#because of course no physically disabled people actually GO to college or apply for jobs

[mbti-notes]

Hello, I've read your study guides and having read them, I've concluded I'm most likely an isfj, though I haven’t completely ruled out esfj. The reason for this question/message is because I've noticed I'm overly dependent on other people for support. I'm now 21, and when I was in high school I thought life would become easier, but the reality is without having someone guiding me I have no idea how to be more independent, and for example, get a job, go to college, get a house/apartment, etc. [1]

[con't: The reason this bothers me is because I now know that in many situations I won't be able to depend on others, and the reality of that hit me like a brick. I'm disabled and I contacted a place that helps disabled people get jobs, I haven’t received a reply yet as of the time I sent this message, but I hope it's a good start. Do you have any tips on how to become more independent? Thank you!]

"Independence" is actually a very big topic because there are a lot of conflicting ways of looking at. Human beings evolved to be social creatures and a lot of our success has been the result of our prowess for cooperation. Like it or not, humans live interdependent lives. This is still very true in modern times, even though everyone seems to have their own thing going on. It is a fact that your life as an individual depends on the hard work of others.

To have a functioning society, everyone has to pitch in and keep things going. We need roads and infrastructure, services like firefighters, businesses to supply our needs and wants, industry to employ the population, etc. I don't know where you're from, but in US culture, a lot of people view dependence/independence as either/or, and they valorize independence without acknowledging the myriad of ways they are dependent.

What you are referring to is the individual side of independence, such as being able to take care of your things on your own. But I mention the bigger picture so that you don't fall into the either/or trap and to ensure you are aware of how cultural values may influence your personal conception of independence. I don't know the nature of your disability, but being physically or intellectually disabled does mean that you are, on average, more dependent on others. This should never be a source of shame because a well-functioning society has an obligation to accommodate a wide range of individual differences if it hopes to maximize opportunities for survival and success.

People aren't born with knowledge about how the world works. We all have to learn it as we go. Life isn't always fair, since some people have more access to knowledge than others. This is why the development of the internet was so revolutionary. All of a sudden, people have practically the entirety of human knowledge at their fingertips. Whatever task you need to complete, from applying for loans to fixing a broken washer, you can access it, as long as you have good research skills. In the time before internet, you had far fewer options.

Of course, it's always nice to have a personal touch, to put trust in mentors and guides that understand us and save us the pain of constant research. However, when you're not lucky enough to have someone beside you, you have to take the initiative to learn on your own, or at least find someone knowledgeable to learn from. You have to nurture the mindset of taking pride in learning new things, growing your skill set, and embracing mistakes as opportunities to do better (which is often related to T function development). One of my favorite things to say is "you can't be good at everything". It's the truth. There is too much specialized knowledge out there for one person to learn, especially if you have to work most of the day just to feed and clothe yourself. But you can still learn the basics of most things and possess a good foundation of general knowledge that grants you a feeling of psychological preparedness.

Dependence is a part of life. While there is pressure at your age to be an independent adult, there should be no shame in leaning on others to allow yourself to feel more supported and at ease. Life can be quite hard and there's no need to make it harder by alienating yourself or drowning yourself in anxiety. Dependence becomes unhealthy only when it starts to interfere with your personal growth. For example, you rely on others too much because the truth is that you want to: run away from hard work, deflect fear of failure, avoid criticism, compensate for feeling unloved/unlovable, etc.

For SFJs, fear or insecurity often plays a big role in their unhealthy dependence. They might fear making the wrong decisions or doing things the wrong way because they take it to mean that they're a "bad" person. If you think in this way, it's time to debunk it, because a "competent" person is not at all in the same category as a "good" person. One is about knowledge, the other about values. Lacking knowledge/skill isn't a moral failing, but it can become a moral failing if you actively reject learning and improving yourself.

Some of the tasks you've mentioned aren't exactly easy for beginners, so it's natural to feel some apprehension or anxiety and fall into self-doubt. Fear doesn't have to run your life. You can't stop yourself from feeling fear because it's a natural reaction to taking risks. But you can take the fear and put it in proper perspective, and make a wise decision about how to move forward despite the fear. This is called being emotionally intelligent, which is something you may want to work on.

Independence is simple in theory: Whatever you can reasonably do on your own, you should always try to do on your own first, before reaching out for assistance. People are motivated to be independent because it's a matter of personal pride. Nobody likes to feel like a drain, a burden, a mooch, or a useless freeloader. It's not good for your self-worth or self-esteem to be too dependent on others.

In reality, though, independence is complicated because it is deeply tied to your individual knowledge, competence, and mastery level. When you're a beginner at something, it's normal to need a teacher to show you the ropes, with the goal being that you should be able to do it yourself in the future. It's important for your self-esteem that you avoid unfairly comparing your beginner phase to someone else's advanced mastery. To be a good learner, you have to be transparent and fair when evaluating yourself. Be honest about your strengths and shortcomings, and be compassionate with yourself in acknowledging how much assistance is required for overcoming the shortcomings you're faced with. Not everything can be achieved alone because not every shortcoming you're faced with is entirely within your control.

SFJs are practical people and like to feel prepared. When confronted with any task, all they really want are clear instructions or linear steps to follow for completing it successfully, so this is what you should look for when building your knowledge base. This is usually possible with most everyday practical tasks, and there are lots of people out there offering up advice about "how to" get a job or buy a home, etc. All you have to do is take advantage of trustworthy sources and learn from them.

But there are some things in life that are more complex and defy clear instructions and linear steps. For example, matters of values, psychology, or spirit usually fall into this category. For these matters, it's good for SFJs to get a wide variety of perspectives and take them into consideration when developing their own way/view.

Remember that, it doesn't matter who you are, most of what you know, you learned from others. Becoming independent involves acknowledging that you are dependent on others for knowledge, but instead of just mindlessly following or imitating, you take the extra step of making the knowledge your own, for example, by tailoring it to fit your unique circumstances or doing something special with it.

[dangerouslysmartslime]

Trying to understand college: My first Academic Development 101 Zoom Meeting

Discussion is going to start, and it’s going to be for Chapters 1 and 7. Academic Development 101… Starting with a check in, so… I didn’t read both parts because it is purely questions that you’d find at a mental hospital, which makes sense but it is a pain. So stop wathcing fucking shows like People Watching and get stuff done.

What is one thing you hope to accomplish this Winter Session

I hope to get used to online classes, unlike my Junior Year of High School, which was quite unpleasant. At the same time I also felt like I was being babysat by the school as there was no on the campus who knew what I was taking. Taking US Government, Trigonometry, English, Environmental, and such but a lack of continual feedback. Just trying to understand things day in and day out and the best thing I could seemingly think to do was to read the material and then look at what other people online thought, and then use both the actual sources and analysis of others. To be a lot better person than that is ideal, however it can be a lot harder than being at a class and there being discussions and then what happens outside of class is review.

There are a lot of folks who are here today, so they’re taking attendance and I feel unsure of what to do. I realize now that the three classes are interconnected, in the fact that they aren’t straight and narrow, they’re pieces that you have to read, go over, then respond with in your ideas. You have two days left before all the assignments are due for the week. A lot of people say they should earn at least a B+ GPA. One must first be stable before they can help themselves. Apparently a lot of people don’t know what to do with themselves, but they spend a great deal of money on education. Where do you take it to and pursue. Improving as a student and being more organized. It’s definitely something that I should work on, as there are Modules 1 and 2 at the same time, and getting it all done is important so you don’t get multiple 0s and fail classes. Just as you ended up getting an 80% in a Quiz just because you didn’t answer the questions quickly and efficiently. Learning better time management as folks can often be procrastinators. Passing, keeping focused, and keeping ahead of assignments.

Transitioning to online classes can be a pain for people. How to apply the tools you have, as there is a difference between getting dressed and being there or being online. And the program they use is something that people get used to. Her name is Stacy Hurley, who’s taught at CCBC Face to Face since 2011, taught Sociology classes in the evening and worked with child protective services for Baltimore City as well as nonprofit and therapy. She is an adjunct, and works with the Howard County. She does dog walking, dog sitting, and tutoring for fun. She likes that she is flexible, and her favorite thing is teaching. She started a post-graduate program, as not only she has a teacher perspective but a student perspective, so she was taking classes as well as teaching. She even asked for extensions, using the tools to keep yourself on track. Any questions? Nope.

Meets Tuesdays and Thursdays, and is a Synchronous class, meeting at those times and you are reading the chapters before class so there can be a good discussion. Know the material, and then review is in Zoom. There are quite a few modules she goes over, and the process is important. The “journey is the point of it” The final point is the “story of me” Where hopefully the class is at a different point in 3 weeks from now. All of the Office 365 applications are used, and there is a way that you can connect the google calendars to the school one. You can add those in there so everything is in one Calendar. Work on understanding everything so you can be organized. You also get a OneDrive to store work, and some people may also use a Google one, and saving it into the OneDrive is important so you can do it on your work computer, or home computer, or a library computer. You can make folders as to organize things by class, then week, then assignment (just as I have already done). I still need to make a To Do List for each week, and getting things done efficiently.

Announcements, and if you need tutoring, then you can arrange them through the virtual tutor. You go to getting Started, a tutorial to get to CCBC Email and Login, then the Keep Learning guide for online resources going from Face to Face, then logging into Blackboard. Going to Blackboard and it’ll bring you up, and if you don’t have it then you have to go to MyCCBC login. For the New Student Orientation there is a video and powerpoint to look at. The information will also be talked about in the next 2 hours (because it’s already been 30min) in the end there was the certificate, which I need to send to Stacy Hurley for Extra Credit.

Students improve and remain in college because of Academic Development 101. Think about Resilience and Grit. It’s not hard stuff, it just takes time and planning to deal with. Schoology is similar, for grades there is All, Graded, Upcoming, and Submitted. How much everything is worth, where you see discussion, assignments, and all of that. When she grades something you will see the grade out of how many points, then a text bubble giving feedback. “Hey you’re missing this, hey I like this, hey you should’ve had this.” And you can submit multiple times, taking her feedback into consideration. Practice your writing and communication.

In general the information hasn’t changed in the newer textbook, but it might be a good idea to buy, and we’re not going to get to all of the chapters. College Policy regarding etiquette for Zoom Classroom. Of course wear clothes. First part of the list, you must read. Student Success Navigators. There isn’t a counselor on campus, but they assist with finding resources like food, housing, applying for benefits, getting mental health help, referring for any of these services. You should be successful and going there is done at any way. Either talking to them or filing a report to need services. Someone contacts you to set up an appointment for what you need. There are disability accommodations, for different mental and physical disabilities depending on if you have a 504, and people don’t tell them why you get accommodations, as it is protected by HIPPA and such. There is also the Student Success Center offering tutoring, and avaliable for tutoring as the class fees pay for it. So use the link. Pay attention to the Academic Calendars, like when you can drop a class and when there are finals. Use proper college English, use proofreading. This is the time to do so. Turn your work in on time. Anything extra that was not assigned will be extra credit. Take advantage of it, as not every class has extra credit. Earn as many points as possible out of 800, so you earn as many as possible, then add the Extra Credit points, then the class grade is that out of 800. Know where everything is by keeping it in one place. Keep it in APA Owl Purdue College Format. It breaks down how to cite. Some courses may use APA, some may use MLA. You will be creating “The Story of Me as a Lifelong Learner” as each assignment builds up to the final project, which will be done using the app SWAY. Given each topic and skill you should be able to build a toolbox. The three words are Grit, Resilience, and

If you want to do the bare minimum, that’s on you, but if you want to do more, then you can. Really it is best to do as much as possible. The biggest Module is Module 4 as there are the most complicated pieces. Career Inventory, a survey that goes along with it, research links to look at careers you’re interested in. Looking at Educational Plan with DegreeWorks attached and information from ARTSYS website to plan Spring classes. I still need to talk to an advisor, so that is rather important. Transferring to another university later. You have to pay attention to each of the pieces. The final project is due February 1st, taking all of the pieces to have a Portfolio,/Presentation/Blog online about you as to finish it. The career piece will be on Animoto. You’re not paying for anything, you’ll just be using the free version. So manage your work and your stress to do what is needed. In person they used to do a career poster. Videos on how to set up Cornell Notes if handwriting. The templates were given for Word. You must write a summary of the chapter to show what you have taken away, it is pretty important. This chapter told me ABC. The notes must be in the format, whether typed or handwritten.

What is ACDV? Academic Development

Helps you be successful in your academics, to identify weaknesses, meant to help you develop good habits in academics, to come up with a strategic plan for yourself. Promoting healthy attitudes, to help sharpen your skills. To help you transition to college, to know where things are on campus and on Blackboard. To help make sure you are choosing the correct career path and educational path, to help you with a work/life balance with a new academic lifestyle, to help you prepare for the future, to help you have an idea of where to go. Getitng to know yourself better, developing academically. Exploring your passions, interests, values, skills, and talents. You can be interested in a great many things but you aren’t skilled in many. But interests can become skill. You can develop new skill based on the interests you already have. What are your values. The jobs that you’re thinking about, what is your motivation. Because if your motivation is purely money, then you could’ve taken a job that costs less to study for. What do you want to accomplish and look at. You don’t want to be a nurse if you don’t like blood or needles. Sure carrying tradition might be nice but it may not be fit for you. Do you want to have a career and not just a job.

What is academic development

To help us know what to do with our lives.

It can be quite difficult as there it can take a third of our lives to become who we want to.

A guide to CCBC and how to perform well in this institution.

What is Student Life is a thread that it has. There is the Community Book Connection as well. A book club, and the newest one is “The Truth about Stories, a Native Narrative” which if you do it, you get extra credit. Campuses are open, and you have to stop, they’ll check temperature and you have to ask questions on whether you’ve been close. The library and bookstore are open to go and get things. It is kind of a ghost town due to the plague, but things are still open. Blackboard has a list of Campus Events, Activities, and Resources she’s talking about. All of the folders are there, and things are due by tomorrow, while for Intro to Human Services my classes are due the day after. It is a pile of things stressing me out and the best thing you can do is to do your best at surviving and making the world a better place. Important things you need to cover, so let’s get done what is needed one thing at a time. Module 1 for ACDV is now due on Friday, and you’d get the rest done by Sunday. On Thursday we’ll talk about Finances, so that will also have to be handled. Filling your mind with sha helps no one, so take it one step at a time, use your peers and teacher. Try first, you will have to deal with things outside of time and sooner or later it will all click. We might not get to everything, so mainly do what is assigned. If it isn’t assigned, then wait until you’re done with assigned work before working on unassigned work or work due far later (following week). 

[teaboot]

hi i hope its okay to ask about your career? i'm on a crossroads in my life and one of the paths im interested in is fashion but im just so... torn? and i don't think many ppl take it seriously, like, as sth you do in life unles you profit really well... my family certainly doesn't see it as an option an im just very curious about your experience w/ studying and working in the industry

Honestly? I never in my life expected going to college for fashion. He'll, I spent half my childhood topless and barefoot in jean overalls, covered in dirt with a snake in each hand. My best friend from grades 4 through 7 was a sheep. I brought that sheep to a school dance. Seriously, fancy clothing was never for an instant a topic in my mind.

I always figured it was sort of shallow, you know? Fashion was for dumb rich people who paid too much for shoes you couldn't even hike in.

What I DID love, however, was Costume Design. All the cool outfits and armour and prosthetic bits in The Dark Crystal, and Star Wars, and Lord Of The Rings. And the practical effects! Ohhh I could go on. I loved it. I wanted to help create that magic.

And to be a Costume Designer, I had to go to school for Fashion Design.

And I will tell you right now: if someone is in a fashion design course? Good for you. It's hard work. But if you've GRADUATED your fashion design course?

Ho-lee-fuck. You have my immediate respect.

Getting a fashion design degree is a four year commitment, usually. Because I'm an idiot, I decided to finish it in two. And I did! But out of... I believe a starting class of 15-20? Only four of us graduated.

To highlight the worst of it? My family is poor. Pretty much all my classmates were either ludicrously wealthy or at least well-off. I had duct tape holding my sneakers together, and I worked on group projects with people wearing Louis Vuitton who had maids back home. They were nice enough, but the cultural disconnect was more jarring than I'd expected.

And the actual class work is hard. The people coming in with fantasies of becoming the next Kim K with little to no real physical labour or skill involved dropped out pretty quickly.

