#because honestly it's absurd to me that they're not even mentioned there

[roguetelepaths]

Urge to write about Bifrost Incident!Narfi and Vali rising.

[glitter-stained]

Another day another ask mysteriously disappearing from my inbox when i'm about to hit post on the reply

Anyway the question was basically "what do you think of the "Jason isn't able to get over his death while bruce is capable of forgiving joe chill and sitting by him as he dies" take and doesn't it sound a little like the "everybody died he ain't special " take?"

Why yes. Yes it does sound like that. My thoughts on that idea, in no particular order:

- it's almost 2025 are we still placing moral judgement on characters based on the comparison between how they're enduring their trauma what happened to the universal singularity of human suffering what happened to not comparing apples and bananas weren't we taught not to do that in elementary school

-Is this about the Three Joker comics? It sounds like it is, anyway uh that comics is not mainline (and has pretty shitty writing imo), in mainline even in his least flattering runs (ie Battle for the Cowl) Jason hasn't gone postal because of his death in a while (in BTFC it was Bruce's death and the mention of the "unresolved dark horrors of his childhood" triggering a bad parody of some sort of psychotic break) so like i guess criticizing Jason for something he isn't doing is kinda strange

-if anything Bruce is the one "not over" Jason's death considering the flashback he had right at the beginning of Failsafe arc (though of course demanding he just gets over the trauma of holding his dead son's corpse is just as absurd as demanding Jason gets over the trauma of having died)

-honestly staying by Chill's side as he died was pretty cool and heroic on Bruce's part, totally agreed, that was badass of him to not let him die alone despite his trauma. That being said can we please stop tying morality to the concept of forgiveness? Implying there's a goodness of heart to forgiving/getting over your trauma is weird, it way too puch pressure on the victim, we should stop with the "good victim/bad victim" narrative, martyrdom culture is harmful. If forgiving Chill helped Bruce, cool for him, Jason is in no obligation to forgive Joker, and also Bruce forgiving Chill =/= staying by his side as he died, those are two separate things

-if we're comparing coping we have to compare resources, what does Jason's support system at that time compared to Bruce? Should we make a tally to see who has more friends especially close ones? We both know who will win but also that it's a completely stupid and pointless arrangement, how many apples and oranges must we compare before we conceptualize that it's not the same fruit?

-in terms of personal taste, I find placing moral judgement on characters is about the least interesting analysis angle I can imagine, like, congrats, you've established Angel McPerfect is a better person than Asshole McInteresting! Now multiply me by one and subtract zero.

-kinda hilarious to criticise Jason for not getting over his death and compare that to the coping of a man who dresses as a bat to cope with something that happened thirty years ago. Like if he's so over his trauma why is he wearing pointy ears

-also, obviously, the idea that characters should just "get over their trauma" is insanely dumb. Trauma is like a wound. It can scar, if treated properly, and then the scar will always be there. Imagine telling someone they should get cosmetic surgery because "we get it, you got stabbed, you don't have to shove it in my face every time I look at you." Or telling someone whose wound got infected "why can't you be more like this guy? Look, his stab wound is all healed nice and clean by now. It's like you're not even trying !"

Anyway I hope that answers your question and you have a good day anon, I agree with you that that take is weird, I truly don't understand the reasoning beside "i don't like jason". Idk maybe these people just need to...chill.

[siaanme]

Monster Hunter Wilds feels like a game that is in conflict with itself in a lot of ways. I still love it, but there are so many little issues that bug me about it

For example, the main story stuff. The main story is something that is probably best enjoyed solo, but because MonHun is a multiplayer hit, they made it so you can technically do the story with friends. But far from seemlessly, especially if you want to progress in lockstep ‪

In older MonHun (4th gen and below), the low rank story was explicitly single player only, with a separate set of low rank quests for multiplayer. It honestly feels like Wilds would have benefited from this kind of split ‪

Then there's the concept of "you're only hunting these monsters because they're a problem and you have permission." This has been the case for all previous titles, but Wilds is more in your face about it. And that's in conflict with the fact you are going to hunt a lot of these monsters ‪

Am I expected to believe the ecosystem is capable of hosting 20 of these railgun dragons, explicitly an apex predator, but they're all such a dire threat that I have to hunt them? The story has brought this absurdity to the fore, when it was easy enough to handwave in older games ‪

Weirdly they seem to acknowledge this with the two final hunts in Low Rank, where the monsters are one-of-a-kind, and so you can't refight them. Even though past games also handwaved that and just let you refight the one-of-a-kind civilisation destroying dragon ‪

And the maps! I love these big maps, made for exploring. Shame the story doesn't want to give you a chance to do that, between the on-rails walking sections and the constant story momentum. Not to mention your Seikret's auto-tracking actively discourages you from exploring/learning the map layouts

Say what you will about the old quests where you had to gather x amount of y, but they made you actually explore to find the items. Same with not having the monster marked on the map to start with ‪

Oh and on the story momentum, the game clearly wants to be this adventure, going to new places, meeting people, getting involved, solving problems. But the pace doesn't give time for any this to feel particularly earned. The next story mission is always sitting there, in your UI, waiting. ‪

And then once things open up in High Rank, it's a breath of fresh air. Until some of those story missions lock the dynamic weather/season system away until you progress more ‪

I think that in general, the hunting part of this game is some of the best it's ever been. And all of these have been minor nitpicks overall really. But like I said, it just feels like the game is in conflict with itself

[winterdadandspiderson]

ignore how the ramble came a whole year after the initial post

essentially, the idea is as follows. starting during infinity war, as many "peter in gotham" fics typically do -- strange needs to send peter away in order for the one future victory he saw to work, but in order for that itself to work and for peter to survive, he needs to send someone else. now he's barely got enough in him to do this (and don't ask me how they never do in all the other fics and au's so im not going to explain either, get creative, something something marvel magic fuckery)

picking bucky was just a random chance. but often, magic can think for itself. anyway, thanos snaps as usual and both peter and bucky wake up in gotham city, in some old abandoned factory or something. now, i'm a bit conflicted on the use of lazarus pits/machines, though honestly it doesn't play much of an important factor in the story itself, it just adds an extra layer of angst so. but right, they wake up in this strange new place and it takes a moment for either of them to realize theyre not alone. when they do, they immediately recognize each other.

bucky: oh god it's that punk from germany, how the fuck did he get here?? peter: OH is that the guy with the metal arm?? awesome -- wait, where are we?

once they realize they're not in their own universe anymore (which bucky denies at first because the idea of being in a completely different universe is absurd) bucky makes a plan on how to survive until they can find help. thanks to bucky's winter soldier instilled training, as well as instincts from surviving in pretty harsh conditions (he definitely did not have a great time growing up in brooklyn) they're not as bad off as peter usually is solo. they'd find an apartment somewhere in crime alley, bucky fits in perfectly as a gothamite, a stark contrast to peter who is. very much struggling.

bucky even lands a job to make sure they don't starve. meanwhile, peter forges fake documents for them with their identies -- james buchanan barnes and (to make things easier and more believable) peter is listed as peter benjamin barnes, his son, so less people ask questions. and it works. they intergrate themselves into gotham without any hiccups. except, maybe some people, cops mainly are suspicious as to why peter isn't enrolled in any school so he does that. i do want to sprinkle in some classic dark matter and have him maybe resort to stealing a little from bruce's bank account. which peter is very reluclant to do but bucky couldn't be prouder because fuck yeah !! steal from the rich !!

so that would mean from there, that's how peter meets and befriends tim and co !!! also, at school. i'm thinking -- sure, bucky has a stable job but they're still struggling to get by. that, added with peter's frequent nightly patrols, he looks a little worn down. which tim is concerned by and of course, being the detective he is tries to find out what he can about peter and his "dad" who he barely mentions.

