#because even though the body is under the conscious mind is awake and active fully living years of time in minutes

[dripdowndrop]

You Are Not AWAKE

I've recently come across some literature that indicates people have trouble discerning when they fall asleep.

Individuals given a polysomnogram (a sleep study) couldn't pinpoint the moment they fell asleep during the test, and they often believed themselves to be awake when they were, in fact, sleeping. The test monitors brainwave activity, among many other things, making the moment of "falling" asleep extremely clear...at least for the person administering the test. The person being tested, sleeping, typically finds things to be much more blurry and uncertain.

This isn't much of a surprise to me (or hypnotists in general), since subjects often believe themselves to be quite awake when they first drop into trance. Much like falling asleep, without careful monitoring, the line between wakefulness and trance can be quite blurry. The mind is intriguing like that.

To be fair, though, the indicators of trance aren't always supremely obvious. The moment you slip into trance is often subtle and silent, much like when you enter another state of consciousness while reading or listening to music, driving, dancing. You've been following my words for a bit now, and it probably hasn't yet occurred to you that you are not awake.

You are not awake.

Do you believe me? Consider it; how do you really know when you're falling into trance? It's a bit different for everyone - and you may have learned your own indicators - but how precise can you be? Most of the time, you are told when it happens, or you tell yourself. Sometimes you are counted down to 0, told to sleep, instructed to relax deeply...but these are suggestions to get your conscious caught up to things that are already happening. The drop could have happened at any time, should you be sufficiently distracted. That is rather the point, after all.

You have been focused on my words this entire time, distracted by them. You find it easier to focus now than when you started. Your breathing has slowed, your body has started to relax, and you've been tuning out the rest of the world bit by bit. You remain at least partially aware of your surroundings because you haven't yet been instructed otherwise - there is no need. If you like, you can remain fully aware of your surroundings.

You are not awake, and you haven't been since you started to follow. Part of your mind may have begun to analyze this notion when I first told you, but you aren't going to let it jar you awake. A much stronger part of you knows, intuitively, that I am telling the truth. You came here to submit; it's no surprise that you have.

The part of you silencing the analysis and doubt is excited by the idea that you can feel fully aware and alert while sinking deep into a trance. You can surrender to my suggestions without showing any outward signs that you are enthralled. Only you will know.

You are not awake.

Think to yourself that "it is important to follow and obey. I am really not awake, am I?"

Feel a rush of pleasure simply from doing as you were told. Feel another rush as you realize that despite feeling aware, you are not in control anymore. It feels good to obey. It feels good to let your thoughts give way to my words. You'll continue to obey.

I like to call this a waking trance, despite the fact that you are not "awake." It is very easy to slip in and out of this state when you follow my words. Easy enough that each time you read, "you are not awake," you let yourself slip under my control. You can bring yourself up, then read again and slip back down. Give it a try.

You are not awake.

Feel your hands freeze in place for a moment. Count to ten in your head, nice and slow, and feel the pleasure of obeying along with the bliss of submission. When you reach ten, your hands will return to normal.

If you're feeling particularly brave, you could even follow and obey like this in a public place. Don't worry, you'll be rewarded for following my words whether you submit in public or private. I won't push you into uncomfortable situations.

You'll follow my words through the next sections, and choose your own surrender depending on your preference and circumstances. When you've chosen, you'll be compelled to read again, more slowly to feel a more potent effect.

You are not awake.

Should you choose to surrender to this waking trance in a public place, you'll find yourself compelled to softly mouth or think to yourself "I am not awake. I feel awake, but I am not awake. I am in trance. I am obedient." As you do this, you'll feel a stronger sensation of pleasure and content pass through you. Repeat those phrases to yourself a few more times while maintaining awareness of your surroundings, and continue to learn how easy it is to slip in and out of waking trance simply by focusing on my words. You'll find yourself drawn back to that phrase when you're next in private.

If you are comfortable and would like to intensify that satisfaction from obedience, you'll leave a comment about your experience in waking trance, especially if you chose to try it in public. It is important to follow and obey.