See, knowing how to draw was part of it, but the whole spectrum of classes involved Fashion History, Color Theory (Which is an ENTIRE course on just colors!), Life drawing, Digital illustration (for both factory instructions AND fashion images), Fashion illustration, Concept design and development, GERBER training (The only digitizing program for making patterns, apparently, which is garbage and makes me cry), Patternmaking, Trends (And how to predict/utilize them), Advertising, Basic web design, textile sciences (where we learned how to make fabric, design fabric, and analyze various materials and weaving/knitting techniques), and then the ACTUAL design and construction classes, where we finally got to learn how to use industrial machines and do a million sample pieces to cover sewing and ironing techniques before moving onto designing and sewing our own ideas.

If it sounds overwhelming, good. It IS overwhelming. I can't speak for others, but my mental and physical health both tanked. I worked 20 hour days and spent weeks at a time on campus without going home, mostly because I couldn't afford the train. If you have the opportunity to use the full four years, DO NOT RUSH LIKE I DID. It will CONSUME YOU. There were so many days where I woke up in a bathtub or under a table and thought, 'I made a mistake. I can't do this. I'm an idiot, I should quit, my life is hell.'

Really, I think the only reason I didn't because the only thing I am more than dumb is stubborn, and I have amazing friends and family who I could call and talk openly to, and I'd already flushed enough money down the campus toilet that quitting now with nothing to show for it would have been a move of eternal regret.

...BUT- and I must insist, BUT- I LEARNED SO MUCH. I had hardass teachers who made me cry, I learned about a system of corporate corruption and greed that starts with a seed and ends in farmers shooting themselves in the field and mothers losing children in villages across the world and the $3 dress you buy off the rack and the laws that make it possible. I learned that there are ways to Fuck that system, and I learned how to change that system. I learned where the problems are. I learned where the lies and misconceptions are. I learned about disability and ableism, fat shaming, diet culture, ageism, social hierarchy, revolution, historical trends that keep coming back and ideas so appealing that they didn't stop until people end up dead.

It's fascinating. It changes your worldview and the way you think. People need to know that fashion isn't just clothing- its everything from the way you hold your body to the food you eat, the color of your skin and hair, your wedding ring, your dog, your living room wall. It encompasses EVERYTHING, and I love that.

That being said, I graduated tired and hungry and went off to work a desk job just to breathe a little for about a year. Then I made fashion flats for factory production for a while, because the pay is good and I know how.

And I have so many opportunities open to me, now. I could work in a high-end boutique. I could be a patternmaker for wedding gowns, prom dresses, suits, costumes, bathing suits. I can and HAVE worked backstage in fashion shows. I can be a tailor, a costume designer, a stylist, a personal shopper, a curator- there are so many directions I can go from here, and for a while I even did small clothing adjustments for people to help ends meet.

It's a collection of skills I will always have that I can always use, no matter my social standing. I could lose my house, my family, my job, my mobility, but so long as I can communicate or hold a pencil I will have a valuable skill.

I'm in the process of applying for the IATSE film union, to be a costume designer. It's been four years since I started. I'm nervous, and excited, and anxious, but worst case scenario I can't get a foot in the door? I can make clothes for my children. I can tailor my own suits. I can do repairs for friends and neighbors. I can go to a store, look around, and say, "That's a bad deal. That's a bad investment. I can get good value out of this instead", and that's good, too.

At the end of the day, though, you know the most important thing I've learned?

My job is not my life. My job is what SUPPORTS my life. Having a job I love would be nice, but it's still only secondary.

Sorry, I ramble. Hope I could help!

[virginiawoolfhall]

When I was in my early twenties I took a job as an Employment Specialist working with people with disabilities. It was my job to go to my clients’ homes, to help them put together a resume, apply for jobs, and prepare for interviews. Once they were hired,my title changed to Job Coach, and I would accompany them to their shifts and work one-on-one with them until they were able to work independently. Prior to accepting the job, I had spent most of college and a few years post-grad working with people with disabilities, mostly doing in-home care and recreational therapy, so not only did this feel like a logical step career-wise, I was also excited at the prospect of seeing what would happen to the kids I had worked with when they grew up and started entering the work force (which was the goal of many of the programs I had worked for previously.)

At first, the job seemed great.  I was pretty poorly paid, but that was par for the course in disability work; everything was always underfunded, so it was understood that you did it for the love of the people, not the money. And I did love the people. I started out with a handful of clients in a wide range of ages and who had various disabilities, mostly cognitive and behavioral, but some physical as well. The thing they all had in common was an intense willingness to work. For the most part they had all been in programs all their lives, or living at home, or in assisted living homes, and they were ready to get out in the world and have new social interactions, as well as the freedom that some money of their own would give them. I loved the initial portion of the job, where I was going to their homes, talking to them about their goals, and lining up potential interviews. One woman wanted to work her way up to being a manager at Subway. Another wanted to be a computer programmer. One older lady just wanted somewhere to go during the day, so she wasn’t sitting at home alone waiting for her grandkids to call. I was thrilled to be able to start helping them accomplish those goals. 

Then the interviews started.

Obviously, I had been through job interviews before. In fact I like to think I was pretty good at them (still am, actually), which was why I was given a job where my main duty was helping others interview. But even so, I was unprepared for what it would feel like sitting next to a young man with Down’s Syndrome, listening to him enthuse about the video games he loved or how excited he was to make new friends while a glazed-eyed manager tried half-heartedly to steer him back to questions about dishwashing. I was unprepared for the disdain I would hear over the phone when I explained that my client had a vision impairment and would require accommodation (I don’t know about that. What kind of accommodation? And will you be providing that?) I was even unprepared for those people who were, on the surface, very kind, but in whose body language I could immediately read that the interview we were about to waste an hour on was being given purely for legal reasons, and that my eager, friendly, hardworking clients had no chance of getting the job.

Because here’s the thing about equal opportunity employment laws: they only mean a person is protected from discrimination when discrimination is given as the reason for a denial. All a manager has to do is cite “lack of experience,” or “bad fit for the culture,” or “other qualified candidates,” and that’s that. And that was what we heard all the time, particularly the first one. “We are looking for someone with experience” for this dishwashing job, this cart-pushing job, this floor-sweeping job. Now, I don’t mean to denigrate these positions (more on this in a moment). But if a dishwashing job—where the state will pay to have someone else teach your employee the job—isn’t an entry-level position, what is? Still, no matter how much I was convinced my clients were being denied because the employer was uncomfortable with their disabilities, I had no way to prove it as long as they used the correct language on the rejection.

Now, occasionally—very occasionally—one of my clients would get a job. There was always an initial excitement—Money! New Friends! New experiences!—but it never lasted very long. Because what I discovered pretty quickly was that the kinds of jobs my clients were “qualified” for were, to put it lightly, grueling. When I said I didn’t mean to denigrate dishwashers and cart pushers, I said it because their work is grueling. Not only is there a ton of physical labor involved, when you are at the absolute bottom of the chain, you either manufacture your own dignity or you don’t have it at all. Most of my clients were old hats at the latter, but the former was new for them. Some examples:

The man with a TBI from abuse he had suffered as a child, who got a job as a cart-pusher. He loved to work and lived to please, but the intense heat on summer days often set off fits of rage and anguish, and he was reprimanded if he stepped inside to cool off too many times during a shift. 

The older woman with bad knees who was given a “trial period” as a clothing sorter at a consignment shop but wasn’t picked up at the end of the period because she folded too slowly. (In this instance I sympathized with the owners: they were running a small non-profit in a low-income area where their clothes were in high demand. Still, it wasn’t fun telling this client that she would have to go back to sitting alone in her small dark apartment until we could find her something else).

The woman who worked a fast-food restaurant and, when she told them she needed fewer shifts because she was becoming fatigued, had her shifts cut entirely. 

Because here is the thing about ADA laws: they only state that the employer must provide reasonable accommodations. What is defined as unreasonable? Anything that would cause undue hardship to the business. If there is any doubt that we live in a society that values corporations over people, think about that for a moment: besides the consignment store, most of my clients were getting jobs at large box stores and fast food chains, and yet they were legally allowed to be let go if there was any argument that they would be hurting the business’s bottom line, as long as the business could prove they had attempted to provide “reasonable” accommodation. There was a great irony in this: I was the reasonable accommodation. By allowing me into the business to train their employees, they were able to claim, Well, we gave it a shot, it just didn’t work out. And nothing could be done. For that matter, even if any of my clients had wanted to challenge their former employers, where would those resources have come from? How does a cognitively disabled person living on social security and food stamps take a corporation to court for unlawful termination, when the only person on their side is the 24-year-old working for fifteen dollars an hour, who spends eight hours a day in a car with broken air conditioning, driving between eight different job sites because her own job is so underfunded?

Still, honestly, none of that was what made me eventually quit. What made me eventually quit was this: I had one client, just one, who had full cognitive function, and whose disabilities were 100% physical (most had a combination of the two). Without going into too much detail, this young man had gotten a degree and created all the tools he needed to do his job with minimal assistance, and he wanted to go into tech. I was so excited to work with him. He had the skills, the tools, the qualifications … there was no way, I thought, that he wouldn’t get hired. And, after a few disappointing interviews, it turned out I was right! He was offered his dream job—an entry-level position, but with lots of opportunity for growth and advancement. We. Were. Thrilled. I spent the next few days getting him prepped to start, notifying his team, setting up transport, clearing my schedule to help him on his first few shifts … and then I got a call from his social worker, asking us to meet in her office. At first I thought there must be some problem with the paperwork. I showed up to the meeting with all of his documents in-hand, ready to sort it out, eager to get him working, but she didn’t ask to see any of it. Instead she sat us down, looked my client squarely in the eye, and said, 

“If you take this job, you will make too much money to keep your Medicaid. Without your Medicaid, you will be paying more into your medical care than you will make at your new job. You will lose money if you take this job.”

I still remember the look on his face. It still makes my stomach twist to think about. I still remember helping him onto the bus. He said, “Well, I guess I’ll just go back to staying at home,” and the bus doors closed over him.

That was the first day I started to really question what the hell I was doing there. I’d thought work would lift people up; but for these people, work did not lift. Work was designed, just as the system was designed, to push them into a corner and then forget about them. It was designed to keep them small. 

And then I really started to think about what work meant. Work does give life meaning. I never had a single client who was lazy, or who just wanted to sit at home watching TV, or mooch off the system. They craved activity and connection as much as anyone—what was wrong was not them, it was the assumption that employment is the primary and best avenue via which to obtain that meaning, that connection. What employment actually is is the only way for most people to make money. And it’s pretty clear that even that is insufficient to meet the needs of our society’s most vulnerable people. 

I had a client who wanted to be a fashion designer. Another who wrote stories about himself and his cousin fighting evil forces in space. One who loved babies, and wished she could find a job where she could soothe crying babies all day long. These things were work. They just weren’t ever going to be profitable, and therefore no market existed for them, these passionate people whose dreams were as big as anyone else’s. They were told they could roll silverware or be worthless. 

I realize this post in reply to a quote about the right to work has turned into a bit of a rant about capitalism, but I suppose that’s what happened to me in real life, because once I saw how poorly designed the system was for people with disabilities, I started to realize how poorly designed it is in general. We all need money. We all crave meaning. Those things are not inextricably compatible in a capitalist system, no matter how much that system tries to convince us they are. And that is especially true for people with disabilities.

So what about those people who can’t work? What about those people who have a “right” to work, but are still hindered at every turn? What about those people who want to do the work they love, and not be relegated to the work the rest of the world finds too distasteful, too dirty, too demeaning? Where is the space for them in all of this? Where is the space, in other words, not for “making” a living, but for simply having one, deserving one, by no other virtue than that one is alive in this world, like the rest of us?

I did eventually leave that job. I wish I could say that it was purely because of the injustice of it—that I went on to get a law degree, to fight for justice in the upper echelons, where I might have more power than I did on the ground—but I mostly did it because I realized I was careening toward burning out by the age of twenty-five. Truth be told, I still look at it all and feel despair, sometimes, for the complexity of the dysfunction, the enormity of the problem. These days I mostly spend my time trying to make a life for myself that reflects the values I wish the world had: by building community, doing the things I love, and having deep empathy for the struggles of other people. Lately even these feel unduly daunting, as I’m sure they do for everyone. It's only recently that I've started feeling the urge to write about it, and the clarity to do so. Right now, this is what I have to offer, the work I can do, and hope that others--or maybe just me--find a little meaning in it.

“Disability rights activists have…highlighted the fact that focusing on ensuring equal access to workplaces does not address the fact that not everyone can work. Some people cannot handle a part-time job, much less a forty-hour workweek. But by tying social standing and economic citizenship so closely to the ability to work, American social welfare policy leaves little space for those who are not able to labor.”

— Sarah F. Rose, No Right to be Idle: The Invention of Disability, 1840s–1930s (via irwonder)

[rocktheboat-rp]

Welcome aboard, VALENCIA LOPEZ!

VALENCIA’S PERSONAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Valencia Andréa Lopez GENDER: Cisfemale PRONOUNS: She/Her AGE: 28 BIRTHDAY: June 26th HOMETOWN: Blackwater, Arizona ORIENTATION: Pansexual/Demiromantic BIRTH ORDER: Fourth TYPE: Solo STATUS: Crew JOB TITLE(S): Digital Marketing Specialist, Personal Trainer FACECLAIM: Lindsey Morgan

VALENCIA’S STORY

Born 6 weeks early, Valencia gave her mother quite the scare, due to stress from her father leaving when she was just 6 weeks from her due date, the woman went into labor far too early, and by some kind of miracle, Valencia was born without a health issue in sight. Sure, she had to stay in the hospital longer, was much smaller than most babies, and had to have constant check ups as she grew, but truthfully, she was perfect. Meant to be a late summer baby, but born at the end of June, it was clear from the start that there wasn’t much that was going to stand in Valencia Lopez’s way in life.

Valencia had always felt the pressure of being perfect. She knew that she had to do well in school, had to get into an ivy league school, and had to fulfill her own unrealistic expectations. And she enjoyed the pressure. She found books, and school fascinating, and it was rare to find her without her nose in a book. In fact, it was her love for school so much that drew her into tutoring. She was determined to help other students feel the same love and passion that she felt. And more than anything, she loved the sense of pride she got whenever someone she tutored finally began to understand their coursework. And she was stubborn, she could never give up on someone she was tutoring, she’d explain things 300 different ways until there was finally a way for them to understand.

It was this passion that had originally given her the idea to become a teacher, however, that dream changed quickly. While she thought being a teacher was a fantastic path, and she could see herself being undeniably happy in that role, there was something else tugging at her attention. Underprivileged schools. Schools that could not afford the tools that she’d always dreamed to have at her disposal growing up; schools that could not even afford books in some cases. After spending her years at just such a school, she was drawn into charities to try and help raise money for educational programs. And it was a short jump from there to education reform and local politics.

While she dreamed of making a real positive change in her very own community, she knew there were definitely obstacles, mainly her insecurities. She often got so nervous before public speaking, that she’d get physically ill. Fortunately, most times, once she finally got over the stage fright, she’d have an outward appearance of grace and charisma, even though on the inside she’d be terrified. Len just hoped that after enough practice, this would change and she could grow more comfortable in front of a crowd.

She had high hopes for this, solely because of the realization that even just looking back to her childhood, she’d grown much more outgoing than she had been as a child. She was quiet, and unbearably shy. Her first grade teacher actually suggested having her tested for learning disabilities, and getting her into speech therapy, solely because she almost never spoke. Her mother knew what those tests would say, however, and that was that she was quite smart, advanced for her age, even, and that she was just quiet. It was hard not to be quiet in a home that was full of loud, strong women, when Len just felt that she never fully added to the conversation. Then, as a teenager in high school, while she was still not nearly as out-going as her siblings, she was able to speak up in class, and she had a rather solid group of friends, which was all she really felt she needed.

Things seemed to be going very well for the girl, she had her group of friends, she had her dreams of the Ivy League and even knew what she wanted to do after, but of course, things don’t always work out they way we want them to. Like many teenage girls, Len met her first love during high school. Things were wonderful at first, he was completely supportive of her dreams, and they were genuinely happy. Her friends liked him, as far as she knew everyone liked him, and why not? He was wonderful to her, and no one seemed happier for her than he did when she was accepted into Yale, her dream school. But they had plans to go to different schools, and it soon ended.

