#because i hate the show so much it pains me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Sister, wife?
Summary: The team mistakes you for Natasha's sister when you first meet.
Request by @lynattyx
Loki again.
Thor seemed more annoyed than anyone else, but that was only logical. He had spent centuries putting up with his brother.
“Hey, don’t sweat it. Siblings can be a pain” Natasha tried to comfort him, while he looked ready to release a storm over Loki outsmarting him and escaping.
“Speaking from experience, Red?” Stark asked with a curious stare.
“Got a sister” Natasha shrugged her shoulders, looking out the window of the Quinjet as if she hadn’t said anything interesting.
“Really? What’s her name?” Steve said, intrigued.
“I won’t tell you, because if I say it three times you’ll summon her. That’s a reference from…”
“Yeah, I got it” Steve nodded. “I didn’t really like that Beetlejuice”
“That’s because you hate fun” Tony said, stepping forward. “Alright, we have a signal. Anyone up for a cigar? Loki’s close to Cuba”
—
“Lay low. That’s pretty much all you can do now” Maria said with a somber tone over the comms.
Loki had gone a little too far this time, almost getting half of Havana blown up.
Needless to say, the US wasn’t happy with the diplomatic mess the Avengers had created. Maybe that was Loki’s plan all along; make it impossible for them to go after him with the American government on their backs.
Well, he got what he wished for.
“I don’t suppose we can go to the Compound, then” Tony mumbled. “Barton, Red? Any ideas?”
“Coordinates are set. We’ll be there in a few hours. Try to get some sleep. All of you”
No one was in the mood to ask questions. If Natasha said it was a safe place, then they’d take her word for it and be done with the matter.
“You sure about this?” Clint said, looking at her from the copilot seat.
“Yeah. She’ll just give me a hard time for not telling her in advance. You know how she likes to have everything extra clean when there are guests”
“How did you manage to score such a gal?” he joked and Natasha glared at him.
“Hey, I’m a catch. My mac and cheese is delicious”
“Whatever you say, Tasha”
—
The Quinjet landed, and the only way you could tell was by the tree branches moving with a sudden gust of wind.
“Hey” Natasha said with a coy smile, going up the steps as the rest of the team got off the jet, looking around curiously.
“Welcome home” you pulled her into a hug. “Should have told me they were coming, and I could have cleaned up a bit”
“I missed you too” she joked against your ear, and as she was about to lean and kiss you, Tony interrupted the moment.
“Hey, Romanoff and Romanoff”
“You must be Tony. I’ve heard a lot about you”
“Have you? Because Natasha here didn’t tell us much about you”
“She was probably worried about you running your mouth” you joked, making him smirk.
“You have heard about me”
As Steve walked in, Natasha waited for Clint to show him something she wanted to fix in the garage.
The house was big and in the middle of a little wooded area.
“You’re gonna have to share rooms. And someone will sleep on the couch” you warned them.
“Not it” Tony said, as you pulled out a pillow and a blanket from the closet.
“I’ll take the couch” Steve offered, which of course he did. “Thank you…”
“Y/N” you nodded, waiting for Tony to follow you.
“Barton? Thor?” he looked around.
“Oh, Clint’s probably scolding Natasha because she didn’t fix the ceiling like he told her to” you laughed. “Thor flew away like thirty seconds after landing. And burned part of my lawn in the process”
“So sorry about that. It’s quite the thing to hang out with these brutes. So, uh, what do you do?”
“I’m a Psychiatrist” you answered, opening the door to the guest room.
“Get to see Natasha a lot?”
“Not as much as I’d like”
“Come by the Compound anytime you like. I’ll send you a pass or shall I just say your name three times?”
“What?” you tilted your head in confusion.
“Nothing. Thanks for letting us crash” he rubbed his neck.
“Sure. Get some rest”
You ran into Clint as he went upstairs, knowing his way around the house.
“She’s outside”
“Is she… is she ok?” you said, sighing. It was one thing to see it in the news, and another one to know she was out there risking her life against literal Gods and aliens.
“Just tired” he assured you. “Seeing you will help. Have a good night”
“You too. Sorry to say you’re sharing a room with Tony”
“Ah, jeez” he groaned, making you laugh.
