#been dealing with stuff lately so sorry for lack of content :\

[gimblest]

Hello! I am here (somewhat). Life's being busy and sad but I wanna try and participate in Artfight again, here's my link.

Send me weirdos to draw pls and thx

[wayfinderships]

I LOVE YOU TURN BASED RPGS!!!

Good afternoon gamers!!! I miss F.inal F.antasy. I miss it a lot-

[t0yac1d]

Attention (C.Grimes x Fem!Reader)

Request: hi! I had a request in mind with Carl grimes where like the f! reader is being a brat because they haven’t had sex in a while and she’s starting to become really pent up so she starts acting up and stuff and Carl yk deals with her. And it involves stuff like degradation, oral(f receiving), overstimulation. And then include some aftercare afterwards where he’s all like lovey dovey and shit.

Btw no worries if you can’t write this anytime soon! 🫶🏻

Word Count: 2,017

Warnings: Smut, bratty/mean!Reader, jealous/mean!Carl, some degrading but lots of mean!Carl, biting, teasing, oral (fem receiving), overstimulation, aftercare

Notes: Idk loves, I think I like having mean!Carl around. Also, I am so fucking sorry for getting this out extremely late, it won't happen again!

You've never been one to act out. Never been one to be impatient over something so small. Never been one to cause a problem that could've very easily been solved if talked about. But as they say, there's always, always, always, a first for everything.

It's been a little while since you and Carl have done anything intimate. Whether it had been holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or even just sex. You're aware of the huge ongoing and dangerous situation that's going on. The world has gone to shit, and it has been like that for years. So, you know that you can't always live that perfect and peaceful life you dreamed. But you just missed your boy's touch, his smell and presence so much that it started to get to you.

You lacked attention from him, he'd give you a glance and a smile when he could but other than that, you've been sleeping in an empty and cold bed.

It started a couple of weeks ago, your tone and mood shifted whenever you spoke to him. You acted colder to him than to anyone else. He had wondered if he did something to upset his girl, but before he had the chance to ask his dad called him over for help, and since then he had forgotten about it.

You then started getting a little too touchy with some of the guys, especially Ron. That made Carl feel something within, something he hasn't felt before. You've always talked to Ron, you guys were pretty close, but for some reason he felt as if right at that moment there was something else happening that wasn't friend-like.

You've tried almost every way to get Carl to react to you, including flirting with Ron to see if he'd grab you and take you to his room so you could finally feel his touch after so long. But it all failed. You were so close to giving up when you got an idea that wasn't exactly the best.

But if it gave you the possibility to be touched in anyway by your boyfriend, you'd take it.

Carl was in his room, getting dressed to go out on a run. This was your chance to:

A. Have a peaceful conversation and talk to him

Or

B. Make him feel what he unintentionally made you feel

You made sure to wear the hottest and sluttiest outfit you owned. A very short and tight shirt that showed a beautiful amount of cleavage and the miniest skirt you had in your wardrobe. But it was perfect for the weather, as it was a heat wave. So, in your defense, it was the only outfit that kept you cool in this heat!

Before you walked in the room you gave a knock on the door and announced it was you. When you got the green light to come in, you opened the door and closed it behind you.

You made your way to his full body mirror, not saying a word to him as you fixed your hair, face, and just checked yourself out while checking him out in the mirror at the same time.

"What? No 'Hi'?" he joked, walking to you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him.

If you weren't so upset with how he treated you these past couple of weeks, you would've leaned into his touch and sighed with content, inhaled his scent and enjoy his presence while you had him.

But you kept your composure. You stood your ground and resisted the feeling.

"Hi, Carl." you muttered, focusing on your figure more than his, you knew if you continued to glance his way you'd pounce on him.

"Hi baby," he smiled, leaning in to give your cheek a kiss. When he did you wiped it off with the back of your hand and sighed, "Don't do that, you'll ruin the blush."

Carl's face twisted in confusion, you've never cared when he kissed your face before, whether there was makeup or not. "Sorry," he apologized.

"Sure, how do I look?" you questioned, crossing your arms, making your tits push together and almost spill out of your tiny top. "Beautiful as always. Are you coming with me?" he asked. "No, I'm heading to Ron's."

Carl felt a pang in his heart and gut.

"Why?" he asked, curiosity taking over him.

"To be fucked and stuffed my love." you smiled.

You didn't even get the chance to walk to the door when Carl hooked two of fingers around the belt loop of your shorts and pulled you towards him, your back hitting his chest.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What?" you asked, tilting your head.

"I must've heard your pretty mouth wrong. Why are you going to Ron's?"

"To be fucked and stuffed." You repeated, looking up at him, "Don't you have somewhere important to be? Like leaving me again for the fourth week in the row?"

The cogs in Carl's head turned and a lightbulb went off, "You're acting like this because I've been busy?"

"No, I'm acting like this because I'm practically in a relationship by myself."

"So, you dress like a whore and tell me you're going to get fucked by your friend? You're funny." he chuckled, turning you so your body would face him.

"I'm not joking. If you won't fuck me, I'll just go to someone who will. Someone who I know would fuck me better than-"

Carl grabbed your jaw and forced you to shut your mouth, "What was that? I couldn't hear you; can you say that again for me?"

You whimpered, hands tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"Get on the bed and lay on your back." he said as he let go of your face.

"And if I don't?" you teased, your lips getting closer to his, ghosting over them. "Get the fuck on the bed, bitch."

You giggled and lied down on the bed, he wished he could be mad at you for saying those things. But he can't. He just can't.

You look too beautiful and dreamy with the way you were splayed out on his bed.

"This is funny to you sweetheart?" he asked, hovering over you, kissing your neck and leaving bite marks over the skin. "Just a little," you sighed.

Carl hummed and made his way down to your shorts. He unbuttoned them and pulled them down. He kissed the inside of your thigh and softly bit them.

You were soaked, you just knew there was a wet patch on the middle of your panties from how desperate you were for Carl. He looked up at the wet spot and smirked, "I haven't even started yet, and you're already soaked."

"Not for you, that's for sure." you said, crossing your arms. "Not for me?" he asked.

"No. Not for you."

He hummed at your response and his fingers grazed against your clothed cunt. Your body shivered at his touch, and you sucked in a breath.

He toyed with your clit through your panties and lightly touched it.

He slid your panties to the side and teased your aching, begging, wet hole with a finger.

He moved his hand back and got off of the bed. "What are you doing?" you asked, "Well, you're not wet for me, right? You're wet for him."

"You can go to him to cum." he smiled.

Well, this didn't go as planned. He was supposed to deal with you, but he's just, leaving?

"So, you're leaving your girlfriend here?" you asked, "No, I'm leaving a brat here. Tell my girlfriend I'll be back."

"Your girlfriend is gonna be fucking another guy on your bed." you mumbled, Carl scoffed and turned back to you. He spread your legs and pulled your panties off of your body.

He pushed your legs up to your chest and dipped head low.

You felt his tongue lick and lap at your folds and juices. Drinking you and tasting your essence. You were so horny and pent up from the lack of sex that you didn't need much to cum. His tongue alone was doing the job.

Your whines and moans grew louder and louder, you were so close to cumming on his tongue. Your mind was foggy and empty, the only thing in that head of yours was that you got what you've been missing.

Your moans began to break as you felt yourself about to cum, that's when you felt Carl's tongue leave from between your legs.

"Apologize." he said, "W-What," you stuttered, "Apologize for the things you said."

"Um, I'm s-sorry,"

"Say it like you mean it."

He pushed his knee close to your pussy, the friction making your toes curl.

"I do mean it!" you cried out,

Carl didn't really believe you; he didn't believe you meant it but that's fine. He'll just get it out of you.

