#because there are sometimes consequences to failing masculinity either by chance or choice
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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hello there!! I know I'm being a bit bold with this ask even if I'm hiding to an extent on anon but- I was wondering if you might be interested in watching/sharing this video essay I recently finished on a trans reading of Jesse Pinkman
https://youtu.be/sVh0of5kAQ4
feel free to ignore me and either way I hope you have a good day!
I'm a few minutes into this video (it's close to the forty-minute mark), but so far, I appreciate her insight! Obligatory warning for spoilers about Breaking Bad and a little for Better Call Saul.
I think so many people are attracted to the idea of trans Jesse because Breaking Bad cannot be separated from the analysis of masculinity and toxic masculinity specifically. In these discussions, I think trans people often have unique insights into their experiences with toxic masculinity, and though that isn't always true, I myself certainly know that I and many trans people have a complex relationship with masculinity (and femininity, but I digress).
I think I most related to the idea of a trans reading of Jesse in the scene where Jane observes that not only did Jesse draw himself as superheros, but his kangaroo superhero had a pouch. It was relatable, and almost this sort of realization that Jesse presents himself a certain way, yet other people interpret him differently than he does.
I highly doubt Vince Gilligan intended Jesse to be trans. I highly doubt that Aaron Paul played Jesse in a way that was meant to be read as trans. However, I do still appreciate the trans reading of Jesse, and I think that if it were canon, it would fit neatly into the overall themes of the show (that being masculinity, gender, gender roles, and how people contend with these elements)
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astrology-india · 3 years ago
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How to Cope When a Libra Man Ignores You
New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/when-a-libra-man-ignores-you/
How to Cope When a Libra Man Ignores You
You are probably wondering why the Libra man who swooped in to charm your socks off is now nowhere to be found?
It may surprise you that it is not an uncommon theme for the Libra, nor is it necessarily the death of your relationship with him either, especially if you know what to do when a Libra man ignores you.
When a Libra Man Ignores You?
What happened to your Libra man? The one who seemed easygoing and so much fun? Why is he suddenly serious and distant now?
It does not make a whole lot of sense, but when you understand the Libra man, it is a little less confusing.
He is Flimsy
The Libra man comes across as dominant, yet at the same time soft and sweet. He is masculine while being strangely in touch with his feminine side.
By all accounts, you would expect him to be someone who you can rely on, a strong-willed guy who will stand his ground and stick to his guns.
And he can be that man, however, one negative aspect of Libra is that he can also be unreliable and indecisive.
The guy might have no idea what it is that he wants in the first place, making it impossible for him to stick to anything. If he is that type of Libra, then you can bet that he flip-flops in most of his relationships.
This is not all bad news. Most Libra men who pull the disappearing act really just need some time to work things out.
What it Means When a Libra Man Stops Trying
It means something is missing from the relationship, and that something could be the main thing he needs in order to have a purpose in life as a man.
It is a deep emotional obsession that most men have but rarely talks openly about. Unless they have a Ph.D. in male psychology and masculinity needs.
This emotion in a Libra man is overlooked by most women because they don’t understand it until it is sometimes too late. Once you know about it, it’s really simple to use it to your advantage.
If you want your guy to show you love and the attention you deserve, you need to hook into the underlying reason which is explained in a video by relationship expert James Bauer entitled His Secret Obsession.
You Hurt His Feelings
Libra is not a sensitive, over-emotional sign by any means. The man is rational and shoots straight from the hip. This is strange because when he gets hurt it could seem just the opposite.
The Libra man does not forget, nor does he forgive that easily. In this sense, he is the Scorpio of air signs, only less vengeful. Mostly, you will never even know that he is upset or what it was exactly that you have done.
The Libra man is usually highly diplomatic and prefers not to rock the boat. So, if you did something to upset him, he will deal with it passively, like ignoring you for example.
Your Libra Man is Busy
Libra deals with balance in all aspects, and his life’s theme is to learn the art of it. It only makes sense then that Libra is a sign of self-improvement.
Believe it or not, this can take up a lot of his time and also lead him to distance himself from others on occasion to focus.
Sometimes his need to recalibrate and improve is his own fault. His indecisiveness, procrastination, and tendency to indulge often knock things out of whack for him, then it becomes his mission to fix it.
His other extreme is to socialize and have fun 100 percent of the time. Either way, the Libra man knows how to keep himself busy.
