#because it wasn't really a lifeline but he wasn't willing to give up Everything From Before yet

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

(via @tortoisesshells)

i had nothing to do with your father’s death. but that does not absolve me of my other sins.

[sinfulsalutations]

𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕕 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 ⋆*･ﾟ𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙

➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ʀ��ᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴠɪʀɢɪɴ (ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ᴜɴꜱᴘᴇᴄɪꜰɪᴇᴅ), ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴏʀᴀʟ (ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ) ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴇɴᴇᴛʀᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ ꜱᴇx+ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ɪᴛ, ᴘʀᴀɪꜱᴇ ᴋɪɴᴋ, ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴠɪʀɢɪɴɪᴛʏ ᴋɪɴᴋ ɪɴ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇꜱ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ꜱQᴜɪɴᴛ.

⋆ ★ ᴏᴋ, ʟɪꜰᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴋɪᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀꜱꜱ ʟᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴏ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʙᴀʀᴇʟʏ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏ ʙᴀᴅ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰᴇᴇᴅꜱ ʏᴀʟʟ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ɪ'ᴍ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ꜰᴜʟʟʏ, ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ :)

➼ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

⋆ ★ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ⋆*･ﾟ ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴍ

Hunter

He can feel how nervous you get with physical affection.

How you squeak when he kisses you and pull back ever so slightly before you finally relax into it.

How your body twitches when you’re in contact with each other, whether holding hands, linking arms, or cuddling up on a couch.

The longer you don’t say anything about it, the more he’ll worry.

Is there something wrong with him? Is he rushing into things? Is he making you uncomfortable?

He asks you about it eventually to try and soothe his worries.

And you finally tell him that he’s not doing anything wrong, not at all.

You just haven’t been in many relationships before and you're insecure and unsure how to do all this.

Additionally, you're a full-on virgin; barely had any sexual experiences with another person.

Hunter isn't that upset, only that you didn't tell him sooner because he'd have hoped you'd feel safe with him enough to tell him that.

But you assure him it wasn't about him and more yourself.

That eases him a lot more.

You start to feel more comfortable in his grasp; you initiate touch more, verbally expressing your need for that contact or just asking him to kiss you or hold you more.

Eventually, things escalate. 

Makeout sessions happen more frequently, and you explore different types of sexual experiences besides actual penetration.

By the time you two finally end up fucking, it's less rushed and languid than everything else.

He's just so honored to be your first, and he really wants to make it suitable for you.

He does; nothing to worry about, Hunter. He makes it perfect for you.

Tech

There is a high possibility that Tech is a virgin himself.

He might've had a chance to but honestly not only has he never found someone he's genuinely wanted to have sex with until you, but he also just didn't see ample space for it in his life.

So that will leave both of you reasonably inexperienced as a couple when it comes to relationships.

But it really doesn't matter; you both go into it hand in hand, willing to explore all the facets of it together.

And because this is Tech, he does lots of research.

Like, lots.

From achieving maximum pleasure to how to set up an amorous ambiance when it finally comes to it, he is going to make sure he is taking you to bed with enough knowledge to make this the best experience possible.

It's extremely considerate.

He'll spend hours at a time just going down on you or you going down on him, just exploring what you each like and figuring out the little quirks and mechanics of sex.

And well, even if it's supposed to be a way of research and experimenting, god does it end up being just tedious edging.

You end up just begging him to let you finish, clutching onto him like a lifeline as he works at your sex with wonder.

"Just give me another few minutes, dear. I want to see how you'll like this. Or perhaps... that."

You whine, slump backward, and just let him do it anyway.

Because of all this time spent exploring each other's bodies with such care and gentle thoroughness, your first time together ends up being fantastic, not just because of all the research he’s done but because of how sweet he is the entire time, constantly checking in on you and holding you so sweetly and tenderly.

Even if it doesn't last very long and you both finish early, you both feel so satisfied and like everything had led up to this.

And you both know it'll just better and better every time.

Wrecker

To be completely honest, Wrecker has had a few fantasies about being someone's first time/taking someone's virginity.

On paper, it sounds nice, but when it actually comes to play in his real life with you, he panics just a little.

He’s always been extremely hyperaware of his demeanor with you; he knows how brutish and rough he seems on the exterior and he never wants to be too aggressive with you to the point you don’t feel comfortable with him.

We all know he's a big softie, but that's beside the point.

Sometimes he's unaware of his own strength. And to accidentally underestimate that power in the bedroom and accidentally hurt you, especially since you've never been in intimate situations before... he does not want to risk that.

So once he finds out, he's positively gentle with you.

But in general, he just likes being soft with you as well.

It’s not as big of a problem as he thinks it is. Never was, honestly.

Something he doesn’t even notice is how happy you are around him.

Cause he really does show you how great relationships can be.

From the actual physical affection to just the emotional vulnerability and happiness. It’s amazing.

All this pushed aside, it does take the two of you a while to actually have sex.

He ends up pleasuring you a lot first and going down on you frequently, showing you that foreplay is important. Plus, he just genuinely likes it. 

He's vocal about how much he does actually want to do it, but that he feels it's going to take some time for him to be comfortable with it as well as have you be completely prepped and prepared for it.

It takes him a while to allow you to go down on him, just regarding his size and that you really haven’t done that kind of stuff before.

But once you do, oh he becomes so hooked on how you look under him. It’s still not something he absolutely needs from you, he won’t want you to do it all the time or prioritize it (he still enjoys giving more), but my does he like the view.

By the time your first time together comes around he rocks your world effortlessly. Even if you feel shy or nervous or don’t necessarily know what to do, he guides you through it with a soft, affirming voice and calloused hands running up and down your skin.

He's probably going to finish pretty early too, sorry. He just can't get over how fucking tight you are, it takes everything in him not to immediately blow his load (though he does end up doing it pretty early anyway, heh).

And after that first time, you’ll never want to go back.

Crosshair

Out of the batch, and don't take this as an offense, but he's probably not the best choice out of them for who to have your first time with.

It's well established that Crosshair is rough, standoffish, and cold; in relationships and in general.

He's working on it, he really is, especially for your sake and because he wants to be open and in touch with his feelings more, but it's going to take a while.

Until then, it's a lot of trial and error.

He goes much slower when he is in more intimate situations with you. Not necessarily gentler, but certainly slower and more purposeful with every move he makes.

Asking every now and then about how you feel and if this is okay and should he continue throughout.

Even just with more regular relationship things you don't have a lot of knowledge of, he's going to make sure you are fully comfortable before actually initiating it.

And, wait a minute, do I hear Crosshair praising you?

Who even knew this fucker had a praise kink?!

Yeah, it comes out suddenly one night when you go down on him for the first time.

He's instructing you gently and telling you what feels good and what doesn't and how to move... and suddenly he's spewing out the sweetest words between the filthiest groans.

The same goes for the actual sex. He's telling you how good you are for him, how good you feel, and how he's so privileged to take you apart and ruin you like this.

Echo

This poor baby gets extremely anxious.

He becomes hyperaware of any and every little action he does; he wants you to feel comfortable, safe, and overall happy around him at all times.

And you do, of course, you do; he's never made you feel more loved and appreciated.

Especially when it comes to intimacy.

At first, he goes so slow and soft that it's almost edging; at some point, you're just positively aching for him or any kind of release.

You tell him exactly that, and he begins to stammer. But you giggle and calm him down, cupping his face and telling him that you want this, you want him.

Then he delivers.

It takes a lot of verbal confirmation, but once he feels that you do fully give him your consent, he'll jump in headfirst.

He quickly realizes how aching he was for you too; he becomes almost feral the first time he slides into you fully.

You love it though.

Because underneath that primal desperation, he's still the massive sweetheart you know, telling you how amazing you feel and how good you're taking him, thanking you over and over endlessly for trusting him with something as special to you as your virginity.

tags: @starstofillmydream @pb-jellybeans

[atinystraynstay]

I Could Be Your Lifeline - Kang Taehyun

Synopsis: You and Taehyun have been childhood best friends. You grew up in the same town, went to the same college, and now worked in the same city. You two are each other's lifeline as you explore the world of being a young adult. He would do anything for you.

Pairing: non-idol! Kang Taehyun x fem reader

Genre: Angst, bad date, fluff, best friends to lovers

Word Count: 2.7k

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I sighed as I glanced between the red dress and the black dress that was in my closet. They both were gorgeous, but which one screamed 'first date'? At least you don't have to make a decision on your own.

"Taehyun, if you were going on a first date, what color would you hope the girl wears?" You asked

Taehyun was laying on your bed, his head resting on the mountain of pillows you had at the top. His arms were crossed over his chest. He watched as you held up the two dresses, your eyes somewhat glancing towards the red dress but you were trying your best not to make it obvious. It took everything in him not to smirk, not wanting to make it known he had caught you. You were too adorable.

"I think the red one would be nice? You know, a pop of color to catch someone's attention."

You grinned with satisfaction. His heart skipped a beat at the sight. God, he loved making you happy. You hung up the black dress in your closet before heading towards your bathroom to get ready.

Once the coast was clear, Taehyun pressed his head to your pillow and let out a low groan. It was torture witnessing you get ready for someone else. He wanted to be the guy that was going to take you out, show you out to the world. He wanted to be the one you got excited about seeing, telling anyone that was willing to listen. Yet, he find himself always freezing up when it was time to confess to you.

As he heard the door open, he sat up quickly. His eyes nearly popped out of their head as you revealed yourself. You got to be kidding me.

You were wearing a maroon, square neck dress. It was a long sleeve dress that had elastic cuffs around the wrists, amplifying the fairy-like look. It was a fit and flare dress that just looked like it was made for you. Selfishly, he might have also picked out the dress because it was his favorite color on you. You just radiated when you work red.

"So, what do you think? You sure this isn't too much for a first date?" "Y/n, I mean this, you look phenomenal."

