#because i want the star moon and sun trio

[yuuugay]

'All that lasts forever' Kerí, The Eternal Guardian.

my @uroboros-if mc, kerí :)))) as the star tarot!!!!

[bunnys-kisses]

Hey lovely, can I please have a butter tart with a coffee and whatever's on the house served by Lestappen?🤍

bakery menu

please request your own! there's ton of items on the menu for you to pick! (with more coming in the near future!!). *quiet voice* thank you lovely anon. basically i wanted to do a lestappen & reader three-way rivalry that would make me lose it. this order is on the house for doing me a solid, please come back another time and order again!

butter tart ("let's ruin ourselves for anyone else.") + coffee (rivals au) + on the house (aftercare) served by max verstappen & charles leclerc (formula one)!

cw: smut/pwp, lestappen, threesome, rivals au, dirty talk, aftercare, teasing, hot stuff (!!), various sexual acts mentioned

the sun, the moon and the stars.

the trio that ended formula one the same time. from three different parts of the world, three different past experiences and histories, but all with the same goal.

you all wanted to win. simple as that.

on camera, it felt like the three of you were in a league of your own. to settle scores that were etched into your psyche during your karting youth. max would get a little too close to charles, charles would make a snide comment before the final race, and you'd vague post about them online.

all to fuel this insatiable hunger that the media had to watch the three of you tear each other apart. a rivalry between the three celestial bodies that would tear the universe (or this case, formula one apart).

the rumours followed the three of you since you became in each other's orbit. over the past few years more images have resurfaced that only added to the "conspiracy" of your secret relationship. it was honestly quite fun to watch.

"someone tried to create a timeline in tiktok." charles shook his phone at you and max. you were both honestly impressed by how much the internet could cobble together.

a personal favourite photo of yours was a poorly saturated photo of charles and max at a club together. they both looked painfully drunk in the seats they were in. while that itself wasn't striking, what made it a favourite was that their faces were covered in kiss marks. all the way to the collar of their shirt.

this was often paired online with a few photos of you wearing the same shade of lipstick to events around the same time. it was a rich plum colour from what you remembered and you remembered that the marks didn't end at the collar of their shirts.

you had a bruise the size of a golf ball when you and charles ended up in a cramped bathroom stall.

you were thankful that some of the photos were lost to time. or rather an old hard drive on a laptop you kept buried in your apartment for fear of people finding the photos and videos. you didn't even trust a hammer to get rid of the evidence.

there was one file that was on your current phone however, that you painstakingly transferred. it was a video, you three at around twenty four, right after max's first champion win.

charles was between his legs, his mouth on max's cock while you standing beside them, filming the sexual scene while max's fingers were stuffed in your pussy. and that was one of the more tamer ones.

however, well into your racing careers. the rivalry still went strong. and sometimes, after a race. it all boiled over.

your teammate, george looked at you as he caught you leaving your hotel room. a small knapsack was filled to the brim with stuff. he sighed, "not this again. what, you're going to catch an uber and go see them?"

the relationship between you and the two other men was the worse open kept secret. you shrugged, "it's the dutch grand prix and max didn't completely fuck it up, you know how it goes."

not fucking it up meant that max won. but you couldn't give him the benefit of knowing that you lost. so, max just did well.

george replied, "just be smart... be safe, i guess. i don't know. i don't want drama because you three couldn't get along or be safe."

you replied with your best press smile, "aw, c'mon russell! the three of us are always at the center of drama. you're not new to this." he watched you turn away and head to the elevators.

at the hotel occupied by ferrari and red bull, you ended up at max's room. you bounced on your feet for a moment as you knocked. then waited for him to open the door. you then tapped your foot and almost called something before the door opened and max pulled you into the room.

he pushed you up against the back of the door once he was shut. he grabbed you by the face and pulled you into a searing kiss. you sometimes forgot how big his hands were until you had become painfully aware.

"where's charlie?" you asked when max pulled away from the kiss. you held onto his wrist for a moment.

"i want you to guess where he is." max replied.

"the fan girls swarming him."

"he was getting us some wine too." max made a face.

you replied, "well, i guess we can start without him." then started to strip when max let go of you. the two of you got naked quickly and onto the massive bed. max's hands were allover your naked body, the blankets provided some comfort against the air conditioned room.

you felt like you knew max's body as well as your own. you had touched it in so many ways over the years. you pressed yourself up against him and kissed him gently.

it really was the moon and the stars right now. but, they wouldn't be alone forever as a knock at the hotel room door pulled you away from one another. max got out of bed and answered the door.

"hey ma- why are you naked?" charles voice could be heard before he steeped in. he was pulled in by max. you moved a little bit to see through the doorway to the main room where the men were.

charles was holding a bottle of wine and smiled when he saw you. he said, "are you starting without me?" then turned to max, "you sent me out for wine so you could have first pick, right?"

"i would never! she just doesn't have the dedicated fan base you have." then headed back to the bedroom. charles followed closely behind him and was stripping his clothes. his shirt ended up with max's on the couch and his jeans were draped over some chair.

you got out from under the covers and charles almost choked on air at the sight of your naked body. not because it was horrible, but because it was just as beautiful as ever.

the sexual history between the three of you was a messy web. it felt like anyone who tried to get with one of you always failed. because if one of you tried to step out, the string that kept you tethered to one another always brought you back.

the two men got into bed with you and started to kiss at you warm skin. you felt a shudder run through you at the feeling of their lips on your skin.

"you fuckin' freaks." you purred as you giggled at the touches. you felt goosebumps across your skin as you rubbed your thighs together.

"ah what, are you mad that you came in sixth today?"

you looked over your shoulder at charles and said, "i should've ran you off the track, mister third."

max pulled your attention to him and said, "and what about me?" he chuckled as he held you jaw.

you held onto the other's shoulders and said, "ugh, i was hoping that something would come flying off. halfway through the race."

the men pressed against you even harder, their touches were getting harder. charles said, "i can't believe she said that about us. after everything we've done for her."

"i know. so ungrateful."

charles pulled your head back and pulled you in for a hot kiss. you felt both their erections up against your back which made you whine softly.

max chuckled, "i'm curious about what colours she'll end up wearing. when she is cheering from the sidelines."

you shuddered, "shut up, both of you. i'm not changing my last name and i'm sure as hell not marrying either of you." you tried to squirm out of their grasps.

but it only tightened and both men looked at each other. they could barely compose themselves and both of them started to howl in laughter, like you said the highlight of a comedy show.

"we're serious." charles said, low in your ear.

max chuckled lowly, "she'd be too stubborn, even if one of us got her pregnant, she'd give that kid her last name."

you looked at max, "yeah, exactly." and tensed up when max's finger dragged across your achy slit.

"verstappen is always available." max then pulled you in for another searing kiss and charles' voice was in your ear, the combination made your core throb. you hated how they knew all your weaknesses.

"i was thinking leclerc. i mean we'd still have this little arrangement. but i'm thinking a nice wedding in monaco, the whole thing. your team, my team, your family, my family. max."

he pulled away and said, "thanks." his tone was flat.

"no problem." he smiled at his rival before he went back to you and added, "i think it would be a lovely wedding. i think leclerc seems less... harsh than verstappen."

max rested his chin on your shoulder to look at charles, "to be good on the grid, you need a strong name." their eyes met and charles went in to kiss the other man.

you were perfectly sandwiched between them as they kissed. when they parted charles said, "don't worry, max. you can have my last name too."

you tapped your chin for a moment and said, "lovely offers you two, but i think i'm just going to stick with the last name i've had for my entire life. i don't need either of you to boost my legacy."

"right, right. it's not like you're going to marry anyone else outside of this." max said.

"oh yeah, most likely. i think we've entered the let's ruin ourselves for anyone else territory."

charles kissed the side of your neck, "don't say it like it's a bad thing."

you looked over your shoulder at him and raised your eyebrows, "i would like a husband at some point."

"then marry me." both men said in unison.

eventually the three of you got into position. your face buried in charles' lap while on your elbows and knees with max behind you. you looked up at charles who had his hand in your hair.

"you look good like this."

"next time." you said, "you're eating me out." your voice was pointed as if you weren't practically salivating at the chance to suck him off.

"there's no higher honour." he said as he held the back of your head before you started to kiss at his cock.

both men were impressive in size, not too crazy. nothing that would painfully scare someone or leave you with internal bruising.

"ready for me?" max asked.

you nodded as you continued to kiss at charles' cock. your hands on either side of his waist for leverage as you really sank your mouth down on it. you did arch your back and moan when max pushed his cock inside of you.

"neuken."

charles chuckled, he's heard that more than a few times in his life. with his hands tangled in your hair, he looked to the other man and said, "she still feels amazing."

"afraid you have competition, charles?" max replied, as if you hadn't spent time watching the two of them go after one another in the bedroom from time to time.

he made a face before he looked down to you and started to gently roll his hips. you knew exactly how to make these men squirm as you eagerly pleasured them.

max's thrusts were strong, but not fast. he was savouring his time inside of you. the tight heat of your pussy that he only found himself craving more as time went on.

you knew if the press even got a whiff of this, it would be such a media circus that you were certain that one of you would kill a reporter. that was why you still had that laptop, because the fear of the files being restored somehow even after a good wipe of the hard drive, was very real.

there were nudes of you, of max and of charles, sometimes all three of you together. there was one when the three of you were in amsterdam where it was you smoking a cigarette, presumably after sex and max was fast asleep and you were using his back to hold the hotel ashtray.

you knew there was a video of max waking charles up by putting his pussy slick covered fingers (thanks to you) in front of the man's face and whistling to him like a dog. the funny part was that it worked.

it would be a treasure trove of debauchery if anyone got their hands on it. the three of you were stupid little sex freaks, in a way you still were. except now with heftier pay checks and nice homes in expensive real estate.

you closed your eyes and let yourself just be fucked by the other two men. they were never truly mean. no slapping or hair pulling, and certainly no bruising.

you and max spent a whole season in the rumours section of gossip rags because of the amount of hickies that were seen on your neck. max even went as far as to leave one on the inner part of your wrist. charles thought that fiasco was funny, mostly because he wasn't in it.

"you feel so good." charles groaned.

max wrapped both of his strong arms around you and leaned over you, pressing you further into the bed. he rutted against you and kissed the back of you neck while you throat was full of charles' cock.

"she feels so fucking good." max said, "i think we've really lucked out. as good in the bedroom as she is on the grid."

charles chuckled, "if she was that good on the grid, she would've easily passed you today."

max kissed the side of your neck and shoved his cock as deep as it could go, "true, true." he kissed the side of your face,

the three of you moved together. the sounds of sex filled the hotel room, you had felt over the years since this started you have become more mature in your sexual proclivities. it wasn't a quick, messy fuck in some hall closet or a blow job in a car in an empty parking lot.

you three could take the time with each other. the three of you panted, moaned and groaned. you were wrapped up in the hot euphoria of sex.

the three of you were interlinked in ways that couldn't be fully explained. while it made for titillating headlines, there was a deeper under current of your relationship.

while most feuds between the two of you would be solved either through conversation or the heated moments of sex. there was a need for the three of you to push to your absolute limit.

while there were seventeen other drivers on the track, and you did have your feuds with them. you were tied to charles and max just as they were tied to you and each other.

a perfect triangle. in a strange reality where two of you were on the same team, it would be a clean sweep for the team. it was good that the three of you were on three different teams.

in all fairness, george, sergio and lewis probably would prefer the three of you somehow were on the same team. at least it would contain the bitching. (you knew they had their own group chat to figure out what the hell was going on between the three of you)

but it was hard to bitch when the three of you were in the bedroom.

both men were starting to lose steam, in all fairness, so were you. you could feel the head rush as you continued to charles' cock with max's cock hitting against your sensitive areas. you gripped the bed under you and kept it together long enough to orgasm.

charles was the first to finish, that was usually what happened. he ran so hot when he had sex that it clouded his mind and he easily finished down your throat, almost coming a second time when he saw how easily you swallowed it all up. he slumped against the headboard of the bed watched max continue to fuck you.

you were the second to cum, you gripped onto the bed wit your nose up in charles' pubic hair as you panted heavily. it was a throb in your body only made worse by max's persistent thrusting.

max watched both of his partners of a sexual bliss and continued to rut against you. he had been holding himself off to make sure that you two finished before he did. that was sort of what he did. but the sight of both of you was enough to send him over the end. and he finished inside of you with a last hard thrust.

"holy fuck." he panted as he felt the fight leave his body.

you felt a bit of your jaw ache as you laid there with your head on charles' thigh. max pulled out and got comfortable beside the other man.

charles play with your hair and said, "i think she's been spoiled."

max chuckled, "i think she's spoiled us. that was her plan all along."

you cracked an eye open at max before you leaned over to kiss him. right before you did, you said, "yeah max. it's been my evil plan for almost ten years."

max kissed you and charles' continued to play with your hair. the sun, the moon and the stars. the three celestial bodies of formula one. curled up in bed together.

-

both men laid in bed and shared a smoke while you cleaned yourself up. you always ran so painfully hot. while you got your hair out of your eyes after you dried it, you noticed that max's red bull shirt and charles' ferrari shirt were both left over the couch.

you heard both men talking in french, with the occasional sound of kissing. but your focus were on the shirts on the couch. a thought crossed your mind and you picked up your phone from the sink counter and snapped a picture.

you stared down at your phone for a moment. you should've probably pondered your options a little more before you uploaded the photo to your instagram story. "a stallion and a bull. yeah right." with a rolling eyes emoji. you posted it to your story then put your phone on silence before you headed back to the bedroom.

the fallout from that would be tomorrow's problem. <3

[b0xerdancer-writes]

Bound Together Part 1

Alpha!Steve x Alpha!Bucky x Alpha! Sam x Omega!Reader

Summary: The Avengers are more than Earth's mightiest heroes, they are seen as one of the mightiest packs bound by years of loyalty, rivalry, trust, and love. When a new Omega joins the team, a friend of Natasha and Clint's as an Ex-SHIELD agent, it causes the trio of mated Alphas to panic and lose sleep. Shes caught not only the eye of the public, but of the alphas as well, and she might just be the key in strengthening the pack further.

Warnings: This is Omegaverse so all the warnings that come with that, I switch POVS twice, 18+ only on this as there is implied 18+content and this series will eventually have smut. This will be a bit of a passive aggressive slow burn.

Word Count: 11,409

Notes: This took me a bit to write and is my first time writing Omegaverse myself. I wanted to have a slower paced yet still getting the reader into the team dynamic as a good lil intro. Feedback is welcomed so are reblogs! Do not repost my work, the only other place i post fics on is AO3. This will eventually get added to a series masterlist/Avengers masterlist. Inspired to write this by the The Sun, the Moon and the Stars series by @crazyunsexycool, go read it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the eyes of the world, the Avengers were more than just Earth’s mightiest heroes-they were Earth’s mightiest pack, years of working together having forged unbreakable bonds rooted in instinct, loyalty, and love for one another. It was no secret that while the strength of the pack was an unmovable force of unity the reason the bonds within the pack were so strong was because of the intricate web of mates and sibling-like bonds, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Sam Wilson were a formidable trio and example of the strength of bonds within the pack since all three being Alphas mated to one another, while other known mates were Natasha(Alpha) and Bruce(Omega), Tony(Omega) and Pepper(Alpha) who the pack had come to see as a mom like figure despite her rebuttal she was in fact not the mom friend of the group, and Wanda(Omega) and Vision(Alpha). While mating bonds were a strong presence in the pack, sibling bonds were just as rampant: Nat and Clint(Beta), Tony and Bruce, Tony and Rhodey, Sam and Clint, just to name a few considered each other with a sibling like point of view. Every bond formed within the pack made it stronger and more complex, they were one massive family that the public couldn’t help but to envy for one reason or another but also adore for just as many reasons. 

In the eyes of the public the Avengers and their pack had made leaps and bounds in the world that was secondary genders; Natasha was a leading figure in the Alpha female world and Tony in exchange was a leading figure in the Omega male world, both having set up clinics and safe spaces for their designations. Clint was a prime example how Betas still had a place in a pack dynamic as the main person to calm everything down when emotions were rampant on everyone's sides and Steve, Bucky, and Sam were Icons of same designation relationships even if two out of the three didn’t really know to what extent. Everything the Avengers did as a pack from public appearances to missions that had been recorded by bystanders was on observation, life in the compound was their break away from all of it; needless to say the public took notice when a new face popped up consistently with the already gigantic pack. 

Whispers and rumors spread like wildfire, “What was her palace in the pack?” or “What designation is she?” to “Do you think she has a mate on the team and if so who?”, speculation went rampant almost overnight about who the new member could possibly be. It wasn’t long before Cap and Tony were making an announcement about the newest member: An Omega, an ex-SHIELD agent like NAt and Clint, who was close with both of the other ex-SHIELD agents. They had announced her hero name as ‘Lynx’, an enhanced individual that was a force to be reckoned with just like the rest of the pack, when questioned about her abilities she had answered questions as minimally as possible, anxious to be put in front of the millions of fans who all wanted to know about her: the nickname had come from Fury as a joke about her enhanced feline like abilities and reflexes that also made her a master of stealth , on top of her ability to withstand extreme cold Fury saw her as an invaluable stealth asset.

When her name went public news articles had begun to pop up left and right about her history, when Natasha had leaked all of SHIELD’s files to the public Lynx’s files had been in there too.  Though the public quickly became used to her as an Avenger and a familiar face she was most often with Natasha and Clint at the beginning of her time with the team, though the chatter about her quickly picked back up when it was noticed she had started becoming a regular presence, both in public and on missions, with the trio of mated alphas; chatter and gossip about how the three alphas might have finally found someone to balance their dynamic, though when Steve read the article aloud to the other two in the private darkness of their shared bedroom one night before they all passed out he couldn’t help but to think of just how on the nose that article was. Sam and Bucky had agreed with Steve, it was on the nose and they just had to figure out how to get the Omega to agree to court them, since her presence and scent were nagging on all three of them since they had met her; it didn’t seem that thought about making her their Omega was going to leave any of their hindbrains anytime soon either. 

+

Natasha and Clint had returned late one night, tipsy and in good spirits, after they had canceled on a pack movie night. They had walked in on a showing of The Hobbit since it was Bucky’s night to pick a movie and he had just found out there was a film adaptation of it, which had resulted in Tony pausing the movie to pick a bone with the two who had walked in coffees in hand and laughing like mad men.