It Is a Surface Level Attraction
Libras are connoisseurs of everything beautiful. They are highly aesthetic beings who love the world of art and comfort and pleasant surroundings.
But this overindulgence in what is visually pleasing gets him into trouble as far as his relationships are concerned.
He is attracted to people with physical beauty and sometimes he fails to see beneath the skin.
If this is the reason for your Libra man’s sudden disappearance, it does not mean necessarily that he does not like you or your personality. Perhaps he never gave himself the chance to know you in the first place.
He is not Interested
One of the great tragedies of our existence is that love is not always reciprocated. Just when we swear we have met the one, reality slaps us in the face as we watch him heading for the front door.
Libra men have their types, sometimes that type is himself. But like any sign, there are people with astrological differences who we cannot seem to relate to no matter how hard we try.
Sometimes our zodiac opposites can seem like they are from Mars and speak a different language.
If you want to give it all you’ve got to make it work with a Libra man, you have to understand this “greater” emotion that he needs satisfying.
It’s an obsession he can’t explain but provides the key to his heart when a woman understands how to unlock His Secret Obsession here.
How to Get a Libra Man to Stop Ignoring You
Sometimes your Libra guy just needs a wake-up call to get him to stop ignoring you. Ring his alarm by trying some of the tips out below.
Talk to Your Libra
Talk to your Libra man because the Libra male appreciates honesty.
Even though you are upset with him for bailing on you, and probably will not believe this, but he is fair, just, and strives to do what is right.
He can however be a little self-absorbed without even realizing it and maybe is unaware of his actions or their consequences.
It is important not to accuse him or engage him in a war of words. This will upset the diplomatic Libra who will only take so much of conflict before he shies away.
Send Him Flirty Text Messages
The Libra man approaches flirting like a sport, one in which he is a skilled master. It is truly an art form for him and he sees it as a dance- a push and pull, or a back and forth.
This dance heats things up by building attraction and passion, even more so if you can give him a run for his money.
Shoot your guy a flirty text, but make sure you bring your A-game. Be smart, witty, challenging, and most of all, fun.
If you would like a little help with the phrases you can text that trigger his mental G Spot and activate his subconscious desires for you, I can recommend Text Chemistry by relationship guru Amy North.
Help Him to See the Good You Bring to His Life
This can be done in a bunch of subtle ways, or you can go all out and be blatant and straightforward, whichever suits you best.
What is important is that you can get the point across without looking like it is what you are trying to do.
If he can see you are someone who adds value to his life – more specifically, that you help bring balance and harmony to it – he might just recognize you as a good choice for him, almost like you make him feel complete.
Brush Up on His Interests
The Libra man loves to talk and connect with others. What better way to do so with someone than to have common ground? For instance, something that he is passionate about?
Get your Libra man going again by showing him you can hold your own in a conversation about his interests, and a bonus if you are a good listener because we all know that he needs one.
Be Patient
Whether your Libra guy has left to go work on himself, hang out with other people, or he is trying to make up his mind about the relationship, the best thing you can do is to be patient with him.
I know, this one can seem difficult, and it might not be what you wanted to hear. But Libra is represented by the scales of justice and the scales must tip. When he regains his balance and direction, they might just tip in your favor.
Final Thoughts
How the Libra man can go from the life of the party, the charming guy who stole your heart, to be like a ghost is straight-up baffling to those unequipped with the knowledge of his inner workings.
By understanding, this “greater” thing he desires in a relationship you will secure his love and devotion. Become the only woman he ever wants. This video explains exactly how to do it.
Once you understand why your honey is M.I.A., it is a lot easier to know what to do when a Libra man ignores you so you can get him to stop once and for all.
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voulezvous-rpg · 7 years ago
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DANCER: THE PREACHER’S SON
sterling moran 28 years old dancer & courtesan played by roman. 25. they/them. est.
(cw homophobia, mentioned human trafficking)
His name wasn’t Sterling until he was twenty.
Before that he was just Stephen. Plain old Stephen Moran. Born and raised in the suburbs of Boston all the way in America to a pastor and his wife, taught that the Bible was the ultimate guide to every choice in life and that sin was black and white. A good kid who went to church with his parents, and made good grades. A good kid who kept his head down and his mouth shut. Someone who knew the difference between right and wrong. Someone who early on realized that he was wrong. His very being seemed unable to do all of the things that his father taught him, and so he was quiet, and he was able to fool his parents. But underneath it he was pride, he was wrath, he was greed, but mostly he was lust. He resisted the urges, though, and it was all fine, lined right up to take over his father’s congregation when he retired. Until it got too hard.
