#being King Misogynist and having to watch women be a thousand times better than you and use your legacy for Good rather than Profit.

[saprophetic]

so funny whenever clovis is like "well OBVIOUSLY its not magic, everything can be scienced" and everyone immediately rags on him for it. osiris straight up told clovis that he'd "find out soon enough" that not everything can be quantified through science and i for one cannot wait

[musclesandhammering]

Spn Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned at the Stake Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

I’m back and bitchier than ever. For reference, here’s part 1.

• Season 5 wasn’t that great.

• D*stiel isn’t real, it’s a sucky ship, and that confession scene was just the writers pandering to the rabid deancas fans cause they knew they were the only ones still watching the show lol. And they left it ambiguous enough that they could still say it was meant platonically if they needed to.

• I hate how they watered down both angels and demons post-season 5ish.

• I liked Ruby 1.0 better than Ruby 2.0.

• I hate Honey!Cas. They just did that cause they didn’t know where to take his story from there, needed him out of the way, and thought it would be funny. It was insulting.

• Jack should’ve been played by an actual child so everyone’s abuse of him would resonate with the audience for what it was (casual fans are brain dead and need to be spoon fed).

• Victor Henrikson deserved more time on the show.

• I said it in the last post, but Alex is way more interesting than Claire and should’ve been given the lead role in the wayward sisters storyline instead.

• Dean is canonically straight and for Christ sake if you guys wanted bi rep, there’s about a thousand other characters that are strongly coded or implied to be bisexual (including Sam!) but y’all didn’t focus on them because it wasn’t actually about representation, it was about making it more plausible for your dumb fetishised gay ship to actually happen (spoiler: it didn’t).

• Season 3 and Season 6 were some of the best ones, you guys just don’t have any taste.

• Claire is not Castiel’s daughter and saying she is erases Jimmy and insults her, and even Cas himself acknowledged that on the show.

• Castiel is canonically NOT gay and Misha constantly saying he is is annoying and airheaded. He’s been attracted to women IN THE SHOW and he’s not even really male, so calling him a Gay Man is reductive and just plain wrong. Also, it’s veeery sus that- given how bi/pan folks are even more underrepresented than gay people- that one of the rare times where the bi/pan label actually fits a character BETTER in CANON……. the allies and monosexuals adamantly reject it. Hm.

• “Curing” vampires or werewolves or demons shouldn’t have been a thing.

• The Winchesters cause most of the bad shit that happens and then they just force supernatural beings to fix it for them- tell me again how they’re Super Special Heroes.

• It shouldn’t be possible to make angels human by removing their grace, because (unlike demons, werewolves, etc) they were never human to start with. If you drained me of all my blood, I wouldn’t magically transform into another species, I’d fucking die.

• Making Billie go crazy was dumb.

• Rowena was one of the most interesting and charismatic characters on the whole show- they just didn’t know what to do with her character.

• The archangels, Lilith, and Azazel should’ve been the biggest threats on the show. No other knights of hell, no god and his sister, no Cain, nothing like that. Having every villain just get progressively more overpowered made the show unbelievable and repetitive and annoying.

• The kernel sanders king of hell guy was hot.

• Dean is misogynistic as HELL, homophobic, likes racist porn, is a narcissist, pervs on teen girls, & thinks all non-human people should be exterminated… and that is all CANON.

• Most of John Winchester’s abuse is fanon.

• Fans portraying Cas as a smol bby who colours in colouring books and has a bee plushie is so fucking annoying.

• Instead of having so many gigantic cosmic storylines with god and his sister and alternate dimensions and even the angel and demon tablets, they should’ve just scrapped those and made the stein family and the bmol and the alpha vampire storylines way bigger than they were. Less cosmic stuff, more earth-based stuff.

• They ruined Lucifer’s character post-season 5. Before that, he was more sympathetic and reasonable than Michael. After, he was a spoiled child hurting people for fun.

• Everything from season 7 on is garbage. All of it. There’s bits of goodness here and there but overall seasons 7-15 are trash.

• How the fuck are there actual people who are deangirls and hate Sam?? The space where your brain should be is empty, I swear to god.

• If there was gonna be any lgbt rep in the Wayward Sisters group, it should’ve been Jody and Donna instead of Claire and Kaia. Those two were boring as hell and had zero chemistry or build-up, but Jody/Donna had plenty of chemistry and was very believable.

• Meg has the best and most realistic redemption arc of anyone on the show.

