#because i'm not fully committed to any of these musings

[thetarttfuldickhead]

do you think how Jamie reacted to Roy and Keeley's teasing at the auction in 1x04 was related to his trauma from his Dad making him loose his virginity to a lady from the red light district? and do you think after the three of them officially get together, that they ever talk about that?

Tricky one, nonny, because as much as I tend towards Watsonian explanations over Doylist ones, in this particular case I can’t quite disregard the fact that I am not at all convinced that Jamie’s Amsterdam backstory was in place when 1x04 was written. It might have been, sure, but… yeah, I doubt it, actually.

And, like, in hindsight, after 3x06, it’s hard not to connect Jamie’s discomfort at the gala with his experiences in Amsterdam. Even if he doesn’t consciously join the dots himself, even if he’s not yet realized that the experience was traumatic to him (and I think 3x06 does suggest that it was, even if it’s possibly to argue otherwise), the notion of having to have sex with someone he doesn’t want to have sex with, especially when they’re that much older (not because having sex with old people is gross, obviously, but because it would mirror the experience he had as a child), would have made him deeply uneasy.

I mean, it would make most of us deeply uneasy, so that’s not the strange part. The strange part, really, is that Jamie believes – if only for a little while – Roy and Keeley’s assertion that he’ll need to put out. Becaue, yes, Jamie’s not always the brightest, but of course the club’s not actually pimping out the players. He knows that, surely. But for a moment he isn’t sure – and maybe that’s because it’s already happened to him, hasn’t it? Not quite like this, no, but money exchanged and him required to fuck someone he had not chosen to fuck. So, yes, things like that can happen and maybe they do happen at Richmond because Jamie didn’t see it coming the first time either, did he, but no, it’s just a fucking joke, Roy and Keeley having a laught and he looks like a right idiot now, doesn’t he, for having believed them, and he can’t even articulate (not even to himself, I think) why he thought, for a moment, that maybe…

Yeah. Makes a horrible sort of sense, doesn’t it?

So, in hindsight I think we can read his reaction being at least partially related to what was done to him in Amsterdam, and normally I’d be perfectly happy with that, actual text over authorial intent, but in this case I can’t stop wondering about what it all was originally intended to mean (if, indeed, the Amsterdam part was not known to the writers at the time of writing 1x04). Maybe it intrigues me because it has the potential to reveal more and interesting things about Jamie? I don’t know, and I don’t have any real theories either, just… something about football players being used to getting sold and traded, something about his sense of self and value directly tied to his body and what he can do with it, time spent creating his brand and the slight disassociation and/or confusion between self and image it can cause (even as I think that Jamie has a very strong sense of self generally). Given all of that, is it so outlandish for him to briefly assume that maybe this too might be required? Especially given his experiences in Amsterdam… Can be a mix of the two, really. Maybe that’s the interpreation I mostly favour.  

As for if they ever talk about it... I don’t necessarily think it’s something Jamie would bring up and I doubt Roy immediately connects the dots once he hears Jamie’s tale of his first Amsterdam trip. Keeley, I think, doesn’t know what happened in the Red Light District; to me, Jamie telling Roy reads very much like a ‘first time I ever told anyone’ thing, but that’s obviously open to interpretation.

But say something reminds Roy of that gala dinner, and what was said then. Maybe they’re getting ready to attend it once more and this time they’re dead pleased to be seated at the same table, making little jokes about can you fucking imagine if someone would have told us then that this is where we’d end up and could have saved ourselves so much trouble if we’d just gone home together that night and Keeley playfully reminds Jamie that he doesn’t actually have to sleep with someone if he doesn’t want to and Jamie pouts like that shit wasn’t funny but he’s laughing too because it was long ago and they’re here now and he doesn’t tend to dwell –

– but Roy goes quiet because wait hang on oh no fuck no, and he doesn’t say anything right away, they need to get going and he’s not sure is he, and he keeps on saying nothing throughout the dinner, and behind the still face he is quietly spiralling as he watches Jamie’s every move like a hawk, every twitch of his lips and every roll of his eyes.

Jamie and Keeley both notice, and are both confused. They keep exchanging glances and when Nate’s off to the loo and Jade’s done her disappeaering act and Sam and Dani drag Jamie off to join the rest of the team for a round of shots, Keeley takes the opportunity to lean in and ask what’s going on, Roy, are you okay?

He’ll tell her then, I think, and that’s not great – not his story to share – but it’s eating at him and there’s no one else for him to confide in and Keeley is part of it too, so yes. He tells her; she’s upset but still the voice of reason; no matter what happened that night Jamie’s doing fine right now, he’s having a great time with his friends and we shouldn’t ruin that for him, but come tomorrow we’ll have a proper chat all three of us, okay, sort things out?

And come tomorrow, they do.

[crownmemes]

Flirting Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences for flirting muses, with varying levels of brashness. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Can I walk you home?"

"Brooding. Good look. Do you practice in the mirror?"

"I think we're supposed to kiss now..."

"If you're trying to impress me, it's working!"

"Why don't you ask me on a proper date?"

"I used to try to get you to look at my legs."

"You know, if you ask a girl out for coffee, you should have something to say."

"You know, I used to have a huge crush on you."

"Have dinner with me? Just the two of us?"

"You're in over your head. You're not fully committed to this task, and because of that, you will fail."

"You have beautiful eyes."

"I'm into you because you're hot. And smart. In that order, but both are needed."

"There's this Italian restaurant I managed to book a table at, if you're still keen on going on a proper date."

"Do you have any idea how much I missed watching you get dressed in the morning?"

"This is the wrong time to be strong and silent and so... Attractive."

"You want to kiss me, don't you?"

"Do you know what I'd like? Really like?"

"Kiss me like you hate me."

"I knew you didn't stay in town for the lovely weather."

"You are the most perfect and beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"You just can't stay away, can you?"

"I love your lipstick."

"Suits you, flustered. It's a good look."

"You look very beautiful tonight. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Say, why don't we carry on this delightful conversation over a cocktail?"

"Well, I must say, you are anything but dull!"

"I was just wondering if, um- If you might like to come out for a drink with me sometime?"

"I must say, you're much prettier than your predecessor."

"May I have this dance?"

"Well, that is an interesting way to say hello!"

"I've seen your picture in the newspaper. You're way hotter in person."

"Oh, and here I thought you were getting all kinky with me!"

"Are you like this with all your women?"

"Are you saying you want to date me?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely hands?"

"What are you going to do? Spank me?"

"So, have you got a boyfriend, or...?"

"Are you growing a beard? I've always had rather a soft spot for bearded men."

[lorelune]

(continuation of this piece. part ii of regency au with jing yuan)

"he needs to stop doing this."

you tell lord luocha this as you stumble out of your one room cottage, desperately attempting to smooth down your day gown. your palms shake as you do and you shoot your patron an angry look.

lord luocha looks perfectly passive, painfully neutral with a hint of mirth. the bastard. "i think it's quite appropriate for the general to call upon you this hour of the day. i thought you would be prepared."

"i am not an 'eligible lady' as i am so often reminded," you shake your head. "i cannot constantly be ready to take his company, just because it's before supper. be reasonable, my lord. speak with him about this."

"perhaps," luocha tilts his head with the barest hint of a smile. "i'll consider it. for now, why don't you go greet our guest? i'll have some refreshments sent in."

"fine." you say. your voice wavers.

this is not the first time the retired general, Jing Yuan, has called upon you. it's more like the fifth. maybe sixth. it is more frightening to keep count of his increasingly frequently visits (as they clearly indicate some type of explicit interest), so you stopped counting them recently. peace of mind and all.

you enter the drawing with and bow to the general without thinking, "good afternoon, general."