Steve was lying in the couch, restless. He waved at you shyly as you walked out, knowing Natasha was waiting in the porch.
Honestly? They were a nice bunch.
“Hey” you said, stepping out.
“Hi, detka”
“You ok?” you said, leaning your chin against her shoulder, with your arms around her waist.
“Just tired”
“Funny, that’s exactly what Clint said”
Natasha chuckled at that, squeezing your hands.
“He knows me”
“I know you better”
“Do you, now?” she turned around, quirking up an eyebrow and smiling at you. “So, what do you think I want right now?”
“Cuddles with your wife and then tomorrow morning I think you’ll be in the mood for blueberry pancakes and hot cocoa”
“Damn, you do know me well” she laughed, kissing your temple. “Come on, let’s go to bed”
—
You were up next morning, and unsurprisingly, Steve had already been out and running a good ten miles.
“The rest?” he said after greeting you.
“Clint got up early to fix what Natasha broke trying to fix the other thing that broke, God bless his soul. Tony’s asleep and so is Nat”
“Really? Even Romanoff? She’s up at break of dawn”
“Nah, not when she’s home. Now clean yourself up, breakfast is almost done”
“Yes, Ma’am”
Natasha was the first one down, as your room had a private bathroom. By the sounds from upstairs, you suspected the boys were arguing over who go to use the other restroom first.
“Hear that sound? Children. Ready for all that?” Natasha said.
“Yeah, but ours will be cute. And we’ll make Clint build another bathroom” you said, getting a pancake out of the pan.
“You’re so smart, that’s why I love you”
“Only that?” you said, laughing as you felt her hands go around your waist.
“Among other things”
You turned around to protest, but her lips stopped you from saying anything.
“I did miss this” she said, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. You moaned against her mouth, forgetting there were more people in the house until you heard Tony slam the door to the bathroom. Natasha went to get some coffee, and you wished she’d kept kissing you.
But the teasing would be endless if they caught you in the middle of it.
“Bathroom's all yours, Cap! Morning, Romanoffs”
“Morning, Tony” you said. “Help yourself to some pancakes and coffee”
“Delicious, thank you”
Steve came down a few minutes later, at the same time Clint walked in, announcing that he had fixed the thing.
“You’re a hero” you said, grateful. “Don’t worry, darling, you’ll get it right next time” you added as Natasha pouted.
“Mean”
“It comes with the territory, doesn’t it?” Tony said. “Including all the hair pulling and slapping and fighting for bras”
“Ah, what?” you said, confused.
“Hey, don’t speak to my wife that way, asshole” Natasha slapped the back of his head, making him choke on his coffee.
“Did you just say wife?” he turned to look between the two of you.
“Yes, Y/N is my wife. Who did you think she was?”
“The maid?” you joked.
“The sister!” Tony looked at Steve for backup.
“Well, to be fair… yeah”
“My sister’s name is Yelena” Natasha said, massaging her temples. “Y/N and I have been married for almost two years now. And I didn’t want you to know because you’ll be insufferable about it”
“Babe, they’ve been good so far” you chuckled, squeezing her hand.
“We can behave, honey boo” Tony said.
“Ok, yeah. I get it now” you rolled your eyes.
“Either way, you’re coming to our party” Tony said, poruing himself more coffee.
“When is it?”
“Whenever we get our hands on that Asgardian bastard”
“Language” you said at the same time as Steve.
“This is gonna be fun” Tony laughed, looking at you over his cup of coffee. “Welcome to the family, Mrs. Romanoff”
496 notes
·
View notes
Text
chris sturniolo headcannons ♡ bf!chris x reader ♡
《 sfw 》
bf!chris who... spends a lot of money on you, buying you everything that you want or reminds him of you - even though he hates spending money
"chris look at how cute this top is!"
"give it to me baby, I'll get it for you"
"no it's 60 dollars. I'm not letting you do that for me"
chris didn't care though, he knows you wanted the top really bad. so he grabbed it out from your hand and bought it for you.
bf!chris who... stares at you while you sleep
4:26 am ● chris's eyes fluttered open, he was waking up for the third time this night. yet he found comfort in holding you in his arms - looking down at you breathing ever so lightly againt his chest. he moved a peice of hair away from your face and kissed your forehead. falling asleep while gazing at your beauty.
bf!chris who... learned how to drive for you
bf!chris who... is always touching you, whether it's a hand in your back pocket, his arms around your waist or just holding hands
you were in the bathroom brushing your teeth. in the mirror, you saw chris walk in. he smiled as he wrapped his arms around your hips, bringing his body close to your back. he started to kiss you neck and touch your waist up and down.
bf!chris who... tracks your period to know when to come over and bring your favorite snacks and drinks
8:12 pm ● you were laying in bed dealing with horrible cramps, you called chris wihtout telling him about how you felt.