You grinned with satisfaction as you did a small twirl in the dress, letting him have a full view. If only you weren't getting ready for someone else, if only you were getting ready for him. He wanted so desperately to walk up and kiss you, to feel your lips against his. But that wasn't something that best friends did.

You turned towards the mirror in your bedroom. It was a sun mirror you bought from Urban Outfitters. It was very fitting, as Taehyun always compared you to the sun.

"I think I'm going to leave my hair natural today. I've really been loving my curls.'

God damn. You were going to be the death of him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before your date showed up, you urged Taehyun to leave. Mainly because this was your first date with this guy, and you didn't want to give the wrong impression.

While Taehyun should be happy for you, he couldn't help but feel the sting in his heart. You had only really gotten serious abut dating in the past couple of weeks. He thought he had more time to devise a plan in how to make you his. Your friends saw it as the perfect opportunity to set up your dating profile.

Not surprisingly, you were getting messages within five minutes of your account being open. Of course everyone wanted to be with you. You were one of a kind. Taehyun just wished he was first in line.

He had found himself back in the dorms an hour after you give him the boot to the door. He took the long way home, wanting to take the train back to the dorms so he could be alone with his thoughts.

Would you even be interested in dating him? You two were best friends. While there have been numerous storylines where best friends are perfect lovers, he knew the reality that it can be hard. He cannot afford to lose you in his life. It was dangerous territory to venture into. Even him confessing his feelings was a risk.

Maybe he should talk to Soobin or Yeonjun about how he was feeling? He felt like the whole scenario was a cruel form of torture. While he loved seeing you be happy, he felt sick to his stomach knowing it wasn't him at the end of the day you were seeing so intimately. Maybe his two older friends could provide insight?

He was about to get a glass of water to clear his mind when his phone began to ring. That's freaky. I was just about to call Soobin. Did he read my mind? Taehyun peered over but froze the moment he saw your name flash on the screen. Something didn't feel right about you calling him this time.

However, he didn't hesitate. Not now. Getting water was soon forgotten as he reached over for his phone. His thumb hit the green answer button before he held up the phone to his ear.

"Taehyun?" You sounded distressed

At the sound of your voice, he was on high alert. You didn't speak in your normal energetic tone. You sounded upset. What happened? Were you ok? He needed immediate answers, but he knew allowing himself to get worked up wouldn't help the two of you at the moment.

"Angel, what's going on?" "I need you to pick me up.'

He frowned upon hearing you but was immediately on his feet. He wasn't sure what had happened, but there was no time to ask questions. Not when you need him immediately. "I'm already on my way," he promised. He grabbed his car keys and wallet before rushing to slip on his shoes. Taehyun just had to get to you.

"Are you in a safe location right now? I have your location, but I want to make sure you're okay until I get there." "Yeah, I'll be okay. Can you please hurry?" Taehyun didn't have to be told twice. With his shoes and jacket on, he rushed out to the car. He put you on speaker so he could get into the car quickly, but also could listen and speak to you if needed. He didn't even notice that it was raining. Taehyun literally sprinted out of the dorm to get to his car. He didn't even notice that it was raining. Taehyun literally sprinted out of the dorm to get to his car.

"Y/n, sweetheart, do you want me to stay on the line with you while I drive?" "Taehyun, no! It's raining. I don't want you to risk getting into a car accident. Just get here safely, please."

You were always looking out for other people before you looked after yourself. He's never met someone has kind and compassionate as you.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

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It felt like only a minute passed by between when you called Taehyun and hung up the phone. You waited under the awning outside of the restaurant after hiding out in the bathroom. At least until you were certain your date left.

Four wheels pulled up which caused you to look up. You could recognize that car anywhere. Taehyun. The car was still running, able to see the emissions from the exhaust pipe wrap around the car signaling Taehyun had the heat running. A door opened and closed followed by quick footsteps.

Taehyun emerged from the other side of the car, a look of shock and concern on his face. He was holding a rain jacket in his hands. It was your pink rain coat, the one you left in his backseat the last time you two got caught in the rain. "You told me you were in a safe location, y/n. It's raining out. You could get sick," he frowned.

You matched his frown, sighing. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't stand being inside any longer," you confessed. Taehyun didn't want to come across as if he was scolding you. He was just concerned. All he did was kiss your forehead lingering before assisting you in putting your jacket on. "Come on, sweet girl," he spoke gently. He moved his hands to make sure the hood of the jacket covered your head. You worked on zipping it up. Once satisfied that you would be dry, he smiled. "Let's get you out of here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taehyun and you had a habit of going on drives when you were upset. You often blasted music from a playlist you two made. You would scream lyrics, laugh, and just forget about your problems. Tonight, you two rode in silence.

He went to every length to make sure you were comfortable. It was an awkward silence. It offered you to fill the space with whatever you needed. If you needed to play music, he was ready to sing along with you. If you needed to vent, he was ready to listen. He would drive for however long you needed him to. With the heat on, you were able to relax comfortably into the leather seat behind you. However, if you got too hot, he would cut it off.

You were his whole world.

When you told him that you didn't even get to the dinner on the date, he immediately took you to the nearest convenience store. The two of you ran inside, laughing and dodging the raindrops as they continued to fall. Taehyun loved hearing your laughter. You still had not unveiled what exactly happened, but he was just content seeing you happy again.

You picked out all of your favorite snacks - a lemon lime soda, a bag of honey butter chips, and these blue gummy sharks. He also got a salmon kimbap he knew you loved.

Instead of sitting in the convenience store to eat, Taehyun had another idea. He paid for your food, even though you fought him on it. It was a losing battle on your part anyways. Taehyun had you two return to his car where he drove you towards the top level of a parking garage in the city, where you could park and enjoy your food. He also knew that you loved looking at the skyline

"Thank you for driving out to come pick me up, Taehyun," you spoke up.

Looking over at you, Taehyun smiled gently. "It really isn't a big deal, y/n. I would do anything you asked."

"I bet you're wondering what happened," you murmured.

Of course he was curious. You've had a handful of bad dates, but none that resulted in you calling him to rescue you from the date. However, he didn't want to just ask outright out of respect for you.

"Taehyun, he was awful! First of all, he showed up to the date late. I understand because the weather isn't the best," you began retelling. "But then he had the nerve to tell me how I should have dressed, how I should have done my hair."

He could feel his anger bubbling inside of him. He's never met the guy you were supposed to go out with tonight but he prays he never comes across him. Taehyun couldn't understand how someone could be that brainless. I mean, you were the most incredible person. You have a heart of gold, and are effortlessly beautiful inside and out. You are perfection.

"I just got so frustrated and upset that I wasted my time getting ready for someone like him that I just got up and left," you explained. "I'm so sorry, angel," he sighed. "I just don't get what is wrong with me?"

His eyes widened. He turned in his seat so he was resting the side of his body against the driver's seat. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually think something was wrong with you? No, he needed to fix that.

"There is nothing wrong with you."

The tone of his voice took you by surprise. He was stern. His gaze locked on you which made you instantly regret asking that question. You stared at him with wide eyes. Seeing your shock, he relaxed a bit but still knew he had to help you see just how amazing you are.

"Baby girl, I mean that. I am not speaking to you as just your best friend. You are the most remarkable woman I know. Not only are you kind, generous, intellectual, and witty, but you are so gorgeous. You carry yourself with grace and elegance. You are stunning from head to toe. Any guy would be lucky to be yours. The guy who were out with tonight is going to realize tomorrow how much he lost out on."

Your heart swelled hearing Taehyun. You never knew him, or anyone for that matter, viewed in such a positive light. You figured you were average compared to other girls.

"I mean, I regret not telling you sooner how I feel," Taehyun admitted.

In that moment, both of your eyes widened as you stared at each other. You were trying to make sure you heard Taehyun correctly. On the other side, Taehyun was freaking out over what he just said.

"What?" You both said in unison. "Taehyun, tell me what?"

There was no turning back. Taehyun's feelings towards you have been growing every day. It pained him when you went out with other people, but it also brought him great joy to have you in his life. He never wanted to do anything to upset the balance, but he was about to take a leap. The way you were looking at him made him want to scream out his feelings.

"Y/n, I've had feelings for you since we met. I've wanted to be the man in your life. However, I thought we were just best friends and I didn't want to mess things up because I didn't want you to see me as just some creep, you know? I wanted to show you that I could really be the man you deserve in your life, but that led to me never confessing," you admitted.

It was as if everything you've wanted to hear finally came to light. You have gone back and forth with the idea of you and Taehyun getting together. However, you were his best friend. You never wanted to cross a line you couldn't backtrack. He was too important in your life.

Not realizing what took over you, you very carefully crossed over the middle console into his lap. He laughed and was taken back by your actions. His hands immediately fell on your waist to help you over, wanting to make sure you didn't hurt yourself in the process. "What are you doing?" "Something that I should've done a long time ago," you confessed.

Once you were settled in his lap, you placed on hand on his shoulder. The other hand cupped his cheek, gazing into his eyes. You were looking for any sign at all, whether it be verbal or his body language to stop. He stared at you with anticipation. A gentle smile was curled on his lips. You watched as his eyes glanced from yours to your lips before looking back into your eyes.

There is the green light.

You leaned in to fully press your lips against yours. He squeezed your hips at the feeling and pulled you in closer. You giggled against his lips as reality set in. You were kissing your best friend. His lips were soft yet he overtook the kiss, showing that he wanted this as equally as you did.

The sound of your lips smacking against one another and the sound of rain still falling made the perfect ambiance. You melted underneath Taehyun's touch. He always had the power to make you feel soft and warm without even trying. Now with getting to be such emotionally vulnerable with him, really letting him in, that feeling was amplified.

Yeah, you definitely were not going back to how things used to be now.