There was no way her mother would be able to afford any kind of college for her, so she worked hard to earn scholarships but even still it wouldn’t pay fully for Yale, however her abuela had put quite a bit of money away for all of her grandchildren’s education. That combined with her many scholarships, and some financial aid, she could get by with minimal loans. Except, shortly before Len was set to graduate, the woman suffered a heart attack, and lacked health insurance, leaving her with the only choice of using Valencia’s college fund on medical bills. Len was devastated. No amount of financial aid would cover the costs, they didn’t make nearly enough to get approved for loans that big, and just like it felt like everything she had worked so hard for was ripped away. Len was devastated. She didn’t understand how this could happen. She was overjoyed that her grandmother was okay, but she didn’t know what to do from there. She was forced to settle for a school that would offer her a full scholarship, and decided to go to California, hoping to get away and start fresh. She chose UCLA, as her flawless GPA and numerous extracurriculars, she was a dream student, and would be able to go without owing a dime later on.

As far as family went, Len loves her family unconditionally. While her father left before she was even born, and never bothered to try to come back or contact them, there was never really much for her to miss. Her mother worked endlessly to take care of her, her older siblings and younger siblings, and her abuela stepped in to help out whenever she could. She learned from a young age to work just as tirelessly for anything you wanted. It was where she got her work ethic when it came to school work. She was incredibly strong willed and hard working, and she liked it that way. Her family never had much, but everything they did have they earned. When her brother was born, it was really up to her and her siblings to take care of him, as her mother continued working just as hard as ever, and then again when her younger sister were born. When her older siblings were working or weren’t around, it fell to Len to care for him, and they have always been incredibly close. Len began tutoring as soon as she was old enough, bringing her baby siblings with her whenever she needed to watch them and tutor at the same time. And later in college, she had a job at all times, even while doing a full course load, sending money home every week to contribute. She didn’t know anything else but to work hard. She began waitressing, and then trained to bartend. As it brought her far better tips she began to lean more towards that side for the money, but the social aspect of it was a bit outside of her comfort zone.

She also got very into physical fitness in college, mostly as a means of self defense, she didn’t like walking back from late night classes, or to her car after closing a bar, so she started to take classes. Soon she had enrolled herself in classes to become a trainer. She has a huge passion for fitness. So when she saw the ad for the kingdom she applied for two jobs. Teaching workout classes, and personal training, and also for a digital marketing specialist position. Her degree wasn’t in marketing, it was in poli-sci and economics, but she’d certainly learned enough through both to qualify for the position. She was hired for both and she was thrilled. 

As far as love goes, after her high school boyfriend, it was a long time before she found anything serious again. She was 21 when she finally met a guy who she felt like she could commit to. She dated him for 4 years, and finally broke up when she realized he was getting ready to propose. He wanted to be serious, he wanted to be with her forever, and she suddenly realized she didn’t. It was shocking to have that realization, but she was glad she’d had it then and not when he was asking her to marry him. After that she stuck to mostly flings, just hooking up with people when she felt like it. Including one of her best friends who’d she met through the bar, and that’s how she plans to keep things for now.

THE LOPEZ FAMILY BACKGROUND

The Lopez family are not rich, and in fact grew up in one of the poorest towns in America. Maribel, whose second language is English, always struggled to find stable work with no qualifications and a very basic understanding of the English language, and never managed to hold down a relationship despite having a few sexual partners. This resulted in her becoming the single mother to seven children; two of which, Stanley Jr. and Leah, are in high school, while Javier is in his senior year of college. The eldest four are moved out of the family home and are living their own lives.

[spn-imagines29]

Beginner’s Luck Part 1

 Summary: Sam and his wife Lizzie are on their honeymoon, and Sam gives Lizzie an unforgettable experience

Warnings: Smut, dirty talk, oral sex (female receiving) Just an overall hot sticky mess of hot smutty goodness. 

A/N: This fic is loosely based on @kas-not-cas‘ fic “Fingers” Let’s give credit where it’s due, shall we? 

Also inspired by the song ‘Love Song” by 311. 

Holy shit! This fic was so hot to write, I had to stop a few times. Hope y'all enjoy! This is my first Sam Smut fic so please be nice! 

