#because i guess the hets didn’t think anyone would watch it bc it’s about being gay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jett-dawson · 4 years ago

Text

— ANDERSHAW RANT

so i’m currently in a big andershaw mood. i really really love them. watching episodes five and six makes me so happy. i know this show is still finding its way, i know the drama isn’t super solid and i know the eps are only five minutes long. but i’m just trying to find happiness in what we’ve got. and while jella is obviously just such an iconic and strong ship, i feel like andershaw deserves some love & light as well. hell, they’re still lowkey underrated? even after the episodes? idk but anyways

after reading skyler and ruby’s i was like wait wait. these two bios feel like two different puzzle pieces. pieces that attach? they literally fit so well. ruby is this bold girl. mega aries energy. rainbow dash type beat. she is the girl who makes sure to put loving, supportive energy into her friends no matter what. shes there to hype them up when and if they need it. shes there to put extra flair onto their outfits and just be that very very cool gal. skyler is the shy one. cancer energy. fluttershy type beat. shes timid yet smart, shy and lowkey insecure. she’s not fully sure of herself. shes still finding her feet. shes still looking for the moment where she’s fully ready to shine. she just needs a boost. she needs confidence. she needs support. and yes of course she could get that from any of her friends but like. ruby is literally branded around being the hype friend!! how fitting is that! plus they’re literally just the definition of red and blue gays i’m sorry but it had to be said

then episodes five and six dropped. these episodes really strengthened their bond. seriously. whether you ship it or not, they are now closer than ever. think about it! skyler just lost the love of her life, who she had been dating for like three years, in the most crappiest way possible. who ran after her to comfort her? ruby. but ruby lowkey kinda just got let down as well. she got to go on a date with this “cute” boy from her class. she was excited for the party. she was hyped up, she ran over to her roomies to get excited with them. she was willing to vlog with him. all for him to turn out to be a fraud, not only to her but to her friend. but what did she do? put all of her energy into skyler. WHICH ISNT A SURPRISE. their bios do foreshadow the show, believe it or not. we knew poppy was going to have some sort of dynamic going on with the A’s. we knew sunny was going to have her own cartoon that she works on of her friends. we knew all of this! and you could say the same about the wave two bios, foreshadowing violet/karma drama, amaya coming into a school with an unexpected setting, etc.

but like. think about it. they could’ve had any of the girls go to comfort skyler. they could’ve had jade go, bella go, heck, even sunny! but they chose jade. bc thats her character. she cares. she cares enough. she knew just what to say. she knew the moment skyler started spewing junk abt colin being the reason she got into rainbow high, it was all false. she knew just what to say to help skyler. and immediately was like hey look. ur makeup is running. you’re upset. you don’t deserve this. let’s have a makeover together. and made a cute ass montage of them being in love and doing makeup and hair. bro they put each other’s initials on each others outfits!! that’s what ruby’s bio meant! she knows how to add flair to anyone’s looks! she gave skyler a bit of a makeover!! foreshadowing!!!!

and yet she supported skyler’s speech on the stage. she convinced skyler that colin isn’t worth her time or energy and that they should just turn their colour up and vibe. they didn’t have to do that. they seriously didn’t. opposites ships like these are always the death of me. you see that with jella! opposites in a way!! you see it with other ships from other shows.. ex. rarijack and flutterdash (since i was referencing mlp earlier lol). they just work. it’s the balance. the time. the effort and energy they put in together. and i love it.

and i feel like andershaw is one of the only canon dynamics that have gotten a lot of attention.. other than jella and sky/violet. like the roommates have cute bonds as well but we haven’t seen a lot of them have major like... heartfelt turn of events. i mean i do love the cute moment of skyler supporting sunny during episode one. i do like the dynamic of ruby and violet having the spa nights on thursdays and being the ones invested in vlogging and stuff. that’s cute! but andershaw had like a heartfelt turn of events that strengthened their bond. and it’s not a surprise to me because their bios!! make sense!!!

sky/river seems like an interesting take. i mean all we’ve known is them sharing the 22 and then seeing each other and knowing each other which is cute!! but i guess i just can’t get into it?? idk. like. i usually almost always find straight couples being weak in kids cartoons bc companies usually only throw in males for the purpose of being a love interest and almost nothing else. so i’m used to finding no interest in straight couples for the reason that their bonds are as strong as the main characters friendships! and this is usually in like girl power shows like mlp, precure, winx, eah, mh, etc. like i do love the het couples of eah and mh ngl. rosabella and daring? clawd and draculaura? ashlynn and hunter? deuce and cleo? love to see them. but i guess another factor in it is that we rarely ever get LGBT rep in kid shows like these and. i love to see myself represented in the things i love and cmon man the school is literally called rainbow high. we have to at least have one gay, cmon. please mga

anyways. i wonder what will happen to river tho. i feel like i can get into it if they develop out their relationship while also actually giving river a personality lol. i do love how hes into performing arts though. you don’t see a guy being into performing represented in cartoons every day. but i also wonder if the amaya/river theory will come true. half upset bc id expect someones theme that is literally based off of the rainbow would be gay but. i also love andershaw so NDMDNDJ it’s ok. i ship andershaw no matter what! i wonder what will happen, and if couples will even be a prominent thing in the shows future. i mean... i wouldn’t doubt it? if not, kia would serve like no other purpose as of rn lol. anyways. i love my gays and i’ll probably rant about them another time

#rainbow high #rainbowhigh #rainbow high dolls #andershaw #skyler x ruby #ruby x skyler #ruby anderson #skyler bradshaw

34 notes · View notes

extraordinarilyextreme · 4 years ago

Text

Crown Prince Li Kaiqing, Chen Ji, and Fushui

MAJOR spoilers for 《骊歌行》 Court Lady (2021)!!! This is just me blabbing about my feelings.

so we all knew that Crown Prince (CP) and Chen Ji (CJ) were gonna be BE cuz they have historical prototypes. after Chengxin was executed, Li Chengqian grieved for a long time, refusing to attend court and also building a shrine for him in the palaces.

well, even with that knowledge, i still cried like a little baby at the end of the drama. there’s not a single un-sad 感情线 in this entire show, but i really do think that the mess of these three is tragic.

before we dive into the mess that i’ve become, a huge round of applause to Li Zefeng for his amazing portrayal of the Crown Prince—the good-intentioned, sort of foolish boy that we first meet and then later the wide-eyed, paranoid, remorseless man. and of course similar props to Wang Yizhe’s two roles of sweet Chen Ji and scheming Fushui (and Sun Langlang for voicing them! Wang Zhi’s VA!).

so as i’ve already said, CP is really a whole different person after CJ dies. and the contrast between CJ and Fushui (FS) is very plainly evident: CJ dressed in pale white-blue, FS mostly in grey-black; CJ kept his hair loose, FS wears a bun (or hat, when he rises thru the ranks); CJ is a lowly palace entertainer, FS is well-trained in combat and medicine (and ends up as Senior Imperial Physician, somehow); CJ was terrible at weiqi, FS is good at weiqi but pretends to be bad at it. CJ was targeted and subjected to rumors, but no one dared question CP’s relationship with FS—because CP was in so much grief after CJ died, how could anyone bear to do that to CP again? even though FS was absolutely the one that everyone should have removed from CP’s side immediately…

when CP and CJ first meet in episode 7, CP is kind of a typical princely character: he’s kinda entitled, the world is his, his future is bright… and i firmly believe he 一见钟情 because while CJ still treated him with courtesy and respect, it’s obvious that CJ didn’t expect or want anything from him. and this continues in episode 9, when CP is trying to clear his thoughts by the riverside and runs into CJ who is fishing: CP brattishly orders CJ to stay and keep him company, and CJ is honestly more confused than anything as to why the freaking Crown Prince of the country wants to spend the whole goddamn day here. of course, it’s because CJ represents a freedom for CP: here, the Emperor won’t compare him to Prince Zhou or Prince Han; here, the Empress won’t admonish him over and over again; here, there’s no scheming advisors who try to curry favor with him. here, as CP tells CJ to use, it’s just “you and I” without care for rank or formalities.

(but also the death flag in episode 9 was atrociously obvious LOL with CP promising “I will make you a grave” to CJ’s absolute terror. on-the-nose. still made me sad later on, so that’s that i guess. in any case, the episode ends with a 定情信物 whereupon CP gives a jade from his belt to CJ.)

CP watches CJ perform (as he is an entertainer from Prince Han’s mansion) for the first time in episode 10, and we see it again in episode 12, episode 16, and episode 17. based off 《三国演义》Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the lyrics are as follows:

大丈夫只患功名不立 A great man should only worry about not gaining fame and honor/

何患无妻 Why worry over not having a wife/

舍生忘死报恩住 Leaving behind life and death to repay my Lord/

忠肝义胆待友朋 Treat my friends with righteous loyalty/

我要做有血性的英雄 I want to be a hot-blooded hero/

为义而生 To live for righteousness (loyalty)/

为义而死 To die for righteousness (loyalty)

CJ plays the main role of Zhao Zilong (Zhao Yun), and he helpfully compares the story to a game of weiqi in episode 16.

“A gambit [sacrificing insignificant pieces to protect the significant ones] is what Zhao Zilong did in the Battle of Changban. In order for Zhao Zilong to save A Dou, he couldn’t save Madam Gan. So, Madam Gan committed suicide. Isn’t Madam Gan a gambit?”

to which CP responds: “Thank goodness you are Zhao Zilong, and not Madam Gan.”

CJ: “The Crown Prince regards me as his soulmate [知己]. Even if in the future, the Crown Prince were to sacrifice me as a gambit, I would be willing.”

CP: “What are you saying? You and I are friends. No matter what happens in the future, I will never treat you as a sacrificial gambit.”

(so, like, death flags everywhere! 知己-mention! and, c’mon, i think for CP’s consort to be jealous/insecure is a little bit justified considering the amount of times CP has CJ perform this piece with a line like “Why worry over not having a wife”.)

backing up for just a moment before everything goes to shit, other notable events are CP finding out his wife is pregnant in episode 13 (but he spends the day fishing and then cooking the fish with CJ at the riverside, and they walk off with arms draped around each other’s shoulders), CJ hurting his leg after climbing a cliffside to pick red flowers after CP mentioned his wife loves the color red most in episode 14, and finally CP leading a blindfolded CJ to a new house just for him to tick off another romance-y trope in episode 15.

CP: “Didn’t you say you didn’t have a home? So I bought you this little estate. When you fall in love someday, have children, and have a great career, this will be your home.”

(the point is they’re both still kind of in a honeymoon phase right now, tho it ends quickly in episode 16 when our FL Fu Rou warns CJ against being so close to CP—but CP is a little bit too idealistic right now, a little bit too stuck in his blissful fantasy, a little bit foolish. foolish, and incompetent, and unable to protect the people he loves bc he unwittingly endangered them to begin with.)

of course, things come to a head in episode 17 when CP’s wife tells her sister about CJ, leading to the Emperor eventually finding out. but while that’s happening, CP goes to see CJ at the estate he bought for him.

CP: In the future, I won’t come here anymore. Therefore, let’s put aside differences for today and be friends like we used to. We will never have those kinds of days again.

CJ confesses he’s going to leave Chang’an: I want to learn swordsmanship well, and become a wandering hero, feeling at home wherever I am. When the Crown Prince becomes Emperor in the future, I can help you take care of bad guys along my journey out there. This will be my way of helping the Crown Prince to keep the empire stable.

CP gives his dagger to CJ: This is not a reward, but a gift for my friend who is about to leave. In the future, whenever you look at it, it will be like looking at me.

CJ: A gift from my soulmate. Chen Ji will definitely take good care of it.

