#been looking at my art lately like actually yknow what. I'm really good at this

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

.

Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[deoidesign]

this is still one of my favorite paintings of all time...

print of it

[pastel-rights]

I LOVE your art style! How did you came up with it?

huh? my art style??? uhhh, i mean i uhhhh if you want, i can explain how I got to this point but. sometimes, things just. happen yknow???

honestly my old art compared to the more recent of what I've done probably looks. very very jarring side by side since it looks like it was drawn by completely different people lol. For example, look at this early 2017 character concept verse a late (November) 2024 character concept.

It's. Definitely a lot to take in so uhm. Buckle up! [cue a heavy metal version of bye-bye-bye playing for atmosphere reasons]

So, I've been drawing as a hobby since about... 2009 give or take? However, the earliest art I have on hand is probably from... 2016 or 2015 tbh??? Although, I only really started keeping a fr fr log of my art from 2019 and onwards so, let's start with what I actually have to show.

It's all about the basics, anon!

Growing up, my art was inspired by the shows I watched growing up! in particular, shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and "Tom and Jerry" were my rock in childhood times (since I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob until I was much older and a majority of my "childhood" tv shows didn't start airing until later in my life, like Bubble Guppies (which aired in 2011) and Team Umizoomi and Octonauts (which both released in 2010) which, by then, the television was run by my younger brother's needs mostly, and I didn't get a say.)

So, I guess you could say my art was inspired by those two shows mostly???? of course, not... fully? hold on let me show you guys the earliest art I have to work with here-

these are all from 2019 since it's the furthest back I was able to save my art but. Looking at it, it doesn't look like it was inspired in the way artists are normally inspired by their environment. At least, that's not how it feels to me.

my art at this point was very... a lot of it was traditional in comparison to now, for starters. The color grades are completely off, the lining is. interesting. A lot of one shot one result type of shenanigans. Of course, it shares its origin with my childhood entertainment in general, which is being very cartoonish in style! On traditional grounds, I fucked around with a lot of different methods, some just pencil, some with markers, blah blah blah yada yada yada.

which, character design is my passion /ref if you couldn't tell. but my art style has always been very cartoonish and stylized, even in my earliest days. Big eyes, wild hair styles, noodly limbs, you know, the cartoonist hallmarks! If nothing else, my art style is more reflective of who I am as a person?? like the cartoons that formed me, it's very expressive and full of color and whimsy and in its own way, it's my way of thanking the world that taught me happiness and joy, and I draw to give others that same feeling.

Whether that be my friends' OCs or silly shitposts, I draw for the joy others get seeing it! Here look at this picture of my friend (@sxftriina)'s OC, Ocean, I draw way way back when lol

...

but at some point, I realized. My art didn't make me happy anymore. I didn't have fun drawing anymore. and it just became more of a chore to make than a fun hobby or a good time. I couldn't find the joy in art anymore. And I couldn't create anything I was proud of either.

I got stuck. It didn't matter what I drew, what things I tried. I couldn't make myself happy again. and while my art might not have suffered.

I did.

art was nothing more than a chore. something I had to do because I wasn't good for anything else.

and it made me severely depressed, among other things happening during those times.

so what does a burnt out depressed artist do in crisis times??????????

...

he joins tumblr, of course.

I wish I was joking. I'm not.

anyways so it was like 4am and I was like "let me join tumblr why the hell not maybe I'll find something there" and uhm. well I didn't find anything initially. and every day was as depressing as the last, and I eventually just. felt like giving up. I ran an askblog and drew a ton still because while it made me unhappy, I felt unhappier just. doing nothing. Lesser of two evils I suppose?

that was until I uh. I met someone really special to me. Even now.

if you're reading this, uh. hi lupi!

This was around the time I found Identity Five at the end of 2020, and began drawing fanart for the game, which restored... some joy to art? Not completely, but, I wasn't so miserable drawing during this time of my life. It felt like a chore still, but, at least now I was having some semblance of fun doing it. Not completely fun though... I was still stuck in a funk. I didn't know why.

And then, I met Lupi. At the time, she was following me through her askblog account (she still does) and I got curious and decided to check it out for myself and. I think if I never checked out Lupi's blog that day, my art wouldn't have taken the direction it did, and, I would have never regained my love for my craft.

Of course, I feel silly even talking about it so... I took a different direction with my art after scrolling through Lupi's art, which sometimes I'll do, even to this day just for fun sake. And this time... I don't know.

It just felt different this time. It wasn't the best, and it certainly wasn't easy either. But for the first time in over a year... I had genuine fun drawing again. No negative feelings attached.

Just... fun.

A lot of fun at that. A lot of things from this era of my style stuck. Like... a looooot. My color choices, my mini style, the flow, a lot of what I learned from this era stuck with me, even now.

it retains so much of the past yet it means so much more. it's still cartoonish, still small and squashed, funky hairstyles, noodle limbs, fun clothing... the whole nine yards.

Of course... this is only 2021 art. My art now, while similar... it's not the same. And it's all thanks to ONE RED HAIRED MOTHERFUCKER. not ginger, red haired. apples are red, not orange. /ref

It was the first time in. several years that I've drawn something just for me. Even if it was something small and silly while waiting for an after-school activity to start. It was something I remember really fondly, a feeling that wasn't just fun but. actual joy.

Not only that but, for as simple as it is, it marked the start of a very, very... very long long of stylization like never before. You take what makes you happy... piece by piece, bit by bit...

you learn... you grow... you improve upon skills you have... body language, expression, detail... all those things. You meet some really cool people along the way... you talk, you laugh, you cry.

you get inspired and you want to show them something new, something cool... and in doing so, you make something you never thought was possible. Not with your skills, and not in a million years.

But, you learn. you laugh. you watch. you grow.

you figure out what you like. cool colors, fun dynamics, shading, lighting, storylines... things like that. you inspire others, and those people inspire you in turn.

you learn some cool new poses, you draw some fun fanart for your friends aus, you try new things and those end up sticking.

sometimes it's just you and one other person, who stuck through, watching you draw until a piece's very end. because they like you for you. and they care. sometimes they never leave your side, and they continue to inspire you to this very day.

you have fun with what youre doing. there's not really any need to rush, you know? you look at new media, you talk to the people you care about the most, you make things to surprise them with. and they're happy. and you're happy.

and you want to keep drawing.

but you can't forget to draw for yourself sometimes. something just for you that others can enjoy, but, it wasn't made for others. it was made because you love yourself and you deserve something special. it's important to draw what you want for yourself.

and sometimes, it becomes your staple.

you put your best foot forward, you give it everything you've got! because it's not a chore. it's fun. it's a hobby.

and it makes you happy. your art becomes recognizable, people compliment it and enjoy its presence. even in passing.

...

I love my art style too, anon. i know its been a long while of me talking. telling my story, my experience with my art. how it built me. how it ruined me. and how I found myself again.

I didn't know how to answer your question when I first got this ask.

Because, I didn't know how I came up with it. In my mind, it just happened. But, I think I have an answer for you now.

For real this time.