[septembersghost]

This is something I wondered for awhile. Do you think taylor would have taken harry back pre-joe if he fought hard enough? In all of 1989 he is the one who makes the move but she takes him back almost immediately no matter how many times she says no. This is present in HYGTG("I dont want you to go) and IWYW(that entire song). She also implies he knows how to get under her skin("you always knew how to push my buttons") and it is later proved in style when she chooses him over her rational self(" I should just tell you to leave cuz I know exactly where it leads but I watch us go round and round each time"). In question Taylor asks whether he wishes he put up more of a fight(a similar sentiment "if you wanted me you really should have showed" is in 'the 1' but that still feels like a speculation). In HS1 he explicitly says he wants her to apologise and therefore he wasn't making any moves this time( I also saw someone saying him constantly apologising probably made him powerless). I know he wrote songs but that isn't as same as fighting for them. We also know she was putting up with CH and really wanted to leave him. Plus considering how he was still threatened by H I think even some part of him probably suspected it. So do you think they had any shot pre joe if h fought?

this is really impossible to gauge without feeling like projection because we don't know what taylor's life would've looked like had joe not been there, and personally i think he really was meant to be there for her at that precise moment in time, when everything was falling apart, when she was in a such a fragile and dark place. some people don't like to hear this, but she clearly believes he saved her life. she's expressed that in lyrics repeatedly at this point - it doesn't diminish her strength or what she did for herself to recover and forge a path ahead, but the fact that she didn't have to do that alone, or bear everything alone, is monumental, and her life has completely changed, shifted, and blossomed around that. none of that would've been possible with harry, and it has nothing to do with who harry is as a person, and everything to do with both of their careers and their high pressure positions. he couldn't have grounded her and given her the sense of stability and normalcy that joe did. it puts us into a bit of an AU what-if, because there was overlap with ch, and because we'd have to presume things like snakegate didn't happen (which! i wish it hadn't for every possible reason). if he'd been willing to fight at a time when she was desperately trying to find her way OUT from how bad things got with ch, she might've been tempted to grab hold of him as a lifeline (which would've been understandable), but i worry it still would've been a getaway car situation where they both got extremely hurt because she was not in a good place, and harry at that point wouldn't have been equipped to give her the support she needed. and you're right that writing songs isn't the same as fighting for someone or reaching out, it's an artistic catharsis, but not a direct one - which is why he called it unspoken dialogue, because it was expressed, but not between them, rather through their music. i'm not sure i'd necessarily call the songs or the apologies powerless, but there is a causal distance. i do think they had a real connection and love for one another, and some unique understandings of each other because of their fame at young ages, their fast rises, and their connection to their music/songwriting too, there's a certain symmetry between them. actually this makes me think of something that was in daisy jones: "it's easy to confuse a soulmate with a mirror." they shared such potent mirrors with one another. in a different world, maybe that could've become a twin flame, but that's not how it was supposed to play out for them. i truly don't know if there was a chance for them in there at any point, if anything in their lives could've been less hectic. if they had reunited, the crash down might've been worse the next time - and having already experienced the paradise, the colors, and the pain of the burning flames, it probably would've made them cautious to reignite it, so they healed and moved forward. the one thing i do hope is that they have some measure of a friendship (and from their very warm interactions, i don't think it's far-fetched to believe they do), and i'd rather them find their way to that than have been caught in an acrimonious split. taylor found the person whose hand she was meant to hold (and i hope someday harry does too!).

[saintobio]

SY YN is gonna be my favorite yn of all fics I’ve read. Her character is complex. She’s very human and very relatable. She’s weak and strong at the same time. She’s proof that a kind and generous person is also capable in doing foolish mistakes yet brave enough to own them. There are only two things I see she made a mistake is first, she didn’t divorce Gojo immediately after finding out Sera and continuosly hoping for Gojo to love her at the end and second, her hiding Sachiro and faking the abortion. That’s it. Can’t understand the hate to yn and would like her to end with Toji cause that’s what she deserves. I am really disappointed with Utahime. But knowing yn, she’s definitely hurt because she feels like, Utahime chose Gojo over her, their friendship isn’t that much value for Utahime to disrespect and betray her like that no matter what Gojo and yn’s status is. Of course Gojo has a fair share of it too. He’s always the same, he always do what what he think isn’t right but still do it anyway. Always delaying in communicating things. I need to calm my nerves. Geez

Anonymous said

the previous ask about yn calling gojo her husband yn baby i really love u pls pls pls just get over gojo properly saint can u write me in as yn's bff I CAN FIX HER i can be her bestest friend in the whole word her therapist her maid her girlfriend her platonic soulmate whatever it is she NEEDS a proper support system that can steer her on a better path and not be associated with gojo, aside from her own family and toji. im taking back what i said about gojohime happening being painful, what's more painful is yn being this way. i hate how almost no one sees how she's literally coping terribly with everything and i also hate how she's refusing to get help from someone she knows or a therapist... it seems like she's giving up on life and sachiro is literally her only lifeline. i hate seeing her as a mess rn and for the future chapters of sy... saint i'll beg on my knees for yn's happiness and sanity 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 plsplsplspls my god this fic is always making me cry because i feel so sad for yn and in a way, im always in her position to feel that no one is on my side, everyone is against me and just kept on bottling my feelings till it explode later on :"))))) i wasn't fond of reading jjk self-insert fics but i came across sn and fell in love with yn's character. from the start of sn till now, im always on her side (though i do criticise her for some of actions because im aware that she do make mistakes) and yn is literally one of my four comfort characters in life aaaah she's the only reason why im willing to put myself in misery (from the fic) again and again im so sad

Anonymous said

I will always be on yn’s side, like wtf no one but her and sachi should have a happy ending, like I really hope Gojo’s relationship with uta crumbles, he needs to grow and learn on his own and not get his dick wet with every woman that gives him attention 🙄

Anonymous said

Saint, im gonna be completely honest. I dont think I can read chapter 8 🥲 and why do I imagine yn getting a literal broken heart medical diagnosis after all this ends. I dont think I can hold on to gojoyn endgame SY7 is so painful I have puffy eyes for the past couple of hours now. i dont think I can go on anymore (tho of this is a lie bc I have you on my notifications and I just wanna hurt someone) I just want yn to have eternal rest and see her mom. I have mixed emotions bc omg idk, i just dont know. Your heavy angst is godtier writing that I literally have no idea what to feel but cryh the fuck out of my tear glands. I just hope we can all get through this (especially yn, poor girl)

Anonymous said

i knew people were going to question why yn broke down after finding out about satoru and utahime. okay… as someone who experienced having a close friend and an ex suddenly getting together… it’s different if it’s someone you know and trust. i know she told satoru to move on, but of course, she never told him to move on WITH MY BEST FRIEND. i also read someone say before that toji and satoru aren’t even friends but utahime and yn are… and not only friends but BEST FRIENDS. so before anyone compares it, IT’S DIFFERENT. give yn a break… y’all have been invalidating her feelings ever since sn. 💀

Anonymous said

I don't think yn feeling betrayed when utahime and satoru got together is invalid at all, I mean if my best friend got together with my ex husband who is also my baby daddy, I too would feel betrayed. Especially with all this drama is going on, the least she could have done is wait for satoru and yn to sort out their feelings and then try her turn with satoru.

Anonymous said

This chapter hurt so bad. Y/n definitely has every reason to be sad or hurt. There’s a difference between dating ur exes rival than sleeping with your exes best friend in my opinion. Utahime’s loyalty lies with Yn. In which she just broke by sleeping w her ex husband knowing all the damage he caused her (vise versa). Toji doesn’t owe gojo any loyalty so in my lil head it’s different . IM SO MAD FOR YN SHE HANDLED THAT BETTER THAN ME LMAOAOOAOAOAOA I would’ve been throwing hands cuz wtf.

Good chapter as always saint 🥲 you always know how to pull at my heart strings .

Anonymous said

ofc yn doesn’t own utahime or gojo and they can do whatever they want, but friendship requires loyalty too and imo, that means not hooking up with an ex on an ongoing basis and hiding it. i don’t think it’s fair to expect yn to keep being friends with utahime after that, especially considering yn said she wanted to get rid of anything that reminded her of gojo and move on. yn in the story is definitely a better person than i am lmao if i was in that situation i doubt i would care about him breaking utahimes heart.

also, just something i was wondering!! utahime mentions she’s falling in love with gojo — how long have they known each other at this point, and are her feelings more infatuation/wanting to fix him than actual love? sorry if you already answered this somewhere and i missed it.

yn is very emotionally flawed, we can’t deny that. she also makes questionable decisions, but her character is just innately unselfish that you feel bad for her sometimes 🥲 at least that’s how i feel when i have to write her pov i’m always like “damn, it’s ok girl you got this”. anyways, still so glad to see yn defenders in the ask box!! :)))

*edited bc i forgot to answer the last question. for a couple of months now, like 4-5? it’s not actual love. just infatuation and “i can’t stop thinking abt you” type of admiration

[starks-hero]

I Remember All of Them

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky has a nightmare and it leads to a late night conversation.

Word Count: 2,029

Warnings: angst, mentions of canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol

You'd woken up to an empty bed. You had turned on your side and lazily run your hand along the mattress, hoping to find a broad chest or metal arm but instead being greeted with an empty space beside you.

Your feet met the cool floorboards as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed and stood. You couldn't help but worry as you pulled on one of Bucky's shirts and left the room. You tried rationalising your thoughts despite your tired mind. Maybe he just couldn't sleep and went out on a run, he could have been in the bathroom, there were multiple harmless and simple possibilities. But the fear that it might just be something else, something bad, was enough to stir you from bed and go looking for him.

Your footsteps echoed in the hallway as you made your way to the kitchen and you sighed when you found Bucky sitting on a stool at the counter. Your relief melted away as you took in his appearance. He was hunched over the counter, arms crossed and hair dishevelled with what you recognised as a glass of scotch sitting idle in front of him. A weight set in your chest.