"likewise," he says easily, voice so deep and rich; it makes your insides feel wobbly.

jing yuan sits on one of the loveseats, legs tastefully spread and in some amount of regalia. well-dressed, certainly. his hair is half-tied up as he so favors, and his face has a healthy amount of blush. a crisp jaw. bulging forearms and thighs beneath his various dressings. a broad chest. it is hard not to ogle him overtly. you train your gaze on the hand-tufted rug before rising and daintily (as you can) sit across from him on the other side of the loveseat. you tuck your legs to the side, barely remembering to not fully fold them under yourself. decorum and all.

(it feels foolish. jing yuan hardly seem to care. lord luocha thinks your bumbling is amusing.)

"i apologize for the intrusion," he says. he squeezes his hands into loose fists. you don't miss the action. "will you indulge me for a time?"

"i'm already here, aren't i?" you quip back, tone light. easy. "i don't mind the company."

there's more you could say—

("general, i think you are so very kind and thoughtful. thank you for spending your spare time with me.")

("general, i am sorry i can't attend any of the balls and festivities as anything more than a performer. i would not mind being on your arm, if circumstances were different, and you desired it so".)

("general, how much longer will you entertain this? are you intending to steal my heart, only to break it?"

instead, you remain quiet, picking at your nailbeds. jing yuan watches you with a hum. flexes his hands.

"are you working on any new pieces?" he asks.

"a few, actually." you reply. "the muses have been kind to me."

"oh?" he smiles. he tilts his head cutely, almost boyish, despite his age. "may i ask the subject matter?"

"ah—" you feel your face heat. "a number of things. subject matters. a varying themes."

truthfully, you have started four new paintings in the last week. all of which were started in moments of such deep inspirations, they had you painting and laying base colors from sunrise until sunset. it just so happens that these... works have. a clear theme. that of the general.

(during his second visit, he commented on the blooming azaleas. you've been obsessed with perfecting the shape of their petals. his third visit, you sat on the same seat as him. you were so much closer then, and found yourself lost in the honey color of his eyes. the punch of purple underneath them, an accumulation of sleepless nights. another is of a lion, like that of his crest. the final is a portrait of him that has you committing every bit of him to memory. perhaps you'll be able to capture his likeness with your memory if the muses continue to favor you.)

"you're quite the varied artist." he leans his jaw on his fist. "your dedication to your craft is most admirable."

"i cannot help the ways in which inspiration forces me to act," or, to thirst over the man in front of you. god forbid a parched man be given drink so fine. you shake your head. "i have had... some amount of increased, enjoyable, new interactions over the past while. i suppose i'm feeling invigored."

"oh?" jing yuan looks smitten. his eyes go half-lidded. "may i guess the source of your inspiration?"

"if you do, you'll only embarrass me."

"so, you think i will be right in my guess then?"

"i know so." you roll your eyes, sheepish. "i am not foolish enough to think i could hide face and play games with the Divine Foresight and win."

"you underestimate yourself."

"hardly. have you... met yourself, general?"

"often, frequently." he nods to himself. he catches your gaze. it's piercing. "i find myself in the mirror, often, these days. i tell myself that i am spry enough and have retained enough charm through my years to properly court and woo the recluse, genius artist i have been stealing time from. i meet the man in my mirror and think that he is quite clever, but tends to underestimate you as well."

your breath is caught in your chest. you scrunch the skirt of your dress up in your palms and swallow.

"the general speaks freely and foolishly."

"and yet, i do not lie."

"... you are brazen."

"do you not require such treatment?" jing yuan laughs sweetly. "if i were any more gentle with you, you would've already retreated far into your lord's gardens. i wouldn't hope to see you again. you will need to forgive me for my shamelessness."

"... i could perhaps be convinced." you scoot closer on the love seat. you should. create space away from him. before you do something stupid and unbecoming. but you find yourself drawn closer. "the general is a kind man. good-hearted."

"such a charitable assessment."

"i know it to be true." you do know. the man keeps his own gardens, tends them himself. he pays his servants good wages and left war and bloodshed behind sometime ago. "i would like to get to know his good heart more."

jing yuan steels himself then. you watch it happen. his spine straightens, his throat bobs. sweat beads at his temples, you now notice. his keeps his hands in his lap, wringing them together.

"then we are in agreement?"

"... only if the general treats me well." you stumble over your words. "only if you treat me well, general."

"jing yuan, please."

"fine. jing yuan, then." it takes everything in you not to reach for his hands. your last threads of civility barely remaining. "will you treat me well, jing yuan?"

he breathes. you feel the warm exhale of it fan over your cheeks. your gaze drops to the softness of his bottom lip.

"only the best, for you."

"so, you're smitten with me?"

"simply struck." he gulps. you need him, you decide, decorum be damned. you lean forward, just as he does. you can hear the tremor of your breath in time with his—

the door the drawing room opens, suddenly, with a resounding thud. you jump away from the general, a hand over your heart. you attempt to not noticeably pant, though you perhaps fail. lord luocha raises a knowing eyebrow as a few of his staff bring in a platter of a small treats and bubbly drinks in fluted glasses.

"forgive the intrusion," luocha places a hand on jing yuan's shoulder. the general straightens up. "i figured that you two must be in need some of refreshments. may i suggest a walk in the garden, later? perhaps, you could show him your herb patches, [name]."

lord luocha shoots you a knowing look.

(said patch of herbs is just outside of your cottage. a good distance away from the main estate.)

"i'd love to." you swallow and shake your head. "if the general will deign to spend a bit more time with me."

jing yuan looks at you, really looks at you, and smiles. it is an honest, genuine thing. you are glad luocha is at his back, so only you can see the earnest of it. it is something special, you think, just for you.

"as much as you will allow me."

and you will give him as much as you can muster.

[colbypuppythebaker]

Been mulling over thoughts on the OT1 crew and their sexualities- or at least my go-to headcanons for them. This is by no means a challenge or setting things in stone, just me musing to myself and how I write them. (If anyone wants to ask about these, or about other characters not listed, my inbox is open!)

Therion: Gay, perhaps bi-romantic. Most of his years where he would have explored were spent with Darius, and I think he was the sort to monopolize Therion's time and try to dissuade him from getting close to others. (Bonus, Darius: also gay but with LOADS of internalized homophobia combined with a general distrust of others. Gets worse as he gets older. I don't generally write them as being together- but I'm not opposed to it either.)

Alfyn: Bi. Zeph noticed he had a thing for guys as much a girls before he did. (Mostly the crushes are on travelers, maybe some early ones on childhood friends that he grew out of. Nothing that ever went anywhere.)

Cyrus: Ace, demiromantic. Never put much thought into it- was always more focused on his studies and didn't understand the draw others had for dating etc. Gets his first crush while on his travels and does not know how to process it.

Olberic: I struggle to get into Olberic's head. He's depressed, he's heavily traumatized, he keeps going anyway. He and Erhardt are divorced. Were they ever a couple or simply brothers-in-arms? Either way- divorced. Gay or Bi as he gets closure and starts to properly recover, but he's also one to put his duty ahead of romantic pursuits.

Tressa: She has no idea. She's young, most of her childhood was spent scaring the other kids away because she played too rough, then after that she's focused in on learning to be a good merchant. She hasn't put any thought into romance. I do love seeing her shipped with Noa AND Ali (polycule of chaos those three, what crimes will they commit). She needs more time to figure herself out, and likely won't bother unless someone confesses to her first.

