#because tsa hates me and my many pockets full of many things

[dragon-swords-prophecies]

HI HELLO here's so many OC questions!! I would love answers for Alex and/or Ronald and/or whoever else you're feeling in the moment. Maybe also Leo. Mix and match or everyone for everything. ANyway.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

HI THANK YOU there's so many questions I love questions. the plane was very long so you get everyone for everything!!

15: Ronald's cooking is solidly mediocre. Makes abysmal coffee though. His coffee is bad enough that it's a (minor) plot point. When he's living with Donovan & Mary, they (lovingly) banned him from making coffee. His tea is also bad. Really, any beverage other than water made by him is horrible. He just. Doesn't know how to use a coffee maker. He either puts too much water in, pours the grounds in WITH the water, or doesn't put enough water in and it's super bitter.

Leo's cooking is alright! Better than Ronald or Alex's. He makes the best coffee out of the main cast, which is also a minor plot point. His tea is decent too, but James makes better tea than him. He can bake, though. On occasion.

Alex can cook for herself, but not really other people. She knows how to cook basic stuff, and she can follow recipes, but she's not really a cooking for others kind of person if that makes sense. Her coffee is alright, not super good but it's not super bad either.

24: Ronald doesn't sleep nearly enough, and he has nightmares a lot. He probably snores. Sometimes he'll go on walks around the city instead of sleeping, or sit up and read. ~4 hqours of a sleep on a really good day. Much like with therapy, a lot of his life would be improved if he slept better. Unfortunately, his trauma.

Leo has a really regular sleep schedule, which is impressive considering his job and that he lives with James, who has a fucking horrible sleep schedule and wakes up at random hours to wander around their apartment before going back to bed.

Alex does sleep! But she wakes up at 5 in the goddamn morning, because she's absolutely batshit. Occasionally, she goes to bed at 2 in the morning. If she gets seven hours of sleep it's a goddamn miracle and her average is probably about 5 or 6.

44: Ronald's favorite season is the spring. He likes all the flowers, but he doesn't like hot weather that much. Hates cold more, though.

Leo's favorite season is summer, and he loves hot weather. Absolutely despises cold weather.

Alex's favorite season is fall, I think. She likes that it's colder, but not too cold, and she doesn't have to deal with snow & ice, but it also isn't horrifically sunny out.

46: Ronald's first impression generally consists of ''oh he's a grumpy old man''. Which is. Not inaccurate! But it's also so wildly inaccurate. Because his actual personality, which is buried under approximately 17000 layers of regret and bitterness and unprocessed trauma, is really fucking different. It was more obvious when Donovan was alive, and it gets more obvious after Leo almost dies and Ronald gives James that lecture in the supply closet about not being an idiot.

Leo tends to make a really good first impression, especially on strangers. He's good at socializing and being charasmatic & shit. That first impression isn't nessecarily accurate, he's a lot more of a sarcastic little shit (affectionate) than first impressions of him might lead you to believe, but in terms of the face he puts on when he's doing newspaper stuff it's accurate. In private he's quieter.

Alex's first impression depends on the context, but generally it's of being 1) absolutely batshit about her job 2) fairly intense and highly dedicated to whatever she's doing and 3) absolutely batshit in general (affectionate). Second impressions of her normally amount to "why is she breaking into a government office". All of those are extremely accurate. She introduces herself as Alexandrina McLelland, journalist for The Clockwork Herald, unless she's doing something with her family. Then and only then is she Alexandrina Gates. Otherwise, she's too scared of backlash from the amount of people she's pissed off hitting Amelia or her mom to use her actual name.

49: Ronald's most valued object is easy, it's the photographs he keeps in his desk. If I had to pick one, probably the photo of him and Donovan together, rather than the photo of Mary, but both of them honestly. He's sentimental as all hell.

Leo's also sentimental, but not as sentimental as Ronald. It took me a while to think of what would be his most valued object but I think it would be a copy of N or M? by Agatha Christie, because of course the guy who almost gets murdered likes spy murder mysteries. James gave it to him for Christmas in 1942.

Alex, too, is fairly sentimental. Not as much, though, as the other two. Well. She's not as obviously sentimental as the other two, but she still definitely is. The cast of herald is sentiments georg. She has a fountain pen that she really likes. It was a present from her mom when she was in her late teens/early 20s.

50 (for this one I'm skipping essential things like clothes, etc, and just doing the other stuff): Ronald would bring the photographs of Donovan and Mary that he has in his desk, and a cut out of Donovan's obituary. Which he hasn't looked at in 20 years, but he still has a copy of it. He'd also take-- so Ronald kept a copy of Alex's first article, which was also, technically, Donovan's last article. He kept it because, you know, he's her godfather! he's proud of her!! and then he saw the 'and Donovan McLelland' in the byline and almost started crying in the middle of the office.

Leo would bring his cane, the book James gave him, and the photo he has of him and James in 1942-ish. Also, he has a photo of his family (his parents + his sisters & him) and he'd take that, also.

Alex would take the pen from her mom, a cut-out photo she has of her dad (it's the one from donovan's obituary), and her notebook. she refuses to go anywhere without her notebook.