but it wouldnt be complete without some vigilantism. so im thinking, peter starts getting a little stir crazy. a few months pass and they're still no closer to figuring out how they got here or how to get home. so he starts going out as spiderman -- he thinks he can hide it from bucky, but he becomes quickly aware of it. one particular night as spidey, peter has a run in with some of the bats for the first time. namely nightwing and red robin, they're confused but not at all hostile since they've been keeping track of spiderman since his first appearance and he's been doing a lot of good around crime alley. but bucky made it very clear not to trust any of these people and so he flees the moment he can.

eventually, bucky even joins peter on patrols. he claims it's only because he doesn't want him to accidentally spill anything to the bats (but he's grown to care for the kid a lot during their time in gotham, he doesn't want him to get hurt on his watch) i haven't decided on what alias he'd go by, since i doubt he'd want to be called the winter soldier -- even if it is in some postive way, he doesn't want to recall what hydra did to him in any capacity.

bucky would have a very strained dynamic with the bats. especially bruce, especially upon learning just how young robin is (damian, who i imagine to be 13 during the time of this) he could even get into an argument about this resulting in a conversation something like-

batman: and yours? bucky: my what? batman: your kid. bucky: he's not my -- what's it to you, anyway? batman: he's not yours, but you care for him all the same. bucky: we're all each other's really got here. batman: then maybe we understand each other better than you realize. (and of course, bruce understands that. so does bucky. despite their differences he walks away from that conversation feeling like he knows him just a little better. still, he seizes every opportunity to mock or snap at him, eventually in a more lighthearted way once peter and bucky themselves are dragged into the batfamily)

alright i need to cut this short as its already gotten so long but those are just some of the main ideas ive been having. found family my beloved, winterdad and spiderson my beloved. trust me at some point i will write a little scene with them based in this au that i'll post here whenever it's done, but for now just sit with that. and if you's ever wanna hear more, ofc my askbox is always open. or ill just ramble more unprompted, probably the latter, i need to revive this blog already.

[allmightskitten]

Wano is so fucking good holy shit guys I love all the DRAMA. yes GIVE ME all this period piece drama omgg orochi is such a little rat and I'm THRIVING on all the mess. just reached act 3 and honestly, maybe it's because I have the time to binge it these days, it doesn't even feel that long XD The pacing this arc is great (for the most part, anyway!) and that does make watching it a breeze but as an added bonus, like–

- Luffy is so pretty in this arc idk what they fed him (that post-WCI sanji cooking must be on another level)

- Zoro is GORGEOUS. the animators appear to have drawn him with one hand if you know what I mean

- I love Kin'emon. I'm officially a Kin stan. He's such a fun character, the best mix of absurd and serious, and I love him even more having seen the flashback of how he met Oden

- I love Oden...he's so stupid...adore the trope when a young prince/king etc. is immature as hell or just wants freedom and his retainers have to fucking babysit him

- LITTLE SHANKS AND BUGGY 😭😭🥹🥹🥹 OHHH...

- as a massive whore for Doflamingo I have to mention the appreciation I have for the story constantly name dropping and giving us glimpses of this man. fantastic. haunting the narrative from his prison cell.

- I hate and love Kaido at the same time. He is terrible and I'm rooting on his downfall, yes, but I can't ignore that he's just. Funny as shit

- finally getting to see Big Mom actually FIGHT was a treat

- Everyone is so stupid holy fuck I love them dearly, this arc is so carried by the supporting cast and they're all such a delight

I have more intelligent thoughts but not the coherency to voice them rn so I will stop but case in point: SHAME ON YOU TO EVERYONE WHO TOLD ME WANO IS TOO LONG AND I'D GIVE UP!!! I LIKE THAT WANO IS LONG BECAUSE I WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THESE CHARACTERS 🤬

[6okuto-moved]

Could i have the same headcanon of falling in love but for Mhin? Thank you 🙏 😭

MHIN FALLING IN LOVE

gn!reader | mhin time! >____< lots of mhin fans here... awesome world. in case anyone is wondering yes i do have vere in my drafts. meowww

predictably, a slowburn with angst.

hard to get to know, not because they aren't predictable, or because they're incredibly hard to read, but because they're Fawking persistent when it comes to keeping their guard up. which means you have to be even More persistent. an absurd cycle. but you can get there. You will get there.

i think something that slowly takes down(?) mhin's walls would be showing interest in them past working together and their secrets. asking something more mundane like what their favourite season or meal is, what kind of music they like, if they enjoy rain. they're wary to answer because ?? why are you asking. why are you being weird. but they realize it's nice to think of something else about themself other than being a monstrosity. wow. ow

^ and then maybe doing something with their answer! going out of your way to buy some sweets for them, asking if they're okay when it's super cold/hot because they mentioned not enjoying it. something they've forgotten you even know. it also makes them wonder what your answers would be. the first time mhin manages to ask "what's yours?" is !!!! woah!

another moment might be choosing to be sincere when you could've teased them for something. they give you a look (honestly more often than not, mhin's first reaction is always wary confusion/denial), and you promise you're telling the truth. and they might not thank you or anything, but it sticks in the back of their head while they try to ignore how flustered they feel.

another Little moment might be you catching them off guard by like. being mean. they've gotten used to you pestering and following them. they've gotten used to your list of questions and times where you're walking quietly. neither of you have spoken in 5 minutes, and they're rolling their eyes, thinking to themself "what an asshole" about some guy arguing with a server, and then you mutter "what a fucking asshole" out loud. and they just look at you like ?. and you look back like ?? like i'm wrong. and mhin can't help but snicker or scoff.

when they realize what's going on (waiting for you to find them, looking for you, enjoying your company, etc), mhin starts avoiding you like the plague. all that time learning your schedule/habits has made it easy to avoid you (until you realize what's going on, at least). even places that they enjoyed for themself, they time things so you don't cross paths. it's honestly impressive LOL

they kind of hate it though. they miss you. they tell themself they don't, but they do. yeah they avoid you, but you know, if you both happen to be shopping, they might trail you and notice how you're buying ingredients for your favourite dessert, or how your eyes linger on a necklace before moving on. they just happen to be taking a similar path as you, and it's not like they want something bad to happen, so it makes sense to watch out, even now.

i'm picturing a confrontation where they try to deny avoiding you, then say they're doing it for a reason... and then you ask what this is, what anything meant, if anything. and mhin thinks they've dug themself a grave already and tell you it was nothing, a mistake, you should go home.

and you can either wait for a second confrontation, or call out their bullshit there—they're a liar but it's obvious to you, so what's actually going on? and tension rises and you push a little further until they finally tell you of course they care about you! and their voice might break a little because they don't speak loudly often, and their words dawn on them and they purse their lips—that's why they're trying to stay away.

something something don't push me away, i won't let you push me away, the significance of promising to stay with them, to work through things together and not leaving them alone, of seeing them as something else other than a monster, of seeing them as mhin.

mhin falls in love with your kindness, your open heart that warms theirs until it remembers spring. not just in the way you help them, but the kindness you show yourself, the people around you, your friends. they fall in love with watching you see the world in a way they hope to one day.

they fall in love with someone who perseveres when things get hard, but reminds the both of them that pushing too much or isolating yourself won't help. they'll stand at your desk and watch until you put your things away, or frown when they find you asleep outside of bed, and they know you'll do the same with them. they believe you'll get better at this together

mhin falling in love is pushing themself out of their comfort zone and doing their best to speak, even and especially when they can't think of what to say. it's them finding you in a bad mood and getting you food and offering to listen if you need to vent. it's them opening up and being vulnerable about their past that still hurts them, letting you reach for their hand or hold them when all they can think is that they don't deserve it.