(for ppl who’ve watched Qing Ya Ji, the parallel to Zhongxing and Fangyue here killed me. but there’s also a parallel within the show itself near the end when Fu Rou gives the Emperor a collection of scrolls and explains that the late Empress hoped that he would treat her writings like he were seeing her—one of Court Lady’s many confirmations that CP and CJ should be read as a romantically by paralleling it to visible, het relationships. ALSO, CP has CJ perform Zhao Zilong again right after this conversation, like a last nail in the coffin.)

so the Emperor finds out in episode 18 and angrily orders CP to kill CJ himself, lest he be stripped of rank. Fu Rou warns CJ, but he refuses to escape.

If I run away, the Crown Prince will not be able to fulfill the Emperor’s order—what would happen to the Crown Prince? […] Life and death are not the most important things; the most important thing is to stay true to yourself.

and so CJ unsheathes the dagger CP gave him.

The Crown Prince regards Chen Ji as his soulmate, Chen Ji also regards the Crown Prince as his soulmate. ‘A man of service dies for the one who knows him.’ (An upright man can die for his soulmate.)

CJ quotes “士为知己者死” from Sima Qian’s 《史記·刺客列傳》Records of the Grand Historian, tho if you’ve watched Winter Begonia, it should probably also look familiar.

CP pushes aside the soldiers who’ve accompanied him on the journey to CJ’s home, but it’s too late: CJ took his own life, using the weapon CP gave him, in order to protect CP.

the chorus of Lu Hu’s 《万里》 Ten Thousand Li plays as CP staggers toward CJ’s lifeless body.

呼吸，想着你, When I breathe, I think of you

在梦里，在心里, In my dreams, in my heart

怪完相遇，怪自己, After I’ve finished blaming that we encountered each other, I blame myself

别离，痛彻心扉！Farewell, my heart is broken

(this is a song from the OST we hear multiple times with the other couples in the drama—and we also see many couples by the same river that CP and CJ would fish together by. i think, like, all the couples associated with this song except our main one have a BE…)

in CP’s immense grief, he has the weiqi pieces from his last game with CJ glued to the board, never to be moved again, and he has the flowerbed outside flattened. we get our callback to episode 9: “Chen Ji has no family. I promised him that if he died, I would make him a grave.”

CP doesn’t meet FS until episode 37, but what the Emperor says in episode 19 about Chen Ji is what really makes the whole thing a tragedy.

You must be cautious when choosing friends. He would only have misguided you.

and that’s the thing, the Emperor isn’t wrong!!! it ultimately truly is the Crown Prince’s love for Chen Ji that destroys him. his love for Chen Ji ruins him, ruins the imperial family and threatens the dynasty as a whole. because when Fushui shows up, a man who shares Chen Ji’s face, the Crown Prince trusts him unconditionally—it’s the Crown Prince’s desperation to see any small part of Chen Ji again that leaves him vulnerable to FS’s manipulation: CP forgets who he truly is. because how could a man who looks like Chen Ji ever betray him?

CP is thrown from his horse in episode 37, striking his head upon a rock.

he wonders: Chen Ji, have I also died? Did you come here just to pick me up?

(but of course it’s FS, who was actually going to kill him but the soldiers arrived too quickly.) they meet officially in episode 38.

CP: I thought I was going to die. Dimly, I felt someone approach me—he wanted to save me. I originally thought it was Chen Ji who couldn’t bear for me to die, so his spirit appeared. I didn’t expect that it was you.

FS remarks that CP has brought up “Chen Ji” several times already; immediately, he understands that this is a weakness to exploit.

CP basically throws a temper tantrum in episode 39 when he discovers he will have a permanent limp from now on. (idk if it was an intentional parallel, but CJ also had a limp after falling from the cliffside in episode 14.) FS is the only person that CP allows to approach him, and FS gets him to eat grilled fish (which is apparently CP’s favorite food—how much of the people we love do we carry with us?)

FS acts innocent: I really am bad at lying; as soon as I lie, you see right through me.

it’s everything CP wants to hear.

CP tells him: When I fell off my horse, and was on my last breath, you came to my side and encouraged me to continue living. I’m now crippled and in despair, but you talked sense into me to eat grilled fish. Everything that has happened—if it were Chen Ji, he would also have talked sense into me, encouraged me. Sometimes, I feel that you are Chen Ji, just with a different face.

(obviously it’s the same face for us tho cuz he’s played by the same guy. but anyway, when FS comes clean about everything in episode 51, he mimics the words CP says here.

I am not Chen Ji. I, Yang Fushui, came to your side to find an opportunity to take revenge.)

back to episode 39, FS says he doesn’t want to be “another Chen Ji” because he doesn’t want to die so young—he’s afraid of death.

CP: I guarantee you that I won’t let anyone harm you. What happened to Chen Ji will never happen to you.

(and it’s true! FS gets away with so much goddamn shit because CP’s wife doesn’t dare criticize FS, and even the Emperor doesn’t after knowing what it’s like to see his son in such heavy grief. CP’s wife thinks this is her chance at making amends; she felt real remorse after CJ died, and honestly that line from It’s Quiet Uptown sums it up best: “If I could trade his life for mine/He'd be standing here right now/And you would smile and that would be enough.” a shame, of course, that CP was FS’s freaking main target. nobody wants to repeat the tragedy of Chen Ji, so no one questions Fushui.)

but, like, FS isn’t truly even that subtle—it’s just that CP is so blinded by his love for CJ. from episode 46:

CP: I have taught you for so long, but you’re still terrible at playing.

FS: I am doing it on purpose. Only if I play poorly, will the Crown Prince be willing to continue teaching me.”

CP: Even you put on an act before me? […] You are the person I trust the most. Don’t lie to me.

(太子，你醒醒吧!)

so FS successfully sows discord between CP and his brother Prince Han; the Empress passes away (always sickly, but her illness was very much exacerbated upon seeing her beloved sons turn on each other); CP’s wife kills her own sister in what she believes is a beneficial political move for CP; Prince Han’s wife is wrongfully executed; Sheng Chujun is killed and silenced too after he discovers FS’s plans. CP stages a coup against Prince Han. (the man who looks like Chen Ji must only want the best for him, right?) FS gets away with everything and goes to visit CP in prison in episode 51.

AND HERE! HERE! FS is supposed to kill CP; that’s been his goal from the very beginning. CP hasn’t eaten for days in the prison, but FS shows up with a grilled fish and CP eats without a second thought that it could be poisoned.

but. FS has been at CP’s side for so long now. he’s orchestrated CP to lose everything. there is nothing left that CP could give to him but the mere fact that he’s still breathing.

in episode 49, FS poisons Lian Yan’er and Yan Zifang is obviously upset on behalf of blissfully ignorant, head-over-heels Ma Haihu.

FS: I will kill whoever gets in my way.

YZF: What about someone you love? If it was someone you loved, you would be just as ruthless, right?

FS: It is human nature to be greedy and selfish. Where does love come into play? This question—you’ve asked the wrong person.

(but FS’s expression changes. someone he loves? he’s startled, he looks afraid.)

FS ruined CP’s life; and at the same time, gave CP reason to live again. CP started playing weiqi again, his relationship with his wife improved; he started smiling again. there was a passionate fire to him that he never had before (this was his second chance to do everything right, to protect the people he loves!)... the kindling, unfortunately, was his trust in Prince Han and his parents. from episode 39, FS comes in and sits down next to CP after CP trashes his room during his tantrum.

CP: Do you know why I treat you differently from other people?

FS: Because I remind Your Highness of your friend who already passed away—Chen Ji?

CP never stopped loving CJ; he loved Fushui, because he never stopped treating him as Chen Ji. after the failed coup against Prince Han, CP smiles in prison in episode 51 when FS visits him.

CP: It was fate who made us each other's soulmate [知己]. [...] If you can continue living well, I wish that you live your life to the fullest, with both smiles and tears.

how can Fushui bear to take the Crown Prince’s life when he’s received nothing but unwavering trust from him? when he explains who he truly is, when he calls CP foolish for trusting the wrong person, FS is on the brink of tears. his mouth trembles, his breaths shake. when the poison begins to take effect, and CP agonizingly reaches for him, FS takes his hand—just as CP gripped CJ’s lifeless hand so long ago, just as CP reached out to the person he thought was CJ when he fell from his horse. FS takes his hand, sobs, and gives him the antidote.

(Consort Yan’s eunuch is, of course, outraged.

Yu He: If you can’t bear to kill him, then I will!

Fushui: I forbid you. [...] He has nothing left to lose. I forbid you from killing him.)

so, we have the Crown Prince, ruined by his love for Chen Ji—and Fushui, who both took and freely gave the Crown Prince’s life back to him. it’s a love story; it has always been a love story.

and finally, FS gets Ma Haihu killed in episode 53. he picks up the comb MHH carved for Lian Yan’er (a 定情信物!), and when he speaks, ends up telling the story of CP and CJ as well.

There was a woman who sacrificed her life for your bright future. You only needed to enjoy it, yet you took the road of self-destruction.

and then he remembers what CP said to him in the prison in episode 51.

CP: If, in this world, fate truly exists, then so do the hearts of men.

FS remarks now: If you have a heart, you will be easily hurt, or even lose your life.

heartless Fushui, who kills without batting an eye, who nearly upturned the entire Tang dynasty, who doesn’t know of love. in the end, he couldn’t bear to end the Crown Prince’s life.

so, yeah. these three broke my heart. i really wonder what Chen Ji would say to the Crown Prince when they see each other again at last in the afterlife. what the Crown Prince would say to Chen Ji. how violent love can be. what it means to live in someone’s memory. or maybe they would return to the river and spend a long day fishing together again.

#court lady #骊歌行 #cdrama ramblings

10 notes · View notes

microsuedemouse · 4 years ago

Note

14, 18 and 19 ! And bonus 21 with the same question back at ya - what are YOUR rare pairs???

AHH TY

14. Name a fandom, ship, or character that you love that others would send you hate mail for liking.

OH MAN... I know I have some but what are they hmmm. (Part of me is just like ‘het ships in fandoms where gay ships are more popular’ but that’s really not true tbh, I just get anxious about having my Queer Card revoked hah. I like a lot of het/ m/f ships, I'm sorry friends)

OH I KNOW. TogaFuka (/ToFu). Togami Byakuya and Fukawa Toko from Dangan Ronpa. The canon relationship between them is pretty weird, and I see where people are coming from when they say that the ship would be abusive. It gets a lot of hate. But: a) it’s possible to enjoy unhealthy ships without endorsing them. You can use fiction to explore Bad Things for their narrative interest without ever wanting them to be real. b) imo, claiming the ship would Definitely be abusive discounts a lot of the complexities of the characters, and the changes they go through, in a very dark and strange setting! and c) I Am Having Fun, Go Away

18. Characters you want to wrap in a blanket and tell them they’re going to be okay?

God, there are so many characters I feel this way about hah,,,

Um. Okay the first to spring to mind is Deku? And a lot of the BNHA kids actually? Because, you know, they’re kids. (Actually most kid protags inspire this feeling in me because they’re so Young and I just want to Protect...)

Uhhh what else have I been into lately. OH MAN Hyun-soo from Sweet Home, my precious boy, he deserves a hug and a blanket so bad. I love him so much, god almighty, you should have seen me just openly weeping through the back half of that series. God I hope we get another season.

Yeah Hyun-soo is a really good answer for that one actually.

19. If you could be a part of any story, which story would you want to tag along in?

HMMM okay well there are many stories with worlds I love, but let's also take into account the fact that I am Anxious and a Coward and wouldn't last long in many of them.

That said: Dinotopia. hands down. idyllic, near-utopian society where humans live in total peace with dinosaurs? fuck yes. have you seen the artwork for those books. everything is so gorgeous and lush and wonderful.

