#because the peanut gallery is full of crickets

[silentexplorer18]

Every time I start to feel demoralized about writing my novel, I read all the lovely comments people have left on AO3, and it helps so much. Thanks to all you lovely people for making me feel a little less alone on this journey 🤍

[smokeybrand]

Beat Rush

Legit planned to run through FF7R for a full, second, new game+ run and now i don't even want to do that. I'm so goddamn disgusted, it's soured my love for Tifa Lockhart. Do you know how sh*tty sh*t has to be for me not to Dolphin Blow motherf*ckers?? The last time i didn't want to play a this game, my brother's sister was killed in a car accident. The time before that? My f*cking best friend died. As devastated as i was about those events, is as goddamn angry i am about the sh*t that happened yesterday. I don't even like this country and, quite literally, sh*t like that is exactly why, but to see it in action like that? To see the response to it and the completely dismissal of their treason, knowing that if those people looked like me, there would be bodies lining the halls of Congress, is violently infuriating.

That fact that Fox News tried to spin everything we saw, like it was Antifa, literally Anti Fascist, who stormed the government in an attempt to install a fascist leader, is f*cking disrespectful. That sh*t insults my intelligence. The fact that those six motherf*ckers and, what? One hundred or so more from the House, STILL objected to the electoral count after a whole ass mob of domestic terrorists tried to burn our democracy to the ground, is f*cking atrocious. But the worst part about all of this is the silence from all these "Patriots" who had something to say when Floyd got choked out and we burned sh*t down. Crickets from the same peanut gallery that shouted at the top of their lungs when Kap took a knee. Your guy incited an insurrection and you ain't got sh*t to say about it now? Blue Lives only Matter when they are thumping on Black Lives fighting for their right to live without fear? Where's that misplaced nationalism you so proudly tout as Patriotism now that there is a legitimate threat to this country you claim to love so much? Where are these Christian values you espouse in your tax-free mega-pulpits? Are these the sounds of victory you were hearing when your guy lost?

The hypocrisy is staggering because it exposes America for what it really is. What I've seen all my life. All of this rhetoric about the flag and the soldiers and Jesus and whatever else; It's lies. It's disingenuous. It's all a game, a con, and this coup is the culmination of that. This is the "Jumanji" moment. Don not pass Go. Do not collect six hundred dollars. Go directly to jail. That's what should happen but it ain't going down like that. There is a debate about what to do with 45 who is still in charge, still has the nuclear codes, for another two weeks. This asshole incited a whole ass mob into trying to overthrow the sovereign government, and there is a debate as to if he should keep his job. A f*cking debate. This motherf*cker went full Hitler with impunity and there are people who think he should keep his job. People who hold Senatorial seats. People who are supposed to represent the majority of the citizenry. Does not instill a whole lot of confidence in sh*t changing or those who looted the capital while flying the Rebel flag being held accountable.

I'm so f*cking tired, man. I wrote about my disdain for people earlier yesterday. i tried to articulate the reason i detest society so much and then a perfect example of why played out in real time for the entire world to see. I was surprised and proud of Georgia for going full Blue. I was excited, hopeful, about the Senate flip. And then the other shoe dropped. I was reminded why that hope and faith sh*t is bogus when ascribed to humanity. Georgia sent a Black Senator to Washington. That's f*cking huge. Kelly Waffles was defeated by a young, Jewish kid. That is f*cking huge. That is noteworthy. F*cking Stacy Abrams is a kingmaker now. That's incredible. All of it muted because a bunch of white supremacist MAGA cultists, took cues from their lame duck demagogue, and decided to throw a whole ass, treasonous, tantrum. A tantrum that cost lives. And they have vowed to come back. They have declared the intent to do it again. What the f*ck, man? How the f*ck do we go forward from here? How am I supposed to look at my fellow man the same? How the f*ck am I supposed to trust the people I know for a fact, voted for this asshole both times? These are people I call friends and family and they have blood on their hands. I just want to My Final Heaven a b*tch and i can't even muster the energy to do that because there is no joy to be had right now. There is just the sobering reality of who we are.

This is AmeriKKKa.

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Three

Part 4 of 7

Parts 3 and 4 take place after S3M25, “The Road Goes Ever On and On”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ugh. Zoe, that is the last time I'm letting you pick the music.

