#because how was she the one to tell me she wanted a relatoinship with me and how was she the one to tell me 'i love you first'

[thebigqueer]

i saw her friend today and in a way i think it really ehlped cuz she was the one who was being so kind and like 'how are you doing i know this must be hard but i still want to be friends' and it really touched me cuz iw as stressed cuz i was paranoid they were talking shit about me or smth. she also told me she was also shocked when she found out that she broke up w me so i guess it feels good knowing im not the only person kept in the dark i guess but its like if its something she couldnt even tell her friends about then what made her do it. cuz when i asekd her friend 'did she ever seem concnerd about the relationship or anything' her friend was like 'no.... not.... not really?' which idk if i fully believe but i dont think she was totally lying cuz she did seem to at least consider it. so if she wawsnt lying then i still dont understand what compelled her to dump me

[popculturebuffet]

Green Eggs and Ham: Fox (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello all you happy people. I’m certainly happy. While Green Eggs and ham does frustrate me in parts after spending an hour yesterday watching a talented but straight comedy writer try to write gay characters and fail so horribly it still defies belief, i’m happy to be back to something I can graspe, like hating Michelle or marveling at how much I love Micheal Douglas, or mentioning that I saw the Komisnki Method since the last episode. I don’t have any Kominski Method jokes prepared mind you.. I just think i’ts neat and shows off Mr. Douglas’ talents admirably.

As always for these todays review was courtesy of my friend Emma Fici. I may ask her about doulbing these up... I’m only obligated to review one a month but this way this goes a bit quicker and when I have less ot say on an episode, it makes for a better review and given all of these have ended on Cliffhangers I get a resolution to that faster. So join me under the cut for another bite of green eggs and ham as we find out where green eggs come from, see tracey morgan play a thirsty fox, and watch all the good will Michelle built up last ep go up in flames. 

So we open up exactly where we left off: The BAD GUYZ are holding Guy at gunpoint and assuming he’s bad instead of you know.. talking to him. Just saying might’ve made this series go faster. 

So they chase guy, and I do love how the model train car ends up being a chekovs gun as it shows the Bad GUYZ persuing him and the chase itself is very fun. Guy eventually makes it back to Sam whose happy to have him back, but their kinda on a timer and guy still rightfully hates him.. but it does show Guy’s a good person. A misanthrope whose been thorughly punched in the gonad by life, sure, but even with Sam having gotten him into this mess, he gets Sam meant nothing by it on some level.. he also recognizes that dosen’t make it OKAY, but the BAD GUYZ have given Guy no reason to trust they have Mr.Jenkins best intrests at heart. 

Unfortuantely Michelle picks NOW to show up and naturally finds out abotu Mr Jenkins and even more naturally is a a raging bitch to guy and refuses to actually talk to him, accuses him of being bad etc. 

Look i’m not going to deny that Michelle has a GENUINE greviance with Guy here: Guy lied to her about something. You can’t start a relatoinship on that. But the reason I HATE this character so fucking much is she’s just so judgemental. She automaitcally asumes the worst in everyone and the world in general and while that’s supposed to be an intentional character flaw they take it way too far. She just.. assumes guy’s bad from meeting him and her hurt here dosen’t hit as hard as it should because she gets upset at guy in every other damn episode. This would’ve worked better if she HADN’T been horrible to him in every other meeting or this moment had come a few episodes later. Let them build the relationship and let things escalate and THEN let the betryal hit nice and hard. Give guy a chance ot tell her first so that if he dosen’t, the end result is on him. He SHOULD be the bad guy in this scenario.. but given he’s been thrust into a life of crime against his will by an obsessive borderline stalker and Michelle is awful to him on a normal day despite his best attempts, he really ISN’T. The show wants him to be the bad guy or be at least a bit culpable but he simply hasn’t known Michelle long enough for this early lie to make her feel justified. 

So our heroes are forced to run to the back of the train and Sam tries to get them to jump, because of course he does and Guy says know because he dosen’t feel like jumping into a bottomless pit. And because Guy dosen’t trust Sam... 

So sam decides to try flying the Chickaraffe which works for all of a few minutes. I mean they live through it so tha’ts nice. EB watches the whole thing having fled her mother and gets dragged off to the “THink About What You’ve Done Car” for fleeing her abuser. 

So since my brain is pudding let’s go ahead and get all the other characters subplots out of the way before we get back to our heroes shall we? 

Starting off with Snerz it’s revealed he’s had a running competition with his Lackey’s over capturing endagered species, like i assume most rich assholes do. The Chickaraffe will finally put Snerz over the rest, though they rightly point out he NEEDS to get it here first. Snerz however can’t just show it off to them he has to show off his crimes against nature at a huge invite only gala. Dude that’s not what invite only Gala’s are for. There for seeing Nightcrawler get piss drunk and watching as a bunch of mutatnts terraform mars in the span of an hour then claim it as the captail of the solar system and the first mutant world. Duh. Also for those wondering.. yeah that just happened in X-Men. Storm is also queen of Mars in case you needed more reason to go read current x-men comics now now now. 

 So with that setup next up is the BAD GUYZ with the blue one demanding that the conductor stop the train... without thinking about the fact they didn’t have tickets and thus get thrown off. 

Finally we have Michellee

The think what you’ve done car WOULD be funny with the comical giant hand pointing at her.. but like most things Michelle ruins it as she keeps shushing her daughter when her daughter tries to talk to her. Look i’m not calling it abuse to be a goofy ass like usual or to be an edgelord. I genuinely feel Michelee is abusive to EB. She restricts her from doing anything, and lets her own trauma get in the way of raising her daughter. I know the series later says she lost a husband so I’d get bein ga bit overprotective.. but shackling your kid, constantly smothering them, not letting them laugh, never letting them have ANY fun because your so horribly paranoid.. that’s a sign Michellee REALLY needs psychological help. I get their trying to go for crosses the line twice in her traetment.. but the series simply isn’t DARK enough for that to work. It’s not lacking in mature themes much like Seuss himself, but the humor is just so goofy, fun and well natured most of the time with some darkness or realisim peppered in for flavor, that it just dosen’t make these over the top abuses WORK a scomedy> They just come off as disturbing. 

But what’s more annoying.. is the series is on Michelle’s side too often. It tries to treat it like “well she’s concerned over her daughter that makes it okay!”. Being concerned as a parent can be a good motive, but even a GOOD parent can fuck up. Steven Unvierse for instance wasn’t afraid to show that: Garnet, Pearl and Greg all had their own faults and Pearl especailly put a LOT of her emotinal baggage on her child, not to mention Connie with the whole “indocrinate her into sucidally thinking she’s worthless thing.”. Pearl isn’t a bad personl but she had severe emtoinal issues and the show wasn’t afraid to show that or show her work past it. She’s also you know, an alien.  This show really WANTS to do that but tries so hard to side with Michellee or show her as reasonable it ends up frustrating because she ISN’T being any of that most of the time. I really don’t mind doing these reviews for the most part but I feel Michelle’s arc would’ve worked better if we didn’t have horrible actoins from her shoved in our faces every episode. You don’t HAVE to have a character in every single episode.  I love Diane Keaton, we all do, but  if you don’t have GODO material for her then don’t use her. It’s the same problem with Snerz honestly: Eddie Izzard is fine but we don’t NEED to see this evil jackass in every episode just because you paid for him. The Bad Guyz are REALLY the only exception here as their the main threat of the season and their being on our heroes trail every episode IS important. But the show just really seems to think we need to see every character every damn time when we really don’t. It’s why while i’ll give a show shit if they don’t use a character when their presence could’ve ENHANCED the episode, i’ll always back not forcing every character into every episode, as you sometimes simply have nothing for them to do or get TIRED of them. And i’m VERY tired of Michelee and still have most of the season to go. 

Okay so back to our ambgiously gay duo: Guy ends up bonding with Mr Jenkins as the creature warms up to him and realizes that while he HATES being here iwth Sam... Mr. J isn’t so bad. Also Mr. J can retract into a smaller ball form. 

They do run into a problem though: Mr. J is hongry and after workshopping a bunch of stuff find out he eats Ties, and thus need to find some. Thankfully though some wandering gets them to a farm house they spot over yonder where they find a Fox... whose LITERALLY guarding the Hen House. He’s voiced by Tracy Morgan! He apologizes for being late. 

Our heroes head into the farmhouse.. you know when I started watching this series I didn’t think it’d turn into a home invasion movie starring our protaganists but here we are. Our heroes find the son of the farm family living there and barely escape detection before rifling thorugh this family’s things. Also Guy REPEADTLY tries to keep Sam and MR. J from tagging along because one has no impulse controol and the other is a wild animal.

In a nice gag though we find out the father has no neck or head to speak of, so their out of luck here... but Sam spots Micheal and realizes he has a tie so they decide to switch from stalking this poor family to stalking him instead. 

