#before forcibly clicking away from a post that made me see red because someone said they liked a book i thought was an insult

[largishcat]

by far the harshest truth ive ever had to come to terms with is that many people genuinely have absolute dogshit taste and that is, technically, not a crime

[milfgritty]

i’ll be good pt. eight | j. hughes & t. zegras

❀ ⇢ requested: yes | no ❀ ⇢ word count: 2k

having a crush on one person was confusing enough. now throw in one of their teammates and you weren’t sure where that left you anymore.

⇢ posted: 05.07.19 . | . masterlist prev. | next.

He lost track of time after you hung up.

When he made the decision to call you, he was sure he was doing the right thing. Breaking up with you, he needed to do it. But hearing your voice, the panic and confusion clear as day when he actually went through with it…

No, he shook his head, stop that. You already broke up with her. It’s too late.

He couldn’t take it back, not now. No matter how much he wanted to, how much he didn’t want to do it in the first place.

It was better this way. He didn’t know what he was thinking in the first place. Asking you out when he knew you liked Jack was a mistake.

We almost kissed.

Letting out a shaky breath, he ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t meant to overhear Spencer cornering Jack earlier, but he hid to listen anyway. He was going to leave it alone, get home and changed for your date tonight, and then he heard Spencer’s guess. Jack’s silence confirming it.

It was easy to duck around the corner, listen to Jack telling Spence everything.

We almost kissed.

She pulled away right before.

He tried reasoning with himself that you didn’t kiss Jack. But the fact that you never told him?

He knew you actually forgetting about Jack was too good to be true. He could fool himself with every date, every kiss, every smile, but he knew. It was dumb to think you would actually like him back, fall head over heels for him like he did with you.

Like you did with Jack.

Fuck, he should’ve just left you alone.

He rubbed at his eyes, roughly wiping away the water clouding his vision. He didn’t have to look in the mirror to tell they were red and bloodshot.

He didn’t even know who to blame anymore. The bitterness settling inside him wasn’t aimed at you, not entirely. But he couldn’t help but think, wonder what he had done wrong. Was he really not enough? Why couldn’t you just move on from Hughes?

It all came back to him, all came back to Jack.

Why couldn’t Jack just let him have the girl for once? Why couldn’t he just—

Exhaling slowly, he stopped his train of thought. There was no use continuing down that path. This entire thing was on all of you. You and him would have never worked out, there was just too much shit.

He sighed, rubbing his hands down his face tiredly. Hair messy from his hands, he collapsed onto his bed. Lying in bed, limbs sprawled out, he closed his eyes. All he wanted was to not feel like shit and for this goddamn headache to go away.

His door creaked open, drawing a groan from him. He shoved his pillow over his face with a frown.

“Go away,” his words came out muffled but still audible.

Whoever it was listened, the sound of the door clicking closed a second later.

“As much as I’d like to, we actually need to talk.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Hughes,” he shot up, flinging the pillow away. His brows knitted together at the sight of his teammate standing uncertainly in front of his bed. Jack was the absolute last person he wanted to see right now—hell, the last person he wanted to see ever.

He watched warily as Hughes wheeled his desk chair over. Sitting down, he leaned forward and fidgeted his fingers.

“Y/N called me, told me you broke up with her,” Jack began, gaze drifting between him and his twiddling fingers.

He let out of a scoff, dropping back down with his arm thrown over his eyes. He’d be damned if he let Hughes see that he was crying. “Of course you know,” he muttered under his breath.

Jack ignored him, continuing on. “She’s really fucked up right now, man.”

His words made something in him snap. Flinging himself back up, he glared at his teammate.

“Stay the hell out of it, Hughes,” he spit at him, furious that he had the audacity to tell him that like he didn’t know. Of course he knew, of course he was aware that he made you cry and feel like shit and everything else. Didn’t the jackass—no pun intended—see that it tore him up inside to break up with you?

“Besides, I thought you would be happy. She’s single and now you’re free to make another move on her,” he finished, voice bitter. Shifting, he pulled himself back to lean against the wall.

Jack reeled back in shock, mouth dropping open. “I—you,” he stuttered. He breathed out a defeated sigh, slumping down. “How’d you find out?” he asked quietly.

Biting the inside of his cheeks, he debated whether or not to tell him or just demand that he left him alone already.

“You told me earlier when you spilled everything to Spencer,” he said. He was still a little hurt that Spencer didn’t tell him, but he couldn’t really find it in him to blame the guy. He wouldn’t want to get caught up in whatever the hell drama this shit was either.

Jack swallowed and looked away. “Oh.”

He let out a snort, leaning back and closing his eyes.

“Yea. Oh.”

“Is that why you broke things off with her then? Cause Trev, we didn’t actually—she pulled away before anything–“

“No,” he cut him off, shaking his head. “It was part of the reason, but not like you’d think.” He left Jack in silence for a bit, letting him stew in his answer before he continued quietly.

“But it was because of you.”

“Wait, what?”