[urbancripple]

I’ve updated my gear page and added more of my recent recommendations. I also fixed the shitty image formatting so stuff isn’t cut off :D

Each purchase made through those links helps support my site. So many of your have done that recently and it’s been a great help with keeping things running around here. I deeply appreciate it.

This article contains one or more Amazon Affiliate Links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Urban Cripple’s Wheelchair Gear and Accessories

If you want suggestions on what kind of gear you should get for your wheelchair, check out this list.

Wheelchair Tools

Every Day Carry (EDC)

In the Kitchen

Around the House

Bags and Carrying Cases

Food and Fuel

Wheelchair Tools

I don’t carry a ton of gear with me when I go out, but what I do have is super critical to staying safe and mobile while rolling through god‐knows‐what in the streets. Most of this stuff falls in the “Oh shit!” category. You won’t need it every day, but you’ll be glad you have it when you do.

Tekton Long Arm Ball End Hex Key Wrench Set

Most wheelchair components are held together with either with some kind of hex screw. If something goes wrong, you’re going to need a set of wrenches to fix it.

I like this particular set because it comes with both metric and standard wrenches and folds so it can lay flat in your bag or tool wrap.

Pedro’s Tire Levers

Don’t let their size fool you: these are great tire levers. What I love most about these things is the fact that they come in pairs and are designed to wrap around a spoke so you can keep one in place while using the other to remove the tire.

When not in use, they snap together and can easily be tossed in a bag or stashed under your chair.

PRO Bike CO2 Inflator

If you realize your tires are dangerously low after leaving the house or you pop a tube and need to reinflate the replacement, you’ll need a C02 inflator.

Make sure you always keep a couple of spare cartridges on you and remember to never store a fresh C02 cartridge in the inflator: it’ll just be flat by the time you need it.

Black And Decker ASI300 Air Station Inflator

For regular tire maintenance, I really love this air compressor. It’s powerful enough to fill a standard wheelchair tire but small enough to travel in a vehicle. It can even be powered by your car’s DC outlet.

Every Day Carry

This is the stuff I keep with me and use every day.

Foldable Phone Stand That Fits In Your Wallet

It’s a ridiculous piece of plastic and aluminum, but it fits in your wallet and actually works really well to hold your phone up. I use it when doing video calls with coworkers so I don’t have to move my laptop, open it up and plug in my wired headphones.

Harbinger Pro Non‐Wristwrap Weightlifting Gloves

By far, gloves are the most important piece of gear for your chair. City streets are super gross and full of hazards that can stain, cut, or bruise your hands. A good pair of gloves should offer you plenty of protection from hazards while allowing you to maintain your grip, dexterity, and the ability to use touch‐sensitive devices like a smartphone.

That’s why I love these weightlifting gloves from Harbinger. They have enough padding in the palms to protect from dirt, grime, and heat (gripping your tires while going down hill can burn your hands) while the fingerless design lets you keep your dexterity and use a smartphone.

Tactical Flashlight

I know we all usually use our phones when we need a flashlight, but I find a dedicated flashlight to be a lot more effective ( and a lot less expensive if you drop it.)

These flashlights are small, light, and crazy bright. They also come with various modes including strobe and S.O.S.

Contigo Extreme Vacuum Insulated Stainless Steel Travel Mug with Handle

The only way you can safely carry a hot beverage while pushing a wheelchair is by keeping it in an airtight container. I really like this mug because it’s insulated and has a clip. The clip is great because you can easily attach it to your bag or to the back of your chair (I use the backrest release bar). Because it seals so well, you don’t have to worry about it spilling.

Snap Lock Folding Pocket Knife

I like this knife because it’s small, sharp, and easy to carry. Just don’t accidentally leave it in your jeans for the TSA to find (true story).

AmazonBasics Lightning Cable

Fun fact: lightning cables are super cheap if you get them from anywhere except Apple.

Cocoon Grid‐IT Organizer

These things are great for taking all the small stuff that usually ends up rolling around in your bag and keeping it in one place.

Portable Charger Power Bank 22400mAh

Having your phone die is terrifying. This thing will charge your phone and tablet several times over. However, it does take a long time to charge the battery itself.

Slim Portable Charger Power Bank 10000mah

It won’t charge your device as fast or as many times, but it won’t take up nearly as much room in your bag as the other battery.

In the Kitchen

Cooking while everything that is boiling or on fire is at face‐level can be a bit daunting. Here’s some stuff that’ll make it safer and easier.

Meal Prep Containers: 3 Compartment with Lids, Food Containers

These meal prep containers are microwave/dishwasher safe and they stack. It’s a great way to prep meals and save yourself some time and energy.

Extra‐Large Silicone Freezing Tray with Lid

These trays are great for freezing stews and sauces and such. I do a lot of large batch cooking and these are waaay easier than trying to portion stuff out into ziplock bags. The lids make it easy to move it around one handed (what wheelchair user hasn’t gotten wet trying to refill an ice cube tray?)