You are not awake.

Like I said, you won't feel obligated to try waking trance in public, unless you are naturally drawn to the thought.

I understand, there is always the allure of the comfort and privacy of home. Trance, even waking trance, can be a very intimate thing.

Should you choose to surrender to this waking trance in private, you'll find yourself unable to resist chanting quietly, "I am not awake. I feel awake, but I am not awake. I am in trance. I am obedient." While the pleasure reward for doing as you were told flows through your mind and body, you will spread your legs and touch yourself for me.

As the chant continues, you'll feel your eyes glaze over as you stare helplessly at the screen. You'll find that you have no control of your own pace, drifting steadily deeper. In private, you'll find it very easy to slip into waking trance, but nowhere near so easy to slip out of it. I'm sure you won't think to mind. It is important to follow and obey. Stroke yourself to orgasm for me as you realize how enthralled you are by my words.

You are not awake.

In either scenario, you'll wake shortly after, feeling surprisingly refreshed...and perhaps a bit mischievous.

[clonememesfrikyeah]

You know what would be the worst? If at the end of the war when all is said and done, after the clones lost every little thing they had, after Vaders rise and the Jedi’s fall, after all that death and hardship and misery? It would be terrible to be a clone and wake up like suddenly coming out of a coma, in a stasis chamber that they grew up in and rarely left, there was the craziest dream just before and there’s the lingering feeling something important just happened, this is Kamino 35bby, all the information they were just fed is already neatly stored in their perfect flash-memory brain. No ones died yet, all of that was a simulation based on a calculation of events to instal orders and hone the discipline of troops. It’s dark, there’s no way of telling if anyone or anything exists beyond the boundary’s of the inside. There’s a designated call sign and designation along with vitals displayed in the line of vision, it’s also counting down the seconds to when a new simulation is set to begin.

[mageofseven]

Part 3 with Beel and Belphie is ready!

Part 1 | Part 2

~

Beelzebub:

The big guy noticed the changes with his girlfriend before she even mentioned them; the sixth brother is pretty observant with those he cares about after all.

Whenever he discussed how worried he was about her, about her lethargy and dizzy spells, the woman would just smile and say she was fine, that it was just her body being off and human bodies are just weird like this at times.

Beel didn't know much about the human body so he chose to believe his Muffin on this, even if he was still worried.

As the months went on, MC started to gain weight. The demon noticed this, but it really didn't faze him at first; he didn't mind it if his girlfriend was a bit rounder in her torso.

What he did mind however was how self-conscious his girlfriend got about it. She had been eating a lot more recently and she couldn't really fight it, but she also hated every pound gained from it all.

Beel always told her how beautiful she was and how her weight never changed that to him.

However, she'd glance down at how her belly poked out now and looked to her boyfriend, who was so incredibly strong and was practically the living definition of fitness and was so good looking... and she couldn't help but fall even deeper into the slow burning feeling of loathing with of her own body.

One day, MC asked if she could go to the gym with him. The Avatar of Gluttony was immediately tense because she still wasn't feeling well, but he knew it would probably make her feel a bit better if she was exercising and actively working on what was bothering her

So he agreed, but the man couldn't bring himself to do his usual workout routine with her there. The big guy was just too worried about his Muffin.

At one point, the man just noticed that something seemed off about his Human.

He set down the weights and walked over to the treadmill she was on-- and got there just in time to catch her as she fainted.

Luckily, the woman woke up fairly quickly, but her boyfriend had enough; no more exercise for her, not until she got her dizziness under control.

For the next few days, the MC was extra depressed and just found herself in bed more, usually snuggled up with either Beel or Belphie.

It was one such day when the cramping started.

She had gotten to lay with Beel for awhile, but eventually he had to leave for the game with his teammates.

Usually, MC would go and watch him play, but since her cramps were so bad, she didn't really have this option.