He spread your legs once more and dipped his head between your thighs and kept your legs on his shoulders. He shoved two fingers and his tongue in your hole and curled them.

You came all over his tongue and fingers, panting and wiping sweat off of your forehead.

You thought that was all until Carl cleaned his fingers and dove back in. Your hand flew to his head, you were so sensitive right now. You were always sensitive after you came, and Carl knew that he also wanted to take advantage of that.

Again, it didn't take much for you to cum, but each time you did he would just go back in. He wouldn't give you a break and you started to feel tears fall down your face from the stimulation.

"Apologize and this will be the last one. If I don't believe you, we'll just keep going."

He's been repeating that over and over and over again. You've apologized more than you can count on both hands.

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean when I said I was going to fuck Ron! I-I didn't mean it when I said he was better!" your whines broke your sentence up so much, you sounded so pretty, and looked so slutty.

So messy.

Your hair clung to your skin, your mascara ran down your face and you were shining with a coat of sweat. Your skin was hot, and your cheeks were flushed. You were a mess. And it was all because of him.

You felt Carl smile and he made you cum one last time before kissing up your sweaty legs, stomach, chest, neck and face. "You want anything? Water or a snack?" he asked, "Water.." you said, your voice not even above a whisper.

Carl left his room to grab a cup of water and some snacks. He gave you the water as he went to run a cool bath for you. He came back to his room and picked you up bridal style. "Can't wait to carry you up like this through the threshold." he chuckled sweetly.

He sat you down on the tub and helped you take your shirt off and wiped your makeup off for you.

"Get in, let me clean you." he softly spoke. His tone was different from before, guess he just matched the energy you were giving him before.

You sat in the tub as Carl lathered your body in soap and cleaned you off. He was so sweet to you. He wouldn't hurt you, not on accident, never on purpose. "I'm sorry for the way I acted." you spoke up, breaking the silence.

"It's okay love. You were just upset that I haven't been treating you like my girlfriend and I understand that. But say shit like fucking Ron again and I'm beating him and fucking you like a whore."

You smiled and giggled at his words, "You'd like that," he said, shaking his head, "I would."

"Freak." he joked.

It was times like these that made you remember that he in fact did love you. Even when you acted out and got moody, he still loved you and cared for you deeply.

[dollysturns]

All I've seen on my tumblr lately is "the triplets are lazy " " they keep letting us down" "their content is lacking " GIVE IT A FUCKING BREAK PLEASE FFS GET A GRIP

Yes the videos are rushed and small lately because they are busy planning tour for their fans to make sure they have fun to make sure the price of those tickets (a price clearly set by management and that needs a rant of its own as the triplets dont deserve the hate they get for it. management is the one that deserves the hate) are worth it, planning things to make sure they make people laugh , to make sure u guys are happy and all any of u do is complain or have ago at them or shit on them it's honestly so disheartening to see i can't even begin to imagine how they must feel everytime they go on their phones, they are doing all that they do for u guys to just not appreciate any of it.

also i see people complaining about the no photo dump this Friday they said it isn't a permanent thing that's being stopped its a one off, they have clearly been extremely fucking busy with tour aswell as their other shit , they are human they have lives they have a family , friends, their own brands , they need to eat and sleep like humans do , shower , clean their house , they may deal with health issues , mental health issues , they also get sick aswell like we all do and may need a day or two to rest from that like WE ALL FUCKING DO, they have meetings to go to , they go shopping like humans do , they are working on merch , booking hotels , sorting venues , idea planning, schedule making , video idea planning and filming and coming up with new content ideas isn't easy , they are probably packing for tour , management is probably on their backs aswell , and matt is also still working on his personal project and thats just the stuff we know of publicly, they live a fucking life , and yall forget that and it's annoying as fuck.

they aren't at our constant beck and call we aren't the only shit they have going on right now u don't know what's going on behind closed doors. they said they haven't done anything fun this week they have had meetings all week so the pictures they probably have taken are probably random selfies or of a meeting room or maybe a pic of a wall and paperwork and if they posted those pics as the photo dump yall would complain that the photos are boring so either way they can't win at anything they do lately. yall are complaining just to complain at this point.

they have had a hectic 5 years of constant posting constant filming constant planning constant GO GO GO they haven't stopped , don't forget their job doesn't end like a normal 9-5 they can't just walk out of work at the end of the day and relax once they get home they live it they wake up to 10000 of notifications and calls they go to sleep with their phone going mad from fans or management or staff or their brand workers or PR collabs , I have no doubt at all that they are grateful for the life they have but that doesn't mean it isn't extremely tiring cos they can't just stop they haven't took a break just for themselves and im sorry but they need to, haven't u guys noticed how tired they look how much they yawn or stumble over their words cos they clearly aren't getting enough sleep, they are working so hard on a tour so many of u guys begged them for , and also have faith that when they have finally stopped the constant work and running around that the content quality will go back to normal , so just stop complaining and maybe ask them " how are you guys really doing " or maybe just be a decent human and think for a minute they are still people like us with flesh , blood ,bones , troubles and busy schedules.

im so tired and upset seeing people dragging the name of 3 guys they apparently love i would never have ago at anyone I love even the tiniest bit the way some of u guys do to the triplets , it's ridiculous sorry for this long ass post but I've had enough and if u can't see that this constant hate is genuinly getting out of hand then maybe ur part of those that need to take a long hard look at the type of person u are , personally I'm grateful that they are healthy, happy and make me laugh whether they posted everyday of the year or once a year I don't care i love them for them not how much content they make if i want to watch them and they havent posted i go to any of the current 370 videos they do have available and watch one of those i don't take it to social media and nag them to post more, i want them to enjoy their life not have to work like mad just to keep ungrateful people quiet , I know of other content creators that post alot less than they do and I dont see half as much hate for them as I do towards the triplets , im sorry but alot of this fandom has become extremely toxic .they deserve alot more love than is being shown towards them rn , I'm done now but i had to say it .

[laithraihan]

Ngl, I hate the way the MP100 fandom is treating artists, especially ones who dare drawing sensitive subject matters or anything deemed "controversial" by a specific (and rather annoying imo) subset.

I guess that is why I have been not much interacting with the fandom in general lately, and I am sorry for how others in this fandom have treated you.

I live by the famous quote that's set in golden letters on the outside of the "Wiener Seccession", a famous "clubhouse" of famous artists that fought against their art being censored (by our standards nowadays their art isn't even particularly outrageous): "Der Zeit ihre Kunst, der Kunst ihre Freiheit" (I am trying to freely translate this: "Each era its art, each art its freedom")

Like, ooohhh, I don't like Hermann Nitsch's blood paintings either, but I am an adult about them existing and being exhibited. I just don't look at them. I learned that as a child. To simply not look at stuff I don't want to see.

How do these people not learn such a basic and important principle?

Anyway, all the power to you and your awesome art ❤

Thank you for the kind message... I agree with everything you said. I do think some criticism I received was valid so I don't mean to dismiss that, but to be honest I didn't really look at most backlash I received to preserve my sanity lol (more specifically the sexual graphic ones) which... I believe is the right thing to do in general, to ignore the things that make you uncomfortable. To expect that everything must Never make us uncomfortable is a poor way of thinking & can easily lead to harm. Things have also been lacking creativity lately in general, because everything outside the norm is met with hostility, so I already found the fandom a bit boring for this reason. I usually abide by the mentality that it's ok to feel any emotion, but emotion shouldn't be a tool to control other people's content. Maybe it's because I deal with crazy religious parents so I can see the parallels between them & that subset of the fanbase, the need to have full control over an environment that clashes with a narrow worldview (not to mention the hypocrisy of what they allow & don't allow...) but rambling aside, I still have a pulse so I'm okay! I'm slowly recovering from other things & building my own site has been helping me express my thoughts more freely without fear, which I'm happy about.