Beginners Luck Part 1

Lizzie and Sam sat inside their luxurious hotel room in Maui, Hawaii. They had arrived the previous day and they couldn’t be happier. They sat down on the couch and began to kiss passionately. Lizzie wrapped her arms around Sam’s neck as Sam hoisted her into his lap and pulled the black blazer off of his wife’s shoulders and began unbuttoning her white shirt revealing a forest green lace bra with black ribbon. He leaned forward, forcing Lizzie to lean back further and further until her back met the seat of the couch. Lizzie brushed a bit of hair out of Sam’s face as she continued to kiss him. He smiled at her. He was so beautiful! From his hazel eyes to his dimpled smile to his luscious chestnut locks - even his flaws were perfect! Sam took off his own jacket and slowly began to unbutton his own shirt, revealing his chiseled torso as he continued to kiss Lizzie. His hands traveled down her face, Lizzie couldn’t believe that he was real, let alone all hers! She lied there, chest heaving as he slowly slid his hands up her torso, toward her bra. His mammoth hands cupped her sensitive breasts, still covered but not for long. His right hand fingered with her bra strap and pulled it down, freeing her breasts from their backing. Lizzie lost herself in her husband’s gentle touch, causing her to shiver and buck against the sensation of his fingers teasing her pale buds that suddenly began to harden under his calloused fingers. “Oh!” Lizzie moaned as Sam gently pinched and massaged her breasts. Heat pooled between her legs, her wetness seeping thought her panties and white dress pants. She pressed her legs together feeling how wet she was. As soon as Sam got wind of this, he would be on her like white on rice! “Shoot!” Lizzie moaned. “What’s wrong?” asked Sam. “Nothing,” said Lizzie, continuing to squeeze her thighs together. “It’s just...” She sighed and let her legs fall open. “You make me feel so good, Sam,” “Oh, yeah?” asked Sam, a seductive glimmer in his eyes, his hands traveling down his wife’s body toward her pants. “Let’s see how good I make you feel, hmm?” His hand reached down between her legs and pressed up agains her. Those beautiful long fingers pressed against her heated and clothed core. He let out a short, breathy laugh. “Damn, Lizzie!” He said. “You’re soaking wet! I’ve barely even  touched you!” He pressed harder against her causing her to moan. “This has never happened to me before,” Lizzie admitted. Sam’s fingers slowly began moving up and down her clothed sex causing her walls to clench around nothing. “What are you doing?” asked Lizzie, lifting her head a bit. “Don’t you like that?” asked Sam. “Yes, it’s just...” “What?” asked Sam. Lizzie sighed heavily. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this before.” “We’ll take it slow, then,” said Sam as he gently pulled down the hem of Lizzie’s pants just so, and began kissing her while continuing to tease her. His objective was to get her used to the feeling and soothe her nerves in order to prepare her for what was to come. And so, he kept on teasing her moving his hand up and down her center sending shockwaves of pleasure through her body. “Sam!” Lizzie gasped. “Yeah, babe?” asked Sam. “Do you want more or do you want me to stop?” “More!” Lizzie gasped. Sam moved his fingers faster up and down causing her to buck her hips “Oh, God!” she gasped “That’s my girl,” said Sam. “More,” Lizzie gasped. “Are you sure you’re ready?” asked Sam. “Yes,” said Lizzie. “Absolutely positive?” asked Sam. “Absolutely,” said Lizzie. “One hundred percent?” asked Sam. “110,” said Lizzie. Sam knew that if he kept on pestering her she would become agitated. Lizzie hated being kept in suspense. Sam brushed a few strands of hair out of his face and judging by the way he kept grinding and dragging his hips agains the mattress, he had to be painfully hard. “Really?” asked Sam. “Because I could just keep rubbing until you’re so wet you seep through those expensive dress pants of yours,” He fingered the waistband of her pants. 
“I would love that.” Good Lord! How Sam was able to get her this wound up, Lizzie had no clue. In all the time they had known one another Sam had never ceased to amaze her. He was a totally different person without his brother now that he and Lizzie were completely and totally alone. He was one of the most intelligent people Lizzie had ever met (let alone dated). The two of them were very much alike and at the same time, they couldn’t be more different. Lizzie had a physical disability, Sam didn’t. Sam had gone to college, Lizzie hadn’t. Yet they both had exceptionally high IQs and could research better than anyone. Lizzie was good, but Sam was amazing!
 He was book smart, and he knew it! This bibliophile was the same man who could seduce her like nobody’s business and have her panties sopping wet before you could say ‘Wendigo.’ He was just that good! It was all too much for Lizzie to take. Almost. Instead of an intelligent answer to his question, all she could manage was a whimper. Sam laughed, sounding immensely pleased at the way he affected her. By the arousing sounds of her moans and whimpers and the way she bucked her hips at the increased pressure he applied to her womanhood, he knew he was doing his job right. “That sounded like a ‘hurry up and stop teasing me,’ moan to me,” Sam laughed as he pulled his hand away, instead hooking his finger under the waistband of her white pants. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll quit teasing you now, just because I’ve been dying to stretch you out of with my fingers. And knowing you as I do, I think you’re going to need it.” Lizzie suddenly felt her anxiety resurface. “Stretch me out?” she  repeated nervously. Sam lightly caressed her cheek. “Don’t be scared,” he whispered. “It’ll feel good, I promise. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way or if I'm hurting you at all, just say and I’ll stop.” Hearing her husband’s reassuring words made her relax and her nerves subside. “Okay,” she sighed. Sam carefully undid the button on her pants and pulled down the zipper. “Lift your hips up for me,” said Sam. Using her hands, Lizzie lifted her hips off the couch so that Sam could pull her pants off her waist. Once they were pooled around her ankles Sam peered in between her legs. “Good grief, Liz!” he said, brushing his hand against Lizzie’s panties, sending jolts of pleasure through her body. “If I had kept it up you would have most definitely soaked through you’re pants. His forefinger pressed against her clit, causing her to inhale sharply. “Does that hurt?” asked Sam. “Oh, no!” Lizzie breathed. “It feels nice, actually.” Sam smiled. “Good,” he said. “I think I’ll make that my goal for next time.” “What’s that?” asked Lizzie. “Making you so wet you soak through your pants,” said Sam with a seductive wink. Lizzie smiled. “You do that,” she said. “But for now...” She sat upright and pulled her panties down to her ankles. “You’ve got a different job to do.” For a moment, Sam stared shocked at his wife’s willingness and enthusiasm. Lizzie smiled, continuing to relish the look of shock on her husband’s face. That look of shock quickly dissolved into a look of need as his eyes traveled to his wife’s nether regions. In those very moments, it was as if time had stood still. Every last bit of Sam’s attention was focused on one thing and one thing only: to get his new wife off as hard as he could before he finally shagged her himself. To make her first sexual experience the best she’d ever had. Sam was quiet as he slid his hand in between Lizzie’s legs Once again the same feeling of anxiousness overtook her and her breathing quickened as she watched him, his eyes fixated on her wet center. Finally his finger touched her slickened folds as the anxiety was replaced by relief and an overwhelming desire coursed through her veins like snake venom. As Sam gradually moved his fingers up and down, teasing her lips, the desire grew stronger as Sam outlined them slowly as though attempting to memorize them. Once his fingers were coated in her slick, they reached up, gently massaging circles into her clit. “Does this feel okay?” asked Sam. Lizzie moaned with pleasure in reply as Sam grinned. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’’’ he said, continuing to caress her bundle of nerves. This was an experiment for both of them, and it didn’t take long for Sam to figure out what to do to have his new wife writhing and craving more. Every single stroke against her center had her getting closer and closer to the edge. He knew the exact amount of pressure to use, how fast to rub, and what arrangement would drive her absolutely mad with need. It varied from up and down, to side-to-side to circles, to diagonal lines. And sometimes Sam would rub circles for a few seconds then stroke up and down. Other times he would rub diagonal lines and then circles. Lizzie knew she wouldn’t last long under his touch. The passion that had been building between them the entire evening was reaching boiling point; threatening to explode. “Ugh! I want you to shag me!” said Lizzie, gripping the sofa cushions as another wave of pleasure ripped through her. “Really?” asked Sam. “Oh, yeah,” Lizzie sighed. “How much?” Sam teased. “I want all of you,” said Lizzie. “Every single inch.” Sam raised his eyebrows. “All of me?” he asked. “Down to the very last centimeter,” said Lizzie. “I want you inside me.” “If that’s what you want,” said Sam.  “But I think we should test the waters first, hmm?” he asked, gently pressing against her opening, not completely allowing his finger to slip inside her. “How do you want it? Fast and hard?” He slid his finger inside up to the first knuckle as Lizzie moaned. “Or soft and sweet?” “S-soft and sweet,” Lizzie struggled to answer but he got the message. He pushed his long fingers inside of Lizzie as deep as he could as she let out a moan. He pumped in and out slowly, going deeper and deeper, his fingers stretching her, leaving her heat burning in the best way possible. It was slow, methodical, and at the same time, gentle, leaving her thirsty for more. She didn’t want to rush things though. And Sam had a nasty habit of testing her patience. And she figured she wouldn’t have long to wait anyway. The way he was going it wouldn't be long before he sent her over the proverbial cliff. “Hey,” said Sam, gently kissing Lizzie’s soft lips. “Would it be okay if I tried something?” “Sure,” said Lizzie. “What did you have in mind?” Sam smiled. “Close your eyes,” he said. Lizzie laughed. “Why?” “Just close them,” said Sam, as Lizzie complied and shut her eyes. She let out a loud gasping moan as Sam’s fingers curled up the inner wall of her core. “Oh, my God!” Lizzie gasped. Although her eyes were closed, she could hear and feel Sam smiling As his fingers continued to massage her inner wall, a strange pleasure began building inside of her. It was strange, and hard to describe. Like a pressure building within her. She opened her eyes and looked at Sam who was continuing to smile. Judging by the look on his face, he knew what he was doing. “You okay?” asked Sam. “I -I feel weird,” said Lizzie. “Mm-hmm,” said Sam, kissing her on the lips. “But?” He asked. “But, it - it feels so nice!” “Uh-huh,” said Sam, the palm of his hand rubbing against her clit as he continued to kiss her tenderly. “Are you okay?” asked Sam. “I’m confused,” said Lizzie. Sam’s smile widened. As his hand continued to rub and caress her womanhood. “What’s happening to me?” asked Lizzie, trying not to sound afraid.  “That’s your g-spot,” said Sam as he applied more pressure. “It feels good, right?” “Oh, yeah,” Lizzie sighed. She tried spreading her legs more to give Sam more access. “And we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” said Sam. “What do you mean?” asked Lizzie frowning. “Something is going n to happen to you. I don’t want you to be scared,” he said, taking Lizzie’s hand with his free one and giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s going to feel so good! It’s going to blow your mind away!” Lizzie had absolutely no clue what Sam was talking about! Sam noticed the unsure look on his wife’s face. “It’s going to be okay.” Lizzie sighed and nodded.  Sam continued to pump his long fingers in and out of Lizzie while sweetly kissing her to keep her calm while he worked his magic. “You feel so good, Liz,” said Sam. “I can feel you clamping down on my fingers!” “Is that good?” asked Lizzie. “Yes!” said Sam. “You’re doing so great baby!” He kept going whispering words of encouragement and praise in her ear while continuing to stimulate her g-spot. The more she bucked her hips the more he kept at it; slowly easing into a steady pace. As he continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear he continued to stimulate her clit and g-spot with one hand and gently rubbing her breasts with the other. On top of all that, he sprinkled her face with kisses. Talk about multitasking! Lizzie thought as the pressure inside her began to build. Slow at first then faster and faster. It was almost too much for her to bear! Sweat broke out over her body, her chest heaving as she panted relentlessly. Her toes and feet began to quiver. Then her legs, then her torso -  all the way up her body the pressure continuing to intensify until Lizzie couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t speak and let out a strangled cry. “S-Sam!” she cried, her hips bucking violently as her chest rose and fell in rapid succession. “I don’t - I don’t know how much more I can stand!” said Lizzie. Sam nodded, recognizing that his wife was on the verge of climaxing for the very first time as he quickened his already steady pace, going faster and harder each time. Lizzie white knuckled the couch cushions, holding on by a fingernail, her body shaking more and more violently, you’d think she was having a seizure! The pressure reached beyond anything Lizzie had ever felt  and she tightened up her entire body to try and stop herself from shaking so badly. “Don’t do that, babe,” said Sam. He didn’t stop the continuous pumping of his fingers. “You're there, Let go.” What the hell did he mean? Lizzie stared at Sam. “You’re about to experience something amazing! Let go.” Lizzie’s eyes filled with tears as she let out a small sob. “Trust me,” said Sam, taking Lizzie’s hand in his free one and kissing it. “Let go.” Lizzie took a deep breath  and let her legs fall open. Her back arched as she came hard her muscles clamping down on Sam’s fingers . There was an instant release of pressure, causing Lizzie to squirt over Sam’s hand and the couch cushions. Sam’s fingers stalled, unable to move as Lizzie’s walls throbbed around them. “That’s it babe,” I gotcha. Let it go...”  said Sam as Lizzie clung to him. After what seemed like forever, Lizzie’s body finally began to relax again. Breathing heavily she looked up into Sam’s eyes, a faint smile on his lips. “See? I told you you’d be okay! How did that feel?” Honestly, just words alone couldn't describe what she had just experienced. Finally she said, “good,” but she felt like ‘good’ didn’t do it justice. Her muscles relaxed and Sam was finally able to free his fingers. As he sucked on the sweet nectar, Lizzie stared at him and pulled a face. “I don’t get it,” she said after a moment. “Get what, babe?” Asked Sam, still sucking on his long fingers. “What just happened?” asked Lizzie, still confused. “I felt so good, and...” She surveyed the ruined couch and cringed. “Geez, I made a mess!” Sam laughed. “Then, nothing. What did I do?” “I made you come,” Sam replied. Lizzie was still looking confused. “Come?” she repeated. “You had your first orgasm,” said Sam. It’s the way the human body reacts to sexual stimuli.” “Trust you to know that,” said Lizzie. “Did you ever have ‘the talk’ with your mom?” asked Sam. Lizzie shook her head. Sam looked surprised. “Really? Never?” “Nope,” said Lizzie. “I kind of had to find out on my own as I got older. The only time we even got close to talking about it was when I had my first period at the tender age of ten...” “You were ten years old?” asked Sam. “Yeah,” said Lizzie, smiling. Her insides were still throbbing. She fidgeted a bit before continuing. “Why didn’t your mom ever discuss sex with you?” “It wasn’t allowed in our family,” said Lizzie. “My parents I swear were stuck in the fifties! We lived a Rockwell existence. I went to a girls-only school growing up, I was never allowed to go to dances, and when I went to Hogwarts and met boys, you can imagine how awkward I was. I acted like I didn’t know what a boy was, because I never had any exposure.” “Damn! I don’t know how you lived like that!” said Sam. Lizzie laughed. “Sometimes I wonder the same thing,” she said. “Anyway, I got really interested in boys when I was eleven.” “Did you have any crushes?” asked Sam. “Well, I was interested in Harry, pretty much from day one, and then you obviously know about my crush on Professor Lupin when I was thirteen...Dean still makes fun of me for that. Having a crush on a werewolf...”  Sam smiled sympathetically. “Honestly,” he said. “Change of subject, but I’m impressed,” “How so?” asked Lizzie. “That I made you come on your first go,” said Sam. “Heh,” Lizzie laughed. “To be honest, I can’t help but be a bit surprised myself,” said Lizzie. She felt a strange sense of pride at this. “I could watch you do that again and again,” said Sam. Lizzie smiled. “I love you, so much!” she said. Sam smiled back. “I love you too, babe.” They kissed passionately before Lizzie made a move to get off the couch. “Where are you going?” asked Sam. “To the bathroom,” said Lizzie. “I thought I’d go get a rag and clean up a bit.” “Why waste a trip?” asked Sam. “I’ll clean you up.” Lizzie lied back down on the sofa and sam gently spread Lizzie’s legs apart  and positioned them on his burly shoulders as he moved his head between her legs and gently massaged her clit before pressing his lips to her newly dampened folds. Lizzie gasped and her hips bucked as Sam sucked and slurped hungrily. Lizzie moaned. “Oh, that feels so good!” she moaned feeling her high escalate as Sam swirled his tongue along and around her damp heat. “You taste so sweet, babe,” said Sam, licking his lips. “I wish this night would never end!” Lizzie sighed. “Who says it has to?” asked Sam. He stood up, took Lizzie’s hand, helped her to her feet and guided her to the bedroom portion of their hotel room. He gently pushed her as she fell backward with a soft on the bed. Sam climbed onto the bed and stood on his knees as he began fumbling with the buckle of his belt. The metallic sounds made the hair on the back of Lizzie’s neck stand on end, and she felt a tingling sensation down there. “Here, let me get that,” said Lizzie. “Sure,” said Sam as he stopped playing with his belt. As Lizzie unbuckled Sam’s belt, her hand brushed against the front of Sam’s jeans causing her eyes to dart downward taking note of the bulge pressing against his jeans. Tentatively Lizzie pressed her right hand against the bulge pressing against Sam’s jeans. It felt like concrete. “Wow, hon!” said Lizzie laughing slightly. “You really want me don’t you?” Sam smiled. “Ever since the day we met, I’ve wanted you. I’ve been waiting this this day for a long time.” Lizzie smiled back. “Me too,” she said as she unbuckled Sam’s belt and flicked open the buttons on his jeans, his length continuing to harden until it felt like steel. Lizzie was aware of the effect Sam had on her but now that she stopped to thing about it, she had never considered the effect she had on him. Through the entire year and a half that they dated, Lizzie couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around the fact that Sam (or any guy for that matter) was interested in her, and when he finally did propose, it was bigger than a dream come true! Lizzie knew Sam had always loved her but she never imagined this much! Sam pulled down his jeans and boxers and Lizzie’s jaw dropped open. Sam’s member had to be a long as his middle finger and twice the size of Lizzie’s thumb! For a moment, Lizzie gawked at Sam before she realized her mouth was hanging open. She cleared her throat and stared down, blushing. Sam however seemed unbothered as he held Lizzie in his arms, her chest pressed against his washboard abs., his erection teasing her entrance. Sam leaned forward, encouraging her to lie on her back. Once her head was on the pillow she lifted her hips and pulled back the covers. And Sam crawled over to her, kissing her tenderly. It was only then that Sam realized that Lizzie had six-pack abs too! He had never seen her look this fit before! As he admired his wife’s physique, Lizzie giggled. “What do you think?” she asked. “You look hot!” Said Sam, as Lizzie smiled. “But I’ve never seen you like this! When did you start working out?” “After we got engaged,” Lizzie replied. “I decided to cut sugar out of my diet, and work out more.” “But you love sugar!” said Sam. “I know,” said Lizzie. She sat up, and put her hand around Sam’s neck and pulled him close. “So...” she said, smiling seductively. “Are we gonna continue talking or are you gonna shag me?” Sam smiled as he kissed her first on the lips then the neck, both of her breasts, gently biting and licking her nipples. He kissed every muscle in her six-pack. Both of them began to breathe heavily. Sam was just about to enter Lizzie, a tiny bead of pre-semenal fluid on the tip, when Lizzie cried, “Wait!” “Hmm?” asked Sam. Lizzie scrambled ut of bed, grabbed her purse that was sitting on a chair, rummaging through it for a moment before pulling out a condom. She galloped back to themed and nearly body slammed onto the mattress, sat up and handed the condom to Sam. Sam smiled as he took the condom from Lizzie’s fingers. “Forgot,” he said, tearing the tiny gold-wrapped package with his teeth and spat out a tiny bit of the wrapper and slowly rolled the condom on his massive shaft. “One more quick thing,’’ he said. Lizzie moaned with impatience and need. Sam reached up, removing Lizzie’s glasses and setting them on the bedside table. “There,” he said, gently brushing a bit of hair out of Lizzie’s eyes. “Now I can see those beautiful blue eyes of yours.” Almost instantly, Lizzie felt herself getting wet again - even more so than before, as Sam guided his hard-as-hell member inside Lizzie. As he did so he grunted. “Damn, I guess your legs aren't the only part of you that’s tight!” Lizzie smiled apologetically, feeling Sam fill every crevice as he slowly began to thrust. “How does that feel?” Asked Sam. “Good,” said Lizzie as she took Sam’s hands and placed them on her breasts as he continued to thrust. With each push, getting harder and faster Lizzie felt a pressure insider and it got stronger as Sam continued to bury himself within her. “Oh, you feel so good, Sam!” Lizzie gasped as Sam turned over and Lizzie was on top. At first, Lizzie was unsure of what to do. Then she began moving her hips back and forth, like she was riding a horse. By the sound of Sam’s moans and grunts, she knew she was doing it correctly. She smiled  as she intertwined her fingers in Sam’s as she continued to thrust, the pressure inside her continuing to build. She continued to moan louder and louder, thrusting faster and harder until Sam flipped so he was onto again, continuing to thrust. “Ahh! Faster Sam!” Lizzie gasped. “I’m almost there! Ugh! I can feel it!” “I can too babe,” said Sam. “You’re clamping down on me. Oh, God! You feel so good!” “Put your hands on me, Sam,” Lizzie panted as Sam put his hands on Lizzie’s shoulders, hugging her. Lizzie’s feet began to tingle, then her legs, then her torso, further and further until it consumed her entire body. She let out a deep shuddering breath as her body began to convulse and her hips bucked wildly. “It’s happening Sam. I’m gonna come!” She relaxed and rode the shockwave out. Breathing heavily. Sam rolled of of Lizzie, the condom still intact. Once they caught their breath, they turned towards each other smiling and giggling slightly. “That - that was um...” Said Lizzie. “It was, yeah,” said Sam as they continued to giggle. “Can I tell you a secret?” asked Lizzie. “Sure thing babe, anything,” said Sam. “It may not be important to you, but it is to me,’’ said Lizzie. “Go on,” said Sam. Lizzie leaned forward and whispered in Sam’s ear. “I’ve her had an orgasm before - not counting the one I had before.” She kissed Sam on the mouth gently. “You’re my first one,’’ she whispered. Sam smiled. “I’m honored,” he said. “I really liked the way you made me come with your fingers,” said Lizzie. Sam smiled. “Good,” he said. “I’m glad I was able to make your first experience a good one.” “And thanks for being so gentle,” said Lizzie. “I know how sensitive you are,’’ said Sam. “Your comfort and your desires will always come before my own - that’s a promise.” “Could you...Do that again?” asked Lizzie. “It felt so nice!” Sam smiled. “Sure,” he said. Lizzie took his hand and guided it between her legs. She took one of Sam’s long fingers and began rubbing it against her clit. Lizzie moaned. “I want you to make me come,” she said. “And I will babe,” said Sam, continuing to stimulate her clit. “But patience is a virtue,” Lizzie laughed. She had never been much of a patient person. Not until she met Sam. Sam liked to play games with her to teach her how to be patient and it looked like sex was going to be no different. He continued to take his sweet ass time stimulating and rubbing her clit, first in slow up and down strokes, then in circles around her clit and labia. A warm sensation began to spread from her toes to her feet,  and up her legs. She could tell she was close when Sam took his hand away. “Why did you stop?” Asked Lizzie as the pleasure began to subside. But just as soon as it began to go away, she felt Sam Sam began to stimulate her clit again. The pleasure Lizzie felt before returned. He kept at this for a while, stimulating her clit until she was on the peak of orgasm then abruptly stopping the stimulation. “What are you doing?” asked Lizzie. “It’s called ‘edging,’’’ said Sam. “The way it works is I bring you close to coming then I stop, wait a few seconds then start again. This allows tension to build up inside you and thus giving you a bigger orgasm when I let you come. Surely you’ve heard of this method?” Lizzie shook her head. “No, never,” she said. Sam raised his eye brows. “You’ve never tried it on yourself before?” Again, Lizzie shook her head. 
“Mum always told me that masturbation was dirty and sinful - there’s those old fashioned morals again. Therefore I never tried.” “Did you ever want to?” asked Sam. “Well, sure,” said Lizzie. “But my morals kept me from acting on those curiosities.” “Do you think you will now?”  asked Sam. “Maybe so,” said Lizzie shrugging. “I mean, I’m married and I don’t live under my parent’s roof anymore so where’s the harm?” “True,” said Sam. They had been so busy talking that Lizzie realized Sam had stopped pleasuring her. “Don’t stop!” She said. “I haven't come yet!” Sam continued to pleasure his wife, caressing her folds and clit and Lizzie felt herself becoming wetter and wetter. Embarrassed she tried to act natural. Sam could feel Lizzie’s juices coating his gingers and he noticed her embarrassed look. “You’re blushing,” he teased, continuing to rub circles in her clit. “I’m just...” said Lizzie. “Mm?” asked Sam. “I’m just a little shy, that’s all,” said Lizzie. “You don’t have to be shy around me, babe,” said Sam gently. “Do you want me to stop?” “No, no!” Said Lizzie hurriedly “It feels good! Keep going!” Sam nodded as he pressed lightly on her clit while continuing to stimulate it. It varied from circles to diagonal strokes to gentle flicks with his finger. Again Lizzie began to feel warm as Sam removed his hand. After maybe five  seconds he continued. Lizzie’s hips bucked and her legs shook against the intermittent stimuli being applied to her genital region. She was dripping wet by this point. As Sam stopped stroking her, he bent his head downing lapped up the succulent sap off her body before it could make contact with the bedsheets. The gentle feeling of Sam’s tongue against her clit was enough to send her over the edge. Her body shook as the orgasm surged through her. It continued for ten seconds due to Sam's constant stimulation. Panting, Lizzie lied there, feeling the aftershocks as Sam looked up at her. “Are you tired?” he asked, gazing at his watch. It was nearly midnight. They had been having sex for a good six hours straight! But Lizzie was an Eventer, and Eventers needed excellent stamina and endurance to make it through three days of equestrian activities (particularly cross country since that was what the test focused on) “I could shag you all night long!” Said Lizzie enthusiastically. Sam smiled. “I’m sure you could,” he said. “But you won’t have the energy for it if you don’t recharge your batteries. You need your sleep.” Lizzie smiled She knew he was right. Sam went and got Lizzie her evening dose of medication that contained her sleeping pills and a glass of water. Once she had taken them, she snuggled up to Sam, kissing his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her, as they both fell asleep.`

PART 2 COMING SOON! 

[eeveelutionsforequality]

I don't know if this is pessimistic of me, but I find the rallying against "your teens are the best years of your life" to sometimes come across as overly optimistic. Your teens can absolutely suck - but adulthood isn't any better, it can be better for some people, worse for others, not change, be bad in different ways. The thing is, whatever situation makes your teens suck - whether it's a poor family, a shitty school, a mental health issue, whatever - it doesn't just magically disappear unless you do something about it or get lucky, and even that sometimes doesn't work. You're still gonna be low on money unless you get lucky on the career ladder, that shitty education is still gonna affect your prospects unless you work your ass off, that mental illness isn't going to cure itself. I used to think that things couldn't get worse when I was a teen, but boy howdy was I wrong - mental illnesses worsened, responsibility like I didn't imagine existed was piled upon me, college was more stressful than school and leaving it left me with no prospects, the memories and strains of earlier life not only weighed on me but limited my future, and any money I did get had to be calculated and budgeted and given to companies that didn't care how many times they screwed me over to take more and more. All of the intricacies of the stress of having to manage a household, of buying food, of not only realizing that your life is going nowhere but feeling the impact of that happening every day, the lack of money, the lack of purpose, the lack of prospects, the lack of people there to pick you up. When you're struggling as a teen it's because bullies are assholes, the school system is shit, the adults in your life aren't earning enough money or supporting you enough - when you're struggling as an adult, as far as anyone else is concerned, it's your fault, you didn't put the work in, you're just a benefits scrounger, you're just too childish to manage the real world. And I'm not someone who was naive or threw away my teen years or was stereotypically unprepared - I was abused, ridiculously poor, horribly bullied, I managed my own money, I cooked and cleaned, I got spectacular grades, I'd planned my career - I knew the "real world" could be a horrible place, I knew how to budget, I thought I knew what I wanted in life, and I still got knocked on my ass.

What I'm saying here isn't "life is going to suck no matter what, don't be hopeful", but that we need to prepare teens better for the "real world", we need to ease them into it better, we need to fix the job market and the economy, we need to fix the education system, we need to have more sympathy for young adults - especially those hit by disabilities or unfortunate circumstances that threw them off course when they were trying so hard to actually make something of life, instead of just assuming them complacent. Your teens shouldn't be the best years of your life, neither should your adulthood - in an ideal world, all the segments of your life would be great. Your teens are the years when you've got the most options available to you though, and I know you're sitting there going "Umm, I have no options" - to that I say, exactly. The couple of options and paths and protections that you have in front of you, the idealism and hope that hasn't been crushed yet, those aren't enough, but it's going to hit you hard when even those disappear. Some people get lucky in their teens and have parties and friends and excitement and gigs, and those are seen to them as the best years of their life after they get hit by adulthood and live vicariously through nostalgia; some people have awful teens but get lucky and work hard in adulthood, they manage to get a good job and good friends and a dog, and those are the best years of their life; for others, they get lucky in both or they get unlucky in both. It's a roll of the dice.