We then learn WHY Michael’s doing this: he’s sweet on a chicken named Cassandra.

And comes on a BIT too strong, having gotten the job and sworn off eggs ENTIRELY for her, while Sandra.. somehow also dosen’t come off sympathetic despite this as she writes micheal off not because he’s puttting a bit too much pressure on her, but because “Your a fox, you eat chickens”.. which feels kinda racist. I mean it’s true.. but he’s TRYING not to and tryng to be his best, the farmers clearly trust him enough to hire him, he’s been clean a full month. While we later learn he has a giant egg stockpile he also clearly hasn’t EATEN them and probably didn’t get them from his job. Maybe. I don’t know I haven’t seen the next episode. But even if he did the guy is the Suessiasn equilveant of a recovering addict: while he shoudln’t be trying to jump into a relationship over it or pin all his hopes of recovery on Cassandra, he shoudln’t be scorned and shunned for trying to be better. This series.. really dosen’t get romantic relationshps does it? 

Anyways Michael heads off and does some meditation with tapes he set up for himself to try and calm down so Guy picks this time to try and steal the tie. He ends up getting unwanted help from Sam which comes in handy when the tape breaks down and Sam fills in for it. Sam also explains why he’s so friggin clingy: he sees him Guy and Jenkins as a family, and just wnats to help. Granted like Micheal pinning ALL your hopes on one person romantically sin’t ag ood thing, but like Micheal I can at least relate and sympathize with it. So Guy relents and lets Sam help and eventually gets the tie off as it has 80 other ties wrapped in because Dr. Seuss ties are a nightmare.. but it provides a giant meal for jenkins.... or would if our heroes didn’t soon find a closet full of eggs and a ravenous micheal. Oops.

Final Thoughts:

This episode is okay. While I clearly do ship Sam and Guy more than the actual canon paring of Guy and Michellee at this point I also feel Sam’s just a bit too clingy and ignorant of how much danger he’s put guy into. But the series is aware of it and I feel that will become more of a thing later, I just feel it’s also putting too much on Guy being equally to blame when at most he’s juts grouchy while Sam has gotten him hunted by law enforcement. That being said.. I still like this series. It has it’s flaws sure but it’s still excellently animated and funny as hell, and it’s early enough a lot of it’s flaws could course correct. I’l lbe back here next month for more episodes.. plural as this series is meant ot be binged so i’m going ot see if more of it will make it go down easier. We’ll see. See you at the next rainbow. 

[enchanted-keys]

Hey there, this is #Wyatt Logan Defense Squad Radio, thank you for tuning in (damn, why do I have to do this every week? this became a full time job)! So, I’m seeing stuff I don’t like, and is my sacred duty to fight for my bae Wyatt, because otherwise I don’t deserve him. The thing is...you can’t agree on the fact that Wyatt needs to try to repair his marriage in order to grow, have closure, let go of the guilt and his pasts, ecc. (for more informations see the previous 3489345 posts I’ve made, no one wants me to repeat everything again) BUT THEN be offended and point the finger at him as soon as he acts on it. If you expect him to keep his mouth shut and ignore Jessica everytime Lucy is in the same room I’m sorry to tell you, but this is not realistic, nor fair. Again, it sucks that Lucy is hurting, but they all are and there’s nothing that Wyatt can do about it. Running to Lucy and acting as if Jessica almost wasn’t there wouldn’t be fair and would hurt Jessica, not to mention that this would be so ooc for him. If you don’t care about Jessica’s feelings just say it, it’s ok, because you have every right to not care about her, but sadly for you (and for the cause of our ship), Wyatt cares. Are you blaming him because he doesn’t want to hurt the girl he has known since high school and then married? Can you imagine what it must be like, to be in a position where you’re trying to save two relationship, and one of the two works at expence of the other, and trying to stem the pain both of these persons, whom you love so much, are going to feel? Because I can imagine it, and it’s so fucking hard. Did you expect him to declare his wish to save his marriage and then do absolutely nothing about it? I didn’t. I’m seeing people being mad at him for the little dialogue he has with Jessica about the Hawaii, outside of the hospital, and I think it’s not fair. So, Wyatt is trying to repair his marriage, but he has to do that with no ground underneath his feet.  The world literally turned upside down for him. He’s trying to save a relationship without even knowing if the memories he has are the same as his wife’s, and you know, memories and shared experiences are pretty much the basics of relationship, so yep, it’s not a big deal at all. Jessica’s the one who brings out the story, and if you have paid attention, after Wyatt tells her “Don’t remind me” - evidence that in a first moment he didn’t want to talk about it - Lucy pushes and asks for more informations, because she wants to know. “What happened?”, she asks. It’s a split second, but you can see Lucy and Wyatt briefly exchanging looks and if you notice, he looks pretty uncomfortable, because he didn’t want her to insist.

(P.s. sorry for the subtitles, it’s the only video I have) Then Jessica tells her, and Wyatt allows himself to share what he remembers, something he thought he would have never been able to do again, after her death. Because finally there’s something he can hold on to, to save this relationship. Finally he has proof that something is still as he remembers it. And I don’t have the heart to blame him for this. Plus, I need to point out something important. When Jessica shares the story she still doesn’t know about the feelings Lucy and Wyatt have for each other, and it’s pretty unrealistic to expect him to say nothing, when she asks him “Do you remember that?”. Do you seriously think that this is how it should have gone:

L: “What happened?” J: *shares story* “Do you remember that?” W: “...mmm, yeah, kind of. Oh look! A pig flying in the sky! Isn’t it unbelievable? Now, move on.” J: *stands there disappointed by his coldness and obvious attempt to cut the conversation for...ehy, what for???*

Ooook. You’re right, he’s totally an ass for daring to recall a memory of his relatoinship with his wife, who died and caused him 6 years filled with pain guilt, that finally wasn’t twisted by the turns of events and that she shares with him, while Lucy is in the same room. How dare he. Omg, what an asshole. It’s not all, though. The final scene. Everyone is pissed because he thanked her.  As if he hadn’t any right to mention the reality of the situation, or anything concerning Jessica while talking to Lucy. And I feel perplexed because...why would you be pissed at this? His “Thank you”, is him expressing his gratitude for something he didn’t feel worthy of: because Lucy took his part and helped his cause despite the fact that she’s hurting and he is the reason why.  He’s strucked and amazed by her selflessness, and thinks he’s not worthy of it, therefore he thanks her and expresses genuine gratitude. And this is so heart-breaking. They’re both handling this in such a mature, adult way: they’re speaking about it and confronting each other and that is so healthy but hard to do, at them same time. Him telling her that he has no regrets was such beautiful and brave thing to do. Beautiful because he’s basically telling her that despite this horrible situation, despite how torn, conflicted and guilty he feels about all of this he owuldn’t change a thing, because that night they’ve spent together is something so pure, so special and important that he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. In the middle of the chaos he’s living in and the uncertainty that seems to wrap everything he thought he knew, this is something he is completely certain of. It’s something he will treasure for the rest of his life, and excuse me while I cry because of it. Brave because despite his duty is to suppress his feelings for her and despite the fact that he’s so unsure about everything, he opens up and shows her all of his vulnerability, fully knowing that she might not share his feelings and tell him that she regretted it. Also, I don’t want to go too in depth, because this is a meta for another time (I’ve started to write something yestarday and I will elaborate it in the next days), but just case anyone noticed...Wyatt is starting to fully realize the depth of Lucy’s feelings for him just now. Just like him, she never told him that she loves him - as in love with him. He also never hoped or dreamed for her to love him, because he probably feels like he’s not worthy of her love. (P.s. I know it’s shocking news, but as much as two people may have a special connection and the ability to understand each other better than anyone else, telepathy is not a thing yet. Therefore, yes. He’s allowed to not assume about her feelings and feel insicure about it). Their interactions in the last couple of episodes are changing that, he’s realizing that. Also, Lucy pretty much friendzoned him at the beginning of this episode, lmao. Excuse him, if he’s actually trying to fix things with Jessica.

[instakpop]

JB scenario - Now or never

Requested by @thewriterandthereader

genre: ANGSTY AF, sad

Summary: Falling in love with JB is easy. He treats you right, stays by your side, and trusts you no matter what. But when his strict parents don’t approve of you and even try to find him someone “better”, your trust in him gets the ultimate test.

I laid out on my bed, waiting for JB to meet me at my apartment until I heard the jingling of keys on the other side of the door. And there he was. His smile lit up my entire studio. I gave him a weak smile back and he hurried to my side.

"My day just got better. Come here~" He pulled me into his strong arms and kissed my cheek. I felt so down, I couldn't even try to act happy. "Hmm? What’s wrong, Jagi?"

"Do you still love me?" I asked. He recoiled at my words, unsure how to process what I just said.

