#because staying in their own transphobic and terrible lane isnt enough for them

[just-aro]

y’know, I feel like the aro community is one of the only places I can talk about having queer attraction to men without it constantly being the butt of a joke.

I find it interesting that, while the broad a-spec community jokes about the concept of attraction, the majority of takes I see that poke fun at attraction are systemic rather than individual. I do see the takes on "I don't understand why someone would be attracted to xyz person", usually if the relationship is unhealthy, which I have many thoughts on (notably: please read any resource ever on helping people experiencing abuse), but...

I can say "yeah, I find men attractive in some form. sometimes sexual, sometimes in a way where all I know is that it isn't romantic", and I don't have to brace for a litany of "ew, you like men? rip, f in the chat" and similar sentiments. I've experienced more than a few explicitly queer irl spaces where queer attraction to men must be qualified with a statement about how it's terrible, actually because men are terrible, and it's exhausting. I just want to talk about being queer with other queer people without feeling like i'm walking through a minefield of useless radfem rhetoric that portrays all men as inherently, intrinsically "bad", and my attraction to them as low-key problematic (and honestly, the homophobic history of that... is immense).

I'm not going anywhere too specific with this, but it's just... interesting. i'm not sure if this is something where I've curated my experience with aros online to avoid that nonsense in ways I can't do irl, or if it's an actual phenomena. i just know that i'm far from the only irl queer person I know who experiences attraction to men and feels like we're expected to self-deprecate about it or be told we're ruining others' fun.