#because you know they deserve to work through their ozark sadness right?

[wheelxr]

@creelsclocks gets a brain-worm ozark-verse starter.

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐟 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲'𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐛𝐛𝐞𝐝.

Things may be improving now, but the pain of having lost him for a while isn't something easily forgotten. 

     Don't touch me.

Her wince can't be helped, Henry's phantom voice a cruel, frigid echo; he hadn't actually said it unkindly, and she hadn't blamed him for needing space. After everything they'd been through, coming to The Ozarks had been a bit of a shock.

Yet reason isn't working right now, logic tossed aside in favor of something that will quell the aching loneliness. 

The razor is cool and sharp against the skin of her thigh, the pressure of her fingers only increasing with each exhale. She'd had to wait to do this; this isn't something Henry can ever see or know about. With him out on a 'business trip' with Marty, though? It's finally safe.

He's not supposed to be home for a week — more than enough time to take care of this and heal.

He's only been gone for ten minutes, but Nancy couldn't wait anymore.

She doesn't cry until her thigh is littered with bright lines of crimson, though the tears aren't from physical pain. Everything has been agony for months, and while Nancy's done a good job of keeping it together for Henry's sake —for both their sakes— seeing him at the top of that cliff had splintered her resolve apart.

It hadn't happened instantly. The fracture had been slow, with Nancy blissfully unaware of it as she comforted the man who'd needed it most, all optimism and practicality as they discussed their options for moving forward.

     Don't touch me.

( She doesn't hear the door to their motel open, the voice in her head too loud. )

He'd said it the first night they got here, his back promptly turned to her in their bed. 

     Don't touch me.

There's a cry caught in Nancy's throat, though the sound is instinctively swallowed down — with her teeth biting into her bottom lip, the razor is pressed to her thigh again —

     ❛ Nancy? ❜

—and instantly dropped, her shaking fingers numb with dread.

Oh, fuck.

[colormeyondublue]

Chapter 4: First Date

Chapter 3 Here - Chapter 5 Here

The next morning came and you went about your business as usual, making sure everything was in top shape in your office. If your work was coming in slow without much needing done, you often just checked to see if anyone needed help with anything, played games, or jammed out to whatever music was on. This time, you found yourself getting lost in your thoughts. It had been a long time since you were home. You found yourself not thinking much about your family or old friends recently. But somehow, it didn’t bother you. You felt like you were home. You couldn’t tell if you should feel guilty for feeling that way…but it was the truth. Although you definitely missed your family at times, this whole journey seemed to change who you were as a person.

Meanwhile, Yondu was pacing in his cabin. He asked you on a date, and he had no idea what to do. He hasn’t really dated, or courted, in years. Besides that, he’s never taken a terran out before! He decided to call someone for help. The last thing he wanted to do was get anyone else involved, but Tullk was someone he could trust. He picked up his communicator and pressed a few buttons. The comm beeped and he heard Tullk’s voice. “Yeah, Cap’n? What canneh dae fer ya?” “Uhh, this might sound strange, but could ya come to ma quarters? I need your help with somethin’.” He could hear Tullk hesitate. But then he said, “Ya, sure boss. I’ll be up in just a bit.” The comm clicked off, and Yondu walked to his desk chair and sat down with a huff. He was asking for help. This was unbelievable. “I can’t believe this girl has gotten into my head already.” He muttered to himself. A little while later, there was a loud knock at his door. “Get in here Tullk!” Tullk walked in the room and closed the door behind him. “What did ya need, sir?” He asked nonchalantly. “Well, this ain't easy to ask but, ya got any datin’ advice?” “Datin’ advice? Ya got a lass yer interested in?” “Well, yeah! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have asked!” “Well…its been quite a while since I took a nice lass out. She’s nice is she?” Tulk asked. “Of course she’s nice! She’s damn near perfect. She’s sweet and funny…and smart, and I just wanna show her a good time.” Tullk was surprised to hear his Captain use words like that. He was typically crass, rude, and a straight forward kind of guy. But everyone deserves to be loved, or at least have a chance at love, right? “So you wanna know what to do? On this date? Well…I only know about terran dates. I’m not sure what other races might do fer that kinda’ thing.” The Captain glared at him. “She IS terran ya idiot. That’s why I asked for yer help!” “Yer goin out with a terran lass? But, how? Where did ya meet a -… OH!” A devious grin appeared on Tullk’s face at the realization. “Choose yer next words carefully.” Yondu growled. Tullk let out a boisterous laugh. “You’re takin y/n out on a date? I can’t believe it!” Yondu began to grow an odd mixture of embarrassed and angry. “Yeah! I’m takin y/n out. Ya got a problem with that?!” “No, no, sir. I just honestly didn’t think she’d go for any of us. I’m not laughin’ atcha. I’m just…surprised – is all.” Tullk said with a shrug. “Well, believe it. So shut up and tell me what I need to do fer this to go right.” “Well, it’s pretty simple really. What I always keep in mind, as a Terran man, is to just be maself. Don’t try to be something you’re not, because them Terran lasses will see right through it. Trust me. Terran girls like to go out and just have a nice time. Food, drink, and good company. Don’t be lookin’ or flirtin’ with other women, or she’ll walk right outta there. Think ya can handle that?” He asked with one eyebrow raised. “Yeah, yeah, I figured that much. Is that all?” “That’s about all the advice I have. Just relax and have a nice time.” Tullk stands upright from where he was leaning on the wall by the door. “Need anything else Cap’n? He asks. “Nah, just don’t say a word to the crew!”

