#believe it or not I’ve actually gotten a lot more comfortable with sexuality since joining tumblr

[sipsoftea]

I wish I wasn’t such a religiously traumatized coward, I wanna do spicy art. Idek what I’d draw, I just wanna do something ✨scandalous✨ya know?

[haik-choo]

I don't write cause I feel I don't have a good grasp on the characters personalities etc, the characterisation of akaashi post is so helpful! 👀👀 Would you do kuroo or bokuto?

a/n: I hope you like both of these! again, if yall want me to do others, let me know! these are across the span of their life, so some may seem college-related and some may seem young-adulty! 

[MISCHARACTERIZATIONS OF BOKUTO AND KUROO]

bokuto kotaro.

clueless: i’ve stated this in akaashi’s post, but bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent. he can pick up on the slightest changes in people’s demeanor or posture, he can tell if someone is sad or happy even if they aren’t good at displaying emotions. he’s not a dumbass -- and he can pick up on others’ limits and boundaries very quickly. despite his ability to read people relatively well, he has no qualms about pushing people out of their comfort zones and forcing them to do things they might hate at first, but will love later. he pushes boundaries according to your comfort level, and respects your hard limits. 

only positive: a lot of people write bokuto to be someone ho’s only happy-go-lucky, or someone who rarely gets sad (aside from his moods that are less sad and more discouraged), but I think that almost dehumanizes him. he gets back up faster than most, yes, and at the end of a lost game where everyone is crying, bokuto is dry-eyed. he’s the type to get home and plop down on his bed, face-first into his pillow, lips quivering and eyes lightly watering. there are times where he feels insecure, especially when he’s younger, just because he can tell he’s different from the rest. he has a feeling that people are put-off from his personality, he has a feeling that he’s not as (traditionally/academically) smart as everyone else, he has a feeling that some people find him annoying. that’s why when he’s near his close friends he’s very loose -- he doesn’t feel the need to hold back even a little because he knows that they love him for him. this translates to his toxic trait with his lover being that he feels dejected/insecure if you ever want space. while he can read boundaries, he would really benefit from a lover who has just as few as he, because then he can be his truest self.

love-at-first-sight: he’s not the type to fall in love at one glance, he’s just not. yes, he might get interested or you may catch his attention, but he’s not going to fall in love with someone because they have a pretty smile. it’s not that he’s calculated or over-thinks his emotions, he knows exactly what he feels, it’s just that his heart is a little slow when it comes to falling in love. he’s such an energetic all-over-the-place person that love is never really on his mind (he gets into some trouble with accidentally leading girls on because he’s so friendly). when he eventually falls in love, though....oh boy. he stutters, he’s over-thinking all his movements when it comes to you -- he’s usually impulsive but with you he really, really doesn’t want to screw up. he wants everything to go smoothly -- so he’s the type to plan out a confession and actually try to stick to it. when it comes to something like love, bokuto is surprisingly slow and careful, because he knows how fragile a heart is. 

never gets angry: i think most people like to imagine his anger is so rare because the image of an angry bokuto is scary, especially with his stature. and while it’s true his anger is uncommon (because he’s good at processing his own emotions and not lashing out at others), when he does get angry it can be pretty unnerving. he’s the type to slam his fist on the counter unknowingly when having a really bad fight with his lover, and he has a booming voice. he’d never hit someone, but he doesn’t realize how intimidating his physique is. anger is uncommon, but that doesn’t mean he’s not scary. he always apologize afterwards, though.

boundless confidence: i touched on it earlier, that he has bouts of insecurity, but again, i really want to emphasize that he’s not endlessly confident. honestly, maybe in the anime and manga he seems that way, but if you want to make him more human, have more life than a fictional character, you have to create limits or certain traits. bokuto is very sensitive, and the slightest thing can either inflate his ego or deflate it. plays in volleyball constantly not working may dig at his confidence, but he always re-inflates. in real life, outside the court, there are things that keep his confidence low everytime they happen. fights with his lover are one of these things; he’ll get jealous when they leave the apartment after a fight because he’ll worry about you finding someone more stable than him. jealousy alone is a solid sign of chipped confidence, something that someone as sensitive as bokuto gets every once in a while. 

overall, bokuto is a lot more intelligent than what people give him credit for. he’s honest with his own emotions and can read people very well, which is probably why he’s such a people person, but he still has flaws. he does not have boundless confidence or have no perception of boundaries; he’s unbelievably understanding. he may be initially insecure, have intimidating anger, etc. but ,after all, he’s human, isn’t he? 

kuroo tetsuro. 

sex god: don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that he’s had a lover or two, especially in college, and that he’s played the field a little bit. but i don’t see him as the guy that has had sex with every person in his major. he’s a genuine guy and can’t have sex with someone he’s not emotionally invested in -- despite not being a ‘player’, he’s totally gotten in trouble with a few people because they think he’s leading them on when he walks with them to class everyday. 

intimidating: people always characterize him as this mysterious, sexually intimidating guy, but i just can’t see him as someone intimidating. if anything, he may be a little unapproachable because he has a really tight knit group of friends that he’s always with, but he’s not scary. he’s not the center of attention but he’s not a wallflower either, he enjoys observing people and watching drama play out, but he’s not silent and glaring all the time. he’s quite fun, he’s loud, and he enjoys embarrassing his friends in public. he’s the type to twerk in public and laugh his ass off when akaashi or kenma give him the side-eye and bro-kuto joins in. he likes to have fun, ya know? i don’t know about you, but a guy that twerks in public isn’t very scary, to me at least. 

prideful: I understand why people paint him as a prideful guy, he obviously likes what he does and has a personable personality, but honestly, he’s not perfect. he often has moments where he doubts himself because of his past decisions, his career one of them. kuroo is an amazing middle blocker, and his choice to go into sports advertisement rather than an actual volleyball league no doubt haunts him at night sometimes. he thinks of the ‘what-ifs’, and he dreams of what he could be. especially since his best friend is bokuto, a professional player, it’s often on his mind. it’s a super touchy subject for him, and if someone were to question his job-choice i have no doubt that he’d get really sour and distant from that person because he’s not sure of himself either. 

frat boy: he’s not someone who can’t cook, he’s not someone who sleeps at 5am everyday, hungover. he’s not the type of person to be immature in any way -- he’s got his shit together. i’m sure most people can actually see this, but kuroo is very responsible and realistic (which is part of the reason he didn’t do professional volleyball). he does his taxes, does his homework, gives out good advice, gets up early and eats everything that a healthy person should eat (in all the right proportions, too). he doesn’t even drink often, if anything he’s just a social drinker. he goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am to work out, no joke. he’s gotta keep that physique somehow. 

decisive: i know i said he’s responsible, but i don’t think that translates to decisive. i can see him having a lot of conflicting things going on in his life, different wants and different paths that he wants to take but can’t keep all open. it happens in love, his career, his college major, etc. he wants a lot in life, he wants success, happiness, a good love-life, everything. when he had to choose between volleyball and a life-long, stable career, he was broken for weeks. was he good enough for his dream? was it wise to chase his dream? would it be better to get more kids into volleyball, do what he did, what he couldn’t do? in his love life he always hesitates, too: does he see a life with them? how long will they love him? will they be able to deal with him once they see that he’s not perfect? is it worth it? it doesn’t matter if he’s in love or not, because his extreme caution can come off as very distant and unwilling to let you in, hence his toxic trait. he’s indecisive, scared, yet passionate and hard-working. 

overall, kuroo is full of contradiction. he wants a lot from life and is willing to work for it. he has dreams and tries to stay healthy and put himself out there, have fun, the whole shabang -- but he’s not perfect. he’s overly cautious when it comes to making important decisions simply because he can see a future with all of the different paths he can take. but honestly, isn’t everyone a little contradictory? 

[lemonpeter]

Day 25 - Orgy (Peter/Avengers)

I’m sorry this is out late, I had a horrific day and it made writing really hard. But I’m doing better now and hope everyone enjoys 💜 I might even add a second part to this one if that’s something people want, this was a lot of fun to write

Warnings: orgy, oral sex, I don’t think there are any other ‘warnings’, it’s just pure filth yall

————

Peter was living the dream.

See, he hadn’t been so sure how to feel when the idea of an orgy was proposed. He was fairly inexperienced, always wanted to to everything right. Being thrown into everyone with way more experience than him definitely made him nervous.

Until he figured out that everyone wanted him.

He knew that Tony wanted him. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with scissors, so he figured he’d at least be with Tony.

But then Bucky had spoke up about how it had been a while since he’d been with anyone. Maybe someone with less experience would be good for him.

Then Steve causally mentioned actually being a virgin, and how he trusted that Peter would be careful even given the circumstance.

That surprised Peter, he wasn’t sure that he believed Captain America hadn’t gotten any action before, but he wouldn’t say anything.

Natasha made a comment about not trusting the others to actually be good and take her orders that she liked to give.

Thor didn’t need to say anything, the way that he instantly gravitated towards Peter when the proposal had been made told him all that he needed to know.

Even Sam, who notoriously liked to act like he hated Peter, said that he could be good for a round.

He had easily a half dozen people that wanted him. He had almost the whole Avengers team (minus Clint, married, and Bruce, couldn’t have sex) plus some that wanted to sleep with him.

He absolutely couldn’t believe it.

So then they got started.

Of course everyone couldn’t start with Peter, so they paired off in various ways.

Steve, Bucky, and Sam were instantly on each other, hands reaching and groping and mouths exploring.

Thor decided to watch them, leaning back on the couch and simply observing.

And Natasha kept a close eye on Peter, determined that she would have him next.

Peter shyly smiled at Tony as the older man pulled him in.

“I know you’ve never done anything like this,” Tony murmured, kissing over his jaw gently.

Peter’s lips curved up in a slight smile as he tilted his head back to give Tony better access to his skin. “You don’t know that for sure. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“I’m pretty sure you would have told me if you’ve ever had an orgy before.” Tony grinned, one hand dropping to gently cup Peter’s hardening cock through his sweatpants.

The younger man bit his lip, breath hitching in his throat. “I don’t tell you everything, you know.”

“But have you done it?”

“Well, no,” Peter finally admitted, huffing a laugh. “But still. I’ll be fine.”

Tony hummed, finally satisfied by the answer he was given as he buried his face in Peter’s neck and began leaving love bites. “You will be. Because if anyone even looks at you in way you don’t like, I’m getting them thrown out and banned from the tower.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Peter gasped out, head lolling back as he basked in the feeling of getting the marks.

At the gasp, Thor glanced up and towards them. He slowly stood, making his way towards them.

Tony’s hand slipped into the waistband of the younger man’s sweats when he became aware of the god behind them.

“Mind if I join?” Thor asked, eyes careful and calculating, but definitely with a playful light to them.

“I might mind,” Tony commented, sucking another mark onto Peter’s neck as he slipped his hand into the man’s pants.

“I don’t!” Peter said quickly. “Please. Please join,” he said breathlessly.

Thor grinned when he was given permission, quickly ignoring Tony and leaning in to kiss Peter directly on the mouth. “Thank you, young spider. I’ve been imagining being with you for so long now.”

Peter blushed, surprised from the kiss and the words that followed. There was absolutely no way that Thor had thought about being with him like that. He just couldn’t believe it. “O-oh,” he breathed. He groaned when Tony’s hand wrapped around his cock, like the older man was trying to prove a point.

“So, what do you want with him, pointbreak?” Tony asked suddenly, voice muffled against Peter’s neck.

Thor chuckled, the sound low and booming. “We are here for sexual encounters, yes?”

“Correct, thanks for the observation.”

Peter smacked Tony’s arm gently at the sarcastic comment. “Be nice,” he mumbled.

“I am being nice.” Tony twisted his hand, stroking Peter slowly. “Very nice.”

Peter groaned, biting his lip. “Not what I meant. But yes, now you’re being nice. Please don’t stop.”

The god watched them, humming softly. “Well, you seem to be preoccupied, touching wise. But I would be very happy if you were open to...giving pleasure as well as receiving.”

Peter snorted. “Is the god of thunder asking me to suck his dick?” He joked. “Because, uh, yes.”

“I like your enthusiasm,” Thor said happily. “That is what I was asking. So that’s a yes?” He didn’t even wait for an answer, pushing down the comfortable bottoms that he had been in. Which revealed that he hadn’t been wearing any underwear.

Peter blushed, eyes trailing over the thick cock that was made clear once it was uncovered. He could already tell from the tenting that had been in Thor’s pants that he would be huge, but it was much more intimidating to actually see.

Tony looked between them, still slowly stroking the younger man in his pants. “I guess we’ll need to change position a bit,” he mused. “Peter. Let’s get down, alright? On our knees.”

The young man nodded quickly, slowly sinking down to his knees as Tony did. That way Tony could keep touching him and he could please Thor. His mouth opened and he looked expectant.

Using one hand to guide his cock, Thor gently set the head on Peter’s waiting tongue. “Don’t try to do too much, I don’t want you to be worn out too early,” he warned.

Peter smirked, lips wrapping around the head and suckling gently just to start. He shivered at the moan that he got from the god. That just encouraged him more.

He got to work, able to take down half of the huge cock before it was just too much. He gagged as the tip hit the back of his throat, but he got a control of the reflex and kept going.

Thor was incredibly vocal and laced his large fingers through Peter’s hair as he kept going. Soon his hips began thrusting slightly, testing just how far Peter could take him.

Tony kept a close eye on them, making sure that Peter was feeling good as well as staying happy.

But despite the watery eyes and choked noises that came from him occasionally, Peter seemed absolutely thrilled with what he was doing.

It didnt take long with Peter’s skilled mouth for Thor to be getting close, hand tightening further in the young man’s hair. “Are you alright to swallow?” He asked, eyes close on him to catch a reaction.

Peter moaned and nodded, the bobbing motion of his head only helping the god get there closer. It took less than a minute more of his actions before he felt the first spurt of liquid shoot down his throat. He swallowed, pulling off just enough so that he would get a mouthful instead of it all just going down his throat.

Thor enjoyed that, head dropped back and breathing heavy as he rode out his orgasm. Then once he was done, he finally pulled out of Peter’s mouth.

The young man had a full mouth and seemed to be struggling to catch it all. Some had already dribbled from the corners of his mouth and down his chin as he swallowed it all down. “Woah,” he breathed, licking his lips.

Thor grinned at the reaction, not even bothering to tuck his cock back away. Instead he just kicked his pants off completely. He figured he would get a second round with someone, what was the point of keeping them on?

Tony watched them, chuckling as he watched Peter. “How have you not cum yet?” He teased, still stroking slowly.

Peter blushed at the question, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. “Because...ah, I can’t really cum just from...my dick being touched.”

“Please tell me you’re about to say what I hope you’re about to say,” Tony murmured.

“I gotta be...filled too. In order to finish.”

Tony groaned, kissing the man quickly despite there still being traces of cum on his lips. He didn’t care. “You’re incredible. And I’m definitely going to be the first to get to that ass. Get up and on the couch.”

Nodding, Peter stood up quickly. He blushed for a moment before pushing his pants and boxers off, figuring there wasn’t much point to them any more. Then he bent over the couch, leaning right into Natasha.

“Hi, miss,” he said shyly.

Natasha chuckled, adjusting them so that his arms were braced between her legs. “Hi, Peter. Can I have a turn now? I wanted to be the first you got that mouth on, but I can settle for second. If that’s alright with you.”

Peter nodded quickly, licking his red and swollen lips. “Yeah. Yes. I would love to. Please-“

His words were cut off by a strained moan as he felt lube being poured over his ass. It was really cold and had surprised him.

Tony grinned. “Whoops. Sorry, kid. Just figured we’d need some of this before we got started.”

Peter nodded, blinking to try and reorient himself. “Yeah. Of course. Just- warning please. Next time.”

“Next time,” Sam commented, getting closer after breaking away from Steve and Bucky. “I would love to be that next time. Although im pretty sure you won’t need any more lube, I think he just poured the whole bottle in your-“

“Just trying to be cautious,” Tony defended, sounding offended.

Sam raised his hands in surrender, shrugging. “I know it takes a lot, I’m just saying that was a ton.” He laughed, shaking his head. “But hey, I do want to be second here.” He patted Peter’s ass gently. “Although I’m pretty sure I’m going to ruin you for anyone else here.” He grinned, showing off the little gap between his teeth.

Peter couldn’t see it, but he always loved that gap. It was cute, even if the man who had it hated it. He loved the way it was shown off when Sam smiled. Which was often. “You can be second,” he told him.

“-but you won’t be ruining him for anyone,” Tony added. “Because that’s my job.”

Peter laughed, resting his cheek against Nat’s thigh. He was in for a long, long night.

And he couldn’t wait.

[heavenunderthemoon]

Growing Pains {Chapter five}

warnings: mentions of alcohol, gun violence, murder

author’s note: sorry I've been away so long, I've been dealing with stuff. Anyways, hope you enjoy - Toby xx

January 2012

"Well, at least its just one night."

The bag against your shoulder dug into your skin and you stalked forward, plopping it down on the right side of the bed.

Spencer remained in the doorway, though the door was closed by now. He noticed hotel doors had a tendency to slam shut if someone wasn't holding them open, that familiar click of the lock shutting into place still ringing in his ears. He hadn't believed his luck when the flight had been grounded due to weather difficulties. Even more so when the team had been forced to sleep in a tiny, rundown motel whose rooms were scarce. Everyone was doubling up- actually, that wasn't true. Rossi wasn't doubling up, the man had argued since he was older he deserved a single room and the team knew better than to push against him, knowing any fight with him would likely lead to him rambling about his time serving in the war or starting the BAU, and they were far too tired to open that can of worms.

And then, to learn that he was assigned to sleep with you.

His face burned at the thought. Not sleep with. You know, not sexually. His palm tightened, and he was incredibly grateful that you hadn't suddenly gained the ability to read minds.

"There's one bed." He said, and even he could tell his voice was choked.

You looked up from your previous task of scanning the TV guide, eager to see if there was anything good on for the night. A perfectly tweezed brow was raised, lips quirking up.

"Well, you didn't become a profiler for nothing." It was a playful jest, one that made Spencer's chest relax slightly- just slightly.

"It's one night, Spencer. Besides, we don't even have to sleep."

If the man was drinking water he would've spit it out. "W-we don't?"

You fixed the Reid with a questioning stare, hand raising to point a finger at the fully stocked mini bar. Perhaps the motel was run down. Perhaps the woman at the front chainsmoked cigarettes and was half-asleep throughout checking, and maybe your bed smelled of mothballs and damp city water. But the bar was stocked, and that was good enough for you.

"We can drink." You answered dully.

Spencer's lips spluttered before he frowned. "Are we allowed?" And if it hadn't been Spencer who had asked you might've laughed. But you knew better. You knew that Spencer had probably never drinker from a hotel bar because he had only been in hotels when the job warranted it. Besides, even when the team went out the man hardly drank more than a couple glasses, always cutting himself off before he was affected.

"We're off duty, I don't see why not." You shrugged, backing up slowly before choosing a bottle of vodka. They were tiny, it was a minibar after all, but there was enough to do some damage and you held one up to Spencer, a silent offer. He still hadn't moved from the doorway, and you scanned his body language as you stared.

He was tense, shoulders pulled taut, that look on his face as though he were solving a puzzle. Sometimes you wished you could reach right into his mind and pluck him out of the hurricane he seemed trapped in. After a moment he seemed to concede with himself and took hesitant steps forward, grabbing the bottle and twisting it open.

He downed it in one go, your eyebrows shooting into your forehead.

He cleared his throat, dropping his own bag on the other side of the bed and plopping down on the mattress. It gave an awful squeak when he did and you met his eyes, a goofy smile taking over your lips. This was the most conversation the two of you had had in a very long time. So, you grabbed a bottle of your own, following his lead and downing the entire thing.

Making a decision, you scooped up the rest, nine or ten bottles more at least, and joined the man on the bed, dumping them on the comforter.

Spencer picked one up, you following his lead as the caps were twisted off in unison.

"Salud."

And down the liquid went.

- "Oh my god, ow, Spence that hurts." Your hands clutched your stomach, words coming out a slurred mess as the Reid roared in laughter, stumbling back onto the bed. The genius, it seemed, could do a rather incredible Hotch impression, his eyebrows furrowing in a way that had made you practically seize in laughter.

Empty bottles clinked as the bed dipped with his presence, your shoulder touching one another as you fell back, the two of you staring at the ceiling. The laughter subsiding, you glanced at the man. His cheeks were a rosy red, eyes alight with humor. His cheeks dimpled in the corners, and you ached to reach out and touch them, but you stopped yourself. His hair was a disheveled mess, the man constantly running his fingers through it. The tie that was around his neck was loosened considerably, his t-shirt untucked and slightly unbuttoned.

The skin it revealed made you flush, looking away.

Feeling the retreating eyes, Spencer glanced to his left, staring at your profile. He recalled doing the same as a child, looking at the chiseled edges of your jaw, the nape of your neck, the rosy tint of your lips. Something glittered on your chest- a necklace- and though it attracted his attention, it didn't seem to keep it, because his eyes were soon drawn to your neck, a light mark poking out from your shirt collar.

His mind still muddled from the alcohol, the Reid reached forward, his hand stopping short just before grazing it. Though the movement was enough to make your head turn back to him lazily.

When had your faces gotten so close together?

Spencer kept his hand between the two of you, eyebrows furrowing. "What happened?"

It didn't take much for you to know what he was referring to, but the alcohol in your system made you shrug. "What do you mean?" And your voice was husky enough to cut through his muffled thoughts and he almost buried his head in his pillow just to get ahold of himself.

But he didn't, eyes still glued on your neck. "That." He pointed. "That wasn't there when I left."

"A lot has happened since you left." And you hadn't skipped a beat.

You transferred to your side, slipping your right hand under your pillow and letting your hand do what it had wanted ever since you saw him on your first day. It grasped his, the man stiffening.

