#belgium seriously what the hell

[writingfanficsfan]

Someone smart needs to explain to me why I needed to pay 61 euros more for my wonderful books by @not-close-to-straight to come to my damn country. What are they even doing with that money? Using it to buy their own books? 

It’s not drugs idiots, it’s books. Why do you need 61 euros to take my packages of books off the damn plane and then bring it to my house?! It can’t be that large and heavy that you need 61 euros more to hire someone to lift it, right?! 😡

[youcalledmebabe]

15 P 𓅫 for Webgott please 🥰 I'm thinking Joe gets injured, which causes Web to confess feelings. Maybe they've just been casual up until the injury, or maybe nothings happened before, but Joe panics.

Hit me with that angst 🫡

build a fic

thank you for prompting, hope you enjoy :)

The front door of the apartment flies open and hits the wall the way it does when Joe is in a bad mood after work. Web never opens the door like that. Joe swallows and tucks his chin under the knit blanket, like he used to when he’d messed with Marie or Emilia too many times and his pop was due home any second.

He hears their—Web’s, he means—bedroom door open and then Web’s groan of frustration. Footsteps down the hallway and then Web appears in the doorway of the spare room, face red from the cold and chest heaving like he’d run home. His coat is still on, blue scarf thrown hastily around his neck. It makes his eyes look even bluer.

“You got in a car accident? And I had to hear about it from Old Man Wright?” Web demands.

Joe sighs. Old Man Wright—their nosy neighbor—must’ve been out for his daily walk. Too bad he hadn’t slipped on the ice and gone to the hospital himself, Joe thinks viciously. Big fucking mouth. Just like Web. “I would’ve told you when you got home, Christ.”

“Why wouldn’t you call me from the hospital? What happened?”

Joe decides to ignore the first question. “My cab slipped on some ice. Fucking Massachusetts. I hate winter. And then another car slammed into me.”

He does not mention that, in the split second as his cab drifted into the intersection, his only thought was Web. It hadn’t been some grand thought of love or fretting about what Web would do without him. Just a fleeting memory of Web sitting by the ocean last summer, turning his head to laugh, smile bigger than the sea.

When he’d thought he was going to die, for the first time since Belgium three years ago, his mind had decided his last thought should be David. And that’s…well, it’s not good.

Web softens and sits on the edge of the bed, tucking the blanket tighter around Joe’s feet. “Are you okay?”

Joe shrugs. “Broken ankle. Few bruises.”

In truth, his entire body aches but the unease he feels is much worse. He would’ve died thinking of Web. What the hell does that mean?

He knows what it means.

“How’d you get home from the hospital?”

“Walked.”

“On a broken ankle, Joe? Seriously?” Web scolds. “You could’ve hurt yourself worse. You should’ve called me.”

“What’s it to you?” Joe snaps.

“I love you,” Web says, face getting redder. “That’s what it is to me.”

And that’s what it means. Love was the reason he’d wanted to remember Web’s smile in his last moments, love was the reason he’d turned up at Web’s door in Cambridge a year and a half ago, love was the reason he’d scraped up enough money to buy a cab here and why he never slept in the bed he was in now and why Web refused to let him pay rent and—Joy and panic wage a war in Joe’s head.

The panic wins. He turns on his side to face the wall; this’ll be easier to do if he doesn’t have to look at Web. “Go away.”

Web puts a hand on Joe’s calf; the same spot his scar on his own body is. Joe feels like that must mean something. “Why, Joe?” he asks. Joe can hear the controlled frustration in his voice, can imagine the tension in his jaw as he tries not to jump to anger.

“Because I can’t go on my ankle.”

Web sighs and Joe feels his weight leave the bed. Then Web’s hand runs through his hair, gently, rubbing a thumb over his ear. It soothes Joe; he wants to sigh himself. How can Web be the source of the panic and the cure? Love. “I’ll go,” Web concedes. “But I’ll come back.”

A threat, or a promise. Maybe both. Or I will, Joe wants to answer, but he can’t bring himself to. Or maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll get up in the morning, broken ankle and fucked up cab be damned, and drive until the gas runs out. Vanish into the distance. Never love again, Web or anybody else.

The door closes behind Web, quietly. Joe rolls back over. This bed is creaky, the blankets are scratchy, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sleep without Web’s breathing. He wishes he was back in their bed, or that Web would ignore what he said and show back up, crawl into bed, and hold Joe.

As he drifts off to sleep, his last thoughts are of David’s face, the blush on his cheeks when he’d said I love you, and he knows what that means, and what he has to do tomorrow.

[captaincherrie]

Back in Chicago

Pairings: Lewis Nixon x f!reader

Summary: Lewis and reader have some unresolved feelings? Very loosely inspired by this song.

warnings: uncertainty, fluff, cuteness? It’s late, this isn’t proof read or anything!!!

Disclaimer: any writing of Band of Brothers is strictly based of their fictional representation in the show. No disrespect to the true hero's.

Authors note: so this came to me suddenly, had to write it. Again fighting for my life with the style of this, trying to figure it out. This is definitely not my best, but overcoming writers block by writing small things As always, let me know what you think, enjoy (and my requests are open)

-

He looked right at her. Eyes scanning her face, trying to convey the message he wasn’t allowed to say yet. They had met in Belgium, in the midst of hell. Her hands trying to work magic, while attempting to soothe the pain that lingered around. But now, comfortable in Germany while looking over the beautiful landscape, Lewis felt sober for the first time in a long time.

They had spent the afternoon together near the lake, each their own book, in their own little world

“Where will you go now- once the war is over?” He asked hesitantly, breaking the comfortable silence. The war was over, he just wasn’t allowed to say it yet.

Y/n smiled at him, her smile reaching all the way to her eyes. She looked radiant, he realized, like a thousand shimmering suns laughing right at him. 

“I’ll go back home to Chicago, Nix. Maybe work at the hospital there, maybe find someone who takes me dancing and reads to me in the park. Have a dog and some babies eventually. You know, finally start a life. ” She winked. 

He nodded at her words, breaking his gaze away from her. His hands fidgeted with the corner of the page he was reading. They had gone dancing the night before, the memories coming right back. They had been so close, her perfume dazing his senses and her soft curls tickling his neck.

“Sounds nice enough. You deserve it, Y/n.” He sighed, bringing his eyes back to the words in front of him. Pushing down the feeling that was screaming at him.

After a few moments, Y/n spoke up again, “What about you, Lewis?”

“What about me?” He looked at her.

She closed her book, connecting their eyes, “What do you deserve?”

He looked down, lowering his head slightly. “I will figure it out, I guess.” He answered.

She sighed, stood up and took her book. Taking a few steps back, she turned around to face him once more. “I know exactly what you deserve, Lewis Nixon. But I’ll give you time. Once you figure it out, will you come visit me? In Chicago I mean?” She smiled. 

Not bothering to hear his answer, she walked away grinning while shooting him one last wink. He watched her go, a small sparkle of hope tingling in his stomach. 

He looked after her with reddened cheeks, blinking slowly. Did he hear her correctly? He had just been served a divorce letter. Everything, including his dog, has been taken away from him. Was she seriously offering him a new chance on a silver platter? 

-

4 months later, back in Chicago.

They had sent a few letters back and forth. Small updates of their lives shared, but nothing more. He hadn’t responded to her last letter, which was a few weeks ago. Multiple things had crossed her mind, maybe the divorce hadn’t gone through, maybe he decided he didn’t want her? Had she been too vague or maybe too forward? He has always been such a smart man, he must have gotten the clue. He was an intelligence officer after all.

. 

A knock on the door broke her train of thoughts. Shaking the feeling, Y/n made her way to the front of the house. Her friend Betty had promised to come pick her up so they could go out in the evening.

Stopping in the hallway, she took a moment to put on her heels and look one last time in the mirror. Reapplying her lipstick, she heard a second set of knocks. Grinning to herself, she yelled, “Yes Betty, I’m coming! Christ, you’re impatient.”

Turning the knob, she opened the door. 

“Hi.”

Her face fell. “You’re not Betty,” she whispered. 

Lewis looked at her, she looked more rested, a healthy blush sitting on the apples of her cheeks. She looked beautiful. 

“No, but I was hoping you’d go dancing with me instead?” He asked with a small smirk on his face.

Y/n blinked once, then quickly overcame her shock. Jumping up, she brought her arms around his neck, she crossed her legs around his waist. The movement caused him to stumble slightly, trying to hold on to her as best as possible as he found his footing again. He brought his head to the crook of her neck, a genuine smile overtaking him as he smelled the same perfume as that last day together. He held her up for a few minutes, before slowly lowering her to the ground again.

“You came! I- I thought-” She beamed.

He grinned while answering, “How could I not? Had to come find my girl, right?” 

Her lips parted slightly as her brows furrowed, “your girl?”

“Yes, Y/n. I heard what you said all those months ago, and I have been going over it. Again, and again, and again.” He scanned her face.

Cupping her chin, he looked into her eyes again, “If you let me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. I will give you whatever you want. Whatever it takes to feel the way you make me feel all the time.” He confessed. 

At this point she was blushing furiously, “Lewis Nixon, have you been drinking again?”

“No, sweetheart, stone cold sober.” He chuckled.

Y/n looked at him, trying to find something on his face that indicated he was joking. When she couldn't find anything, she locked their eyes again, “Then kiss me, you fool. I’ve waited long enough”

“Yes, ma’am.”

[nyoomfruits]

fics that are essential landoscar lore to you 3 2 1 go

[shoves the enitre contents of the ao3 landoscar tag at you] there you go :)

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. this is so hard why would you ask this of me aaahhhh but OKAY.

(below a read more because uuuuh. this accidentally got really long)

how much can you fit (under your skin) by cloudcollector | E | 4,5k

Oscar has biteable thighs. Lando has teeth.

this one is self explanatory and what prompted you to send me this ask i think. anyway i've said this before but even if you dont like thighs you will come out of this a thigh lover. also 10/10 dynamic like everything is so!!! about this fic. introduced reading oscar to the world which i think should be a staple in all landoscar fics actually

Negative splits by leafmealone | T | 10k

So officially, Oscar Piastri, pretty good steepler and pretty bad pacer, was now a professional runner. They wanted him to steeple, mostly, though he’d be doing cross country in the fall, and Lando had pinky promised him, mid-distance guy to mid-distance guy, that if he wanted to get into the 3k flat indoor then he would get him in. Oscar didn’t really want to ask how he planned on doing that. Felt safer not to ask.

very important landoscar lore to me personally which if you've been following me a while you probably know why. anyway 10/10 and a must read makes me feel very insane every time. also leaf did put the sports boys in another sport as well which is also mandatory reading in my personal opinion.

only found by eisenberg | T | 7k

“Hey, well. No strings attached, right?” Oscar says, strategically. Lando smiles and says, “hell yeah. And now that that’s established, what’s your stance on aliens? Also, do you still want your cake?” -- cinderella soulmates au where whatever you lose, your soulmate finds. except: oscar has a soulmate and lando is a No-Match, a person who doesn't have a soulmate.

what is a mandatory reading list without a soulmate au truly. AND LET ME TELL YOU. 10/10. dynamic is of the charts fantastic, beautifully captures the differences between lando and oscar but why they work anyway and gaaahhh. sometimes i just stare at the ceiling for three hours and think about this fic no biggie

what would you do (if I went to touch you now)? by laceyamethyst | E | 30k

“Okay, so they both like each other. We need to get them together.” “How? Lando’s too freaked out to think straight and Oscar is the human embodiment of the standing man emoji.” Charles purses his lips for a moment before he snatches his boyfriend’s phone up from the other side of the table. “What are you doing?” “Initiating Mission Landoscar.” “Did you just make that up?” Charles waves at him dismissively as he begins texting, and Max lays his head down on the coffee table and prays for strength. *** In which Max tries to prove to an oblivious Charles how glaringly obvious it is that Lando is head over heels in love with Oscar. When Charles finally gets with the program, Lestappen go on A Mission™ to get the two idiots to admit their feelings for each-other, but it’s easier said than done.

first of all this fic is perfect, show stopping, laugh out loud funny. SECOND OF ALL this fic is the best way to bully your lestappen friends into shipping landoscar because it actually has a super sweet established relationship lestappen side plot. also this whole fic is from max's pov which means you get a beautiful outsider pov look at the complete chaos that is lando and oscar pining for each other. delightfull really.