"Ah never do!" Tullk shouted back toward the door as he walked away.

___ The ship begins to near it’s destination, Johpar. Yondu is dressed in relaxed black leather pants, with his usual maroon long coat. The handkerchief tucked in his collar is a dark black, to match his matte black boots. The boots are adorned with a narrow gold metal strip at the edge of his toe. The gold matches his belt buckle and ravager badge. He made sure to trim and shape his beard nicely before heading down to the docking bay to meet you. As he comes in, he looks around to see if you had arrived yet. To his surprise, you weren’t there. “She’s probably just gettin’ dolled up is all.” He mutters to himself. The thought of you getting all dressed up for him makes his heart do a little backflip. “The hell?” He whispers as he lifts a hand to his chest. “That’s new.” Just as the words left his lips, he sees you. You cautiously walk into the docking bay. You were wearing a casual tan and black patterned dress, quarter sleeves, that tapers at your waist, and comes down mid thigh. You’re also wearing knee high lace up high heel boots with some black laced stockings just barely visible between the bottom of your dress and the tops of your boots. Your hair is done in a half updo. You’re holding a black leather jacket over your shoulder and glance around the room. The last thing you want is a bunch of grimy ravagers sneering at you. To your relief, there was no one around – but Yondu. You lock eyes with him and your step falters.  Wow, as if I wasn’t nervous before. You try to keep your composure as you approach him. He looks you up and down and visibly swallows. “Ya look real nice.” He said. “Thank you.” You answered with a slight blush. “You clean up pretty nice yourself.” “Well thanks, sweetheart. If yer ready, we’ll head out.” and jabs a thumb toward the bay door. The two of you walk together off the ship and quietly chit chat until you reach the rows of shops and bars. You both walk into the bar and notice it isn’t particularly busy. Yondu offers to get you a drink. “What’ll ya have darlin’”? You think about it for a moment, and realize you have no idea. Last time you ordered a drink was back on Earth. Sure, there was always beer and whiskey on the ship, but that was getting old. You decide to play it safe with a glass of wine. “Any kind of sweet wine. I’m not picky.” You smile up at him and he gives you a polite nod. “Go have a seat there in that booth, and I’ll meet you over there.”

“Okay!” You respond with a sweet smile.

He watches you make your way to the booth, noting the way your hips move as you walk. His mind goes blank for a few seconds, your legs and ass are hypnotizing. You turn to seat yourself in the booth and notice that he’s staring. You blush and smile at him. With a small wave of your hand, he snaps out his trance, and heads to the bar. His cheeks are flushed.

Upon getting drinks for the two of you, Yondu plops down in the booth across the table from you. He slides your wine to you, and you take it from him with a gentle, “Thank you.”