• Chuck was not likeable or charismatic enough to carry off as big of a villain arc as they gave him. Also that whole thing was stupid and WAY too Out There.

• All the angels should’ve been aroace. All the demons should’ve been pan.

• I stanned Cole so hard up until he changed his mind about hating Dean. That was disappointing.

• Sam went through the same shitty childhood Dean did (plus Bonus Abuse on top of it) and he didn’t turn out Like That.

• I cannot think of a single person that was asking for a spin-off about the Winchester family, like that has to be the most boring thing.

[iliveinmyblanket]

Chapter one: I introduce you to my hoes

"fuck" I screamed, as I faked an orgasm for an Orangists in Holland. 

My name is Valentine Du Lac and I have the attention span of a goldfish. I’m Queen Anne of Austria, the spanish queen of france’s personal but probably not favourite spy (everybody knows that it was Madame D’Artagnan), quite frankly because I am a right pain in her arse. But I’m still often the one she sends out on a missions - no one’s going to care if a prostitute from the Court of Miracles has gone missing. She’s never said that, but it’s implied with the job.

The Job:  I was here to be the orangist’s lover and listen in on his conversations or force myself to listen in. Believe it or not Traditionalists are the most boring people I've ever met, which is funny because I've had to spend hours listening to Lucy Walters who invented the word ditzy. 

I'm gonna just give you a summary of me and Orange dutchman conversation. I forgot his name so I've just been replying to him as "sir" because quite frankly I don't have the attention span to care about man who assassinated some himbo named Johan DeWitt and his brother something deWitt -forgot his name to. I remember Johan because I like the name Johan, oh it's cornelis - see that's why I didn't remember it -what kind of pretentious name is cornelis? 

Anyway my job here was to get information, there was none, mainly because he already assassinated someone so he could stage a coup.

not really anything important. which really pissed me off, Anne really got freaked out by orange dutchman who were assassinating people and also got tipped off that traditionalists were heading to france.

which is bull. 

which is good because I don't ever have to see Orange Dutchman again.

Orange Dutchman gripped my hair, sniffing my neck and whispered, "will I see you again?"

A gave him a soft but fake smile, "of course sir"

No you won't, if you do, I will give you the deWitt treatment.

I smiled, kissed his cheek, and fucked off.

As you can tell I'm not one for too much detail in regards to things I don't care about.

All I am going to say is this is the story of how I and  two other bosses - Dominique Treville and Marie-Cessette Du Vallon; basically saved europe with our strength, swords, witty banter and aided by two himbos named Xandre and Raoul. 

get ready for adventure because we make it look bitchin'.

While I was heading back home, Dominique Treville - the daughter of the captain of the musketeer was also heading over there very quickly after reading a rather scary letter. whilst Marie-Cessette du Vallon already there she too lived at my home but had returned from a meeting with one member of the royal family. she  was now at the tavern with her fellow musketeers - Raoul de la Fare and Alexandre-Olivier D'artagnan. Marie-Cessette was the first female musketeer and one of the best of them.

now technically the home I am talking about is Paris, but you have to look inside further. not at the shiny places, not at the places that appear lively. I mean the place that looks dark, that looks broken. Look into the place that appears to be to be lifeless, but when you turn off the lights at the places that are seen to outshine everything. The place that is broken lights up like the sun.

The Court of Miracles.

The Court of Miracles is said to be the slums, the dirtiest part of Paris. that's according to the richest of Parisians. the court of miracles is the most interesting place in france, full of people of different races, of different accents, different appearances.  the most welcoming place in europe. though the structures were unstable, the society is most happy, most beautiful. see you were never judged for your job, or who you are, or what you did outside - as long as you didn't bring too much of that inside.

My mother moved from england after the english civil war, I was 16 years old, she was a whore just as I am now - puritan england was no place for a prostitute and her  out-of-wedlock daughter. She died a year later of syphilis, leaving a poor daughter penniless. 

So what does a daughter of a prostitute do, when their mother dies.

Becomes a fucking prostitute.

As opposed to non-fucking prostitutes. Years later a dark haired woman, with a blue dress and a black hooded, guided me to the palace and introduced me to the benevolent queen of france. it was suggested that I become her spy as I had caught the eye of many religious and royal officials. a women can never escape the male gaze, so why not use that to your advantage.

