#because i couldnt afford the surgery. my cat is dead because i couldnt afford. a fucking. life saving procedure.
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literally have just been sitting up for 30 minutes trying to will myself to get ready
#grief posting#everything is just hard#he was in everything. every routine. every nook and cranny of my life#everyday when I'd wake up for work fr he'd run up and start snuggling me and trying to get me to lay in bed still and be so sweet and cute#and his sister would run up and they'd snuggle and sometimes play and sometimes just Be#and they'd sit in bed together once my wife and i got out in the warmth of where we had just laid down#and she's still here. she's still here. but she's so sad. she's sk flat right now. my wife is sick because of the stress#and im just sitting here. nauseous. unable to make myself move#i have a meeting at 10am. my wife called out again and is giving me a ride. it is 8am. i can do it#i can do this. i can do this. i can do this. he wants me to keep doing this. even when he'd try to make me stay home. he wouldnt want me to#completely stop forever. i need to do this. oh god how am i going to do this.#i dont want to Speak to anyone. i dont want to Interact with people. i dont. want it#im supposed to lead a tuesday meeting soon for a journal club and i have no idea how im gonna do this#and everyone who buys into capitalism is treating me like im crazy and unhinged for being this upset my cat died#everyone is trying to rationalize it and justify it and make me “feel better” about the fact my cat is dead when nothing helps because my#cat is dead because i couldnt afford 8grand. my cat is dead n#because i couldnt afford the surgery. my cat is dead because i couldnt afford. a fucking. life saving procedure.#fuckibg..#AOUGHH#i dont know how im supposed to do this
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