21. YES THANK YOU, RAREPAIRS, [PTERODACTYL SCREECH]

hahahahaha I have. a variety of these :]]]]]] ranging from 'probably popular but not dominant in major fandom spaces bc the ship is het and fandom spaces are overwhelmingly Not' to 'not very common' to 'I literally made this up based on nothing at all and for all we know I might be the only person who ships this even the least bit.' I will try to just give you some that have been relevant to me in the last year or so? But I could go on waaaaay too long.

I get some recognition at this point in the BNHA fandom for being a good IidaMomo writer where there are relatively few of us. a rarepair but not unfounded, I guess. also in BNHA there's ShinsoKendo, which I fell in love with in someone else's fic but there are very few fics for, and Satoyama, which I came up with independently but have found a few other people shipping. annnnnd there's Pony/Jurota, which I made up for a throwaway line of idle gossip in a fic I never finished, but then I thought about it and realised it would be adorable and now I Truly Ship It for no reason at all.

The ship that's been occupying my brain (and my word documents) for several days now is Tulip/Jesse from Infinity Train, a ship which I have dubbed Olsay since as far as I can tell no one else has ever really said anything about it. I'm working on a few possible fics for it and I like my ideas a lot but the writing itself is still very much a work in progress lol.

I go really hard for Hara/Terasaka in Assassination Classroom, and have written loads about them, though not much of it is finished. I have found I think one? other fic that ships them. It's essentially based on nothing but background interactions that I personally happen to enjoy.

My Blue Exorcist ships are rare, it seems. I like Yukio/Shiemi and Bon/Izumo a lot. (Sorry Rin.) Also Shima/Paku which I don't think anyone else cares about lmao, and Paku's kind of a minor character anyway, but still.

I just recently finished a Soul Eater fic and while I didn't think Kid/Crona was that rare, several readers told me they'd never encountered it before, so I guess it's rare-ish. Also Free/Eruka, which simply doesn't get the attention it deserves.

...OKAY JUST ONE MORE and here's a real and actual 'based on nothing but I've written and never published thousands and thousands of words for it since I thought of it' ship: Heris Ardebit and Remi Puguna in Promare. They literally don't even interact in the film. I just started thinking about how I could imagine their characters interacting and then I got sucked in and it owns me forever. Obviously Galo/Lio is the star ship of that film but Remi/Heris manages to take over my brain every time I watch it.

SHUTTING UP NOW THANKS I LOVE YOU

#tag #survey #I talk SO MUCH lmao I'm sorry friends #I am asked about rarepairs and I get so excited my head pops off and floats away like a helium balloon #izupie

3 notes · View notes

comradesalazar · 4 years ago

Text

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I will admit I got a lil Emotional that I got tagged in this but I’m so excited to go through it because this year has been SO PRODUCTIVE for me when it comes to writing. Thank you to the legend @that0negayslytherin for tagging me and the other legends, you the real MVP (and also thanks again for setting up the LV fic discord bc that place... really b Wild and really b a wonderful place to motivate each other to be our best.) Legends only!!

Anyhway! Onto this thing... I’m excited.

[rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!]

So. Most of my works from this year have been Venji related because I’m still in the deep pit of Love, Victor obsession and idk when that’ll go away. Hopefully not anytime soon because I’m having a great time and fic was an amazing way for me to improve my craft. I do have one piece of original work on this list, but the rest is fic. It’s difficult to choose favorites so I think I’ll go chronologically. A couple of these have graphics but not all of them. Anyway... let’s get into this, shall we.

Arakhne of the Floating Mountain

So this the first work I completed this year. It’s an original novella I wrote for Wattpad’s Open Novella Contest and it’s a very fun, character-centric story that reimagines Arakhne/Arachne (the one from the legend who gets turned into a spider after challenging Athena) as a lonely lesbian who lives alone on, you guessed it, a palace on a mountain in the sky, until three sisters drop by asking for her to create their coronation dresses for when they become the queens of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. The sisters (Soledad, Luna and Estelle) basically try to court her and it’s a good time. Obviously, I didn’t win the competition but it was still a really fun story for me to write and part of my journey of realizing I can create a writing habit and work on something over the course of a long time, since the only other completed long work I had was for NaNo, which was just binge-writing over 30 days before I had the chance to get bored. If you’re into magical lesbians, check it out!

The stars will love me even if you don’t

I have so much to say about this work. I started it just on a whim in August after I watched Love, Victor in July and began wanting to actually contribute to the works of fandom. Little did I know that I would be embarking on a journey of 120k words and counting, with 33 chapters. This story deals with a whole random of issues -- from long-distance relationships, substance abuse, mental health problems especially around anxiety and depression/suicidality, toxic relationships, codependency, self-harm, the project of becoming oneself and being able to manage life and navigate the world in a healthy way, all the things. In a lot of ways, it is a personal project. But also in a lot of ways I wanted to correct a lot of ideas we have about what constitutes a healthy relationship and what love should look like. There were many times when I wanted to give up on this project due to frustration and exhaustion, but I continued to work at it. I learned so much about my own capabilities, about developing a writing habit, and about what it’s like to write a behemoth of a story. It isn’t perfect by any means but I appreciate the people who have reached out to me and told me that they learned some things about themselves from reading. This is truly a labor of love and I can see that it already accomplished the goal I set for myself which was to help people. It’s lit. And thank you so much to @callmevenji for the lovely cover!! She’s a legend!!

The Thousand-Eyed Wraith (TTEW)

This was a little one-shot I wrote for the Halloween Venji Fic Fest and it takes place in the world of my original work, The Thousand-Eyed Crow. Basically, it’s about what would happen if Venji ended up in that world and had to deal with some spooky nonsense and eventually ended up joining a cult. It was fun for me because it was more stream of consciousness and post-modernist, which is very different to how I normally write but it was a really fun experiment tbh.

You Only Live Forever (YOLF)

This was another one-shot I wrote for the Fic Fest, but this one was much smuttier and mature than TTEW. I was really inspired by Beyonce’s “Partition” (the song and the video lmao) and thought it would be interesting to put Venji in a world similar to Greendale in The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina but with s*x magic, so it was essentially a Love, Victor and CAOS cross-over for grownups lol. Apparently it worked out well, though, and they ended up trying to summon Satan which went... questionably. But I had a lot of fun writing this, as well, especially when it came to sorta balancing the old-timey setting with the modern day and the smutty scenes with the softer, fluffier ones.

Part of Your World

So one day I had an idea to write a Little Mermaid-inspired Venji story that would be so sweet and romantic... And so I did. I took a lot of inspiration from several sources -- one, of course, was the Disney version of the Little Mermaid, as well as the original version which is a lot darker and more sinister, as well as mythology around sirens and selkies and just, I guess like, class warfare. So I ended up with a sorta more adult-version of the Little Mermaid where Benji gets attacked by humans and is distrustful of them until he meets Victor who is “not like other humans” and helps patch him up, and they embark on a bit of a whirlwind romance. This has been a treat to work on even though it’s probably one of my least popular fics because I imagine people are coming for something a bit more light-hearted but I’m incapable of writing something that is 100% fun and not chock full of imagery and meaning. I think this has also been the work that showcased and tested my imagery-writing and dialogue-writing abilities the most and brought out my inner poet. And once again a huge thank you to @callmevenji for the fanart, if you haven’t already followed her you should bc she’s a legend.

Dead Men Feed the Fish

Finally, my last and most recent work is also the story I worked on for NaNoWriMo this year. 63,000 words completed in less than a month, depicting the initial meeting of Venji and the way their romance develops and deepens over time. It’s just (chef’s kiss). I had originally had the idea for pirate!Venji and really wanted to write it because I was inspired by That One Scene in Pirates of the Caribbean, which is probably one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen and between the only het pairing I stan. So I just had to write a story that included this scene and that allowed me to write my dream scenario of Venji out on the open seas being gay and having a good time and going on adventures and having homoerotic sword fights. This story has basically everything -- romance, action, adventure, magic/fantasy, a lil bit of spice/kink, good communication, tension, cute animals, everyone is gay, what’s not to love. I’m also looking to edit and publish traditionally so I’m in the process of fixing all that up now. And once again, thank you to @callmevenji for the brilliant fanart!

Anyway, that was that, and I hope that if you have the time and you get the chance, that you give some of my works a shot because I would be very grateful and I think you will have fun.

I’ll tag @kateis-cakeis, @g531, and I guess anyone else who wants to do this!

#long post #writing #fanfiction #love victor #venji #author #my writing #gay literature

7 notes · View notes

trensu · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 27: The One where I Want to Punch Basically Every Sect Leader in the Face. Repeatedly. With a Chair.

And we start off back in the rain, AKA OUR ENDLESS TEARS

Wwx is like, do you remember our promise?

And lwj flashbacks TO THEIR LANTERN SCENE FROM THE ONE WHERE LWJ FINALLY SEES THE LIGHT

WE GET TO SEE LWJ’S PRECIOUS BABY FACE AS HE FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS IN THAT FLASHBACK

IT HURTS SO GOOD

Wwx: i wished to stand with justice and live without regrets. But tell me now, who’s strong, who’s weaker? Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Lwj: wei ying!

Oh god, his voice! HE’S DISTRESSED

Wwx: is this the promise we pledged our lives to keep?

THEY BOTH LOOK SO HEARTBROKEN RN

Oh, look, lwj is doing the deathgrip of gay yearning on bichen again. We haven’t seen that in awhile AND I WISH WE WEREN’T SEEING IT NOW

Okay, but for real, how can lwj look so hurt here when the actor is literally doing nothing with his face??

I know i’ve mentioned that before, BUT C’MON, HOW?? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK??

Wwx: my only regret is that i didn’t stop the jin clan who took living people as bait

I REGRET YOU NOT TAKING DOWN THE JIN CLAN TOO

WE COULD’VE AVOIDED SO MANY PROBLEMS IF WE��D JUST KILL OFF 90% OF THAT CLAN, OMG

And now wwx is all, i missed my chance to protect wen ning before so now i MUST leave to save him

BC WWX IS THE BEST MOST HONORABLE PERSON IN THE WORLD

Oh no

Oh noooo

He’s pulling out his demon flute. We’re gonna get THAT SCENE

Wwx: lan zhan, if i finally have to fight them, i’d prefer to fight with you

Wwx: if i am doomed to die, at least i can be killed by you. That would be worth it.

HE SAYS THAT BC HE TRUSTS VIRTUOUS LWJ TO STOP HIM IF HE REALLY IS IN THE WRONG

AND I AM SCREAMING IN PAIN RN

BC LOOK AT LWJ’S FACE

HE’S LISTENING TO HIS SOULMATE TELL HIM THAT HE WANTS HIS DEATH TO BE AT HIS HAND

Oh god, he’s doing the bichen deathgrip again

He tears his gaze away from wwx and turns to the side TO LET THEM ALL GO PAST

EYES LOWERED AS HIS HEART BREAKS INTO A MILLION PIECES

HE’S CRYING OH GOD HE’S CRYING

THERE ARE TEARS GOING DOWN HIS FACE, OH GOD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

HE DIDN’T EVEN CRY WHEN HIS HOME GOT BURNED AND HIS FAMILY WAS MISSING AND/OR DYING

And now he drops his umbrella to the ground AS HE TRIES TO DROWN HIMSELF IN THE RAIN

*HYSTERICAL SOBBING*

THEY PACKED ALL THAT HEARTBREAK INTO THE FIRST 6MIN OF THE EPISODE, WTF, SOMEBODY STAB ME

And after all that emotional torture we get Plot Stuff happening

Blah blah wwx at the burial mounds blah blah sect leader banquet blah blah

Ugh, gross, they’re letting the idiot sect leaders talk again

They’re all blah blah wwx is evil blah blah he murders ppl blah blah we hate him blah blah

SHUT UP YOU BUNCH OF WALKING HUMAN-RIGHTS-VIOLATIONS

This whole part here is so difficult to watch. They’re literally just trash-talking my PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

Jc, lwj, and lxc look visibly uncomfortable with what’s going down and they kind of sort of tried to defend wwx but they didn’t present a united front or hold their ground

Instead they let yao and ouyang run their stupid mouths

Anyway

Here’s little itty bitty bits of almost wangxiantics in the middle of this mess

Jgs: yeah, jc, i know wwx is your trusted bro and all but idk if wwx actually respects your authority. Do something about it, maybe

Lwj: *subtly glares at jgs*

And then everyone joins in on dragging wwx’s name through the mud bc apparently that’s the hot new thing in the cultivator world

If you look closely while this is happening, you can see that lwj legit GRINDS HIS TEETH with how much he’s holding back. MY POOR BB HAVING TO SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO EVERYONE DISPARAGE HIS SOULMATE

Jgs: wwx totally doesn’t respect you, jc, my bro. Everyone here heard him say how much he thinks you suck or whatever

Lwj: No I didn’t.