He had perked up from his spot squeezed against Pepper in the corner of the massive double sectional U-shaped couch, turning to look over the back at them as he cleared his throat; the rest of the pack rolling their eyes at his nosiness. “So, where have you two been? I think we deserve a reason as to why you both canceled at the last minute. Even your mate won’t tell us why Nat and that is just plain mean Red.” 

Nat laughed, actually Laughed and it had Bruce perking up over the couch from his spot on the floor in front of the couch, he always liked her laugh and it was rare for one to come so unprompted. “We had a friend who came into town late last night, we haven't seen her since SHIELD so we went out for some drinks, grabbed some coffee, and then we walked her back to her apartment. She lives in town but often travels for work so she's rarely here in town at the same time as both Clint and I. If you must know Tony, you nosey omega, that's where we have been.”

Tony nodded satisfied but it had gotten Steve’s attention. “Since SHIELD? I’m assuming she was an agent like you?” 

Nat nodded. “Yeah, she's been doing private ops stuff for Fury since SHIELD fell and we have been pestering here about putting in a transfer to join our team, she's an omega who's enhanced, so I figured she would fit right in here.”

All of the Omega’s perked up at the thought of having another Omega around, there was far too many Alphas in the tower compared to Omegas and Betas, though it was Tony who with a sly smirk plastered on his face extended the invitation. “Well, if you think she should be on this team you should bring her around. Introductions should be in order especially if she's gonna keep stealing you two away from pack nights. If we like her we can keep her.”

Clint snorted at Tony’s tone and wording like she was a stray animal in need of a home, in fact he had to take a sip from his coffee to prevent himself from laughing at the image of his friend looking like a stray dog, giving them puppy dog eyes and standing soaking wet in the rain, even though he knew she was fine where she was at and didn't want to intrude on an already heavily bonded pack.

Nat nodded, taking a sip from her own iced coffee. “Then I’ll extend an invitation, when were you thinking Tony since it's your idea?”

Tony hummed, faking that he had to think it over. “Tomorrow night, think of it as a birthday present for myself from you. If  I like her, we can keep her. Deal?” 

Clint snorted, amused. “She's not a stray to take in Tony.”

Tony tilted his head away, as he settled back into his spot. “We will see about that, if I like her we keep her, Fury be damned. Now deal?”

Nat nodded, placing a hand on Clint’s shoulder as a sign they would not win this argument. “Deal.”

Tony nestled back into the red blanket around him, turning his attention back to the movie, a smug smirk on his face. The rest of the team  chuckled amongst themselves, turning back to the movie themselves. Though to Steve, Sam, and Bucky, the latter of which was nestled between the two other alphas, were all on edge; Whatever the cold snow-like scent that hung on Natasha and Clint had made them all perk up, they could only assume it was the scent of the friend the two had mentioned, had their attention and had them on edge for a reason they couldn’t quite place. 

Once the movie concluded everyone stood, with some yawns, and shuffled off to their own apartments with some faint goodnights. Steve and Bucky lingered for a moment as Sam slowly stood, rolled his shoulders and popped his neck; he looked over his shoulder at the other two with a worried look, steve offered him a smile and stood while pulling Bucky with him, herding the two men towards the elevator so they could return to their own private apartment. When they had all finally curled up into the oversized bed of the central bedroom they all shared, none of them found fruitful sleep, tossing and turning or finding their dreams haunted by the scent lingering just out of reach. 

Sam had given up on getting any sleep when he woke up for the third time in an hour, slinking into the small kitchen while the two giants tossed and turned, his shirt clung to his skin just enough for it to annoy him and with an aggravated growl he pried it off and tossed it to the couch. He was getting short tempered and he sighed in annoyance at the fact, he hadn’t been like this in a while, since he had first started having the PTSD nightmares that would keep him awake at odd hours of the night; he settled on a cup of coffee but the pale light of the stove showing 3 am reminded him it was going to be along day so he settled for setting it to an extra strength brew.  Popping the small pod into the machine and pulling one of his cups down from the cabinet left him even more impatient and annoyed. When he finally settled onto the leather couch in the living room and was able to down half the cup in a matter of seconds he flicked on the Tv for some background noise to distract him, barely having the sound up high enough for him to just pick up on it he settled in for a long morning.

+

He must have fallen asleep cause he was pulled from his sleep by Friday calling out for everyone to gather in the conference room, by order of Pepper; Steve was in the kitchen with a mug in hand looking towards where the small speaker was set in the center of the island counter looking like he had just got back from a run, Bucky stood in the hallway with a towel over his shoulders, his hair damp, and his boxers slung low on his hips, clearly fresh out of the shower. All three of them groaned, Steve setting the cup back on the counter defeatedly, Bucky turned around back towards the bedrooms to get dressed, and he found where his shirt had landed half under the throw pillow and half over the arm of the couch and pulled it back over his head. He stood from the couch and stepped into the kitchen behind Steve, planting his forehead between the blonde’s shoulders.

“Rough night?” Steve asked him in that concerned tone of his that could make you melt by how much he clearly cared.

“Yeah.” He answered with a half hearted hum, taking in the relaxing apple pie scent of the blonde that always seemed to soothe him. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Steve offered, he offered every time even when Sam wanted nothing to do with the particular dreams that often came with episodes like that.

“Maybe.” He mumbled.

“Just because you talk about something doesn't mean it will come back to get you.” Steve offered him that same in every time as well.

“Doesn't mean it will help either.” He sighed, and Steve turned around to pull him into his arms. The same dance they did everytime that these dreams plagued Sam.

“You don’t have to, if you really don’t want to.” Steve sighed himself, saddened to see one of his mates sp distraught.

Sam stayed quiet for a second. “That Omega Nat and Clint mentioned, did you notice how strong her scent was on them?” 

Steve nodded. “Yeah, it didn't seem like anyone else on the team did though.”

Sam nodded a yeah with a sigh. “That's the thing, why were we all affected by it so much? It was in my sleep too, but you two wanted nothing to do with me and were too busy chasing after that scent.”

Steve cupped his face and made the shorter male look up at him with a sad smile. “Hey, none of that now. You know I’m not going anywhere, especially just for some Omega tail when I’ve got you and Buck. You two know you’re my world.”

Buck walked back in that moment, Sam’s shoes in hand and dressed in his work out clothes, he frowned. “You guys talking about that Omega that’s coming tonight?” 

Steve and Sam both nodded.

Bucky sighed, moving to sit on the couch and gestured for Sam to come put his tennis shoes on, nodding between Steve and Sam as he spoke. “Why is it affecting us so much? Scents haven’t followed me into my sleep since I first saw you after you took the serum and since I first met you.”

Steve leaned against the island as Sam joined Bucky on the couch to slide his shoes on, before the serum he hadn’t even presented yet and he reasoned he probably would have been a beta back then but the serum had kick started the gene into presenting as an Alpha, which he was thankful for since he had two true mates. “I don’t wanna be the one to suggest it but do you think there's a possibility since it has affected all three of us she's ours?”

Buck shook his head as he stood with his arms crossed, shutting down the idea immediately. “An Omega? No. Definitely not. It's probably just because her scent was lingering on a packmate, I mean we haven’t even seen her, how could you confirm something like that from a scent alone.” 

In truth Bucky didn’t think that, even if it was true she was their true mate, that he deserved an Omega when it had taken a lot of work between the three of them already for Bucky to feel he deserved the other two. Sam tied his laces and stood, shifting back and forth before leaning into Bucky’s side to comfort the brunette.

“Hey it's okay Buck, just suggesting reasons, you're right we can’t assume anything like that without meeting her first. Sorry. Neither of you need to be worried, I’ll be by your sides all night as long as I have a say in it.” Steve soothed as Friday called out for their attendance again.

Bucky and Sam relented and Steve pressed a quick kiss to both of their foreheads as he ushered them out of the door of the apartment. In truth he had always been the dreamer of the group, he had always had an abundance of hope and an abundance of love to give; he was thrilled to have two mates to share with and when Bucky had mentioned possibly having a third even if it was indirectly mentioned he had to admit he had gotten kind of excited with the prospect especially if said prospect was an Omega of all things. Though he knew Sam was just afraid of losing him and Buck like he had lost his air force pack and that Bucky still had moments where he felt he didn’t deserve any of the things currently in his life and that meant especially his mates, he knew the two would be jumpy with the thought of another mate since it would be something else for Sam to lose and for Bucky to feel he didn't deserve but he almost hoped it was in fact the reason the scent had affected them so much since he reasoned it would give Buck a reason to feel he deserved it and would give Sam somewhere to direct the protective nature without it building up since he rarely got to be protective over Steve and Bucky; and for him he would finally get to satiate that part of his brain that got almost envious if not desirous when he would watch any of his Alpha packmates scent their Omegas in whatever various ways they did it, not that he couldn’t do that with Sam and Buck it just wasn’t the same since his scent didn't stay on them and it never fully satisfied that little voice in his hindbrain. 

Steve was pulled from his thoughts as they made it to the conference room, most of the other Avengers were there save Wanda, Vision, and Thor, though they could hear the latter coming as he conversed with Jane on the phone the team had finally gotten him to use and that said female had taught him to use. The three practically fell into their chairs, half exhausted, Steve had probably gotten the most sleep that night since the only issue he was running into was the other two not sleeping well. 

It took maybe another 15 minutes for the missing members to appear, Vision had to wrap Wanda in a blanket and carry her into the conference room since it was probably about 2 hours before the woman was normally up, it was seven am now and she normally did not show her face until about nine, and she definitely didn’t look pleased by the fact she was currently awake. As soon as everyone was in their places Pepper started passing around itineraries of how the rest of the day and the night would go. Interviews, a speech from Tony, there would be a makeup crew set up on the lower levels of the compound for those who didn't want to bother to get camera ready themselves, they would meet back up around 2:30 PM for last checks, and to go over limo assignments since Natasha and Clint were splitting off to get Lynx, they would be out the door at 2:30 and the rest of the team would be out the door at 3 to arrive at the conference hall at 3:30 and Natasha had pointed out the three of them wouldn’t arrive till 4, to which all Tony had to say was “Better make an entrance then.” 

Pepper passed around bagels and tubs of cream cheese for the team to eat, since that's what Tony decided he wanted for his birthday breakfast and once everyone had eaten Pepper dismissed them all to finish their morning routines and to get ready before herding Tony back up to their apartment. Everyone slowly trickled back out of the conference room till just the three alphas remained. 

“I need to shower.” Steve groaned

“So do I.” Sam sighed himself, still feeling the phantom of sweat on his skin from the night prior.

“Seems like I beat you two on that front then.” Bucky teased as he was the first of them to stand. “Guess I’ll try to squeeze a nap in then while you two are in the shower.”

Bucky held the door open for the other two as all three of them filed into the elevator, when they got back to their floor slash apartment he curled up on the couch with the blanket Steve had covered Sam in earlier while the other two crowded into the shower with the excuse they might as well save some water. It was around noon when Happy brought everyone up sandwiches for lunch from one of Tony’s favorite sub places, Steve and Sam had since piled up on either side of Bucky watching some movie Buck had no interest in since he had easily missed the first half of the plot. When they finally finished eating they had finished the movie and then decided they had better start getting dressed for the party now so they could make a good impression on the new Omega and everyone else that would be there of course, especially the interviewers that would be there and for no other reason obviously. They had split up, each retreating into their private rooms to get dressed without further distractions. 

Steve had stood in front of his closet for 15 minutes trying to decide on which of the neatly pressed suits he wanted to wear before he finally decided on a navy one and pairing it with a pristine white button up. He sifted through his ties unable to decide on which one he figured would match the best giving each often a few minutes longer of consideration before shaking his head, the cycle repeated till he huffed and settled on a plain navy one as well figuring the tie bar that Bucky had given him with matching cufflinks would suffice; the bar and cufflinks had been made out of some of the vibranium of Bucky's old arm and the brunette had asked Stark to turn it into an anniversary gift for Steve one year.  Though at the thought of the cufflinks he couldn’t find them or remember where he had last set them down at. 

 He stepped back into the shared bedroom and shuffled through the drawers and end tables there incase he had put them there but to no avail, he started to panic a bit and figured he would check his room one more time, though on his return trip Sam’s door was open and he stopped in the other Alpha’s door frame with an exasperated look on his face as Sam was buttoning up the sleeves of a white undershirt. “Have you seen where I put those cufflinks Buck gave me?” 

Sam met his eyes in the mirror, “In your office I think, have you checked your desk yet?” 

Steve took a few strides forward into his room, placing a quick kiss to the other Alpha’s cheek before stepping back out in a rush, “You're a lifesaver Sam.”

Sam offered him a lopsided grin and shot the blonde a wink. “I know it, what would you do without me oldman.”

Steve laughed and rushed down to his office, a room rarely used anymore, to find the cufflinks on a small glass nick nack tray Peter had given him and sighed in relief as he fastened them on, now all he had to worry about was what to do with his hair. Should he slick it back neatly? Let it be a little messy? Run his hands through it with some pomade to give it a kind of tousled yet neat and slick look somewhere between the other ideas he had?

Prior to Steve’s intrusion Sam had been pacing around his room, two suits held in front of him as he debated between them, holding them up in front of him back and forth on repeat until he finally settled on a sharp burgundy one and pairing it with a white button up. Saying screw it to a tie since he didn't want to even fuss with that or the constricted feeling of them in such a large crowd, he did however out on some nice silver cufflinks his sister had given him years ago though he did noticed he fiddled with getting the small metal pieces just right before Steve’s interruption drew his attention from the cuffs.

Bucky seemed at a lost, why he cared so much he had no clue, he had tried on a couple suits he thought would look fine but there was always something off about it that had Bucky peeling the thing right back off unable to decide if he wanted to keep a rugged look or seem a bit more polished tonight, he had been staring at himself in the mirror for who knows how long, he had struggled to decide on a belt  of all things. He kept it simple with black slacks, he could pair any of his shirts and blazers with them and had finally settled on a plain black leather belt with gold hardware but on the subjects of shirts he was absolutely lost on what to wear. In an act of desperation he dug into the pack of his closet towards things he really never wore and ended up forgetting lived, thankfully him forgetting things that got put back there paid off when he found a black and gold corset style vest hung up; the thing was completely black with gold piping and boning, it reminded him of his arm and that was probably why he owned it but he didn’t remember when he got it or if someone had given it to him, he paired it with a simple black undershirt. He slipped into the small attached bathroom and pulled his hair half up, a thing both Steve and Sam had done at some point while playing with his hair. 

None of the men had really realized just how long they had taken piecing themselves together to perfection until Friday was practically yelling at them to get their asses downstairs to the pack living room, the team had been waiting long enough for them that Nat and Clint had already left to go get their friend. They all awkwardly piled into the elevator making small compliments about how the others looked, figuring they were due for off-handed comments from the rest of the pack when they made it to the main room it was best to get the nice compliments between eachother out of the way.

Once the elevator dinged the three men shuffled out into the staring crowd awkwardly. The team was gathered in the common room with everyone looking sharp and collected in their party outfits, the room was abuzz with anticipation and excitement. Tony was leaned against the back of the couch in a red, gold, and white tux with a bowtie that mimicked his iron man suit; as the three alphas joined the small group of people he offered them a teasing raised brow and a smirk before he clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention.

“Alright everyone, listen up please.” Tony began, “First of all,thanks for making an effort to look good tonight. You all clean up well though I am a bit concerned with the Shield cufflinks there Steve, a bit on the branding nose there, don’t you think?” 

Steve rolled his eyes but offered the shorter Omega a grin. “They were a gift from Buck, I like them.”

“A gift, sure.” Tony joked back, “but try not to overwhelm anyone with your patriotism yeah?” 

Steve rolled his eyes and the room chuckled, the light banter easing any lingering nerves. Tony’s eyes swept over the team, landing on Sam and Bucky, who were both standing close to Steve but looking more anxious than normal. He knew neither male was a big crowd person so they were normally anxious with parties and gatherings but this was unusual even for them.

“Now here's the thing,” Tony continued, his tone shifting to something more playful yet stern. “We have a special guest tonight-Nat and Clint’s friend, you’ll notice they have left ahead of us to go and get her. I’m sure you’re all very excited to meet her as a possible new member to our team and pack. And by ‘you’re all’ I specifically mean you three.” He shot a pointed glance at Steve, Bucky, and Sam. “You three have been acting like nervous highschoolers before prom.”

Sam opened his mouth to protest but Tony held up a finger. “Uh-uh.” He tutted. “Don’t even try to deny it. You three took exceptionally long to get ready, Friday said all three of you were fussing over your suits and hair longer than I do. You’re all acting like you have something to prove, or something you’re showing off for.”

Bucky crossed his arms, a mix between a frown and a pout on his face. “You told us to make a good impression.”

Tony’s smirk widened. “Since when do you listen to me? But on another note: Exactly! I wanted to remind you all- especially you three- to keep it cool tonight. We are here to have a good time and relax, not to scare the poor girl away.”

He paused, letting his words sink in for a minute before continuing with a more serious tone. “Look, I’ve seen her file, and trust me, she’s got some serious skills. If she likes the pack and we like her, I’d actually like to keep her around. So, on that note, no weird behavior, no intense staredowns, and definitely no overprotective Alpha nonsense tonight. Capisce?”

Steve, Sam, and Bucky exchanged looks between each other, each of them a little more self-aware now as Tony called out their tendencies. Steve finally nodded, a small smile tugging at his face as he covered Sam’s mouth who he could feel asking Tony why it was directed at them more so than the rest of the pack. “We’ll behave Tony. Just for you.”

“Good, because I’d hate to see her run for the hills before dessert is even served and before I get to do my big speech tonight.” Tony chuckled, his tone back to its playful lilt. “Now, let’s get out there and show everyone why I throw the best parties and why the Avengers are the best pack. We have a 30 minute drive ahead of us. Separate into your limo buddies.”

With that, Tony gave them all an approving nod and led the way to the elevator with Pepper on his arm. The team followed, the atmosphere not as charged with nerves with Tony’s words lingering in the back of their minds.

+

Tony had booked a conference hall in the middle of New York, a 30 minute drive from the Avenger’s compound, that was packed to the brim with guests inside and paparazzi outside. Tony and Pepper were the last ones out of the limos right after Steve, Sam, and Bucky who all tried their best to give the cameras what they were looking for but rushed through so Buck wasn’t in the camera sights too long and the paparazzi could get to the star attraction already. 