i've mentioned this before but in an established relationship, mhin is softer but...not? they're comfortable to the point that they enjoy when you rest your head on their shoulder, but also enjoy making fun of you and laughing afterward. they don't have to be cold or walled off!! you're getting the real mhin, all sides included!

in general, they aren't a very touchy person. whether this is because they're not used to it or actually don't enjoy it is up in the air in my head. either way, it makes moments of physical touch a little more special! leaning against you when they're tired, reaching for your hand in crowds, letting you tie or play with their hair, etc.

the first time mhin kisses you, you're asleep. it's just a little one on the forehead as they pull the blanket up a little higher. and they keep doing it, because maybe it'll make it easier for when you wake up. they don't realize that you've been awake for the past 3 kisses as you pretend to fall asleep.

they let you watch them do experiments, and if it's up your alley, will listen to your thoughts and suggestions! feel honoured because it isn't a place, or thing that they let just anyone see! even if you aren't very science-y, feel free to give your opinion. maybe something will click in their head, y'know. or just be like, what if you mix red and white to make pink. and watch mhin stare at you like. How did you pick the two that'd be the Worst possible combination. like okay sorry i like pretty colours woah /lh

saying i love you.... i think they'd try really hard. you've helped them so much and they really do care, even if they're scared to say they love you, they know they do, they don't know what else this could be. there's a few times you catch them staring at you weirdly focused, and they're making a face with scrunched brows and pouting lips, and you're like. What is happening. and they chicken out. and get angry at themself for a while.

it kind depends on you, of course, and what kind of person you are. if you're someone who says it easily but never pushes them to say it, they feel grateful but guilty. if both of you keep dancing around it, a little anxiety and insecurity creeps back in when they don't want it to.

it's kind of a big deal for them, so the first time you say it is at the same time. not like Simultaneously saying it, but the same. ...day. at least. LOL. although if they're the one to say it first (somehow??) and you don't say it back until later that night because ?? shock? processing? nervous excitement? they Will be having a rough time dealing with themself, even while they repeat over and over that you deserve time, too, and it's okay, and they shouldn't overthink, etc etc.

mhin is So visibly relieved when you say it back. "were you worried?" "no?" < their head was a cacophony of 27 ambulances and noisy garbage compactors

grahhh i forgot to make a new tag list form. friends. I will make one eventually. but u r still here 4 now. kyaaa | @screaming-wea-sel @semifilms @cvhenia @mitskiologist @leiiii-i @sweet-milky-tea705 @khalixvitae

[technicolorfamiliar]

D O U B L E F E A T U R E !

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari Dir. Robert Weine 1920 // Orlacs Hände (The Hands of Orlac) Dir. Robert Wiene 1924

I recently watched both, Caligari specifically because I was invited on a friend's podcast to talk about the film (I was totally normal about it and definitely didn't make color coded note cards about the making of the movie… I did, I did make color coded note cards). So I figured I would lump these two in one post to switch things up.

--- Even though we talked about the movie for an hour and change, the conversation we recorded for the pod easily could have gone longer. There's so much to unpack about The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Between its historical, cinematic, artistic, and cultural significance and legacy, but also the various players on and off camera, not to mention the film's genesis from concept to page to screen -- there's no shortage of rabbit holes to go down.

Something I wish I had brought up during the recording was the score: The score matters! These updated silent film scores really do affect the viewer experience, and they're so often hit or miss. Of course, the original score for Caligari has been lost to time, but I read that the premier of in New York had classical music (Prokofiev, Stravinsky, etc) played along to the screening; part of me thinks this would be fun to try to recreate. I have no memory of the music when I first saw the film in 2009, but when I rewatched Caligari about a year ago, early in my Conrad Veidt journey, I chose a version on Internet Archive (which is, as of late October, sadly still out of commission *cries in nerd*) and the updated score was almost entirely minimal strings, which created a suitably eerie effect. I couldn't find that exact version elsewhere, so I this time opted for the 2014 restoration that's on Kanopy. The 2014 score is… fine. It’s very busy, trying too hard to sound like a traditional movie soundtrack. There's another version with a really painfully bad guitar-heavy score that I couldn't sit through even 5 minutes of, and still another that's entirely synths. Apparently the new 4K UHD/Blu-Ray that was just released has two new options for the score -- hopefully at least one of them doesn't totally suck!

I noticed deep into my third time viewing the film that I hadn't reached for my phone once. These days, I'll occasionally pick it up and mindlessly scroll through social media while watching a movie. But I think Caligari and a few other silent films require closer attention since they're a purely visual medium. I found myself greedily devouring every frame of Caligari. No shot or scene feels wasted. Honestly, I feel like every movie should be 90 minutes long or less. Anything longer should be turned into a miniseries. But in all seriousness, Caligari is another film I want to physically walk into. It would be pretty easy to recreate these sets, life size in grayscale black and white. The more I think about this, the more I need it. So, so bad.

I also came away this time with a lot of questions, mostly about the main part of the narrative, the story Franzis is telling. But the framing device makes the questions pointless. If the main story is just Franzis's delusion, then the absurdity of the script is totally fine I guess? Except the script that Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer wrote didn't have Franzis as a patient at the asylum, they hated the framing story twist that was forced on their movie, so all those weird parts of the script and character choices that I'm overthinking and reading too much into are rendered meaningless. It's all in Franzis's head! The story and the characters in it don't matter! Or else are just part of his subconscious! Face palm. Eye roll.

Does the movie even work without the framing device? It would be interesting to show an edited version of the movie without the first and last scenes to someone who's never seen it. And if the twist ending was supposed to dumb down the anti-authoritarian message of the script, I don't know that it's successful. In the end, I still have empathy for Franzis. And we still have an ambiguous ending: Caligari/The Asylum Director looks at Mad Franzis and says, "I know just how to cure him," and there's a creepy iris wipe in on Werner Krauss's face that maybe leads us to think Franzis isn't as delusional as we think he is. So like… even if the whole Dr. Caligari with his sleepy twink in a box story is fake, whatever is happening at the asylum is probably just as messed up if not worse.

Speaking of the twink in a box, I love that Conrad Veidt's German Expressionism is totally different from Werner Krauss's German Expressionism. They both trained and performed with Max Reinhardt, so their foundations as theater actors in the 1910s and 1920s were likely similar. But, regardless or in spite of that shared experience, they are diametrically different human beings and that comes across in their performances in this movie. These two actors are like the textbook definition of "showing" your art vs. "being" your art. Krauss as Caligari is like "ooOOOoo look how ooky spooky and evil I am!", whereas Connie's performance as Cesare, even though it's hyper-stylized, is infused with something deeper, something primal that feels believable in the context of the film.

If Cesare has been asleep his whole life, waking only to be fed Chunky Campbell's Soup and commit murder at Caligari's bidding, then no wonder he reacts the way he does when sleeping Jane finally brings him out of his trance. When she freaks out, he freaks out too because he's had no opportunity to learn how to behave like a human or how to filter his primal emotions in a socially acceptable way. He hasn't lived his life except to be a madman's puppet. He reacts to Jane's panic on instinct and impulse, his desire and fear feel feral, like he's more creature or an animal than a human man. He may not actually want to hurt Jane, but he reacts violently because fight or flight is a basic human stress response! He runs away and eventually collapses because his body can't handle the sudden onslaught of stress and emotion he's never before experienced! And this internal, instinctual tendency to violence is subtly alluded to in the final scene when Asylum Cesare both caresses and slowly picks apart the flowers he's holding. Ahhhhh, I have so many FEELINGS.

And that said… Connie's performance here is wild, but it's real in a way that Werner Krauss's work could never be because Connie was a spiritual humanist who cared deeply for others and Krauss was an anti-semitic piece of shit who therefore could NEVER dig deep enough into his soul or into the collective unconscious the way Connie did to breathe life into his characters. So everything Krauss is doing here and in The Student of Prague is all surface, it's "showing" the audience his training and his actor toolbox rather than bringing a level of honesty and in-the-moment groundedness to these roles.