Your Plans (And Those Slow Hands) by xxcelientje | E | 4k

He could probably fit both of Oscar’s hands in one of his own, he could for sure use one hand to hold both of Oscar’s wrist and an idea entered his mind. He smiled at Oscar. ‘You like my hands?’ Oscar’s cheeks reddened even more as he nodded, his eyes still on their joined fingers. ‘They fascinate me,’ he admitted, biting his lip. OR: Lando and Oscar have some fun (and share some feelings) after the Belgium GP

just like the thigh fic will give you a thing for oscar's thighs this will give you a thing for lando's hands. gaahhh their dynamic in this is just so!!!!!!!!! the way theyre so HORNY for each other 10/10

carried away by venerat | E | 22k

“Oscar,” Lando said. “Don’t hate me, alright, but I've—”

did you really think i was going to do a mandatory reading list without a venerat fic???? lmao. anyway all of venerat's stuff is mandatory but this one is my personal fave i think. TOP TIER dynamic truly, and its FAKE DATING. what more can a person want really

change the weather by sharls | E | 5k

Lando knows what a thong is, of course he does—but the team needs content, the team needs clicks, and he just so happens to be well-versed in the art of going viral.

is a mandatory landoscar reading list really complete without a thong fic??? i think not. and this is so!!!!!!!!! everything about this just Makes Sense. if you told me this had actually happened i would be like. yeah. that checks out. very incredibly in character and just !!!!!!! very hot and funny and perfect.

all right theres a lot more but??? i promised myself i would rec only 5 fics and this is already 7, so... i'll stop here. for now

[glassprism]

It makes me a little sad that you’re no longer as into Elisabeth, you were the one who got me into it and it’s such a part of my life. Thank you.

Yeah, I wish I was more into it as well. I loved this musical when I first got into it; I still love it now, or rather love the way it used to be. But what can I say? Blame Stage Entertainment's stupid restaging and overtly romantic reinterpretation of the show, not to mention the constant use of concerts over actual productions where they keep bringing back the same actors (seriously, will somebody please free some of these actors from what is clearly a lifetime debt, owed in blood, to the show), and uugghhh... yeah, I just lost interest.

And of course, I am aware that there are many great productions internationally - Toho and Takarazuka in Japan, the Korean productions, plus they've gotten ones going in the Czech Republic, Belgium, Lithuania, which is great! But they're also quite different from the original German-language productions and their moody, darker atmosphere, which were the ones I first fell in love with, and since those are stuck in romantic concert hell, well... it doesn't feel the same, sad to say.

(I guess the Phantom equivalent would be if every production worldwide was now a non-replica and both the West End and Broadway productions closed down and only had once a year concerts with minimal staging where they kept bringing Ramin Karimloo and Ben Crawford back to play the Phantom.)

But I am glad I got you into it! That's also so lovely to hear and to know that I got even one person to take a look at this musical which, for all that I complain about it's current iterations, was so complex and ambiguous and emotionally raw in it's heyday. Even if I'm not into Elisabeth anymore, I can't take that away from you, so thank you as well!

[999-roses]

unpacking 'sinophone' and its sinophobic roots

so. it never occurred to me to just type "sino diaspora" into google before.

and google is like "oi!! you meant sinophone yeah? here's wikipedia on sinophone" and here's like the other top results

I'm squinting. What the hell do you academics have against diaspora using the term diaspora?? I click.

inb4 this whole rant: I have no qualms with using sinophone as a language-family-use descriptor (like sinophone media), but coming from academia or as an academic field unto itself. but. the literature about wanting to use it as a demographics thing & separate it from "chineseness". just. looook if anyone knows that they're no longer like this let me know. with what im seeing, im having a bad faith moment

so... this is the academic that's hard pushed the term for sinophone.

"crit on orientalism might be complicit for allowing Chinese intellectuals to call themselves victim under an 'unreflective' nationalism" & "but the flipside may be a new imperialism" yeah?? any more unsubstantiated claims???

What a joke!! Clearly only takes authority about Chinese history from western sources, like literally has the uncritical echo of "X country doesn't deserve territorial integrity" that literally fueled western imperialism, and not just of China. Treaty of Nanjing 1842 ringing no bells? Sigh. National sovereignty is the barest basis against overt imperialism where someone just comes over and declares where you live their colony!!! ... is this a test in how far can you stretch the definition of imperialism or colonization? lmfao, China invests in poverty-relieving measures like building houses and improving infrastructure out in Tibet, Guizhou, Xinjiang, and you have the audacity to call that colonizing?!? 我真无言了。

different article by the same person:

laughable to think that the Chinese state even bothers to think I exist, let alone talk to me about my diaspora status. (I was born in the US)

also, people are really out there saying 'diaspora has an end date' huh

here it is. here is the 'scholar' conflating American or western imperialism with things Big Bad Scary Red China does.

Clearly mixing up concepts of tributary system with colonialism, and acting like historically (other than Yuan era under Genghis) that ancient China/Chinese culture was expansionist, going around trying to conquer peoples and set up colonies. Admiral Zheng He would spit on you.

Comparing the spread of culture and language in Ancient China to the colonization and subjugation that the French/Belgium did in Africa, or the British Empire, or the Spanish and Portuguese in Latin America, is so blatantly dishonest. The indigenous people of Tibet, Inner Mongolia, and Xinjiang still speak their own languages and use their own scripts, and yes, they learn them in schools alongside the national language... which is Chinese!!! Yes the Hanyu writing system was adopted and adapted by many neighboring cultures in ancient times, but you literally don't examine WHY? The fluidity in its system: frequently non-Han peoples invented characters to suit their language, like there's even some Canto-specific characters that are in use today. Another reason that Chinese writing system was so popular was because two Sinitic language speakers who do not speak the same language could communicate through the same script. Yeah, Ancient Chinese scholars and dignitaries often had an insufferable elite-ness and superiority complex, but describing their attitude as subjugating and forcing other people to adopt their system? What a wildly malicious mischaracterisation!

just... mask off, gringo butt-licker.

Please. where is the "Chinese containment" policy? The white papers reaffirming what the international community agrees, what Taiwan historically agrees (tho Taiwan held that it was the true capital/head of all of China), that Taiwan is part of China?? I know this article was written back in 2010s but are you seriously comparing American weapons deals and boots on the ground with Chinese military exercises in Chinese territory that haven't harmed a single civilian? "critical" my ass!

gotta love the title of this one. yeah, I know it, I've seen it before. the Chinese or feminist binary, pick a side /s

but hey in this piece she admits she's ignorant and unobjective and out of her league sometimes?

edit: found this:

yeah that about seals it for me. anti"diaspora" sinophobe

[under-the-ladder]

Since all the songs have been here for a few days now, time for my top (for now. I have no doubts this will change until May.) Warning, a wall of text incoming

The middle section was so hard to rank 😫 I'm sure I'll see this tomorrow and say to myself "What did I think yesterday??". Everything's fluid and constantly changing but that's why I prefer tiers over strict ranking with places.

Best:

Netherlands 🇳🇱 - What do I even say? Joost completely satisfied the insane expectations I'd had for him. He was the sole reason eventually I learned how to use a vpn. I consider him my entryway to the Dutch culture, I've known him for almost a year and he's managed to become special to me as an artist, almost like in a completely different tier. I am definitely biased lol but I just love the song lyrically (I already elaborated on it here), musically and trust him as a performer 100%. Televote win is in the air!

Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Now this is, my dear friends, my winner vibes this year (out of the more viable entries)! Jury will most likely tank Joost and I can see Nemo getting high points from both juries and tele. The Code has just a perfect amount of drama and theatricality. It connects pop and opera - a mix that I'm a sucker for and additionally, is lyrically meaningful to me on a personal level. How could I not love this??? I'm impatiently looking forward to Nemo's looks and turquoise carpet!

Belgium 🇧🇪 - If not Switzerland, at least let Belgium win. This has some anthemic quality that draws me instantly. Takes quite a long time to get to the climax but it's soo worth it. The lyrics are a mystery to me and it still doesn't take away from the song. I might be biased because I already explored some of Mustii's discography and I love what I found.

Spain 🇪🇸 - The instrumental is a biiig part of why I love this song so much. Those synths make me euphoric every time, the message is beautifully unapologetic. I am worried about the vocals though. I've read somewhere that in Benidorm Fest the way Mery sang was an intentional nod to some other popular singer but there's no way anyone outside of Spain knows that. And even when I know that I still lack the cultural context to grasp the significance. If this doesn't get changed this aspect will definitely hold them back.

Ps. If I ever get a cat (as Baby Lasagna has been tempting me since Dora) I am naming it Zorra, mark my words.

Finland 🇫🇮 - This is just pure fun and I'm buying it! It saddens me to see people complaining thy're just a copy of Käärijä, they take themselves so much less seriously lol. The descending shorts with fireworks concept AND the eagle sounds are everything. On top of that the guys are already the highlight of this year's backstage. I will be super sad if this nqs but then semis are televote only so there's still hope 🙏

Amazing:

Slovenia 🇸🇮 - There is something magnetically drawing me to this song. I love how Slovenian sounds in it, the harsh "r" sounds and almost bird-like "rrahh" especially. Raiven's voice and stage presence are hypnotizing. Besides, Weronika is my 3rd name and the only one I chose for myself so I feel personally connected to the song. Musically this is not the easiest entry and I don't expect many televoters to get it (please just q a dalej niech się dzieje wola nieba) but I hope the atmosphere of the performance will make up for it.

Croatia 🇭🇷 - I still can't believe Baby Lasagna was a backup entry for Dora. If he ends up winning there should be a little shrine for Zsa Zsa built in Zagreb. Meanwhile the Dora executives should really ask themselves how the hell they initially declined an entry that ended up giving them a chance for the best placing since god knows when. Anyways, the hype for this was the highest around Dora, now I'm busy obsessing over others but this is very solid still. I wish the staging was less messy. I kinda don't believe it can win realistically but I certainly wouldn't be disappointed.

Australia 🇦🇺 - It's crazy how my opinion on One Milkali took a complete u-turn. From "I don't think it's my type of music" to "Gosh, I can't get it out of my head". The song does feel a bit dated but somehow special as well. Perhaps that's because I found other songs from Electric Fields that I fell in love with. I still think their 2024 is not the strongest track from their discography and I'm mentally preparing for an NQ :|

Portugal 🇵🇹 - Well, I'm myself super surprised that Grito surpassed Ramonda when it comes to ballads. I didn't feel anything for the first few listens and then something clicked. I sense until May there might be some shuffles around those positions and a lot will be down to the live performances

Latvia 🇱🇻 - Dons' monumental vocals is what makes this song 200x better. It flows nicely, the staging is lacking but that will surely get improved, right? 👀 He seems like such a fun guy with a distance to himself, the butter tiktoks will be remembered for a long time.

Lithuania 🇱🇹 - It took some time for it to grow on me. Lithuanian sounds nice here, almost like Polish, and I like the bridge(?) with the lyrics about radio. The chorus melody is kinda annoying but the rest of the song compensates for it. Tbh I like either Latvia or Lithuania more based on how my mood changes.

Cyprus 🇨🇾 - I know it's a pretty standard girlbop but I just like it for some reason. Silia's energy is highly contagious. Hoping she can prove the gossips wrong and deliver vocally while dancing.

