#being off for 2 weeks will really show you how much work drains the fuck out of you

[leopardmuffinxo]

i’ve only been clocked in for 4 min and i already wanna leave lol

[simulation-machine]

SIMS RELATED PROJECTS/UPDATES

My spring break is coming up in a week and holy crap do I have plans on plans on plans, especially since my summer is gonna be full of school + internship + HOPEFULLY friggin' graduating with a BA in Psychology so that I can start applying to grad schools.

Read more iffin' you'd like! It's long! Here's a picture of my golden retriever napping on her brother's food bowl to entice/entertain you:

god she is so precious i would literally kill for her

GOAL 1: MASTER GSHADE/ReSHADE

I know that some people are sticklers for this but my thing is that I had no gee-dee clue what I was doing with ReShade, whereas Gshade just kinda clicked and worked for me? That said I have a bunch of resources for learning ReShade so I might end up moving back to it at some point.

My main issue is figuring out the order of all the different effects. It obviously matters, I'm sure people smarter than me have tried to use presets only to be like "why tf does this look absolutely nothing like the baller screenshots this one cool Simblr has?" Annnd it turns out it's order + remembering to turn off certain graphic settings. Also photoshop, but that's gonna take a lot longer for me to figure out lol.

Like I'd been struggling to figure out why @gunthermunch's gorgeous Lithium preset wasn't looking as sexy as it did before annnnd it's because I forgot to turn Edge Smoothing off when switching to it. Jesus wept at how dippy I am sometimes.

Eventually, what I would like to do is maybe make my own preset at some point? I would be kind enough to show the effect order too if I did so. But this requires so, so much more shader knowledge than I currently have.

FUN FACT: My first ever degree was in art, I even went to a very fancy and private art school (School of the Art Institute of Chicago if you're curious)- I dropped out after one semester because uhhh that shit is expensive. Ended up finishing my degree at a much cheaper location in MN. That said, my art was 100% analog and 2D, and it turns out it did not translate super well into trying my hand at graphic art.

It's funny because I've been gifted really neat stuff for graphic art (like a really nice Wacom tablet and Adobe subscriptions), like people just expected my mixed-media ass would know what to do with it. NOPE! But yeah, Sims is sort of my excuse to try my hand at this stuff again, especially since I have a bit more energy now that my soul is not regularly being drained out of my body by customer service and tech support jobs.

GOAL 2: GET CRACKIN' ON ANOTHER DOOR

This one is hard because I am only on Gen 2 of the Orsons and it's sort of hard to justify starting up another story while that one is less than 1/5 of the way done.

THAT SAID, I don't plan on posting Another Door until I have a decent chunk of it done. Since it's not a casual gameplay story nor a legacy challenge, I plan on editing the bajeez out of the screenshots for it, really honing in on the aesthetic. I want it to look and feel very different from my random legacy challenge.

Fortunately, this story has been fucking up my sleep schedule for *months* now and I have a lot of the writing for it done. The hard part is translating that into the Sims, making sure I get the right poses and stuff, maybe even learning how to make some super easy CC (like, posters and stuff), and stuff related to GOAL 1 above.

What I'm saying is that it's going to take a bit. But I'm super serious about sharing it because it's my obsession and honestly the first time a story of my own design has possessed me in literal years.

Also, I want to make sure I have a significant backlog of the Orsons before I start seriously simming for it, because I don't want to screw over my favorite little pixel babies. This legacy challenge is going to be the one, I have done so much to keep my save files to keep it safe from harm (ask me how many backups I have of the save files. JK don't, the number is frankly silly).

GOAL 3: START YET ANOTHER MASSIVE CC PURGE

Y'all, my CC folder for this game is honestly an embarrassment. I go so hard on CC shopping because this community is stupid-talented and I like giving my pixel babies nice things and cool looks. When I'm bored and not quite in the mood for gameplay, I just like making neat-looking sims that I do absolutely nothing with because I love fucking around in CAS.

I have built my own PCs since I was 17 years old, and when I first built COMPUTERMACHINE (current rig) back in the autumn of 2018, it was with the goal that it would run Sims 4 flawlessly no matter what I did to it. It's got ridiculous amounts of RAM, I religiously update parts for it. And to be fair, even with the current 6,907,907,890 TB of CC I have atm it runs better than Sims 3 ever had with a measly 50 GB of CC.

But for me, it comes down to finding all the stuff I wanna use. Making myself get rid of the stuff I don't wanna use. Straight up yeeting the CC that I thought was going to look incredible that uh, didn't deliver.

I do CAS CC purges about once a year but have literally never done it for Build & Buy stuff, because OMG some of this shit I've had since 2014. Like when Sims 4 first came out. YIKES. My CAS CC obsession is notable but it's honestly nothing compared to my Build & Buy. Even before For Rent made building lots slow af, my PC was starting to take a solid minute to switch to different buy categories.

It would take a long af time so I want to make sure I have a bunch of content in the queue before I do it. It's gonna be a whole ass thing and be so, so boring to do. So I'm putting it off for when I have a ton of time to do it. Like, oh, my entire Spring Break?

GOAL 4: MAKE A FRIGGIN' RESOURCES LIST ALREADY

This would obviously need to wait until after GOAL 3 is completed, but I wanna make sure the awesome creators whose stuff I use get credit, and that people know where they can grab neat stuff. It would include not only CC but mods, Gshade/ReShade presets, and maybe even lots and sims I've downloaded from the gallery?

(Since I am super anti-paywall and very unapologetic and rude about it, I will also share where one could perhaps get some of these CCs without paying some dip a Trenta Starbucks Unicorn Frappucino amount of $$$)

It's ambitious as hell because *gestures vaguely at GOAL 3* but it would make things like doing WCIF asks and lookbooks so much easier.

Somewhat relatedly, I wanna make a navigation post, especially once Another Door starts getting posted. That story is gonna be a bit huge with multiple arcs that take place over the course of like, 14 years. Plus once the Orsons get to the 4th+ generation, it would be easier to track things down.

IN CONCLUSION...

I have been having so much fun sharing my silly little Sim adventures on Tumblr, so much more than I ever thought I would! You all have been so great to me, and all of this stuff is sort of a way for me to repay that. Ever since I stopped being able to be artistically creative ever since a really nasty depressive spell in 2017, Sims has been my #1 artistic outlet. And having people who are even somewhat entertained by my pixels is incredibly motivating.

Basically, if you read all of this, DAMN would you have been a rad livejournal follower of mine circa 2007. On the seriousness, however, thank you all so much for being rad and encouraging and sweet. I promise to do you all, if not proud, then at the very least not disappointed.

Time to hit the bong and take some pictures of Lou and Tatertot before taking my IRL doggos on a walk~

[khiphop-discussions]

RAP:PUBLIC Ep.7 Part 1 Thoughts

Ep.7! ANOTHER Titanic episode

We start off with the deathmatch. The leaders will battle 1v1. Their elimination candidates go home if they lose.

Loopy is willing to go in for Block 2. He wamts the younger rappers to have more screentime and opportunities. He also wants to help them develop. Damn, mad respect.

Haon volunteers for Block 3

Sky Minhyuk, Since, and Boi B volunteered for Block 4

Depending on where you placed in the tournament, that's how many people will be candidates (3 if you lost on the first round, 2 in the second)

Block 2 chose..Gayeon, Raf Sandou,band Yukon. It makes sense. Choosing your strongest candidates isn't necessarily a smart decision for this deathmatch set up. It worked well last time because the candidates themselves were competing. Damn, its HARD to strategize on this show because they keep coming up with all types of crazy missions lol

Block 3: Bbulkup, Dommiu

Block 6: Odomar. Kaogaii showing his heart. He plays into the entertainment aspect of being the villian or shady/calculated player. However, when it really comes down to it, he plays fair. Joonie did well in the mission. Odomar messed up. It's fair for him to go in the elimination candidate at this point in time. W Kaogaii

Block 7: Moon, Foggyatthebottom, Marv.

Block 8: Daniel Jikal, KP, Gamma. Wait, why are they annoyed she didn't choose Drain K? He's one of the best on the team in ALL missions so far. They also already said if one goes home they both will. Gamma did poorly in multiple missions, Daniel is ok, KP is just as good as Drain in my opinion. They only have so many members. What's the issue really?

Block 4: Cocona, Viin, Kim Ryul

Owen giving more advice to Marv. I like this little mentorship vibe they have going on now. As long as Owen speaks to him nice! Lol

Half will go home naturally. 8 out of 16

Shyboiitobii looks at the leaders and tries to figure out things will go. He grabs Punchnello and says "our leader will win"... Khan's great and I know him and tobii are close. Punchnello is NOT that easy to beat though.

Oh shit, they have to BET a candidate right before the 1v1?! OMG this is so fucking nerve wracking!!!

It gets crueler every time they announce a new rule!

Block 1 and 5 vote for winner. I guess that removes conflict of interest.

Round 1 is Chaboom vs Khan. The way shyboiitobii immediately recognized Khan's voice by him checking the mic without the announcer saying who was facing who. I literally teared up. This friendship is so cute!!

Khan killed it. Chaboom was good but I think Khan will win. I cried lol. You can see how much his team LOVES him! It's been an emotional ass week for me y'all. This show isn't doing me any favors lol. Everyone is smiling such warm smiles at their leaders.

Khan won. Raf Sandou gets saved. Chabo anoounces Moon's departure. She's still smiling though! Good job girl!

Reddy vs Chaboom in round 2. I think Chaboom just wants to get it over with.

I have NO clue who will win this one. OMG this mission can NOT be over fast enough. RIP THE BAND-AID OFF! This feels like a slow and painful death. "I see dead people" for REAL! I feel that one Chaboom!

Chaboom loses again. I think he bet foggy. Reddy save Dommiu. Nah, he bet Marv...ahhh man. I think he just wanted to save him to put him out of his misery and let him know he was safe now. But he ended up not winning. Damn, Marv...I wanted you around for longer!

Round 3: Khan vs Punchnello. OK I think Khan won. They tied. Oh shit... There's a rematch with no music. I think Punchnello won this time. What if they tie again? Punch won. He saves Kim Ryul

Khan bet Ga yeon. She was still smiling though!

Round 4: Chaboom v Reddy again. Yeah, Chaboom. Good strategy to just put them out of the misery of suspense.

Reddy is good on this beat. It'll be hard to beat. Actually I think he'll win. Damn, they tied.

Shit, they might fuck around and tie again. Chaboom wins so foggy stays and Bbulkup goes.

Fuck dude. This mission would kill my spirit. Dommiu starts crying.

Rap:public don't do a deathmatch like this again! It's seriously sucking the LIFE out of the episode! It's too cruel! Great idea to shake things up but it's a bit too cruel in practice. I appreciate the effort though!

Round 5: Punchnello vs Hippie Kunda. Punchnello seems like he'll win. Hippie is really good. They might tie too. Damn! Yep they did.

They might tie AGAIN! FUUUCK! Nah, Punch won. He saved Cocona. Hippie chose KP...damn. He's one of the best!! So unfair! That's a big hit to team 8

Round 6: Punchnello vs Khan. Yukon vs Viin. Punch will win. It's obvious.

Yeah Punch won so Viin stays and Yukon leaves.

Round 7 and 8: Hippie vs Kaogaii from here on out. Koala is edited out. So if anyone from Block 8 leaves over him then it was a waste. Damn.

Idk who will win this one. They might tie. Kaogaii won. Let's hope he saves odomar. Yes, he did! Thank god. Hippie chose Gamma so he leaves. She cries.

Now if Hippie wins she can save Daniel. But Kaogaii won't come out. The round starts. Hippie raps but Kaogaii still doesn't come out. WTF?!

He wants to eliminate Koala to make at least one slot. Maybe they already knew the stuff about Koala and the scandal so they already knew he was going home? Idk

Reddy was crying about Bbulkup.

Loopy was really upset about yukon and ga yeon.

Block 7. Damn, why do I keep agreeing with Owen?! The only thing we have in common is liking Marv. It's kinda funny!

Owen wants to leave now. Having people worked out well for Block 5.

Hippie Kunda cried a lot. So Block 3 is down to 3. What if Block 3 and 7 merge? It would mean losing a leader position but does anybody even want it now? Damn.

Daniel leaving the show now after being saved? That would be such a waste! They could have saved KP!!

Ok now I understand what the alcohol is for! They need to be sponsored by antidepressants if they keep doing missions like the last deathmatch, damn. Lol

Jeffrey White introducing himself to Chaboom since he's probably a fan but Chaboom already knows Okashii and says he doesn't have to introduce himself. Aww how cute!

Team 2 facetimes Ga yeon. Shyboiitobii seems really fond of her 👀. (OK let me stop being so fucking messy. NO SHIPPING ALLOWED! 🤣🤣🤣)

Haon says he wanted Korean rappers to be considered cool by people. They DEFINITELY are Haon! Mission Accomplished!

Alright. That was rough but it seems the episode will be lighter from here on out. I'm stopping @ ~ 1:19 in. See you guys soon for the other parts!