This is not to say Connie's intense commitment to his work couldn't be, uh, excessive. I really hope Lil Dagover was being serious when she said he would lurk around the studio in character when off camera. Can you imagine? You go up to the craft services table for a snack. Suddenly you feel like you're being watched. You look up and he's looming over you in the shadows, his unblinking glazed eyes boring into your soul. God, I hope this happened and I hope whoever it happened to peed themselves a little.

I also wish we had a behind the scenes photo of Connie in costume with the Cesare dummy. I can't believe someone actually had to make that prop. It'll haunt me forever. (The 1920 Cesare Dummy isn't real, the 1920 Cesare Dummy can't hurt me.)

Bottom line: It's an important film, I appreciate it for both its timelessness and timefullness. But it's not a movie I need to revisit often, regardless of how enchanting Connie's nostril acting may be.

---

The first time I watched The Hands of Orlac, I was floored by the visuals, the staging, and the heavy eroticism. Up until that point, I hadn't seen very many silent films, certainly few as visually striking. I think my initial impressions of this film were somewhat muted on a second watch, but that may just because I knew what to expect.

This time, I wasn't as swept up in the magic of silent era German Expressionist cinema, although stylistically I'm still absolutely 100% obsessed. Art direction wise, this is my favorite between the surviving Wiene-Veidt films (I haven't seen Furcht and I don’t plan to). Orlac is like the darker, sexier, more grown up sister to Caligari's mall goth teen. It's Vampira vs Lydia Deetz.

Orlac is just as much if not more of a cinematic feat than Caligari. The production design and art direction alone feels more mature and in itself tells more of a story.

Very early in the film, we're thrown into a very impressive, very realistic train crash. Opening the movie this way was a really interesting choice -- we don't get to meet the characters before the accident that starts Paul and Yvonne Orlac on their doomed and bizarre trajectory. There is a brief establishing scene of Yvonne reading a really horny letter from her husband, and one of pianist Paul at his final concert before returning home. Then there's a very long sequence of the aftermath of the train crash that almost kills Paul, and this scene brings a level of realism you don't really get in other films of this genre/done in this style. The set construction looks expensive; the mangled train cars piled up in heaps may have been fabricated in the studio, but because of the lighting in the night scene, the billowing smoke from passing locomotives and fires from the crash, it looks pretty damn real for 1924. It's extremely effective and harrowing, especially as Yvonne races to the site of the crash and climbs through the wreckage to try to find her husband. The chaos of the scene, made all the more disorienting by the movement of search lights and the haze of smoke and steam, feels true to life. People are running around, pulling bodies from the ruined train cars, carrying them away on stretchers. Survivors look around dazed, clutching their belongings in shock. It's such a well directed moment in the film, but maybe not the first thing people remember about it. And I think it's inclusion is important because it offsets how weird the movie's about to get.

And boy, does it get weird. However, the doctor does say Paul suffered a skull fracture, so it's not a huge stretch to think he also has some kind of brain injury. So I wonder if that has something to do with how the filmmakers chose to show Paul's intense fear and paranoia, as well as the movie's shift in tone and style after his accident. The nightmarishness of the film, from the exaggerated performances to the set design, feels like an extension of whatever might be going on in Paul's head as a result of his injury.

Regardless, I love the choices the art director made. The set, especially the Art Deco mausoleum the Orlacs have for a home, is so perfect. The huge, cavernous rooms are completely unnecessary, but they make the characters look and feel so helpless, like dolls in a doll house. The lines of the walls and the furnishings draw the eye through the frame with just as much intention as the painted sets of Caligari. Even places outside their house become symbolic and iconographic. The news stand is just a window cut out of a massive wall of loose sheets of newspaper that takes up the entire frame. The interior of Orlac Sr.'s house is like a old, drafty castle, looking more like the home of an evil, miserly king. The tavern where Paul is confronted by Nera feels dank and subterranean, just a lamp or two removed from literal catacombs. The outer world is fully a reflection of poor Paul Orlac's inner torment and despair and I AM LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

The new music composed by Paul Mercer is perfect, too. It's all skronky violins and cellos, ominous percussion and piano. It's just atmospheric enough, creating moments of soundscapes, echoing footsteps, aural suggestions of the oppressive cave-like rooms where the story unfolds. There aren't really any memorable themes like in the updated score for The Student of Prague, but that works for this movie. I would buy this soundtrack and actually listen to it on its own, it's that good.

Everyone in the ensemble is basically on the same page in terms of acting style, no one feels out of place or miscast. Connie of course steals the show, but Alexandra Sorina as Yvonne gives him a run for his money. She's a good match for him, delivering an appropriately desperate and hysterical (and deeply, deeply horny) performance as the touch-starved wife. Their scenes together are maybe some of the best on screen romantic moments of Connie's silent film work because these two are wildly hungry for each other. This movie is so funny, it tells you immediately how horny it is; in the first 30 seconds of the movie, Yvonne gets a letter from Paul that says, "I will feel your body beneath my hands," like they're telling you straight up this is going to Horn Town. And the way she grabs at him, presses her open mouth to him, hovers over him in his hospital bed, she is DTF anywhere any time. And no shame, no shade, good for her. This is a sex positive film, and we love to see it. But she's not just the sexy wife, she's also totally ride or die for Paul. She truly trusts him and believes his absolutely buck wild story about being blackmailed by a dead psycho killer. What a gal.

Then there's Paul, aka Eraserhead Baby… because when he wakes up from surgery covered in bandages, he looks like the Eraserhead Baby. Connie is doing some of his finest nostril acting in this role, I have to say. As always, I am fascinated by his physicality and the choices he's making with movement and gesture. When his bandages are finally removed, he reacts as though drugged, his movements slow as though underwater or in a dream. And when he confronts his surgeon after discovering the original owner of his newly transplanted hands, he holds them out and away from his body as if they were coated in something dirty or disgusting. As Paul's life and sanity unravel, his hands and fingers are in almost constant motion, curling, twitching, clutching; his body language becomes more creature-like, moving in a way that calls up Cesare the sleepwalker -- interestingly, the two characters both seemingly at the mercy of forces outside their control.

We don’t get to know what Paul was like before the accident, how much this traumatic event changed him. There's something this movie is trying to say about trauma and how it affects people. The doctor tells Paul, "Nature and a strong will can overcome anything." But if Paul sustained any kind of serious brain damage, who’s to say his personality wasn't affected, or that he wasn't fragile and suggestible to begin with? Either way, in the wake of the accident, Paul's vulnerability and circumstance makes him a perfect target for Nera's grift.

Even without being targeted by a sick weirdo con artist, it's no wonder Paul's really going through it. He tortures and punishes himself relentlessly for something that wasn't his fault! (Been there.) He puts on a recording of one of his old concerts and crumples in grief for having lost not only his livelihood but also his outlet for creative expression -- not being able to do what you used to creatively because of trauma is REAL. He's trapped in his misery. Even his handwriting is different, now a violent scrawl he imagines is due to the murderous acts his hands supposedly committed. He secretly retrieves the planted murder weapon in order to further convince himself he's somehow become evil, wielding it as through he committed the crimes of the dead man whose hands now belong to him. And the scenes where Yvonne comes to him, wanting to both devour and comfort him, he cannot bring himself to touch her. Clearly they love each other very much and their relationship was very physical, so the agony and yearning in his face when she embraces him is UGH IT'S SO GOOD. It's heartbreaking. There's a lot to unravel here about trauma, body dysmorphia, and intimacy that I'm interested to dig into during subsequent viewings.