My art style is a culmination of everything and everyone I love. Navi, Pins, Beth, Yuu, Tae, Klai, Joe, Rina, Lupi, Four, pretty much everyone I surround myself with on a day to day basis. Bit by bit, piece by piece, my art style is fueled by the love I have for my friends.

Every improvement over the years has all been so I can show them something fun, something new. So I can keep surprising them with each new piece I do.

But, it's not just my friends.

It's you too, anon. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Every like, every reblog, every comment and compliment. Every ask, every live reaction.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find my joy again. I hope I didn't disappoint.

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

hihi its me, the anon from ur other blog (yknow, the selfship questions one) and i'd like to kmow bout ur f/os,(u can gush nd stuff, idk)

and also, i'm curious as to how they look like cuz you said that theyre humanised! :>

Eeeekk!!! Screams!!! I love sharing how they look so this is...very good question for me. This is a bit of a...long list so I'm putting it under the cut, though I'm going to try and not type more than like three sentences or less for each of them so it's mostly just gonna be pictures. But I'm just showin my humanized ideas for how my primary F/Os look, but I do have humanized headcannons for...I kid you not everyone in the franchise.

!!!Not all the art here is mine!!! For the art that is not mine I will be writing their respective credentials and what social media platform it was originally posted on. I tried to stick to using my art as much as I could but I don't have a lot of digital drawings of them, nonetheless ones I'm ready to reveal to the world haha(though some I'll gladly share)

Some of them, to try and keep this to my main F/Os that I've been exploding over lately and to try and keep this from getting lengthy, I intentionally left out, ex. M.ater, L.eland, R.od, S.trip, C.hick, the- the rest of my F/O list, you get the point!😅

I also used this as an opportunity to mention what I headcannon their heights to be >:)

If anyone would like a version of just the images and without the descriptions 100% let me know, won't be a bother one bit!!!

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For L.ightning I imagine something like this:

By @/Laoian on Twitter. Except I picture him to have his hair closer to a shoulder-blade sort of length and him not quite as fit.

I'd imagine him around 5'6-5'7

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For F.ranceso(forgive me for the full-body one looking a little more messy/wonky, it's a lot older than the other one and is.. im quite nit picky about that drawing but its what I got. The other drawing is leaning towards a doodle/being really simplistic and quick) basically this:

Ignore the color picks and whatnot, that was before I was smart enough to put those on a seperate layer JDNSJSJSJS

I'd say he's like 6'ft.

I had also posted a drawing of F.rancesco quite recently as well, I just didn't put it here cause he's got his helmet on and it's a close-up shot so you can't really see how he looks too well(it's one of my proudest drawings though!)

Also, this and this

please. PLEASE I cannot stress this enough this is just. THATS HIM!!

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I'm pre-appologizing(/half joking) for not having any normal drawings of F.inn, I don't know how all my digital drawings(that are colored) of him ended up being incredibly self-indulgent, I didn't even realize I did that till now! So I'm just doing this one for now(though I recently posted the art of me and him snuggling a bit ago on my blog. I'm quite stinkin proud of that one too!! One of my proudest, i think)

F.inn :)

He's like 5'4, same height as me(Except I'm a liar and I'm really like 5'3 and a little bit).

I'm not good at drawing Grey in hair quite yet but. That. He's got salt and pepper hair(or whatverr you want to call it) except it's the Grey mixed in with. Whatever blue-ish haircolor that is that he's already got JSBDJAJDR.

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A.xlerod!!!

I actually don't have a lot of colored drawings of him, which surprised me a bit, but I do have a tonnn of doodles of him aufbsifnskffj

He has a big overcoat and stuff :) and his button up shirt thingy is supposed to have a plaid-like pattern but I have no clue how to draw plaid quite yet 😅

He's basically the same height as me though! His facial hair is just kinda whispy fuzz, if that makes any sense. Kind of like a kiwi.

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G.rem and A.cer together! Cause they're inseparable JFNDJSN

I adorrreeeEE this drawing of G.rem and A.cer, I take very much pride in this drawing I love sticking it in people's faces. G.rem on the left and A.cer on the right.

G.rem is like 5'6 and A.cer is 5'1.

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Annndd J.ackson!!

By Jeno0305 on Twitter (I don't know what the writing says in the first image. I'm assuming the drawing of the person he's with in the first image is the artists version of G.ale, his driver/hauler)

I headcannon him to be 6'ft and pale as hell cause he just sits in his room all day and plays videogames(which is also canonical)

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Anndddd that's all!! I'm trying not to hyper apologize for the length😅 when I spill the beans everything in the can comes out!! But really thank you for the ask, really was tons of fun to answer :) I appreciate it! Felt good to get to ramble and babble a bit!

If anyone somehow read through all of this then I'm sending you a life time supply of your favorite food

[havocmadden]

"if i'm having fun it's good and if i'm not having fun it's bad" you're so so so real for this!! anyway sorry i disappeared for like a week so i'm going to ask more questions to make up for it: 1) i know i'm late to the spotify wrapped party but who were your favorite artists this year? are there any songs in particular that stood out to you? this can be either for disney artists or not it's up to you 2) how are you feeling about rise of red coming out next year? i know the plot looks too crazy even for descendants standards, and it helps that it's a brand new creative team, but is there anything specific you're hoping to see from the expanded world? 3) i need to hear your thoughts on zombies 4 because i know there's no way addison will have yet another identity crisis - gcwca secret santa

hi !!!! i hope u had a good week when you disappeared and not like, a terrible one!

to answer your questions, my fave artists were mostly non disney channel :( i think the only disney channel who made it into my top 100 was some sabrina songs :( but! my top five were:

noah kahan (so real)

fall out boy (they counted november this year which i know bc they would NOT have been in my top 5 otherwise. they were my nano soundtrack. tho tbh i think this nano project made me an actual for real fall out boy fan)

taylor swift

dessa

xana

if we could add some i feel like chappell roan should've been in my top five but alas :( also i saw two out of my top five in concert this year :) if we count tickets i bought for next year's concerts i am seeing 4/5 of my top five!! (i also saw chappell roan and she was SOOOOOO good in person). this year turned me into a genuine Concert Girlie (gender neutral) so that's been fun. or it would be, if i didn't have to drive 2 1/2 hours at best to get to one bc i live in the middle of fucking nowhere and no one comes here :(

as for the rise of red: honestly, i'm pretty excited! i'm not allowing myself to feel Bad about it until we get more information. plus, it's giving me the thing i always wanted out of the descendants franchise (qoh kid) so honestly this like, really works for me. like maybe when i watch it later it will be bad? and i'll be upset and disappointed? but. in the meantime, i'm having a great time! still living on the qoh kid high! like, the plot seems wild but personally i'm like. "descendants as a franchise never made sense and i'm getting what i personally wanted out of this franchise from it so i'm having a good time until proven otherwise"

i think a lot of people have strong feelings about it bc of cam, which is totally valid and is their right, but my personal feelings are since the core four aren't coming back, i'm okay with it. disney was never going to let their biggest franchise since hsm lie, yknow? i think this is the best it could've been in that sense of it? idk.

as for zombies 4. truly i have NO idea. honestly the most fun i have ever had with the zombies franchise was watching all three of them with two of my friends whilst we were all stoned, and personally i hope rupaul comes back because i thought it was funny. i'm so sorry if you're a zombies stan but they are not high art to me. they are fun little movies to watch while i get high and then i do not think about them until i want to show someone a silly little dcom franchise and jumpscare them with the presence of rupaul. personally i hope zombies 4 introduces addison's cousin from the human side of the family named allison who is now the one who gets to have identity criseses who is also played by meg donnelly. i hope coach has a new job. i hope his legal name is coach. i hope ej caswell finally gets to leave this discord. i hope they make a reference to the winchesters.