ZOE CRICK: What? What was wrong with that? And what the hell do you mean, "letting me pick the music"? Last I looked, Cheeseman, you weren't magical king of the music choices.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listen, I'm driving! So you've got to choose music I can drive to. Otherwise I might get distracted by your God-awful taste in music and run into a bush or something.

EUGENE WOODS: Co-pilot chooses the music, Phil. Them's the rules.

JACK HOLDEN: The rules of the road!

EUGENE WOODS: And if you don't like the rules, you better get off the road!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, I'll throw up pretty violently if you two don't stop chipping in from the peanut gallery back there.

ZOE CRICK: All right, all right, Phil, fine. Do you have any requests?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, you know what I want you to play. I've asked for it a dozen times today already.

EUGENE WOODS: No, no, not that. Please not that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's my driving tune.

ZOE CRICK: Fine, fine. Fine! But I'm picking the next one.

ALL: [singing] "Eugene and Zoe, Phil and Jack. Out on the road, not in the radio shack. When we come to your town, don't turn your back. We'll do our show and make you laugh. Eugene and Zoe, Phil and Jack. Out on the road, not in the radio shack. When we come to your town, don't turn your back! We'll do our show and make you laugh." [laugh]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, Zo! Zo, comfort break.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, already, Gene? We've stopped twice today. At this rate, we're never going to make it Fulbridge in time.

EUGENE WOODS: I wouldn't ask if it wasn't urgent.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] You'll be quick?

EUGENE WOODS: As lightning, promise.

[ZOE CRICK parks van]

ZOE CRICK: Right. Shake a leg.

JACK HOLDEN: Ew.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, not like that!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Go on, Gene. I'll watch your back.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I thought you said you needed to go.

EUGENE WOODS: I know, I do. Sorry, it's just...

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, no skin off my nose. Quiet as anything out here.

EUGENE WOODS: That is the problem.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh. Right. Well, uh, if ever I need to, um, get over my stage fright, I just sing this little song: [sings] "Tinkle tinkle tinkle, I go wee - "

EUGENE WOODS: No. Uh, no. Ugh. Thanks, Phil, but no. Uh, a kid's potty song, I don't think... I don't think that'll work.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [sings loudly] "Amazi-i-ing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!" [EUGENE WOODS laughs] "I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind bu-u-ut now I see-ee-ee-ee." [quieter] "And grace, my fears relieved."

EUGENE WOODS: [laughs] Come on, let's get back.

ZOE CRICK: Eyes up, everyone.

JACK HOLDEN: Guess we must be here. Don't look very friendly, do they?

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, you know what they say about books and covers, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, you know what they say about wolves and wool.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wool?

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, like when something's dangerous -

EUGENE WOODS: It's sheep's clothing.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, wool.

EUGENE WOODS: No, the saying is "a wolf in sheep's clothing."

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh.

JACK HOLDEN: Sheep don't wear clothes -

EUGENE WOODS: That's not the - ! [sighs] Forget it. They're here.

ZOE CRICK: [rolls window down] Hello! We're here from – we're the radio show.

GUARD: Aye. Long road, was it?

ZOE CRICK: Quite a long drive, yeah.

GUARD: I'd say. You're late.

EUGENE WOODS: Sorry, that's my fault. Small bladder.

GUARD: Well, that's as may be, but we've got kiddies inside waiting for the show.

ZOE CRICK: Sorry for keeping you waiting. Which way is the - ?

GUARD: Anything in that van I need to look at?

ZOE CRICK: Just our supplies and equipment.

GUARD: Aye. Right then. In you go. Second left.

JACK HOLDEN: And that, everybody, is the story of how the leopard got her spots. [audience laughs]

EUGENE WOODS: Thanks, Jack. Let's thank Jack for the storytime, everyone. [audience applauds and cheers] And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's time for Science Corner with Phil and Zoe! [audience applauds and cheers]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Thank you, thank you! Hello, everybody!

ZOE CRICK: Hello! This is Professor Phil, and I'm Doctor Zoe, and we're here today to show you some amazing things you can do with science.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Science! [laughs] Uh, science, boys and girls, is all around us. Science is... uh, science is what makes the sky blue, and what makes your lights come on, and what makes your mommy and daddy uh, go -

ZOE CRICK: Science is what we use to understand the world around us, boys and girls. And once we understand the world, we can do some really special things, just like our first trick, the potato stab.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: For this trick, we'll need a volunteer from the crowd. Eugene, why don't you play the home audience a song while we set this up?