Maybe it would’ve been different if he had been caught with a girl from the church, a hand up her skirt and a guilty look on his face. Maybe it even would’ve been different if his father had just heard about it, not actually seen it. It was hard to say, really, because it hadn’t. It had been him down on his knees in the men’s bathroom after helping teach Sunday school, choking on the cock of who else but the Sunday school teacher himself. And it had been his father walking into the bathroom, seeing it with his own two eyes.
There were a lot of things that went through his head as his father pulled him up off the ground, shouting at the other man to never set foot in the church again, but he wasn’t expecting his father to tell him that he was never welcome in the church again, that he wasn’t even welcome in his own home again, that he was a disgrace and an abomination. He wasn’t expecting his mother to sit there, quietly sobbing for the soul of her only child. He wasn’t expecting his father to give him thirty minutes to pack a bag and get out. He wasn’t expecting to suddenly find himself homeless with only ten dollars to his name and no one to call, with no idea how to be on his own. But he was smart, even then, and it was like finally being honest, even against his will, cleared his head. And he knew that to make it he was going to need more than ten dollars.
The guilt made it hard, though, knowing that everything he did was just taking his soul further and further away from that piece of heaven his father used to tell him was there for him. But he had to survive. He moved from person to person staying sometimes for a few weeks at a time, but mostly only a few nights. And even if he knew what he was doing was wrong in the eyes of any higher power, not even once was he even tempted to go back to his parents. As soon as he turned twenty, he got a job at the burlesque club one of the men he had been with frequented secretly. And that was where he got his name. Sterling. Because of his looks, his intelligence, his excellence. He thrived there. It only took a few weeks before he was the most popular dancer in the club, something about the looks and the charm drawing people in easily. And from it another opportunity. The chance to work in the back. To do what he had been doing before except on the books this time.
It was good, too, until it suddenly wasn’t. Until Sterling was being passed off like he was an object, until he was being shuttled off to France without warning with a group of other people around his age who had also been unfortunate enough to sell well.
After that things became a hazy blur, his next few years being spent thrown around Paris to various clubs that wanted the novelty of not just a foreign performer, but a masculine performer. He was given a room and a list of patrons to take when he wasn’t performing, and was told that if he didn’t do what they asked there would be consequences. It was different than before; everything was different in such a foreign place, the rules changed. He didn’t even speak the language at first. He only got a small take of any of the money that his body made, couldn’t make the choices. There was security, always there ever-present, but they were only there in case the employees, not the patrons, got violent. No one cared to stop any of them from being touched in a way they didn’t want in these places. And he wondered if this was all punishment for the sins he couldn’t help but commit, the sins that seemed to be engrained in his very being.
It was hard, but it wasn’t all bad. Sterling found friends around the city, finding camaraderie in their situations, and channeling the guilt he had about the situation he had ended up in into finding ways to make it better. More than that, he found a way to be good in a way that felt a lot like what his father had been preaching out all those years ago, what he’d been trying to do before. Without trying, he became the person that others came to with their problems, he became the one who stopped everyone else from having to do anything they didn’t want to by doing it himself when he could; he slowly managed to become something of an intermediator. Maybe in a way he was the preacher he would never get to be, only in a different way. And word got around.
He hadn’t been expecting it, hell, hadn’t even asked for it, but things changed all at once. Because the Moulin Rouge wanted him. Not just because of his skill, because he knew how to build fantasies and bring in a profit, but because he was good. Because he was trustworthy in a way not a lot of people in the business were, because there were some sympathies that only another dancer could understand, some complaints only a preacher’s son could take and help fix.
And just like that he suddenly had a family again, one he hadn’t even realized he had been longing for all this time.
The veneer he put on for the people, the confidence, the sleek, charming persona he had spent years crafting as Sterling couldn’t stop him from caring deeply about other people, not even the cruelty he faced could break that habit. To the unfamiliar, he tended to come off as full of himself, pretentious even, but those who knew him best knew that it was nothing more than an act. He followed the same pattern he had before, becoming a confidant to the other dancers, doing all he could to help the others when he wasn’t performing. For the first time, Sterling realized that maybe it was possible to be as good as a preacher, and to still be exactly who he was now.