[copiousloverofcopia]

Sorry for the lack of content and interaction lately.

I know some of you have reached out and are wondering so I will address things here.

Yesterday was my birthday but recently I haven't really felt like celebrating a whole lot of anything.

My dad, whom I am very close with, was just diagnosed with cancer late last monthr and is in the beginning stages and processes of things including surgery, radiation, and chemo.

Because of this I've taken on a lot of extra responsibilities to help him out and have been in a very low mental health space.

I've also been working a lot of overtime and of course doing my regular life stuff like taking care of my children which has been been adding to my plate, though they (and my Papa) have definitely helped me through all this and I love them very much 💗

I just wanted to say thank you all for hanging in there with me while I'm dealing with all this and not being able to spend a lot of time in the creative space that I usually like to dwell in. It's been tough but I'm wading the waters and trying to get through it all.

Thank you and Love you. Go in sin.

💗 Prime Mover Ren

[bejaeyoung]

helloooo everyone, i'm back! and hopefully, this time i can properly get things going. sorry for disappearing all of a sudden, i’ve had a crazy schedule that burned out most of my writing inspo but i’m trying to get back into the swing of things!

this is a not-so-brief update masterpost and plot call for all my muses: @bejaeyoung, @beyuwol, @beclaudine and @beseonghan! under the cut i have noted down how my muses are doing currently, because they’ve been around in the wannabeverse for a while and have gone through significant changes! i’ll also be listing a few new and fresh connections that you’re free to nab or potential dynamics/thread ideas that can be explored with existing connections! these are more character-driven ideas!

please like this post if you’re interested in plotting with my muses! let me know if you have other ideas too! i’ll still be kind of slow, so thank you in advance for your patience with me 🫶

jay song — fuck. this guy again? seriously?

back at it again with my most annoying muse who has no sense of boundaries and lacks a traditional thought process! honestly, kind of in a weird place right now? then again, it’s never normal with jay, and he’d rather explode into shattering shards before ever conforming to a normal and boring routine. he hasn't changed all that much, he doesn't like change after all! still a chaotic force, despite having learned a thing or two about... boundaries and filtering his mouth, so he's easier to swallow by the average lay man. but not by much! right now, he's dealing with a slight change in routine, where two constant presence (his sister and his boyfriend) in his life are suddenly too busy to be around (both related to idol life and debuting too). he's... a little lonelier! not that he'll admit it! this means he might seek out new people, or revisit old connections just for fun!

completely new folks! jay is an easy person to 'get along' with or approach, if you can handle how he talks a mile a minute and has no coherent thought process. he's the definition of a studio delta trainee, so wannabes who want to know what it's like as a trainee, especially from someone who participated in next gen (his run in next gen was... quite dramafilled too!) are free to ask him questions.

old flames... jay has an awful track record of unlabelled situationships that ended up exploding messily. no one would believe that jay is properly in a relationship now, but he is...! i think that might inspire him to, at the very least, make peace with the people in his past one way or another. or to keep a friendship that was lost because of feelings.

friends from vtuber days? i've never properly explored this side of him, but i would like jay to have a few friends from his streaming days! he was a vtuber that mostly uplodaded content to youtube (gaming, covers, etc.), he never actually revealed himself too... so friends who he used to stream with, who he collabed with (can be on other platforms other than youtube)! i think it would be really funny if they also just discovered one another recently? since jay never showed his face as a streamer, it'd be funny if they eventually met irl and realized... wait a minute i know that voice!

trainee friends... jay has been eating nothing but cup noodles lately, which is probably obvious during lunch time when everyone eats together in the cafeteria. you're free to call him out on it! he always gravitates towards figures that can take care of him, in a sense. people from next gen that he wants to reconnect with! see what you're up to now that the show is looong over!

more... friends! jay has a habit of forgetting a lot of things, including people, and he can be rather wishy washy when it comes to keeping contact. friends who took it the wrong way that jay never contacted them... he probably just genuinely forgot but it must feel awful to be forgotten!

other stuff? the listener to his yapper! someone he can string along to his whims, and there's a lot of them. it'd be funny if someone also knew him from his underground producer days but then met jay irl and whatever perception they had of jay shattered.

han yuwol — okay, let’s go yuwolaches.

the super depressed neurotic musician who got called out for being kinda weird during a reality show is now... a little better these days! after not winning in next gen, his parents put a tighter metaphorical leash around his neck and forbade him from straying from the violin prodigy classical 'appropriate' music that's already fixed for his future. but then he auditioned for sr media and got in! but his parents challenged him to be able to juggle both his usual packed schedule of violin lessons and training at the same time... so he'd look super tired. like, seriously. he'd look like he's about to pass out everytime... but he survived this far! personality wise though... he's a lot more open these days? maybe it has something to do with the fact a lot of his failures were already plastered on national tv, he already 'embarrassed' his family too... so what more is there to hide? plus, with his tumultuous experience, he has learned to be encouraging to others too! he wants to be helpful now! although he might still be awkward and reserved.

ex next gen participants... yuwol hasn't forgotten the people who helped him out throughout next gen. you know who you are! he's eternally grateful for the support and he wants to get closer to you... especially now that he's also a fellow trainee...

other trainees! someone is bound to notice how unnaturally overworked yuwol is... or maybe not? everyone's overworked... but hey, yuwol looks like he's genuinely about to faint right now! help! or... a funny plot, yuwol and his dead eyes and ghost-like features is bound to scare another trainee who stayed a little later into the night than usual... oops?

from a not-so-distant past... someone who might've known yuwol from the classical music scene OR someone who came across yuwol when he was still active in a band! it was rather brief, but it's still a possibility!

high energy people that he can mellow down... he's a rather calm and very soft-spoken person, so it'd be nice if he got along with someone who's a lot more outgoing!

a kindred spirit... someone else who knows what it's like to have parents that dictate everything you do

or a switcheroo? you were the one who knows themselves, when yuwol was the antisocial guy who'd rather rot in bed... but now that he's coming out of his shell a little more, you're going through the opposite?

convince him to audition for the drama! unfortunately yuwol still has zero faith in himself and needs a little more push (or manipulation??? lol) into auditioning for the drama. special bonus: you get a possible mention in the audition solo later on!

interested in the trainee life? yuwol is probably the easiest to talk to when it comes to how he feels abt the matter, how hard it had been to get here, things like that.

claudine rhee — still as vain as ever... for good reason!

somehow, claudine got herself a spot as a lime entertainment trainee! she's disappointed that sr media didn't end up picking her, but she's turning that into motivation to show them what they're really missing! despite being on the path to an idol, she's still hoping she can dabble into acting at one point, be a good idol-actress that exceeds whatever image line will give her in the future. she's sad she has to halt her professional career in cosplaying/cosplay modelling, but sacrifices has to be made... literally nothing has changed for her. she's still a hardworking girl, who may be a little vain... but with her looks how can she not be!? she's confident in herself but knows she has to prove herself by working extra hard! oh, and she's still giving older sister vibes.

sr media trainees... she's a little jealous that you guys can focus on acting, because that's what she wants to do given the opportunity. she's also kind of nosy, so she wants to know what your experience is like!

little sibling figures that she can spoil. it's easy to get her worried if that's how she sees you... she'll also would want to know every detail of your day, she'll judge whoever you're seeing—it's all coming from a place of love though!

any girlies...? claudine isn't afraid to call a girl pretty lol. she loves being surrounded by beautiful girls... she also loves dressing you up and putting make-up on your face! even though it can get very sapphic if she's putting make-up on your face while sitting on your lap... just kidding? unless?