Good:

Ukraine 🇺🇦 - I think it's a decent entry. When Jerry and alyona won Vidbir they were pretty high in my ranking but with the rest of the entries being revealed that advantage faded gradually. Contrary to e.g. Slovenia, Teresa & Maria felt catchy and interesting at the beginning but the longer I listened to it the more repetitive it became. I can see this being an advantage in the televoting though. With that being said, it's far from being the most winning-worthy song and I'd rather root for a country that didn't score two wins already in the last decade.

Sweden 🇸🇪 - from the first time I saw this I fell in love with the staging. Loreen had a horizontal sandwich last year, this year it's a vertical one for the twins lol. I do admit the staging is a huge part of why it's so high but I do like this song. Hell, I even think it's better than Air. The last part especially, right before the end. What can I say, I hear those synths and I'm sold. It will make a good opener.

Greece 🇬🇷 - I'm still not sure why it's so high. I don't vibe with the idea for the music video (please don't try to adapt it for stage. No more cringey overlays, don't catch this virus from TVP). The parts I find highly enjoyable are the opening and ending sung in this high(?) voice, the middle is more like my guilty pleasure.

France 🇫🇷 - I really liked the trick with standing back from the microphone but even without it it's a powerful enough ballad. Slimane as a singer sells it, that's it.

Serbia 🇷🇸 - For another year I find myself in love with the sound of Serbian language. The words "lila ramonda" flow so well in the chorus and complement each other in terms of sounds. The song is almost like a lullaby, with the forward-backward movement that Teya makes during the last chorus underscoring that even more. Another beautiful moment is when the flower rises from above her at the end. The performance makes this song for me as musically I preferred Lik u ogledalu, which was kinda uncoordinated on stage with those mirrors.

Estonia 🇪🇪 - I was really a fan of this song around January and then something happened, maybe the Eesti Laul final performance? It was messy vocally and staging-wise. For now I can't really pinpoint what else is wrong but one thing is sure: this really fell more than a few places for me :/

Poland 🇵🇱 - I'm so tired of the Polish internet at this point that I'll be cheering for Luna no matter what happens. This is a song I liked from the start and still do and I sincerely hope she manages to pull it off on stage decently, I don't care whether because she' naturally a good vocalist or gets a lot of training or gets tape backing vocals. Seeing how strong this year is I'm doubting whether Karma or Justyna would score much better.

Austria 🇦🇹 - This grew on me a bit, enough to move from average to good. Not seeing the winner hype at all and as I mentioned somewhere earlier her staging is my pet peeve. If this ends up anywhere near how the mv looks like then I'll be seriously disappointed. This is a song about raving after all and making a Chanel-like choreo-heavy girlbop out of it seems so unnecessary.

Average:

Luxembourg 🇱🇺 - The funky droplet sounds(?) are quite up my alley, the song is quite fun on its own. Please change that outfit on stage, it's too dark for how happpy Fighter sounds imo. While the result of the Luxembourgish nf is not that bad I do hope they change it before the next year. Forcibly pairing artists with not-their-own songs almost always ends up badly and come on, why restrict their creativity and authenticity? It's not 2013 anymore.

UK 🇬🇧 - That's kind of a classic example of expectations vs reality. Dizzy is painfully correct and nothing more BUT I think it can still be rescued by the live performance. If they manage to bring the spinning rooms idea to life and miraculously nothing breaks and if Olly uses his charisma which he has plenty of. If you don't believe me watch It's a sin with Elton John or mv to Starstruck.

Italy 🇮🇹 - My biggest problem here is with the instrumental, it's grating and scratches my brain in a very annoying way. I like Angelina's expression on stage and all that but the song is just a barrier impossible to ignore. If Italy wants to win again please, may it be with something better (I wouldn't say no to Annalisa).

Ireland 🇮🇪 - I'm generally very glad Bambie won, this is surely progress made from the last year. Normally I'm not a fan of pagan elements, zodiac signs, etc. but the mv is very aesthetically pleasing. The quieter parts are digestible to my ears, the noisier ones not so much. People keep saying it's a chance for Ireland to qualify but honestly I'm of the opinion it will repel majority of the televoters. It will be very interesting to see how it's going to play live with staging, outfits and turquoise carpet nonetheless.

Norway 🇳🇴 - I think Norway might be the biggest fall this year, or even since I'm more engaged in ESC. This went straight up from amazing to barely average. In theory Ulveham has everything I should love - Norwegian, rock mixed with folk, powerful and charismatic vocalist. I still don't know exactly what doesn't work. It's no mystery I loved Mileo and thought Damdiggida was a letdown compared to other Keiino's songs so I don't think Norway had a better option in the MGP final than Gåte. What I like is the staging, especially the moment Gunnhild bends backwards and leans on her hand (somehow with her vocals remaining flawless!!) but that's not enough to charm me back :c

Weak:

Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 - It's a pleasant ballad but doesn't distinguish itself enough to be memorable. I appreciate the use of Azerbaijani (Azeri?), I don't appreciate the presence of Ilkin Dovlatov. What does he even bring to this song?

Denmark 🇩🇰 - That's just a very competent song with a good vocalist, almost no more things to say. I'm not a fan of the platform she was standing on. Also I have a weird aversion to the DMGP stage, it looks like a waterwell so it will probably be better in Malmö lol.

Armenia 🇦🇲 - As much as everyone seems to be loving Jako, to me it's rather grating. From what I was able to see I appreciate Jaklin's energy live but that's about it. It doesn't help that it's constantly stuck in my head while I'd prefer it not to.

San Marino 🇸🇲 - This just doesn't do anything to me. Feels almost too funky while I thoroughly enjoyed the heavier vibe of Arcadia. Maybe that's unfair to compare so much but I can't help it. In a weaker year I wouldn't mind for Megara to qualify but this time maybe make some room for better songs (Latvia please?).

Iceland 🇮🇸 - Jak do tego doszło nie wiem/How did it come to this? The results of Söngvakeppnin left me speechless this year and the drama afterwards left a very bad taste. Scared of heights is not a super bad song after all but it's biggest mistake is blandness. A sure NQ that I will not cry for.

Bad:

Albania 🇦🇱 - The revamp took all the kick and power out of this. The rap part turned into a shadow of itself. Contrary to many, I don't mind the language change. I can't say I liked the song before, I like it even less now. I do appreciate the mv though, it's so crisp.

Czechia 🇨🇿 - I'm sorry, I just can't ignore the live when judging this. Even if I did I still don't think Pedestal would end up much higher. I don't vibe with the shouty chorus and an nth rendition of the Mugler suit this year, the visuals in the mv are much more pleasant though and I'd like them to go that direction in Malmö.

Malta 🇲🇹 - The revamp broke it, I'm sorry. What else can I say? Didn't like it before, like it even less now. Case similar to Albania.

Georgia 🇬🇪 - This track is so noisy and overproduced that I can't remember the melody line even after multiple listens. Too dynamic, too much of everything all at once. I guess the song is not that bad, I just dislike the fact that it takes effort to make a song this overloaded and yet Georgia succeeded.

Moldova 🇲🇩 - I know I said that was the only option for Moldova but I can't help but skip this one every time it comes up on my playlist. The only catchy part is the chorus melody, all without words. I actively dislike the live performance, there's something disturbing in the way they all look and move the same way.

Germany 🇩🇪 - Eh. Every time I listen to this I physically cringe at the sound of the elephant in the chorus. The supposedly African inspiration feel disingenuous and very 2010s to me. James Newman fate is what I predict awaits this entry.

[primeministerofantarctica]

so. turns out this was easier than i thought

ignore the two generic smurfs after smurfette they're just there bc the formatting sucks :/

also i couldn't find a finance smurf but he belongs in the "burn in smurf hell'' category <3

also i have time to kill so. list below the cut!

1. Clumsy - sweetheart. doesn't have a mean bone in their body. very autistic.

2. Lazy - i don't know how to explain lazy being an unintentional allegory for people with invisible disabilities that are considered a burden and. lazy under capitalism. but he has a big heart and cares about his friends even when they're less than considerate towards him (seriously, WHAT was the slumber party episode? were they like, intentionally trying to torture him?)

3. Jokey - "Oh, the folly of a clown, masking his loneliness with a joke!" <- person who definitely doesn't have any internal issues :). Also can we just appreciate the fact that he has ONE main prank and everybody still falls for it. (not to mention that the prank is. giving people bombs)

4. Timid - he BABY

5. Scaredy - he baby 2

6. Smurfette - specifically lost village smurfette cuz that was where she peaked. you go girl give us an identity crisis and journey of self-discovery only to find the answer was with you all along!

7. Greedy - comics/ 2021 specifically, because him and chef being distinct characters is funny as hell. he's so cute i would totally give him a muffin if he asked.

8. Harmony - he sucks so bad at what he's supposed to be best at! and i think that's so interesting and criminally underexplored! and every time he gets the other smurfs to like his music it ends badly :(.

9. Painter - dramatic ass bitch (affectionate). why was he the only french person in belgium.

10. Doctor - i assume that one's doctor at least. it is now. anyways he's funny as hell, like harmony he's also...bad at his passion. he doesn't have a reason to be a quack, he's just. Like That.

11. Reporter - I like his voice.

12. Poet - there is NO need to speak in couplets all the time, he's so extra.

13. Tailor - "*terrible Kip King impression* EVERYBODY STOP COMPLAINING OR I'LL SCREAM." He's really nice, he made Smurfette that dress in one episode even though he was busy, and he made Tracker a fur coat out of the scraps he gave him and Vanity a scarf with his face hand-embroidered on it just because? AND more importantly, he's very blunt. i like that :)

14. Hefty - no no you didn't see my love for strong muscular guys that are kind and caring and totally whipped for that one girl. ok he's not maws level but like. if you can put "she's so high" by tal bachman in a ship playlist then you've got a valid m/f ship

15. Grouchy - let him say hate again oh god please i will tear my ears out if i have to hear "me, I don't like x" again. fuckin WEAK. also the grammar i wanna curl up on the floor and cry.

16. Farmer - remember when all the smurfs only wore white pants so to distinguish farmer from the others he would just be randomly carrying a hoe for no reason. also his accent is SO silly in the new cartoon i love it.

17. Vanity - just...watch this.

18. Brainy - i'm sorry for putting him so low brainy fans can you ever forgive me /hj. with all fairness i do think he's an interesting character! he's just...interesting in a way that doesn't really appeal to me specifically.

19. Handy - i feel like he would build a doomsday device if he got bored one afternoon and honestly? i respect that.

20. Papa Smurf - sometimes he's a good father figure. sometimes he's a terrible "father figure". it depends on the medium. and the direction of the wind.