"Tell me." And he was quiet. Suddenly, he felt like a small boy again, whispering to you in the dark because you weren't supposed to be up so late. Vaguely, he registered the hotel's radio playing something, white noise that you had turned on somewhere between the third and fourth shot.

Part of him wondered why you both drank so much. But most of him knew why. He knew that you both needed the courage, needed something to hide behind if you were to speak again.

"Tell you what?" And you stared back into his eyes, the eyes that were so calculating. Eyes that overwhelmed you because it was like when he looked at you he was reading the manuscript for your soul and perhaps you might've been okay with that at one point in your life but too much had happened without him. He had skipped too many chapters and you didn't want him to spoil the ending.

"Everything. Tell me where you went without me."

The thought of doing so scared you. It scared you because when you looked at him, you didn't see anything other than concern. It was interest, like it was with Derek and JJ, and Emily. Like you were some new you to figure out. It wasn't poking and prodding for war stories to indulge in. It was concern, care for all the years he had left you alone.

You swallowed. "You stopped talking to me. Why?" You changed the subject.

Now it was Spencer's turn to pause. He stared at you, those bright eyes he thought about so often. Even if he hadn't had a photographic memory, those eyes would be etched into his skull, a fire blazing right behind them. Those were the eyes that saw past his intelligence, that saw him for what he was, what he had always been. "Long distance friendships tend to fizzle out."

Even as he said the words he knew they were a lie. They tasted foreign on his tongue, and he licked his lips after speaking them.

Your eyes narrowed. "You're a terrible liar."

He said nothing. You scooted closer, your knees were touching his. Your hair flopped as you moved. Had it always looked so shiny? He wondered idly. Your breath fanned on his cheeks. It smelled like vodka and...cherries? He breathed deeply.

"Tell me the truth."

Now he wasn't sure if his mind was fuzzy from the alcohol, or from simply being around you, but he decided he would listen, just as he always had when the two of you had grown up. Listening to you was something he knew to do instinctually, and so he did.

"I think I missed you too much and it scared me."

And there was the silence again. Silence and the radio and the hum of the radiator and the rain hitting the window. The lights flickered every so often, though your eyes never did leave his.

You thought back to those days of waiting by the phone, not wanting to call in case Spencer didn't pick up, the thought of getting rejected worse than you rejecting him.

"I...I don't get it."

Your eyebrows furrowed in the way Spencer liked, that little crease on your forehead popping out. He wanted to reach out and smooth it but thought better of it.

"Why didn't you talk to me when I first came to work with you? I thought you hated me until tonight." All the layers of yourself seemed to be unpeeled.

Spencer sighed, swallowing for a moment. "Same reason, I think." And he didn't really know. Not really. And it threw off his entire world because he always knew. He always knew the answer, he always knew everything. And of course it was you who had to topple his world.

"You stopped talking to me because you missed me?" You repeated, almost as if trying to understand. Spencer just shrugged, because as much as he didn't know, he knew that much was true.

"Too much." He said quietly. "Because talking to you hurt me. It hurt that you weren't right beside me, especially when-"

He cut himself off.

You stared at him a moment longer. That copper hair  becoming unruly, tie loosened, eyebrows knitted. So close to him, you could smell that same scent you smelled all those years ago. Lemon and cheap laundry detergent. Though now it had something new. A scent of leather.

"Especially when?"

He turned back to the ceiling, hand leaving yours to rest on his chest. "I asked you about your neck."

You snorted, coming to rest on your back as well. "Are we keeping score now?"

He didn't respond, simply waiting for an answer.

Your chest tightened, propping yourself on your elbows.

"I don't know if you can handle it." And you regarded him in that same softness that you used only with him. A softness that made him feel warm and safe and acknowledged not for his intelligence but for him. For his faults and his strengths and his humor and his friendship.

Suddenly feeling nervous, he sat up, legs folding until he were criss-cross applesauce. The sight made you smile smally, following his lead. "Tell me." He encouraged once more.

Your limbs still felt like jello, your words still not entirely clear, but even if you had been sober you knew you would've told him. Because he was Spencer. Because Spencer and you were best friends. No matter how much time passed, no matter how much happened in between. Best friends are best friends.

"What I did for the military...it wasn’t good."

He said nothing and after a moment you realized it was because he expected you to say more.

“I entered right after high school, I didn't really have plans, I was...lost. They helped me pay for college and after a while they realized I was pretty good at shooting. Exceptional, actually.” You gazed at him, gauging his reaction. He seemed to be actively listening so you continued. “I was a sniper. My superiors pointed there finger and I didn't need an explanation, I just...took them out. Real, living people that we had somehow had the ability to deign either good or evil. I looked through a tiny scope, I squeezed my trigger, and then they were gone.” 

“My neck,” Your hand went up to touch the raised skin, your reminder for what you had done. “It was a price I had to pay. Someone tipped off my target, they had someone trying to snipe me. I caught the flash of the gun just in time, ducked out of the way. The bullet grazed my neck, and then embedded itself in my partner’s chest.” Your fingers left the scar, coming back to rest in your lap.  “I was pulled out after that, and then I got contacted from Hotch. My superiors had sent in resumes and applications for me, recommendations on my behalf. That's how I got the job."

"How long?" He asked.

You looked down at your watch, that worn, leather band. "Ten years."

The Reid nodded, that thoughtfulness returning.

The song on the radio changed.

The wind picked up.

The radiator stopped humming.

"You can ask." You said after a moment.

He stared at you, wondering if you actually could read minds. "How many people did you kill?"

A harsh swallow. "Too many."

He nodded again.

The radiator picked back up.

The light flickered again.

"Especially when I had a crush on you." Spencer evened the playing field. He owed you an answer after all. He glanced down, picking at his shoelace. He remembered those days after leaving home. The days spent walking around campus, thinking of you every time something happened, something he wanted to tell you about. He remembered shoving himself in that tiny phone booth, dreaming about when he would see you in person again. He remembered writing hundreds of letters, letters he never sent out because he didn't want you to think he was weird. He remembered making that decision, that decision that he had always played off as a mistake, to miss phone calls, to faze you out, because the thought of you rejecting him was far too painful to try.

"You liked me?" You asked dazedly. And now you were remembering. You were remembering hanging from trees with him, hands interlocked because if one of you fell at least you fell together. You remembered him signing your cast, a faint blush on your cheek when he drew a heart. You remembered being teased by your brothers relentlessly when they found a card you had made the boy for Valentine's Day- something you had ripped up and thrown in the trash immediately after because the thought of him reacting the same made you ache.

"Wait." You paused, remembering something. "You said you didn't talk to me when I first came for the same reason." He was silent as you looked at him. Did this mean that...that he still liked you? The thought was juvenile in its entirety, but you liked how it felt. You liked how it felt to be young again and that's precisely how Spencer made you feel. He made you forget those years without him, forget the places you had been, the bodies you had dropped, because it was just you and him.

He glance up, almost as if to guard your reaction, and was shocked to find a goofy smile on your lips. He tilted his head like a puppy, eyebrows furrowing. "What?"

You remembered the times he had visited you when you were sick, read to you when you were sad, drawn you pictures when you needed a laugh. You remembered teaching him to tie his shoes, jumping into the community swimming pool, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. You remembered Fourth of July, the scent of fireworks and orange soda. You remembered pinky promises and best friend necklaces and calls to his college. You remembered loving him, and part of you wondered if you had ever stopped.

The bottles on the bed clinked as you moved forward, your hands going to the man's cheeks as your lips connected with his. He stiffened, and you pulled away, afraid you had made a mistake, before he was placing his hand on the back of your head and guiding you back toward him.

You tasted of vodka and cherries- yes, he was sure it was cherries now. Your hair was soft beneath his touch and you mewled at the feel of his touch.

The bed squeaked brutally as he pushed your back onto the bed, his lips driving you mad.

And the two of you became lost in a vodka driven daze.

Sorry I don't wanna write smut right now l m a o BUT!!!! one bed trope!! I've always wanted to do that!!! Hope you all enjoyed:)

- Toby xx

TAGLIST : @fangurl215 @lauren2408 @moonstarrnghtsky @uwu-sebastianstan @criminalminds4days @tclaerh  @gamegrumpiess @mggsprettygirl 

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Trust Me Coda

The ending to the Joshyme story I wrote years ago "Trust Me", that I've since deleted. I was hoping, that with the Way Back Machine, I could get all the chapters back and post it again and include this as the ending. But unfortunately, the Way Back Machine only gives me the first chapter (maybe someday I can find a way to get it all back). So I'm posting the ending by itself. It can be read and enjoyed by itself, as it also summarizes some things that happened in "Trust Me."

How They Met

Rhyme’s PoV

“Raimu… you’re reading the Shiver series? What if I started calling you ‘Ringo’, since that’s what Cole calls Sam in that series? You both have names that begin with ‘R’, yes?”

…Somehow, Rhyme just knew that this was Joshua who had suddenly appeared beside her and was asking this question. Even though she’d never met him before and had only heard horror stories from Beat, Shiki, and Neku. Because who else would so brazenly come up to her and ask such a question? As if he’d known her whole life and she owed him an answer for reading such bad literature in his eyes?

Blinking at the ashen-aired boy here at Molco, while she waited for Beat and Neku to get their Tin Pins that they were shopping for, Rhyme couldn’t help feeling a little incredulous here. “Really? You make yourself known to the Player you just randomly bring back to life even though she didn’t win—which must be a huge deal—and that’s what you have to ask? Honestly, I expected more from you, Joshua—if you don’t mind me calling you that—from what I’ve heard about you.”

Joshua chuckled at this… which Rhyme saw as a good sign, and as a hint that he wasn’t angry that she wasn’t poking fun at him and wasn’t going to turn her back into a Squirrel Noise again. But he still seemed to want to want to insult her, however, she noted with a frown on her face. “I can’t believe you’re reading something like Twilight. I expected better from you, Raimu.”

Rhyme really wanted to let Joshua have it here. She did (and usually she was such a nice person, too!). Because first off, where did he get off insulting her literary choices? And why was he being a creep, anyway?

But deciding to be the responsible little sister that Beat had always looked up to her for, Rhyme smiled and decided to be the bigger person and extended a hand Joshua’s way for him to shake… which he did very reluctantly, as the sun seemed to get in his eyes. “Why don’t we just start over here. I’m Rhyme, and who are you?”

“…I’m Joshua, I suppose. Though I really don’t know if I want to play along here, dear Raimu. Though I guess I’ll bite, and give this to you… Why are you reading Inkheart? You are reading that series at the same time as that horrible Shiver series, right? Actually, that is a good question. Do tell.” That was the first question Joshua had asked Rhyme when they met, when he came to see her in Molco when day when she was reading outside in the beautiful sunlight, waiting for Beat to come back out and join her after he’d bought some new Tin Pins.

Rhyme had turned around to happily tell the stranger why she was reading the book, because she loved having conversations with people about literature, but then she was met with the look of who could only have been the Composer of Shibuya, based off Beat, Neku, and Shiki’s descriptions of him, in order to keep her safe.

“I-” Rhyme suddenly stammered here. Because she was suddenly afraid of Joshua, as memories of what Beat, Neku, and Shiki had said came back to her. She was afraid that her reasons for reading this particular saga might upset him, and he might even strike her down for them. What to say here, then? Rhyme panicked. Or maybe she shouldn’t say anything?

“Do you like the fact that Mortimer and Meggie don’t believe in gods?” Joshua filled in her silence, smirking, as he played with a strand of his hair.

And Rhyme really thought that she had done something to offend him now—and that he might actually murder her in cold blood, like he had Neku—so she knew that she needed to find her words, and do something to make amends towards her savior.

So, taking a deep breath, Rhyme tried to do just that. “Even if I did… it wouldn’t be because of you, Joshua. I know you’re somewhat god-like. I just think it makes sense that those two characters would think legends about gods are all just stories, since they surrounded themselves with literature.”

“…Hmm. And perhaps it does, Raimu. Perhaps it does.”

Joshua was sitting beside Rhyme now; he had simply been standing before. And curiously… he was sitting rather close to her—not like a lover might; not quite that—but he also wasn’t at all caring about her need for space. And he stole Rhyme’s book from her before she could even blink, and flipped it to a certain page (it didn’t escape her attention that he left the Shiver sequel, “Linger”, alone. He must have really hated that book for some reason, which made it even weirder that he did, in fact, start calling her “Ringo.” Though Rhyme oddly didn’t mind. Perhaps she was too nice). “What do you think of Dustfinger having a thing for Mortimer’s wife?”

Though Rhyme could tell that that wasn’t the question Joshua had wanted to ask; and she told him as such, as she gingerly tried to take the novel back from him. “If you think I’m reading this because of the Game… I’m surprised you don’t ask if I think characters getting pulled into the fictional Inkheart world, is like Players going into the UG when they die. Joshua… can you be honest, and not make this all about tomes right now, and tell me what you really want with me? I’m sure it’s not this. Honesty is always the best policy, right?”

“Hehehe,” the might-as-well-demi-god laughed, as he put his legs over Rhyme’s… not in a sexual way. But in a teasing one, as if he was showing he was comfortable with her and didn’t understand social norms at all. “I suppose it is, huh, Raimu? That being said… I came to visit you, because I did think you forgot who so kindly brought you back to life, and wasn’t thanking him. And because I wanted to see if bringing you back to life was worth it… fortunately for you, I certainly think it was.”

That was certainly a lot to process! And there was a part of Rhyme that wanted to slap Joshua for thinking she owed him gratitude for not playing with her life, while another side of her wanted to grovel in gratitude at his feet for what he had done for her and Beat (Rhyme knew Beat never would have ever gotten over it if she hadn’t come back. So, she almost appreciated Joshua more for his sake than her own).

Rhyme also wanted to know how, exactly, she had proved to Joshua that she was “worth it”… and if she could do anything to ruin that idea in his head. Though hopefully not!

But before Rhyme got the chance, Neku and Beat were leaving the store to join her, and Joshua was disappearing, with the words, “We’ll meet again, Rhyme, and talk for real. I promise,” just barely heard in her ears.

…

And Rhyme and Joshua did meet up after that… a few times, actually. He showed up to one of their group hang-outs, where they’d decided to make pocky, and ended up helping Rhyme with that (when everyone else went to get sauces), when it was clear she was a disaster in the kitchen, she thought…

And then one time when she was at school… and they’d doodled some together, while they’d sat on the green—getting grass stains—and then after that, at a dance, weirdly enough (that Rhyme thought Joshua had only gone to because it reminded him of his deceased parents. She, however, had been forced to go, because her parents had been trying to make more of a girl out of her. And they’d danced together, as Joshua had reluctantly told her some of his backstory before he stomped off).

But even with all of the mixed feelings and signals… the two of them had fallen in love. But neither one of them were fools. And they knew if they really wanted to be together, Rhyme might have to die for it to happen—which made things taxing for them, too—but even with that… they had found happiness.

One of their best times being when Rhyme let Joshua brush her hair, and she ended up relating a story to him that she thought she’d never tell anyone.

“For the longest time… I actually didn’t know how to brush my hair. At least not fully, to be able get all the tangles out, that is. I think that’s why I kept it short for so long.”

And thankfully, it showed just how far they had come, that Josh did not mock her for this. Instead, he began massaging her shoulder with one hand, while continuing to take care of her hair with the brush in the other. “Is this because you’re autistic? I’ve often wondered if that’s why you’re so smart. And sometimes, autistic people have a hard time doing normal, every day things, and can almost need caretakers for them, but do genius things to make up for it… and there’s no shame in that. You just see the world differently.”

“Yes,” Rhyme admitted, placing a hand over her heart now, and leaning back to kiss Joshua on the cheek once. And he leaned into her gesture, she noticed, smiling. “It took me a while to figure that out. But I think it’s the answer. And I’m not ashamed of it anymore. Even if I hadn’t figured out how to style my hair… I wouldn’t hate who I am. Especially since, in so many areas, I am a genius, as you say… And thanks for saying that, Josh. Though I swear I’m not fishing for compliments here.”

Joshua “hmmed” at that, almost like he didn’t believe Rhyme (though she knew he was just acting). And she thought about bumping him on the head… but then they turned to face each other and both burst out laughing. And they somehow found their way into each other’s arms, too, with Rhyme’s back against Joshua’s chest and his chin on her head.

“As if I think you’d ever do something as selfish as ‘fish for compliments,’ Raimu,” Joshua told her, rolling his eyes.

“Hey! I’m not that selfless now, I’ll have you know…” Rhyme protested. “But in all seriousness,” Rhyme pretty much hummed here, “can we stay like this forever, Josh?”

“Yes, dear,” he promised, starting to remove her clothes, so they could tenderly make love. “I think we can.”

…

But their happiness wasn’t meant to last.

Joshua had angered the previous Composer of Shibuya (Jeffrey), who he actually hadn’t killed (and who had instead ascended to become an Angel), and the current Setagaya Composer (when he had murdered the old one accidentally… when he’d been fighting the hold Composer of Shibuya to become the new one and had erased Setagaya’s, when he’d been standing right on the line that separated Shibuya from Setagaya, and Setagaya’s Conductor had had to step up). As, if he wished it, he could be both the Composer of Shibuya and Setagaya.

Because of that, the Conductor, Rinoa(1), who had stepped up as Setagaya’s Composer had always feared that Josh would try to take their throne.

And Shibuya’s former Composer—who had been an elder to Josh, somewhat like Sanae, who Josh had forced to ascend, lest he kill him, and Josh didn’t want that—was afraid that he would try to become Composer of both places and become even more powerful than the Angels, perhaps.

And there was even more to the story than that.

And they wanted revenge on him.

And to do that, they murdered Rhyme… they actually locked her in a meat cellar, so she would freeze to death. By the time Josh and Mr. H found her, she had already been fading away. And Joshua had then done something that no Composer or Angel was supposed to do (and Rhyme had found all of this out far too late), which was go back in time one day so he could save her… But it had had its consequences.

Josh had targeted the Composer and Angel’s loved ones so they’d know what it was like to lose the one they loved, and maybe leave Rhyme alone… but in seeing this hatred and destruction from Joshua, for no good reason in her eyes—and thinking that maybe he was the monster she’d feared all along—Rhyme had broken up with him… and doomed Joshua to fall to darkness even more.

But things hadn’t ended there, either.

Because of course the Angel and Composer wanted to try and steal Joshua’s powers back. Of course they did. And thankfully, Joshua had had the good sense to come clean and explain everything to Rhyme a week before everything went down, so they could try to plan for the worst accordingly.

Joshua had stayed in the Room of Reckoning, and the Composer and Angel had sent quite a few Conductors and Reapers after Josh.

And Josh, after everything, was too heartless to really fight back. Partly because Rhyme was being horrible in not telling him she loved him and that they were of course going to get back together, she knew, but it was all too much and she needed a bit more time to process here.

And honestly, as it was, Rhyme was afraid that with the way Joshua was acting, even he and Sanae together wouldn’t be able to win against these Reapers and Jeffrey and Rinoa when they made their appearance. Which was when she came up with an idea.

“Sanae,” Rhyme begged now, as Joshua and her world was falling apart (and how much of her world was in Joshua, she realized now. She loved him so much! And she was foolish for ever having doubted him and risking this. But Rhyme knew that if she told Josh this now, it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t affect his morale, as he would think she was just lying for him), “can you fly me to where Joshua first became Composer and put me into the UG there?”

“I can…” he allowed. “But you’ll be vulnerable without your Partner, Joshua. Though I suppose I can stay and help you for a moment. What are you-”

“Actually, it’s the fact that Josh and I are Partners in every sense of the word that I’m counting on.”

So, Sanae held Rhyme in his arms, and flew her out of her Shibuya River and up, up, up into the sky and further away from Shibuya and Joshua—and how Rhyme prayed to him that she was making the right choice here—and closer to Setagaya.

Once there, the first person she saw was Rinoa. And of course she would be here and wouldn’t have left yet. Rhyme could only hope that she could make a big enough show to get the bigger threat, the angel, to show up here, too, and not just this sniveling girl with the stiff upper lip.

“Where’s Jeffrey?” Rhyme demanded, as she wasted not even a second and sent lightning flying Rinoa’s way with her pin in hand.

And the blonde with the near white hair (gosh, was she blonde. And maybe her hair had even gotten lighter with her Composer powers. And perhaps that had even led to her becoming as entitled as she had? Would Rhyme become the same way if she chose this fate, she feared?) didn’t waste a moment in sneering at Rhyme for her efforts and sending earth magic her way with her own pin.

And though Sanae tried his best to dodge it, the rippling earthquake sliced Rhyme’s left leg open a decent amount as they moved and she cried in pain.

“Nowhere you need to know, girly. You should know this is above you, anyway. You only ever learned how to use just one psych, didn’t you? What are you going to do with just lightning?”

“The key, though, is being clever with it,” Rhyme challenged, sending a blast right at Rinoa’s heart, as Sanae got them to the ground and desperately tried to heal Rhyme’s leg. Rinoa shrieked in pain. And Rhyme felt bad for having guessed right, that even in death the arteries and joints that would have hurt you if injured while alive, would still hurt you badly if touched in the afterlife… But she had to save Joshua, so she didn’t have time to worry about it right now.

“Rhyme, as silly as it is, Angels can’t use healing pins like Players can,” Sanae whispered to her now, reaching into a bag he’d been smart enough to bring with him to look for gauze to try and wrap her leg in. “I guess who or whatever’s even higherup than us feels we’d be too powerful if we could use magic as well as pins. But if I use some of my powers here healing you, I may exhaust myself so I can’t help you and J later.”

Rhyme was about to tell Mr. H that it was fine: that while she was in a great deal of pain right now, she had figured that that would be the case for a lot of this, and had tried to mentally prepare herself to be able to withstand it.