"Bucky," you said timidly and he jumped at your voice. He turned to you with a fearful expression, the metal of his arm whirling and clanking in defence as if he were ready for a fight. But when he realised it was you his tough, soldier facade fell away and he exhaled slowly. He didn't say anything, slumping further down in his chair as you joined him in the darkened room, not bothering to turn on the light.

You gingerly placed your hand against his shoulder and he almost unnoticeably flinched away. Your heart sank.

"Nightmare?" You asked and he nodded silently, hardened glare boring into the marble of the counter. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Didn't want to scare you," he grumbled.

He didn't say anything else as you took a seat next to him, your hand slipping from his shoulder and resting against his bicep.

"You think when I wake up in the middle of the night and you're not there it's any less scary?"

Bucky sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. He glanced at you with tired eyes.

"I'm sorry."

He hadn't meant to worry you. When he'd woken up in a cold sweat with a scream dying in his throat and turned to find you sleeping peacefully beside him he felt panic swell in his chest. The nightmare wasn't any different than the rest of them. It felt just as real as the others. But it's what had happened in the dream, what he'd done, that filled him with the overwhelming urge to get away from you. His subconscious couldn't help but torture him further by replacing the image of his victim with you. And replacing their screams with your voice, begging him to stop.

"It's okay, baby." Your voice pulled him back and grounded him. "Why don't you tell me what happened," you coaxed gently and he immediately shook his head.

"Don't want to."

"Bucky-"

"I can't," he said quickly, his voice sharp. He swallowed and shook his head and you noticed the tears building in his eyes. Gently, you slowly ran your hand up his arm and brushed it through his hair. He exhaled frailly.

"Why not?"

It was quiet for a moment as Bucky wrung his hands. His gaze lingered on the intricate workings of the vibranuim for a few seconds more before he closed the prosthetic hand into a loose fist.

"I don't want to lose you," he admitted quietly. His voice was barely above a whisper and he refused to look at you as you listened attentively, comfortingly rubbing his back. He felt his chest grow tighter as everything else fell past his parted lips all at once. "You're all I have. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time and I can't risk losing you. I can't."

Your expression saddened as Bucky hid his face in his hands. You carefully wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into your side and he went willingly, flesh arm wrapping around your neck. You shushed him gently and his aching muscles relaxed against you. Horrifying images from his nightmare flashed to the forefront of his mind but he did his best to dismiss them as he clutched onto you tighter.

"You won't lose me, Bucky. I'm not going anywhere." You pulled back slightly and cupped his face with your free hand, your thumb tracing his cheek. "Your past doesn't scare me. I promised you that I'd stick by you no matter what happens and I meant it. You don't have to hide from me, Buck."

Your hand fell from his cheek and gently rested against his forearm and he did his best to focus on your touch. He took a deep breath as he sat up and cleared his throat.

"When I have them they feel so real it's like I'm reliving it. They're not just nightmares, they're memories. And I remember all of it." He said quietly, eyes not leaving the counter. He felt his stomach tie itself in a knot and an uncomfortable weight setting in on his chest. Yet he willed himself to keep going.

"Tonight it was a mission in Germany, sometime during the eighties. A hydra intel agent had gone rough and they sent me to take care of him. Hydra couldn't afford to have any loose ends so it was my job to tie them all up. I eliminated the target like I was supposed to but-"

He hesitated and inhaled sharply. He was fidgeting anxiously, his fingers tapping relentlessly against the counter. His hand was itching to reach out and take the glass of liquor still sat in front of him. If anything just to feel something other than the pain in his chest. But he with-held the urge. He knew it wouldn't help, but telling you would.

"A young couple saw. Jesus, they were just kids." His voice broke. "But I had my orders. No witnesses. So, I killed them."

Tears pricked his eyes and he found it difficult to hold them at bay. A lump was forming in his throat and he felt moments away from breaking.

"I killed them."

He gritted his teeth as he grappled with himself and the tears began to fall. The nightmare had been among the worst he'd had in months. He'd learned to find a certain peace in some, knowing those he killed were bad, corrupt people who had hurt others. But this time that wasn't the case. They were innocent and young and had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They could have had a life together. Bucky couldn't help but think how if it had not been for him then they could have been married with children, grandchildren by now. But they weren't. Their lives had been cut short by him.

You stood and pulled him into a gentle embrace as a quiet sob left his lips. Your hand ran through his hair as he rested his head against your stomach. Still seated, his arms encircled your waist.

You let him cry as he held onto you like a lifeline. Only when the tears had stopped and his voice had been reduced to a hoarse whimper did his grip ease ever so slightly. You pulled away and sat back down facing him. His expression was blank as he glanced at his hands, pale cheeks still stained by tears and his eyes red and puffy.

You reached up and gingerly brushed away the tears still clung to his cheek with the pad of your thumb.

"Bucky," you tried timidly but he didn't look at you. "Baby, listen to me."

He sighed and brokenly lifted his head. The vulnerability in his eyes made your heart ache. You kept your tone soft and reassuring.

"What happened wasn't your fault. You didn't have a choice. You're just as much of a victim as they were. Hydra killed those people. Hydra created him, the winter soldier. And he's not you, Bucky. He never was."

With a tired shake of his head, Bucky huffed.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you." You answered simply and Bucky's expression softened. "I know the real you. I know you don't like it when people call you James because it makes you feel old. I know that you love reading books and drinking green tea. And I know that even though you say you're not a people person you're really good with kids."

Bucky's brows creased and his lip trembled slightly as he looked to you and hung on to each and every one of your words. You smiled, tenderly tracing his jaw with your hand and he sighed, leaning into your touch.

"You're not a killer, Bucky. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. And don't compare yourself to the people who forced you to do it."

Your words hit home and Bucky found himself standing from his seat and pulling you to his chest before his mind could completely catch up with him. He held you tightly, composure threatening to slip away again but this time for a completely different reason. You softly uttered words of comfort as he pressed you to his chest.

"I love you," you said quietly after a moment and you heard, or rather you felt, Bucky chuckle quietly.

"Sometimes I can't help but wonder why."

His hands didn't leave the small of your back as you pulled away just enough to look up at him. Your reassuring smile sent a wave of warmth through him.

"Because you're a better man than you give yourself credit for. And because you're kind-hearted, strong, sweet, brave. I could go on forever. You're a hero, Bucky, and a good man. Whether your mind lets you believe it yet or not."

Sighing with a teary smile, Bucky pulled you closer and pressed a kiss to your temple. You felt the tension slowly melt from his shoulders and tensed muscles. As if a weight had been lifted from his burdened mind.

I love you too." He mumbled against your forehead and you hummed quietly, nuzzling into him. You stood together in shared silence for a few minutes, or maybe more, neither of you were counting. The chill gradually making its way up your spine and nipping at your exposed skin, along with the growing urge to yawn was the only thing that caused you to pull away and break the serenity of the moment. It was still pretty early and a few more hour in bed sounded ideal. You both needed it.

As you pulled away from the warmth of Bucky's embrace your eyes landed on the counter and you heard Bucky quietly sigh beside you.

"I didn't drink any," he explained, motioning to the untouched glass of scotch sitting on the counter top.

You smiled sadly and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He was always so hard on himself. Sometimes he seemed to forget he was only human.

"Don't worry about it, it's okay." You said comfortingly and he let his head fall gently against your shoulder. "Let's get back to bed, hm? We don't have to sleep if you don't want to. You can just rest and we can talk a little more?"

Bucky smiled against you. "I'd like that." A gentle kiss was placed to your shoulder. "Sounds perfect."

You gently caught Bucky's hand as you both left the kitchen and trudged back towards your shared room. The covers and sheets had grown cold as you crawled back into bed but Bucky didn't mind. He didn't mind at all. Certainly not as you lay beside him, his head coming to rest against your shoulder as your hand worked its way through his dishevelled hair. The nightmares were nothing but a thing of the past as he closed his eyes and sighed. He was home, safe and not alone.

tag list: @miraclesoflove​ @bakerstreethound​ @nahthanks​ @doozywoozy​ @the-queer-dungeoneer​ @kealohilani-tepsie

[mythiccheroacademia]

A/N: Thank you hottie❤️ Tumblr was fucking with the format, so I had to repost.  Anyways, I looovveee this request. I’ve been waiting to be in the right mood to write this. Like, jealous muscular himbos completely head over heels for their s/o? Sign me up.

Sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy this, sugar plum

All characters are 18+

Warnings: smut below the line!

Katsuki Bakugo:

SFW

bakugo doesnt get jealous

he usually felt secure in your relationship

yeah he got annoyed when kaminari would jokingly flirt with you

and yes, it made him angry when the dekusquad would literally stare at you with puppy dog eyes

and it pissed him off when kirishima suddenly became the funniest guy in the room when you were around

but he wasn’t jealous

how could he be? he’s bakugo katsuki

you agreed to go out with him. the strongest. the best. you couldn't get any better than him

right?

lmao no

the bigger the ego, the more fragile it was

bakugo doesnt handle jealousy well

there’s a small part of him that knows he can be an asshole

he’s not the most...affectionate person

but damn it, if he doesnt try his hardest for you

you notice that he gets quieter but his actions become a lot more aggressive

he’s glaring at anyone that smiles at you

it’s honestly scarier than his threats

forces you to hold hands

is suddenly into PDA??? when he kissed you in front of your friends you literally made a face

you didn't know what was up with him, but you were really confused when you told him to chill and he visibility wilted

once he came around to telling you that he wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to leave him, you were quick to reassure him

give him a couple kisses and rub his ego just a tad, and he’ll be back to normal

acts like he didn't just look like he was about to cry two seconds ago

NSFW

there are two things that happen when bakugo gets jealous

at first, he’s very rough and handsy

he likes to talk big and say things like

“imma fuck you up when we get home”

“you like when daddy does that, sweetheart?”