The money and the power that came with it wasn’t too bad, either.
He would do anything in the world to help keep his family safe, to help keep the other dancers safe, but he didn’t. He hadn’t seen any of it coming, and in hindsight, the fire, the deaths, and even as it happened, he wondered if there was something he might’ve been able to do to help keep them all safe, something he had missed. If there was one thing that life had taught him, it was that things couldn’t stay easy, the guilt would always be just around the corner, waiting to remind him of all the ways he had failed, and this time it came in the form of the fire.
But he stayed, he helped rebuild the home he had found in Paris, tried to keep the spirits of those he cared for up as best as he could, all while trying to do the same with himself. The re-opening feels like a second chance of sorts. Now, though, there’s the constant underlying worry that something like this could happen again, will happen again, and next time the consequences could be even more loss than before somehow. As the re-opening hangs above everyone’s heads, the thing Sterling cares the most about is making certain no more of them go the way the others did. But he’s still got a job to do, still has fantasies to create, and he still hasn’t quite figured out how to do both.
FC: Zane Holtz
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myupdatesystems-blog · 8 years ago
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Why Beauty Treatments Fail
New Post has been published on https://myupdatesystems.com/why-beauty-treatments-fail/
Why Beauty Treatments Fail
Do you know why babies are so adorable? They need beauty to survive! Babies cannot live without an adult’s support, and therefore need an adult’s love to ensure their support. This is perhaps the easiest and most obvious way to show that beauty is for survival and not just for fun only.
How about in the business world? Sure, its not politically correct to say that you hire someone based on their looks, but it’s almost always the first impression that sticks in your head and someone who is more attractive will always be more memorable.
How about money? Beautiful women tend to have a higher salary and better chances for a promotion. Handsome men — not as much as beautiful women, but it still has its benefits.
Of course beauty is a big advantage in a bedroom for love. Want to know the secret of how men and women are choosing their beloved ones?
10236 Charing Cross Road, Los Angeles, California. A 50 million dollar Gothic – Tudor style house, built by architect Arthur R. Kelly in 1927, with a secret room, called the “Elvis Presley” suite. This room is famous not for its art collection or furniture, paintings or sculptures. This suite is special because when Elvis Presley stayed there, he spent a night with at least 8 women. Now the house is occupied with an aging Hugh Hefner, the Playboy boss, who is still surrounded by young beautiful girls. They are much younger than Mr. Hefner, but they are still enjoying his company. Why?
This now well-known fact remained a mystery for many years. Until 1999, when Harvard scientist Frank Marlowe came up with the unusual explanation of this behavior. According to him a woman can chose an extraordinary man, much older then she is, because even an aging men are fertile. Because with their experience and tools, they can compete with much younger males. The benefit is: young males have very tough competition, and women have much more choices.
What about the way men look? Does it matter for women? Sure it does. To find the truth scientists decided to find out if it is a masculine type of man, or feminine type, that women find more attractive. What they did not know was: both, but not at the same time.
When women are in fertile part of their cycle, they prefer masculine looking men. When they are in infertile part of their cycle — feminine looking. Does it mean, that it is really women, not men, who choose? Or does it mean that infidelity is the inherent women’s feature, because they need different men at different times of their cycle?
Men chose women differently: they want fertile women. In other words — young. But how do they determine?
Full breasts, low waste to hip ratio, long legs, symmetric face, big eyes, small nose, body mass index — all play their roles. But remember: they pick up young females! Therefore how do they decide? By “signals of youth” which are: clear and smooth skin, big and shiny eyes, full red lips, long fair hair and firm high breasts.
Marilyn Monroe, is perhaps the most famous example of this. But is this for only movie stars? What about ordinary women?
It is about 1350 BC. Ancient Egypt. The young Queen Nefertiti is about to pose for a famous sculptor Thutmose, who is going to make her bust. Suddenly Nefertiti notices that her eye liner is not perfect. To fix it she takes eyeliner and applies it to her eyes.
Now she looks perfect. That is how we know her — from famous Nefertiti bust.
But she was not the one who used cosmetics to enhance her beauty. Cosmetics were cheap, readily available for ordinary people and easy to use. But the problem with cosmetics was: it was sometimes toxic. To get the desired effect they may put in Parabens, sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) and other toxins. And cosmetics cannot do that much to cover deep wrinkles and skin folds, lift up the sagging skin or change the shape of the nose. That is why they came up with plastic cosmetic surgery.