"Of course, I love you. I always have and I always will." He said. "Can I have a proper kiss now?" He leaned in, but I just can't. I turned my head and got off my bed.

"Ever since the day we became official, your parents have had it out for me. I know you keep saying they'll come around, but I just don't see that happening. I can see it in their eyes when they look at me. Like 'Our son can do so much better than a girl like you'."

"No. I can't. No one in this world can do better than the person they're in love with."

"I don't know JB," I said, bringing my head down. He got up, off of my bed and lifted my chin to look at him. "Tell you what. Let's go out tonight. Escape from all this. Just you and me." He suggested. I thought to my self for a moment and nodded. His smile widened and he kissed my lips as a goodbye. I gave in and kissed him back. "I'll pick you up later." I nodded at him and he left.

There was a part of me that just wanted really escape the situation and run away with him. But he would never do that. Not with his parents the way they are. With my luck, they'd probably have me arrested for kidnapping.  I know they don't approve of me. And honestly, I can't stand them either.

-Later-

I tried to get the finishing touches on my makeup when I got a call from JB. "Are you here already?" I asked

"No, baby I'm so sorry. Something came up and I have to cancel."

"Oh. Umm... Okay. Is everything okay? Do you need me for anything?"

"No. I'm okay. We can try for tomorrow night. I've gotta go, but I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too." As soon as I hung up I felt abandoned. I already got dressed up so I might as well just go out with a couple friends. I called them up and they immediately agreed.

We went out to a few stores before they closed just to look around and walked around the city. We stopped at one of our favorite late-night cafes to just blow off steam and talk about whatever.

"This is a much better way to spend a Saturday night. Thank you, girls, for coming out with me." I said They both gave me a quick hug and one of my friends looked around out the window.

"Oh my god! It's Jaebum..." My eyes widened and I turned to see what she meant. There he was. Across the street at a restaurant with some other girl. My heart started to pound so hard, I could feel it in my throat.

"Y/n. You need to go over there. Just try and hear him out." My friend said, insisting on being my voice of reason. But I'm done being reasonable. I got up and stormed across the street with my friends right behind me. When I walked through the door the hostess greeted me.

"Hi! Table for three?"

"No, actually I need to speak to him," I said pointing at JB. He must have heard me and looked over his shoulder. His face went white as if he'd seen a ghost. Or at least a pissed off girlfriend. He stood up and walked to me, not wanting to cause a scene.

"Can we talk outside?" He asked. I walked out the door without any reply and he hurried behind me.

"You have one minute," I said while crossing my arms.

"My mom set me up." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Just listen. She said if I go out with this girl then she'll stop trying to get in the way of us and my dad agreed. I figured if I went out with her I could just suffer through one dinner and we can be together in peace." He reached out for my hand and I pulled away.

"No. No, JB. You agreed to date this girl while you are still in a relatoinship. You knew what you were doing, which is why I assume she doesn't know about us. Right?" JB shook his head in shame and I took a step back.

"That's what I thought. And you know what. If your parents told you to go out with one last girl before they let you be with me, then they were at the end of their rope. Had you said no, they probably would have just stopped prying anyway. But you gave in. You gave up on us."

"No, I didn't, Y/n! I love you." He said trying to hold my head again. I felt the tears of frustration build up in my eyes. "I need to go," I said in a hushed tone.

I walked back to where my friends were and they took me home. The three of us were silent through the entire car ride. They both knew I didn't want to talk. I just let my mind wander. I had to make a change; A major change if I really want to be happy. My friends dropped me off and I hurried to my little studio apartment. The place where things never went wrong. And then It hit me.

I'm not unhappy or stressed when I'm in my own element. I need to find that. I need to get away from the parental drama and just find a place where I can find myself and then find love later. My phone buzzed and I saw JB's contact name light up the screen. I ignored the call and saw that it was one of many. I put my phone on the charger and started packing. If I can't run away with JB, then I'll run away alone.

Not even three minutes later I heard a knock at my door. I didn't answer because I knew it was him. I heard the jingling of keys and remembered he had my spare. The door opened and He froze when he saw me.

"Y/n, I-"

"Don't. Just, please...  Don't. I have tried for too long to get you to love me properly, but it just won't happen. And tonight was just the last straw. You don't even realize that this whole situation has broken me. I don't know how to love you anymore because you won't love me back."

"I do love you. My parents just can't understand that."

"Exactly. And that is why I need a clean break." I said before stuffing more of my things into storage boxes.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving. We're done and you are the only reason I've stayed in this godforsaken place. Plus the timing is perfect. My lease ends at the end of the week and my boss already offered me a transfer to another location." I replied.

"...Y/n You can't."

"Look, JB. You are an amazing guy. I have had some of the best times of my life with you and I'll never forget that, but right now, we can't happen if you parents keep controlling your love life." A tear slowly slid down my face and JB walked toward me, raising his hand to my cheek, catching the tear with his thumb.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n. All this time my parents told me I deserve better, but that's never going to be true. Because you deserve better than me. You need someone who can give you everything I can't." He reached out for my hand and I felt a piece of metal in my palm. I looked down to see my spare key and sighed.

JB leaned in and kissed my forehead. I couldn't hold it back anymore and I let out a soft sob. "I hope you find your happiness, Y/n." He whispered against my forehead. I nodded and he let go of my face and hand. I watched him walk out of my life and close the door. But I can't fret for too long. Because the only way to get through this is to just get through it.

I turned to the window and looked out onto the city I'm about to leave behind. I know this is the right thing to do. I have to take this opportunity now or I never will.

The next day I called my landlord and told him I won't be renewing my lease and I took up my boss's offer to transfer. By the end of the week, I finished packing and found a new place to live. It was all happening.

The timing wasn't right for JB and I. But now I can finally live my life without being compressed by someone else's opinion. Now I can just be me.

THE END

[joonbird]

Wildest Moments | 6

➭ “Min Yoongi is forbidden territory. And although you both know better, the two of you just can’t seem to stay apart.”

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: smut, fluff, angst

wordcount: 8.6k

part one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

Warnings: mentions of infidelity

You stumbled into your apartment building, hoping that Jimin wouldn’t be home. You were exhausted, and all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry your eyes out. You were sure Jimin would be out still with Jungkook, allowing you privacy to cry. More tears shed over Min Yoongi. You shook your head bitterly to yourself, your throat was raw from holding back the tears as Yoongi’s face flashed in your mind. How many times had you sworn would be the last?

Your apartment was dark as you let yourself in. The silence was oddly comforting, the only sound was the shuddering sigh that escaped from your lips.

“Y/N?” The light switched on, you jumped under the sudden harshness of the light. Jimin stood there, dressed in just his pyjamas, a confused look on his face. Oh my God, he’s home. You struggled to maintain a composed expression, glancing away, hoping Jimin wouldn’t notice how upset you were.

“What are you… hey. Are you alright?” Jimin’s eyes widened when he took in your tear stained cheeks, your red and sore eyes. Of course he noticed. Jimin always noticed. 

He immediately strode over to you, concern written all over his face.

“What happened? Was it someone at the club? Was it Tae?” His eyes darkened for a moment and you shook your head frantically. 

“No, it was… I…” Whatever composure you had disappeared, as your sentence broke off, your words spilling over into long, choked sobs. Jimin was immediately by your side, he draped an arm around your shoulders and you let yourself collapse against him. Heavy sobs wracked your body, the more you tried to stop yourself from crying, the harder the tears seemed to fall. 

Jimin gently pulled you over to the couch, sitting you down. He sat there as you cried. You were crying so hard it felt like your ribs were going to crack. It felt like there were no thoughts running through your mind, just tears streaming down your face, gasps instead breaths.

When your sobs finally slowed, you pulled back, sniffling. Jimin was rhythmically patting your back, he silently passed you a box of tissues. You took one gratefully, your entire face was covered in tears and fluids and you were a god damn mess. You didn’t even have the emotion capacity to feel embarrassed about your breakdown, you were suddenly exhausted, feeling hollow. 

“Y/N,” Jimin murmured. “What’s going on?”

You hesitated, looking up at him. He was staring at you worriedly, his eyes full of concern. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, unsure of how to tell him. How to say the words aloud, that you were having sex with a guy in a relationship. That you had fallen for a guy in a relatoinship. That the said guy had chosen her, the girlfriend, over you. Jimin was your best friend, and if there was anyone in the world you could talk to about this, it was him. But the words failed you, and you just looked away, biting your lip.

“I… I don’t want to get into it,” You finally said lamely. “But I promise you I’m okay.” 

Jimin was silent, watching you carefully. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” He asked slowly. 

You just nodded.

“I’m sure.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment, absorbing your words, before he leaned back on the couch. 

“If it was to do with Tae, just tell me. I know he’s my friend, but you’re my best friend and I’ll kick his ass if he did something to-”

“No, no, he didn’t Jimin. This… this isn’t about him.” You said quickly, seeing the anger on Jimin’s face ebb away, replaced by confusion. 

