#because you can't eavesdrop for the tea but instead you get to experience your own brain betraying you telling u they r def talking abt you

[rachymarie]

Damn i was finally starting to feel better after all the noises outside my room had ceased for some time, i got my pie (and a sandwich, mind you. I don't like to eat a lot all at once but suddenly got extra hungry in my avoidant starvation) and finally took my 9.30am meds (at nearly 2pm).

Then one of the staff (one of my faves actually) started up a very loud yet unintelligible phone call very nearby, which sounded rather heated. So, naturally, the schizospec brain starts trying to convince itself that he is absolutely most definitely complaining about me to god-knows-who.

Why must i endure such trickery and hijinx* at the hands of my own head 🍜🍝 (spag-head-i?)

[osamusbigtits]

atsumu watches kiyoomi from the other room. kiyoomi jumped up when he got a phone call, speed walked to the kitchen, and answered.

atsumu didn't even get the chance to see who called. he can take a guess but the way kiyoomi's shoulders tense, drawing up to his ears. he takes a defensive tone, one atsumu usually hears during arguments. but this feels different.

kiyoomi's tense in a way that atsumu only saw during their high school years at the few training camps they attended together. shoulders hunched up, fists balled, permanent frown showing his displeasure. actually, kiyoomi's back was currently to atsumu, but atsumu could only assume kiyoomi's expression.

"no, father," kiyoomi says, louder than the rest of his words had been. "I'm not going." kiyoomi speaks more formally, like he used to before settling into msby. using titles he doesn't even bother to use with their coach or captain.

atsumu knows kiyoomi doesn't talk about family and atsumu never pushed. he understood having hard boundaries. but with how this conversation appears to be going, atsumu wonders if he should have been pushing all this time.

kiyoomi's shoulders slump after he gets off the phone, but the tension still remains. atsumu wonders if he should look away to give kiyoomi a moment to collect himself. but then kiyoomi turns to him.

atsumu watches as kiyoomi's defenses raise. the walls atsumu so skillfully snuck past are pushing him back out once again.

kiyoomi doesn't say anything as he walks to the kitchen. atsumu returns his gaze to the tv, although he can't remember what he put on. not that it matters right now.

steeling his own emotions, atsumu pushes himself off the couch. kiyoomi might not admit it, or even realize it, but he needs someone right now. and atsumu isn't going to let kiyoomi suffer in silence.

kiyoomi's back is to atsumu as he enters. his shoulders are tense once again. he stands in front of their keurig, most likely making himself a cup of tea. if atsumu had to guess, he'd say it's a peppermint tea because kiyoomi often uses it to calm himself.

"omi," atsumu says softly.

kiyoomi doesn't turn. he doesn't move except to continue his task of making his tea. an attempt to shut atsumu out.

luckily, atsumu is annoyingly persistent, as kiyoomi once put it.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," atsumu continues. he opens one of the cabinets and pulls out the sugar for kiyoomi, setting it close on the counter. "but it is a small apartment." atsumu grabs a protein muffin he's recently been obsessed with and sits at the kitchen table.

kiyoomi hesitates before reaching to grab the sugar.

he takes a bite and gives kiyoomi a moment.

finally, kiyoomi turns to face atsumu. the smell of sweet, peppermint tea surrounds them. kiyoomi holds the mug with two hands, and he peers into the plain black mug instead of meeting atsumu's eyes.

"if you sit, we can talk about it," atsumu says. kiyoomi doesn't budge. "ah, I figured that'd be your response." no reaction.

maybe it's worse than atsumu thought. dry sarcasm usually makes kiyoomi fight a smile.

"we don't have to take about the phone call." atsumu takes another bite while kiyoomi seems to think it over. "I know family can be a tough subject."

kiyoomi scoffs.

atsumu fights his immediate response to argue. while atsumu is beyond lucky with his loving mother and supportive brother, atsumu still knows, full well, just how difficult family can be. both by experience and by others' experiences.

a breath. kiyoomi's just angry and needs someone to take it out on. atsumu's an easy target.

"I'm here for you, kiyoomi," atsumu says. he pulls at the wrapper of the muffin. "don't forget that."

kiyoomi stands still.

atsumu wants to scream and yell. it's what he'd do with osamu. force his brother into telling him what was going on. it's how he used to deal with kiyoomi.

but yelling and fighting makes things worse.

conceding, kiyoomi sits across from atsumu. he sets his mug on the table. "you're getting crumbs everywhere," kiyoomi mumbles.

atsumu rolls his eyes. "I'll clean them up."

kiyoomi stirs his tea. "thank you," he says even quieter than before.

they sit in silence for a moment. kiyoomi sipping his tea while atsumu finishes his muffin and then cleans uo the crumbs that bothered kiyoomi.

atsumu offers to make kiyoomi another cup before he sits back down but kiyoomi shakes his head.

the kitchen table isn't exactly where atsumu would like to have a conversation like this, especially since they don't even have food. however, he's pushed kiyoomi's boundaries enough as it is.

"my father called," kiyoomi says. his eyes stay fixated on the table. "he wanted to, um... to know my plans for the holidays."

"you're spending them with me," atsumu chimes in, unable to stop himself. he's excited, it'll be the first time kiyoomi spends a significant amount of time with his family.

kiyoomi allows a slight smile. "I know."

"sorry. you can continue." atsumu gives a nod. he's been pestering kiyoomi, and while kiyoomi is happy to come along, the most atsumu says about it, the more nervous kiyoomi gets.

kiyoomi takes a moment. "my family usually does a big thing the week before the new year. and I didn't go last year." atsumu nods. he remembers that kiyoomi was tense around that time and had spent a lot of time talking to komori on the phone. "my brother and sister covered for me. but I guess the truth came out that I had intentionally not attended."

with a sigh, kiyoomi's shoulders slump. "I don't want to go, atsumu." kiyoomi finally meets atsumu's eyes. atsumu's heart twinges at the ache and sadness and heartbreak in kiyoomi's eyes. "that's not my family. you are."

a lump grows in atsumu throat as tears build in his eyes. kiyoomi quickly diverts his gaze. "omi."

"don't cry."

atsumu lip quivers. "I'm your family?" his voice cracks. he can't help it.

"atsumu, please."

atsumu stands up and comes around the table. kiyoomi leans away when atsumu comes near, but doesn't push when atsumu hugs him.

"omi, I love you so you much!" atsumu kisses the top of his head.

kiyoomi frowns. but still, he says, "I love you, too."