Marie-Cessette, whom was was an adventurous, resourceful girl, with a temper, and the first female musketeer. she was opinionated and did speak up when she didn't  agree with the men in her life. it's surprising neither of us became executed for being witches, men do not like being told what to do even if they are being outrageously pathetic. This night, this less than fine night because the sky was fucking pissing itself, Marie-Cessette was leaving a tavern in the court, she wore a white linen shirt, a blue leather doublet with the musketeers symbol (a crown) and black linen breeches with blue boots, and probably something gay like "I am gay" or "if found please return to Anne-Marie D'Orleans" I wasn't there, I'm under the assumption she was wearing that, that night considering that is the musketeers uniform not the “I am gay” part although they should have that as the uniform. Marie-Cessette had brown curly hair (proper curly, not some movie bullshit curly) that was short and tied in a bun.

Her eyes are dark and watchful. she was leaving to go to her uncle Aramis (not by blood but by heart).

Her father is the Musketeer Porthos du Vallon, who grew up in the court. he joined the musketeers when he 16. that was his only good choice out of the thousand terrible options for those born into destitution. That's where he met Aramis and Athos, the three of them becoming inseparable. that's where he met D'Artagnan -Xan's father, actually no he met D'Artagnan when D'Artagnan decided to stir shit up and duel three musketeers in one day. but that's another story, literally another story, literally in another book.

her mother Puce is known as the queen of the court, that means basically giving those in the court food and shelter, kicking people out that are stirring up trouble.

Puce and Porthos never had a son so even though Marie was to inherit the court of miracles crown, she was trained as a musketeer because Porthos wanted to raise one. did Marie get a choice? no? is she happy beating up misogynists? hella.

This girl that fought better than the manliest of men (although I wouldn't actual call them manly) was heading to her uncle Aramis, why? so he could deliver a love letter to Marie-Cessette's lover - Anne-Marie D'Orleans, the king's cousin.

so yeah isn't that like superillegal? yeah, not the homo part, I mean it is a bit. but like not as vibe checking as bedding the king's cousin when she is female.

guys be fucking whoever they want, but girls ArE ToO FrAgIlE aNd HaVE a ROle.

Meanwhile we go back to Dominique.  now Dominique she has had some pretty fucking horrible news.

Dominique Treville was the brunette usually snarky daughter of Treville, the captain of the musketeers. now nothing is snarky, everything for her is humourless. this morning Dominique had received news that  Treville had been murdered by the musketeer Aramis.

which as you can see is definitely not the case, why the fuck would Aramis the himbo who invented the word "straight ally" kill someone who he sees as a father?

he wouldn't.

But a girl who lived in the country with no knowledge of Aramis doesn't know. you probably shouldn't tell her that when she's a holding a fucking knife.

"put down the knife or you lose your neck"

Dominique turned slightly, noticing the blade that sat on her shoulder and centimetres away from her neck, while Dominique was standing over the Aramis who was sleeping

"he killed my father, so I wouldn't be protecting the murderer" Dominique replied agitated, she was in layman's term is done. with. everyone's. shit.

Marie-cessette - who was the owner of the blade had no Idea Dominique had another knife

Dominique batted the rapier away with said knife and pointed it at Marie.

If you want to understand how much of a boss Marie is, well just understand if she were to ever do a DNA test, it would show she's a hundred percent that bitch.  She grabbed Dominique's knife and punched her in the gut, then kicked her in the shins, Marie-Cessette proceeded to pick up her Rapier, as she did so, Dominique ran at her with her knife.

Aramis shot up from his bed and grabbed his rapier, held it against Dominique's neck and then held her in a choke hold.

"cessy, what in the lord's name is going on?" He grumbled sleepily.

Marie-Cessette shrugged and rolled her eyes as if to say that she did not have time for this shit.

"she says ya killed her pa?" she replied, swinging her sword aimlessly around.

"oh he a criminal? let me guess? " Aramis started and turned Dominique around so he could analyse her. "gang?  organised crime. has to be, you are clearly not parisian. too muscly, not pale enough. if I killed your father, then it was for a good reason"

Dominique scowled, bawling her hands into a fist as her nails dug into her palms. her breath increased in a mix of anger and fear.

"what good reason do you have for killing the captain of the musketeers!" Dominique roared.

The outburst caused a wave of deep silence. Marie's eyes dropped, she dropped her rapier. Aramis let go of Dominique and fell onto his bed.

Marie ran to him, to hold him.

"Treville, he...can't" Aramis cried hyperventilating, "no..he..."