21. King (pretentious) Smurf - made a whole authoritarian regime in like. two days. what the hell man.

22. Finance - capitalist :/

[misdre]

my Even More Expert Than Usual impressions of this year's eurovision

faves:

australia (promise): this grows on me more and more every listen, might actually be my non-finland(yes this is a word now.) favourite this year. insert a joke about australia not even being europe here. catchy electro rock metal whatever with an attractive singer, yes king

austria (who the hell is edgar): ah ma gawd. this song mad catchy.

croatia (mama SC): it's perfect. next

cyprus (break a broken heart): my guilty pleasure fave this year, a borderline boring swedish-produced turd aaand i love it. this was the first one that stuck on my first listen through all the songs. that's just how it goes in this short-term-memory eat short-term-memory world

czechia (my sister's crown): this song would be near perfect if none of it was in english, because the english lyrics are a bit too corny for me. but the chorus is in ukrainian so i feel adequately pandered to. some of it is also in bulgarian and some in russian and i forgot what else. this is the one song that i hope has a really really good stage performance because otherwise it will just be ignored by everyone

finland (cha cha cha): here's a beautiful story…. back in february. it was a sunny winter day.... i walked home while listening through all our UMK (national selection) songs in release order for the first time. and i heard cha cha cha in there, and i typed in our friend group chat: ok so we're sending cha cha cha this year, that's just how it is. that IS how it is. (and my friends didn't believe me!!!! fools. i'm obviously always right?) it's crazy it's party.

germany (blood & glitter): WE'RE SO HAPPY WE COULD DIE! germany sends metal for the first time in eurovision history and the song was recorded in helsinki, it's my duty as a finn to stan. i also read that the german national selection juries hated this but finland was part of the international jury and gave it a 12 and into esc you go. take that, motherfucks.

moldova (suarele si luna): literally only just now while typing this noticed that this artist is the same who did lautar in 2012. that's a fucking excellent song LOOK AT THOSE DANCERS. anyway! moldova single-handedly taking care of my techno folk needs. like, all any artist in esc needs to do is combine folk and techno and it's my favourite that year, i'm basic like that

norway (queen of kings): let me just go grab my viking queen sword and we can leave on a journey through the fjords.

not crazy about it but ok:

belgium (because of you): this is like. inoffensive. it's alright catchy.

denmark (breaking my heart): this is like. inoffensive. it's alright catchy.

estonia (bridges): look, on a year with almost no ballads, the only(?? idk i didn't pay enough attention) piano&string quartet ballad is actually nice. i mean i genuinely like the song, it's good. and i love estonia. they're my new favourite neighbour because sweden needs to be eliminated

france (evidemment): this is like. inoffensive. it's alright catchy. also very french

georgia (echo): would be better in georgian (or just any language that's not english) but still pretty cool. it echoes alright

iceland (power): there's this specific flavour of song this year that is, "i'm aware this isn't very good, nobody else likes this, i only see shit reviews everywhere, but this is seriously stuck in my head all the time so i apparently find it catchy and likable". this is one of those. i really be singing POPOPOPOOOOOWEER WOoOOWOO while doing the laundry or whatever the shit

ireland (we are one): same as above. basic, corny stupid lyrics. but it's the only irish entry i've liked in… uhh ever? so that's.. something.

italy (due vite): there are two types of italian eurovisions. actually good ones and then… this. the due vites. i like listening to these too but it's no soldi or zitti e buoni. i wish i was listening to soldi rn

lithuania (stay): this is like. inoffensive. it's alright catchy. oh did i say that already. truthfully my opinion of this improved several notches when i learned the ciuto tuto part has to do with lithuanian folklore. it's almost like you add folk anything to something and i automatically like it? hmm. well yes

portugal (ai coracao): shockingly catchy for portugal. it's fun and got a bit of a folk sound. did someone feed portugal illegal substances to make them send such a fun song

romania (d.g.t (off and on)): i don't fucking know why i like this.

serbia (samo mi se spava): HEWWO? 0w0 this is a weird techno banger that basically got no clear melody and it kinda fucks. the way the dude goes SPAAVVAA :) in the beginning sounds mad gay and makes me laugh every time

slovenia (carpe diem): a nice little rock song in slovenian. the language does a lot for this tbh. it's also... it's.......... it's inoffensive alright catchy

uk (i wrote a song): i liked this decently much at first but then started seeing people call it A SUPER GOOD SONG AGAIN BY UK WOW THEY DOING IT AGAIN!!!! I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE SENDING SUCH AN EXCELLENT SONG AGAIN!!!! and my own interest started dying because bitch please. this is mediocre at best compared to space man from last year. but. i'm still gonna tatta datta da dai. tatta datta da dai

wish i liked more than i do:

albania (duje): the only ethno balkan ballad this year and! it's not good. and i always like balkan ballads, so this does something wrong. the only good part is the bridge(??) with no singing.

latvia (aija): i'd want to like this more because it's a pretty cool little song but i don't so there's that

spain (eaea): don't really understand this one. i've really tried to like it because of the ethno folk sound but i just don't get it, i wouldn't choose to ever listen to this outside esc. i feel like portugal and spain switched places this year, this is the experimental artsy song portugal would usually send. mom someone mixed the iberians up in mail.

ukraine (heart of steel): it's ukraine, it's dark and dramatic, it's for the defenders of azovstal. and i don't really like it. this song just doesn't go anywhere. but i do think it's fitting for the current ukraine, so that's a plus. they hopefully are going somewhere tho

wish i didn't like as much as i do:

israel (unicorn): ok enough FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!!!! YEA!!! POWER OF THE UNICORN!!!!!!!!!!!!! shit already. there's a centaur instead of a unicorn in the music video. you had one job. one horse. unfortunately the song is catchy

switzerland (watergun): if this was any other country's song or any other year, this could be my actual favourite, i mean like number one creme de la creme favourite. but here we have switzerland, a country that actively keeps blocking aid for ukraine because We ARe A neuTRAL coUnTRy, sending some fucking. no guns!!! song to eurovision. [loads my rifle and aims it at switzerland's head] let's see about that. then again, that's not really this artist's fault, is it. most probably not

no:

armenia (future lover): a toilet break song. though the upulupuu herureruus in the chorus are pretty fun

azerbaijan (tell me more): i had to check which country's entry this even was. that's how much i care

greece (what they say): i get a chuckle out of thinking back to a youtube comment on this song's official music video that was like "WHY ARE PEOPLE SLEEPING ON THIS MASTERPIECE???". because it's shit that's why

malta (dance (our own party)): you can't try to be a new epic sax guy without an actually good song. god this is so repetitive it makes me want to DIE

netherlands (burning daylight): zzz…. zzmgffgfg did you say something? no? mkayzzzz

poland (solo): baybah. :{} did you know that one of the producers of this song is finnish. i wish i didn't learn that today

san marino (like an animal): san marino existing in some weird bubble on its own as usual.

sweden (tattoo): i don't so much have a problem with this song specifically as i have a problem with sweden's melodifestivalen being a shit turd production where the actually good, unique, swedish-sounding stuff gets shoved aside for something like Hey let's send loreen again this year because she won ten years ago and we haven't been doing so hot lately in eurovision, surely she will be sexy and get us another win. and the fact that people are just buying it. sweden, unfortunately i have decided you need to be annihilated from the planet

[traveltrainsandcoffee]

THE EURO FFL 2024 REVIEW

Picking the teams was a big challenge this time, in the old days it was easier to tell players positions, but much harder now. Confusion over who were forwards, Midfielders and even defenders. Newbie Team Aroma barista Tilda tried to pick Newcastle midfielder Bruno Guimaraes, but he wasn’t in the Euros, because he’s from Brazil. To add to the mix we had a general election going on at the same time. Good news Rishi, the euros are on BBC and ITV, so you don’t need Sky. As the Euro’s got closer the sad news broke that Liverpool and Scotland Legend Alan Hansen was seriously ill in hospital. Former Arsenal and Everton striker Kevin Campbell was also seriously ill in hospital. He sadly died on the first weekend of the euros.

So who were the favourites? The current Euro FFL champion was Steve Tatham, but he hadn’t really challenged much since winning it. Colin Fenwick was a contender, back in April he won the FA Cup. Could Kieron Mullin win the only FFL title he’d never won before? Jon Thomson had come very close in the main league before coming second to Kieron. Before the kick off most of Scotland seemed to go to Munich. I got a text from a German friend saying ‘I saw a drunken Scotsman in a kilt in the street at 6am.’ The news seemed to be full of my favourite places full of drunken Scott’s, from The Augustiner Keller to swimming in the fountains in Marienplatz. Oh yes sir, the Scotts were boogieing all over Germany. Then there was the English in their campervans. One family on the BBC news had just been to Lidls. How strange, they have Lidl and Aldi in Germany, whatever next.

With all the teams in I sat in the mailbox with Team Aroma’s Olivia and Shann to watch the mighty Deutschland completely destroy Scotland 5v1. Sorry Liv. After game one Chris Geoghegan was top. Senol Durmush then proved he didn’t know his Hawks from his Grimsby Romas. Spain, Portugal and the Dutch made good starts. England in a slightly under par performance beat Serbia with a Bellingham goal. VAR disallowed 2 Lukaku goals, costing Belgium, meanwhile Austria were knocking hell out of the French players. Lots of kicking, Griezmann was pushed into the advertising board, cutting his face. Then Mbappe had his nose broken and would miss the next game. Christian Eriksen had pretty much died on the field at the last Euro’s. Amazingly after those horrible scenes he made a full recovery and scored for Denmark at these Euro’s. Tuesday morning and Team Aroma got a mention on BBC Radio 5Live, ooohh Kolsch. The first full league table of the Euros saw Colin Fenwick top, with Paul Taylor 2nd, Jon Thomson 3rd and Senol Durmush 4th. Team Aroma were bottom.

Round 2 started with a bit of controversy. Scotland scored what look very much like an own goal, but the UEFA goals committee gave it to McTomiany, Pleasing Blessing who had picked him. These dodgy goals committees once gave Crespo a goal, which he didn’t really touch, resulting in Kieron Mullin winning the 2006 World cup by just 1 point. Thursday night, in the Mailbox, with a few members of Team Aroma. Kane scored, but Denmark battled back for a poor draw. England were very poor and the folks back home weren’t sticking by them. All across England fans got very angry, even Shearer and Lineker were having a go, like a pair of angry uncles at a wedding.. Even in our FFL group chat people were saying how boring England were and should Southgate be sacked right now. Then things got a bit weird, Barista Sarah called for Positivity. Manifest a win, align our Chakras. Chakra? Didn’t they sing, I feel for you and I’m every woman? Well you cant say Manifest without thinking of succulent Chinese meals. In the end the call was to ‘get your hands off my portico pizza’. All this fun couldn’t takeaway how poor England had been and how unhappy England fans were. Another unhappy person was Dutch Manager Ronald Koeman. A very dodgy bit of VAR stopped the dutch beating Mbappeless French, get used to that Ronny. Turkey scored a terrible own goal in their 3 nil defeat to Portugal. The match will also be remembered for loads of Ronaldo selfie hunting pitch invaders running on the pitch during the game. At the end of round two Paul Taylor was top, 3 points ahead of Jon Thomson, with Senol 3rd ,Our Grimsby Roma 4th and Danny Lawson 5th.

Round 3 and Germany were through, but the Scotts were out. Austria won the group of Death and amazingly Georgia beat Portugal. A poor performance by England and a draw resulted in them winning the group unbeaten and in the easier looking half of the knock out draw. All good news, well the England fans didn’t see it that way. Boos, gestures, abuse, calls for Southgate’s sacking and some even started throwing things at Southgate and the team. Whatever happened to backing and supporting your country? In Euro FFL, Jon Thomson was still top, but facing a strong challenge from Colin Fenwick, Paul Taylor and Pam Taylor. Team Aroma were off the bottom at the expense of Holly Shakeshaft. Good news as Alan Hansen was now out of Hospital and recovering.

Round 4 and it was the weather that was making the headlines. I’ve never seen so much rain in Germany, not in all my visits. It poured down, even thunder and Lightning. It got so bad that the Germany Denmark game had to be suspended for 20 minutes. When they returned back to the field Germany beat Denmark. Defending champions Italy had been very disappointing and were now out. Also on that Saturday night Chris Geoghegan posted some very strange photos of Tattoos and urinals, no idea why, but he seemed to be “loving it, loving it, loving it”. England were terrible against Slovakia. Even Bellingham was poor, somehow Southgate had turned him into Carlton Palmer. Slovakia were winning and England looked out, but with seconds to go, Bellingham scored an amazing overhead kick goal. Kane scored in extra time and somehow England had turned things around. Belgium were out, while France and Portugal were through. Several FFL managers had picked Ronaldo, but he couldn’t score. To try and cheer the England team up and improve the mood, Ed Sheeran turned up at the England camp. I’m not sure that helped much. In our league Jon Thomson was still top and 3 points clear of the Hawk, with Danny Lawson 3rd, Our Grimsby Roma 4th.