When people say "your teens are the best years of your life", I think they mean that they know from experience how quickly everything can tumble downhill, and that they want you to see and value what you have while you have it because adulthood could very well snatch it away, and they want you to take advantage of those things and fill your days with experiences, because they don't want you to hit adulthood and get knocked down in the same way that they did, without even having some happy memories in your pocket. There's a lot of "no, it gets better, people mature, you have more freedom!" in argument to it, but I think that's as poorly worded and unhelpful as the initial statement - it doesn't apply across the board, not even in the majority of cases in my experience - people are just dicks in different ways now, different things limit your freedom now, different things cause your stress now. What people mean is that it can get better, that just because your teens are bad that doesn't mean that you should lose all hope in the world, because the bad things can be repaired, because adulthood might open the door for you, because there's not some intrinsic law of physics that says that with the progression of time life gets exponentially more miserable and the teenage years are the sweet spot where you have the most potential enjoyment available to you - that your teens sucking doesn't mean it's going to get worse. But in both cases, it's important to remember that "can" doesn't mean "will" - your teenage years can be the best years of your life, but it doesn't mean that they will be; things can get better, but it doesn't mean that they will do.

The world isn't suddenly going to become kind to you, especially not if it wasn't already - you have to get tougher than it, get really lucky, work your ass off, and even then you might not make it. The shitty people from school? They go to college too, as do the shitty kids from other schools - some of you will get unlucky and go to the college with twice the shitty kids, and some of you will get lucky and go to the one where most of the people are mature. The flaws in how they teach and grade, in the syllabus? Yeah, plenty of that seeps through into college too. The early mornings? College can be earlier and can run later, also you'll have a three hour break in the middle of one random day where you have absurdly early and late classes, but not enough time (or not enough money) to go home between them, and none of your friends will have the same break, and you'll end up sat in Gregg's, groggy, exhausted, and completely unable to focus your blurry vision on the textbook that's a huge leap harder than your school one was. You know how you had £2.50 and you couldn't afford Maccies because you had to get the bus? Well now you have £2.50 and you can't afford the heating bill that inexplicably doubled this month... you also can't afford the money that the bank is charging you for not having enough money to pay the direct debit for the heating bill; the good news is that now you actually can get Maccies and walk home because you live above a chip shop down the road and everything you own smells like grease. All that free time you expected to get? You tried going to the pub and discovered how much a Jack and Coke costs now, so instead you went to the corner shop and bought a whole bottle of each, then you drank it while watching cooking videos for things you'll never be able to afford to make, and now you're inexplicably laying in the bath, still clothed, crying because everybody told you that if you worked hard this wouldn't happen, and you did, and it happened anyway, and now the news calls you a benefits scrounger, and your friends got jobs and don't invite you out because they know you can't afford it, and your family keeps sending you clippings for jobs you can't get, and it's been so long since you had a healthy meal that you can't tell whether the exhaustion is depression or a nutrient deficiency... so you call an ambulance and go to the hospital to treat your alcohol poisoning, and at 4am they tell you that they won't be providing you with transport home, and you spent that £2.50 on Maccies so now you can't get a taxi back, and it's a hungover, six mile trek back to your greasy flat.

There's a lot wrong with the world, but it really strikes me as strange that this issue isn't at the forefront - people would rather debate how oppressive covering a bra strap is than how teens are suffering at the hands of a flawed education system, hoping that all of their hard work will eventually pay off, only to find that everything has gone to absolute shit. Until we start educating kids better, until we start preparing teens better for what's coming, until we start improving the safety net for those struggling in our society, until we start acknowledging that suffering like this is a vicious cycle and not something that a "little bit o' elbow grease and positivity" is going to inherently always pull you out of, until we start acknowledging that this hell isn't some deserved punishment for not working hard enough as a kid, then everything else is just turd sprinkles atop the turd cake, sprinkles that we're trying to sweep off instead of cleaning up the giant steaming shit. People aren't pointing fingers at migrants or corporations or the patriarchy because they're xenophobic or a Marxist or misandrist, you've got the order of events entirely wrong - they realized everything sucked, and they wanted to fix it, and they found people who told them "This thing is to blame!" and so they were like "Stopping that thing will fix it!" - there isn't some inherent bias or hatred in most of these people, there isn't some giant conspiracy at work, it's people who are desperate to fix what's crushing them.

I don't have answers or some magical plan on how to fix the myriad of flaws and circumstances and trends that resulted in all of this - I just wanted to vent about how adulthood and teenage years and the world as a whole can really fuckin' suck, and I feel like everyone would rather win an online fight and call people names these days, like, just look at the number of people on talk shows who get close to the answer, get to "They're poor people, in dead-end jobs, with no prospects, miserable..." and instead of carrying it through to the logical conclusion of helping them, they swing it around to "They're deplorable, they're pathetic, they're bitter because they didn't get what they want". Wouldn't you be bitter? If someone ripped away your comfy journalism job, threw you into a hot grimey factory for ten hours a day, then demanded money you didn't have while you struggled to afford food or medical care, would you not be a little pissed at that person? Well they don't have a person to be pissed at, it's the whole situation, it's partially themselves, it's partially the world for not judging their best efforts as good enough and screwing them over, and they're hurting. It seems like everybody wants to fight an enemy, but what if there isn't an enemy - it's not a boss fight against some evil system or group, it's a bunch of shitty circumstances and chances in the form of ten thousand level one rats, and unfortunately you didn't have enough mana for an area of effect spell so they ate you.

[obsessedauthorchan-blog]

Commander Handsome - Eruri - ErwinWeek - Day 3: Commander Handsome

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Relationship: Levi/Erwin Smith Characters: Erwin Smith, Levi Additional Tags: erwinweek, eruri - Freeform, Modern AU, Day 2, prompt: commander handsome, Military AU, not that that's much of an au, Angst, levi knows whats up, Criminal Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), but he isn't a criminal the whole time, just during the beginning, Levi's potty mouth, the rating is for curse words, because levi likes to talk shit Language: English

Summary:

Levi never called people by their names.

Story:

Levi never called people by their names.

He always used nicknames. He didn’t know if it was his way of expressing attachment or contempt, but it worked either way, so he kept at it. Hanji Zoe was usually Shitty Glasses or Four-Eyes. Yeager was usually, well, Yeager, or sometimes Brat. His friend Armin was Mushroom or Coconut, depending on his mood, and he often referred to Mike as Nosy. Mikasa was a hard one to come up with a name for, so he usually just didn’t talk to her at all.

Erwin, though, would always be Eyebrows. He couldn’t imagine a better fitting name. Those ridiculous, bushy caterpillars on his face pretty much dominated his features, and Levi wouldn’t admit it under pain of death, but he kind of low-key liked it.

He and Erwin met in high school. They quickly became best friends. Erwin was Levi’s best friend pretty much because he was his only friend, and Levi was Erwin’s best friend because for some reason the crazy bastard actually liked him. Their friendship began freshman year. Levi spent the first two years fighting it and denying that he actually had friends. He spent his third year wondering what it would take to make Erwin decide he wasn’t worth the effort anymore. He spent their last year of high school hoping against hope that his only meaningful friendship wouldn’t end once high school ended, and he (not that he’d ever admit it) imagined them going to the same college and being friends for a really long time.

Then Erwin went to West Point. So not fair.

Levi almost considered joining him there, but while he was actually pretty good at school, he was missing one of the requirements to get into the prestigious military school, so he went a different path. Somehow, surprisingly, they kept in touch. Levi still considered Erwin his only friend, even though Hanji pretty much kidnapped him every weekend to ‘hang out’. They wrote letters, and in them Erwin mentioned other friends he’d made, like some guys named Mike and Nile (whom he met years later).

He told himself he wasn’t jealous of his only friend finding new friends to replace him. He also hung out with Hanji slightly more willingly.

Erwin graduated from West Point first in his class, and Levi’s nickname for him changed from just Eyebrows to Commander Eyebrows, even though he wasn’t a commander yet (first lieutenant was close enough, right?). Erwin invited Levi to his graduation ceremony, and Levi spent a majority of his savings to fly to New York at his friend’s request. Hanji tagged along, of course.

Levi graduated too, and started looking for a job. Turned out, though, that his degree wasn’t as useful as he thought it would be. He struggled to find a job, and eventually turned to theft. Hanji hadn’t known, about the crime, or about his partners in it, Farlan and Isabel. No, Hanji didn’t know until Levi stumbled into the apartment they shared covered in blood that wasn’t his. Blood that he had wished was his.

Levi had been reluctant, but she managed to coax the truth out of him. When he confessed to his misdeeds, Hanji had helped him clean himself up, left an anonymous tip for the police about the location of Farlan and Isabel’s bodies, helped him into bed to sleep off the trauma, and called Erwin.

Luckily, he had leave the next week. He came to visit, and at first Levi didn’t have a clue that Erwin knew about what had gone down. Then a man, a mob boss basically, tried to black mail Levi into helping him out with another job. After what had happened to his friends, Levi had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t do it again, so he struggled to find a way around the deal. Luckily, he didn’t have to worry.

Commander Eyebrows to the rescue, as per usual.

Erwin managed to save his ass, and then he managed to convince Levi to join up, not as a commissioned officer but as an enlisted soldier. Levi doubted he’d like it, but he didn’t really care. He owed Erwin, he needed a job, and he discovered he was actually pretty good at being a grunt. Who knew, right?

Eventually, after a couple years of proving his capabilities to High Command, Levi was placed in a special ops unit with Erwin as commanding officer. As the two began working together, feelings Levi had almost completely forgotten about resurfaced, for the first time since high school. He couldn’t deny the attraction he felt, as much as he liked lying to himself about those sorts of things, but he managed to keep it to himself, swearing he’d suffer in silence before messing up his friendship with Erwin or the other man’s military career.

Erwin, apparently, wasn’t having it. He sent for Levi to come to his office about an ‘important matter’, and when Levi got there, Erwin shut the door, pinned him against it, and kissed him for all he was worth. Levi only managed to resist for half a second before giving in. It was the start of a beautiful, long-in-coming relationship, one that also happened to be hugely against the rules since Erwin was Levi’s commanding officer. It was dangerous, but they kept it under wraps, both of them being pretty good at keeping secrets. His new nickname for Erwin was Commander Handsome, having finally gotten to the place where he was willing to admit to himself just how utterly gorgeous the man was. Of course, he only called him that in private, what with his being his XO and all, but still. Whenever Levi did call him that, it was enough to bring Erwin to a certain point of… arousal that Levi couldn’t help but delight in.

Then they got deployed, and everything went to shit.

Levi got out without a scratch, as usual. Erwin, though, lost his arm, and he almost lost his life too. Levi barely managed to get him out of danger, and the docs handled the rest. Hanji had joined up as a civilian contract, and she was one of the doctors who managed to save his life, even if she couldn’t save more than a stump of the damaged arm.

The loss of his arm was a huge blow to Erwin, and medical leave wasn’t any kinder. Unable to throw himself into his work, he spiraled into depression and insecurity. The ops unit was disbanded due to the huge failure of the last mission, and also due to the fact that only a handful of members had been left standing anyway. With no unit, Levi was granted leave as well, and he spent it doing his best to rehabilitate his lover.

In the end, the army gave him an option: stay in the army and work a desk job, or retire under disability. It was a no brainer for Erwin. He chose to retire, a young man, not even 30, with no arm, no career, and nothing left of the dream career he’d had since he was a child.

Levi only had another two years left on his contract, and then he planned on retiring too. Still, he wasn’t sure how exactly Erwin was going to fare over those two years, considering Levi would be gone for most of it on deployment.

The first time Levi came home on leave, his fears were confirmed. Erwin could barely look at him. Levi knew him well enough to know that it wasn’t something like Erwin being bitter about Levi making it out fine or managing to stay in the army when it wasn’t even his dream or anything like that. No, Levi could tell from the look in his eyes that it had everything to do with his missing arm. Erwin was powerful and strong and independent. He’d never not been able to fend for himself. He’d never been ‘disabled’ before, and Levi was willing to bet his own arm that Erwin wasn’t adjusting as well as he wanted people to believe.

The insecurity extended beyond his professional identity and even beyond his ability – or lack thereof – to fulfill his life-long dreams. Levi could tell that it had begun to influence how he saw himself as a person, as an individual, and as a lover. When Levi came home, Erwin managed to meet him at the door, clothes wrinkled and very sexy stubble on his face. But when Levi stood up on the balls of his feet to press a kiss to his lover’s lips, Erwin had turned his head, and Levi had caught his cheek instead. There had been no hug, no real physical contact at all. Erwin was usually the one to initiate kisses and hugs and cuddling and sex and just general touches – a hand on his back, an arm around his shoulder, or a peck on the top of his head. There was nothing, like he’d completely closed himself off from Levi, and he didn’t know what to do to get his Commander back.

Of course, Levi was known for having a short temper, so he couldn’t stand it long. He approached the topic in typical Levi fashion – a confrontation with no sugar-coating or beating around the bush. “Oi, Eyebrows,” he said, calling him by the childhood nickname for the first time in a while.

Erwin had looked at him in surprise, probably both from the name and from the supremely irritated tone in Levi’s voice. “Levi?”

“What’s with you?”

“What do you mean?” The fucker had the gall to look confused.

Levi rolled his eyes. “What the fuck do you think I mean? You’ve barely touched me since I got back, and you haven’t said more than ‘Hello,’ and ‘Welcome home,’ since I got here.” Erwin no longer looked confused. In fact, he looked guilty, like he knew exactly what Levi was talking about and he had been afraid that Levi would mention it. Levi sighed and stepped closer to his lover, taking his hand in one of his and allowing himself to look vulnerable for the first time in a while. “What’s wrong, Erwin?”

Levi didn’t use people’s real names. He used nicknames. That was just how he worked. Calling him ‘Erwin’ let the man know that he was serious and he wanted a serious, honest answer. Erwin swallowed and started to shake his head, but a glare from Levi stopped him in his tracks. They stared at each other for a moment, testing each other to see who would give first, before Erwin sighed harshly and pulled his hand away from Levi, turning away from his and taking a few steps away.

Erwin looked down at his one and only hand and shook his head. “I don’t know how you can stand me,” he said, and Levi thought that just might have been the dumbest thing he’d ever said in his life. “I don’t know how you can want to be here.”

Levi shook his head in disbelief. “What? Because you’re a cripple? Because you only have one arm?” Erwin hesitated before nodding slowly, sadly, like he was ashamed. “Bullshit.”

Erwin looked back at him in surprise. “What?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I said bullshit. You think I fell in love with your arm or something? I honestly could not care less about your appendages, you moron. Maybe I should start calling you Commander Idiot, cause that’s how you’re acting.”

Erwin hung his head, looking utterly ashamed and dejected. Levi shook his head. “No. No, I couldn’t do that. You’ll always be Commander Handsome.” Levi moved closer to Erwin yet again and took his face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. “No matter how many arms you have or how big your fucking ridiculous eyebrows are, you’ll always be the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met in my life, you’ll always be the man I love, and I will always – always – want to be here.” Erwin was looking at him with wide eyes, and Levi smirked. “And your beard is hot as fuck.”

Erwin smiled, a real, true grin the likes of which Levi hadn’t seen since before he lost his arm. He wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist and pulled him flush against him. “Thank you, my love.”

Levi rolled his eyes again. “Whatever, Eyebrows. Just fucking kiss me already. I haven’t seen you in months. I should be getting a whole lot more than a peck on the cheek, you asshole.”

Erwin complied, and only having one arm didn’t seem to stop him from picking Levi up and carrying him to the bedroom. He plopped Levi down on the bed and climbed over him. Levi looked up at his lover with a smirk. “If I had known calling you an idiot was all it would take, I would have done it a lot sooner.”

Erwin laughed. “Shut up, Levi.” Then Erwin shut him up with a kiss. His stubble was probably going to rub Levi’s cheeks raw, but he really didn’t care. And when Erwin got bossy for the first time since the incident, Levi couldn’t help but smile.

Commander Handsome was back in charge.

[realtalk-princeton]

I saw on Reddit about some Korean-American guy who got into Brown getting conscripted into the army while visiting their relatives. As a Korean-citizen coming here on a green card, I'm scared of military service and honestly if anyone has experience navigating this, plz help.

