#because you can't depict her. she just looks like whatever you expect the most beautiful woman in the world to look like

[beaft]

listening to a podcast about troy and losing my mind over how fucking scary helen of troy is. her skin is pure white. she hatched out of an egg. she can perfectly mimic other people's voices. she's the most beautiful woman in the world but she is also completely faceless. she's a ghost. she's an eidolon. people keep trying to kill her but they fail every time because she's so beautiful that it hypnotises them and they are physically unable to hurt her. she's a central figure in the trojan war but her ultimate fate is almost never described because if she aged or died she'd stop being beautiful

[agnesandhilda]

I watched this production of the bacchae last night and, while I can't speak for its accuracy, I had a great time!

some impressions:

dionysus is played by a woman here, but dionysus is still referred to as "zeus's son" or with he/him pronouns sometimes, in what I assume is a holdover from the original script. (generally, masc terms are used for dionysus when his mythological background is being discussed, and she/her when she's physically present on stage). but in practice it just seems like dionysus has she/him swag

everyone's yassified. the maenads look like all their clothes come from forever 21 and it rules

pentheus and his cronies are costumed as patrick bateman wannabes, and I think it works for emphasizing how they're more controlled/conservative than the maenads

going in I figured dionysus would be the real showstopper, and she does a good job, but the actor for pentheus puts his whole pussy into it and I wasn't expecting that. he's really got that stodgy prep school boy energy

dionysus being played by a woman highlights the homoerotic aspect of pentheus' little "you're so pretty---not that I'm interested or anything" tangent, which I got to ramble to my mom about!

the maenads' dance numbers between the scenes are easily the iffiest parts of the production, but I appreciate that they're there (to replicate the music numbers that would've originally been there for an english-speaking audience. and music is hard to adapt, I know) and they're fun enough so 🤷

my favorite maenad is the one in the highlighter yellow skirt btw

cadmus wears a crop top in his introduction scene and I think that's beautiful

agave is only in one scene but she slays (ha) it. she's so frenzied!! my mom thought it was weird but I was into it so whatever

midway through pentheus' guards description of his death I realized that, while my professors told me most violence in greek dramas was kept offscreen because graphic violence didn't fit the sensibilities of audiences at the time, it's also, just, hard to depict scenes like this in a theater format, especially without modern special effects. how would you even pull off sparagmos if you had to perform it live with ~400s BCE tech? you couldn't! all you can do is send some dudes in after the fact to say "it was SO crazy guys you should've seen it"

I'm kind of disappointed pentheus wasn't costumed like the rest of the maenads when it came to giving him a disguise, because I personally LOVE fishnets and think everyone should wear them, but his boobs were out so I can't complain

on a related note dionysus' divine form is costumed like an insta baddie all in leather which is fun I think

I've been reading the paul roche version of the bacchae bc that's what I've got access to, but reading a play and seeing it performed are very different even if you try to remember it's a performance piece as you read, and seeing the actors get emotional in delivering their lines was interesting to me bc I mostly read their tones as flat/calm initially, which gives the bacchae a more sedate vibe

this makes me want to watch more productions of greek dramas. maybe shakespeare. I wanna see more dismembered bodies on stage

[beadhasdominance-blog]

Cliqué Part 8

I kept looking at the beautiful boy in front of me.

. . .

A minute passed and I decided it was too much. Now, I gotta find Lanie and Mia. The talking to my old friends was a lie, yes. I have two years in front of me to talk to them, I will do that later. I turned about, setting my handbag properly, also making sure it was with me and I hadn't left it anywhere, I started walking towards the exit.

I saw Elizabeth walking by, the first ranker of Etheral Private, whose posters were put up all over Silverbell. She looks beautiful. I also saw Serena and her friends clicking pictures, some others were talking and yet others were dancing wildly. I used the stairs to go to the next floor. It was troublesome with the long dress and heels together.

In the four hours that I have spent in this dress, I found forty reasons why my suits are better than long dresses. I am seriously not wearing this again. Ever again. I dropped my dress and smoothened it. Checked if I had my handbag, I did, and walked looking straight. Confidence is my best outfit.

The eight floor was the terrace, but it was roofed with metal sheets, probably to keep out the heat and provide shade if it rains. It was lighted with the golden festive lights and there were lamps hung for decoration, it gave vibes of a rooftop party, there was also a slow song playing.

Not all things can go perfectly, right? There was a long queue for the food. I signed in relief when I saw Mia and Lanie still standing in the queue. I mean bad for them, but good for me, I am gonna break in the line.

They hadn’t noticed me becauseof their talks so I called her, "Mia!", I walked over, "You guys are still standing? How much time has it been?"

"Hey, what's happening down there?", Mia wanted to know.

I waved it off, "Ahhh, nothing really. He's just.. pulling his students' leg, I guess. Nothing important." They got it and Mia nodded. "Can I stand here?"

I used that smile which clearly depicts I know I am wrong but they can't deny me, can they?

Lanie started, "We have been standing in the queue since the last 20 minutes. You know this is wrong. Else don't you know think everyone will start breaking the line?"

"I mean, everyone technically is..", I gestured to our surroundings. Only two boys were standing in the line and their friends were roaming around, as the time comes, they would join the queue obviously.

"Leave it, Lanie. Join us, come on." Mia played it cool.

"You didn't expect that I would go to the back of the line and wait another twenty minutes just to get food, right?" I stood behind Lanie, the person behind us made some space. "I would rather starve."

Stand in the queue for twenty minutes to get food, without any friends, when they is a party going on downstairs that I am missing? No way. As we were talking, just then, four girls joined the girl who was standing before Mia. We had to shift a bit back because of them. Slowly as the line moved forward, they adjusted into the line. I wanted to scoff on Lanie's face so bad.

The line got shorter and shorter as we reached the feast table, and the waiter handed us a plate and two bowls. I placed them on the plate and started taking whatever I liked on the table, just like Mia and Lanie were doing in front of me.

There was bread sliced, there was salad chopped next, there was noodles, there was manchurian and gravy, there were fryums, there was pizza and cake too. We could eat how much ever we want, how many times we wanted.

After taking whatever we wanted, Mia, me and Lanie were looking for three spare chairs to sit. We found few people who got up after eating and so we went there to reserve the seats.

"Girl, what are you even eating?", Mia asked me. Of course she would be concerned, I always ate the most compared to all of us, what happened suddenly?

Food poisoning happened. "Remember I told that I got food poisoning last week? The doctor told not to eat oils and fried foods a lot." We all sat down comfortably and started eating. "I should not be eating anything actually, but I am".

My plate had three slices of bread and the manchurian chinese gravy. And salad. That was that. I wanted to eat so much. Ever since I got that terrible food poisoning that felt like my stomach was ripping itself, I don't want to risk it. I seriously don't want to feel that again, I don't even have the courage to.

We started talking.

"Jennifer's dress is so pretty right?"

"Yeah, but she should know grey does not suit her. She looking like cemented pillar, honestly"

"Exactly, she's so lean.."