"can you come over please"
"yeah of course baby"
chris got up from the couch, grabbing his keys and wallet. knowing you were on your period he was thinking about what to get you at a gas station before seeing you.
"thank you, love you drive safe"
"I will, love you y/n"
20 minutes later, chris knocked on your door. you got up, with a stabbing pain in your stomach doing so. you opened the door to chris holding your favorite chocolates, gummy worms, your favorite soda and chips.
bf!chris who... bought the perfume you were so he can have your scent with him at all times
bf!chris who... is always texting you in videos
the triplets were filming a car video, and chris wouldnt stop smilingat his phone.
"chris get off your fucking phone"
"yeah chris we've been filming for 10 fucking minutes and the whole time you've been texting."
"sorry guys"
chris puts his phone in his pocket, with red cheeks and a big smile on his face. he was helping you decide what to wear, telling you his favorite outfits and how much he loves them on you.
bf!chris who... goes on trips (like italy) without you but brings you back snacks, clothes, plushies, candles and little trinkets he knows you'd love
bf!chris who... is just so genuinely in love with you. he's constantly staring at you. he's zoned out while watching TV because he was busy staring at you, missed green lights while driving, and he even gets distracted by you while doing tasks like pouring drinks. he's constantly enchanted by you, your beauty is everything to chris.
you and Chris were watching tv together in his bed, laying next to each other with his arm around you. you noticed he'd been staring at you for what had felt like minutes. you turned your head, and let out a laugh to ask him about him staring, since he didn't even stop when you turned.
"chris are you watching the show?"
"yeah, I'm sorry baby, you're just so fucking gorgeous."
bf!chris who... had his thoughts on marriage changed after meeting you. he fell inloved with you from the first look of you, he knew he wanted to marry you. his entire life he has had thought about marriage as unnecessary and dumb. although he saw you those opinions were changed. when seeing you walk down the isle, his eyes were watering, he never thought he'd be getting married let alone crying on his wedding day.
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fandom#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets fanfic#sturniolo triplets smut#chris x reader
87 notes
·
View notes
Note
I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.
though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rocky’s sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isn’t dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized it’s starting to spill out of him … which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is what’s currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasn’t had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous … and like.#when you’re constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others … etc#i could talk in depth about rocky’s traumas and why they’ve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly there’s a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill … which rocky is imo#it’s just the reality of things! this isn’t me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. i’m just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not … really rocky rickaby … rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#it’s amazing truly lol like … i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and i’m rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky … while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too … rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops i’ll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
56 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)
Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭
What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is
-💀
I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.
If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.
The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.
If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.
I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.
It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.
In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.
In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.
They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.
If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.
I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.