Inside the room was packed and Steve could have sworn he had seen Hank McCoy talking to Charles Xavier since both men were friends of Tony’s as respected scientists and inventors like he was. The three were tense as they scanned the crowds, almost like they were looking for someone else but Bucky beelined it towards the drink table; not that it would affect him but having something in his hand to fidget with even if he got separated from his mates alleviated some of social anxiety. Sam and Steve are hot on his tail, picking up their own drinks when all three of them get bombarded by some interviewer to comment on same designation relationships, Steve manages to corral the conversation mostly towards himself since Bucky hated being interviewed and Sam didn’t like being put on the spot about this kind of thing; but just as he started commenting on a rather invasive question the attention of the entire crowd was pulled towards the entrance. 

Arriving 10 to 15 minutes after the group was Natasha, Clint, and their Omega friend; Nat and CLint flanking her like protective guard dogs as she strolls between them with a graceful confidence that has all three men mesmerized. Dressed in a simply stunning backless of the shoulder draped sleeves, black silk gown that glittered under the lowlights, making her seem practically ethereal to the three alphas.

Tony slides up beside Steve with a knowing smirk as he pours a bit of a drink for himself as he reminds them: “No weird Alpha behavior.” before slipping away back towards Pepper.

The three tensed, at the immediate overwhelming scent like that of fresh snow, vanilla, and sweet juniper berries; their instaints screamed at them and Steve's heart was in his throat, Bucky shifted closer to the other two males to fight off the urge to immediately glue himself to her side, and Sam was in some of the worst shape between the three of them if the heat flooding to his face and his complete freeze up was any indication, glances between all three of them were exchanged to make sure the others are just as affected as themselves and when Steve clears his throat all three of them equally heated in the face hide behind taking a drink. 

The room that was frozen lights up with an energetic buzz, the interviewer from earlier scampering off to figure out what the story is about this new girl who was escorted by two avengers. Steve and Bucky are able to pick up on some guests conversations as they whisper between each other and interviewers trying to get the threes attention, with wonders of who she was, what her role was with the grand pack, if she was a new member, why they hadn’t seen her before, etc; it exhausted them to hear the barrage of questions and they could only wonder how she didn’t already seem exhausted by it.

Steve, Sam, and Bucky try to distract themselves from her lingering presence, all parting ways to talk with someone they knew, even if that meant Bucky was in the corner talking to Wanda and Vision just trying to stay hidden, Sam was off talking to Rhodey the two had bonded over war stories, and Steve was talking to another Alpha both males were familiar with, Sharon Carter, congratulating her on her recent bonding with Maria Hill.

 Sam can hardly focus on the details of what Rhodey is saying, something about how he was bunkered down on one of his tours, and it bothers him when he realizes the entire reason he is distracted from the conversation is that scent. 

Rhodey touches his shoulder softly as he fidgets with his glass, a blank stare as he nodded along to whatever the other man was saying. “You okay Sam? You seem a bit out of it, did I say something that brought back something?”

Sam shook his head and sighed. “No it's not you Rhodes, does anything scent wise smell off around here to you? Like one stronger than the others?”

Rhodey sniffed the air, his nostrils flaring before he shook his head. “No, not particularly, there's too many scents to really pinpoint one unless I was trying to find my mates, why?”

SAm shifted from one foot to the other. “Have you ever had one scent stand out to you so strongly that it haunts you even in your sleep?”

Rhodey gave him a confused look. “Only my wife’s. Why? Steve and Bucky’s scents are a bit too strong in your sleep or something?”

“No,” Sam shrugged exasperatedly. “Nat and Clint brought their friend tonight, the one who is supposed to be joining the team right?” 

Rhodey nodded trying to understand the other man’s meaning. “Well they came in with her scent on them the other day and it's been in my face since then, I barely slept last night man.”

Rhodey raised a brow and smirked. “Think ses your mate? That’s a pretty common thing for true mates.” 

Sam shook his head. “No I already have two, three would just be absurd.”

“Would it? For the exact same reasons you just said.” Rhodey shrugged, taking a sip of his own drink. “ You already have two, would it really be that crazy for a third?”

“You are not helping the case here man.” Sam huffed, taking another swig from the cup in his hands.

Though he let his eyes wander as Rhodey laughed, finding her nestled between Natasha and Clint talking with Bruce and eagerly shaking his hand. If it was bothering him like this and Rhodey had suggested the same thing Steve had, was it really that absurd the three men might have a third mate out there somewhere, that it might be her?

+

Wanda was anxiously yapping away, Vision was trying to calm her but Bucky found it endearing that she was just as uncomfortable in social situations as he was and was trying to calm both of their nerves.

“What do you think of her from here?” Wanda asked, slotting herself between Vision and Bucky. 

The three watching her as Tony made himself the first to greet her, Bruce joining them quickly happy to see Natasha again and shaking the other two omega’s hands. Bucky’s hand flexed around the glass, involuntarily, though he's aware that noise of the glass straining is an indicator of his tension and he is quick to swap out which hand is holding onto the drink. 

“She seems nice, though she seems to definitely have a presence.” Bucky mutters as he takes a drink.

“You think so?” Wanda asks with furrowed brows and a tilted head.

“If I may put in my two cents, I believe that is only because of the fact the crowds weren’t expecting her and we were.” Vision chimed in, happy to be included.

“No,” Bucky scowled, “that’s not it, cause the attention on her is dying down and she's already been rushed off to meet Pepper, and I guess see Clint’s wife and kids again with how Lila threw her arms around her neck. You could still find her in the crowd without trying, I guess I don’t get how she's good at spy work when she can hold the room's attention like that.” He grumbled watching the new omega squat down to hug Lila before moving over to see Nathaniel with a smile on her face as she cooed at babe in a small baby tux.

Wanda stepped in front of him, a smug smile on her face and her arms crossed. “I think its just you buddy, no one else in the crowd is staring her down as intently as you are. Maybe Steve and Sam but their looks are fleeting. You sir are enraptured, bewitched, enthralled. Vis what are other words quick!” 

“Uh, captivated, enamored, hooked, attra-” Vision started before Bucky interrupted.

“Okay I get it.” He grumbled into another drink. 

“Soooo?” Wanda looked up at him expectantly.

“So, what?” Bucky asked, confused.

“Why are you staring her down so intently, what about her has you so worked up?” Wanda asked excitedly.

“It’s nothing.” He muttered, trying to find Steve in the crowd.

“Well seeing as how you, Steve, and Sam have all been acting weird I know something’s going on, spill.” She sighed looking up at him expectantly.

Bucky shot her a look that said drop it but only made her smile and her eyes widen.

“Oh my god,” She started.

“No!” Bucky interjected.

“What?” Vision asked.

Wandas eyes darted between the new Omega and Bucky like she had pieced something together. “You think-”

“No! Nonononono. No.” Bucky interrupted, attempting to shut down the topic.

She turned to vision, stepping out of Bucky's reach. “He thinks she’s their mate.”

“Oh! Well that is very pleasant but you haven’t even met her yet, may I ask what it is that makes you believe so?” Vision looked down at his little excited Omega, who was practically vibrating in her place, an amused look on his face before looking back up to Bucky with an interested look on his face.

“I don’t, for that exact reason, but Steve does.” Bucky grumbled, knowing he was stuck in the conversation now.

“Well then let me rephrase that, why does Stece believe that to be the case?” Vision corrected himself.

“Her scent was lingering on Natasha and Barton last night, but it was strong enough none of you seemed affected but all of us barely got any sleep cause it followed us into our sleep.” He mumbled, finding Steve still talking to the two females. 

“And you aren’t convinced why?” Both of the mated pair at his side asked him in tandem.

“We haven’t met her in person one, and two is even if she’s Sam and Steve’s mate that would mean she's mine and I don’t deserve an Omega. I’ve hurt enough of them in my time as the Winter Soldier.” He sighed, he was still getting used to opening up to the pack.

“Then, if she is, make up for it.” Wanda gave him a pointed look. “But you won’t know unless you go talk to her. Go on.”

“Maybe.” He mumbled not liking getting called out by Wanda.

“Alphas.” Wanda sighed.

+

Steve was off. His entire composure was dangling by a string, he was hardly holding it together and it bothered him; he was trying to focus on the two women he called friends in front of them. He nodded along with a smile, chirping back an appropriate remark when it was necessary with his usual charm and speed; but as time went on he found himself floundering, taking longer than usual to find a word or make a remark, his entire being was just thrown off. He smiled, though it was a closed off one, unlike his usual smiles, and he clenched his jaw at how bothered the vanilla in the air made him; he had purposely put his back to her while talking to the other two women to try and ease his distraction because he really did want to congratulate the two, but in reality he felt it almost made the entire situation worse because of how one part of his brain seemed completely distracted on where she was and if she was okay. 

He didn’t need the two women in front of him catching onto what was going on, he knew, he just hoped his two mates were coming to the same conclusion. Oh, how he was thankful when he had to dismiss himself from Sharon and Maria at Tony’s beckon, giving the couple a final congratulations as he stepped away and turned to see Tony looking down at the Omega with a hand on her back as he led her towards the primary group of Avengers. 

“Duty calls ladies, again ladies congratulations.” Steve waved himself off, hurrying to find his spot between Sam and Bucky who both seemed just as off as he was feeling.

Tony begins to introduce her before he stops, “What am I doing, I am being so rude, my apologies im sure you want to introduce yourself.” 

She smiled, and chuckled, and her eyes glittered in the low light, and Steve felt like he could have melted right there, with how her voice sounded like heaven to him. Sam and Bucky tensed either side of him and he knew they were in the same boat as him, and he could have sworn the sudden wave of protectiveness he felt over all three of them was enough to knock him off his feet but he was still standing.

“Right obviously you know me, Nat, Clint, Pepper, and Bruce but the rest of these guys are the rest of the team and occasional allies depending on the situation.  Rhodey a good friend of mine like a brother to me, Scott and his girlfriend Hope two of our bug people and yes we have more, Thor and his girlfriend Jane, T’Challa I think you two would get along with the whole cat motif thing, Wanda and her mate Vision, Carol she stops by occasionally, the kid is Peter our other bug person but ultimately the coolest bug we have,” Tony begins introducing everyone with banter to make everyone laugh as she shakes hands with everyone.

“And these three brooding men are Sam, Steve, and Bucky. Don't worry they aren’t as scary as they seem, despite the staring thing they have been doing all night, I’m sure you felt their eyes on you.” Tony teased and she chuckled, Steve straightened himself out and stepped forward to shake her hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, miss. Steve-” He started, and his heart just about jumped out of his chest.

“I know who you are Cap, you don’t have to go out of your way to give the whole spiel, the pleasures all mine.” She offered him a smile back and the electricity he felt between them was enough for his confirmation.

The slightest dilation of her eyes, told him she had felt it too, it wouldn’t have been enough for anyone else to pick up on but he could have gotten lost in her eyes almost immediately so he had picked up on it. 

“Let me introduce my true mates then, although I'm sure you know them too since they are also Avengers.” Steve was floundering and he wanted to punch himself in the face so he would shut up. 

She nodded and Bucky and Sam stepped up, each male offering him a small touch to his back or sides. Steve pulled his hand away from hers and gestured to each man as he introduced them.

“James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, my first mate.” Steve started, and Bucky shot him a worried look out of the corner of his eyes at being the first one to be introduced, in all honesty Steve needed to see Bucky react to the inevitable that was there. 

“Pleasure to meet you doll.” He forced a small smile on his face as he shook her hand, and Steve’s eyes traced how Bucky’s grip tightened slightly and how his throat bobbed as he swallowed, taking that as the indicator Bucky had also felt the small jolt. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you from Natasha and Clint, they both said you were an amazing fighter, I look forward to maybe sparring with you one day.” She smiled at him and he felt like he stopped breathing all together.

“I’d like that doll.” Bucky nodded, passing her off to Sam so he could catch his breath from the constant static of energy between their hands.

“Sam Wilson, pleasure is all mine sweetheart.” Sam winked, shaking her hand, flirting being his go to in situations like this. 

She chuckled softly at his flirty comment and shook her head. “Flirting in front of your mates is bad practice Mr.Wilson.” 

“I can get them to flirt with you too if you’d like that.” He teased back, trying to not lose his cool as his whole body felt charged with energy, all exhaustion from earlier leaving his being.

“You are terrible Mr.Wilson.” She laughed.

“Sam is fine, hon, no formalities required.” He felt like he was losing it standing here, any longer and he would be practically vibrating in his spot.

Thankfully Steve pulled the conversation back to him and Sam could breathe again, shooting Bucky a concerned look who looked floored and stunned. 

“Let’s grab some drinks Buck.” He offered, and Bucky nodded quickly.

“Yeah, I’m just about out, could use a top off.” Bucky agreed joining Sam’s side as they scampered off towards one of the refreshment tables.

+

“Nat and Clint speak highly of you, how did you three grow to be so close?” Steve asked me, his blue eyes made it seem like he was actually interested in what I had to say but in truth he had kept glancing my way all night making sure his back was to me, it felt like he didn't really like my presence being there.

“We were put on several missions together, Clint and I joined at the same time, and I’m sure you've heard of what happened in Budapest though all three of us say different things happened there.” I smiled and nodded just trying to get through the conversation.

I liked the rest of the team, I really did but the three mated alphas had been glaring or staring me down almost all night, like they were uneasy about me. Earlier Bucky seemed like he was uneasy to even touch me and Sam seemed like he was ready to get as far away from me as possible despite the fake flirting. 

“I don’t want it to seem like I’m interviewing you or anything because that is not the case, just curious to get to know you, but uh, Natasha mentioned you were …enhanced, what kind of abilities did you …inherit, manifest… Is that a better word?” Steve stumbled; he wasn't good at the enhanced and mutant politics or how to address things when it came to that, even with Wanda.

“You can call me what I am Mr.Rodgers, Yes I am a mutant. It manifested when I was about eight or nine, uh, I have heightened reflexes, I always land on my feet, can withstand extreme colds, and I can walk almost completely silently which makes me good at stealth. My hero or code name or whatever you want to call it was a nickname from Fury I just kept.” I laughed awkwardly, I never liked putting my mutation front and center especially since I tend to blend in with other humans perfectly fine it wasn’t something I felt I needed to push or lead with.

“Apologies if I overstepped there, it's new to me.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck like he was honestly unsure of how he should have addressed it.

“You didn't, I'm just not someone who is normally very forward with the fact I have a mutation.” I smiled back trying to relieve him of some awkwardness.

“What do you do for hobbies? Any interests, a training regiment? How do you unwind?” Steve asked, changing the topic quickly.

+ 

She smiled and answered but Steve wanted to beat himself up for how uncomfortable he had probably made her asking about her mutation, it honestly intrigued him but he just didn’t know how he was supposed to address things like that. Though the two are quickly separated as Nat shoots him a look, sweeping her back into the festivities. 

As the evening progressed Steve couldn't help but to keep tabs on where Nat had swept her off to next, always introducing her to someone else, he settled at a table with Sam and Bucky, not wanting to mention it too much when he noticed both males also keeping tabs on her. As much as they were trying to stay discrete Natasha’s warning gaze had them shrinking back into their chairs like scorned pups, though the second their eyes darted away Natasha had smugly smirked to herself. They thought they were being subtle, she chuckled to herself at their antics.

“Hmm? Everything okay Tasha?” The voice drew her out of her thoughts and looked down at her close friend who had been enthusiastically talking to Bruce about some science thing she wasn’t paying attention to.

“Yeah, everything’s okay, just thought of a funny joke.” Natasha waved it off, but shared a smug knowing look with Clint who was holding Nathaniel on his hip. 

The red head took two slices of cake off the table and handed one to her, and one to Bruce, before grabbing her own and  taking a bite from her own slice as she ushered them over to where Clint and his family were.

+

As the night drew to a close and the party was beginning to wind down, Tony called everyone over to the small stage to give his normal yearly speech. The avengers all turned their attention to him with smiles on their faces, he adjusted the mic to his height and set his champagne glass on the edge of a glass table beside him. The guests quieted as he cleared his throat, all eyes on the man of the hour.

“Alright, alright, you all know what time it is, the moment where I come up here and blabber about how great I am and all that, but if I could just have everyone’s attention for just a few minutes, I promise this time its not as self-centered.” Tony started, flashing his trademark grin. “First of all, I want to thank you all for coming out tonight. It’s not everyday a guy turns… lets just say another year wiser, alright?” The crowd chuckled and Tony’s grin widened. “But seriously, it means a lot to have all of you here-friends, allies, fans, and of course the best team a guy could ask for, even if we but heads a majority of the time.”

Tony’s gaze shifted to the team, a genuine warmth in his eyes. “You know, when I look back at everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve faced, it still amazes me that we’ve come through it all stronger than before. The battles we’ve fought in, saved the world more times than you could count on your fingers, and somehow we’ve managed to keep our sanity. Well, most of us anyways.” He winked towards the team, earning a few more laughs from the crowd.

“In all seriousness though, I couldn’t have done any of it by myself, without you guys. Steve, Sam, Bucky, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Wanda, Vision, and everyone who has been a part of this crazy ride; you’re not just teammates, you’re family.” He nodded towards them with a smile on his face.

There was a brief pause as Tony looked down his glasses, his voice softening. “And then there’s Pepper.” His eyes found hers in the crowd, a sparkle in them and the complete adoration in her gaze left him feeling like the only man in the world. “Pep, you’ve been my rock, my voice of reason, and quite frankly the only reason I’m still standing here today. You’ve put up with more than anyone should ever have to, and you’ve done it with more grace and strength than I ever could. So I’m dedicating tonight to you and to all all the amazing things you’ve done, not just for me but for all of us.” 

Pepper smiled, her eyes glistening with welling tears, and Tony raised his glass slightly in her direction. “Here’s to you Love, and to many more years of driving you absolutely insane.”

The room erupted in applause and cheers, Tony took a moment to let the noise die down before continuing. “Now, before we wrap things up, there’s one more thing I want to share. You all know we’ve been through a lot as a team and a pack, I’d like to think we’ve grown stronger because of it. Well tonight I’m excited to announce that we’re about to grow a little stronger.”

Tony’s tone shifted to one of pride as he continued, “ We’ve got a new member joining our ranks. Someone who’s proven herself time and time again; who has the skills, the guts, and the heart to be one of us. Natasha and Clint already know her well, and after tonight I think it’s safe to say the rest of us are starting to see why they trust her so much.”

He paused for effect, then smiled warmly. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please join me in welcoming the newest member of the Avengers, Lynx.” 

The room filled with applause as Tony turned to beckon her on stage. “Come on up here, don’t be shy, you're part of the family now.”

Bucky, Steve, and Sam watched the way her hips swayed in that dress as she climbed the stairs into Tony’s awaiting outstretched hand. 