"And Hans, did you guys see his shoes? He said they cost more than his suit"

"Woah, why is he even wearing them, first of all?"

"And why do you know all that?"

"I just heard", that was the typical me.

"Stop eavesdropping on other people's conversations, that's not good", and this was the typical Lanie.

"Excuse you? You heard my secret when I was telling it to Keith!"

"That's because you spread it to everyone that I liked Peter!"

"I did 'not' do it, how many times do I have to tell you that?", I was pissed this time. Seriously, how many times did I have to tell Lanie for her to finally understand that I didn't tell anyone that she used to like Peter!

Mia was done with us too. "Guys, please eat peacefully"

That was it. My mood was off. I rolled my eyes. I just felt like taking a gun and blasting their brains. Mia doesn't even make Lanie understand that it wasn't me. And Lanie doesn't have the tiniest bit of understanding to let old times go, she is stuck on the fact like a leech that I spread her secret to everyone.

This is why I find me questioning myself, why do people even like Lanie, exactly?

[elysian-i]

Scarlet Blue - pt.ii

Summary: He's been fighting a war, and so has she, the sides differ, yet he's never really left hers.

Warnings: Dark Themes. Hurt/Comfort. Depictions of war. Blood. Minor characters deaths. Voldemort Wins. Ravenclaw/Muggleborn!Reader. Dark/Simp!Draco. I don't know what the fuck I wrote.

Note: The sequel no one asked for of this fic ! I did a sequel because I just felt like there was more to this story. Draco's a murderer in this fic lmao. I don't know if I'll be doing pt.iii

a/n: i don't wanna talk about this 😭

NAVIGATION

-----------

Draco thinks he's just seen the goddamn sun.

There's fire in her eyes. She's brave. She's beautiful.

There's blood tickling down the side of her forehead— she's fighting still. Her head turns back and then they settle onto him, a look to terror in her eyes, it's the same as the look of facing death.

His wand points up at her, she doesn't flinch.

And then with a wave of his hand, a bright white light shoots out from the tip, it circles around the death eaters and then they fall. Nearly 50 death eaters killed with a flick of his wand.

Her eyes are wide in horror and surprise. She blinks and then within a moment apparates off. He's just as flabbergasted as she was.

For whatever damn reason— for perhaps the first time in years— he's wanted for someone to not die.

He's been fighting the war for 5 years now, ever since Potter's pathetic failure to kill the dark lord.

There might have been possibility of him switching sides before the battle at Hogwarts, but now all that mattered was to survive. Not morals, not peace.

It was all before the war, it's been years since he's seen her. In 6th year, that damn mudblood ravenclaw ruined him.

It was before. It was before.

Yet he can't seem to let her go.

————

"You're leaving then? You said, you promised– you'd stay" There were tears in her eyes, glisteing and shining over her irises'.

"I have to fucking leave. Don't you understand? I don't have a fucking choice"

She gave a sob and turned her head away, trying not to panic over the fact that she might just be losing him forever. "Please don't, I can't– I can't without you, Draco"

His arms reached forward, he crushed their bodies together and kissed above her brows, they stayed silent for several seconds, only listening to the droplets of rain faintly falling outside. Then he spoke,

"I always hated it you know? The idea of love– it terrified me to be vulnerable to someone like that. I used to think I was fine before you, but– I never was. I hated being in love with you at first, but now it's my favorite thing about myself. You're the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me"

He could hear the beating of heart fasten as he spoke, he reached down and kissed over her eyelids, wiping the tears off with his sleeve.

"I love you. I'll never stop, I swear to God, I'll love you until there's nothing left in me"

"I love you more" She said in a low voice, biting back a sob, she shook lightly and craned her neck to look up at him, "Don't leave, We'll– I'll keep you safe, just don't go"

Draco spun her around, pushing her body to him as he leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth. For several moments, his lips stayed on hers and then he tensed away from her.

"Try to stay in love with me. I'll find you alright?"

————

'I'll find you'

That's what he'd promised, for weeks; for months; for years— all he had tried to do was to find her. To make his promise true. That never happened.

Now, when he'd least expected it, she'd came right back into his life, like a lighting bolt— in a flash.

He wondered if she'd moved on; if she had someone else to cry and care and laugh about. The thought of it made his heart ache.

She was his. She was always going to be his.

He's possessive. He knows that.

Sleep never came. He tried on for hours before finally giving up and shoving a dreamless sleep potion down his throat.

When Draco woke up, it was almost 6 in the morning. There was no sun there, only a mist of fog surrounding the Manor. He forced himself to leave bed and get ready for whatever services Voldemort had for him for the day.

He selected a pair of black trousers, along with the same coloured shirt. Then finally he put his robes on and apparated.

It was the place where he'd fallen in love with her— the astronomy tower. In his sixth year, she'd stolen his heart and he never got it back.

As he entered the place, Voldemort glared at him from a distance, when he got close enough he spoke, "My lord, what shall I do for you today?" He said in a flat voice.

Everytime he saw his stupid fucking face, Draco always had to fight back the urge to beat him death with his bare hands.

He could've had her if it wasn't for Voldemort. Being with a muggle-born that was part of the Order would be nothing less than suicide. If he ever got to know that Draco was in love with her, they'd both have been executed at the spot.

Voldemort stared at him, his red eyes glowing bright in the dim lit room. "Ahh, Draco. I have no particular plans for you today. You're free to do whatever you want" He said, tapping his inhumane pale fingers against his chair.

He gave a short nod and left immediately. He didn't have anything else to do for the rest of day— he had stopped talking to his parents and then they had moved over to France. As for friends— he never had a true pack of them.

Maybe— he could visit her. As far as he knew and had calculated, Voldemort wouldn't last much longer his doom was lingering over the edge. She wouldn't be in danger because of him now, he could keep her safe. He could find her now.

With a sigh, he did a locater spell and found her within minutes. She was in some forest; not at the Grimmuald palace.

Strange, he thought.

The leaves crushed beneath him as he stalked forward. She was sitting by the edge of a small stream, lanking her hands through it.

She was— pristine.

Draco was a ruined person, an evil fucking idiot. But she was like an angel that had been sent as a gift— just for him.

"Hello there Y/N"

She flinched as soon as she heard his voice, turning to him abruptly and holding her wand tightly in fist. "What the fuck are you doing here? Come here to murder me because I got away yesterday?"

You got away a long time ago.

He shoved the thought aside and glared at her, "If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't have killed 50 death eaters to keep you safe"

"How very kind of you" She chirped, rolling those pretty fucking eyes of hers. "Thank you for murdering people for me"

"You're welcome my love"

It occurred to him that that's why Voldemort had let him off for the days, he was probably busy trying to figure out who killed his followers.

"My love?" She scoffed, "Didn't really remember that for years and suddenly you're hurting people for me?"

She was angry at him. Obsessively angry. He could see it in her eyes. He would've thought she hated him if it wasn't for her fighting back tears and silently checking him for any injuries.