She was cuddled up in bed with Belphie when the redhead gave her a kiss goodbye and told her and his twin that he'd come straight home, receiving a nod from his Muffin and a thumbs up from his twin.

The pain just got worse while he was gone though and things evolved to MC gripping onto the Avatar of Sloth and heavily sobbing into his chest.

The seventh brother couldn't move and get help; everytime he tried, the human would beg between sobs for him not to leave her. He couldn't call for help either because he realized that he left his phone up in the planetarium.

Belphie was stuck with the sobbing human for over three hours until Beel came home.

Eventually, MC could feel something lowering within her and the need to push was unbearable.

"B-Belphie, help me up!"

The man did as he was told and helped her off the bed.

Beely came into the room just in time to see his girlfriend squatting and pushing out the head while his twin held onto her to help keep her balanced.

Eyes wide, the demon ran to girlfriend. His brain wasn't fully registering what the heck was happening, but his immediate reaction was still to rush to her side and help her.

MC immediately grabbed onto her boyfriend.

"B-Beely--uhhh... i-it's coming out."

Still deeply confused and concerned, the man's gaze dropped down between her legs, now letting himself focus on the head between them.

MC... his Muffin was having his baby!

Okay action then thoughts. Right now, the man just had to be there for her.

"Belphie, go tell Lucifer. We need a doctor."

The man was really trying to keep calm for his Muffin.

Without really pausing to answer, his twin rushed out the door.

"It's okay, Muffin, I'm here."

The redhead held onto his girlfriend and encouraged her as she pushed.

When the baby was finally pushed out enough to be freed from it's mom, Beel already had his hands around it so it didn't fall to the floor.

The demon forgot to breathe for a minute as he stared down at his daughter. His daughter.

Smiling, Beel lifted his gaze back to his girlfriend, but found that the woman was still crying in pain.

"Muffin?"

"I-It still--ughhhh, I think there's another."

The man's eyes widen.

Beel noticed his girlfriend's legs shaking and knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself up.

He adjusted his hold on his little girl before guiding MC onto the bed to lay down. He stayed between her legs and continued to give her encouraging words.

Since their sister already stretched the way open for them, the second baby was crowning in very little time.

A few minutes later, MC birthed the second baby, another girl. Both girls had his wings, horns, even his hair and eye color.

The man held both girls in his arms, already overwhelmed with his love for them, before looking up at MC, who was regaining her breath.

Beel sat down next to her and kissed her cheek.

"Are you alright?"

His girlfriend nodded, gaze falling to their girls.

"Beely... we're parents now?"

Beel smiled and nodded.

"I..." The woman sighed. "How did this even happen?"

"I dunno... are you okay with this, Muffin?"

"...Are you?"

His smile grew.

"Yeah."

She gave her boyfriend a small smile.

"Then... I am too."

Beel leaned down and kissed her.

"Good. I love you... I love our girls." The demon smiled down at the twins in his arms before meeting MC's eyes again. "This is... a dream. All at once, I got everything I wanted in life. I'll make sure to give you and the girls everything I can."

The doctor finally came a few minutes later, obviously late. Still, he checked MC and the girls to make sure they were okay and before he even left, the rest of House of Lamentation knew that the two were now parents.

Belphegor:

It took Belphie a bit longer than his twin to realize something was wrong with MC.

Sleepy boy... well, has a sleepy mind.

Not to say that it took him long though; while Beel noticed the human feeling off in his scenario on the first day, it took his twin about three days.

Honestly, he wasn't really worried about how tired they got. Hell, that just meant more naps they could take together so the Avatar of Sloth was winning in that regard.

He didn't really care about the weight gain either. Yeah, he teased her about it a bit, but it was always followed by wrapping his arms around her waist and if his words actually hurt her, which sometimes they did, he'd sleepily kiss their neck, their cheek, their lips

"It was a joke, Butthead." He'd tell them. "If anything, you're even cuter with a belly."

And the boy thrived off the blush that came after.