“kiss it right there, baby”

“youre mine. tell me your mine”

he’s doing everything he can to get you screaming and thrashing

he’ll go down on you for hours, leave you trembling, only to tell you that was a warm-up

there’s this dark look in his eyes when he’s pounding into you, gripping the headboard so he can angle himself in the best position possible

it’s like he’s trying to prove himself by wrecking you

in the midst of your fucking, just when you feel like youre about to pass out, bakugo’s head falls on your shoulder

he’s still thrusting into you, but it gets slower and deeper

needier

now it’s not just fucking

looks into your eyes with the most adoring gaze and kisses the breath of out you

he can’t speak, too deep into your lovemaking to express how much he loves you

how he’s so scared of losing you

but you don’t need his words to understand

lock your legs around his hips and tell him how you’ll always be his and he will let out a moan that makes your toes curl

when you reach your high, it’s a vulnerable moment

lots of soft kisses and hugging

wont admit to the tears that sting his eyes but is willing to express his adornment for you through his embrace and aftercare

Todoroki Shouto:

SFW

todoroki doesnt have a lot of experience with jealousy

he knows what anger is

he’s felt insecurity

and he knows what it feels like to long for something or someone

but envy was a foreign concept to him

that was until he got into his first romantic relationship with you

don't get him wrong, he trusted you with everything

you gave him no reason to question your loyalty

and it never occurred to him that you would leave him for someone else because of how strong your love was for one another

however, his insecurities always got the best of him

he had a lot of baggage

he knew that

and when someone would approach you, someone that looked free-spirited and independent, he’d wonder if he was holding you back

even then, he can’t help but think that no one is worth the ground you walked on

not even himself sometimes

he never brings it up

but you notice that he started touching his scar a lot more

todoroki would try to act more extroverted thinking it would be better if he was livelier

youre deep talks about family matter diminished little by little

he tried to fill your comfortable silence with awkward conversation

you were so confused why your bf was acting so different

it took a couple attempts to get him to spill his thoughts

once he did, he’s stark quiet, looking away, fearing that you’d be so disappointed in him

but you just take his face in your hands and tell him

“you’re my whole world shouto. why would i ever give that up?”

he holds you in his arms for a long time after that

NSFW

behind his jealousy of onlooking eyes is a deep steed of low self-esteem

and you can feel it when you get intimate

he’s always looking to please you, but now he’s desperate, trying so hard to think of what will make you feel good

it makes you sad bc he already knows the answer to those questions

but he overthinks it

he’s noticeably shier

his touches are hesitant as he second-guesses himself

is continuously asking if you’re okay or if he’s doing it right

at one point, you have to take charge and push him down on the bed

“let me show you how much i want you. just you”

licks his lips as you kiss down his body

one of those guys that believes sucking his dick is a chore 💀

“you don't have to do that” face ass

so when you suck the soul out of him, he’s SPRUNG

would write a song about it if he could LMAO

quickly says he loves you before kissing you like the world depends on it as you ride him

twirl your hips in the way he likes and he’ll hiss out curses

run your hands through his hair and kiss his scar and he’ll give you such pretty moans

please tell him how beautiful he is and how much you love him

my mans will nut on the spot

after the first round, he regains his confidence and flips you on your hands and knees

before you even know what’s going on, he’s pounding into you, gripping your hips like a lifeline

now that he’s reminded that he’s your man, he spends the night realigning your spine

bc who could do it better?

Togata Mirio:

SFW

mirio is one of the most confident people ever

not only is he secure in himself, but he’s secure in your relationship

he knows he bagged a baddie

ofc people would be all over you

he couldn't blame them! i mean, look at you!

when people approached you, he usually let you handle it

if they were persistent, he would just put an arm around your waist

“you’ve got good taste, but they’re taken! sorry!”

it’s so wholesome that the other person can’t even find it within themselves to be upset

there was only one time he recalled getting genuinely jealous

it was during the time you two weren't exclusively dating

just going on dates to see how things went

at the same time, he overheard from your friend that your ex was trying to get back with you

when he heard that, he started sweating

it wasn't jealousy, but more like fear

he was determined not to lose you

not when things were going so well

mirio literally goes above and beyond on your dates

mans deadass learns how to cook all your favorite foods to bring to you

youre crying bc the seasoning was just *chef’s kiss*

brings you flowers at random times of the day

sends you pictures of things that remind him of you

you’re just soaking up all the attention

he’s always been an extra person so you didn't think much of it

it wasn't until you two were cuddling and watching a movie in his apartment that he confesses to you

“i know that i’m competing against history between you and your ex, but i want you to know that my feelings for you are strong, y/n. and i’ll do everything to prove to you that i can be the man of your dreams”

you stare at him before bringing him in for a kiss

“there’s a reason my ex is my ex”

“but--”

“just ask me to be yours already, mirio”

he didnt have to be told twice

NSFW

it was actually that same night that cuddling turned into something a little nastier

honestly, from then on, if you cuddled for more than 20min, there was a 99% chance yall end up fucking lmao

but that night, when he was kissing your neck and grinding his dick against you, he noticed your phone light up on the nightstand

you were too caught up in his fingers between your legs but he saw the text from your ex

it read: “i know this might be out of the blue, but would you wanna catch up over dinner sometime?”

now, mirio wasn't one to be spiteful

but he couldn't help but get a little heated

knowing your ex was trying to get back with you was way different than seeing it

a tiny switch goes off in his head and now he’s ready to make it known that you and him are together

you’re in heaven as mirio’s lips suck and nip at your neck and body

his head game is immaculate

turns you on your stomach so he can massage your back and ass before sliding into you

mirio holds your neck and gives you sloppy kisses as his hips swim into you

your phone lights up again and you can barely think straight when he gets rougher

starts pounding into you like he’s tryna put a baby in you whether it’s possible or not 💀

youre grabbing for anything you can hold as he starts whispering sweet nothings about how he’s gonna take care of you

whew...what a man yall 🥴

the entire time he’s wearing a shit-eating grin

bc he knows he won

might have accidentally sent your ex a voice recording of you moaning his name

oops

[denays-xo]

Trying To Get Back Together | Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Pairing: Tsukishima x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1.04k

Warnings: swearing, angst, toxic behavior, toxic relationship, slight spoiler, verbal argument, no happy ending, ooc tsukishima

Author's note: This is the last update for Tsukishima's story in TTGBT (series? ;3). I plan on posting other stuff too like head canons, one-shots and maybe SMAUs. So stay tuned! I'd like to mention @chelly-ilysmiwdfy! Thank you for liking my previous update. Keep being your cool self!

I'd really appreciate it if you like and reblog. Please do not repost without proper credits 'cause I worked really hard on this :(. Thank you and enjoy!

Summary: Y/N has been living peacefully (or at least tried to) after graduating college and having the opportunity to work their dream job. Strongly getting by everyday and extremely determined to overcome the obstacles that will come their way. When they least expected it, a tragedy came, they were invited to their highschool reunion and there they reconciled with Tsukishima Kei, their highschool ex-boyfriend.

TTGBT: Tsukishima Kei

Part 1: The Meeting

Part 2: The Backstory

Part 3: The Ending

"What did you do with the apartment?" He asked as he continued to stare at the view in front of you two. Your hands still grabbing on to the railing like it's your lifeline.

"I sold it. A friend lives there now." You left the apartment the night you broke up. But the last message he sent you was him insisting that you keep it.

"I see. I guess you wouldn't want to stay there."

"Yeah." Tsukishima's heart shatters upon hearing your answer. 

"We could get another one." He smiled awkwardly. 

"Huh?"

You felt his hand grab yours and place it on his chest. Your mind went blank and all you could feel was the fast beating of his heart. 

"Be mine again, Y/N. Please."

It is as if someone has poured a bucket of ice cold water over your head. You stood there, frozen and staring, just trying to process what he said. 

"I—what? What is this?" Your mind was blank and you were only able to let out a few words. 

"I want you to be mine again." 

"I—no." The fear on his face was too much. "I—should—I'll get going, Tsukishima-kun." 

"No. No, Y/N, please hear me out." He held both your hands this time, no plans on letting you go. The both of you stood there for a couple of seconds just staring at each other, trying to find the right words to say. You were at least slightly prepared to see him at this party, but you weren't prepared for this. 

"Tsukishima-kun, I don't think this is a good idea. Please let go of me." 

"Y/N, be mine again." His loud sobs filled the balcony. You look around and surprised that no one has attempted to go outside yet. "Please, Y/N. I'm still so fucking in love with you, I just can't let you go." 

He looked desperate, completely different from the Tsukishima that was cool-headed and sarcastic before. 

"I—I don't want to anymore. Please let go of me." Your eyes started to tear up and you couldn't figure out why your chest was tightening so much. 

"I promise to… to give you everything you want. I'll make you happier this time around. I promise I won't lash out on you anymore. I—please just be with me." He looked at you with expectant eyes.

"It wasn't because you're mad, Tsukishima-kun. It was because," you hiccup unconsciously because somehow you were crying too. "because you kept running away. I don't think you still get me after all these years." 

The tears continually streaming down his face, what a tragic sight. Your heart ached for the man you once loved.

"We still have a chance right?" His voice was shaky, almost a mumble, he was struggling and you could tell. 

"We already had our chance and we blew it. You know we blew it. Let's just go on with our lives, please." 

He went down on his knees and held my hand even tighter. 

"No, no, I'm not ready to let go of you yet. I don't want to lose you. I want you back, come back to me, please. Sleep next to me again, I miss your warmth whenever you hug me. I miss your cooking. I miss how you play with my hair. I miss our bickering. Everything, I miss you so damn much. I think you're the only girl I'll be able to love. I-I know I was stupid, but I can change right? Y-you'll come back if I change right?" 

"Please stand up, Kei. Don't kneel, please." You looked up to the sky partly avoiding the sight that's in front of you right now and partly trying to calm yourself. "Why are you doing this? You were the rational one, right? You were the one who's good at handling hard situations. Why have you become like this?" When you finally look down, you see him crying on his forearms still holding onto your hand.  