Silicone Baking Mat

These things are a life saver in the kitchen. Basically, if you use them, you’ll never have to clean a baking sheet/pan ever again.

16 inch Kitchen Tongs

When sitting in a wheelchair and using the stove top, it can be really tough to reach both the temperature dials and anything sitting on the back burner. These super long tongs let you easily reach and turn the knobs on your stove and anything that might be sizzling away on your back burners.

Ove Glove

These things are machine washable and can withstand up to 540 degrees of temperature. They grip well and make it easy to get stuff in and out of the oven. In a pinch, they’ll even double as a makeshift pot holder.

OXO Steel Press & Pour Insulated Cocktail Shaker

If you’re looking for a cocktail shaker that doesn’t freeze your hands off, won’t burst open, and can be operated with one hand, you should get this one. I make a lot of cocktails at home and I really hate cocktail shakers. Your standard Boston style shaker has a tendency to break open on you if you don’t seal it right (and that means your chair gets covered in booze) and it’s a pain to open if you seal it too tightly. This cocktail shaker has a really straight‐forward design. The top is screw-on, it has a simple push button in the lid for pouring and sealing, and it can pour from any direction. I highly recommend it for folks who wanna mix drinks at home but don’t wanna risk wearing their beverage.

Around the House

This is the stuff I keep around specifically because it makes daily life easier for me when I’m at home.

Microfiber Cleaning Cloth

For folks trying to keep their place clean while avoiding using up too many cleaning wipes or paper towels, I’ve found that having a stack of cheap microfiber cloths on hand plus a mix of water and vinegar in a spray bottle really helps keep things sparkly while cutting down on waste.

Multi‐Position Heavy Duty Folding Hand Truck and Dolly

This dolly is great if you need to move something that’s too big or too heavy to carry on your lap. It can be configured in multiple ways and folds up easily for storage.

Retractable Dog Leash

Walking your dog with a standard leash can be tough if you’re in a wheelchair. I use a retractable dog leash with my dog so that I can easily adjust the amount of slack I need to keep her under control while not getting the leash tangled in my chair. In addition, the size of the handle lets me easily loop it through the buckle of my Grab‐It Pack, which means I can securely hold onto the dog while pushing my chair with both hands.

Bags and Carrying Cases

All of the various bags and slings I use to carry stuff when I’m out of the house.

13.3 Inch Sling Bag Riding Hiking Bag Single Shoulder Backpack

13.3 Inch Sling Bag Riding Hiking Bag Single Shoulder Backpack

This bag is small and doesn’t have a ton of storage, but I wanted something that I could wear constantly and had just enough room to hold my backup charging cables and small tools so that I could go out without having to have as much physically strapped to me. If you need something with more storage, they have a bunch of different sizes that are meant to hold more stuff.

This isn’t the exact bag I use day‐to‐day but it is the correct style. I really like the sling style bags: they’re light enough to not restrict my movement and the single strap means it won’t shift around as I push my chair.

Food and Fuel

This is the stuff I carry with me in case I’m too busy to pack a proper meal.

ThinkThin High Protein Bars

It’s always a good idea to keep some kind of portable snack in your bag if you think you’re going to be out and about for an extended period of time. I like to keep a couple of these ThinkThin bars in my bag just in case I’m stuck between meal times. They don’t taste like death or cardboard and they’re not just a glorified candy bar.

[esthersnippe]

What it is like to be a level 6 security threat at Israel’s Ben Gurion Airport

Ben Gurion has one of the most intense airport securities in the world. 

Forget the American TSA, or Cuba exit check—this is the most insane security checks in the world.

Now, I only found this out after going through it, and googling “What the fuck is up with Ben Gurion Airport’s security?” (I read one or two stories that were milder or on par than mine, and one or two that were much more intense.) 

Turns out that it actually a pretty well-known thing. 

Luckily, just by chance, I arrived at the airport 3 hours before my flight, and thank god— because the majority of that was going to be spent waiting, and being searched, waiting, and being questioned, and waiting to get through to my departure gate. (Plus a touch of feeling humiliated for good measure.) 

I arrived in the Arrivals Hall, and after a topsy-turvy wander about, I found the Departure Hall. 

I printed out my ticket and made my way to the carry-on security check.

There were three lines, I saw the one was moving at a decent pace. So I stood for a good 30 minutes only to get to the front, where the security agent asked me where my sticker was. 

I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. 

She told me I had to go back to the front of the Departures Hall and pass the first stage of security.

A little pissed at the confusing nature of this, I stalked out of the line, and searched for the “First Security Checkpoint”.

Finally, I found it (turns out there was a sign for “Security check for carryon-only passengers” that I had missed.) 

Security check for carryon-only passengers: Round One

There was no one in the line, so I automatically stood at the front of the line

 “Excuse ma’am, that is not the entrance.”

“Sorry?” 

“You have to go back and around to the entrance.” 

“I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me.” 

“You have to pass through that woman first,” 

He said this pointing to a woman 10-12 meters away. 

I rolled my eyes and walked to her. 

She glanced at my passport and ticket and waved me through. 

