#because maybe she didn't want someone to slap a label that would define me for the rest of my life
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i can't start my morning with yet another cheeky cry come on now
#life#me @ my brain: be so for real right now#i just have so many thoughts and they all cross each other and make this intricate web of misery#and i feel so... ass#i'm tired of being mentally ill i'm tired of being a fucking weirdo#i'm tired of feeling like i don't belong or don't fit in#i'm tired of watching people have a good time from the sidelines like some creep#i keep circling back to the thought#that maybe if i was diagnosed earlier in my life.. i would've been better#that i would've had tools to deal with everything that i would've known it's not some personal moral failing#i wouldn't have blamed myself for everything all the time#i wouldn't have tortured myself wondering what was i doing wrong why people didn’t like me#and even with that my mind's all “well maybe your mother was protecting you!”#because maybe she didn't want someone to slap a label that would define me for the rest of my life#that would be the first thing people would know before they even had the chance to know me#and i feel so damn conflicted#but it hurts it hurts not every day but on days like this#it hurts somewhere deep in my heart and i can't shake it#i just have to wait it out fam#therapy is literally in a week i'm uh 🤠🔫
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