But, of course, the real deal was something else entirely. Rhyme found herself biting her lip quite a few times, so she wouldn’t start crying, and so that Mr. H wouldn’t feel horrible upon seeing it.

But before she could get the words out, Rinoa had already recovered and was running headlong at Rhyme with a sword pin. And Rhyme just barely whipped her own shield one out to try and be able to parry. And she was able to dodge a few strikes. And she was amazed that she was able to do just that, as her knees tried to buckle under her weight, for Rinoa was unfortunately right that Rhyme wasn’t the best Player.

And as such, Rhyme eventually lost hold on the shield psych, and had to attempt the lightning psych once again, to try and use as a defense… which was more than faulty, since thunder in her hand hurt her, as well, but it was better than if an enemy had been throwing it at her, or if she’d just been being hammered on by Rinoa’s attack.

“Stop. Please, stop!” Rhyme cried out. “I know we can reason about this, if we just talk!” Rhyme had of course come here planning to erase Rinoa and Jeffrey if it came down to it—as she doubted they would give her another choice—but Joshua had changed so much for the better in loving her. She knew that he would give up being the Composer, and just return to the RG to be with her, if they gave him the option (though she knew he, as well as her, would hate the idea of leaving Shibuya to these monsters). But they were so out for blood, Rhyme doubted that they would see reason, but she would try, as her face started to bleed now, and the night sky took on a yellow color because of this intense light show.

“Rinoa, we don’t have to do this! Just get over your hate for Joshua and stop! You all partly brought this on yourselves, you know, by destroying his family and perceiving him as a bigger threat than he is. He didn’t mean to get the power of two Composers, so…”

And here Rinoa tipped her head back and laughed uproariously at Rhyme. Sanae, bless his heart, flew to Rhyme now and got her out of some of the line of fire. She knew he couldn’t interfere here much (as Producer, and since then it would be like he was trying to become two Composers plus an Angel), but he could still defend her some. “That’s rich, little girl,” the blonde whispered now, while looking at her nails that she had bitten to the quick. “I’ve been told a lot of lies as an elite. But I think you’ve been told even more for being in love. Clearly someone who once thought of destroying all of Shibuya is on a power high and wants that power… I almost feel bad for you for believing his lies. Step aside, little one, and Jeffrey and I won’t erase you for your infuriating Partner.”

“What’s most of all infuriating is murdering someone’s parents in cold blood, just because he can see the UG as a child, and you think he will be a threat to you. It’s not infuriating. It’s cruel, cold, disgusting, and inhumane. Especially since you two destroyed Joshua’s parents through beheading. Beheading! And then what you did to Rhyme... ” Sanae said the words that Rhyme had so desperately wanted to here, as he bravely stood in front of her to protect her.

His voice was furious, and Rhyme couldn’t blame him for that in the slightest. She was furious about what they had done to Joshua’s parents. And Sanae had known about this longer than Rhyme had, and had had even longer for this to make his blood boil.

But at the same time… his body language wasn’t hostile. He had a hand outstretched towards Rinoa, as if trying to tell her it wasn’t too late for her to end all this hostility and make amends, but Rhyme in her heart of hearts knew she wouldn’t take the olive branch.

And she didn’t.

She started shooting fire at the two of them now.

And then, Jeffrey appeared from the Higher Plane.

Rhyme really only knew about him from what Joshua had been able to tell her of the Angel. While he’d been able to use some magic to show her some memories he had of Rinoa, Josh wasn’t powerful enough to do that for an Angel. But he was as she would have expected: someone carrying a war hammer, and desperately trying to look stronger, for having been born with a “weak-sounding” name, perhaps.

“Yoshiya really sent his girl to face us and do his job?! Get out of the way, girl, or I’ll squash you flat!” “His name is Joshua,” both Rhyme and Sanae countered now, as Rhyme rolled out of the way of Jeffrey’s hammer and then Sanae helped her get out of the way of roses that Rinoa had tried to aim at her, like she was Tuxedo Kamen or something.

“No, it’s not,” Jeffrey argued. At which point, Rhyme just glowered at him. How had Joshua ever been close to this guy? It was clear that whatever love they had once had was long lost. And also… why were they standing having a discussion here, while these two were trying to kill them? Rhyme almost would have rather had the violence without the aimless talking, thank you very much!

“It’s Yoshiya!” Jeffrey continued on, much to Rhyme and Sanae’s annoyance. Rhyme continued to glare. Rinoa looked at them with a gloating look on her face, as if she thought all of this was true, too. And Sanae, seeming annoyed, and sensing a break in the answer, fished into his bag and started eating coffee beans. “Which sounds like ‘Yeshua.’ And even though everything about him was a load of bologna—and ‘Joshua’s’ parents only named him ‘Yoshiya’ so he’d fit in Japan better, when they really wanted it to just be ‘Joshua’—the name on his legal documents being so close to ‘Yeshua’ still seems to indicate he was made for great things. And I can’t stand for that. For that reason, he must die.”

“And so must you, for calling him ‘Yoshiya!’” Rhyme yelled furiously, charging at both menaces now.

And it was with her rage for everything they had done to Joshua—and them not even respecting his identity and wishes for his name now—that she finally snapped and put her full plan into effect. Rhyme pushed the two of them onto the line dissecting Shibuya and Setagaya and stood there herself.

And she then thought of Joshua, and their bond in every way: how they were eventually Partners in the Game, but also Partners in every sense in the word (she remembered the time he had tried to seduce her by touching her back. And she had had her clothes on, and really it shouldn’t have had a large effect on her at all. But since it was them, and they were so bonded, it had. It had).

Eventually, she and Joshua would marry… and, legally, what was his would be hers (in the eyes of the RG, at least. But Rhyme was banking on that being enough here). And so, she chose to be Composer of both Shibuya and Setagaya like he had the right to do, and encased herself in lightning.

Rhyme absolutely shook with power, but did not feel like she was losing herself, and she erased these two like it was the simplest thing in the world. With a snap of her fingers.

And Sanae breathed the sigh of relief that Rhyme herself couldn’t right now, because she still felt horrible for her actions, and somewhat at a loss with this power.

But finally… it was done, and these two’s hate for Joshua would never touch him again.

And the followers of these two should have been giving up now, if they sensed an all-powerful Composer was coming their way and Joshua would finally—finally—be safe.

They would all finally be safe.

Crying, as she began flying back to Shibuya now—her city, for the time being—with Sanae by her side—Rhyme told her companion, “Let’s get back to that kid, who needs us more than anything.”

And Sanae laughed, flying closer to her, so he could wrap an arm around her shoulder. “You got it, R.”

He’d officially adopted her into the family.

And Rhyme grinned. “The more the merrier with the letter nicknames, huh?”

And honestly? She couldn’t have been happier?

…

Once Rhyme made it back to the Room of Reckoning, she instantly wanted to run to Joshua and wrap him up in her arms. He definitely looked the worse for wear. Even more than she did right now: Probably because she was the Composer of Shibuya at the moment, and Setagaya, and thus that massive energy was healing her.

But she knew that she couldn’t.

To do so now, would make Joshua look weak, while he was still surrounded by Reapers, surprisingly, and any one of them could make a move to erase him now, if they weren’t careful.

Rhyme did settle on yelling to him, “Joshua, I love you… and I’m sorry for everything. If you’ll still have me, I’ll be with you and marry you!” however.

And never had she been so tactless and reckless, perhaps. But she thought if it would do the duty of giving hope to one that had been so without hope before—the one she loved most of all—she would happily look silly.

And Joshua caught Rhyme’s glance from across the room then, and he smirked at her: he was gazing at her as though she was the big man on campus for being the Composer of two areas right now, and she supposed she technically she was. And for now, that was enough and would have to do.

There also might have been lust in his eyes, but she was not focusing on that now. No, she wasn’t!

“So, as you can see,” Joshua said, flipping a strand of his fabulous hair, as he stood atop his throne—even as a mere Player now—and looked down at the Reapers below him, as if they were mere insects. “My Partner and I have a million schemes up our sleeves. Go now, if you don’t want to be erased like your superiors were. There might even be a promotion in it for you social climbers, if you act accordingly. Hehe.”

And since most Reapers were angling for the spot of Composer, and would want it now that that spot would soon be open in Setagaya (once Rhyme let that power go, and gave Joshua his proper title of Shibuya Composer back), they didn’t have to be told twice.

Rhyme could barely make out that one of the Reapers was redheaded with blue sunglasses… that another was a bigger man with long black hair, and that the strongest one seemed to be a dark-skinned little boy, who actually seemed about to help Joshua, rather than hurt him, she could see now, as he’d been leaning towards him with healing energy in his hand…, before they were all flying away, leaving Rhyme, Joshua, and Sanae alone.

“Joshua, I can give you powers back right now, if you want,” Rhyme whispered, the moment that everyone was gone. And she found herself by his side before she could even blink, hating how he was slouched over and injured like this. “Because if you steal something, you spend your whole life trying to keep it, and-”

Really, Rhyme had no idea why she’d said just that. And perhaps that was why she had quickly cut herself off. She didn’t mean to keep Joshua’s powers, of course. And he knew it well, too. It was just one of her silly adages that had come out of her mouth. And now, more than ever, did Rhyme hate how she seemed to say them at the drop of a hat.

She was about to try and back pedal and defend her position here—while Sanae guffawed at her lack of grace in the background… which was kind of like how her and Joshua’s whole relationship had started, huh?—but Josh actually seemed amused by her words, and moved in to kiss her as he laughed.

And it felt so good to kiss Joshua again! Rhyme found herself thinking, as she found her lips moving with his and their bodies becoming nestled together. Even without his Composer powers right now, loving him was like loving starlight, and Rhyme now honestly had no idea how she’d ever planned on giving any of this up.

“Hold onto them for now, dear,” Joshua told her, looking into her eyes for a long time and looking for nothing, something, or everything. Rhyme wasn’t sure which. “I’ll get them back soon enough, I know. But if you’re really going to become an Angel for me… it might be nice for me to fully understand what you’re giving up. And for you to try your future kind of power out, too. Anyway. What you did was so clever, Rhyme. I’d say I was proud of you. But I would have never expected less of you, Raimu. Of course you would just come up with the most genius plan to save the day. That’s just who you are.

“…But if you don’t mind, Rhyme. I think I’m going to take a nap right now. My body needs to heal. And it’s been a long time since I’ve really needed to sleep, so it might be nice to try it out just once”

There was a part of Rhyme that couldn’t believe that Josh didn’t want to sleep with her, or at least cuddle, now that they were finally back together again, and after everything they’d just been through together. But finding that she was at least mentally tired herself, Rhyme thought that that was the best idea in the world here, and curled up with him on his throne, and closed her eyes.

Joshua’s laziness wasn’t the worst thing in the world, really. Sometimes, it could even be inspiring.

…And soon, the two of them felt another body joining them, as well. It was Sanae, Rhyme knew. And Joshua woke up for a moment at that, to glare at him. But Sanae just puckered his lips at Josh, and then just leaned in ever closer to Josh and Rhyme, so Josh gave up and went back to sleep.

If Rhyme had to guess, Sanae wasn’t really exhausted—and truly couldn’t get exhausted—but perhaps just wanted to cuddle the two of them after everything that had just happened, where he might have thought he might lose two of his favorite kids. Or maybe he was messing with them some. Or just wanted to spend time with them here, if he was going to have to go back to the Higher Plane for a little bit, to sort Jeffrey’s mess out.

And Rhyme was more than fine with that. She completely loved and trusted Sanae and saw him as a part of her precious family, that she was so glad to have now.

So, in the arms of two men she loved more than anything… even as a sort of god that really didn’t need sleep, Rhyme slept well, and felt like she was home.

And really, she was. She knew that she was.

Some Months Later

Joshua’s PoV

“Rhyme… are you sure you want this?” Joshua asked now, looking at this girl who truly looked like the sun and might as well have been the sun to him.

And usually, he hated the hyperbole. But how else was he supposed to feel after she had recently saved him as expertly as she just had? He just… loved her so much. And Josh was no longer afraid to think the word anymore. It just seemed like a simple truth to him, like how he would also gladly annoy Neku until the day the former-Player died.

And it was for the reason that Joshua adored her so much, that he was willing to let her go, if he thought there was even the slightest chance that her being without him would make her happier than being by his side would.

Josh seriously doubted that she would take him up on the offer to refuse him. In fact, as she stood above him now, about to ascend, she looked at him incredulously for voicing these thoughts and he chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.

Rhyme had been standing on a raised platform, preparing to ascend. And though she didn’t have to actually be “up in the air” in order to do just that, she was putting on a show like she did have to. Clearly, she had been hanging out with Shiki and Eri too much for being so dramatic now… but Josh wouldn’t have had it any other way. He was glad she was becoming louder in voicing her desires.

As Rhyme gently stepped down the stairs to reach Joshua’s level now—in a room that might have been a wedding dress fitting area in another life—and he held her hand to help her down the steps, Joshua expected her to tell him one of her favorite sayings, perhaps. That a problem shared was a problem halved, so of course Rhyme would be helping him out this way.

But instead, Rhyme laid a gentle hand on his cheek, beamed at him with crooked teeth, and explained her vision to him with the most sky-colored eyes that Joshua had ever seen. And it was hard not to get lost in both and choke up a little.

And Joshua did choke up some. Because it was too much. All too much. After he’d been tortured as he had—and been left by Rhyme for what he’d thought to be forever; though he understood well why she’d done it. Oh, did he ever—to see and feel such grace. This kind of love was more than what his parents had ever given him, definitely.

“Joshua,” Rhyme whispered, her palm curling against his cheek and finding a strand of his hair there, too. And oh, when she unintentionally brushed her fingers through his lock of hair that way, it was good. So good. “I love you. I love you so much. I have for a long time now… And you know this—being able to read my mind and all, you creep,” and Rhyme giggled at the last thing she said, so Joshua would know that she didn’t truly mean the end part of that sentence.

And Joshua was certainly glad that she did. Because while he suspected it—and could have even gleaned it himself by listening to her thoughts, like she’d said—it was still better to hear it from her, in what, perhaps, truly was some kind of wedding here. “So… of course a part of me was always going to make this decision. But becoming Producer of Shibuya, as Sanae gets promoted so he can look into some of the Angels’ corruption, allows me to protect the city I love. It’s the best of both worlds. I can still be in Shibuya plenty.

“And, eventually, I’d die again and have to make this sort of decision, anyway. I’m just speeding up the process. And since I defeated Rinoa and Jeffrey… it’s like my body’s already begun to ascend, you know… So, I will happily do this, if it means you don’t have to be alone anymore. Trust me.” And Rhyme perhaps smiled wider at him than she ever had before. It was in her eyes, too, as she took his hand.

…“Trust me,” there was the lesson Joshua had wanted his Players to learn in his Game. It was what he had desperately hoped that Neku would, perhaps, to give him reason to save this wonderful place that Shibuya was. And, yes. Joshua did see Shibuya as wonderful now.

How could he not? In this room they were in, there was a large picture window just behind Rhyme. And Josh could see the green of Miyashita Park spilling in. He could see a man walking his dog… and a girl helping a little old man across the street… as well as all the beautiful multi-colored flowers that were starting to grow in the Spring here, that none other than Neku and Shiki had stopped to smell in this moment (though he suspected they might have also been giving Rhyme another subtle goodbye).

Shibuya—no, the world—really was a beautiful place. And Joshua could finally see it now, because of people like Rhyme, Sanae, Neku, Shiki, and Beat. And he wasn’t afraid to live life anymore. Rather, he wanted to make up for all the time he’d lost and he knew that this was a good place to start.

“…I do trust you, Rhyme. I love you. And I thank you for trusting me, even though there were times I didn’t deserve it.” There had been times when Joshua had been pretty abusive to Rhyme during their relationship—or at least unhealthy with her—and he hated himself for it.

But Rhyme understood it as being because of the trauma he’d gone through. And how he’d never really been taught how to love, as his parents had thought he was a freak for being able to see the UG. But he’d finally figured it all out. And he could make up for the past, by loving Rhyme better than she’d ever been loved every single day. It was the least he could do for someone who had treated him so selflessly and opened his eyes and soul.

“Joshua, you do deserve it. I promise you. It’s not your fault you’ve been hurt. And there’s so much good in you—good that I’ve ever seen—that’s growing every day, and I love to help that flourish. It’s my own personal garden, and I’m happy to be a gardener… But we’re talking about things we’ve already hashed out plenty of times. Hehe. Are you ready to go?”

“Has there ever been a time I haven’t been ready, Raimu?” Joshua quipped.

Rhyme swatted his arm for that, but it was all in good fun. They both laughed.

Joshua extended his wings then, so he could begin fly towards the Higher Plane, just above them.

And Rhyme watched him… and remembered when she’d been Composer just a little bit before, and drew upon that knowledge and power (even the intense love she’d felt then) so she could do the same thing. And she, too, grew wings, and joined Joshua as they flew about in the sky.

She would always join him, and stay with him forever.

Joshua’s PoV Towards the Start of This Story

Though Joshua would never admit it to anyone but himself after having met her… there was something about that Raimu girl, that he couldn’t put his finger on.

But she was interesting. And fun, perhaps. And she challenged him.

And his clairvoyance kicked in now—preparing to tell him some things, if he wished it—but Joshua pushed it back.

He would rather have the mystery.

Whatever was going to happen with Rhyme, he thought he was probably in for a wild ride with her… and as someone who had always liked fun that others might deem as weird, Joshua knew that he wouldn’t change it for the world, as he watched her gleefully join her brother and Neku now, with their Tin Pins in hand.

Author’s Note: (1) NOT Final Fantasy VIII’s Rinoa. I just chose to name her that for reasons I don’t entirely know now, but it’s not FFVII’s Rinoa. Sorry for any confusion that might cause.

And it should be mentioned that I don’t hate the Shiver series. LOL

I hope you all enjoyed:)

And if anyone remembers “Trust Me” from ages ago, are you glad it has an ending now? Let me know!

And happy reading!

And happy TWEWY days, now that we finally have a sequel! Hopefully we might get a third game, too!

Dedicated to Liz, Dina, and Nicole, if you're still around (heck, Saro, too. Because even though you never read "Trust Me", none of this would have been possible without you, dear), and everyone else who loved this story. I'm sorry I couldn't end this in the best way possible (with all the chapters together here), but I'm glad I finally ended it. Thanks for everything, guys! You're seriously the best!

[pretty-rad-arson-dad]

Hey guys so, about the whole situation that had happened with me being fasley accused of being a pedo, I said I'd make a post telling our side of the story (cause this involves so much more than me and them) and involves about 10 other people.

Also, ahead of time, sorry if this is messy, I just really don't know how to make these kinds of posts to clear things up? Explaining things like this is not something I'm good at. I was also going to post this sooner, but stuff in my persona life happened, and I've also received threats from this person's friends if I tried to come forward with my side of the story (or more like made anymore posts about it, as there's already a whole call-out post about them on Instagram, which I'll be showing later). After some debate, I actually realized it would probably be best if I actually did, just to get a warning out, even though I know there's a chance this won't be recieved well cause this is fucking Tumblr... And again, I'm just trying to tell our side of the story and warn others so the same doesn't happen to them. Also because I do believe this guy might have a Tumblr account and might try to seek out more people to abuse. I sure as hell know one of his friends who helped stalk us have a Tumblr though.

So, the person making the accusations was someone who joined my discord server, and at the time of joining, he was saying that he was of age. Several members on the server can vouch for me when I say this. Of course, in regards to him telling us he was of age, this is apparently something he failed to mention when he decided to make that callout conveniently enough. I'm still unsure of what his actual age is, wether he actually lied to us about being an adult when he joined the server or if he was lying when he claimed to be a minor in his callout. 

Anyways, sometime after he joined the server, he started to become a problem. Me, being an idiot and feeling bad for him, allowed his behavior to slide, though I didn't know the full extent of what he was doing til a bit later.

He would constantly talk about how he was being abused and we'd try and help him with advice, which he never really listened to, and if anyone on the server mentioned that they had done something fun or had a great time doing something that day, he'd go off and make us feel guilty for having fun, cause his at home life was shit and apparently if he wasn't happy, we couldn't be either. He actually tried to pull some shit while I was celebrating my birthday with my family. This kinda becomes a bit important later? Or at least the day becomes important later.

He's also known as kind of a pathological liar on the server, claiming that they one of the official FNAF artists (one who doesn't exist, btw), and start rumors about YouTubers and other people we liked, and whenever I'd ask for proof, they'd get all defensive. This itself isn't a big deal, except he also has the tendancy to start rumors that people are pedos if he gets into a heated argument with said person. It's actually happened when one of my friends said he didn't feel comfortable with people shipping things between adults and children. This caused a giant argument to erupt and I had to temporarily boot said friend from the server. At this time, my accuser then decided to make accusations that the friend of mine was a pedo because he... Didn't like people shipping adults and children.... Of course, we told him to cut the bullshit and stop causing rumors.

Now, keep in mind, they got upset over someone being grossed out by shipping adults and children.

This becomes a bit important later.

We ended up having a few other problems with them as time went on, them critizing other members AUs (well, more along the lines of bullying them for their AUs and projects), more guilt tripping and at one point, even bragging about pushing someone to suicide (at least that's what 2 of the other server members are telling me, I can't confirm this, as it seems it happened during a period I had no internet, and there's a good chance they might have deleted it, but do feel free to take this with a grain of salt). 

Eventually, he actually ended up leaving the server for good because of Tupperbot. Adding the stupid bot was the second best decision I've ever made in regards to him, honesty.

However, for a lot of us, the main tipping point was the roleplays and private DMs.