Security check for carryon-only passengers: Round Two

I went and stood back to where I had been standing a minute ago, and he waved me forward.  Three other people would make the same mistake of just rocking up to the front: he was just as short with all of them sending them to see the other lady first.

He asked me some of the standard fodder airport security questions like “Why are you travelling?” “How long did you stay?” “What do you do for work?” But then some stranger questions were mixed in.

“Do you speak Hebrew?”

“No.”

“None? Not even a few words?”

“No.”

“Not even a bit in school?”

Wtf.

“No.”

“Tell me what you were doing in Lebanon. Where did you go and who did you meet?”

I answered carefully and honestly.

“So, you were Couchsurfing. What were the first and last names of all your hosts?” “Did you meet their families?” “Friends?” “What do they do for work?” “He was in logistics? What kinds of things was he shipping?” “Did you have correspondence with them before you arrived in Beirut? “ “For how many weeks?” “Have you kept in contact with them while you were here?” “When was the last message you sent them?” “What was that message about?”

“Please tell me the first and last names of everyone you stayed with here in Israel.” “How long did you stay with each person?” “Where did they live?” “Did they give you any gifts?” “Are you still talking to them?” “Do you have a copy of the correspondence you had with them?”

He asked me if anyone had given me anything, or if I thought anyone might have put something in my bag, multiple times. I told him he was free to check—and he chuckled and said “That will happen later.” I immediately was filled with contempt for him.

Security check for carryon-only passengers: Round Three

He called his supervisor over, and they chatted for 3-4 minutes. He started to walk toward me, then turned around and walked back to her. Another 2-3 minute chat before he handed her my passport. She was a pleasant young woman who told me to stand in front of her on the other side of the desk. She asked me many of the same questions over again, repeating the question about whether I had been given anything twice.

Finally, she slapped a sticker on my passport. And I was told I could go. I waiting in the security line again for an additional 20 minutes.

Later, I would find out that the sticker was an assessment of my risk factor. 

1 and 2 are reserved for Israeli passport holders, 3 and 4 are seen as a mild risk, 5 is a high risk, and 6 is an extremely high risk.

When internationals fly alone out of Israel, they get a “6” or a “5”. This number is a sticker you get on your passport and bags that helps the Israeli airport security evaluate your level of Zionism. “1” is awesome, “6” is you’re fucked. 1 is reserved for white Jewish Israelis, 2 is for white Jewish non-Israelis and friendly internationals, 3 is a suspicious Israeli or international, 4 is sometimes given to non-white Israelis, 5 is for Arab Israelis or questionable internationals, and 6 is for Palestinians, Muslims, and hostile internationals. Hostile is defined as not Zionist or suspected of questioning Zionism. Anything above a 3 means interrogation. Of course these are my definitions based on the people I’ve talked to who’ve gotten one of the six. I don’t know what the official language they use says. -Lia Tarachansky (read her full article here.) 

Guess who got the sticker with the 6? 

Funny thing is that I didn’t feel hostile towards Israel in the slightest until this episode. 

You wait. And wait. And wait. 

When I finally got to the front of the carry on luggage and metal detector line, the security woman said: “You are in the wrong place. You need to go through the special security.” “What? Are you joking? I have literally been waiting for hour already to get through.” “Yes. Ok. Follow that woman there.” I followed her, and she took me to the packed line of about 40 people. “Are you kidding?” I have already been waiting an hour,” I huffed. But she didn’t reply, merely shooting a glance in my direction.

She led me to another two women, where I waited to have my name written on a clipboard. I asked what was going on, and she told me not to stress out, that someone would come for me soon. No one did. 

Streams of people went passed me in the line, and I had no idea what was going on.

And then you wait some more

“Come on. I have been waiting here for ages, can someone please explain what is going on?,” I complained 

“Yes, there are still 12 people ahead of you, but I will come to get you when it is time. That’s why you are standing here.” 

After a good 20 minutes, she told me to cut the line. The man who I was instructed to stand in front of got pissed, and tried to worm his way ahead of me. “Excuse me, sir. I was told to stand here.” I actually began to start feeling sick.

Finally, I got up to the front. Two security agents glanced at my passport, but no one talked to me. Finally, not seeing another option I just stuck my things into the X-ray scanner. A young security agent came up to me “Who are you with?”  “I don’t understand.” “Which agent are you with?” “What do you mean?” “You have to wait until one of the agents comes for you and your things.” He took my things out of the machine and put them back in front of me.  I stood there for 10 minutes, while people streamed past me.

I actually felt myself start to tremble with rage. This was absolutely ridiculous. I stopped one of the security agents and begged her to just explain to me what was going on. 

She brushed me off and told me I had to wait. 

Another 5 minutes, and 4 other people went ahead of me.

The Bag Check

Finally, a sour young women came up and without a greeting demanded I pack my things and follow her. We walked to another side of the security area. “Sit down over there.” She commanded.

She proceeded to empty every single thing out of my bag.

Every single thing out of my cosmetics bag. Every receipt. Flipped through all the pages of my books. Sent my laptop and iPhone away with another security agent. When she came across a pack of cigarettes, she demanded to know where my lighter was. “Probably in a pocket” I snapped back. 