[specshroom]

Do you have any advice for those who are wanting to share their own stories/ ideas but don’t know where to start

Helloooo

I'm sorry this is probably really late I don't actually know when this ask was made 😅

Ok so I think the main motivator has to be your own satisfaction, yknow? You can't do it for engagement or something cus you're going to be disappointed no matter what happens. You gotta write stuff because you want to take ideas and actually put them into reality.

I've been a lurker for most of my time online. Not making posts, not really interacting. Nothing. So this is all VERY new to me. I made an entire new account for this page cus i wanted a blank slate. Idk if that's what you wanna do but it helped me commit to the idea.

I mean just the fact that someone is asking ME for writing advice is fucking crazy. Obviously I'm very new to answering asks and replying to comments and stuff, I want to shower anyone who comments on my posts with love and thanks but that can be really off-putting and weird so I usually just end up not replying. My point is that you don't have to know how to do everything for stuff to work out.

There have been periods where I didn't post any writing for like months and I felt really bad about that. But when I eventually wrote something again it was just the same as it was before. Like idk if I was expecting people to be mad at me for not writing or something 😭 You're not a professional writer or an ai so people don't expect you to have new shit out all the time so don't treat yourself like that. Especially cus most people write as a hobby. It's supposed to be for YOUR benefit and fulfilment.

My general writing skills and punctuation also sucks so use that as motivation too lol. If you want to look at it a bit cynically, there'll always be better fics than yours and there will also always be worse fics than yours. It's just a feedback loop of art and content that you can join in on whenever you want to or not at all...

Uuuuh yeah. Did that even answer the question???

SORRY GOOD LUCK WITH THE WRITING PLS STAY HEALTHY.

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (29/10/23)

veeeeeeeeeeeeeery late this week I know it's my own fault really, I was warned by my buddy mega that yozakura would be a dense read and take a while but I didn't listen and underestimate how long it'd take, I should've started during the week but I only started reading on saturday NIGHT so no way in hell I was gonna be able to catch up.. by the time I went to bed on sunday I was on 111/200 so oof.. also didn't mon tue or wed so that's why the post is so late but anyhoo

green - new series/new to me pink - catching up

Anime

Frieren Ep8

very good episode like usual, even more for me cause of all the action. looks like the next one will also have quite a bit of it so I'm pogged up

Undead Unluck Ep4

bro that episode went absolutely INSANE?? HELLO the sakuga was so good I was losing my gourd I'm so glad uu got the adaptation it deserves also my queen yuuki absolutely stole the show, really showing why she's up there with the best of the best, it's gonna be sad not getting more gina til like cour 4 but it'll be worth the wait

Pokemon Horizons Ep26

pretty chill episode after all the excitement from last week's cour finale, mostly just setting up the plot for the future. tho we also got a new op and it goes absolutely crazy

Adult Precure Ep4

alright episode, mostly about what saki and mai have been up to, saki being engaged and mai breaking up with her bf. I know that in their shows, from the very start, the girls have crushes on boys (ofc it couldn't be otherwise cause toei are cowards) but you gotta understand how deep in the yuri mines I am. hearing them actually say they're engaged or dating a man gave me whiplash

Imas Million Live Ep4

good episode as usual, the best part was getting a lot more screentime for some of the girls that were barely in the other eps, tho it still wasn't that much and since this isn't following the og format there's always gonna be some girls that won't get their time to fully shine sadly. also got a couple momoko moments™ including the box so that was funny

Manga

Mission: Yozakura Family Ch1 - 200

wowie that was.. a lot better than I expected. honestly went in not expecting much, and after having just caught up to jujutsu from 1 to current I wasn't expecting yozakura to be so good since jujutsu is so much more popular but, hot take: I think it's way better like sheesh. I talked about it on my server but the only I thing I think jujutsu has over yozakura is the battles, otherwise it's beat in every category. I like the art a lot more, even from ch1 yozakura had waaaaay better paneling than even current jujutsu. and the whole cast is a lot more likeable. like from jujutsu I cared about gojo, nanami, maki and okkotsu. in yozakura we get cooldown chaps were the different family members do their own stuff and interact with each other which helps you get to know them more and in doing so liking them more, while still using these chaps to move the plot along so the pacing isn't too slow (outside of that little side detour with the past heads that got cut short prob by the editor but yknow)

anyway rambling and just repeating what I already said in the server but TL;DR it's good, glad to be caught up, and looking forward to it wrapping up in the near future since we're close to the final arc

Witch Enforcer Ch1

I started this mostly on a whim cause the art is good (artist's on here too btw @ camellia0x0) but I was pleasantly surprised. there was nothing surprising about the story but it was delivered well and the art was solid through the whole chap (tho the paneling is very basic but I'll give them a pass since it's their first serialization [only some one shots before]) and the concept of a witch making and using mechs is fun. looking forward to seeing this artist's growth as a mangaka, hopefully the series doesn't get axed too early

Undead Unluck 181

good chap, especially the end tho. never thought this could be a possibility but it makes total sense there'd be a reverse evil union on the side of god. never thought about it since we had under before. really curious to see how the next chap gonna but it's prob just gonna be introducing all those baddies that people will fight in the final arc

[circesoracle]

i'm sorry you feel down about your writing, i meant to send this earlier but better late than never so i hope it's ok. fwiw i think you're one of the most talented writers out there! i don't write myself so i hope it's not dismissive but i'm curious to know what success would look like for you (cause i already think you're v successful & creative, who's writing actually good fshep liara stories yknow?) and what readers can do to better support you so you can feel proud of your creations

I’ve taken a bit of time to think about how to respond to this, so I’m sorry for the delay and for the long answer.

I’m going to assume that you ask this genuinely and with good intentions, and I thank you for your kind words. However, I’ve struggled with how to respond to the two questions in a way that’s honest. I fear honesty will come across as pathetic or asking for attention, or worse, seem accusatory towards a particular fandom. I’ll do my best regardless.

I am an extremely anxious person with very little self esteem. I have had family, friends, girlfriends, professors, acquaintances even who completely destroyed any sense of worth I possess, both in general and in regards to my writing. I used to take pride in my writing, and I used to like it, but over time, people have worn me down, and I can no longer see it as anything less than awful. To give you a feeling of what I mean, here’s a personal experience I’ve never shared with anyone out of fear of empty platitudes and pity.