What the boy didn't enjoy, however, was her dizzy spells. The woman would go pale and suddenly have to grab onto him. Sometimes, MC would even full on faint and he'd have to quickly catch her before she hit the ground.

The first time that happened, the two were on their way to lunch at RAD and suddenly his girlfriend stopped walking. He turned around to ask why she stopped just for the woman to fall forward and for him to have to scramble to catch her.

Luckily, the woman was only out for a minute and was confused when she woke up in her boyfriend's arms, laying on the hallway floor at RAD.

Belphie took her straight home after that, not even giving the human the option to stick around and finish the school day.

The demon didn't understand what was wrong with his Human and whenever he'd ask MC, the woman didn't seem too concerned. Lightly, yes, but she said it'd probably correct itself and human bodies are just weird for the sake of being weird sometimes.

The seventh brother wasn't sure that he believed it, but he also didn't have any other answer so he just chose to leave it at that.

Basically, it was months of Sleepy Boy pretending he didn't care, but secretly hovering over his girlfriend.

After nine months of this hovering, it finally ended.

The two were upstairs in the attic, napping.

MC had been having cramps all day and Belphie suggested just sleeping through them, saying that eventually they will just go away.

Technically, he was right, just not in a way he expected.

He woke up to MC heavily sobbing his name. The man jolted awake and found his girlfriend gripping his shirt and burying her face in his chest.

"What's wrong--"

That's when he noticed the bed was... wet? Why was it wet?

"B-Belphie, somethings--gaaahh." The woman was panting through the pain.

The demon threw the blanket off of her and saw that the bed was soaked, as was her leggings, but there was also a slight bulge.

He pulled them down and saw that she was crowning.

His eyes went wide. She's pregnant? How the hell is she pregnant?

He looked back up at MC, who was still crying from the contractions, and knew he had to handle this before anything else.

He got up from the bed and positioned himself between her legs.

"You gotta push." He told her. "It's not gonna end if you don't push, Butthead."

His voice was firm, but tinged with some sympathy.

The woman was in too much pain to argue.

It took twenty minutes, but the MC managed to push the baby out half way, only to be pulled out completely by her boyfriend.

The demon stared down at the baby, a boy with his tail, eyes, and hair, and didn't know how to feel. He had gotten so focused on helping MC that his emotions felt lightyears away.

The human cried out and his head snapped up to look see her still writhing in pain.

Was there another one? The man quickly found out that there was.

And so it all repeated.

Once the second one was born, a little girl with his horns and eyes, but MC's hair, Belphie stared down at the twins on the bed, crying at the top of their lungs.

The man was already so tired of hearing cries.

"B-Belphie..."

He looked up at MC, who had a panicked expression on her face.

Leaving the twins laying between her legs, the Avatar of Sloth went back to his side of the bed and pulled her into his arms.

Neither said a word for a while. The only sound in the room were their twins' cries.

"I didn't know..." MC mumbled.

Belphie pulled back to meet her eyes, just staring into them for a full minute.

"Promise me. Promise that it's true and you didn't know."

"I promise. I swear on everything I have with you that I had no idea."

He sighed.

"Okay." He leaned in and kissed her.

After a moment or two, he pulled away and looked down at the crying babies on the bed.

"So... what do you wanna do with them?"

"I..." The woman stared down at her babies. "C-Can you bring them to me?"

Her boyfriend nodded and scooped up the babies one at a time to bring into her arms.

The woman brought them to her chest, causing them to finally stop crying in favor of feeding from her.

Belphie watched this quietly, not really sure what else to do.

After about a minute or two, MC spoke up.

"Belphie... would you be mad at me... if I said I wanted to keep them?"

The woman knew her boyfriend wasn't a fan of kids, a topic they always clashed with a bit. MC didn't think she could survive losing her twins in anyway now that they're here, but she worried about what Belphie would think of this.

The man pursed his lips. He honestly never wanted kids before, never liked them. Still though... he felt odd. Different.

Maybe it was seeing MC hold his children so sweetly in this moment, but he wasn't as against this as he always imagined himself to be.