[seijorhi]

👁️👄👁️

I'm alive, sorry I fell off the face of the earth for a few days there (I was unwell - new anxiety meds and all that jazz)

BUT!! I have much to say, both about your new fic and obviously one of the older ones, so here's an extremely belated / extended ART&RCSW <33

Firstly, Maelstrom was incredible, it changed the way I live my life

I don't even watch Trigun Stampede but good lord did you get me hooked on the characters - not to mention, a good poly fic is always the way to my heart

The twist of the secret bastard brothers?? Incredible. Delicious. Amazing. And the not so subtle hatred they have for their father?? The fact that the only good thing to come from him was their darling sister?? My gosh, you've got me wrapped around your finger Rhi

Though I must admit, the whole reveal and the part where reader is being lead to the throne room gave me anxiety - you always manage to surprise me with the way you set things up, and I mean that in the best way possible

I can't say anything about the characterisation of Vash and Knives because I don't watch the show, but I imagine that as with everyone else, you've done an amazing job

Also the sense of hopelessness at the end?? Because like, there's literally no escape - the best type of ending in my professional opinion

Next up on the agenda, we have a fic (series??) that I know you're not particularly fond of, but I absolutely love

Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you, your Hawks / Dabi soulmate fic - it has me in a fucking chokehold

It's literally everything I love in a fic - soulmates, poly relationship, yandere, it's just amazing

The slight sprinkle of angst kinda feels like a punch to the gut, but in a satisfying way - not to mention, the fact that Natsuo still keeps in touch with the reader even though they don't really have a connection aside from Touya kills me, he's so sweet

And poor Keigo (he's insane but I do not care <33)

The way my stomach drops when the reader realises that she has another soulmate will never not be a great feeling, but the way she knows instinctively that something is missing because Dabi isn't there really is painful

Like I said, I know you've said you don't really like the series, but I'm here to reassure you, I loved it, so rest assured, the hard work didn't go down the drain <33

I'm also really sorry for disappearing for like two or three weeks :// But I'm back now (??)

Anyway, I hope you've been well, drinking water and sleeping and whatnot <33

See you next week Rhi (I hope??) Lol :))

BBY I MISSED YOU <33

i hope ur doing okay, i am sending you all the forehead smooches and love!!

ahh but this ask is so nice!! honestly i was so worried about posting maelstrom cuz it's a new fandom for both me and sort of in general – i know the manga and old anime have been around for a while, but for most people it's new – and i wasn't sure if people were actually going to read it

turns out you did anyway, not knowing any of the characters vhgfjdksjdhfjdks it's always such a huge compliment when that happens. it's actually how i found my way first to bnha and then to haikyuu so, yeah, it makes me happy to see it's the same for you guys

as for through the cold... hoo boy. i did have big plans for that one, and every month or so there's a part of me that wants to either delete part 2 and start again, or delete the entire thing and start again, with better execution this time. i may not be as in love with bnha as i used to be, but hawks and touya, and that particular storyline (i am if nothing else a sucker from the soulmate trope gone wrong)

but also... the part i hate about series, and one of my biggest gripes as a writer is when there's a demand for part 2's and 3's but then it's crickets in the notes. part 2 kinda flopped and idk if it was because it wasn't great or if people just couldn't be bothered to leave a response, so while i do occasionally have the motivation to continue it i don't know if it's actually worth while or if anyone (aside from you haha) would be into it. but then i think about all that delicious angst and keigo and touya being jealous assholes and... hmmmm.... vghfjdkjhvfjdks

in any case, i'm glad you liked it and it was very sweet of you to send this ask and i adore you.

also, pls take care of yourself, and don't apologise for taking the time you need. i, of course, live for these asks and seeing you in my notes, but it's never a necessity. your mental/physical health always comes first <33

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

Pieces of Her - Chapter 2

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

❤ Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

“How was that?” Kenya asked as she took the headphones off her ear and looked at Brent. She wasn’t really looking for feedback; she already knew it wasn’t right. She could feel it in her chest, this gnawing emptiness that had been following her everywhere lately. It was more than just a bad take—it was her. The weight of everything she was carrying had drained her, and it was showing in the music.

 When he just stared at her she sighed and set the headphones down, making her way out the booth. 

“C’mere,” He said pointing to the swivel chair that was next to him at the soundboard. “Just.. listen.” Brent pressed play and turned his attention to Kenya to watch her reaction. She bit her bottom lip as her voice started coming through the speakers… she sounded… not like herself. It was so flat and held no emotion. 

“Remember what you told me when ole girl broke my heart. You gotta let the hurt consume you. This gon be your best album yet. You just have to let go”  

Kenya’s eyes flickered toward him, then away again. The words hit her harder than she wanted them to, but they rang true. He was right. She’d said that—felt that—because it had been true for her. Music had always been her way of processing everything, even the pain.

“This? This is the pain you’re feeling right now, Kenya. It’s real, it’s raw. You don’t gotta hide from it. Let that shit consume you. Here, give me your hands.” Kenya arched her eyebrow but still placed her hands in Brent’s. “Close your eyes.” Kenya sighed and did as he said. “Now, I want you to go back into that moment… let those emotions flow through you.” 

“Bre-” Kenya started but Brent squeezed her hands gently. 

“Trust me K…”  

She didn’t respond right away, just took a deep breath. Her mind flashed to the last few weeks—the heartbreak, the betrayal, the feeling of being gutted from the inside out. The kind of pain that you try to numb, but it keeps seeping through every crack. She nodded, a silent agreement, and forced herself to relax.

“Okay, now sing.”  Brent released one of her hands and pressed a button on the soundboard, the instrumental now flowing through the studio. 

“There was a woman born from a Lotus Her heart was golden, deep as the ocean And then this one man, he came and broke it 'Til it was open, just like a Lotus Oh, yes, there were explosions She found her focus, the beast awoken” 

As she trailed off, the last note hanging in the air, Kenya opened her eyes to find Brent’s wide smile waiting for her. “See, that's what the fuck I’m talking about! Now take ya’ ass in there and SING!” For the first time in a month, Kenya lets out a genuine laugh.  She threw her head back, a giggle escaping her mouth and Brent’s smile became softer, more gentle as he kept his gaze on her. 

Before either of them could say anything, the door to her studio room opened. Kenya opened her eyes and felt her eyebrows furrow at who stood in the doorway looking at her and Brent. 

Talisua Fatu was THE LAST person Kenya expected to see. Talisua’s eyes were locked on Kenya and Brent’s connected hands a slight smirk on her face. “Oh... I guess you moved on huh?” 

Kenya resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she removed her hands from Brent’s grip and stood from her seat, walking over to Talisua. 

“Can I help you?” Kenya asked, her voice calm, though every muscle in her body was coiled tight. She had to stay controlled, stay composed.

“I was just coming to see when you were getting your stuff out of my sons house. It’s taking up so much space, Trinity can’t even make herself comfortable.” 

Kenya’s stomach tightened at the mention of Trinity. Her eyes welled up with tears, but she wasn’t going to give this woman the satisfaction of seeing her cry. 

“Jon can pack my stuff up and i’ll come ger it if it’s such a big deal. No if that’s all you came for,” Kenya trailed off as she opened the door and gestured for Talisua to leave. 

Talisua smirked. She looked at Brent again before leaving out the door. Kenya slammed the door behind her and leaned her forehead against the door. 

“You aight?” Brent asked her as he watched her let out a deep shaky breath. 

“Yes…” she mumbled she turned around to face him and went to open her mouth to say something else but she immediately covered it and and rushed towards the bathroom with Brent following behind her. 

Jon stumbled into his mother's house. He let out a little giggle as he bumped into one of the potted flowers she had on display in her foyer. His eyes barely registered the mess, and he didn’t bother fixing it. Talisua let out a disappointed sigh as she came to stand in the doorway of her living room, her arms crossed and her gaze sharp as she watched her eldest son stumble around. 

“Jonathan..” Talisua called out, disappointment dripping from her tone. “Did you drive here?” 

“And If I did?” He sassed, pushing past her, stumbling into the living room, and dropping down on the couch with an exaggerated flop. He was still in a shitty mood when it came to his mom and his family. To him, his mother was the reason Kenya felt like she was never good enough for him. 

He leaned back into the cushions, letting out a long sigh. His eyes barely focused as he stared at the ceiling. 

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I talked to Kenya.” Jon perked up and turned his full attention to his mom. 

“What happened?! Is she coming home?” 

Talisua’s expression faltered, the hint of a frown tugging at her lips. She shook her head slowly, “No, i went and told her to hurry up and get her stuff out your house. It’s not helping you seeing her stuff everyday.” 

Jon froze. For a moment, his mind went blank, the words not quite registering. His mother had... told Kenya to leave? To take everything and just... go? It hit him harder than he expected, like a punch to the gut.

“What the hell do you mean, 'hurry up and get her stuff'?” Jon’s voice was strained now. “Mom!” Jon called out when Talisua didn’t say anything. 

Talisua, unfazed by his outburst but clearly irritated, crossed her arms and fixed him with a look that could freeze fire. “Don’t raise your voice at me.” She snapped. “I was just trying to help you.” 

“Help me!?” Jon yelled, standing to his feet. “You’re the reason she fucking left! If you would have never got in contact with Trinity and tell her i missed her, she would have NEVER called me and I would have never said her fuckin’ name while I was with Kenya! It’s your fucking fault!”  

“JONATHAN! I was trying to help! Kenya is all wrong for you.” Talisua couldn’t believe how Jon was talking to her, all she was trying to do was help, all she wanted was her son happy with the right woman. 

“And Trinity was right for me?” Jon scoffed. He never told him mom the full truth only because he knew how much his mom respected Trinity. “Trinity cheated… multiple times.” 

Talisua’s jaw dropped open at Jon’s confession, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “Jon…” she trailed off at a loss for words. “ I was happy with Kenya… she actually  loved me and you just fuckin’ went and ruined it.”

After recording the song, Kenya immediately ran to the drug store. Her stomach in knots as she picked up the item she needed and walked to the register to pay for it. On the drive back to her studio, she kept looking over at the bag in the passenger seat. She prayed that she was wrong and that her symptoms was just a sign of stress. 

Pulling into her reserved parking spot and shutting off her car, she quickly entered the building and ran to her studio on shaky legs  and ran into the bathroom, all but ripping the test out of it’s packaging and reading the instructions. 

Kenya immediately left the bathroom after she took the test.  She set her times for five minutes as she paced and forth in her studio, biting on her fingernails. Her phone ringing broke her out of her thoughts, she pulled her phone out and hit stop. She took a deep breath before walking into the bathroom to look at the results, her stomach dropping as those two pink lines stared back up at her... She was pregnant. 

Authors Note: Whew.... Jon's momma is a TRIP omg. And miss Kenya is pregnant... y'all think she's gonna tell Jon?

This is the song Kenya was recording with Brent.

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[kikibridges13]

Dancing with Your Ghost | Chapters 4-5 Medical/Emotional Breakdown

Chapter 4 link here

Chapter 5 link here

In these chapters, we start getting into Buck's mindset with the tumor. First, with the "guys, will you stop, I'm fine,"and wanting to brush everything off in Ch 4, and leading up to his major blowup towards the end of Ch 5 with Eddie and Maddie. This is where we get into me projecting my personal feelings regarding my own situation.

When they discovered the ependymoma that decided to grow and chill in the lower hemisphere of my brain, I was in so much shock and numb to the situation. I showed no emotion regarding it, I told myself I had to show that it was not affecting me and wanted to be strong for my friends and family who were freaking out around me. I was perceived as brave and "unwavering in my faith," as I grew up in the Bible Belt of the South and at the time I was very close with my church group.

But in reality, I wanted to freak out a bit (or a whole lot). I wanted to cry and lash out and completely shut down. I wanted to be angry at somebody, because of fucking course this is happening four months after I graduated college, and I'm supposed to be using this time to start my life. But I didn't. I put up a front, pretended I was okay, and listening to what the doctors recommended and did the surgery.

It was only after I came out of the surgery and started to recover that the doctors had told my parents I had been about 2 weeks from the tumor being completely inoperable and I would have had much time left had I not gone through with the procedure.

And that and as I started my six weeks of radiation, I watched my parents especially struggle with getting me to and from my appointments, and the overall strain that was the outcome of all of this. It was then I made the decision I would never ever let my friends or family go through this again. I have always been very vocal that if this was to ever happen again, I would not go through another surgery, or do any more radiation therapy. The first time going through this almost killed me, and I don't wish to ever put myself or my family through that ever again.

Which is where we see Buck. Which is exactly where my mindset still sits today.

My self-esteem has really struggled over the years, and sometimes no amount of reassurance, counseling, and medication keeps me from feeling how Buck is feeling at the end of Ch 5. In fact, most of his breakdown when he completely snaps at Eddie is from my own conversations I've had over the years with my therapist.

I'm glad that I decided to write this story, as a way to work on my own personal healing. I've allowed myself to feel things I have kept locked away for over 10 years. But fuck if ain't draining.

There's going to be more shouting and crying at each other in the next couple of chapters. Especially from Eddie and Buck.

Chapter 6 will be up either tomorrow night or Wednesday night.

[bigwishes]

Hey I am in dire need for some help!

I'm a 6'4 handsome jock, big beefy muscles, a deep baritone voice and got every guy on the team begging to suck my 8.5-incher.

I know this al sounds amazing and fuck yeah it is.. but the last few days I felt weak, not like I was sick or anything, but like my strength started leaving me. I heard a lot about your wishes where people drain their bullies or the jocks of their school. I'm an upstanding person, I have helped go up against bullying even from my teammates, I've helped my younger brother in the gym when he didn't know what he needed to do, even coach thinks I have everything he needs to become state champion this year.

So please save me from loosing all my hard worked size, I don't even know who is doing this to me.

Oh no you're losing muscle?!?!?! well we can't have that. The truth is mate I know exactly what is going on and who is doing it to you. A new student at the college gym always wanted to work out but his parent's never let him, worried it might stunt his growth. He desperately wanted to catch up and asked if I could put everyone in the gym's gains on him for the next week. Nobody noticed but you've got a keen eye and seem to notice what's going on so I tell you what I'll stop this guys wish, tell him to wish for something new and as a reward for being so perceptive I'll make you the new focus of the wish. Get you your gains back from the past few days and give you the gains of everyone who goes to the gym for the next week.

Day 1 was dope as fuck, your muscle felt pumped again, you were no longer tired after lifting and you felt incredibly solid after a workout. You were happy to be yourself again, working towards you goals. As much as you had prided yourself on hard work and being natural you were low key excited for a little magical boost, just a couple pounds of muscle from magic surely would still make you natural, after all the gains being sent your way are still gains worked for, just not gains worked for by you.