I applied to my university’s creative writing programme, and within a week was asked to withdraw by the professor because he hated my writing style so much that he told me it would be better for my GPA to drop out. I didn’t write for personal enjoyment for months. I ended up in a depressive spiral so bad I considered killing myself more than once. I changed my major out of English into Communications and New Media out of shame, extending my degree by multiple years when it should have been coming to its end.

I also compare myself to others, which is easy on AO3. You’re extremely kind to say I seem successful, but I can say categorically I am not, in any of the fandoms I post for, successful. My fics don’t compare to other recent postings, with the most successful fic of mine performing middling in a relatively small fandom. Even numbers aside, my fics aren’t good enough to be talked about, or shared around, they don’t inspire art, they barely inspire comments and even those are almost entirely from a small group of dedicated readers(who I cherish dearly and would not still be writing without the support of).

The one which bothers me the most and is the cause of most of my anxiety is Eternity’s Embrace. This is for a number of reasons I would prefer not to discuss openly.

Success, to me, are fics which get art and endless praise and are shared around. Right or wrong, that’s what I define as success, and it is a bar, simply put, I will never meet. I am not good enough. I try to ignore it, but it’s hard. It doesn’t bother me all the time, but when I’m low it’s another thing for my mind to fixate on.

Speaking in terms of Eternity’s Embrace, I have a number of readers who do support me, but they dwindle in numbers with every update and it feels like posting to an empty void. I can’t ask anything more of them, as the few there are(it’s about four of them) already comment in wonderful ways, and they’re the reason I keep posting. My anxieties are not their problem, nor are they yours. If I have more than four readers, that’s news to me as really no more than four or five will comment, which with a long multichapter fic is the only means of knowing anyone likes it.

This is all to say I likely will not be posting a new chapter of Eternity’s Embrace this week, if anyone has bothered reading this far.

Thank you again for your message, I’m glad you enjoy what I write, I appreciate everyone who lets me know they do. My apologies, for the lengthy and delayed response, I only wanted there to be context for why I do express a low opinion of my writing.

[justthingsforme2see]

feeling lost

ughhh idk ever since i got my period ive been so down about myself. i feel like i'm failing in life and invisible. my coworker gets all the guys (guys i don't like but I just wonder why no one even wants to look at me, despite all the compliments i get on how beautiful i am) and it makes me a little upset. My brothers getting so much attention even tho he doesn't rly seem to care about anyone that much. My other brothers in a relationship. All these things are starting to make me feel like i have nothing to offer, but i know that's just my emotions trying to get to me. I pay attention to everyone but myself lately.

my manager was talking about hiring someone new and she said she wanted to hire another 'for-lifer'... and it almost made me spiral a little bit. is this what I'm destined for? my brother's getting all these big academic and athletic achievements, my other brother is starting to get more stream subscribers and is in a good relationship, and I'm still single and scared to make art and post it on the internet 😑 but i just don't want to settle! It makes me sad because despite that I can't get a single freaking yes for ANYTHING I do unless it's out of nowhere miracle and im like WOAHHHH but for once I just want to have the credentials someone's looking for yknow??? and even if I make things, they rarely get attention no matter how much i try. i feel so worthless. I just want to be seen for once. seen positively, because I feel like if I am seen, Im being bullied or criticized or made fun of, or my mind just doesn't process when I get positive reactions for others. I'm scared I'm not going to get this really great job I applied for. and I rarely have any creative spark anymore. I don't have any prospects and I've been waiting around for years for 'the one' to show up and I'm too much of a recluse to even find them or try. and even when I go out it's like everyone's scared to talk to me or is just rude to me. and on top of that i can't find anyone i like around here!!! the only person i've found who i truly was interested in ended up with some stupid guy!!!! UGH

anyway, back to career. I keep trying to 'let go let god' but it's so freaking difficult. My biggest miracles of blessings come literally when i'm like this and i know that but i just feel like i'm going to run that out and I'm trying to manifest like everyone says and i just... idk i guess i'm impatient. i'm scared that No one is going to hire me even though i keep applying and trying and doing what i can (because I'm juggling so much emotionally and physically that I can't even put my ALLLL into everything I want to do) I'm scared i'm going to be stuck at my job forever and nothing I make is going to blow up. I'm scared I'm never going to have businesses and success and the big house with a farm and travel and a beautiful marriage. i'm scared. I want it so badly. i have a vision board for this year but none of it has happened 😭 but i know I'm not making the content I truly want to make that would probably help me get there. but i don't even freaking know what i want to make anymore. i've been trying to please people for so long that i don't even know. because no one in the town believes in art and actually making a career from it including my mom, who i've tried to please for god knows how long because of god knows what. i'm so sick of this. I haven't cried over feeling pathetic in YEARS but i just can't hold it in anymore. i feel pathetic, and exhausted, and I don't know what to do. I've been holding my head high and trying to be strong and calm and resilient but i'm just ready to break down. i don't wanna be struggling paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. i have so much to offer the world if only they'd pay attention!!! And I know I'm in one of the better positions because I'm not out on the streets or in a terrible place with no car struggling to pay bills. I'm extremely lucky and extremely grateful. but i just wish something would budge. when I make sfc it struggles to even get 10 views. my youtube videos only get 40 views if im lucky. and I'm scared to make what I truly put my heart into because what if it gets crumbs? but i still want to try but...ugh, so many buts. i'm just so sick of this.

I wish i was thin and fit i think literally everything would fall into place LOL

[bahamutgames]

AFTERTHOUGHTS - ROUNDUP ROUND 3

April + May 2023

NON Nintendo Switch Online Edition!!

Alright kind of a slow day today but I have a BUNCH I still would like to get done. So I'm taking a small break by writing some thoughts on some games I beat recently. I haven't been doing a TON of gaming this month cause I've been busy doing work or getting screwed over and in my down time I've been going out a lot, hanging out with friends, and not playing too much. I am currently chipping through my next RPG and I'm ALMOST done with it. As well as random small itch games I've been playing and tweeting about on my twitter. But hopefully when I break through this current RPG and finish up some work I can play more stuff more regularly soon.

Pizza Tower (January 26, 2023) - PC

So, something you may not know about me is that I am actually a HUGE Wario Land fan. Like, a MASSIVE Wario Land fan. I've played them all, and I also played and adored Wario World and Master of Disguise even though they're not exactly the same. But yeah I fucking love Wario. And lately I've been really really excited with the wave of Wario Land-likes we're receiving! This and Anton Blast (which looks SO amazing I seriously cannot wait.)

I wasn't able to pick this game up right away but thankfully I had a friend buy it for me which means the absolute WORLD to me for real. And I gotta say, I had a great time with it! It feels awesome to play, gameplay feels wonderful and additions to the formula like combos and parrying is SUPER cool! And of course traditional Wario Land fare like form changes and the general moveset feels great and while I generally am not crazy about beating levels as quick as possible I feel like the moveset is really good for speedrunning in a way that makes it feel nice to speedrun even for someone like me who isn't into it much.