“I don’t see it.” 

I was enraged, all my personal belonging, clothes, condoms, mascara, panties, books, and papers were spread out in front of her, and as if this wasn’t enough, she was now demanding a lighter. 

“Check my jacket” 

She pulled out all my bank and credit cards from my pockets, headphones, and opened up my lipgloss to check inside. 

Finally, she found it, and without a word, tossed it in the garbage.

Explosives Trace Detection (ETD) tests: Swabbing for drugs or bombs or who the fuck knows.

Then she started swabbing everything. 

Not a customary swipe—no, she swabbed every single piece of clothing, every pocket, every charger, my curling iron, my nightie. Checking each swab on her detector.

It took ages, and I felt a deep hate for her growing watching her finger and handle all my little things. 

“Follow me,” She said, “we need to do a body scan.” 

Another security agent came up, and they talked. 

Finally, she told me to take off my shoes. I guess just having my shoes taken was pretty lucky, in light of what I read online afterwards. 

In addition to being forced to undress for body searches, Arab passengers are often detained in secure rooms in the departure area at Ben Gudrion Airport before their flights and escorted on to planes by security staff in full view of other passengers. They may also have their hand luggage confiscated. -Jonathan Cook, “Israel's strip searches at airports 'illegal', Aljazeera

The body scan and multiple pat downs

 “Sit there and wait” she snapped—I was seriously losing my cool with this horrendous procedure and this woman in particular.

I waited another 10 minutes, barefoot, on the grungy security room floor. Feeling downright disgusted. 

“We need to scan you” she took me to a body scanner, where I was told to stand, “Open your legs wider.” she demanded, and I retorted “What the fuck. They are wider than the footprint-guides already.” I snapped. 

“Fine. Then lift up your arms and don’t put them down until I tell you to.” I stood there like a criminal getting a mug shot.

When I came out she patted down my arms and legs. 

Then we waited. She talked to someone on her radio, then told me I had to remove my necklace. 

I wanted to scream, but with dead eyes stared ahead as I carefully removed it. 

I went back into the machine and they scanned me a second time. 

When I came out, the colleague was back with my shoes, this time, she patted me down, spending extra time under my arms, on my back, and sleeves.

I went to grab my shoes, and the sour security agent said “Don’t touch those. Go back and sit down.”

I lost it with her tone, and said “You are acting in a disgusting way. I am just a traveller and don’t deserve to be treated like this.” 

She rolled her eyes at me and repeated that I needed to stay seated.

About 10 minutes later, the man came back with my laptop and mobile phone. They had an extensive conversation and she giggled. Oh. Hell. No. 

I was not going to sit there and watch this bullshit while they just made me wait.  I stood up and with contained rage “That’s enough. Are you done?” 

And she repeated that I was to sit down and wait. 

Losing all hope, I sat back down.

Finally, she said, “You can take your shoes.” 

I snatched them and pulled them on. I don’t even know how long I was sitting there because I didn’t have a mobile.

Finally, she had another quick word on her radio, and started to walk away. 

Over her shoulder, she said “We are done here. You can leave.” As I started to repack my bag, I thought “No we aren’t, you f*** b***.”

I asked to speak to the supervisor, and when she came she asked me specifically why I was upset, and what the security agent had done that was inappropriate. 

I explained about her tone, but more importantly that I felt I was being treated as a criminal which was unfounded and disgusting. 

All I had wanted to do was visit their nice country, and this had been such an awful experience that I wasn’t sure I would ever want to come back. 

She gave me an email address and asked me to share my experience. 

I thanked her, but felt tears burning in the back of my eyes. 

I felt so violated, so disrespected. I had done absolutely nothing wrong, and yet was being treated as if I was one second away from blowing up their whole damn airport. 

I grabbed my bag and left for my gate, promising myself I would never fly through Tel Aviv again.

Even hours after getting off the plane at my next destination, I still felt disgusted. Actually—I still do. It really changed my view of the Israeil state. 

My story here is not unique, many seasoned travellers have had similar accounts. I think it is important to share and read these, so that if you ever go to Israel, you know the risks. Read some of their stories and other articles here: 

What it means to go to Ben Gurion airport with an Arab friend

My Horrific Security Experience at Tel Aviv Ben Gurion Airport (TLV)

Israel's strip searches at airports 'illegal'

Leaving Tel Aviv: My Experience Through Airport Security at Ben Gurion

Airport Security Woes – My Experience Leaving Israel

[melissa-goes-to-italy]

Here we go

           I’m curious as to how many sittings this will take me to write up. I’m running on about 4 hours of sleep in the last two days, but if there’s anything My Favorite Insomniac taught me, is that sleep is for the weak.

           I am currently in a child’s bed with the window open, that’s wider than a twin, but not as long. There’s a pink comforter below me and I’m propped up against 5 cutesy pillows. I hear Italian. I hear small voices singing from below me that I can’t quite make out. There’s a soft breeze that barely tickles my skin and the sky is blue, but peppered with clouds. I made it, and I’m here.