Day 2 was even better, whole fuck you were pumped all the time, you probably didn't even need to go to the gym but you wanted to, you loved the gym and didn't want to take the week off because you were getting free gains. After all it was like working double time getting swole, you were excited for the state championships in a few months and to go home and see your brother and show off your gains. The Christmas dinner keeps running in your head of him asking you how you got massive and you just saying diet and exercise. the thought of entering a bodybuilding comp crossed your mind, you were getting huge and its not like you could test positive for roids, and you'd never be tempted by them either.

Day 3 was different, you woke up at 12:01am on the dot and felt an insane pump, it wasn't slow and every lasting like how day 2 was this was fast, like a flood of blood throughout your whole body, like you were being pumped up like a balloon,

You struggled on your bed feeling more and more mass being added to your frame. The growth finally subsided and you passed out.

You struggled driving your car to the campas gym, the seat was uncomfortable and your thighs and swollen up so big you gym shorts felt like they were cutting off the circulation to your legs, maybe you should take the rest of the week off....or maybe ask for the growth to stop now....

Day 4 was a struggle, you had another growth surge in the middle of the night and it really set in just how much mass hundreds of people using the 24 hour gym daily can make. You would be fine to be like this, it'd be awesome and absolute easy win at state championships followed by sponsorships, you could drop out and be paid by supplement companies to simply pose with their products, but you couldn't get bigger than this, anymore size and you wouldn't even be able to get in your car anymore, no, you had to text the genie and ask for it to end early.

Day 5 was hell, you had a growth spurt in the middle of the gym changing room, bringing a whole new meaning to the words "Changing Room" not a single person in there noticed, like the magic was just making everyone thing you were always this big. Your coach had commented on how genetically gifted you were, apparently you had been made to do a random roid test several times and always come back clean, something you had no memory of. Going through old social media posts you saw you were much bigger in high school then you actually were, like the past was changing to accommodate for all this new found size.

Still after today you knew you didn't want anymore, even your best friend stood next to you as your posed your hulking frame in the mirror.

"bro, there is such a thing as too large, slim down for a few months or you'll be off the team for being too slow"

He was right, the new size was impacting your ability to play, one strong and fast you were now just strong, a brick wall no one could get by sure but what was the point it you couldn't chase a guy down or move your arms properly to catch the ball.

Day 6 was spent messaging the genie all day different combinations of "I wish to be smaller" or "please stop the growth now" any phrase you could think of to try to get the genie's attention to stop the growth. What your young mind thought would be cool t first turned into your biggest nightmare, you had outgrown your car and you couldn't even sell it for a new one as last time you got out of it you completely caved in the drivers side by simply shutting the door. You spent an hour walking to the gym, the only thing to clear your mind was lifting weights. During a rest your daily does of growth kicked in, your pecs and traps were swelling so close to your neck you could barely turn your head anymore.

Day 7, the final day of growth. You had become a fucking monster. Lost your place on the team from barely being able to move. You were staving all the time and spent most of your day now shovelling food down your throat as simply waling down the dorm room stairs caused you to burn a whole day's work of calories for any normal guy. You were anxiously awaiting today's growth and spent the whole day locked in your room. Everything around you was destroyed, unable to handle all the strength you had busted most things you touched and your furniture had all collapsed. Cheap college budget furniture could barely hold your weight how you were before all this but now it was just scrap wood and metal on the floor, you couldn't even bend down to pick it up. The whole day passed you buy and you saw the time 11:30pm...any moment now your final growth would happen and then you could figure out how to reverse it, or live with it. You tried to think positively, how awesome it would be to be an absolute monster, how much action you'd get. A deluded lie you told yourself, the truth was after what you did to your care you were terrified to go on a date or out for a hook up, every time you thought about it you could only think about accidently breaking the guys spine, but you'll finally get to figure all this out in just a few minutes, after tonight no more growth, just learning to live with the size. A message appear on your phone, from the genie, maybe he had finally seen your messages, maybe he'll shrink you back to how you were a few days ago, maybe you'd get punished for turning away the gift and turned into a twink....but being a twink would be better than this.

"hey bro, hope you are enjoying all the mass from the guys in the gym, today is gonna be a bit different. I explained what was going on to the original wish maker and he felt shitty and made a new wish, he wanted the nicest guy in the gym to triple in size and well I have decided you're nicest guy! you've been great carrying your team and just being a nice guy in the gym so I dunno how big you are now mate but I hope you always dreamed to be massive. If you've gotten too big from this tell me now and Ill stop the wish but after 11:59pm thats it, it goes through and nothing I can do about it"

You laughed loudly, this was your chance, to get the body from a few days ago, be a massive goliath but not be too big. Thank god. 11:45, still heaps of time. You excitedly went to message back but your phone slipped out you massive hands. Instinctively you went to catch it before it landed on the floor *CRUNCH...you opened your hand to see bits of crushed aluminium and glass slip out your fingers and on to the floor. You stopped, in shock you simply got off your bed and walked to the bathroom mirror. No one had gotten shell shock from breaking their phone before but you just stood in your bathroom, barely big enough for you to fit in and stared at yourself in the mirror. You thought you had become a monster, no, you were a freak, a massive freak of nature but in just a few more minutes, then, then you'd truly become a monster and there was no way for you to stop it now.

---------------------------------------------

Morphs in the story done by the incredibly Max Morphs check out their blog and show them some love.

Here:https://www.tumblr.com/maxmorphs

[i-cant-sing]

When will you bless us with more surgeon dabi 🥺

All AUs of Dabi I've ever created (and some that I haven't posted yet) always live in my mind rent free. So here's my most recent thoughts on Yandere Surgeon Dabi.

I'm imagining Dabi being in a bit of a good mood for once but that's flushed down the drain the moment he sees you laughing at a joke your colleague told you. Your male colleague. The opposite gender. The gender you're attracted to-

Anyways, it pisses him off and he decides to rain on everyone's parade, including yours. He gives the whole floor more patients and more grunt work, and you? You're given a verbal bitch slap for "goofing around" instead of doing your work. You try to defend yourself "Dabi (only you are allowed to refer to him with his first name) I was just laughing at a joke Simon told-" and Dabi just glares at you and says "oh yeah? Well, I don't really see what you're laughing about when your patients have been dying left and right. That's funny, isn't it? You fucking up general patient care and causing someone's loved one to die. Haha, love that my resident is truly shining." And he ignores the way your face fells and tears start forming in your eyes. "Get your fucking act together, Y/n."

Dabi went on with his hissy fit for over 2 weeks. He gave you dead end patients, signed you up for double shifts at the trauma ward, made you work overtime, had you assist him during surgeries even when you were on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, berated you in front of others even if you didn't do anything wrong and he still never forgot to bring up how your mistakes cost patients lives.

It was starting to get to you. Your body needed a break from the physical workload and mental beating Dabi was making you endure. At some point, you think you even lost your balance and ended up hitting your head against the sharp edge of a table. It hurt like hell and your friends suggested you to at least get a CT scan to make sure everything is okay. However when you went to the elevator to go down to CT, Dabi was already inside the elevator and asked why you were leaving his floor. When you said you were going to CT, he just blasted off again and asked you why you thought you could leave his patients in someone else's care when he put you in charge. So then you returned back to the wards and continued working.

Your body was getting tired and your eyes had even started twitching- a clear sign of your lack of sleep. You knew your body was close to shutting down and you also knew what Dabi's answer would be when you asked him to let you go home for the night.

He scoffed. "You need a break? I just finished up a 10 hour operation on your patient. The least you could do is monitor her until she wakes up. Or I can't you trust you not to mess up this time either?"

So you stayed the night, drank way too much coffee and energy drinks and kept a close eye on the patient. She woke up the next morning, and you had the nurses check in on her after you left. But you were far too tired to drive home, so you decided to sleep in the staff room. Only your head had just hit the pillow when your pager beeped.

"OT 3- STAT!"

You rushed off to the operation theatre because you knew that's the one Dabi was in charge of. And you didn't need him giving you trouble for not showing up.

You scrubbed in as fast as you could but the moment you stepped in, Dabi began scolding you for wasting precious time. Then he yelled at you to get your ass over here and start helping him instead of standing there idly.

The surgery went on for 10 hours and everything went fine until it was time to close him up. The patient suddenly went into cardiac arrest and no amount of drug Dabi injected him was helping. Just as Dabi was ready announce the time of death, you suddenly broke the patient's ribs and grabbed his heart and began giving it a cardiac massage. Everyone was in shock at what you'd done, and Dabi was ready to give it to you when suddenly they heard a pulse.

The heart began beating again and the patient survived. You grabbed the tools from Dabi and began closing him up quietly. And in that moment, Dabi really did admire you as a medical professional.

However, Dabi wanted to view you as more than a workplace buddy, that's why he was still mad at you.

"Y/n!" He yelled when you were washing your hands. "What the hell was that?! You don't get to make decisions like that without asking me first! That patient could've died on the table and I would've ended up with long paperwork to cover your ass-" Dabi stopped talking when he noticed you weren't moving. Face blank, body still, Dabi called your name over and over again before reaching over to nudge you. But that small poke had you tipping over and falling to the ground.

"Y/n!" Dabi immeadiately rushed to your side. He turned you over, trying to wake you up while checking your vitals. The commotion had some nurses rushing in. As soon as Dabi caught them, he pointed at them and yelled at them. "Get a fucking gurney here NOW!"

Turns out you'd passed out because of hypovolumic shock. But to get hypovolumic shock, you'd either have to lose a lot of blood or have internal bleeding when you're seriously injured.

After Dabi had stabilised you, he'd begun interrogating the few friends he'd allowed you to have on his floor and that's how he found out about your head hitting injury.

Now, Dabi will never admit it, but he feels slightly guilty for not letting you get the CT scan that day. In his defense, he didn't know it was for you. He thought that was just your excuse to get away from him for a while. Then again, you wouldn't need a brain scan if your tired body didn't fell in the first place.

Did I go too far? Dabi wondered. He knows how fragile you are, that's why he never lets you assist him on orthopaedic surgeries but still.

Anyways, Dabi had ordered a full bod my cheek work for you, including blood work. Your reports were pretty normal except for your Vitamin D and ferritin (iron) levels.

Dabi rolled his eyes. Explains why you're always so goddamn tired and lethargic.

He leaned back in his chair and watched over your sleeping form before writing down a prescription for nutritional supplements. He then opened up your brain scans and began looking through them.

Everything looks normal and he was about to put the scans away when he saw it. A small opacity.

A tumor.

Dabi stopped breathing. Did you- did you know? No, you couldn't. You wouldn't have hid something like this from him.

Although, this was a small tumor, it's location in your brain was more concerning. It was pressing upon areas of the brain that were integral to formation of memories and performing skills.

The more Dabi looked at the white area on the scan, the more his heart sank. This may be small, but it might be growing at a rapid rate. If only you'd just gotten a scan earlier-

"I'm going to get a CT scan for-"

"No."

Shit. Dabi remembered how he told you not to get a CT scan because he thought you were trying to leave him. If he'd allowed you, you would've seen the tumor earlier and asked him for help and not die-

Dabi grabbed your hand. He won't let you die, he won't. He'll perform the surgery himself, remove your tumor and then the two of you can laugh about it later when you're in his bed, hands resting on your baby bump.

For now, all he can do is pray that the tumor isn't cancerous.

Dabi pulled out his phone and shot a text to the oncologist.

"Dad, I need a favour."

Enji Todoroki, the head of the hospital and the number 1 oncologist in the country.

Reader in the hospital bathroom when Dabi told her to clean herself up and look "presentable" in front of the patients but won't let her go home to get some sleep and shower:

[rommahh]

{Harry in sparkly black….Harry lemme **** *** *** for free}

You hadn’t talked to Harry all day. Not that you were mad at him or anything but your therapy this morning left you feeling a little spacey. There was something about talking about your emotions that left you feeling emotionally drained.

You missed Harry terribly and though it’s only been a short week, you felt very lonely. But on another note, your anxiety wasn’t as bad as it was. You were starting to feel like your normal self again but missing something.

You loved the tight knit life you have with Harry. You like being around him most hours of the day. You two were inseparable. If you were in the shower, he was in the bathroom reading a book from the lounger chair in the corner. If he was writing music on the beach, you were somewhere on the shore collecting shells. If you were going to the grocery store the least he could do was go for the drive with you. You two were close and it was something the both of you were ok with.

Some couples don’t like being so close but it worked for you and Harry. Being away from Harry was a weird experience. It’s only been a week but you feel like it’s been a lifetime. You haven’t minded being on your own but you wanted to be with the person you felt most connected to.

So being you, you purchased a ticket to Chicago. You didn’t know how Harry was going to react but you could only assume it would be a positive reaction. You told Jeff that you were coming so he could get you a hotel key and backstage pass.

As you sat in the airport you felt your back pocket buzz- your music pausing for the call. Your hand slipped into the pocket roughly pulling out the small phone. Harry’s icon, him in a fluffy robe looking as grumpy as ever, met your eyes. You cursed because you were quite obviously in the airport and if he saw you, the surprise would be ruined.

You answered anyways but only for audio. You made sure that your airpods were snug in you ear and there was no chance of them falling out.

“My lover!” Harry greets you a in sing song voice. You could hear his humph as he recognizes that you didn’t answer with the FaceTime video on. “Turn your camera on.”

“Can’t, I’m not feeling good.” You fib nervously. Harry frowned, nervous that he may have done something to upset you.

“Oh, alright. What’s wrong then?” He asks. You chew your lip trying to think of an answer.

“Uh, period.” You stammer.

“Your period doesn’t start for another few day…saw it on the tracker.” Harry may have your period tracker on his phone but it was because he wanted to make sure he was able to comfort you the best way he could when he needed to.

“Must be the meds-“ The sound of your boarding attendant sounded over your head cutting you off. “Hey bubs, I’ve actually got to go but we can’t chat later.”

“Sure, that’s fine I guess. Love you.” He mumbles, confused by the phone call. You hang up leaving Harry a little lost in his thoughts.

Later, Harry sang through his rehearsal carelessly, his head clouded with thoughts. He even sang through TBSL and though he was in the worst of moods, fans waiting at the venue thought he never sounded better.