Round 5 and in one of the best games of the Euros, so far, Spain beat Germany. So as Rishi was being kicked out of number 10, the hosts were being knocked out of the Euros. After a great game, followed a terrible game. France beat Portugal in a bore draw. Was this the end of Ronaldo and FFL??? Mbappe or Batman as I like to call him seemed very out of sorts, who knew that a broken nose would have such an affect. England took on Switzerland and went behind, but a great Saka goal took the game to penalties. England won and Saka got his penalty redemption like Stuart Pearce did in Euro96, was it coming home? Jon Thomson who had led for most of the Euro’s was still top and 5 points clear. After leading the FFL back in April and letting it slip he wasn’t counting any chickens, even quoting A Tribe call quest. The main competition for the title was coming from Danny Lawson and Sally Sands. England would play the Netherlands in the semi finals.

Round 6 and with only 3 games to go Jon was top of the league, but not that confident of victory. France who had been terrible and broken nose Batman couldn’t save them. Spain were through to the final and 16 year old rising start Yamal was shining. Remember those pitch invaders from the earlier rounds? Well another one ran onto the pitch to celebrate victory, chased by security men. One of which lost his footing and two footed crashed into Morata, hurting him. Would he be fit for the final. The England semi and I was in The mailbox with some of Team Aroma. Many went to Lincoln castle including Our Grimsby Roma, who even made the BBC. Blessing said that England were always getting away with it. Yet another 90s song reference. Netherlands took the lead, but a controversial VAR penalty from Kane got England level. In a tight game it was Super sub Watkins who scored a winner right at the end. Amazing scenes as England made the final again. Jon Thomson top and 5 points clear of Sally Sands. All the 90s references and Jon and Sally top, it felt like the old days of 90s Tesco Lincoln 1. Oh the memories of England Spain penalty shootout on the radio in the staff canteen, while the shop floor was left empty. 1 point behind Sally stood Kieron Mullin, Danny Lawson, The Hawk and Ashton Lawson. At the bottom Holly was still adrift , 7 points behind Ollie Taylor Yassin and 13 behind Lee Ritchie.

So just the final to go. Off to Germany I went. Saturday morning and lots of England fans getting the Eurostar to Brussels, then Cologne. I spent the night in Cologne even saw the fan zone. Sunday morning and as I was getting the I.C.E to Munich the Spanish were getting the I.C.E to Berlin. Me and Ducklan Rice went to the Augustiner Keller very early and got a great seat. Caught the end of the tennis, but it was the football that matters. Having to explain to the Germans why I had a small yellow duck next to my beer was funny.

The final kicked off and the beer garden was packed, well over a thousand there. England had plenty of the ball, but couldn’t really do much with it. Few chances. In the FFL Jon was still clear and closing in on his first trophy since winning the champions league in 2002. Spain scored and lots of Spanish and Spanish supporting Germans cheered. England scored and lots of English and English supporting Germans cheered. Unfortunately for England, Spain were just too good and scored again. The side which had beaten Germany and France, had now beaten England. Back to back euro final defeats. Spain won their 4th major title in 16 years. Jon Thomson won Euro FFL 2024. He was 5 points better than the man who had snatched the FFL title from him in the final weeks of last season Kieron Mullin. Then came a couple of Lawsons, Sally Sands, the Hawk and our Grimsby Roma. The wooden spoon went to Holly Shakeshaft.

So that’s it, the Euros are over. I’m on holiday across Europe for the next 2 weeks and when I return we’ll be starting to think about the next season of FFL. Thank you for being part of Euro FFL 2024, I hope you’ve all enjoyed it as much as I have.

Final thought

60 years of hurt

MT

[dorefasolsido]

37. This past year...

who were your favorite singers, musicians, or bands?

BTS, counting all of their solo releases and projects.

what were some of your favorite foods?

Sushi, always. I also tried Korean for the first time and loved it!

what was your favorite dessert?

Chocolate souffle from my favorite sushi restaurant.

what was the best thing that happened to you?

I got a better job, got two little nieces from my cousins, got into book translating which was always my dream.

what was the worst thing that happened to you?

I mean, nothing particular comes to mind, I think I was just generally having a hard time because existential crisis and anxiety about the future and possibly a sprinkle of depression.

how have you grown as a person?

I don't feel like I've grown that much, but I feel like I managed to care a little less about what other people think.

what have you learned?

That I can get a job even with an interview. I've always despised interviews and avoided jobs that required them (lots of freelance work doesn't), but this year I kind of had to do it, and even though it was awkward as hell, it worked out somehow.

how old did you turn?

28. Ew.

what did you do for your birthday?

I was feeling especially horrible for my birthday, so I didn't really do anything. My friend was moving to Germany around that time, so she had a farewell party on my birthday and I went to that instead of celebrating.

what did you accomplish?

New job, translated a book.

where did you live?

Same place I've lived for the past 9 years.

who was your best friend?

Sam, as always.

This past year, have you….

made a new friend?

Nope. I met a few people though.

lost a friend?

Not quite, but sometimes it feels like that might inevitably come.

made a new best friend?

Nope.

lost someone close to you?

Nope.

attended a funeral?

Nope.

attended a wedding?

Nope.

gave birth to a child? 🤰

Nope.

“came out of the closet”?

Well, to myself, you could say.

traveled?

Yes, Germany, Belgium, Rome and Transylvania.

felt depressed? 😔

Yes.

felt happy? 😃

Yes.

felt at peace? 😊

I think I did a few times, though most of the year was riddled with anxiety.

felt overjoyed? 💃

Yes, and I remember the specific moment. A rare moment this year when I thought to myself that life is totally worth it.

felt blessed? 😇

Probably, here and there.

felt amazed? 🤩

For sure, when I was travelling.

fallen in love? 😍

Nope.

had your heart broken? 💔

Nope.

got a new car? 🚗

Yes! Well, not new, but my parents finally gave me and my sister their old car and got a different one.

graduated? 👩‍🎓

Nope.

experienced something miraculous? ✨

I doubt it.

had a better year than last year?

No, 2022 was definitely better.

had a worse year than last year?

Yup.

been to see the doctor? 👨‍⚕️

Actually no.

been to the hospital? 🏥

Nope.

had a severe allergic reaction? 🤧

Nope.

had COVID? 🦠

Nope, as far as I'm aware at least.

found out someone you knew had COVID? 🦠

Yeah, my dad did for a week in September. And probably a few other people too, but honestly, it's not that big of a deal anymore.

used an epi pen? 💉

Nope.

had a fever? 🥵

Nope.

had a migraine? 🧠

Nope.

gone on a date? 🌹

Nope.

written in a journal or diary? 📔

Well, I'm working on this survey blog a bit more seriously now.

given someone a hug? 🤗

Yup.

cut your hair? 💇‍♀️

Yess, I cut off most of it, now it's shortish. So much easier to deal with.

danced around your living room? 💃

Yes, ahhh I love dancing.

prayed? 🙏

Nope.

worshiped Jesus?

Nope.

read the Bible? 📖

Nope.

discovered a new favorite book? 📕

Tbh, I don't know if I read Convenience Store Woman at the beginning of this year or the end of last. So I'll say maybe.

gone to church? ⛪️

Nope.

went for a walk in the fall? 🍁

Yup.

set up and decorated a Christmas tree? 🎄

I haven't, but my mum has.

threw up? 🤮

Thank God no. Last year was traumatic enough. And by that I mean I threw up once and almost had a panic attack.

almost threw up? 🤢

No no, let's move on from this now.

discovered a new music artist you really liked? 🎤

Dreamcatcher is pretty cool.

discovered a new song you really liked? 🎶

Of course, plenty. I'll go with Like Crazy by Jimin though. Or Amygdala by Agust D.

seen snow? ⛄️

I have indeed.

seen beautiful fall foliage? 🍁

Yesss.

gone to the beach? 🏝

Yes, we went to the beach near Rome. Didn't swim though.

rode a bike? 🚴

I think I did. I wanted to do it more.

rode a horse? 🐎

Nope.

swam? 👙

Yup.

worn makeup? 💄

A tiny bit.

done a craft project?

Nope.

made a scrapbook page?

I think I did at the beginning of the year. I have to get back to that.

written an essay? 📝

Yes.

painted something? 🎨

Nope.

drawn something? ✍️

I doodled here and there. I'm terrible at it, but I love it.

sketched in a sketchbook?

Same answer.

written someone a letter? 📝

Not this year.

been to a concert? 👩‍🎤

Yup, but sadly nothing too spectacular.

driven a car? 🚘

Of course.

kayaked? 🛶

Nope.

gone on a cruise? 🚢

Nope.

made a big purchase?

Well, plane tickets and apartment booking for Rome.

moved to a new home? 🏡

Nope.

got a new pet?

Hmm, well not technically, but we kind of have another cat. She comes to our backyard every day and we feed her, so she mostly just chills there. She doesn't like being touched, though, but she's still always around. We got her neutered this year too.

lost a pet?

Nope.

gotten a tattoo?

Nope, but I'm very much thinking about it.

gotten a new piercing?

Yup, got one and changed the other one.

started a new hobby?

Kind of, I'm finally going to the gym and taking different classes there. My company is paying membership, so I had to take advantage of it.

worn a mask? 😷

Nope.

felt afraid to leave your house?

Nope.

celebrated your birthday alone?

I didn't celebrate it, alone or otherwise.

celebrated Christmas alone?

Nope, family lunch as always.

went for a long walk through the neighborhood?

Oh yeah.

Favorites of this Year (Pick one for each.)

Song:

Gah, fine, Like Crazy by Jimin.

Book:

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata.

TV show:

The Fall of the House of Usher this year for sure.

Youtube channel:

This year I've been back into gaming and discovered the MoreAnt channel, so I've been binging his horror games and other stuff.

Food:

Sushi.

Dessert:

Chocolate souffle.

Drink:

There's this wonderfully delicious strawberries and cream soda in our new K-food supermarket. I'm absolutely obsessed with it. Fruit soju too, but I can't always drink soju.

Friend:

Sam.

Thing you did:

Went on a first proper trip with my friend group.

Place you went:

Transylvania!

Person you spend time with:

My sister, most of the time.

Thing you did for your birthday:

Went to a goodbye party to see off a friend who moved to Germany. It was a fun little picnic.

Celebrity:

BTS.

Website:

Youtube.

Emojis:

I like the teary eyed one, I'm on my laptop so can't be bothered to do it, but yes. Also the deep in thought one.

Colors:

Blue, black, purple.

Restaurant:

Moon Sushi.

Tea flavor ☕️:

Idk, been drinking a lot of mint.

Final Questions!

Would you say this past year has been a good year overall?

Well, not really. I mean, I had plenty of good moments, looking back, it's just that mentally I wasn't doing so well most of the time.

What are your goals for the new year?

Travel somewhere new, maybe try solo travelling. Read more. Write more (not just for work). Keep up with the gym stuff. Try to say yes to more opportunities. GO BACK TO LEARNING JAPANESE.

How old will you turn next year?

Why do these questions like to torture me... 29.

Did you make any big mistakes this past year?

Nothing much comes to mind.

Do you have any big changes coming?

Well, just adjusting to driving the car around a big city and paying all related expenses.

How will you be celebrating New Year’s Eve this year?

I'll be at my favorite cover band's New Year gig with my friends.

What was the best day of this year for you, and why?

I think probably 15th or 16th July. It's kinda silly, but basically, I went to a gig with my friends and we had a ridiculously good time. My friends' brother and I were making up these weird choreographies for songs, everyone seemed to have really enjoyed themselves, the energy was just awesome. Then I was walking home early in the morning as the sun was coming out and just thinking to myself how these moments are what life is all about.

What did you spend the most time doing this year?

Working, probably.

Happy New Year everyone!