here for the idol life! but claudine clearly... isn't? then what is claudine even here for? you're probably more passionate about music and idols than claudine is, and you don't understand how she managed to get into lime! on the other hand, if you are equipped with knowledge, claudine will approach you and ask you to fill in a few gaps for her: she can learn fast!

baek seonghan — deeply moonstruck.

what even is his deal? seonghan is still someone that's really hard to make out, nothing has changed... except the fact that the people he thought would be stuck in the shadows with him are slowly inching towards the light, and now he feels like he'll be left behind in the dark forever. something like that... dramatic ass... somehow he became a lime entertainment trainee, and currently he's doing whatever is demanded of him as a trainee too. he's like an empty husk that can be filled with whatever staff or mentors want, malleable and whatever! shaped into whatever is needed! umm... well seonghan is still the crazily punctual guy who sticks to a schedule and routine and never deviates from it. high scores, 'hard working', but he lacks a passion in everything he does because he doesn't particularly enjoy anything. he doesn't get how others can be moved or swayed by music and song, he doesn't pretend to... he's just here to get the job done, whatever that is!

trainee... friends? even though seonghan doesn't understand the concept of finding passion in music, he does still have an innate curiosity when it comes to people that do. he's surrounded by quite a few people like that right now... so maybe there's a chance to strike a conversation here!

seonghan has synesthesia, it isn't exactly something he discloses though. but maybe he heard you singing in the studio or somewhere else and started focusing around your head... he's just seeing colours, but maybe you're a little freaked out that someone is looking at you so intensely!

you're a messy person... seonghan is the complete opposite of that. he hates messes, he hates dirt, he can't stand filth... he wears gloves often for a reason! maybe you made a mess and seonghan can't stand it and cleans up after you... maybe you live like a trash raccoon and seonghan, out of the kindness of his heart (lol) offered to help you clean up... but then he sees just how filthy the place is and is not pleased.

coffee is sustenance, seonghan needs his daily dose of coffee everyday, it's an important part of his morning routine. maybe you work where he frequents for coffee... but there's a slight change in schedule lately because of trainee life! seonghan is never late nor does he ever deviate from routine! maybe you can ask!

are you empty too? or are you the opposite? do you enjoy trainee life or do you feel more like him... a little aimless? doesn't have to be trainees! maybe you two can bond over your shared... lack of a goal.

his mother was an idol, but she passed a while back (rather... brutally) and no one really knew that he was her kid. however, maybe your muse or their parents were fans... and you notice that there are similarities between that idol and seonghan visually! he did attend the idol history workshop... if you also did maybe you noticed his reaction when a certain idol was mentioned offhandedly.

[doumadono]

Hey. I’d been putting off making an emergency rq in the hopes that things would get better, but unfortunately they have not. I’m feeling very unhappy and bored, like I’m not going anywhere. I’m content and restless at the same time and it’s incredibly frustrating. I also require large amounts of stimulation to not feel bored which I am having difficulty finding.I hate it and idk what to do so yea. Also not helping is the fact that my skin condition gets worse in summer (it causes my feet to get v sore from walking, standing, and overall doing stuff and causes difficulty walking without a limp).

With this in mind, I’d like to ask for some headcanons of douma doing something stimulating (rock climbing, ice skating, etc) with reader bc they’ve been unhappy and bored for a couple weeks. Thank you <3

Douma & bored s/o - headcanons

A/N: Hi, darling, I'm really sorry to hear that things have been tough lately. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and I can understand how frustrating and challenging it must be. Finding ways to cope with boredom and restlessness can be a real struggle, especially when facing other physical challenges too. If you're open to it, exploring new activities or hobbies that align with your interests might help alleviate some of the boredom! ♥

MASTERLIST

When Douma notices your unhappiness, he decides to surprise you with a magical ice skating experience. Using his Blood Demon Art, he creates a private ice rink in a serene, moonlit clearing. Hand in hand, you glide across the ice. He takes extra care to ensure you feel safe and supported as you twirl and laugh together. "You're doing great, darling!"

To help lift your spirits, Douma suggests you engage in ice sculpting. He provides you with tools that make shaping the ice easier and guides you through the process. As you work side by side, he listens attentively to your thoughts and shares stories about his past experiences, fostering a deeper connection between you.

He suggests an outdoor activity to clear your mind. He takes you on a hiking trail through a picturesque forest, the moonlight filtering through the trees in dappled patterns.

To lift you spirits, Douma arranges a dance workshop in a secluded room within his quarters. He leads you through various dance styles, from traditional to modern, encouraging you to let loose and have fun. "Life is full of surprises, my dear. Let the music guide your movements, Y/N!"

Observing your desire for something new, Douma suggests an intriguing skill to master: Tessenjutsu, the art of using the Japanese war fan in combat. "It's a graceful yet formidable art."

Despite his lack of personal experience with human food (he ate it hundreds of years ago), Douma decides to embark on a culinary adventure by offering to teach you how to cook. "Cooking? I'm excited to learn, but aren't you a demon?" You remark. "Indeed, but I have observed many human activities over the years. Let's explore the realm of flavors together!"

Inspired by a desire to share a piece of artistic world, Douma introduces you to a biwa, a traditional Japanese musical instrument. Douma provides you with a beautifully crafted biwa and patiently explains its strings, frets, and techniques.

[zoemillinwrites]

the ask on sexual content( imo it’s unrealistic to expect completely unbiased writing from anyone, much less expecting you to uphold that expectation(or any expectation, it's fanfiction!dldr) sorry im getting sidetracked) reminded me about what i’ve been wanting to say to you.

your writing is amazing and because of that, it will gain even more popularity. unfortunately, that usually comes with negativity to some extent(i’m sure you already know, i mean this is the internet).

i hope you don’t take this like i’m telling you what to do or how to feel, but just to remind you that there is still a lot of positivity that comes from your writing and how it has impacted me.

when you start to feel down, discouraged or have negativity being shouted at you, please remember the positive impact it has had and the fact that you've had more positive interactions with it than not(i mean i really hope so, i'm not a writer so idk what you deal with).

while you might not actively see it, you are embedding a bit of joy into our lives every week. especially with the state of how things currently are worldwide, it is very much needed and appreciated and i wanted to let you know that.

lately, i’d been in a bit of a slump(depression?) and i’d been using reading as a form of escape. while reading has alway had a place in my life, i’d been more consumed in mind numbing pursuits for way too long and neglecting my own intelligence, for a lack of a better word.

in a way, your writing reignited my passion for learning. it sparked my motivation for deeply analyzing books again and that had a domino effect on me wanting to explore and improve my knowledge in other subjects.

and maybe it sounds silly that a fic did that, but your writing had an impact on me. it moved me in a way that i’d forgotten writing could. and not to take away from the wonderful story that you are making your own but i want to emphasize that HOW you wrote it is what did it.

i didn’t intend to dump any of my personal stuff on you in the process, just to provide insight on my own experience with your writing. i’m not a very articulate person and much less when it comes to describing how i feel but i hope i got my point across.

anyway you don’t really need to respond since this wasn’t really an ask but i just really wanted to know that you read at least some of this. thank you again

wow anon, thank you so much for this ask & sorry it took me a few days to get to it. i wanted to sit with everything you've said here a little bit.

i agree, i think expecting or asking for completely unbiased writing puts me as a writer in a hard place. do i want to write without bias? yes! do i make an effort to do so? yes! can i guarantee that all of my writing is Totally Without Unconscious Bias? no. because that's the thing about unconscious bias being present in your work--it's unconscious. i do not have a beta for BF, I'm not working with an editorial team, I'm writing this in my free time for fun and editing every chapter myself. this is a one woman act i fear lol. nobody is pointing out if unconscious biases are present in my writing unless they do so here or in the comments and that's just the reality of it.

all that aside, i really appreciate everything you've said here about fandom and your experience of reading this fic. I've been in many fandoms under multiple names for quite a long time, so i have quite a thick skin when it comes to this stuff. all the same, it really does mean so much to me that you've connected with how I'm writing this story and that it's bringing you something positive once a week. that's what fanfic is always about for me--connecting with other people who love the same characters and making Feelings happen!!