Response from a Contributor:

While normally, I would consider questions not directly related to Princeton as off-topic (This is RTP), this is probably a pertinent topic for some students at Princeton, especially those pressed by military service in their respective nations. Also, this probably requires some effort in working with the school, and could drastically affect academic life for some students, so I’ll answer this. While this question will be answered in the context of Korea specific, I am certain some of this also applies to other countries where students originate from that require mandatory military service. 

Basically, unless you can get an exemption from the military due to medical reasons (i.e. ADHD, depression, bipolar, various physical disabilities, chronic illnesses, etc.), you will have to serve in the military if you plan on returning to Korea. However, there are various options you can choose in tackling this problem. You will have to work with Princeton on this for various options (including obtaining proof of enrollment, etc.), and will require quite some effort on your half. I do not endorse any of these Options over another unless specifically mentioned below. 

Option 1:

Go do service:

If you plan on living in Korea or doing anything significant there in the future, I would strongly recommend you do service. Every Korean male is expected to do their duty to the nation, and you will be ostracized in Korea and by the Korean community to an extent if you actively avoid doing service. Koreans take military service very seriously (even more so after various political and social scandals regarding it). I would recommend you do service if you have a lot of relatives in Korea, if you plan on working in Korea (or doing any sort of significant activity/business), or you need to visit Korea for some reason in the future. There are three suboptions in this case:

A: Do service before coming into Princeton:

Honestly, this is probably the most painless way. You will not have any interruptions in college life and this is in essence, taking two gap years. Notify the University that you intend on taking two gap years for military service and they will 100% grant you time off. Also, you could probably write about military service on your resume, so that may help with getting internships and whatnot. Also, your recruiting timeline won’t be jacked up (if you plan on working in the US).

B. Defer your service until you graduate:

As long as you are enrolled and have proof of enrollment at Princeton, you can delay your service until you graduate. However, that might have adverse effects on job recruiting if you plan on working in the States (you may have to see if your employer will accept deferring the start date for your job). If you plan on going to Law School, PhD, Medical School where delaying the start date is easier, I don’t think this is that bad. 

C. Do your service mid-attending Princeton:

That would require you to take two gap years after you start Princeton. While I know many students here that do that, but I would not recommend doing this over option A or B. 

Regarding other questions on taking gap years, please use the search bar.  

Option 2:

Obtain a foreign citizenship/Renounce your citizenship:

tbh, this isn’t that bad, and most people do this. Your relatives depending on their experiences or opinions may be pissed. Some Koreans might not like you, but who cares. You can visit your relatives in the most part and you don’t have to do service. In fact, you can also work/do business in Korea and have pretty much every right a Korean citizen has in Korea if you get an F-4 visa (Visa for Persons of Korean heritage). Two suboptions:

A: Obtain Green Card+US Citizenship

Not really experienced with this part, but first, this requires you doing Option 1, B and holding off long enough to get a US Green Card (preferably job->grad school). If you get your Green Card, great. Not only you can delay your service until the age of 35 (which is essentially an exception, as the military does not conscript after you hit the age of 37), now you can stay in the US for long as you want. However, mind that you can’t work or reside in Korea for an extended period (3+ months a year I believe) because in that case, the Korean government will revoke your delay of service. Also, be sure to delay your service before you’re 25, as the Korean government will not issue you a passport after 25 if you haven’t served in the military or legitimately delayed your service. If you later end up getting US citizenship, your Korean citizenship is automatically surrendered and your military service requirements are also gone. If you are a birthright citizen of the US, you can surrender your citizenship and passport anytime before 18. 

Massive Disclaimer: If you are a US/Korea dual citizen and you haven’t renounced your citizenship before, you are screwed. Korea recently changed their laws so male citizens cannot renounce their citizenship after they reach 18 until they complete military service, which brings me to…

B: Obtain Canadian/etc. Citizenship:

If you are one of those people who have dual Korea/US citizenship and has not renounced your Korean citizenship before 18, obtaining citizenship of another country is probably the only way (as Korean citizenship is automatically revoked if you acquire a citizenship of another country). I’m pretty sure you can also delay military service like those with a US Green Card. However, if you want to properly dispose of your Korean nationality and obtain an F-4, you need to acquire a foreign nationality other than US. I would recommend obtaining Canadian citizenship. Several schools in Canada have good PhD/MA programs (a Canadian MA is also very cheap compared to the US, just a pro tip), and Canada has good pathways (sponsorships, etc.) for graduate students who come to Canada and are willing to reside permanently, especially for PhDs. UBC/UToronto/McGill have top tier programs in some areas of research (I know UBC Econ is very good and UToronto Accounting is also said to be very good). Of course, you actually need to be willing to reside in Canada for an extended period of time to get citizenship (not if, permanently). However, if you get a PhD from those schools and end up with a  good placement within Canada, you’ll probably have the option to lateral to a top American school later in your career. 

Option 3: 

Just stay in the US or another country until you’re 37. 

Probably a good option if you don’t want anything to do with Korea, are not really close/lack relatives in Korea and have no plans to go back to Korea in the long run. Just be sure you have citizenship/permanent residency/a method of legal residency from a country other than Korea (United States, Canada, etc.), and reside/work there until you’re 37. By law the government will not conscript any citizen above the age 37 I believe, and I know people who have gotten out of service by simply not going (back) to Korea. Just make sure you formally delay your service before 25 if you want a Korean passport. 

Good luck, and feel free to ask more questions later. 

[vitalstrats]

#DearFreshGradSelf

Congratulations, Class of 2019! We know that a lot of thoughts and feelings are probably going through your brains right now--and that's completely normal! For now, allow us, your "older siblings" here at #TeamVCS, to share with you some words of advice: what we wish WE knew when we first graduated.

I was honestly so excited to graduate because of the uncertainties in life that I hoped to just jump into. I was excited at the prospect of being led somewhere exciting, and of course, the MONEY. I would get to earn and spend for myself and NO ONE can stop me or prevent me from getting stuff I wanted! Reality bites, though. I was too naive and hopeful about my career. There were things I didn't expect to be so difficult to go through, plus work can get boring even if you're earning. Aside from that, there are more responsibilities to look out for and things we are also expected to know. It's even harder to get through when you don't know where you really want to be, what you want to do, who you are and maybe even where you really need to be. I was lucky enough to have done a lot of exploring throughout college, and knew more often than not what I didn't want to do, and what I couldn't do--thus, I narrowed down the things that I'm actually curious about and thought of where I could grow. Right now, have to say, I am still growing and I'm still not always certain about my decisions, but at least I'm really learning to follow through my YESes and NOs and take these wholeheartedly -- and rather than regretting, I might as well make the most out of where I am and let myself experience life in a outward-looking manner; still filled with dreams, hopes and a determined spirit for self-discovery and growth.

I tend to get pressured at all times especially when I feel like I’m left behind. But, I always keep in mind that I’m still young, and at the right time, I will definitely go places. Another thing that I wish I knew is to always follow your passion. Making art is an essential part of my life. I always find time to draw in school, paint in our house, or even sketch while I travel. But as the days go by, I’m slowly losing my motivation with the things I love to do, including art. I try to bring back this passion that I have by making art, but I always remember to take things slow. I know that  someday, I will be much greater than who I was when I started.

Because our school's graduation has a different schedule from other schools, I felt like I had to rush after graduation. As soon as I finished my thesis, I went on to apply for work, get all those government IDs, etc. Thankfully, I landed a job, which, though it wasn't my dream job, led me to a good company with good people. Which led, eventually, to my dream job. While I'm happy with where it all led, and I'm grateful since not everyone has that kind of chance, it also makes me wonder "what if I waited it out, held out a bit longer, and actually enjoyed funemployment for a bit after graduation?" I was the only one who pressured myself to get a job that quickly--no one told me to, my parents didn't expect me to, it was all just me. I could've spent some time learning new skills at home, learning how to drive (if allowed!), spent time with friends and family, and I would've found out that I could've gone on to do further studies right after graduation. Now, I'm trying to buy back that time and those opportunities, little by little. And I just think that, hey, if it happened, then maybe it was all meant for me anyway. But yes, if you can afford to do so, please do enjoy a breather after graduation! Your physical and mental health will thank you for it.

At that time, it was an uncertain period in my life — full of doubts and anxiety about the future. I missed a lot of opportunities; I was disabled by the fear of failure and judgement. I wish I had known that taking chances, being able to disagree, stating my opinion, and pursuing things I thought I couldn't...all this would  bring me in places I never knew I’d be able to see, help me meet people I never thought I’d encounter, and be someone who is genuinely true to myself.

I wish I had known that after college, it will be challenging to seek out what I truly wanted out of life. Achieving it is another challenge altogether. Of course, you need to appreciate the small things you have in your everyday life as well. But when it comes to big decisions, you need to love and accept your choices until you get to your goals. Your past choices are what made you into the person you are, and every decision you make now will define you even more.

Just because you won a lot of awards doesn't mean that you're all that great. You still need to prove yourself in the real world, because there is A LOT of things that you still don't know. It pays to learn something new every day.

After graduation, I found out that having high grades or being in the honors list aren't enough when it comes to getting your dream job. Back in college, it was my goal to study hard, to get good grades and to do really well--which I did, thank God! But my parents would always advise me that in the real world, a lot of companies look for those who are experienced and skilled. They encouraged me to hone my skills further because work is not just about having good grades. This advice really stuck with me through the years, since advertising and production are both competitive industries. You need to prove yourself to everyone and show them that you are the best candidate for the job.

Right after high school, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do, so I pursued that path. But I realized later on that it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to spend time exploring and learning about other options before committing to a path. At the end of the day, the world is your oyster, no matter how old you are.

Got any tips or stories that you'd like to give the fresh grads? Share them in the comments below!

#DearFreshGradSelf

[roycebrakcet-blog]

I’m a deeply unhappy person but I don’t know how to show it to anyone

I’m the lowest common denominator in every broken relationship in my life, so it must always be me at fault. My relationship with my mum was so poor I ran away, and I know it was because she was emotionally unavailable, drank too much, and whenever I tried to tell her something was wrong she never even tried to do anything to help me, but it’s my fault. My relationship with my dad fell apart and he physically hurt me and violently took my belongings and goaded me to kill myself before kicking me out, and I know it happened because I was already damaged goods and he’s traumatised too, but it’s my fault. Friends and lovers I either abandoned, or they had to abandon me, because I mistreated them having never known a healthy relationship in my life, but it’s my fault. Nobody else shares any of the blame, because it’s all my fault.

I know it doesn’t even work like that, but I don’t know how to apply it and believe it. I know my mum was fucked up by her mum and my birth dad, and that she should have sought help before it got to the point she couldn’t keep a home and her kids were suffering. I know my dad is traumatised too and that he was frustrated because even though he tried to help me he didn’t know how to fix me, and that some of what he did to me is still downright wrong. I know some people have hurt me and I’m allowed to feel that way, and I know some people tried to help me and realised they couldn’t because they had their own lives to work through. None of the reasons anything happened to me dictate blame on anyone. Life is just an indiscriminate bitch and all the intertwining factors happened to come down on me by chance. It could have been anyone.

I’m angry because I couldn’t protect my mum all those times Chris hit her. I’m angry that social services never put me and my siblings into care when I was living in a home where I saw him hit her so hard her cheek split open. I can still see the blood and the police lady when I think about it. I’m angry that mum ever kicked me after going through abuse herself, and I’m angry she lied to the school and said she never did when I came into the head teacher’s office sobbing over it, and I’m angry that they believed her when they knew there were already problems at home. I’m angry my dad ever raised a hand against me knowing I was already terrified and the only way I knew to express that was to lash out. I’m angry at myself for somehow letting that and everything else turn me into a rabid animal instead of an average child, but how was I supposed to know what a healthy relationship looked like when all I’d seen and experienced was abuse and neglect? Still I blame myself for hurting so many innocent people the way I never want anyone to be hurt.

I want to cry over everything I had to go through and everything I’ve lost but I don’t know how. The only time I cry is during counselling with Adrian, because then it’s okay, it’s his job to help me learn how to let myself feel again - but then even when I do cry, I dissociate so hard I lose chunks of time and forget the last ten minutes, half an hour, the entire session. Sometimes he asks how something feels for me in a physical sense, like where in myself I’m experiencing grief, and I don’t know how to answer. It’s like I’ve become so worthless to myself that there’s a permanent disconnect between my feeling and thinking mind. There’s something about it being too much pain and grief to bear, too.

The only thing I do really feel any more - not all the time, but a lot of it - is anger in varying degrees, like a knot in my chest and throat. I’m hostile and snippy with everyone, but I don’t want to turn into my birth dad, so I isolate myself and hide away. In college I go under the stairs, or behind the vending machines, or lock myself in a disabled stall. In my flat I ignore my phone. I can’t go to some of my classes because the people in them trigger rage so bad I’m afraid I might shout at or physically harm somebody. I hate it and I never, ever want to do those things or instil the kind of fear I felt when I was shouted at and hurt, because no matter how annoying anyone is being they’re still a person.

I stopped seeing all my friends bar one, who’s been through some shit too, and gets it when I’m all wrong in my head. Even though a lot of them are also depressed I just don’t feel like I belong with them, and some of them have said things to me which make me think they don’t really want me around. One of them made it very clear she despises me after I’d spent a year thinking we were good friends. I don’t want to be around them any more, I guess, because it hurts too much to feel so alone surrounded by people. It’s easier to feel alone when you are actually alone. I was always on the edges of their groups - being around them just makes me more acutely aware of the feeling that I’m a robot or an alien trying desperately to mimic standard human behaviour and go unnoticed, but failing on both counts. I was invited to a party tonight by my closest friend and some other people I know were meant to be going, but I just don’t belong in those big howling groups of people I only half know and don’t even halfway trust. It’s horrible and I just feel even more isolated and by the end of the night I always feel so distanced from everyone else I contemplate suicide, and usually end up cutting.

I’m angry at people who get to have nice, average, relatively happy lives. I’m jealous even of people who are depressed without having a rough past, who can just take a pill every day or go to the state school limited course of six counselling sessions and carry on functioning just fine. What did I do that they got the perfectly normal life nobody bats an eyelid at and I got the fucked up one that makes people treat me like a zoo exhibit when I share it? It doesn’t even work like that, there’s no reason for me to have been given this lot and for them to have been given another, but it’s hard to understand that there just isn’t any explanation. The universe doesn’t know what “fair” is, it doesn’t even know what “chance” is, it just exists around a set of mathematical principles we can’t even fully explain. We can’t explain it and it can’t explain us.

I want to feel the full spectrum of emotions like your average person does. I want to let myself love and trust somebody so I can be who I actually am around another human being again, even though every time I’ve tried that I’ve been hurt and hurt the other person. My closest friend, the person who gets me most out of everyone I’ve met in life, has only seen me cry once when she was with me immediately after a counselling session, and now I’m pushing her away and I don’t understand why. I guess I don’t want her to get any closer to me in case she realises I’m a monster and not a man, because then she’ll run and take another little piece of my soul I can’t replace with me, like I give away to everyone who’s ever mattered to me. I want to protect her and myself.

Staff in college have been speaking to the support team saying they’re worried about me, and they’ve been mentioning how I look physically unwell a lot of the time. I’m tired and drained and people say I look pale and I wring my hands. Most of all I’m tired. I want to sleep.

[piratefalls]

posting because my friend @ampersandy doesn’t have facebook anymore.

this is what i took from my experience at my local women’s march.

--

When I debated going back to college – a luxury I am lucky to have, especially with the knowledge that I will not be accruing new debt – I struggled with where I wanted my education to go. I had no idea what area of study I wanted to fall in, having too many interests that rarely intersect to decide on just one department. I applied anyway, knowing that at least being accepted gave me more options than I had as someone on the outside looking in. Most of the classes I was interested in were full by the time I was allowed to register, and one of the only classes left that I had any interest in was a Gender and Women’s Studies course titled: “Queer Lives, Queer Politics.”

After yesterday, I don’t believe that this was in any way a coincidence.

All semester long I learned about power structures, both social and legislative, that put certain groups of people at a disadvantage the further they are from that power source. That power source, generally speaking, is a white, able-bodied, straight, cisgender male. Are you a person of color? Take a step back. Are you employed? If you are, stay put. If not, take a step back. Are you poor? Take another step back. Are you disabled? How’s your access to healthcare? Higher education? Take a step back for every one of these things you do not have at your fingertips. That is your relationship to power and the people who have the most influence. I want to make this post, and my experience at yesterday’s Women’s March on Champaign-Urbana, about those power structures.

Yesterday, I stood in a muddy park on an unseasonably warm, beautiful January afternoon, surrounded by women of color, of different ability, of different socioeconomic status, of varying levels of education, women who are transgender, and I listened. I was given a reminder that I desperately needed.