#this is long cause theres so many ideas to play with here and how jimmy and Curly would work but the specifc things happening with Anya#like if she wasnt pregnant thats a relief but its the sort of situation where she has to think about her own sexuality in the scenerio shes#queer and how Jimmy affect her. Its addressing it with Curly who may get it but maybe she gets it too much maybe its hard to hear about Jim#cause for all she knew Jimmy was straight and now she has to think of all the odd conversations and nights they shared beds and maybe#feelings she had but she has to focus on putting Anya first but what does she do? Outing someone is bad but this can be dismmised?#Would the pony express just punish both anya and jimmy and curly what if theres a dont ask dont tell policy? what if they dont care cause#they are all women. its not an issue if its just girls not getting along after “experimenting”. Back to male Anya and female Jimmy they wil#assume it was consensual and anya just doesnt want the kid often that is pushed on male rape narratives. Jimmy is pregnant and on edge#does Curly also have to factor in the child? I feel like the feast scene would be Jimmy delusionally thinking Curly is helping support the#child i mean he is the most well off the bread winner he puts food on the table he is the food! Would polle being Anya talk about how Jimmy#doesnt have it in her to foster a child to support one emotionally without damage? Why so focused on making Curly the idealized male#or provider in her life when she went after him? For female Curly is it envy that she did this to herself and Curly has even more prospects#than her now? What if Anya was fawning because he didn't want the kid but hated the idea of Jimmy killing it to spite him? Or perhaps using#it as a means of control because even if he doesn't want it i doubt he wants it to be punished or abused. It is a burden something no one#wanted but it is being fostered five months in and Jimmys showing a bump and Anya cant ignore all the implications of it being born to her#maybe he kills himself to avoid living in a world its subjected to that pain to to save himself from it. GOD the pills with Curly are worse#for male Anya fem!Curly because its so much more direct he cant shove something down a womans throat who is clearly unwilling it makes#him feel like Jimmy to watch her struggle against him and he cant do it and with Jimmy it is so much more direct about a mother feeding#theri child and abusing it like the nuance if any gender flipping was canon would tear this fandom apart now imma thinking crazy about this#thanks skull anon like really ur asks get me thinking#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#💀 anon#ask#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry my post is just to complain but guys i literally hate adobe after effects. i can not explain to you the mental torture and how LOW it has brought my mental health because I *need* to use it for my post production class because it's "industry standard". ADOBE After Effects has made me write off the entire film and video production industry as a turn off and I never want to do it ever again.
The amount of times this has crashed on me where I lost everything? 5+ hours of work? 8+ hours of work? It's my fault for not saving sometimes but I also have auto-save on. it didn't save anything so im just left with nothing.
You want a trip to burn out town really quick? Use adobe after effects in an academic setting where you have no choice but to use this program.
I have never in my life TOUCHED a program SO TERRIBLE that it made me never want to do anything about that form of art/media EVER AGAIN
#I'm ALSO going in and out of the hospital these past few weeks so im just bawling and crying and crying over losing this project just now#because it was due 3 days ago#and i cant finish it becvause i loste verything#im sorry to everyone reading this i just feel like an insane person#like if i tried to explain this to someone theyd just tell me to stop crying and to get over it#anyway cannot recommend adobe after effects any fucking less#never join advertising/film industry i guess?#im so miserable right now. AE is a constant crasher#i also got a new computer with 18RAM instead of 8RAM and it still did this#does anyone understand why i cant stop talking about this#it makes no logical sense that our industry relies on adobe THIS fucking much that a program that is KNOWN to crash often#is an industry standard i hate it here#its been 3 months of this#im in so much fucking physical pain thats why im going to the hospital and then i come home to this constantly#guys im so tired i hate Adobe with a passion i hate it so much#mod stuff#from kris p#may delete later but i have bad memory so ill forget and just never do that#when i say its fun im lying to you for masking/show. im lying
19 notes
·
View notes
Note