"I'm sorry"

"That fixes everything? I waited for years and you promised that you'd find me– but you didn't, you said you would be there always, but you weren't"

Tears were spilling out from her eyes and down to her cheeks— a beautiful disaster. The realisation hit him;

He was hers. Till eternity and after. Even if she wasn't his.

When he didn't say anything, she turned away from him and walked off, "I tried. I just wanted to keep you safe– I'm sorry to have hurt you in the process, just come back"

"We were never meant to be– so just– don't. I don't wanna talk about this"

With a crack she vanished.

He balled his hands into fists and urged himself to not cry right there and then.

Would he see her again? Does she even want to? He knows he'll do anything to have her in his arms again.

————

Draco wasn't sure of why exactly he came back; he just did in the hope he would see her again.

And to his luck, she stood there.

"Why are you..." Her eyes flickered over him briefly, there was a look of adoration in her eyes before she straightened her expression and gave him a cold look. "doing this? Is the dark lord sending you?"

"You think I'm here because I'm being told to?" He sneered the words at her, narrowing his eyes, "No, for the record he is not. I'm here because I– I want to clear things between us"

"Clear what exactly? You left, we both moved on. It's only you complicating everything now"

"Fucks sake" he huffed, dragging a hand through his hair, "Can't you fucking see I haven't moved on?"

"That's your problem then"

"So you're happy then? You've moved on?"

She rolled her tongue and scrunched her nose in annoyance— Gods he loves it when she does that. "There's a war going on. Ofcourse I'm not happy, but I'm not here to discuss that with you"

"And why exactly are you here then?"

"I wanted to know if your visit had something to do with the dark lord, I don't have anything else to do with you"

Draco reached forward and yanked her towards him by her arm. "You said you would wait" he hissed, slamming her to his chest.

"I did! But all you did was climb the rank and become a famous murderer!"

"I did that for you!" he growled, she seemed stunned at his answer, her eyes wide in horror, "You think I got out everyday killing people because I like to? I left to protect you. You would have died years ago if I hadn't climbed ranks"

"Let me go"

"Y/N..."

"Let me go"

He trembled slightly but let her go, stepping back and leaving her out of his grip. It was like his words had torn her heart out of her ribs.

————

Draco went back to the spot almost every night. Whenever he had time, whenever he had the privilege to.

She had imprinted herself onto his mind, and ever since that night all he thought about was her. Her voice and her smell and her touch. The way she melted into him, the way her breaths and pulse felt synced with him.

He didn't see her for nearly 3 weeks, then on a Sunday, he saw her again.

She was crying. All he wanted was to reach forward and pull her into his arms. Comfort her like she used to.

"Are you alright?" He asked, keeping himself at a safe distance, then he blushed faintly as he realised how idiotic the question was.

"What–? That's a stupid question. Nevermind, I'm– fine, thanks for asking"

He stared at her and then sat down beside her, to his surprise she didn't flinch away, she looked at him for a few minutes and then spoke.

"I just– I thought I'd moved on. I haven't slept, not since I ever saw you. I was fine before I saw you, and then you came back. Why?"

"I just found you"

"How did you find me then?"

"The first time, I– it just happened, then I wanted to find you, I did a locater spell, it's advanced dark magic"

She gave a scoff and wiped the salty tears off on her fingertips, staring straight ahead at the water body, "You couldn't do the spell before?"

Draco gave a short sigh, "No. I couldn't do it before, it was too dangerous. Now... Voldemort's going to lose, so I can be with you and keep you safe"

She licked her lips and stood up, staring down at him with harsh and broken eyes. "It's been years, overtime I thought that you'd just forgotten about me. I never 'moved on'"

"I didn't either" He said and stood alongside her, his hand barely trailed over his. Then he caught her palm in his.

"I should've known, that I'd be damned ever since I saw you in those Scarlet Blue robes"

Y/N gave a laugh, and for a moment his heart stopped beating. He had tried everything to have her back. But no matter how much he wanted her, he didn't get to have the privilege to have her back.

"Do you really want to be with me again?" She asked genuinely, there was no sarcasm or anger in her now.

"I promised I would find you, and that I'll–" he stopped there, was he allowed to tell her that he loved her? Would it be possible? Would it scare her away?

"I love you still" She answered his doubts, he shook in surprise and struggled to breathe.

She loved him— she had waited for him. She had kept her promise.

Then without hesitation Draco leaned forward and kissed her— hard and affectionate kisses that had her gasping.

He tangled his fingers in her strands and slammed her to his chest, he trailed his hands down her body and kissed her and kissed her. He had been starving for too long.

"I love you, I love you" He breathed the words against her, leaning his forehead against her. He looked at her with a possessive gaze.

Y/N smiled widely, and then put her mouth on his again, he grabbed her waist and pulled her up to his, wrapping his legs around his hips and pushing her to nearby tree.

He leaned down and kissed along the juncture of her throat, he traveled his fingers along the length of her body. Feeling her corner and curve after years of not being able to.

"Then you'll stay?" She said as she pulled away slightly, staring right into his metallic silvery eyes.

"I'll stay forever"

---------

special tag for @dr4cking :>

(follow @bellys-study to be notified of my works)

[plut00nline]

Fuck it im doing it

My 2020 top 20 movie list

(Disclaimer that most of these weren't made in 2020 but I just watched them this year. These aren't also really in a very particular order but they are lowkey ranked) (i also had to be choosey with the images i out cause of the limit, but yeah dont mind that)

20. The perfection

The plot twist in this movie is *chefs kiss* there was no way for me to predict the ending, bug as far as thrillers goes, it is brilliant. And also, lesbians. It can be a pretty triggering movie for ab*se and general gore, but really I love the pacing and the thrill of it.

19. The shining

Ah yes, a classic horror, and though I may feel iffy about Stanley Kubrick, this movie was pretty good. But I am saying this as a person that didn't read the book. The blood rushing down the hallway was really my favourite visual on the movie. It was a movie that made me felt genuinely scared while watching it, like hiding behind my blanket but also sweating scared, the suspense was pretty thrilling though

18. Doctor Sleep

Man do I love Danny Torrance, and Abra, fuck I love them both. Again, I never read the book, but my ignorance keeps me in bliss. The visuals of this movie are also great, and the emotions this movie puts through? I'm just glad headcanons exist, but really I did enjoy this movie even if it wasn't what I was expecting.

17. Birds of prey

Harley deserved a movie, and the fact that it was directed by a woman makes me love it so much more because we just got to see harley doing the things that she fucking wanted. This movie is wlw solidarity, from Margot robbie to Mary Elizabeth Winstead, women with crossbows? Sign me the fuck up. And from all the DC films I've seen, it's so much brighter, in the visual sense, there's colour! There's character! And not everyone is just brooding in darkness, its the type of movie that would make me actually watch and enjoy DC films.

16. Charlie's angels

Firstly, lesbians. Thank you. But really, its a good action comedy and really I'll jump at the chance to see women kick ass.