He loved to roleplay some pretty fucked up shit with a lot of people on the server. We've actually had one member as young as 11 come forward and say he had tried to do shit with them too. Keep in mind, he told us he was an adult when he joined. He would love to roleplay all sorts of weird, incestous and pedophilic shit with us, and would force it on us out of the fucking blue. Another thing worth mentioning, me and a few others are victims of childhood sexual abuse and rape. He CONSTANTLY put this shit in most of the roleplays he did with no regard to how triggering it was for some of us. We never even got a warning or an ask if it was okay to have something like that put in a roleplay. Some members spoke to him about their discomfort involving the shit he was putting in the roleplays, but it was disregarded and he'd continue to do it. Some of us were even so scared to say anything about it, as we were afraid he'd lash out at us and threaten us, so we just put up with it. 

Aside from the roleplays were the really weird direct messages he'd sometimes send. There were times someone would be venting (this would happen in the server as well) and he'd respond with that they had no reason to be upset and that he's been through much worse. There would also be times when someone would be feeling depressed, and he'd make these private little group chats to try and "intervene" by inviting a few of us in there with the said person. This would be fine on its own, but he always made it a point to invite one person that we've REPEATEDLY had to tell him not to invite. I'll call this person Wah, cause I don't want to cause them any more stress by exposing their account name. Wah was someone we've told him not to invite because she was, at the time, experiencing a lot of suicidal idealations and we were worried putting her in a situation like this where one of her friends was feeling like killing themselves and her having to help to talk them down would be the sort of thing to set her off into hurting herself. We obviously didn't want that, so we made it a rule not to ever get Wah involved. Accuser knew this and went and always invited Wah anyways. And would shrug it off whenever we'd go off and remind him of Wah's own mental health issues. There has also been at least one instance with them and another user, who was feeling suicidal. They mentioned they had been wanting to kill themselves and accuser went off about how if they killed themself, accuser would kill themself too. This obviously scared the shit out of this person and made them feel more awful.

And there of course, is the shit they did to me. They'd sometimes randomly flip out on me in my DMs out of literally fucking no where, and purposely trigger my PTSD.

There's more, but I can't remember all of it because just so much went on.

Anyways, sometime after they left the server, people began coming forward with their experiences with accuser, telling all that he'd been doing in DMs, and mentioning his prior behavior on the server. We started venting about the way he had been treating us in the vents chat because well, we figured if we couldn't try to talk to him about his behavior, at least we could vent amongst ourselves. Apparently he had actually made a few friends on the server and they let him know we were talking about him.

Fast forward to my birthday celebration and I'm getting DMs from him. They start our fine enough but eventually he suggests we start a thing where we mention one positive thing that's happened to us each day. Cool, a fine idea on it's own, but as I've mentioned above, he's had the tendancy to make us feel like shit for having anything cool and fun in our lives, so of course me, and a few other people who apparently had received the same message, were hesitant.

I left him on read to think about it and also because, again, I was celebrating my birthday and I was about to blow out the candles on my cake and open gifts.

I don't remember all of what went down, and I don't seem to have access to the Instagram DMs anymore since I have him blocked on there too, but eventually, I received a message of him flipping out because he knew about our vents. I believe I might have ended up calling him out and telling him exactly why we were doing it, but I can't remember. This happened back in May so the memory is a bit fuzzy and I don't have the DMs anymore.

All I know is that most of the members of the server decided to cut him off.

After that, he tried to tell Wah I wasn't who I seemed to be and attempted to ruin our friendship, made several accounts to stalk the Instagram accounts of serveral other of the server members and I, and then we ended up having to kick a few of their friends from the server cause they were starting to cause trouble.

Then there was silence for a bit.

And then there was the incident. They had gotten a (at the time former) friend of ours involved by lying and manipulating them into believing I was doing all sorts of nasty shit. The friend, who I'm going to call Pasta, ended up bringing that stuff over to Tumblr, unaware that they had been lied to. I'm not sure if it was Pasta who reached out to us, or if it was one of us who reached out to Pasta, but we ended up telling them what was going on, and somehow, accuser found out, and accused them of being a traitor and freaked out on them. They admitted that accuser was responsible and we ended up making up.

I've also since then had some of accusers former friends come to me and tell me about the call-out, further confirming that it was them who started all this as a way to try and get back at me.

And, since of course some obligatory proof is required, I shall provide these call-out posts with some screenshots. And you can even see in the comments we're far from the only ones who have dealt with them.

These aren't the only things from them, obviously, but considering the fact that we've all now got them blocked and some of us have even deleted the DMs (because tbh, most of us thought that cutting them off would be the last of it), this is what we currently have.

Anyways, thanks for reading this long ass mess. Hope y'all stay safe.

[qualquercoisa945]

I Craft My Words To Fit Your Head, Cause No One Listens To The Dead

AO3 Link

Title Inspiration- Monster by Dodie

S U P suckers, we're back!! sorry this took so long, i planned to post it on april 10th since that would be the one year anniversary of the original one, but obviously that didn't happen. regardless, here it is, i hope you like it!!!

Trigger Warnings- discussion of abuse, discussion of sexual abuse

To be fair, Kath had a point.

It was because of that that Anne hadn’t said a word during her cousin’s rant last night- unlike Jane, who seemed to believe, at least to a certain extent, that Henry truly loved her (something that pissed her off royally), she had enough common sense to realize that, in between the beheading and emotional abuse and everything else that had happened, he didn’t love her. And she had assumed it hadn’t been all that much better for her fellow queens.

So truthfully, Anne didn’t disagree with her cousin’s point of view. What she did disagree with, at least to a certain extent, was the way she has spoken to everyone else. But truthfully, she couldn’t be mad at her for it. Well, really she was mad, but she was also rational enough to know exactly why false promises of love and denial of abuse had her as fired up as she had gotten.

That didn’t mean, however, that the tense atmosphere of the house didn’t have her feeling absolutely awful. As well as her cousin’s absence well after the time she would usually be down, even on days off.

Regardless, she forced herself to finish her breakfast before moving to the living room. She grimaced slightly when she saw she wouldn’t be alone, forcing herself to swallow it down when she saw who it was- Aragon.

On careful footsteps, she walked over to the couch, where the first queen was sitting, staring blankly at her book- if Anne was being honest with herself, she didn’t think she was taking in any of the words on the page. She sat down beside her at a comfortable distance, wincing with a sheepish smile when her band mate startled at the sudden company.

“Sorry.” She spoke softly, maintaining that same awkward smile. “Didn’t mean to scare you. You alright?”

“Of course.” Anne had to hold back an eye roll at the way Catherine straightened up as she hurriedly replied, watching as she went back to looking at her book.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Anne insisted, and had to bite back a slight smirk at Catherine finally looking her in the eyes. “I mean, about yesterday. We were all shaken up about it, and I could tell you were too. I’m not blind, and like it or not, I’ve known you since last time as well- I know how you act.”

Catherine glared at her, then shifted her gaze back towards her book, much to Anne’s annoyance. “I’m fine. And if I weren’t, you certainly wouldn’t be the one I would go to for help.”

She huffed softly at that, then shrugged as she stood up. “Well, if you need me, I’ll be in my room.” She promised, voice oddly gentle when it came to who she was talking to. Then she made her way upstairs.

Or, well, tried to. Because she was halted halfway up when her eyes met familiar brown ones. Anne met her cousin’s gaze calmly, noting with a soft concern how dazed her eyes looked, then looked away as the two went their separate ways.

Still, she couldn’t resist looking back as she reached the top of the stairs, watching silently as Kath turned the corner.

---------------------------------

It was far later, sometime after the other queens had gone to bed, in yet another night where Anne’s insomnia had decided to act up and she found herself nursing a cup of tea at the kitchen table, when Anne heard movement- a door opening, followed by near silent footsteps heading down the stairs. She stayed dead silent as she listened, waiting to see what whoever it was would do, then froze as Kath appeared in the doorway.

The two met each other’s gaze silently, before Anne decided to break it. “Hey.” She greeted simply, though not unkindly, as she motioned for Kath to join her, something Kath seemed to do near instantly.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Anne nodded in response, and she couldn’t help a smile as Kath laid her head on her folded arms. “Me either.”

Silence once again settled on the room, and Anne watched as her cousin’s knee began bouncing- an old habit she’d never actually broken. She couldn’t help but let it linger for a bit longer, then finally spoke, ignoring the shakiness to her voice.

“You weren’t…” She hesitated, but Kitty’s curious gaze let her know she would probably have to finish her sentence. “You weren’t the only one he, forced himself onto.” She watched as her cousin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, then as her face fell as it hit her.

“Yeah.” She said simply, a rueful smile gracing her features. “I mean, I always knew that, and the beheading, were abuse, I guess. I’m not stupid, even if I act like it. But uh, the rest… I dunno, I guess it just never hit me that it… wasn’t my fault, you know?” She sighed softly, then turned to fully look at Kitty, who was watching her intently. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is that like, you putting it like that… Well, the shouting and shit was uncalled for, really, but I get why you were mad, and it did help me understand that. So, thank you.”

Anne bit the inside of her lip as Kitty stared at her for a few moments, then almost stumbled off her chair as her cousin all but flung herself into her arms.

Of course, she caught her.

She pulled Kitty tight against her, letting the girl bury her face in her shoulder and stay in her arms for as long as she needed to. She let go only when she started to pull back, sitting down and fixing the few stray hairs that had flew onto her face. “I’m sorry you ever had to go through all of that.” Kitty finally murmured, and Anne had to swallow dryly to keep a knot from forming in her throat.

Silence fell again, but softer this time- warmer. Or at least it did until Kath spoke up once again.

“Annie?” Anne turned to face her cousin, tipping her head ever so slightly to the side as she gave her a questioning look. “Why… do you act like what happened to you wasn’t a big deal?” She froze at the quiet question, forcing her body to relax immediately after.

“I’ve got a reputation, kid. Gotta say what keeps it.” She replied with a shrug, avoiding the frown her cousin was giving her.

“That’s not all of it and we both know that.” Anne bit back a frown as Kitty’s soft tone turned steady, almost sharp. “Anne, you realize we all have facades, right? I’m not blind, and I’m certainly not stupid. Catherine’s not as high and mighty as she acts, Cat- Parr-” She said her name with a forced formality, a hint of hurt in her tone- “cares a hell of a lot more than she acts like she does. And I know you do too. You’re smart too- I know I’m just telling you stuff you already know. But why do you keep acting like you’re just a goofball? An- And why do you act like what happened to you wasn’t a big deal?” Anne tensed up just slightly as Kitty began moving her hands about, forcing her body to relax near immediately after as her cousin turned to face her with an inquisitive gaze, as if examining her (and if Anne were being honest, she wouldn’t be surprised if that were exactly the case).

She held Kitty’s gaze silently for a few moments, before shrugging as she looked away. “Someone’s gotta be the fun one. ‘S not like being anything else got me far last time.” She kept staring straight at the table, even as she heard a soft “Annie…” from her side, or a hand squeeze hers, a gesture she weakly returned.

“‘M sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. I know I don’t make much sense.”

“You still deserve your privacy.”

“You and I both know I’m too stubborn to ever do something I don’t actually want to do.”

She heard a soft, fond chuckle from beside her, eliciting a soft smile from herself as she stood up, turning to face a confused-looking Kath. Then she opened her arms, her smile turning ever so slightly awkward before Kitty all but flung herself into her arms. She pulled her cousin even tighter against herself, pressing a feather-light kiss to her temple in harsh contrast to her tight hold. “I love you.” She whispered into Kitty’s hair, barely even a breath with how quiet it was.

She felt Kitty perk up at the quiet words, and for a moment she was worried she’d overstepped, but then Kitty buried her nose in the crook her neck, and Anne couldn’t resist mimicking her actions, letting out a tiny chuckle at the soft “love you too” that her cousin mumbled into her skin, just below the choker that covered up her scar.

The pair stayed like that for a while- whether a few seconds or a few minutes, Anne wasn’t sure. The warm silence that had settled in around them was cut, however, by a slightly muffled yawn from Kitty. Anne pulled away just enough to look at her cousin, unable to hold back an amused smile. “Maybe you should head on upstairs, Kitty.” Kitty nodded with another yawn, and Anne let out a soft chuckle, more of an amused exhale, before kissing her hairline. “Go get some rest. Oh, and, tonight stays between us, okay?”

Kitty gave her an amused smirk, and Anne’s own smile faded just a bit at just how much like herself she looked in that moment, before linking pinkies with her cousin. “Pinky promise with a cherry on top.”

Anne watched as her cousin left, before chuckling softly as she grabbed her basically empty mug to go clean it before she headed to bed, letting out a yawn of her own.

[toast-connoisseur]

ALL of the Ask Me Stuff questions

* 1: Full name: For safety purposes I’ll shorten it: Maria Barbara Gonzalez (yes, that’s the shortened version. I’m Mexican lol)

* 2: Age: 25

* 3: 3 Fears: Being buried alive, anything bad happening to a loved one, SPIDERS

* 4: 3 things I love: My family, my friends, movies

* 5: 4 turn ons: soft touches, kissing, making me food, a confident personality

* 6: 4 turn offs: Overly cocky people, racists, chewing with your mouth open

* 7: My best friend: I’m lucky to have several and I love them all with the individual pieces of my heart they each own

* 8: Sexual orientation: Queer/Gay

* 9: My best first date: I don’t think I’ve ever really gone on one tbh lol

* 10: How tall am I: 5’1 (barely make it to the 1)

* 11: What do I miss: Bars/clubs and Disneyland. Hugging people. Not losing so many people on a daily basis...

* 12: What time was I born: 3:38AM

* 13: Favourite color: Blood red (NOT maroon)

* 14: Do I have a crush: I always crush on random girls

* 15: Favourite quote: “Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.”

* 16: Favourite place: It was once Disneyland now, I don’t really have a place lol

* 17: Favourite food: All of it. Of course Mexican food takes the top of the list though

* 18: Do I use sarcasm: Noooo, you think?!

* 19: What am I listening to right now: I’m watching Buffy

* 20: First thing I notice in new person: What vibes you’re giving off

* 21: Shoe size: 7 for the most part but sometimes I can fit into size 4 kid shoes

* 22: Eye color: Dark brown

* 23: Hair color: naturally: dark brown, right now: black

* 24: Favourite style of clothing: comfortable but more on the lines of retro/rockabilly

* 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes!

* 27: Meaning behind my URL: I love toast

* 28: Favourite movie: I have so many but one is Saved!

* 29: Favourite song: Lots, but Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship

* 30: Favourite band: Avenged Sevenfold

* 31: How I feel right now: Mellow

* 32: Someone I love: my nephew

* 33: My current relationship status: single

* 34: My relationship with my parents: could be better, but it’s there

* 35: Favourite holiday: Halloween

* 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I have two piercings on each ear, my bellybutton pierced, and 6 tattoos (R foot, R ankle, L thigh, L wrist, L bicep, R bicep)

* 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I want most of my body covered in tattoos so I have a long way to go. As for piercings, I want at least two more per ear.

* 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: my friends said it would be a good time

* 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I wouldn’t say hate, but we’re not friends anymore

* 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yes!

* 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No

* 42: When did I last hold hands? It’s been too long :(

* 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? I work from home now so 0 minutes

* 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

* 45: Where am I right now? In my bed

* 46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My best friends

* 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable usually. I have very sensitive hearing.

* 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? They actually live with me, but it’s temporary.

* 49: Am I excited for anything? My upcoming move

* 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yes, two actually

* 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? -I work Monday-Friday

* 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? -OOF

* 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Hot

* 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? -Everyone has different trust levels tbh. My best friends hold top tier.

* 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had to work

* 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Beyoncé!

* 57: What do I think about most? The future I want

* 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t think I have one? I guess being able to mimic certain voices/accents sometimes but I wouldn’t say I’m pro

* 59: Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t think they’re strange, I just hate feet

* 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

* 61: What was the last lie I told? “I’ll work on that”

* 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who I’m talking to, but phone tbh

* 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both are very real

* 64: Do I believe in magic? Yes

* 65: Do I believe in luck? To an extent

* 66: What’s the weather like right now? Nice and cold

* 67: What was the last book I’ve read? I strictly read fanfiction lately

* 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Don’t love it, don’t hate it

* 69: Do I have any nicknames? Barbie, Barbs, whore, homo... you know, cute stuff

* 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I split my eyebrow open and had to get stitches

* 71: Do I spend money or save it? Por que no los dos?!

* 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No, but my best friend can and it’s so cool!

* 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My sweats are pink

* 74: Favourite animal? I love animals but wolves are pretty top tier

* 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping

* 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Sexy. Mr. Sexy.

* 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? -I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers

* 78: How can you win my heart? Be nice to me and have good conversations to me and occasionally buy me chocolate

* 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? The entire lyrics to Act Up by City Girls

* 80: What is my favorite word? Motherfucker

* 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I honestly bounce to and from so many. There’s no way I can only pick 5. All the ones I reblog from are so great!

* 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? STOP GOING TO PARTIES

* 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I’m aware of

* 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? I can turn invisible

* 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? None really tbh

* 86: What is my current desktop picture? I made it into a winter wonderland for the holidays

* 87: Had sex? “It’s been 84 years...”

* 88: Bought condoms? I’m gay

* 89: Gotten pregnant? See above

* 90: Failed a class? I think in middle school maybe?

* 91: Kissed a boy? Yes

* 92: Kissed a girl? Yes

* 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Sadly, no

* 94: Had a job? Sadly (but also thankfully since I need money)

* 95: Left the house without my wallet? No

* 96: Bullied someone on the internet? No

* 97: Had sex in public? Yes

* 98: Played on a sports team? Yes

* 99: Smoked weed? Yes

* 100: Did drugs? Yes

* 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes

* 102: Drank alcohol? Yes

* 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

* 104: Been overweight? No

* 105: Been underweight? Yes

* 106: Been to a wedding? Yes

* 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 109: Been outside my home country? Yes

* 110: Gotten my heart broken? Sorta but I bounced back pretty quick so idk if that counts

* 111: Been to a professional sports game? Long ago

* 112: Broken a bone? No

* 113: Cut myself? I’m very accident prone

* 114: Been to prom? Yes

* 115: Been in airplane? Yes

* 116: Fly by helicopter? No

* 117: What concerts have I been to? So so so many. I miss them.

* 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? I’m gaaaaaaaay

* 119: Learned another language? I’ve been bilingual since I was a child

* 120: Wore make up? Yes

* 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? No

* 122: Had oral sex? Yes

* 123: Dyed my hair? Yes

* 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

* 125: Rode in an ambulance? I worked for an ambulance company so just for fun

* 126: Had a surgery? Besides oral?

* 127: Met someone famous? I live in LA, so yes lol

* 128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

* 129: Peed outside? Yes

* 130: Been fishing? No, I’d like to!

* 131: Helped with charity? Yes

* 132: Been rejected by a crush? Fifth grade was a tough year for my love life...

* 133: Broken a mirror? No

* 134: What do I want for birthday? To be able to see all my friends in a safe environment

* 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I’d like as many as I can comfortably afford. I’d have to discuss with the (future) wife about names

* 136: Was I named after anyone? The Virgin Mary (la Virgen Maria) and some Spanish actress named Barbara something...

* 137: Do I like my handwriting? No

* 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? I loved dolls

* 139: Favourite Tv Show? Bewitched

* 140: Where do I want to live when older? California forever unless properly convinced otherwise

* 141: Play any musical instrument? Used to play trumpet and alto sax. Can’t play anymore lol

* 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? See Q70

* 143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni. I love all sorts of toppings but that’s my fav

* 144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

* 145: Am I afraid of heights? Yes

* 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes

* 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Daily

* 148: What I’m really bad at: Focusing. In my defense, I have ADHD

* 149: What my greatest achievments are: graduating college, getting promoted at work, buying my own car, purchasing a home

* 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I once got told “good luck on the short bus” by a guy that was upset I make more money than he does

* 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: take care of all my bills, invest, and then try to help as many of my loved ones as I could with theirs

* 152: What do I like about myself: my resilience

* 153: My closest Tumblr friend: @itssofragile

* 154: Something I fantasise about: My future

* 155: Any question you’d like? Nah, I think we’re good!

[mcgrathandwives]

Someone To Lean On.

Request: 🏳️‍🌈HAPPY MONTH!🏳️‍🌈 I was wondering if it's possible for you to write a coming out piece? With the Avengers? Perhaps your family found out and it wasn't exactly the best so you had Nat or Wanda take you back to the compound and you tell everyone what happend? The Avengers being like your second family and they shower you in support? Include Carol, Nebula and Gamora too please?

A/n: reader's in their 20s. They don't live with their parents but visit every weekend or every month when they have time off. Low-key based on my coming out, but obviously it's changed up a little for the benefit of the fact my coming out was angsty af.

I DONT OWN MARVEL OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS.

Word count: 3,399

Pairing: The Avengers x Reader.

--

The sun setting crept its way through the window, Natasha leaned against your doorframe as you finished packing your bag. "You ready kid?" She offered to drop you off before making her way out to meet Maria for drinks. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you squeezed by the assassin. "Y'know I'm far from a kid, Romanoff!"

Quickly you bid the others goodbye, Carol pulled you into a quick hug, whispering "Good luck." She knew how tough your family can be after a mission. Luckily you weren't too banged up this week, but that didn't mean there wasn't fresh wounds.

The drive to your childhood home was mostly quiet, Natasha did sing along to a few songs on the radio just to cheer you up a little. She's always without a doubt brought a smile to your face, at first it started as a crush- only on your part of course, she is the Black Widow after all.

But still, she took you under her wing, she became your mentor and then watched you get flustered around Wanda. Nat's been your number one since you joined the team, she really treats you like family.

Pulling up outside the house, she offers you a small smile, reaching over to hug you. "If you need anything I'm just a call away, kid."

"Thanks Nat. Don't flirt with Hill too much now." You left the car giggling at her face. It's really not a secret to you that Natasha has a thing for Maria so to make up for her teasing you about Wanda you gotta give her a little taste of her own medicine.

You did learn from the best, after all.