“So,” Yondu begins. “You been on my ship for a couple a month’s now, how’s Ravager life treatin’ ya? Better than you thought I hope?”

You take a sip of your wine and shrug timidly, “It’s definitely better than where I came from. But, my story is pretty much the same as any terran or human that ends up way out here.” “Traffickers?” Yondu says with what looks like a little sadness in his eyes. “Yeah, traffickers.” “How old were ya?” He asks. “Honestly, it wasn’t too long ago. Few years maybe? I was on a camping trip with my family. We were way out in the Ozarks when they took me. We were camped in the mountains, a fairly thick wooded place surrounded by rivers and glens. My family used to camp there every summer and I always got up with the sun when we would camp. I’ll never forget it…I got up that morning, put on a tank top, shorts, and my hiking boots and went down to the river just to breathe in the morning. I thought I was completely alone until I heard some gravel on the bank crunch behind me. I turned and expected to see a deer or another hiker or something. But I saw a strange figure. Next thing I know, everything is black. I woke up on a strange ship hearing voices that didn’t make sense. Eventually I put two and two together.” “I’m sorry.” Is all Yondu could say. He understood how horrible that might have been. He recalls his years aboard slave ships. “It’s okay. I think I was on that ship for about 6 months before they sold me to someone else. The ones who gave me a translator implant had green skin and pointed ears. Skrull maybe? I don’t know. Then they stopped on Krylor one day. I saw it as a window of opportunity, so I took it. The Skrull were a bit more flexible or lenient than the ones who took me, so I had a chance to run. I hid for 3 days before coming across that pawn shop. Worked there as cheap labor for a few years. Then I met you.” You smile at the memory of first seeing Yondu at your old job. “And then you met me.” Yondu returned your smile. Although he hasn’t mentioned it, he thinks you have the most adorable smile. The way it makes your eyes sparkle and come to life is something he’s never seen in any other woman. He continued, “Well, I’m sure glad yer here…despite what ya been through.” “Honestly, me too. I mean sure, I miss my family. I hate to think that they’re heartbroken over me. I’m sure they are. Especially my mom and sister. I don’t even want to imagine how they felt when I disappeared.” Your face turned solemn. “What about yer daddy?” Yondy asked quietly. "Oh, he died. He passed away about a year before I was taken. It makes me sick to think to think about how much my family has lost. Dad…then me. Problem is, they know what happened to dad. He got cancer...but I just vanished.” You dropped your gaze to the table. The date started to take a really depressing turn. Yondu thought quickly to change the subject. He wanted you to have a good time, after all. Yondu reached out across the table and gently placed a couple fingers under your chin. He lifts your gaze to meet his and said, “You ain’t alone. Most of us on this crew have a similar story. We been stolen, sold, lost people, seen death…we got each other though. You’re in good company.” His gentle and genuine smile spreads to your face and you simply nod without another word. “You hungry? We could get somethin’ here or we could swing by another place.” “Honestly, unless you are….I’m really not that hungry. But I would like to take a walk and look around this place a little bit?” “Sure thing darlin’. Anything you want.” As you get up and leave the bar, Yondu leaves a stack of units at the table. You walk out of the bar with your Captain in toe behind you. “Besides, I can’t really eat much when I’m nervous anyway.” Nervous?  Yondu thought. Why is she nervous? She ain’t scared of me is she? “Nervous?” He asked warily. “Well, not like a bad nervous. Like a good nervous.” You assure him. “There such a thing as ‘good nervous’”? He laughs. “Well, yeah.” You said shyly. “There’s good nervous and bad nervous. Bad nervous is self-explanatory. But good nervous is…well…” You trailed off as you walked through the brightly lit streets with Yondu. There were colorful shops everywhere. Stores were selling various items like clothing, food, jewelry and gifts from various planets. “Oh, I got it! Okay, there is a creature on my planet called a butterfly. They’re hard to describe unless I could draw you a picture of one, but they have wings. They’re very gentle and delicate. Good nervous feels like having butterflies in your stomach. It’s like a fluttery feeling. It’s a good thing!” You smile at him. Yondu just smiles to himself and looks down toward his boots while shaking his head. This girl is somethin’ else. The rest of your evening is spent wandering around the shops looking at interesting items and relishing in sights you’ve never seen before. Eventually, you end up in a part of the district that is pretty quiet. You find a bench near a fountain and sit together looking out at Krylor. “It’s so beautiful. I’ve never been on a moon before…this really is amazing. I never thought all this could be on a moon. Our moon back home is small and desolate. My people have visited it a few times, but there’s nothing up there.” “Ya know, yer really pretty when yer face lights up like that. I been a lotta places and met a lotta different people, and nobody cares about stuff like you do. I hafta say, I really like that about ya.” He says quietly. You smile, and blush lightly at his comment. You both continue talking about nothing in particular for a while. Yondu loves listening to you talk about your home, or anything you find interesting. You’re so bright and happy when you speak. You carry a light with you wherever you go. A light that, he now realizes, he would follow anywhere. As you arrive back to the ship later that night, Yondu walks you back to your cabin with your jacket slung over his shoulder. As you tell him goodnight and thank him for a wonderful evening, he says he had a great time too. He takes your hand and leans in to gently kiss the top of it. “Goodnight, y/n.” He hands you your jacket, smiles at you one last time, and casually swaggers toward his quarters.