Ophilia: Married to the church. Like Tressa, she hasn't put much thought into romance before. She's more focused on her family and faith- especially as her father falls ill. I like to think she is a lesbian, but she hasn't had many chances to explore that side of herself and wouldn't be bothered if she never got married. She's happy staying single.

H'aanit: Lesbian or bi, but has not really explored romance as she (I'm sensing a pattern here) has always put her work ahead of personal pursuits. Linde also keeps would-be flirters away (either by just existing or by actively growling and hissing- not everyone meets Linde's approval). H'aanit isn't sure how to navigate romance or the dating scene herself, but does enjoy gossip on the subject (points at the banter with her, Therion, and Alfyn about Zeph's letter). Secretly likes to read romance stories.

Primrose: Bi, but has a deep seated hatred for men after working under Helgenesh. Has always been a hopeless romantic, and has a huge soft spot for men with fatherly tendencies. If things had gone different, she might have happily had children of her own one day. (I do enjoy the idea of a polycule with her, Alfyn, and Therion- they have the potential for an interesting dynamic.) I feel like she doesn't want/need romance until she has a chance to discover who she wants to be, once she is no longer simply living for revenge. I don't think she fully expected to survive to see the after.

[daybreakrising]

something i wanna talk about bc it's been on my mind for a while (largely due to the plotting & discussion that's been going on recently & the meta i wrote on the subject) - poly ships

now i will always encourage people to explore poly ships (poly > shitty love triangles always) if that's something they think their muse(s) would be seeking, but i want to stress that poly relationships are not for everyone, and that's okay

i have two poly muses on my roster (so far), both with very healthy outlooks - and by that i mean, they are 100% comfortable with that dynamic. there's no insecurity, no jealousy, no negative feelings at all towards the idea of them or their partner(s) being involved with other people, and that's how it should be. if you want to explore a poly dynamic with your muse, and you find that said muse feels insecure or jealous at the prospect of their partner/s also being involved with someone else... then that muse is probably not suited to that dynamic.

for example, with my two poly muses: i have b.eisht, who has fully committed herself to o.sial for eternity, will always and forever return to him, but they both seek other partners (and though it hasn't happened yet, i'm sure they'd be happy to share the same one too) and actively encourage each other to do so. there isn't an ounce of jealousy in b.eisht's bones (though she will be a menace to his partners because it's fun). and then there is y.ingxing, who gives a maximum total of 0 fucks about who his partners are involved with (if anyone) as long as they still hold his hand too.

now i'm not saying there can't be tension at any point - all relationships have tension. it's realistic, it's normal. relationships aren't always soft and fluffy and perfect every single second of every single day. partners argue, they clash, they fight. they have differing opinions. they make mistakes. and i'm sure that in poly dynamics that still applies, because that's normal. but if it becomes a case of your muse wanting multiple partners, but doesn't want those partners to get involved (either with each other, or with someone outside that relationship) because of how it makes them feel, then that's putting forward a double standard that is unfair and unhealthy, particularly if they are the one initiating that dynamic in the first place, and that can get very uncomfortable for all involved.

there is nothing wrong with holding up a hand and saying: actually, this isn't working for my muse after all, can we discuss this and/or put a stop to it and come up with something else. poly is great in theory but, as i said, isn't for everyone. for example, my y.ingxing is absolutely comfortable in a polycule, but blade is not. i would never force blade into a dynamic that i know he wouldn't be comfortable in, because it's not fair for all sides.

i just. i just want people to write healthy poly ships and not fall into the temptation of drama, bc poly ships (and people) already get judged harshly and unfairly and the rpc doesn't need to add to that

[thebiggerbear]

Hi!

I really love how many of my friends are doing the EOY asks and I was thrilled to see that you are too! 🥰 I would love to ask you #8 and #26.

Hi! Awww 🥰 you are so sweet, thank you!!!

#8 Most challenging character to write or draw - Hmm, I would have to say Boaz Priestly. Only because I feel like I don't have a good grasp on him yet as a character and I just haven't had time to really hone in on him if that makes sense. Hopefully that will change soon! 🙏

#26 Something that inspired you this year - Wow, that's a great question. I think I would have to say...some great Joe Velasco fanfiction I found on here and consumed like crazy. I've been struggling to get my drive and energy back for writing for a while, and these well-written stories put a brand new character in my muse's sights. I fell in love with the writing they had done for him but my interest was also piqued by the character. I had only ever seen him before as a casual watcher of L&O: SVU but hadn't paid too much attention to his story or the actor's performance for him. Seeing those stories changed all of that and I went back and gave his seasons a thorough rewatch. I also became a fan of the actor after seeing some of the acting choices he made for the character and then hearing him talk during interviews/podcasts. I actually came to appreciate him as an artist and checked out some of his other work. During that time, ideas started to form, then playlists, and before I knew it, I was writing again. It's like the muse immediately sat up and said "Okay, this is our guy, I know I've been MIA for a while but I'm ready now, let's get to it!" LOL!!! And holy hell did it feel good to get back to writing and the planning process, like I went back to the gym but for writing LOL. And omg this OC I came up with, not to sound cocky in any way, but I'm floored by her because I felt like I was always leaning towards her in other stories. Like glimpsing some of her characteristics if that makes sense but the muse never really fully committed. She just remained with her rough edges, never really taking full shape, but now everything is startlingly clear, no more blurriness. So that was definitely something that inspired me and I am beyond grateful to those writers for those stories that brought Velasco into my world in a big way because it opened up my world so to speak to something completely new while also helping to nail down what I would like to accomplish with the OC and writing overall.

Happy New Year, my friend!!! Thank you so much for sending me this and I hope you have a healthy, safe, and wonderful new year!!! 💖💖

(sorry that I rambled a bit at the end there LOL)

[mortul]

NAME? snii 🫡

PRONOUNS? any are fine! she/her is usually what people default to though.

MOST ACTIVE MUSES? if i'm not here i'm usually over on @quirofiliac aka kira yoshikage of jjba infamy 💜

EXPERIENCE/HOW MANY YEARS? i wanna say i started rping officially on tumblr in 2015-2016? but iirc i think i made my "first" rp blog in 2014 but never fully committed. however, i definitely was rping over on instant messenger (the real ones remember msn messenger.) since the early 2000s at least. i usually just say i have about 14-15 years of experience under my belt for the amount of time i've seriously considered this hobby but if i'm going to be real? i've been writing/creating for almost 20 years now-- give or take a few!

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT? i'm not gonna lie i am not... 😭 particular towards any of these three. i wouldn't say i'm a fantastic writer at angst (if only because i personally don't see the huge appeal for big, ongoing, and persistent tragic storylines.) nor am i entirely "into" fluff nor smut? nonetheless, i enjoy all of them pretty equally! i will only write smut with my ship partner, kitty, however. fluff usually is reserved for them, too, considering the nature of fluff and its existence, predominantly, within romantic ships. platonic fluff, if that's even a thing, is cool. 🙂‍↕️

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES? i'm a wordy bitch but i'm not very into the whole "you gotta match my length" spiel. as long as i know you're trying and aren't giving me literally nothing then s'all cool. i usually prefer starting off short then spreading out as the thread gets more and more involved, though.

PET PEEVES? i -- and my muses -- could literally not give any less of a shit if your character is super powerful, super smart, the best looking in the room, soooo cute, soooo innocent, doesn't deserve anything "bad" happening to them ever, is "better" than my muse in any certain way, etcetera... that's a little too "baby's first OC" (and this applies to canons, too. i am a full-fledged hater.) for me and i'd rather not deal with that, personally.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE? christoph is my little guy. i always tend to put a little bit of myself into every oc (and, commonly, into every canon i play depending.) i create so... maybe? a little bit? but i'm not tall nor am i a chainsmoker. i also am not as annoying as he is. i would also not survive a fight; i'd actually die. i'd probably actually keel over from the sheer stress of it all.