Of course the sprites are so cute, I love the art style. The characters are cute, I appreciate there being multiple playable characters too that was also a great addition. Enemies are cute, the levels look great and colorful. Bosses are all very cool looking and REALLY fun to fight for the most part. The soundtrack is great, I loved the story. I loved the format and the context behind finding stuff like toppins and paying for boss doors. It's all very cool and feels like a wonderful return for Wario Land.

It's small but I also appreciate Peppino himself for being an old middle aged man with body hair as the cool protagonist who gets shit done and like has a huge hero moment at the end where he saves everyone. I ADORE Warioware but a big issue I had with it is that it kinda removes Wario's coolness factor and his strikingly heroic moments from Land and just makes him... yknow... a greedy fat guy and that's IT. So it's nice to see a fat character being more than that again.

It's been a bit since I played it so I don't remember a ton of my complaints. Off the top of my head the biggest issue I had was that the boss fights are WAY too long. They last forever, you have to do them twice. And then they end on a minigame where if you fail you have to do the whole fight over. It's so annoying and makes each one a total chore where otherwise they'd be REALLY cool. Also I know they're not meant to be scary but I did not care for the screamers in that one level at all. They did not do it for me lol. Lastly, this might be a weird way to start this post. But I know this game had a racist enemy design in it. If it's what I think it is, it's a stereotype of indigenous cultures which has been removed from the game from my understanding. But still. This sucks. It's something we see in indie games WAY too often. Too many indie games feature enemies like this. And I know a lot of old AAA games had this too. But it's not okay. And it's something that really really baffles me that indie devs STILL think it's okay to have enemies like this. Stop it.

Aside from that, great entry in the Wario-Land like genre. Was a blast to play (an Anton Blast aha) while also adding a ton of original stuff to make it stand out. I hope to see more and I hope its popularity leads to even MORE Wario Land type games and more games with cute scribbly art styles.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (March 31, 2023) - PC

A much smaller april fools game that also took me a bit to play. But DAMN am I happy I did. This game was a TON of fun! You never see fake games made for April Fools that are like... yknow... actual games you can play! And this was such a cute and fun little game I really shocked by how much of a good time I had with it!

Usually I'm not super into point and click stuff but man this game was SO cute it didn't bug me at all. Fantastic writing, tons of Sonic characters who aren't written to be jokes (I love seeing this becoming a trend again), fantastic and silly references to the whole series (THERE WAS A FUCKING SONIC RIVALS REFERENCE!! THAT'S SO COOL!!!!!) The art is FANTASTIC, the music is nice, I was really surprised at how good and fun the story was? Like towards the end it becomes a real story with real stakes and a pretty moving ending which was SUPER cool to see! Also it had actual gameplay scenes with real timing and platforming? Which was SO surprising but totally welcome!

I really don't have much negative to say? It was free and it's a small april fools joke that ended up being really cool! I loved the outfits for each character (rouge is so hot) AND it introduced a new super cute and hot Sonic Milf! So I say, it's pretty fucking amazing, actually!

Rocket Knight Adventures (August 5th, 1993) - Sega Genesis

This was a game I didn't really have any intentions of playing, but a friend of mine has been asking me for a bit now to check it out. And after playing Ristar and realizing I've been missing out on a TON of Genesis games my whole life, and a total rando telling me I NEED to play this game. I just snapped, I couldn't not. How could I ignore it after all this praise? So here I am! After finally playing Rocket Knight Adventures!

And my verdict? Yeah it's pretty cool! I like the world it takes place in, I like the character designs (Rocket in particular is VERY cute), I like the sprites and music. This is all around just a pretty dang fun game! I liked the gimmick of being able to charge up your jetpack and dash around. And I feel like it does honestly make pretty good use of it unlike Ristar and Pulseman which I talked about before. My only real complaint is that I think the final bosses kinda suck and are a bit of a chore. But I am a sucker for like, edgy rivals who use the same powers as you.

I will probably check out the sequels when I get the chance, though I've heard they're not SUPER great. I would love a new entry eventually that really goes hard into the rocket stuff and maybe has even more shmup levels cause of course I loved those aha.

Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World (December 14, 2001) - Gameboy Advance

And last but not least for now, Super Mario Advance 2! If you know anything about me, you know that Super Mario World is one of my all time favorite games! I ADORE the SNES original as in addition to just being a great game, it's actually the first game I've ever played (or at least have memories of playing). And despite the fact the first time I beat Mario 2 & 3 was with the GBA remakes, I had never tried the remake of Super Mario World on GBA until now! But I gotta say, yeah these are great ports!

Super Mario World is just great on its own so of course it's a good game. I still love the sprites, they're washed out here because of the lack of backlight way back when it came out. But I think the new color scheme is nice and still works. I LOVE the music still and it sounds really nice in the GBA soundfont. And there's a lot of really good changes here too! Stuff like a serious playable Luigi, a more serious exit tracker, and having the Dragon Coins function more like Star Coins in NSMB are all GREAT changes that should have been there from the start. But even stuff like additional cutscenes, voice clips (which I LOVE), small sprite fixes on Peach and Yoshi, and the cute fun way enemies roll away with funny sprite rotations when Yoshi spits them out are ultimately not needed but are great changes!

I sort of rushed through this playthrough but I mean, it's Super Mario World, so I wouldn't be surprised if I end up playing more of it and play more levels that I didn't give a shot soon! This is a great port and I still continue to LOVE the Mario Advance games so much! I'll probably have to play it more to see but if I ever get around to 100% completing it I could see this potentially being the ideal way to play Super Mario World which is CRAZY to think about! Good port!

[dellinah]

I made a new icon after 84 years bc I needed to vent I guess

It doesn't look THAT different from the old one but at least it's an anthro one which I've wanted for forever since that's usually how I imagine/portray Talita as she is literally me and unfortunately I'm a human instead of being a little fox with no care in the world LIKE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN

But instead I'm here worrying about burnout depression and my future so if you're only here for the furry art fair enough ill keep the rant in a read more

Anyway hi

I have absolutely not been doing well these past few weeks and I'd say some moments might have been close to being some of the worst in my life but I am so jaded by previous experiences that I barely notice how bad it's affecting me until it hits me at 3am and I can't sleep and I just realized I'm in it DEEP which makes me freak out even more

Apparently my way of coping with life and issues is ignoring them until the last minute and just repress the SHIT out of it until it hits me in the face (peak 'this is fine' dog meme) and that isn't working anymore bc now I am an adult whose actions have consequences

I have so much school stuff to catch up on bc I stalled a whole month that short of spending hours on end at it for the next month I don't see how I can catch up in time but my mental health does not allow that as I have been sleeping 15 hours a day and staying up all night and I am scared shitless of not making it bc I'm supposed to graduate soon so FUCK and i barely know how to start. I feel so dumb and left behind while everyone seems to have their shit put together and i canr ask for help without feeling like a parasite or like they'll judge me for it

I also have no idea what I want to do or how to go about life once I am graduated (if i graduate) and i hate it bc I am so godamn lost and I have like 2 months to figure it out

My mother has covid for the 3rd time somehow which means another wave of covid has been going on in my family but I guess I avoided that but I cant see them for a while and I also lost a 3rd person I loved and cared about to it a while back and I haven't even cried yet bc once again Im ignoring and repressing it