@scrumbosim lol unfortunately for you, I am quite literally the LAST person you should have picked this fight with. A little about me, sweetheart: I am a disabled indigenous lesbian, and, quite literally yesterday morning, I had to go and get a CT scan on my fucking brain because I probably have MS. I live in america. I have health insurance. This test could genuinely be life saving for me. But, guess what, bitch? My insurance refused to pay for all of it and demanded I pay over 400 dollars out of pocket. This has been my life for almost a decade now. I am literally dying. I am in levels of pain you can't even conceive of literally every fucking day. I am poor as shit and constantly have to choose between medical procedures and fucking groceries. Don't you dare fucking step to me on this topic. Don't you DARE try and act like ANYONE, ESPECIALLY women, are foolish or brainwashed for fucking celebrating this shit. Anyway, personal anecdotes aside: Girl, supporting anyone who stands up to any corrupt power IS standing up. Yeah, this post absolutely struck a cord with me, because I care about people and realize that the real world exists outside of your weird chronically online opinions. Yeah, men are shitty and the patriarchy is to blame for the core of most issues in our society. There are so many incredible examples of exactly what you're talking about (the blake lively situation, for example), but once again: people cheering on the death of a cartoonishly evil man is not one of them. (You'd also think that 'kill all men' would include a fucking ceo who makes millions on the suffering of others, and maybe NOT the guy who took him down and gave hope to millions, but whatever) More than that, though, this one act sends a message to the entirety of the wealthy elite, and it fucking shows. They are scared right now. It's why they've been whipping their names off the internet, it's why they've been parading Luigi mangione in the streets, doing their best to vilify him. It's propoganda, and you're falling for it. The last fucking thing the 1% wants is class conscious and solidarity. You know, the thing you're so fucking against? And guess what: you're completely wrong when you try and claim that the shooting 'did nothing'- anthem reversed it's new policy (that they would refuse to pay for people's fucking ANESTESIA during fucking SURGERY) Almost IMMEDIATELY after the shooting. Insurance companies precious stocks PLUMMETED after the shooting. Yeah, the system absolutely is still alive and thriving. No single act can undo a system as huge and monstrous as the us medical system. But the answer to that is not going 'oh no, nothing can ever be fixed so I'm just going to sit in the corner and whine about how much I hate the people who are ACTUALLY getting shit done (for no real real reason other than you're an idiot, I guess)' it's to ACTUALLY stand up. I desperately need you to open a history book: how the fuck do you think we've gotten literally ANYTHING done in this country? The civil rights movement, the AIM movement, workers rights, gay rights, women's rights, etc etc etc! They were ALL accomplished by the exact kind of shit you're having your stupid little tantrum over. They want us divided. They want us to hate each other. You are fucking falling for it. Don't be fucking naive. And god damn, turn off your fucking phone and go outside.
RFs be like KAM!! And then be all over Luigi Mangione's dick. A scrote does one good thing and your "misandry" goes out the window. Fucking pathetic
📐
#lol i will be honest: you trying to pretend that you didn't write that anon was almost funny enough for me to forgive it.#almost
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
and for my next trick i present... my Grand Tv People Freakout Extravaganza!!! *falls to the floor weeping violently*
#the owl house#toh raeda#raine whispers#eda clawthorne#i swear to god they're going to kill me. they're going to kill me. falls onfloor#you do everything you can to keep your beloved from finding out your secret thinking they will surely hate you but they end up leaving you#for doing just that#and then thirty years later they lie to you about being brainwashed and pretend not to recognize you#to keep you safe so they say#but you look into their eyes and all you see is that younger you staring back at you!!!#the one who loved them so much she forced the feathers and claws back down into her skin to keep them with her and didn't even succeed!#and you think: i thought we were past this. i thought you said i should have known better.#but when it comes down to it you both just want to keep the other safe more than anything. because maybe you still love each other#underneath the years of loneliness and bitterness. and maybe the thought of looking them in the eyes#and just saying 'i'm sorry. i was wrong. i miss you. i love you. can we try again?'#is too frightening for that prideful earnest loving yet cowardly and broken girl inside you.#and the thought of admitting you have made them change their mind is too painful for your beloved#who has resigned themself to always standing there and watching as you go and destroy yourself while cracking a joke.#anyway. heehoo funny owl show
176 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
banging my head against the wall every time an edgy 14 year old boy says that the lore tsubaki or togame is badly written
sry i talked a lot in the tags so it got cut off but basically tsubaki's backstory is amazing i love them i love how they don't give a fuck
#melotalks#melotalks a lot#wind breaker#all of them can tape their mouths shut#bc no togame's backstory during his fight w sakura#isn't just about his “redemption arc”#or whatever#IT LITERALLY SHOWS#HOW HE SHOULDERED#SO MUCH PAIN#AND SO MUCH HURT#SO THAT CHOJI#COULD BE HAPPY#AND SO THAT HIS CHOJI#WOULDN'T HAVE TO DIRTY HIS HANDS#AND THAT HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CHOJI#he literally calls choji the sun cmon.#don't even let me get STARTED on tsubaki#i hate when transphobic and queerphobic mfs start talking#abt tsubaki#because YES of course YOU wouldn't know#fucking ANYTHING#about how tsubaki's backstory is so important to me#but moreso#to the queer community#who's fucking scarcely represented#and so directly represented#in ANY kind of media#especially in japanese manga/anime