---

Laughter echoed around the house the second you opened the door, the smile on your face never leaving. You made your way to greet everyone and let your mom scan over your injuries, it killed you know how upset they made her but she was proud of you for doing your job, even if she didn't agree with it. You retired to your bedroom an hour or so after getting home.

The next day you woke up to a few texts from Wanda, she was wondering if you'd be interested in attending the pride parade with her and the other Avengers. Naturally you said yes, with the parade being on Monday you didn't have to cancel any family plans and it would be the first time you attended the parade since coming out so it brought a new excitement to the event.

Later in the day you helped your mom with some grocery shopping and stopped for a few photos with different people and the drive back was full of laughter as you both sang along to whatever playlist your siblings made.

You helped your dad prep for dinner as your siblings did some chores around the house. "Any plans this week Y/n?"

You were hesitant to mention going to pride with the others, you weren't exactly out and proud around your family. That's not to say all of your family didn't know, after all, the Avengers knew and they've never been more supportive, Tony and Steve have spent many an hour trying to help you work out how to 'come out' to your family.

Wanda and Carol were there for every failed attempt. Bucky, Sam and Clint were more than happy to lend you a shoulder to cry on every time you freaked out about coming out.

Nebula and Gamora had also spent a good bit of time with you, Nebula understood where you were coming from the most, she knew disappointment better than anyone. Gamora however didn't understand why you didn't just tell them like you did with her.

Thor, however, he was always willing to pretend to be your boyfriend for as long as you needed, he joked about it a lot. He was there on one occasion listening to way your dad spoke about the LGBT+ community. He understood your apprehension and did try his hardest to help you, that even mean introducing you to Brunnhilde. She didn't quite grasp the difficulty of it since she wasn't fully up-to-date on Earth's prejudices. Nevertheless, she offered her best advice as well as her time- she's one of the few people you knew that was actually out and didn't care what anyone had to say.

Natasha though?

She's been there for every second of it, from being the first person you came out to, holding your hand through every other moment of coming out to the team. She's been there for every heartbreak and she's held your hand through it all, she knew how nervous you were about being judged based on your sexuality. She knew all the stories from your school days to actually hearing first hand your family's opinion on some members of the LGBT+ community.

The team is incredibly supportive and proud of you and they made sure you knew it.

Being partly out and in the closet at the same time brings enough challenges, you're a big believer in only coming out when you, and you alone, decide when it's time.

"Em, not much actually. We have a few missions here and there and the pride parade."

Your dad stopped for a second before shaking his head, "Well, we'll have to discuss that after dinner. I can't have you getting hurt out there." His comment wasn't exactly harsh nor was it comforting, you weren't sure if he was talking about your missions or the parade but you brushed it to the side, focusing on peeling the veggies.

---

After dinner you offered to do the washing up, seeing it as an opportunity to build yourself up. To give you that final push, to come out to your parents. Half way through your inner pep talk your dad walked in, your mom following. "So pride huh?" The conversation barely started and already it struck a hint of anxiety through you.

"Yup!" You could feel the confidence drain from you quickly, "You and the Avengers?"

"Uh huh. It was Tony's idea that we be there." Your stomach was knotted with every word, heat rushing all over you. "For protection?" Your mom was quick to jump in, "Y'know for the gays? Instead of cops?"

Your arm reached behind your head, scratching at your neck, "Well partly but mostly to just celebrate. Since some of us-" Before you could finish, your dad cut you off.

"What do you have to celebrate? I don't understand why you'd be there if it's not for protection? It's not like you're going to show support for any of your friends, they clearly aren't going for your support either. I just don't understand why you'd be there."

All you could hear was your heartbeat increasing, to the point you were convinced that they could hear it too before you could process what your dad was saying you just blurted it out.

"I'M GAY!"

At that moment you watched your dad lose all self-control he had, his nostrils flared as his face went red. "How could you even know that?", "You haven't even lived your life enough to know that!", "Is it a phase? Is one your little Avenger buddies gay too?", "You don't have enough life experience to even consider being gay!" He was firing questions and statements left and right, each one getting louder.

You weren't sure if you were hurt or angry but either way, tears threatened to fall. Your back straightened, you were in flight or fight mode now and you've never backed down from a fight. "How can you even ask me that? How can you even say that!"

Your mom inched herself closer to you. "It's not a fucking phase! I've known for years! And yeah actually I do have 'enough' life experience to know my own fucking self!" By now you’d both gotten in each other's faces, flashbacks of past arguments swirled through your head as tears brimmed your eyes, this was it. "You're not gay. You can't be."

Tears started to fall freely, that it seemed to only anger your dad more, "Why are you crying? What is this not what you wanted? Not what you expected? Did you think we weren't going to have an adult conversation about this? You're too fucking young to know Y/n!" The tears fell faster now as your chest started to burn.

‘How could he be like this?’

‘What happened to I'll always support you without judgment?'

"Welcome to the real world! Not everyone is just going to take what you have to say and not question it! I'm in my given right to ask this! Stop! Fucking! Crying!"

Anger bubbled its way through you, "FUCK YOU!" Your mom froze, she'd be in many arguments with you and your dad before but never once had you really spoke to him like this, no bratty attitude, not snide comments just a firm tone. "I WAS FUCKING SCARED TO COME OUT! BECAUSE I KNEW. I KNEW YOU'D REACT LIKE THIS!" Admittedly his scoff hurt more than his words. "You and your generation, you all think you're entitled to have the flags out, and everyone claps for every little achievement you've made! I knew! I already knew! But here you have to announce it like it's news! Grow the fuck up!" Your mom managed to make her way between the pair of you, creating enough distance, she knew neither of you would try anything now. She had created a gap for you to get out of the room.

You couldn't take anymore, the shouting mixed with your panic attack burned your throat. Your chest felt like it was on fire and no matter how hard you wiped your eyes the tears wouldn't stop. Making a break for your room, you grabbed your phone, dialing the first number you could.

----

"Hello? Y/n?" Wanda's voice was laced with worry, panic washed over the other Avenger as you choked on a sob. "I-I need you to come, get me." She knew you could hear the muffled movements just like she could hear your dad shouting, Wanda stayed on the call with you, hearing everything your dad was saying, she refused to hang up when your mom came in and everything had gone quiet.

Whilst listening to your conversation, she ran to Natasha's room, banging on the door. The redhead answered with messy hair and a glare that could kill. "This better be an emergency Wanda."

"It's, Y/n, they need us. Now." The minute Natasha heard your name she was grabbing sweatpants and her keys, "C’mon then!"

By the time they got to your house, they could hear more shouting, "IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR YOU'RE DONE!" The wooden door swung open, revealing you in a fit of tears, barely able to walk in a straight line due to your blurry vision. Wanda rushed to your side, whilst Natasha made her way in front of your dad. "Move an inch and see what happens!" Her tone, cold, she left once Wanda had you in the car.

The ride back was silent, apart from your sniffles and worried glances they'd thrown in your direction. You finally passed out in the back once you passed the old tower. When you arrived back at the compound, Wanda carried your bag, as Natasha pulled you into her arms, carrying you to her room.

After assuring Wanda that you'd be okay with her, Nat finally crawled in beside you. "I know you're awake Y/n." Rolling yourself into her, you let the sobs free. May spent the next two hours running her fingers through your hair, whispering little nothings to calm you down.

"I- I came out and they- he didn't like it." The assassins arms tightened around you. "We don't have to talk about it until tomorrow okay? Right now let's just try getting some sleep."

---

The next morning Natasha woke up with a numb arm, your body clung to her like your life depended on it. It killed her seeing you like this, tear tracks stained your face, your hair in a million knots, you never passed out until 3ish and Nat, well she was up and down for the next hour with you. Slowly she untangled you from her. Pulling the larger blanket over you, she decided to make you something for breakfast and call the others.

Shortly after Nat left, you woke up. Hoping last night was one horrible dream, the lack of photos on the wall however, only confirmed that you were definitely not at your parents. Your head was pounding, violently, the events still playing in your head. Tears blurred your vision again, and you tightly grabbed the blanket that was given. It smelled faintly like Natasha, calming you down a bit. You just needed a minute to collect yourself before explaining the colossal fuck up of events that took place last night.

Admittedly you weren't sure what you were more scared of, the reactions of the others to finding out what happened or the fact that your dad had finally managed to cut you deeper than any blade ever could, whilst your mom just stood there.

That sinking feeling you've felt all your life had grown, leaving you feeling heavier than ever.

---

As Y/n was still trying to build up the confidence to leave Natasha's room, the Avengers had all huddled around the island in the kitchen. All of them worried for you, "They finally did it and it went worse than they thought it would." Bucky and Peter were the first on their feet, making their way to the door. They were greeted by Nebula and Gamora, both of them wearing a threatening glare, with a flick of her finger Nebula had both of them turn back towards the group.

"So what do we do?" Steve wasn't all too familiar with this situation, but he cared for you deeply, he saw you as family and he only wanted to help. Everyone broke into conversation about a cheer up plan.

----

After an hour everyone had agreed the best way to help you was for you to tell them what you needed. Instead of them firing in all of these different ideas, it was a madhouse at the best of times but with grown adults shouting about movie days or theme parks, then of course Peter piping in with ice cream and Groot contributed beautifully by leaving because it was too loud for him- it took Natasha being picked up by Carol for everyone to shut up. So they all found themselves going about their own business waiting for you to come to them.

Another hour passed before you emerged from Natasha's room, wearing sweats and a borrowed sweater from Tony, your hair was still damp from the shower and everyone could see how exhausted you were but you knew if you didn't come out then they'd crowd you in the bedroom. You didn't need any more anxiety so you braved it.

Before you could greet anyone Gamora made her way over to you, pulling you into a hug. Nebula copied her sister's actions and soon so did everyone else, Brunnhilde snuck her way in closer to as Wanda's arms tightened around your waist. Tears fell freely from you, the group hug was admittedly a little claustrophobic but definitely needed.

Once everyone had untangled themselves from you, you found yourself being pulled into the strong arms of Thor. Each of the team, spent the next 10 minutes, pulling you into individual hugs, trying to remind you that they've got you- without overwhelming you with the same sentence. Peter held you a little longer than the others, once he pulled back he flashed you an awkward smile, the both of you were the youngest of the team and had a close sibling-like relationship. He held your wrists before saying, "Consider it from Aunt May too." He let out a small "Oof" when you pulled him back into you.

Carol dragged you over to the couch before throwing herself down beside Wanda, she pulled you down between them, cuddling into you. The room fell into a comfortable silence, the others retired to their rooms after a few movies and once you reassured them you'd be okay, you stayed between the heroes, barely paying attention to the movie.

Your thoughts were consumed with every interaction you've had in the last 24 hours. From the argument, you had with your parents to the comforting embrace of Carol Danvers. In the moment you realized that it didn't matter what you'd have to deal with in your life as long as you had the Avengers you'd be okay.

You'd have someone to lean on.

Someone to be there to pick you up when you're down.

You'd have someone in your corner. In this case, it turned out you had the world's and well technically the universe's strongest beings in your corner.

Wanda listened to your thoughts with a small smile on her face, she wasn't trying to invade your personal space- she was worried and rightfully so. She adored you, so much so, that she'd do anything to help you. She had a bit of a crush of course she did. How could she not? But you didn't need someone like that in your life right now. You need support, unconditional love and she was more than ready to throw every ounce of it she had at you.

---

Monday rolled around quicker than you thought, everyone was getting ready for the parade when you walked out sporting the rainbow design on your suit. Natasha offered to paint one on your face but you declined since your suit was basically a walking flag. Carol, Thor, Steve, and Bucky were all sporting their flags as their suits, Brunnhilde swapper her blue cape for her new cape designed to look like the Bi flag- Bruce finished it this morning, whilst everyone else wrapped flags over their shoulders or painted their faces. Hill walked in making a direct B-line to you, pulling you into her, it'd been a while since you'd seen each other. She apologized for not being here with you sooner and promised a proper catch up after the parade.

Everyone was ready to leave, you were just waiting on Tony, Pepper, and Wanda. Wanda walked out smiling sporting a rainbow jacket, instead of her red leather one, Tony and Pepper wore their suits which were covered in stickers.

The parade went spectacularly and the after party at the compound- courtesy of the Avengers LGBTQ+ charity, Pepper and Maria set up: 'to fund shelters, safe houses and more for all LGBTQ+ beings across the globe', was in full swing. Everyone was laughing, joking and enjoying themselves. There was all sorts going on, photobooths, photoshoots with the different Avengers, a dance party, food and drinks, face painting, etc. Everyone was just enjoying their day, celebrating everything they've fought for in their lives to be who they are, being out and proud about their story and their own history. It was inspiring.

It was beautiful.

It was hopeful.

It was loud too and you needed a second to yourself.

Excusing yourself from the group, making your way out to the balcony. Watching the sun setting in the distance, casting a golden-pinkish glow over the city. The birds chirped a little louder and the soft wind ghosted over the trees. You finally released your breath, the events of the weekend once again playing in your head. Your family should be here, they should be but they weren't and it hurt, your dad hadn't once reached out to you, your mom barely spoke to you when she did and your siblings, well they called and promised they'd visit after the parade- you're getting lunch with them tomorrow. It still stung that you couldn't share this experience with them.

But everyone in there, everyone that stood by you today, they made it all that bit easier. The fact that you have this whole other chosen family, people and beings that just want you around because you are, who you are.

Because you're being yourself. They're all the support you need. All the love you could ever want.

It'll all feel easier in time, you knew that. It'll hurt less in time.

[occasionalfics]

into you // p. 11

main masterlist | steve masterlist | taglist | ko-fi | playlist | p. 10 | p. 12

Summary: Just as Steve begins to wonder why he’s been sent on a mission well below his pay grade, a mysterious, unscented woman steps in and does his job for him. He’s immediately drawn into her allure, and he needs to know who she is, why she’s on a mission to take out some of the city’s most powerful alphas, and why he can’t get her off his mind.

A/N: Okay. I gotta say. This one is super cute. 

Warnings: Steve is a soft bean. Lots of fluff, mentions of sexual content but like...there’s not much that’s explicit about this part.

Word: 2,144

They figure out on day three that taking baths is the quickest way to deal with most of her symptoms. Especially when she’s sore and raw and tired and hungry, when Steve doesn’t know what else to do but get clean. The water helps with cramps, swelling, bruising, and maybe even a little fatigue (or they just fell asleep with the water just barely meeting their ribs because the bed was too hot, too sticky, and too tempting).

On day four, his rut is all but over. And although he’s willing to get dressed and head out of the room, Steve hesitates. He finally sees why she didn’t want to leave him that first night, not even for a little while. She is desperate for his touch at all times, still completely overtaken by the first heat she’s had in years. Nothing really satisfies her, but she’s able to get to a point every few hours where she can at least control her urges and desires. She depends on him still, so he really can’t do much else but put on athletic shorts and do some laundry, even going so far as to write down instructions on how to care for her clothes that she hasn’t bothered to wear in days.

He’s gotten her to sleep while he cooks dinner, and as he has seasoned chicken frying and some repurposed (a.k.a. Leftover, thrown together for a new flavor palette) potatoes in the oven, he realizes for the first time that he’s content. The light, easy feeling in his chest comforts him, makes him realize how much he likes having (Y/N) in his space. In his bed and bathtub. Even when her nature makes her need him more than she normally would, even when his does the same - he still genuinely enjoys having her here.

Steve’s been thinking about Bucky’s statement a lot since getting back from Wakanda. You met a girl who beats you at taking down bullies. Of course Bucky was right, he just couldn’t possibly have known how right he was.

And what astounds him even more is that she’s both sides of her own coin. She’s the badass Reaper who tears criminal and abusive alphas from this world, and she’s his soft, doting, sexy omega. It’s not that he can’t believe the two can exist in one person; what surprises him is that he’s somehow lucky enough to deserve both by her standards.

He almost burns the chicken as he just stands there, feeling something hot but comfortable race through him. Something he’s genuinely felt very few times throughout his long, exhausting life. Something that draws him to (Y/N) while simultaneously making him terrified that she doesn’t feel it too.

But, he thinks as he turns the chicken over and the heat down on the burner, even if she doesn’t feel it now, maybe she will. Or, and he’s hesitant to let his hopes reach so high, she already does.

He finishes up cooking, lets the food cool without turning cold, then plates everything and breaks out a bottle of vintage wine Sam gave him a few weeks ago with a sly, not subtle at all wink. He makes sure to leave them both glasses of water, too, because he has no idea when her heat will start to subside.

Tony’s already left him seven hundred texts (or what feels like it) asking when he’ll be back to work. Steve knows the world needs him, that he has a mantle he can’t just walk away from because of a stupid mistake he made days ago, but he really doesn’t want to go back yet. Every alpha particle in his body makes him want to stay here, with (Y/N), to help her through everything she told him she wouldn’t bear for him.

Once everything is perfectly placed, he goes into the bedroom, kneels by her side of the bed, wants desperately to kiss a trail up her arm but decides against the temptation. She needs to eat, so he pokes her nose instead, laughing softly when her face scrunches.

“Dinner’s ready, Doll,” he tells her.

She yawns, and Steve ignores her morning breath because he’s sure he doesn’t resemble a fresh load of laundry in any way, either. When she settles again, she nods and says, “Smells good, Baby.”

He doesn’t know how other alphas would react to that name, but on her lips, it’s sweet and intimate and just for him. Steve doesn’t care how other alphas feel - never has, never will, to be honest. He smiles and stands, turning to his dresser to find her a shirt. He ends up pulling out his favorite white v-neck, knowing it’s made out of some kind of cooling fabric.

It’s perfect.

He helps her sit up as she yawns again, then raises her arms and pulls the shirt over her hair and down to her shoulders. “Think you can make it twenty feet to the kitchen?” he asks her.

She smirks, rolls her eyes, and stands without even so much as a crack from her joints. “I’m exhausted, not made of tissue paper,” she quips, already halfway out of the bedroom. Almost as if to make her point, she skips the rest of the way to his island, hops right into one of his high chairs, and brings the glass of wine up for a swig.

Steve joins her, watching closely, just making sure she’s as content as he is. He doesn’t start eating until she has, and after her first bite, she takes three more in quick succession and groans.

“Jesus,” she mumbles, mouth still full. Once she’s chewed and swallowed a mouthful, she shakes her head. “You, Steve Rogers, are too good to be true.”

“I take it you like it,” he says with a small nod.

She nods, too, only hers are more dramatic and require most of her body to bounce. “Either I do, or I’ve just eaten too much of your leftover pizza these last few days.”

They laugh together as he says, “Fair enough,” and then they settle into comfortable quiet. Steve is actually pretty proud of the dinner, especially as she eats the last few potatoes on her plate before it’s completely clear.

“Still hungry?” he asks as she pushes the plate a few inches away.

She shrugs. “Maybe a little. This was really, really good though.” She smiles, sitting back in the seat, stretching her legs out so her feet are flat against the floor. “I just feel like I haven’t eaten in three weeks or something.”

Without finishing his own plate, Steve gets up and goes to his freezer. Normally, he eats pretty healthy - a superhero diet apparently consists of more protein than anything else - but his one vice is his sweet tooth. And he knows he’s not the only one in the tower that’s addicted to Ben & Jerry’s, so he feels absolutely no regret or shame in pulling out two full pints of the stuff in two completely different flavors.

“Got a preference?”

She cocks an eyebrow at him, but nevertheless inspects the pints, reading the descriptions carefully before picking one called Chillin’ the Roast. Steve puts the other pint back in the freezer, grabs two spoons, then sits on his chair again, this time facing her. They dig in at the same time, pulling up scoops of coffee flavored ice cream and cookie-covered truffles. It’s one of the more indulgent flavors he’s picked recently, but it’s so good that he doesn’t even care.

“Holy shit, even your taste in ice cream is impeccable,” she states. “Where the hell did you even find this one?”

Steve chuckles. “I know a guy.”

She pauses. “Is it Ben? Or Jerry?”

Instead of answering, he shoves another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. She gasps, her jaw drops, and she nudges his shoulder playfully.

“Come on! Now you definitely gotta tell me!”

As they fall into another fit of laughter, he can’t help but feel that hot, comfortable, contented feeling he had earlier. It fills him up, probably turns his cheeks a little pink, and makes his palms sweat at the thought of asking if she feels the same. If she even has a name for this feeling.

But he returns to the ice cream conversation, because this other one is not only off topic, but also nerve wracking. “Ben asked me if I wanted to be a flavor a few years ago.”

“And?”

He dips his spoon into the pint and brings a scoop back, smirking as he brings it back to his mouth, but then halts and laughs at the look of betrayal on her face.

“Oh my god, Steven I swear if you don’t tell me whether or not you still have Ben Cohen’s number in your phone, I will tear you apart!” She reaches to grab his spoon, but he pulls it out of her reach too quickly.

“I don’t have Ben Cohen’s phone number in my contacts,” he says, “but I did go out to Vermont to try out a few flavors. Didn’t end up picking one because they’re Ben and Jerry’s - every flavor is amazing!”

She rolls her eyes, though her smile is bigger than Steve thinks he’s ever seen. She is so breathtaking that he can’t remember what they were just talking about, and it doesn’t matter. She dips into the pint and says, “You’re such a dork.” Then she stops like she was going to say more, stares ahead of her with her bottom lip caught beneath her top row of teeth, and loosens her grip on her spoon.

Steve immediately thinks the worst - that she’s hit with another wave of painful cramps, or that her heart sped up too quickly and now it’s just shutting off or something, though he’s not sure that’s really possible. He stands, drops his spoon on the floor, and places his hand on her back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, urgency on each consonant as it tumbles out.

Slowly, she looks up at him. He has trouble putting a word to the expression she gives him - not quite lost, not pained or in shock per se. He thinks it’s an I have to go look she’s giving him, and his stomach sinks heavily.

