#because my visa requires that the country deem my presence PROFITABLE!!!
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#yammers#yeah sorry time for a tag post bc I gotta put this somewhere but. quietly#I get so few days where I don't wonder what the fuck I'm even doing here#and that wondering gets ramped up by the fact that there just. isn't anywhere else for me to be#bc I'm always gonna be far away from someone now#my home country is a dangerous shithole where I'm uninsured and jobless#(where I could raise my hire-ability by.... shelling out money I don't have to move away from family and friends#to get closer to where the action is. except it Barely is bc animation is in a freefall)#in my new country I can barely communicate with anyone and my job prospects are so up in the air#that I have to waste my day doing the most demoralizing ugly work I've ever done for a job I don't want#because my visa requires that the country deem my presence PROFITABLE!!!#and I'm burned out to hell and back from running paperwork last year to move here#and it never stopped. it never ever ever stops. I am never ever EVER doing enough#practice french. more. more. MORE. learn this program. learn that program. test for this. apply to that. never hear back. get rejected.#go do paperwork again. figure out your taxes#WRONG. do it again. go get groceries. do the dishes again. put the laundry away again.#there's no space for your stuff. you barely have any stuff because you had to get rid of it all.#do something you don't want to do. again. again. smile! have fun! be charming! connect! network! stay longer!#I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear for a month or two#let me summer hibernate#it's so fucking hot here anyway I'd prefer a cave#negative /)/-)&$
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