OOOOH, LWJ IS ANGRY AS HELL

HE’S OUTRIGHT GLARING AT JGS

Jgs: what??

Lwj: i never heard wei ying say that, nor did i see him disrespect clan leader jiang

HANGUANG-JUN I LOVE YOU, LOOK AT YOU DEFENDING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU

And ugh, disgusting, jgy steps in to be all “oh, well, wwx said so many awful things that day, who can possibly remember the specifics?”

Lwj visibly swallows here, as if he’s choking back a response, and his lips are all pursed.

HE’S FURIOUS. HE’S ROILING WITH IMPOTENT ANGER, WHICH IS THE WORST KIND OF ANGER, TBH

That’s all the wangxiantics we get from that terrible awful sect leader banquet

THOSE SECT LEADERS NEED TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE

LIKE, A LOT

WITH A CHAIR

OR A TABLE

YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME JUST TAKE BICHEN AND BEAT THEM ALL WITH IT

OR BETTER, YET, I’LL USE BAXIA. I WON’T EVEN CUT THEM UP. I’LL JUST BEAT THEM WITH THE BROAD PART

*ANGRY YELLING*

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute!

This isn’t a wangxiantic

But it is an EPIC MOMENT that should be commemorated.

Because here we get…

*drum roll*

MIANMIAN BEING A BOSS

Jz: blah blah wwx kills our people indiscriminately blah blah

Mm: not indiscriminately

Mm: indiscriminate is not accurate

And everyone around her is like, confused and offended because they’re assholes

Mm: in this specific case, if the overseers did abuse the Wen prisoners and kill wen ning, then what wwx did was not “killing indiscriminately”

Ouyang: nah, the overseers said they never abused/killed anyone

Mm: OF COURSE THEY’D FUCKING SAY THAT. THEY DON’T WANT TO FACE PUNISHMENT, YOU IDIOT

(okay, she didn’t call him an idiot outright or swear, but it was totally there in her tone of voice and also ouyang is an idiot so there)

Mm: you all think you’re so smart and voice your opinions so loudly

Mm: I SECEDE FROM THIS BULLSHIT. FUCK THE JIN CLAN AND YOUR STUPID CLAN POLITICS

And she throws down her jin robes and mARCHES RIGHT OUT OF THAT SHITHOLE WITH HER HEAD HELD HIGH

MIANMIAN PLEASE MARRY ME

Lwj watches her do that and two seconds later follows her out bC HE RECOGNIZES BADASSERY WHEN HE SEES IT (and also she defended the love of his life)

And that badass moment ends

But the banquet of idiots keeps going

The jin clan needs to learn how to shut the fuck up

God, they just go on and on and on

Why are they torturing me like this

OH WAIT, WE’RE OUTSIDE THE BANQUET HALL NOW

We see lwj and mm standing together on a terrace, talking to each other

BUT WE DON’T GET TO HEAR WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER AND THAT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY

WHAT DID THEY SAY

TELL MEEEEEEE

Oh, side note to let you all know this direct quote from nmj - “that girl really has a backbone.”

Okay nmj, i’m slightly less angry at you now. I won’t try to beat you with bichen or a table or a chair.

(but now i kinda wish mm would join the nie clan. I think she’d do well there and also i want to see her carry a gigantic saber)

We get some chitchat with the Official Bros™ but idc let’s move on

(tho i do appreciate the look nmj gives jgy, like, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME lolol)

Ooooh, now we’re getting lan fam time

ANGRY lan fam time, uh oh.

Lqr: lwj, have you regretted it? I didn’t punish you when you broke into the Forbidden Chamber bc i thought you’d self-reflect

Lqr: you shouldn’t have gone to qiongqi way and let wwx go. Should you make one mistake after another?

And lwj is kneeling in front of him this whole time with a blank face

Lqr: what’s the use of getting you to memorize the Great Big Book of Lan Fam Rules?? Tell me, what is rule 52?

Lwj: No association with evil

He answers immediately and without any inflection to his voice.

Lqr: did you forget what happened to your father???

AND WE FINALLY GET A REACTION HERE

Lwj practically gasps and lifts his gaze to meet his uncle head-on

Lwj: my mother, she…!

Lqr: hold your tongue!

And just like that, lwj shuts down again; expression flat and gaze lowered

GOD, THIS CLAN HAS HURT HIM SO MUCH THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE

I MEAN, THEY MUST’VE, FOR HIM TO BE ABLE TO JUST DISCONNECT LIKE THAT

THAT IS NOT THE BEHAVIOR OF A NORMAL WELL-ADJUSTED PERSON

Basically the entire lan clan needs to go to therapy, like, STAT

Oh, i just noticed, lwj has his fists clenched at his sides. He’s clenching them hard, too. I think they’re trembling a bit, actually…

Lqr: i’ve been taking care of you since you were a kid; you’re like my son.i was strict bc i wanted you to stick to the right path and avoid your father’s tragedy

Lqr: that’s what i wanted to say to you. I hope you choose the right path. You may leave.

Lwj still bows respectfully before taking his leave

And i’m sure y’all are wondering, hey trensu, why did you make us endure that angry lan fam time that hurt us deep in our soul?? That wasn’t wangxiantic at all!

That’s where you're wrong, my friends!

It’s actually SUPER wangxiantic bc lqr kept drawing parallels to lwj’s dad the practically whole time

You know, the dad that married their mother who murdered some guy and had the whole world turn against her.

(Sound familiar?)

The same mother that dad loved with his entire being and did what he could to keep her safe from the ramifications of her actions? By marrying her? And hiding her in the cloud recesses?

YEAH, HE’S EQUATING WANGXIAN WITH LWJ’S PARENTS’ TRAGIC ROMANCE

Bc, you know, that’s a totally hetero comparison to make lol

Oh, now we get to see our favorite Disaster Het be less of a disaster

We’re not going into detail here bc we’re not here for hetero shenanigans, yuck (actually, i’m apparently weak to Pining Idiots of all kinds bc this whole jzx/jyl scene is giving me tender feelings)

BUT

I do want to add that OMG FOR REAL LWJ AND JZX HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR LOVE LIVES, IT’S FANTASTIC

I NEED 10 MILLION FICS OF THEM COMMISERATING OVER THEIR SHARED DISASTER-NESS

Also, how the HELL did jzx end up being the one who was able to express his intentions clearly? He was all “please don’t go to the burial mounds, stay here with me so i can protect you from all who would want to hurt you”

DAMN IT LWJ, IF YOU’D JUST SAY THAT TO WWX, HE’S UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON.

YOU CAN’T JUST BE ALL “COME TO GUSU” WITH NO EXPLANATION

Jzx accomplished this before you did, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

Huh, okay, i guess i did go into a bit of detail with that hetero nonsense. Oh well.

Now we’re at the burial mounds again with wwx

AND WE SEE A-YUAN PROPERLY FOR THE FIRST TIMEEEEE!!

ANY A-YUAN MOMENT IS BY DEFAULT A WANGXIANTIC, GUYS, TRUST ME.

AAHHHH, WE SEE A-YUAN DO THAT LEG-GRABBY THING HE DOES!!!

HE’S SO CUTE. TOO ADORABLE.

I LOVE YOU A-YUAN

Lol, wwx is all if you don’t let go i’ll plant you like a turnip

And a-yuan plops himself down in the dirt like YOUR THREATS DON’T WORK ON ME, OLD MAN, I LIKE BEING IN THE DIRT

Then he asks wwx for 3 elder brothers and 2 elder sisters, awwww. He thinks wwx can grow them in the garden (like cabbage patch kids!!!)

Plot stuff happens

Blah blah wwx and wq share moment blah blah jc shows up blah blah

Lol

Jc sees that glowing talisman door thing and is like THAT SIGN WON’T STOP ME BC I CAN’T READ

And then whips it down with zidian

Now we get some feelings-laden Yunmeng bros time

A-yuan shows up and leg-grabs jc and it’s ADORABLE

But jc yells at him bc he’s a JERK

Wwx scolds jc and then is a Dad to a-yuan: don’t put your hand in your mouth, you were just touching dirt!

Awww, we get to see jc fight back a smile at this! HE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE, I JUST KNOW IT.

Plot plot plot stuff happens

More plot stuff happens

And the episode ends with us still in the burial mounds with the yunmeng bros

And you know what, i’m just gonna focus on our BAMF mianmian moment bc quite frankly the rest of the episode either had me in tears of anguish or spitting mad. There was no inbetween.

I’m gonna end up having blood pressure problems at this rate.

I’m too poor young to have blood pressure problems.

The Jin clan better pay for any medical bills I get because of them, I'm just saying

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

78 notes · View notes

thechampagnelovers · 4 years ago

Note

camila did you really just say that shjahsjssj It’s so easy to make people fall in love with Niall tho, he’s just such a natural charmer 🤩 Nooo it’s the other way around! For me you are the big blog, you seem to have so many friends here too! Im definitely not big in any way but I have my fun here either way :) Also 🥺 you calling me cool and stuff - I’m so lucky to be your secret Santa 💛 Okay so let’s talk more deeply about Niall! How/when/why did you become a Niall girl? -Santa 🎅🏼

yes I did and I recommend it a lot but you didn’t hear it from me 🤭

Niall really is a natural charmer, he’s just so fresh and unique and so himself, he’s one of the few celebs out there who you can tell they’re genuine and true to themselves and that is so hot, in a world full of fake being real is the bravest thing you can do

djdhdjjd I don’t really care about being a “big blog” but 🥺🤍 yes I have friends I would like to think 🥺🥺🥺 and we have fun and I love them sm. and dear Santa you ARE cool, don’t doubt it 🤍 and I count you as one of my friends I hope u know

AHHHHH I love this, yes let’s do this

I was around 11/12 yo when 1d became popular here. Their video diaries and the rest of (at that time) British youtube squad (zoella, jacksgap, dan and phil, etc) were my main source to learn English, besides Harry Potter (and from here comes my obsession with the UK). I literally used to watch the vd like they were youtubers and that’s funny bc all the charm of them comes from the fact that they’re normal guys, you could see them interacting and making jokes and laughing and it was so captivating. From the first moment I saw Niall my 11 year old brain went “yes, that one is my boyfriend” skdjdj for several stupid reasons I believe: he was blonde (back when I was a kid I had a preference for blondes but now I like brunettes more lol 🤪), he played guitar, he was funny but also a little shy, he was alllllllwaaaays laughing, we both had braces and in my teen mind that meant we were soulmates or something, he was going for the jb look at first (not many people knows this but I was a diehard jb fan when I was a kid, now I just hate who he become sjjdjddjnd but believe still slaps anyways). I can’t pinpoint an exact moment i said “I’m gonna be a Niall girl” tbh, back in the day people were cruel (people still are cruel lol) and many used to look down on Niall and I took it personal ajhsjsjd it became my duty to protect him from the mean 13 yo girls from my school.