           This journey has been a long time coming. I started at Little America in the fall, and this looming, distant “English Summer Camp in Italy” seemed like it was in another dimension of time.  The stress began a week ago, as I finished up 2 summer classes at Naz while preparing for 5 weeks abroad…but on the night of the 30th when my first flight of Rochester was cancelled for the next morning, I knew it was going to be a wild ride. I was supposed to depart ROC at 5:55 am, and be at JFK for 11 hours, which I made sure everyone heard about. That flight got cancelled around 9:30 pm the night before, and I had to rebook. Delta pre-selected me for a 6:30 flight that would take me ROC > MSP, MSP > JFK at 10:00, JFK . MXP. I had to Google MSP, since I hadn’t heard of it. Minneapolis. Minneapolis. They wanted to send me to Minneapolis before JFK. No way, dude. That would mean another connection in another new airport, and I’m not sure my anxiety could have handled that. I wanted to pick a 11:35 ROC > JFK but it filled up before I could make the selection. I ended up choosing 1:40 ROC > LGA and then realized I would a) need a ride to the airport because of working parents during the day and b) would need to get from LaGuardia to Kennedy in 3 hours…………

           ------

           (Okay, I’m back. More stuff happened, but I should be able to bang the rest of this out, unless I fall asleep in this bed now that I have a pancia piena.)

           This post is going to include a lot of shout-outs, by the way, because getting through school this past week and getting to Italy has been too much for me to deal with alone. My pal Tim came in clutch, and was able to take me to the airport to catch my 1:40 pm flight to LaGuardia. He was given short notice, made at least one call to move stuff around, and quickly agreed and showed up early to get me. It’s friends like these that make the impossible possible, so thank you Tim.

           I got to the airport, dumped off my 31 pound bag of clothes and camp stuff, and as I talked to the baggage agent, I actually started feeling real excitement. Because of life and school, I have been struggling to look ahead, since uncertainty is anywhere… but at this point… I actually started to feel ready to go. I sat at my gate and ate as much of a Chocolate Chip Muffin I could (the nerves make me less hungry), while talking to Andy via text. Andy is Tim’s brother and has been a huge help with keeping me from going off the rails this week, and I owe him so much. Today is actually our friendaversary, so next chance I get: I’ll pour one out for you, Andy!

           It’s never a good thing if your name gets called over the loudspeaker. Sitting at my B1 gate, minding my own business texting Andy, the gate attendant called my name and my stomach sank. What had I done? She ended up asking me if they could move my seat up to seat 1A, because a passenger wished to switch to a different seat. I exhaled and chilled out back in my seat…. And about ten minutes later the gate attendant got back on the loudspeaker to say that LaGuardia Airport will not be taking any more flights in until 6 pm because of impending inclement weather, and that if people needed alternative arrangements to come talk to her. Instantly a huge line formed.

           I was at the front of the line with a friendly older dude who just wanted to get home to Cleveland, and a 16 year old girl who wanted to get to South Carolina to see her uncle. She kept calling her mom and uncle back and forth and was so #done with everything. The captain ended up getting a message from LaGuardia that if we got going within 25 minutes, we could land there since we have such a short (50 minute) flight. So we ended up boarding after all! And just a few minutes after our 1:40 pm time. We shuffled onto the tiny plane, where we had to leave our carry-ons in a different part of the plane since it was a small connection flight with minimal overhead space. We took off only a few minutes later and the pilot (who I legitimately couldn’t believe was old enough to be a pilot) thanked us for being quick and flexible with that plan. You’re welcome Alex H. from Endeavor Air, thank you for getting me downstate. The flight itself was barely noteworthy. Moments after we got to cruising altitude, we were already starting to descend upon Queens. The flight attendant must have been newer, because my seat partner and the pilot across the aisle and I, saw her reading from a script, and she turned to us and asked what flight number this was! WHAT! Girl, how don’t you know?! The other pilot shook his head and he, my seat partner, and I laughed softly.

When we arrived, I grabbed my purse and jacket...but almost left my carry-on behind because I’m dumb. I was so excited to walk down out of the plane, into our LaGuardia terminal shuttle that I didn’t grab my carry-on. About 2 seconds after the bus pulled away, I realized I didn’t have it and the people around me were worried for me. I hung around after the bus pulled away, and when the next one pulled up, one of the airfield attendants had it. Bless. Other than that, LaGuardia was easy. I landed at Terminal C, collected my baggage, went to the bathroom and waited basically an hour for my NYCAirporter.com shuttle to JFK. They’re supposed to come on the half hour, but the 3:30 one never arrived. There was a European-looking dude (later found out he was a Ukrainian dude) that was short some dollars for a ticket and the Airporter agents almost didn’t let him board. He gave them all the paper money he had, and counted out all the change he had to show them, and thankfully they let him go a few cents short of the $16 fare. The bus driver was nice (when he eventually showed up) and they don’t lie when they say there’s bad traffic in New York, but the driver handled it appropriately and got us to our respective terminals safely. I talked to the Ukrainian dude, and with 4% battery on my phone, I looked up his flight and told him he was going to Terminal 8. We talked about our adventures- he said he was at Syracuse University for a 2 week PhD Intensive in Political Science, and then he wished me luck with my mission this summer, saying that working with children is not something he is comfortable with. We had a laugh, and I shook his hand to wish him well.