Final thoughts: There's an annoying part of my brain that wants the movie to make sense, for the timeline to be clearer, for loose ends to be tied up. But I know that none of that really matters because this movie is better received as a dream or a nightmare. And by that logic, it doesn't have to make sense. The Expressionist beats are being hit particularly hard, but the surreal quality allows the filmmakers and cast to get away with it. For fans of Conrad Veidt, this is a must-watch, even before Caligari -- he gets more screen time in this film, gets to play with his silent film artist's palette, and gets to do pathos like he's the king of tragic, pathetic characters. He's gangly, glassy-eyed, and trembling like a small wet dog the whole time and it's superb. Despite not really getting a chance to know the Orlacs before they're thrown into their own personal hell of body horror and credit debt, they're both pretty sympathetic. From psychological commentary to the erotic visuals and tension, it's all very ahead of its time.

[crooked-wasteland]

I just saw your essay on the codependency of FizzOzzie and it cleared up a lot of things I've been thinking about this ship and to be honest, I myself thought it was the most healthiest ship in the whole show even better than the trash that Stoliz is but well... (btw, I was trying to scroll through tumblr to find it but can you just link it for me so I coud read it again)?

It also brings me to an idea of the possibility brung up in two fics each with different ideas:

#1 if Hazbin's events every leak in Helluva's since they're the same universe, there's a possibility that Lucifer would want to have precautionary heirs for the defense of Hell and outright force Ozzie and any other relationships with lowerclass apart since it's "not compatible with angelic DNA" or some thing, so Ozzie could in fact leave Fizz because of his status

#2 Ozzie getting tired of Fizz... Ozzie is the sin of Lust after all and Lust can be ever-changing and capricious in its nature as a sin. Ozzie’s character, embodying Lust, might lead to a fluctuating commitment level, influencing his interactions and relationships. In biblical lore, he did end up causing a lot of sinful things like fucking a human named Sarah or so I remember?

Again this is the same guy who humiliated Blitzø in Ozzie, S2 just rewrote him completely (btw, in my rewrite I'mma change him to be more evil and instead give the whole "lovey-dovey Sin" idea to Satan who is female and thinks Asmodeu's "fake-love" is like a slap in the fact to her idea of realistic and true romance)

I'd just feel like Fizz would be better off with Blitzø tbh or Striker or all in a threesome... the possibilities are endless, and why is the show making love seem too fairytale and unrealistic?! Like Blitzø shouldn't have to fuck Stolas just because he was his arranged playmate for just one day??? The show did the childhood friends trope dirty and would be better if Stoliz was a thing until mid-teens broke up for [insert reason] and reconnect but honestly, Stolas should've had his own seperate season/arc dedicared to himself if HB was an anthology show

Also the fact that Asmodeus couldn't just burn the contract, one-shot the lawyer and go on a rampage to save Fizz is just beyond me... the Sins are supposed to be these scary demon lords so why aren't they, hm?

Sorry for rambling and what do you think or want to add?

Absolutely here you go.

The consistent failure of Vivziepop is to commit to a mature story. She describes her own protagonists as "Deeply flawed but understandably traumatized people who just need love to fix them" while the villains of her shows are "irredeemable" (and women, but that's a tangent).

I mentioned before that trying to use the excuse of the setting being Hell and playing that out to the logical conclusion would end up exactly like Good Omens. The whole moral of said show being that imperfect humanity is worth saving, that life is worthy and beautiful for its own sake of existence. That is why the story of Good Omens uses the Bible, angels, and demons to tell it's story, to make that point.

Why is Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel set in Hell? What is being said by the plot, themes and story? So far we have that demons are better people than the Angels in Hazbin. That sacrifice is the only virtue worthy of redemption and thus reinforces backwards Christian ideals of penance.

Personally, I would have made Hell less absurd. Less a place of debauchery and chaos and more a mere continuation of life. We see in the Hazbin Pilot a character falls from the sky and says "I'm alive?" Before being hot by Travis' car. The point being that people just transition from one life to the next and in that they keep living life the way they always have.

My personal criticisms of the series' use of Hell is that it established this idea that people only behave if they have a god to fear. Once in Hell, there is no salvation, so why bother. It's like a Christian asking an atheist why they wouldn't commit murder if they don't believe in God. The answer is that people like order and security. People dying would seek to maintain their status quo from life. A lack of salvation wouldn't change that for them.

And frankly, I wouldn't have redemption be a thing. This story and its messages are actively devalued by the act of redeeming sinners when the Angels are just the same as them. By having Hell just be a warped continuation of life on Earth, it makes the message more universal: Life is Hell. Life is suffering in a way Hell can never hope to be. Physical anguish and torment for all eternity can never amount to the pain of the fleeting and the terror of change and uncertainty.

I would have made it impossible to be redeemed because the fact is, regardless what you believe happens after death, what we know we have is life. We fear death so much we have created salvation throughout history, the wish to keep living forever in some way. But, especially for young people, life is harder now than ever before. It's more terrifying and uncertain and cruel and uncaring.

So if life is Hell, how do you be happy?

That would have been my thesis for the show. The message underneath is all about finding happiness in the absence of salvation. Even the idea that maybe salvation is something we should reject to really feel what it means to be alive. Giving up on our deaths and seeking our own fulfillment, and in that finding community, love, and hope. To see true humanity as something selfish and kind at the same time.

That's how I would have taken the concept.

[lemotmo]

here's something i find interesting and i'd love to hear your (and ali's if she wants to weigh in on it) thoughts

so a lot of the initial articles i saw last night kept mentioning that the last scene with brad with the jumper on the bridge saying "you can't kill off Captain Banner!" was an easter egg/hint that Bobby dying was coming. which suggests that this whole thing was planned and apparently tim (in his own tim way) kind of confirmed that was true and that it's been in the works. but NOW we're hearing that it was a last minute decision and it was originally Ravi. what the hell is going on here? this whole situation is a mess. and quite honestly, i'm still somewhat convinced that they filmed 2 endings for 8x16. there's a part of me that believes there's a "bobby is actually dead" ending and a "bobby is not actually dead and the funeral is for that other firefighter" (based on all of the leaks) ending and they did that in case killing off bobby backfired (which it did).

maybe i'm still reeling, but i just cannot comprehend the absurdity of last night's episode. 911 is the #1 show on ABC. ABC just bought it from Fox and in this day and age you don't buy shows other networks are cancelling unless you have faith that it's going to be a success on your network and you definitely don't do that to only hang on to it for a year or two. i just cannot believe that ABC are allowing tim to run around unchecked like this. i could easily believe that season 9 will now be the final season because of this one stupid decision. and that's a shame because this is a show that has the potential to go on for 10+ seasons.

i was so hopeful at the beginning of this season, i watched the first 5-6 episodes and i thought "oh we're so back! this feels like seasons 1-5!" and now....will how they're handling (or not handling) eddie's storylines, the unnecessary adding and expanding of side character stories at the expense of main character arcs, and this shock value drama for the sake of shock value...i don't know.

I'm sure you've seen all of my and Ali's opinions on this topic by now. So I won't keep repeating the same things.

But yeah, this season started out great. Even 8b felt like a fresh start and then suddenly we ended up at the dumpster. 🤷‍♀️

All will depend on whether or not Bobby is truly dead and how they will handle the rest of this season. They still have a chance to get some of the audience back if Bobby is still alive. A big Bathena reunion can do wonders, I'm sure.

You might just be right about them having filmed two endings. Who knows anything at this point?

But one thing is sure. They will have permanently lost a certain percentage of the GA with this stunt, regardless if Bobby is really dead or not.