You’ve kept your composure until now. You scurry into your cabin, slam the door shut behind you and lean up against it – breathing heavily. “Ohh my gosh. Ohh my gosh okay. OOHkay. Wow…that just happened.” You can’t stop smiling and get ready for bed. Finally, you throw yourself into your bed with a long sigh. You fall asleep almost immediately, only to find your Captain in your dreams. Yondu enters his quarters and just stands there, staring off into space. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, his breathing is heavy. After what feels like ages, he finally begins to undress himself for bed. He can’t get you off his mind. Your smile, that dress, your voice, your eyes…all flicker through his mind. “So, this is love. Huh. Ain’t so bad.” He smiles and snuggles down into his furs and blankets and drifts into a peaceful sleep.

[bthenoise]

Here’s The Best of 2018 As Picked By Your Favorite Bands

Well everybody, we did it. In two short weeks, 2018 will be over and we will all have somehow survived yet another 365 days on this earth. Now instead of using this space to talk about how shitty of a year it has been (because trust us, we could certainly sound off right now) we’d instead like to use this opportunity to shine a light on some of the finest things to come out of 2018 -- you know, like best album, best song, best movie, etc.

Like we’ve done in years past, instead of pretending to be the hip tastemakers and trendy influences like other websites, we’ve completely turned our year-end best-of list over to the artists we cover on a daily basis -- because let’s face it, their opinions are the ones we really care about, right? 

Right.

So to check out what bands like Memphis May Fire, Fit For A King, 3oh!3, As It Is, Sylar and more have all been obsessing over for this past year, be sure to see below. We hope you love the final list as much as we do and we wish you all the most relaxing and positive holiday season.

Enjoy!

Best Album of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Dan + Shay - Dan + Shay Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: RITUALS - Deaf Havana  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Chrome Neon Jesus - Teenage Wrist   Ira George of Movements: Technology - Don Broco     Cody Quistad of Wage War: Dan + Shay - Dan + Shay  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Honey - Robyn  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Thank You for Today - Death Cab for Cutie  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Beerbongs and Bentleys - Post Malone Tyler Riley of Gideon: If I Know Me - Morgan Wallen   Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Technology - Don Broco Palisades: Prequelle - Ghost  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Stranger in the Alps - Phoebe Bridgers Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Proper Dose - The Story So Far  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Welcome To The Neighbourhood - Boston Manor  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Time & Space - Turnstile + Proper Dose - The Story So Far (it’s a tie sorry)  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Come Over When You’re Sober pt.2 - Lil Peep Vagrants: When The End Began - Silent Planet  Household: Nearer my God - Foxing Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Bad Witch by Nine Inch Nails is the best album of the year in my opinion. I am heavily into Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ work and I just love that they went for a totally different sound and vibe with Bad Witch compared to all the NIN records prior. They blend modern jazz with industrial, chaotic synthscapes and it’s absolutely wild. 