           Maybe this is not news to most of you but JFK is HUGE. I’m talking huge. You could fit Rochester International inside of it 10 times probably. The guy at the baggage drop for Delta actually asked if Rochester was an International airport and I laughed and said probably just between there and Canada. I was happy to find a group of similarly aged people flying Delta, going to Greece so I stuck with them until I had to run through security where I saw SUCH A GOOD BOY DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB. I suppose when I see TSA K-9 units, they’re usually German Shepherds, but this was a very old, white-faced Golden Retriever and I was so emotional as I walked by him! I actually said out loud “I am so proud, you are doing such a good job!” twice. I’m ridiculous. After that I got held up at security because I forgot to ditch the water bottle I got at ROC and the TSA person gave me sass, and said “You thought we weren’t going to find this?” I wasn’t trying to hide it, I forgot. I had been drinking water intermittently and didn’t take it out of my coat pocket. Soooorry.

I got to gate B28 with a bit of time to spare, enough to use the bathroom and charge my phone. I listened to the Italians around me talk to their children about the upcoming flight, watched older brothers play games with younger sisters, and an older man jamming out with his big studio headphones on. They called my Zone, and I got in line and after waiting about 10 minutes, was able to head down to the plane where we were inevitably delayed longer once we boarded. We were originally supposed to leave at 6:15 pm, then 7:15 pm, but we sat there and I think we started taxiing at 8:30 pm because of inclement weather in Milano and traffic on the runway. It was drizzling some rain while we were lined up, but the sun caught the water just right and a full rainbow formed over the airfield and I took that as a good sign.

I sat next to a pretty nice, but quiet dude who kept watching a lot of children’s movies. I ended up talking to him towards the end of our relatively calm journey, and learned he was coming home from Puerto Rico after working there for a while. He helped me get my luggage when I needed something, because it was way too high-up for me to get on my own. Thanks dude whose name I never asked. I shook his hand goodbye once we got into the terminal, and wished him well in life. Aside from some minor turbulence, the trip was fine, but I didn’t sleep a wink on the plane. I hate being that guy and moving the seat back because it makes the other person behind me upset, but I had to a little bit because I was like a poorly made Auntie Anne’s mall pretzel in that chair for 8 hours.

FINALLY, I arrived at MXP and stood in the long Passports line to get my lil book stamped and gain entrance to the country. The customs officer looked at my study abroad visa, and looked confused…but realized that it was from 3 years ago, and went ahead and admitted me. After that, I went to the baggage claim where I saw my suitcase going around, so I chased it so I wouldn’t have to wait for that too.

I walked towards Uscita 5 where my ride Ettore would be, but I realized he was walking to me already with someone else. I’ve only seen him in the background of my online movie club that I do for Little America, and in one photo so it was a long moment for me to realize it was him…. Especially since the ‘someone else’ accompanying Ettore was ONE OF MY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS! SAMUELE! I might have freaked him out by hugging him, but I was so shocked, I didn’t even recognize him when he wasn’t on a computer screen. They happily carried my bags and we got into Ettore’s little car and drove to Merate, talking the whole way!  Everything from the road signs, restaurants, mountains, and beyond kept catching my eye…. It’s so strange to be back, you guys. As I said, it was like this far-off thing that “July 1st I’ll fly to Italy… but here I am, breathing the air, drinking the water, and eating the food again.”

We arrived at Veronica’s house which is right in Merate, and so beautiful! I did have to immediately switch to Italian because she doesn’t speak English really at all. She’s so sweet and gave me my own bedroom with an attached bathroom. I am so grateful she and her family opened her home to me. She has a dog too who I have to meet, another good boy I presume.

I wanted to do some writing -went to a soccer torneo in the town’s park where there’s a pool, a soccer pitch, and a grill set up where people can buy food. I loved seeing how happy everyone was, doing different things on a beautiful day. I would have participated more but I was dead tired and after eating and snapping a few pictures, Veronica brought me back to her house, and I napped for forever. I just woke up and it’s about 7:30 pm. I have a WiFi signal, which is exciting, so I’ll contact you all when I can again.  

[cattarattat]

A MUST, MUST, MUST READ!!!

"I hated it from the beginning. It was a job that had me patting down the crotches of children, the elderly and even infants as part of the post-9/11 airport security show. I confiscated jars of homemade apple butter on the pretense that they could pose threats to national security. I was even required to confiscate nail clippers from airline pilots—the implied logic being that pilots could use the nail clippers to hijack the very planes they were flying.

Once, in 2008, I had to confiscate a bottle of alcohol from a group of Marines coming home from Afghanistan. It was celebration champagne intended for one of the men in the group—a young, decorated soldier. He was in a wheelchair, both legs lost to an I.E.D., and it fell to me to tell this kid who would never walk again that his homecoming champagne had to be taken away in the name of national security.