You on the other hand had just sat through the worst flight of your life. There was a woman in the flight who didn’t want to wear her mask causing commotion before the flight could even take off. You had the worst headache halfway through the flight and because of the lack on supplies, the flight couldn’t give you any ginger ale or accommodations.

You didn’t let any of it get to you though as you directed for the chauffeur Jeff sent for you to go to the venue for show.

Harry sat in the common room backstage with the band and Jeff eating dinner grumpily. His fork was stabbing every little piece of lettuce of his salad, everyone watched worried that he may break his bowl.

“HS3 is trending on Twitter today, pretty exciting.” Jeff says to Harry breaking the silence. Jeff just received a text from you saying that you arrived to the venue and were walking towards Harry’s dressing room.

“Mmm great.” Harry grumbles. Jeff rolled his eyes at the diva.

“Someone’s a little pissy this evening. How about you go fix that mood before you greet your fans with a bad attitude.” Jeff scolds him like a child who just got caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Jeff really didn’t care about Harry’s attitude, used to the moods at this point, but he needed a way for Harry to leave the room and see you in the dressing room.

“Fine, didn’t want to be around anyways.” Harry shrugs.

Back in Harry’s dressing room, you rolled your suitcase into a corner where Harry’s outfit for the night resided on a hanger. You smiled at the sparkly black top that you helped pick out. You walked around his dressing room from the hair and makeup table, past the bathroom/ dressing area, and back around to the couch’s and coffee table where you took a seat. You snagged one of his green juices needing the boost of energy from being on the flight.

You heard the door knob jiggle but stayed planted in you seat sipping on the juice. You never made a peep as Harry barged through the room, scowl covering his face. He stormed past the couch not batting an eye at you. He went to the mini fridge where his juices were before letting an exasperated sigh.

“Who fucking took my juice?” He whines. You quietly giggle in your hand at his tone.

“Im sorry, thought I could have it.” You chuckle. Harry leaps from where he stands letting out a yell. He turns to look at you with wide eyes, hand over his chest as if his heart was going to explode from his chest. You stood from the couch waiting for him to react more but he just stood there in shock. When the realization of you actually being there kicked in he let out another yell before bounding over to you.

Before you knew it, you had two strong arms wrapped tightly around you. Your wrapped around his neck, hands and fingers spread through his hair. His face tucked into your lower neck peppering desperate kisses all over just to feel something.

“What are you doing here?” You hear him cry. You pulled away from him to wipe his eyes of the tears that streamed down his face.

“I needed to see you.” Was all you could muster. He pulled you down on the couch, your body cushioning his larger frame. He laid in between your legs, your back flat in the body of the couch.

“Im so happy your here.” Harry couldn’t even put his excitement into words. He knew you were coming in a week but to have you here earlier than that made him feel things. He sat up from suffocating you into the couch, allowing for you to sit up beside him. “What about your therapy? I hope you’re not jeopardizing your mental health to be here with me cause I would much prefer if you put me on the back burner and took care of yourself.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’m ok. I still will see my therapist virtually, I’ve got all new meds that are working fine, and if all goes to shit I will go back home. It’s ok bubs.” You reassure him.

He grabs your face with both hands pulling your face to his. Your lips meet with need. His lips slotting with yours, moving slowly but with rigor as if he was scared you would slip from his fingers. Your bottom lips fit between his lips leaving for him to suck on it slightly. You moaned at the feeling making Harry pull you in tighter. You sat slightly upon his lap, chest against each other tightly. Your tongues pushed at one another, lips loving in tangent.

You pulled away when you felt his lower presence awaken. He whined at the loss of contact making you giggle.

“If we go any further you’re gonna be late for your show. I’ll give you more back at the hotel, yeah?” You say lowly trying to catch your breathe. He groaned resting his forehead on yours chasing your lips with chaste kisses making you smile.

“Fine, you owe my though. This is level three apology situation that can only be resolved with these things; sloppy blowies, butt stuff, or face masks if you catch my drift.” He chastised. You let out a deep belly laugh pushing yourself away from him. You two still sit facing each other, your legs slightly on top of his.

“You’re so nasty, but I may be able to arrange one of those.” You wink making Harry let out a triumphant laugh.

“Are you staying for the show? I understand if your not.” He questions fiddling with your fingers.

“Think it would be best if I didn’t. I’m really tired and I obviously need a nap if I’m going to be up for your post show antics.” You joke giving his nose a poke. He jokingly pretends to bite your finger in retaliation.

Harry went on stage that night happier than ever. He started plotting proposals from the second he walked you to the car with your suitcase and waved goodbye to you. You went to the hotel room and “accidentally” fell asleep wearing one of your most recent purchases curled up in your tour bus blanket.

Let’s just say that Harry not so accidentally woke you up after that concert ready to love all of his adrenaline off in you.

Part 2👀

[bluecookies02]

When they make you cry

pairings: Hawks x Reader, Dabi x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Aizawa x Reader, Izuku x Reader, Tamaki x Reader

Tamaki, Bakugou and Hawks are in a female!reader perspective, the rest of them are Gender Neutral

warnings: angst to fluff

masterlist

Hawks will get cocky, laughing in your face when he sees your shocked expression.

Both of you were going at each others throats, spitting insults to one another, just your recent daily routine.

Now Hawks knew you were a tough gal, which in his head made it alright for him to strike a really painful nerve into your chest.

As you remained speechless he turned around, a winning smirk plastered on his lips.

Just as he took a few steps forward, sobs wrecked your body as you hid your face in your hands.

"I d-don't think I can take this anymore Keigo" your broken voice reached his ears.

A pang of guilt pierced his chest once he turned around to face you.

He did this. He made you cry. He completely drained your happiness out. He hurt you.

His teeth dug into his lip, his eyes stinging as tears picked at them.

At that point, he didn't give two shits about who's right and who's wrong, his arms reaching for you and wrapping themselves around your shaking form.

He held you there for a while, listening to your cries that gradually turned into soft sniffles against his chest.

"I-" He opens his mouth but his words remained stuck at his throat.

"I don't want us to end..." you mumbled, your own words throwing you into another sobbing fit.

"We won't end here kid, I've got you...shit...I'm a fucking idiot...of course we won't end sweetheart...c'mon look at me" he raised your chin up gently, looking into your red eyes.

"I'm sorry, fuck I'm sorry...not just for today, for every day before this, I-, God... don't leave kid, p-please"

You stared at his face, tears now streaming down his cheeks as his grip on you tightened.

You swallow the lump in your throat, grabbing his hands in yours.

"Something has to change Keigo...I miss you...we've been distant for months. Sometimes you don't even come home to me, do you know how that feels?"

"I know, I know, I swear... I miss you too. I'll tell you about everything I promise. Let's go home please."

You hesitantly nod, putting your heart on the line for the last time.

And now looking back, you're glad you did.

//quirk: flesh manipulation (the reader can manipulate the molecules in a person's flesh just by touching it, making them useful mid-battle to make the other heroes ready to fight again in a matter of seconds, but also making them a threat to their enemies )

If there was one thing he despised about you, it was your guts.

Hell curse him for falling in love with someone so stubborn.

To live through a relationship with Dabi meant that you had to have though skin. You had to be strong enough to bite your cheeks and endure the issues that people in regular relationships never face.

He enters your home, covered in bruises and cuts, asking for your first aid kit.

You sigh to yourself, your usual nagging and yelling never reaching his ears.

You place the first aid kit onto your bedside table, turning your back to him, tiredly walking out of the room.

"Hey-" his voice calls out to you, quiet and confused.

You close the door behind you, making your way to your couch.

One of these days it'll be the last time he walks into your home, the last time you help him clean his cuts and the last time you hear his voice.

The weight of uncertainty pulls at your chest harder with every passing day.

He chose to continue living like this, he is the one that keeps ruining his own life, it's his ambitions that are making you this miserable.

Once he patches himself up, he sits on your bed for a while. Your silance meaning one thing and one thing only. You finally realized how pointless being with him is, you finally got it through your thick skull that he's nothing special to dwell about.

Time passes by quickly, a few hours already gone yet he's still glued to the same spot, not having the strength to leave your room, too scared to face your rejection once he gets out.

He should be happy for you, you won't be hurting anymore, you'll be able to find someone better.

He slowly twists the knob, taking slow steps through your living room.

You are laying on your couch, tear stains on your face and a tissue crumbled in your hand.

His chest tightenes at the sight. You cried yourself to sleep. He wonders... how many times did you cry over him? How many times would you just lay here as he carelessly roamed the streets?

He should leave...he should spare you the pain he brings. You were the only good thing in his life and by continuing this he'll ruin you, piece by piece.

You showed nothing but kindness to him, you made him realize that some people are worth getting close to, you being a hero also making his resolves shake under his feet.

He stretched his arm out to your cheek, careful not to wake you up.

He left a soft kiss to your temple before leaving your house.

-----

You woke up to a persistent ring of your doorbell.

You felt terrible...your hair was a mess, your nose was all clogged up and your eyes burned from all the crying.

You opened your door with annoyance, mad at whoever decided to burst your sadness bubble.

"Hey doll, I would've let myself in but my hands are kinda busy"

Your boyfriend stood there with a backpack on his shoulder and a carton box in his hands.

"So...do you happen to have a room to spare for a year or two...maybe three?"

You stare in disbelief your hand covering your mouth.

"I know that me being a villain might be a setback but...I got some hair dye? I might even consider letting you fix my jigsaw face."

Your body crashed into his, the box dropping to the ground as you squeezed your arms around him.

Maybe he can make you as happy as you make him.

You knew he was rough around the edges, but you never even imagined that you would be the one his rage would be directed at.

As soon as insults came crashing your way you left the room.

You were just trying to calm him down, placing your hand on his shoulder as you urged him to stop shouting and just let it go.

His rough hands grabbed yours, throwing your hand away like you were a mere fly, his quirk burning your skin.

You tried calling out to him just for him to snap around and scream at you.

Once you reached your dorm tears freely rolled down your cheeks.

You yearned for a normal relationship, longed for some peace and quiet just for a week or two.

Yet you just couldn't let the blonde go, always hoping for some miracle to come your way and take ahold of his ego.

--------

It's around 2 am and he can't fall asleep for the hell of it.

You're not picking up his calls nor answering his texts and you've been inactive on social media for hours.

Kirishima has been urging him to go to your dorm for two hours already, spamming him massages about him not being manly enough to win you back.

It's not like he doesn't want to, he just has no idea how to. Should he get you something? Get you some food and flowers? Where the fuck can he find all these things at 2 am? Isn't that how people in movies apologize or something...

He hates when you're mad at him, he is scared shitless of actually scaring you off and pushing you away.

A knock at your door snaps you out of your thoughts and a small flame of hope warms your heart for a split second as you make your way to your door.

He's holding a gray hoodie and a pair of bento boxes.

"That's not gonna fix it Katsuki."

"I know shitty woman you didn't even give me a chance to speak!"

You're sure that that's the first time Bakugou said the word "sorry" in his whole life.

The way it rolled off his tongue was shaky but somewhat determined, his hand grabbing ahold of yours gently.

Guilt was evident on his face as he stroked the bandages covering your hands.

"It's not that bad Katsu, and I understand that it was an accident." you mumbled trying to pull from his grip so he can focus on something else.

He grabbed ahold of your wrists, bringing your palms to his lips.

"I'll work on it, I promise. It'll never happen again. I mean it." you just give a soft nod, leading him to the table.

"Good. Now let's eat, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" you cheered, opening the bentos and stuffing your mouth with rice.

"Y/N...it's 4 am."

"Exactly, now eat, you're not gonna let me eat all of this by myself?!"

For this man, it was close to impossible to make his s/o cry.

He cherishes the relationship he has with you, making you feel special every single day at a time.

So when he sees you crying, he's confused and alarmed.

He reaches for you, trying his best to give you the comfort he thinks you need.

When you push his hands away and scream at him...Oh boy...

He's terrified.

Did he do something? Did he forget your anniversary? Your birthday? Did he eat your snack from the fridge??

You're pulling at the strands of your hair, your head buried into your knees as you sob.

He looks around, eyes widening when he sees a photo of himself and some girl kissing on the screen of your phone.

He wasn't there? He has proof! He was in a meeting! All of his colleagues could confirm that, he just needs you to listen! Please listen to him.

He's talking...blabbering...begging for you to just look at him.

As soon as you look up for a split second, he's hugging you, smothering your face in kisses as you weakly try to push him away.

Finally he leans his forehead against yours, letting out a long sigh of relief when he realizes that you're not crying anymore.

"Please Shouta, please, if you even have any respect for me, don't lie to me." you mumble out coldly, turning your head from him.

"Y/N, I would never, ever do that to you! Never! I love you so much, please, you have to know that, you do know that!"

You're too stubborn, but he calls all of his colleges one by one, putting them on speaker for you, asking about the time of the meeting or details of the meeting and they all have the same answer.

So now, your throat is dry and there's a lump in your throat, guilt eating at you as you try to apologize.

He couldn't give two shits about any of that, all he has to know is that you're okay and that you're still his.

He's not letting you go for the rest of the day, you're wrapped under the blankets with him as he makes sure you never believe the bullshit you see online.

"Sweetheart if I ever cheat on you, that's the day I cut my own dick off and bleed to death."

It makes you giggle and then laugh hysterically and he's just looking at you with the biggest heart eyes 🥺

Izuku would never do anything to make you cry.

He pays attention to every single detail in your relationship and he especially pays attention to your feelings.

What he is really bad at, is taking care of himself.

He doesn't take in consideration how you feel when he comes home all stitched up and tired, or how he stays up late to train and push himself further than his body can take.

However one day, he is exhausted from his training and he barely has any strength left. His phone rings and he is rushing out the door, already panting.

You don't reach him in time to stop him, so here you are, hours later next to his hospital bed.

The villain wasn't too powerful, but his state caused him to pass out in the middle of the bettle field.