TIME TO WRITE? whenever the mania strikes, i fear. 💖

TAGGED BY: @mrgoatman thank u!! TAGGING: steal this and say i tagged u 🫡

[daisyjonesgf]

Hi hi hi ok ok so like, ive been obsessed eoth Phoebe Bridgers recently while writing my own song and stuff since i get to write a report on like a bunch of different artists for college and im including her in it.

But what i cane to say is that Billy and muse FULLY remind me of Moon Song.

More specifically the lines

"You couldn't have. You Couldn't have. Stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody. Who loves you more. So i'll wait for the next time you want me. Like a dog with a bird in its mouth"

Like i dont know of it makes sense?? But like it just reminds me of them because of the fact that like this part of the song is practically talking about the denial of the idea of someone wanting another. Like, the relationship is unsteady and theres always that chance that someone else will come along (in this case other groupies) who would take away that attention or love or what ever it is. And then the dog analogy too?? Because the verse ends with a 'mm' to replicate the sound of a dogs whimper and begging to just get loved by another. Like the dog is a sign of trying to stay loyal, trying to stay devoted even going as far as bringing back a token to win what was had before back into their life (the bird).

AND AND THEN THERES THE LINES OF

"But now I am dreaming. And your singing at my birthday. And ive never seen you smile so big"

Like she's litterally trying to imagine things where better than they are. But in relation to Billy and muse, i fully interpret this line as muse's naivety at the very VERY beginning of it all and before that cycle starts back up. Like she's imagining things will be okay, things will work out and that it was 'just this once' or something like that.

But then theres also the line:

"But you're holding me like water in your hands"

Basically aluding to the fact that every time Bully has betrayed muses trust, it causes that break to happen and for her to fall apart all over again, just like water would when someone tries to hold it, it falls through the cracks and pours out of the palms.

Im probably like thinking wayyy too much into this but like I just wanted to share my thoughts haha. Also love your writing, like i cant express how many nights ive soent just re reading and re reading because my god it is so good. Anyways bye byeee

YES THIS IS SO REAL (again I'm humbly asking for forgiveness for taking so long 🥺)

muse knows very quickly that there will always be other girls, groupies, that he'll use to make him feel like he's not tied down, that he hasn't shared his feelings with someone, his love. and she's desperate for him not too, to put it behind her when he shows any morsel of wanting him. and whenever things have been good and she can slowly see him falling into old habits after saying something he feels is to revealing, too commiting, she's desperate for him not too. she gets clingier, tries to praise him more, offer him more sexual favors, anything to try and stop him. but one, her trying so hard shows she cares which reminds billy why he loves her and he doesn't want to think about that, two she's not letting him detach easily which makes it an annoyance, and three it's easier to snap than to admit wrongdoing. muse really does remind me of a puppy dog, coming around with big puppy dog eyes, snuggling up begging to be pet, whimpering for attention, any bone thrown she'll fetch and bring back.

muse totally convinces herself the first few times that it was just once, well a couple missteps, but it'll be alright. there's a whole future of good things, right? and he feeds enough into the illusion that the picture is almost complete before he starts to tear the photo up.

yes, yes, yes, eventually the water will slip through every crack possible, leaving only droplets also searching for escape, it might not happen quickly, but he provides the cracks and even if she's desperate to stay, each meltdown brings her closer to emptying his hands.

i love it when y'all think into it, it's so beautiful to have a community to overanalyze things with the silly little characters I've created in these universes, and I love it 💋 thank you so much for sharing, and that's literally the highest compliment. stuff like that keeps me writing because I'm so glad you can find enjoyment in it and re read and re read, I'm glad to share my thoughts and for them not to just be mine. bye!! ❤️

[raphaelapproves]

After years and years in the roleplay community, I'll be frank: My female muses are not just here for shipping, anymore than my male muses are. Several of the muses I write here, I will not, in fact, ship at all. [ On that topic: Raphael is one who is completely exclusive to my friend on discord and @hopeteased because they are old friends and we have plotted extensively. I have no problems with unrequited and Raphael will absolutely be the Most Charming to get what he wants, but that isn't romance from any muses who are not those two specific takes on Haarlep. For that matter, chances are, if we're not friends or at least chatting a fair amount, none of my muses will be shippable, because what makes me invest in a ship is really digging into the characters with the other writer, seeing how they met, what their interactions might be, how knowing each other and caring for each other affects them. I like to explore the character development side of things and get an idea of them before I ever fully commit to a ship. What's more, I want to be comfortable talking with the other writer before running a ship with them because, ideally, you won't want to invest in something like that with someone you either can't get along with or who isn't as invested in the thing as you are. ] Furthermore, though, I also have a certain aversion to writing with anyone who won't take the time or interest to write with any except my male muses, because I'm well over a decade into the roleplay fandom in tumblr, and I've seen this game too much not to notice it, directed at me and at others. This isn't a callout of anyone. This was just on my mind and so this is a blanket statement that I want to put out here, because I am old and I am tired and I'm here to write and have fun. Not to have the old writing anxiety creep back up about Well, maybe I don't write them as well as I think, and what if they're Mary Sues and that's the problem? If this seems blunt, my apologies. I'm usually very chill, but I get unapologetically invested in every single one of my muses. I love them to death. I could give whole lectures on pretty much every single one of them about their backstories, their quirks, their motivations, etc. I say that to say this: I try my hardest to show interest in every muse that I know someone has—whether that's likes on headcanon posts if I can't figure out a way for our muses to interact or because I'm a bit slow to approach because anxiety, or if it's by starting threads and sending memes—because I do find all of them interesting and I love all the effort and the thought and the passion and the love that goes into each and every one of the muses I follow. As a result, on the flipside, if a writer gives equal time or at least interest to more than just my male muses, I am far more likely to plot and to write with them, because then I feel like they care about all of my muses, too, rather than feeling like my male muses are being used and the female ones ignored. It's not really a good feeling on either side of that equation when it's any other way.

[clippedwingsmuses]

ooc: good morning, no icon bc i am. guh. i am so tired rn, but i had to give yall a psa update about stuff going on with me (since i just got back from my doc appointment)

basic tldr; my activity is most likely going to be even more sparse than it is for a while because i'm focused on my mental and physical health (working on regulating my bipolar disorder primarily), as well as some legal issues that i need to address; what activity i do have may be restricted to my current threads and i might not be making ooc update posts very frequently

full information (and miscellaneous ramble-venting) is under the cut

active muse check: surge, laurance, wanderer, kieran

(cw: mental health, general medical and legal talks, venting)

ooc: so breaking news, apparently it turns out my bipolar disorder might be the more major diagnosis between everything that i got checked out a couple weeks ago, i got prescribed some mood stabilizers so i should be getting them in tomorrow

im having to re-set up my insurance bc they fucked me over and cancelled it (we didn't get any of the documents that they were supposed to be giving us, and my acc on their website can prove we didn't receive them) so that's stressing me out

i also had to get bloodwork done today for whatever reason, going there and doing the bloodwork is what gave us the heads up that my insurance was cancelled so i guess i'm glad for it, but also we can't really afford to pay for the bloodwork rn (and barely if at all); i'm glad that i got it done so i can see if i have any physical issues to worry about, but at the same time that payment is gonna fuck us over for a little, cause we barely get by as it is

im also cramping which sucks!!!!! but that's small beans compared to everything else

i mean today already started off pretty shit for me, i only got about 4 hours of sleep cause my anxiety kept me up most of the night (who was surprised that would happen? not me) since i was stressing about the appointment (they're also still ignoring the potential that i could be neurodivergent, and i know damn well that i am, they just keep blaming my issues on everything else that's wrong with me, so that's stressing me out to a pretty strong degree too)

so yeah, considering all my mental health issues and the doctors visits ive basically been having nonstop for the last couple of weeks, my activity on this account is probably going to be even less than it already is; i've just got too much going on to put all my energy into fixating on writing, and even writing my novel is a chore that i've really had to trudge through the mud to finish (i'm still not even done with it)

i will still be around to write on here ofc, but i might restrict myself into not actively searching for any new rp partners for a while; i'm going to try spending my time relaxing and getting my shit sorted before i fully commit to being here as much as i have been. again, activity will still be here all things considered, but i might not be making very many ooc posts like i have been, and as far as dash shenanigans go i might be pretty quiet

my discord is open to mutuals if anyone wants to chat or discuss plots, and my ims on here will always be open as well

sorry for rambling and bitching so much on here i just like to keep yall informed, but yeah the tldr at the top basically explains all the important details outside of my rambling