15. My octopus teacher

I've never cried over an octopus before, so that was an experience. And even though this is technically not a movie, I still wanted to put it on here cause it was really just a great documentary, especially since it happened in my home country and im very oddly proud of that fact.

14. Knives out

Murder mystery and chris evans go so well together. I have made a longer post, but to sum it up, like most of the movies on this list. The colours and the pacing and just the atmosphere of the movie was spectacular, and even though I couldve guessed the ending, I was still on the edge of my seat for most of it

13. Ready or not

I love this new wave of eat the rich media. Samara weaving is a great actor and I am in love with her and this whole movie. It really was something that I hadn't actually seen before and the fact that the whole curse thing at the end was true was really just wow. Along with eat the rich, I love the feral female energy lately, and the whole white clothing slowly but surely being covered in blood.

12. Geralds game

The line "youre only made of moonlight" lives in my head rent free. This movie, was really an experience and for a movie with only two people in it for the majority, it is really well done. I'll always feel iffy about a man writing a woman's experience (specifically) but I do love the way this movie went, yeah I hated the "Hand" scene, but I still enjoyed the after math of it.

11. The old gaurd

Again, more lesbians, what more could I ask for? The concept for this movie is brilliant, immortal mercenaries is the only trope I want from now on, and found family.

10. Parasite

Again with the eat the rich. This movie was mindblowing, and just, the imagery!! And im glad they didn't dub it in English cause fuck that, I enjoyed it perfectly with subtitles.

9. song of the sea

This movie, this movie! Is so precious and I had that song stuck in my head for days.the name Saoirse is also so oddly pleasing to hear. This story is so beautiful, the music is amazing and it makes me want to be a fae.

8. Scott pilgrim vs the world

This movie really did pass what my expectations for what I thought it was gonna be, the music was amazing, the transitions and editing style was *chefs kiss* and even though I felt like I was in a fever dream the whole time, it'd be a fever dream I'd gladly rewatch.

7. The imitation game

Thank you Alan Turing. This movie recked me, like emotionally, I was a mess when I was done with it, but damn was it good, like I really just felt something while watching it, I mean most.of the movies on this list did, but this one just really hit me in some way.

6. Klaus

At least there are still good Christmas movies being made. Actually, I was a mess for this one too, the second that child got that sleigh thing it was over for my emotions. The whole sirge of turning Santa into this big macho dude really is working out and that's how Santa should always be depicted. I could gush about the animation style of this movie all fucking day, I love it so much (and the shadows!!! Ahh the shadows!) It really is just incredible.

5. I'm thinking of ending things

Hey man, I knew this was gonna fuck me up just by looking at the trailer, but there was absolitley no way to prepare for whatever was about to happen. Even after watching it, I have no idea what happened. But I still found it great, I love movies that give me an existential crisis.

4. Spirited away

All I wanted to do, was eat everything in that movie, even if it would turn me into a pig, holy hells this movie is good. There was just this satisfying appeal to it that I can't quite put into words. Its beautiful like everything studio ghibli movie ever.

3. The Willoughbys

I never knew I needed a found family movie with a bunch of kids that were already family. I've made a longer post about this movie, and I dont think I could really say more, this movie is so fucking touching and I love the direction it went in plot wise.

2. Howl's moving castle

Again, I may not have understood wtf was going on, but I'll be damned if I didn't love every second of it. There is no doubt that this movie is stunning, and I really am a suckered for early 2000's 2d animation, because!!! Look at it!!! Studio Ghibli films always just floor me with how good they look. I really wanna read the book, because I would absolutley love to see a feral Sophie giving howl shit for crying over hair.

1. Us

This movie will always be my no. 1 it is amazing and I love everything jordan peele has done with his movies. Especially for it to have a full black cast, and those black people have darker skin than what is normally shown in media. The feral but also calculated nature of each character is beautiful and nothing can ever make me hate this movie

I hope you enjoyed this incoherent "review" of my favourite movies I watched in 2020, its been a shit show and movies really have been a place of comfort for me. But stay safe and happy new year!

[thesharondefenseleague]

mlm imo werent sexualized to the degree that wlw were in most canon media mostly because of the male gaze. Gay and Lesbian relationships or moments got very limited representation. One was probably more sympathetic but also heart breaking like say brokeback mountain. One was explicit but depicted as grotesque or twisted or perverted or immoral in some way. And the last version was the titillating version. In western media because of the assumed straight male gaze lesbians making out to titlate guys was a common thing like say in Jennifer's body. The equivalent of that with guys wasnt really that common not in western media. Not that wlw couldn't like that content but it was made to be fanservice for men .

So thats what I kind of mean by wlw were sexualized at least in western media. This equivalent with mlm in fandom never really existed they never made out for girls to find hot in the same way. It was never marketed like oh look hot guys making out. Fandom did that but not canon.

As for comic book men being sexualized kind of. There is definitely the unrealistic beauty standards but theres that debate of was it for the purpose of titillating women? Or a result of toxic masculinity putting this unattainable unsustainable goal for men. Maybe both? But both in comics and the movies they are based on the posing and clothing and moments with women get made to clearly sexualize them . It especially ovbious with comics with them twisting their bodies so their boobs and butts are jutting out. Or like movie moments like Bruce landing in Natasha's clevage. Or angles where you are staring down a female character's shirt or she has a boob window for some contrived reason. Or just reasons to give full page spreads of them in skimpy clothing.

Its rare men get depicted like this or posed like this. And when they do it often stands out because its not the norm. It's something unique. Not true with men. Even in form fitting spandex they are often posed and framed to make to make them look powerful or intelligent or to reveal things about their character.

Again not that men never get sexualized or that fanservice is always bad. Or that its not a concern that men are having these terrible body image issues. But just that for women for the sexualization its so pervasive and constant was my point.

Its just as bad in wlw in canon as it is for women in relationships with men in canon when it comes to that sexualization but i hear so much more about the problems about the wlw ship than the mlw ship. Like to use DC as a example i hear so much about how people sexualized or mishandle harleyivy but compared to that i hear very little about batcat in comparison even though Catwoman is often just as sexualized in that ship.

As for misogyny in shipping wars yes it definetly exists and is a problem as is racism and homophobia. But my issue is mostly that the problem isnt because the main popular ships are mlm. But so often I see the argument framed that way.

Like shipping wars existed between m/w ships and still do today. And they are still often pretty misogynistic towards the woman in the other ship. I don't even have to look at other fandoms I remember Steggy vs Starton getting real ugly.

Mysogny in fandom doesn't uniquely pop up when mlm are the more popular ship. Its often just as bad in fandoms where m/w is the popular ship. But people just bring it up alot more they make it bout valuing the men over the women .

Well i mean that goes both ways you could say its homophobic for valuing the straight ship as better than the gay one or liking it more. But either way its stupid they dont care bout sexism or homophobia only that their ship is more popular.

Thats the sentiment of all ship wars the gender dynamics and racial make up change nothing. Nothing except the bullshit you use for the ship war.