[kairiscorner]

HI AGAIN EVERYONE !! i'm terribly sorry for the lack of any updates or content from me, life's been a little hectic as of late (2024 has been a rollercoaster of a year for me) and i've been pretty slumped with real life stuff to deal with ...

as much as i want to get back to writing and fulfilling my requests both here on tumblr and on c.ai, i don't think i'll be able to write/update yet ;-; it's just another life update, and i'm sorry about that 🥹🥹🥹

but it always fills me with bursts of joy and delightful surprise to know some of you guys are still interacting with my past content and would like to see more !!

thank you, all of you, for reminding me why i stuck with this journey since about a whole year ago. it's for all of you who enjoy seeing my work and support me, and those who share the same interests and want to just have a friend or a free space to talk freely about what they love.

it's all you guys, that's why i stay, and that's why i want to stay here and hopefully get back to writing and feeding the delulu for many, many more years to come (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

it'd almost been a year since that shy little introvert named kairi uploaded her introductory post and made some friends on this platform, and i'm glad that you all shared this journey with me. for the new ones to my platform, i hope to make many memories with you all and that you guys can enjoy what i put out, that none of you will be afraid to just geek out with me !!

and for the old ones, my OGs, thank you–from the bottom of my heart–for being the reason i never gave up on this blog. i wouldn't have it any other way, with the friends i made along the way, with the lovely anons i've come to cherish and adore–and to you all, my readers and followers, thank you, thank you, thank you for being a part of my journey and growth.

i'm so glad to be celebrating the first anniversary of my blog, and i'm even more glad to be celebrating with you all! i love you all from the bottom of my heart, and as always... silly kairi thanks you little pooks (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)🩷

[zannolin]

hello! sorry to bother you, but I saw you said you're reading your book number 91 (!!!! That's impressive) and I've been looking for book recommendations lately, so if you don't mind, would you share some book recs you have? (of fiction if it's possible). thank you!

haha yeah i tend to spend most of my free time when i'm not writing (or doing fiber crafts) reading books. absolutely so happy to give recs!!! all the time!! will talk ceaselessly about the books i'm reading!!

anything by ann patchett ever but my favs by her are bel canto, the magician's assistant, and commonwealth. she's litfic and very very good, even her nonfiction stuff

the scorpio races by maggie stiefvater is my fav book of ALL time. it's ya urbanish fantasy. lifechanging.

the locked tomb series by tamsyn muir. lesbians abound. sci-fi/fantasy absolutely gorgeous in every way. cuts me to the bone

jurassic park by michael crichton. yep there's a book! i am almost done reading it right now (it is in fact book number 91) and i seriously love it like could not recommend more.

any of kristen arnett's books but mostly dead things by her is my fav! it's about a lesbian taxidermist

it's middle grade but the beyonders trilogy by brandon mull is so so so good and i love it deeply

lockwood & co by jonathan stroud is a fun ghost/paranormal series; literally the best ghost series i have read bar none

if you like peter pan, fairytale retellings, or having the heart ripped out of your chest by the concept of loneliness and growing up or the lack thereof, the peter and the starcatchers series by dave barry & ridley pearson is a really good peter pan retelling. if you're willing to overlook how some aspects of the peter pan story as a whole have not aged very well. book four is so fucking good tho

i don't often recommend ya fantasy or romance of any kind but the folk of the air series by holly black is a really good fey series with enemies to lovers i actually liked

in a similar vein of the two above, the lunar chronicles series by marissa meyer is a really fun sci-fi retellings of fairytales; heartless by her is not connected in any way but is also a fairytale retelling i fucking LOVE

our wives under the sea by julia armfield is queer, excellent, and a little horrifying

authors i have only read a few from but highly recommend and need to read ALL of include octavia butler and toni morrison

her body & other parties by carmen maria machado is a life-changing collection of queer horror short stories; in the dream house by her is also incredible but it's a memoir and you should look up content warnings on it beforehand if you're a person who doesn't do well with heavy content

i've only read the first two books but the beartown series by fredrik backman is REALLY good; it's about hockey and friendship and living in small towns and stuff. it does deal with some heavy content as well so again w warnings etc but truly i'm obsessed

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia was another horror book i really liked

middle grade again but i adore the twistrose key by tone almhjell (it's fantasy and about like growing up and beloved pets and things) (i'm trying not to rec a ton of middle grade here because i know it's not for everyone but i am an enjoyer of a lot of middle grade series if you ever want recs lol i am like supreme lord of reading puzzle/mystery/adventure series)

i have only read one book by tj klune thus far but my friends swear by him

the princess bride by william goldman is unironically SO good

if you like vague horror, suspense, and having your mind boggled, mona awad is really good

the dead lands by benjamin percy is (stay with me here) a post-apocalyptic retelling of the journey of lewis & clark (yeah the guys from us history) and i'm gonna be real. i was shocked by how much i liked it. it's WILD.

babel by rf kuang is like. massive. but it's really good historical fantasy.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones is really good horror and i've heard really good things about the rest of his books

meddling kids by edgar cantero is this really funky scooby-doo inspired horror/mystery novel that i love. it is Very quirky.

not fiction but animal vegetable miracle (barbara kingsolver; about farming and american food culture and family and stuff), the shallows: what the internet is doing to our brains (nicholas carr; about information technology etc), long live the tribe of fatherless girls (t kira madden; memoir, trigger warnings again), and the radium girls (kate moore; us history) are just. so so so good. in many different ways. couldn't not rec them!!

thistlefoot by gennarose nethercott is really good fantasy; it's an urban fantasy take on the baba yaga mythos that i really loved

four treasures of the sky by jenny tinghui zhang is historical fiction with a tinge of fantasy; gorgeous writing

the girls at the kingfisher club by genevieve valentine is a flapper retelling of the 12 dancing princesses

tender is the flesh by agustina bazterrica is really really fucked up horror/dystopia about a world where cannibalism has been legalized; very graphic in a sense but like. WILD to read.

i hope that's a good range! i read allll sorts of books and i know not all of them appeal to everyone but those are the ones i've really really enjoyed within the last couple years. hope you find something you enjoy out of all of them!

[randompajamaalt]

hey guys!! Terribly sorry for the lack of content lately!

I’ve been super busy with a lot of stuff and I haven’t been nearly as motivated as I usually am with- well, anything really.

I’ll try to keep posting stuff as usual but I’m not gonna force myself to draw or write stuff if I’m not in the mood to since that would result in art that just doesn’t have as much feeling to it as my usual stuff.

I’ll post some old things and stuff I’ve put into my sketchbook to feed y’all, but I’m also gonna try making physical things in the real world since that’s what I’ve been motivated to do lately!

Who knows, maybe I’ll make something insanely cool and post it. But for now a lot of stuff is very iffy and I can’t really give a date for when I’ll start being “productive” or “creative” again.

Sometimes I just get artblock and it’s something I’ve gotta deal with. But again I’m not gonna make myself draw or write stuff. I can try, but no guarantees. Pixel art usually helps with this, though, so maybe some of that will pop back up!