EUGENE WOODS: You got it. We'll be right back, everyone.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: All right, Chloe, thank you very much. You did a great job. Everyone, let's give Chloe a big round of applause. [audience cheers and applauds]

ZOE CRICK: So you see, everyone, when Chloe tried to stab the potato with the straw the first time, all the air could come out of the top of the straw. This meant that the straw collapsed when it hit the potato, so Chloe couldn't stab it in very far.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Exactly. But then, when Chloe put her finger over the top of the straw, all the air was held inside, which meant that the straw stayed stiff when it hit the potato, and it could go all the way in.

ZOE CRICK: And that's what we call air pressure. Because we understand how that works, we can use it to let us stab a flimsy straw all the way into a very tough potato. And that's science! [audience applauds]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Remember, everyone, science is important because that's what will let us get back all the things we don't have anymore. Lighting and hot water whenever we want them. Medicine we don't have to scavenge for. Food we can store for longer than a few days. New buildings, roads, even cars. All these things that we miss, that would make our lives happier and easier, that's what science can give us. [audience applauds]

JACK HOLDEN: Thanks, Zoe. Thanks, Phil. That was Science Corner. Give them a big hand, everyone! [audience cheers] All right. Now uh, I never thought I'd say this, but kids, it's time to go back to school. Fulbridge, you've been fantastic. We love you! And we've had a brilliant time with all of you today. Give everyone up here a really big hand. Eugene Woods - [audience cheers] Professor Phil Cheeseman - [audience cheers] Doctor Zoe Crick - [audience cheers] Chloe, our junior scientist - [audience cheers] and I've been Jack Holden. Thank you, Fulbridge. [audience cheers]

[audience cheers]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Nice show! Fun show.

EUGENE WOODS: Good work, guys. Nicely done.

JACK HOLDEN: Do you think they liked us?

EUGENE WOODS: Of course they did! Listen to that!

JACK HOLDEN: I don't know. It felt a bit less fun, you know, than Pendrington.

ZOE CRICK: Well, we are sober.

JACK HOLDEN: Good point.

ZOE CRICK: And the audience was full of kids.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah...

ZOE CRICK: So it's not like you could really have done your drunken baby dance again.

[EUGENE WOODS laughs]

JACK HOLDEN: No, no. Good point.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: They liked us just fine, Jack. It was a good show.

EUGENE WOODS: They certainly did. And they loved Science Corner!

ZOE CRICK: It was fun, yeah. Although Phil, maybe next time let me explain what science is.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I did my best!

[EUGENE WOODS laughs]

JACK HOLDEN: [imitates PHIL CHEESEMAN] "Science is uh... science is how bananas work." [laughs] "Science is how zebras don't cry. Science..."

CONTACT: Excuse me?

JACK HOLDEN: Sorry? Hi.

CONTACT: You're the radio crew?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, that's us. We'll be back out in a second to chat, sorry. Just doing a bit of a debrief.

CONTACT: No, no. I uh, I have a present for you, from our mutual friend in London.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, right! Uh...

ZOE CRICK: I'll take that. Thank you.

CONTACT: No, thank you. Send my regards to Janine.

ZOE CRICK: We will, thanks.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] That was cool.

[JACK HOLDEN imitates cricket bat swing, mutters sports commentary]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jack! Jack.

EUGENE WOODS: He's fine.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know. Jack, Jack!

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, sorry, Phil. What's up?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Could you sit down and stop waving that bat around, please?

EUGENE WOODS: He's not hurting anyone back there.

JACK HOLDEN: Uh, I'm practicing. I have to get my drive right.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know, but you're also making me nervous.

EUGENE WOODS: Come on, Phil! You know he's got to get his drive right. Big game coming up.

JACK HOLDEN: I'm fine, don't worry about it. We're only going slow.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Still, all it takes is one bump on the road -

JACK HOLDEN: [sighs] I'll be fine, I promise!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jack, please, just... I know it'll be fine, but you're still making me nervous.

[JACK HOLDEN imitates cricket bat swing]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jack! Jack!

ZOE CRICK: Jack!

JACK HOLDEN: What?

ZOE CRICK: Listen, I know you need to get back on form before the match, but you're never going to score a century with a broken arm, are you? And if you keep titting around back there, that's exactly what you'll have. If not from falling over, then from me, because you're blocking my bloody mirrors. So sit down.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, fair enough. Pretty much got it perfect anyway.

JACK HOLDEN: What, just up here?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. Yeah, it was right up here.