It wasn’t about Taehyung, you hadn’t even thought about him since you had danced together in the club. It was about Yoongi. It seemed like everything in your mind was about Yoongi these days. His face flashed in your memory, the defeated look on his face when he said he couldn’t, hammered in your brain. Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi. He was running through your mind like a broken record. Your eyes pricked with fresh tears, you looked down, blinking rapidly.

Jimin opened his mouth, a question on his lips, but he took in the tears pooling in your eyes and nodded.

“Okay. I won’t push it. But if you want to talk about it… let me know, okay?” He said in a low, serious voice. You managed a smile at him, nodding. Fat tears fell down your cheeks, you just laughed hoarsely, dabbing at your face with another tissue. 

“Okay.”

Jimin nodded, leaning back on the couch. “Okay.”

He looked at you uncertainly for a moment before he turned on the TV, flicking the channels until he landed on a movie, a dumb action movie. The noise, loud gunshots and yelling, distracted you as you focused on the TV screen, trying to get Yoongi’s face out of your mind. The pain of his rejection was still threatening to overflow in your chest, but you kept it locked away as you stared mindlessly at the TV.

You sat next to Jimin, staring at the TV and trying to silence your frantic thoughts. You weren’t sure how long you sat there, staring at the TV, but it was long enough that the movie changed and a second film started. 

Jimin was tired, you could tell, he was yawning and struggling to stay awake, sitting next to you in supportive silence. You barely noticed though, you didn’t notice him, you didn’t even fully notice what was happening in the film you were watching. 

You were thinking about Yoongi. 

You stared at the TV screen until your eyelids started to grow heavy, and until sleep finally, finally took over.

You woke up, feeling like death. Your eyelids were swollen from your tears, your throat dry. You stirred, stretching out, and feeling your head throb when you moved. Your entire brain felt congested and stuffy, this, this was a hangover. The worst kind of hangover- it was a hangover from crying so hard. A heartache hangover.

You opened your eyes, realizing you had slept the night on your living room couch, a blanket wrapped around you. You stared up at the ceiling, the events of last night flitting in your mind like snapshots. They were key images, pictures that you knew were going to be on replay in your brain all day – Lily smiling at you in the bathroom, Lily’s hand on Yoongi’s chest, Yoongi’s lips on yours. And worst of all, the stab of rejection you had felt when he had whispered, “I’m sorry.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling the faint throb in your head. God, it felt like someone had shoved a fork in your brain.

The front door opened, hushed voices filtered through into the quiet apartment, Jimin and Jungkook’s voices. 

“Shh, I think she’s still sleeping.” Jimin whispered. “She didn’t fall asleep until like 5am last night. I’ve never seen her so sad before.” He sighed heavily, and you felt a prick of guilt in your chest for making him worry.

“Why though? What happened?” Jungkook whispered back uncertainly.

“I dunno… we should do something though, cheer her up. Like what we were talking about before.”

You lay still on the couch, unsure of whether you should speak up or not.

“How are we supposed to do that though if we don’t even know why she’s sad in the first place?” Jungkook hissed. There was a rustle, they were unpacking something as they chatted.

“I dunno. But we should still do something. Oh, maybe we can like take her to the park she might like that-”

“She’s not a puppy, Jimin.”

“It’s better than your idea! We’re not teaching her Overwatch.” You heard Jimin whack Jungkook on the chest.

“She likes watching us play Overwatch-”

“Hey guys,” You said tentatively, sitting up and getting off the couch. Both Jimin and Jungkook were leaning against the counter, arguing. They jumped a little when they heard your voice, you felt your cheeks flush as you walked over, standing beside Jimin. There were takeaway bags on the kitchen counter, you realized they had gone out and bought breakfast and coffee.

“Bagel?” Jimin asked, you just nodded silently, taking the warm bagel from him.

“Are you alright?” He asked you in a low voice, you just nodded. Jimin wrapped an arm around you as you took a bite.

Jungkook coughed. “Are you sure Y/N? Because you look really scary right now.” He nodded at your puffy eyes and bedraggled hair. 

“Jungkook!” Jimin hissed, Jungkook’s jaw dropped a little. “I mean, um, you look like you’ve seen better days?” He offered weakly, Jimin shooting him a death glare. 

“Sorry.” Jungkook finally said. You just shook your head, laughing weakly. If it was any other situation you might’ve laughed more, Jungkook looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable, spreading cream cheese on his bagel. 

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Can we just talk about something else, please? I’m okay, really.” You flashed the two guy a little smile, they just blinked at you, unconvinced.

“Come on. Topic change. Please. Did you get with anyone last night?” You asked Jungkook pointedly, wanting desperately to change the subject. Jungkook’s eyes lit up. “Hell yeah I did. She was awesome. She was in the VIP section with us. Although I was the one showing her my VIP by the end of the night…” He grinned and nudged Jimin. Jimin just frowned at him. 

“VIP?”

“Very impressive pen-”

“Okay, ew,” You interrupted, laughing and shaking your head. Jungkook just grinned and shrugged, you just shook your head and laughed at him. You had to give it to your friends, they knew how to cheer you up.

“Seriously though, the VIP section was so cool,” Jungkook sighed happily. “Your friends are awesome Y/N,” Jungkook added, shoving a bagel into his mouth and chewing. “That Hoseok guy rocks.” You wrinkled your nose at him in distaste. 

“Ew, close your mouth while you eat Kookie,” You grumbled. He just shrugged, shoving another bite into his mouth. 

“Nah.” 

You rolled your eyes at him. “Hoseok’s great,” Jimin agreed. “Such a cool guy. His friend Yoongi was a bit of a dick though.”

You couldn’t help it, you felt your heart leap in your chest at the mention of his name, your entire body tensing.

“A dick?” You stuttered, your eyes darting from Jimin to Jungkook nervously. “How?”

Jimin shrugged. “He wasn’t that bad to me but apparently he was an asshole to Tae.” He said diplomatically. 

“Dude just seemed to have a stick up his ass or something the whole night.” Jungkook intercepted, Jimin just leaned over and slapped his chest.

“His girlfriend’s hot though,” Jungkook mumbled, shoving the last of his food in his mouth. “What’s her name again? Laura? Layla? Shit I can’t remember…”

“Lily,” You muttered, feeling your face flush as your felt your stomach plummet. Jimin was watching you curiously, you turned away from him, pouring yourself another cup of coffee. 

“Yeah, that’s it! I’d totally go there.” 

“Shut up Jungkook,” Jimin sighed, you felt the heat rise in your face as you turned away from him. You didn’t want to think about her, or Yoongi. You were done crying over Min Yoongi. As far as you were concerned, Yoongi was out of your life.

“How’s Taehyung?” You asked instead, wanting to change the topic. The last thing you wanted to talk about was Yoongi’s girlfriend.

“He’s good,” Jimin said slowly. “He was um, worried about you.”

You raised your eyebrows at Jimin. “You told him…?”

“No, no. Apparently you left in a hurry last night is all.”

You stared at Jimin, suddenly unsure of what to say. Your mind betrayed you, Yoongi’s face flashing in your mind.

“Oh,” You finally said lamely. “Yeah. I um. Wasn’t feeling well.” You ignored the disbelieving look Jimin gave you. 

“Well, whatever it was you were sad about, put it out of your mind for now, Y/N. What do you want to do today? Whatever you want. We can watch a movie, go shopping, whatever…” Jimin leaned forward, giving you a warm smile.

You smiled at your two friends, suddenly overwhelmed by a swell of gratitude for them. The past few weeks with Yoongi, the endless pattern of feeling used, feeling worthless, and then lastly hopeless, had taken a toll on you. A toll that you hadn’t realized until now. You deserved better than what Yoongi had been giving to you. You deserved someone who cared about you, you deserved someone’s full, 100% attention. 

“Wanna teach me how to play Overwatch?”

Jungkook hollered and fist pumped the air, darting over to the couch in enthusiasm. Jimin was still staring at you, his eyes creased in worry. 

“Are you okay? Really?” He asked you, searching your face. 

You thought on his question. Yoongi’s voice floated in your mind. I’m sorry. You felt a stab of pain but kept your eyes focused on Jimin. You were determined to do this, to get over Yoongi, to move on.

You nodded bravely.

“I will be.”

It had been two weeks since you had ended things with Yoongi and things hadn’t gotten any easier.

You were frustrated. You had expected it to be difficult but you hadn’t expected this. If anything, you were thinking about him more than before. You couldn’t get him out of your brain. Everything reminded you of him, his face popped into your mind at the most random of times, distracting you and making you freeze up. 

You wondered constantly about what he was doing, if he was still thinking about you, if he even cared. You knew he was doing what you had wanted, what you had asked him to do, but yet you wished he would call. 