Anyways I’ll still be active and stuff, just less art than usual :)

[forgotten-daydreamer]

i was going to comment on one of your recent fics (which i kinda liked) until i saw the abrasive author's note berating people for bookmarking without commenting. you don't know why people bookmark things - for many people, it's equivalent to a recs list. just like fic readers aren't entitled to receive fics, fic authors aren't entitled to receive feedback. i'm saying this as both a fic writer and a reader (both long-term, so i have plenty of experience dealing with a lack of feedback). there are many many reasons why readers choose to leave comments (or not), and as a writer you'll be much more content if you can make peace with the fact that there's very little you can do to change that, and instead encourage the commenters that you do get. it sucks, but it is what it is. desperate and abusive author's notes, however, do turn people off. ps: i asked if you read others' fics because i find it hard to believe that you yourself leave a comment on every single fic you read and fanart you reblog. i'd be happy to be proven wrong, but my point still stands - i understand the desire for more comments, but you're going about it the wrong way.

I love when people completely miss the point <3

So, I'm not writing all of this again so go give it a read and come back later. I specified multiple times that ofc saving fics for later without commenting is fine (wouldn't make sense to comment before reading it). And yes, I do comment on every fic I read, multiple times too (I can't guarantee for fics I bookmarked ages ago, but I'm 99.9% sure I always left at least one comment). I don't do it with fanarts because I reblog them compulsively, what I do instead is leave anon messages in the artists' inbox. Although I also leave comments sometimes!

"Abusive" is a strong term, I'm just getting creative because you people are exhausting, as simple as that. As I said in the post I linked (again, read it, thanks) you're all so used to tiktok and such that you think it's okay if people who give you stuff you like for free never get to know your opinion. Wrong. We're humans. We deserve to know what you think. It's the bare minimum.

I'm tired of all that "OMG that fic broke me, I wish I had someome to talk about it with" because we authors are right fucking there.

We are entitled to receive feedback. I've been posting fics for nine fucking years - on an Italian website first, then on AO3 with a different acc that I then deleted, and then with my current one - and reading them for just as long. So excuse me for wanting feedback, excuse me for noticing how the readers' attitute towards giving feedback has shifted now that you're all on tiktok/insta 24/7 constantly bombarded with content that only takes you 10 secs to consume and makes you think "Yeah okay, I can't leave a comment on each and every thing I consume, it'd take longer to leave the comment than to consume the content." (and it's true, like, I know it is)

And trust me, this "if you read without bookmarking you're a jerk" thing is new, check my other fics (I posted over 100 works, but as you can see I only have 40-something now because I delete them compulsively, sorry, orphaning fics isn't for me) and even if you go check the oldest ones (I think the fist fics I posted with my current ao3 acc are from late 2019?) I never said anything. But I'm tired and annoyed. I talked to multiple people here who told me that they'd never thought about this thing until I (and others) shared our honest opinion on it, so, I guess you're kinds on your own in this holy crusade of yours against common decency. Feel free to never read my works again, I'll live.

And I'm not saying you're just finding excuses, but huh, I just checked and the first note regarding this issue is on day 5 (/10 I've written so far) and that one just says "be decent" before I escalated so huh. Yeah. Holy crusade against common decency.

Be fucking for real. Should I put a tw for strong language next time? Is "piece of caca" upsetting? "Meanie"? The only mean one is "cunt" actually. Like I'd be offended too. But the rest? Be for real.

FYI these are all the instances - I didn't add anything to the notes of the other works because I was running out of space. And again, sorry you totally missed the point. Sorry my notes shocked you to the point that you couldn't even comment :o

Peace.

[violetsystems]

We're in this era lately where people get shocked in disbelief when you call them out on obvious stuff. Then when they really get cornered they make an apology to the public rather than the people. Case in point, the Shane Gillis stuff. He really said some horrific shit about chinatown and acted like the slur wasn't anything. Then when he gets a hosting gig it's all "I'm sorry if I offended anyone." You enabled people to hurt through comedy because you aren't aware or coherent of the responsibility that your content has on your audience. Or the real mindfuck... you are aware and you are just lying about it because you get off on it and laugh it off. I've seen this behavior over and over again. I used to think it was just a coke tick but I think it's something far worse and less subliminal. It's hive minded racism that covers for itself out of self preservation. And the counter point is that the Asian community isn't "used to confronting or fighting back" which I think is also a bit problematic to assume. That resistance to this looks as barbaric and homogenous culturally as your narrow mind assumes it would. The people that do these things know what they are doing. And it's almost an art how they hide it and act innocent or sorry when they do something you catch them on. I reached out to an old friend and coworker as a last ditch to communicate my anger and fear for safety about a certain person's actions. They pretended I didn't exist and it was part of a pattern. Immediately after they're promoting their gig with said person at said club where said people fraternize and stalk me on my own property. I'm smarter than to retaliate in a reactive way. I just block them. Or call them out in a quantifiable way for the safety of a community. And when they get caught, they come up with some excuse and everyone pretends it's okay because they're afraid of their fantasy world of fantasy chances crumbling before them. This whole idea that we need to overlook things and be tolerant to people who manipulate the very idea of tolerance is suspect and quite verifiably a pyramid scheme. But what's more is that the act of resistance is more powerful than simply melting down and making yourself look bad. The idea that they want you to confront them on their rigged secret society bullshit is weaker than they are. If the first time I have ever heard of you is from a podcast calling people slurs maybe that's a good sign I never want to hear from you again. I get the idea that none of this is a big deal to them. But faking an Oscar when somebody calls you out on some obvious shit shows not only a lack of affect but a lack of depth of character. People say mean shit sometimes this is true. Contextually, remorse and reconciliation doesn't just happen conveniently so the party can keep going on. Especially when that party is closetly situationally racist and won't ever admit in public that it's hard to apologize for something you said that you intended on hurting people with in the first place. You get caught saying the wrong thing you are put on a cross. Other careers have been slaughtered for life for less. Next thing you are going to tell me is that it's no big deal that you left the Fukushima water running while you caught the Taylor Swift concert.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Shaken... not Stirred

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan Walker

I spend most of Saturday in Zoom meetings and on the cell-phone.

By six p.m. I realize that as much as I hate it.

I won't be going to Emmett's tomorrow.

I call and he says he understands when I tell him I have a big project due Monday but I know he's hurt.

Same, except I'm also not and that's the problem.

He says to call tomorrow if anything changes and I promise to but even though I want nothing more than to go over there for an hour, it wouldn't be quick.

We'd have mind-blowing sex and then we'd eat and cuddle and he'd take such good care of me that I wouldn't be able to leave.

That can't happen.

I don't even make time for mass on Sunday but my father calls later in the afternoon.

He wants an update which he more than deserves but since I'm expressly going against his wishes.

I'm not sure what to say.

No, things aren't quite wrapped up here.

No, I don't need him to call the moving company.

I'll handle it when I'm ready.

Yes, I know I have to give the apartment office one weeks notice.

Of course I'll get the car cleaned before I return it, especially since I dropped some fries in it earlier this week.

It's not like I've never done this before.

He thinks I'm stressed from the fire.

I am.

He wants to make sure I know that no one blames me and I shouldn't think I could have done something.

I know.

They're thinking of me and love me.

Same.

My team pulls together and by Sunday evening we have two bids cleared by the lawyers and ready to go.

Monday morning I sleep in a bit and then drive down to personally hand deliver our bids.

I call that afternoon to find out when we'll hear anything and the news knocks me over....

Three weeks.

It will be three weeks.

What am I going to do with myself for three weeks?

The answer is obvious... go home.

I call Emmett and he says he'll be home by 6:30 p.m.

That's a bit late for him but it's been over a week since we spent actual quality time together so I'll be patient.

Well, I'll try.

I plan on giving him until seven o'clock so I don't pounce on him as soon as he gets home but I pull up at 6:45 and can't stand the thought of waiting in my car.

