#because i described myself in the 2000s as “im like a [assigned sex] that is growing into a [opposite]” and liked it/didnt want to stop it

[intersex-animal]

i would like to speak about transgender people here as little as possible

because almost every space or resource i can find for intersex people is drowned out with conversations about transgender topics, not intersex ones.

there are so many more transgender voices than intersex ones even just trying to use google, it now considers the results for "transgender" and "intersex" synonymous and the first results are typically for transgender, not intersex even when trying to look for medically relevant information like bone density loss due to atypical hormones in intersex people, the top results are immediately for transgender research, not intersex, despite searching for "intersex":

imagine if you searched for "bone density in black adults" and the results returned, literally word for word, were "bone density in white adults" as the first and majority of results or even just trying to find a community of intersex people:

the top results, anywhere you go, anywhere you bring up intersex, end up being for transgender imagine if you searched "community clubs for black adults" and the results returned to you verbatim were "community clubs for white adults who are also black, but are still at least part white" when you yourself may not be any part white, and being white is the first pre-requisite to being part of that club, with a special subsection for white people who have black ancestry in addition to (but not without) white ancestry. and youre just a black guy. most of the time the only intersex space for an intersex person to exist in is within a transgender community that has some sortve sub-community within it that caters to transgender people who are also intersex, even though an intersex person seeking community/etc. may not be transgender no space to be understood, only swept up under "some kind of transgender" whether the intersex persons is or is not themselves transgender

with diminishing ability to even use search engines to separate "intersex" from "transgender"

no ability to even search, reach out, or find anyone or anything that isn't transgender-first and intersex-second (if intersex is even included at all) then, on top of this, what intersex space you typically do find is very little conversation about or by intersex people, but instead about 80% of the conversation is transgender/queer people joining the community to ask "am i intersex?" and ask people to essentially diagnose them as intersex via internet in pursuit of some sort've "intersex pass card", and contributing really nothing else except that and transgender conversations/ideas/concerns during their stay. the people asking these questions or "questioning intersex" almost always outnumber the amount of intersex people existing in the community if the community is made public at all. many intersex support groups and communities are now invite only.

it makes it difficult for people who are very, very aware they are intersex to just exist with each other and talk about something other than medical diagnoses, being made to play internet doctor to a stranger, or the conversation largely being about being transgender--anything other than that quickly gets drowned out by being outnumbered.

it is devastatingly lonely and causes resentment towards transgender people at times

[sky-chau]

Alright Time To Come Out Of The Closet.

So as yall have probably noticed I'm a lesbian. This is no secret. I’ve been out about that since I showed up on this website.

What I came to tell y'all today is that Im QUEER.

So a lot of people seem unsure as to what Queer means. Queer isn't a word with any particular meaning. It can describe a sexual, romantic, gender identity or gender experience that deviates from the norm. A lot of people think its a slur for some reason? (which is stupid because in LGBT community if the word isn't short for [prefix]sexual or [prefix]gender it has historically been used as a slur. Gay was a slur back in the 2000s and Lesbian was primarily a porn genre.)

for the past year I've been trying out labels for myself and doing research and I couldn’t find one that really described me in a way that others would understand. 

For a while I tried Nonbinary and while I have a lot in common with that community in terms of GNC I don’t feel as though I’m welcomed. I still identify very closely with the word girl. And use she her pronouns and overall my struggles with gender are so medicalized in nature that there was no conversation to have amongst a group largely focused on gender identity and personal expression.

The trans community was very welcoming on the medical front on the brief time I thought that “maybe I feel like shit because I want to be a boy”. Ultimately I figured out the dysphoria I was experiencing wasn’t trans boy dysphoria at all. It was trans girl dysphoria, which when you think about it is kinda fucking stupid. AFAB Trans Girl is not an identity that makes any goddamn sense. Identifying with the sex I was assigned at birth kinda makes transgender an ill fitting label.

After that I thought well maybe because it’s medicalized its a form of intersex. Intersex being the medical state of being between male and female sounded about right. Except for one tiny detail, because intersex is very medicalized in nature there is a set list of conditions which qualify a person to be intersex. All of them having visible tells on genitalia. As far as the doctor is concerned I am normal in that particular department.

So how the hell am I Queer? 

Because god dammit there’s nothing fucking normal or standard about my experience with gender.

-being afab with natural testosterone spikes so high my body goes through the motions of male puberty for three days.

-having exceptionally long chin hair while afab

-really high testosterone while afab

-experiencing dysphoria when my hair is too long

-experiencing dysphoria when my hair is too short

-wanting to remove my tits while also feeling very dysphoric in a binder

-lactating black ooze

-showing signs of pregnancy while not pregnant

-at any given point in time a different part of my body may decide it (and it alone) is pregnant. (some may recall a post I made about my left tit being pregnant while my right tit is not.) 

-Frequently pegged as a trans girl in public.

-occasionally pegged as a trans boy in public.

-My doctor ran a test and said, damn girl your hormones are WEIRD. 

It may not be the trans experience or the intersex experience, but one thing's for sure: It’s not the cis experience. And if it’s not a Cis/Het experience, it’s Queer.