EUGENE WOODS: I'm amazed you remember the way, Zo.

ZOE CRICK: Me, too, to be honest. I mean, I came here every summer when I was a kid, but I don't know. It's funny how memory works, isn't it?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'll say. I still remember all my Latin declensions. Uh, res res rem, rei rei re, res res res, rerem rebus rebus.

ZOE CRICK: Left here, Jack.

EUGENE WOODS: Phil. Puer, genitive plural.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... puerorum.

ZOE CRICK: Was that right?

EUGENE WOODS: I don't know.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's right.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, wow!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know. Pretty cool, right?

JACK HOLDEN: No no no, look!

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, wow.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah!

EUGENE WOODS: Zo, this place is amazing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wow.

JACK HOLDEN: Like, seriously!

ZOE CRICK: It wasn't always this overgrown. I wasn't raised by tigers.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh.

ZOE CRICK: I think that's the clubhouse just up ahead. If you turn right past that, there should be a safe place to park back there.

JACK HOLDEN: This looks like a decent spot. [parks van]

EUGENE WOODS: You guys want to take a look around?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, wouldn't miss it.

ZOE CRICK: Everyone got their radio mics?

EUGENE WOODS: Yep.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Aye, aye.

JACK HOLDEN: All good.

ZOE CRICK: Great. Then, listeners, Radio Cabel is now proud to present an audio walking tour of the campground where Zoe spent most of her summers. Let's go.

[van doors open and close]

ZOE CRICK: We're standing now in the walled-in yard behind the clubhouse, so chosen for its excellent defensive options, should things go a bit pear-shaped while we're exploring.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: They won't, though, will they?

EUGENE WOODS: Shouldn't do. Place looked really empty on the way in. Weird, really.

JACK HOLDEN: Don't imagine many people were around here during the outbreak.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

ZOE CRICK: It'll all be fine, don't worry. Anyway, we've got our friend out there keeping us safe, haven't we? Hello, if you can hear us!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's uh, it's probably best not to antagonize the man with the high-powered rifle watching our every move, Zo.

ZOE CRICK: Yep, good point. Let's crack on, shall we?

EUGENE WOODS: Lead on, MacDuff.

ZOE CRICK: We're now walking up the hill towards the main campground, the site of many water fights, hide and seek games, and midsummer barbeques. The grass has been broken by weeds and the seasons, though we can still make out the old pitch boundaries, the plug-in points for camper vans, and the remains of the football field.

Though tall trees now throw shade over much of the campground, it's easy for me to recall the morning sunlight spilling across the grass, lighting up the inside of our tents, and telling us that it's time to start our day.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jeez, Zo. Nice narration. You're full of surprises.

ZOE CRICK: Thanks. I guess I'm just getting a bit nostalgic now that we're here. What do you think, guys?

EUGENE WOODS: It's nice. Peaceful.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah. Feels like we're in a different world.

EUGENE WOODS: Yeah. You know, I could really... no. Never mind.

ZOE CRICK: What is it, Gene?  

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know I hate it when you get all cryptic and brooding.

JACK HOLDEN: As attractive as it is.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, shut up.

EUGENE WOODS: It's stupid. I was just thinking – [sighs] I could really see us living here. [laughs] It's stupid, I know. You know, we've got a home. It's just... it's so calm.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah.

[all breath heavily as they climb the hill]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So, Zoe. Where are we now?

ZOE CRICK: Top of the hill.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What happened to that poetry?

ZOE CRICK: Knackered.

JACK HOLDEN: You all right, Gene?

EUGENE WOODS: Fine.

JACK HOLDEN: Nice view!

EUGENE WOODS: Wow, yeah. Is that Abel way over there?

JACK HOLDEN: What? No, it can't be. We're ages away.

EUGENE WOODS: No, look! That's the watch tower, and -

ZOE CRICK: Abel's in the other direction, Gene.

EUGENE WOOD: Oh, yeah. Right.

ZOE CRICK: And there's no way we could see it from here. There -

[bushes rustle]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What was that?

JACK HOLDEN: In the bushes. Get ready.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I thought this place was safe.

ZOE CRICK: Apparently not.

JACK HOLDEN: Easy, easy... come on then, you!

ZOE CRICK: Here it comes!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, it's a badger.

[everyone laughs]

ZOE CRICK: And now we return to where we started: the clubhouse. Home of the weekly Saturday night disco, Thursday night bingo, and the first place I ever tasted alcohol. Also the first place I ever kissed a boy.