"I just—I desperately want you back and… and I promise not to hurt you anymore."

"I promised myself I won't hurt like that anymore too. I'm finally starting to value myself and I refuse to be treated that way again." You took a deep breath and proceeded to let your heart out. "What you did really hurt me, Kei."

He lifted his tear-stained face, once again he was listening to you intently. 

"I was alone at the most important and vulnerable times of our relationship. I know, you were the same. I knew and I understood that. You're going through the same pain as me. You were alone too. But I tried, Kei. I tried to fight for it, didn't I? I sought for you, I reached out. But I don't think you were willing to fight for us too. How could I fight for something as important as our relationship alone? How could I continue to fight when you weren't even willing to fight with me." 

The both of you quietly stared at each other for god knows how long. You knew he understood. You removed your hands from his grip and wiped the tears on his face. You lowered yourself leveling with him and kissed him on the forehead. 

"The next person you love," both of your tears fell in sync "love them with all your heart. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable when you're with them. I know you like to act cool thinking that people will like that more. But nothing makes a person fall harder in love when you are honest and open about your feelings towards them. Love again, Kei. And—and love them better." 

Tsukishima looked up to you with all the hope gone in his eyes. He knew there was no getting back now. He knew he hurt you so much but you were still kind to him. He knew his heart would never fully heal. He knew he would regret losing you for the rest of his life. He knew you will never be his again. He knew but he never spoke. Then, you did.

"Let's not meet each other again."

You stood straight and headed towards the door immediately. You didn't think you could take it if anything more happened. The last thing you heard was his scream as he cried loudly again. 

You left anyway. 

TTGBT: Tsukishima Kei

Part 1: The Meeting

Part 2: The Backstory

Part 3: The Ending

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

����: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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supernatural season 16 episode 4 - “lifeline” |  ao3 link

it's roughly 11 PM on january 23rd when dean gets a call from eileen. he'd been out of the bunker with jack and cas for nearly three days; they'd taken jack to an amusement park. something about never seeing one before which reminded dean the last time he'd ever been to one, he was three years old and didn't remember a thing. which was fine, except that jack had wanted to go to six flags. he'd said something about finding old commercials with a dancing old man and the closest one was in kentucky. naturally, this wasn't an issue with dean. he'd driven farther for less, but on the way back he'd begun to realize that as he got older, the drives took more out of him. 

they'd gotten back earlier that afternoon and had spent most of the day lounging around until the exhaustion got the better of them at around nine. well, except jack. who could have just driven back to kentucky if he wanted to. cas made sure he didn't want to. so, it's saturday night, cas is breathing deeply beside him, completely asleep, jack is probably watching TV in the dean-cave, and dean has been drifting in and out of sleep for the past 20 minutes when his phone buzzes to the tune of the Call Me Maybe song. it's the tone he'd set up for eileen because, well, she never calls. so, when she does call, it's usually an emergency flare that's followed up with an explanatory text.

dean's eyes shoot awake and he watches the call miss as he waits a second for eileen's message to come in. 

dean, sam broke the tub. he can't get the hot water to stop running. SOS. please, my hair is disgustingly humid. his too. 

and dean laughs. it was an emergency, but the kind that didn't have him spiraling into a depression. that was... almost nice, he thinks. they have normal people problems now. he leans over to where cas is asleep beside him and cas' trained as well as dean is. he stirs awake with the movement and opens his eyes in a half-awake gesture.

“sam’s in trouble,” dean says with a smile. cas’ eyes shoot open, but dean’s demeanour doesn’t change, instead he follows up with, “he.. broke his bathtub somehow.”

cas squints. dean laughs some more and gets himself out of bed. he’s gotta find the little duffel bag that they’d dedicated to tools that didn’t include weapons of mass destruction. it shouldn’t be too hard to find. the last time they’d used it was when sam actually broke a door off its hinges. 

“i’m going back to sleep,” cas says, turning over as dean redresses. and dean laughs again. cas was grumpy when he was exhausted. it was endearing. 

it doesn’t take him too long to get ready to leave the bunker. he finds the duffel bag underneath the bathroom sink and before he knows it, he’s pulling out of the bunker’s vicinity in the impala and headed toward sam and eileen’s place. the issue with them is they live roughly 45 minutes away. he texts eileen back, letting her know he’s on his way. 

and dean thinks, as he drives over. that it’s his birthday tomorrow. well- he checks his phone, it’s basically his birthday. sunday january 24th, 2021. he didn’t think he’d live this long. he was the answer to the universe now, technically. 42. he looks down at his hands on the wheel. they’re worn. they’re the hands of a tired man who fought multiple apocalypses, multiple archangels, god himself. and won.

he takes a deep breath and thinks about sam. he loves his little brother more than he can ever explain. it’s unhealthy, probably, how much he’d done to save sam from everything. death, despair, sam himself that time he lost his soul. dean was there and willing to bleed for whatever sam needed. and he knew sam would always do the same. it was comforting. and even moreso now that they’d decided to take some time to really asses what was best for either of them. sam let himself want his apple pie life again. and it was the happiest day of dean’s life to see his little brother decorating the house he’d leased with eileen.

dean doesn’t hunt fulltime anymore. he’ll do an odd ghost job here and there, but mostly he mans the phones. he’s now FBI Supervisor Agent Harkness, police chief Richard Grayson, at cas’ request Texas Ranger Dean Swift, and at jack’s request Marlo Bridgers.it’s a living, he thinks. he still helps out other hunters and he passes off the bigger jobs to the younger people that’ve unfortunately ended up in the hunting life. 

mostly, though, he and cas have been making up for lost time. they go out on dates. dates, like embarrassing 15 year olds. he’s taken cas to the movies, they’ve gone for walks at the mall. dean held cas’ hand under a tree and it was the most incredible thing in the world. 

it’s embarrassing, it’s enough to make himself blush at the memory of it, but it’s also nice in that same breath. it brings him a sense of peace like he’s never fully properly known. because it’s about trust. and not trust in cas, not trust in himself, hell, the trust has nothing to do with either of them. it has to do with the fact that dean has finally let himself trust that things are going to be okay. that no matter what happens, he’s going to be okay.

and that’s what he thinks about when he’s sitting across from cas at the baskin robbins. that they’re safe. that things are okay. because they are, dean’s earned that much through his own tears and blood.

the sound of wind hitting the impala as he drives down the highway closer to sam and eileen is the melody to the memories of his life as it has been since they got rid of chuck and jack put god’s power back into the universe.

he pulls into the driveway of sam’s cookie cutter house. he’s in the middle of the driveway but dean doesn’t care and he knows neither sam nor eileen would care either. besides, the impala outshines the two normal cars they drive. he grabs the duffel bag and heads for the door, waiting for a second before the door clicks and he sees eileen in a crack in the door. he smiles at her.

“dean!” she says, visibly excited. dean keeps his smile on his face and waves, unsure why she’d be so excited that he’s here at practically midnight to fix her bathtub. she reaches out to grab his wrist and pull him into the house. she leads him through dark down the little hall that dean knows leads into the bathroom. dean notices there is no humidity in the house.

“eileen? is everything-” dean starts to ask when the lights flick on, blinding dean for a second before it clicks that it’s a party. it’s a party at midnight for him. 

he sees jody, donna, alex, claire and kaia. sam and bobby among several other hunters dean had come to know. it’s a full house, yet dean notices the lack of jack and cas. there’s a stack of presents in a corner behind the kitchen, a cake with a single candle on the table. claire is approaching him with a party hat in her hands and an evil look on her face. dean glances over at eileen, who’s beaming at him. she knows what she did. led zeppelin comes through a little speaker in the corner, not too loud, but loud enough that its ambiance music now. 

dean lets himself get wrapped in a hug from claire and then lets her put the hat on him before sam approaches him.

“this your idea?” dean asks. sam grins, but shakes his head.

“no, actually. i wanted to do it tomorrow morning. show up at the bunker with everyone, but, i know someone with worse intentions than me who said that tricking you into coming here at the moment of your birthday would be something you couldn’t see coming,” sam opens his arms and dean lets himself fall in. he hugs his little brother back and the emotions from earlier come back. he and sam were alive. dean’s greatest achievement in life was keeping sam alive and now here he was, reaping the benefits.

he goes through similar motions with everyone. jody gives him a hug and then leans up to kiss him on the temple. donna squeezes him so hard he swears his insides are flattened. 

after a few moments of getting caught up with everyone, sam sits him down at the table where the cake is. dean rubs his hands, ready to light the candle in it when sam makes this “uh-uh” sound. dean looks up at him in confusion when eileen brings over a pie with those large novelty number candles set into it. 42 sure was a year. 

dean sits there in the obligatory hot seat as everyone gathers around and sings him happy birthday. it’s awkward, it makes him blush and tears well up in his eyes, although nobody can really see it through the dimmed lights. and he looks around and his smile saddens a bit. he should have told cas to come with him. did sam not think to text jack?

he goes through the motions and cuts the first slice of the pie for himself and passes off the pastry to sam and eileen who take care of passing out the rest of it and the cake that’d been there. dean looks around, hoping cas and jack had been right behind him as sam brings him over a whiskey. it goes down ridiculously smooth. sam mentions he ran one last credit card scam for $3,000 whiskey for this. dean laughs and asks for another.

the night winds down fairly quickly, given it’s nearly three in the morning by the time everyone’s settled down into a less partying mood. dean ends up sitting outside with sam in some lawn chairs from walmart in sam’s cookie cutter back yard. eileen’s gone to bed and most everyone has gone home by then.

“you ever think we’d live this long?” sam asks.

“nope,” dean says without hesitation, “sammy, you died when you were twenty two. i died at twenty seven? twenty eight? god, i don’t even remember.”

“and those were just the first times,” sam says with an incredulous laugh.