The problem is that people are being homophobic and mysogynistic and racist not just in regards to fictional characters but towards real people just to win a ship war. It comes out so easily. Thats the problem imo.

Mysogny for example i think isnt discussed as much when its a m/w vs m/w ship war or drama because as both ships have women it can't be used to slander the other ship. But when its drama between fans of a m/m and m/w it comes out alot again not because anyone really cares but because now because one ship lacks a woman it can be used as fodder for what people actually care about. Tearing down the other ship.

Again not that mlm fandom doesnt have mysogny. They definetly do. But they aren't mysogynistic because they ship two guys together. Thats not proof they hate women. Having a ship with women isnt proof that you aren't sexist towards women. There might be homophobia in fandoms of mlm ships and mysogny in fandoms of m/w ships.

But in the drama between a m/w and m/m ships that doesn't get brought up because no one cares if that problem can't be used to show that someone only doesn't ship your ship if they are bigoted against it. Who cares about misogyny if your ship is two guys? Who cares about homophobia if your ship is straight?

No one because they cared about the popularity of their ship not the actual issues.

Gonna under under the cut for length again.

This is a lot to read so I'm gonna respond paragraph by paragraph and hope for the best in terms of comprehension.

When it comes to media made about the LGBTQ+ community, you have to keep in mind when it was made, who made it, and who was it made for. And that it's been shown that straight women have had the same reactions to mlm content as straight men to wlw content. QaF was dumbfounded to find that the majority of their audience was straight women when the show's sex scenes were 95% between two or more men and yet that's what they ran with because hey, it got the views. The views of mlm and wlw content in the mainstream media before then was minimized, despite how fucked a lot of the other content could be. If by "most canon media" being directed at the male gaze being summer blockbusters, and more specifically comic book movies, then sure. If we step out of that box, then not really. The film examples you chose are interesting because BB is portrayed exactly how the author of the original short story wrote it which was meant to be heartbreaking since it was a tragic dramatic piece while JB has a woman who wrote and another woman who directed it while purposefully trying to allow to actress to have a level of sexuality without exploiting her as past directors have (also neither of the main characters are lesbians - one is bi, the other I think is straight but maybe questioning?).

The sexualization of wlw in modern western media is definitely a thing. I mean, the first Iron Man film has stewardesses on the private jet pole dancing if I remember correctly. It took until 2016 to stop sexualizing Scarlett in every movie: the changing scene in IM2, the lowered zipper in A1, the ass shot in Cap 2, the boob faceplant in AoU (in your third paragraph, but mentioning it here anyway). It's a joke that you know when a man directs a wlw indie film during the sex scenes. But the mlm equivalent did exist alongside it, and it's what kicked off the century.

Comics and their movies were always for men. The male bodies are male wish fulfilment for their physical appearance. The women are male wish fulfilment for their dream girls. Funnily enough, one of the least sexualized women in comics I've ever read is Sharon. She's rarely, if ever, drawn to be sexualized for the audience. I'm not even sure she's even been in those swimsuit issues Marvel did years ago. And it shows heavily that Marvel struggles to know how to appeal to women without being aggressively in your face about it. The best example of them appealing without pandering is WV, and the worst is the group shots the Russos did in IW and Endgame, especially the latter.

But the men get those poses in the movies too. Thor bathed shirtless for no reason in TDW. There's a scene in Endgame dedicated to talking about Steve's ass. Pratt in GotG. Rudd in Ant-Man. Most actors are expected to look good shirtless and put themselves through intense shit to look that way. So do the women, but they aren't doing it to have the glamor shots of their muscles. And the MCU is not the only film franchise like this. Most, if not all, franchises with majority or entirely male leads expects them all to look like bodybuilders. And I'm gonna take back that it's just for the male audience, because these bodies are meant to appeal to women who are intended to thirst for these actors too. They think these bodies is what will bring women to the theaters.

None of this will change, as you say, that women's sexualization is "constant and pervasive". The film industry is just a part of the larger whole of media. Television and advertising have a treatment of women that's beyond whatever you or I say because there are decades worth of shit to go through that would take dozens of essays worth of writing to fully divulge beyond "please stop it's gross".

Now DC is a whole other ballgame. They're pretty infamous for their artists' sexualization of heroines and villainesses. Harley, Ivy, and Selina are definitely pretty bad, but when I remember what I've seen drawn of Kara, Kori, or sometimes Barbara... But outside of one artist, I think Harley and Ivy as a couple have been drawn tamely. Can't say the same for Selina, because they just can't not draw every part of her body even when she's fully clothed.

I think it's hard not to talk about fandom misogyny outside of m/m ships because of how often popular m/m shippers have rooted their shipping into misogyny. And even with m/f ship wars, a lot of the time the "faulted" character is always the woman when majority of the time it's the man who sucks. I don't get why everyone is fighting for who should kiss Steve because Steve sucks and they'd be better off without him. But because Steve is the object of affection for our fave, we have to fight off everyone else.

Don't look at other fandoms for m/f ship wars. We don't appreciate how tame we were, even at our worst. I'm serious, I've seen so much worse.

I think why the topic of misogyny comes up more with m/m ships is because they follow a similar principle of the male characters being more developed in canon and fanon so it's who people gravitate towards.

There is definitely layers of homophobia in fandom, but there's many versions of how we see it. Homophobes who won't ship anything that's not m/f. Homophobes who ship m/m but won't support IRL rights. People who love m/m but abhor f/f, and vice-versa. The shippers who use them for personal fodder. But the sexism is more prevalent than the homophobia. And the racism way more than both combined.

And it does cause a lot of ammo, and much of it severely unjustified, in ship wars. Literally the bullshit I've seen pulled out of thin air to accuse Sharon of not being worthy because someone said she's a racist for [they literally had no reason just called her one because we said Sam and Sharon are friends because they are] and other nonsense.

The real world repercussions of the homophobia, the sexism, and the racism in fandom... there's just so much. Like we are all still people, and yet we decide because we hide behind screens to be antagonistic, and use homophobic, sexist, and racist shit to attack each other over ships just because we want to paint the other person as crazy, I guess? If you can't see that there are no enemies in ship wars and that the other side is still people, maybe you need to sit out and log off. It's baffling how often it still happens to people. Then it's no longer about ships, it's about who is an asshole.

I will say that Steve and Peggy vs Steve and Sharon is probably the only m/f ship war I've seen where misogyny is talked about. Is, not was, because it still is. Both sides call the others misogynistic. I don't think either side is, but you can see in individuals. Those who tweeted at a certain actress that she was a slut for kissing her costar certainly are though.

You are right that shipping m/m isn't inherently sexist. But tearing down women in those ships to prop up m/m has made me stop shipping certain characters altogether. People, seriously, we don't have to justify why we like them! We can just like them! And other characters can still exist! It's never been that deep.

And you're right, the popularity of the ship helps people ignore any deeper issues within them and this is a power used to silence valid criticism if it pops up.

(I hope I answered everything well for you.)