JACK HOLDEN: Ooh, saucy! [laughs]

EUGENE WOODS: Shall we have a look inside? Door's right here.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. There might be a plaque on the wall to commemorate the first time Zoe had a sneaky sip of shandy. [laughs]

ZOE CRICK: Oh ha ha. But yeah. Might be something worth taking inside.

EUGENE WOODS: [jiggles door handle] No. Locked.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, hang on. Let me have a look. [tries handle] Hmm. Yeah, all right. This won't be a problem. Uh, Zoe, do you have a hairpin?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, um, yeah. All right. Here.

JACK HOLDEN: Ta. Right. Let's have a look. [breaks down door] Ha ha! Ta-da!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What the hell was the hairpin for?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh! Oh, uh, my fringe was in my eyes.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, look. This is the bar.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: All cleaned out, sadly. Oh, I could really have gone for a pint about now.

ZOE CRICK: It didn't have much to begin with. Just some warm bitter, [laughs] the odd bottle of white wine for the ladies, and a lone bottle of whiskey.

EUGENE WOODS: White wine for the ladies?

ZOE CRICK: Mm, it was a different time.

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, Gene! Gene, there's a jukebox!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, sweet! Let's have a look!

ZOE CRICK: There's no way that'll still be working.

EUGENE WOODS: I don't know. Don't these places usually have generators to supply power for the campers?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, but it's been a long time, Gene.

EUGENE WOODS: Still, we should give it a try. Come on, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: Hang on. Hang on... [turns on jukebox] Oh man! Yes!

[everyone laughs]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wow, this is awesome! Is there anything good? Here, let me see.

JACK HOLDEN: Hey, hey.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hey!

JACK HOLDEN: Oi!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, that one! That one.

[music plays]

EUGENE WOODS: Oh, I love this song.

ZOE CRICK: Mister Woods, are you dancing?

EUGENE WOODS: Only if you are asking.

ZOE CRICK: I'm asking. [laughs]

JACK HOLDEN: Come on, Phil. Let's show these suckers how it's done.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, right.

[everyone dances]

ZOE CRICK: Oh my God!

JACK HOLDEN: Amateur.

[everyone laughs as they dance]

ZOE CRICK: So I basically just hit it and then run?

JACK HOLDEN: Well, yeah, but there are subtleties. You've got to -

ZOE CRICK: Stay in my crease, pay attention to where the fielders are, don't be afraid to leave the ball. I know, Jack. We've been going over this for an hour.

JACK HOLDEN: Sorry. I'm just excited! I've not had the chance to play properly for... God, I don't even know how long. To be honest, I never thought we'd have a proper game again.

ZOE CRICK: Don't worry about it. I know you've been looking forward to this for a while.

JACK HOLDEN: How are you two doing back there?

EUGENE WOODS: Fine, thanks.

JACK HOLDEN: You've learned your field and positions?

EUGENE WOODS: Yes, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: How to count the score?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, Jack.

JACK HOLDEN: You're not going to - ?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Say the score after every ball? No.

JACK HOLDEN: Right.

EUGENE WOODS: Jack?

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, yes, Eugene?

EUGENE WOODS: Remind me – is silly mid on the guy with the bat or the guy with the balls?

JACK HOLDEN: Oh, for God's sake, Eugene. The silly mid on's the - [EUGENE WOODS laughs] Oh, very funny. Very flipping funny.

EUGENE WOODS: Stop fussing and keep driving, Jackie. We've got a game to get to.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So Jack, what with us about to make post-apocalypse broadcasting history, do you want to give the listeners at home a bit of context?

JACK HOLDEN: I do, Phil. I do. Listeners, we're on our way to the walled village of Langbrook, which uh, well, it's been zom-free for a little while. Just long enough, in fact, for them to restore the local cricket ground, which means, much to my interest -

EUGENE WOODS: Interest? You've been talking about nothing else for weeks.

JACK HOLDEN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Langbrook now has what is quite possibly the only regulation cricket ground in existence. And given that we just so happen to be in the area – [EUGENE WOODS coughs] Given that we've driven five hours out of our way to be in the area, fine, we're heading over to Langbrook for a little spot of cricket. 

But that's not all. Zoe and I will be taking part in the game ourselves, and Eugene and Phil will be broadcasting live ball by ball commentary on the entire game. Yes, listeners, you heard me right. Radio Cabel will shortly be presenting the first live cricket commentary since the apocalypse. [laughs] It truly is a historic day.