Marie grabbed his face, which was flooding with tears, "don't speak"

Dominique was now fighting a war, either this was rather well planned or Dominique had been tricked. But Dominique was smart, there was no fakery in those tears (it wasn’t a youtube apology video afterall). 

Dominique dropped down, kneeling at the bed looking up at the sobbing man.

"you didn't kill him?"

Aramis shook his head, "he was a father to me, a father to paris."

Dominique banged her fists against the floor, and started to scream.

"who the fuck killed him then!" she yelled and ran out of the housing unit.

Marie started to follow her.

"cessy?" Aramis piped up as she started to exit.

"yeah mon oncle?" She replied solemnly.

"keep her safe, it's the least we can do to honour his memory." He asked her, before lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"I think she can handle safety on her own." she whispered.

"she can fight I'll admit." Aramis touched an etching on the wall, "but her recklessness will be a burden on her life."

Marie nodded and left the unit. She watched the girl with dusty hair. The daughter of treville was wearing a red corset, a dark, blue dress that fell to her knees, and black knee high boots, she wore a red tricorn hat. Dominique cut angrily up an apple with one of her knives.

"I want to help you!" Marie called.

Dominique rolled her eyes and launched a knife into a pole that was rather close to Marie's head. 

"thank you. " Marie sighed, grumpily. "I said I want to help you, not burden you. so stop being a bitch."

Dominique twiddled the other knife in her hand, "excuse me?"

Marie pulled the knife out of the pole, "you are the one throwing the knife at me. besides my mother, my father, your father helped build this citadel, are you sure you want to honour his memory by throwing blades into its foundations, and insult my family legacy." Marie shouted, despite not caring for family legacy.

"so what do you suppose I do then?" Dominique threw the apple off the balcony. "I'm back to square one."

"not if you let me help you" Marie replied, she flipped the knife and handed it to Dominique, "I'll take you to lieutenant D'artagnan, he can help us."

Dominique let out a deep exhale, and took the knife.

"I didn't get your name" Dominique said.

"Marie-Cessette Du Vallon" Marie held out her hand.

"Dominique Treville." Dominique took it and they shook.

"now let's get you to D'artagnan" Marie said, "oh and pick up that apple, rotten food is how sickness spreads, you heathen."

Dominique was rather sure that was not going to be the last time she was called a heathen.

Now it's for Xan and I's story. We a lot funkier.

[amphtaminedreams]

The Misogyny of Game of Thrones and its Treatment of Daenerys Targaryen: A Tale in Two Parts

TW// Discussion of Rape and Sexual Assault

The best way to sum up the majority of the Game of Thrones fan population’s relationship with Daenerys Targaryen is-

Daenerys: *breathes*

Game of Thrones fans: *insert Kermit trembling with anger GIF here*

You see, whilst every other character on the show can get away with anything short of rape and still be lavished in praise, Daenerys Targaryen only has to assert her claim to the throne and people are up in arms. 

And this tirade, courtesy of series 8 episode 4 of the show, isn’t just aimed at the fans. It’s aimed at the writers too. I’ve spent pretty much all day on Reddit criticising the way her character arc is clearly headed and desperately trying to make all those I-like-Arya-Stark-so-I-can’t-be-sexist fans see why I am so vehemently pissed off about it. Almost as pissed off as I am about the fact that every time I go to tweet something about Thrones on twitter, the most popular hashtag has multiple spelling errors. 

It’s hard not to notice that in an episode where one of the other female characters basically says that she needed to go through the abuse that she did to be the smart woman she is today (I mean, her just existing in King’s Landing and travelling alongside Little Finger would’ve been enough to explain Sansa’s political smarts and talent for manipulation but you know! Gotta throw a bit of rape in there too!), we also had Dany’s 2 male aides sit around and gossip about how the woman they’re supposed to be advising is out of control. Of course, forgetting the fact that part of Daenerys’ current state of mind is to do with her losing the majority of her army thanks to said advisors’ god awful advice; funnily enough, one of the most tired criticisms of Dany is that she doesn’t listen to anyone else but, like, I WISH that was true, if ONLY she would stop listening to the naive, dumbed down version of himself that Tyrion has become. Anyway, although it probably seems I’m writing this a bit prematurely, since we haven’t actually seen Daenerys go full “mad queen” yet, with all the mentions of her father (nicknamed the mad king after his enjoyment of roasting innocent people alive) and the way other characters have been speaking about her, it’s pretty obvious what’s to come. Not to mention that this episode’s final moments delivered what we are most likely supposed to see as the final trigger of Daenerys’ descent into “madness”, which was the wonderfully tasteful slaughter of the show’s only prominent woman of colour. I’m not even going to go into the symbolism of Missandei of Narth, previously liberated from slavery, dying in chains and how blatantly fucked up that is.