As soon as he wakes up, you're yelling at him, but at the same time sobbing against his chest.

"I can't just stand here and watch you hurt yourself Zuku... I can't, I can't, I can't....O-one of these days you're just gonna slip away from my hands, I can't. Please" You're grip on him softens as you loose the strength in your hands.

His arms wrap themselves around you, trying his best not to flinch as you rub against his bandages.

His eyes are watering, realization dawning on him as he holds your tired body against him.

You're right...He sees the state of himself after a lowlife villain with a pathetic quirk sent him into the hospital. He doesn't even want to think about what would've happened if there was someone much stronger out there.

"Hey Y/N...I-...I might take a week off, to rest yeah? Does that sound good?"

You nod, wiping away the tears as you sniffle.

"And you won't be training at night anymore. And you won't be staying up late!" you scold as he rubs your cheeks.

"I won't. I promise." he places a kiss at your temple, pulling you onto the hospital bed next to him.

"Let's sleep for a bit yeah? I might owe you a few hours..."

You're crying, he's crying.

He's down on one knee and he's stuttering, his hands shaking as he hears you cry out a happy "Yes".

He barely gets the ring on your finger, burying his head into your neck as soon as he gets to his feet.

You always thought that he was going to propose to you at home, maybe some homecooked dinner with roses and candles. You didn't mind that option either.

You were surprised that he even suggested a walk in the park.

I mean, it was a really small park with little to no people in the area but it was beautiful nonetheless.

You're all giddy and happy as he takes your hand in his, his eyes always glancing at the ring on your finger.

Once you spot an ice cream stand you leap in happiness, rushing to get ice cream for the both of you.

The lady selling it smiles brightly at you.

"Is that the lucky guy?" you nod grabbing your icecream as Tamaki hides behind you.

"Good job sweetheart, you're making this lady very happy, I can feel it in my old bones" you laugh at her remark as you nudge Tamaki forward.

She hands him his ice cream and winks at him.

He's blushing and thanking the lady before running off to an empty bench.

”He’s a lil’ shy but he's got the spirit” you say to the lady as you rush off to get him.

You take the time to really study the ring, the beautiful blue crystal shining in the sun.

”I...I hope you l-like it...Nejire helped me out. Uhm I probably shouldn't have said that...S-she-"

"I like it Tama...I love it actually" you place a gentle kiss just at the corner of his lips, his hands grabbing your cheeks and kissing you deeply in return.

His cheeks are warm and his lips are slow against yours but you melt against him, letting him place you in his lap.

"Oh my God, I have a fiancé, oh my God, I have to call Mirio and tell him you said yes. You said yes, right?"

You laugh as you shake your head at him, playing with his hair as he fumbles with his phone.

All of the pictures are from the original anime/manga (please do correct me if I'm wrong in the comments below)

The Tamaki one has no angst in it because I had to heal from all of the emotional rollercosters.

___________

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commissions:open

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[kgunt12]

the heartbreak kid’s best friend// shawn michaels

I didn’t mind being known as his best friend. It wasn’t something that often bothered me, but it bothered me when people backstage didn’t even know my name. They just referred to me as Shawn’s best friend. It got to the point where even The British Bulldog forgot my name and just called me “The Heartbreak Kid’s best friend”.

There was only one person who truly knew how I felt about Shawn. Hunter Hearst Helmsley was that one person. He was one of my closest friends and it felt so good to finally tell someone about my true feelings. It felt like a small weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Hunter, Chyna, and I stood backstage watching Shawn fight Goldust. It was a pretty good fight for Shawn, not so much for Goldust. After he hit Sweet Chin Music, he pinned Dustin and the iconic Shawn Michaels music hit. He did his usual thing in the ring, dancing around, showing off, being his cute ass self. And of course he went to the audience, giving his love to the fans, but he stopped at a particular blonde girl with a tiny waist and bright green eyes. A smirk was plastered on his face as he chatted her up.

I turned my head and looked away. I could feel Hunter’s eyes on me as I grabbed my bag from the floor. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that I felt this way. It was mine own because I couldn’t bring myself to tell Shawn how I really felt. He was my best friend, my person. I couldn’t allow myself to lose that.

“Tell Shawn I said congrats on the win. I gotta be up early tomorrow,” My voice came out small, a fake smile plastered on my lips.

Chyna gave me a hug, “We will! You get some sleep girlfriend,”

“Get home safe, okay?” Hunter said and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I nodded.

It felt weird not seeing Shawn after he match, but I just wanted to go home and go to bed. I felt emotionally drained. I threw on an oversized shirt, that was most likely Shawn’s, and laid down, my eyes instantly closing.

Ring! Ring!

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

I got out of bed and stomped my way over to my phone. If it was something stupid I was gonna freak the fuck out! My eyes glanced over at the clock. 2:37 a.m.

I grabbed the phone, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Shawn,”

“H-Hi. Is something wrong? Are you okay?” I asked, my mind racing.

He chuckled, “You worry too much! But, yeah, I’m good. I just wanted to call and ask why you left so early? I didn’t get to see you after my match,”

He actually cared about that?

“Oh, um, I have to be up early tomorrow for work. I didn’t wanna be out too late. Didn’t really think you cared so much about me being there,” I mumbled the last part.

“Of course I care! You’re my good luck charm, baby! You’re gonna be at the Royal Rumble, right?” he asked and I could hear the concern in his voice.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “Yeah. Yeah Shawn I’ll be there,”

“See you then, (Y/n)! Love you!,”

“Love you too,”

royal rumble 1995

My eyes glanced over my outfit in the mirror. The Levi’s clung to my curves and my Heartbreak Kid shirt looked great with my subtle red lip. I could feel my nerves begin to rise as I waited with Chyna backstage. All I could think about was what Shawn was gonna think of my outfit, and the fact that I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks.

“I can’t believe Pamela Anderson is gonna be here tonight! She’s gorgeous,” Shawn’s voice boomed from down the hall.

Hunter laughed, “Yeah, she’s pretty,”

Shawn walked into his dressing room, his eyes landing on me. The look on his face was unreadable. I knew he was mad at me. I mean I didn’t answer a lot of his calls and when I did I cut the conversations short. I would be pissed off too. My eyes trailed over his sparkly outfit and all I could think about was how good he looked.

Arms wrapped around my shoulders, “Hey baby girl! I’ve missed you these past couple weeks,” Hunter spoke.

“I’ve missed you too, Hunter. Just been really busy lately,” I said, smiling up at him. He smiled back and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“Can you guys give us a minute?” Shawn asked.

Chyna nodded and grabbed Hunter’s arm, dragging him out into the hallway. My anxiety was creeping up on me, hard. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans and swallowed the lump in my throat, taking a seat.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

I looked up to meet Shawn’s eyes, “I-I, um, I’ve just been really busy. It wasn’t intentional,”

“If it wasn’t intentional then why are you stuttering? You only stutter when you lie, which isn’t often,” he spoke, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You wouldn’t understand, Shawn. And that’s cool. I’m okay now,” I said.

He hand landed on my knee, “What wouldn’t I understand?”

All I could do in that moment was push his hand off my knee and create as much distance as possible between us. He didn’t get to do that. He didn’t get to act all lovey and cuddly, then go and give it to someone else. It hurt too much.

“I’m gonna wait with Chyna backstage. Good luck in the rumble, not that you’re gonna need it,” I said, flashing him a small smile.

“No! We’re not done talking yet. Why won’t you just fucking talk to me? Did I do something to upset you?” he asked and reached for me, but I avoided his eyes.

The door flew open, “Shawn you’ve got 2 minutes,”

Talk about saved by the damn backstage worker.

“We’re not done talking about this. I’ll see you after the rumble. You better be here when I’m done,” he whispered and kissed my forehead.

I just nodded at him. Little did he know, I wasn’t gonna be here when he was done. I was gonna stay and watch him fight, but that was all. It may be shitty of me to do that. I knew that. Yet, I knew that I couldn’t watch him parade around with Pamela Anderson if he won. I just couldn’t.

Hunter and I watched as Shawn tried to team up with one of the last guys left. He wanted to team up against The British Bulldog, which was smart. It just ended up back firing on him. Shawn was the first person to start this match and I was so incredibly happy that he lasted to the final 2. Him and The British Bulldog were left.

It all happened too fast. Everyone in that damn arena thought HBK was out, but only one of his feet hit the floor and he eliminated the last man. My best friend had just won the 1995 Royal Rumble. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! So much love and happiness was exploding out of me.

“He did it! Holy shit!” Chyna yelled, wrapping me up in a hug.

I couldn’t stop smiling, “I’m so proud of him!” I yelled back.

My eyes turned back to the screen and what I saw made my heart stop. The beautiful Pamela Anderson hugging, flirting, and grinning from ear to ear at Shawn. A kiss was planted on his cheek, a smirk planted on his lips. A hand landed on my waist. Hunter’s hand to be exact.

“It’s my fault ya know. If I would just be honest with him then maybe I wouldn’t feel so fucking shitty,” I spoke and looked at Hunter.

“He’s not entirely the smartest person alive. I love him, don’t get me wrong. I mean he’s my best friend, but it’s his loss for not seeing this beautiful girl. You’re amazing and I truly mean that, baby girl,”

Hunter smiled down at me and I pressed a kiss onto his cheek, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms snaked around my waist and lifted me off of my tip toes, a giggle escaping my throat. He was such a cutie sometimes.

“Where’s my hug at?” Shawn asked, his hands on his hips. Hunter let me go and I made my way over to my best friend.

I grinned, “Congratulations on your win! You deserve it, Michaels,”

He grabbed my hips and hugged me like his life depended on it. My air supply was getting cut short due to him squeezing me so hard, but I didn’t really mind. He hasn’t hugged me like this in forever. It felt good.

“I’m so happy you stayed,” he whispered.

“You asked me too,” I said and pressed my face into his neck, a smile on my face.

“I know I did, but you’ve been really distant lately. I didn’t really think you were gonna stay. I’ve just missed that gorgeous face of yours, pretty girl,”

A laugh erupted from my mouth, “Is that all you miss?”

“You know that’s not what I mean!” He exclaimed and started attacking my sides with his fingers, tickling me. I was a giggling mess with everyone around me laughing. The smile on Shawn’s face was priceless.

“Stop! Shawn, please stop!” I pleaded.

He stopped his assault on my stomach and pressed a big kiss onto the corner of my mouth. I could feel my breathe get caught in my throat and butterflies erupt in my stomach. If only he knew what he did to me.

“Shawny! Oh, Shawny!”

We all turned our heads at the Australian accent. Pamela Anderson waltzed on into the dressing room, batting her long lashes at Shawn. Her hand landed on his bicep as she gave him a big smirk. She was stunning, super stunning. How was I suppose to compete with that?

I tuned out everything that came out of her mouth as I played with the bracelet on my wrist. It was a beaded one that I made for Shawn and I. His had my name on it and mine had his, a small smile making its way onto my face thinking of the memory. He was so excited when I made them. The bracelets were stupid though, really.

A hand landed on my shoulder, “Earth to (Y/N),”

“Huh? Sorry,” I said.

“I asked if you wanted to come with us to the party,” Shawn spoke and gave me a pleading look.

“Um, my boss is expecting me bright and early tomorrow. I gotta head home and get some sleep,” I said.

Hunter handed me my bag, “ See ya, (Y/N/N). I’ll call you later,”

“I’m counting on it,” I said and gave his hand a squeeze before hugging Chyna goodbye.

“Shawn, I’m so happy for you and I hope you have fun tonight. I love you. Don’t get too drunk,” I joked, gave him a tight lipped smile and made my way out of his dressing room.

home

Truth was, I was off work the rest of the week. I knew that lying to my best friend wasn’t right, but I couldn’t sit there and listen to Pamela’s annoying ass voice. Besides, I’m sure I’ll hang out with him soon, probably with Hunter and Chyna.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. My hand wiped away the condensation from my mirror and I just stared at myself. I took in my appearance, wishing that somethings about me were different. A sigh left my lips and I rubbed my eyes, feeling sleep upon me.

“You take the longest showers,”

I jumped, gripping my towel tighter around my body as I looked at my best friend sitting on my bed. He was out of his ring gear, now sporting jeans and a black shirt. His hair was down in its waves, making me incredibly jealous of how pretty it looked. He always managed to take my breathe away.

I just stared at him, “What are you doing here?”

“You left. You declined my offer of going to a fun ass party. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and I can’t figure out why. You haven’t been acting like yourself,” he spoke, playing with his bracelet. The one I made him.

“I told you. I have to be up early tomorrow for work,” I said.

He stood up, his fists clenched, “When are you gonna stop lying to me?”

“I’m-“

“And don’t give me some bullshit answer. I’m so fucking over the bullshit! I need you to be honest with me, (Y/N). Please pretty girl,” he said.

“If I’m honest with you, our friendship will be ruined. I can’t do that. I need you too much, Shawn,” I answered, locking eyes with him.

“Well, you’re ruining it by not talking to me and keeping me in the dark! Just fucking talk to me. For once. Stop being so selfish,”

I clenched my fists tight, “I tell you everything! Heaven for bid I don’t tell The Shawn Michaels one thing. Is it hurting your precious ego?”

“Don’t-“

“Please shut up for one second. You want me to be honest? Well, I’ve been in love with you since I was 19 years old. You drive me absolutely fucking crazy, but I don’t even care. You’re worth all the crazy, Shawn! You’re worth all the heartache, all the tears, all the laughs, all the smiles, and all the memories. I love you so much that it hurts,”

He stared at me. Just stared at me. I could feel my heart begin to ache, tears swelling up in my eyes. My dumbass had just ruined the one great thing in my life because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. I should’ve just tried to move on from Shawn, but I guess in a way I would’ve just hurt myself more. And hurt the person I tried to move on with.

“C-Can you please leave?” I whispered, my voice cracking.

“Pretty girl, don’t push me away. Don’t tell me to leave when I know you want me to stay,” Shawn spoke.