Best Song of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: "Better Now" by Post Malone  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: “Hereafter” by Architects Nat Motte of 3oh!3: "Swallow" by Teenage Wrist  Ira George of Movements: “4Ever” by Clairo   Cody Quistad of Wage War: “Tequila” by Dan + Shay    Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: “Middle America” by Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” by The 1975  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “SAD!” by XXXTentaction   Tyler Riley of Gideon: “Slow Burn” by Kacey Musgraves Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: “Better Now” by Post Malone   Palisades: “Mantra” by Bring Me The Horizon  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Please Don’t Die” by Father John Misty   Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: “Bodybag” by LIL LOTUS feat. Coldhart  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: ��High Hopes” by Panic! At The Disco (big mood)  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: “Lavender Bones” by Stand Atlantic  Vagrants: “Doomsday” by Architects  Household: “Keeping Up” by Microwave  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: “On My Teeth” by Underoath. I don’t care what anyone says, they wrote a phenomenal record and knew they would get flak for it. They deserve all the recognition they have been getting because they have been working hard since the beginning. It was so sick to see them get a Grammy nomination too. That was essentially a big middle finger to all of their nay-sayers, whether they win or not. 

Best Music Video of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: “This Is America” by Childish Gambino   Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: “Hereafter” by Architects  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: "New Light" by John Mayer   Ira George of Movements: “Say Something” by Justin Timberlake ft. Chris Stapleton  Cody Quistad of Wage War: “Hereafter” by Architects  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: “Dark Speed” by Failure    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: “Sincerity is Scary” by The 1975  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott Tyler Riley of Gideon: “Aeon” by Crystal Lake  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: “This Is America” by Childish Gambino  Palisades: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Sincerity is Scary” by The 1975    Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier:  “This Is America” by Childish Gambino  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife:  “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: "New Light" by John Mayer     Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: “God Is A Woman” by Ariana Grande  Vagrants: “Rose Quartz/Fulton Street I” by La Dispute  Household: “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Childish Gambino’s “This Is America” has gotta be THE best music video of this year. I have nothing but respect for Donald Glover and the way he presented controversial, political topics through all of the blunt, straight-forward imagery throughout that video. He’s never put out anything I haven’t enjoyed front to back. 

Most Underrated Album of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Are You Even There At All? - Brent Walsh  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Gray States EP - The Material Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Graffiti U - Keith Urban  Ira George of Movements: Man of The Woods - Justin Timberlake  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Seasons - Sylar  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Holy Hell - Architects  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Be More Kind - Frank Turner  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Kids – The Midnight Tyler Riley of Gideon: Hatred Softly Spoken - Chamber Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: In Our Wake - Atreyu   Palisades: Come Hell - Dead Crown Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino - Arctic Monkeys Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Blue In The Dark - Bearings  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: When The End Began - Silent Planet  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Some Rap Songs - Earl Sweatshirt  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Taco - Bilmuri  Vagrants: Palms - Thrice  Household: Pierre - Pierre [ed note: We have no idea if it’s this or this. Guess you’ll have to decide!]     Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Vince Staples’ FM Radio is very underrated in my opinion. I haven’t seen much about it at all since it dropped and it’s a sick follow up to Big Fish Theory. 

Best Movie of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Bohemian Rhapsody  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Upgrade  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Isle Of Dogs  Ira George of Movements: Annihilation  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Incredibles 2  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Avengers: Infinity Wars  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: A Star Is Born  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Avengers: Infinity War Tyler Riley of Gideon: Ready Player One  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Bohemian Rhapsody  Palisades: BlacKkKlansman  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Hereditary Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Avengers: Infinity War  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Avengers: Infinity War  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Deadpool 2 Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: The Ritual  Vagrants: Avengers: Infinity War  Household: BlacKkKlansman  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Hereditary, hands down. Best story, best character development, best everything. Acting, special effects.  EVERYTHING. I don’t wanna give away too much because I want whoever is reading this to watch it for themselves. 