I had to take 2 shots at the same time for covid and influenza which knocked me out for 3 days straight and made me miss yet more school stuff and I haven't eaten an actual meal since bc I'm not awake most of the day anyway

My meds for anxiety and depression have started to have side effects after 5 or so years so fuck me i guess bc i gotta get them replaced which means a lot of trial and error and i dont have time for that rn bc once again im late as shit

I just feel like I'm falling apart and no one really knows or sees it bc I'm the one that everyone in the family goes to when there's a crisis and I kinda just wanna keep it that way but also I kinda just wanna break down sometimes too yknow but if I do then who will literally solve every problem they have bc they refuse to go to therapy and apparently nobody else can help them with anything it has to be me even when I'm busy otherwise I'm an ungrateful child

There's this weird paradox where everyone in the family sees me as immature and irresponsible and a liar but they also come to me for help and support bc GOD FORBID someone else helps them so I just dont wanna give them more reasons to see me as immature but keeping that image that everything is fine is HARD when I'm on the verge of giving up

Other than that I also have just been reflecting on past events in my life and I feel so bad about some of them. I had so many good friends that I lost bc we grew apart and I had some I lost bc I was a shitty person and I never got to apologize and I know I'll just always miss them. I was at such a good place mentally between 2013-2015 and I miss those times that I can never go back to. I was doing so well in 2018-2020 too before the pandemic wrecked it and now Im just so nostalgic for those times and I can't help but feel like I'm just gonna get worse and worse after so much lost time

But that's ok. I think it's going to be ok. I just need to kick my own ass

It's just a lot of damage control and getting over stuff even though it feels like days just pass by and I can't deal with it

So I sat down and drew this in a few hours bc I just wanted to finish something I started for once. I was happier with it before but I think it looks ok and it helped me figure out what I wanna change in my furry designs. and I guess I wanted to put myself in a sunny sunset where I'm just happy with nothing to worry about, yknow? If i cant be happy at least talita can

Hope days like that can come again soon. Problem is that it only depends on me. So... shiiiit

[kenmas-consoles]

Haikyuu Band AU

Singer! Akaashi x Reader

Akaashi was sat under a tree located a good few miles away from main campus, the boy had a guitar tucked under his arm and a worn out looking notebook and pen. Paper was scattered around him as he frustratedly crossed over what he had written down and scrapped the page right out of the book.

The dark haired boy sighed at the failed attempt to write song lyrics. He leaned against the tree and brought up his notebook and rested it on his face while his hands tapped a made up beat he’s been stuck working with for almost a month now on his guitar.

He was uninspired.

The boy had laid there motionless for half an hour, other students who were in the area just glanced over his figure with disinterest and assumed that the kid probably was either:

a. Dead

b. Wished he was dead

c. Really really drunk

All of which Akaashi believed to be a better option than to be creative blocked.

-

“I thought I’d find you here.”

At the sound of the voice, Akaashi tipped his head lower to allow the notebook to slide off his face, “Did you need anything from me Bokuto-san?”

"Nothing in particular, you seem to be working hard these past few days. I just wanted to see if you were well and alive. . . or drunk and dead like what the others keep saying."

Akaashi ignored the latter comment and said, "I wouldn't be if either you or Kuroo actually did any work for the band," with a sharp look. Bokuto put both his hands up in defense at the look their lead singer gave him.

"Well, Kuroo did in fact get some work done. . . He booked us a gig at next weekend and--

Akaashi rolled his eyes at the drummer's antics, except in the midst of doing so something had caught his attention as he felt a gust of wind pass him by. He turned to his left, feeling everything slow down, until it all came to a full stop. Except for this one girl, hair tied loose pigtails, ripped jeans in her pants, and a camera in hand. She was smiling ridiculously widely while instructing her companion to do various poses all in which she had acted out. She was weird but he felt naturally drawn in.

"--Hey, Hey, HEYYY, AGHAASSHII! Pay attention." Bokuto whines to the green eyed singer, mumbling how he was going to text Kuroo and ask him more details bout the gig and that he should do the same.

"Sorry, thought I saw something. . ." Akaashi muttered while shaking his head, moving his gaze away from the girl to the bi-colored hair male that sat next to him.

"It's okay as I was saying, Kuroo got us this gig at a club, yknow down town Tokyo? It's at 9pm don't be late. Also, Kenma got a deal with a corporate sponsor and Kuroo got us to perform for them at the end of June and that's in two months and apparently a lot of music sponsors and record labels are attending, so it could be our big break. Got it? Okay." Bokuto said all while patting himself down as he stood up from his spot. Bokuto then had winked at Akaashi, "Also, that girl's name is (Y/n), she's in the Arts Department, she's in the cheer team and we're the same Creative Writing Class."

Bokuto soon then left the boy who just continued to spend his whole afternoon and free period staring at the girl.

Ever since he saw her that one time by the hill, he's been seeing her a lot more. Be it by the school entrance, the lockers, or even the cafeteria, and it wasn't exactly a bad thing. He didn't exactly know much about the girl except for what Bokuto had already told him, he did ask around but that wasn't exactly getting him anywhere.

He had got the feeling you weren't exactly popular, or stood out much, he honestly didn't really expect it out of someone who is 'All that' as Bokuto put it, he even questioned if you were the same girl Bokuto knows.

'Not by a longshot' he had thought.

Although her face can be easily lost in a crowd, it was unmistakable.

That smile is unmistakable.

"She's all that, huh?" he quietly said to himself as he flipped open his notebook and quickly bit the cap out of his pen as he frivolously wrote down in his book.

'She's all that'

Tapping his pen and nodding his to the beat of the melody he's been working on. A lunch tray had placed itself across the table Akaashi had been occupying. The boy paid no mind to it as he was too absorbed in the sudden but not unwanted burst of inspiration to even take notice. The person had then cleared their throat to make their presence known, "Do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full." the girl lied.

Akaashi stared a while before coughing to his fist mumbling an apology while gesturing towards the seat infront of him almost as if to say 'take a seat.'

Akaashi then pretended to pay no mind to the girl infront of him as he kept his head down and eyes locked on his notebook. The girl found it amusing and giggled a bit at this.

It was kind of an obvious lie as the cafeteria was barely even halfway full. The girl wasn't stupid or oblivious to his stares or his attempt to find out more about her as she'd seen him question a few people from her department. She was just as curious and intrigued of him as he was of her.

"What are you working on?"

The question kind of threw him off guard as he accidentally knocked over his pen, "I-uh, It's a song." he replied briefly making eye contact before looking down again.

"I take it you're part of a band then?"

"I-, yes actually."

"Cool."

"Would you like to-uhm yknow watch a gig sometime?"

"Yeah, thatd be great."

Akaashi and (Y/n) locked eyes at that moment, and in that moment it felt like they've known nothing more but each other and that was the start of their weird friendship.