“No, you don’t know. You don’t know shit. I want, need, you to leave while I sort through my own shit.” My hands were shaking as I walked over to my dresser. I pulled out underwear, shorts, and a shirt. Shawn’s shirt

to be exact. It was his old Rocker’s shirt.

His hand wrapped around my wrist, “You’re the most amazing person I have ever met, (Y/N). You don’t give a damn about what anyone says or thinks. You speak your mind. You love the hell out of people. You keep me grounded, pretty girl. I can’t lose you. I just fucking can’t. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way that you do, but I do love you. I always have, just not in that way,”

“I’m letting you go, Shawn. You go on and do big things with your wrestling. I know that you will. I’ll be watching, I promise,”

Tears were falling down my red cheeks, making my eyelashes stick together. I could feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. The ache was almost unbearable, making it hard for me to catch my breath. Anxiety and sadness were creeping up on me.

I gave Shawn one last forced smile before walking back into my bathroom. My back hit the door and I slid onto the floor, sobs racking through my body. The pain was excruciating. I love you, Shawn.

1 month later

It’s been rough. Really fucking rough. I haven’t seen his face in 4 weeks and it’s been killing me. I miss him. I miss being around to watch him fight. I miss Hunter and Chyna. I miss seeing Mick Foley’s smiley face. I even miss The British Bulldog calling me “The Heart Break Kid’s best friend” because he didn’t know my name. So, I’ve decided to go visit.

My Doc Martins scuffed across the floor as I made my way to Hunter’s dressing room. I figured it would be easiest to see him first instead of Shawn. I made sure I looked decent so no one would see just how bad I’ve been doing. My light wash jeans went great with my Chyna shirt and my leather jacket.

I knocked before I entered Hunter’s dressing room, taking a deep breath. I opened the door and Hunter’s eyes widened. A smile found its way onto my lips at the sight of him. I don’t think I realized just how much I missed being around here.

“Baby girl!” Hunter said, engulfing me in his arms.

I giggled, “Hi!”

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in like a month. Chyna and I have missed you, dude. He misses you,” Hunter whispered the last part.

“I’ve miss you guys too. That’s why I’m here. I just wanted to come visit since it’s been a while,” I said and smiled.

“Are you gonna talk to him?” he asked.

My mind went blank. I haven’t seen Shawn in quite some time and I don’t know what to say to him. He’s my best friend, but my heart is broken. I told him I was in love with him and got nothing in return. I don’t know if I can face him without breaking down.

I licked my lips, “I told him I was in love with him and he didn’t tell me the same,”

“He’s still you’re best friend though! I get that he hurt you, but you two need each other more than you think. He’s been a wreck without you, baby girl. Go see him,”

Hunter was probably right. I should go see Shawn. It would probably do me some good to see his face again. Just in case it’s the last time I get to see it. I looked up at him, a small smile on my lips.

“Same locker room, right?”

I made my way down the hallway and passed a few familiar faces on the way to Shawn’s locker room. Mick Foley gave me the biggest smile and The British Bulldog addressed me like he usually does. It was good to be back here.

Shawn’s locker room came into sight and I could feel my anxiety creep up on me. What if he didn’t wanna see me? What if he told me to leave? There was so many thoughts running through my head. I looked up and saw I was face to face with his door. It was now or never, I guess. I raised my fist and knocked.

“I already told you I’m-“

The look on his face was pure shock. There was an emotion his eyes that I couldn’t quite pin point. My hands were becoming clammy from nerves. I just wanted him to say something.

I cleared my throat, “If y-you want me to go I can. I just thought maybe it would be good to see each other,”

“(Y/N),” he whispered.

“Hi. Um, do you want me to go? Or?”

Before I could even blink, Shawn had his arms wrapped around my waist and his face in the crook of my neck. My arms snaked around his shoulders. I gave him a squeeze and closed my eyes, taking in the moment.

Shawn sighed, “God, I’ve missed you so fucking much, pretty girl,”

“I’ve missed you too, Michaels,” I mumbled and squeezed him again.

“Did you already see Hunter?” he asked.

I pulled away from him, “Yeah. He was the first person I saw, actually. He was the one who encouraged me to come see you,”

“Well, I’m glad he did. It’s so great to see you again,” he said, flashing me a smile.

“Yeah, it is. It’s much better seeing your face in person and not just on tv,” I spoke.

Shawn grinned at me as he walked over to the couch in his locker room. I noticed that he wasn’t in his ring gear. Instead he was sporting a light brown shirt, black pants, and was just about to grab his leather jacket. I had to admit, he looked damn good. He always looked good.

My hands were still a bit shaky. I’ve been this nervous around Shawn before. Usually I’m pretty calm, cool, and somewhat collected. Maybe I’m this nervous due to the fact that I told him I was in love with him, and he didn’t feel the same way.

“You don’t have to be so nervous around me, pretty girl,”

I looked up at him, “W-What?”

“You’re playing with your bracelet. You only do that when you’re nervous,” he said.

“Shawn I admitted that I was in love with you a month ago. I’m gonna be nervous around you. I can’t help it,” I admitted to him.

“(Y/N)-“

“Look, I just wanted to come and see you. It’s been so long and I felt like it would be good. Watching you on TV isn’t the same as seeing you wrestle in person! I’ve missed the back stage talks, the good lucks, the hugs after matches, the late night dinners, and seeing your cute face every damn day,” I said, my eyes never leaving his.

A knock was heard at his locker room door. I glanced down at my boots and took in a deep breathe. Every time we start to get somewhere, we get interrupted. I’m starting to think that maybe we aren’t meant to have this conversation. A backstage worker peeped his head in to tell Shawn he had 5 minutes.

Shawn grabbed my face in his hands and made my eyes meet his, “Please don’t leave. All I have to do is cut a promo and then I’ll be right back! I wanna finish this conversation, so please wait for me,”

“I waited 9 years to tell you that I was in love with you. I can wait 20 minutes to talk to you, Michaels,” I said, a smile on my lips.

He grinned at me, a twinkle in his eyes. He told me to wait with Hunter while he shot his promo. Shawn pressed a kiss to my forehead before he walked out of this locker room. My heart was so happy. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see him. He was my person, after all.

I strolled down the hallway, on my way back to see Hunter’s locker room, and Bret Hart came into my sight. The expression on his face was pure anger. His jaw was clenched tight, his eyes blazing with fury. Bret locked eyes with me and that’s when I figured it out. Shawn had pissed him the fuck off.

“You! You need to tell your boy to mind his own fucking business and to watch his back!” he yelled, shoving his finger into my chest.

I scoffed, “You need to get out of my face, Bret. What goes on with you and Shawn has nothing to do with me! So, don’t come at me with some dumb threat,”

“Is that so? Well I’ll tell you this much (Y/N), don’t test me. You’ll be the one to take the hit for him if he keeps on with his shit. I will hurt the one person he needs most, and that happens to be you, sweetheart,” he spat at me, venom in his voice.

He patted my cheek with his hand and walked down the hallway. I could feel my whole body shake from fright. My feet carried me to Hunter’s locker room and I walked in, my mind blank. I could feel eyes on me, but I couldn’t make myself look up.

“Baby girl? What happened?” Hunter’s voice rang in my ears.

“Bret,” I whispered.

Chyna grabbed my arm and guided me over to the couch. What Bret said to me was still playing in my head. It was all I could think about. I never would’ve thought that I was afraid of Bret Hart, until today. I was scared of him. Very, very scared of him.

All I wanted was for Shawn to hold me in his arms and tell me that nothing was going to happen to me. Whatever was going on with Shawn and Bret had nothing to do with me. I was pissed that I somehow got brought into it. Bret had no right to do that.

“Pretty girl! Are you okay? What the hell happened?” Shawn came running and sat beside me on the couch, his arm wrapping around my waist.

My eyes met Shawn’s, “B-Bret threatened me in the hallway. He said I would be taking the h-hit for you if you didn’t leave him alone,”

“You don’t even have anything to do with what is going on between Shawn and Bret!” Hunter exclaimed, putting his hands on hips.

I grabbed Shawn’s hand and intertwined our fingers together. His eyes were on my jeans, a far away look on his handsome face. My other hand touched his cheek as I tried to bring him back to me.

“Hunter, can you please give us a minute?” I asked. A small smile was on his lips.

“Sure thing, baby girl,”

Shawn stood from the couch and took his jacket off, throwing it on the floor. I could almost feel the tension that was in the air. I knew that he was pissed. I mean, he hates Bret, but now it’s intensified.

I rose from the couch, cautiously making my way towards my blonde best friend. My hand touched his arm and he sighed. He still didn’t look at me, so I placed my other hand on his hip.

“Shawn, look at me,” I mumbled.

His green eyes met mine, “I’m so sorry. For everything. For what Bret’s bitch ass said to you, which he’ll pay for. I’m sorry for what happened that night at your place. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. But, I’m especially sorry for lying to you,”

“When did you lie to me?” I asked.

“That night. I told you that I didn’t feel the same way you did, but that was a lie. I’ve been in love with since the day I met you,” he said, a smile on his lips.

“Why did you lie?” My eyes burned into his, tears slowly filling them.

Shawn grabbed my hand, “I was scared. I’m not the best person in the world. I’m an asshole who fucks around too much and doesn’t take anything seriously! I always thought that you would never love someone like me. You deserve better, pretty girl,”

I pressed my lips onto his, my hands cupping his cheeks. Sparks shot through my whole body as he kissed me back, passion seeping from his lips. His arms made their way around my waist. This was the best feeling in the whole world. The man I’ve loved for 9 years actually loves me back and is making out with me in his best friend’s locker room.

I pulled away and giggled.

“What’s funny?” Shawn asked.

My thumb rubbed his cheek, “I just thought about how we’re making out in Hunter’s locker room. It wasn’t exactly where I pictured us sharing our fist kiss,”

“Please don’t think about my best friend when I kiss you,” he said, kissing my forehead.

“I’m sorry! It just crossed my mind,”

Shawn gripped my hips a bit tight as he looked into my eyes, “I love you, (Y/N),”

“I love you too, Michaels,”

This is what I’ve been waiting for since I was 19 years old. I’ve been waiting for this kind of love. The kind of love where it consumes you and when all you think about is him. The kind of love that brings a bright smile to you face. The kind of love where you can feel it in your bones. Shawn Michaels has given me that kind of love.

Hunter peeped his head in, a smirk on his face, “It’s about damn time,”

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

"Tom Riddle effectively destroys the country from the inside out, which I believe was his true goal the entire time" (c) wait a second, so you think that he wasn't going to really take over or anything, just destroy the fuck out of w britain?

I have avoided this ask long enough.

I’ll start by saying that asking me about Tom Riddle is like staring down into a bottomless rabbit hole. We could travel down that path, but it is a dark and perilous journey, and by the end of it I will come out looking like the Mad Hatter.

It also requires a few prerequisites that you’re just going to accept as true (or else got off the crazy train here).

We know very little about Tom Riddle or Voldemort

What we do know of Tom Riddle comes to us from suspect sources

I’m just going to go out there and start with the basis that Tom is not crazy

Elaborating a little on number 1. We never actually see much of Tom Riddle or Voldemort directly. He’s a bit like Thanos in the MCU, or Palpatine in the first two movies of the Original Trilogy, he’s this looming threat that we pass by and glimpse every once in a while but never really get quality time with.

Generally, Voldemort makes an appearance in a moment of crisis.

He and Harry fight over the philosopher’s stone for Tom’s very survival. He and Harry fight over the diary for Tom’s very survival. He resurrects himself with Harry as a witness. We get those very strange dreams from Voldemort’s perspective (half of which we later learn are fabricated).

None of these really lend to our, or Harry’s for that matter, understanding of Tom Riddle. There’s too much going on, it usually happens far too fast, and there’s usually something Tom Riddle desperately wants or needs that eclipses all other concerns or else he has an audience.

This is part of the reason we get those Halfblood Prince pensieve lessons: Harry knows nothing of Tom Riddle and doesn’t understand him at all.

Which leads us, of course, to number 2, most of what we know about Tom Riddle comes from Dumbledore. I’ve talked about this before, so I won’t spend much time on it, but Dumbledore has a very clear agenda in relaying these memories to Harry. Dumbledore already has strong suspicions of what objects are horcruxes and where they’re located, he already has Snape as a very reliable agent to continue work when he’s gone, his job here is to convince Harry there is no path but suicide. And that involves portraying Tom Riddle as the most evil man who ever eviled, was born eviler than the antichrist, and will die eviler than the antichrist. 

Now, does this make Tom necessarily good or bad? No.

However, it does mean when Dumbledore tells us things like, “See, Harry, an impoverished child was upset when I lit all his belongings on fire! What a monster!” (especially given that, in a similar situation, Harry thought it was hilarious when Hagrid gave Dudley a permanent physical deformity and Harry was told he was an angel child) we should take it with a very large grain of salt.

Right, so, with all that backdrop what I’m getting at is that a) we can’t take Dumbledore at his word b) even if we could he could be wrong c) Harry doesn’t have the introspection to be able to figure himself when a or b is happening. I won’t elaborate on this last much, suffice to say that Harry’s world is very black and white, divided into the camps of those who personally like him and those who don’t.

So, why do I think Tom’s goal was not to rule the wizarding world but instead to destroy it?

A few things.

First, there are so many easier ways he could have ended up ruling the wizarding world. More, even when he effectively does rule the wizarding world in book seven, he takes very strange actions so that he’s never directly in power.

Second, I never really bought Tom’s racism. It’s too convenient and too contradictory with his backstory.

The second first, because we’re going out of order today. I’ve gone over this before, but I don’t believe Tom had minions early and I think he was effectively treated as a muggleborn (see here and here) until he took on the Voldemort persona many decades later. I’m hard pressed to believe someone as intelligent, angry, and proud as Tom Riddle would willingly believe and accept he was inferior to the likes of Abraxas Malfoy. More, even if he wished he was a halfblood, I think the evidence of him being muggleborn would be stacked too high against him to deny even to himself (and when he finds out it’s not true, he has maybe a month or so before he realized that he’s the bastard son of a squib). 