“We’re thrilled to have you with us,” His voice carried a genuine note of welcome. “We can’t wait to work with you and see what you’ll do next. So here’s to the future, to the newest member of our absolutely terribly dysfunctional family, and a thank you to Fury for giving into my birthday wish. Welcome to the team.”

The applause grew louder and Tony raised his glass one final time. “To Pepper, the Avengers, and of course: Me!” He declared, and the room echoed the toast.

Tony moved to set his glass back onto the table without looking, the room seemed to freeze as the glass started falling off the small side table; Steve about to rush forward before the glass inevitably broke and cut her as it shattered with her open toed wedge heels, but before Steve could even move she had the glass in her hands and not a drop split as she sat the glass back onto the center of the table. 

Tony’s eyes widened before he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, she simply smiled back at him as she turned to retreat back down the stairs. “Reflexes, they come in handy.”

The small action had Steve, Bucky, and Sam frozen on the spot, they knew Tony had read her file and said she would be useful but those reflexes had kicked in faster than either of the supersoldiers had. She climbed down the stairs to the waiting Natasha and Clint who patted her on her back, a small smile on her face as she tried to downplay the almost accident. She could feel the sets of eyes on her back and looked over her shoulder to be met with the three alphas staring her down, she shifted and busied herself with the conversation around her.

Steve wanted to punch himself in the face for the way she seemed to shrink in their gaze, making herself smaller between the Barton’s and Natasha; but at the same time knowing him and his mates affected her as much as she affected them almost made him  pride himself, then a second later he was beating himself up for thinking like a stereotypical alpha that he tried not to be. 

Bucky was impressed, Steve had been the only person he had ever seen move that quickly aside from himself, and he found himself wondering how those reflexes would correlate to other areas like sparring, or sparring. He wouldn’t let himself admit he was already thinking of having her in bed like he did with his other mates on the days regular sparring didn’t take that edge off and he needed a little bit more to keep his nerves balanced.

Sam was in the same boat as the other two but thinking less with his dick and more of how attractive she was in general and how impressive her brief show of skills had be, he could only imagine how she would move and fight on the actual battlefield; he reckoned that since she was a stealth master more so than Natasha or Clint were she adapted based on the circumstances, he would've put money on a bet that in their time at SHIELD the three probably had made their own bets on trying to beat her in stealth drills only to lose every time.

+

Steve, Bucky, and Sam retreated to a corner with their tails between their legs. The crowd began to filter out slowly, Steve had begun to talk but it was Bucky who had interrupted him. “We need to talk about this later, clearly we are all being affected by this and we need to straighten this all out.”

The other two nodded in agreement, watching as Tony talked with the alluring female across the conference hall, fighting to take their eyes off her. The rest of the avengers were all regrouping after a little bit of last minute partying that resulted in Natasha being a little too lovey dovey with Bruce and all of Clint’s kids being asleep.

They were so deep in thought they didn’t hear Pepper walk up behind them or even start talking to them. “...to leave? Hey? You three even listening? No, no you are not.” She sighed before clapping between them, startling all three Alphas to attention. “Quit being star-struck by an Omega you have barely met and maybe pay attention. I asked if you three were ready to go? We are getting ready to leave. Please, have your heads on straight, shes coming back to the tower for the night since her apartment is 45 minutes from here instead of 30 minutes from here.”

The boys all scrambled to agree and within the next 15 or so minutes they were squeezing into the back of a vehicle, the other members of their team squeezing into their own. 

Steve popped his neck and stretched out in the vehicle as much as he could. “We really need to figure out why this is affecting us so much. When she touched my hand earlier it felt like static electricity.”

Sam nodded. “I felt that too but it was more like my entire body was wired with electricity despite how exhausted I was.”

Bucky growled under his breath, looking out the window at the passing lights. “It’s just ‘cause she’s new and mysterious and is being brought into the pack.”

SAm made a noise in disagreement. “You know that's not what this is Buck, I saw how affected you got especially when we went over to get drinks. You were staring out into space like you were lost in your head again. Whatever this is, it's different than just new, it's way more intense. Admit it Buck you felt something too.”

Bucky shot him a side long glare. “Okay fine, there was a tiny jolt, but not anything like you two were describing.”

Steve tried to diffuse the situation. “Whatever it is we have time to figure it out, it's not like we are in a rush. Whatever is leaving us all so tense and curious will take time to figure out until we get used to her being around and as a member of the pack we wont know if it is just cause she’s new or not.  We keep an eye on her till she's used to everything and be there if she needs anything. I don’t want her thinking we don't like her or don’t want her on the team or in the pack.” 

Bucky grumbled an agreement and Sam nodded, most of the cars were already here, Thor and Jane were the car ahead of them, and he was helping her out. By the number of cars pulling down into the parking garage there was only one car besides their’s missing from the fleet; probably Tony and Pepper since she had to finish arranging everything with the cleaning crew. The three trudged into the building, exhaustion finally settling into their bones and after shrugging off their party clothes all crashed into the large bed together.

On another floor Clint had escorted Lynx to her guest room on the main team communal floor of the tower. “I’ll be right back, let me go put Nathaniel down and grab Nat, Nat said she put some clothes in here for you earlier.”

“Kay, I’m gonna change then hurry back. I know you and Nat want all the gossip and know of what went on tonight.” SHe had smiled to Clint who nodded and rushed off.

+

I found the clothes Natasha had left for me folded neatly in the bathroom with a hairbrush and bathroom essentials, I changed into the pj set Nat loaned me: a silk set every member of the team probably had because it had little chibi versions of all the members on it and an old Shield training shirt. I brushed my teeth and my hair out, rinsing my mouth out with the sink water just as a knock sounded from the door.

I dried my mouth quickly before rushing over to open the door, a slightly tipsy Natasha leaning against the door frame and an amused Clint with his arms full of extra blankets off to the side of her.

“Hey! Get in here!” I stepped to the side and Natasha immediately threw herself onto the bed. Clint tossed the blankets onto the empty dresser before sitting down in an accent chair. 

“Spill! I gotta know what happened when You weren't beside me or Clint.” Natasha mused, fixing a pillow under her chin. “What do you think of the team? How do you think the night went?”

I shrugged. “I dunno, I don’t think Steve, Sam, and Bucky like me that much. Steve seemed really unsure, and Sam while he was flirting it seemed he wanted out of the conversation as fast as possible, and all Bucky did was grumble and stare at me really. I mean I shook his hand and talked with him a little bit but he rushed off with Sam.”

Nat smiled like she knew something no one else did. “Ehhhh, don’t think a thing of it, they like you don’t worry. Bucky wouldn’t have talked with you at all if he didn’t like you in the slightest. And Sam may be a flirt but he never rushes off unless hes actually meaning his compliments, and as for Steve you somehow managed to get under his facade and made him slip up. They like you don’t worry.” 

“If you say so, They just seemed to be keeping me in their sights like they were afraid I was gonna turn on someone all night.” I sighed, and Nat ruffled my hair.

“I mean it, they might be acting weird right now just because you are a new person, give it a few days hon, and it’ll be all normal.” Nat pointed out.

“How do you think it went with the rest of the team?” Clint questioned.

“I think it went okay, I liked Wanda, she seemed sweet.” I answered quickly.

“She’s excited to have another Omega around I bet. The Alphas outnumber the Omegas on this team. And seeing as the only other ones here regularly are Tony and Bruce, both of which are males, I think she's happy to have another female Omega around regularly.” Nat slurred slightly, but her point made sense.

“From what I could tell, it seemed like everyone on the team liked you, it seemed like you left everyone with good impressions.” Clint offered.

“You think so?” I asked.

“Yeah, I think so. The fact Bucky even talked to you is a sign of that.” Natasha had her eyes closed on the pillow, her words coming out slowly as she started to drift off.

“I better get her back up to Bruce before she passes out, Have a good night snowflake.” Clint stood. “Oh those blankets are for you, I grabbed them from the storeroom for you since I know Omegas are big on comfort. Feel free to keep them for when you move in.”

He helped Nat up from the bed and the two made their way back to the door. “Thank you Clint, have a good night, you too Tasha.” I smiled at them.

Natasha waved drowsily back. “Night Snow. Sleep well, see you in the morning.”

“Night,” Clint waved back as he closed the door behind him.

I stood and locked the door, picking up the blankets Clint had brought for me and began making a small temporary nest with them so I could get some decent sleep. My nerves were still going haywire at the thought of the three alphas having their eyes constantly on me, I honestly didn’t know how I had made it through the night with the constant heat under my skin at their gaze. I plugged in my phone and finally curled up in the nest of blankets, hopefully tomorrow wouldn’t feel as tense. I watched a few videos on my phone before I ended up falling asleep, thoughts of the three Alphas and their scents following me into my sleep.

Taglist: @crazyunsexycool

[nights-at-crystarium]

While I'm ancient-trio-posting, wanna hear a bit about their dynamic?

Hythlodaeus and Hades are old friends, roommates, even. A genuinely mature, established couple. I haven't really thought too far back in time yet, so maybe childhood friends to lovers because no one else in my story has this trope yet. I leave it open-ended for now. What matters is that they're very chill and stable together.

Azem, not-yet-Azem but a mere apprentice of Venat, has a certain secret, harmless to the world, but potentially ranging from laughable, cringy, personally embarrassing to legally punishable, should it be brought in front of the Convocation, like all lies it's doomed to be revealed in time, he already hangs out with one of the Big People and there are talks about Venat's retirement, our little not-yet-Azem feels like he might get recommended, and must find help with his silly secret before that.

Hythlodaeus, Chief of the Bureau of the Architect, has ever been kind and patient with not-yet-Azem's concept submissions, and generally seems like a reliable and open-minded person, so our guy asks for his advice on the matter. Of course he isn't let down, the nitty gritty of it I'll leave for later. The important part: he and Hyth grow closer, and Hades, already being joined at the hip with Hyth, is in on the secret as well. It's just a vulnerability that I use as a means to win over Hades's heart. Be genuine, beg for his help, rely on him, and he's yours.

Venat retires, the new Azem takes the seat, his secret's safe/resolved (forget about it, it's played its role of the glue for our trio), things are chill for a while, the trio grows into a proper throuple, Hades is recommended for the seat of Emet-Selch by both his lovers, but by Azem most ardently (and selfishly: he feels like a white crow among the Convocation and wants another freak on the team. Hades finds it sweet though).

The status quo moves to the known canon where Azem travels a lot, sometimes summons his buddies to his side, he tends to disappear from Amaurot for weeks and months on end, Hyth and Hades are left to themselves, seemingly things are the same as they've always been, but the joy of reuniting with their wayward lover, and the pining when he's gone, is bigger in Hades than Hyth. Of course they, the two mature people holding hands from the beginning of times, don't discuss this.

Azem may not even realize what he's doing- well, ain't that most azems in a nutshell. He just exists, loves his partners, shines for them with equal warmth like sun. It's not that Hyth doesn't like being sunkissed, no, it's Hades who gets a bit too excited, tries to mask that however he can, perhaps HythHades pretend that nothing's changed, but, yknow, subtle cracks. Hades's heart grows more fond due to the time and distance that separate them so often. Of course he's terrified and he sees what this does to the balance of their poly, it's not welcome, but it won't go away.

Enter Hyth's self-esteem issues, and how neatly that weaves into his following sacrifice to bring forth Zodiark. Even though Azem's nowhere to be seen, it's fine, he'll return, it's just a tantrum, the Convocation will forgive him, Hades will be left in good hands, he and Azem seem to be happier without Hyth anyway. (no, no, no, no-) Of course, the latter's left unsaid, only a smile on display and vague words of affirmation for the shellshocked Hades.

Through the sacrifice Hyth drives up his value. He's forever important to Hades now, forever on his mind, his guiding star. I view Hyth's selfless act as selfish too (just as Raha's but he isn't relevant here), a desperate act of a soul not only loving, but desperate for love. Hyth gets what he wanted. In a fucked up way, he's happier as a part of the moon. He never has to contend with the sun again.

[pokemonheritageposts]

for the tcg ranking, could we get the tao trio (reshiram, zekrom, and kyurem)? ik they're not an evo family but they're all linked anyway

in a conundrum here because i want to be consistent about how i treat these and i wouldn't want to do these all together for some of the other legendary trios. but this this trio specifically share so many goddamn cards with each other (and other pokemon too for that matter) that we'd be repeating ourselves if we did them seperately. and that's not even getting into the fused Kyurems!

Fuck it. I'm doing a Top 20 for the trio. And oh my god damn are some of these cards incredible.

20/19 (TIE). White Kyurem EX/Black Kyurem EX (illus. Eske Yoshinob, Black & White Promo #63/62)

18. Zekrom (illus. Aya Kusube, Celebrations 10/25)

17. Black Kyurem (illus. kawayoo, X & Y Promo #160)

16. White Kyurem (illus. kawayoo, X & Y Promo #128)

15. Zekrom (illus. Naoki Saito, X & Y Promo #76)

14. Kyurem (illus. Anesaki Dynamic, Sun & Moon - Unbroken Bonds 50/214)

13. Zekrom (illus. Hasuno, Dragon Majesty 46/70)

12. White Kyurem (illus. kawayoo, XY Fates Collide 21/124)

11. Black Kyurem (illus. Mitsuhiro Arita, X & Y Promo #80)

10. Reshiram (illus. Aya Kusube, Celebrations 2/25)

9. White Kyurem (illus. Shin Nagasawa, X & Y Promo #81)

8. Reshiram & Charizard GX (illus. Ryota Murayama, Sun & Moon Promo #201)

7. Reshiram (illus. Aya Kusube, Black & White - Legendary Treasures 28/113)

6. Reshiram (illus. Kagemaru Himeno, Black & White - Legendary Treasures RC22/RC25)

5. Reshiram & Zekrom GX (illus. Naoki Saito, Sun & Moon - Cosmic Eclipse 157/236)

4. Reshiram & Zekrom GX (illus. Naoki Saito, Sun & Moon - Cosmic Eclipse 222/236)

3. Pikachu & Rekrom GX (illus. kawayoo, Sun & Moon Promo #168)

2. Reshiram & Charizard GX (illus. Mitsuhiro Arita, Sun & Moon - Unbroken Bonds 20/214)

1. Zekrom (illus. AKIRA EGAWA, Sword & Shield - Brilliant Stars TG05/TG30)

[grapejuicestyless]

Just Because You Cannot Have Her.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: You’ve always been in love with the oldest Fisher. Having grown up to be his practical twin, it was almost impossible not to. When he makes it clear he likes someone else, you try to move on. And it almost works.(inspired by that one scene between Laurie and Amy in Little Women!)

Angst to fluff to angst to fluff again(it’s a lot.)

To me, he wasn’t only the sun. He was the moon and the stars. He was the smell of the fresh grass and the sound of the beach. He was all of my favorites things. And to him, I was his best friend.

Conrad and I grew up together. Our mothers all going to college. My mother rooming with Laurel and Susannah, creating the foundation of a new friendship. One that led us to Boston right beside her and the summer long vacations only I would attend during the summer as my moms work grew more demanding. Susannah lived next door to us my whole life. A pretty house on a more quiet road in Massachusetts. The houses mere feet apart. Windows reflecting each other.

Nights were spent the three of us each school year, playing in the garden with sticks as swords and watching cheesy movies before color had reached the big screen. Just me, Jeremiah and Conrad. All year long. All day long.

I still remember the day we figured it out, Conrad and I. How my window was directly facing his. Same floor, same height. How if we tried hard enough, we could communicate late at night and never be apart.

Jeremiah was an important part of our trio, but as they always say, there’s a duo in every trio. That was me and Conrad. It was obvious, the way we sat closer together. My head on his chest and his legs thrown over my lap. How by some force, no matter the scenario, it was always him and me against it. No matter Jeremiah’s efforts, it seemed that he could never quiet catch up. He wasn’t mad by it, he understood even then that what we had was special, but he also had a right to want that. To want that force that constantly seemed to keep Conrad and I intertwined.

And with the knowledge of that force and the closeness of it all, how could I not fall for the boy that was my best friend? My everything. Him with his blonde hair and boyish grin, eyes crinkling and shoulders hunched. He understood my jokes, even when they weren’t that good and yet, he laughed at each one. Because I was the one telling them. We flowed continuously, like a perfect line drawn on a piece of paper.

But I guess that force wasn’t as strong as I believed. Because while it had pulled me to him in every way a person can be pulled, Conrad seemed to have been left behind. Unaffected by it all. Able to fall for everyone else around him while I remained trained to him like a puppy eager to gain his affection.

Belly and Steven were an added part of our group. Each summer they’d travel down to the beach, stay just down the hall from us and enjoy the same games and closeness I was lucky enough to have all year.

Yet, with her youngness, in some way I still got everyone to myself. If it were to be a house party or a late night rendezvous, it was always the three of us and occasionally Steven.

Last summer was different. To me, to her. To everyone. Belly changed. Like the seasons or the tide, Belly lost her braces and ditched the glasses. Hair flowing behind her like a movie scene. A character straight from a love story. I always saw her as beautiful. Always believed she had the looks and personality to make any boy chase her, leaving a trail of drool behind. But now, everyone else could see it too. Conrad could see it too.

And that summer, he spent it stuck to her hip like glue. Leaving me colder and more alone than I’d ever been in my entire life.

I had been forgotten like nothing ever happened between us. Like we hadn’t come up with our own way of conversation through the windows. Like we hadn’t cried over the notebook or sat on the floor playing Barbie’s until our knees hurt and our back were sore. Like we didn’t know the ins and outs of each other. To be thrown to the side like a distraction felt like a punch to the gut. But the affection that Belly gained from Conrad while I lost everything was a bullet, killing me slowly while I bled all over Susannah’s white bed sheets.

Summer came and went. Slower than I wished. But that’s what happens when the world crumbles around you. Losing your best friend, and also the love of your life to the girl you’d happily consider a younger sister. Watching her get the attention I’d always wanted. His lips ghosting over hers and his hands tracing her hips like she was art. All while my hands held themselves and my lips were bitten raw.

The fall wasn’t much better. College was hard. So far away from home, and even farther from Jere and Conrad. I could count down the days until summer. I wouldn’t have Conrad, I accepted that. But I would always have Jeremiah. The boy who was always my younger self. My other best friend who stuck by me as he watched Conrad rip pieces of my heart out each day without any knowledge of what he was doing. He comforted me on the days that I seemed to be nothing more than a distant memory to Conrad. He sat with me both in person and on the phone for hours, catching up and doing the things I had only ever done with Conrad.