Was he at the beginning of developing paternal feelings or was he simply not strong enough to take away something that his girlfriend obviously wanted so much? The demon wasn't sure.

"No. I'm not mad." He shook his head. "I... damn, I don't understand how this is happening but... if you want this then I'm here for the long haul. I'll take care of them; I'll take care of you. We'll do this together."

~

Part 1 | Part 2

[sinkix]

♡ Haikyuu!!│Boys as your Roommate HC’s Pt.2│Ft. Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma & Kageyama ♡

Since the last one did well I decided to do another 2am shit-post consisting of my bby HQ bois as your roommate so I’m v sorry if it’s messy and seems like rambling but honestly what did u expect. <(￣︶￣)> The more I write these the more I just want to summon satan and make them come to life man I love them sm.

You can find Pt. 1 here

E N J O Y ~ <3

◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒

Kuroo:

So. Damn. Annoying

But in like, the best way possible??

Constantly teases and irritates you while cooking or when it’s your turn to do the chores.

“(Y/N)-kuuun I think you missed a spot”

Proceeds to show swabbed finger with the tiniest speck of dust on it with the biggest shit eating grin he can muster

You have constant competitions who can clean more thoroughly and rip into each other as a result.

I mean there’s worse things to compete over I suppose??

He likes to make it a habit of waking you up by throwing his HUGE ASS BODY ON TO THE BED IF YOU OVERSLEEP.

WHOLE BED JUST CREAKS AND DIPS UNDER HIS WEIGHT.

Wraps his arm around you and gives amazing cuddles tho so its worth it

Borderline suffocating you though just so you get up.

Also, don’t wake Kuroo when he’s had only a few hours rest

just, don’t. If you value your safety.

Last time you tried to haul him out of bed in this state he threw a pillow at you and BITCH WENT TO GRAB THE ALARM CLOCK NEXT but u dashed out the room before he could lob it. 

Speaking of which, pillow fights. 

so many.

 Y’all are always throwing random stuff at each other just to startle one another

You both make a conscious effort NOT to aim for the head though so I guess its ok???

The aroma of coffee always greets you in the morning and it’s become hella comforting since you’ve just come to associate that smell with him.

His bed head is 1000x more extreme in the morning which you tease him relentlessly for and def has bags under his eyes but it looks cute.

sleep deprivation but make it chic.

He is much more of a night owl i’m making it canon idc - however usually has to sleep early due to club activities starting first thing in the morning.

He wakes up especially early because he knows he not only has to haul himself up at an ungodly hour but Kenma as well since he NEVER gets up on time otherwise.

Kenma lives a few blocks down from you guys and you often kick it as a three.

Sometimes he stays over just to save the extra effort of Kuroo going to his place.

It’s always v chill with the three of you as you get on really well and just play mario kart till 2am.

which again, big mistake. They end up nearly being late to practise so it’s kinda counter productive lmao

worth it though.

Kuroo is a salty loser js and will definitely wave his arms in front of you or shove his ass in your face to block the screen so he can overtake you.

Sometimes forces you to go on early morning runs with him but it’s actually really nice since you watch the sunrise together while sitting for a water break in an empty field

Almost poetic if it wasn’t for the constant teasing and bickering like an old married couple.

Kenma is VERY thankful you have become his new victim for those morning run routines.

Bokuto:

SCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS EVERY DAY

MY GOD

Actually pretty quiet in the morning?? Like the lil owl is just waking up so he usually just mumbles a good-morning and rubs his eyes its so damn cute

Usually pretty good about getting up on time but some days he needs a kick up the backside to get him out of bed.

He fully made you drag him out of the covers once before he was even willing to entertain the idea of getting up.

those 30 seconds felt like a 30 minute workout since he is so HEAVY.

I feel sorry for the neighbours on that day tbh

“Bokuto-san wake up.” 

“NNNgg-aaagGGHHHHH AGGAAASHIII”

“It’s (Y/N) you dumbass G E T U P”

You aren’t safe for long though because ONCE HE’S AWAKE HOMEBOY IS RARING TO GO.