~Mod R

[lulu-balu]

Just because I can't get the image out of my head with Christmas approaching, Fen and Seabrass discover a decorated Christmas tree in a vault of the Red Queen. In the end Piper finds them after whatever hilarity has ensued, because she was worried after losing contact with the pair

Okay so first off, I’m so sorry this took so long. This ended up being a lot longer than I wanted but honestly, there’s nothing wrong with a couple hundred extra words. (I had to stick most of it under a read more though, so there’s that. Sorry mobile users >_>)

The whole crew knew it well: SeaBrass was bored out of his mind. Acting as the “police”for a still-recovering society was all good and fun, sure, but taking out the lingering Scrappers and unconvinced Royalists (Who were still trying to enforce the dead Queen’s laws) were starting to grow stale. He wanted something slower for a change.

In his nightly musings he decided that having an adventure by himself was a fun idea, so he formulated a plan to raid the one of the Red Queen’s vaults, taking whatever treasures it might still hold. Caution still whispered persistent warnings in the back of his mind, though, so to shut it up he convinced Fen to tag along for the ride. Besides, they seemed oblivious enough to not realize they very well might get in trouble—nevertheless, if any danger arose, they would be a good partner to have in a fight.

He managed to convince Piper to send the two of them onto a small Scrapper ship that had been reported to be carrying Scrappers who were bugging the locals. They were decommissioned swiftly and when it came time to leave, SeaBrass directed the escape pod in the opposite direction. If everything went to plan, they’d be in and out of the vault before anyone suspected a thing.

Before long, the pod had reached the vault, sliding into the docking bay like a plug fitting into its port. They had to fight with the door on the vault’s side to get it to open, but once they did, they found it to be very dark inside.

“I’ve got this,” Fen exclaimed, turning every light on their body on,lighting them up to the brightest setting they could without overexerting themself.

Fen started forward, looking about rather eagerly for hidden treasures. SeaBrass didn’t expect Fen to move so quickly, so he had to pick up the pace, not wanting to get left behind. After a few minutes, Fen inadvertently kicked something, the item making a loud clattering sound as it scraped against the floor. Startled, they jumped a bit, their antennae standing on end.

“Aye, what is it?” SeaBrass asked, immediately striding over to it. He leaned over it, studying it with curiosity; and it wasn’t long before Fen joined him.

“It’s a hook,” observed Fen.

SeaBrass picked it up; just from an initial feel he could tell it was pretty heavy, much heavier than his own. “And a rather fancy one, it be.”It was true; fancy markings and patterns were etched into thebowl-like bottom. Whoever wore this must’ve been in a highly respectable position.

It was when SeaBrass started fawning over it, saying how he’d pick up all the ladies with it that Fen grew bored and moved on, their pirate friend unaware that he was being left in the dark. They fumbled around old and dusty antiques and other uninteresting things before something green caught their “eye”.

On first glance, it almost looked like Wonky’s plant, Earnest, but this one was much taller. It lacked those “leaf” things that Earnest had, instead having these short, pin-like obtrusions on its branches. There were a weird plethora of trinkets on it, from shiny orbs to porcelain depictions of organics. Looking closer, Fen saw that a bunch of wires with unlit bulbs attached were also wrapped around the strange plant.

How does it live without light? Earnest has to be set by the window everyday. For“photosynthesis” as Wonky calls it.

Fen reached out to touch one of the pins—it warped under his touch and felt like some sort of plastic. Nothing like fleshy, durable texture of Earnest’s thick stem. Was it perhaps fake?

“Hey!Wait up… What it that?” Seabrass said as he finally caught up with Fen.

“I have reason to believe that it is an artificial plant.”

“Aren’t those wires wrapped around it though? Like those doohickeys that make ye run?”

“Yeah,they are… perhaps I could do something with them.” Fen followed the wires with their “eyes,” looking for an end to them, or more specifically, something they could interact with. Their gaze fell to the floor, where the wire finally ended with two flat, metal prongs,a small holes in both of them. He walked over and picked it up,tracing the holes with their fingers.

Fen distinctly remembered channeling power into a similar device years ago… what would happen if they did the same to this one?

“…Gabriel?Stand back, I don’t want you to get injured.” Fen had adopted Piper’s habit of calling SeaBrass by his first name, and to be frank, he hated it. No matter what he tried, however, he couldn’t convince Fen to call him by his nickname.

SeaBrass begrudgingly obeyed and took a few long strides backwards, allowing Fen to put whatever plan they had into motion.

It happened so quickly: sparks of electricity branched out everywhere(somehow not touching anything), tiny little lights appeared on the tree, Fen quite literally squeaked and accidentally tackled SeaBrass to the ground in their attempt to get away. Fen suddenly picked up SeaBrass, tucked themself underneath his back and shivered violently.

SeaBrass looked like he had just had his harpooning skills insulted, was stomped on and spat at. Not only was he being used as a hiding place for his nutty teammate, he was being used as a spot to hide from an inanimate object.

“Oh,so it lights up? You learn something new everyday, I suppose.”

Fen’s attitude did a complete one-eighty; one minute they were cowering under SeaBrass and the next they were hovering protectively over him, lightning coil charged and ready to go. Seabrass fell to the ground, landing painfully on his back again. He was sure he would have to have his back looked at later.

“Hey, it’s okay! I don’t mean any harm,” the voice said at Fen, who was growling (SeaBrass was starting to suspect that they were some sort of animal in a robot disguise).

As Fen lowered their lightning coil, withdrawing the power from it, their shoulder was used by SeaBrass for support in getting himself up. They then shared an identical confused look as they took in the bot before them.

He seemed to be some sort of Royalist, but really old, if the way he hunched over was anything to go by. He had white facial “hair”and an eye patch. He gave them a warm smile. “I sort all the old stuff around here. You won’t believe the kind of crazy thingamabobs I’ve taken in over the years, and that fake, decorative plant in the corner is no exception. The little bulbs on it was the one mystery I’ve never solved, but it seems you two have accomplished the task for me.”

They stood in awkward silence for a minute as they took the info in.

“I don’t like it,” Fen decided, and knowing Fen, SeaBrass couldn’t ask why. Fen was strange like that.

“So it is a fake plant, then. What use is a plant if it doesn’t make any o’ that stuff called oxygen?” asked Seabrass.

The old robot shrugged. “I’ve heard rumors suggesting that long before the Earth exploded, it was worshiped, organics leaving boxes wrapped with fancy paper underneath its branches. The tree would bless the boxes, leaving gifts inside them.”

Fen blurted out, “That’s ridiculous.”

“Of course it is, the organics were complete nut jobs.”

The Royalist chuckled. “But you have to admit, it is decorated very nicely, no?”

It was mere seconds later that they found out that Fen didn’t think so, because in those few seconds Fen managed to set the tree on fire with their lightning coil.

“PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” Someone shouted, and in response, all three robots in the room did so, looks of utter panic on their faces (Even Fen,who only had “eyes” for a face, managed to pull off a terrified look). The next thing they knew was that they were staring down the barrel of Piper’s rifle. Piper herself had an absolutely livid expression.