I went to NYU, much to everyone’s dismay. I’d sworn on Brown. Going somewhere with Conrad to stay together. Two peas in a pod. He’d looked disappointed at my decision, but he could’ve seen it coming. With him no longer wanting me, it felt wrong to follow him around. To stay stuck to another woman’s boyfriend, if that’s what you could call them.

Conrad and Belly were never exclusive. They never set clear boundaries of their relationship. They flirted and teased. Played around and fought, but they never stuck completely. Deep down, Belly had a crush brewing for Cam Cameron, and anyone who wasn’t an idiot could see the blush spread across her cheeks whenever Jeremiah walked into the room. Conrad, to him it felt like Belly was it. He had no other women around him. He stopped flirting freely at bonfires and rarely went out without her. He was more set on a true relationship. Knowing that is what hurt the most. So, I left. Not wanting to stay in a place I did not feel welcome.

Again, the seasons passed. Changing like the people within it. And finally, within the snow and the rain, I came home to a familiar neighborhood. My luggage in the trunk of an even more familiar red Jeep. The Fishers and I were reunited, almost fully. Susannah slept peacefully in the back seat, head leaned up against the window, pen laid dainty in between her slim fingers adorned with beautiful jewels. Jeremiah was driving, a new smile on his face as the summer sun shined down on us. Meanwhile, I sat passenger side, sock clad feet up on the dash and a pack of gummy worms on my lap. Feeding a few to Jere every couple seconds. It was perfect. An atmosphere that was light and gentle. The only missing piece was my best friend in the whole world, Conrad Fisher.

He had decided to drive up by himself this year, having been away at Brown and getting the chance to head off early. It made perfect sense. But the idea that our annual car rides were no longer existing, ached. I had already lost him in the summer, I could accept that. But to lose him year round? It was a new pain I couldn’t even think about dealing with. So I took it as it was, a perfect excuse.

“You okay?” His voice was smooth, warm. I let my eyes flicker from the side mirror. My face turned to look at the tan skinned boy next to me.

Jeremiah was always beautiful. He had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. One that reflected the clearest summer day I could wish for. Yet, in the lightness, they also held depth. Sparkling with impulse and enthusiasm. His smile was infectious. Bright white in a way you could only dream it to be in the movies. Something that no one would believe to be a true description until they saw it. He had curly hair that wasn’t quite brunette, but not light enough to be blonde.

I still remembered the day he ran to me crying. He’d always hated his curls. He longed to have the straighter hair that his older brother had. He always looked up to Conrad. In ways so extreme that he wanted to be just like him. Conrad had told him that his sandwich crust made his hair curly. It was funny until it wasn’t. I spent the whole day styling Jeremiah’s hair until it was sticky with hair product and styled in his own way of perfection. He looked almost humorous with his usually wild hair all done up, but handsome none the less. He had really grown into himself through the years, it was hard not to notice him.

The memory made me smile, only the sound of a far out car horn shaking me back to the present.

“Just really excited to be back. College kicked my ass.” My smile was tight lipped, but genuine. Jeremiah returned the look, sighing as he looked out to the road ahead, taking in the familiar scenery.

“Me too.” I caught his eyes quickly flick over to mine, a smile still spread on his cheeks. A blush on mine. He was one of my best friends. My younger self. I shouldn’t have been so flustered to have been caught admiring the boy, but for some reason the heat bubbled up in my stomach anyways. I needed air, a sharp intake of it getting stuck in my throat as I felt a warmth wrap around my hand.

His larger hand laid comfortably in mine, squeezing innocently and shaking it as if to symbolize excitement. Yet, in that moment, the innocent gesture felt more intimate than a pure platonic feeling. Again, the heat rose to my cheeks, and the butterflies made me feel uneasy. But I brushed it off as over tiredness.

When we pulled into the driveway, I noticed all the other cars already parked. We had been the last to arrive, another odd experience as we were always the first.

Quickly, the families raced out the door to greet us. Steven and Belly shoving off each other to race to Jere and I. Belly got to me first, her arms wrapping around my body so hard I stumbled back at her force.

“I’m so glad you’re here! I missed you!” Her words were muffled by my shoulder, head buried into my skin like I’d slip away if she didn’t hold on to me tight.

“I missed you more, Bells. I have no one to watch all these movies with me when I’m away.” I motioned to the bag I had stashed away in the back seat next to were Susannah was once sitting. Belly pulled away in excitement, head peaking over my shoulder to inspect the stack of old discs peaking out from the bag. Her attention back on me as she stepped away.

“Look at you, all grown up.” I held her face between my hands, eyes squinting to fully admire her beauty. She truly changed last summer, having lost her braces and glasses. But somehow, the girl managed to get even more stunning in the passing year, proving to everyone she wasn’t so little anymore. She brushed me off, scoffing playfully before motioning to me.

“Look at me? Look at you! College did wonders!” I shrugged off the complement, not really seeing any changes.

It was true though, I had grown in college. Always a late bloomer, my chest had gone up a size. My wild hair was more tamed and my lips reddened. I changed from that young graduate who was sworn into baggy college shirts and swimsuit bottoms into someone who didn’t truly mind tighter shirts with half sleeves or jean shorts that were slightly scandalous. I had grown into a more confident version of myself while away from the crutches of comfort back home.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Conrad walking towards us, his eyes avoidant of Belly and glued to me, the first time I truly felt his gaze in almost a full year. He made a B-line to me, smile plastered across his face before Jeremiah intercepted his welcome. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, even if I had convinced myself all feelings for him were in the past. That I could move on.

I felt Stevens arm loop around my shoulders, “Blah, blah, blah. Y/n, I think you’ve had enough time to catch up. You know what time it is?” She shared a look, my eyes catching Jeremiah’s, his looking to Conrad’s.

“Belly flop!” I was quick to declare, Belly’s eyes widening. She was quick to try to make an escape, but not quiet quick enough.

She ran right into Jeremiah. Him and Conrad restraining her arms while Steven and I latched onto her legs. We rushed over to the pool, excited to toss her in yet another year. She screamed and thrashed, only to be met with the fate of the bottom of the pool.

The water splashed onto our legs, her body submerging underneath. I let myself fall into Jeremiah with an excited laugh. His arms wrapped around my body almost protectively, head tilted down to look at me. It was inviting and all so warm. Summer had officially begun.

The beach house was lively and bustling with people running from room to room. Trying to complete each thing that needed to be done to fully enjoy the summer. Susannah and I seemed to be the only two in place. Even Laurel rushing around to help out.

The kitchens surface was layered in fruits and flour tossed around it. The evidence of the crime scene on our faces. Powder smears across cheeks and a red ring over lining my lips from what could’ve been cherry or strawberry juice.

Susannah had sworn that the dessert she had been planning to make would taste so much better from scratch. She was right, like always. Her baked goods always were, and the small cakes in all various shapes and sizes were just as delicious as promised. Now the only thing left to show was the plate filled with the fresh pastries and the mess to prove we really had made them.

We laughed about it, when stepping back to observe our damage, a hand going to her forehead. Both in humor for the situation and some stress.

“What exploded in here?” We turned on our heals to the voice, laced in shock and amusement. The matching expression belonging to the boy I couldn’t seem to escape all day. Jeremiah.

“We made pastries!” Even my best jazz hands couldn’t hide the fact that everything was everywhere. Not even my best smile could hide the small regret I felt for making it with Susannah.

Sometimes, I believed Jeremiah was a psychic. As I could’ve seen the stress on Susannah’s perfect face, it was like he could simply feel it. With one small flick of his hands, he nodded knowingly, always wanting to be a help.

“Mom, why don’t you relax. I’m sure Y/n and I can handle a little mess.” We exchanged a glance. I nodded frantically, wanting to help out Susannah in every way possible.

“Are you sure?” She sounded more relieved than anything.

“Yes, of course. Now go, watch a movie or read a book. Paint! Why don’t you paint!” I shooed her away, helping Jere get her to settle in for the day.

The room was silent as she left, her presence only known because of what she had left behind. I almost laughed at how messy a grown woman could be, but I wasn’t any better, so who was I to judge?

“You really know how to make an entrance.” Jeremiah mused, eyeing me up and down while lifting the trash can over to the edge of the island top.

“What can I say? I’m an artist.” Picking up some flour from the countertop, I tossed it on his face, holding my hands up in a picture motion, as if I was trying to get the right framing for my work.

“Perfect!” I joked, a playful smirk on Jeremiah’s face.

We were quick in cleaning the kitchen. All appliances already washed and put away as we used them. So all there was to do was to clean whatever didn’t make it into the pans and bowls. It looked just like new, shining like it had before our baking process.

Again, I stepped back to admire our work, only this time, Jeremiah admired it with me. Looking at each other, I felt sure we had done the best job that could’ve been done.

“I think we make a good team. Absolutely spotless.” Looking at me up and down, it became apparent again that even as clean as the kitchen was, I needed to change my shirt.

“Shit.” I pulled the bottom of the material out, inspecting the spots of dust that scattered all over it. Frowning, I flattened it back out, ready to mock myself for a joke.

Jeremiah’s face didn’t change though, still casting that same smile that seemed to always be lazily stretched across his features. His hand found my skin for the second time that day. Only it didn’t wrap around my fingers in an embrace. Instead, he lifted his hand to my face. Thumb pressed to my lips, he smeared away the bottom of my cherry-strawberry ring that was beginning to stain.

Again, the heat rose and I felt almost fluttery at the closeness of it all. The intimacy of his actions.

“I like the red lip thing, by the way. Suits you.” With that he pulled away, thumb brought up between his own and sucking off the juice gathered across the tip.

He walked away like nothing had happened, while I stood there, red in the face and stuck on what had just happened. The boy I had always turned away in hopes that Conrad would chase after me like I had to him, was openly flirting with me. And I didn’t mind it.

Maybe it was the fact that I was lonely without the burning love for Conrad to fill my heart, or maybe it was the new found bond we formed over the last year. Which ever it was, it was leading me straight to my best friends arms, whether I liked it or not.

The sun rose high above the horizon, casting an unbearable heat across Cousins. It was the beginning of July, officially today. Just a week after everyone had piled into their designated vehicles and arrived to their home away from home, the one place we could all be together constantly.

To say that the week had been weird would be an understatement. I had fully prepared to be ignored by Conrad all summer, my heart slowly closing itself off, finally healing from his sour attitude from the previous year and finding it in myself to move on. However, to my surprise, he didn’t. No, within the first twenty four hours, Conrad was banging on my door. Demanding we go early morning surfing. Something we hadn’t done in years.

Conrad first proposed the activity when we turned fourteen. Just old enough to go out unsupervised during the day. At first I had been skeptical, unsure of how great my surfing abilities were in comparison with Conrad’s. At how well I could get back above the water if I were to fall. But Conrad always had a way of convincing me otherwise. Like the angel and devils sat on my shoulder, he could sway me whichever way he wanted. It was a power only Conrad had ever held over me. Something that was not only endearing, but scary. Something I vowed to not allow anyone else to have over me.

It became a tradition for three years straight. Waking up early for at least half of the weekdays to either play around in the water or float for hours. Burning and getting more delirious by the hour. Sharing anything and everything with each other. Something I held close to me, in those years.

By eighteen, Conrad had turned moody, starting what could be summed up as last summer in a nutshell. His ignorance towards my feelings and his inability to care about the ones he did know about ending the tradition by mid July. I used to pray he would knock on my doors to go again, but the knock never came. And as any sensible person would, I stopped pretending like it was possible to happen again.

But maybe I had been wrong, seeing as Conrad was once again, knocking at my door.

The waves had been particularly calm that morning, barely rocking the boards up and down. We decided to just float along the waters that day, the air quiet and calm.

“I missed this.” His voice cut through the silence like a knife. I raised my head from the water, where my hands had been making shapes along the surface.

“So why’d you stop doing it?” The words came out harsher than intended. After all, I was enjoying our time together. I had missed him terribly. After all, while having a younger me around was soothing, having your other half was so much more fulfilling in some ways.

I guess it was the pent up frustrations I hadn’t known I had until that moment. The anger that was caused by the fact that Conrad had me. He had me in the palm of his hands and deep down he knew he did. He knew I would go wherever he went. The poor idiot unable to see his disinterest in me. He had walked out, and I had let him back in. Just like every fight ever, he would come back begging and I would crumble immediately.

I decided then I could be his friend, I always would. It was something that was irreversible. I would let him back into my heart as my best friend, but it ended there. I refused to let him back in romantically. Something that was strange to know. Something I never dreamed of happening.

Sure the feelings were still there, I believed they always would be, but I would no longer act on them. And hopefully I could learn to love another.

Conrad fell quiet again after that. Not knowing what to say. Anything, everything fell short.

“I’m sorry, Y/n/n. I’ve been such an asshole to you. I was just, scared of everything and not where I should’ve been last summer. I shouldn’t have taken out my issues on you. I shouldn’t have ignored you. If I could take it all back I would. I miss my other half.” It was genuine, each word out of his mouth. My heart beat faster with the idea that Conrad had phrased it, “other half” instead of, “best friend” because he held some sort of feelings for me. But my logical half shut that idea down as quick as it happened, and nothing came of it.

In the evening, I had been playing volleyball in the pool with Belly. Having been a retired varsity player, it was always fun to get competitive with her. Diving into the water and scraping our feet on the bottom of the pool. It was messy but fun.

With it being played just us for awhile, Belly jumped at the idea to have Jeremiah and Steven join us. The pair having walked outside unaware to the intense battle going on in their swim trunks, they were quickly recruited to our teams.

The usual teams were me and Steven, our competitive nature making us a powerhouse against the usual Belly and Jeremiah. Who were just as good but lacked the same fire. Without hesitation, they jumped into the water, calling dibs on their teams.

“Alright I call y/n!” Jere was quick, his sprint slowed to a hop in the waist deep water, arms wrapped around my frame in a tight hug.

Belly scoffed.

“What’s wrong with being on my team?” She demanded to know, her tone dripping with playfulness.

Jeremiah rolled his eyes.

“No offense, Bells. But I want to win for once.” She stuck her tongue out sourly, Steven shooting me daggers, ready to destroy us.

While Jeremiah’s excuse was reasonable, his lingering touches and constant banter with me made it more apparent he had other reasons to be on my team. The way his hands held onto the ball just a moment longer when handing the ball to me to serve over the net, just to brush against my fingers or the way his body was never too far from mine. It was all so flirtatious, the familiar fluttery feeling returning.

In the end, we had won, much to Stevens dismay. It was a close game, but ultimately he had lost control of the ball, causing a hard loss for Belly. The pair fought innocently while we relished in our newly earned bragging rights. Jeremiah’s arms wrapped around me again, only to lift me from the water and spin us around to celebrate. All the new closeness was unusual, but for some reason, again I found myself unable to push it away. And the more he did it, the more I wanted him to keep flirting with me.

Maybe it was the attention, something I had always wanted, or maybe it was something new blossoming between us. But it was good and it was sweet. Something I hadn’t known before.

By the end of the week it seemed my days were split into fractions. My mornings taken up my Conrad, our bodies laid along the beach and our cheeks red with the sun. Muffins runs long and hilarious each time we drove off to collect a batch together. Conrad insisting Steven wouldn’t mind if he ate the last blueberry one and being wrong each time, resulting in the scramble to get more. In the afternoons I found myself devoted to Jeremiah. All his activities he wanted to do, he had somehow managed to rope me into doing with him. Whether it be running or swimming. Painting or just talking, I was there beside him. My eyes stuck to his like glue. And by the time night fell, I would be happily tucked under a blanket, Susannah and Laurel on one side and Belly squishing against my other as we watched the sappiest movies we could find and played the longest board games in the closet. Summer felt like summer again, and my heart was finally mending.

In my healing, it was like I had lost sight of the cause of the heartbreak. My head too stuck in the clouds that was the regaining of Conrad’s company and Jeremiah’s unrelenting interest in me to remember why the healing was necessary.

It seemed to have been over, this summer. The way Conrad avoided her more than usual. The way that the only times they were really together was when we were all in each other’s presence. But I would never really know as I am not them.

It was stupid to get so upset so late into the summer. Over something I should’ve seen coming. Something that had already came, just wasn’t as apparent. The moon was high and the moms were already settled in for the movie night. The blanket pulled up to their chins and popcorn buttery and still steaming.

Laurel had asked if I could go find Belly, not wanting to start without the person who adored these nights the most. Without thinking, I agreed. Why wouldn’t I? She was my little sister, in some ways. Someone who I refused to do the tradition without.

But god, I wish I hadn’t. I could’ve spared myself the heartbreak.

Conrad had Belly in his arms. Holding her loosely, letting her drift off without a care. All while his lips were on top of hers. Pressing into them with such force, such desire it made me sick. I had sworn to not let him back into my heart in that way, and I hadn’t. But the old feeling would always be there, and it would hurt each time he broke my heart like it was the first.

I wasn’t interested in the movie anymore. Yelling out some lazy excuse as to why I was going off to the beach to watch the stars instead of the movie. The mothers not giving it a second thought.

It was a mess, both mentally and physically. My brain scrambled in my emotions and my room reflecting it. My bathing suit was still damp, fitting perfect across my body even in the slight discomfort it gave me. The shirt I threw on over it wasn’t my own. The words, “Boston MA” spread across the chest. It hung at my thighs and it smelled fresh.

In moments like this I used to purposefully put on Conrad’s shirts I’d stolen over the years. The lingering scent of his cologne and the memories we held of him wearing them comforting enough. But in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to be as far away from his as possible.

I’m not sure who’s sandals I stole at the door were, but I hoped they didn’t need them anytime soon. Because I didn’t plan on coming back until the house was quiet and asleep.

The beach was my sanctuary. Peaceful, stranded at an hour like this. In any other place it would’ve been almost eerie, but I felt safe in Cousins. I knew nothing could hurt me here, and that in itself gave me peace.

The stars were brighter than usual tonight, sparkling on the surface of the very water I had laid across just hours before with Conrad. Confessing each dirty secret from college and laughing about our past. It felt more lonely now, then ever.

Even when Conrad and I were drifted, I felt more together than now. The wound reopened and bleeding.

The sand shuffled beside me, but my head was set on looking up. Unmoving.

“The stars are gorgeous tonight, huh?” The question was meant to be left unanswered. Only an attempt to get me to see that he was there, beside me now so I wouldn’t become startled by his presence later on. Still, I nodded. Eyes peeling from the sky to his.

They were just as bright and lively. Just as beautiful.