EUGENE WOODS: Well, it's hardly the rediscovery of nuclear power, Jack, but we're glad you're so excited.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm excited, too, Jack. It's nice to make history, even if it's just a bit of cricket history.

JACK HOLDEN: Just a bit of cricket history? Phil! Phil, there's no "just" in that sentence. Cricket is a game with an illustrious history, stretching right the way back to -

EUGENE WOODS: All right, all right, enough. Listeners, we'll be back after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, listeners, and welcome to Cricket Match Special. We're here in the wonderful village of Langbrook, where you join us moments before we're going to bring you the first live broadcast of a sporting event since the apocalypse. Joining me here in the commentary box – uh, van – is Eugene Woods. Eugene! Good morning, my dear old thing.

EUGENE WOODS: Good morning, Cheesers. It's looking gorgeous out there, isn't it?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'll say, I'll say. We've got the two teams lining up the shake hands now. On our right hand side, we have the Langbrook Runners, led by Peter Matthews.

EUGENE WOODS: He'll be keeping wicket, unusually.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm, don't often see the captain keeping wicket, no. In fact, I believe the last time we saw that was Michael Denton in the 1984 Ashes, where he captained Bangladesh.

EUGENE WOODS: Of course, of course. What a great match that was. And on our left, we've got the Langbrook Shamblers, featuring our own Jack Holden and Zoe Crick as the first batsmen.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Holden and Crick both debutants. Interesting to see them at the top of the order.

EUGENE WOODS: Yep. You've got to imagine there was some back room dealing to lead to this situation.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] Well, we don't like to speculate, but it certainly is unusual.

EUGENE WOODS: Right. Well, we're ready for the toss, now. Umpire throwing the coin, and... yes, the Shamblers have won the toss, and they've elected to bat first.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think that has to be the sensible decision. Looking at a pitch like this – lots of zip, lots of bounce – you really want to bat early on on a track like that.

EUGENE WOODS: You took the words right out of my mouth, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Welcome back, everyone! And what a great day of cricket this has turned out to be. Young Holden making a great show out there in the middle, currently sitting on a very impressive 46 runs from 50 deliveries. We have Alister Jordan at the other end, currently on six runs after Zoe Crick was dismissed, caught, and hit wicket for 19. We have five overs to go in this bit, and the Shamblers are at 71 for naught. Talk us through the fielders, Eugene.

EUGENE WOODS: Right, Phil, okay. So have a mid point, a square silly mid on saving the one short extra cover, three in the slip cordon, four around the bat on the leg side and two up behind the umpire sweeping on the boundary.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] That's too many. [?]. [out loud] Thanks, Eugene! And Allison Brodick, the Runners' star bowler is ready to send the first ball of the over down the old carpet track. Holden's the batman on strike, takes his guard, and Brodick runs in... that's a wide ball. Well outside. Holden lets it go by.

EUGENE WOODS: That's a lovely shot by Holden, there. Very positive. Very elegant stroke. Tasty.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] Keep it PG, Gene.

EUGENE WOODS: And Brodick's ready, running in again and – oh! Holden swung his bat at that beautifully and it's rolling all the way. Will it get there? Yes! Yes! That's... [whispers] four?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [whispers] Four.

EUGENE WOODS: Four runs! Oh, Holden brings up his 50! He looks very pleased out there. The crowd are applauding. He walks down the strip to touch gloves with Jordan at the other end. Oh, very good show from Holden. Very good indeed.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, what a thrilling day of cricket that was. I have with me here star batsman of the day, Jack Holden, who made an impressive 65 naught out on his debut. Jack, how do you feel about the results?

JACK HOLDEN: Well, I feel really pleased, Phil. Really, really pleased with how we did out there. Uh, we really wanted the win, really tried hard for it, but uh, at the end of the day we just couldn't make it happen with the ball.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Pleased with your debut 50?

JACK HOLDEN: Ah, really pleased. Really good, yeah. You know, it's always – always nice to uh, make a big score, and to do it on my debut here is a really big honor, really. Really good. Really pleased with how we did out there, really, really tried hard for it, really... really good! [laughs]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] And I see we have here Allison Brodick walking up to us. Allison, here to talk about your bowling today?

ALLISON: Actually, Phil, I was hoping to talk to you all in private.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: In private?

