#before anyone says i forgot hodgeson yes i know

[majorxmaggiexboy]

Rating the Cold Boys based on how good i think they hug let’s go

you hug this man and it’s like hugging your great great great great great great grandpriest’s great great grandmother twice removed. Smells like moth balls, grape jelly, and disappointment, but there’s a 20% chance if you smile through your gritted teeth and say “Yes, Grampa, I Love You Too” he’ll give you a $20 and bad relationship advice on your way out the door. 2/10

Frauncis has never had a hug before in his life he honestly does not know how exactly. Smells like whiskey, regret, and a longing to love somebody. Will pat ur back and say something like “yes, well” and chuckle awkwardly but with a hidden warm smile if youre lucky. Will offer you an alcoholic beverage but ONLY if he can have some too, 6/10

Commander Jehmes could out-hug a professional hugger. Perfect height for seizing by the lapels and weeping against while being Held. Plot twist though he’s crying too. smells of hair product and your wildest dreams. 10/10

don’t be fooled it’s like hugging a pasty skeleton with good hair and also it might stab you twenty-three times in the chest among other extracurriculars. smells like weed and betrayal, wouldn’t recommend it more than once. 3/10

Adorable but will side-hug no matter what gender he thinks u are bc if he registers u as Woman full hugs are sinful and if he registers u as Man full hugs are gay there’s no winning with him but if you can catch him by surprise he’ll make a squeaky-toy sound, smells of banana bread and communion wafers, 7/10

Local man out here trying his best, making terrible decisions but with feeling and admirable spirit, Boromirs that Shite. I bet he smells like peanut butter, doritos, and sand. Solid 6/10

His name is ‘Blanky’ for goodness sake he is the clear winner this man has the voice of a slightly inebriated angel and is NOT afraid to hug tight OR spin you around a few times and pretend to drop you for a laugh. Smells like the dad who actually came home from the milk store, god bless ameri

whups how’d that get in there

look into those eyes and tell me this wouldn’t be a sweet cinnamon hug of joyful companionship, 8/10 easily and score goes up with every hug because this man is all about continuous improvement. Will absolutely wrap you in his coat AND probably give you his hat

Don’t tell me you’ve never longed for the tender embrace of a middle-aged gay librarian 10/10

wouldn’t recommend it babe 3/10

WOULD WHOLEHEARTEDLY RECOMMEND IT BABE 10/10 he will hug you close and love you AND talk special interests in a soothing voice while gazing at you with warm beautiful eyes. Smells like waiting rooms and the very essence of love itself

This man hugs like his life depends on it and cries like Darcy in the rain. Will not let go once hugging begins. Inexplicably damp at all times but the faint stale towel smell isn’t so bad once you get used to it and the sheer desperation is actually kind of endearing 8/10

No matter how it turns out, you are guaranteed to feel more held than you have ever felt in your entire life and will most certainly get a kiss, try it once and see what happens! 10/10 life changing experience no matter what

He’s like a candycane someone dropped in a puddle and then ran over with a tricycle. Under appreciated offbrand of Bob Ross and Peter Dinklage. Has a Vibe going on. Kind of like hugging a scarecrow so you can basically say you’re hugging Fiyero. Have fun out there. 3/10

look me in the eyes and tell me you honestly believe any other hug could possibly be good enough after getting hugged by Henry Foster Collins. 10000/10 was literally built for hugging, custom made, God said Capybara But Make It Human and Henry Foster Collins was born. This man is cotton candy in human form.  A Squishmallow. A babe. Love him. this man studied hugging at 20,000 Leagues Under the Yes Please and got a frickin Ph.D

are you interested in a one-time hug? TOO BAD because this one will not only hug but will also honor and cherish and protect (as long as it doesn’t interfere with caring for the Captain) AND speak so soft and gentle to in an adorable accent WHILE wearing a sweatervest and smelling like coffee, soap, a tiny hint of something absolutely unhinged and All Your Dreams Come True. 10/10