“shit,” dean laughs with him, “yeah.”

“and we got out,” sam says. there’s a satisfaction in his voice that makes every single time dean died or did anything stupid for sam worth it. it’s a tone that dean knows means sam is happy. and that’s it, that was dean’s goal.

“we did,” dean agrees, taking another sip of the whiskey, “we beat hell, we beat heaven, we beat purgatory, we beat god.”

“kicked god’s ass,” sam affirms, “we get to choose what we want to do now. we write our own destiny now.”

dean reaches over and outstretches his glass. sam meets him halfway and they toast to that. dean watches sam pull his phone out and send off a quick text message. probably eileen telling him to go to bed.

they sit in silence for a while. and sam’s phone vibrates. dean watches him check it and not respond. trouble in paradise? he doubts it, but he doesn’t really know every single thing about sam anymore.

“i know you’re gonna tell me to shut up, but i do have to say, dean. thank you,” sam looks over at him.

“for?” dean asks.

“for everything, man,” sam has this look on his face like he’s going to cry, “you raised me. you were always there for me. im thirty eight, nearly sixteen years overdue if you hadn’t sold your soul to save me. i’m who i am because of you, and i like to think i’m in pretty good shape. and you, dean. i’m so proud of you. you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. and i love you, and i’m happy that it was you that i got to have be my big brother.”

dean actually cries, but he turns around so that sam can’t see it. he composes himself in a second and turns back. he doesn’t have it in him to fight sam on the emotional distress this is causing him. instead he says, “thanks, sam. i’m glad i got to be your big brother, too.”

sam’s phone buzzes again. he checks it again and this time does respond. he sighs and looks over at dean again, “i gotta go. eileen says the bed is too cold.”

dean huffs a laugh and nods, “go fix that.”

sam nods and gets up. dean hears the door that leads back into the house slide open and then slide shut. and dean is left with himself at the end of it all. he sighs. he’s happy, he thinks.

and then he hears an unmistakable flutter. 

“dean!” he hears jack yell. it’s louder given it’s three in the morning and most people in this neighbourhood are asleep.

“i’m so sorry,” jack says, rushing up to dean’s side, “we were planning to be there for the cake but it wasn’t ready and we kept trying to fix things-”

“fix what?” dean asks, curiously. he’s not mad.

“the-” jack stops short, looking behind dean. and dean realizes the missing piece of his birthday puzzle has to be behind him.

and he is. the angel castiel is standing behind dean on the cement part of the patio a few feet back, wearing one of dean’s old band tshirts under his trench coat. and there’s a book in his hands. 

“happy birthday, dean,” cas says, a little smile on his face.

dean gets up. his foot nearly kicks the whiskey glass he set down with the speed he gets up at. and he doesn’t waste any time in grabbing the sides of cas’ face and pressing the most heartfelt, loving, tender kiss dean has ever given anyone in his life. there’s a warmth that always seems to be radiating from cas and dean wants to stick to it like a leech.

when he pulls back, cas keeps the little smile on his face and hands dean the book. it’s a photo album, he realizes, once he takes it and opens it. there’s- there’s baby pictures of him there. things that were surely lost in the fire in lawrence. as he flips through the album, he finds pictures of him and sam growing up. things nobody had ever photographed before, he’s pretty sure. at one point he finds a picture of him at age twelve, lying on roof of the impala.

“cas,” dean asks, in completely disbelief, “where did you get these?”

“i did!” jack says coming from behind dean in an awkward hug from behind, “i can still tap into the power of god if i want to. it wasn’t hard to pop into different points of your life and just take a picture.”

dean turns back and pulls jack forward to pull him into a better hug as he laughs. that’s somehow the craziest thing he’s ever heard. 

“happy birthday, dad,” jack says. and he tenses against dean.

“did you just call me dad?” dean asks.

“no,” jack lies. 

“right,” dean says, a grin on his face that he looks up and notices that cas shares.

“well, it’s kinda creepy that you existed for a second at different points in my life, but i love it, jack. a walk down memory lane, shit and all. i love it, thank you, son” and he leans down to press a kiss against the top of jack’s head.

“this what kept you?” dean asks cas as jack lets go and says he’s heading inside.

cas nods and he says with a little shrug, “it seemed like a kind gesture. i sort of gave him points to land on. that way he didn’t land in the middle of a hunt or something. i’m sorry, dean.”

dean shakes his head and goes to set the book down on the chair he’d been sitting in and he walks back over to cas. where cas is standing, there’s a cement step between the cement patio area and the grass that dean and sam had been sitting in. it makes it so cas is a few inches taller than dean. 

dean finds himself turning around so that cas can come around him, head coming to rest on dean’s shoulder and his arms coming around dean’s middle.

“thought you were supposed to be sleeping,” dean says with a mocking tone.

“and miss your forty-second birthday?” cas asks, turning to press a kiss to the side of dean’s face. they look up at the sky and dean wonders how exactly he got there. there’s a feeling in his chest that he doesn’t understand, but he knows what it is. it’s peace, it’s happiness. 

“i have a speech prepared for you,” cas says softly. his hands tap at dean’s stomach and dean brings up his own hands to cover them.

“right, right. something about how my eyes glitter like the moon?” dean asks, his tone is still jokey.

“something like that,” cas says, “and moreso how you’ve been the world’s lifeline and how i’m so happy you’re finally thinking of yourself.”

dean’s heart sinks a little as cas continues.

“you know sam loves you, you know your friends love you. you know that i love you with the wrath of heaven behind me. and somehow that doesn’t compare to the happiness i feel now that i know that you finally love you.”

dean’s face goes completely red. the warmth is different from the warmth of the next kiss that cas places against his cheek again. 

“thank you,” he chokes out, voice breaking because he’s started crying again, “i... i don’t have heaven. but i love you with the power of a guy who fought god.”

cas laughs, “and won,” he adds.

dean’s blush comes down a little and he leans back just a little, so he can turn and meet cas full on in another kiss before turning back to look out at the normal neighbourhood sam’s found himself in. 

“do you think we could do something like this? cookie cutter house. you me and the kid?” dean asks.

“if you think you’re prepared to let the bunker go, i don’t see why not,” cas responds. 

the thought of turning the bunker’s lights out for good makes dean feel a certain kind of way. still, though. now it’s a thought that’s popped into his head. who knows. 

for now, he’s content to stand there with his angel, looking out at the other backyards, at the stars while their respective kids sleep in the house. 

[brandstifter-sys]

Okay

Word Count: 979

Characters: Roman and Remus

Do NOT tag as ship. Strictly platonic brother stuff.

Rating: T

Warnings: Mild angst, Sex mention (because Remus talks), Crying, Self-Doubt, Violence Mention (again, Remus talks), Swearing

Based off this prompt by @the-duke-of-deodorant

--------

Everything was okay. Logan approved the script for the next short video and he didn't mark the entire thing with grammatical edits—only half this time, which was an improvement! Virgil didn't have to much to say about his spontaneous ideas, mainly because he had so few. Patton didn't have any bold plans he needed help with, but he might not have wanted his help. Roman had time to get to work on the next video, the next script. 

That's why he was in a seedy tavern in the imagination with a blank notebook and a ton of crumpled pages littering the table in the corner. He could think of something! He could! He wasn't burnt out or washed up! He was the last nub of wax on the candle! He was still afloat in a tidepool! 

So what if he had nothing to offer! His purpose was to create something from nothing! So what if he was shattered and broken on the inside? It was just a part of being the ego and he could improve himself! He just didn't know how yet, but he was going to fake it until he made it! 

"Funny seeing you on this side of the kingdom!" Remus of all people jeered, pulling his gaze from the blank notebook. The duke was leaning on the chair across from him with his cape fluttering to the side like a deceptively regal night terror. 

"I'm allowed to be here!" Roman huffed indignantly and closed his notebook. 

"I never said you weren't, Ro-hoe! It's been ages since you visited!" Remus jeered and shimmied, "Out of juice on your half? Because the drinks here are a little grown up for Disney Jr!" 

Roman rolled his eyes and scoffed bitterly. 

"I can leave at any time." 

"But you haven't left yet!" he cackled, "I don't mind a little company you know! It's not like I'm completely useless and lonely or anything!" 

"You're not completely useless. You just haven't been useful to Thomas." Roman instantly regretted his wording and pulled his notebook to his chest. 

"You're absolutely right!" Remus said with a determined glint in his eyes and a nearly manic grin, "I'm his creativity! I should be creating! Scoot over!" Roman didn't get a chance to argue. Remus leapt over the table like a total showoff and plopped down in the seat next to him. 

Of course, he had to change the setting. Taverns were noisy and his castle parlor was much better for a discussion. Roman was impressed with the decor—green and black tapestries lined the walls with different pelts to keep the place warm. There wasn't a speck of dust on the full shelves of books and bones, and the couch was really comfy and the coffee table was clear. 

"So, I have some ideas for short videos based off some old vines I worked on. You remember the one with the pumpkins?" Remus said with the brightest smile. Roman envied his energy and set his notebook on the table.

"Do you have anything new?" 

"Ooh! You bet! We bring in Sleep again and create a new character—Depression. Thomathy is in bed trying to get up but Depression is hovering over him and keeping him pinned down. And he's fighting it until Sleep kicks down the door with tea and decides it's time for a slumber party with the baes! Without any fun party dares like stripping or bombing a warehouse. And Thomas gets frustrated and tells them both he can't stay and Sleep is not having it! Give him a little bit of a dom streak that makes Depression nut in his pants and then naptime!" 

"That—" Roman said, watching his eager brother vibrating with anticipation, "That could work fairly well. Perhaps in the fall." 

"Really!? You like it!?" Remus squealed. Roman smiled weakly and nodded. Remus screeched and pulled his brother into a hug.

"I can't believe that the favorite likes one of my ideas! You have no idea how much it means to hear that from the guy who has it all!" Roman's eyes brimmed with tears. He didn't have it all. He was close to the edge with nothing to give. How could Remus say such a thing? 