Before she decided to pull the trigger on the poor man Fen and SeaBrass quickly explained the whole thing, knowing full well that they would face punishment later. Piper put her gun down and raised her brows when they finished, clearly processing their words.

SeaBrass sighed and looked to the floor. “…Sorry, Cap’n.”

Instead of receiving an annoyed sigh and forgiveness like he hoped, SeaBrass instead earned a slap on the face. “Don’t do that again! You had me scared to death back there. Turned the whole ship into a sauna, I was steaming so much.” She sighed, her rage dissipating. “Listen, if you wanted to have some fun, I would have gladly taken you to a concert or something. Ask me instead of deciding to raid some old man’s vault. Now go wait for me in the ship.”

“Bu-But it’s not his vault, it was the Queen’s vault! Anything in here is up for grabs!” SeaBrass protested, but Piper clearly wasn’t listening. Besides that, a grumpy Fen was trying to drag him away, so he realized he wouldn’t be able to change the Captain’s mind.

“Don’t worry about it; I grabbed the hook on the way out for you,” Fen whispered. To their relief, Seabrass’s face broke into the widest grin they’ve ever seen.

“What a peculiar pair of robots,” the old robot said as he watched the pair trudge out.

Piper groaned and rubbed the spot between her photoreceptors. “You have no idea. I love them, they mean everything to me, but they can make me worry like no tomorrow.”

Suddenly, water flew over their head, arching in a beautiful curve before landing on the burning tree, dousing its flames.

“Only you can prevent forest fires!”

“DORA, FOR COG’S SAKE, GET BACK ON THE SHIP!”

[gulyas069]

I also watched the Ghost in the Shell live action remake today. I was actually somewhat positively surprised, but it's not really an achievement considering my expectations were quite literally on the floor. The acting and the dialogue were godawful, as expected, shitty one liners and action hero yelling most of the time. And the story, while not bad per se was just super basic and said absolutely nothing about the topics it pretended to touch on, mainly the whole "what makes us human" question the original poses. It gets mentioned in the beginning and is never expanded upon later. I'm still not sure why they needed a new story at all but it was probably on purpose barebones in order to dumb the movie down for large audiences. Which is weird, because then you've also had all of the recreated scenes from the original Ghost in the Shell movie: the creation of the Major's body, the rooftop drop, the Major alone in her apartment in front of the window, the chase etc. And visually they weren't even executed badly most of the time, I actually thought they did a fairly good job at translating the animated visuals to live action there. In fact if they had wanted to i think they could've made a pretty good shot by shot remake of the original (unlike what I've seen from other anime live action adaption like the cowboy bebop movie). But at the end of the day all the scenes were completely ripped out of context and ended up not achieving what they did in the originals. Most of the time they felt like their only purpose was a "hey remember this scene? yeah its in this movie" nod to fans of the original, which would fly in the face of making it dumber for large audiences. Noticeably missing is the section that's just shots of the city set to music for 3 minutes. The visuals were definitely the best part about the movie though, a lot of the shots were quite beautiful or at least had good ideas. The CGI could've been better but it also could've been worse, so it's whatever I guess. But on the other hand they also depicted the "cyberpunk dystopia" setting fairly differently from the original. The remake has tons of fancy glass buildings with overbearing holographic advertisements and neon signs everywhere, and that's a stereotypical cyberpunk visual of course, but the original doesn't actually use that so much; most of the city shots are actually quite sober. This shot here from the end of the chase scene is a decent example of the more muted cyberpunk of the original:

The difference in the depiction of urban decay is really the most striking; the original shows tiny apartments, dirty streets, dirty rivers, dirty concrete, unsafe living conditions and blown out neon signs, whereas the remake just shows skyscrapers with holographic advertisements. And in doing so the original also gives a look into the poverty of this Tokyo of the future. The only real depiction of poverty in the remake is the nightclub scene, and I suppose it says something about the intended audience when you only portray poverty in the form of sexual violence and none of what I mentioned earlier.

And lastly, the language thing and white washing. There are a lot of white characters in the remake. This has been talked a lot about already, especially in the controversy regarding Scarlett Johanssons casting as the Major (and my god she can't fucking act). But there's a lot more white characters too. And there's the language thing: for some reason the movie with its use of both English and Japanese made it seem like a lot of the dialogue would in fact happen in English and Japanese is only spoken in the background by actual Japanese characters. And it's weird because it makes it seem like in this setting Japan has economically and politically been entirely absorbed by the west and is basically a colony (even more than the client state it is now), which is kind of the opposite of what's happening in the original, where Japan has become a large global player again after another world war. I suppose it's not that important to the original movie or the remake and only becomes relevant in the Stand Alone Complex series, but nevertheless, it's noticeable when you've seen SAC imo.

All in all, some weird choices were made and the end result was a basic dumbed down action movie with some great visuals here and there and if theres a movie to look to for a good translation of animation to live action it would be this one, even if it doesn't work 100% of the time and occasionally looked a little goofy, more often than not at least that seemed to work.

[whitelippedviper]

Andrea Pazienza's "Mardi Gras Night": Can't Say Shit If You Aren't About Shit

I think in western comics the images are trapped in echo.  On facebook I belong to a comic fan group that posts a lot of Marvel, Image, and DC stuff, mostly geared toward people excited about superhero comics.  Which...I just like that there are people excitedly talking about SOME kind of comic.  Anyways, the other day someone posted a pinup that Amy Reeder had done, and Reeder is a good artist, I like her work fine, I was a really big fan of that Madame Xanadu work she did ages ago--but it was this pin up she did of Swamp Thing.  And it’s just Swamp Thing walking through water in black and white pen and ink.  It’s very by the book both in terms of a pinup and in terms of what you would expect from a Swamp Thing drawing.  It’s this character people like, positioned centrally, doing something vaguely like what they would do--and someone liked it enough to save it, and then share it to the group.  And I thought--what if this image wasn’t of Swamp Thing? What if it was just some guy Reeder made up, in the same pose, drawn the same sort of way--would people still care?  Would as many people still care? I think that’s the edge of something that really strikes me about artists right now in the west.  It’s why there’s usually this huge drop off when an artist goes from drawing superhero stuff for DC and Marvel to doing their own thing.  It’s why you see a lot of artists at cons kind of chained to their table having to draw more DC and Marvel stuff for scratch.  When I tabled with Katie Skelly a few years back in Seattle, that was something that really struck me, because she does commissions--and a lot of the people who would buy her commissions wouldn’t pick up her books as well--or ask her to just draw whatever, or even draw her own characters.  They wanted to leave the con with an icon of their favorite character in a style they thought was nice enough at a fair price.  They don’t really want Amy Reeder’s Rocket Girl, at least not as much as they want her Supergirl.  Which is a thing larger than fan culture.  It’s like you just want that poster of Christ to hang on your wall, and you don’t care if it looks like dumb as fuck.  The image isn’t really there, just its placeholder.  And that’s inside of comics too.  I read a lot of comics where people are doing images in certain spots because that’s the spot they are supposed to be in, if that makes sense. Like for example, a last page shocking reveal has a formula that the audience reacts to and artists play to, especially in event books. This emptiness becomes especially problematic given the homogeneous nature of the demographics of the people most visibly making comics, particularly when married to their newfound predilection toward branding themselves as allies to the marginalized.  It’s like, I need a black body in this space, and it doesn’t matter how or why or in service of what--just so long as I put it in there, then job done.  The  recent(note: originally wrote this when it was recent) ignorant bliss podcast on the Dilraj Mann Island cover gets into this quite a bit.   A society built on vacuous imagery will BE vacuous.  If our images lose value, then we lose voice, art loses meaning, and you end up fucking with people for no reason to no end, just because you have nothing to say.  And I’m not even saying this as like a social justice position.  Take that iconic page Ditko did of Spider-man trying to push up this huge machine while water floods in around him--a page so iconic that if you’ve seen it at all you automatically know exactly what image I’m referring to.  You don’t have to know Spider-man to get that page.  To feel the heroic effort, and weight of pushing against that machinery.  That image isn’t just an echo or placeholder.  It is the thing it’s depicting.