What I like the most is that we both grew up, and he went from a boy I really liked to a man I really liked. In essence niall is still the same normal guy, he still laughs and makes jokes, he still plays guitar all the time (I miss his lives, it was just him staring into the wall and playing any random music 😔), he is still funny and a little shy but he gained confidence, he learned to trust himself and to love himself more which is the same journey I went through (it’s something you really never stop learning but yeah). He is still him but now he’s unapologetic about it, he doesn’t have to give explanations, whoever likes it good and the rest can just go somewhere else. I kinda hate myself for saying this but the hiatus did this, he needed to leave the band (although they are his friends and they love each other so much, they easily upstaged him) to see how much power he had in his own hands, to understand that people were there for him. I still remember all the flicker boom and how insane everything felt, his surprise in his face!!! He couldn’t hide it. I remember the Buenos Aires flicker show and I get so excited because it was one of the best shows I’ve seen, if you can handle Argentina you can handle any show in the world.

I really like Niall, besides all the het jokes I make, because you can see how he matured and we matured together in a way. I grew up and I still like him because he also changed as well, he also grew up and became a better version of himself, someone more confident, more happy, less embarrassed of being who they are. And that’s just extremely relatable for me. I always say I relate to Louis bc we come from very similar families and we both have the big sibling rol, but overall him and I are different in personality. If there’s anyone who I feel more close to, it’s Niall. So yeah I guess this is my how/when/why djddjjd but I want to know yours😱 pls

#Santa #nh #ask #personal #also sorry nony it took me so long to reply I fell asleep last night skjdjd

1 note · View note

convenientalias · 6 years ago

Text

Yuletide Rec List

Y’all there are 3365 fandoms in the Yuletide noms and some of them are really good so I thought I’d just make a promo post here and also rant a little bc I’m excited even tho it’s barely October just looking at this list.

So I’m gonna put the rest of this barely coherent ranting under a read more but like guys, I’m excited.

So here goes. Some fandom recs!

Books

The Alpennia Trilogy by Heather Rose Jones

Mistress/bodyguard ship in the first book, which leads to so many possibilities! Loyalty kink! Power imbalance! All that shit!

Amazing worldbuilding and magic mixed in with religion

I’ve only read the first book but I’m totally gonna request it

Best for femslash fic tbh, but I guess you could do gen.

The Shades of Magic series by V.E. Schwab

Again the worldbuilding is good. But the series is overall very dark. Also, an ensemble kind of feel.

My ship is two powerful magicians who seem to be the last of their kind, both working for royal families, one of whom lives as a prince and the other of whom is enslaved.

They’re enemies most of the time but still.

But a lot of people ship other things bc ensemble cast. There is one canon m/m ship. There is a slightly OP female crossdressing thief. There’s angsty brothers. There’s lots of people basically.

Good fandom for m/m, f/m, gen, even poly. Very good fandom for dark fic or whump imo.

Peter Darling by Austin Chant

Trans Peter Pan who used to be Wendy Darling

Ship is Peter Pan/Captain Hook

Writing style is gorgeous

Captures the cruel, childlike side of Peter Pan.

Good fandom for slash mostly, but I imagine you could pull off gen too.

Nero Wolfe series by Rex Stout

Detectives in New York in some vaguely historical time period.

Narrator is Archie Goodwin, very snarky and charming, one of my favorite characters of all time.

All the mysteries are fun but you’re mostly here for the dynamics between Archie, Nero Wolfe himself, and all the other regular members in the series--the detectives sometimes brought in to help out, the house cook, the pissed-off policemen, etc etc.

Also totally fine to read out of order, I’ve never really paid much attention to the order myself. Includes both novels and novellas.

A lot of people write slash in this fandom; I don’t really ship any slash ships for it (I’m kind of a gen bitch here) but I admit the potential is there.

Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner

Technically YA fantasy but I’d say it’s not that firmly YA except for the first book.

Land of twists and intrigue with the occasional questing adventure. Pseudo-Greek setting.

Includes one of my favorite f/m ships for which I long for more dark fic.

Surprisingly active fandom, I am nowhere near caught up on the fanfic for the last book published.

Good fandom for het, slash, occasionally poly, and very good for GEN (sorry, the MC’s name is Gen and I couldn’t resist).

Goblin Market by Christina Rosetti

Idk why there’s a fandom nomination for a poem but I guess I’ll go with it, it’s a good poem.

Very ripe for femslash tho technically the MCs are sisters (but do they read like sisters? No, no they do not) so you might have to go AU for it.

Kind of dark and weird but childlike at the same time.

Movies/TV Shows/Anime/Literally Anything But Books

Kakegurui (anime/manga)

I’ve only watched the anime but I hear the manga is good.

Crazy high school obsessed with gambling gets even crazier when Yumeko the gambling freak shows up just to start drama.

Weirdly dark even tho nothing life threatening really happens. Ridiculously grotesque facial expressions on absolutely everyone.

Very good for femslash, decent for het and poly. You could probably write gen. But how.

Kado: The Right Answer (anime)

It’s sci-fi show that’s half about contact with aliens and half about the unhealthy relationship between an alien and his favorite human. And when I say half I mean “gets really dark in the last third”. But if you’re mostly interested in that part, it’s short enough that you still get there pretty quick.

I really just want dark slash fic, that’s all guys.

Two Faces of January (movie)

This is also a book by Patricia Highsmith but I nominated the movie bc it has Oscar Isaac and Viggo Mortensen.

Dark thriller vibes

Slashy vibes with weird daddy kink overtones (it can’t be helped, and this remains constant whether it’s book or movie)

Somehow I still ship it despite not really liking daddy kink.

Just trust me

Singin’ In the Rain

I’m really hoping this was nominated by someone who wants OT3 fic.

That’s all.

Gattaca

If you don’t already know about Gattaca are you even following me

It has Jude Law in it

Also it explores dystopian ableism and yet has an oddly ableist ending which consistently PISSES ME OFF, which is why I always request fix-it fic.

People really like slash for this movie and I get it but I don’t really ship it but a lot of people do so if you watch it, you will probably ship it too.

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell

British miniseries which I somehow like despite not liking most BBC shows. (Seriously, my roommate and sister have both tried to get me into Sherlock and Dr. Who and I just can’t, good for y’all who like such things tho.)

I’m mostly here for the fae aspects and one of the MCs being traumatized and descending into insanity.

But the aesthetic is also pretty rad.

Harlots

It’s about harlots. Kind of Victorian? I think? Idk time periods guys.

It portrays sex and sex workers in interesting, pretty down to earth ways.

It’s a good place for femslash but I somehow find myself craving gen.

The aesthetic is strong.

Luke Cage

I’ve still only seen the first season but it was rad

A lot of black people, guys

Also superhero-y things

Probably best for het, tbh, tho I would slash ship Luke with Cornell. Why doesn’t anyone seem to ship that?

Sakeru Gum

It’s like a five minute commercial compilation that will change your life.

I’ve probably reblogged it at some point. Otherwise, search it on Youtube.

Loooong looooong mAAaaaaan

Fandoms I’m Not Actually In But Might Join If The Prompts Look Good

There’s a couple different books nommed by Mary Renault! I’m reading the Alexander Trilogy right now (Alexander the fuckign Great, guys), which is nommed, so if things work out I might write for that. There’s also The Last of the Wine and Mask of Apollo.

Also, there are two series nominated that are by K.J. Charles. I’ve only ever read The Henchmen of Zenda by K.J. Charles but that was really good, so I may have to try one of these series out. Of course, I’d have to actually have time, and series are a bit lengthy for me this semester! But I might read a book or two if the prompts look excellent.

Someone nominated Learning Curves by Ceillie Simkiss? Which is an indie lesfic romance novella which was published only this August. I’m shocked it somehow ended up in the tagset and very curious about prompts. But I haven’t actually read this book, I’ve just heard of it.

The Caper Court series by Caro Fraser sounds interesting, too. It’s about a guy trying to become a lawyer who needs to fulfill a pupillage first, whatever the fuck that is, but apparently there’s gay people and intrigue, so I’m interested. I’ve started the first book.

Also, Zorro by Isabel Allende is nominated. I’ve never read this book but I’ve always wanted to because I love Zorro--the old TV show was one of my favorites as a kid. But I’ve never read a literary take on it.

If I can watch the Kdrama for Orange Marmalade, I’m interested in that too. I’ve only ever read the webmanga, didn’t know it was a live action now. It’s got vampires :) and high school drama.

So this rant was kind of unnecessary, but I just have a lot of feelings, guys, okay? Just...a lot of feelings...