ALLISON: Yes. I've come on behalf of our friend in London.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. One second. Guys!

JACK HOLDEN: So, where next?

ZOE CRICK: Um, well... [paper rustles] we're supposed to be at Northolt in about a week, but we're not actually that far from there.

EUGENE WOODS: Cool! Well, we can take our time. Maybe a little sightseeing, take some time off.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, bit of time off does sound good.

JACK HOLDEN: So where should we go?

ZOE CRICK: What about - [paper rustles] here? Nearby. Looks like it should be pretty safe.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Looks nice. River nearby. Should have a pretty good view. Let's do it.

EUGENE WOODS: Time for a holiday.

JACK HOLDEN: Nice.

JACK HOLDEN: Okay, so Phil and Zoe are going to catch some food -

ZOE CRICK: Yup.

JACK HOLDEN: - and me and Gene will get to work on a fire.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Properly hidden from prying eyes.

EUGENE WOODS: This isn't our first time in the wild, Philly boy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know, I know. I'm just being careful.

ZOE CRICK: Come on, you. I'll need your help carrying back all the rabbits I'm going to catch.

EUGENE WOODS: Ooh, I'll get the stew pot ready.

ZOE CRICK: Deal!

JACK HOLDEN: [sighs] This is the life, isn't it? Clear sky above us. Good fire to keep us warm. Sharing good food and good company with the people we love.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hear, hear.

ZOE CRICK: It's not bad. Not bad at all. [sighs] Shame we have to go back, really.

EUGENE WOODS: Do we?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hmm. Do we?

ZOE CRICK: Hmm.

[damajority]

DaMajority Fresh Article https://www.damajority.com/quick-chat-w-jamaicas-shantell-shanz-hill-on-women-sports-media/

QUICK CHAT w/ Jamaica's Shantell "Shanz" Hill on Women + Sports + Media!

QUICK CHAT w/ Shantell “Shanz” Hill

Shantell “Shanz” Hill

This week our team had a little Quick Chat with the beautiful Shantell “Shanz” Hill of Jamaica. Shanz holds a Masters of Science Degree in Entertainment business (Full Sail University, FL), as well as a Bachelor’s of Science Degree (Hons.) in Hospitality and Tourism Management (UTECH, Jamaica), majoring in Food Service Management. Shanz is currently the only female marketing manager in Caribbean Premiere League and holds the title as Head of Marketing and Brand Communications for the Jamaica Tallawahs.

17 QUICK QUESTIONS with SHANZ

 Tell us about where you’re from. I am from the bustling town of Old Harbour, St. Catherine (Jamaica).  Spent my childhood between the  community of Old Harbour Bay then Marlie Mount.

Who or what inspired you to become involved in media? Media happened in three stages for me.

Stage 1 Whilst in university (University of Technology, Kingston Jamaica) a friend who had his own cable had an event – Carnival.. maybe Fashion Week I believe … and his host could make it, at the start he asked if I could host and after a few minute Richard had the mic in my hand and the camera in my face.

Stage 2: My second entry was in 2009, I was 23 years old – I stared a Public Relations and Social Media Marketing Agency, after 6 months in Big Yard Music Label recruited me and parters to manage the  digital and PR affairs of its then roaster ( Christopher Martin, D- Major, Shaggy and Cecile etc).  I stayed in the industry  through the years, expanding in my participation.

Stage 3: On- Air  (FAME 95FM)  and TV (RE TV) personality for  in the RJR GLEANER Group, in 2017 six months after joining the group as the Digital Brand Manager for Radio Services, the general manager of Radio – Dr. Dennis Howard called me in a meeting and advised me that I will be having my own show, he told myself and the program manager to banister a concept- this gave birth to IN Da Mix; it allowed me to talk about food, fashion, technology, moves and events – all the things I loved. Being both on Radio and TV gave me a perfect platform for expand the entertainment awareness for lifestyle conversation as well as to display my passion for soca and entertainment events.

3. How and when did you started in sports media? Sports Media ..Hmm I would say sports Marketing! I have been around sports all my life my family is a Pro- Sports family. Dad, uncles, cousins and brothers all played football and those who can’t play are sports photographers or markets  (haha  me).. I played Basketball in high school – Old Harbour High, that afforded me sporting scholarship to UTECH  where I never suited up for Knights in basketball but did two seasons from then in football ( yes i was the Goal Keeper – No. 6 is still my number) and also for my faculty SHTM. But I actually  started in track and field ( spent  a little over 10 years with athletics in an informal way, supporting brands like Adidas and Puma). However my formal entry came in 2016 (I has migrated back to Jamaica from the USA, post my Masters of Entertainment Business Degree from FullSail), and took a meeting with the former owners ( Ron Parikh and Manish Patel ) of the Tallawahs Franchise. The meeting was to manage the party stand given my background, however I left the meeting with an offer to become the Head of Marketing for the Tallawahs, which I accepted in a heart beat.. why not!

