#begging you to do everything in your power to keep wannabe hitler out of office

[jdeanmorgan]

[crying] some of you are so stupid

[abitterlifethroughcinema]

          Three (+1) Movies You Should Catch Before the New Year!

                         WOKE! Film Reviews for the Holidaze

                                                     by

                                      Lucas Avram Cavazos

Mary Poppins Returns ###-1/2   Let it first be said that there is no way that anyone can EVER take the place of Julie Andrews (and she was none-too-keen on having a cameo in this remake, though it seemingly had her “blessing.”) That said, there could be worse people chosen to play the part of a modern-day Mary Poppins than Emily Blunt, who takes the proverbial reins…perhaps to a fault? From a critic’s point of view, she plays the part a tad too hard. Whereas Andrews’ iconic character was curt, she was also practically perfect in her genteel ways as an actress playing a role. Blunt does an exceptional recreation of a prolific Hollywood character, but she’s almost too humanlike in her manner, at times sucking the sweetness of the original character from its true nature. That said, she does her best to help nail the plot line sequences that certainly do their part in touching the soul. We can sum up the story easily, as we now find a grown-up widower Michael Banks (Ben Whishaw) and his two precocious kids teaming up with Auntie Jane (Emily Mortimer), a suffragette fighter like her mum before her, along with nanny-in-tow and the cantankerous time-tellers and their annoying-ass roof canyon, which incidentally commences the film. Well, not before a real intro with the “new Dick Van Dyke” as Lin-Manuel Miranda plays city lamplighter Jack, sprucing up that horrid faux-Cockney accent left over from Sir Van Dyke, in the meantime. The arrival of Mary occurs when, under duress by the bank where Michael works, he is forced to accept the fact that after his wife’s death and intent to keep her alive, he has fallen egregiously behind in his house note payment, and must now fork over the entire amount or forfeit the house on Cherry Tree Lane.  Thankfully, the music of the Sherman Brothers, who composed the original score lives on despite their passing through Marc Shaiman. Now then, though there are some great song numbers and the energy is always lit, without them I wonder how strong the film could have been…maybe better, maybe not? Everyone has their role to play in this film and they do it well, you will most definitely tear up, and at least one of the songs will get to your core most likely, but after the screening and the feel-good loveliness wears off, it’s hard not to see that the film is merely a modern-day, paint-by-numbers interpretation of a Disney classic. (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Ralph Breaks the Internet ##-1/2   For years, the sheer nature of the animated film sequel was one usually relegated to direct-to-video/on demand sources. Soon, at the seeming behest of millions of adoring children, we shall receive Frozen II: Ever SO Cold (surely I jest with the name), but in the mean time, Disney has thrust a premiere animated sequel upon us, a sequel to the blockbuster film Wreck It Ralph from a few years ago. Firstly, the egregious and rather obvious usage of so much marketed and paid-for advertisement through product placement is outrageous. I suppose one could say that it’s necessary, as it is clearly the only way to lock in zombified youth and keep their uninterested/ing parents mitigated with visuals of brands they know and will likely go out and buy as soon as the film’s funny but superfluous 90-something minutes are over. Whereas the original cartoon tested the fires using retro love showcased by work vs. self plot lines, this new, thin-as-thread argument revolves around Ralph (John C. Reilly) and dear mate Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) as they are faced with a work dilemma when Vanellope’s game Sugar Rush is shut down, leaving her and all its characters gameless/homeless! Ralph suggests that she just hang with him all the time, but that would never do for our female protagonist. No, she sets off to replace a missing steering wheel that finds them $27K in debt to eBay, so they decide to cash in on Ralph’s vintage appeal to meme or GiF him into some quick cash draw. It becomes all way too much, and even the good-natured voices and wannabe themes of Ralph and Vanellope, pale in comparison to the megalomaniacal barrage of big-name companies and internet giants who so obviously paid for this trite shite. (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Aquaman ###-1/2   This film actually made me tear up, and I abhor admitting that, as this is a bloody comic book-based popcorn film, but I despise hiding truth even more, so I must let you know…this DC Film is cornball as all hell… and fantastic, as well! Starring a host of insanely fine-form actors, be it due to Oscar cred or fine-ass bodies, Aquaman begs for the customary suspension of disbelief (after all, it IS a comic book movie), and with that in tow, we view the film as an underwater wonderland…with a tonne of overacting. But I do dare say that even the how’d-he-get-here Jason Momoa is convincing enough as the titular character and son of Thomas, a lighthouse keeper and Atlanna, Queen of Atlantis (Nicole Kidman), who washes ashore and falls in love with Thomas. Are we all still on the same page here? So then, as he’s a bit of a mud-blood, and after his mother is kidnapped, Arthur (Aquaman’s real name) has to learn to harness his power while trouble is abrew down below. Enter in stage left his half-brother Orn (played to oddly Aryan perfection by Patrick Wilson) hell-bent on culling together the seven seas, so as to crown himself the Ocean Master. This sets off the need to keep the younger audiences in form with the rest of the adults and comic dorks, so it is here where director James Wan gives us his atypical flim-flam of zingy one-liners, more dazzling actor-star turns like Willem Dafoe and Dolph Lundgren, and the sex symbol is introduced for the horny ones’ fancies, but may I say that the acting Amber Heard employs as Mera, Orm’s fiancee, is both terrible and seducing in that college/high school one-act play kind of way. All in all, everything is set up so as to be easily palatable and do its best to war with the mighty fray that is the Marvel Universe. And then there is the finale battle scene, a war waged underwater that becomes any person’s imaginary spectacle, and I enjoyed every single moment of it. Well-played and well-done for the young and young at heart alike! (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Fahrenheit 11/9 ####   Premiering a few weeks ago here in Spain, and only at very select cinema screens across the country, this is the first documentary in some time by Michael Moore that could play across an international landscape and should be required viewing on any critic’s or person’s list, frankly. Yes, it is that good. The titular oddity refers to the day after we all woke up across the world in shock and awe that there had been an extreme, perhaps unprecedented, blockade thrown into the realm of the New World Order, which of course, can wage its own war across the socio-political landscape. The way in which Moore has created this think piece is brutal yet funny and all too real if maddeningly convincing. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Moore is a socialist-liberal, and that now runs through my mind as I watch his docs and even now as I scribe. That said, even if this is not his best film, it is undoubtedly the one film in his oeuvre that holds the viewers’ feet to the fire and calls for us to fight the nasty funk Trump’s administration brings in this 2018/19 world. From his hilarious if frightening deduction that Trump only decided to run for the office in order to chastise NBC after realising they had paid Gwen Stefani more for her spot on The Voice than his salary for The Apprentice to the bare way Moore strips the last two years down to a finite joke, this movie hits a lot of targets succinctly. But, it’s when he takes it back to his roots, to Flint, Michigan, and ends up involving all local and state politics, that we start to see the more sinister undertakings happening amongst conservative parties, ideals and societies. It becomes a tad creepy, for lack of a better word. When you add in the fact of the Parkland High School shooting and the way Moore later fuses footage of Hitler and his minions and followers with a rally speech made by the current occupant of the White House, it becomes all too obvious that things are exactly as we think they are (A HOT MESS!) and we have very little recourse rather than claiming truth and shooting down this current and insane barrage of falsehoods. (Now available VOD/DVD/Blu-ray)