Most Binge-Worthy Show of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Riverdale  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Ozark  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Bodyguard   Ira George of Movements: The Final Table  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Nashville Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Haunting of Hill House   Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: The Innocent Man  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Ozark (Season 2), My Hero Academia Tyler Riley of Gideon: Brooklyn Nine-Nine  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Vikings Palisades: Haunting of Hill House  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Ozark (Season 2)  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Brooklyn Nine-Nine  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Bodyguard  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: The Office... duh  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Haunting of Hill House  Vagrants: The Office Household: Better Call Saul Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: If you haven’t seen Wild, Wild Country on Netflix yet, you need to. My girlfriend and I binged through that show with a quickness. What a crazy time it would have been to be alive and living in Wasco County, Oregon when all of that was going down. 

Favorite Internet Moment of 2018 (Viral Video, GIF, Meme, etc.):

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Super Bowl selfie kid  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Thanos memes   Nat Motte of 3oh!3: This Post Malone / 21 Savage / Nickelback mashup video  Ira George of Movements: The Real Bros Of Simi Valley  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Moth memes got me pretty good for a while.    Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: This. Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: The rise and fall of Mason Ramsey  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “Weird flex, but okay” Tyler Riley of Gideon: Mason Ramsey  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Don Broco Warped Tour workout video  Palisades: Pikachu shocked face  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Weird flex, but okay” Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Squished face Lil Xan/moth memes  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Any and all Casey Frey videos  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Spongebob memes are great  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: The bird Spongebob meme  Vagrants: Surprised Pikachu  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: I try not to get too caught up with all of that but the moth memes were pretty great. 

Thing(s) You Wish You Had Done in 2018 But Didn't:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Exercise lol  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Go to the gym more.  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Feeling pretty good about 2018, honestly. I voted and did my civic duty, paid my taxes, toured the country twice, worked hard, treated the people close to me with love and respect and tried to do that with everyone I came across!  Ira George of Movements:  Eat healthier  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Made a million dollars.  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Watch our favorite teams win the Super Bowl. A collectively impossible feat.    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Have more rest.  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Wish I stuck to my workout plan like I originally intended to. Tyler Riley of Gideon: Go to Brazil  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Worked out more, learned how to play the clarinet.  Palisades: Cook at home more.  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Procrastinated less  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Tour the United States of America Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: I have no regrets! 2018 was an incredible year for me.  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Tour more. Vagrants: Travel outside of the USA  Household: Hang out with friends and family more  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Tour with Deftones. Hopefully Chino will read this and maybe consider taking LIMBS out next year? 

Bonus Question: 2019 New Year's Resolution:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Perform in New Zealand  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Play in South America!  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: To yet again, not make any resolutions!    Ira George of Movements: Eat healthier  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Be more healthy: physically and mentally. Write the best songs I’ve ever written.  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Be hardcore.       Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Have even less rest.  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Play in new continents with Sylar, learn more about engineering music on my own.   Tyler Riley of Gideon: Put out our best album yet Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Workout more, give back to the community and better myself  Palisades: Make more music for 2019 Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Procrastinated less  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Play 150 Shows  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Travel to more of the world, see everything I possibly can.  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Bust more butt get more bread    Vagrants: TOUR outside of the USA  Household: Write music and hang out with friends and family ;)  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: To release a record of my own. I have been heavily into synths and music recording and production in general. I’m gonna try to delve more into that world next year and hopefully have something to show for it.    

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[dfnews]

Episode Recap of "Joy's Wedding" "Joy's Divorce" will air in 2020.

Season 4, Episode 1 - June 12, 2017

"In the season premiere, Joy and Austin's wedding day finally arrives; and another Duggar reveals a surprise that leaves the guests in shock."

So here we are again. Another season of life of recaps and high blood pressure spikes for me. This year looks to be about the same as the previous years. Another Duggar marriage is conveniently arranged to fall at beginning of a new season. This time it's 19 year old tomboy Joy. Joy, who said she hates wearing dresses is now wearing a wedding dress. Joy who recently graduated from homeschool and then sadly stated she wasn't going to college or to work but would stay home and help her family. Did she ever have a choice? No!  Religious abuse is holding her hostage. This episode is about her transfer of authority. Authority from living under the rules set by her father to the rules set by her husband.

