#because ill be rereading my own shit over and over and itll feel less impactful and more predictable
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girl help i started thinking Too Much about the fic avert your eyes
#im doomspiraling#or w/e the fuck youd call it#it feels Boring and mediocre and like none of the plot is actually captivating#its not mysterious or weird it just feels predictable#half of the scenes are repeating themselves its just the same stupid shit#its Flat theres no real emotion no stakes nothing youre waiting for its just. something you skim over and click away from#ugh. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i dont do this too often anymore but the further i get into the fic the worse its gonna get#because ill be rereading my own shit over and over and itll feel less impactful and more predictable#and then its So Hard To Tell whats GENUINELY bad and what im just bitching about#im going to explode#watch me spend months talking about this and writing it and then i FINALLY have it done and its just. neutral face emoji through and through#<- too braindead to find the right words to describe how im Feeling and the emotion or lack of such the fic will invoke#god help me fr#ughgghhgghghhghgghghghhhgghghghghgh#itd also be So Much Easier if i didnt have that whole Thing with lying and constantly assuming ppl r lying to spare my feelings :sob:#like i could trust someone to the moon and back but if they read it over and liked it my brain would just.#'theyre lying its awful its so bad theyre embarrassed for you and they dont even know where to start which is why theyre lying abt it'#'its so fucking indescribably awful and no one will ever tell you and youll live in ignorance of the fact'#like girl. GIRL.#GET A GRIP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ive gotten soooooo much better with so much of my shit but that one has persisted through so much#gonna try talking to my therapist about it in a couple days bc its Been a problem#like fr my writing will get complimented and i jump instantly to 'theyre lying and it sucks' GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!#i am Not Special Enough that people would go THAT far out of their way to lie to my face and make me feel better#<- exact same thought i had last time when a bunch of ppl spent months lying to my face to spare my feelings abt Really Important Things#praying that no one reads this far down the tags and if u have ermmmmm dorry im having a hashtag girl moment u know how it is#ill delete this in the morning when i am Sane again
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