“Why’d you follow me? You my stalker now?” I tried to be funny, tried to joke. But my mouth was stuck in that almost permanent frown. I should’ve known he could sense my sensitivity, he always could. That’s probably what had drawn him out here in the first place. Always so attentive.

Still, to pity me, he laughed. It was quiet but it was there. Enough to make the corner of my mouth twitch upward. We fell into another silence. My eyes glossy.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, y/n/n. Tell me.” His hand reached out to push at my shoulder, gaining my attention again, pulling it away from the sky.

I blinked away the tears, swallowing the lump in my throat. I shrugged.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure.” Closing my mouth, I licked along the top line of my teeth. Sucking in my lips, I let them pop to take in a sharp breath. All while Jeremiah sat there patiently, ready to listen. Always there.

“I guess it’s just, everything. I mean-“ I looked for the right words to say, not wanting to stumble or say something I didn’t mean.

“I feel like I’m just being overly emotional. Everyone’s trying so hard to mend relationships and I feel like I keep finding reasons to run away again. I mean, I’ve been horrible to Conrad the past year. And for what? Because I couldn’t control myself? I haven’t seen Steven in awhile and I don’t even know how Laurel is holding up. I’ve just…I don’t know why I feel like this.” Everything was building into a massive guilt, my head facing the ground. Ashamed at my own feelings. Jeremiah didn’t judge, he didn’t push for more. He let me say what I needed to say, and he supported it. He was good to me.

“Hey, hey.” He was quick, seeing how I was breaking down rapidly. Under the stress of now not only the heartbreak I was suffering, but the guilt that came with the buried desire for Conrad to leave her to be with me. It snowballed into one big vomit of grief that wasn’t discovered until that moment.

“I’m sorry.” I wiped my eyes, breathing into a weak chuckle. I tried to lighten the whole situation, knowing that he was already dealing with so much. I felt worse putting it onto his shoulders. I couldn’t. So I avoided it. Changed the subject.

“Shit, Jere. I shouldn’t have brought you into it.” I looked at him, his eyes already trained on mine, his eyebrows knit together.

“Don’t be. I’ll always be there for you, Y/n. Promise.” His hands found mine in the dark, the sand getting stuck between the creases on our palms. They laid intertwined in the sand. The third time it had happened this summer. Somehow, even at my worst, he always found a way to break down the walls I was putting up.

My eyes flickered to his lips for only a moment, but the look on his face told me he was thinking about it too and the tension was palpable. Too lost in thought to lean in, Jeremiah closed the gap.

His lips slotted against mine perfectly. Molding together like they were one, pressing together hard. It was slow, but lustful. The knowledge that we both wanted more behind it, but the accompanying knowledge that it wouldn’t go beyond that kiss tonight was also there, creating a sort of comfort in the feeling.

Hands were soon tangled in each others hair, his curls ruined and messy from my constant tugging and messing with them. Groans escaping his mouth every so often when a tug was harder than usual. His hands finding the back of my neck to hold me close, our breathing heavy and the heat unbearable as it radiated between us. Everything was lustful and needy, slow and hot. Neither of us in a rush to end what was happening, everything feeling overwhelmingly good.

When we finally did pull away it was with a pop, lips swollen and reddened from a mixture of irritation and the small marks Jere had left littered across the bottom of mine with his tugging and gentle nips every so often. Eyes were heavy with desire and bodies unwilling to let go. It was like everything fell into place, like everything made sense. With Jeremiah so close, someone who cared for me, someone who constantly showed up, the heartache was almost nonexistent, and it felt like I was being pulled in a new direction. One that led me straight into the arms of the younger Fisher.

The kiss between Jeremiah and I should’ve stayed at that, a kiss. Realistically, I shouldn’t have done it at all. Knowing that even if I tried to stop it or refused to acknowledge it, my heart would always beat for Conrad. No matter how much of an asshole he had been to me. And that was the sad part, because his brother was so much kinder and better to me these past few years.

Maybe that’s why I agreed when it kept going. Why I allowed us to keep progressing into something more. Because even if my heart belonged to Conrad, Jeremiah was better for me, right?

That summer became last year, June coming up around the corner and still, physically I was Jeremiah’s.

Over our year together I had grown to love his curls, or the way he was so quick to visit me the second my voice faltered, despite his own troubles. How we had shared clothes and his touch was enough to send butterflies through my veins.

He was everything, someone I could grow to love as much as I did for Conrad. Someone that I could rely on. Someone who made my heart beat just a little bit faster.

If I had claimed that last summer was off, this one was tripled that.

What had started off semi normal in June, Conrad’s closeness in a strict platonic sense and Jeremiah’s closeness in a way that could be no where near a platonic level became more and more confusing as the weeks passed.

For the past two years of my life, I believed that one day the news would break that Conrad and Belly had finally found their place. Their title, their boundaries and make it exclusive. I believed that in her arriving with a new found beauty, I had lost the battle for him. I had come second to Belly in his eyes and would continue to forever if it meant he could be with her. But that never happened. The day never came.

And soon the lines became even more blurred. Conrad’s touches growing longer and closer. My body being pressed to his more often than not. His lips by my ear to whisper some secret, some dirty some innocent. His eyes staring just a second too long. It was almost flirtatious. But the minute Belly walked into the room, I was reminded that we could never be. And we would never be.

It wasn’t until the middle of August that I knew why the lines had seemingly disappeared. Belly and Conrad had stopped their messy make outs, both not getting what the other wanted, even if it had seemed like the pair was so enthralled by each other. And she had moved onto the boy she had been chasing for years. Cam Cameron. The boy who adored whales and had a heart of gold. His hair curlier than Jeres and eyes deeper than Conrad’s. It seemed that to her, she had finally found the person she needed around. And Conrad? He had nothing. Not even the girl he called his best friend to chase after him anymore. For she was with his brother now.

Still, the flirting was relentless. My mornings spent dedicated to Conrad, holding his hand as we attempted not to drift too far out in the calmness of the early ocean. His laugh warm and inviting. Something that reminded me why I enjoyed him so much. Even in his darkest moments, the ones where I was left to feel alone, he was always there to help me back up in the end. Mending his losses and fixing what was broke. He understood his issues, finding his own responsibility in situations that weren’t only his own cause. He was kind, he cared. He didn’t show it like Jeremiah did, but he had so much of it, it was just harder to see. He did everything for everyone.

My nights were for his brother. Jeremiah and I sprawled out on the grass, pointing at the stars, laughing about the stupidest things. I think back on why I like him so much. How easy it is to just be with him. How he never fights or lies or hurts. He’s there and accepts his faults, much like his brother. He is not ashamed like his brother. Not ashamed of his faults, he carries less guilt about the past, only worried about what he can do to fix it and continue on. And it is all so confusing because it feels impossible to long for two people at once. It feels selfish but it’s almost exactly what I want in that moment.

So the routine became something that I stuck to. Hiding away with Conrad in the sunlight to do our favorite things and holding onto Jeremiah throughout the night. The bed full, warm.

Somewhere in this thread, there was a bump. A miscommunication that led to Jeremiah wandering off to a party without me. One that I didn’t mind as it gave me a chance to clear my mind. Catch my breath on the situation. To do it in the one place I knew.

The concrete beneath my feet turned to sand, the softened surface relaxing as I tread across it. In the darkness I almost miss the hunched over figure in my spot. Red hoodie and messy hair unmissable. Easily identifiable even from the back, even with only an outline. An outline I had grown to recognize as Conrad’s.

I should’ve felt disappointed at the fact I wasn’t alone like I had planned to be, but I wasn’t. The idea that I would be with the one person I trusted more than life for a few hours wasn’t unsettling at all. It made it all more peaceful.

My legs folded underneath me, legs stretching out in front of me, I leaned back on my hands.

Looking up at Conrad I almost got a sort of deja vu from a similar conversation I was having just short of a year ago.

“What brings you down here this late?” I drew shapes in the sand, eyes drawn to his. He looked up to the sky, then back to me.

“I could ask you the same.” I smiled, only after realizing he had cracked one of his own.

“Clearing my mind.” I breathed out, relaxed fully next to him. I allowed myself to look at the stars with him.

“What are you think about?” I could hear his smile, something that made me feel warm. Something that made me want to express how I felt for him finally, but also urged me to put my strongest walls up.

The waves crashed against the shore and the crickets filled the silence. My teeth caught between my lip and my heart besting out of my chest, I felt dizzy in confusion. Where my heart lied.

“I think I might tell Jeremiah I love him.” I almost whispered it, like I was unsure.

The thought hadn’t crossed my mind before. I always knew my heart held something for Jeremiah. I always liked him. But not once did the idea of confessing my love for him cross my mind. Maybe it was because Conrad was close. He always had a way to make me confess my truest feelings. Maybe it was that, him helping me realize what I felt for his younger brother. Yet, in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but feel that the idea only came to mind in spite of Conrad, who had pushed me aside so many months ago. Who was now longing for my attention. And that alone made me feel sick. Sick that I would play with someone I adored so much at the expense of another, just to retaliate against old issues.

I expected a fake support from him. At least some sort of statement to encourage me to go for it. Something that I could try to believe was real and finally be able to let go of my twisted crush for him. One that I had held since I knew what love could be.

But his face fell flat, eyes looking almost coldly into the sky. His voice was dryer now, serious with each word he spoke.

“Don’t tell him.” I froze, confused but also bubbling with a mixture of frustration and sadness at his carelessness with such a heavy statement.

“What?” I tried to search his unmoving eyes.

“Don’t tell him.” He repeated, looking to me now.

“Why?” Looking at him, I saw the sun and the stars and moon, all lighting up the night sky. I saw the world in a way that made me want to put it in the palm of his hands. I saw something I’d never seen in his eyes before. A look I was only familiar with because it was a reflection of my own.

“Why?” He repeated me again, “You know why.”

My heart dropped. I had dreamt of this moment for years. Conrad running to me, asking me to take his hand. To be with him, but now, it felt almost sickening. Cruel for him to be doing this to me. Now, he had to do it. After his life fell apart and just as mine was coming together he had to do it.

I used my hands to slowly get up, Conrad mirroring my movements.

“No…no.” I repeated, trying to make my answer any more true.

“Yes.” His hand reached out to touch my cheek, but my hand was quick to push it away.

“No, Conrad.” I backed away more, letting him inch closer.

“What?” He asked, acting clueless to how he was ripping me apart all over again.

“You’re being mean, stop it. Stop it.”

“What? How am I being mean?” He almost sound amused at it, at how distressed I felt. All I could do was try to hold myself together for just a little longer.

“I have been second to Belly these past few years in everything. And I will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her.” My words held more truth than anything I had ever said in my life. The honest truth of how I felt these past few years, even if he never saw it.

“I won’t-I won’t do it.” I shook my head, his face broken and his eyebrows drawn together.

I wiped my brow, turning away briefly while my lip trembled. Slowly crumbling under the bubbling hot emotion coming up my throat, expanding into a lump.

“I won’t-not when I have spent my entire life loving you.” I wanted to point, stuck my finger right in his chest but my hands were glued to my sides, unwilling to touch him. With his silence as my returning answer, I took the chance to turn on the balls of my feet, walking off to the house in a new kind of distress than before.

I prayed that Jeremiah was still away, that I wouldn’t have to face him so soon but my prayers were left unanswered, a familiar frame sat over the kitchen island. His eyes drawn to his phone.

He smiled up at me as soon as he noticed I was in the room, everything about him so innocent and kind. Something I could never take advantage of. Something I could deprive someone else more deserving of it from.

His sweet smile soon turned into a mixed expression of pain and confusion. His feet carrying him across the room to me. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but to put my arms out in front of me to create a distance. To relay it to him even when my mouth wouldn’t work that I could not be in his touch right now.

I shook my head before he could even speak, eyes opening, covered in a heavy gloss.

“What’s wrong?” He was almost frantic in the way he said it, wanting to provide comfort without knowing how.

“I-I can’t. I can’t do this, Jere. I can’t do this.” I kept repeating it like it would get any clearer.

“I can’t love you. And it physically hurts me to say it out loud because, because I should. You’re everything I could ever want but I just can’t and I don’t know why. And it’s wrong, and I’m sorry but I can’t keep doing this.” His face almost drained, attempting to salvage what I was so quick to let go of. But it all made sense.

It was foolish for him to believe that he could make me love him, when my heart so obviously still beat for Conrad. So he let me go just as he always does, without a fight. Letting there be peace in our divide.

The next few nights were unforgiving. The sheets a mess and my eyes tired. I couldn’t sleep knowing I had ruined everything in my eyes. What was something good I had to go and end because of my inability to let him go. Something I am unsure I will ever be able to do. Not when I’ve spent so much time bending to fit him.

Soon, summer would be over officially, even if to me it had ended that night. It was the last morning of August, the last day spent down in Cousins before we’d all pack our things into the car and count down the days until next June.

The sun had barely risen above the horizon when I woke. A familiar pattern. Not being able to sleep more than a few hours, the mess of everything keeping me awake.

It was mornings like these I wandered down to the beach, sitting myself in the same spot I had the night everything crashed down. It was all too peaceful for what had happened here, the only place I truly felt secure now. I couldn’t help but cry, looking out. Remembering everything that had happened, kissing those who were just a few feet away.

“Y/n!” His voice called out to me, like he knew I had woken up. He knew where I would be. And it was sweet but sickening.

“Why did you do it?” My voice broke, the question left unanswered. I heard his footsteps stop.

“Why now did you have to tell me? Why is it when I’m finally picking myself up you had to fuck with me. Why?” I all but sobbed, tears streaming freely.

Over my sniffles and pleas, I missed the sound of him moving again, his body finding a home in the sand next to mine. His voice quiet. He thought about it, hard. Trying to form some sort of confession that could sum up what he felt.

“Because if you said it, that meant he won. I would have finally lost you.” He looked at me truthfully, eye own eyes squinting in confusion, heart still aching.

“What?” I breathed out.

“I have spent every waking minute of my life so fucking in love with you, it physically hurt me to not be able to confess it. I was always too scared, seeing how perfect you looked with everyone else. I felt like I was dragging you down. Like I wasn’t enough. So, I found comfort in other people. People who were okay with me using them to forget. Because forgetting is better than living with the fact that my brother was with the only person I have ever loved.” My eyes searched his, his eyes glossy just like mine. His voice breaking and desperate. Wanting me, needing me to believe him.

“I love you too.” The smallest smile broke out across his face, one of relief and comfort in my words. I could sense the hesitation in his actions, and just as Jeremiah had to me, I closed the gap between us. Allowing my lips to press against his with desperation yet so much love. A kiss that had been coming for years. Building without either of us aware of its existence. It wasn’t long and lustful like Jere’s was. It was sweet and short. Just long enough to get across its impact. Just enough to take our breathes away.

His forehead rested on mine, his hands on mine and his eyes looking into mine. Breathing me in, letting us just be close for a moment, letting us just be there. Existing. And it was all so calming.

I always imagined this summer ending with Jeremiah and I celebrating our one year. His arms wrapped around me as we parted ways. I never could have imagined myself on the same beach it all started, the lips against mine not his, but his brothers. An old love becoming a new love. The beginning.

[sciencelings-arts]

🌻✨🏳️‍⚧️Girlifies Capcoms favorite punching bag✨🏳️‍⚧️🌻

Closeups and rambles about the designs under the cut, you know the deal

I stared at Feenie’s pitiful puppy eyes sprite for like a half hour for this, I just wanted you guys to know that. I couldn’t decide on whether I wanted to draw her bleeding or include the necklace because logically they can’t be there at the same time but I did it anyway because I wanted to. Also I wanted her to be splattered with paint where in later iterations she’d have scars.

Sunflower/defense attorney badge inspired earring, and bleeding heart necklace. I didn’t feel like going easy on the symbolism on this one lol.

Closeup of Rookie!Phoenixes gay little earring, I love putting too much detail into things that end up being way too small to appreciate. Obviously it’s an Edgeworth reference, and a reference to that one DD concept art where he has a little blue knight on his tie and I thought this is her era of getting really into being a knight in shining armor for everyone ever.

All the earrings/jewelry correspond to the people she’s closest to at the time, or at least most devoted to. Feenie: Mia and Dahlia, Rookie: Edgeworth (the sketch had the chess piece replaced with a large bead which is for Maya/Pearls), Beanix: Trucy, and MILFeen: the WAA (the star in the celestial trio alongside Athena’s moon and Apollo’s Sun)

Another note about the main trilogy Fem!Phoenix design is that I included temporary marks from Franziska’s whip rather than the burn scars from the bridge which are included in the later versions. Also the scars from being bashed in the head bc i felt like that wouldn’t just disappear, and I wanted to focus this design on JFA.

More about the scars, specifically her lip scars, I wanted to give her a darker lipstick that she uses to draw away the attention from the necklace chomping scars but during the 7yg she kind of gives up on hiding them. I also wanted to make sure there’s a dramatic change between Beanix and MILFeen, Edgeworth bullied her into having a decent skincare routine.

Speaking of Edgeworth, she’s here, having homosexual feelings in the background. As usual. The fun thing about Narumisu is that they almost exclusively refer to each other by their last names so it doesn’t matter if they have different first names for a gender swap, they will always be ‘Prosecutor Edgeworth’ and ‘Defense Attorney Wright’

All side by side at the sacrifice of image quality. I love her eras

[youkaigakkou-tl]

The TRUTH behind the soul pieces

Preamble: I started writing this expecting nothing, but I actually found something??? not clickbait???? gone right???

Warning: the expected reaction of reading this is “damn. I’ve never seen someone grasp harder at straws” and “I dunno about this one chief”

So. "The soul pieces aren't exactly what we're told they are" is an idea I've had for a while now. (I wouldn’t even call it a theory, it’s just a passing thought.) Not that "they're manifestations of Haruaki's traits" is wrong, but I think there's more to them than immediately obvious. I just haven't talked about this much because even I don't fully buy into it and it kinda verges on horoscope-type confirmation bias territory. It’s kind of a, I THINK there’s more to it but I don’t know what exactly is more.

A brief recap

First one shown is his "worldly desires", animal trio vs Seiryuu.

Second is his "freak athleticism", that Kurahashi's team and Ebisu just ran into.

With just these two he runs off to find Sano

Third is his "cowardice", found by Sano's team and Byakko, which gets away and hides in Sano's pocket.

Fourth is his "memory", originally found by Hijita's team and Genbu, which gets picked up by Genbu and then the whole Heian flashback happens.

And last is his "intelligence", which for some reason is also the one that can use his exorcism power.

So immediately a couple details stood out to me.

Why is "memory" here?? I wouldn't call that a trait exactly??