You woke up in the middle of the night convinced you heard your phone go off, your heart racing as you checked, only to see 0 notifications.  Your breath caught in your throat when you walked to work and spotted someone with the same hoodie as one Yoongi owned. Every time you heard the stupid song on the radio that Yoongi produced, you felt a twist deep in your stomach.

Irritated, you crossed your arms. When were you going to get over this, get over Yoongi? Surely the whole ‘getting over him’ process should’ve started by now? You were exhausted of constantly thinking about him, of running over possibilities and what ifs in your mind. You needed to stop thinking about him but you didn’t know how. 

How? You thought on it now, pursing your lips.

Your mind flitted back to the advice Jimin had given Jungkook a few months ago when the three of you and Jin had been hanging out at a bar. Jungkook had been miserable after his break up, Jimin had simply clapped him on the shoulder and given him a knowing look. “The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.” He had said definitively.

Maybe Jimin was right.

You hesitated. You hadn’t contacted Taehyung since that night at the club. He had messaged you but you never ended up replying, and Jimin hadn’t mentioned Taehyung to you since the day after that night. In all honesty, he hadn’t crossed your mind, you had been too absorbed in thoughts of Yoongi. 

Maybe that was where you were going wrong. Maybe this was how you could get over Yoongi. Taehyung. The more you thought about it, the more the idea made sense. You would get over Yoongi, and it would stop being this hard. 

You pulled out your phone, scrolling until you found Taehyung’s number. You typed out a message to him, your fingers flying over the screen. You hesitated.

Doubt crept into your mind for a brief second before you pushed it away, pressing ‘send’ boldly.

Y/N [7:13PM]: Hey Tae... what are you doing right now? Do you want to get dinner?

Your phone beeped back within minutes.

Taehyung [7:15PM]: Burgers?

It was that easy. You texted him your favourite restaurant and within moments, you had thrown on your coat and you were out the door.

Taehyung was already waiting outside when you arrived, his long lean body leaned against a wall. He was dressed casually in a black knit and black dress pants. He gave you a slow, lazy smile as you arrived, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek hello. 

He smelled good, like nice cologne, and as always, he looked amazing. He was so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. You gave him a big smile, hoping to feel something when you gazed into his eyes. A spark, a flutter, something. But nothing came.

“Fancy seeing you here,” He grinned at you. You smiled faintly back. “You ready?” He asked, putting his hand on the small of your back as you walked into the restaurant.

You looked at him, he was smiling at you expectantly. You felt a twinge of something, you weren’t sure what, deep inside of you. You pushed it away and smiled at Taehyung, determined to make the most of this, to make the most of him.

As expected, you had a great dinner with Taehyung. You enjoyed his company, he was sweet, constantly making light silly jokes and bursting with enthusiasm about the most random topics. You genuinely liked talking to him, and conversation flowed between the two of you. 

Everything seemed to be good with Taehyung, he made you laugh and he was giving you his full attention. It was good, it was easy, it made sense.

There was just one problem. You were missing it. That spark. That frisson you had only felt once in your life before.

You were standing outside the restaurant now, talking. It was cool outside and you were standing close to one another, your conversation taking on a teasing and playful tone. 

“So…” Taehyung said now, his dark voice lilting as he gave you a small, mischievous smile. 

“So…” You echoed, staring at him intently, determined. 

You knew that if there was ever a moment to feel a spark with someone, it was now. It was almost like a scene out of a movie, the two of you standing face to face like this. The dim streetlight just accentuated his sharp jaw and big eyes and he looked ridiculously handsome, but yet you still didn’t feel it. The pull in your chest, the racing of the heart, the prickle in your palms. You squinted at him intently. You were determined to feel it, to find the spark with Taehyung. 

“What?” Taehyung asked suddenly, noticing your stare. You blushed, shaking your head. “Nothing… I… nothing.” You said quickly. He just smiled at you, leaning in a little closer. You took a deep breath. This was it.

Taehyung leaned in and kissed you. His lips were soft, exploring yours, kissing you carefully. You deepened the kiss, he was a good kisser. He was intimate with his kiss, he kissed you slowly, a long, deep kiss that was felt as if he was drawing you in. 

You enjoyed it, the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands around your waist. He was such a different kisser to Yoongi. Yoongi, who kissed you dominately, intently, his hands cupping your face as though he had to have you and all of you. The urgency of Yoongi’s kisses had always taken your breath away.

You murmured out Yoongi’s name into Taehyung’s lips and froze. 

You had no idea how it happened, how Yoongi once again took ownership over your mind and forced his way into your thoughts. Taehyung stopped mid kiss, he had heard it too. You cringed, as Taehyung leaned back, his eyes questioning as he gazed down at you.

“Yoongi,” He said slowly, piecing everything together. “He’s the guy, right? That you were talking about the first night we met?”

You stared at Taehyung. “I…” You began apologetically, frantically. Fuck. This wasn’t going as you had planned. You leaned in to kiss Taehyung again but he just pulled away, a soft expression on his eyes.

“You’re not over him, are you?” Taehyung asked, cocking his head at you. You opened and closed your mouth a little, your mind flicking through the excuses you could use, but you stopped when you saw the look on his face. He wasn’t angry, or hurt, instead, his eyes were understanding, sympathetic. 

There was something about the way he was staring at you that had you feeling vulnerable. All the walls you had fought so hard to keep around you crumbled. 

“No,” You admitted finally. “I’m not. I’m sorry.”

Taehyung nodded slowly. “It’s okay,” He said, smiling at you. “I’m the same as you, I’m not fully over my ex either.”

“Yoongi’s not my ex.” 

“Oh. Okay. But you love him, right?” Taehyung asked. His words took you offguard. Love. You had been too afraid to admit it to yourself. You had been terrified to face the reality that maybe the heaviness in your heart wasn’t just you missing Yoongi’s company, or the sex. That maybe it was because you loved him.

“Yes,” You whispered. Taehyung nodded, he reached out and put his hand on yours, a sincere look on his face.

“He probably loves you too. Go talk to him.”

You stared at Taehyung, realizing he didn’t know Yoongi had a girlfriend. In fact, Taehyung didn’t seem to remember Yoongi at all.

“It’s… complicated.”

Taehyung frowned at you. “So uncomplicate it then.” He said lightly, nudging you. 

You stared at Taehyung, feeling the heaviness lift in your chest. Maybe that was all you needed to do. Uncomplicate it. Everything in your heart and your brain had been so complicated since you had told Yoongi you never wanted to see him again, that it was over. Maybe it was time to uncomplicated things. Gain some closure, get some answers.

You nodded. “Okay. I will.” You said faintly. You gave Taehyung a small smile, he returned it. You gave his hand a warm squeeze, before you walked over to the road, hailing a passing taxi.

“Hey, Taehyung?” You said, glancing back at him as the taxi pulled up.

Taehyung glanced up. “Hm?” You studied him for a moment, there was a sadness in his eyes and you suddenly felt a pang in your chest for him. You understood him, and he understood you. You had felt it too- the exquisite, sharp pain of loving someone you couldn’t be with, the pain of loving someone who was never fully yours. 

“You can uncomplicate it too,” You said softly, giving him a small smile.

Understanding flowed between the two of you, and he nodded. “Good luck,” He murmured. 

“You too.” You replied, before you turned and got in the cab. 

You sat there for a moment, exhilaration and nerves pumping in your veins.

“Address?” The taxi driver asked.

This was it. This was the moment, the pivotal moment. It was either home, safety, security. Or Yoongi.

You didn’t even pretend to think about it, you knew your answer.

It was Yoongi. You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore. It was Yoongi, and it was always going to be Yoongi.

Yoongi answered the phone on the second ring.

“Y/N?” The surprise was evident in his tone, even over the crackling phone line.

“Yoongi,” You said, swallowing. “Can I come up?” 

You hadn’t realized how nervous you were until now, standing outside his apartment building. You were shivering, you weren’t sure whether it was the cool air or this, the familiarity of his building.

“Sure.” He buzzed you in, the loud buzz made you jump in your skin a little. You felt shaky, nervous, as you walked to his front door. 

Yoongi opened the door and you walked in, greeted by the warmth in his apartment and the smell of him lingering in the air. He was dressed casually, his hair slightly damp, a concerned look on his face. Your heart leaped in your chest when you saw him, you had almost forgotten exactly what he was like in person. Seeing him again had this odd calm settling over you like a blanket.

“Is everything alright?” Yoongi asked worriedly.

You felt everything inside of you weaken as you stared at him. You loved him. God, you loved him.

“I…” You stammered. “I’m sorry, this was a stupid idea.”

You turned to leave but Yoongi was behind you, one hand reaching out and pulling your waist, turning you around to face him. Your eyes were still teary.

“I shouldn’t be here,” You whispered, but he just shook his head at you. “What’s going on?”