And it’s just so convenient. All the people with the power, with the money, who are itching for a cause against a threat that doesn’t really exist believe in blood purity. Ergo, Voldemort shows up suddenly espousing over the top blood purity rhetoric (rhetoric that directly clashes with his “there is only power” philosophy at that). 

In other words, I think Tom Riddle gave himself a line that he knew would get him places very quickly.

And now for the first. For a guy who has had the entire country in the palm of his hands twice, one time taking it over in a bloodless coup, he’s really big on causing collateral damage and really small on actually doing the ruling thing.

The first wizarding war, Tom Riddle as Voldemort has the backing of the heirs of the most prestigious and wealthy noble houses save a select few. These are people with seats in the Wizengamot, which has a frightening control over the government itself (including the minister of magic). I imagine, in 1980 had Tom Riddle wanted to be elected as Minister of Magic, he would have been elected as Minister of Magic. If he wanted a friendly face in office then he probably could have made that happen to.

More than even this though, by this point, Tom had already won. By having control over the majority of the Wizengamot he owns the government. He’s done, it’s over, it’s finished, and many of the characters admit as much which is why Harry Potter was such a miracle. So why all the seemingly random, exceptionally pointless, terrorism? 

One answer is that Voldemort is crazy bananas. And sure, I guess we can go with that, except for someone insane he’s oddly effective and very consistent. 

I believe Tom was systematically destroying the very foundations of the country through its core aristocratic families. Within a few short years Tom decimates the Black family, it goes from having five heirs to none, and while some of this isn’t Tom’s fault he does take care of quite a few of them. He brands Lucius for life, while Lucius rises high in politics he never escapes the stigma of being a known Death Eater and in the end cannot escape the consequences for his actions. The Malfoy family is very nearly destroyed by the end of the series, had Draco died in the Fiendfyre. The LeStrange family, presumably decimated as well.

More, this is mostly me headcanoning, but I imagine Tom fuels an extremism that the Wizarding World had never contemplated. I imagine, previously, anti-muggleborn sentiment was probably fairly rampant among purebloods. Oh, some were very pro-muggleborn I’m sure, but I think most were fairly “eh” on the people and felt they were a drain on society (such as requiring constant funding for the obliviation department).

However, when Diagon Alley starts getting blown up every other week, when muggleborns start being tortured and murdered, when purebloods who aren’t anti-muggleborn enough are being tortured and murdered, this starts wigging people out in a way they’ve never wigged out before.

By the time we get to Harry Potter’s canon, it is now only a minority that are anti-muggleborn, and they’re perceived as raving lunatics. Nobody wants to be grouped with these people. Which, just goes to show, how much Voldemort rattles the wizarding world in a very small amount of time.

Then there’s Deathly Hallows, rather than become minister himself Voldemort installs a puppet minister. He shows no signs of wishing to change this and instead does things like destroy the sorting hat (which again shakes the very foundations of the wizarding world as whta will we do if we don’t know who’s a Gryffindor anymore?!)

So, where is this ramble going?

Given the results we see, that more than any others it seems to be the purebloods and often Tom’s own followers that suffer colossal losses, I think Tom’s actions are, in part, a means of vengeance against the entire damn wizarding world (but especially the purebloods).

He makes fools of these people, brands them as his slaves, and has them participate in the most over the top ridiculous rituals (the cloaks, the masks, the entire theatrics of it feels like Tom got drunk one night and planned this whole thing out). He destroys them entirely, and better, enables them to completely destroy themselves and the country they believe they’re trying to save.

Basically, I think by the time the series begins Tom is fueled by a nihilist rage that knows no bounds. But dammit all, the wizarding world is going to burn.

[plsimsuchasimp]

cheating.

part 2 here

Ft: Suna Rintarou x !gn reader, a little bit of atsumu miya x !gn reader

Genre/warnings: one (1) curse word, cheating, brief implied sex, angst, hurt/comfort, fighting

Wc: 1.8k

NOT PROOFREAD!

a/n: i’m so sorry for this angst but i had to do it for y’all... didn’t have it in me to write a happy ending, maybe later.

The rain was pouring down, clattering against the roof of the gym. You, sitting against the wall in a corner by the benches, watched Suna’s team play, smiling slightly at the way they seemed to seamlessly move together. Your boyfriend looked concentrated, green eyes flickering from one player to another. 

His phone buzzed beside you, and you picked it up, intending to set it to Do Not Disturb so you could do work, but the notification caught your eye. 

“Hey!” It read, “it was so good to meet you >;) you made me feel good <3″

Instantly, your heart drops into your stomach. Silently willing for the notification to disappear, your eyes cling to the screen as yet another popped up. “I miss you babe, we should do that again”

Your eyes begin to burn, trying to deny the obvious truth of what you saw in front of you. Suna Rintarou had cheated on you, and from the looks of it, with a stranger. You swallow, hard, as the lump in your throat grows and tears begin to form in your eyes. No wonder he’d been overly affectionate in the past week, he probably felt guilty.

What hurt most wasn’t that he didn’t tell you, pretended that everything was fine; no, it was the realization that you just weren’t enough for him. All the time you’d spent on him, everything you’d done, the words of confirmation and the countless amount of love and affection you’d given him, it all wasn’t good enough. 

You were bad enough for him to seek loving in a stranger’s arms.

Clicking the phone off, you put it down and stared into space for a moment, fighting the tears that threatened to spill onto your cheeks at any second. Practice was wrapping up, and you couldn’t face Suna right now. Luckily for you, he was on cleanup duty this week, so he had to stay late. 

Trying to shake the rigidity out of your limbs, you gathered your things and stuffed them into your bag, not taking the time to organize them so they all fit. Head down, you headed for the door, hoping that Suna wouldn’t look over. Opening the door, you were faced with another harsh realization: It was raining and Suna was supposed to drive you home. That wasn’t happening today, for sure. Glancing around, you spotted Atsumu pulling his umbrella out of his bag, and rushed over to him.

“Hey Atsumu,” you said, attempting to keep your voice steady, “Can I catch a ride with you?” He was going to ask why, when Suna had a perfectly good car, but then he caught a glimpse of the tear streaking silently down your face and decided it might be better to wait until later.

Unusually serious, he agreed and put a comforting hand on the small of your back as you two hurried out of the door under his umbrella. Opening his car door for you, he let you in and then went over to the driver’s side, sliding in and turning on the car so it would warm up. 

Stealing the occasional look at you, he noticed you were shaking and turned up the heat in the car although he was warm from volleyball practice. He started driving, sensing that you didn’t want to talk. Jaw clenched, he drove in silence for a couple minutes, then dared to speak.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hearing sniffles from your side of the car and seeing your shoulders shake, he pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park. Gulping, he awkwardly reached out a hand to pat you on the back, but this only made you cry harder.

Looking up to face him, tear streaks staining your cheeks, you tried to stop shivering from shock. “S-Suna,” you mumbled, fighting to keep your voice from completely breaking, but another sob escaped before you could get anything more out.

“Wha’? Suna what?” he prodded, brow furrowing in concern. You rarely cried, so he knew this was something really serious.

“Suna c-cheated on me.” The last couple of words were whispered, your voice breaking, and Atsumu’s mouth dropped open. Of all the things he’d expected to hear, it wasn’t that. Your relationship with Suna had always seemed perfect. He’d seen the way Suna looked at you, his eyes soft, seen the way his behavior changed around you, seen his eyes light up whenever you smiled. This wasn’t possible.

He opened his mouth, shutting it again when words failed him. You were hunched in the passenger’s seat, shaking so hard he could hear your elbows accidentally hitting the car door. Without a second thought, he took his sweatshirt off and covered you with it, hoping that it would warm you up at least a little bit. 

“I- I’m so sorry,” he muttered, unsure how to comfort a clearly distraught you. As soon as your shudders subsided, his mind turned to Suna and what he would do next time he saw him. No doubt he deserved to be beat up for what he did to you, hurting you like that, but it just didn’t make sense. Suna was totally in love with you, and it was obvious to any outsider. 

He started the car again, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your shoulder, trying to calm you down. “Y/N, I’m gonna drop ya off at home, okay?”

A quick nod from you reassured him, and you two drove with just the raindrops crashing down on the roof of the car. When you arrived at your house, you made a motion to give back his sweatshirt, but he just waved a hand and said “Don’t worry about it. Ya can return it to me when I next see ya.” Your lips trembled and you turned away from him, making the way to your door and letting yourself in. He didn’t leave until he saw that you were inside, then started driving back to the gym.

You shed your jacket and turned on the heater in your house, not bothering to turn on the lights or draw the curtains. Kicking your shoes off, you crawled into bed and under your blanket and let the tears come, hugging the pillow that smelled too much like Suna.

Meanwhile at the gym, Suna was just finishing up and wondering where you’d gone to. The guilt of his mistake still hung with him, and he was looking to take you out to dinner tonight and spend some more time with you. However, when he saw his phone laying faceup, the bold words in text still plainly on the screen, he knew that you’d found out, and his heart contracted. Sinking to his knees, he struggled to breathe through the upcoming panic. He was in love with you, and he had no idea what had possessed him to fall into someone else’s arms for the night.

The feeling surged when he remembered that one of your biggest fears/insecurities was not being good enough, and a short gasp fell out of his mouth as he realized just how much he’d messed up. The gym door swung open, banging against the wall with the sheer force of the push. There stood Miya Atsumu, a murderous expression on his face.

“Suna!” He barked, and the middle blocker glanced up briefly before returning his attention to the phone clutched in his hands, frantically pressing the call button as it once again went straight to voicemail. The sound of your voice was almost too much for him to bear, his breathing accelerating and his head pounding. 

y/n please pick up please i’m so sorry i swear i didn’t mean it they mean nothing to me i love you i love you so much please don’t leave me

His fingers speed across the keyboard, hoping against hope that you’ll talk to him. Any sort of contact. The phone is suddenly knocked from his hand by Atsumu, the look on his face nothing short of furious. 

“What the fuck were ya thinking?” He spits, rage evident in the bulging veins of his neck. “You hurt y/n so badly that they had to drive home with me rather than face another second of ya.”

His words stung Suna, because they both knew they were true. He doesn’t resist when Atsumu pulls him to his feet, glaring at him and shoving him towards the wall. 

“You’re pathetic. Y/N is the best person ya will ever meet, and ya ruined it all.” Once again, Suna doesn’t reciprocate, his eyes falling miserably to the ground. Atsumu’s fist comes up and hits Suna straight in the stomach, forcing the breath out of his lungs as he collapses to the floor. Atsumu looks at him with an expression of pure disgust, walking away to leave Suna where he is, slumped against the wall.

His eyes are dull, the life drained out of them, because he knows Atsumu is right. A notification causes his phone to buzz and he picks it up immediately, hoping to see anything from you, but it’s just another text from the fling. Hatred for himself and the person fills him, and he slams his phone down, allowing his head to sink into his knees. 

He needs to see you, so he grabs his stuff and rushes to his car, barely remembering to lock the gym on his way out. Going ten miles above the speed limit, he makes it to your house ten minutes after you had. 

Walking up to your front door, he knocks urgently, over and over again. He hears shuffling from behind, and the door opens to reveal you in an oversize sweatshirt that doesn’t belong to him and sweatpants, eyes red and puffy from crying. 

The instant you see him, time seems to stop. The hurt is written all over your face, and the regret all over his. He can’t seem to move, can’t do anything besides whisper your name.

“Y/N.” 

You shake your head, new tears forming in the corners of your eyes, and turn away. “I don’t want to talk to you, Suna.” 

With those words, his heart shatters a little bit more. He was your Rin, your Rinnie, never Suna. “Please-” the door slams in his face and he hears the lock turning, signaling the final goodbye. He screams, pounding on your door as the panic overtakes him. 

“Please! I love you! I’m so sorry, just please don’t leave me! I’ll go insane if you do!” Tears stream down his face and yours, mourning each other on opposite sides of the door. His words wrack you, tempt you to open the door and forgive him, but you can’t. He already showed you he didn’t care.

Half an hour passes, with the yells from the door fading into whimpers. Finally, you hear a car door slam, and you allow yourself to sob, held immobile on the floor. 

You’re broken, and it’s his fault. His head falls onto the steering wheel, not caring that it sets off the car horn.

Still, the rain patters on the roof, both of you less than three hundred feet apart, but forever separated.

He’ll never love anyone like he loved you.

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[no-droids]

Ch 17 was so, so, so good (thank you!!) 🥺 i am still processing. ((Edit: this turned into an essay so i Am Very Sorry in advance, there is a tldr at the end though))

First of all. We get to see Din going through it the same way sweet girl was a couple chapters ago and I love it! She’s been so clear from the start that she doesn’t want to run away from him and now Din’s getting to the point where he doesn’t want to chase her anymore because he just wants her to be physically there with him again. The second night of comms while she’s camped out at the orphanage?? “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it.” ??????????? i am a Puddle of Emotions no one look at me 😭

And then the way he’s so unsure about whether she hasnt begun to reconsider wanting to keep up with his bounty-hunter life now that she’s finally gotten a break if being forced to outrun a mandalorian can be really even be called a break for the first time in a year?? And he can SEE all the places she’s stopped to talk to people on this planet (his comment about the number of times the blond guy turned around to talk to her in the line? 🥺.) Din knows she’s enjoying these small encounters with people, getting to interact with a new planet and learn new things as she’s making her way through each place, and since they’re only talking at night he gets to think about it literally all day long as he follows her trail and tries to figure out what her plan is. This is truly an exercise in Din thinking nonstop about sweet girl (which ofc he does already, but like, thinking critically about what she thinks/wants/does/needs and why) and I feel like that’s causing him to slowly start to second guess himself in terms of where he would put himself on sweet girl’s list of priorities. And I wonder how much of this he’s actually considering for the first time? because it’s always him who leaves and comes back when he gets jobs — this is the first time that sweet girl has left him instead of the other way around. Sweet girl has had tons of time to think about these things, whereas Din hasn’t really had to... because it’s not the one who leaves who feels the absence most, it’s the one who’s left behind (even if just temporarily).