Also, when it first broke apart and flew off in five directions, it's specifically pointed out that it's "like a five pointed star" (even though it's not really if you look at the actual locations on a map lol)

And the sticking point, if it was as clean and simple a split as “Haruaki’s traits”, why do the traits bleed into each other? “Athleticism” is into sailor uniforms too, and “Cowardice” and “Intelligence” are pretty quick by themselves. Also, even without his “Memory” at the time, he remembered that conversation with Seimei in ch87.

The five pointed star detail, considering everything in the arc heavily relates to the Four Gods and Seimei's star, which relates to Wuxing, almost begs to be referencing that too.

What is Wuxing?

Wuxing, five elements, five phases, gogyo, whatever other name for it: I’ve talked about it briefly in my Kyoto arc analysis

(Wait. Is this actually all I mentioned regarding Wuxing in that analysis???? This tells you nothing!!)

(Tbh I think I had a longer explanation about it but I cut it because I thought it was irrelevant)

Wuxing 五行, roughly translated as five elements or phases, is a concept that comes from Taoism. The five elements are Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water and describes the interactions between them. Here’s the wikipedia page if you really want to get into the details.

The “xing” means movements/moving, and the entire concept of Wuxing comes from the five classical planets’ (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn) movements affecting… things? In general? (It’s horoscopes)

In fact, the names of those five planets in Chinese and Japanese are tied with the Wuxing:

Mercury = 水星 water star

Venus = 金星 metal/gold star

Mars = 火星 fire star

Jupiter = 木星 wood star

Saturn = 土星 earth star

You’re taught these as a kid but not the reasoning behind it (because it’s hella irrelevant lmao) but I guess it kinda makes instinctual sense? (Venus = yellow, Mars = red, Jupiter = stripes, like tree rings?? Saturn = brown. Mercury = it looks like there’s rivers? idk how much detail they were seeing in the BC times)

And just to sate curiosity, the planets that were discovered after telescopes were invented are just based off the English names

Uranus = 天王星 sky god star

Neptune = 海王星 sea god star

Pluto = 冥王星 underworld god star

By the way, this is also why the days of the week are named after elements in Japanese; it’s not actually the elements, rather it’s referring to the celestial bodies: those 5 planets + the moon and the sun. It’s the classical Chinese system that Japan adopted around the 5th century AD, and they haven’t changed it since then. (Chinese uses stuff like “weekday 1” for monday now.) And China itself adopted the Greco-Roman system of the 7 day week, days named after celestial bodies around the 4th century AD, which is also why the planets and days line up if you look at the English and Japanese names now.

Would be crazy if they independently decided to have 7 days in a week and name days after celestial bodies and assigned the same planets to the days huh.

(Also, TIL from looking at this chart that the sun (taiyang) is indeed called that because it’s the “great yang star”, and the moon is called the “great yin star”, you know, like yin-yang)

I’m remembering why it’s so hard to research and write about this stuff now. Everything is so inextricably connected to everything else its hard to talk about one thing in isolation. Thanks for indulging my astronomy tangent I love astronomy.

(I always got saturn on da mind when I think about Seimei cus of this art…)

The only useful part of this essay

So. Wuxing. Here’s a pretty standard diagram of it so it’s easier to visualise

There are five types of processes Wuxing describes:

Generating: Wood feeds fire

The reverse side of generating: Fire burns wood

Regulating: Wood grasps earth

Excessive regulating (destruction): Wood depletes earth

The reverse side of regulation (exhaustion): Earth rots wood

And here’s a full list of it, from wikipedia

With this in mind, you’ll notice that it pops up all over the place in Kyoto arc!

If we take lightning as aligned with metal (because Byakko = metal = lightning user), this is the regulating interaction of metal -> wood

Metal cuts wood, but wood also dulls metal

Water… nourishing wood….???

Water destabilizes earth

(“This is just pokemon lol” WRONG!! Pokemon types and every other element system in videogames came from Wuxing!! (Or Godai))

Back to the soul pieces

So you see, it’s incredibly tempting to connect the five soul pieces with the five elements of Wuxing. It’s basically begging for it. The Wuxing has been associated with lots of things that come in sets of five, including things like senses, tastes, smells, emotions, mental qualities, periods of one’s life, body parts. It has applications in divination and traditional chinese medicine after all. If there was a clear, 1-to-1 match between the soul pieces and the elements, you bet I would have talked about it more by now. But the connections are tenuous at best, and even I don’t really believe it. They might, probably, just be the traits we’re told they are. So this really is just to humor myself, and maybe someone can glean something more from this.

Let’s lay out the things surrounding the soul pieces:

“Desires” was at Arashiyama (a bamboo forest) and Seiryuu was present, both associated with Wood

“Athleticism” was at Ginkaku-ji (silver pavilion), none of the four gods were present, no obvious element associations here.

“Cowardice” was at Mount Kurama (mountain = earth?), Byakko was present (metal?)

“Memory” was at Kiyomizu-dera (clear water temple), and Genbu was present, water association

“Intelligence” was at Kinkaku-ji (gold pavilion), and none of the four gods were present initially. (gold = metal?)

The other thing I’ve yet to mention is all the soul pieces seem to be of different points in Haruaki’s life. (Well. Four of them at least.)

“Desires” and “Athletics” seem to look and act younger (as much as you can tell with chibis…), both wearing simple t-shirts, and “Athletics” t-shirt and shorts look like what Haruaki wore as a kid in the Miki arc flashback. Adding on to that, we’re constantly told how into sailor uniforms Haruaki was as a little kid (literally whenever his childhood gets brought up: Mamaaki talking about it in ch8, him saying his first cry as a newborn was “sailor uniform” in ch43, the ch51.5 extra) (ok to be fair. his sailor uniform fetish gets brought up at every opportunity. but i feel like it’s Pretty emphasized here) Also I feel like “Desires” especially talks like a kid.

Meanwhile “Cowardice” and “Memory” are dressed the way he currently does, and “Cowardice” seems to parallel the way Haruaki was at the start of the series. It’s Sano’s team that runs into him, he acts like how Haruaki did early on just amped way up, and he ends up hiding on Sano.

IQ-kun… still don’t know what to make of him and how he fits into this lol

Put like this, doesn’t it almost seem like, in the order they appear, they represent points in Haruaki’s life too?

Or, this could all be nothing, because they’re all wearing the same thing in the jacket for Volume 14.

So anyway, from this angle, it seems like Desires and Athletics line up fairly cleanly with Wood and Fire respectively, but Cowardice, Memory and Intelligence are a little murkier. Cowardice only somewhat lines up with Earth, and both Memory and Intelligence could align with Water, while Memory could also be Metal. (I dropped the quotation marks bc they were getting distracting)

Here’s a diagram to illustrate.

(See it’s kinda, pick-and-choosey, horoscope-type shit)

Immediately a couple problems arise. First and most majorly is the horoscopey-ness of it all. And then there’s the matter that, if the four gods represent four out of five of the elements and earth is the outlier, wouldn’t it also make sense if IQ-kun as the outlier would be assigned that?

There’s also the possibility that the first four are a set, and IQ-kun makes up the “yin” to the rest of Haruaki’s “yang” (But then what would the first four correspond to individually? idk….)

We’re getting nowhere with this analogy, so let’s look at some adjacent philosophies in sets of five, just for fun, and see if they line up any better.

Traditional Chinese Medicine

This one is the most related to Wuxing, there are five main “organs” in TCM that have associated Wuxing elements. They might be called the same names as the anatomical organs, but they’re actually more like concepts only roughly correlated with locations on the body. This is stuff codified thousands of years ago before modern knowledge of the human body, mind you.

Heart (fire): stores the “aggregate soul” (the mind)

Spleen (earth): governs transportation of qi and blood, and governs muscles and limbs

Lung (metal): stores the “po 魄” (physical soul)

Kidney (water): responsible for willpower or fear

Liver (wood): governs free flow of qi, blood and emotions. Stores blood, which stores the “hun 魂” (ethereal soul)

(The wikipedia page I linked has more in depth descriptions)

And if we sorta line up the attributes…

Desires = Liver/wood

Athleticism = Spleen/earth

Cowardice = Kidney/water

Memory = Lung/metal

Intelligence = Heart/fire

Something like this? It doesn’t line up particularly nicely either, and certainly doesn’t line up with the first theory…

But reading up on this actually brought something useful to my attention: the concept of “hun” and “po”

See, there’s this Chinese compound word “hun po 魂魄” that generally just means “soul”, but if you get really semantic they’re two different types of souls?

The “hun” is the yang-aligned “ethereal soul” typically understood as the wits/mind of a person, whatever constitutes the personality, and is the part of the soul that leaves the body on death.

The “po” is the yin-aligned “physical soul”, sometimes described as the “baser animal spirit” of a person, and is attached to the body.

This could explain why Haruaki’s soul is also Seimei’s soul, but also Seimei is in the underworld?

This scene I got real hung up about in my Kyoto arc post?

It lining up and being a reasonable explanation is one thing, but whether sensei is deliberately referencing a property of Chinese linguistics that doesn’t have an equivalent in Japanese kanji is another thing. And honestly, I could see Tanaka “I’ll have to read up on Chinese history, but off the top of my head Byakko and Seiryuu are from 4000BC and Suzaku and Genbu are younger” Mai could and would do it. (Good god, what I wouldn’t give to see sensei’s notes. Yohaji fanbook explaining every cultural reference PLEASEEEE IM BEGGINGGG)

Godai

Godai (“the five great (elements)”), while also a thing with five elements that features prominently in Japanese culture, differs from Wuxing in that it originates from the concept of Mahābhūta in Indian Buddhism, and features Fire, Water, Earth, Wind and Void. It’s a more inert definition and describes the elements as building blocks, contrasting with Wuxing which is more concerned with the balancing and interaction between the elements and the changes they cause in each other.

Godai also isn’t ever depicted as a star (and Wuxing is only depicted as a star as a byproduct of all the arrows denoting the interactions, sometimes the 5 elements are arranged like the 5 side of a dice with lines connecting everything) and is typically depicted as a Gorinto, a stone structure.

In order from top to bottom, it goes Void, Wind, Fire, Water, Earth, and represents the structure of the universe in Buddhism.

So. Attributes and if they line up any better.

Earth: unmoving, stability

Water: fluidity, adaptability, motion

Fire: passion, power, energy

Wind: growth, freedom

Void: the spirit? thought? there’s not really a clear description of this one. To begin with, originally in Buddhism, it’s just said that “from void emerged air, from air emerged fire, (etc)”

I could see wind = Memory and void = Intelligence, but the rest… I dunno man

The five aggregates in Buddhism

And now, following the thread back from Godai, to the Buddhist concept of Skandhas, or the “five aggregates of clinging”, described as the five factors that make up a sentient being’s personality. (Hey, this sounds like it could be onto something here!)

The five aggregates are:

Form or matter: the material form of a person

Sensation or feeling: the five senses + intellectual sensation, and the feelings that occur whether pleasant, unpleasant or neutral

Perception: cognition and recognizing what has been previously noted

Mental formations: dispositions, or something that motivates a person to take action (or sometimes described as the influences of a previous life?!)

Consciousness: cognizance, or the base that supports experience, sometimes translated as mind, intelligence or life force

Wait… This kinda… lines up…? No way…?

Form = Athleticism

Sensation = Cowardice

Perception = Memory

Mental formations = Desires

Consciousness = Intelligence

This… kinda works? They all basically line up and it’s not too tenuous, and there’s enough matching details in the descriptions of the five aggregates that it’s kinda scary…?

I’ll be real, prior to writing this section I hadn’t actually read the descriptions of each of them too carefully (I had the tab open and roughly noted the descriptions kinda worked) and I entirely expected to end this essay with a “in conclusion: no conclusion i learned nothing lol” but there’s actually something here????

And Tanaka Mai is known to reference Buddhism a lot, so this could entirely be intentional…??? I’m kinda shaken rn tbh

I mean, I guess I should have looked to Buddhism first considering sensei’s track record, what with how the arc opened with Haruaki getting put under a waterfall to get rid of his worldly desires, and how 3 out of 5 locations were Buddhist temples, but Buddhism concepts usually use their Sanskrit names and I don’t know how to google for that… (making excuses. classic)

Um. Hope you enjoyed reading this and that you learned something? Here’s all the relevant wikipedia pages if you want to go down your own rabbit hole:

Wuxing (Chinese five elements)

Godai (Japanese Buddhism five elements)

Mahābhūta (Indian Buddhism five elements)

Hun and po (two concepts of souls)

Skandha (five aggregates that make up a person)

Twelve Nidanas (didn’t mention this one, but it’s related to skandhas)

If you read all this you should read all my other long rambly things too if you haven’t, they’re all under the #rambles tag 👍

[artsyhamster]

Part 3!

And oh boy, this one definitely needs explanation, so see you down in the ramblings.

(1) THE FOOL / THE MAGICIAN / THE HIGH PRIESTESS  | (2) THE EMPRESS / THE EMPEROR / THE HIEROPHANT | (3) THE LOVERS / THE CHARIOT / STRENGTH | (4) THE HERMIT / WHEEL OF FORTUNE / JUSTICE | (5) THE HANGED MAND | DEATH | TEMPERANCE | (6) THE DEVIL / THE TOWER / THE STAR | (7) THE MOON / THE SUN / JUDGMENT / THE WORLD         

I gotta be real, this is my least favorite set so far. I was very unsure about the characters I chose for these and it also shows in the compositions. I might redo them at some point but I want to finish the major arcana as a whole first, before I lose myself in revisions. Maybe I shouldn’t be too harsh on myself anyway, because this is just a fun project but, ah, perfectionism.

Anyway, citations from here, as always.

THE LOVERS - Actually means that the protag feels sexual urge or need for relationship. Harry basically flirts with everyone and is still hung up on his broken relationship, that he doesn’t even remember, so the meaning here is pretty warped. So I just chose some lover figures. But who to choose? Klaasje and Lely? Well their relationship gets known pretty late, and didn’t end very nicely. Also I do not know how Lely looks like as not-a-corpse so-- Klaasje and Ruby? Seemed to me more like a fling, and didn’t interest Harry much except for some lecherous line he dropped. So I chose Sylvie and Garte, because Harry actively gets involved in their business. He can help them get together or ultimately break their relationship before it could ever bloom (Shoutout to the cock carousel) so I chose them because Harry is the most involved here.

THE CHARIOT - I’m just gonna quote for a bit “The Chariot represents the vigorous ego that is the Fool's crowning achievement so far. (...) we see a proud, commanding figure riding victoriously through his world. He is in visible control of himself and all he surveys.” Not many people with horses around there in Martinaise, only people driving cars. None of the lorry drivers fir the description for me though. The chariot is also described as commandeering and rigid, and René fit the description for me the most. He is definitely a proud person, commandeering and strict, and also surveying the world around him from his booth up at the harbour. Otherwise, yeah I got nothing. This one was just hard lol

STRENGTH - “[The fool] is pressed to develop his courage and resolve and find the heart to keep going despite setbacks.” was a line that made me very desperately want to choose Kim here, but I had other plans for him already. Strength is part of the Virtues trio, and spoiler spoiler, Kim will get his place as one of the three Virtues, but this one goes to Cuno, because I feel he is also very influential on Harry. Another quote for the card is “The Fool also discovers the quiet attributes of patience and tolerance.“ which I think fits Cuno quiet well. Because boy do you need a lot of patience and tolerance with him to make him trust and help you. But ultimately he is also there in the end if you need him (and Kim is unfortunately not present) All in all, what could make you want to get your shit together more than escaping the mocking words of a potty-mouthed kid. Horrifying lol

I tried really hard okay. I’m sure there are other interpretations but that’s the best I could come up with.Meanwhile I also bought an art book of a really pretty tarot set I saw at the last convention I was at, and there were so many lovely compositions that almost made me question what I am doing here. But again, I’m doing these for fun [*self prep talk*]. Still, take a look at this magnificient tarot deck (Instagram Link) I’m so sad they were sold out, but at least I got the art book.

Uhhh anyway enjoy. Next set will be better I promise. I like the upcoming one a lot : )

[shalomniscient]

SELFSHIP LORE: SEVCHINO

master document. always stc according to new lore updates.

PAST: CHILDHOOD -> I meet Peruere and Clervie at the orphanage as the last one to join. Clervie is the one who opens up first, and where Clervie goes, Peruere naturally follows. We become a sort-of trio in the orphanage, mostly just following Clervie around since she's the more outspoken and outgoing one between the three of us. I do start to warm up more eventually, though not to Clervie's extent.

-> On a starlit night after a particularly brutal training session, Clervie assigns all of us nicknames, in a sense. Peruere is the moon, I am the sun, and she is a star. Then, she tells us both about the auroras of Snezhnaya, and we all promise to go see it one day. Together.

-> I rely mostly on Clervie and Peruere during the training sessions because I'm not the most physically capable. I am, however, an academic fucking weapon and destroy any of the academic tests that are set. So much so that by the time we turn 15, a scholarship comes in the mail from Snezhnaya for me, with the offer to study in one of the prestigious institutions in the Nation of Cryo.

-> I consider ignoring the offer, but Clervie rips into me for it. It's an opportunity to escape the Kingmaking, after all. I would be stupid not to take it, yet at the same time, I don't want to leave them. But Clervie assures me that they will both be fine--they have each other, after all. Peruere, on the other hand, makes no such promises (and perhaps, she was wise beyond her years to do so).

-> I head off to Snezhnaya in the coming week, and from then on, only communicate to Clervie and Peruere through letters. It's mostly Clervie writing, but Peruere writes the occasional paragraph or two. I treasure all the letters and keep them in a box beneath my bed at the institute. I get two final letters, one from Clervie and the other from Peruere. Clervie assures me that everything is fine, but Peruere's letter is more honest. The Kingmaking approaches, and nothing is certain. Though they both promise that when it's over, which ever way the chips fall, we'll go see the auroras together.

-> The letters stop the year I turn 17. It doesn’t take long for me to figure out why, since rumors buzz around Snezhnaya like wildfire; Crucabena, the Knave, assassinated by one of her orphans. I try and dig for more info, but everything is kept under tight wraps. I graduate at 18, and I officially won't be receiving any more letters, because I'll be dispatched as a sleeper agent to Liyue and functionally 'severing' any ties to the Fatui. The dream of seeing the auroras remains just that—a dream.

PAST: ADULTHOOD -> As a sleeper agent in Liyue, I work for the Qixing in administration. The Fatui gives all its sleepers a new identity, and as part of my own training at the institute, adopting it isn't difficult. I spend years as a member of the Qixing, and even get to watch Ningguang rise to power as Tianquan.