“I missed you,” You whispered, feeling tears fall down your face.

“Hey,” He murmured, drawing you into his arms. You collapsed against his chest, he just sighed, stroking your hair. “I missed you too.”

His words hung in the air for a moment, you paused, hesitating before you glanced up. He was gazing down at you, a soft look on his face. 

“You… you did?” You asked in a tiny voice, he just nodded, shaking his head at you. “Yeah,” He said, shrugging. “I did.” He brought his hand to your face, cupping your cheek. 

“I just wanted to be near you,” You confessed. “We don’t have to do anything, I know you’re still… you’re with Lily. I just, I don’t know, I wanted…” Your voice trailed off in uncertainty. You stared at one another for a prolonged moment, drinking each other in, before he sighed softly. “It’s late. Let’s just sleep beside each other,” He said. “I just want to lie beside you. Is that okay?”

You nodded, it was more than okay. You followed him to his room, he pulled out one of his old tees and a pair of shorts and passed it to you. He turned around politely as you got dressed, a slight stiffness hung in the air between the two of you. 

You knew Yoongi was being careful, normally he would be sarcastic with you, prickly. But he was being cautious, even turning to give you privacy to get dressed as if he hadn’t seen you naked before. He was tiptoeing around you.

You quickly took off your dress and left it hanging on the back of the chair, sliding into his oversized cotton shirt and shorts. You sat on his bed, your knees at your chest. You had been here before but it felt different now. You were sober, for one, and you blinked in the dim light of his bedroom, hugging your knees. His bed was expansive and you felt your heart thrum in your chest. You knew you shouldn’t be here, but yet your heart raced.

“I’m good.” You said softly. He turned around, staring at you, a soft look on his face. He sat beside you, lying down.

“C’mere,” He said quietly, and you curled into him. He wrapped his arms around you and held you, and you felt all the tension from the last two weeks drain out of your body. For the first time in a fortnight, you felt at peace.

You were quiet for a moment, tucked into his arm. A silence settled between the two of you, he was tracing slow, lazy circles into the small of your back and making you shiver. You were still for a moment, wondering if you should say something, anything.

“I’m sorry,” He said quietly. You felt your breath whoosh out of you at his words, your body tensing slightly. “About the other night. About everything. I know what I did was fucked up. And I’m sorry to involve you in it.” 

His fingers were still drawing lines into your skin and you let a small sigh escape your lips. You felt so safe like this, wrapped up in his arms. It struck you that the dynamic had changed drastically between you and Yoongi, there was something even now about the way you were holding each other that was different. He was holding you carefully, closely, like you were precious to him.

Maybe you were. You knew it was dangerous to let yourself believe that maybe you mattered to him, but you couldn’t help it.

“I know,” You said softly. You didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Yoongi whispered. “I wanted to call you but I didn’t want to get in the way… you’re better off without me, Y/N.”

“No I’m not.” You whispered back. His mouth opened, surprise on his face. You had never seen him so vulnerable.

“Why are you with Lily if you don’t love her?” You asked him. You had to ask, the question was on the brim of your tongue. Yoongi wasn’t surprised by your question, he just sighed.

“When I was younger, I didn’t know who I was.” Yoongi said quietly, pensively. You were silent, listening to the rumble of his voice, the rhythm strokes of his fingertips against your skin. 

“I didn’t know why I was here. What my purpose was. I wasn’t like any of the other kids, I didn’t like the things that they liked, I didn’t find their jokes funny. I didn’t have anything.” His voice was distant, you just murmured softly, letting him speak. Your heart twisted a little at thought of Yoongi, tough, sarcastic Yoongi, as a lonely child.

“And then I found music.” 

“Music?” You asked, he just nodded, resting his chin on top of your head. 

“It was the first thing that finally made sense. I was good at it, the best at it, and I liked it. I sacrificed everything to try and make a name for myself as a producer but nothing worked. I had no stable job, I had no money, I was a failure. I felt so fucking hopeless, and stupid. And then I met Lily.” 

Your heart twisted a little as he said her name, it fell out of his lips casually, like any other word, but you stiffened. His fingers stopped tracing your skin, her name settling between the two of you uncomfortably.

“Tell me about her.” You asked, wanting to know. Yoongi just sighed, you could feel his uncertainty in the way his body stiffened. 

“I liked her,” He said finally, calmly. “She liked me. To be honest, I wasn’t a relationship… person, before her. I didn’t believe in relationships, actually.” 

“What made you change your mind?”

He hesitated. “She wanted to be with me.” He said finally. “Things were easy with Lily. She made me feel good about myself. She was always happy about life, about everything. She introduced me to her father and got me and internship at his company. It all seemed to make sense, and it all kind of seemed meant to be. I found this girl, then I found the job.” You were silent, you were still tucked into his body, musing over his words. 

“I wasn’t truly happy,” He said quietly. “I was settling. With her… with the job. I’ve been there for two years. I’ve been with her for three years. And nothing’s changed. I’m stuck. And I’m not happy.”

He sighed heavily and you could hear it in his sigh. You understood the meaning behind the strains of his sigh, the feeling of dissatisfaction, of feeling trapped.

“Music was my first love.” Yoongi said quietly. “I would do anything to achieve my dreams. But I’ve been stuck in this company. I have no creative control. I haven’t progressed. And I can’t stay with Lily in the hopes that I might move up in my career. It’s fucked. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

You craned your head back, wiggling out of his hold to gaze into his eyes. He just stared down at you and his eyes were soft. 

Yoongi sighed. “The only thing I ever wanted was music.” He whispered. “The only thing that I’ve ever understood is music.”  

He turned, facing you. His eyes were serious and you felt yourself go breathless at the intensity in his stare. His eyes were soft, his entire face open as he stared at you.

“Until you.”

You felt your heartbeat quicken.

“Me?”

He just nodded, he wasn’t smiling, he was serious, staring at you with an intensity on his face like you had never seen before. 

“You.” 

He reached out and tenderly stroked the side of your face, staring into your eyes. You leaned into his palm, he was staring at you, taking in every detail of your face, memorizing every blink of your lashes and every breath that you took. 

You lay there for a stretch of immeasurable time, just gazing at one another. You didn’t speak, you just lay there, he held you, and you breathed him in. 

You looked at him, unspoken words between the two of you, until you felt your eyelids go heavy. You felt safe with Yoongi, and as you fell asleep, you found yourself hoping with everything within you that you could have this, have him, every night.

You woke up in Yoongi’s arms.

You woke up slowly, stretching your legs out. It struck you how natural this felt, waking up entangled in his arms. He was snoring softly, his face burrowed into the nape of your neck, his arms loosely draped over your waist. You were quiet, lacing your fingers into his and enjoying the serenity of the morning.

He murmured out, his breath coming out warm against the nape of your neck. He mumbled vague words into your skin and you felt your body tense at the feeling. His arms curved tighter around your waist, slowly, his fingertips danced over your stomach, making you shiver.

You leaned into him, he responded by continuing to run his fingers over your stomach. Each circle that he made with his fingertips inched further up, closer to your breasts. Your heart started to pound, as he slowly pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.

He didn’t speak, his lips soft as they slowly pressed firm kisses along the slope of your neck, and at the base of your hairline. You shivered at the feeling, his kisses traced down your entire neck, slowly, sensually, as his fingers continued to draw patterns into your skin. You were arching your body slowly into his, and you could feel his erection stirring in his pants.

“Good morning,” He murmured into your ear, his husky deep voice in your ear had shivers travelling down your entire spine, at the same time, his fingers lightly ran over the bottom of your breasts, so lightly that his touch was gone within moments.

You just gasped faintly, feeling a dull thud between your legs.

“Morning,” You breathed out, he hummed into your skin as you arched your ass into his groin. His dick was hard, you could feel it bulging as you pressed yourself into his erection. 

You heard the fainted of growls escape from his lips, replaced by a murmur as he kissed down your shoulder blades, through the giant t-shirt you were sleeping in, his tshirt. He reached up and traced the curves of your breasts, his touch feather light as his fingers skimmed over your nipples. They had gone hard, he just let out a grunt as he pushed his hips into your ass, you could feel his erection grinding against you and you were painfully aware of how hard your pussy was starting to throb.

He caught your nipples between two of his fingertips and rolled your hard nipple between his fingertips, he nibbled on your shoulder and then on your earlobe, he was rhythmically, slowly grinding his hips into yours and you felt like you were about to implode. Your entire lower stomach and pussy was aching for him, you were completely twisting your back to press your ass against his dick. You were writhing in bed just from this, just from his fingers playing with your nipples and his lips tracing the outlines of your body. How did he do this to you? How did he make you go so crazy?

“Yoongi…” You moaned out his name and the sound of your voice had him cupping your breasts in his hands and squeezing firmly, before his hands travelled down and gripped your hips. Slowly, he caressed your hips, his fingers gripping your hip bone and squeezing before they just lightly skimmed over the top of your underwear.

