#beingafixer

[marisadonnelly]

You cannot heal people – this I’ve learned the hard way, time and time again. I’ve always been the type of person who wants to take on peoples problems as my own. I care. I can’t help that I care, and so I get invested. I want to stand beside someone and help them fight. I want to be the person they turn to. I want to be the one with the answers, with the warm shoulder, with the open arms, with the affection and love and support they need.

But you know what happens when you try so hard to fill someone’s empty bucket? You end up taking so much from your own that you start to get dizzy. You start to forget what you need, who you are, and what you deserve.

And it sucks. It sucks because to watch someone spiral, to see them hurt, to feel their ache as if it was in your own bones just makes you feel worthless. You’re wired to be the one with the big heart. You were born to care.

But some point you have to realize that you can’t save people. You can’t rescue them. You can’t change their heart. You can’t fix, can’t mend, can’t solve, can’t be a savior. Because you’re not. And that’s not what either of you needs.

You have to realize that you are not a failure because you can’t fix someone else’s problems, or because you don’t have the power to lift them out of whatever hole they’ve buried themselves in. Sometimes you can give someone all the love they need and it still won’t be enough. Not because of you, but because they need to lift themselves too. They need to fight. They need to want to strengthen themselves, and not let someone do it for them.

It hurts, but sometimes you have to love from a distance, love in a way that doesn’t bury you, just to resurrect someone else. And that doesn’t mean you don’t care; it means you’re caring enough to let them find their footing, while also keeping yourself on steady ground.