-> But orders arrive from Snezhnaya to work with a newly acquired 'asset' based in Liyue. That 'asset' ends up being the up-and-coming future Regrator. I become his insider in the Qixing, funneling information to him and functionally becoming his assistant. This goes on for about a year before Yelan comes into Ningguang's service, and the Qixing do a full top-down department purge of Fatui agents. Though by that point, we had already completed what we set out to achieve, so the retreat back to Snezhnaya was not one of disgrace.

-> As part of his 'team', I'm present at his inauguration as a Harbinger. But who then is also present, but as a Harbinger herself, other than Peruere? I don't take my eyes off her throughout the entire ceremony, and neither does she, but now is not the time nor the place for a reunion. Instead, she waits until a few days later, meeting me outside my temporary accommodation at the Zapolyarny Palace on a cloudless night.

-> We talk, and then with her permission, hug her tightly. She says that she looked for me, but it made sense that I couldn't be found since I was a sleeper. The aurora stretches far and wide above our heads, and I ask her where Clervie is, even though at this point, I could surmise the answer myself.

-> A few days after that, I receive a transfer order from the Knave, much to Pantalone's displeasure. I, of course, don't think twice about accepting it.

PRESENT -> I work for Peruere, now Arlecchino, as her adjutant and second-in-command.

FUTURE -> In honor of Clervie's nickname of 'star', our first child is given a name that embodies it; Estelle.

[theredhairedmonkey]

Any theories on what will go down in s6?

Pure speculation of course, but here's what I think could happen:

After getting Aaravos' prison, the group return to the Sunfire camp (since Zubeia is unavailable) and leave the prison with Janai and Amaya for safekeeping. Thinking the big threat is over, the group then split up--Soren, Zym and Ezran (and maybe Corvus) search for Zubeia, while Rayla and Callum travel to the Starscraper to free Rayla's family.

Rayla and Callum arrive at the Starscraper (maybe a detour to Evenere's Royal Library to find the Void Poem, idk), but learn that both the Corona of the Heavens and the Nova Blade are kept under lock and key by the Celestial Elves. Not only are both protected, both are functionally useless to anyone but the "rightful heir" of these items. Through trials and tribulations, Callum eventually discovers how to find the "light guiding him through the darkness" (i.e. stargazing) and learns that the Star Arcanum was that the cosmos encompass everything--not just the stars, but the other celestial elements (Sky, Moon and Sun) as well as everything on Earth and the Ocean as well. Unlocking this activates the Rune Cube; turns out that the "Great Power in Xadia" it was meant to unlock was Callum all along.

He gets crowned (mirroring Viren's coronation; instead of usurping the throne, Callum is hesitant but ultimately relents and accepts his new destiny for the sake of bringing back Rayla's family). However, in the meantime, either Claudia or Karim's army (or maybe both in a dark twist of fate) invade the Sunfire camp, and either Claudia or Pharos steal the prison. Either way, Aaravos is now actually freed.

Somehow, the trio+Zym and Soren reunite and find out that Aaravos has somehow been freed, and go to face him. Callum, armed with the crown and the sword, is confident they can defeat him for good.

They go to face him, but because of Callum using dark magic a second time, Aaravos can now effortlessly brainwash him and turn him into a drone without needing to pilot him directly as in s4. Rayla has an opportunity to kill Callum to stop Aaravos, but doesn't take it.

As it turns out, Callum really did play right into Aaravos' hands, as this was what Aaravos wanted all along: Freed and with a Star-powered mage armed with a Star-killing weapon fully under his control. Aaravos' plans had come to fruition and he can do what he always wanted; return to the heavens and exact his revenge of the First Elves.

Screen cuts to black. Season ends. Bum bum bum, tune in for season 7!

[reallytinyhologram]

Honestly I dont want to have doubts on skuld being subject x but with normura you never know

But like it makes so much sense and everything else feels like an absolute stretch Like the age fits

The Black hair that was mentioned in the characters files

The fact shes from the age of fairytales

The fact xehanort saw her in the players memories which could also explain why he became a bit obessed with her

The sun moon and Star trio

The fact how it was mentioned in the secret reports that she departed her world with others

The 4 friends and a key thing doesnt make as much sense but with the ending it would be safe to assume she does NOT count the Player as friend anymore

Her literal name means future

The fact how her fate wasnt revealed to us yet

She lost importance in Union cross fairly quickly so this is her chance to get important to the story again. And the whole subject x thing has the potential to make her very important to the Story. We dont even know why luxu freed her. Kindness? Did he have a plan in mind when doing so? She was compared to ava so much is she supposed to act as a replacement? Not knowing anything about Luxus intentions alone leaves room for so much Potential. We dont even know her whereabouts yet. She has the potential to make a total change in character. There is so MUCH potential with this whole subject x mystery and the character as a whole

Of course it could still be ava but that honestly kinda seems like a stretch to me. Why would you specifically mention the hair even tho it was never revealed yet, also I dont see ava being as young 15. 18-19 perhabs but not younger. Also the trio theme wouldnt work then because sun moon and fox doesnt really make sense. I mean yeah her being subject x would still make sense but in that case I feel like all the Clues nomura threw in here were supposed to lead us to the completly wrong path and I usually have nothing against that but here it seems a bit...extreme?

Ava suddenly being subject x seems like a last Minute decision to me if im honest. Like normura seeing how we already figured it out and then going "nope" and changing it

I very much like the theory of ava being the true dandelion but subject x? I really do not see the vibe there

The whole "she looks like xehanorts mom" thing obviously brings doubts in this whole theory too but at this point I hope nomura just threw that in there to drive us crazy or to explain xehanorts "obession" with her more. Because guy never met his mom and now suddenly there is some girl that looks like her that seems to be from a completly diffrent timeline like Fr? I would want to find out everything about how she ended up here too....Not in his way tho

Also i dont have anything against skuld staying with ephemer and building up scala. I really like the aesthetic to be honest but in that case where is her Statue? Why wasnt she shown being there with him? Her staying with ephemer also seems like some last Minute decision to me. Especially with the ending where I kinda had the feeling they were trying to suddenly build up romance between them. I like the ship but I would not at all like how nomura handled it

(And I love the thought of them counting as tragic lovers)

Like honestly at this point I would prefer it if nomura suddenly Pulled out some crazy explaination like "Xehanort and skuld are actually half siblings and her mom is a time traveler!" or "Skuld had a secret sister that got together with ephemer!" or sum

Actually that half sibling stuff would be so fucked up lmao

Maybe his mom is also just verdandi

I mean I wouldnt mind her and xehanorts mom having some Kind of connection to eachother but please without her being thrown into the attic and be forgotten about

Anyways to summarize: I still believe skuld is subject x but nomura is driving me crazy and I will riot if he suddenly says she is not subject x

[nualaofthefaerie]

Hello!! I come with questions for Madame Nuala President 🎤✨??

So I can see how Sandflower could be established since it has a solid foundation on canon BUT what about Immortalflower? Or Immortal Sandflower? ( hope I’m not mixing ships names! I mean Hob x Nuala x Dream)

Do you have any Headcanons as to how those ships come to be? I would be interested in knowing more about them!

Thank you 🖤

You are so not mixing them, dear. It is ImmortalSandFlower, ISF for short.

We have come to it! The idiots at the end of the road. My creme de la creme of polycules.

Okay, so before Miss Madam President gets too excited, this post will be structured in the following way *puts my big girl glasses on*:

Why do I think ISF works so much more for me than any other trio?

My personal headcanons for them

Note to the people: I too have some Dreamling inclinations, I just love WOMEN damn it. Also, she is not my self-insert (that too has been in my inbox). I too want to be a man who is not an idiot and WILL LOVE miss Nuala like she has never been loved before. She is my wife, my girlfriend, my muse. I have no interest in those men. I am in love with her. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

ALRIGHT! It's all under the flower line so I don't do the thing where I clog the tag.

Why ISF works so much more for me than any other trio?

In the short of it - they have such compatible personalities. It's insane. I have a picture I send to my friends every time I try to explain Morpheus - Hob - Nuala.

This is how they exist in my head. When they are in couples, their dynamics LARGELY differ, but together, they share the emotional burden of each other - Moon/Star/Sun dynamic. Morpheus is the tired moon, Hob is the bright star, and Nuala is the warm sun, and together they make the whole sky.

It's a very warm triangle, and to me, they are a real love triangle because each loves the other and they stand alone as couples. When they are a polycule, their power dynamics also equal out if that makes sense. Morpheus does not necessarily hold more power over them anymore, so I like that about it as well.

To illustrate their couple dynamics better, I will give examples. I love to give these examples so people see how versatile they are. (happy screaming).

Dreamling

I will not go into details, but my quintessential Dreamling is 1789 Dreamling.

I think this is the era that really summarizes their dynamic quite well - Morpheus doesn't really force himself on Robert but still holds a considerable amount of power that could equate to him having influence over Robert's life decisions. Robert on the other hand is also very independent, he respects Morpheus, but is not afraid of him anymore. So I enjoy 1789 Dreamling a lot.

2. Sandflower

I won't use the comics to explain what is THE Sandflower dynamic because the real summarized Sandflower dynamic is them:

I can swear this on my soul, when Nuala and Morpheus begin to act like Elizabeth and Darcy in the show, remember, you heard it here first. Their opposite views on the world, their stubborness, the way he treats her in canon as if she is no more but a mere inconvinience but in reality he constantly does things to protect her, is very Darcy and Elizabeth of them. And as I have always said, Nuala has always stood her ground and protected who she is and where she came from.

3. Immortalflower

There is one perfect media that encapsulates Hob x Nuala's relationship SO good that there is no reason to explain further to people because they usually get it from the get go.

THEM. Hob and Nuala have THEE Eugene and Rapunzel dynamic. Consider the fact Nuala has never been to the Waking world, she knows nothing about it and Hob is this Immortal man that has been to every corner of the planet already. Her enthusiasm about everything she doesn't know about sparks back his love of everything he does know. So they are very gentle, loving, fluffy, a bit silly, goofy.

Separated, each couple can stand on its own and be entertaining and complex, while being something completely new and interesting when together, which is VERY rare to me. So they compel me TERRIBLY.

ONTO HEADCANNONS

I have DOMESTIC headcannons the most. If anyone wants spicy HC, you'll have to ask separately. But just so we know, we do offer the Spicy version of the menu.

SO! This is based on the concept of Retired!Morpheus:

The three of them live together in the inn

Morpheus is either a children's book author or a librarian

Hob owns the Inn and does his little Professor gig to the side

Nuala transforms a part of the Inn into a beautiful patissiere, full of pink mugs and live plants and fresh bread, pasteries and wonderful unique blends of teas she learned from her fairy home

They play a board game together once a week

Read together on the couch every night

Saturdays are for movies (Nuala adores animation and Morpheus doesn't understand the appeal of cinema entirely)

When they do go on dates, they usually let Nuala pick where she wants to go because it's her enthusiasm about seeing something new that is more precious to the good old Dreamling who has seen all there is to see from Earth than being on a date per se

Hob cooks, always

Morpheus is a wine mom

Nuala runs around the kitchen to entertain more than to help at any capacity, but she has a talent for vegeterian dishes, but Hob is not a big fan, but they compromise, they compromise

Each of them kind of has their own room, but also they always end up sleeping together in someone else's room.

My hc are all primarily domestic, or maybe my mood is like that right now.

I will now do something very shameless and admit I have already written an ISF one-shot. It's called "Set Me Free" and it's a Sea AU - Dreamling Pirates and Mermaid Nuala. It's one of my favourite things I have written and it's quite fun short story!

I hope my answer was interesting! If there is any other questions, inquires or suggestions or thoughts, my Asks and DMs are always open!

Love,

Li 🪷

[jovenshires]

Here's a Halloween ask because you seem hyped and my country doesn't celebrate it: what do you think would be good couple/group costumes for some of your fave Smosh ships/dynamics? Also I love your edits so so so much they really scratch the brain good -dot hell anon

AH i am honored to receive this ask bc i have been thinking about it ofc. also tysm im glad you enjoy <33333

spencer and tommy - obv i've thought about this a TON and i think they would have multiple costumes. one kinda basic that they can just throw on and wear to parties - like cowboys. just super simple. but what they would take pictures in? some insane movie reference. like the brother and mom from hereditary.

shayne, courtney, and damien - they have The opportunity to go as ken, barbie, and allan. why would they not.

keith and noah - miles morales and peter parker. end of discussion.

angela and amanda - oh they have so many cute options. sun and moon, glinda and elphaba, mario and luigi. any of these would be fun!!

bonus: you can add chanse and/or arasha into any of these combos and make it a group costume. sun/moon/stars/clouds. glinda/elphaba/fiyero/boq. mario/luigi/bowser/peach. the golden four know no bounds.

kimmy and courtney - pspsps please y'all wanna do a daphne and velma moment so bad.... bonus shayne and damien can be fred and shaggy if you want but idc im thinking about Women

shayne and damien - finn and jake adventure time. its the perfect time to do it if you really think ab it.

jackie and shayne - yzma and kronk and im taking no questions, comments, or concerns at this time

jackie and damien - i would pay. I WOULD PAY. for baz luhrman's romeo & juliet. you know the scene. with the angel wings. i would die.

spencer and courtney - sharkboy and lavagirl. once again i am taking no questions.

noah and chanse - mermaid man and barnacle boy. im so serious. you can decide who is who.

tommy, spencer, and courtney - team rocket is meowth. either spencer or courtney is meowth and tommy in every iteration is in drag as jessie. thank you for your time.

olivia and courtney - olivia rodrigo and sabrina carpenter. she's topical!

arasha, chanse, angela - i feel like these three have real opportunities to rock trio costumes. alvin and the chipmunks, the sanderson sisters, mean girls, powerpuff girls. so many options. chanse is in drag for most of these too absolute added bonus

[bonesandthebees]

I only just now figured out how to do the ask thing on here and just remembered you have an account on here so hellooo

I finished reading stars for the first time like yesterday and finished it in like 4-5 days— it’s so good o(-( 💖 My brain is already wanting to do a pmv for it— it may or may not have become a favorite of mine

I wanted to ask though, do you have any descriptions of what the planets roughly look like from afar?

fire!! aaa thank you so much I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! stars is my BABY it's genuinely the best thing I've written I think. no pressure ofc but if you did a pmv I would sob /pos

uhh I can try to provide example images if you want but those will be hard to find, so I'll give descriptions for now and if you need reference pics lemme know!!

(also fire I hope you know you're always welcome to dm me lol)

anyway! description time!

Eldingvegr - the planet is tidally-locked, meaning it doesn't spin. one side is always facing its sun, while the other side is always cast in darkness. the sun facing side, Sólsid, is a vast desert so the planet looks mostly brown and yellow on that side. the dark facing side, Nóttsid, is permanently shrouded in darkness, but if someone were to point a giant flashlight at it it would mostly be white and grey because it's largely made up of stone and ice with a few small settlements here and there. most of the planets population lives in the Røkkrring, which is the middle band of the planet where the day and night sides meet. I actually did find a reference picture of what a sunset looks like from space so

in my mind the Røkkrring looks like this from space—a band of varying shades of soft pinks. I know that's a lot going on with one planet lol sorry about that

Zephys IV - this planet is extremely cold, with the entire population living underground because the surface is essentially just ice and a few extremely hardy tundra plants. from afar the planet essentially looks like a ball of white and blue ice.

Kinoko - as a planet Kinoko is heavily forested with a huge variety of mushrooms and trees found on the surface. from afar it looks relatively similar to earth, except it's more land than water and the land is extremely green

Mantle - schlatt's planet is a moon that orbits a gas giant (like Jupiter in our own solar system). the gas giant Mantle orbits is a light orangish color, while Mantle itself looks kind of like Saturn's moon Titan with it's kind of hazy green/blue/orange glow

And then we have the Badlands, which are a trio of planets that all orbit another gas giant that govern together. Of the Badlands we have:

Nona - this one is like Kinoko in that it's a heavily forested planet with lots of green. whereas Kinoko though looks roughly to have 55% land and 45% water, Nona has 70% land and 30% water. It's mostly just masses of extremely green continents with a few splashes of blue lakes here and there.

Decima - in my mind Decima has the same haziness you always see with Saturn's moon Titan, but the color scheme for Decima is entirely yellows. the surface of Decima is uninhabitable due to high temperatures and toxic gas, so all populations live in floating cities in the upper atmosphere

Morta - Morta is a bit of a hell planet that only gem hybrids like Skeppy and demons like Bad can survive on. the planet itself is dark grey and red with no visible water anywhere from afar. there technically is water on the planet, but it's very far below ground in the extensive cave system that runs through the entire thing.

And then the gas giant these three planets orbit is kind of a hazy dark orange/reddish color in my mind but I'm not super picky about it

okay I that's it! I hope that helps!

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Do you have any Ray angst centered fic recomendations?

If you're looking for ones centered around his relationship with Isabella, I have these four recs here.

I also recommend There is Nothing You Can Do About it, Now by @bblueraven-and-fandoms14, a one-shot missing scene where Ray confronts Norman one last time before his shipment.

The imagery of their identification numbers as a noose and bisecting line across their necks has stuck with me ever since.

If you're open to OT3 fics, I also recommend the Ray chapter of Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines by honeynpeaches. It's incomplete, so there's no Emma chapter, but it's extremely foundational for me as one of the fics I reread when I want to recenter myself on the trio's dynamic as well as their individual characters.

Each chapter provides four snapshots across their lives in canon from their early childhood years to when they're thirteen.

Adore the exploration of the toll experimenting on his siblings took on him (there's no explicit confirmation of this, but I have a hard time accepting he would hand the device off to Norman, one of his two most precious people he was willing to sacrifice everything for, without testing it on another child at some point during its construction to make sure it worked) when he tries so hard to steel away his heart, never once explicitly citing how it makes him feel even after the reveal he's Isabella's spy because he loathes pity and doesn't believe he deserves it for the choices he willingly made (never mind that he's a child and given the circumstances they were coerced choices).

His connection with Isabella angst, natch.

There are so many amazing passages in here, but the "[o]ften, those eyes are blue" line absolutely fucking wrecks me every time. How the cadence of that brevity lands on such a simple fact that now evokes so much sorrow when he used to have such warm and positive associations with those eyes. Windows to the soul and everything that made Norman Norman and what he loved about him.

And then the often referenced celestial symbolism of him as the stars of the trio (to Emma's sun and Norman's moon), but a less romanticized, more viscerally horrifying perspective on it.