[love-takes-work]

hi me again with the previous ask <3 and you're welcome btw!

yea i don't really think the crew is even *actively* fatphobic like that. i think its a common symptom we all share of being raised in a society that is really fatphobic. i did mention that the fatphobia in SU is more passive/casual bc it's more of throwaway lines or jokes than outright "fat is bad" being the main messaging in the show. i honestly think its an important distinction that way. and you're absolutely right, tons and tons of work we have ahead of us

yea justifying discrimination or harrassment on fat people just to state that "its because im concerned for their health" is not really true, is it? you dont care for people's health by trying to limit clothing that is accessible to them, or by shaming or bullying them or calling them dirty names. it's just all dishonest. and it is so glaring too that fatphobia hurts even the people aren't perceived as fat.

truly, weight being a health signifier to the complex workings of the human body and ONLY weight (but let's be real, it's what you perceive as fatness aka the bad stuff) is ridiculous lol

yeaaaa :D i love SU for always going for so much creativity in their character designs. its why the show is super inspiring as a creative. they dont just explore different body types, but also height and queerness and just how they tackle fusions in of itself is sooooo fun. it rlly does feel comforting that they didnt rule out fat bodies in their characters and they didnt stop with steven or greg or rose or amethyst

Yeah, honestly I don't remember too much in terms of passive/casual fatphobia in SU but just like with racism it's kind of baked in so it's not surprising that it comes out. The main things I can think of is stuff like Greg acting ashamed that he's been "slacking on his workout routine" and Pearl looking him up and down before implying he is not a "buff stud," and when Steven was screaming about how "the boat's fat!" and Greg goes "rude!" And when Steven says "I don't wanna see your gut, I wanna see your guts!" in the "Strong in the Real Way" song. Maybe also some of the weirdness associated with how Pearl is very thin and is also disgusted by food, and she's portrayed as the controlled and disciplined and mature one. (Meanwhile Garnet eats exactly as often as Pearl does--once in the entire show--but never says anything about it.)

In general I've been impressed though that Steven liking his junk food is not conflated with this sort of "glutton" mentality that you usually see in cartoons (like, that if there's a fat character they've always got a sandwich or a sugary snack). Kids like a donut. (Unless you're Connie, whose parents don't let her eat donuts because they have trans fats.) Amethyst is the lazy/glutton character and she's the thick-bodied one, so some people might take that message home from her too, but I also think that without any other messages about it, it mostly passes as "hey, it's OK for some people to like food." I've definitely appreciated that nobody tells Steven that he needs to look different or suggests his health is at risk because of his body type, and the one episode where he wants to work out is very much about wanting to be strong. And I love that Rose as a big-bodied character is considered incredibly beautiful and that characters like Mystery Girl who are thicker than typical characters are presented as "omg goddess."

As for people who insist that they're "concerned for the health" of fat people, it's absurd. Because it is ALWAYS paired with shaming and unsolicited advice and an assumption that they know the life and habits of the fat person by looking at their body. I'm sorry, but if you're concerned for the health of a cancer survivor, your expressions of concern NEVER sound like the way "concern" sounds for a fat person. (Though of course there are a lot of nasty people who think anyone's health problems, including unpreventable ones, are the person's fault.)

My mom was a big proponent of fat shaming and she would comment on fat bodies and call them gross and when I'd ask her what the hell she's getting out of being so mean she'd insist it's about their health. Really? Are you solving anything by announcing that you are disgusted by someone's body? How are you helping or motivating anyone by using shame? Did they ask for your "help"? Next are you going to tell a person who survived cancer that their bald head or mastectomy scars are disgusting and you're repulsed by them because they're "not healthy"? (Again, I know there are vile people who do stuff like this too, but most people generally frown on it, while there are a lot of people who seem to think fat shaming is OK and insist it's "encouragement" to publicly or to-their-face make statements about how unacceptable or gross a fat person's body is.) Ironically, my mom was very not healthy herself. Her eating habits were shit; she was addicted to cigarettes and alcohol; and she turned yellow when her liver started failing. Sometimes she'd complain that people "made her feel like a leper" because she had to go outside to smoke and she believed it was "on par with segregation." Gosh I wonder why her feeling of injustice kicked in for her own unhealthy habits, but not for judging others'.

And like you said, this isn't just bad for fat people. I've never been fat but even for me being raised by someone like my mom probably instilled values I don't want in my brain. I'd get a plate of food and she'd be like "are you going to eat ALL that?" or "are you allowed to have that on your diet?" (I wasn't on a diet) or "just because you put it on your plate doesn't mean you have to finish it." My mom had three daughters and none of us were really fat, but my middle sister had the chunkiest body type of us and my mom was jealous that she had boobs, so she used to invalidate her body and say "she doesn't REALLY have that size boobs--if she lost weight she wouldn't have those, she needs to walk and bike more." I DO feel pressure to be thin, and while my attempts to monitor my weight are more tied to "I don't want to buy a new wardrobe if I gain too much" and "I need to monitor this to make sure I'm not having a thyroid-related change because my doctor wants to monitor it," I'm sure there are a lot of value judgments that I can't escape that are motivating me too and making me think it would be "bad" to be heavier. I don't like it but we are all living with it. So I do my best to actively counter those voices when I can. It takes active work, because the passive fatphobia of society is insidious.

[scaly-freaks]

Kind of going off your post about how brown and black characters in HOTD and GOT are completely wasted or demolished or turned into a crude caricature.

Ummmm the HATE that is thrown towards Elia Martell is absolutely absurd. The way they hate the idea of this character and are honestly happy with how her character was destroyed is so telling and disgusting.

The hatred and discontent is so real and frightening and we saw a glimpse of that with those leaked texts from some random discord. I guess what I’m just trying to say is racism is far from dead and it’s seen in this fandom.

And yes the entirety of Arianne Martell’s character being a seductress is insane.

Also wanted to mention that the only other time I’ve seen brown characters in the show are as brothel workers. Of course nothing wrong with that sort of work. But it’s the sexualization that’s creepy.

Yeah. Yep. It's just depressing. Sometimes I find myself accepting it because it's so normal at this point, but then I'm like...no???? I hesitated making Amara Dornish and visibly non-white because my own self doubt made me want to . I thought eh I'll just make her from the Riverlands or something, it's less complicated. But then I make her, and people love her and it's not an issue (it's just stuff I've internalised over the years thanks to how society is set up). Which obviously goes to show the people who create our media are deliberately fucking up representation so that we just stop asking. They can create compelling characters that are centred they just don't want to a lot of the time.

That being said, British TV that specifically isn't popular outside of the UK, represents non-white characters quite well and doesn't turn them into caricatures of their culture/ethnicity (at least most of the time). In this case I am talking about American productions and non-British audiences.

On the note of Elia Martell...a lot of the times she is fancasted as Indian. Stereotypes about Dorne are also stereotypes used against Indians ('she smells Dornish' - no two guesses on what Aerys meant). I've seen Indians be used as punching bags for racism by every other race as if it's a free-for-all, to the point where very horrible and very real issues like misogyny in India are treated frivolously and with 'oh well they're all just like that.'

The mistreatment and racism against Elia has real life parallels because of the otherness of Dorne, and since Dorne brings to mind South and Western Asia so much (the way they hid in caves when the dragons came is very reminiscent of Afghan guerilla tactics and their tough terrain that invaders can't adjust to) that's usually the area of the world I associate it with.

It's all very other other other and now pair that up with snow-white daddy Rhaegar and his lily-white, dark-haired Stark girl (because mind you, I understand white blondes have had issues with how they're represented as slutty caricatures onscreen and brunettes as more clever and by extension more desirable in the long-term).

Elia didn't stand a chance against two white people pairing up, and that is honestly the only time when I'm like "you know what, stop fan casting her as desi." The woman is raped in front of her children and watches those same kids die in front of her, and even that isn't enough to stop the cruel jokes.