I can just picture Din’s increasing doubts as the chase keeps going, whether he’s worth putting up with his lifestyle and whether sweet girl wouldn’t rather have a life like the people he sees in the footprints around hers? because he knows her, knows she likes soft beds and meeting people and fresh fruit and beautiful scenery, which are all things that living on the razor crest can’t always provide except for the last one bc Din Djarin IS beautiful scenery let’s be clear and just. the ANGST. I cannot. ( a n d meanwhile sweet girl is having a breakdown thinking he wants to STOP looking and LEAVE her? As if)

So when she shuts down his tentative doubts about it on the second night she’s at the orphanage and Din starts asking questions about favorite animals and flowers and things?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I lost it. Din is mirroring the love and care he receives from sweet girl (and learning to tap into those emotions as he does) and I am just in awe of both his character development from ch 1 to here and your ability to show that gradual shift in your writing.

Tl;dr thank you very much for this latest chapter! I will continue to be a soft emotional little puddle for the foreseeable future, or at least until I can figure out to scrape myself off the floor and function like a human being who has not just read rough day ch 17 and promptly dissolved as a direct result🌻

okay

okay first of all ma’am/sir/friend, please do not put tl;dr’s on a fucking MASTERFUL DISSECTION LIKE THAT like I genuinely hope people read every word of what you have written because you’re so spot on about everything that I was almost taken aback JEJFJJDJFJF

I would like to say, and I need to do this in list form because you have presented so many beautiful points that I’d like to address them one by one,

1.) Din Djarin is used to being alone. Full stop. Like even with sweet girl helping out with the baby and agreeing to stay on the ship while he goes and grabs quarry, he’s gone for weeks sometimes. He is used to being by himself, to fending for himself, protecting himself, patching himself up, EVERYTHING by himself. He is the most independent self-sufficient driven bounty hunter Karga has on the payroll and he’s reliable, which is why Karga would give him four pucks at a time. Giving anyone else four pucks would mean that if they happened to die during their hunts, then more than one puck would be lost and that’s money down the drain. Din doesn’t die, he always comes back with all four bodies and he’s fucking quick about it. Him telling sweet girl “I thought this was gonna be alright” is apt, because he’s been able to exist without her and do good work while he knows she’s safe on the Crest. In fact, the only time he EVER didn’t do good work is when a) she was attacked on the Crest on Corellia, or b) when he desperately wanted to get back to her as quick as possible and he pushed himself too hard and put himself in danger (aka frozen on Hoth scene). And actually c) when he stole Grogu back from the empire and had Karga and the guild on his ass about it. Those were the only times Din had trouble doing his job. The only times he stopped looking and gave up. “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it” means that YES ABSOLUTELY DIN DJARIN DOES NOT LIKE STAYING PUT WHILE SHE LEAVES, even though he’s okay with going out and doing his job when she stays. Even though he’s still hunting, it’s like the roles have been reversed. She’s understanding his side, and he’s understanding her side. It’s been 4 days and he hates it, so imagine weeks or months of that. Not being able to move or chase after her either, just hanging out on the crest with Grogu and waiting to see if she’ll be able to make it back. Which

2.) makes it hurt just a lil more in that wonderful delicious angsty way when he actually asks if she wants this life. On Naboo, he didn’t know where she went or where the kid was—he didn’t know if they were in danger, if she was safe. He said he’d rip the galaxy apart to find her if she ever disappeared like that again. But... she’d be safe on Sanctuary II. This is different, and just like you said, he’s had multiple days where all he did was try to think like her. Get in her head, predict her. Understand her more than he’s ever attempted to do before, in a NECESSARY capacity, like he would a bounty he’s hunting. Din Djarin is used to being alone. He’s used to being silent and that’s how connections are severed before they can even be established. His only practice at empathy was through his job, a job that he is very very good at, but it was never enough to get him to stop looking. He would never be able to empathize enough to ask if the bounty wanted him to stop looking for them. Even with the baby, he turned him in at first and then let the guilt eat him alive before going back to save him. So, if you couple that with his true connection to sweet girl, the natural empathy he has for her and the kid (him immediately following her after he accidentally snapped at her on the Crest and apologizing) and Din is now TRULY beginning to understand her on a level he’s never experienced with another person

3.) BUT!!! Even though he “needed to ask” (meaning he understood enough to know that asking the question was necessary) he started out the entire conversation by admitting he doesn’t think he could do it. Before ever telling her what specifically he doesn’t think he could do, he already knows this about himself and says it flat out. I don’t think I could. Even if you asked me to, even if you said you’d be happier if I did, even if you told me right now that it’s what you wanted, I don’t think I could ever stop looking. And a lot of the turmoil he experiences is because of that. I make you sleep on the floor. I teach you to fight when you just want to look at waterfalls. I do all these things that you’d never willingly do yourself, and I’m a bad person BECAUSE I still want you to always be here with me in spite of all that.

4.) Meanwhile sweet girl just has no fucking clue all this is happening and it seems to come out of nowhere, all she knows is that he’s been in the city when he should’ve caught up to her days ago. She’s out experiencing things and meeting new people and yet she always comes back to Din and the baby and how much they should be here with her. She tries to come up with clever ways to outthink him but she also offers to give her coordinates to him practically every single night. Her wanting to be with him so bad but trying to hold out (“ask me again tomorrow”) while Din is also wanting to be with her so bad and also trying to hold out (“find her again tomorrow”) 🥺

So yeah basically in conclusion I love them together and they’re so different but they make each other somehow both stronger and softer in so many ways and yeah u mighta heard of DD/LG u kinky fucks but lemme present to u DD/SG

[jesslockwood]

SOUR | T. Holland

Word Count: 1.7k

Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Warnings: angsty af, swearing

Summary: y/n and tom broke up, and when tom comes around with his new girl 2 weeks later, y/n is sour. 

A/n: I was hesitant to post this due to everything going on with tom lmao but yk, fuck it lol. anyways lmk if you want a part two cause I this was pretty short and I have ideas! also I didn’t edit this much lol so sorry for the mistakes!

His brown guilty eyes were enough to know that he moved on, in two weeks to be exact, after you broke it off. He was spotted recently with a girl he said he was just friends with, what a damn lie. 

You try to not let the tears out as you see them making their way on the red carpet of the movie premiere. He looked you straight in the fucking eyes, yet couldn’t even give you a heads up he was bringing a date tonight. You worked together for six months yet he didn’t have the decency.  

He betrayed you. He didn’t cheat but he betrayed you. 

You had even mentioned her by name before, yet he said you were paranoid and had nothing to worry about. What bullshit. 

She was just a new trophy for him, one that he’d put on the shelf later, or smash like it like you were broken. 

 It started out so sweet and innocent. You had met working together and had started dating under the radar, and you fell in love with him so quickly, even at his worst, but it didn’t matter. He moved on with you still in the picture and that’s what hurt the most. But he would never see or care about how much you hurt. He wasn’t sorry. 

Isn’t it funny how someone you thought could love you the way you loved them, was a damn traitor? 

He played all these twisted games with your mind, thinking that he felt the same way about you, or at least cared. 

God, you wanted to scream, she was sleeping in the bed you lied in and made with him. But she couldn’t care less, she got the prize, a shitty one at that. 

You didn’t get it, he couldn’t have fallen in love with someone that quickly, not after what you had. 

All you had done for Tom, it didn’t apparently matter to him, cause he’s dating her. He gave you his fucking word, that you were the one who meant something to him, you guessed he just used you.

She was gorgeous too, and she made you feel so small, unimportant and the paparazzi all turned to them, and barely any was paying any mind to you, the star of the movie. It sounded selfish but you put the blood sweat and tears into this movie, and all she had to do was walk with the man you put blood sweat and tears into, and she had all the attention.

He just had to bring her and was showing her off like a new trophy. God, you hated him. You hated him for hurting you like this. And yet, if he asked for you back, you would probably jump at the chance. 

He seemed so genuine and true when you had first met him. Brown doe-eyed, attentive and listening to every word you said like it was the most important thing in the world, then things got ugly. He would play all these twisted games with you, making you feel like nothing one moment, and then his everything the next. 

He even gave you his fucking word and a promise ring that he would always love you, But Isn’t it funny? He’ll never feel sorry for breaking you. 

Suddenly one of your friends, well tom’s brother, wraps his arm around your waist, whispering to you, asking if your okay, before the paps get a few snaps in of the moment. Harry starts leading you away from the commotion before you cried. No one had asked you that until today. Which kind of shell shocked you, because you weren’t and he was the first person who seemed to care.

Harry at the moment couldn’t care less about the out-of-character way his brother was acting, especially towards you. Yes, he loved his brother but hated how he was acting. He couldn’t see how he could treat someone as lovely as you like that. 

Tom didn’t even notice the way you were destroyed. He let you go, Harry couldn’t understand why because tom seemed so happy with you, until nearing the end of the relationship. 

“Thank you, Harry.” you sniffle, once reaching the inside of the building. 

“You shouldn’t be thanking me. I should be apologizing for my brother.”

You smile weakly at him. He wipes the tears from your eyes, before suggesting,

“After they have you up on stage for the thank you’s and stuff, we should just ditch this and go back to my hotel and get room service and raid my candy stash, if you’re up for it.”

“I’ll think about it,” you say with a more genuine yet sad smile.

“Let’s get in there, shall we?” he puts his arm out for you and you link yours in his. 

What you didn’t realize is that tom saw harry wiping your tears while doing an interview, and saw you link your arms together when he got inside. To say he was fuming doesn’t even cover how enraged he was. 

Once getting in, you realized you and tom would be sitting next to one another, something you truly wished you could get out of. 

“You’d better wish me luck.” You point to the seats. 

Harry got the bright idea to just take his brother’s spot. He wouldn’t care anyway, he had his new girl Zabrina. 

You and Harry had a small conversation about what both of you had been up to after he was Tom’s assistant for filming. You saw him almost every day when you and tom would hang out, harry being the third wheel. You had spent a decent chunk of time with him and definitely preferred the company over being alone, or with your ex.

“I can’t believe you dropped your SD card down the drain! Photos are your life, so you should have paid attention!” you laugh with him.

“Harry, You’re in my seat.” Tom interrupts, with a scowl on his face. 

“Can’t you just move down one? Y/n and I are talking here.”

“Tommy I can’t see from that seat!” Zabrina pouts like a child. 

“If she can’t see why do I have to sit there? I actually worked behind the scenes on this movie!” 

“Harry, don’t make me-”

“You know what! Harry and I were leaving after we thank everyone. So you two lovebirds can have the whole row!” you say venom seething from your mouth. 

“There you go, Tommy. Have a nice night you two!” Harry follows up, really sick of the attitude his brother was having.

Tom’s face turned red under the makeup he had on. He was enraged. His brother was betraying him. 

“Have a nice time, fucking around” he said, seeing red. he saw your face soften, from anger to confusion, to sadness. You didn’t think he thought so low of you.

“What the fuck tom! We aren’t-”

“It’s not worth it Harry, he’s not worth it,” you say sadly. Standing up, Turning to go towards the stage. 

That hit tom with a pang in his chest. He was just trying to get over you, to move forward. But maybe that was the problem. He just left you in the dust (peter parker is that you?) to navigate the way you felt over losing one of the best things you ever had. God, you wished you didn’t fall in love with him before he betrayed you. You wished he just would have thought it through before he ruined you. 

Your director motioned over to you and Tom to go up on the stage. 

“I’ll meet you outside, Y/n/n.” 

That was tom’s nickname for you. He came up with it and he was the only one who could call you that. You were his and he was yours. But yet he knew that long-distance was so fucking hard. He couldn’t put you or himself, so he found someone who was fine with the distance. Zabrina barely paid attention to him unless he wanted attention for herself, but he didn’t realize how he broke much more of you than the surface showed. 

“She’s really pretty, I hope she makes you happy,” you mention bitterly, hoping in a terrible way,  he’d never be as happy as he was with you. 

Before Tom, you scream out no one would make him happy as you did. Your director cut tom off.

After your director said thanks to everyone and the film started you grab your bag from your assistant, before heading to the exit, tom hurriedly tried to follow you, being caught by Zabrina, asking Tom to take a selfie with her, so she could commemorate her ‘prize’ when truly, Tom was using her as a rebound. 

“Zabrina, I need to talk to harry!” he whispers yells.

“Why? He literally is taking to your wretched ex?” she says with venom in her voice. 

Tom jogs around her, trying to get to you and Harry, While Zabrina dramatically calls after him.

He was too late, though, he saw you from the doors, you were already getting in your getaway car, with Harry. He ruined everything.

Harry and you were sitting in the limousine that was rented for you, before harry states, “He’ll be the one who crying, I promise you.”

“I always knew this is how He’d leave me. He found someone more exciting, and better than me. I was used a discarded like nothing.” you laugh through the tears.

“You’ll find someone who finds you exciting Y/n, and you’ll be their whole world.” he comforts you.

“Good for him I guess, but it’s like we never happened. Like what the fuck is that?” you ask.

“He’s acting like a damn sociopath.” harry shrugs.

You laugh at that one. 

“So what do you want to watch Y/n?”

“Would you hate me if I said legally blonde?”

“Not if we can watch fight club after.” 

“You have a deal, Sir!”

Tom however was stuck, watching you and him on screen. Reminiscing of how he fucked up. 

It was getting close to an intimate scene, probably his favorite one he’s ever done. All he could think about was someone else getting to touch you, and be with you, he wanted that but at the same time, he couldn’t deal with all the shit of being with you. The relationship was too good, so much that Tom thought sometimes he didn’t deserve someone like you. It was probably crazy of him for thinking like that, but he couldn’t bring you down with him, not when he was so fucked up. He wished he could be the one but he couldn’t so he just hoped you were okay.  

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