When do you think first plastic surgery was performed? 100 years ago? 200?
According to legend, the first plastic surgery was done by Lord Shiva in India 4000 years ago, when he attached an elephant’s head to his son’s body 5. The first medical manual, including plastic surgery description, was written by great Indian doctor Sushruta in the 3rd or 4th century AD. Even then they knew how to make skin graft to cover damaged skin areas. Since then plastic cosmetic surgery improved significantly. Plastic surgeons now can do a facelift for you, reshape your nose, eyelids, checks, chin, breasts, buttock, tummy, penis, vagina, etc. About 12 million cosmetic surgeries were done in the US in 2008. This means, that it is very popular because it is very effective.
But it is very expensive. Because the average cosmetic surgery price is about from $2,000-$8,000 6.
June 2007, Beverly Hills California. Prominent scholar and professor Dr. Donda West, the mother of a famous American rapper, singer, and record producer Kanye West, decides to reshape her body.
She goes to a Beverly Hill’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Andre Aboolian, and requests a tummy tuck and breast reshaping. However the surgeon refuses to do the procedures. Therefore she goes to another Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, who was the host of a few TV plastic surgery shows, Dr. Jan Adams, who agrees to do the procedures.
The next day after procedures were done, Donda West died because of “coronary artery disease and multiple post-operative factors due to or as a consequence of liposuction and mammoplasty”.
Looks like it does not matter how much money you pay and how famous the surgeon is.
What could be the reason that women may chose such dangerous ways to improve their beauty? Because men are looking for “signals of youth” — clear smooth skin, big clear eyes, etc. And the older a man is, the younger the woman he is looking for. Therefore women have to use beauty treatments not to lose a man’s attention. And they do.
According to US Labor Department Beauty salons treatments will increase 14% in 2006 — 2016. But it seems not to make women more beautiful and men more handsome.
Because most of the beauty treatments like facials, massage, masks, eventually fail. They are simply temporary. Medical treatments, like Botox and Restylane are more effective, but still do not last long either. So how does it happen, that with all our technology, internet, supercomputers and men in the space we still cannot make our women beautiful, safely and easily?
Suppose your car is broken. Can they fix it if they do not know what is broken? Or you need to open a safe. Don’t you first have to find out the code? The same thing applies to beauty treatments: first you have to find out the main problem, the root cause. Because if you do not your beauty treatment most likely fail.
It all started with San Francisco ophthalmologist Dr. Scott in 1960, who started using deadly botulism toxin to treat excessive contractions of eyelids and squinting in 1973. This particular poison turned out to be very effective and incredibly safe. But in 1986 Scott’s Botox supplies were exhausted because even with its proven safety its micro manufacturer could not get liability insurance. Not that many patients, not that much money. Can you imagine patients who got their eyes back, but were now facing huge problems again because the drug was no longer available? They were desperate.
Looked like no solution is sight. Tragedy seemed to be imminent.
The salvation came unexpectedly.
1987, Vancouver, Canada. Ophthalmologist Dr. Jean Carruthers is seeing one of her patients treated with Botox. Suddenly she notices that the patient’s skin between eyes is unusually smooth and wrinkle free. She immediately calls her husband, dermatologist Dr. Alastair Carruthers, who confirms her observation. After that it is all was going pretty fast. Much faster than for blepharospasm of strabismus treatments.
In 1989, a Sacramento California plastic surgeon Dr. Richard Smith publishes an article in the journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. In December 1989, the FDA approves Allergan manufactured Botox for use for blepharospasm, strabismus and hemifacial spasm.
Suffering patients were saved. On April 15, 2002 FDA approves Botox for temporary frown lines relief.
It took them 49 years to approve Botox for medical purposes, but it was only 15 years to approve it for cosmetic purposes. That is how a very effective beauty treatment was born. That is how we are able now to fix one of the most common beauty problems — excessive muscle pull. But sometimes Botox may not be suitable to fix this problem.
Then what we may have to do is wrinkle release procedure, when we cut the connection between the skin and muscle.
Another beauty problem is loss of volume, when with age our subcutaneous fat is gone.
What happens next — our skin starts sagging. But age is not the only reason for subcutaneous fat loss. Trauma and inflammation are the other reasons.