Imagine, the arc of a woman we’ve watched build an army, build followers, build self-confidence for 8 seasons, a woman who has been through abuse, rape, the death of her husband and child, the death of her best friends, the armies she built up, all of it, reduced to her ending up as the “mad queen” within the show’s universe. We know she won’t get a Jaime, Theon or Hound-style redemption arc either, she’ll end up dead, probably killed by one of the fandom’s more beloved characters. Because we all know her supposed madness justifies that, right? And lately on this show, everyone not protected with a hasty coat of plot armour and/or favouritism is dropping dead. 

I’m not saying Daenerys has to sit on the Iron Throne for me to be satisfied. She just deserved better than this. And in a show where Jon Snow can come back to life and Arya and Gendry can end up together and Sam Tarly can survive the Battle for Winterfell, surely, that isn’t so much to ask? She deserves to die without having her name dragged through the mud, without people acting as if her actions are inexplicable, without her being portrayed as if she’s just as bad as Cersei. She deserves to die that heroine that she is, the breaker of chains, the mother of dragons, the Khaleesi of the great grass sea and all that jazz, not another “crazy” woman.

She especially deserves to die without the fandom celebrating her demise as well, which they almost certainly will. The same fandom that cheered on Stannis Baratheon (up until the, ahem, daughter burning incident) for his ambition, ruthlessness and pride have long been calling Daenerys Targaryen a crazy, unreasonable tyrant for exhibiting the exact same qualities, albeit probably to a less cruel degree. Daenerys kills two traitors and she’s beyond redemption whilst Stannis burnt his own followers and was still rooted for by the masses. Jon Snow, The Hound, Jaime, they all cut down man after man after man and charge into battle without thinking, no big deal, they’re “good people at heart”, but Daenerys Targaryen is a psycho bitch, apparently, for using the weapon at her disposal to deal with enemies whilst at war and to punish slave masters. Double standards all round. It’s fine to dislike Daenerys Targaryen, but when criticisms are inconsistently applied to female characters versus male characters, I can’t help but think it’s rooted in misogyny, especially in a show with superfluous amounts of violence against women, a largely male audience, and since season 3, not a single woman in the writer’s room. If Dany does go on to burn down King’s Landing, it would be in a desperate attempt to wreak revenge on Cersei, a motive that usually spawns calls of “badass!” and an action movie trilogy when it’s a dude doing it (funny how women doing the same thing always gets them called vindictive and spiteful, isn’t it?). It would be an act of grief and an understandable outcome of having everything you’ve worked for all your life slip through your fingers to someone who doesn’t even want it, whilst in a foreign land, everyone you care about either turned on you or dead. If it was true that the woman who liberated thousands of slave men, women and children didn’t care about sparing the lives of the people living in the Red Keep, she would've burnt down King’s Landing and taken it the moment she arrived in Westeros, you know, back when she still had a huge army and 3 living dragons. Before she sacrificed them to save the lives of people she could’ve easily gone back to Essos and let perish, and wait for the winter to kill off her enemies. 

Yes, I’m uncomfortable with the idea of Game of Thrones ending with two “crazy women” facing off against each other whilst inadequate men, who’ve had a whole host of opportunities to stop things from getting to this point, sit around and get praised for doing the bare minimum. I’m uncomfortable because so many people with both conscious and subconscious misogynistic biases will delight in slagging off a bunch of female characters for being unreasonable and not fit to rule (don’t get me wrong, this definitely applies to Cersei but I will not stand to hear this about Dany, who did a fine job in Mereen when not having to deal with the Sons of the Harpies WHOM SHE EVENTUALLY DEALT WITH ANYWAY), whilst still patting themselves on the back for being inclusive just because they fanboy over the two female characters who refuse to associate with anything remotely feminine. Who excuse one character becoming a super assassin off screen but can’t excuse her pretty, dress wearing sister picking up some political know-how whilst spending her teenage years observing small council members and studying under Little Finger. Yes, as much as I love them, I’m talking about Brienne and “other girls are stupid” Arya Stark. In all of this, god do I want to apologise to Emilia Clarke and Nathalie Emmanuel for having to put up with their characters being decimated in such a way. They deserve better. We all do.