#yuletide 2018

3 notes · View notes

ol-razzle-dazazzle · 7 years ago

Note

All the gay asks bc you made me do all of them

OWO thank you I love you1. describe your idea of a perfect dateAll of them??? Kakhiwkdkalgr walking around the beach or going to a bookstore or maybe a forest to chill or an abandoned place for a spooky date??? Movie date??? Ocean date??? Marriage date??? All good!!! Crab catching would certainly be on the agenda though. The oceans the best2. whats your “type”My type? Uhh anyone that’s nice to me lmao. Someone i can joke with and I know that cares about me. Quiet on the outside but like, nurturing and fun when you get to know em. Someone that doesn’t let people treat em like garbage because i yearn to be like that. On a side note I’m not sure why but most people i used to tend to have crushes on were ISFJs (or ESFJs) probably because they fit the criteria above. I don’t really like people that are totally my personality, and I think it’s important to not surround yourself with yes people or people that vehemently disagree with you. And communication! V important In terms of looks though? The kinds of girls I’m attracted to vary a lot actually. Buff girls soft girls tall girls short girls thin girls medium girls big tiddy little tiddy it’s all good. I guess I tend to prefer girls that aren’t white (not in a fetishistic way of course it’s just most girls that I’ve had crushes on or knew that were gay that were white just had really bad personalities and that brand of White Feminism™️ sorry if I worded this poorly) brown or black hair I guess? Just someone that doesn’t look like me adjnrujbslltgbk. Also someone I can squish and hug nicely. Of course I think there’s a lotta bullshit with people limiting themselves to only a few criteria and the racism or body type discrimination is total bullshit. Fetishisation is just as bad. There’s just so many cute girls out there why be a shitlord to people y’know? 3. do you want kids?Later on in life, if my partner would then yeah sure why not. I hate babies though so I would...4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?Adopt definitely. I’d personally prefer to adopt a kid that’s older, because they have a less chance of being chosen and I want them to be raised in a loving environment. 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been onI’ve never been on an actual date ;v; but tbh any date I’d have with my gf would automatically top the list6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)I’ve never had sex so I got no gosh dang clue aside from fantasies, which I would be nervous as heck but ultimately want to be as adoring as possible and kisses everywhere7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Mornings when you don’t have to go to things are amazing and beautiful but otherwise afternoon or night time gay. Anything that isn’t midday is good though8. opinion on nap dates?I’d be down for it. Sleeping is great, but cuddling and sleeping? Even better! Doesn’t matter for how long but yes! Good shit!!! 9. opinion on brown eyes?Only the most beautiful thing ever??? Brown and black eyes being ugly is a government lie, they are gorgeous. Black eyes just have that deep obsidian stare and like an adoring cat with dialated pupils you just want to hug, and brown eyes??? When the light hits them or you’re staring into them? Beautiful galaxies my dude. 10. dog gay or cat gay?I love dogs but I would never own one unless my partner wanted one. They’re just not a companion I prefer to cats. Cats are very good and fluffy and compact in comparison to dogs. Dogs are amazing though and I need to pay every one I see. 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?Dude we already planned to live in a pseudo-barn to have crabs, rats, bats, cats and lizards 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneSomeone who’s very ‘my way or the high way’. (My mum’s a lot like this and it’s caused me to try to constantly be appeasing. But with my mental illness I’ve gotten a lot more irritated by it.) Or someone that is a bit too mean I’m joking about people to the point where you don’t know if they’re serious. (I have this problem a lot with ‘friends’ and it leads to a lot of doubts and depression.) Also highly argumentative people who want to seem better than you and debate everything you say. (Just...ew.)13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?I live in a homophobic family, so I used to think gay was a swear word lmao. I was told that we were unnatural, burning in hell, hypersexual, all that shit. Issues on trans people were even worse, and back when I considered the possibility of me being a trans man (while I experience dysphoria In my body I don’t think I would ID as a man- at the time I didn’t know what agender identities were) I was made to feel like it was the worst thing ever or that it didn’t exist that everyone was just straight and ‘normal’ 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfDon’t pretend you’re aroace to hide who you are, you’re autistic but that’s okay just don’t overwhelm yourself, try to do things to the best you can. Also toxic feminity/masculinity is bullshit don’t feel guilty about wearing anything. You’re gay it’s so much easier now and don’t let people dictate of make you defend yourself 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?Lmao nah. There is always that awkward moment when you think you see a hot butch but then he’s a twink. Bamboozled again. 16. who is an ex you regret?A few years ago I was forced into a relationship with some rude ass dude who ignored that I ID’d as aroace at the time. I guess at the time I had some comp het so I think that’s why I went along with it? It was kinda some toxic shit like nothing nsfw but he was just a huge dick that went off at the slightest disagreement and I’m glad I got rid of that trash lmao17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay by far!!! Well I’ve never been to a night club, but I’m someone who gets overwhelmed by loud noises and people, so it wouldn’t be the place for me. Cafes are relaxing18. who is one person you would “go straight” forNo one lmao, The only possibility of slightly me becoming straight is like a fictional character19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?Books and video game gay! There needs to be more gaymes, but books are good I just have less time to read them as opposed to gaymes which I can do whenever 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Probably RenMerry from Touhou! These two mean a lot to me, and got me into the series that helped me realise I was a lesbian! These two just work so well together that I strive to have a relationship like that- a slightly bickery old couple with the freshness of new adventure tied together with a love that will never fade away even as it transcends borders~21. favourite gay youtuberDon’t really have one. I’m not really into the British youtuber scene and the ones that I do sub don’t really talk about their sexuality or not (I think sailor j might be bi? But that’s about it) I usually watch comedy channels or vocaloid covers. Actually Oktavia’s Gay, yeah let’s go with her. Her voice is amazing and made me realise how much I love deep voices22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?Ahbkowejkboesh I’ve had crushes on straight people that I’ve wanted to hang out with but no of course not I’m too shy for that shit23. have you ever been in love?Yes! And I’m still doing so right now! 24. have you ever been heartbroken?While in a relationship? No. But like the whole ‘falling in love with a straight girl senpai and then everyone tells her that you have a crush on her which causes you to be distant to each other leading you to cry copiously at her graduation and never truly repairing your friendship which is all you ever wanted and never being able to talk to her again?’ ...y yeah 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneHonestly I try to make a distinction between ‘people I have crushes on’ and ‘people I would date’ bc yeah someone might be cute but dating is another story. I’m someone who varies a lot in style (as someone who may possibly be gender fluid or agender but hasnthad the opportunity to explore that for family reasons) 26. favourite lgbt musician/bandUhhh Queen I guess? Idk I need more gay shit recommend me please. Queen is quality shit though 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysDon’t ever feel the need to apologise or defend you being gay. Be happy even if other people aren’t about you. If you’re autistic chances are you’ll question your identity, don’t worry about it and just love who you love. If you’re a lesbian especially don’t apologise or feel you have to be in a certain role to ‘be truly gay’ and also please ask people out otherwise you’ll never get anywhere- all lesbians are useless and I got lucky shjgowkgowlgr. But above all, don’t feel guilty and have fun exploring yourself and fleshing our who you are, even if you can’t always show that out loud. 28. are you out? if so how did you come outI’m not out to any family member (I say that I’m aroace but they believe I’m straight despite jokes on the contrary) but pretty much everyone that isn’t a complete stranger knows. I can’t help but talk adoringly over my girlfriend so it just happens. Otherwise I go on some spheal about homophobic bullshit dropping hints that I’m gay before saying I’m gay. It’s led to some shittalking and other various bullshit but I don’t give a fuck anymore 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Believing I was aroace and my friends saying that i was in denial of being gay. I was like ‘lmao Domi’s just a friend I lowkey have a crush on her but she’s just being nice :^)’ then like a week later burst through the door like BITCH GUESS WHOS GAY FOR HER GIRLFRIEND 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityEvaluate the consequences of coming out. While I live in a homophobic family, Australia is somewhat accepting and there’s no conversion therapy to my knowledge at least (there are highly fundamentalist Christian groups but I’m not sure if they include forms of violence) Especially if you are in an anti-gay country or an area where you could be persecuted, I think it’s important to be out to at least one person you know who supports you. It could be online or a friend that you know you could trust (if you don’t know if you could try subtly bring it up and see their reaction, but better safe than sorry.) because it’s hard to go through this entirely alone. While it’s important to be unapologetic of who you are, it’s more important to protect yourself- this doesn’t make you wrong, but the people who make you feel wrong wrong.

3 notes · View notes

lesbian-ed · 7 years ago

Note

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice.

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help.

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point?

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him.

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling.

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami.

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you.

Mod M :D

#anonymous #answered asks #advice #lesbophobia #positivity #lesbian positivity #mod m #original #mod m gets personal lmao #compulsory heterosexuality

22 notes · View notes

peanutdream · 8 years ago

Note

Do them all all of them have fun

And u dare to call me a fucko.........

1. selfie

here u go you’re welcome.

2. what would you name your future kids?

bob?

3. do you miss anyone?

Uhhhh well I guess I miss my grandparents sometimes?? Also I sometimes miss my friends because most of them don’t really live very closeby, but since internet exists, it’s not really that much of a problem.

4. what are you looking forward to?

Mmmm. Sunday, depending on whether I’m going to the European Comic Con or not.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

u. Most of my friends do, honestly.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Last time it took me, like, 2-3 years or something, so I guess you could say yes.

7. what was your life like last year?

boring. I had just quit my last study and i felt?? anxious about a lot of things I think?? My stomach used to be so upset that I couldn’t eat breakfast without throwing up and?? i was afraid of something being wrong with my heart when I felt it beat A Little Bit Faster Than It Normally Should?? idk man it was just really messed up. I think it actually slowly started getting better again about a year ago. It’s fine now, though.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

hell yeah

9. who did you last see in person?

My mom.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Not sure?? I cried once during school because my mentor/teacher told me I had to switch to another class. I do have problems when it comes to actually talking about what I’m feeling, though. i don’t............. really talk about my feelings, honestly. idk.

11. are you listening to music right now?

no, not yet.

12. what is something you want right now?

Mmm, coffee sounds good, but I’ve already had 2 cups today, and I don’t want to drink too much of it.

13. how do you feel right now?

burpy.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Uhhhhhhh a few weeks ago I think?? It’s been a few weeks since the last time I visited my dad.

15. personality description

someone who thinks she’s funnier than she actually is. wants to make everyone happy and wants to be a Better Person, but still has to do a Lot Of Work to do. Is rather Lazy than Tired. green is her favourite color. thinks wario is pretty cool and uses finger guns.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?

haha yeah. all the time.

17. opinion on insecurities.

hooooooooooOOO boy. those. those sure are things that exist!

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

nah not really.

19. have you ever been to New York?

No.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

uhhh... That’s a toughie. I’ve been listening to Not Today by BTS a lot lately but saying it’s my favourite song? Not sure.

What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes, I Wait by Day6 and, like, almost all songs from the Save Rock and Roll album by Fall Out Boy are also still Pretty Good.

21. age and birthday?

I’m 21, my birthday is june 28.

22. description of crush.

very cool.

23. fear(s)

spiders are pretty scary. dying also. but you know what’s really been scaring me lately?

going down stairs.

I’m not sure why but lately i’ve been getting mini-jumpscares whenever i go down a staircase. Only the first step, though. I suspect it’s got something to do with my new glasses?? like, it’s somehow like the staircase looks further away when i’m wearing those.

24. height

i’m 1.58m. or 1.57m. not sure. I like to think it’s 1.58m, since it makes me feel taller.

25. role model

i don’t................ really remember......... who it is.............

26. idol(s)

i only really watched the finale of the first dutch series. i was rooting for jim but jamai won. he sure stepped right up.

27. things i hate

when my posters don’t want to stick to my wall :(

28. i'll love you if...

u talk to me or invite me to anything ever. this includes tagging me in stuff or just. sending me a picture of a fork.

i’ll also love u if u choose me to come to for Advice or just to tell me how you’re feeling about stuff bc being the friend that’s supposed to just send u funny stuff when ur feeling sad feels kinda mundana sometimes. it’s like?? i can be more of a friend than just that. i want to be a better friend than just that.

29. favourite film(s)

shrek

The Help and Forrest Gump are the only movie that come to my mind right now. Disney, Marvel and Star Wars movies as well I guess?? there are a lot more.

30. favourite tv show(s)

Rizzoli & Isles and Castle

31. 3 random facts

- I bought a Jigglypuff onesie today.

- i still buy physical albums whenever I can because I like to be able to hold the stuff that I own.

- one of my first OC’s was the evolution of Houndoom - Hounstar. it pretty much looked like a Houndoom but with bigger horns and chainsaw-like wings.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

girls

33. something you want to learn

a new language, writing better than I currently am, and how to fold a paper bird-plane like my grandpa used to.

34. most embarrassing moment

no way i’m going to tell you the most embarrassing one. there is a reason why it’s called that. i’ll tell u something slightly less embarrassing instead ok?

when i tried to push open the door to enter my school i tried to push it open by pressing against the glass window on the door like i always did, except that there wasn’t any glass, and i halfway fell through the door. there were atleast 3 people that saw my faillure. :(

35. favourite subject

I used to love English because I was one of the kids in my class that was actually decent at it.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

- roadtrip with friends

- going on vacation to a country that’s not in europe.

- ?????????? having fun with friends?????

37. favourite actor/actress

o geez. Viola Davis is pretty cool/?? also Meryl Streep. she’s cool as well.

38. favourite comedian(s)

mmmmm. Claudia de Breij and Bo Burnham are pretty cool.

39. favourite sport(s)

Hockey, badminton and volleyball. football is sometimes ok, but only when the dutch team is playing and actually performing.

40. favourite memory

just. spending time with friends, usually at sleepovers. god, I love sleepover so much.

41. relationship status

single :)

42. favourite book(s)

- As a kid I used to love the Jody books. I think they’re called the Linda Craig series in english?? it was about horse riders and stuff.

- there is a book series about squirrels and a Magic Stick that i fucking LOVE but that I can’t find in the library which makes me kinda sad.

-The Harry Potter Books are always pretty good??

- the Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children books are pretty good

- the Dead Witch Walking book series?? or whatever?? is also Pretty Neat even though i’ve only read the first book. i’ve owned the second book for like, 3 years but haven’t really read it yet oops.

- The 1/2 Prince novels. I Really Enjoyed Them.

43. favourite song ever

we......... we went over this already........... there are Too Many Good Songs To Be Able To Choose Just One Of Them.

44. age you get mistaken for

i think someone once though i’m 23 but not sure????? i don’t really remember.

45. how you found out about your idol

everyone was talking about the idols final so naturally i had to Watch It if i wanted to be a Cool 10 year old.

46. what my last text message says

whatsapp counts as a text as well right. for me it does anyway,

“Want voor het onderzoek zelf hebben we toch nog die weken na de toest?”

47. turn ons

some real good mc donalds

48. turn offs

spinning ur arms like some kind of weird windmill while ur chasing someone.

don’t do that.

49. where i want to be right now

somewhere with friends.

50. favourite picture of your idol

the left one is jim, the right one is jamai.