But she doesn’t move. She studies him like he has all the answers in the universe to any question she could possibly ask. And quietly she tells him, “I’ve seen this night before.”

She doesn’t look particularly worried. Steve can breathe as long as her brows don’t furrow.

“Everything makes sense now,” she says, her eyes darting quickly between each of his. Her pupils dilate, though she shows no other signs of another round of heat taking over. She’s just looking up at him, a smile slowly taking its place across her face again. “I’ve been feeling deja vu all day and-” She stops again, and her eyes widen.

“You’re kinda worrying me, Doll.”

She breathes a heavy sigh, her whole body relaxing. “Well, fate says it’s supposed to happen…” She slides off the chair and stands toe-to-toe with him, and that hot, comfortable feeling fills him up again. She puts her arms over his shoulders, his white shirt lifting up over her hips. “You’re a dork, Steven Rogers. And I love you.”

She gets up on her tiptoes, kisses him quickly, then sets herself back down. Before he can process anything, she goes about the night as if she’s said the most mundane thing. She picks up their dirty plates, bends to get his spoon off the floor, and takes everything to the sink without another word.

For a little too long, he’s stunned. He watches as she rinses the dishes, pops open the dishwasher and loads it, but he can’t think let alone move.

Because she just told him she loves him - that she’d seen the conversation in a vision before, that she knew she was supposed to tell him, that she felt what he felt when he felt that hot, comfortable surge of energy like he does right now.

That’s what it is?

She had just said that everything makes sense. And the longer he sits and stews, the more he agrees. The more he agrees, the faster his heart beats, the hotter his skin feels - not in the painful, sticky way that precedes another round of sex, but in that flushed, thrilling way he wants to always feel.

He finally makes his feet move, walks over to her and wraps his arms around her middle. She stops washing, settles against him with a sigh, and smells so damn good he can’t not kiss her neck, right where her bonding gland is.

“You are a complete surprise, (Y/N),” he says without removing his lips from her. “And I love you.”

Tags!

Global: @wonderlandfandomkingdom @samanthasmileys @sunigyrl @mysweetcookie99 @punkrockhufflefluff @lady-thor-foster @the-resal10 @rogrsnbarnes @xxashy999xx @badassbaker @frenfics @feelmyroarrrr 

Steve: @girlwhoisfearless @mrsdeanwinchester19 @cherrysfandom @captainradicalpassion @patzammit @coffeebooksandfandom 

Series: @whatdoyxumean @part-time-patronus @theunsweetenedtruth 

[what-stop-the-presses-rly-means]

The College Years part 3

Jared x female reader

Warnings: swearing, sexual themes

Part 1

Part 2

—————————

I came back from the bathroom, shower caddy in hand, to see Jared lounging on my bed, reading a comic book.

“I always forget that you have a key. One of these days you’re gonna walk in on something unsightly.”

Jared didn’t even look up as he scoffed. “Babe, there’s nothing you can do that’s unsightly.” I smiled a little at the compliment. “’Cause I’ve seen it all. Nothing gross that you do scares me anymore.”

Making an offended sound, I threw my loofah at him. He caught it, laughing good naturedly. Finally putting the comic book down, he rolled over onto his stomach.

“Woah.”

“Yes, I know, my ass is amazing,” I said as I bent down, putting the caddy away.

“No – well, I mean, yeah – but what I meant was, woah, where did all of those scratches come from?” I saw that he was gesturing to the red lines on my thighs.

“Well, if you think those are bad, you should see these.” I tugged on the collar of my shirt to reveal matching scratches on my chest. His eyes widened.

“What the fuck happened?”

My smile grew mischievous as I looked over at him. “Gonzalo.”

“What?”

“Gonzalo was his name. We met yesterday at the beach. Our eyes met across the sand as the sun was setting, bathing us in its gold light.”

“We don’t live anywhere near a beach-“

“There were many other beautiful women on the beach, but he only had eyes for me, pushing his way through the crowd, making his way over. His long, luscious hair blowing in the wind. For a moment we said nothing, just drinking each other in. His rippling muscles were glistening with sweat-“

“Ew.”

“THEN,” I raised my voice to cut him off, “he reached out a tentative hand and caressed my cheek. His accent was thick as he spoke. ‘You are most gorgeous creature I have ever laid eyes on. You must be an angel sent from heaven to answer my prayers. My name is Gonzalo.’ And before I could even utter my name, he placed a gentle finger on my lips.” I mimicked the motion. “’Shh, shh, shh, don’t speak. Let our bodies do the talking.’ And then he pulled me to his body, my hands landing on his supple pectoral muscles.”

Jared made some faux gagging noises which I ignored.

“He looked at me with his piercing eyes like I was only woman on earth. ‘Please do me the honor of making love to me. I need you, your body, your soul for one night. It’ll kill me to pass up this opportunity. I will fall ill with regret. This is my one wish.’ Of course I was a little conflicted. I have many other male suitors, and if I were to spend the entire night with this man what would I be missing out on?”

“Oh my god.”

“But I could see just how desperate he was and I didn’t want to hurt the poor man’s feelings so I nodded. And his face broke out into the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. He reached down and scooped me into his arms, carrying me all the way to his house.

“Wait. He just carried you the whole way there? Like some kind of weird King Kong? Was he swatting at planes?” he asked, the smirk evident in his tone. Again, I ignored him.

“We get to his grand, beautiful home and he throws me down onto his bed, on top of the most comfortable sheets. And he stood there just looking down at me, admiringly. Then he slowly crawled on top of me, his strong arms encompassing my body. But I stopped him, placing a hand on his sculpted chest. I said, ‘Wait. You could obviously have any woman you wanted, what with your body and obvious money. Why me?’ He smiled down at me with the whitest teeth. ‘No one compares to you, my love,’ he said before kissing me passionately… And then we fucked,” I ended flatly.

Jared looked a little taken aback. After a few seconds he burst out laughing.

“Okay, but really, what happened?”

I shrugged. “I get dry skin this time of year so I’ve been scratching.”

“Oh my god, I love you. You’re so extra.”

“I was picturing Jason Momoa the entire time.”

“Me too!” He put his hand up and we high fived.

————————————

“Do you think we’re ever gonna fuck?” I asked ever-so casually. Jared sucked in too much of his beer and proceeded to do an impressive spit take. I leaned back just in time, letting the wall get most of the damage. Trying not to laugh, I rubbed his back and handed him a napkin to wipe his face. He accepted it with a gracious nod before looking at me with a bemused expression.

“What did you just say?”

I shrugged. “Do you think we’ll ever fuck?” I repeated. Jared grabbed the Solo cup out of my hand.

“Okaaay, that’s enough drinking for you.” I couldn’t help the giggles that escaped me.

“I’m serious. It’s not just the alcohol talking… mostly. Everyone’s thinking it. We’re inseparable, we have so much in common, and neither of us has had a real relationship since the word, ‘Yolo’ was invented. We’re basically Will and Grace. And everyone knew they were the iconic, 'will they, won’t they’ couple.” Jared stared at me for a second.

“Except he was very much gay so that would never happen.”

I waved my hand dismissively. “Pft! Please. If there was ever a vagina that man was gonna be in, it was her’s.”

“…Are you sure you’re okay? Did someone slip something in your drink while we were at that party? What have I always told you is the number one rule for parties?”

“It’s not slutty to make out with a bunch of people as long as they’re smart enough to name at least five characters from Harry Potter?”

“…That’s rule number two. Rule number one is to never leave your drink out of sight.”

“I didn’t! I’ve just been thinking is all. And the four jack and cokes that I’ve had have helped me think.” I played with the frayed threads of the carpet so I didn’t have to look at him. “You know I’m a virgin, and I know you say that doesn’t matter and that I shouldn’t care about that sort of thing, but I do. Not because everyone else isn’t, but because, I don’t know, I guess I’m curious. And I wanna do it at some point but I’m tired of waiting for a decent person to come around and sweep me off my feet. God knows decent people are hard to come by these days. I just- I don’t know, I’m ready. And believe it or not, you’re really the only person I trust.”

It was quiet for a moment. A long moment. The silence was ringing in my ears. Before I could take it all back and say I was kidding, he cleared his throat.

“Since you’ve turned this into a serious conversation, I’m not gonna make distasteful jokes including the words ‘jack’ and 'coke’ in them. And I’m a goddamn saint ‘cause they would’ve been hilarious.” I smiled down at my feet.

“Look, obviously this means a lot to you. And why shouldn’t it? It’s a big deal. But since it means something, I don’t think you should just get it over with. And you certainly shouldn’t throw it away on a human trashcan like me.” I looked up to see him smiling gently down at me. “My first time was pretty shitty at best. You know, I’ve told you the story. He used too much tongue when we kissed and he lasted about two and a half minutes. Don’t even get me started on the Pokémon underwear he was wearing! So maybe if I had waited for someone else and not just accepted the first twink that was willing, I might’ve had a better experience. I would’ve had a better story to tell, that’s for sure.” I contemplated this.

“That makes sense. It seems like a lot of ‘first time’ stories go that way. They’re almost always bad.” I laid my head on his shoulder. “What about your first time with a girl? Was it any better?” I felt his body physically stiffen.

“Uh…well…”

“That bad, huh?”

He sputtered a few nonsensical words before standing up and walking over to his bed to sit down.

“Actually…uh…” I’d never seen him this nervous.

“What?” I struggled to get off the ground and join him.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you’re never gonna believe this, but, I-I’ve never actually had a…first time. With a girl.” My brain took a minute to catch up in its alcohol-fogged state.

“Wait. You’ve never had sex with a woman?”

“Yeah, say it a little louder, why don'tcha?”

“Sorry, it just didn’t seem like a possibility. You’ve always just been a really sexual person.” As if to prove my point, Jared slid over into my personal space and put his arm around me.

“Why thank you, princess. I do try.” Then he looked a little more serious. “But, yeah, I’ve just never gotten that far with a girl. I mean, sure, I’ve done stuff with girls. A LOT of stuff. But it never escalated into anything. I’m not sure why.” He looked at me “You?”

I sighed. "No. When I said I was a virgin I meant it.” His eyes widened a bit, and then softened. His arm tightened around me.

“And that’s perfectly fine. Though I can’t say I’m not a little surprised though. You’re fucking gorgeous. People should literally be dropping to their knees in front of you, if you know what I mean.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I couldn’t help but laugh and slap his arm.

“Ow! Okay, maybe that’s it. They’re afraid you’re gonna injure them in the process!” I just laughed harder and he joined in. Then it was quiet again, this time not as awkward. I placed my head on his shoulder again and he lifted my legs up so I was sitting in his lap.

“It’s not that I wouldn’t do it,” he whispered. “I’d be downright honored to have you that way. I just don’t think you really want that.” He started stroking my hair. "I don’t want to screw it up for you. I don’t want you to have any regrets.” That broke my heart. I looked up at him.

“Well, wasn’t that what we talked about? How everyone’s first time is regrettable? So you’d be perfect!” I joked. But he didn’t laugh. I sighed. "In all honesty, I’d regret it if it was with anyone but you.” I heard his breath hitch a little. He looked me in the eyes, no doubt searching for any hint of facetiousness or doubt. He must not have seen any because he gave me a little smile and pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes.

[nandalorian]

OCD Marvel Costume Series: Black Widow

Ever since I did that post about Captain America’s theoretical onesie and the evolution of his costume, I’ve gotten a lot of requests to do a similar OCD breakdown analysis about Black Widow’s.

After Cap and Bucky, Widow’s easily my favourite MCU character, so I am all too happy to break it down. But just know this required me to wade through so many disgusting male comments about her costume and body that I wanted to flip my desk and set it on fire. Repeatedly. You’re welcome.

Here are the six costumes I’ll be looking at from 2010-2018.

From L to R: Iron Man 2, Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, and Avengers: Infinity War.

Putting the rest under a read more because shit’s gonna get long.

Let’s begin: Iron Man 2.

This is the first time we meet Natasha in the MCU franchise, and I don’t know about you guys, but I remember there being a LOT of hype surrounding Scarlett being cast in a totally non-objectifying way. <_<

Just kidding. Here’s actual footage of every straight man watching/starring in Iron Man 2 when Nat’s on screen:

This, I think, is a good place to add a caveat that it’s difficult to address Natasha’s looks and clothing without sounding like I’m criticizing her appearance and sexuality, including her ability to weaponize those things or the fact that she is entitled to enjoy them in any way she likes. As a character, certainly she is, and to me that’s one of the really interesting aspects of her personality and an incredible skill. As a woman, those are things not worthy of criticizing, IMO. But the films present a grey area because they are all directed by men, and to a large extent for men. So it’s hard to find the line between what is meant to entice audiences and what is meant to tell us something important about who Nat is, and to what extent the latter is the original intent of the costume choices. How do you extricate the character from the male gaze when the male gaze permeates so much of comic book culture, and by extension the MCU? Let’s not forget how many gratuitous ass shots there are of Natasha in a given movie, although the Russos generally do a good job of evening the playing field by liberally sprinkling in plenty of Cap ass shots too. The Russos are like the salt baes of equal-opportunity and gender-neutral ass shots.

But back to Natasha. In Iron Man 2, she spends most of the movie in sexy wiggle dresses or low-cut blouses, presenting herself as an object of desire for all the men in the film (possibly some of the women) and a thorn in Pepper Potts’s side until they join forces against Tony. (Obviously her intention, since Natasha weaponizes everything about herself, but it was also pretty clearly for audience titillation as much as the character never does anything by accident.)

But then, surprise! It’s revealed she’s the Black Widow and capable of kicking more ass than just about anyone else in the film/on the planet, and can even do it in a skintight catsuit and crazy hair flying in her face at all times!

Natasha’s suit is probably the least functional in this movie because it’s designed to look like a sexy female comic book hero costume, not something a real agent would wear in a believable conflict situation. Or maybe they would, I don’t know. I’m not a spy. But objectively speaking, she has a totally useless belt with the Black Widow symbol around her middle, then the tactical belt, holsters, etc. The fabric looks shiny and stretchy but isn’t leather. That being said, you can’t get much more spot on in terms of the visual interpretation, if you look at how she’s drawn by J Scott Campbell. I am not positive whether IM2 Widow is an interpretation of this artist’s illustration or vice versa, but either way, she translates from film to comic and back again pretty flawlessly.

Just don’t even get me started on the hair because w h a t. Tell me you can’t hear it crackling when you look at this gif. Go on, I dare you.

No wonder ScarJo switched to wigs after this movie.

Ironically, even though this costume is pretty ridiculous in terms of offering any kind of practicality or protection from bullets/knives/explosions, I have to point out that Iron Man 2 is the only movie where Black Widow actually wears practical footwear.

Look at those things. Those are flat, FUNCTIONAL boots. You could do all the running, jumping, and punching things you wanted and not feel like your goddamn feet were going to fall off, or worse, plant you on your fucking face because you’re wearing heels into combat. RIP flat Widow boots.

Moving on. Avengers 1.

Much like the other costumes in this film, Natasha’s outfit is still pretty comic book-y, although to a less cartoonish extent than Captain America some. That is pretty much Joss Whedon’s trademark as a director, although shockingly, I felt Widow looked more serious and ready for battle. Alexandra Byrne did the costume design on Avengers and Ultron, as well as Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy (hence the trademark styles in A1 and A2, plus similarities between Natasha and Gamora’s costumes), and she has a distinct touch. Here the nods to practicality include less extravagant hair (though Natasha also has short hair plenty of times in the comics) and the fact that her suit looks like it could deflect a knife (possibly). Even her civilian clothing looks less hyperfeminine than that of Iron Man 2, and it’s here we begin to see that Nat’s outfit of choice is usually some combination of jeans, a jacket, and knee-high boots with a small heel. It always strikes me that this is probably what she’s most comfortable in when she’s not dressed as Black Widow. Even her stance here looks like that of a soldier, less of a stereotypically female pose.

I couldn’t help but feel a lot of this was intentional on Whedon’s part in order to avoid anyone accusing him of sexualizing Natasha and to look like a Real Director Who Takes Female Characters Seriously (TM). So he dresses women more realistically but then just assassinates their character in other ways, as you do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As far as her suit is concerned, don’t get me wrong: it’s still textured plastic meant to stretch and allow movement and comfort and cling to certain... assets... and they still haven’t gotten rid of her totally useless Widow belt. But at least she looks a bit more like she means business and less like she’s just there to look hot.

However, in this film they also introduced the infamous heels to her costume. 

In the immortal words of Shuri:

Like Cap’s ab window, this is one of those design choices I begrudgingly understand from a movie perspective--it looks ~sexier and ~more feminine and also reduces the height difference between ScarJo and her male costars (plus other female characters like Agent Hill wear heels too, and so does Wonder Woman in the DC franchise. They appear in the Black Widow comics too), but the reality of someone willingly wearing heels in this type of environment makes me want to facepalm real bad. Sure, you can argue fighting in heels is just one of Nat’s special abilities that makes her better than the rest of us, but--that’s probably not why.

And they don’t go away, even when the movie and writing quality drastically improves. Anyone who read my post on Cap’s suits will probably be able to guess that The Winter Soldier is my #1 Marvel film and had some of my favourite costumes in the MCU, and Nat is no exception there. 

The way the Russos interpret her, through their writing and their vision for the overall look of the film and the way the costumes are designed (Judianna Makovsky did all the costumes for Winter Soldier, Civil War, and Infinity War, which makes total sense in ways I’ll explain in a moment), also reminds me a bit of Phil Noto and Nathan Edmonson’s Black Widow. Plenty of people might be inclined to disagree with me there, I’m sure, but Noto and Edmonson’s series, tonally and visually, is very similar to TWS in the sense that they feel like political thrillers, and the character styling in the film continues that theme. The story and the way the characters are written and styled crosses genres and blurs the line between comic book, thriller, and real life.  

In TWS, Nat looks like a fucking badass, but also somehow more relatable and human despite her perfect hair and flawless skin. TWS was the film where she, for me (along with the rest of the cast, especially Steve), went from being a character to being a person with all the shades of greys, uncertainties, and ambiguities that entails. That’s where the Russos excel, making fictional characters come alive with nuance and layers. Kind of like how you know if they had done a Hawkeye movie, they’d have probably adapted Hawkeye #19. 

Their unique way of finding the humanity in comic book characters and situating them in the real world translates interestingly through the costumes. Even her hair is the most natural-looking shade of copper red than any of the other films, where it tends to looks more dyed. Trust me, as someone who spent 9 years trying to achieve the perfect and most natural shade of copper red possible, I know how difficult it is to get right, even if this is obviously a wig.

If you look reeeeal close at the above pic, you can tell she’s graduated from stretchy plastic to something that resembles kevlar or some kind of protective utility material. You can just make out the lines and texture in the fabric. Still stretches and lets her move, obviously still skintight, but upgrades her to a higher degree of real-world believability in the same way the stealth suit did for Cap. 

I find the back of her suit interesting too. There’s a panel sewn over her butt that looks identical to the full-seat equestrian breeches I wear riding, which are meant to offer reinforcement and grip. I’m not entirely sure why Nat needs either of those things in combat, but there you have it. (In all seriousness, it could be because the fabric they used is less stretchy or doesn’t hold its shape the same way, so they had to piece it together differently to allow for movement and shape retention through all the stunts.)

Actually, scratch that. Why wouldn’t you need reinforcement and grip when doing this?

Weird butt panel notwithstanding, Nat’s TWS suit also introduces more protective details like leather and sewn-in kneepads, and her Widow belt actually serves to cinch in the costume instead of just sit there pointlessly, leaving her with just the tac belt. Still the dumb heels too, but I promise I’ll get over it. Maybe.

Next: Age of Ultron. People are going to side-eye the shit out of me for saying this, but... Widow’s costume continues to be less ridiculous than, say, Cap’s. Cartoonish, yes, with a lot of frankly baffling design choices, and visually I liked it the least. But weirdly enough, the construction of the suit and the fabric is less ridiculous than it seems at first glance; it looks like it’d actually offer a pretty high degree of protection in the field. Check it out.

There’s a matte leather and a similar kevlar/utility fabric as her suit in TWS, and the Widow belt and the tac belt have been combined into one so there are fewer pointless buckles. 

I mean, too bad they ruin it by adding glowing blue parts that make her look like she’s about to go cosplay as Tron as soon as she finishes saving the world, and I will never understand why her gauntlets are suddenly red, but a detail that caught my eye is right on the bodice. See those seams under her bust? 

It looks like it could be there just to draw attention to her boobs, but as a former fencer, I can tell you those are almost certainly for a chest plate or removable protective cups. (From a movie costuming perspective, they’re probably to give the bust more definition, as that’s literally an underwire construction. Yes, okay, I realize this. But if we consider the character, a chest plate makes far more sense.) And if you are a woman in a combat situation where you’re getting whacked in the tits a bunch of times, you need a fucking chest plate. She doesn’t appear to be wearing one in the other films, which is as absurd as Cap going into battle without wearing a cup. Have you ever been clocked in the tits before? With a weapon, no less? Because I have, and it’s not fun. It happens to you once, and you’re on Amazon buying a chest plate or protective cups literally the next day. Or, you know, from the toilet immediately after as you sit there crying and cradling your poor bruised boobs.

Another really practical detail is that she has proper kneepads in this costume, which is ideal if you’re sliding around on the ground a lot, or taking hard landings.

BUT WHY DO THEY GLOW IN THE DARK? /despair

Oddly enough, Nat’s suit in Captain America: Civil War was one of my least favourites--initially. But I was wrong to feel that way, and I’ll tell you why. Why didn’t I like it at first? Well, they pick up some of the same details as in TWS and add other more practical things like no-nonsense kneepads, but they also seem to add boning to the bodice of the suit, and lots of piping everywhere on the arms and torso that would probably rub unpleasantly if you were moving around that much. Unnecessary seams=friction. That’s a lesson any equestrian will tell you too.