[imbadatnamingthingssoheresmyblog]

I'm seriously hoping this is a joke because....come on. Especially the Spain part. I have family in the Basque region. I have relatives who were in ETA. While Basque separatist sentiment has certainly mellowed out a lot from what I hear from them, it's definitely still there (hell, EH Bildu, a pro-independence party, just gained three seats in Spain's legislature) and it has a long history behind it. Also, if Spain's separatist movements were backed by a foreign power, said power would likely have supported Catalonia when it attempted to declare independence a few years ago.

Looking at the rest of Europe, even my dumb ass knows a bit about France and Belgium's independence movements, among others, and the existence of more separatist movements in the Balkans shouldn't come as a shock to anyone.

This map, likely for comedic purposes, doesn't factor in the strength (or lack thereof) that these independence movements have. To my (admittedly limited) knowledge, most of these seem to be on the fringes, and a map of Europe's major movements would likely be a fair bit less interesting to look at. The only one here that could probably be described as backed by a foreign power is Transnistria.

Regions with former or active separatist movements in Europe.

[ufotouap]

1000's of witness, including police officers, judges and military personnel report sightings over the course of months. The sightings are taken so seriously that F-16's are scrambled and lock onto a mystery object. Just what the hell happened in Belgium in 1989?

Click the link or the picture to read more.

[lord-explosion-baku]

Keep Away

Yandere!Bakugou x reader

It’s a special occasion, so Bakugou decides to wine and dine you. It’s too bad for him that you’re intent on ignoring him.

Warnings: yandere, dark themes, lime, forced orgasm, minor food kink, stockholm syndrome, spanking, light violence

A/N: I woke up at like three in the morning and decided to finish this. I saw a bad ending to a certain cyberpunk bl dating sim, and thought “would be kinda cool to be force fed cake,” but then it didn’t really turn into all that much cake feeding which is probably for the best. Who’s to say. It’s just kinda fun to say “it came to me during a cyberpunk bl dating sim bad end,” rather than, “it came to me in a dream.” Also, I’m so sorry if you read this and go “ew strawberry cake isn’t my jam. Belgium chocolate 5evah!!!!1!!” but if you do happen to like strawberry cake, I got you fam. 

“So you’re not talkin’ to me now, is that it?”

You keep your gaze low, careful not to even lock eyes with your captor—because no, you’re not talking to him, you’re not looking at him, you’re not even going to acknowledge his existence. It’s your verbal keep away. You’ve decided that it’s the worst possible punishment for Bakugou—ignoring him. You’ve tried just about everything: screaming at him, hitting him, crying to him, begging for your release, and it’s all given you nothing. You figure, why be anymore of a source for his entertainment?

“You should at least thank me for cookin’ you a proper meal.”

From across the candlelit table, Bakugou uncrosses his arms, glaring from the admittedly very well-made plate, to you. He clicks his tongue when you don’t respond, then moans around a mouthful of pad-see-ew, just like he knows you can’t stand.

“It’s so good, baby. Practically melts on my tongue…”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes at that. It would be different if it wasn’t his food he complimented, but that’s Bakugou for you. Insolent, prideful, and terrible.

Bakugou stabs his chopsticks into his plate. “You’re not wearing the dress I bought. Not good enough for you?”

You didn’t even try it on. You want to tell him, but that would only spur him on. Bakugou likes it when you challenge him. He always gets that stupid smirk on his face, that daring look in his eye—always like he’s ready to bend you over and fuck you into submission. More often than not, that’s what ends up happening.

“Your ass would look great in it,” he says before taking another mouthful. You can feel his crimson glower scorching your skin, but you won’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. “You can wear whatever you want, though. I want your ass even in those sweats.”

You exhale and lean back back in your chair. He really has to be so vulgar, doesn’t he? Well, that’s not gonna make you crack.

“Yeah, I won’t force you in it. Not yet, at least.” Bakugou grins at the thought, chewing loudly. “I wouldn’t mind playing a little dress up with my doll.”

Your lip twitches, and you hope he doesn’t see. You have to squeeze your thighs together and ignore impending thoughts of Bakugou’s hands on you—first tearing your clothes off, then slowly, sensually zipping that tight, black dress up. You can’t keep from imagining his lips grazing your back, hands running through your hair, him pressing into your backside…

“Need some water, babe? You’re looking a little flushed.”

Your eyes snap to Bakugou’s and your cheeks warm even more when you realize he’s just caught you fantasizing. At least he doesn’t know what you were thinking about. Christ, you could only imagine the field day he’d have with you if he found out you ever thought about him like that.

After you’ve spent plenty of time hating yourself for having these thoughts, you’ve come to the conclusion that it has to be natural. In a psyche class you’ve taken, you learned a bit about Stockholm syndrome, and though you’re sure you’re definitely not falling in love with your captor, it’s perfectly fine that you occasionally think about him in the lusty kinda way. Admittedly, he’s earned it with the amount of orgasms he’s given you since you’ve been taken. But he hasn’t earned your love. Definitely not.

Bakugou stands, folding his napkin onto the table, and walks over to the ice chest he has on standby. He’s wearing his red dress shirt, paired with that white floral vest and nice slacks. You want to know what the occasion is for, but you won’t ask. You’re definitely underdressed, and a part of you wishes you had put on that dress he picked out for you.

You close your eyes and empty your mind of such stupid thoughts.

“How about some champagne?” Bakugou flips a knife out and cuts the cork off with a pop!, making you jump a little bit. He glides over to you, puts his hand on your shoulder, leans in, and fills the crystalline flute sitting on the table. He smells like spice and that natural burnt toffee aroma he has. It’s so nice that you can’t help but lean into him just a teeny bit. And he notices.

“You’re gonna eat somethin’ for me, yeah?” he whispers lowly into your hair before kissing your temple. You freeze while he moves down your neck, brushing a finger along the opposing side of your face, coaxing your head to turn. “Or are you not in the mood for Thai? We can always skip straight to dessert.”  

Bakugou dips down to kiss you, but you turn so he misses and kisses your ear. He growls out a sigh and you clench your hands into fists. You’re waiting for it—for him to lose his cool. You don’t know why he’s trying to act kindly to you, but that’s sure to end at any moment, and when it does, he’s going to feel guilty. You’re planning on exposing him as the monster you’re always accusing him of being.

“I’m serious, I made cake,” he says, a slight edge in his voice. He twirls a finger around a strand of your hair, tugging it so you face him. “Your favorite. Strawberry cream frosting, and it tastes fucking fantastic.”

Bakugou’s gaze drops down to your lips before finding your eyes. “I could feed it to you—have you lick that sweet cream right off the tips of my fingers.”

Your scowl tightens on him. He smirks.

“Your lips always look the prettiest when they’re wrapped around something. I’m startin’ to really like that idea.”

“Why?” you bite out, because you can’t take it anymore. You’re either going to die from curiosity or die from embarrassment when he inevitably undresses you and finds out just how much his teasing gets to you, and you won’t let him have that.

Even still, Bakugou looks as triumphant as ever because you gave him what he wants: your attention.

“Why what, huh?”

“Why the dress!” You bark, resolve out the damn window. “The meal, the champagne, the cake?! Why are you trying to be so nice to me all of a sudden?”

“I’m not trying to be nice. I am nice.” Bakugou rolls his eyes as if he’s explaining something simple to a child.

“No, you’re not!” You insist. “You’re...you’re…” Shock sets in and your shoulders grow rigid. He couldn’t possibly be...but if he is...he’d be absolutely daft to think you’ll say yes. “You’re not proposing to me, are you?”

“Hah?” Bakugou’s eyes widen. You definitely caught him off guard, and you could melt from the steaming blaze in your cheeks. “You want me to put a rock on those pretty fingers of yours? Make an honest man out of me?”

“No! No!” You exclaim on a head shake. “I just thought...with the whole atmosphere-“

“Princess,” he interrupts, taking your hand into his. He brings the back of your wrist to his lips, and for a moment, you think you could be right about him proposing after all. At least, until he speaks again. “We ain’t gonna get hitched ‘til you’re good and knocked up—at least four months in, too. That way, there won’t be a chance in hell you can skip out on me.”

There won’t be a chance in hell he will knock you up with your IUD in, so good luck to him on that endeavor. It’s not like he doesn’t know about it, either. There’s a reason why he’s never been hesitant to enter you unwrapped. Although, considering what he just said, you don’t believe he’d be any different if the circumstances were different.

Your lips curl into a snarl. “Then what’s going on?!”

“You seriously don’t know?” He scoffs, then leads your hand to your champagne flute. Once you take it, Bakugou tells you he’ll be right back, and you down the drink. You let the bubbles wash down your throat and quickly take a bite of noodles before he sees. You sigh. They really do melt on your tongue. Bastard.

Before you know it, the faint smell of burning wics envelope your space, and all the lights in the room besides the candles on the table dim. Then, there’s a cake placed in front of you—pink, with intricate, white designs lining its frosted edges. You count the candles and there are exactly the same amount of years you’ve been on this earth, plus one—no, not plus one.

You look up to Bakugou for an explanation. He’s simply grinning down at you, looking proud.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Bakugou kisses the top of your head. “Make a wish.”

Absently, you blow the candles out, but you don’t make a wish, because your brain is too busy doing mental math. On your last birthday, you’d gone on a date with Hitoshi Shinsou. He took you to a cute, little café, bought you a coffee and a tiny cake. He’d ended the night with one of the shyest, sweetest kisses you’ve ever received. Not even four days later, Bakugou took you. You never got to thank Shinsou for that perfect day.

The hair on the back of your neck rises with the sudden realization that you’ve been with Bakugou for nearly an entire year. That’s one year of your life ripped away from you. One year where you haven’t made any progress achieving your dreams. One year that you’ll never get back.

“What’d ya wish for?” Bakugou asks, but you hardly hear him due to the scathing fury that rings in your ears and burns your back. You’re unsure of what you should say or how you should react; you already pulled the silent treatment and you think you’re far too livid to go zipping your lips again.

There’s only one thing you can do: go absolutely batshit crazy.

“I hate you!”

With a quick shuffle, the cake is splattered on the table, your plate flies across the room, and chopsticks are in your hand, aiming for Bakugou’s eyes. It’s too bad for you that Bakugou either expects it, or his reflexes are just so good that he catches you by the wrist before you can stab him. You’re immediately twisted around, chest on the table, arm pinned to your back, and his erection pressing into your ass.

“Yeah? You hate me?” Bakugou’s voice is erratic, husky, dripping with lust. He climbs on top of you, grinds into your behind, and hisses, “wanna say that again?”

“Let me go, asshole!” You below and try to buck him off of you, which only encourages him to pull your arm tighter, forcing you into paralysis. You grit your teeth while tears sting your lower lashes. The only weapon you have is your voice, and that’s always proven ineffective against him in the past. Still, you can’t stop yourself from yelling. “It’s been a goddamn year! I’m sick of being your prisoner!”

“Is that right?” Bakugou shifts, and you hear the sounds of metal clanking. You know instantly that he’s taking off his belt. You writhe as much as you possibly can, fearing a lashing. He hasn’t ever really hit you before, and though getting him to the point had been your end goal, taking the belt is a whole other level of pain you’re not willing to endure.

“Katsuki,” you pant, desperate. “Please, no. Please don’t. It’s...it’s my birthday!”

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” Bakugou releases your wrist, and goes for your hair instead. He yanks you back so that his chest presses against your back. His lips are against the junction of your shoulder and neck as he growls, “after everything I’ve fuckin’ done for you? Ungrateful little slut.”

He pulls your sweats down, cupping your ass roughly with his large, calloused hands. They feel good—his rough touch against your soft cheeks—and despite feeling fearful for the state of your ass, you can feel yourself getting aroused. “I really gotta put you in your place today of all days?” He squeezes your ass tight and possessive, like he owns it, and in the moment, you can’t really say that he doesn’t.

“No,” you cry and god you’re pathetic. You had this entire plan set up and now it’s barreling out of your control. As his lips graze your shoulder, you let out a sigh and say, “the cake was really, really pretty, Katsuki. I’m sure I would’ve loved it. I’m sorry I did that. I just…”

“Just what?” He rasps against your neck before his hot tongue draws a long line across your skin, making you shiver in response.