[sansloii]

Which ones of your muses are most likely to get married? Which ones the least? Who wants to get married the most regardless of whether they’ll ever achieve it? Who may get there despite never planning for it?

oooooh boy.... this is a long one.

I'm gonna separate them into some categories first…

Most likely to get married: Wynn, Andris (surprisingly, but i have a reason for this)

Seem likely but I don't know: Penelope

Up in the air: Roderick

Seems unlikely but I don't know: Mikah, Joseph, Lawali

Least likely to get married: Evan ( with a capital No ), Dakota, Vega

Now this is just going off of their personalities, their thoughts on marriage, and how they would respond if asked if they'd like to get married.

Most likely to get married: Wynn, Andris

Wynn more is focused on the thought of having a family than he is on marriage, to be honest, but that doesn't take away from his willingness to get married at all because it's still… him wanting that connection with someone and trusting them enough to spend the rest of his life with them. He's probably the only one of my muses that actively wants to get married at this point. If he doesn't… he'll be okay but I know he'll be a little disappointed.

what Wynn cares about the most is whether or not his partner is ready for that type of commitment. So regardless of how much he wants that for himself, he will be perfectly alright with waiting for his person to be ready with him.

Andris is also one I think would get married aND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. JUST HEAR ME OUT A LIL BIT.

Andris is a very charismatic person. All his… tendencies aside, he doesn't seem like an awful person on the surface at all and often masks his more undesirable traits because he knows that they tend to turn people off. I ( and several others ) just know that he is a terrible, obsessive person because I shout at the rooftops that his flags are redder than a stop sign. If he wanted to get married, Andris would be married. The question is whether or not the person he's getting married to is aware of his true self or not, because he is more than happy to hide pieces of himself in the latter if it affords him just a little more time in what views as a luxury for him.

Seem likely but I don't know: Penelope

Penny just really loves her girlfriend. At this point in time, Penny doesn't see herself with anyone else and would thus… likely end up married to her. Penny is not actively thinking of marriage but it's one of those situations where, whether there is a formal ceremony or not, Penny will just… be married one day. She'll have her wife, some peace of mind, and she'll be perfectly happy with that. She's not rushing towards it by any means but if it comes up in conversation, she'll be like… "Why not"

Up in the air: Roderick

While he DOES have his reservations about marriage, it's more because he has already been married and his wife passed away. Much of his hangups stem from the fact that part of him feels like… he's not ready to move on from her? He is a committed partner and his deceased wife was an integral part of his life. They weren't married for very long, as she passed away when they both were in their 30s. he took that loss very hard.

IN ANY CASE, this does not mean that Roderick is like "fuck marriage". If anything, he still views it as something that is very intimate and sacred--that it's a bond as much as it is a commitment. He's not ready to get remarried and he doesn't know if he'll get to that point anytime soon. He doesn't even know if he wants to be remarried, but he's not turning his nose up at it. He's focused on healing for now.

Seems unlikely but I don't know: Mikah, Joseph, Lawali

LAWALI is pretty indifferent to the concept of marriage. He has nothing substantial to say on it because he… kinda doesn't care? It's one of those "If it happens, it happens." type of deals. and he'll never be the one that pushes marriage unless the person he's with is like… fully locked in with him. He'd be able to look at them and know "Alright this is who I'm going to definitively spend the rest of my life with. I'm praying that it doesn't fizzle out because I really want this." And will want take that leap.

However, because of the freeloader living rent free in Lawali's body, the topic of marriage is a rather…. tenuous one. The adzar won't care that Lawali wants some sort of commitment, honestly, and it would likely attempt to sabotage any relationship Lawali has at some point.

MIKAH… doesn't think they'd be a very good partner, honestly, and thus doesn't plan on getting married. in all the time I've had them, the topic of marriage has come up.. I think five times? one was in an au where they were a fundamentally different person (and it was more a "we have to get married" rather than mikah wanting to, and they ended up saying "lets wait"), one where they thought was a joke ( it was but it also wasn't and it was never brought up again), and the other three times, they actually considered it they expressed that they didn't think it was a good idea ( which resulted in another "lets wait" another two times and an acceptance of it ONCE )

mikah understands the type of person they are and the life they lead. they're under no pretense that they're going to have any sort of "normal" life and thus isn't really… thinking about components that would make their life like that. Marriage doesnt need to lead into having a family, necessarily, but Mikah will convince themself that it does if they think about it too much. That just adds to the list of things they dont really see themself of being… worth of, I guess? So they settle for what they do have. This doesn't mean that they can't have conversations and slowly change their mind but… it's like pulling teeth and it's something that they will always stall on

Now, whenever I think about the topic of JOSEPH and the concept of marriage, I feel like a tiny little hypocrite eating my hypocrite flakes because he is siingleship and i did decide that he would just be married to SOME iteration of Lerato ( @soulsxng ) no matter what. At the same time, though, I DONT feel like a hypocrite because it's… Joseph.

Joey is one of two muses that has obsessive tendencies, the other being Andris. That, coupled with his standoffish behavior ( in part because of his trauma ), doesn't really prop him up with much of an advantage when it comes to partners because he either intimidates most people or straight up doesn't like most people. His circle is very small and he likes to keep it that way to avoid unnecessary, personal issues ( and to reduce the pool of people that will eventually leave him but that's neither here nor there ). All that is to say that Joey's a truly difficult one and under normal circumstances, I don't think he'd at ALL care about the concept of marriage or look at it as just another device others can use to hurt him--given that for much of his life, people he found himself close to were either taken or took advantage of him.

He knows he's grown to be obsessive ( and not the sexy kind ), he knows he's possessive ( also not the sexy kind ), and he knows that he can't be in a normal, healthy relationship. He's mellowed out in his early 40s but that doesn't mean that he's like "Okay I've fixed all my issues".

The case of Joey and Lera, I'd say, is Joey meeting someone that matches his level of freak, pretty much. I do not think Joey would genuinely be invested in someone as much as he is currently invested in Lera because they just… work. They've had disagreements but i don't think they've ever fought or been truly angry with each other while in a relationship -- and that's not on purpose. They understand and accept each other for being awful, which is… I guess some might call it a cop out because of how volatile the personalities of these two characters can be outside of their relationship. However, I see it more as a testament to what kind of person one has to be to marry this man. Joseph has said for himself ( and Dakota ) that people like them will not find love in those from this plane normally… and so far, that has been true.

Least likely to get married: Evan ( with a capital No ), Dakota, Vega

EVAN only learned what a healthy marriage truly looked like only after he'd turned like… 16 or 17. And by that point, he'd already developed certain behaviors or ways of thinking that set him up for failure each and every time.