Jill married an outsider who pleased the Godbobber with his missionary wannabe a preacher ways. Jim Bob arranged that marriage. Jessa married a family acquaintance who pleased the Godbobber with his anti-abortion work and preaching ways. Jim Bob arranged that marriage. Jinger married an outsider who pleased the Godbobber by hating on Catholics and being a preacher. Jim Bob arranged that marriage. Now it's time to pick another child to sacrifice to keep the show on the air. Since Joy is young I'm sure the Godbobber thought it best to pick a family friends' son that he knows well and will keep her in the area. It will also connect him to the Forsyths business which the Godbobber has admired and advertised for years. So Joy has had a young man chosen for her because the Godbobber claims God talked to him and encouraged this betrothal and if she protests in any way, she will be hellbound and disowned. This is abuse. I hope one day a family friend will be able to convince these girls that what is happening to them is not godly...it's evil.

1. The episode opens up at Cross Church in Rogers. All of the Duggar kids have been married in different locations. Jill at Cross Church in Springdale, Jessa at First Baptist in Bentonville, Jinger at Church of the Ozarks in Siloam Springs and Josh in Florida. What is with all the different locations? Do the Duggars go all rock band on these churches and destroy the place so they are never allowed back again? My belief is that you should marry in the church you or your spouse was raised in which means all of the Duggar kids should have married in the homechurch of the blacked-out windows.

2. Austin arrives at the church carrying suits and is met by Laura DeMasie, the party planner. LOL! Laura has been working at IBLP cult headquarters for many years and her being called a party planner for the Duggars is ridiculous. Laura is 31 and heads up the COMMIT program along with many other functions for IBLP. She worked under Gothard and lived through the storm of his resigning due to sexual assaults. Laura visits the Duggars often and I tend to think her visits are for counseling purposes. She helps to keep the girls in line. Now she's Joy's party planner? Mmmmkay.

3. Joy arrives with her little sisters who she quickly abandons to greet Austin. She says all the gushy things a fundie girl is supposed to say to her godly arranged man. Her phony fundie smile and stare are near perfection. This is not the Joy we've watched grow up. She's some sort of pod woman now. Joy says "Today is the day I've been dreaming about for a very long time." She's 19! She only got her braces off a couple of years ago. She graduated from homeschool just last year! When she asks Austin if he can believe it...that they're getting married, he snorts and says, "No". He really doesn't look excited. After talking about what they think their favorite part of the wedding will be they go off to pray alone as all the couples before them were shown doing before their weddings. Same ole, same ole.

4. Michelle's friend Cindy is back as wedding designer. She probably should have skipped this disaster. Dried flowers thrown on the floor, hay and weeds hung like they've been lynched from the ceiling. All I can think is I hope the church has a good sprinkler system. The bridal party shows up for hair and makeup. We see Jessa for the first time this season and of course she's talking about herself and her wedding day. Jinger appears and acts all bubble headed about what to do with her hair. Jill shows up to talk about her baby belly. Nothing really interesting happening here and it goes even more downhill when the guys are being filmed. Cindy appears to pin the corsages on the guys and they all look kind of annoyed by her. It was probably all the judging her in her jeans that made them look pissy.   Can't have bossy pants wearing women tellng misogynistic jerks what to do. When Cindy tries to pin John she asks him if he's "Arrested anybody lately?" We don't get an interesting answer. We get John pretending to be stuck by the pin like an idiot. Then Joy suddenly appears during the pinning to ask Austin about how she should wear her hair. She looks terrified to make a decision for herself. Austin asks if she is going to wear a veil or not and Joy is like, you make the decision. I don't have the self-esteem to think for myself. I don't want to get beaten kind of look. Austin does try to get her to think for herself but I'm not sure if he was sincere.