I also was not a fan of the Farah Fawcett vibe I got from her hair, but that could just be me. Her suit here is functional, overall, but it doesn’t reinvent the wheel or make her look sleek and dangerous in the same way as TWS. It has less... style than her other suits and civilian outfits (which were my fave in this film), and after this many movies, I think we’ve come to associate the Black Widow suit with style and making certain death at her hands/thighs look good. 

But there is a point to her suit looking more tactical, which you can better see here. From this angle, she looks almost military, certainly the most military of any of the other films, and that is intentional and significant later on.

Because much like Cap’s uniform carries over to Infinity War, so does Nat’s. That was a clever segue, in case you were wondering.

This is such a departure from anything else Nat wears in the other films that you kind of have to tip your hat at the designer and the Russos and Judianna Makovsky for having such a sharp eye for detail and a knack for letting costume tell a story. Not only does Natasha change her hair and eyebrow colour, but she changes the colour of her suit too, adding in some green and almost entirely eliminating the sex appeal of the other Widow costumes. But the continuity is most impressive of all.

It’s hard to tell, but just like Steve is wearing the same uniform as in Civil War, minus the star he clawed off with his bare hands, Nat is wearing the exact same Widow costume with a tactical vest on top and some new body armour (shoulder and elbow pads). Remember that piping on the arms, legs, and bodice I bitched about a second ago? If you look closely, it’s all clearly visible in the same spots, and it’s obvious the vest just goes over top. Her kneepads and boots are the exact same too. This girl did a complete 180 on her look with nothing more than a tac vest and an emergency appointment with Guy Tang for some blonde balayage. 

It’s amazing that Steve and Sam think going incognito involves DIY distressing on their uniforms and growing some playoff beards, but Natasha can become an entirely different person just by changing a few key details. Especially the eyebrows. I once wrote a line in a fic about how her lighter eyebrows in Infinity War totally change the shape of her face. I think that’s a detail everyone noticed in the trailers, how strange she looked with those ultrablonde brows. But that’s perfect for this character and something Nat would intuitively pick up on, because it leaves her almost unrecognizable. Just like makeup can subtly change someone’s face shape, so can eyebrows, but she ditches makeup in Infinity War to the same effect. It’s the makeover equivalent of “walk, don’t run.” Kind of amazing to think she is so many steps ahead of everyone else that she can go down Dick’s Sporting Goods and CVS for nothing more than a tac vest and a box of hair dye, respectively, and literally emerge looking like a different person. When she says she’s figuring out a new cover, this is the stuff she means.

So there you have it. I hope this costume breakdown as as fun for you to read as it was to put together, and I continue to be impressed and occasionally stumped by the design choices made by the MCU costuming departments. They really do know their stuff and how important clothing is to the understanding of a character, and Nat, who is a master of tailoring her look for maximum effect, proves this rule more than almost anyone else.

Thanks for reading! I might tackle Bucky next, so stay tuned.

[n7soldiered]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE note:  I'm crazy busy these days and am getting zero sleep.  Worked on this for the past couple of days but my clarity has been fluctuating.  I'm sorry if some of this makes little sense or contradicts.  I promise I’ll go back to fix this later.  I'm just really tired/stressed working overtime.  Also, please note that much of this is dictated by interaction, too.  It’s obvious who John is closest to.

GENERAL

NAME:  John ‘Anderson’ Shepard. ALIAS(ES):  n/a AGE:  29 — PLACE OF BIRTH:   Shepard was born somewhere on earth.     I haven’t worked out the circumstances yet.  As far as I’m concerned, he grew up somewhere in Canada because he speaks with a hint of Canadian dialect.  I mean, Meer is Canadian, so it makes sense, y’know?  I was thinking about following Vanderloo’s origins, have him hail from the Western Netherlands just to shake things up, but, I don’t think it matches as well as having him come from Canada.  The accent is just too important a detail to ignore.  If I remember correctly, canon states Shepard is from Canada?

SPOKEN LANGUAGES:   It actually took an extensive amount of research for me to work this out.  I’ve learned that I know nothing about Canada and wow, there are a lot of languages spoken there.  According to many statistical charts, I’d found online, John’s accent isn’t strong enough for me to assume he’s from eastern Canada.  He probably grew up somewhere in the heart of Canada ( just like Meer’s birthplace ), toward the west coast but not too far out.  

So, Shepard is fluent in English, Canadian French, and struggles only slightly with metropolitan ( modern ) French, mainly in correcting his inflection and intonation.  Sometimes he forgets how informal he is with his speech, but he’s quick to adjust.  He’s also thoroughly acquainted with slang-speech.  He learned most, if not all, of his French while growing up on the streets.

I also have this little developing headcanon about John and other alien languages.  If there’s a chance he can vocalize the tones required, he’ll want to learn a few words.  Maybe even ditch the translator sometimes if he gets good enough, just for the hell of it.  Shepard loves a good challenge and he likes to learn about other cultures.  He’s rather open-minded and adventurous in that sense.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  John is a demiromantic pansexual, borderline demisexual, if not demisexual, in his adult years.  However, that isn’t to say he didn’t have his fair share of flings.  By the time he hit the academy, and subsequently, ICT, romance just wasn’t something he had time for.  And that served to develop demisexual traits. OCCUPATION:  Alliance soldier, Commander, Spectre.

APPEARANCE

EYE COLOR:  blue. HAIR COLOR:  brown. HEIGHT:  6’2″. SCARS:  While I’ve always thought the renegade scars are a cool aesthetic to have, it’s never made any sense to me that the scars are completely limited to their face ( in-game )? John had never put forth the resources to completely heal his facial scarring.  You shouldn’t have to squint to see them.  If you look, they’re there.  Not prominent, but there.  When experiencing high emotions or anger, his scars glow orange ‘neath the skin.

Also, please note that the location of John’s scarring correlates with the game’s canon cinematic ( yes, I examined the cinematic for way too long lmao ).  The worst of his scarring is located on his chest, midsection, left back, and around and under the armpit.  They’d operated around there the most, with the goal of preserving his heart.  His right collarbone was completely removed, as well as the bones in his right wrist and shoulder.  Scars rope his right arm, starting from the wrist to the upper shoulder.  After having been obliterated upon surface impact, his left knee had received a prosthetic.  Both femur bones, one right finger, and three left fingers are prosthetics.  ... He has a lot of prosthetics.  I’m still working on this one, though.  Post-reaper war, his prosthesis fuck up his gait.  After investing much time in physiotherapy, he discards the wheelchair and adopts a walking cane.

FAVORITE

            Wow.   I haven’t thought about any of this before so please, bear with me as we get through this.   Though I doubt I’ll be changing much, some of these headcanons are subject to change as I develop John.

COLOR:   Blue—light blues.   Baby blue.  Pastel pinks.   Pastels(???).  I don’t think he cares for extremely dark colors or anything neon.  The aesthetic of neon lights reminds him of his childhood, ‘home’, but there’s no fondness tied to the remembrance. HAIR COLOR:  Disregarding personal attraction entirely, he thinks blond hair is pretty.   Pure. EYE COLOR:  I don’t know why this detail amuses me so much but—blue.  I suppose there’s a bit of narcissistic bias on his part in that, but, if there’s one thing John likes about himself, it’s his blue eyes.  Since that seemed kinda predictable, I’ll point out that aside from blue, hazel eyes fascinate him.  Jane and Jyn’s bright green eyes are beautiful to him, and when the light catches just right, Kaidan’s eyes shine an amber gold.   And that, my friends, blows the dude’s fuckin’ mind, I swear.  Having blue eyes for all his life, it’s enthralling for John to see a weave of green and brown in someone’s gaze.   It’s the little things, y’know?

ENTERTAINMENT:   This is a ridiculously broad question.    When condensed into a measure of a few days, or even a few hours, shore leave doesn’t often provide John enough unfettered time to seek a means of entertainment.   He’s kind of a workaholic.  However, if there is time on his hands, it’s spent catching up with friends.  Maintaining relationships is an absolute priority for John.  Regardless of the era, without his companions and loved ones, he wouldn’t have made it this far in life.  He feels like he owes it to them to visit and put in some quality time, hanging out and just chatting.  I’d imagine they’d go out and eat, go see the latest action vid or whatever. PASTIME:   What annoys me the most about this question is that no matter how I explain what Shepard enjoys doing in his free time, he’ll still seem like a complete square.  … Like I said, he doesn’t get enough free time as it is.  If he isn’t working on reports and whatever paperwork the alliance swamped him with, he’s working out, eating, or getting some goddamned sleep for once.

FOOD:   GOD.  THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE UNIVERSE WTF.   Okay, after dropping another day into thinking about this—and I know I’m going a bit off tangent—I’ve come to the conclusion that John is a Fool.

As awful as it sounds, he prefers eating ration bars, and he eats them way too often.  I'm not saying he likes them, I’m saying he prefers them.   Although they’re mostly kept for when they’re on the front lines, ration bars aren‘t thirst provoking and they’re nutrient dense, which pass them as ideal for his backward-stupid mindset.

With approximately 4,000 calories packed into a block, he can just shove that in his face and go straight back to work.

It’s also imperative to understand that good tasting food will be eaten too fast; they recommend bad tasting emergency food as it will be eaten only when necessary.  John ‘prefers’ to eat bars of chalk, apparently.

When it comes to normal food, John relishes any chance to eat meat.  He loves comfort foods such as ribs, steak, mac and cheese, bacon, ham, mashed potatoes, chicken-anything etc.  High-calorie count dishes don’t faze him.  He could clean out someone’s fridge in one go.  On the sweet spectrum ...  While he isn’t big on sweets like ice-cream and decadent cakes, that doesn’t mean he’ll turn them down.   John didn’t get to have those things as a kid.

He also likes dessert pastries.  They’re tiny and delicate and he has trouble bringing himself to eat carefully decorated ones.  Has a soft spot for sweet cinnamon and custard-anything.   Likes cinnamon rolls and pecan pie.  A lover of brown sugar.  Still doesn’t know what ‘the hell a macaroon is.   Someone buy him a macaroon.

DRINK:   I don’t see John as someone who drinks soda regularly.   His go-to drinks are water, fruit juices, and tea.  As someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, therefore cannot contribute much firsthand knowledge to this headcanon aside from providing detailed descriptions of the taste from various sources, I believe John appreciates good whiskey.  Bourbons, if you want to get specific.  Ryes on a good day, and rums, on the nights he knows he can kick back without worrying about the next morning.  Gin and vodka, on the undoubtedly bad nights.  

Still, I don’t really see him as someone who gets absolutely hammered on purpose.  Although whiskey will lead to a much worse hangover, even if ingested carefully, something tells me he just doesn’t care for much else?  If he drinks, he’d rather the drink taste good.

BOOKS:  [ answered ]  you mean the concept of shepard, having enough free time on his hands to read a book?  sorry, but you’ve got the wrong shepard.  i’ll be frank, i doubt he cares much for reading books, less if it’s fiction.  unless there’s intel to gain that will aid in his current objective, even biographies don’t make the cut.  john reads news reports and mission debriefings … sometimes, if he’s feeling up to it.  once again, content relevance and long-term value are what sways shepard’s interest in engagement.  besides, he enjoys vids way more than books.  less quiet.  less boring.

HAVE THEY

PASSED UNIVERSITY:  no. HAD SEX:  … yes. HAD SEX IN PUBLIC:  no. GOTTEN SOMEONE PREGNANT:  no. KISSED A MAN:  yes. KISSED A WOMAN:  yes. GOTTEN TATTOOS:  I’m still thinking about this one.  perhaps, from jack. GOTTEN PIERCINGS:  He’s thought about it as a young, reckless teen, but no.   In a normal modern verse, he’s pierced his ears. HAD A BROKEN HEART:    Uh.   The closest thing John’s had to a ‘broken heart’ is when Kaidan had spurned his offer to join the Normandy SR-2 on Horizon.  However, the sentiment had been a direct contradiction to his beliefs at the time.  Despite John’s reliable sense of optimism, he had been certain he would die destroying the collector base.  The fact that Kaidan decided against joining had eased as much as it had crushed his spirit.

Also can’t forget his reunion with Liara.  When she’d kissed him upon reuniting but chose to follow her work instead of leaving with him, he’d felt bitter inside.   While he realized she had more important things to handle at the time, John was butthurt.  You kinda can’t blame him.

BEEN IN LOVE:   Yes.  But only after he’d met his ‘canon romance’.  John only knew of ‘puppy-love’ before then. STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS:  definitely.

ARE THEY

A VIRGIN:   Why would you ask this when, in just the previous section, you inquired if he’s ever had sex?  Omg this meme.  I suppose I could delve into this, then.  Oh, let me just mention, John is ... really, terribly oblivious sometimes.  Given his background and his comparatively early admittance into the alliance military, he simply hadn’t garnered enough experience with the normality of intimacy in relationships, be it casual or not.  I bet a lot of the social cues flew right over his head.  

When individuals came on to him, which did happen a handful of times while in ICT, it was painfully obvious what they wanted, but John was never convinced until they’d slapped down an outright offer.  I have a good feeling he lost his virginity around this time of his life.  These experiences were more like one-night stands.  Extremely cut and dry affairs since most were more focused on getting off rather than expecting something out of it. A CUDDLER:  Yes.   The little spoon, too haha  p: A KISSER:  I mean.  Does he have lips??  Of course, he likes to kiss.  I dunno if he’s much of any good at it...  But John’s good at everything he does so. A SMOKER:  In his youth, yes. SCARED EASILY:   Goddamn right, Shepard gets scared easily.  And his fear manifests in a remarkably strange manner if you ask me.   But first, I must address what constitutes as ‘scary’.  What Shepard faces on a regular basis is life-threatening so, we’ll be disregarding trivial things like horror movies etc ...   Fear, for John, evolves into driving factors for him, motivation—for lack of better wording.  If anyone—or anything—happens to threaten his loved ones, especially, while he isn’t there to do something about it, himself, Shepard is prone to all manners of violence and extreme behavior.  In short, John gets fucking pissed when he’s truly scared.

JEALOUS EASILY:   John is.  ... Possessive.   And I say that with a measure of self-conflict as well, because I don’t think he’s possessive either.  It might just be too soon to know.  From what I’ve gleaned off his temperament, and his intermittent displays of headstrong aggression, he demonstrates jealousy and possessiveness only when driven too far.

John is a patient man, but he’s far from a saint.

Let’s just say, for example, his lover decides to chat up another individual.  Just an amicable discussion.  However, that individual seems to inch closer and closer to his lover.  Combine that with some not-so-friendly-touches and his lover, made uncomfortable by that, and you will have John seeing red.  God, forbid the situation ever flips the other way around.  I don’t imagine he’d take infidelity well...    Trust is everything to John. TRUSTWORTHY:   You won’t find a more loyal, reliable, and honest man. DOMINANT:   Oh, god.   This is one I’ve been experiencing trouble figuring out.   John is ‘dominant’ for reasons that are obvious.  He’s a ranking officer; a commander; a spectre, a captain, and above all, a leader.  No matter how you crop it, John is a dominant force to be reckoned with.  Hmmm.  However, when loved ones are involved, and the situation is domestic and not dangerous, John is rendered useless lmao.   Around the right people, he’s softhearted and ridiculously malleable.  If they asked, he’d bend over backward for them.  But only for them, y’know? SUBMISSIVE:   I —  o h.   ...  This is awkward.   I only just now realized there might be a sexual theme to ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’.   Wow.  Okay, well, I’m not gonna get too into that.  John is malleable around loved ones.  That’s really all there is to it.  So far, Jane, Kaidan, and Ryan have him wrapped around their fingers. SINGLE:  ( verse dependent ).

RANDOM QUESTIONS

WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE:  yes. ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE:   the count is steeper than he’d like. RIDDEN A BEAST:  … Yes?  I bet he asked Wrex to piggyback him once.  Probably got headbutted instead.   And I have no doubt that grunt had to piggyback him when injured. HAVE/HAD A JOB:   yes. HAVE ANY FEARS:   lkfkjlsflkd.   For now, I will list a couple of things because, once again, these are things I’ve only vaguely speculated rather than fully explored.

1.  failure. 2.  here, have one he reveals himself: ❝ I’M  NOT  AFRAID  TO  DIE. ❞           shepard held their eyes, aware they could see straight into the shadows at the bottom of his gaze, and all the harshly controlled thoughts and fears that burned there.   he felt the rush of cool air brush against his cheek, and the shift of reality began to decline like the tides of  VIRMIRE,  falling back from every nerve.   john plunged himself into it, down uncertain contours of dislodged sentiments and reverent possibilities on the rise, moving in a disorganized flurry, windswept within his mind.

another distant look in the commander’s eyes.  perhaps, fighting one of the many battles that never showed.   ❝ i’m afraid of SURVIVING.   getting to the end of this fucking war, only to find out i’m ALONE.   that everyone I knew and cared for is GONE       ! ❞

FAMILY

SIBLING(s):  Jane Shepard, Ryan Shepard.   ( twins | verse dependent ). canon:  none PARENTS:  David Anderson.   ( adoptive father | verse dependent ) canon:  none CHILDREN:  none.  ( verse dependent? ) canon: none PETS:  I will be featuring his pets in a completely different post. TAGGED BY: @risenspectre  Thank you! TAGGING:  @littleredrenegade​ @sentinelmade​ @therevcnant​ @kyberborne​

[filippoinzaghi]

Director's cut for the shower scene on the Gigi/Rino fic, please?👀👀👀

Way to be direct, I see 👀!

So, let’s see. I had just gotten out of the previous chapter which had obviously drained me emotionally with feels™ (might be my fave chapter with number 6 !). I was crying almost once every day because of finals coming up and that new master degree they compltely fucked up and the lack of communication from teachers. A hellish month tbh and that fic really was an escape to just try to calm down and focus on something else for a little while.

I had basically the rest of the chapters mapped out from chapter 3. Since I decided it would be a 7 chapter fic, linear and a Friends to Lover, I had landmarks on chapters. Chapter 1 served as the meeting, 2 as properly meeting, 3 as being friends and also contrast Rino’s and Gigi’s career with Italy NT while they’re actually the same age (can you fucking believe asedrftygh ! And same month as that ! Should exploit that piece of info next time !) : with Gigi having been precocious, debut in 1997 and 3rd gk in 1998 while Rino mainly played with Andrea with the U23 and pretty much had his debut with him (not the same game but the same year. The amount of games I researched on football database to have the exact dates, games and month the three of them were with Italy, I swear aqzserdtfygh).

Chapter 4 was inevitable. When I saw the progression of my fic, I just knew I had to talk about the 2003 and then the depression that followed since I sticked with Gigi’s POV throughout that fic. And so, chapter 4 was the growing closer part, the first sign they might care more than they think. I had a brief moment of hesitation of putting the first kiss in that chapter but I quickly decided against it as the was neither the right time nor the right place to do so. The focus was essentially on the depression, on recognising that that’s what it was and finally realising he needs help, as in therapy (as seen with that piece of dialogue : “And I can’t help as you need to.”).

So yeah, all these paragraphs (see I can’t stop talking when you launch me), to say that in the logical course of action, the kiss needed to happen in chapter 5. Since I already had the ending (chapter 7 and what a fucking blessing for Sandro Nesta to marry in 2007, t’was the best gift to my timeline !) and obviously the 2006 World Cup indulgement. I also must say that seeing you thirsting for that first kiss after chapter 4 was a pure delight and boost zqasedrftyg. Now, I had no fucking idea how to put the kiss into action, looking at the prompt lists. My only clear point was that “Gennaro” was to be used. If you followed closely, I’ve tried to play on names and how Rino he’s referred to by Gigi as the fic goes on. He’s first “one midfielder of Perugia” and “Gennaro Gattuso” full, matter-of-factly, then it’s “Gattuso” when they have lunch with Pirlo. And from chapter 3 on, he becomes “Rino”. That was also another, more subtler, way to show the evolution of their relationship. So, even though I didn’t know yet how I would write the kiss, I just knew that Gigi would use his first name and not his nickname in the crucial moment (aka… seconds to the kiss, lips only centimetres apart). I thought there was something intimate in play here in using his full first name and not just the nickname as everybody else does, like a secret only Gigi knows of and has the right to utter. Rino didn’t use “Gianluigi”, though but mainly because in the first “Gigi, I…” he’s not yet sure of what’s gonna happen, it’s “Gennaro…” that prompts the whole thing and makes Rino abandon any doubts he may had had still; and in the second “Fucking hell, Gigi…” he’s not really thinking straight (pun intended 👀) obviously and utters the first words he can comprehensibly forms, the first thought that can come out of his mouth. That’s to be made up for in chapter 6 with the use of “Gigione”.

(my god where’s my option to turn that ask into an audio post, it’s beginning to look like a dissertation azsedrftgy)

I chose the showers as setting because I had the first sentence of the fic, looking once again at the prompt lists and I just knew then that would also be my closing sentence after the kiss. The rest pretty much wrote itself, trying to keep up links in between chapters to keep the linearity of it all. The Rino popping in in Turin from time to time and taking the couch, the fact he now has his reserved blanket in Gigi’s home and the “A couple of times, Gigi had woken him up and asked if he could come sleep with him…” was kind of a wink to your (and a lesser extent my small contribution) Chiello/Monto Domestic fluff challenge. Turin and Milan are truly close, after all and I just love the trope of the popping in of one “by accident” (yeah sure) to take care of the other. I also like to imagine Rino on the phone and trying to be all grumpy and threatening to bribe some of the Juve players (mainly Zambrotta (and Alex but he didn’t need that to check on Gigi) who then spread the word to the others) to pop in into Gigi’s flat and have them tell him how he’s doing. It all added to show again how their bond evolved again and the process of them thinking about the other more and more, even when they’re not together.