Evan is not looking for marriage. He's not looking for commitment. He's not looking to settle down. The thought of attempting to do so, honestly, makes him a little nervous because as of now, he has ruined or played a part in ruining most of his relationships. He'll play it off and laugh about it but that's less because he doesn't care and more because he is keenly aware of the issues he has and doesn't plan on fixing them (if not given a little push).

If he took the time to actually look inward and attempt to heal, I would say that perhaps it's possible for him. He's capable of change and does ( in my little Canon ending for my muses ). However, Evan seems more than content to drown whatever issues he has in alcohol and sex and avoid it altogether at the present moment. It's something that likely won't come naturally and if he is driving car in that direction, he will crash it. Part of it will be on purpose ( as if intentional )… and the other part is more akin to that being the only reaction he's ever had.

DAKOTA is another one that doesn't want to get married. Now a lot of that has to do with her job but also… her own emotional turmoil about tying herself to someone like that/being dependent on someone like that.

The first part of it is her job. Now… Koko is, surprisingly, another one where if she truly desired that commitment ( or the farce of it ), she would get it. There are tons of people that would likely clamor for a spot at her side--whether it be for the benefits that come with being married to a mob boss would bring or as a means to make their own influence weigh that much more. Maybe they'd actually be looking to take the crown from her. Either way, there would be a long line outside her door--with each "shark" looking for a taste of something to sink their teeth into for whatever reason… and Dakota is as good a morsel as any. And she knows this.

She's seen other individuals in her role get married--she's seen their spouses targeted. She's seen them get kidnapped and used as leverage. She's seen how easy it is to get the better of someone high up by targeting their spouse. She's done these things to get rivals and adversaries to heel when she needs them to because she knows it's a soft spot. Something like that is a pressure point…. if they matter enough. If not, it's just one more thing that can be taken from them… and perhaps that is what Dakota fears--people getting that close to her to take advantage of a potential spouse--because she has an idea of how they would do it. and while she can prepare for it five different ways, there are ten more ways that could potentiallyy circumvent that. And then ten more after that. and at some point, her spouse would just be a very beloved, but very restricted prisoner at her side.

that, compounded onto the emotional turmoil she went through having to bury her sister just makes Dakota reluctant to consider marriage in general. No matter how many safety nets she put, Cassandra still died and god--that weighs so heavily on her conscious. because no matter who shot her, it was Dakota's responsiblity to make sure that she didn't have to suffer the consequences of what Dakota was doing…. and she failed. if she failed her sister, how long will it take for her to fail her spouse in a similar way? What kind of pain would her enemies inflict on her loved one in an attempt to get to her? Would she have to bury them too, at some point? She certainly thinks she might….and that's not something she's mentally prepared to do. Not again.

VEGA is in a similar situation to Joseph--where I feel like I would be a hypocrite if I said "Yeah no--no marriage to him" without addressing the soulmate-shaped, Astra-sized ( @fatestouch ) elephant in the room. To be quite honest, it's a similar situation, where… he is not going to have normal relationship, but the only difference is that… it doesn't get fixed with Astra. it's made worse.

I don't think he's suited for any traditional type of marriage in the main verse… like at all. i don't want to compare him too much to Joseph because they are two different characters… but they have such parallel stories, i feel. where Joseph has eased into his life and has… some semblance of normalcy ( even if it isn't truly normal ), Vega doesn't have that. he's seen it but he has no personal connection or reason to invest that amount of effort into something that has… little value to him. It, in part, seems like a show put on for everyone else--the rings, the whole song and dance of planning weddings and receptions and rehearsal, the invitations, the hiring of all these extra people to turn something simple into a whole spectacle--it's too much. it's all so… needless, he thinks. With Astra, it is simple ( in his head ). Astra dies and comes back…. no fanfare and no spectacle. If Astra kills him, he dies and comes back, no fanfare… no spectacle.

It's just them.

Unprompted | @nezumivc103221

[pararennial-archived]

*‵ ･ ze frank voice: that's how a chilla do ･ ′

Name / Alias: Chilla as in chinchilla lol

Are you over 18?

Yes / No

WRITING.

Are you selective about who you write with?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only).

I only write threads with mutuals, but the non-mutuals who I'm cool with can interact with the light, silly dash comm stuff!

Are you selective about who you follow?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people).

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon?

Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / Not Applicable.

She's an OC, baby! She's got her own canon and I have a vision!

What post lengths do you write?

One-Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella / All of the aforementioned.

Do you use icons and/or GIFS?

No / Gifs / Icons / Yes / Sometimes.

Do you write on other platforms?

No / Yes

What level of plots do you write?

Unplotted/ Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Epics / All of the mentioned

I just love continuity and stories between characters, but I am realistic about time and commitment and can be flexible. I just hate purposeless and aimless stuff.

How quickly do you usually respond to threads?

Very Slow (more than a month) /Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

It depends on my mood and whether I feel like I am in a good headspace to write.

What types of themes do you like?

Adventure / Romance / Fluff / Angst/ Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / All of the aforementioned

Yeah, romance will be an extremely rare thing because I created a canon endgame for Roxy and also... romantic attraction is sorta... an iffy thing for Roxy. More on that later.

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? ( Feel free to add!)

High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Smut / Adventure / Espionage / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you're uncomfortable writing on your blog? (Not triggers)

No / Yes / Sometimes

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged?

They are more visual triggers that make me genuinely upset like rl g.ore, images of self-mutiliation or self-harm, uncanny valley kind of stuff (again it depends on how I am feeling? It's hard to explain but anything to do with unsettling stares makes me nope so hard).

SHIPPING.

What types of relationships are you open to?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Enemies / All of the aforementioned

I feel like nowadays dynamics are too oversimplified and lacking complexity. Yes I like friendships, familial, enemies (muses having beef makes everything extra juicy), etc. I feel like I cannot really encompass a lot of the other stuff I crave so I figured I needed to say a little something about it. Also, if romance happens, it'll be very slow burn and I do not ever autoship my character. Ever.

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

I don't do pre-established relationships anymore, my writing and my character shine when there are no expectations and just growth through interactions. In short, it's better to fuck around and find out.

Do you have OTPs?

No / Chemistry Only / Yes /

Well, I did create Maciu for Roxy... and for the mutual who's heard me talk about stupid shit about this goofy, loveable himbo, then yeah... that's the OTP.

Do you have NOTPS?

No / Yes / hmmm.

Well... I'm not into forced romances... especially with super hetero m/f ships because it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth when people assume that any sort of positive relationship that Roxy has with a non-blood related man means that they are going to get together. Also... because I had to deal with such grossness in the past around Roxy's asexuality, I literally had to write a post to get people to act right and draw the line with her.

What is your muse's sexual orientation?

Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Still trying to figure it out

What is your muse's romantic orientation?

Heteroromantic/ Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you're asking.

Are you comfortable writing smut?

No / VERY Selectively / Yes

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically?

Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions / Slow burn / Plot dependent / Never / If it happens it happens

Are you open to toxic ships?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

I hate that I feel like I need to explain myself a lot, but up to the point with Roxy's character development, I feel like it's less likely she's gonna land herself in toxic relationships with people because she's been there and done that. She's not afraid to put anybody on their asses if they try her patience. And this is by no means me saying that victims are too weak-willed or cannot stand up for themselves. It's more that as soon as Roxy catches onto any sort of fuckery it's over, no exceptions. But toxic relationships don't have to be romantic, sometimes it takes one person to negatively influence your life if you allow them access. That would be interesting, but I don't want to romanticize that.