5. Kendra shows up and flirts a little with Joe. I'm glad she's a talker. She might bring some life into this show if Joe doesn't squash the spirit out of her. We meet her dad, the ignorant, gay hating, youthful looking preacher who will be sealing the deal with Austin and Joy. I wonder if being stupid is the fountain of youth. Pastor Paul Caldwell is who TLC is promoting now on their channel. They may need to start hiding him like they do with Josh.  http://www.nwahomepage.com/…/church-pamphlet-offe…/148038088  

6. Michelle shows up with her baby voice on to introduce the bride in her gown. Joy looks good and Austin did decide for her to wear the veil. Luckily the dress is long enough to hide the old brown sandals she decided to wear. The Godbobber then shows up to repeat the same lines in his phony blubbering way as he did for all the other daughters. He says Joy is the most beautiful bride ever. He has said that about every daughter before he walked her down the aisle. I've got to think it's not a compliment anymore but has turned into an insult. An insult because he can't put any effort into treating his daughters as individuals.

7. Photos are taken of the guys. A million cupcakes are baked and decorated. The girls' photos are taken. Joy finds her voice when she starts yelling for the bridal party to take their places. The wedding is about to begin and she seems to want to get this over with it. As the time approaches we finally see her nerves take over. She looks like she wants to run and I am cheering her on. Jim Bob fumbles and says, "You're a good daughter." A good daughter? Seriously? She replies with, "You're the greatest dad." I think she's better than good since she ended up being molested due to her dad's inaction concerning a molesting son of his. When the old man croaks all the girls who were molested need to fight for his inheritance. They deserve it. But of course, because they live in an ungodly patriarchy, only the boys will be given any inheritance money. Screwed again.

8. Pretty music is played as the wedding party walks the aisles. I search for Josh in the crowd but TLC has gotten smart and hidden that slug somewhere good. Jenni bawls as she realizes she's losing another sistermom. Austin must have tried to run because he's dragged down the aisle by his mom and Michelle and some old guy walking behind him. He's trapped! Then a trumpet blasts and the music gets all thunderous which causes Joy to walk the aisle to make it stop. Thank you, Joy! Austin weeps and looks around for the nearest exit. I can see a peak of Joy's brown sandals as she walks the hay covered aisle and hee haw comes to mind.

9. And so it begins. The pastor talks a bit and then introduces John to conduct a song. Seriously, John, who is the least musical Duggar is leading the song by swinging his arms around and acting all serious conductor like. This is the point where I peed myself and had to pause the program to change my pants. Do people really do this at weddings? The song is a simplistic hymn about God being your friend when you're sad. I think Joy will need to sing that a lot in her marriage. They start off right away talking about the marriage covenant and then quickly to the vows and the rings. Austin seems to panic for a second when he thinks Joy's ring doesn't fit but it does and then they sign the business contract, I mean the marriage certificate, which is done during the ceremony. Then the parents come up to pray in a football huddle. Then they are pronounced man and wife and the couple kiss but it barely looks like they touched lips. I'm pretty much convinced they didn't really kiss. Nice acting though. Song-peed pants-marriage covenant talk-short vows-rings-signing the papers-huddle prayer-pronouncement-missed kiss and that's it? That all took about eight minutes. Please tell me TLC cut some of the wedding out and it wasn't really an eight minute wedding ceremony. The young couple run down the aisle like the church is on fire and then Joy is scared shitless by a confetti cannon. Oh yeah, that's a hee haw wedding. Who cleaned up that confetti? This is why Duggars never get married in the same place twice.

10. John talks about the short and sweet ceremony and then pronounces himself a "Bachelor til the Rapture". Considering the Rapture is make believe I guess John will never marry and will continue to sleep in the boys' dorm forever.  Laura, the IBLP cult party plannner, is still available. Maybe she can change his mind. The "reception" consisted of eating sugar in the church lobby. Jenni changes out of her bridesmaid dress as quickly as she can. Austin and Joy give thanks before cutting the cake and then kiss and this one looks like they didn't miss. Then they set up the bouquet throw where Joy just ends up handing it to Kendra and then Joe gets down on one knee and proposes after only courting for three months. She says yes and everyone cheers. Another handcuffed teenager prepared to be transferred from one authority to another.  Another wedding to kick off the next season. The show will go on for as long as there are Duggar kids to sell off. If they keep taking in kids, like Tyler, that may be until the next century.

I needs some sugar!