“I was just...overwhelmed,” you admit. “Our anniversary-“ you choke out, the words sour on your tongue, but you manage to make it sound sweet-“is just around the corner. I wasn’t prepared...I don’t have a whole lot of resources to do something special for you…”

Katsuki Bakugou sure is a lot of things, but he’s not a moron. You’re positive he can read your facade like a book and he’s certainly not one to play along. .

“Oh yeah? You wanna do something for me?” He sucks in your earlobe between his teeth, nibbling playfully. You mewl as Bakugou reaches around your body, large fingers moving down the front of you and sliding down your pubic bone. He dips two fingers between your lips, swiping smugly at the traitorous puddling at your core. “Is this really what gets you off, sweetheart? Lying to me just so I get a little rough with you?”

“N-no.” You try to sound stern, sure of yourself, but Bakugou is light to the touch, fingers barely teasing your sensitivity. You catch yourself grinding into them, directly resulting in your ass moving against his erection. You can feel him pulse against you, and it only makes your pussy throb in direct result, which doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Just admit you want me,” he seethes, pressing more firmly against you while his middle finger teases your entrance. “You like me like this. You don’t want sweet—you want me to be a hard ass, don't you? Why else would you act like such a slutty little brat? Good girls don’t get wet after shit like this, baby. Good girls don’t like to be thrown around.”

“Katsuki,” you say on a sigh while bringing a hand to his arm, hoping to direct him to break through your surface.

“Put your hands on the table,” he growls.

“Please.” You ignore him, pulling his arm more insistently, needing him to deepen his touch.

“This is the last time I’m gonna ask you; put your hands on the table, or I won’t hesitate to use this belt against your bare fuckin’ ass. I’ll lick you so good, you’ll have bruises for months. You’ll need to sit on a fuckin’ ice pack the next time I’m courteous enough to have you dine with me at my table.”

Shuddering, you obey him, planting your palms against the flat of the table, away from the splattered cake. Bakugou lets out a contemptuous scoff, brings your wrists together, and easily wraps his belt around them, tight and with no leeway.

He then pushes your shirt up so that it’s around your wrist with the belt, and pulls your sweats down all the way off of your legs. You’re virtually naked in front of him, with the exception of your bra and panties, helpless to do anything about it. Just like he likes it. He always wants you to bite back until he gets you to submit. He was probably enjoying your little silent treatment show, too; it was just another kind of rebellion, another barbel that he’s fought and won.

A tingle runs down your spine as he traces it with calloused fingers. You feel your stomach tighten from anticipation when he reaches your tailbone and his touch leaves your body. You hear him chuckle as he pulls at a strap of your thong, snapping it back into place. “At least I know you like the panties I got you.”

Pain bursts on your right cheek as the sound of his sharp slap ricochets around the dining room. You have to bite your lip to keep from crying out—even still, you’re trembling when he rubs the sore spot.

“Awww,” he coos, snickering. “You gonna try and act tough?”

You exhale, trying and failing to keep a steady breath, but it’s all wrong and you’re already panting.

“Show me how much you hate me, baby, I wanna hear you sing it.”

The next lick comes without any precursor, no warning, no time for you to brace yourself, so when he slaps your ass, you can’t help but cry out—ecstatic or indignant—it’s not your place to decide.

“Katsuki!” You fall forward, forehead on the table, inches away from the ruined cake.

He chuckles at your position, petting the back of your hair. “If you want me to stop, you’re gonna have to lick it up, Princess.”

Your eyes narrow and you shoot a sideways glare back at him. “I’m not a dog.”

His lips tilt sideways, cocky and annoyingly hot, cheeks red, brow raised provocatively. “You sure look like a bitch to me.”

He spanks you a third and fourth time, and your mouth hangs open with unspoken yelps, a familiar, shameful feeling traveling down your stomach to your throbbing heat.

Taking a second, Bakugou dips his fingers into the pink frosted mess in front of your eyes, and brings it to your mouth. “Taste it for me. I worked hard to get the flavor right,” he commands, smearing the cream over your bottom lip. You’re helpless to oblige. Only, when you stick your tongue out, he pushes two fingers into your mouth.

“Bite me, and I’ll have you tied up for the entire night. I’ll make you scream until you’re on the edge of passing out, then I’ll fuck you awake. I’ll use you—fill every hole you’ve got ‘til you’re nothing but a leaky drainpipe full of my cum. Do I make myself clear?”

“Mhmm…” Not wanting to test to see if he was just making empty promises, because he never makes empty promises, you glide your tongue around his fingers, aiming to please. You let out a soft, appreciative hum when you taste the sweet, strawberry flavored frosting, and suck his fingers clean.

“Good girl,” he says, his fingers leaving your mouth, only to dip back into the cake. He brings them back to your lips and you take him in willingly. “Now, I don’t want to hear another word out of that pretty little mouth, until I tell you to speak. Understand?”

You look at him with affirmation. He spanks you again.

Your body jolts, spit and cream drooling out of your mouth as you moan, trying not to utter a comprehensive word. The vibrations from the impact sends waves of pleasure dancing across your clenching heat. He hasn’t even really touched your sex, and yet, you feel the coils of an approaching orgasm winding up in the pit of your stomach.

The sixth and seventh spank has tears falling down your cheeks. The heat is too much to bear and you can feel sweat sliding down your back. You want to warn him—to request that he takes a break, because the oncoming shame that’s making your toes tingle and your heart race might be a little more humiliating than having him torture you for the entire night. But you say nothing, your curiosity besting your dignity. The next spank does you in. Your body shakes as you wail, your coils breaking while you pool out, thighs sheened with your arousal. There’s absolutely no hiding yourself, and Bakugou is going to be all too smug about this. You simply cannot believe yourself.

“No way,” Bakugou husks, fingers leaving your mouth. You’re panting again when he brings his fingers to your fluttering pussy. He pushes them in and all you can offer is a sigh when he’s up to his digits in you.

“Aww...oh no.” You can’t tell if his concern is genuine or not, but it doesn’t matter to you. You’re ashamed, embarrassed, and defeated. He’s never going to let you live this down. You can already hear his future taunts buzzing around in your head. ‘You can’t pretend like you don’t like me when I’ve made you cum just by spanking your perfect little ass.’

God-fucking-damn it.

He has all the merit to tease you for it now, and you’re expecting him to—hell, you’re practically bracing yourself for it, but instead, he pulls his fingers back and pushes your bottom over, so you face him.

“Ah~Ow!” You wince when your butt hits the table.

“Ah. C’mere.”  He frowns and pulls you up by the belt at your wrist. You don’t stop yourself from falling into his embrace. He might be the source of all of your dread, but he’s also your only means of comfort. You let your tears roll onto his chest, muffling your sobs into his shirt. He hushes you, nails tickling your back as he kisses your hair. “S’okay, princess. You’re okay. I’m here.”

“I’m s-sorry,” you cry, and though your wrists are still bound, you manage to clutch onto his shirt. You pull him into you, shamelessly reveling in the familiarity of his scent.

“Hmm?” He lifts your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. “What for?”

Your lips tremble and you shake your head, unable to voice exactly what you’re sorry for. Climaxing? Telling him that you hate him? Treating him so poorly when all he does is take care of you? You shake your head again when the actualization of your situation sets into the forefront of your mind. There’s practically a river of tears streaming down your face now and you wish for nothing more than to do disappear, because you’re a stupid girl, there’s cake in your hair, and Stockholm syndrome is bullshit!

“What is it?” He insists, he is tone low, caring.

Dumb. You’re so dumb. Your brain is screaming at you to not say anything, but your skin still buzzes from the thrill of your orgasm. Despite loathing yourself more than ever, you’re practically high, both from catharsis and euphoria.

“I don’t...hate you.” It’s small but it’s there—your voice. There’s a lot to decode from your confession, and by the way Bakugou’s eyes soften just the tiniest bit, you know that he knows what you will not say..

His thumb brushes across the corner of your mouth, wiping away at some residual frosting, then brings it up to where your lips part.

“I know,” he says as you take him in again, swirling your tongue around his thumb, now enjoying the taste of the cake. “Of course I know.”

Your heart swells when he doesn’t laugh at you. He doesn’t even look all that proud of himself. He simply gazes at you with adoration and amazement—and, of course, lust because you have your lips wrapped around something. Prick.  

“That was very hot, babe,” he says before kissing your forehead. “I really didn’t think that you could be so responsive to me.” He chuckles darkly, but it lacks his familiar malicious undertone. “Don’t really feel like I earned it, either.”

His thumb leaves your mouth, slides against your bottom lip, and is abruptly replaced with a kiss. Bakugou’s tongue teases your mouth open, then caresses yours with his. “Mmm,” he hums, the reverberations of his voice sending sensational buzzes down your neck. He nips at your bottom lip, then smirks against you. “Tastes good.”

He kisses you again, molding his lips perfectly to yours, and you feel his arousal poke at your bound hands. Not quite lucid enough to think it through, but feeling a bit mischievous yourself, you cup his girth through his trousers, rubbing his hard length up and down. You run your tongue against his, wanting to taste the power he has over you.

“You want me, baby?” Bakugou asks, pressing himself more firmly into your hands. “You wanna feel me slide inside that wet pussy of yours?”

Still not willing to give him a verbal confirmation, you squeeze his cock, legs wrapping around his torso to pull him closer to you. He growls when you have him grinding against your heat, a dark stain appearing on the prominent bulge he rubs against you. When he pulls away, you see that his pupils are blown, barely a sliver of his crimson iris to be seen. He looks moonstruck, predatory, and beautiful.

“Naughty girl,” he scolds, a tick in his jaw. He pushes you lightly, easing so that your back is on the table, your legs spread out for him. He groans when he runs a finger up your damp, clothed slit.

“I asked you a question,” he continues, playing with your core. He gets a dreamy look in his eye when he pulls your panties to the side, and feels exactly how wet you are for him. Then, he shoots a scathing glower your way. “Do. You. Want. Me. To. Fuck. You?”

“Yes,” you say with a nod. “I want you to fuck me, Katsuki.”

“That’s really too bad.” He snickers arrogantly and your heart falls into your stomach. Didn’t you just have a soft moment?! “Only good girls get fucked, pretty baby. You can’t confess your undying love for me and expect that gets you out of your punishment.”

“I did not!” You argue which earns you a dangerous look.

“You and I both know what the hell you meant,” he says with a threateningly sexy lilt. “You can’t take something like that back at the drop of a hat.”

”I think you’ve punished me enough already,” you bite out defensively, quick to change the subject, because you‘re bitterly aware that he’s right.

“And who are you to decide that?” He smirks, brushing a thumb across your pubic bone. “Thought you were my prisoner.”

“I didn’t mean that!”

“No?” Bakugou gets down to his knees, leveling his face with your center. “Actions speak louder than words, angelface.” He kisses your clit, making the same noise he does when he’s trying to bother you while eating, only when he does it on your cunt, all of your nerve endings catch flame and you’re spiraling back to needy senselessness. “Prove to me that you’ve earned my cock by riding my tongue.”

He’s nothing if not altruistic when he’s between your legs. He’s always been generous and dedicated to getting you off, but there’s something different about how he’s moving now. He uses the flat of his tongue and draws languid strokes up your entrance, taking his time while he swirls around your clit. He groans into you, and if the vibrations of his voice weren’t enough to finish you off then and there, his fingers sure as hell do it for you. He pushes them into you, reveling in the feel of your spongy walls hugging him tightly. He traces intricate patterns across your skin, mapping out the places that make you moan the loudest, just to be keen on teasing you for harrowing minutes. He’s going about this agonizing slow, but there’s something about him taking his time, rather than completely ravaging you to prove just how good he is at eating you out, that already has your walls clamping down around his fingers, your back arching, whimpers and pleas tumbling out of your mouth.