And so the shower scene (yes, finally zqasedrftgyujik). I just love them, honestly (and I had no idea you did to !!). There’s the symbolic of water washing away not just dirt on your skin but whatever else : here, thoughts, trying to calm down for Gigi and for the kiss, it’s more about stopping to fool around, wash away the masks, the doubts, the uncertainties that comes with the “I might like him a lot but does he like me back ?” and stuff like that. There’s also the nakedness which reinforces the fact that, they’re bare, no place to hide, that’s them in all they have to offer, in their whole honest and truest way. Which is why I tried to make it as much non-sexual as I did (although, re-reading it, I may have insisted on that point too much which kind of spoils it, but I tried and that’ll be helpful to remember in the future). I made the shower booth as small as possible because… Reasons obviously (also, the showers in my taekwondo club are fucking small, I can barely wash my feet without murdering my knees every two seconds, so they were obviously an inspiration). Then I asimply had to use hot shower because a) that’s always more agreeable, b) it fits with the whole “Rino’s energy burns Gigi and he can’t get enough thing, and c) THE STEAM™ ! With the steam, there’s the whole point we already discussed in the comments of blurry lines, ethereal atmosphere that comes into play. It was also a way for me to show it all seemed like suspended in time, as if the steam hid them from the rest of the world.

I must add that I did not exactly meant flip-flops when Rino enters the showers as for me flip-flops are, well… flip-flops with the thing going between your big toe and second toe. But what I actually meant was this kind of sandals which are basically a sole and a strap below the toes (like this) because that was a fucking hilarious image to me and considered a mood-killer/most unsexy thing for some. The fact that Rino joined Gigi was just… Logical. Well, obviously for reasons since otherwise, there wouldn’t have been any kiss. But that’s also the level of comfortable they get with a) the dressing rooms and b) their evolving bond and so yeah, considering the two of them, it’s no biggie for Rino to share the booth, however small with Gigi. I mean… The water’s already hot and running, why use another booth 👀! Also I’m a sucker for wet hair and the glory that was Rino and Gigi’s hair at the time just needed to be wet and highlighted here, that’s all.

Anyway, that got long, sorry (or not) ! Thank you so much for the ask

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Jenny you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Isaac Bones

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Jenny, I can’t explain how excited I was to hear you were planning on returning to us! Your application for Isaac blew us away, and we’re so happy to be welcoming not only another Bones sibling, but you back into the family; your way of capturing his voice and explanation on how he views the war and his family life are so thought out and we know that he’s in good hands with you. Welcome back! *Your faceclaim change to Oliver Jackson-Cohen has been accepted

application under the cut.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Introduction: Jenny, 24, She/her, back in the good ole EST

Activity: 7-8/10, I’ve moved home from school and am applying to jobs, so I’ve got a good amount of time on my hands.

How did you find us? OG Crew <3 But originally through the Harry Potter RP tag.

Anything else? I’ve missed you guys so so much <3

IN CHARACTER

Desired character: Isaac Louis Bones

+ Isaac -> “he will laugh”, of Hebrew origins

+ Louis -> “renowned warrior”, of German and French origins,

Birthday / star sign: 10 March 1950 / Aries

Occupation: Isaac used to be a Curse Breaker for Gringotts, but transferred to a desk job after his sister’s abduction in order to become more involved with war efforts.

Faceclaim: Oliver Jackson-Cohen, or Dan Stevens if he doesn’t fit.

Reason for chosen character:

I had been contemplating Isaac even before I had to leave before. At first, I loved the idea of having siblings on different sides of the war, and having to manoeuvre the complications that came with that. However, now with the latest plot drop and the change to Amelia’s character, this brings a different, but still very intriguing plot should someone come and pick her up! More specifically to Isaac, I have yet to play a character like him. I’ve tended to stick more to lawful good or lawful evil characters before, so playing someone who falls mostly into the chaotic good category is something that would help me broaden the realm of characters I right, and helping me personally grow as a writer.

Having spent the first part of his life an only child, Isaac has had to make adjustments ever since the birth of his sister. So much that it became second nature to him for a long time. He’s had to supress a lot of his discomfort and internal discord because of this. This has created a very guarded, almost two-sided character: the jovial, loving and devoted son, and the hardened, cynical soldier. He works very hide to keep these two sides from ever meeting, or revealing themselves at the wrong time. With the recent change in his sister, this is becoming increasingly hard for him, though he is questioning whether it’s time to show both sides to his sister, as a sign that the two could possibly live in harmony.

Preferred ships // Character sexuality // Gender & Pronouns: Isaac is male, preferring he/his pronouns. He is bisexual, biromantic, with a slight preference for women. This is a vague label, but he prefers not to label anything these days, as romance is far from his priorities at the moment. Barring the right person, that is.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER

Trait expansion:

✓Jovial

Despite throwing himself into the war, Isaac loves the rare times were he and his friends let loose. He loves finding ways to lift peoples’ spirits when the time called for it, loving finding the individual ways to crack each persons’ smile. While he could tend to seem ruthless, those close to him know that for the most part, he could be a teddy bear, one of the most loving people you could have on your side.

✓Clever

Isaac’s father often teased him that he was going to end up in Ravenclaw, something he was actually quite proud of, despite ending up in Gryffindor. He was always the kid who found more creative solutions to his problems, sometimes to the awe of his younger siblings. His mind looked at things differently than most people would approach things, something he never let anyone train his brain otherwise. This is what led him to become a curse breaker in the first place.

✕Irresponsible

No one ever pegged Isaac for prefect or head boy. While he took his studies seriously, he was always known as someone who liked to push boundaries and do his best to get away with breaking rules. Once he gets an idea in his head, he has to see it through or the thought continues to eat at him until he does. He’s gotten a better handle on this as an adult, but recent events have started to drive him back into his old ways.

✕Cruel

For the most part, Isaac is warm and caring. This, however, does not extend to his enemies. When faced with someone who stands against him, a switch flips in him, and he can show a side of him his loved ones have never seen. Until recently, that is. His rage directed to the war has caused him to lash out, letting people see this darker side to him. He will stop at nothing to get revenge on the people that have hurt his family.

Headcanons:

Isaac was terrified when the realisation hit him as a child as to what being an older sibling meant. He loves his siblings to death, but the pressure he built on himself seemed to be heavier than that which others put on him. He could never let them see any other negative sides of him, never wanting to sway their beliefs as children. He’s had to cultivate a fine line now as adults, trying to lead by example and get them on his side, while also attempting to make sure they kept their own minds.

(alcohol tw) Due to the stress of the war, Isaac has developed a problem with alcohol addiction. He’s been able to keep it under wraps, but now with everything that has happened with his siblings, its begun to spiral a bit out of control. This has also seen a rise in his more violent side against the deatheaters, and has put him in some rather dangerous situations. Its most important to him, however, that he is able to hide it from his sister as to not put more strain on her.

Christmas is his absolute favourite time of year, because it’s one of the few times he actually allows himself to enjoy more than a moment of jovialness. Even during the war, he’s gone out of his way to make sure that the holiday remains important to his family, and makes it a time for them to relax and let loose, when he’s become much more serious other times of the year.

An old, worn teddy bear sits on a high bookshelf in his flat. This was the first toy his mother had ever given him, and aside from his first toy broom, the most important. Though he never tells anyone, this bear brings him a sense of comfort, a reminder of a life that was far simpler than the one he currently lives.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

Do you think it is more important to be feared or loved? Which would you rather be?

“I think it’s actually good to have a balance of them, depending on who you’re talking about,” Isaac replied after a moment. “Loved by the people you care about, feared by the people against you. In the context of war, fear is definitely preferred. Peace time may yield a different answer.”

What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I didn’t do enough to help win the war. That’s pretty much the reason I joined Aversio, to make sure I was legitimately doing every possible thing to save the people I love and care about, no matter what risk it entailed.”

If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it!

“A potion to speak a different language when needed would be insanely useful, especially when curse breaking. Definitely would have gotten be out of some rather… unpleasant situations.”

What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Family versus cause. Especially when it comes to my sister,” he reluctantly replied, running a hand nervously through his hair. “We’ve not always seen eye to eye on this war, and it’s been incredibly hard at times.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Nothing has made Isaac happier than to see the change in his sister’s beliefs after being rescued. Having his sister fully on his side now lights even more of a fire within him, and he is more invested in ever in being the thick of the action. Seeing her in action at the Quidditch World Cup, he felt a swell of pride in his chest. While his loyalty to Aversio has never faltered, with his sister by his side, his ferocity towards the cause has grown tenfold. Once his brother was found and better, perhaps the two could help him see things the way they do.

Isaac is insanely grateful to Marlene, for forging ahead to find his brother. Despite his gratitude, and that his brother was found, this also causes inner turmoil for him. He becomes guilt ridden that he was more focused on Aversio work than doing everything he could to find his brother, making it two siblings he was unable save himself. This could potentially lead to a distance between him and his siblings.

WRITING SAMPLE

Routines are too monotonous.

The itch was only growing stronger, sitting at his desk.

Fresh out of school, he had been ecstatic to get a job at Gringotts. The job allowed him to work around the world, never staying in one place too long, and being the cool older brother who brought stories home for Christmas. He could also work, and also be useful to Aversio by being covert in finding information.

That all changed when Amelia went missing.

He, as well as his parents, believed he needed to stay closer to his family, to the heart of the fight. He felt like he had failed as a big brother, and as a fighter, that he could not keep her safe. And he needed to do whatever he could to fix that, even if it meant spending monotonous days sitting behind a desk, rather than being in the thick of things.

That was saved for after work, with the pent-up aggression and drive border lining into dangerous territory.

You’re wasting time behind this desk.

Then the day came that finally broke the work rut he had fallen into. The most bleak, boring day broken by a more than welcome owl flying through his office and landing directly in front of him on his desk.

He almost didn’t believe it when he read the paper it offered him. Not because he did not want it to be true, but because he wanted it to be true so badly it felt like a dream. A dream that came with the risk of not coming true.

She’s actually alive.

Without even uttering a word, he raced from his desk, disappearing in the swirl of his cloak and the familiar pop sound. Once they heard, they would understand. They had had to deal with him for past year, anyway.

You should have been the one to find her.

Arriving at the hospital, he was hardly even able to utter her name before he was whisked off to room being circled by a number of people. Some he recognised, some he had never seen before. Luckily, the resemblance in his face was enough for people to part and let him through to the doorway. His foot had not even crossed the threshold when he heard a familiar voice, filling him with both relief and an odd sense of dread.

But you weren’t the one to find her.

But there she was, right as he stepped in the room. He had dreamed of this moment, all of images and scenarios now flashing through his mind with each step. As his green eyes met hers, his mind quieted, focusing on all of the changes and familiarity in front of him.

And it’s all in her eyes.

There was no way of knowing what she had gone through, but the result was clear as day as he looked at her.

He had always seen her as a kid, even when he knew she had joined the fight. No matter how long she had been an auror, she would always still be his baby sister. The age gap was initially to blame, but he still had not been able to fully accept that both of his siblings were now adults and in the same fight he was. It was only that moment, finally, when Isaac saw a woman standing in front of him, and not the little girl he remembered.

She’s seen more than you could dream of.

“‘Melia,” he was finally able to breath out, a true smile reaching his face for the first time in what felt like forever. “Thank Merlin.”

They were going to fucking pay.

[crzcorgi]

She’s Got Claws

For the beautiful @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash ‘s “Ash’s Birthday Negan Challenge”

Negan x Savior Reader (y/n)

My prompt is Pornhub

This turned out longer than I expected so it will be at least 2 chapters

Word Count ~ 2100

Warnings ~ Negan’s language is about the only warning for this chapter

tags (please feel free to drop me a note if you'd like to be tagged!)

@negans-network @naughtybellax

 I was just stepping into the meeting room when I saw her. One of my newly appointed Saviors. She moved up the ranks rather fucking quickly, her talent for sniping unparalleled to anyone else in the Sanctuary. But that wasn’t the first fucking position she was offered, most certain-fucking-ly not. The first option was to become one of my wives. 

 “You’ve got to be kidding me? Wives? As in more than one? Like a Mormon?” She looked up at me, her fucking gorgeous y/e/c eyes opened wide.

 “Yes, doll, more than one, six at this point. You would be lucky number seven! And no, not like some Mormon. It’s the apocalypse baby girl, the rules have changed.” I tried to watch her face, take in her expressions, I wondered what she was fucking thinking.  

  “So, why in God’s green earth do women agree to this? Is there more to it than just being your wife? I mean, you seem nice enough, but sharing? It’s really not my thing, you know?”

 I sighed, closing my eyes and counting to fucking ten. Why the fuck must I go through this shit? She should be fucking honored that I would choose her? I should just tell her to fuck off, get out of my room and go work for lousy points, washing fucking dishes, scrubbing the shit stained toilets. But I wouldn’t. I wanted her. Badly.

 “Sweetheart, you see, there is a lot more to my relationships with my wives. I offer protection, I offer safety. No working for fucking points, everything just handed to them. I only ask for a bit of loving when I visit. But I most certainly DO NOT force myself on them. Just what they are fucking comfortable with.”

 She started laughing. “So you’re saying you’re okay with no sex? You really expect me to believe that? What man doesn’t want sex, especially with a woman who owes him?”

 “Well y/n, you have never fucking met a man like me, and you most certainly never will.”

 In the end, she said no, and I don’t fucking beg. So I gave up. For the time being.

 “Negan.” She spoke as I walked into the room, roaming over into the shadows taking up residence by the dirt coated windows.

 “Doll. I heard you took out that herd that came upon Dwightie Boy’s group. Nice fucking work.”

 She looked over at me and smiled. That fucking smile. “Thanks. I heard some rustling and climbed a tree just in time to wipe ‘em out. Ripped my favorite pair of pants in the process though.” She glanced down at her legs. “ And had to endure some asshole comments. Negan, you ever thought of having a brothel in the Sanctuary? I’m sure there are women and men that would gladly trade sexual services for points. Most of your Saviors act like they haven’t gotten any since before the end. I’m really tired of the disgustingness of them.” Her nose turned up in disgust and she let out a barely perceptible shiver at the thought.

 “Yeah, and your prissy, shit don’t stink attitude really grates on our nerves too, princess. You just need a good banging, baby.” Obviously, old Davey didn’t notice me when he walked in, must have thought she was talking to someone else.

 “David, always so classy.”  I thought y/n’s eyes were going to fucking roll completely back into her head.

 “Okay, enough. Is this true? Davey boy, are you and my other Saviors harassing y/n? Because I think you fucking know what I’m going to say to that.”

 “Uh, Negan, I didn’t see you. No, we don’t treat y/n here any differently than anyone else. It’s just…”

 I stepped out of the shadows, moving slowly towards him. Glancing over at y/n to see her just glaring at him. “It’s just what David?” I was now standing mere inches from him. I could see the sweat beading on his fucking forehead.

 “Well, sir, she’s rude to us. Never does what she’s fucking told, thinks she’s better than us.” Davey flicked his eyes towards y/n, then back to me nervously.

 “Rude, in what way? And as far as doing what she’s told, I have fucking heard differently from Simon so watch what you’re saying.” I glanced towards y/n, winking. I knew Davey was full of fucking shit, as did doll. But I wanted him to keep spewing shit, see how far the fucker would go.

 “Well, sir, she never rides with us, always drives that beat up piece of shit bike of hers. Says it’s much easier to stay alert or some shit. She never spends any of her downtime with the others, like she’s too fucking good for us.”

 Y/N interrupted the asshole with a loud snort.

 “You have something to say princess?” I smiled at her.

 “Please don’t call me that. But David is fucking full of it.” Her lips pursed while she once again rolled those gorgeous eyes.

 “Speak doll.”

 “Well, I ride my bike because first and foremost, it’s mine. Not much left of my things, so it’s kinda a security thing for me. You know?” She looked at me with a sad smile. “Plus I can scout ahead. And as far as not socializing with the others, getting shitfaced drunk, watching people I used to respect do things that I am hoping they will regret when sober, and possibly having things done to me, is not my idea of a fun time. I’m sorry if it makes me seem ‘stuck up’.” She was now leaning back in her chair, one booted foot resting on a thigh, she began picking at the worn leather. A nervous look flashing across her face.

  I turned my attention back to the man standing in front of me. “David, my man. What the fuck is it to you what this sweet girl does in her free time? And you most certain-fucking-ly do not tell her what to drive, where to ride, what to fucking do. You are NOT her boss.” I was now standing chest to fucking chest with him. “Do. You. Understand?!”

 “Yes sir.”

 I stepped back, turning and walking to my seat, but I stopped by y/n. Sitting on the table beside her, I spoke quietly. “If any of those fuckers give you a hard time, say anything, do anything. Fuck, if they breath funny near you, you come to me, got it?”

 She looked up at me, I couldn’t assess if she was pleased or pissed. “Thank you Negan.” Then she smiled, her y/e/c eyes so bright. “I can take care of myself, but sometimes it’s nice to not have to.”

 “S’ok doll, I know you can take care of yourself. But it’s my fucking pleasure. I am a gentleman after all.” I stood up, bowing towards her, making her laugh.

 “That you are sir.” She giggled, an actual girly giggle.

 “Fuck doll, I made you laugh, my fucking day is complete!” I sat in my seat at the head of the table, placing Lucille down. “You need to do that more often. It’s nice.”

 She looked over at me and I could have fucking sworn she was blushing.

 “Never feel like laughing, so I don’t. Not much to be happy about anymore, is there?” She went back to her serious face quickly.

 “I guess not doll.” We were interrupted by the rest of the Saviors entering the room, everyone taking the seats quickly. The meeting was a quick one, just a rundown on recent runs and plans for a new community that had been discovered.

 Simon asked if he could speak before anyone left the meeting. “In case anyone isn’t in the know, our bossman’s birthday is coming up. And while we certainly cannot surprise the man, we do need to celebrate. So Friday night we are having a unsurprise party for him.” He slapped my back while I thought of ways to fucking kill him.

 Fucking Friday night came fucking way too soon for my liking. Fuck yeah I like a party, but Savior parties were mostly just a bunch of drinking matches, knife fights and couplings that i didn’t want to fucking witness. My wives never wanted to hang around them, bitching about how it was “too loud”, “too dirty” and how they felt “uncomfortable” with how the Saviors were looking at them. So, I sent them the fuck away.

 I sat down at an empty table, throwing back the bit I had left of the fine fucking whiskey Simon had found.

 “Want some company?” I was fucking surprised to see y/n standing in front of me.

 “Fuck yeah, doll! Didn’t think you’d come.” I kicked the chair beside me out for her, grabbing the back to pull it back in when she sat.

 “I figured it was the polite thing to do, I mean, you being the boss and all. She smiled at me, biting on her lip nervously, that little action fucking causing my dick to wake up. “So where are your wives?”

 I sighed.  “They hate these parties. Fuck if I understand ‘em.”  I signaled Simon over with more whiskey. “Want a glass doll?”

 “Yes, thanks.”

  Simon spoke, his voice loud from his obvious intoxication. “Hey, y/n, you’re joining us tonight.”

 “Yes, Simon, but no need to announce it.” She snickered, bringing the tumbler up to her lips and taking a tiny sip. “Mmmhmm, not the usually rotgut I’m used to. Keeping all the good shit to yourself, Negan?”

 I laughed, “yeah, I’ve got it all. All the top shelf shit, doll.” I leaned over the table, the whiskey making me forget my promise to not pursue her. “If you join me in my room I might be fucking inclined to share.”

 She leaned over the table, mere inches from my face. Smiling at me, she brought her finger up to wipe over my lips, bringing to back to her mouth and sucking on it. A sound that reverberated through my very core, ending in my dick.

 “I’m fine, thank you.” And she stood up, walking away like what she just did didn’t leave me so fucking hard, a fucking explosion about to occur in my pants. Shit, why the fuck does she have that kind of effect on me?

 Suddenly the room erupted in fucking hoots and hollers. I stood up, trying to see through the fucking throng of Saviors gathering around the tv that was situated in the corner. I saw Simon and Dwight standing in back and joined them.

 “What the fuck is going on?”

 “Seems Gary found a porno tape of some sort and they just popped it in.” Dwight laughed.

 “Hey, it’s from Pornhub!”

 “Man, I miss that shit!”

 “Pornhub? What’s that”

 “Jesus, Fat Joey? Where the hell were you?”

 Everyone erupted in laughs, that suddenly stopped. Silence. Then a couple of “What the fucks?!” And “is that who I think it is?”

 The crowd fucking turned around in unison, everyone looking towards the door. At the woman standing there. Y/N.

 She was talking to Arat, both of them turning at the same time to see why the fuck the room had suddenly turned quiet.

 A voice in the crowd spoke up. “Hey y/n! Boy did you have us fooled!”

 Her brow furrowed, her arms already crossed, closing tightly to her body. Her eyes darting around the room like a frightened captured animal, looking at Arat, then finally settling on mine. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but I made my way through the crowd that started to descend upon her.

 I was being pulled backwards, towards the television. A chorus of happy birthday being sung as I was shoved in front of the tv.  “Happy Birthday Negan, from your favorite Savior!”

 I don’t know who was speaking, who the fuck shoved me here, I just looked at the screen and saw her. Doll, in all her fucking glory, spread out for whoever was behind the camera. It was scratchy, staticky, but I could definitely see she knew what she was doing, so comfortable in her movements, I couldn’t fucking take my eyes off of the screen. She was pretty much naked, except for what looked like cat ears on her head, and a tail?

 “Hey, y/n! Where ya going? Aren’t you gonna give the boss man a show? Got some catnip for ya!”

 “Here kitty kitty!”

 “Meow!”

 My eyes snapped up, realizing what was going and remembering that she, the fucking sex kitten in the video, was here. And that she was fucking humiliated. I began pushing my way towards the door, wanting to catch her before she fucking disappeared. Fucking assholes.

As I reached the door, I realized she was gone.

part two