I knock on his door.

He looks tired but smiles at me.

"Hey Darling, get in here."

I obey gladly.

"I'm just starting dinner, can you stay?"

I haven't had decent food in days.

"Yeah, that would be great."

"So, mission complete? Project finished?" he asks.

He doesn't know the specifics but it's kind of him to ask.

"Submitted. Now I have to wait three weeks to hear back."

I sit at the table in the kitchen and he brings me over a drink.

"Thanks."

He pulls stuff out of the fridge and I try to figure out what he's going to make.

"I don't want to assume but does the whole lack of a factory and this three week timeline mean that you get some time off? Or is it on to the next project?"

I wasn't sure how I was going to bring this up but he's given me the perfect opportunity...  I hate the words I'm about to say. 

"It means I'm in limbo and I should head back to Michigan until they decide."

"Oh. Right. You mentioned going back," his voice is eerily calm and I can't get a read on him.

What is he thinking?

"Will you be coming back to Baltimore?"

This is the hard part.

"I want to."

"But?"

"It probably depends on what happens in three weeks, Emmett. I'm sorry."

If I get one of the contracts I'll have some bargaining room with my father and the board and will do everything I can to convince them to change their minds.

If I don't... there's nothing I can do.

I'm the vice-president until my father retires and I will go and do what he and the board think I should.

There will be another factory to open, other deals to make, other products to develop.

"I want to come back."

"That's nice but it doesn't mean much, apparently. You know, with all your money you'd think..."

"What?"

"It's just that your money sure does buy nice stuff but it doesn't seem to be buying you much happiness or freedom. What's the point if you can't use it for stuff that really matters?"

He's right, money comes with strings and there are lots of things it can't buy but...

"It'll buy plane tickets, we can see each other."

He sort of grunts at me.

"Yeah, sure. Hope you like stir-fry."

"I do... I love it."

He's thawing some shrimp which is definitely one of my favorites.

This will be good.... and it is.

It's stuffed full of perfectly good vegetables, the rice is perfectly cooked and the sauce is great.

We're almost finished when he asks...

"When are you leaving?"

"I have to pack up the apartment and return my car so probably Wednesday?"

I could get it all done tomorrow if I had to but I don't really have to.

Besides, it means one more evening with Emmett.

"Can I stay tonight?"

He looks at me, hard, stares until I almost break down.

"Maybe it's best if you don't. Besides, all your stuff is at your place, right?"

Oh. Okay.

"Um, maybe tomorrow?"

"I'm working late, sorry. I hope you have a safe trip back home, Finnegan. I had a wonderful time, really. I can't even tell you how much."

He doesn't have to, I know.

He's giving me the brush off but how can I blame him when I'm the one leaving?

"I did too. This isn't the end of us, Emmett, I hope it isn't."

"Sometimes it's best to move on, Finnegan. Hanging onto the past just hurts. I'll wait three weeks. If you can come back and stay, I'd really like that darling. If not, well, it is what it is."

He stands up and takes both of our plates to the sink.

I think it's time for me to go while I can still see through the tears that are forming.

I've been kicking myself since he walked out the door that night.

He practically threw himself at my feet and admitted that he needed me which is always hard for him.

He was exhausted and desperate for some love and attention and care and all I could manage to offer him was a meal.

I'd already shut down and put us in a box in the back of my closet and I couldn't bring myself to torture either of us with another amazing night.

Part of me hoped he'd change his mind.

That he'd call me Tuesday saying he couldn't do it, he didn't want to leave me and then beg my forgiveness for making me feel like I didn't really matter to him.

I had this fairy-tale ending in my head where he moved in here and we were a happy 'little' family.

Little... even that doesn't make me smile.

He's been gone for two weeks.

He's sent a few texts, letting me know he was home safe and that he was thinking of me.

I responded but kept my distance because it hurts.

Thinking about him makes me ache in all sorts of ways and probably will for awhile.

Everything at home reminds me of him.

The stupid, adorable towels that he sent are in my linen closet.

I have his tiny sheep undies because they were in the laundry and I haven't even reclaimed his drawer yet.

His bendy cups and Spiderman cup are in my cupboard. 

I can barely stand to spend time on my couch, honestly.

We watched movies, snuggled and fucked on that couch.

The problem is that he's everywhere, my kitchen and bed included.

I can't even do laundry without thinking about him.

So I've been spending a lot of time at the bowling alley and work, hitting the gym more than I have in months and doing everything I can think of to avoid going home.

Peter has been staring at me all morning but he probably thinks I haven't noticed.

Please.

I survived for years in war zones by paying attention.

No, we all paid attention.

I just got lucky.

"You and Finnegan want to come over this weekend?"

That's a hard question but it's time to come out with it.

I guess I just assumed that Finnegan had told Tristan.

"He went back to Michigan."

"Oh. Well that explains a lot. How long is he gone for?"

It does?

Am I that bad?

Maybe.

"Probably forever."

That gets his attention and he walks over.

"What? What happened?"

It's a long story but it all boils down to the fact that...

"He was never supposed to stay."

He just left sooner than I thought he would.

"But you two are so good together. My God... I almost left Tristan in Michigan when I came here. Can't believe I was so stupid. I thought we were too new so I didn't ask him to come. Did you ask him to stay, Emmett?"

"It wouldn't have changed anything. He's waiting to hear news about some, some thing and if it comes through he might be back. I don't really know how it all works but he didn't sound all that optimistic."

"Are you thinking about going there?"

Huh?

"To Michigan?"

No, why would I?

For Finn, of course but my whole life is here, just like his is there, except it's not.

He'd be leaving for months or years at a time to go open new factories and then what?

I'd just hang around and wait for him in Michigan?

No thank you.

"Yeah, it's not bad. Winters are tough but you two can come up with ways to stay warm."

Yeah. Not happening.

"He didn't invite me... he mentioned a visit but not... anything else."

He throws his hands up in the air but he's just goofing off.

"It's like you're not even listening to me."

I know he's trying to help but...

"We're not you and Tristan. It's complicated. Our dynamic is... it's unusual."

"So's ours. Just hate to see you moping around and upset, Emmett. Offer for this weekend is still open, it would probably be good for you to get out."

It would be.

"Can I let you know tomorrow?"

"Sure. And I'll have Tristan give Finnegan a call, see if he can weasel out some info for you."

That's not necessary but nothing I say will stop him.

Tristan will call once he finds out Finnegan's gone whether Peter has anything to do with it or not.

I can't imagine Tristan letting that one go.

A car pulls in and it saves me from answering and luckily the rest of the afternoon is busy.

Busy is very good lately.

[giselle-archive]

Giselle rolled her eyes playfully at that. "Mhm, twin flames that have apparently both been in some kind of hell since we broke up anyways. Guess we were fucked either way." She muttered, and they truly were. Three years had done nothing to change how they felt for one another, and judging by the way they'd been acting lately, their time apart had been slightly dreadful. At least they were here now, and even if she didn't know what here was exactly, it was gradually becoming better than where they were. She was about to admit defeat about being hesitant to spend this time with her ex until Santana threw in the last part, and her mouth briefly went dry. "Okay, I do...I mean...I know how you like it!" She whined pathetically, and every other thought went flying out the window now as she tried to fight the urge to reminisce on the countless memories she had of being rough with her ex. Her resolve had been fractured enough already, so this was just making it worse. Playing this game with Santana usually never worked out for her, so she was scolding herself once more for even trying it.