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey I just wanted to ask a writer question. I really admire your writing and the amount of work and dedication you put into your stories and characters. You are one of my favourite authors ever. I have been wanting to get into writing and I was wondering how you flesh out your characters? For example you have a character that you’ve thought out, do you have a template that you fill in? Or just write a whole bunch of points about the character in a Google doc? I know that question might not make the most sense but I have a few characters that I’ve given quirks and backstories in my mind but I have no idea how to transfer them onto paper? Like Jane from TRT, is there just a big template or doc where you randomly put points into or some other type of organization? I know it’s not an easy thing to answer on text or even something you might not want to answer but even one sentence of advice is much appreciated :) Thank you so much for everything! I appreciate you. I will also put this into the ask thingy if you want to answer on there instead of PM 😁
I've managed to hammer this out in bits and pieces over the moments I've been more coherent so I think I'll make sense. First, thank you so, so, so much! I honestly love these characters so I'm always happy to hear someone likes it, even if I enjoy the work! 😭
Second - I do in fact have a template in doc form that I use to keep things organized! It's one I've been using since I took a novel writing course years ago by a published author, and in one particular class we went over character development, which is where I learned the template. The way I was taught (and the way I develop major characters) - first, even before filling in the template, I figure out their archetype(s). What story role are they filling? Who will they be a foil for? I like to think of those as your foundation, because every character is an archetype of some kind, and you can use that to build them up. To use Jane as an example, she's an antihero archetype, yes, but I've also pulled elements from: the Unscrupulous Hero, the Sympathetic Murderer, the Combat Pragmatist, and the Ineffectual Loner. Compared to Matt's hero archetype, she's the Lancer. Archetypes can help you if you're struggling to build up from the bottom.
Once I have the archetype, I start filling in the Major Character/Hero template, which roughly looks like this (if you don't fill it all right away, that's fine, because there's a step after this to fill it in the rest of the way). I like this one because I feel like it covers VERY important things that a lot of online character profiles skip, and has much less of a focus on looks (which I find way less important from a writing perspective):
Name: Age: Family History: Career: Physical Description: (include things like scars, notable or unusual features) Preferred Style of Clothing: (instead of listing brands, try to instead describe their style of clothing as it relates to their character - ex: Jane wears upper-end pantsuits in muted colors when meeting clients, because they carry a strong emphasis on professionalism; when hunting things down, she wears what is practical over anything to do with aesthetic) Goal: (every character should have one; what are they trying to do?) Motivation: (WHY do they want that goal?) Big Secret: (if it were Jane, it'd be what happened in Los Angeles; so what are they hiding? Keeping to themselves?) Self-image: (How do they see themselves? Are they confident and secure? Insecure and depressed?) Internal Conflict: (what are they struggling with?) Game: (What's some little game they enjoy?) Pet: (if applicable) Temptation: (what's aaaalways going to lure them in?) Vehicle: (if applicable; alternatively, how do they prefer to get around?) What makes them unique: (our fake post-apocalyptic character we made as a class had his teeth sharpened into points to scare people; Jane is often fidgeting with threads; just anything that stands out) How do they speak: (do they speak very precisely? Use lots of slang? Do they have an accent?) Quote: (What quote sums them up, or what quote do they relate to most? I have an entire folder of these for Jane tbh, and some for Ciro as well) Lesson Learned: (All characters should grow in some way, rather than stagnating. So how do they grow? What do they learn through the story?)
Now, this is something I was encouraged to do after the template, and also something I was already doing on my own. Once you have the template as finished as you feel comfortable with, you might feel like you need to develop the character a little further to fill in the rest, or solidify what you already have. The way you can do that? Write something short with this character. It doesn't have to be anything you need to post; it can be based on a short scene, based on a prompt, things like that. I like dumping them into: humorous scenarios, angsty scenarios, and Action Oriented (TM) scenes. Those really help you get into the meat of the character (aka: how they react to teasing/flirting/jokes; how they react to strong emotion; how they react in situations that might cause panic). Basically, it's your way of introducing yourself to them and becoming more comfortable writing them, because often a character might act a certain way in a cold, rigid template, but behave entirely differently once you drop them into a scene. Alternatively, you might get to writing and realize you need to make an adjustment so that they have better chemistry with the other characters. Writing a new character's a dance, and you're both going to step on each other's toes in the beginning, but once you learn how they move, it gets easier. And it helps them develop and grow as you learn about them!