Are you open to problematic ships?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure This is too broad, but I will say that I have no inclination to write abuse in romance, definitely not age gaps where minors are involved, no to inc*st, anything to do with sexual abuse or r*pe, curing the racist/bigot plots, etc.

Are you open to polyshipping?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

I mean IF that happens!

Are you an exclusive shipper?

Never / Sometimes / Yes / I would be open to discuss it

I mean, if a ship outside of Roxy's canon actually happens! I went 10 years without a ship here, if that isn't a testament to Roxy's "fickle" demiromanticism, I don't know what is! Canon x OC, or OC x OC, if it happens, let's talk!

Does crack shipping ever happen?

Nope / Yes / depends

My friends, once again, this shit has never happened in all my years here lmfao!

Tagged by: @ama-tcra-su

Tagging: anybody

[lightinxthedark]

How would Veadris react to Ashelia or Caelen being in a poly relationship? How would she react if they have a child/children out of wedlock?

@tarnishedxknight

((ooh, these are good, heh. I'm gonna answer them separately because the answers are gonna be a tad different, but not a whole lot!

How would Veadris react to Ashelia or Caelen being in a poly relationship?

To be perfectly honest, she wouldn't understand it in the beginning, and I'm not sure if she would come to a full understanding, but she would support them regardless. Again, Vea wants her children to be happy and safe, and if they find happiness with multiple partners, how could she be upset about that? She... is very much so monogamous, so the idea of loving multiple people at once and being able to commit to multiple people at once is kinda mindboggling to her, heh. Not in a bad way or anything of the sort, but she would worry about one person not being as fully committed to one of their partners, jealousy becoming an issue, and someone accidentally feeling like they're the third-wheel in their own relationship. I think she'd definitely question Ashe or Caelen about it because she's worried about them, not because she thinks they're wrong or leading someone on or anything of the sort, but once she realizes they're genuinely happy and everyone involved is consenting to being in a poly relationship, she'll accept it. Again, she might not understand it, but she loves her children, she wants them to be happy, and they can make their own life decisions just fine.

How would she react if they have a child/children out of wedlock?

So... I'll answer this in general, but it's gonna pick on Caelen specifically since he's the one with a child out of wedlock in an au I have with Silence, heh. In general, Vea is... not gonna be pleased, heh, since while her mindset/beliefs are fairly progressive all things considered, she is not as progressive as to be chill with people having kids without being married. Now, she's not an ass about it, and she may disapprove but she's not going to judge since it absolutely has zero effect on her, but she's going to shake her head and hope for the best. Vea believes it's better to have kids while married because that will provide stability for them, though, as a quick tangent, she knows not all marriages work, so it's different if someone becomes a single parent because of divorce (or if something happens to their spouse in general), and would rather see that someone gets a divorce than force themselves to stay with someone who they're not compatible with for whatever reason because there's a child/children involved.

Anyway. She wouldn't be happy initially, but she would push aside her disappointment in favor of making sure Ashe or Caelen are alright, and doing what she can to support them, although she'd make it clear they're responsible for their child. Vea will be delighted to be a grandmother, but if Ashe or Caelen are capable of taking care of their own child, she's not going to take responsibility for their child because they don't want to. Now, obviously, it would be different if they couldn't for whatever reason, but that's just a given in general - Vea would never hesitate to take in any grandchildren of hers if something happened to their parents.

In the case of Caelen's au daughter, Myra (who he has with my muse, Gylfie, over on @disillusionedjudge), Vea would, again, not be pleased, heh. Especially taking into consideration that Caelen is trying to hide his true identity and Gylfie is an Archadian Judge - those two having a child is not doing them any favors about keeping their relationship on the down low, lol. And, to be clear, Vea wouldn't be disappointed only with her son - it takes two to tango, after all, so she wouldn't be pleased with him or Gylfie, but... at the end of the day, what's there to do? She won't stay disappointed forever and she won't hold it against either of them, and she will do whatever she can to help them out. If they need her to babysit Myra, she'd do so in a heartbeat. If they want pointers or suggestions, she'd be happy to teach them what she knows about parenthood. She'd understand Gylfie's struggles with motherhood and would sympathize with her feeling disconnected from her daughter, and she'd understand if Caelen is overwhelmed by being a single father and running his business. Now, of course, this is all running on the assumption she knows Caelen is Cael Skjult and all that jazz, but I'm not gonna dive into the specifics of that, heh. And, in their case, it would be a situation where Vea would raise Myra herself if they asked, just because of how complicated their situation is.

Going back to a more general answer, aside from being disappointed, Vea would be worried for Ashe or Caelen. She knows they would be heavily scrutinized for having a child out of wedlock, especially if Ashe or Caelen are in Dalmasca's center of attention for being royalty. Caelen's au with Myra, for example, would probably lead to judgment but maybe not as harshly because he's living in Old Archades, while if he fathered Myra out of wedlock while he was still a Prince (especially as Crown Prince), that judgment would be a helluva lot stronger. And if Ashe had a child out of wedlock? Vea knows that judgment will be 10x worse for the sole reason that Ashe is a woman. So, regardless of how she might feel initially, she's also going to be incredibly protective of Ashe and Caelen because of that, and will stand by them no matter what.

[daybreakrising]

i've been musing on why i'm still finding it so difficult to commit to exploring luocha as a muse, and i think i've settled on the main reason why i continue to stall dipping into his character. it comes down to an issue i've always struggled with, something i've always admired other people's ability to do, and that is: diving deep into a character that is not yet fully (or even partially) developed within their canon.

i have always found it difficult to start building on a muse when i know there's still lore and development to come, and i know that's at least in part due to not wanting to be totally wrong about that character's personality, their background, their motives, etc. this is not helped by the fact that the one time i did attempt this (gallagher).... yeah, everything was completely wrong. and whilst i was able to save everything i'd started building by just going "fuck it, canon divergent it is" that time, i... seem hesitant to repeat the experience.

this is why i'm reluctant to start using a muse before their canon is established (other examples being jiaoqiu, obsidian, anaxa) or is still very much a large question mark waiting to be explored, and why interactions with muses that are still relatively new in their source material will be much sparser than muses that are very well established. i think there's something about the 'blank state' element that stalls me - because it's not going to remain blank, and there's a good chance that any thought out metas or ideas i have for them are going to be turned upside down somewhere down the line. i think i just need the stability and security of established canon before i can start really building on my interpretation of that character. it's why i generally like to wait until we see a character in game (or their relevant media) before i tackle any interactions for them, just so i have an established foundation to build upon. and luocha........ well, we know basically nothing about this man. there is no foundation (or at the very least, it's a very unstable one-)

but lauri, aren't you taking this silly roleplay thing a little too seriously here? hi, i'm a chronic overthinker and definitely not as confident in my portrayals as you might think (this is me stating a fact, not seeking reassurances!), so i do hesitate before i let myself dig into a 'blank slate' muse. the only time i happily unleash myself upon a blank slate muse is when i know they won't be getting much, if any, further development (examples being menogias, vautrin, guthred, etc).

i'd hoped cutting off any and all hi3 connections to luocha would help me feel more comfortable poking around in his head (bc i am not opening that door even if canon decides to shove it in my face later on) but i'm still struggling. i do still want to write him, otherwise i think i would have taken him off the list already, so i think i just need to kick my own ass into just... writing something for him.

anyway, this entire rambling post just to say: the fear of being wrong is the main reason i hesitate and stall developing new muses & i really do admire the people that can do this bc my brain simply cannot conceive of the idea

[cderiva]

SHIPPING INFO. | answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your otp for your muses? i don't have any. i enjoy exploring ships way too much and believe every ship dynamic has smth new to bring to the table.