Frequently makes y’all pancakes for breakfast with a frilly pink ‘best chef’ apron on and it’s fucking hysterical. 

actually has several aprons and one of them has a stock image of abs printed onto the front.

Pancakes is the only thing Bokuto is competent at so don’t expect anything else without the kitchen combusting

His pancakes are SO damn good tho like bitch who taught you to flip like dat.

Does a lil shimmy with his body and throws it back each time he flips so it basically aggregates as a performance too since hes so extra

One time the pancake landed on the floor and he was in emo mode for a whole day LMAOOO

boy was spiking while mourning the fallen soldier.

Akaashi was so confused as to why he walked into practise in such a solemn mood.

had to stifle his laughter once you told him the reason.

For some reason you have this tradition to play board games on a Friday night

Obvs you have to let him win and be a cocky ass bc otherwise he will be sad until the next morning.

sis will be in a slump while brushing his teeth over losing a game of monopoly.

Doesn’t expect you to come to practise with him but is always grinning like a dork the whole way there when you accompany him.

His game is always A1 on those days so Akaashi is eternally grateful.

Often tries to make you go to the gym with him SINCE Y’ALL BEST BELIEVE BOKUTO BABY AIN’T SKIPPIN LEG DAY.

Actually a really good workout partner though, he’s so hype and encouraging.

Grocery shopping is a nightmare, y’all come back with 3x as much as what was on the list while Bokuto just looks really sheepish and guilty like a dog who shredded up the sofa.

Kageyama:

Your conversations are very minimal at first until he adjusts to living with you.

Hella private with his living space and his bedroom

You always suspected he’s got some like weird alien cult meeting from Fiji going on in there with how shady he acts sometimes.

After a while though he’s pretty chill and doesn’t mind TOO much when you invade his personal space or go through his stuff.

I’d still be careful though an angry Kags is not a pleasant one.

He’s a minimalist, so if you ever get decorating done it’s usually you that takes the reigns since as long as it’s got a roof, a stove, a bathroom and a bed he could literally not give a fuck.

Unexpectedly easy to please over the smallest things, make a meal for him after a long day of practise and it’ll be hard for him to contain an appreciative smile.

Do NOT pull him up on it though bc he will get defensive 

just embrace it bro you won’t see it often.

V good at getting up on time and hella quiet in the morning when going about his routine, it’s easy to forget he’s in the house a times so at least he’s considerate.

Honestly doesn’t care whether you come to practise or not it makes no difference to him. Though the closer you both get he will sometimes wait for the moment you walk through the door and mentally slap himself for doing so.

Sometimes plays music in his room but it’s always really quiet and hard to decipher unless you press your ear up against the door.

The boi plays some BOPS though which is really surprising???

Usually takes charge of stuff like grocery shopping, cleaning etc. 

Control freak™️ here to assist your household services. 

He’s pretty dense though with these matters and needs some guidance at times lmao

Will not get the item on your list unless you CLEARLY SPECIFY AND INCLUDE THE WHOLE DAMN TITLE OF THE ITEM

You’re surprised he doesn’t request you illustrate the fucking bar code.

In the end you sometimes end up caving and just either going with him or going in his place.

Once he warms up to you y’all like cracking little jokes at each other and pulling one another’s leg.

if you get up even the slightest bit late he’ll just throw a lil “good afternoon” with a smirk on his face.

Sometimes he will come and chill with you on the couch to binge watch shows and it’s just a really relaxed atmosphere.

has really good taste in movies and series??

Honestly just a hella respectful roommate as long as you respect him and his privacy in return.

You once stuck his knee-pads in the washing machine on a high temp and they came out ready to fit a 6 year old.

You still suspect he holds a grudge to this day.

He also tried to give them to Hinata and never have you seen him more genuinely offended lmao.

Kenma:

The pair of you always end up oversleeping and it’s a genuine problem ur the definition of a disaster duo.