#writing advice#writing#character templates#this is the template i've used for most of my major characters and i love it tbh#i've tried some other ones and they just don't work for me#i feel like they focus WAY too much on appearance which is fairly minor in the scheme of writing#and not enough on things like goals and motivations and who the character *is*#because that's our job as authors#we're here to show you who these characters are at their base level so you can watch them grow#we are here to dissect them so readers can see their squishy insides#or as the author who led the class said: 'your job as a writer is to cause pain and suffering'#and you can't DO that if you don't know the inner workings#so i've used her template constantly since then because it makes that easier#it also emphasises growth which is something i LOVE#because i hate when everyone just stays the same in a story#ok i think that's everything#been writing this up in bits and pieces over the past two week and was finally coherent for long enough to clean it up a bit#now to keep seeing if i can start write writing again
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
fellas the book 7 update…. *crying*
(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)
#sandy blabbles#twst#Book 7 spoilers#dude ace loves his friends sm#His happiness including yuu’s own happiness—where they get to go back to their home but also still be able to stay in twst; still get to ha#Hang out and be friends. Never having to say goodbye.#I just…heart shackle my beloved they could never make me hate you#It really shows how much Ace truly loves his friends and how he doesn’t WANT to part with them; say goodbye and sever his ties with them#Its actually rlly similar to Malleus’s whole OB thing; both of them fear the imminent parting of their loved ones#I think it’s really noteworthy that Ace’s happiness gets predicated on Yuu’s happiness FIRST#I think in reality deep down he FOESNT want Yuu to go back home; because it’s likely that their way back home is a one way trip.#It’s not like graduating and going back home. In this case Yuu is gone. Period. They existed in TWST in one moment and the next they cease#However he also knows that them staying in TWST would only be painful; they had a life before NRC and to make them say goodbye to that fore#Is something he also doesn’t want to do; the fact that one of the core false memories the dream is built upon is YUU’S HAPPY EXPRESSION at#Crowley finding a way for them back home is…*chef’s kiss* so ofc the ideal solution for him is to let them travel between world’s; that way#The both of them can be happy; Yuu can go back home but still be with Ace and their friends. Dude I’m just so fucking touched—Ace has#Infamously bad emotional communication yet he cares and loves sm. Yes he’s an ass yes he’s a jerk yes he’s a selfish teen boy; but he’s *ou#Asshole. Who will have our back as we do his; who will be happy with as he is with Heartshackle. When you get down to it Ace is sentimental#Whereas Malleus’ solution has involved him selfishly restraining the ppl he loves in an effort not to lose them; and ending up alone i#Ace’s UM defo coming in Book 7 (or 8; him getting his UM during a confrontation with Malleus would be very fitting)#It’s almost poetic how traitor ace theory is simultaneously torn away but also…not with his dream.#The fact remains that he cares for Yuu and doesn’t want them to go; those feelings which are core to the theory ARE there. But at the same#Time he’s not selfish enough to do that to Yuu…sure there IS the question of how he would treat the situation in reality rather than the#Ideal dream but I think that by the end of book 7 any lingering feelings he might have of keeping Yuu in twst; even to their detriment will#Fall in the face of malleus who is emblematic of such desires. Book 7 will end in Ace wholeheartedly working with us to find Yuu a way back#Home. Because if that’s what will bring them happiness; even if it’s a happiness Ace will not have been a part of for long or much longer#Then he will do it. Even if parting is painful having the people he loves be in pain for the rest of their lives (ie Yuu being trapped) is#Far far FAR more painful then parting ever could be. Because for as much as Ace bullies and pursues being a cool kid#He will never be able to stop caring and loving his dear friend#(Also couldn’t fit this in but the fact that he was able to be so rational while delululu when resisting waking up is SO on point
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
am i so hard to care about?
#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer#if i dont put this out somewhere#SH s*icide tw !!!!!#i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it#i dont understand why my friends cant care about me#i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe#it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too#and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always#check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh#but especially when i am struggling they just disappear#like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them#these are supposed to be my best friends#these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again#i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts#and i dont tell them these things#i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my#problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues#i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on#of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e#whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return#i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides#even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me#i dont know what i should do#i want to say something#actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know#why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it#the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know#how i can do that feeling like this#but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood#if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have two extremely frustrating days of work ahead of me... An event I hate with a burning passion, so much so that they had to trick me into agreeing to work it, and then producing my show on top of all that...