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4. What sport(s) do you enjoy covering most? Wow … I’d be very biased and say Cricket, well more specially CPL T20 . The tournament is amazing, the energy and opportunity to showcase our young and aspiring talents, our county, culture and caribbean makes me truly happy. CPL attracts 11 Million eyes annually and growing through our leadership in the digital space and diversity of teams, so having that power to influence makes it enjoyable.

5. Name 3 of your favorite athletes. Wow that’s like asking a mom to say who is her favourite child … Hmmm

let’s see -Thierry Henry (formally of Arsenal)  Usain Bolt, Oshane Thomas (I am beyond excited about his future as a fast bowler.

6. Do you believe that there is gender equality in Caribbean sports? Gender equity and inclusion has A LOT  more room for growth, I am seeing small steps both on the field and off but I’d say we have about 70% room for added growth. Even in cricket I am looking forward to seeing more women both participating as well as in roles of leadership so as to support the growth of the sport. When I love at CPL our stadium is at 45 % female fans and social media has a higher ratio which means women are fans who will later become administrative support, which can become leading roles sooner than later.

7. Which female media personalities currently inspire you? I would have to – Debbie Harris (both on and off screen), Trsihana McGowan and Karren Madden (Girls Sports Club) … oh wait Alexis Jordan she did a great job with Fan View on CPL  this year.

8. Favorite Recording Artist? Oh My gosh ..asking me to pick my favorite child! Let me break the rules and give you a few whom I am excited to grow beyond the region:

Christopher Martin, Kes, D’Yani (super talented),  Voice, Tosh Alexander, Kim Nain, Khalia, Naomi Cowan ..my list is never ending, oh and  Jada Kingdom. Keep a tab on those names.

9. Favorite Movie? I am a hopeless romantic so I’d say Pretty Woman  and Happily Ever After (50/50..haha)

10. Favorite Country to visit? Oh wow Normally i’d say London because of its rich culture and family but Thialand stole my heart last year.  – Chang Man is now my home away from home if ever it was to be so.

11. Single or Taken? Single legally (…no ring yet) however my heart is currently occupied.

12. If your personality was a smoothie; what would be the ingredients? Easiest question … I’d say make this smoothie yours too!

 1/4 cup FOSKA Oats (yes the brand quality  is important), 1 Banana, Tsp Flax Seed, 1 Slice Mango, Ice Cubes, 1 Scoop of iceCream,  1 Tblspn of Peanut or  Chocolate Chip Cookie, 1/2 Cup Water and or Milk to texture you see fit.

13. What can be done regionally to get more women involved in sports media? Wow so much more lets start with a Sports Marketing – Elective in CAPE  or UWI. Get females into the mindset of moving from fans to FAMS (Female Agent Momigers ..yup I made that up. Women are built in nurturers and women are passionate, why not groom them to express to two essential qualities alongside management skills (which we know is one of the highest in the world). I want to see more women on the slide lines, marketing, presidents, board members on sports not just business and not just because they are “WOMEN” because they are capable and they can influence consumers.

14. Identify what lessons you’ve learned so far in the sports industry. I have so many lessons wow I could write a book, but I being hard-working and communicating well is by far the best quality you can have not just in business, or sports but in life. Knowing how to communicate effectively and in timely manner illuminates 90% of issues that can make your careers more difficult. Once you master effective communication both written and oral then honesty, resilience  and reliability are key to making your efforts a success.

15. Name 3 Caribbean islands you’d love to visit? So easy … Cuba, Barbados (still can’t believe I haven’t visited)  and Anguilla,

16. What do you like to do outside of sports? Music & Food (my Bachelors is Food and I Certified in Baking Technology … yup i am an unofficial executive chef ..lol) I am as much passion for each as I do for media and sports.

17. What’s the best career advice you can give to someone looking into getting into the industry? Be Passionate about every task, be honest in everything you do, work harder thank you planned to and most importantly listen more than you’d like to.