Akaashi had invited her to their show that weekend to which he found out was (Y/n)'s first time watching a gig and he's been taking her out every weekend to watch their shows. They've grown significantly closer the past month and he was slowly seeing nothing else but her. She was intoxicating and he was sure that the feeling he had for her was something more. Maybe he was beeing hasty in calling this feeling love but, he didn't know, all he did know was that he had infact already written a song abour her, one that he wanted her so badly to hear.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow Akaashi." (Y/n) said, turning and walking away.

"W-wait!" Akaashi yelled, cursing himself for stuttering, "I was wondering if. . . you would want to come to see me perform this Friday? The square, Tokyo, 10pm. Sound good?"

The girl tried to put on a straight face but couldn't help but bite back a smile. "We'll see, good night Akaashi." She said turning around to leave. Akaashi had silently cheered himself and fistpumped as he himself turned around to walk home.

★彡★彡★彡

It's 10:17 and you weren't here yet, and it made Akaashi much more anxious.

"You sure she's coming?" Bokuto teased, "Ofcourse she would, she'd get shit from your fanclub if she didn't."

"Shut up, I do not have a fanclub."

Kuroo made his way towards the two while plugging uo his bass. He whistled, "Full house out there." Akaashi then peered his head at the crowd of jamming teens and corporate sponsors. A girl comes out from the curtains, motioning that they should get on stage now.

Akaashi sighed, he closed his eyes as the music started and Bokuto clapping his drum sticks.

I'm in love with the Geek, the freak, the girl that never wins, so what, so what

He grabbed the mic and held it towards his lips as he got into the music.

I'm in love with the weird, the wild, her rip jeans in her pants, so what so what

He closed his eyes for a second, zeroing in on the beat of music, the vibrations of the cheering crowd and the sound of the bass. He opens his eyes allowing them to fleet over the faces in the crowd. They soon drift to a stop, seeing a familiar face he's been wanting to see since he first got here.

(Y/n).

She's doesn't listen to the radio, but she sings along at all my shows

I'm in love with the Geek, the freak, the girl that never wins, so what, so what

He had caught her gaze and now he was searing with confidence as he jumped to the beat of his music and took the mic out of it's stand.

So what if she's no beauty queen, or the captain of the winning team

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time

So what if she's not popular, never made it as head cheer leader

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time (She's all that)

Akaashi had smiled causing her to give a smile of her own as he sang, he took note of how she nods her head to the beat of the music. He then points to her winking then smirking. 'It almost feels like he was singing to her' She had thought as her heartbeat suddenly picked up it's pace.

We could live happily ever after

All the girls in the world don't matter

She's the one, she's the one I'm after

So what if she's no beauty queen, or the captain of the winning team

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time

So what if she's not popular, never made it as head cheer leader

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time (She's all that)

Oh yeah, She's all that, Oh yeah

The song ends, Akaashi was sweating and breathing heavily, his grip on the mic hadn't loosened a bit. He was lost in the cheers of the crowd as it slowly made his ears numb. A sharp blaring sound is the only thing that he could hear as he continued to take uneven breathes. The numbness of his ears had faded upon seeing your face in the crowd again. He didn't want to lose you as he kept an eye on your figure. Kuroo and Bokuto had nudged him to take a bow along with them and once he did your figure looked like it was never there.

"Great performance out there."

"The song was lit."

As the grouo left the stage they were flooded with compliments, Kuroo had made his way to talk to a few girls whereas Bokuto's whereabouts are currently unkown. A finger had tapped Akaashi's shoulder, he turns around to fund you smiling that ridiculous smile of yours that forever had him captivated.

"You were great out there," the girl beamed.

"I guess. . . I-(y/n), I. . ." he hesitated, "I wrote that song about you and I-"

"I know."

Akaashi had never felt more horrified in his life, you on the other hand just continued on smiling as a solid blush crept it's way on hour face all the way to your neck.

"H-huh? Wait-I-what?"

"Bokuto told me," (Y/n) said as she craned her head to look over at the built male who was on the other side of the room, he had sent a flirtatous wink towards Akaashi.

"It was really sweet, I'm touched," she said while taking taking a step closer with each word, "but you wanna know something interesting? Akaashi Keiji is no longer a Stray."

"What do you mean?"

"Because, Akaash Keiji is mine now." she says leaning ever more closely, angling her her face and soon he could feel her breath fan against hos skin he then slowly closing the gap between them.

[wollfling]

Hi Allie! I wondered if I could ask you for some advice. I want to draw really badly and create art but I really don't have any skill! I know that in order to get better at art I have to actually do it, but I feel so overwhelmed by how I'm not where I want to be with it right away, and also with where to start with learning to draw. Do you ever feel that way when you draw? And if you do how have you gotten past it?

[I am literally so sorry this is so long oh my God. My mind has been very jumbled lately so I accidentally rambled too much, but I hope it still helps you in any way orz] Oh sweet little anon.. ;^; I do feel that way, a lot of the time if not all of the time! Just recently this week, I felt like I just couldn't draw despite picking up my pencil and scribbling, it just wasn't working partly for that exact reason! Overwhelmed by not being where I want to be with it! These things happen and its frustrating. It's hard for me to imagine as a beginner artist because I've been drawing since I can remember but I will still do my best to offer you some meaningful advice!

But first, to answer your very last question, getting past it can be a little random sometimes. This whole week after being unable to draw, I was laying in bed trying to sleep while reflecting on some heavy feelings ive been having and memories. Suddenly part of an image flashed in my mind and I got up to immediately try drawing it. (The drawing I recently posted and captioned "parade"!) I worked on it completely driven by my heart, and so it didn't matter at the time if it looked good or was anatomically correct, etc. Right now I am working on another heart-driven drawing, but if I tried to work on lets say a study or character drawing instead.. I dont think i could!

My point in all this is that, I think that its important to know/understand why you want to create art, and I think my advice would change slightly depending on your answer. For me personally, I am an emotional artist. I create art that (usually) reflects how I'm feeling or topics I am emotionally drawn to. Illustrations, drawing characters, writing comics, etc.. I think this week, while I'm definitely struggling with my skill level, I was so burdened by some things I've been feeling lately that I couldn't focus on or enjoy anything that I was trying to create, until I was able to release it all in a drawing. (And I'm still not done with them hence why I am now working on another related drawing, but im making SOMETHING and feeling passionate which cannot be said with any of my other attempts this week.) So since these drawings purpose outweigh my current issues regarding my skill, I am able to work on them. If that makes sense?

Okay im sorry with how long-winded this all is so far and all about myself orz but I wanted to give context on how I view art and I think if you asked someone who creates like. Hyperrealistic drawings their answers would be completely different. So! I wanted you to be able to judge if my advice would work for you if that makes any sense at all...!!! Moving on to my actual advice then..!

This is a little general ofc because I dont know what sort of art you are creating, or what your passion behind it is. And if after this you would like to tell me more about your art I would love to hear! 🥺💗 you are welcome to dm me or if you send another anon/ask i think that would be good too since.. well other artists who see can also give their own advice too!