So the theme of the next 2 days will be 'tension headaches'.
#the worst part of the event is that it doesn't need to be a pain in the ass#it's a pain in the ass because they always assign it to the shittiest producers since it's a low-paying client#and they make it absolutely unbearable#Every year the exact same problems because every year they swear they don't need to do stuff that every year they need to do#so it ends up both the setup day running 6+ hours beyond schedule#that one because 2 people will sit on their asses and chit-chat and not do any work while everyone else is waiting for them#and then the event itself is pure chaos until it starts because for all the sitting around on set-up day#they won't actually have prepared for the shoot itself#they asked me if I could help the lead audio guy up in radio with something; acting like it was in relation to my show#then when I said I would do it they were like 'great so you'll be his assistant at the event'#i hate this place so much#they give this event to that idiot B because they don't want him to be TOO mad that he was fired from all show producing#so he gets the shitty events to fuck up royally#literally we will be sitting there doing nothing for 6 hours and then suddenly he'll start demanding 10 things be done#that could have been done 6 hours ago#and they give it to the shitty cheap rate producers but then I end up dragged in to working on it anyways so they aren't saving any $#not that I want to produce it- I absolutely do not want anything to do with this event#i want this event to not impact me or my regular work in any way shape or form#so now I have to work this pain in the ass; stay late to edit my show; go in at the crack of dawn to do the event; then do my show after#when I don't have time to do both the event and my show at all#remember when they swore they'd isolate my schedule on show days so I'm not pulling double or triple duty?#that lasted one week#this is my most hated time every single year#I'll be human again after the show Friday I'm just ticked
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Next year the first call I’m gonna make is to OMT to see if maybe that can help my knee and poor circulation
#my doctors said nothing was showing on scans so it wa probably just runner’s knee#but it’s been happening for years on and off and has no correlation to how much activity I do#and has way more to do with the weather#but I’ve had multiple tell me it isn’t arthritis or anything like that and to just ‘rest my knee’#and offer me pain meds#and I always say don’t even bother prescribing me that shit because I will not fill it#fuck you people like you are what ruined this area#I hate pill doctors so much I can’t stand it
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes my boobs hurt so much i think they're gonna bleed surely this is normal right
#i think im pmsing.. but im not sure#like the dates aligned but also they've been super irregular hence the whole pcod etc#like im already wearing a size 38 bra because of all this fucking weight gain#and even that feels tight?? like the next size available was free size😭😭#but like it feels normal good even everyday just from the past two days it's been hurting like hell#and fucking worst festivsl of the year so i can't even stay in my room bra off all day#but oh god why do they pain so much it's never been like this before ive been having periods since i was 11 and im 21 now#maybe another pcod uhh idk side effect? symptom? whatever it's called#and i definitely have that pms wali feeling#i mean i haven't broken down yet but#you know that feeling when you WANT something but you don't know what and you try everything but nothing works#like i ate pasta i ate ice cream i studied and accomplished my targets i slept a lot i watched comfort show#i even washed my hair and danced to so many songs today morning while booping#but then it keeps crashing#and it's not enough#don't ask me what's it because even i do not know#i think i want. a hug. i guess#but from my bestfriend#because me and my sister keep fighting and i don't think she's really understanding me rn#but i think she's (bsf) avoiding talking to me because she's getting back together with her shitty boyfriend#i want to call and whine and say fuck that i don't care just talk to me but#i can't#the thought of asking for help needing people is. wow it's genuinely making me puke#i hate hate HATE being pathetic and needy#sometimes i wish#i mean obviously i would prefer it if i was perfectly healthy qnd normal and fine#but sometimes i wish someone just looked at me and said#oh honey how are you carrying so much sadness inside you and hiding it so well?? how are you even functioning???? how are you not#on the floor wailing and crying and unable to get up?#like you need [insert idk pills or whatever the cure is] BADLY
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one
#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows#as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober#i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks#which is why haven't really been on here#and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong#and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great#i am so sad#i'm just so so sad and scared#all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love#and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything#it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond#so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self#yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine#she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me#i don't know i'm sorry#i just want to disappear#i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain
9 notes
·
View notes