There I was, an aspiring satire writer, earnestly acting on orders straight out of Catch-22.

I quickly discovered I was working for an agency whose morale was among the lowest in the U.S. government. In private, most TSA officers I talked to told me they felt the agency’s day-to-day operations represented an abuse of public trust and funds.

...Charges of racial profiling by the TSA made headlines every few months, and working from behind the scenes we knew what was prompting those claims. Until 2010 (not long after the TSA standard operating procedure manual was accidentially leaked to the public), all TSA officers worked with a secret list printed on small slips of paper that many of us taped to the back of our TSA badges for easy reference: the Selectee Passport List. It consisted of 12 nations that automatically triggered enhanced passenger screening. The training department drilled us on the selectee countries so regularly that I had memorized them, like a little poem:

Syria, Algeria, Afghanistan Iraq, Iran, Yemen and Cuba, Lebanon-Libya, Somalia-Sudan People’s Republic of North Korea.

...We knew the full-body scanners didn’t work before they were even installed. Not long after the Underwear Bomber incident, all TSA officers at O’Hare were informed that training for the Rapiscan Systems full-body scanners would soon begin. The machines cost about $150,000 a pop.

Our instructor was a balding middle-aged man who shrugged his shoulders after everything he said, as though in apology. At the conclusion of our crash course, one of the officers in our class asked him to tell us, off the record, what he really thought about the machines.

'They’re shit,' he said, shrugging. He said we wouldn’t be able to distinguish plastic explosives from body fat and that guns were practically invisible if they were turned sideways in a pocket.

We quickly found out the trainer was not kidding: Officers discovered that the machines were good at detecting just about everything besides cleverly hidden explosives and guns. The only thing more absurd than how poorly the full-body scanners performed was the incredible amount of time the machines wasted for everyone.

It worked like this: The passengers stood between two enormous radiation sensors—each of the machines twice the size of a refrigerator—and assumed the position for seven seconds, feet spread shoulder-width apart, hands above the head, making Mickey Mouse ears. The policy was to have three officers on the checkpoint floor to coach passengers into position for the machine and administer pat-downs when necessary. The images were analyzed for threats in what was called the I.O. room, short for Image Operator, which locked from the inside.

I.O. room duty quickly devolved into an unofficial break. It was the one place in the airport free of surveillance cameras, since the TSA had assured the public that no nude images of passengers would be stored on any recording device, closed circuit cameras included.

...Most of my co-workers found humor in the I.O. room on a cruder level. Just as the long-suffering American public waiting on those security lines suspected, jokes about the passengers ran rampant among my TSA colleagues: Many of the images we gawked at were of overweight people, their every fold and dimple on full awful display. Piercings of every kind were visible. Women who’d had mastectomies were easy to discern—their chests showed up on our screens as dull, pixelated regions. Hernias appeared as bulging, blistery growths in the crotch area. Passengers were often caught off-guard by the X-Ray scan and so materialized on-screen in ridiculous, blurred poses—mouths agape, à la Edvard Munch. One of us in the I.O. room would occasionally identify a passenger as female, only to have the officers out on the checkpoint floor radio back that it was actually a man. All the old, crass stereotypes about race and genitalia size thrived on our secure government radio channels.

...Then, in March 2012, a blogger named Jonathan Corbett published a video on YouTube, titled “How to Get Anything Past the Full Body Scanners.” In it, Corbett revealed one of the greatest weaknesses of the scanners, known to everyone I talked to within the agency: A metal object hidden on the side of the body was invisible to an image operator. Corbett showed how a passenger could bring a pistol to the airport and get it past the full-body scanners and onto a plane.

More than a million people saw the video within a few days of its being posted. Finally, the public had a hint of what my colleagues and I already knew. The scanners were useless. The TSA was compelling toddlers, pregnant women, cancer survivors—everyone—to stand inside radiation-emitting machines that didn’t work.

Officially, the agency downplayed the Corbett video: “For obvious security reasons, we can’t discuss our technology’s detection capability in detail, however TSA conducts extensive testing of all screening technologies in the laboratory and at airports prior to rolling them out to the entire field,” an agency representative wrote on the TSA’s official blog. Behind closed doors, supervisors instructed us to begin patting down the sides of every fifth passenger as a clumsy workaround to the scanners’ embarrassing vulnerability.

I remember one passenger coming through the checkpoint just after the video’s release. He declined to pass through the full-body scanner, choosing instead to receive a full-body pat-down. I asked him why he was opting out.

'Because those things don’t work,' he said, 'And I don’t want to be dosed with radiation by a thing that doesn’t work. Didn’t you see the video that just came out the other day?'

...A fellow officer once returned to O’Hare from a trip to TSA headquarters and confessed that he had run into some complications: Someone realized that his background check had never been processed in the four years he had been an employee. He could have been anyone, for all TSA knew—a murderer, terrorist, rapist. The agency had to rush to get his background investigated. Who knows how many similar cases there were, and are, at airports around the nation.

...As I saw it, $40 million in taxpayer dollars had been wasted on ineffective anti-terrorism security measures at the expense of the public’s health, privacy and dignity."