This is about more than just fair wages, but I want to break something down here really quick. I know everyone gets tired of hearing the phrase: “for every dollar that a man makes, a woman makes $0.79.” This is both true and misleading. For every dollar that a man makes, a woman does make less. The year after President Obama signed the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act (2010), the statistics broke down as follows:

White men: 100 Black men: 74.5 Hispanic men: 65.9 White women: 80.5 Black women: 69.6 Hispanic women: 59.8

Wage discretion is real, but it is more real for people of color than it is for me.

This is about more than just sexual assault and rape. Now, if you know me at all, you know that violence against women is an issue I hold close to my heart, for reasons that don’t need to be rehashed here. But when we think about sexual assault and rape, what is the kind of person who comes to mind when you think of a victim? If you pay attention to the media at all, you probably imagine a white woman in her 20s. What they don’t tell you is that while 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked. This breaks down as follows:

All: 17.6% (approx. 1 in 5) White: 17.7% Black: 18.8% Asian/Pacific Islander: 6.8% American Indian/Alaskan: 34.1% Mixed Race: 24.4%

And that doesn’t even include rape and sexual assault committed against men. Yes, women can be rapists too. According to a 2002 NCVS report, one in every eight rape victims were male. When we have a conversation about sexual assault and what needs to be done to end rape culture, we must include ALL victims, not just women. This also does not include rape and sexual assault committed against members of the trans community, which most studies reveal a whopping 50% will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetime.

This is about more than reproductive rights. This is about access to life-saving healthcare. Viagra and vasectomies are covered by insurance plans, and no one bats an eye. When women want access to birth control, suddenly everyone is in a tizzy. You see what I’m getting at here? Dudes want to prevent pregnancy and that’s fine, but when we want to take control of our ability to get pregnant, suddenly we’re making irrational choices and need the government to intervene. Never mind the fact that the pill is not prescribed SOLELY to prevent pregnancy, but is also used in treatments for endometriosis, PCOS, and adult acne.

Also, please do actual research on Planned Parenthood, because they really are an incredible organization that provides sex education, whose goal is to reduce teen pregnancy through education, and provide women – a good portion of whom are low income and cannot afford hospital visits – with quality preventative healthcare like pap smears, mammograms, cancer screenings, and STD testing. If you can’t do it right now, that’s fine. In the meantime, let me give you a short primer: taxpayer money does not pay for abortions because Title X exists, abortions are 3% of their total services, and someone getting an abortion is none of your damn business anyway.

This is about more than just an Electoral College-elected leader we feel does not represent us. Or, at least, represents some of us. “How did this happen?” we kept asking ourselves on November 9. “Aren’t we better than this?” I thought we were, too. But, again, that’s my privilege speaking.

However – and this is something I find incredibly interesting – the exit polls of this most recent election tell a very interesting story. Most of the people I saw on Facebook after the election who were angry, or saddened, or just lamenting the fact that we’d elected probably the least qualified individual in recent history to our highest government position, were predominantly white. You want to know who put him in office? Predominantly white people. Exit polls in CNN show that 62% of white men and 52% of white women voted for Trump, with only 7% and 5% voting for neither candidate or not voting at all, respectively. Everyone else – black men and women, Latino men and Latina women, and other minority groups – overwhelmingly voted Clinton or didn’t vote for either/vote at all. I’m still trying to parse how I feel about this one, honestly, but I’m sure I’ll let you guys know when I figure it out.

I wanted to believe that we were better than a person who sought to divide us under the guise of making this country great again. America is, and can be, great, despite the fact that its history has not always been great. I know, I know, “We weren’t part of slavery, so why do I still have to defend myself against it? I didn’t kill all those Native Americans when Columbus sailed the ocean blue!”

First of all, DUH. You were born in 1993. This is hardly something I can put solely on your shoulders. BUT - and this is the part we struggle with - these terrible things ARE part of this country’s history, and we DO have to own that. Do we have to be proud of it? No. In fact, I’d encourage you to not be proud of it. However, as a historical moment, are we not supposed to learn from it? Are we not meant to arm ourselves with information so that we do not repeat what’s been done? That is why these conversations still take place: because we keep forgetting.

What this is about is togetherness. This is about recognizing where your place is in this world and using it in whatever way you can to lift up those who are not as fortunate as you. This is about the importance of mobilization. It is about feminism that is not limited to just white women, but is inclusive of all people regardless of gender expression, sexual orientation, race, creed, socioeconomic status, and physical ability. This is about the importance of knowing when to speak and when to sit down and listen; the importance of me, as a white woman, knowing my place at a table that is not designed to make me feel comfortable, or congratulate me for finally catching up with everyone else, but rather teach me how I can be better even if it involves hearing hard truths. My job, as a white woman, is to listen, to get educated, and to amplify the voices of women and men throughout history that our textbooks have silenced for far too long.

This is about learning the meaning of true ally-ship, that not all things are about you, but are about others and how you can do something that benefits them. Being an ally is hard work, and it’s supposed to be. We must not let our sisters be swept aside because of their skin, or their queerness, or their religion or ability or the life she chooses to lead. We must embrace them, encourage them, raise their voices when they are not being heard. True equality cannot be achieved until we are ALL equal players on the same field, in all facets of life, status, and government. We do not yet have these things.

Being brave is not about convenience. Being brave means stepping up to the plate even when it’s hard, when there’s nothing in it for you, when it scares you. Being brave is a lot of things, but it has never been, nor will it ever be, easy. I will be the first to admit that I have not always been brave. But I am going to try. I’m going to get more involved. I’m going to be a voice, a mouthpiece for other women who need to be heard much more than I do.

Whether you believe it or not, as a white individual, you ARE privileged. Having the luxury of not noticing that privilege is something women of color, trans women, poor women, and disabled women do not have.

At the end of all of this, all I’m asking is that you think about where you stand in this world, and the power you hold simply by existing. Have you ever gone to sleep wondering where your next meal will come from? Have you ever gone to sleep cold because you couldn’t pay your bills? Have you ever missed out on important moments in your kid’s lives because you had to work to make sure they were fed? Have you ever been followed around in a shopping mall because someone decided that YOU were the sketchy person they needed to police that day? If you haven’t experienced these things, you might be privileged.

The question is: what will you do with it?

[leislart]

Why I don't care about "crushing it"

I have serious problems with the “crush it” mentality that seems so prevalent nowadays in self-help and business dialogue, and here’s why.

It puts extreme pressure on someone by telling them that anything less than changing the world, exceeding expectations a hundred fold, and blowing all your competition out of the water isn’t good enough. That just doing alright, and trying the best you can every day, and making slow and steady progress, isn’t good enough.

That if your performance is anything less than absolutely brilliantly magnificent every single day (compared to your peers, of course, not your own personal standards) — then you’re a total failure, and it’s your own fault. That everyone else is better than you, more worthy of success than you, because they make it look so easy while you struggle at it.

I can’t help but feel like shit when, in the spirit of encouragement, an article/Tweet/training program encourages me to go out and “crush it” in whatever I’m trying to accomplish. The intention is good, but it has the opposite effect on someone who’s struggling. It just makes me feel terrible when I'm not even anywhere close to “crushing it.” It makes me feel like everyone else is “crushing it” while it is crushing me. That everyone else has the ability to crush it, but not me.

“Triple your sales funnel with this method!” I’m happy to have any sales funnel at all.

“Multiply your revenues by doing this every day!” What if I'm not even breaking even?

“Dramatically increase your productivity!” I can’t even sit down and focus for more than 10 minutes, maybe I ought to work on that first?

If your problems can be solved simply by adopting a “crush it” mentality — if the biggest barrier in your life is ennui, and all you really need to succeed is to be more optimistic and try harder — then you don’t have any serious problems. You are very lucky, and probably very privileged. This line of thinking completely refuses to acknowledge the very serious barriers that hinder some of us from reaching everyone else’s sky-high standards of “crushing it.” It’s so much worse for people with serious life issues that can’t be magicked away by reading an insightful article — physical health, mental health, family problems, legal troubles. It also refuses to acknowledge how remarkable the achievements they do manage to reach are — because in comparison to more privileged people, they only seem “average” or “alright.“

I once watched a video about a 26-year-old woman who started a small baked goods business, and secured distribution of her cookies in a local gourmet shop. Seems pretty “average,” right? She’s clearly not crushing it. Anybody can do that! She needs to try harder! It’s meaningless until she’s got the cookies in supermarkets around the country! She’s nothing special!

But, oh wait — she started the business after she was rejected from every single job she applied for due to her Downs Syndrome. She has the wherewithal and tenacity to be an entrepreneur even in the face of the disability. The picture changes when you see the barriers she is up against. Most bakery owners have it easy compared to her, and still, she managed to make it this far.

I think she is crushing it, though not by the conventional definition. Why? Because she’s doing alright, when she started out doing terribly — coming from a place where she was deemed unemployable by those who discriminated against her. That’s the thing many don’t realize — when you start out in an awful place, getting from “awful” to “alright" is an absolutely remarkable accomplishment. It just doesn’t seem that way compared to others that started out at “alright" in the first place. To those privileged people, it seems like being at “alright” means you’re not putting any effort at all, when really, the effort was, and continues to be, enormous.

Do you have a chronic pain condition? Were you able to commute to your job, work all day, then commute back, despite the amount of standing and moving it required? Let me tell you — you are crushing it. Despite the fact that compared to others for whom moving around is physically easy, you ended up at the same place, you put far more effort into it. You deserve to be proud of this accomplishment which others will ignore or trivialize.

Do you suffer from clinical depression? Did you get out of bed this morning at a reasonable hour, put on some clothes, brush your teeth, eat some food, do something productive, then go back to bed at a reasonable hour? That’s awesome! Those who’ve never experienced the condition have no idea how difficult that is, how much effort it takes, and how much willpower is needed not to collapse or go numb or break out into tears at every moment of the day. Any moment you didn’t give in to the depression is a small victory.

Do you have ADHD? You’re telling me you spent an entire hour focused exclusively on the highest priority work you had to do? Whoa, that’s amazing!

Did you come from a low-income family? And you graduated from high school and college? I’m really proud of you!

Are you a working professional who’s also transgender? Do you have a good job that pays you a good salary, where people respect and value your work? I’m super happy for you. You probably had to put in ten times the effort into your job search, and still have to put in twenty times the effort on the job, to be seen as half as good as your cisgender peers.

The list could go on and on of the kinds of people that have to overcome enormous barriers to arrive at “alright” in life and in work. Despite this, mainstream self-help dialogue will still define “crushing it” as a fundamentally competitive sport, and ignore the fact that not everyone even begins the race at the same starting line.

Serious problems — the ones that hold people back from accomplishing their goals, even when they put in maximum effort — can’t be solved by trying harder, working faster, or simply looking on the bright side. It requires that those people get the extra specialized help they need — proper medical care, mental health treatment, scholarships, or peer support networks. It also requires us as a society to provide that help to those who need it, and change our existing institutions to fully accommodate those needs. We must also work to remove barriers of discrimination that make things even more difficult — racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, transphobia, xenophobia, and other such abhorrent belief systems. Only then can we even begin to talk about “crushing it.“

Yes, people who feel they’re doing “alright” or “average” should try to keep pushing themselves to do “awesome” and “above average.” But understand this: the rest of us are struggling just to get to “alright.” Where’s the encouragement for us? Where are the articles that help those doing badly? I have a feeling they outnumber the rest by orders of magnitude.

And hey, by our own relative standards, maybe we are actually doing awesome. Did you get out of bed on time today, stay awake all day, remember to take your medications, eat healthy, and make sure to go outside for a little walk and sunshine? It sounds like you "crushed it" today! Made progress on something while still enjoying the work? Fabulous! Didn’t cry, or self-harm, or sit in a fetal position in the corner of your bedroom? Sweet! Learned something new? Did better today than yesterday? Amazing!

Personally, I don’t give a single fuck about “crushing it.” I’d be happy just to put a dent in “it", or make a crack on its surface. I just want to survive through another day, so I that can get up and do it again the next day. I don’t care about coming in first; I just want to not be disqualified. I just want to not give up. That is hard enough in itself. That is an accomplishment enough in itself.

I have made a conscious decision to speak the opposite of the conventional “crush it” doctrine. I will write from the honest perspective of someone who struggles every single day, and still has yet to arrive at “alright.” I won’t be embarrassed of sharing such struggles — because I want readers to be able to relate, where they have felt alienated in the past by other authors preaching the “crush it” gospel. At the same time, I will acknowledge the struggles of others, and commend them when they reach achievements.

My advice to all the strugglers out there: don’t listen to the “crush it” crowd. Just do your best every day, work towards happiness, and believe in yourself. If you, dear reader, resonate with this, I invite you to follow me on the journey to get to “alright.”

[aureuscor-blog]

HW 10

1. For the technological topic of your choice, say what it is, give a present-day impact on individuals, and your opinion about whether it is good, bad, or whatever you think. Education technology ie online education, distance education, MOOCS, blackboard, edx, etc

Individuals can access higher education wherever there is an internet connection

This is very good. It enables those who may not live near to a college or may not have transportation or have a disability that prevents them from attending physically to attend school. 2. For the technological topic of 1 above, give five more present-day impacts on individuals. One of the five should relate to your career path. For each, give a good reason why the impact exists. i. Individuals can apply to programs they are interested in rather than just programs they live near. Attending online means physical distance doesn’t matter. ii. Individuals can apply to programs with affordable tuition. If one is limited to local schools, the only options an individual has are those schools which may be too expensive. iii. Individuals can apply to “good” programs - highly rated, prestigious programs. If one is limited to local schools, the only options an individual has are those schools which may be lower quality. iv. Individuals can graduate in their field and champion further education technology. Having experience in a program that was offered online may provide a leg up for an individual who wishes to further research and development of new technology for education. Also, one may pursue an educator position online in the field, potentially beginning a new online program at a school that previously did not offer online education. v. Individuals can attend classes asynchronously. An individual may have a job or familial obligations that would otherwise prevent them from attending a traditional program where they have to be in class on certain days/times. 3. For each of the 6 impacts of questions 1 and 2, extend to past impacts and one possible future impact. Conciseness is acceptable...no need to write a book about this. from Q1: Past: internet was less widely available than it is today so not as many people were able to access distance learning. Future: more people will have access to quality internet and so more people will have access to distance learning. from 2i: past: program options were very limited, being able to apply to online programs didn’t necessarily mean a program you were interested in was available from any school online. future: more and more programs will be offered by more and more schools. Students will be able to pursue nearly any program online from 2ii: past: program options were limited and there weren’t necessarily more affordable options available future: the cost of all programs will start to come down as schools compete for students making tuition even more affordable from 2iii: past: online programs were often considered subpar and not taken seriously by hiring managers etc future: as more of a shift is made to online instruction, even ivy league and other top schools will start offering online programs from 2iv: past: Far back in the past, there wasn’t an education technology field at all. There wasn’t online education to need technology. As online programs began they used whatever technology was available, not necessarily “good” technology future: education technology will advance until it is possible to offer every program imaginable online. from 2v: past: classes sometimes still had meeting times and mandatory attendance - even though they were offered online, the programs were not asynchronous future: today, the classes may be asynchronous regarding when to complete the work for the semester, but programs still only offer courses only during regular semesters. In the future, courses can be started at any time during the year and be completed after [the # of weeks necessary]. 4. For each of the 6 impacts, give a second alternative possible future impact on individuals. from Q1: all individuals will have internet access and so higher education ill be available to every individual on earth from 2i: new programs will be invented that didn’t exist before – cross disciplinary hybrids allowing students to pursue all  venues they are interested in from 2ii: programs’ tuition will drop even lower as more students are able to be accepted to each program due to the lower overhead and no longer needing physical space to accommodate more students from 2iii: there will be a shift from the “best schools” to the “best programs.” Harvard etc will no longer be considered the best but rather whichever programs are taught most skillfully by the best teachers and graduate the highest caliber students will be the best from 2iv: VR will be implemented to really advance the technology and make programs more like “really being there.” from 2v: courses will be self paced. Students can take longer if need be to complete the material, or can complete a course at a more rapid pace to finish earlier. 5. For the technological topic of your choice, give a present-day impact on an organization, such as business, government or others, and your opinion.