51. starsign

cancer

52. something i'm talented at

knowing how to google stuff.

53. 5 things that make me happy

- bunnies

- goats

- pretty clouds

- watching the stars

- my friends!!!

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

holy fuck i still have to do so many homework in the next few days

55. tumblr friends

@wooksbazooks @shikariix @mcrololo @diantos

56. favourite food(s)

boerenkool met worst. jwz.

57. favourite animal(s)

bunnies, goats and gecko’s.

58. description of my best friend

cute, nice af and very important to me.

59. why i joined tumblr

i used to think it looked like a cool site. haha funny joke.

#answered #wooksbazooks

4 notes · View notes

survivorkvaloya · 7 years ago

Text

Episode #7: “This Is What I Get For Putting My Trust In Cute Boys” - Colin

Me: I'm gonna teach my student not to be like me! They're not gonna be first boot or the last boot before merge...

Lauren: *Gets voted out one round before the merge*

Me: K....

In conclusion I flopped as a mentor! But this isn't entirely bad, hopefully I can find something at reflection island that can help and I'm also beating my ugly Sri Lanka placement by being there so :) As of right now I feel confident in where I am. I have the girl alliance of me, QuilLynn, Willow and Lily and then I feel pretty confident with Jackson and Ryan, and then I think I can make something work with Colin so we'll see! I'm just so happy to have made merge oh my gosh.

Lauren's gone! The vote was 2 - 3. I have Jackson and Colin believing that I voted with them, when really I changed my vote last minute so that they'd think big tuna flipped. I want them to trust me more than her, so labelling her as untrustworthy oughtta do it. I didn't wanna break ties completely with the girls on the other side if they saw a unanimous vote against Lauren. Damage control time ladies!

ok... so last tribal.... I got 2 votes.... when it should have been unanimous. I know it was either Chelsea or Danielle who voted me, and honestly??? Whoever did, props to them bc it created so much paranoia and distrust among the tribe and now at merge. They were prob thinking ahead and it makes sense looking back now. My gut is telling me Danielle wouldn't risk something like that but whomst knows. Also I just inherently don't trust Chelsea bc she seems shady. anYWAY. WE MADE MERGE WOOOO! IM LITERALLY... SO HAPPY. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to make merge in a main season, I flop in high stakes games, but I'm doing that! I made it!!! It's wayyy more tense and strategic at this point in the game but it's exciting!!

SOME MERGE FUN FACTS FOR YALL:

~There are 4 student/mentor pairs left in the game (Nicholas/Danielle, Ryan/Jackson, Willow/QuilLynn, and Chelsea/Gage)

~I am the only person still in the game currently to have multiple votes cast against them over the course of the season

~From the dissolved tribes (using this bc that's the tribe period that probably has the most tribe loyalty since we were on these tribes the longest), there are 7 OG NuKaldfjorden, and 6 OG NuErsfjorden

~There are 8 students and 5 mentors remaining

~And finally, the percentage of fake hoes remaining in this game is at 100%.

Well. Losing Lauren wasn't the best....I never like my alliances splitting up. But I'm my really sure if I could have done anything to save her. I really do wish she was here tho and would have made merge. I think willow QuilLynn Christine and I can still be a good group. And honestly knowing that we want to be top 4 together is real helpful. Most people are saying jack but I think Danielle is the smart move. I've got gage Chelsea and Colin for sure. And QuilLynn is down so it's just on convincing willow that it's the best play. I know she is probably nervous because there aren't a lot of mentors. But Danielle must have a lot of advantages. We need to blindside her and she wouldn't see it coming I don't think. We will see what happens!

I heard the vote is gonna be between me and Danielle, so I'm probably out, but the choice is obvious.

So.... I think I'm starting to get fucked in this game for really no reason that I can see. Andreas went home, which i wasn't crazy happy with but things happen. We lost yet again and Lauren was the easy vote there, seeming to be the case and her leaving wouldn't cause any drama. Well the vote turns out to be 3-2, 2 being for Colin and I'm sugar shocked. I couldn't believe that. Then, Chelsea has the audacity to pin it on me? Sister, you must not know who you are dealing with. She plays this game like she's a fucking god well guess what? You aren't. Her and Jackson are running this game and it's fucking aggravating to watch. Ryan doesn't want to do anything about it because Jackson is his student but like... being in this game with them running it is getting to be really annoying. Are we handing them the game here? Now Jack is going to be leaving and that's someone else that I could have worked with, my game is slowly starting to dwindle because I'm playing with Ryan. He can't make a move against them but I'm starting to not have any allies but him lolllllll. Oh well.

so the target is danielle now instead of jack. i'm happy with seeing her leave. I also want ryan and a few other mentors gone, I'm a lil worried they might be able to take control. also drewbert is my new fav host.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional. Things have gotten pretty crazy. They always say the merge tribal is a shitshow, but for some reason I thought it'd be easier. The general consensus seemed to be that people wanted Jack out - after all, JD is on exile, and she's the only person as suspicious (and as close) to him. Which just leaves him. But Lily is itching to make a big move, and so, apparently, is Gage. They're pushing for Danielle to be voted out, which surprises me coming from Gage - the mentors shouldn't be so quick to target each other considering their numbers disadvantage! But either way, I wouldn't hate to see Danielle go. She probably has at least one idol piece, and the fact that last tribal was a 3-2 vote for Lauren instead of a 4-1 makes me nervous that I shouldn't completely trust her. I think she's a desperate player who will say anything to anyone. While I'm here, let's talk about that 3-2 vote. Colin knows I didn't vote for him because I had told him and Chelsea that my voting confessional was going to be a hiss, and it was. Colin didn't self vote, so that leaves just Chelsea and Danielle. I can see motives for both of them to flip. Chelsea might've saw me getting close to Danielle and wanted to split us up by creating distrust, thus her vote for Colin. I think Colin believes this is the truth, and honestly, I can't really blame him. Chelsea did make sure to mention several times that Danielle's vote makes her less trustworthy. Still, one could make a strong case for the stray vote being Danielle's. She's just a shady player in general and she might've wanted me to distance myself from Chelsea too. I'm going to assume that this version is the truth, because it's not like I can avoid allying with Chelsea at this point anyway. I'm going to carry on like we're still close (because we are). So anyway, Chelsea's on board to go with Lily and Gage, so that makes three. They think they have Colin, Willow and Quillynn's votes in the bag, which makes six, and that's majority since two people are on exile. But I'm not totally sure Colin's on board. I guess they could go to Jack if he's having cold feet. I'm obviously in the know about this plan, but I'm apprehensive because of Ryan. He's said multiple times he wants to work with Danielle, and I'm not sure I want to go against my mentor yet. I don't want to rat the Chelsea/Lily gang out to Danielle either, so I think I'm just going to vote for Jack and keep my trap shut, crossing my fingers that Danielle gets the boot. Everyone seemed to be pretty understanding and I don't think it'll hurt my place in the game. Let's just hope Colin doesn't get too set on Jack getting voted out.

tonights vote is going to be wild. It looks like its going to be between jack or danielle and honestly Jack's "minority het" ass annoys the absolute fuck out of me so I want him to go, but Tuna is a bigger threat and has closer ties. I'm hoping the Danielle blindside get pulled off and that Ryan wont hate me after, but we'll see. If it does then wow, maybe choose some better mentors next time?

okay what the fuck. The eclipse happens and everyone goes fucking insane. This is some voodoo pagan astrology shit. ahhhh i'm crying. Last night the vote seemed so easy. Jack is an easy target. No one is close to him. He's straight. Adios! But then Chelsea and Gage step the fuck up and wanna be messy! Gage is apparently hella anti-Danielle for whatever reason??? Chelsea is still trying to pin the blame of the hinky vote against me on her so I'm really suspicious. I trust Danielle a lot. I don't want anything to happen to her. Now apparently I'm a swing vote. Everything is coming down to me murdering Danielle. Lily and Gage concocted the plan and are gathering the numbers and they want it to be a blindside but bitch!! not on my watch!! Danielle ain't goin nowhere!! I will deadass idol her if I have to. Gage and I rarely talk and I ain't gonna be like Chelsea and Lily and play into his plans. The! Straight! Is! Leaving! Or Gage is leaving. Either would be great for my game. I don't know what Jackson is planning but he seems to still trust Chelsea but I..... do not. At all. I think blindsiding Gage when he thinks he's gonna be blindsided would be really fun. So I might do that. But also that would draw a lot of attention to me and I'd face a lot of backlash. Ughhh I just really really don't want Jack to go. But it seems like Chelsea and Lily are deadset on it. Quillynn and Willow seem on the fence but they're ultimately not gonna turn on the majority. ANYWAY! My plan. I'm gonna vote Danielle bc the majority expects me to. I'm giving my idol pieces to Ryan since I know he has one. If Danielle actually shows up before tribal and on time she's gonna get idoled and saved and Gage will be blindsided by Nicholas, Danielle, and Ryan. I will have an in with them, Jackson won't be bitter bc I did tell him of that plan, I just didn't tell him I'm actually doint it. If Danielle doesn't show up, she's leaving, and Ryan better give me my idol pieces back >: ( Anyway! if all goes well! Adios Gage!

I'm seriously about to be targeted because I've won a game this is so fucking stupid seriously find a better reason to target me before your ass gets voted out.

A lot has happened. Everyone wants to work with me but not with Danielle and now since I'm associated with the pop princess herself I could be in trouble. The day started with Jack going. But it felt too easy. I talked to Willow who is my 2nd closest ally next to Danielle. She didn't tell me. While I was on call with her Colin PM'd me cause I messaged him when I woke up. He told me of the plan about everyone voting Danielle. And I tell Willow this! Next thing I know he's like "yeah don't trust Willow and Quillyn" and I'm like... yikearoonies. Cause I literally had just told Willow. ANYWAY. Willow say's she won't say anything, she apologized for not telling me during our HOUR long call. She says that it's true. Colin then proceeds to give me two idol pieces to play on Danielle because I told him I have 1 idol piece (in reality I already have 3 and now technically have 5) And to play it on her. However, he's still gonna vote Danielle to save face. Now Danielle, Nicholas and I are the only 3 who have to vote for Gage. Gage because Colin wants him out. I'd rather vote out Chelsea but I want to save face with Colin if everyone is truly gonna try to murder us. My only FUCKING worry is that they split the votes between Dani and I. Because Nicholas has individual immunity. I'd be idoling myself out. I'm gonna try to get Willow to vote with us, incase the vote goes 4-4-4. I don't think they'd vote for me but I gotta be careful.

Okay so first this round we get the flag challenge and have I ever mentioned how much I hate the fucking flag challenge?? Anyway I somehow managed to score even lower then I did on an unfinished flag I made in Solomon which is pretty sad. Also this vote is crazy??? its going in like every direction. I mean that typically happens first vote of merge but omg. Anyway so originally everyone was cool to vote out Jack bc he's utr or whatever. But then Lily suggested we actually vote out Danielle and I was okay whatever. But then apparently Danielle and Chelsea have beef from earlier with the Lauren vote bc they all said they would vote out Lauren but then they weren't sure who the other vote for Colin was, and apparently they don't like each other now or whatever. So anyway Ryan calls me bc hes worried about the Danielle and Chelsea rivalry and he says Danielle is getting worried and he's getting worried and stuff and then of course I'm a dumbass and lie straight to his face about how Danielle isn't getting any votes. And we were talking about how we would prefer it to not be Jack, and he throws around the idea of actually voting out Chelsea bc she's made a lot of deals with people, and I fake agree to it. And then he tells me something he's never told anyone in the game and that's that he got the Into the Box idol piece for the mentors, and so he actually has 2 idol pieces and not 1. So then I tell him about how I played a side with Colin and that hes really good at Into the Box but that I could be wrong about him having the student piece. And I haven't told anyone about the idol piece bc I like Ryan a lot and I want him to trust me even though hes not going to after this vote :( So earlier on in the day Lily decided to tell Colin about how we were planning on blindsiding Danielle, and then Colin decides to be a rat and tell everyone, so then Ryan tells me, and of course my immediate reaction is to tell my whole entire alliance chat about what's happening. Ryan tells me they're planning on idoling Danielle and planning on blindsiding Gage bc apparently hes trying to make deals with everyone?? which he isnt really but whatever lol. So when I tell my alliance chat this they all start freaking out but then I decided we need to switch our votes to Colin since he ratted and since they're playing an idol on Danielle. But I tell Ryan that we're still all voting for Danielle. But then he comes to me paranoid and says I should vote Gage bc hes worried they're splitting. and I'm like okay I'm cool with that. But omg I feel so bad bc I really like Ryan and I want to continue to work with me but hes really not gonna trust me after this vote fuck. Like it'll be good for them to waste an idol and for it to be Colin going home since he's the rat but I just feel so bad for lying to Ryan especially when he's trusted me the whole time and told me stuff he hasn't told anyone else in the game. Anyways I think I forgot some stuff but so much has been happening and there's so much to talk about idk how to get it all out into one confessional.

