#being emotional n tired n lost in herthoughts affected her in that moment. idk how to explain but ik how i'd write it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

noxtivagus · 2 years ago

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mhmmm starlit waltz.... sometimes i find my mind just wandering back to that. lil thing i wrote years back. from time to time. i really want to rewrite it soon before 2022 ends ><

#🌙.rambles #looking back n i do see in there one way that i have indeed improved 🫶🏼 bcs now i cld write so much better #better wording. phrasing. a better writer ! but.... i can't quite imagine it as clearly as i used to when i was so young and free #even now i still wonder. how does it really feel. to have gone through that. what i put in there. how i wrote it . i wonder how #ii still don't know up until now . but i guess that's part of the beauty of fiction and imagination after all . hmm THAT SAID THOUGH....#THAT SAID.... I REALLY REALLY.... FUCK THAT WRITING PIECE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME #noctis 🥹 n oh god each n every time i look back n read it again. it always touches me so deeply #i wrote this after all. years ago. i've grown since then but i'm still me. aaa.... i love the sentiment in it so much oh god #sm has changed i think in 2022 with different people around me again & then shs n growing up n so much of that #compared to 2020 with adjusting with the pandemic n then . that. yeah that but i was really so in love n active with my games then #2021 was mostly just an ffxiv year until around the end where i started talking with irls again #2022 so far's been the first time in quite a long while now actually that i've been so immersed in my reality again #so when i wrote that noctis fic. i was still so carefree. much more than now. n esp in 2021 too with ffxiv i love how all this just #i think part of me is afraid of how it may reflect on reality n what that may lead to. but in the end this has always been me. for years.#'and now across the fire as dusk beckoned / he illuminated warmth. it was a sight too beautiful to behold in words.#a sight a tad too bittersweet / as it reminded you of what is to come.' & later on i continued with 'the night.'#god i know myself so well. i've read this so many times. i wrote it myself. of course i know how it writes and is meant to end.#the following lines here i wrote could've done better with more showing the emotion. i'd like to expound on how exactly #being emotional n tired n lost in herthoughts affected her in that moment. idk how to explain but ik how i'd write it #.... 'you do want rest / but you don’t want to bother others in order to get it.' god this really was me who wrote it #like yk they seem like really good friends around the company of others but god i hate how this scene pans out #it's so intimate n vulnerable i think to share the way we write n what we write of. we long for it don't we? we are made of so much longing #god i hate this whole page here it hurts so much i remember how i wrote it all those years ago #the moon the clear sky the stars.... the chill of the night. how lonely it is knowing that the warmth you knew once doesn't belong to you.#n i wonder. i wish i could remember how i managed to imagine this back then. i can't seem to do so anymore right now #i can't read this anymore it's nearly 5 am n deep inside me i wna cry but my eyes are so tired. something in me hurts #the banter the dynamic the. it's just the way i love it. it feels so weird but fuck it's because i wrote it myself. it's me.#stargazing. exchanging questions. smiling and reminiscing. secrets n words n thoughts you keep to yourself. promises under the moonlight #oh i can visualize it again rn. the way i imagined how 'serene' noctis looked as i wrote it here. hand-holding tho damn that's Cringe #i never even knew how to fucking dance the waltz but. DAMN GOD THE EMOTIONS IN THIS PAGE HIT HARD

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