1893. Germany. Dr. Franz Neuber is thinking of how to help a patient is his, who is suffering from cheek bone inflammation. Because of cheek bone volume loss, his face looks horrible. The damage looks permanent and irreparable. But suddenly a weird thought comes to Dr. Neuber’s mind: what if he can take some fat from the patient’s hand and put it into patient’s face for fill up the defect? Dr. Neuber takes the patient to the operating room and does the world’s first fat transplant for cosmetic purposes. Soon another German physician Dr. Karl Czerny does fat transplant to repair a damaged breast. Since then fat transfer became very popular. They now use it for hands and face to make them looks smooth and youthful. Fat transfer is also used for buttocks and breasts reshaping.
But fat is not the only one used. Silicon, collagen (Zyplast, Zyderm), calcium hydroxyapatite (Radisse), polylactic acid (Sculptra) — all of them along with fat are used as fillers. But the most commonly used filler is a natural skin component – hyaluronic acid. Everybody is aware of Restylane and/or Juvederm, right? They are made from hyaluronic acid. But why so many of them and what is the difference? They may be permanent and temporary. Permanent sounds the best: take one treatment and you are done for the rest of your life. That is how a patient of mine thought, when she went to the specialist to inject permanent filler.
What she did not know was: her face would change. And what was good for her at that time would be bad in five years. Within five years her injection sites became very prominent and looked unnatural. Therefore I believe that hyaluronic acid based fillers like Restylane and Juviderm are the best.
Skin breakdown itself is a problem too. Skin loses its components because of hormones decline and lack of nutrients. It becomes damaged by sun and pimples.
Do you know what “Marilyn Monroe hormone” is? Estrogen is the one that makes women look like she does. It is responsible for your skin. No estrogen – skin starts to get worse. But hormones are not enough. Your skin has to eat. It needs proteins, fats, vitamins, microelements and water. By eating healthy food you think you give your skin everything it needs. What you do not know is: because of soil fertilization you get 5 to 7 times less nutrients then you are supposed to.
Unless you eat organic food. But most of us do not. Moreover, we eat food we are not design to: grains, refined carbohydrates, milk, etc. What do carbohydrates do for your skin?
Clog your pores. What is the result? Pimples! Or acne. What is the first: micronutrients or carbohydrates? It is like trying to find out whether the chicken or the egg came first.
Sun is another problem. On one hand sun is necessary for vitamin D protection. The sun may prevent depression, sun wakes us up every day, sun tells us when to go to bed.
But how did it happen that sun is not a friend, but the enemy of your skin? It is like drinking water: if you drink water in moderate amount, you are ok, but if you drink gallons and gallons of water, your brain may swell and you may die.
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voulezvous-rpg · 7 years ago
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Congratulations, Roman! You’ve been accepted as your original character, The Preacher’s Son — Sterling Moran, with a face claim of Zane Holtz!
I’m so excited to welcome our first OC, and what an amazing character he is. Sterling is such a wonderfully developed character, and there are so many great avenues you’ve set up for him. From that thick persona of his to the love you can feel he has for the club and the people in it, I can already tell he’s going to fit into the Moulin Rouge seamlessly, and I’m so excited to see where you take him! Thank you so much for bringing him to us!
OUT OF CHARACTER
Name/Alias: Roman
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 25
Timezone & Activity: EST, I work in theater with strange hours so I’m on a lot, and usually have time for a few replies at least once a day! I am job hunting, though, so I might get slightly more busy when I leave this job, in which case every other day is probably more likely!
IN CHARACTER
Character Group: Dancer & courtesan
Character Title: The Preacher’s Son
Name: Stephen Moran is his birth name, but he goes exclusively by Sterling Moran now
FC: Zane Holtz
Pronouns: he/him and they/them, genderqueer
Age: 28 years old
Occupation: Dancer and courtesan
How long has your character been around the Moulin Rouge? Sterling has been around for nearly four years working at the Moulin Rouge, after spending a bit before that working in various other clubs around Paris, making connections with other people in the business, gaining the trust of others, becoming a well-known and valuable part of the community of dancers and courtesans around the city.