It hits you like a brisk wave crashing against the oceanic shoreline. First it was one liquescent sensation, then a pandemonium of your nerves roaring to life. Your thighs close against his head, locking him into place while your fingers twine with his hair. He moans into you, multiplying the excruciating thrill tenfold. You rock against his tongue, savoring this magnificently prolonged ecstatic escapade.

When your nerves cool down and you’re no longer twitching too much, Bakugou offers you a wry grin before licking his lips.

“Look at what a mess you’ve become,” he coos , kissing your shaking thighs, eyes locked on yours. “Was that all because of me, princess.”

“I...don’t think I’ve come so hard in my life.” You breathe, disoriented by the fact. “Oh my god.”

“That so?” He asks as his tongue travels up your thigh.

Bakugou fervently laps up your post-orgasmic juices all the way back up to your drenched cunt. He groans dramatically while his tongue dives back into you. You’re far too sensitive now, and he doesn’t stop—he likes having you squirm around, bucking your hips this was and that, all attempts at finding an escape for his erotic torture futile. Soon he has you spasming out of control for the third time this night, and he rides the waves of your grudging pleasure with delight.

“K-katsukiiii, pleeease!” You’re breathless, hot, and irrational. He has a large hand gripped tightly on your side while three fingers continue to curl inside of you. “I can’t t-take it anymore! It’s t-too much!”

“What? You don’t think you’ve got another one in you?” He keeps your eyes locked on his as his hands push your thighs farther apart, his tongue slowly gliding across your throbbing clit.

You shake your head, practically sputtering your pleas. “I will do whatever you want, so please-“

‘’S that right?” Bakugou grins up at you, smug and triumphant. He pushes you farther up on the table and climbs over you, one hand at the side of your head, holding him up—the other reaching out to grab a coin-sized piece of cake. He presses it against your mouth as he prompts you with an, “ahh.”

“Ah,” you mimic and he pushes the cake into your mouth. The moment you swallow is the moment his lips latch onto yours. You taste your headiness mixing in with the creamy texture of the cake and you can’t help but moan openly into his mouth.

Bakugou ends the kiss too soon, catching you out of breath and wanting more.

“You can be a good girl, can’t you?” His voice is raspy, thick with need, and you know he’s close to falling apart. You want him to. You need him to. He’s broken you, so it’s only just that he breaks sometimes too.

You nod, cautious to see what he’ll be doing next. He’s certainly not taking off his pants, which was the only thing he should be doing.

He moves your arms over his shoulders and leans down low, breath hot on your ear. “You’ll do anything for my cock?”

“Yes,” you sigh and wish more than anything for your hands to be free so tear his shirt off.

“Because you don’t hate me at all. In fact, you fuckin’ love me. You love everything I do to you, but you’re too stubborn to admit it. That right?”

You scowl ahead, teeth clenched. “Yes.”

He draws a line with his tongue against the most sensitive part of your neck, making you shudder, and asks, “yes, what, princess?”

You narrow your eyes. “Yes, I am stubborn.”

With a “teh!” Bakugou kisses your cheek and leads you up so that you’re sitting straight, and guides you both carefully off the table, sweeping you up to carry you so that you don’t step in any of the food you’ve tossed around. He cradles you in his arms, you half-naked, him fully dressed, and smiles sardonically.

“I’m not gonna make you say it, because it is your birthday, but I will have you know that your punishment is not over.”

“You’re kidding me!” You bark back, leaning away to look him in the eyes to see if he’s serious.

“Sorry, baby.” He laughs. “But I had a romantic evening planned out for the two of us and you just had to throw your little bratty tantrums.”

“What do I have to do—?”

“—to get me to fuck you?”

“Yes!”

“You’re going to take a shower, put on that fuckin’ dress, then we’re gonna do this whole dinner thing over again. If you can behave, then maybe—maybe you’ll get my cock. If not—well princess, history tends to repeat itself, but I was hoping we could act like a normal couple just for one night. Thought maybe you’d be into it too, but that’s not what you want at all, is it?”

“I...want to be a normal couple,” you say unenthusiastically. You’re not sure if you meant you wanted to be a normal couple with Bakugou or if you wanted to be free and normal with somebody else entirely.

Bakugou snickers, as if you said something childish. “No you don’t.”

“Because you think I don’t want to be with you.”

“Nah...I know you want to be with me. But you don’t want to be a normal couple. You want this, babe. You want what we have. You want the chaos. You revel in it.”

“Well, I—“ you begin, desperate to find an argument point that doesn’t make you sound dumb. Is he right? Do you enjoy this? Everyday is like a game with him, and it drives you up the fucking wall, but what would you be without it?

“I hope you can keep your self-control,” you retort flippantly, abandoning the argument. “Hope your dick didn’t burst your buttons, Katsuki.” Your gaze drops down to the tent in his pants, then snaps pointedly back at his face.

He’s absolutely unfazed. In fact, he’s more chipper than you’ve ever seen him—like he’s the cat who caught the mouse. “Just for that, I’m gonna join you in the shower. Keep my belt around those wrists and have you watch me wash myself—see all that you’re missing out on.”

You groan, head falling into his chest as he begins walking towards the stairs. “I really do fucking hate you.”

“Keep tellin’ yourself that, sweetheart,” he says back, a smile in his voice. “Just as long as you know that you’re not the only person here that knows how to play keep away.”

[grannygerd]

LYNN GUNN SHARES THE ONE THING SHE WISHES SHE COULD DO OVER AND MORE

The artist also shares the best meal she's ever had and the best fan interaction.

[Photo by: Sasha Samsonova]

PVRIS’ fearless leader Lynn Gunn ponders genres, the best-ever fan-dad interaction and comes clean about what she really wants a do-over on.

AN INSTRUMENT YOU WOULD LIKE TO OWN.

There’s something pretty magical about an old, worn upright piano—if it’s tuned and maintained. Makes for some great ideas. Or maybe a harp. If I had one around, I know I’d force myself to learn it. [Laughs.]

IF GENRES ARE STILL A THING.

In some ways, yes. Others, no. I think putting artists into specific genres is starting to be defined less on the instrumentals [and] production and being defined now through the culture, mindset [and] methods they’re created in. So many “genres” are being mixed and combined to create entirely new soundscapes that really blur the lines and make them hard to pin down. I think in each of those, there are specific threads—in the community, collaborators, etc.—that the idea and specifications of what makes a “genre” seem like it’s being reimagined.

In a perfect world, we’d just listen to music and not have to think about where it “belongs.” I still think compartmentalizing and categorizing is human nature, so it’s a hard thing to break. But it can be extremely hindering, not only for artists but for listeners. Music should be able to exist on its own terms.

IF MUSIC WASN’T AN OPTION.

There are a lot of things I’d love to try even while music is an option. I’ve always been heavily involved, when allowed, in our creative direction—music videos, graphic design, merchandise, album artwork, photos, etc.—so that would be a fun overall pursuit to creative direct for other artists or even just different brands or companies. I think any other creative pursuit, leaning in the visual world, would be the other option.

THE DAD JOKE YOU ACTUALLY LAUGHED AT.

Ha! It was my actual dad’s joke. He’s pretty old school and present in real life, so he doesn’t use his phone or text often, but usually once every few weeks while I’m away, he’ll send me a really funny text. The last one he sent was: “Just saw a road work sign on the way home that said ‘Be prepared to stop.’ If I’m not prepared, should I not stop? Just wondering.”

THE TIME YOU GOT REALLY ANGRY ONSTAGE.

Anger is hard to think of, but I have no problem finding frustration, and that was with myself. I was working through a lot of vocal issues for pretty much the entire touring cycle for our second record [All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell]. [I] had to get up onstage every night with a voice that could only really do 20% of what I’m normally capable of. Some nights were brutal. I got so mad at myself onstage, but I tried my best to hide it. It was one of the most challenging and frustrating things to work through, but it taught me so much, and I’m very grateful for what [I’ve learned].

THE PLACE YOU HAVE YET TO VISIT.

I’m dying to go to Iceland. One of my friends went recently and said it was truly magical. Egypt is on my list, too. I was fascinated with ancient Egypt as a kid and still have a strange affinity toward it.

THE BEST MEAL YOU EVER HAD.

Brian [MacDonald, bass/keyboards] and I strive to eat a delicious meal wherever we are in the world. We make it a priority in every city to find great restaurants. But recently, one of the best meals I’ve had that really stood out was at my friend’s home: It was just a bunch of assorted grilled veggies and rice, but it was seasoned so well and made with so much love. You could honestly taste it.

THE THING YOU RECENTLY WITNESSED THAT MADE YOU THINK THE WORLD IS GOOD.

I try to see it every day. Even down to the smallest things. Simply smiling to a stranger you’re walking past or having a lighthearted exchange with a barista [or] waiter. Even simply getting onstage and looking at the crowd some days, the fact that hundreds of people can gather together and be unified by something that gives them joy—music—and exist peacefully and be unified in those environments, for the most part, is a clear sign of that.

I think at our core, we really are good at heart, and all we want is to connect with each other. Some of us are just harder to crack [and] more cautious than others. I think a lot of people have a hard time looking away from their own struggles to even notice [that] witnessing the good has to start in your own self a lot of the time.

THE MOST AWESOME FAN INTERACTION.

It was actually the most awesome interaction with a fan’s dad! We had a long flight to Belgium one day. A fan’s dad was one of the flight attendants and recognized us and upgraded our entire band and crew to first class. It was a godsend because the night before, some of us had to drive from New York City to New Hampshire and back overnight because we’d forgotten a legal document that we’d need at customs when we arrived in Belgium. Everyone was a bit sleep-deprived and about to board for a six-plus-hour flight, so we were extremely grateful for that.

THE THING YOU WOULD LIKE A DO-OVER ON.

My style, hair and makeup choices from the entire White Noise era. Seriously. Insert [the] world’s biggest facepalm ever. I don’t know what I was thinking. I cringe when I see old pictures sometimes. [Laughs.]

This 10 Topics interview appeared in issue 374.

July 29th, 2021

[mauromertens]

"Oh dude hell yes!" Mylo excitedly said, bouncing up and down on his heels as the other started talking about Antwerp. While he may have gotten away from Belgium, that didn't mean he didn't miss his home country, so finding someone who loves it as much as he does got him very excited. "Oh dude seriously you need to explore some more. Like Antwerp city is cool and all-- but there are so many more cool places around. Been to Gent? Cause that place got some seriously nice architecture if that's what you're into!"

"I'm not really a-- eh cathedral kind of dude, but it does look wicked awesome. Antwerp's train station is really cool as well architecture wise. It's always fun to see all the tourists taking pictures in it." he grinned.

ratboymylo​:

Mylo patted down his own shirt, looking down at it and giving a small nod. “Yea I’m sorry too. Wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going.” He shrugged.

That question took him off guard, he was well aware he had an accent, however usually people guessed the Netherlands rather than Belgium. “Antwerp, but the province. Not the city.” He said, frowning lightly before giving the other a smile. “You ever been?”

   his  eyes  glinted  with  excitement  at  the  mention  of  antwerp.  kaos  had  been  to  belgium  multiple  times  and  always  enjoyed  the  vibrant  atmosphere  and  stunning  architecture. “ haven’t  explored  too much,  but  i’ve  been  to  belgium  before.  love  antwerp,  beautiful  city.  the  architecture,  food,  and  beer  are  just great.haven’t  really  ventured  out  of  the  city,  though. ”  he  said,  his  voice  taking  on  a  hint  of  nostalgia.

“ i  always  make  it  a  point  to  visit  the  st.  michael  and  st.  gudula  cathedral  when  i’m  there, ”  kaos  continued,  his  smile  growing  slightly  wider  as  he  reminisced. “  i  think  it’s  a  beautiful  building.  something  really  peaceful  about  it. ”