You were wet, so wet, you shifted in bed, wanting him to stop the build up and just touch you. The anticipation was driving you crazy, he had his lips at the back of your neck, his breaths coming out against your skin and making you shudder in desire. You were pressing your ass against his dick, squeezing your thighs together. You just wanted to feel him against you, and you could definitely feel it, his hard, thick cock springing away from his jocks and against you.

“Y/N,” Yoongi breathed out your name into your ear as he firmly pressed his fingers against your slit on top of your underwear. “You’re so wet,” He observed, and you could hear the devilish tone in his voice. You could practically envisage the signature Yoongi smirk on his lips.

He rolled you over against him so that you were on your back against his chest, your legs spread as he snuck his hand into your underwear. His other hand was still alternating between massaging your nipple and gripping your hip. He was kissing against your shoulder, his body supporting yours as his fingers finally found their way to your pussy.

His fingers hovered above your soaking wet slit before they finally slipped inside, he didn’t tease, his fingertips massaging strong, powerful circles against your clitoris and then slipping deep inside of you. You let out a low, desperate moan at how it felt, his fingers against you. They were slick with your wetness within moments, he let out a low hiss at it, at feeling you around him. 

“I want you inside of me Yoongi,” You panted out, he just rolled you over so you were back on your side. He pulled off his underwear, he reached over and grabbed your thigh with one hand, pulling your legs apart so that your pussy was more exposed. 

“God, Y/N,” Yoongi muttered against your ear. His body was pressed against yours, he planted frenzied, hungry kisses down your neck and shoulders, positioning his cock at your entrance. You could feel it, brushing against your slit, and your entire body was on edge, wanting him.

You and Yoongi had fucked before but there was something about this now that had your heart pounding in your chest. You were so wet you could hardly take it, your core was aching for him in a way you had never experienced before. 

You needed him, the urge for him to be inside of you and all around you was so intense you could feel it mounting. It was ridiculous, you almost felt like you were already on the verge of an orgasm just from this alone. From him alone. And then he thrust himself inside of you.

He fucked into you slowly at first, rocking his hips and rolling them into you so that you were feeling all of his cock, taking all of his length. Your breath came out in shaky, ragged breaths at the feeling, the immensity of it, the satisfaction of finally feeling him filling you up. It felt incredible, you were lost in it, letting out a long, choked moan. 

“You feel fucking incredible,” Yoongi moaned and his voice was strangled, you heard him swallow as he pressed a hungry kiss against your neck. “Fuck, fuck. You’re so tight, God…” He slowly started pumping his cock in and out of you, his fingers gripping your thigh, holding you in place as he fucked into you.

He quickened his pace but he was still grinding his hips into yours, his body tightly pressed against you. You could hear his moans against your ear, and you were wrapped up in it all, the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you, his fingers locked around your thigh, his lips on your ear. You were overwhelmed by it, the feeling, the gratification, the fucking pleasure. It was immense.

“Yoongi,” You mewled out his name and he growled, flipping onto his back and pulling you so you rolled onto your back too. He was still buried deep inside of you, on top of him, he clenched your hips with his fingers and hoisted you so your hips were off of him, he held you in place as he thrust his hips into yours, slowly at first, but then faster. 

“Fuck, Yoongi, oh my God,” You gritted out, you lifted your hips higher as you felt his cock slide into you. You were so wet that he slid in and out of you, you could hear the slick of your wetness as he pumped his cock into you, the sound of your skin against his with every hard thrust. At this angle, he was fucking into you deep, and you were taking all of him. You felt your legs clench and your lower stomach tighten, your eyes fluttering.

“God, Yoongi,” You breathed out, “I’m close…” He immediately rolled you back onto your side against and his body was curled up against yours, he held your hips in place as he bucked his hips into yours, rhythmically. He grinded his cock against your pussy, and you could feel all of it, all of him. 

“Cum for me Y/N,” He groaned into your voice, his words were strained and you knew he was close too. “Cum around my cock,” He gritted out. His sudden movements, his assertion of power, the grunts and the moans he was echoing into your ears had your entire body shaking. 

“Yoongi!” You moaned out his name as you felt your body stiffen and then release, your orgasm flowing throughout your entire body as you came around his cock. Your head shot back and your eyes rolled into your head as your body trembled, he just groaned and held your hips, thrusting into you with a strong, intense thrust, and with a loud moan, he came inside of you, his body twitching as he orgasmed.

Your orgasms intertwined and the sounds of your long moans and ragged breathing filled his bedroom. You were dizzy, faint from bliss and the feeling of the orgasm that was slowly draining out of your body. He was still curled up behind you, you could hear his pants, his slow, soft moans as he felt his own orgasm fade away.

“Fuck that was good,” Yoongi breathed, pressing a kiss to the base of your ear. You shivered in pleasure, leaning against him. “God, yeah,” You mumbled. You leaned against him for a moment, struggling to gain control of your breathing. 

As your breaths slowed and evened out, Yoongi pulled out of you. You turned to face him. He didn’t smile, but his eyes were soft and like honey as he reached out, tapping the tip of your nose. 

“Okay. I’ve gotta go to work,” Yoongi groaned, sitting up. You sighed, sitting up as well as you stood up. 

You pulled on your underwear, his cum was already trickling out of you and soaking your underwear, but you relished it, the feeling of him inside of you. You pulled on your dress from yesterday, watching as Yoongi quickly got changed into jeans and a hoodie. 

You leaned against his chest for a moment before he broke away, walking out into his living room. You followed him, feeling light, relaxed. As always the strings of doubt were beginning to lace around your thoughts but you pushed them away as hard as you could, walking over to his record player.

“Jazz?” You enquired, lifting your eyes to his. He just met your gaze. “I thought you only listen to hip hop.” You raised an eyebrow at him, a smile quirked at the corners of his lips.

“It’s grown on me.”

You shared a smile. 

“Put it on.” He suggested, and you nodded, lifting the needle of the player and placing it down on the record. Scratches filled the air as the record began playing, and then the song started, a smooth, rich melody. 

Warm swells filled the room and you smiled at him. He noticed your stare and smiled back. He strolled over to you, wrapping you up in his arms. He was light, his entire body bouncing with each step, as he swayed with you to the music. You felt like you were floating, in his arms, he was holding you close.

“I’m ending it with Lily.” He murmured into your hair. “Today. After work.”

You froze momentarily, stiffening, before you pulled away to stare into his eyes. They were serious, as always, but soft, as they stared into yours.

“Are you sure?” You asked faintly.

Yoongi nodded. “I’m sure.”

Unspoken words passed between the two of you as he pulled you back into his arms, resting his chin on your head as the two of you swayed to the music.

“I want us to have a clean slate.” You murmured into his chest.

“We will.” Yoongi replied firmly. You smiled, at his confidence, at his typical Yoongi self assurance. “Come over to my place,” You whispered. “After.” You had wanted it for so long, to be with Yoongi without guilt, to fully bask in him. You wanted it, him, as soon as possible.

You craned up to look at him, he understood, as he always did.  

A rare smile flitted across his face before he covered it, nodding. His eyes were warm as he leaned forward, closer to you. “I’ll be there. 7PM, latest.”

It was 9PM and you still hadn’t heard from Yoongi.

Dread was starting to gather in your chest. Maybe he isn’t coming, a voice taunted in your mind. You were restless, unsure of whether you should call him. You were tense, on edge. You nibbled on your lip worriedly, your heart beginning to feel like a drum in your chest, it was beating so loudly. 

As if on cue, you heard it, a knock at the door. It was him. You could tell by the way he knocked, two long, and one short. It was musical, almost. You sprang to your feet, racing to the door and flinging it open. Sure enough, Yoongi was standing there, lifting his eyes to meet yours.

“Hey,” You said, your eyes scanning his face. Your heart fell when you saw the look on his face, the way he avoided your eyes. No. It couldn’t be.

“How did it go?” You asked uncertainly, you were staring at him so intently you could’ve burned circles into his face but he still refused to meet your gaze.

“Y/N…” Yoongi’s voice was laced with hesitation, he was apologizing for something already. He was hovering at the door, he wasn’t coming inside, you realized. You felt your body freeze up, your chest tightening painfully. 

“They offered me a promotion,” Yoongi continued. “Work did. A big one. Head producer. It’s what I wanted, I- I can’t-”

You felt your heart slam into your ribs, your eyes going flat as you stared at him. 

“Please tell me you’re joking.” You whispered, staring at him desperately. The look of pain on his face told you he wasn’t. 

“I can’t do it, not right now,” He pleaded, your jaw dropped a little and you backed away from him, taking a step behind you, feeling your pride quake.

“You’re a coward,” You hissed at him. 

