#bend over backwards for the knes we care about

[hellenicgh0sts]

"were going through a rough time with the break up, you all hurting us, irl friend stuff...." Etc etc. What about us?? We literally did nothing hurting you all. If we did we immediately apologized because we didn't mean to. We played by your rules. Did everything you asked. I don't understand. Fuck we even deleted things off your phone helping you because you all have us permission to after we asked "do you want me to delete it for you?"

But you all get the pity card when "you didn't make us feel wanted or cared for." When every time we wanted to fucking do something you rejected it. You asked for "one on one time" and you completely blew us fucking off and wanted all partners involved instead of the one on one partner time. We followed everything you fucking asked us to and it still wasn't fucking enough.

Through countless of fucking times our shared ps was sick and knocking on deaths fucking door I bet you were somehow hurt that we were taking care of them. They were fucking scared. They were terrified. They didn't want to be alone. They were countlessly stuck in the bathroom feeling like a fucking issue/bother. We aren't going to just abandon them when they needed us.

Not to mention we were also very much married to said shared ps. What the fuck did you want us to do? Tell them to go fuck themselves and deal with it alone? We also tried helping you when you were sick, but you also rejected all of that. Nothing we ever did was correct. Do one thing that you asked and somehow still fucking fucked everything up. Not to mention when we did spend time with you you never seemed interested.

But you have the audacity to sit there and repeatedly bring up "you hurt us." For fucks sake. The amount of times WE were hurt by YOU, but couldn't say anything about it ever. Because even if we gently brought anything up it would absolutely ruin any mood at all you had that was positive. You never wanted to hear where you were going wrong. We could never speak up for ourselves because then you would immediately spiral into a fucking tornado of I want to kill myself.

There was no talking about anything ever even if it was important. Because you would suddenly take that as an immediate threat even after we tried to rephrase things that could've been interpreted another way. You wouldn't listen to us when we would be like hey don't do that. You'd just listen to everyone fucking else. It was like our words meant absolutely shit all to you. Just didn't fucking matter. Nothing we said fucking mattered.

Then when someone split off because of that and they didn't like you from the get go because of that you thought he would hurt you??? When he was like someone in your own system? You didn't see us thinking if that one was out he was going to hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you. He just wasn't going to tolerate the shit that was happening. I would presume you didn't appreciate that. You didn't appreciate being called out when you fuck up. You didn't appreciate it when things were brought to your attention. You didn't appreciate practically anything that would mean you'd have to change something you were doing.

It wasn't even difficult fucking things. It was simple and small things. Example: picking up your trash, helping with dishes, helping taking out trash, keeping your spot clean, soaking dishes, helping with cat things since you yourself also had a cat, helping with paying for things from time to time. Etc. Basic. Roommate. Behavior. [At the very least roommate regardless of they fact we were dating you.]

When partners actually had time with partners you didn't really make them feel like you wanted to. Let alone do anything really. The only time partners felt like you actually wanting them was s*x. How is that fair? Hmm??? So when partners were around they just automatically assumed "oh s"x. Okay." Because nothing was previously stated of what was happening. Even at least the one partner that was very nonsexual had s*x because his partner actually seemed to want him.

Constantly stated "oh partners want time. They want to be appreciated etc." But where was that energy with us? I'm sorry, but it seems as if we don't get the energy of "I love being around you. I want to do things with you. I don't care what we do as long as I'm by your side." We aren't going to reciprocate. We give the energy of what we get back. If it's a barely flickering light on a candle then guess what? That's just what you're going to get. If it's like a bonfire guess what??? You're going to get a bonfire. Shocking I know.

But, with all the bullshit with relationships we've been through with other systems we are only going to give the same energy in relationships that we get back. That's it. We aren't doing this one sided bonfire of love and affection when the other is barely a flame. That's not happening anymore. We aren't going to put out more than we receive. We aren't wasting time and energy on giving our all when we barely get anything back.

Say whatever you want to say, but don't you fucking dare say we didn't give a shit. Don't fucking sit there pinning all of the bullshit on us. Not when there's people in system that was with you that don't even know what the fuck they did wrong. People we haven't even really heard from since you decided to just up and leave without giving any warning or anything. Not even a fucking goodbye. It's absolute fucking bullshit and we deserved so much fucking better than what we actually fucking got from you.

Especially when you constantly crossed boundaries without a single fucking care in the world. Not even after we brought up hey don't do this . Or hey I would rather you not because this is a hard boundary. You knew this shit we've been through. We warned you about the people around us that we had to tolerate because we had to see them. Yet you continuously decided to just forgo all of it and do it anyways. Even got close with someone who you knew treated us like absolute fucking shit. No I don't feel bad you're hurting. You brought this upon yourself. I don't have sympathy for you. I refuse to have sympathy for you.

But just know you're never going to ever get what you had back. You can think after you work on yourself you'll get it, but you won't. We don't offer second chances anymore. You fuck up then ditch us that's on you. Period. Or you fuck up badly once that's it. There's no retrys anymore. It's simple fucking shit. I'm sorry you can't figure that out. Regardless if you're completely turned around and actually communicate your problems it's not happening. You fucked us over way too far for us to just let you back into our lives.

-???