He opened his eyes to watch Jack’s confused face. His head lulled to the side as he blinked, trying to clear away his lingering pain before elaborating.

“When I asked Y/N out,” he started lowly, his voice carrying a hint of sadness, “I wasn’t expecting her to say yes. It was old news to everyone but you that she was practically in love with you. But then she said yes,” his lips turned up in a small smile at the memory. “I thought that meant that I finally had my chance. That she would get over you and choose me. And it seemed like it was working. She started looking at me like how she used to look at you. I thought—I thought that her feelings for you were gone.

And then you found out about us. Things seemed like they were the same, but… there was a shift. She was distant for a bit before things went back to the same. I ignored it, man. I liked—still like–” he chucked bitterly “–her so much that I let it slide. I didn’t want to think about what it meant. And then she was my Y/N again. I thought everything was okay, let myself believe that she was finally over you.” He couldn’t help the dark laugh that left him. “But then you almost kissed her.”

He saw Jack open his mouth and rushed on, shaking his head sadly. “Yea, she pulled away. But how long did it take for her to?”

Jack’s silence and guilty expression confirmed it.

“She’s not over you,” he whispered, “And I was an idiot to think that I could change that. She always liked you more than me and I was just standing in the way. So go ahead Hughes, shoot your shot or whatever the fuck. I’m out of the equation now.”

Once he finished talking, he slouched back against the wall. When did he get so tired? Seconds ticked by as he waited for Jack to respond. He was about to lay back down when he finally started speaking.

“You’re a dumbass alright, Zegras,” Jack told him.

He huffed out a laugh, smiling sarcastically at his teammate. “Glad we got that sorted.”

Jack rolled his eyes, so far it pained his own still pounding eyeballs. His eyebrow raised in surprise when Jack reared back before continuing angrily.

“No, dipshit,” he forcibly said, leaning forward in his chair. “You’re a dumbass for thinking that Y/N doesn’t care about you as much as she does me. Hell, as much as you or me do her. You didn’t hear her when she called me, barely able to hold it together.”

At this point, Jack had propelled himself up, standing and wildly gesturing.

“Trust me, Trevor. If she didn’t really fucking like you, she wouldn’t have been damn near sobbing on the phone. She wouldn’t have been barely able to string together words to tell me happened, desperate for someone to comfort her. Even if I wasn’t the one she called after you broke her heart—because that’s what you did, jackass—it was pretty obvious that she was really into you. Every fucking day I wished I was you, man. The way she looked at you, it made it nearly impossible to be around the two of you together. I guarantee that if you hadn’t broken up with her, she would’ve told you she loved you in probably another month. She was never the one who acted on their feelings between me and her. I’m the dick that couldn’t stay away and she was ready to cut me out of her life for it. For you. So don’t give me that ‘she liked you more’ bullshit. You just threw away everything you had with her because you were insecure.”

“You’re right; I am insecure,” he shot forward, staring Jack in the eye intensely. “I was scared that I was gonna fuck everything up and send her running to you. And look; that’s just what I did.”

He deflated quickly after he said that, falling back into his pillows. “Only one of us could be lucky enough to have her and when I did, I was terrified of her realizing that I wasn’t worth it. Realizing that you were better for her. So I did it first, to save both of us from going down that road,” his voice started out strong enough but got quieter as he continued. By the end, it was barely a whisper, choked up as tears sprung back to his eyes.

He tried rubbing them away discreetly, unsure if it worked but grateful that Jack refrained from saying anything. Instead, his teammate remained quiet, walking the small distance to sit on his bed by his feet.

Shoulders hunched forward, he spoke.

“You’re right,” Jack said, turning his head to look at him. “But what are we supposed to do? I don’t even think she knows who she likes more anymore. We can’t make her choose again, Trev.”

“No, we can’t,” he agreed lowly, brushing his hair back.

Trapped in their thoughts, they lapsed back into silence. For once, it didn’t feel like Jack was enemy, just another poor asshole trapped in the same situation as him. One neither of them knew how to fix.

“What are we going to do?” he asked, raising his gaze to meet Jack’s.

Jack let go of his bottom lip, ceasing his gnawing on it. He shrugged helplessly, just as lost as he was.

“I don’t know,” exhaustion lined his features. He was sure his expression mirrored his teammates.

Throwing his head back, he winced when it hit the wall with a thud. “When did all of this get so out of control and depressing?” he joked, their self-deprecating laughter mingling together.

“Probably when I tried to kiss your girlfriend,” Jack snorted, looking over at him.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, Hughes. Who even does that?” he halfheartedly ranted in return, lifting his foot up to kick him in the side.

Jack barked out a laugh, swatting his foot away. “Yea. I feel pretty shitty about that,” he screwed up his face, shooting him an apologetic grin.

Scoffing, he gave him a ‘no shit’ look. “You should, dickhead.” Jack retaliated with a light slap to the leg. He couldn’t help but feel that sense of comradery come back after so long.

And look, all it took was them trying to figure out how to fix the shitty mess they somehow managed to get themselves into this time.