[9:28 PM] Ry[an] Matthew ⚅⚅⚅: <<< thank you so much. i would be fine if lily didn't throw that idea out to danielle but it's to hard to not be able to talk to anyone but you cause everyone else is lying to my faceRy[an] Matthew ⚅⚅⚅, Today 9:28 PM omg I feel so bad bc I'm doing that exact thing of lying to his face but I think it'll be better for my game to stick with the plan and have them waste an idol and blindside Colin.

*Colin Is Voted Out*

i fucked up that vote because of when colin was telling me of the plan i was calling and talking to willow and i told her everything before i knew she was a SNAKE. willow is a SNAKE!! SNAKE!! like she was literally my 2nd closest ally. someone i used to want out (nicholas) is now my 3rd best ally. christine #2. danielle #1. jackson admitted to knowing about the danielle vote but not the colin vote and said he was the jack vote. i wanna commit soup of side

chelsea is fucking crazy. she's telling me that i shouldn't associate myself with danielle. she's telling me nicholas is a snake. she's trying to say no one lied to us about the vote. she's saying that jackson didn't lie cause he voted for jack even though HE LITERALLY KNEW ABOUT THE DANIELLE VOTE AND ADMITETD IT TO ME. chelsea is fucking crazy

Okay so we definitely have us 6 strong? hopefully? but then after voting out Colin he had already lost his mentor Brett so that leaves 12 of us in the game now, which is where it gets a little complicated. Bc I'm not sure where JD and Christine stand. Like Christine is in an alliance with us but they could both easily flip and then it would be tied? bc even though Christine has an alliance with us she is also very close with Ryan.

Me before tonight: Has been enjoying the past few days in bliss with JD and my brand new fancy shmancy vote steal Me after tonight: Is currently in absolute hell I mean. COLIN!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HECK. Literally at the start of merge it was literally so simple just to get Jack out. Im literally calling this right now, Jack is going to the end because people are too focused on getting out big targets. Ryan let me know what happened and how Willow ratted him out which stinks cause I liked Willow. I also learned I was apparently target the week Brett went home. So that's nice to know :) I don't trust the alliance I'm in with Lily, QuilLynn and Willow at this point. Willow's apparently a snake, Lily is waaaaay too focused on making big moves and QuilLynn? She is literally controlling this game. Literally everyone that I wanted to work with at the beginning of this game is gone. My ideal group of Brett, Lauren and Colin died immediately and then Connor left me too. I'm just so bummed cause I don't get a genuine connection from really any of these people. Like I'll try to talk to someone like Chelsea and it just goes....absolutely nowhere. The only people I feel like I can work with are Ryan, Jackson and....well myself. I like Danielle cause she keeps things real but she's also causing too many fights for me to attach myself with. With that being said, I think I'm in an ok position but not a great one. I wanna keep the pattern of students leaving right now and I'm keeping my legacy advantage a secret but I told Ryan about my vote steal and in return he told me he had two idol pieces so essentially we have an idol. So yeah, as long as Ryan doesn't get blindsided anytime soon that's a thing. Also this challenge is gross and the fact I was apparently taken out because of Random.org is even more disgusting.

Last tribal was great. We had a perfect plan to get out Danielle, but then Colin ratted, so we had a last minute switch to take him out while simultaneously wasting his Idol. Now there are lines drawn in the sand and I feel like i'm in an okay position on this tribe. I still don't trust jack or JD at all especially after Jack infected me in the last immunity but we have to keep them for numbers now. I want the plan to be right now for people to think we will split the votes between danielle/nicholas when hopefully we can actually take out Ryan. I have a bad gut feeling about this round and it could be over for me, but we'll see how this plays out!

The Danielle vote may have backfired, but the Colin blindside went as planned! Lily has won immunity which I'm happy about. Ryan and Danielle are annoying because they're trying to fight me on "not being personal" with them. I'm not fucking obligated to talk about my personal life with you! This is a survivor ORG, people are busy, sorry I'm not crying on your fucking shoulder about boy problems! I talk to the people I trust & who make an effort back. Get a better argument to fight me on because this just makes you look pathetic.

I don't know what the hell happened at the last trib.... Which is a lie, I've been told by a could people what happened but like... It just sounded nuts. Literally everyone in the alliance I put together the first week is getting picked off one after another.

Holy fuck! I'm gone for one night. short story everyone is crazy. long story is that some how Ryan and Q ended up on opposite sides of a thing and I like both of them. Fucking stress. I was finally able to have a good talk with Nicholas, who thought I hated him because I hate Nick... Just wrong names, but hella wrong people. So we got that all worked out and he is stressing. I don't blame him ether, I would have been pissed if Liam throw me under the bus like Dani did him. Q told me earlier that she wasn't sure were a few of them were really and I'm just like... Imma try to keep Ryan and Nicholas alive as long as I can but I'm not gonna fuck up my game for them. We'll see how things go I guess.

i've exposed willow and q and their shitty receipts to JD. i'm hoping jack plays his double vote on chelsea. i'm hoping danielle nicholas me christine and jd also vote with jack and his double vote against chelsea. this is the only play. im also gonna tell jackson a fake name i'm voting to see if he'll vote that way. but im leaving christines name out of every conversation i have (aside from with danielle) idk im not a pussy ass bitch and im not gonna get with the fucking majority everytime. that fukcing furby is gonna get it

oops jack told me i was the vote. my ass? more likely that you think

Hello. So I won immunity? Niiiiice. Haha. I didn't see this one coming but glad I didn't have to do anything to win. That's cool. I'm very concerned about this vote. I've got a lot of people who want to work with me. I think me as well as the three others in my alliance along with Jackson JD jack Chelsea and Gage. That's a lot of people. But it honestly makes me feel good about my position. And the more we aplit up the pairs the better for me and my mentorless self. And no one knows about my extra vote either. I feel bad for not telling my alliance but it's not like Christine has told us at all about what she got on reflection. But I'm honestly worried about whatbmight come out of reflection island still. It looks like tonight's vote is gonna be on Danielle or ryan. Leaning towards Danielle. Danielle is pretty mad and I'm sure she would have one intense jury speech. Not sure if I can handle it. Wish me luck!

I'm nervous about the numbers on this vote. We have 5 that I think are solid and the other side has 3, but there are 4 wild cards that are Jack, JD, Christine and Jackson that could flip and change everything. I'm just hoping for the best!

youtube

Me danielle and ryan have developed big plays. We're playing a vote steal and an extra vote in order to get chelsea out here

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my sixth confessional. Wow okay so the shit hit the fan last week. Remember when I said I hoped that Colin wouldn't get too set on Jack going home in place of Danielle? Well, it looks like he did literally just that. Without telling me (although he did say he was thinking about doing it, to be fair) he gave his idol pieces to Ryan to save Danielle and blindside Gage, but Ryan accidentally told Willow who got everyone to change their votes to Colin, so Colin went home. I wasn't told about the vote switch, nor that Colin was actually going to do it, so basically I was left with my thumb up my ass thinking everyone was a rat. This week things aren't looking amazing for me. Danielle is all but done with me, and Ryan says he still would like to work together, I think he's just trying to use me to save his own ass. Basically, I'm stuck with the majority group led by Chelsea/Gage/Willow/Quillynn, but I can't actually be an active participant in the gameplay until Ryan goes home. Because Chelsea is telling people I'm feeding information back to him and that they can't completely trust me yet. Sigh. Also, I'm now pretty sure that Chelsea fooled me and she actually did vote for Colin at the tribal where Lauren went home, so yeah, I'm not super excited about working with her anymore. At the same time, I'm not feeling like I have any other options. I'm probably voting Ryan tonight unless I hear something different, and to be honest, I really hope he goes home. If Chelsea's side loses majority now, I'll be stuck with them on a sinking ship, because I don't think Ryan will trust me at all once I vote for him. Hopefully a week spent at Reflection Island will do some good for my game and open up some opportunities for me to actually do something. Because if I had my way, Chelsea would go home for lying to me and just being generally too manipulative, Gage would go because he's suspicious af, and me and Lily would make a F2 deal. Oh, and also I want to win a challenge. And maybe finally get a damn idol piece. So yeah, basically that's it. Let's hope I haven't been lied to even more!!

Wish this game had nice hosts. Hope danielle goes tonight and Ryan plays another idol!

whew ok so im kinda in a sticky situation right now. im really on the outs in this game and im not sure what to do. i know quillynn and trixie have my back to a small extent but they are just keeping me around so that when they have to betray their alliance they have an extra vote or at least they assume that i will be a vote for them on jury which honestly is true. i have this lovely legacy advantage and if anyone does me dirty in this game you had best bet i will use it as pettily to my advantage as possible if i am on jury and someone screws me over. i dont vote bitter at the end of games, but i do play bitter sometimes if its necessary! either way im torn on this vote. i can either vote out ryan [which i dont want to do because i feel like without him and danielle im fucked], vote chelsea [ which i dont want to do bc i love chelsea as a person and i know she is keeping my name out of the other sides mouth] or just throw away my vote. i dont want to throw away my vote because thats such a cop out but every time i work the numbers it seems like no matter what i do ryan will leave.

Okay I can't make a move yet but I think I can make my move next round, #hevotedouthisstudent

Grr so of course on the random.org thing for the challenge I'm out first and have no shot at immunity lmao. I think in a sense the challenge was very telling for who's with who. I infected JD first bc I just don't know her at all. I think most of the infections went in a normal order except for when Jack infected QuilLynn like it was very weird but then later he explained to me that hes never talked to her before so maybe that's its? but hes a red flag of course So originally everyone was thinking Ryan bc hes being really mean to Chelsea and I was like okay whatever. But then I was thinking and I'm like Jackson is a number for us (potentially) and he would be sent to reflection island but Nicholas will never be a number for us so why not vote out Danielle so that he will be at reflection. Anway a bunch of rumors are going around right now and its about to be tribal and I think everyone is going kinda crazy.

I literally feel like I'm gonna be sick. Tonight I'm proving I'm a true #rebel and flipping. This is gonna be so crazy but Quillynn, Willow and Lily all came to me saying we should vote out Danielle rather than saying in the alliance chat which was sketchy. Then Gage acted like he didn't care which was sketchy. Then I talked to JD and she was experiencing the same so I think we're being used which is dumb cause I'm tired of Quillynn consistently lying to me. I gave Ryan my vote steal and in return he gave me his idol pieces so I'm hoping this works. I'm obviously just a number for the girls and they don't really care what I think so this way will hopefully be better. If Danielle does go home I'll look like a paranoid mess but this is the best option cause I know Ryan at least trusts me...anyway I can't wait to go home tonight woohoo.

0 notes