And yes, absolutely, there's nothing wrong with being a brothel worker. I adore stories about people in the grassroots, brothel workers especially, just trying to survive and get by in the world. But watch the brown workers be immediately depicted as more "comfortable" with this lifestyle, and just naturally promiscuous as compared to their white counterparts.

Meanwhile irl, if the brown person in question is a Muslim for example, their values in terms of modesty are mocked and derided and deemed an extremist 'other'. And then I guess you can be a Mormon in Utah and be just fine.

I honestly don't know if any of this made sense, or if I articulated without room for misunderstanding. Trust me, I do think about this a lot. I'm Kashmiri, and I've lived in England all my life, and my dating pool has mostly been white because that is what's more available. I've dealt with fetishisation/sexualisation (never for the ethnicity I am which most people couldn't even guess...uhhh hilarious) and it's forefront on my mind despite my active decision to leave it out of my fics as much as I can.

It can be very cathartic to talk about, but sometimes I'm like, you know what Amara, I'll take this extra little bit of suffering away from you bc girl you're already dealing with a lot (Aegon)

[katyspersonal]

6, 13 and 23 for elden ring >:)

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

6) Which ship fans are the most annoying?

Marika x Rellana fans. All five of them who actually believe in it I mean, and not just compulsively like it for being "cute and pretty". Like, I am myself guilty of compulsively supporting and reblogging ships I don't even ship because I like the very fact of creativity and exploring the dynamics, the distinction matters!

I've been already very irked by seeing it because for me it made very little sense, like trying to shove a cube in a round shape in one of those little kids development games. Marika and Messmer + his army had a bad falling out, whether he still deludes himself with knowing what Erdtree """really""" needs better than Marika herself or not! And Rellana reasonably pledged the loyalty to the Erdtree for political reasons because Rennala, her house's head married the Golden Order! This is not where her beliefs layed, and her standing with Messmer, something explicitly said to be outlawed past some point, was a big deal! So, Rellana was being reduced to nothing but braindead Edtree fan when this is just not what she is, paired with ridiculously queerbaitish nature of the ship where she is just a desperate simp pining for the already very taken woman, gave me a bitter taste for the ship even as a concept despite me promising to not let the bad fandomry experiences ruin the ideas for me.

Not to mention this:

I already loathed the queerbait nature of which it was coined in and presented, it is just NOT the same as shipping something isolated from canon pairs. Story and context driven creativity is just different! Avid fans of this, and you know they're fans of this iteration of the ship specifically, just feel like they completely lack taste. I could still consider it without the accent put on how Rellana is just a simp and Marika is married anyways! If I wanted a lesbian interest that goes nowhere anyways because it's for a character strongly accentuated being taken by a guy, I'd just go rewatch Miraculоus Ladybug, you know?

But when people also become really obnoxious and instigate a ship war in the fandom (the main offender trashed on Messmer x Rellana, apparently) I no longer even want to give their ship a chance! Immature behaviour, and nobody in that horde is any better.

13) Worst blorboficiation

The way fandom sees Marika past SOTE! I honestly, at all can't understand how exactly adding the character a more human, sympathetic backstory automatically absolves them of all war crimes and guilt! How do you see that someone had an actual life and history rather than "being born evil" and all you take from it is that she was the good person all along and justify genocide? Not to mention that there is just nothing interesting about a female character that has done nothing wrong and is just an innocent uwu sunshine!

YOU guys put actual reasons to even be invested in this character to begin with BACK where they belong. Tumblr users, Twitter users, Youtubers, Redditors.. all of you. You are ALL guilty.

23) Ship you've unwillingly come around to

I actually did not enjoy Messmer x Tarnished for quite a time! It just bugged me how it would be justified, even? Why a person willing to exterminate Tarnished for the very fact of being one, swearing to exterminate everyone without Grace, would make an exception? And why would Tarnished themselves be okay with romancing a fascist with absurd body count? They'd have to be a specific kind of person, for example someone not much better from moral standpoint!

But I suppose I just shrug it by now? You see that I reblog this kind of art semi-regularly. I think it was both passage of time and considering the fact that Messmer himself is Graceless.. and you know what a fantasy of healing someone who harms the world due to their own self-hatred and trauma does to people! I just think of it less hard by now!

[rimanne]

well this recent stuff messed me up a bit, even if i'm not a akatsukiP. i normally wouldn't do this kind of thing but enstars is a really beloved series to me and i wanted to share my experience with it and vent a little

so yeah corny stuff after read more

I've always loved rhythm games, since my childhood playing rhythm heaven. In fact, it's the only type of game, besides visual novels, i can say i'm sort of good at lol

And some years ago i used to play love live and utapri-shining live a lot. If i remember correctly both of them had gacha elements and story modes but i didn't really care about it, because my english was really bad at the time AND all i cared about was to play silly anime songs on my phone.

I wasn't really sad after both of these games ended their services. I was left bittersweet, yes, but nothing that impacted me that much. So i was left wondering if there were other games similar to those i've played.

I tried bandori, project sekai, d4dj, but none of them really stuck with me, maybe because i'm a thumb player and the layout was really hard for me to adapt to. And then, almost 4 years ago, i saw enstars in pre-registration. It apparently had a similar layout to what i was used to, so i figured "i might like this! i'm gonna give it a try!"

And it didn't take me long to fall head over heels for this series. I love absurdism, so the crazy lore behind the silly idol game really pulled me in. And i did get used to the gameplay style, i felt nostalgic of the games i used to play before and i felt like i struck gold for finding enstars.

I can't exactly point out what makes enstars special to me, compared to the other games i've played, i never felt such a deep connection to a game before.

Regarding the story, as i said before, it really left me interested to learn more about the world and the characters. The way the plot point was over the top and insane, along with the characters who are crazy too, it was as if it was built in for me to obsess over lol

But of course, the problem was always there. Honestly the way aira treated hiiro left me so uncomfortable at times, especially within the story, where it makes it seen hiiro as a stupid kid who knows nothing about anything.

Adonis' case is really complicated for me, because, as a black woman who grew up watching cartoons and anime with little to no black characters, i just got used to, in lack of better words, "be grateful for what i have".

And adonis being the only foreigner in a cast of yamato japanese people made me sympathize with him. "Oh, so he is viewed as a violent foreigner who's obsessed with meat, but he is just a softie? Well, i'll take what i can get".

And i genuinely thought that "maybe they're making a criticism on racist views or something". But really, adonis has existed for 10 years, i've been a fan for almost 4, and to this day we don't know what country he is from.

Not to mention what they've been doing with their neurodivergent characters lately! Sora lost his synesthesia somehow, and apparently shu got "cured"?? Mademoiselle doesn't appear anymore??

This new stuff with ibuki was my last straw, because it felt like happyele spent years punching us, then suddenly they switch to hitting us with bazookas with their blatant disrespect for their characters, their fans, everything!!!

I really can't bring myself to enjoy playing it anymore, but i'll still be in the fandom, i'll still have so much care for the characters, i'll still listen to the songs i already like, because they're mine now. And happyele can try to pry them away from my cold dead hands!!!

Anyway

[karamazovposting]

On incommunicability

I saw a post that mentioned how Ivan is so radicalized by child abuse and yet hates Pavel so much and I want to talk about it because I genuinely think about it a lot (I clearly have issues), but I'm making my own post because I don't want to randomly come rambling into a stranger's notes.

I've said it before, but Ivan is a paradoxical (I mean, other characters refer to him as such multiple times) person and that's exactly what I love about him and the dynamic between him and Pavel. In theory he wants to help people and in some instances he does, such as the whole making Dmitri escape prison situation and his encounter with the peasant in the snow, but when he has to get emotionally close in order to do so, like he would have had to do with Pavel, he doesn't. Ivan was the only one who could have helped Pavel, except he couldn't because he has issues and can only interact with others and love at a distance.