"Remus—"

"It's a lot, the pressure. It's a lot to be stifled too," Remus hummed knowingly. They were twins and Remus knew better than anyone when his brother was not doing well. He knew he said the right thing when Roman hugged back tightly, as if he were holding on to a lifeline. 

Roman would not be caught crying in his brother's arms. His lip trembled as he willed his breathing to stay even. He couldn't stop the tears trickling down his cheeks. He was okay! He had to be okay, for Thomas if no one else. 

"Did you know that it's okay to be not okay?" Remus hummed softly, "I'm living proof of that!"

"Shut up," Roman huffed. His voice gave him away, but Remus  didn't mock him or comment on it. That took effort and Roman knew that. 

"I love you, even if I club you over the head and make your life hell all the time. But that's what brothers are for!" Remus said, "I'm a disgusting pile of trash that's been sitting at the curb for weeks. You're stuck with me and I'm gonna brother the shit out of you til you hate my guts again like you should!" 

Roman broke, gasping and shuddering as he caved. He buried his face in Remus' cape. He sobbed and clung to him, shaking his head and smearing his snot and tears on Remus' shirt. 

"Can't—I can't hate your guts," he sobbed, "Just your face." Remus giggled, getting the message: "I can't completely hate you, just partially." 

"You're gonna be okay, Broman."

And for the first time in a while, Roman believed it.

[emmathompsonsmartini]

Lucy woke with a scream pouring from her lips. Her hands were shaking, sweat dropped down the side of her face—as well as tears.

She was in Flynn's room. In the bunker. It was a dream, it was a dream. It was a nightmare.

Flynn was at her side within seconds. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to her.

She flinched but realized it was him (and again that it was a dream) and threw herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his chest and buried her face there. It was a dream.

"Nightmare?"

Lucy didn't say anything. Her mind far off.

She bought into their lies. She became them. She hurt him. She lost him.

It was just a dream.

"Lucy?"

He pushed at her shoulders and held her face. Tears were falling freely, her eyes red and scratchy.

"Are you okay?" His voice was just above a whisper, so tender. He brushed away the hair that clung to her forehead.

Lucy looked at him. Really looked at him. Taking in his features like she was going to lose him. Because after she told him the truth, she could very well lose him. Her heart turned at the thought. She finally shook her head.

His thumb caressed her cheek. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She took his hand in hers and shook her head. He nodded. He understood. He always did. "But I need too."

Her throat was dry and her voice was hoarse. She cleared her throat.

"I'm here."

She took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. She willed herself to not cry anymore.

"When I was with Rittenhouse," He squeezes her hand gently, reassuring her. "I had some...interesting talks with my mother. None of which i enjoyed by the way. Especially one in particular."

A hum came from his throat telling her he was still listening. She gripped his hand like it was her lifeline, she didn't want him to let her go.

(But she would understand if he did.)

"She said...she said that I—" She paused. She wasn't going to cry.

"It's okay Lucy."

She shook her head. "She told me that I was a direct descendant of David Rittenhouse. That I, truly, would be the last living heir."

His hand fell away from her face and a piece of her heart went with it.  She winced.

He was silent. He didn't move. She wondered if he was still breathing. (But she saw the rise and fall of his chest.)

"Lucy—"

"I'm sorry," She said quickly. She put a little space between them, thinking that's what he would want. "I wish I could change it somehow. And I'm sorry. I'm everything...everything that you hate."

"Lucy—"

"The very thing you are fighting against—the reason Lorena and Iris—"

"Lucy! Stop."

She shut her mouth.

He was looking at her but she didn't dare look back. Afraid of what she might see. His eyes always give everything away.

Remembering her dream, what was in his eyes in her dream, she did. She winced.

She looked up at him. Her facial expression neutral; trying to hide the pain and worry of what could come out of his lips next. "Are you scared of me?"

A sound came from his lips. A scoff? A whimper? She couldn't tell.

"Why would I be afraid of you?"

"I'm...Rittenhouse. It runs through my body. If I—if we were to become something someday, something serious...if we had kids...you would be fathering Rittenhouse..."

He was silent again. She desperately to know what was going through his mind. (Or did she?)

"Garcia...please. Say something."

He sighed and his tongue flicked at his lips. A tick she found she adored. But it was terrifying in this moment.

"Lucy...you are..."

Her neutral expression held its place. She wasn't going to break anymore. Not in front of him.

"You aren't Rittenhouse. Rittenhouse is a choice—a choice that every one of its members chose. You didn't. You chose against it. You are fighting it." He turned to her. "You're still fighting it, right?”

"Yes, God yes."

"Then see." He scooted closer to her. "I meant what i said in Salem, Lucy. You are nothing like her. You are nothing like them."

He pulled her to his chest and she nodded, her heart breaking. But in a good way. She loved him.

"When we stop Rittenhouse—I'm sure we will, eventually—and we are still...us...and we decide to have kids, then there will be no Rittenhouse for them to be, will there?"

She shook her head against his chest. Her dream was still at the forefront of her mind. "January 1st...you told me you loved me."

She looked up at him. In his eyes, she didn't see fear. No trace of it anywhere.

"Do you still love me? After everything I've told you?"

He smiled and cupped her face. He placed a short but meaningful kiss to her lips. "Yes." Another one. "I love you, Lucy Preston."

The last tear she would cry that night fell from her eyes.

"I love you too."

Are you scared of me? // Garcy

Fighting through time. Two years ago it would have sounded like a dramatic tv show that Lucy Preston could definitely live without.

Fast forward one year, and it was her life. Finding and fighting this evil organization that sought to rule. Evil. Disgusting. But first it was one man. At first, she thought—for sure—that Garcia Flynn was the threat and that he was delusional, he was mourning. He was lost.

But no. He wasn’t delusional and he certainly wasn’t lost. (Not in the way she thought he was, anyway.)

Fast forward another year, never did she think that she would fall in love with this Time Bandit.

But was she really in love?

She was going to kill him.

“You only think you’re in love because you were lonely. You had no one else. So you tricked yourself into caring for the broken, lonely counterpart of you.”

Her mother’s words echoed like a broken record player. Over and over and over and over…

“He knew this. And he took advantage of you. He doesn’t really love you, either.”

It was true. She didn’t really love Garcia Flynn. She only thought she did. A twisted smile pulled up at the corner of her lips.

She would enjoy this. He wouldn’t trick her anymore. He wouldn’t trick anyone anymore.

The gun was steady in her hand. (Some small voice was alarmed by this but Lucy ignored it.) She pointed directly at his head.

His weapon was thrown across the room. Showing her he wasn’t there to hurt her. His hands were raised. He surrendered. He was unarmed.

She didn’t care.

“Lucy…? What-?”

“Ohh—” Her voice was sickly sweet. It was fake. “You didn’t get the memo did you?”

“Lucy, what’s happened? What did they do to you?”

She raised her finger to her lips. “Shhh! I have a story to tell!”

Flynn was highly unnerved. This was Lucy. This wasn’t like his Lucy Preston. He closed his mouth.

“A looong Time ago… there was a man who had an idea. An idea that would change the world. A world where he would be king. But, someone shot him. And almost shot his son—which would have erased my entire existence! Sweet, right?”

Flynn’s dark brows were furrowed. His eyes glinted with slight fear of what she was saying. His lips parted. He wet his lips. “What are you saying, Lucy?”

“Fast forward—years and years later. And I find out…fairytale dreams can come true! I’m a princess!”

Flynn shook his head. So many questions ran through his mind he didn’t know which one to ask first. And her behavior. This wasn’t Lucy.

“I am heir of Rittenhouse! Through and through. Descendant of David himself.” She inhaled and then exhaled dramatically. “Wonderful isn’t?”

“Lucy…this isn’t you. They’ve done something—”

“Shut up!” She pulled the hammer back and brought back her focus. “Anyway. You’re kind of in our way…so I’m just gonna take care of it myself.”

“Lucy—don’t. This is not who you are. These are not you’re actions. These are theirs.”

“No,” She shook her head, that smile still on her face. “No, this was actually my idea.”

His stomach turned. His eyes closed trying to will the tears away but he only pushed them out.

“August 25, 2018…”

Lucy’s smile faltered just a little.

“The first time I kissed you.” He opened his eyes. “December 3, 2018–the day you told me it was okay to open my heart again.”

Lucy rolled her eyes. Even fake yawned, for dramatic affect.

“January 1, 2019…”

Her smile disappeared. She held the gun tighter. She stepped closer to him.

“The first time—”

Another step.

“I said I—”

She pulled the trigger and the bullet went right above his heart. His eyes exploded with fear.

“…love you.”

That was his last breath.

(Rest is the story is in the reblogs. Click on notes.)

[tortoisesshells]

#YES YES YES I ALMOST POINTED OUT THE LIGHTING TOO#i would say that elizabeth also offered him a lifeline in tortuga and he DID take it but he was still halfway set on pointless revenge#on jack (despite what happened post-cotbp being 100% entirely his fault and him damn well knowing it)#unclear if he would have actually done anything other than be a royal bitch to jack forever & ever amen before he sees the letter of marque#and when he's given THAT “lifeline” he clings to it with every fiber of his being even as it cuts into him. even as it binds him.#because it wasn't really a lifeline but he wasn't willing to give up Everything From Before yet#then she proffers this last lifeline because damn it all she JUST lost her father and even though she knows what james has done#she does not want to lose them both; to lose her last real tie to that life though she has rejected every other aspect of it#and he's finally maybe ready to say “fuck it” and take this leap but alas the narrative fucking Gets Him#anyway. glad to see that the norrington hivemind has logged the fuck on today#and yes well done op making the insane lighting choices in this movie look good (more excellent tags from @dying-suffering-french-stalkers)

i had nothing to do with your father’s death. but that does not absolve me of my other sins.