If it wasn’t for Kuroo strolling into your sleeping quarters most mornings you guys would sleep till the suns ready to set again.

Bless up Kuroo.

Constant video game marathons and y’all always compete to top each others time

It’s basically just the speed-run side of YouTube but under one roof.

Cannot and will not cook he is too LAZY for that.

Only thing he will do is stick an apple pie in the oven.

He’s courteous though he leaves you like,,, a 1/8th slice

smh.

You mostly get take-out or you’re the one that ends up cooking.

Veeryyyyy quiet, only noise in the household is the occasional snicker or lil conversation.

he has such a soothing voice hnnnnnnnnnggggg

The only time it’s remotely loud is when you play video games but even then the volume is quite low.

You usually end up crashing in his room from playing games till the crack of dawn and Kuroo frequently scolds the two of you.

you don’t listen though lmao.

For some reason you both end up in a hugging position when you wake up and neither of you have addressed it.

Except for the sus side eye look Kuroo gives the pair of you when he finds you like this.

He knows if he mentions it you’ll both infiltrate his apartment and choke him out with a console cable lololol.

You order most of your groceries online bc Kenma’s social anxiety will skyrocket and not allow him to be in a store full of more than 10 people, poor bby.

It works out for you too since why tf go there when you can have it delivered to your door.

You often binge watch anime together and he has GREAT taste mind you.

You made him watch a romance anime once and he secretly enjoyed it.

Since then he will very awkwardly request to watch them occasionally and you can’t help but smile.

The only time you clean is when you have to, like bins brimming with trash before you decide to take them out.

You accidentally broke his fav controller once and he didn’t talk to you for a week LMAO.

Still handed you one to play split-screen though so you knew he wasn’t entirely resentful.

[rainbow-spiral]

Further Experiments with AccelaReader

Well.  I have been fooling around with AccelaReader as a delivery system for a text induction, using an induction that I specifically wrote to take advantage of the way that AccelaReader delivers the words to you.  I think I got pretty good results, especially considering that I have never had success with a text induction before, but I have to admit that there’s a good chance that part of that is that I spent some time trouble-shooting the format, which meant that I did bits of the text again and again, which may mean that when I finally ran the induction from start to finish, I was already a bit dizzy.

Still.  I’m interested in how this works for other people.  So, if you’re interested in seeing if AccelaReader (or other speed reader aps) can be a hypnosis tool, I’ve put the induction I used under the cut.  I put it at 150 words per minute, which may feel slightly slow, and makes the induction last a little over ten minutes.  (This is much longer than I’ve ever taken to read a text induction.  This may be part of my problem with text inductions.)  Remember to set your screen-saver for fifteen minutes so you don’t get interrupted. (I would also really recommend setting the text and the background color to something other than black text on white, to reduce eyestrain.) If you read through the induction without AccelaReader, you should know that all the repeated words are there to make the reader appear to pause on specific words, since it basically flashes the words at a steady pace without regards to punctuation. There is an option to make it pause for periods, but I didn't like the pause length.

The script itself is mostly about feeling passive, connecting that to feeling peaceful and still.  There’s some language about feeling empty of thought, waiting and accepting what’s shown on the screen.  There’s also some language about how it would be difficult to move if you wanted to, not that you want to, but you’ll be able to move when you need to.  The only suggestions are that you can get back to the state of passive acceptance “with any induction that you choose,” and that you wake up feeling good, and that perhaps some task or activity that seemed daunting before will seem more manageable now.  (That last is there purely because I frequently feel daunted by things.)  There is an awakener.

I’d really like feedback on this thing.  I’d like feedback if the induction or the AccelaReader format works for you, and I’d also like feedback if the induction or the AccelaReader format doesn’t work for you.  Anyhow.  Induction below the cut, formatted specifically to be copy-pasted into AccelaReader.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

It’s an interesting word, isn’t it. it. Originally from the Latin word for peace. peace.  And you are already aware that this is an unusually passive reading experience experience with the word delivered directly to your eyes eyes but had you also thought about how this is an unusually peaceful reading experience?

experience?

experience?