Okay. So anyways lol, first I want to tell you that your desire to create art makes you an artist, despite your skill level. And therefore, everything and anything that you make even now has value. Even if right now you're drawing wonky shaded spheres and cubes! I understand its frustrating when wanting to make something but you feel like your skill isn't "there" and how that can prevent you from making anything to begin with!! But I really want you to try and work through it! Ignore it, disregard it, give your worries about your skill the silent treatment!! And I know its near impossible to do but if its getting in the way of you actually creating well.. thats the worst! We can't have that. If you really want to draw, then you really NEED to draw, you know what I mean? You deserve to draw! The hardest part for like 80% of artists is working around their skill level. I promise you will get there, but for now, you can't let it get in your way. And I realize me saying "oh you feel like you're not good at drawing and its hindering you from doing it? Just do it" sounds like Chad advice but ;---; unfortunately its the reality that comes with being an artist. If you tell me more about what you like to/why you want draw then maybe we can find some alternate lines of thinking that will help you (for example "this tiger i drew looks like shit but drawing all of her stripes was therapeutic and made it worth it!" If lets say you draw as a stim, opposed to "this tiger im drawing looks so bad I can't even look at it anymore " dhsjhd I really hope that this all makes sense lol.)

Moving on, learning how to draw.. this also depends on what you enjoy drawing but my main piece of advice here is study from real life. I grew up drawing cartoons and anime, and now that I want to draw a little more realistically.. its so hard!! If you study real shapes/people/animals/etc it might be easier later on when you understand fundamentals to bend them if you decide to create stylized or surreal art. However if right now you like to draw stylized art, I would recommend to keep working on your personal style while studying from real life on the side simultaneously! Any way you look at it, understanding how shapes, lighting, colour, etc work in the real world will help you out even with the most obscure pieces. And since art is a learned skill yknow you need to build those brain..pathways..and such. Im not a scientist but you get what i mean. Studies are the equivalent to lifting weights! I would recommend the website quickposes (com) they have a library of images that they throw at you at random. The site can explain itself better than I can lmao, check it out!!!

I really hope i was able to offer you something of value here, I didnt mean to ramble so much. I'm excited for you to grow as an artist, I love when I hear about others deciding to learn how to draw ;-; please feel welcome to ask for any clarification (as im having a hard time articulating my thoughts lately) or if you really just want to ask or say anything! ♡♡♡ again sorry if this was more than you bargained for length wise dhsishskshksj

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[jovishark]

Oh my gosh I absolutely adore your art - I'm trying to learn how to draw and everything you make looks so great! I wanted to ask how long you've been drawing for and how did you start? Do you have any tips?

i started in the second/third grade by trying to draw animals out of encyclopedias and books. i never traced, but i would have my paper next to the picture and try to make the same kind of shapes yknow? i would also watch stuff like Danny Phantom and My Life As A Teenage Robot and pause it so i could draw the characters in the same kind of way. fifth grade i figured out what livejournal and deviantart was and started trying to do that kind of anime chibi style but it was sort of awkward learning how arms and faces worked? most of what i freehanded was like. zombie unicorns and dragons. typical fifth grade fare

i didnt get my tablet until like sixth grade when i started doing Homestuck and MLP fanart and posting it online. i dont think i got more than like 40 likes but i remember this one i did of karkat and eridan went up to 3k in prime homestuck fandom days, and thats kind of what kept me drawing and making more art was seeing how much other people liked it. 

im pretty sure it was freshman year of high school that i started askmarshandbroflovski with nadia and that was when i got REALLY into art. im sure if you look back through the blog its obvious when my art style started to actually Happen because i would sit down and draw maybe six things a day. i did livestreams back then too, which got me drawing stuff faster and faster. i got burnout pretty bad (thats also when i got an RSI so TAKE BREAKS OFTEN) but im thankful for all of that cause it was a huge art-type learning experience. 

now i still try to pay attention to shapes and contrast, but lately ive been stuck between what amount of cartoony or anatomically correct i want? i tend to overthink things especially when i draw so ive found myself spending more time on my art (and its ended up much more Stiff than it used to be)

my best tips if youre drawing on paper? dont worry about the paper. just draw tons of stuff. fill up pages completely with random stuff. practice fast sketches, big shapes, and dont get bogged down with detail until youre sure. just go through an entire pack of copy paper (thats what i used to do to the point where i would get one for christmas) and draw Often. if youre using a tablet, find an art program that you can customize brushes on (sai is good for simple applications and clip studio paint has Really detailed brushes and lots of photoshop-type options) and go absolutely NUTS on a canvas. flip your canvas a lot to make sure the angles arent getting awkward, but dont let it discourage you from drawing loose or funky art. experiment with colors and simple figures, too. when it comes to inspiration art, figure out what stuff you just like to look at and what stuff you would like to actually make. your style will develop overtime and sometimes Drastically, so looking back on your old stuff is helpful.

my favorite art advice comes from Matt Groening, who said to draw your characters with recognizable silhouettes and shapes unique to them, so they can be more easily known. shapes are important!

[vimmark]

Hi there! I'm your Dragon Age Satinalia Secret Santa checking in! I'd love to make something fluffy for you with your Warden and Zevran, could you tell me a little bit about them? :D

hi!! sure thing, i’ll throw some deets under the read more

ok so basics: 

my main zevmancing warden is my tabris. hes also my fav oc so hey good choice already :3 the first page of his tag on my blog has a lot of art of him if u wanna know what he looks like! his name is josren, he’s a warrior (greatswords) /rogue (daggers), specs reaver/assassin. he’s probably chaotic good, less chaotic when he becomes warden commander. 

backstory stuff:

he was pretty rowdy growing up, got into a lot of fights, etc. my surana was his childhood bff and they were both really young when he was taken to the circle so that kind of played a part in making him like that, along with losing his mother (i headcanon she died late enough that he remembers her fairly well). the wardens kind of gave him a direction / sense of purpose even though he wasn’t really looking for one. 

and then origins stuff:

he’s not much of a people person, always cold/serious to strangers. not cruel or anything, but just not very friendly, bit of a temper. he’s not hesitant about using violence when necessary but he’s very rarely the one to hit first.

zevran (and my surana being back in his life :D) is what starts changing that people-person thing a bit? he’s still very... picky about who he’s actively friendly with, but he starts being a lot less actively antagonistic. zev in particular is really good at being very disarming in that way that zev is, kind of takes the pressure of reaching out first off of josren. 

i’d say their relationship starts out pretty much the way it does in game, playful/casual until it isn’t, yknow? josren isn’t very sentimental most of the time so that works out great for him. i think the earring scene is the moment where josren is like ‘actually i do want this to be serious’.

he’s never openly affectionate in public, but to anyone paying attention it would be pretty obvious that he puts a lot of effort into protecting the people he cares about in fights, etc. in private even though he’s not particularly the melty gooey type of affectionate, it’s still a pretty big difference from when they’re not alone. he’s also very much more the physically affectionate type than the words-y kind. 

he’s not great at words, at least not until he’s been in the wardens for quite some time. only exception being as a commander, he’s a very good leader! which he didn’t expect but it just kind of happened naturally for him.

hooo ok i hope. that wasn’t too much LOL i def took this as an opportunity to ramble a little :’) feel free to ask for clarification on anything :3 i hope u have fun making stuff with them!