what are you willing to rp when it comes to shipping? i want to explore everything. the good, the soft, the cute, the bad, the frustrating, etc. i want to get to know our characters as individuals and as a couple. i want to explore them as real people. i want them to sometimes disagree. i want them to mess up. i want them to be caring. i want them to be awkward. i want them to sometimes behave in ways they otherwise wouldn't because they are in love. i want to explore the "perfect" ending and the non-perfect ending (love aus) and everything in between. i want to watch them grow as individuals and as a couple. i want to watch them navigate complicated situations and come out on the other side (or not - break ups are a thing).

how large does an age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable? depends on what i'm writing and how old the characters are. generally 10 years is my cut off point.

are you selective when shipping? i'm open to all things but that doesn't mean it'll lead to an actual long-term ship. also, for me 80% of shipping (if we want a solid ship, not exs or flings) comes to down how you communicate ooc. i've had good ship ideas going but we didn't really develop the ship occ which is a huge no for me. if i'm writing my character in love with yours, it's mandatory for me that i want get to know your character and you want to get to know mine. if you can't tell me why your character would love mine / what they'd love about mine and why they'd want to be with them, i'm out. if you don't want to get to know my character, i'm out. if you think of your character as the "main" character in the ship, i'm out. if you don't brainstorm, i'm out. we can write other things but not a ship.

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered nsfw? grinding. clothes coming off or being pushed aside.

who are other muses that you ship your muses with? too many. i'm not shy about it so if i ship with someone you'll probably see me yapping about it on the dash.

does one have to ask to ship with you? if you want to just clown around, no. i love impromptu stuff and don't take casual shipping dynamics that seriously. idk. personally i see it as going out with someone and seeing where things go, you're not exactly committed. but if you want to explore something long-term between our characters, yes.

are you multiship? yes. i've spoken about this before but i don't do mains unless i created the character specifically for the plot and/or we've been regularly talking about the ship for months.

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less? i don't care about romance in real life, i'm fully a platonic and familiar relationships girly, in media romance is the most boring thing to me (my best friend's wedding is my fav romantic comedy which should tell you a lot). so i'm ship-obsessed with roleplaying. i love exploring romantic relationships. HOWEVER, (this is for serious / long-term ships only) i'm only ship-obsessed if we actually explore the ship, if we view them as individuals who have their own stories and personalities who choose to be in a relationship. i don't care about only writing smut or romance - a ship in my opinion is about more than that. also please don't take this as me not caring about platonic dynamics. i think everyone who writes platonic dynamics with me will attest that i care about them as much as i care about romantic dynamics.

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom(s)? don't have one. if we have a ship and talk about it regularly, it's a fav to me.

finally, how does one ship with you? if you just want to clown around or test the waters, just send me memes. if you want to actually plot something more detailed or long-term, just send me a message and share your thoughts. i do ask that you remember that there's two characters in a traditional ship, so yours won't always be the main focus - my character is equally important.

tagged by: @heyhey-sensei thank youtagging: i think a lot of you have already answered this but if you haven't, please consider yourself tagged!

[pageadaytale]

BOOK REVIEW ROUNDUP - A Trio of Quick Classics

This past month I took a bit of a break from non-fiction. I was feeling burnt-out on facts and figures, and no matter how much they dress it up a science book is by neccessity going to include some science. So instead of reading more non-fiction, I spent most of June reading some classics! Here's three that were quick, easy, and also pretty good:

#1: A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

It's a classic for a reason! Brief synopsis: Ebeneezer Scrooge is a miserly businessman who steals even the coal from his worker's fire, and he's visited on Christmas Eve by three ghosts who attempt to change his wicked selfish ways! I honestly found this a little difficult to get into - a quirk of Dickens's writing style, where he'll fill a page with musings on the shape of a door-knocker because he's getting paid by the word - but once it gets going, it goes. It doesn't let up, as we move from one ghost to the next, and it's a heartwarming and touching story which is helped by humanising Scrooge with a tragic past on several levels. The ghosts are memorable and witty, and they provide some much-needed lessons for Scrooge. We all know the story, and it ends with a Happily Ever After. A little slow to start, but excellent as it goes.

#2: The Outsider by Albert Camus

Also known as The Stranger, this novel by Albert Camus is about the injustice of the justice system. It follows Mr Mersault, a Frenchman living in Algeria, who seemingly feels nothing the way he is supposed to. On the day of his mother's funeral he is tired, but not sad, and in the days after he returns to his life as normal. When he falls in with the wrong crowd and kills a local, his trial focuses more on his personality and his apparent lack of emotion than on his actions or the events surrounding the murder.

The Outsider resonated with me, in part because I see the justice system every day, but also because it's easy to feel like my emotions do not match people's expectations at any given point. It can be seen as a scathing indictment of the justice system's callous disregard of mental health - where judges have the right to lock you up indefinitely for any crime, if they believe you are not mentally "well" enough to simply go to jail; and where police are the first responders to any emergency, and are not trained to deal with a mental health crisis, so they usually resort to their standard tactics: brute force and arrests. I feel Mersault's pain as the jury and the crowd in court judge him for his idiosyncracies and quirks, rather than for the crime he committed. It's a quick read, and one with unexpected depth.

#3: The Thirty-Nine Steps by John Buchan

So of the three, this was my least favourite. That's mainly because it starts off with a wildly anti-semitic plot point. Our protagonist, straight-talking adventurer Richard Hannay, is fed up with life in London, where he's spending his days going from one function to another and talking with the most boring diplomats and businessmen. Just when he's thinking of throwing it all in and heading back to Africa, a man turns up on his doorstep with a tale to tell: there's a shady group of people controlling the actions of the world governments and they're aiming to plunge the world into war! Buchan is not coy about naming the Jews here, and he'll leave you with that impression for fully half the book, so I'm going to spoil it now and reveal that, surprise! The Jews have nothing to do with the government-controlling world-war plot! Turns out the first guy was a British spy who just so happened to be suuuper-anti-semitic and blamed every plot on them. Good job his death is the catalyst to get the plot started! Suddenly Hannay must dodge secret-society goons and the Metropolitan Police as he escapes London for his childhood home of Scotland, meets a bunch of people along the way who help him out, and generally has a cracking good adventure for a few weeks.

Anyway, it turns out it's the Germans orchestrating the whole world-war thing, Hannay uncovers one of the goons disguised as the First Sea Lord stealing naval secrets, and the whole story culminates in a showdown at a townhouse overlooking the sea in Kent, which is extraordinarily well-written and made me worry that Hannay had in fact got the whole thing wrong! It's a shame that after that, the ending is kinda a downer: despite stopping the leak of national secrets and taking down the Black Stone, our secret society bent on world destruction, the march to war is now inevitable, and Hannay enlists and is bumped up to Captain immediately. He considers it a noble endeavour; there's no mention that he has failed utterly in his purpose, save perhaps for preventing the war turning the war in Germany's favour with British naval secrets being stolen.

Overall, it's the kind of rip-roaring adventure you'd see in kid's fiction not too long ago, only with more adult themes and some dated references. And racism. A whole lot of racism.

Conclusion

Look, sometimes you just have to read some classics. If I were ranking them, The Outsider comes first, followed by A Christmas Carol and then The Thirty-Nine Steps is a distant third. The other two are just a little deeper, and they're not steeped in a general first-world-war era xenophobia. I would say they're all worth a read - The Thirty-Nine Steps if only for its pacing and as a quintessential example of an adventure novel.

Overall, if you need a break from your usual fare, you can't go wrong with a classic. Especially if they're less than two-hundred pages.