of them as her bottom lip continue to tremble. “He’s not in the house and he’s not with Brady or with Andrew or with you guys. I-I looked everywhere in the house and I, he’s gone.”

“When’s the last time you saw him, sweetie?” Keith asked, holding onto one of her hands. “Do you remember?”

“He had a grilled cheese and soup at 5:30 a-and then we hung out in the living room and I tucked him in at 6:30. He didn’t leave his room, I swear I didn’t hear him leave. He was so tired, I-I just thought he was sleeping b-but the window was open and he’s not in the house.” Her chest was rising and falling fast as she looked at her Mom. “What if someone took him? Oh my God, we have to call the police.”

“He’s not at Brady’s?” Chantal asked, speaking calmly.

“N-No, I called him and Emma, they said he wasn’t there and they’re coming over.”

“I’ll call the police,” Her Mom nodded, walking over further into the living room and pulling her phone out of her pocket.

“What’s going on?” They all turned to see Matt standing at the end of the hallway, resistance bands draped over his shoulder as he wore a tank top and shorts. When his eyes landed on her, they widened and he came rushing over. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Ethan?” Chantal asked, looking at him.

He shook his head, looking at her. “No, he wasn’t feeling well and went to bed at 6:30.” He turned to Caroline, nodding his head. “That’s what you said, right?”

She sniffled, a small whimper escaping her lips as she looked up at him. “He’s gone, Ethan’s gone.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her, thinking she was joking before he took in the solemn and scared expressions of everyone in the room. He pulled her into him, hugging her as he cradled the back of her head with his hand, letting her cry into his shirt.

“Brady’s just outside,” Keith said, looking at his phone. “Matt, grab your keys. Richard–”

“Andrew and I will go get ours.” Her Dad nodded, placing a hand on Andrew's back and leaving the house.

“Matthew–”

“No, I…” He paused, shaking his head. “I don’t want to–”

“Sweetie,” Chantal spoke softly, touching his arm as she rested her hand on Caroline’s back. “You go find him, we’ll make sure she’s okay.”

He looked at his Mom and nodded before hugging Caroline one more time, kissing the side of her head. “I’ll find him, okay? He’s okay.” He whispered, letting go of her.

“Come on, let’s sit on the couch, Caroline,” Chantal spoke softly, wrapping an arm around her before leading her over to the couch.

She looked over her shoulder just as Matt met Brady at the front door, Emma coming over to sit on the couch with her. Matt turned back around and looked at her, nodding his head before walking out of the house and closing the door behind him.

This couldn’t be happening.

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