So I’ve been reading the Andrea Pazienza Zanardi collection that Fantagraphics put out this year.  And this question of value to the image comes up in my reading.  Because to me, Paz is this unrestrained expressionism in comics--his devotion to the image is so total that style cannot contain it.  There’s almost a mania to his work trying to exorcise these images from his soul.  “Mardi Gras Night” isn’t the work that’s the absolute best example of this because the linework is mostly taking a backseat to the painting--but I think of all of the comics in the Zanardi collection, it’s the most interesting to me because even though it is a very base, mean, nihilistic story about some cute italian boys pillaging a religious all-girls boarding school it is also a comic of completely holy images.  Stuff that you can only explain with the image itself.  Stuff that sticks with you for days on end, rolling around in your brain.  These aren’t empty placeholder images, even though they are in the service of a story that is so debauched.

This image in particular is the one that haunts me.  It’s this silent panel of Petrilli and Zanardi pouring alcohol on the floor of this boarding school, that they plan to ignite.  I think in general when “Mardi Gras Night” pivots from boys sneaking into an all-girls school to see naked women, to like...arson is generally the point in the story, where you are kind of stop like “wait? What the fuck?  Surely not” and right before they set the fire it’s this panel.  It’s like the way that the alcohol matches the leotards, but also sits on top of the floor like blood, and that it’s pissing out of Zanardi in the foreground...and the way that Zanardi and Petrilli are leaned like they are performing some kind of ritualistic dance.  This pagan thing in the middle of all of these crosses.

It’s this moment where the story turns from “boys peeping on girls” to a story of ecstatic religious terrorism.  There’s a pit here that you fall into.  And the pages after this are panel after panel of the boys grabbing panicked women by the hips and breasts and running around like sexual mass shooters against the backdrop of crosses and screaming nuns while the fire they’ve started grows proportionally like a bright purifying jizz.

And you’re like “what the fuck am I reading?”.  It’s beautiful and insane, and then as the boys get away from the fire, the colors cool for a minute, and the weight of the human repercussions of their actions hits Petrilli so hard he folds himself over at the crotch in anxiety before running back in to save the trapped Roberta.

  And even as he is carrying her through the flames like some great hero, he’s still grabbing at her naked breast and butt--and it’s such an insane space to be in, because Petrilli CAUSED the fire.  It was him and his friend’s raging boners that started the whole thing.  Petrilli manages with one last grope of Roberta’s ass to push her to safety, as he is now himself closed off within the burning building.  And the comic warps into this hell.  Petrilli’s leotard and hair melt off.  His skin boils and pops.  His eyes become orange and red pools of pain, and when he finally gets out of the main part of the fire, it’s to these steaming tiles which scald him further--he’s become this grotesque impotent goblin man, screaming to God to give him mercy and end his pain, and then Paz draws him in this blasphemous Pieta pose of tiny dicked broiled Petrilli before the building collapses in on him.  Grace, Paz style.

Even without Cola’s deeply ironic “moral” of the story where Petrilli becomes a lionized hero of the community the fucking like...old school profanity of the thing hits like a wall of bricks.  It’s such a vicious repudiation of heroism, of religious morality, and even of masculinity(here masculinity manages to encompass both rapist and heroism very comfortably!).  And it’s for sure incredibly base, with panels of Zanardi sniffing women’s underwear--but it scales so quickly to these holy images.  I don’t think I’ve read anything like it before.  I mean there are other great Zanardi stories that I’m going to write about eventually, but “Mardi Gras” is a really special comic. I keep coming back to this, which I spoke about in my Ranx article, when we talk about transgression in comics, for a lot of people, that just means they get to say “faggot” or draw a lynching of a person of color, or like draw muslims in horribly hateful ways.  But their shit is so stupid.  They don’t really care about any of this shit.  They might as well write their scripts in tongues for how articulate they are--for how much value there is behind what they’re doing.  It’s empty and passionless iconography done simply to continue an echo.  

But Paz says shit.  I mean like it’s literal shit, but it’s the truth of the shit.  The shit has weight and stench.  You can hold it in your hands and you won’t forget the day you held this shit.  The man has seen a good painting in his life.  He’s read a book or two.  He’s not saying shit just because he has nothing to say, but somehow since he can draw, he has to fill up the page and do the job--there’s so much force behind his work.  Even when it is ridiculous, style can’t contain him.  That’s what the page says to me. There’s meaning here, even if it was just “I felt the conviction of this line, this story, this thing and so I made it”--it’s not cynical, it’s pure.  And not only that, it’s pure AND the man is a master artist.  Which I think is something of a theme for the work I’ve focused on this year in my comics criticism.  And I do it because that’s what I see as lacking for the most part.  Like a lot of comics day to day I feel like is asking me to read books that are both compromised AND look and read like shit.  And there’s things like this that come out and you don’t hear a single peep about them.  A quick glance at google only turned up one review, a negative one on Paste that complained about how the book was too mean with a closing paragraph about the art being “somehow compelling”--which someday I need to write an essay about how for as supposedly progressive as people in comics position themselves as, their POV on a lot of things just sounds like your parents.  I swear comics these days is a lot of adults wanting themselves to be raised by comics they can aspire to, rather than art they can think about.  I mean imagine being an adult unable to process art because it is too violent, or has sex in it.  I had parents growing up, I don’t need a comic critic parent as an adult, thank you very much.  But I mean that goes back to it.  When the shit that is being put out are these empty echoes bereft of anything but their iconic placeholders it’s hard to really say there is much there to consider as an adult.  But then when there is stuff like this put out, it’s not shared around, no one reads it or talks about it, they’re too busy swapping icons of their childhood--and I’m just like...wtf are you here for?  You know you don’t get to actually be a kid again, and that time is ticking, death is coming--demand something so great that you sound like an idiot trying to explain it to anyone!

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