“Y/N,” Yoongi said, staring at you. “I want you. I want us. I just need more time to figure everything out.”

He was gazing at you with a tortured expression on his face, he raked a hand through his hair and you felt your heart twist.

“No,” You snapped out, feeling your throat close up and hot tears build behind your eyes. “You’re out of fucking time.” 

You slammed the door shut, right in his face, and you were filled with hatred. You hated him, you hated him with every cell in your body. Your rage was red hot, and you turned, resting your forehead against the door while you felt the anger course through your body. 

More than your anger at him though was the anger you felt at yourself, for foolishly thinking this was going to work out perfectly. How could it? You started this with Yoongi, it was cursed from the beginning. How were things ever going to end up smoothly between the two of you when they had been so tangled from the start?

You felt the anger ebb away as your breathing slowed down, tears streaming down your cheeks. You hated this, knowing Yoongi was somebody else’s, knowing that you were in love with him. You hated him, for being so cowardly, in between worlds and in between people. It wasn’t fair. You deserved better, you wanted better for yourself, yet above all of that was your want for him.

Your forehead still against the door, you squeezed your eyes shut, your throat was raw from holding back tears. You loved him. The realization hit you like a tonne of bricks, slamming into your chest and gripping like a fist around your heart. You loved him. And that wasn’t going to go away.

You stood still for a moment, painfully still. You reached down for the door knob and pushing yourself off of the door, swung it open. And there he was. Standing there, tears in his eyes. You had never seen him like this, but there he was, his eyes full of tears, his hands shaking.

His mouth opened in surprise when he saw that you had opened the door, and you felt your body go numb. It was like time slowed down when you saw him, any logic or rationality dissipated the moment your eyes connected with his. His warm brown eyes soothed all the ragged edges of your mind and you stepped forward. 

You didn’t speak, you didn’t say anything. He opened his mouth to say your name, but you shushed him, reaching up on your toes.

You looped your fingers around his neck and gazed into your eyes. Doubt, and anger at yourself, anger at him, was still in the back of your mind, bitterly simmering away, but you ignored it. You focused in on him. His eyes, full of tears, as they stared into yours. 

“Y/N…” Yoongi started, you could hear it in his voice, the loathing, the hesitation. He wasn’t ending things with Lily, not now, and you were starting to fear, maybe not ever. But you couldn’t stay away from him. You wanted him, even if it meant half of him, or part of him, you wanted him. You tossed away all of your logic, everything, and focused in on his eyes, as you leaned in closer to him, your lips hovering from his.

“Y/N,” Yoongi repeated, his voice weakening into a husky whisper.

You were still lost in his eyes. Your heart was beating so hard and fast in your chest that it made for a useful distraction, drowning everything else out. Everything else but him.

“Yoongi,” You whispered. And then you leaned in, and kissed him.

[craptaincold]

okay so Westhallen AU season one where while Eddie and Iris are together and putting their list of three people they can cheat on each other list, they both put down the Flash. (and then also realise they would be down for a threesome with the Flash, i mean they have a very healthy communication in this relatoinship okay.)

please consider also that before Eddie asked Iris out, he had a crush on the cute CSI at the precinct. then Barry wound up in a coma, and he got to know Iris (and Iris talked about Barry a lot so he felt like he knew Barry too) and he fell in love with Iris - but he still has a lowkey crush on Barry. Iris knows this. Iris teases him about this, because she is very secure in knowing that Eddie loves her.

and then they figure out (together excuse you no lying to Iris for this Eddie) that Barry is the Flash. and everything makes so. much. sense.

cue them staring at Barry’s ass one day and then at each other and Iris going, completely scandalised, “how did you never realise the Flash had Barry’s ass???” and Eddie whispering back equally furious, “I stopped staring at Barry’s ass when we got together!” and Iris snorting in disbelief.

(Barry is totally looking at the two of them weirdly trying to figure out what they are arguing about.)

but they are also SO FURIOUS that he’s been lying to them. but also Barry is the Flash. their Barry. the Barry, Iris is realising, she loves as much as she loves Eddie. (“thank god,” Eddie tells her. “because my crush is so not a crush anymore he’s adorable.”)

when Eddie says there have been three people in the relationship since the beginning, he doesn’t say it as an accusation, he says it as a revelation. a realisation that Barry’s always been there - in their conversations, in their thoughts - whenever they go on dates, they’re talking about something Barry said or did, or something will remind them of Barry, or they’ll eat something and one of them will go, “oh, Barry would love this.”

they haven’t quite forgiven Barry for lying though, so Iris decides to have some fun with it, and let it not be said that Eddie does not get some enjoyment from making Barry blush. they start talking about how hot they find the Flash. in front of Barry. all the time.

Iris will say it to Barry that the Flash is on her list. Barry splutters, Iris smiles around her coffee cup. Barry makes an excuse and flees. Iris puts her cup down, picks up her phone, and texts Eddie.

‘your turn.’

Eddie’s leaning against Barry’s desk while he works, they’re talking and Eddie just starts? gushing about the Flash? and Barry is all confused because wasn’t he on the meta task force? and Eddie just shrugs, grins and “the Flash has a really nice ass.” Barry splutters, asks what Iris thinks of that.

Eddie smirks and “she agrees with me.”

Barry turns red and makes his excuses to leave.

consider also Iris and Eddie flirting with Barry while he’s in costume. the Flash is flustered - literally no one has seen him this flustered. but also once in a while he says something so earnest and heartfelt when flirting back that Iris and Eddie just melt. they’ll be holding each other’s hands and looking at each other and smiling all, “we love him when can we tell him we love him”.

basically Iris and Eddie slowly wooing Barry-as-the-Flash and Barry being utterly confused until it all comes out spectacularly when Eddie panics when the Flash gets hurt. he’s cradling the Flash’s head, the Flash is fading in and out of consciousness. Joe is trying to get him to leave so he can take Barry to Star Labs, and Eddie’s just ignoring him and wiping the blood, and whispering “stay with me Bar, stay with me” before pulling the cowl back.

and then Iris is there, falling to her knees next to her boyfriend and father and Joe is realising neither one of them is surprised. neither one of them is focusing on anything other than Barry and Joe - well, he always wanted Barry to be his son in law, he just didn’t expect to get two sons in laws.

Barry wakes up to Iris and Eddie curled up on the chairs by his bedside.

Iris kisses Barry first. before Barry can apologise to Eddie, Eddie’s kissing him. and Barry’s still confused, but he doesn’t care because Iris and Eddie have him sandwiched between them while they lecture him on secrets, and alternating running their hands through his hair, holding his hands, reassuring themselves that he’s alive and okay.

(Barry tells them he loves them first though.)

ARADHNA IM SORRY IM PUBLISHING THIS ITS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO GOOD AND I AM GOING TO LAY DOWN AND DIE THANK U FOR BLESSING ME WITH THIS

[iamwhoiam-]

Regret, Doubt, and all of the Above

As per usual, I am having troubles starting this, but I will just write unfiltered from the heart. I have been thinking about this since claire’s wedding. Do I really know db? Do I think that he is the one? Honestly, right now I will have to say no. He is a kind, caring, adventurous spirit, but I don’t see us being together forever. There are just so many quirks that I find repelling. Like when he pokes my stomach or basically anytime he tries to hit me. I absolutely hate it. 

I also wish he was more respectful to me, but I can see that improving. He does care more and he is trying. I just don’t like how this relationship is so calculative. like ‘oh it think it is your turn to pay’ ‘oh so you are paying?’ ughers. it is tough.

I also just ranted to jessica and i feel much better about nick. I felt like serious shit after claire’s wedding and even shittier after jp told me that they went to dinner and talked. I felt shitty because I know he is happier with the new job, but is he really? She also said he is not over it, which makes me SO UPSET. Please nick, if I am not happy, I just want you to be happy. 

To be honest, I feel a lot more depressed now than I ever was when I was with him. I kind of remember myself being more cheerful than what I am now. i just feel an overwhelming amount of darkness. Like sunday, I have never broken down like that before. I just felt so fucking sad. I just could not take it anymore. 

Like what the fuck is wrong with me. fuck fuck fuck. Honestly, I just want to talk to someone who understands.. like nick... but I can’t talk to him. I want to so badly to tell him everything, but I know I can’t and that fucking sucks. I want to tell him my joys and my woes, but I can’t. I wish he could tell me his joys and woes, but he doesn’t. and I want him to move on, but I would feel so shitty so so shitty if he did. I konw that if he does move on it is probably for the best htough, so I hope he does. BUT only if it is with a girl that is better than me. and I sincerely hope he finds someone way better than i ever was. I also hope she appreciates him way more than i ever did. because he deserves way better than me. He deserves so much.... not just in relatoinships, but with work, and happiness. He is so smart. probably the quickest thinker that I know.... and all in all I just wish him the best.... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE HAPPY.