Businesses are able to hire more skilled employees than would otherwise be available since more people can access higher education now through online education. Everybody wins when the workforce is more skilled and better at their jobs. 6. Give 5 more present-day impacts on organizations. Of these 5 and the 1 you just discussed above, at least one impact should relate to business, one to government, and one to some other type of organization. For each of the 5, give at least one good reason. i. Businesses can encourage employees to return to school (some even offer tuition reimbursement) because online programs are convenient enough that even employed individuals can attend. ii. Government agencies can also encourage employees to return to school (some even offer tuition reimbursement) because online programs are convenient enough that even employed individuals can attend. iii. Schools that do not offer online programs are facing lower attendance because students are opting to attend online through other schools who offer online programs instead. iv. Secondary educational institutes are feeling pressured to implement some sort of online instruction as well. v. Since individuals are seeing how easy and convenient it is to complete school work from home, there is a desire to work from home too. 7. For each of the 6 impacts of questions 5 and 6, extend to past impacts and one possible future impact. Conciseness is acceptable...no need to write a book about this. from Q5: past: businesses had to vie for employees from the limited pool of local graduates future: there will be a much larger applicant pool of graduates or current students from 6i: past: going to school put a lot of strain on an employee adding to their commute time and work load IF they even lived near schools that offered evening/weekend classes, and their work might actually suffer for it future: employers can offer business specific training classes to employees from 6ii:

past: going to school put a lot of strain on an employee adding to their commute time and work load IF they even lived near schools that offered evening/weekend classes, and their work might actually suffer for it future: government agencies can offer position-specific training classes to employees from 6iii: past: the only competition was other local schools future: schools not offering online programs will close from 6iv: past: kids went to school physically only future: kids will be allowed to take a few courses online, asynchronously, shortening the length of their physical day at school from 6v: past: people went to work physically, there was no remote work. Slowly some areas began to allow remote work, even if only a day or two a week. future: more and more people will work remotely 8. For each of the 6 impacts, give a second alternative possible future impact on organizations. from Q5: as people begin working remotely, businesses will have an applicant pool of potentially any human being on earth from 6i: businesses will require pertinent courses from 6ii: government agencies will require pertinent courses from 6iii: schools not offering online programs will begin offering online programs from 6iv: kids will be able to attend school completely online from 6v: almost all employees will be able to work remotely with the exception of the impossible like construction or utility work 9. For the technological topic of your choice, give a present-day impact on society, and your opinion. More people have access to higher education which means those who may have otherwise been unable due to disability, time/family constraints, living in an area with no schools, etc can improve their quality of life. Getting a degree can get someone out of a minimum wage job that cannot support their family and/or help get a job they enjoy rather than one they are “stuck” in. The quality of life for society as a whole thus increases too. 10. Give 5 more present-day impacts on society. For each of the 5, give at least one good reason. i. More educated people means more innovations and advances in a wide range of fields, which benefits everyone. ii. More happy individuals means a more happy society on the whole. People will be happier when they increase their quality of life through a better paying job that they enjoy iii. Less people traveling to school means less carbon emissions which is better for the environment iv. Less classes conducted in a school building means less utility use which is better for the environment v. More disconnected people means more social isolation which is bad for society on the whole 11. For each of the 6 impacts of questions 9 and 10, extend to past impacts and one possible future impact on society. Conciseness is acceptable...no need to write a book about this. from Q9: past: less people has access to higher education and so there were some people who were stuck in menial, minimum wage jobs and had no way out. Lower quality of life for individuals means lower quality of life for the society as a whole future: when everyone has access to higher education, people can work any job they want, all of society will benefit from a high quality of life from 10i: past: less people overall were contributing to the advance of society future: everyone will have the potential to contribute to advances that benefit society from 10ii: past: people unhappy with their jobs and therefore have a low quality of life may resort to crime which hurt society future: with all people having access to education and thus the ability to increase their quality of life crime will decrease which benefits all of society from 10iii: past: more people drove to schools than attended online emitting more pollutants into the environment future: when everyone attends online, no one will drive to schools so no pollutants will be emitted into the environment as a cost of higher education from 10iv: past: lights and heat were run all day everyday in all buildings of every school consuming precious resources future: no utilities will be used if there are no physical lectures. Only individuals’ utilities will be used, which would be used anyway within their homes from 10v:

past: people attended class physically and mingled with classmates. Friendships were made and people learned social skills which benefits society future: people will have less and less contact with each other which will lead to a decrease in social skills and an increase in anxiety which is harmful to society as a whole. 12. For each of the 6 impacts, give a second alternative possible future impact on society. from Q9: when everyone has access to higher education, there will be no one to work minimum wage and unskilled jobs and people will be unemployed because of a lack of openings because there are so many skilled candidates from 10i: evil people always find a way to do harm, wider access to higher education may give the skills necessary to an evil person to cause destruction upon society from 10ii: the need for law enforcement will decrease as society becomes happier and commits less crime from 10iii: less traveling to school also means less physical movement and more sitting at home. This will lead to a more unhealthy populace and will result in a strain on society from 10iv: the school buildings will either be demolished and another facility built in its place that consume utilities or will be repurposed and the utilities use will resume. So there is no benefit in the long run to society in resource use reduction from 10v: people will have almost no contact with each other which will lead to a decrease in empathy and an increase in apathy which will lead to mistreatment and potentially even evil-doing which is harmful to society as a whole.

[10906900-blog]

The Importance of Financial Literacy

The world can be unpredictable for young people. When kids become adults, the whole world is opened up to them. They can go to school, travel, work, and have many opportunities. That’s what the United States was for, opportunity. But once they become young adults, there comes a lot of responsibility; such paying for rent, getting ready for a possible family, or even managing a business. Knowledge and the ability to apply that knowledge is a great way to get the best opportunities. One source of knowledge that everyone in the US will come across is financial knowledge, aka financial literacy. Finances have a huge impact in people’s lives and not enough young people are getting prepared for this. Robert Kiyosaki, who is a multi-millionaire, started being taught about finances when he was around 10 years old; as he describes in his book Rich Dad Poor Dad. Not every person has to start so young, but young people need to be prepared for the “adult life.” I know that when young people grow up they hear conflicting arguments about money; such as don’t seek after riches, rich people are selfish, or even sales people and businessmen are just wanting people’s money. And there are businessmen and women that abuse their power and money, I understand that. This won’t be a get rich quick suggestion to young adults. I want to satisfy both sides by looking into the importance of financial literacy and self-improvement. My goal is to show young adults the current status of the country with finances, the emotional and mental effect finances have on people, and how to become financially literate.

Auto loan debt, student loan debt, and credit card debt are things that young adults can avoid. According to one of the credit bureaus, Experian, most of a citizen’s debt is in home mortgages which is to be expected. In 2019 so far, we are 1.18 trillion dollars in car loan debt (Tatham 1). This year we have a record high of 1.41 trillion dollars in student loan debt (Tatham 3). And credit card debt is at 830 billion dollars (Tatham 2). Now these things may seem necessary when a young adult starts life on their own, but they’re not. I’m going to go over these three kinds of debt, how to avoid them, and how to use them wisely.

Auto loans are getting ridiculous and are not necessary. Experian shows that the average new car payment a month is around $500. That’s a lot of a person’s money being thrown away! If people could only understand what they could do with $500 a month, they wouldn’t be doing that. And that’s the average, that means there are people paying more than that a month on a new car they have. A new car loses a lot of their worth just by driving it off the lot. Buy a used car! My wife and I bought a used car on Facebook marketplace and the only thing we’ve had to pay for since then is fuel and had to replace breaks on the car. I have not problem if people buy a new car only if they can afford it, don’t start life with unnecessary debt.

Student loans have good intentions, but it’s not working in favor for most students. They were designed to help citizens become educated at an affordable price. Usually in school people ask, “What are you studying?” What people should be asking is, “What are you going to do with your degree?” While in school, students don’t even think about the loan until they’re out of school. Which can be dangerous because of interest on the balance. It’s fine with getting a degree for a career that needs one, as long as the person should be able to pay back the student loan(s). Experian shares that America has reached a record high of $1.41 trillion in student loan debt and the average American is in over $30,000 in debt. This debt is still rising. On top of that, these types of loans cannot be taken care of by declaring bankruptcy, the debt stays with that former student until the day they die. There are people in thousands of dollars in debt with a degree that can’t pay for it. There are other opportunities to learn besides going to an expensive college. If people have a degree that has a solid guarantee of a high income, then student loans won’t matter too much. Now again getting a degree is not the issue and learning is so important but being in thousands of dollars in debt is not an ingredient to a happy and successful life.  

Now there is a smart and not a smart way to use a credit card, so I want to go over the negatives and positives of using a credit card. Some young adults may fall into this trap of credit cards and they may not understand how to use them properly. Credit Cards are another huge way to get into unnecessary debt and it’s used by young adults that have a “I’ll pay for it later” attitude. It is the perfect case of disaster for a person who has bad spending habits. Dave Ramsey is a famous financial expert and doesn’t suggest having a credit card at all. He says on his website that “the folks at Carnegie Mellon, Stanford and MIT conducted a recent study where they found that using cash or plastic activate different regions of the brain. Researchers discovered two things: It hurts to pay with actual dollar bills and credit cards ‘effectively anesthetize’ the pain of paying.” Your brain doesn’t have the same effect on you if you use cash vs a credit card, which can lead to bad spending habits. Experian shows that America has $830 billion in credit card debt, making the average balance on a card for a individual is over $6,000.

Now let me go over some positives about having a credit card. Now these points are sourced by youtubers called Practical Psychology and Whiteboard finance. I also have personal experiences with the negatives and positives of credit cards because I work for a bank. One positive is protection. If people get fraudulent charges on your credit card, it’ll be easier to get the money back than opposed to a checking or savings account. Credit cards also provide protection for car rentals, usually through companies like Mastercard or Visa. Rewards are another positive to credit cards, whether it be cash back or travel rewards. Now assuming people budget and know how much money they can spend; rewards are great especially for things they were planning on doing anyway. Credit cards are also great for building up credit scores, if of course used properly. This can help in the future for getting a low interest rate for a future home loan. Now credit cards may have high interest rates; but if people use the cards properly and pay the balance each month, they can avoid interest charges entirely. Now that I’ve explained about the main sources of debt in the country, let’s get into the status of US citizens and their level of financial literacy.

There was a test done on college students to measure their financial literacy just this year. “Analysis of Financial literacy in a College Population” is a research paper made in 2019 by the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. For the research they take into mind what gender the person is, how motivated they are, what major they’re in, their age, and their financial background. The research and samples had 362 responses. They showed that business students, students who have taken financial literacy courses, and those with family members in a financial field had the mean highest scores. It’s interesting what this research shows, and I hope it motivates college students to take a course that would help with this. This research shows that the young adults who don’t take finance related courses or classes are not as financially literate as opposed to those that do. Now that we understand that being financially literate isn’t common, let’s go into how money effects people on an emotional and mental level.

     Money management can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for people, and that’s what I want to help avoid. Money can also shape our view of self-worth; how much money is in the bank, what kind of car people have, and other things can really mess up what people think about self-worth. Tammy Lally (money coach) describes in a TED talk something called “money shame.” She describes this as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed, and therefore unworthy of love and belonging, based on our bank account balances, our debts, our homes, our cars and our job titles." (Lally) Telling ourselves that we are dumb, lazy, or bad with money can come from what she calls “money shame.” Young adults shouldn’t let money control their lives and find what really matters and what they value in life. Especially since suicide rates for young adults (15-24) are climbing (AFSP), so we definitely don’t need money to cause these sorts of feelings. To me, I value my family. I want to make sure my family is taken care of so that they can accomplish the goals they want to achieve. That’s what really motivates me to be better and not let money control the way I look at things. Striving to be our best selves can help with meeting financial needs and wants.

     Striving to improve will not only help young adults be financially literate, but also stay focused as we achieve our financial goals. Self-improvement can be done in many ways, whether it’s physical, mental, or spiritual. Some sources point to how people can develop their mental capacity and control their emotions. For example, tragedy can cause depression and shame; and may leave men and women to despair and ruin. Some people have a way of surpassing this and makes “their strongest emotions into dreams of a constructive nature” (Hill). People like Beethoven, Helen Keller, Booker T. Washington, or Robert Burns had tragedies or disabilities in their lives, and yet they were able to overcome those obstacles; and later they were able to inspire others. Napolean Hill describes how we improve and catch great opportunities in his book Think and Grow Rich. In it he says “There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing, until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish. Open-mindedness is essential for belief. Closed minds do not inspire faith, courage, and belief.” (Hill) Understanding this will help people become successful and can easily be applied to becoming more financially literate. Becoming our best selves can help us stay dedicated to our goals and plans. And with self-improvement, others shouldn’t have to worry about the pride that comes with money and power. I mentioned in the beginning that this isn’t a get rich quick essay, so I would like to explain to young adults a plan that they can follow throughout their lives.

     Now there is a plan I would like to share that will highly benefit young people in America, it’s called the 7 baby steps. This plan is by Dave Ramsey and is meant for most Americans, especially ones in debt and need financial guidance. Many financial experts agree with this and these make sense and there’s nothing difficult to understand about them. Number 1 is to save $1,000 for an emergency fund. This is great because emergencies come up and some of Ramsey’s listeners may not even have that much money saved. Doing this first is important to accomplishing the rest of the steps. Number 2 is pay off all debt (except the house) using the debt snowball. This includes cars, credit cards, student loans, loans from family; pretty much all debt besides the house. The “debt snowball” is simply ordering debt from smallest to largest and taking them on one by one. Number 3 is to save 3-6 months of expenses in a fully funded emergency fund. This will help with the big unexpected things like loss of job. Number 4 is to invest 15% into a household income in retirement, like a Roth IRA or a 401K. Number 5 is to save for children’s college fund, which is easy now that by this step people have already paid off all debts. Number 6 is to pay off the home early and Number 7 is to build wealth and give. Being able to share the success people get would be really if they also don’t try to strive to be their best selves. Becoming financially successful is great but being able to give to others will show what people hold valuable.

My goal was to show young adults the current status of the country with finances, the emotional and mental effect finances have on people, and how to become financially literate. Becoming financially literate will help people be successful, and it’s important to remember the values and morals people have. Money is not bad, but loving money can lead to sad and lonely life. There’s a reason why I like the 7th baby step to the plan previously described which is to build wealth and give. When young adults grow older and become financially stable/successful, I want them to be able to give to others and not be “snobby rich people.” I want the young people of this nation to be prepared for their future, because their future determines the future of this nation.  

          Work Cited Page

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide Statistics.” AFSP, 16 Apr. 2019, https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/.

“Analysis of Financial Literacy in a College Population.” Journal of Higher Education Theory and Practice, vol. 19, no. 4, Feb. 2019, doi:10.33423/jhetp.v19i4.2197.

Hill, Napolean. Think and Grow Rich. 1937

Kiyosaki, Robert, and Sharon L. Lechter. Rich Dad, Poor Dad. TechPress, 1997

Lally, Tammy. “Let's Get Honest about Our Money Problems.” TED, June 2017, https://www.ted.com/talks/tammy_lally_let_s_get_honest_about_our_money_problems?language=en#t-709049

“Marko - WhiteBoard Finance.” YouTube, YouTube, Oct. 2017, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL_v4tC26PvOFytV1_eEVSg.

“Practical Psychology.” YouTube, YouTube, 12 Feb. 2016, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCir93b_ftqInEaDpsWYbo_g/featured.

Ramsey, Dave. “Dave Ramsey's 7 Baby Steps.” Daveramsey.com, Ramsey Resolutions, 2019, https://www.daveramsey.com/dave-ramsey-7-baby-steps#baby_step_2.

Tatham (1), Matt. “Auto Loan Debt Sets Record Highs.” Experian, 18 July 2019, https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/research/auto-loan-debt-study/.

Tatham (2), Matt. “Consumer Credit Card Report.” Experian, 6 Nov. 2019, https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/state-of-credit-cards/.

Tatham (3), Matt. “Student Loan Debt Climbs to $1.4 Trillion in 2019.” Experian, 6 Sept. 2019, https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/state-of-student-loan-debt/.

[2tsrwzsba-blog]

Can I afford a new car with minimum wage?

Can I afford a new car with minimum wage?

I am looking to buy a 2011 Mitsubishi Lancer DE with a manual transmission which retails for about $15K. I live with my parents and would love a new car ( especially the Lancer since ive been a fanatic of the Evolution for as long as I can remember , but need a better commuter ) and I am about to go to my first year in College. If I cannot completely afford the car, than my parents offered they can support me as I purchase the car but I would like to see how well I would be able to pay it off on my own with a Job paying about $8 per hour. Thank you for any help!

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSUREQUOTE.US

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