Lucky for her, her own threat landed how she'd intended, and she knew Santana Lopez's body language enough to see that she too was turned on and thinking only filthy thoughts, which was both good and bad for them. Giselle was trying to be responsible and take things slow here, but even holding hands with Santana played into the intense yearning she still held for the woman, so the imagery of the Latina sitting on her face had her drenched. Hell, she'd be surprised if Santana couldn't smell the arousal oozing off her body at this moment. Breaking out of her thoughts as Santana found strength Giselle had lacked to move forward, she was almost home free until the massage was mentioned. "You want me to massage you right here on the sofa?" Giselle asked. "I'm not opposed, I just figured you'd want to stretch out more, like in the bed." She hummed, though moving to the bed would have probably tempted them into doing more than just a massage, so staying right here on the sofa was safer. Glancing down the hallway to make sure Coco was in fact avoiding them, she was sure that damn dog probably was somewhere making a mess, and it was deserved so she wasn't going to go and stop her. Maybe Santana's dad had asked her to condo and dog sit to avoid this sort of thing happening, but that was on his ass for expecting her to look out for his or the mistress' shit.

Giselle had come prepared for Santana to fight her tooth and nail on dissecting her insecurities tonight, but it was needed — or more so pivotal, if there was any chance of them fully repairing things and getting back together. Watching the stance, she should've saw the snark coming, but she just shifted closer to her ex anyways. Being vulnerable and talking about this stuff was hard for them both, and the last thing she needed was Santana retreating or assuming that she wasn't listening or taking this seriously, which she was. She initially planned to remain quiet until the Latina said everything she needed to say, but at the prom dig, Giselle glared at her. Prom was a sore topic for her, for plenty of reasons, but even she wouldn't throw that in her ex's face. "I'm sorry that night was rough for you, but I'm not sorry I left before prom even really got started. If you had been in my shoes, you would have done the same damn thing." She stated and sighed, not wanting to dive into that again. It had ultimately been the deciding factor in her leaving her ex and Lima, so they didn't need to rehash it now.

Picking up her glass, Giselle tilted her head back and chugged down all of the glass' contents, and although she knew she'd started going past her usual limit, she didn't care. Santana opening up to her was a big deal, so while she needed the liquid courage to process it all, she was hanging onto every single word that left those lips. Lips she'd kissed hundred of times, that had been etched into her memory since the day they'd met. Chewing on the inside of her cheek as she darted her eyes to Santana's thighs (and in hindsight, it wasn't the better option because now she wanted nothing more than to have those same thighs on either side of her face, but she was trying to ignore that thought too), she couldn't help the way her heart skipped a couple of beats as her ex kept speaking. Why the hell Santana chose now to let her guard down and finally say all of this? She didn't know. But Giselle was practically hanging on to every word now, and her emotions were all over the place now. "Shit...you would do this when I've had like five glasses of wine." She groaned as she put the glass back down, and then she reached a hand over and firmly squeezed one of Santana's thighs. "We can work on the codependency thing this time around, because it's not healthy, and you being so possessive of me is..a lot sometimes. But you don't have to live without me, baby." Giselle stated, failing to hide the smile tugging at the corner of her lips now. "I still think we should take things slow and actually work on our shit before we just jump back into a relationship, but there's no one else for me, San. It's always been you, and I promise I'm not going anywhere this time. Well...I won't go anywhere else without you this time."

"Probably," Santana agreed. She knew not to put too much stock into what was said, but Giselle did have a knack for unveiling sides of her personality she didn't like. "If it's any consolation, I only would've done it because I was hurting too. If you're in hell, I’m right there with you, babe. Chalk it up to some twin flame shit or whatever." It was hardly a comforting response, but it made sense in her mind. Surely there had to be some spiritual explanation for why these two felt so drawn to each other. Santana wouldn't consider herself superstitious or a romantic at heart, but she believed in things like that — not that she'd ever admit it. They could try all they wanted to resist each other, but only an hour into dinner and they were already caving at the first sign of discord. A small smile tugged at her lips at Giselle's admission of inflicting pain on her, as only it would for someone like Santana, and she gave the other a knowing look. "If by "hate it" you mean you secretly love when I do it, then I believe you. In all seriousness though, teasing aside, I missed those things too. Suddenly me urging us to spend more time together wasn't such a bad idea, was it? Just as long as you remember that I like it rough." The Latina goaded, biting her lip to stifle the laugh rising in her throat. If her ex wanted to slow play this, that was fine by her. She got no better pleasure out of this reunion than being an absolute nuisance.

Giselle must have sensed her getting too cocky because she decided to torture her back with her ensuing comment. The mere mental image had Santana's face turning an even darker shade of pink, and now all she could think about were other sexual fantasies she had. Such as how easy it would be to boost herself onto this countertop and let Giselle have her way with her. She'd be eating her out before they had time to serve the leche frita she'd prepared for dessert. Not that she thought either of them would attest much, but now Santana's mind was in the gutter, and she had to suppress the urge to rub her thighs together. "We'll revisit that strip tease later mostly to test your theory, but right now I'm more interested in that full body massage you promised me. It's your own fault, really. You knew that comment would get me worked up." She deduced, giving a halfhearted shrug. Santana was losing her resolve rather quickly, but she didn't want Giselle to have the satisfaction of knowing just how eager she was. It'd been far too long since she'd last had sex, and even longer that she'd been without the touch of her ex's hands on her skin. At the moment, she craved both desperately.

Once they were back on the sofa, Santana relaxed a bit. All she needed was a distraction to quell her growing arousal and the heat prickling her tan skin. "Well, if she wanted to tear up my dad's bedroom in the meantime, I wouldn't blame her." With the dog finally out of the picture, the obvious choice would be to take full advantage of their alone time together. Of course, she would never be that fortunate, so she made a mental note of it for later. At the mention of discussing her insecurities, Santana grimaced. The Latina hadn't expected past traumas to be on the menu for tonight, but with the way Giselle operated, she had no chance of avoiding this. Immediately on the defensive, she let her back hit the sofa with her arms crossed over her chest. "Who said I'm threatened by other women?" Her tone was blasé, with a hint of bitterness. "I may have been insecure in our relationship, but that didn't stem from some second-rate putas vying for your attention. I wasn't intimidated by anyone. People knew not to mess with you or I'd end their existence." Which she did. "Almost every girl at that school hated my guts and I still managed to get nominated for Prom Queen — a dance which you bailed on, by the way." Harsh, Santana. She let out a deep sigh, realizing this wasn't being very productive. "I'm sorry, I know you were upset that we couldn't go together. But that was a rough night for me too. It felt like every insecurity I'd ever had while I was with you had been amplified. I never thought you would cheat on me, but I was always worried you would leave me."

Santana hated trying to explain herself. Most of the time it was anyone's guess why she acted out the way she did. Her need for validation was usually a factor, along with an innate desire to feel accepted. Neither of which she ever received from her parents. "You know what my home life was like," she stated, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction. "The happy family act was just a way to save face until we could all go back to pretending that everything was fine. I think the reason I was so possessive in our relationship was because before you, I'd never experienced that kind of love in my life. You were so caring and selfless, and you made me feel special. I was terrified of losing that, which probably made me more dependent on you than I should have been." She knew she was rambling now, but she hoped Giselle could tell where she was coming from. She hadn't meant for every action she took to safeguard their relationship to be malicious. Santana just wanted to be loved so badly that it manifested itself in destructive habits. "It may have taken me longer to come out than you would've liked, but I would've done it eventually because I loved you." And she meant that, whether her ex believed her or not. Santana had put herself through the wringer reliving all of her regrets from the past. If she could go back and do things differently, she would. Unsure of what else to say, and simply tired of talking, she rubbed her temples before continuing. "The only reason I let you go was because it felt like it was out of my hands at that point, but I never wanted you to move away, Giselle. I should've told you that. Just like how I wish I would've told you in Houston that you're the best thing that's ever come into my life, and despite how hard I've tried, I can't live without you."