How did the fire impact your character? Directly or indirectly, how did the fire affect your character? What are their thoughts regarding the aftermath and the club’s reopening? The fire shook him to his core, as he considers everyone at the Moulin Rogue his family, and cares deeply about each and every one of them, whether they had been there for years, or a few weeks. In some small way, he feels like he should’ve been able to do something to prevent such a tragedy, or at least should have been able to help save those who died in the fire, but in reality there’s nothing more he could’ve done. It’s more of just his own issues with guilt having a new place to manifest. Because of the perceived guilt he has, in the aftermath he did all he could to help rebuild and to support everyone who had come through it. He sees the club’s opening as a second chance, in a way, a chance to show that he can do even more than he did before. But he’s concerned that something like this might happen again, that it wasn’t just an accident and whoever did it might still be in their midst, so he plans to do everything in his power to keep his family safe.
Biography:
(cw homophobia, mentioned human trafficking, and just waaaay too long of a bio I’m so sorry omg)
His name wasn’t Sterling until he was twenty.
Before that he was just Stephen. Plain old Stephen Moran. Born and raised in the suburbs of Boston all the way in America to a pastor and his wife, taught that the Bible was the ultimate guide to every choice in life and that sin was black and white. A good kid who went to church with his parents, and made good grades. A good kid who kept his head down and his mouth shut. Someone who knew the difference between right and wrong. Someone who early on realized that he was wrong. His very being seemed unable to do all of the things that his father taught him, and so he was quiet, and he was able to fool his parents. But underneath it he was pride, he was wrath, he was greed, but mostly he was lust. He resisted the urges, though, and it was all fine, lined right up to take over his father’s congregation when he retired. Until it got too hard.
Maybe it would’ve been different if he had been caught with a girl from the church, a hand up her skirt and a guilty look on his face. Maybe it even would’ve been different if his father had just heard about it, not actually seen it. It was hard to say, really, because it hadn’t. It had been him down on his knees in the men’s bathroom after helping teach Sunday school, choking on the cock of who else but the Sunday school teacher himself. And it had been his father walking into the bathroom, seeing it with his own two eyes.
There were a lot of things that went through his head as his father pulled him up off the ground, shouting at the other man to never set foot in the church again, but he wasn’t expecting his father to tell him that he was never welcome in the church again, that he wasn’t even welcome in his own home again, that he was a disgrace and an abomination. He wasn’t expecting his mother to sit there, quietly sobbing for the soul of her only child. He wasn’t expecting his father to give him thirty minutes to pack a bag and get out. He wasn’t expecting to suddenly find himself homeless with only ten dollars to his name and no one to call, with no idea how to be on his own. But he was smart, even then, and it was like finally being honest, even against his will, cleared his head. And he knew that to make it he was going to need more than ten dollars.
The guilt made it hard, though, knowing that everything he did was just taking his soul further and further away from that piece of heaven his father used to tell him was there for him. But he had to survive. He moved from person to person staying sometimes for a few weeks at a time, but mostly only a few nights. And even if he knew what he was doing was wrong in the eyes of any higher power, not even once was he even tempted to go back to his parents. As soon as he turned twenty, he got a job at the burlesque club one of the men he had been with frequented secretly. And that was where he got his name. Sterling. Because of his looks, his intelligence, his excellence. He thrived there. It only took a few weeks before he was the most popular dancer in the club, something about the looks and the charm drawing people in easily. And from it another opportunity. The chance to work in the back. To do what he had been doing before except on the books this time.
It was good, too, until it suddenly wasn’t. Until Sterling was being passed off like he was an object, until he was being shuttled off to France without warning with a group of other people around his age who had also been unfortunate enough to sell well.
After that things became a hazy blur, his next few years being spent thrown around Paris to various clubs that wanted the novelty of not just a foreign performer, but a masculine performer. He was given a room and a list of patrons to take when he wasn’t performing, and was told that if he didn’t do what they asked there would be consequences. It was different than before; everything was different in such a foreign place, the rules changed. He didn’t even speak the language at first. He only got a small take of any of the money that his body made, couldn’t make the choices. There was security, always there ever-present, but they were only there in case the employees, not the patrons, got violent. No one cared to stop any of them from being touched in a way they didn’t want in these places. And he wondered if this was all punishment for the sins he couldn’t help but commit, the sins that seemed to be engrained in his very being.
It was hard, but it wasn’t all bad. Sterling found friends around the city, finding camaraderie in their situations, and channeling the guilt he had about the situation he had ended up in into finding ways to make it better. More than that, he found a way to be good in a way that felt a lot like what his father had been preaching out all those years ago, what he’d been trying to do before. Without trying, he became the person that others came to with their problems, he became the one who stopped everyone else from having to do anything they didn’t want to by doing it himself when he could; he slowly managed to become something of an intermediator. Maybe in a way he was the preacher he would never get to be, only in a different way. And word got around.
