#believe it or not I see the series ending with Padmé/Sabé and Codywan

[laurabwrites]

Plotting out loud, because I can. Glimmerglanger/Star Wars edition.

I read a fun smut Padmé/Obi-Wan piece from @glimmerglanger (another author I will read basically anything they write) that had a an interesting author end note:

....and the galaxy is saved because when Anakin tries to flirt with Padmé she goes, "Sorry, kiddo, not interested," because she's busy trying to arrange a time and place when she, Obi-Wan, and anyone else who wants to get down can all meet up.

And being me, I decided to plot out how this AU changes the timeline/plot. Because I can. And maybe if I do, it’ll stop knocking around my head.

So, relevant ‘plot’ points to this exercise for those who don’t want to read smut:

In Attack of the Clones, Anakin took a minor injury chasing Zam Wesell and went back to the Temple for treatment.

Padmé and the handmaids had crushes on Obi-Wan in The Phantom Menace.

Most of Padmé’s sexual experience up to this point has been with her handmaids (and they with each other).

Padmé initiates; the sex is very good; Padmé’s reaction is “I should see if he’s up for an orgy with the handmaids, they deserve something this nice.”

So! How I would plot out what comes next:

1) Anakin still tries to flirt with Padmé. It’s just as embarrassing as in the movies. Padmé decides to bring one of her handmaids with her to Naboo, hoping she’ll act as a buffer with Anakin. Let’s pick Dormé.

Dormé tells R2 to hang around Padmé when Anakin is there & don’t be afraid to use his arc welder/taser if he gets too pushy

2) The sojourn on Naboo is going to include fewer picnics and more Anakin bugging Padmé while she’s working with Dormé on Senatorial work. I see this leading to at least one argument about political structures.

Dormé totally yells at Anakin that he’s proposing fascism

How can a former slave think the scaled up version of what he suffered is a good idea?!?

Well the Chancellor could get so much more done if—

Dormé slaps massive history tome down on table

3) Padmé has good memories of Shmi, so they still go to Tatooine once Anakin shares he’s having nightmares.

4) Anakin does a Mass Murder™️ out of Revenge™️

5) When Anakin has his little ranting confession to Padmé (because he’s thinks they’re closer than Padmé feels), R2 starts pretending to be shutdown in the corner and gets a recording of his confession. Because Padmé is not interested in Anakin romantically, her little “anger is human” part of the speech also includes a “and I’m going to be very careful not to trigger the anger of this person who can throw things with his mind and has a sword that can bisect people easily.” mental clause. It’s a textual medium instead of a visual one. I get to include internal thoughts.

6) MEANWHILE, Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan got a nice dose of happy brain chemicals before starting his hunt and has gotten a decent amount of sleep while bouncing around the galaxy chasing down this attempted assassin. Obi-Wan digs in a little further at Kamino compared to the movies canon. He gets a copy of the contract from the Kaminoans. He ducks meeting Jango until after talking to some of the Alpha class (who introduce him to a couple of their proteges). Jango cannot hurry luring Obi-Wan to Genosis because he cannot find Obi for a couple days. 

When Obi-Wan does talk with Jango there’s a lot more “why are you building an army for the Republic” and more paying attention in the Force to his answers.

Obi-Wan has concerns™️

Obi-Wan sends his concerns to the Council and Anakin with instructions to boost his signal to the Council and make sure it gets there. Also DO NOT COME.

7) Genosis. Obi-Wan sneaks around Genosis for a little bit longer before getting caught. He gets a little more information back to the Council. When Dooku says “there’s a Sith in the Senate”, Obi-Wan says “evidence or I think you’re lying to sow discord and ignore you.”

8) Padmé and Anakin get caught on Genosis just as fast as in the movie. Dormé and R2 do not get caught. They feed technical info about the droids and on the ground tactical information to the arriving Jedi and clone rescue force. The rescue force tries a more diversionary attack expecting Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé to get themselves out of the arena. Fewer clones and Jedi die. It’s still a shitshow with terrible numbers of casualties. Just fewer than in the movie.

9) Anakin still goes after Dooku. He still looses his arm. Dooku still gets away. Padmé and Anakin do not kiss, and do not sneak off to Naboo to get married.

10) Anakin is brought back to the Temple to start healing and doing PT for his new space-future prosthetic arm (see recent writing advice re:arm amputations and why they’re portrayed unrealistically). Obi-Wan is sent off on a mission with Alpha-17. Padmé, Dormé, and R2 speak with the council about Tatooine — the council diverts a Shadow to Tatooine for more evidence to back up the decision they know they’ll have to justify to the Senate.

11) Obi-Wan’s mission goes badly. He and Alpha-17 are captured and tortured by Ventress. Word of this reaches the Council and Anakin...

12) After his mother’s death, Anakin has slotted Obi-Wan into the ‘must not die, will burn down the Galaxy’ slot that Padmé occupied in movie canon. Padmé has made herself unavailable for the role since they’re not in a romantic relationship (although Anakin would like to and plans to continue pursuing her). So Anakin subconsciously choose the other parental figure in his life, instead of the female person he cares most about.

13) Anakin freaks the fuck out, runs off to Kamino, grabs the 212th being assembled for Obi-Wan’s return from this mission (which includes Rex and Cody), says he’s the General’s Padawan/Commander, and they’re going to go rescue Obi-Wan.

14) Anakin did not have an assignment to do this. Anakin is disobeying direct orders to come the fuck back to the Temple. Anakin takes the 212th and runs silently. No one in the 212th knows that they’re not in communication with the rest of the GAR and are in danger of being declared AWOL.

15) Obi-Wan or Alpha escape long enough to send a transmission to the GAR before getting recaptured. The 212th pick up the signal and rescue Obi-Wan and Alpha. Obi-Wan contacts his superiors (the Council and GAR military) and gets informed of the situation with Anakin. Obi-Wan orders them all back to Coruscant.

16) The dressing down of Anakin is a) in the medbay before Obi-Wan is dunked in a bacta tank and b) EPIC. Phrases used include “My life is not worth all of these men!” and “Do you have any idea what happens to AWOL clones?!” Obi-Wan has to arrest Anakin for fear the boy will accidentally start a mutiny by ordering the ship NOT to go to Coruscant.

17) The Jedi Council. Anakin and Obi-Wan think they’re there for Anakin’s punishment for absconding with the 212th and disobeying order. Nope. Surprise. You done did a mass murder. Into Jedi jail you got to go Anakin. “It’s not fair! You need me in this war!” excuse me? “They’re just animals” excuse me? “The chancellor didn’t think I did anything wrong?” ex-fucking-cuse me? say that one again.

18) So yeah, Anakin goes to Jedi jail, the Jedi Council decides to hide that fact to figure out the Chancellor’s involvement in that and prevent him from ordering the Jedi to release Anakin, Shadows start investigating the Chancellor (plus keep an eye on the Coruscant guard who have to interact with him), and sad Obi-Wan goes back to war while trying to investigate his concerns™️ about the Kaminoans and the clones (which is where I want the discovery of the chips to come in, but like, later. In a different story in the series. One where Ahsoka is Obi-Wan’s Padawan.

And yes, Padmé and crew do occasionally meet up with Obi-Wan during the war for some mutually fun sex.)