The difference between Dmitri's situation and Pavel's is that when it comes to the former, Ivan can still act at a safe distance and even through Katya and Alyosha, so it's not an emotional ordeal. There are a lot of feelings at play in this kind of situations and feelings are not something Ivan is good with, and I think it makes sense for him to feel such rage towards Pavel simply because that's what Ivan turns any feeling he doesn't know how deal with into, so I wouldn't exactly call Ivan a hypocrite as I think it's more complicated than that; pushing away people is all he does and it's coherent of him to do so with Pavel too. To me it also makes sense for him to fail to see the suffering children that the adults around him once were, as absurd that may seem. It's all about rage and the blindness that comes with it.

It's important to highlight that it's explicitly stated that even Ivan himself doesn't know why he feels so angry towards Pavel; I've always wondered about the background of Ivan's change of attitude towards him, considering they used to have a civil relationship and it's mentioned that they used to have intellectual conversations as well, and honestly I think it's because of Ivan and his comfort zone: when things become too much, he distances himself. It's obvious that he knows what his brothers' childhoods were like, he even brings up the suffering of children at lunch with Alyosha, he knows that it ties them all together and that knowledge, on top of the abuse, has impacted him deeply. Having Pavel keep trying to get closer angers him even more and, personal opinion here, it reminds me of the way Fyodor tries to get Ivan to talk to him in some passages of the book. On the other hand, Pavel tells Ivan he's just like their father because to him Ivan is in fact just like their father: another person who discarded him. And it all stems from a deep mutual misunderstanding.

I can't really condemn Ivan, just like I can't really condemn Pavel (or Dmitri); they're a product of their environment and to me The Brothers Karamazov is also a book about misunderstanding and incommunicability: sometimes there's just some sort of invisible barrier between family members that nobody can really do anything about, and sometimes you find yourself in something that is so messed up, so tangled and so much bigger than you that you just don't know where to start to fix it (you can't, not alone at least) and I hope you get what I'm trying to say as it's difficult to explain the very specific and complicated mechanisms and feelings in such dysfunctional family dynamics.

I've said before that I don't consider Ivan's character and story tragic and while I still stand by that, this is to me the tragic thing about him: he, who has empathy for and wants to help those who've been abused, could've done something to actually help a (now grown) abused child close to him, in his own family, but couldn't even try due to being emotionally neglected (and therefore a now grown abused child) himself. In the end his inability to break the cycle, which is itself part of the cycle, digs his own grave and that's incredibly fucking sad.

[vividlyaro]

i was on a bus with the rest of my class the other day (we were coming back from our last school trip before graduation) and several things happened in a span of a few minutes.

a. my queerplatonic bf (i'll call him A.) asked if he could hang on my shoulder. (the answer was yes. the answer is literally always going to be yes, because i crave physical affection to an actually absurd degree and also i love him.)

about five seconds later his head is on my shoulder and his arm is around my other shoulder, and i'm feeling like i've ascended to the heaven of the touch-starved. just an absolute rush of serotonin to the brain.

b. i mentioned how it's kind of funny how physical affection basically gives me the same "daze of happiness" type effect that adjusting to anxiety meds did last year. then we talked about how we're both somewhat touch-starved.

c. i forgot how it came up, but the person sitting behind us ended up asking A something along the lines of if he was dating anyone, i don't really remember.

and he was like, "i've actually been in a relationship since october". and she asked with who, and A kind of gestures to me. and it took her half a second to figure out who he was talking about, so i turned around in my seat and grinned.

also we're in a really, really small class, so this girl loses her mind. she starts turning around to the people around her going, "they're dating?? did you know they're dating??" and then she turns to the guy next to her (who was dead asleep) and shakes him, going, "[name] wake up, they're dating!"

and he kind of stares at us, exhausted, and he looks at me and goes, "didn't you say you were. like. disgusted by the thought of someone loving you?" which. definitely were not my exact words. but yeah, i did mention being aro to this guy about two years ago. (kind of surprising that he remembered, honestly.) so then i start trying to explain, "well, it's not, like, romantic-" and he interrupts with, "okay, i do not want to think about you two fucking-"

me and A immediately interrupt with, "ew, no!" at the exact same time, and i start saying that i'm not into sex, but he was still like half asleep, so idk how much of that he actually got. and the girl next to him starts asking us questions, like if we kiss (we don't) and so, "...what do you do?"

and then i tried to explain the concept of a qpr, but my explanation was kind of confusing, even with A helping out a little. and so the girl said something along the lines of, "that makes no sense to me, but i'm glad you two are happy."

anyways, moral of the story is that A is great and i love qprs.

[lunarle-old]

aaaanndd im BAACK!! \(>○<)/

Basically what I was gonna say before...that...was that today REALLY made me realise just how horrible kichis cleaning session was. My cat had a bit of an accident so my mom went to clean it and accidently left a wet piece of paper on the floor. She asked me to pick it up. There were genuine tears in my eyes over a LITERAL PIECE OF PAPER!! It wasnt even pee on it just water but OH MY it like picked up the dust and I was disgousted. Now imagine i had to touch vomit. I think I woukd actually die right there on the spot XD wow now I wanna hug kokichu even more ooohh i am dying for when the comfort part wws but we need more hurt first!! The comfort is EARNED!! anyway yeah. I feel so bad for him ohh poor little shmoopydoo and also i felt obliged to make an apology for humiliating kokichi even more than (was originally gonna say tsumugi but now I dont even know LOL) the torturer did with that ABSURD thing I made sooo...

PLEASE TELL ME I GOT IT RIGHT 🙏🙏

Also the pink thinf. Uh. I forgot to mention that but basically when were already on the whole sensory issues thing I feel like I shoukd mention my funny fear. I don't know if the drawing is recognizable but yk those toys tgat are like rubbery kinda slimy and have like octopus tentackes and huge eyes? I am deathly afraid of those. I actually started shaking today when I saw one i even went as far as running for a full 15 minutes because my friend tried to make me touch it IT IS SO DISGOUSTING I GATE SLIMY THINGS. I also was afraid of fish for this reason but got over it this year!! I wanted to mention thus because honestly it is hillarious to me i even had nightmares about being forced to touch it ITS SCARY AT THE MOMENT BUT ITS SO FUNNY ITS A LITERAL FIDGET TOY LMAO

i was gonna answer this last night but i got distracted and fell asleep xD adhd strikes again

I honestly forget how bad cleaning up pee and feces can be to some people @_@; Maybe I'm just desensitized idk (or maybe i've just seen worse XD i do work as a vet assistant. and my cat gave birth on me once). But yeah cleaning up vomit with uh. your bare hands. Is not very fun QwQ it feels HORRIBLE in your hands and honestly really only made me gag even more so. sorry kokichi! (((^_^;)

That comfort IS earned!! And it'll come eventually >:D!! soon. i dont have an actual chapter estimate because as of rn i only have up to chapter 8 fully planned out (which is the one im writing rn... so i think i need to get on that O_O), but if I HAD to make a very very loose guess, I'd say the comfort arc will begin arouuund... chapters 15-20? Again thats nothing but an estimate so I cant be 100% sure but :p

i think about that first drawing you made so often im not even joking. It's on my mind at least two times a day . Also congrats on getting over your fear of fish!! :D they're just funkey litttle slippery guys and theyre not very smart. no thoughts. my favorite sea creature is a bigfin squid i think theyre so cute. ugly ass aliens. dont look it up

That drawing is correct thats how he was doing it!! ;D the flamingo in the back took me OUT . the only reason i even remembered to answer this is because i saw this in my gallery and was like OH YEAH. introducing something i drew at 1 in the morning last night after giggling at that stupid flamingo for way too long