He hadn’t been expecting it, hell, hadn’t even asked for it, but things changed all at once. Because the Moulin Rouge wanted him. Not just because of his skill, because he knew how to build fantasies and bring in a profit, but because he was good. Because he was trustworthy in a way not a lot of people in the business were, because there were some sympathies that only another dancer could understand, some complaints only a preacher’s son could take and help fix.
And just like that he suddenly had a family again, one he hadn’t even realized he had been longing for all this time.
The veneer he put on for the people, the confidence, the sleek, charming persona he had spent years crafting as Sterling couldn’t stop him from caring deeply about other people, not even the cruelty he faced could break that habit. To the unfamiliar, he tended to come off as full of himself, pretentious even, but those who knew him best knew that it was nothing more than an act. He followed the same pattern he had before, becoming a confidant to the other dancers, doing all he could to help the others when he wasn’t performing. For the first time, Sterling realized that maybe it was possible to be as good as a preacher, and to still be exactly who he was now.
The money and the power that came with it wasn’t too bad, either.
He would do anything in the world to help keep his family safe, to help keep the other dancers safe, but he didn’t. He hadn’t seen any of it coming, and in hindsight, the fire, the deaths, and even as it happened, he wondered if there was something he might’ve been able to do to help keep them all safe, something he had missed. If there was one thing that life had taught him, it was that things couldn’t stay easy, the guilt would always be just around the corner, waiting to remind him of all the ways he had failed, and this time it came in the form of the fire.
But he stayed, he helped rebuild the home he had found in Paris, tried to keep the spirits of those he cared for up as best as he could, all while trying to do the same with himself. The re-opening feels like a second chance of sorts. Now, though, there’s the constant underlying worry that something like this could happen again, will happen again, and next time the consequences could be even more loss than before somehow. As the re-opening hangs above everyone’s heads, the thing Sterling cares the most about is making certain no more of them go the way the others did. But he’s still got a job to do, still has fantasies to create, and he still hasn’t quite figured out how to do both.
Potential Plot Points:
I’m definitely interested in seeing Sterling’s unique perspective being a masc dancer/courtesan come into play in his relationships with not only the other dancers, but the patrons and staff trying to take a more active role in keeping the other dancers safe, possibly even in the form of becoming someone that the proprietor trusts or is closer to. I also definitely envision him as being or becoming close to the bodyguard and the handyman specifically because he shares the desire to help keep everyone safe, and I’d definitely be interested to see what happens if he tries to kind of jump into that stuff as well. There’s also the possibility with that that he could inevitably feed the suspicions of the handyman, and they could try to figure things out together. As for overarching, less specific ideas, I definitely see him fitting in as someone who can’t just move forward without wondering what happened and if it might happen again, and that becoming something of a driving force behind everything he does. It could even turn into an obsession depending on how things go, to the point where it interferes with his actual work.
A more character based plot is that I’m really interested in exploring his relationship with religion, and having him start to figure out exactly how to reconcile everything he was taught with where he is now. I could see this developing one of two ways, depending on what’s going on with the overall plot/personal relationships he has with others. I could either see him finally abandoning that religion completely, finally realizing that he doesn’t need something like that to be good and do good things, letting go of the guilt he’s held for so long seeing just how fucked up all of that has made him, OR he could go the complete opposite and revert back to those thoughts that his parents tried to instill in him. The latter would be a big leap considering where he is at the moment, but I definitely wouldn’t rule it out, and it could be a really interesting path.
FREESTYLE
DATE OF BIRTH: October 17
SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): English (first language), French (fluent)
RELIGION: formerly Evangelical Christian
SEXUALITY: bisexual (with a preference for men)
JUNG TYPE: ESTJ, “the supervisor”; assertive, organized, responsible, decisive, analytical, confident
ENNEAGRAM: Type 3, “the achiever”; success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptive, excelling, driven, and image-conscious
TEMPERAMENT: Melancholic
MORAL ALIGNMENT: True neutral
SIN: Lust
VIRTUE: Patience
ZODIAC: Libra
ELEMENT: Fire
TROPES: Preacher’s Kid, Ethical Slut, Man of Wealth and Taste, Kennedese, Sharp Dressed Man, Everything Sounds Sexier In French, Band of Brothels
INSPO TAG
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