It is very easy, isn’t it, to stare at the spot where the words appear. appear.  To wait wait passively passively peacefully peacefully for the words to arrive.  arrive.  Calm.  Calm.  Pleasant.  Pleasant.  It’s so pleasant to wait, isn’t it? it?  Waiting for the next word.  word.  It will arrive when it arrives, arrives, and you only have to watch, watch, and wait, wait, passively. passively.

And as you watch for the next word word as you passively accept the next word word you may find that your mind feels unusually empty empty waiting for the next word. word. word.  The word on the screen is the only thing on your mind, and it goes away automatically, doesn’t it? it? Replaced by the word after it.  it.  The very same way that your own irrelevant thoughts float out of your mind mind flicker in, flicker out out ephemeral and impermanent impermanent here and then gone.

gone.

gone.

You may notice, at this point, that you are very calm. calm. Peaceful.  Peaceful.  Passive means peaceful.  peaceful. And I would like you to enjoy that peace peace the relaxation of being entirely passive passive letting the words carry you along as they appear and disappear disappear just following following just drifting drifting drifting drifting drifting drifting that’s right.

right.

It feels so nice to drift, drift, doesn’t it? it?  Let yourself drift further.  further.  Let yourself be passive. passive. Let yourself be peaceful.

peaceful.

peaceful.

And you may find the feeling of peace is pervading your entire mind mind your entire body body such that your body feels very relaxed relaxed and it would be difficult to move if you wanted to try try but you don’t want to try, try, do you? you? You are happy, happy, right now, now, being passive. passive.  You know that you will be able to move again when you need to. to.  You are content in this knowledge.  knowledge. Action belongs to future you. you. Present you is passive.

passive.

passive.

It is time to enjoy being passive. passive. To experience being passive.

passive.

passive.

passive.

passive.

passive.

passive.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

The thing about being passive is that you accept what you see.  see.  You accept what you read.  read.  These words fall directly into your mind, mind, unfiltered. unfiltered.  To be passive, passive, to be peaceful, peaceful, is also to accept.  accept.  So when I tell you that the feeling of peace is growing, growing, you accept it. it.  And you can feel that feeling of peace growing, growing, can’t you? you?  It feels good to let the words on the screen lead you, you, to let them drip into your passive mind, mind, taking you deeper and deeper into this relaxed, peaceful state. state.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Even though your eyes are open, open, and will remain open as long as you need to read these words, words, it’s a little bit like being asleep.  asleep.  When you are asleep, asleep, you are passive.  passive.  When you are asleep, asleep, you are peaceful.  peaceful.  Nothing happens when you are asleep. asleep.  Your conscious mind rests when you are asleep, asleep, and that’s what I would like it to do now.  now.  Just let your mind rest.  rest.  Let your mind be peaceful.  peaceful.  Let your mind be still.  still.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Just let yourself drift like this.  this.  You are safe.  safe.  There is nowhere you need to be, be, nothing you need to do.  do.  You are free to be passive, passive, which means being peaceful, peaceful, which means being still.  still.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

And you will find it easy to return to this state, state, when you want, want, with any induction that you choose to use. use.  It is easy to let the words you see become your only thoughts, thoughts, once you learn how.  how.  It is easy to be passive, passive, once you learn how.  how.  It is easy to be peaceful, peaceful, once you learn how. how.  It is easy to be still, once you learn how. how.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Passive.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Peaceful.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Still.

Of course, course, eventually everyone has to return to being active.  active.  For every dreamy, dreamy, sleepy sleepy night, night, there is a morning.  morning.  So now, now, I would like you to let yourself start to become active again. again.  You may feel refreshed. refreshed.  Perhaps you will compare the pleasant feeling of awakening to waking up after a good sleep, sleep, or having had a hot shower, shower, soothing all your muscles.  muscles.  Either way, way, you wake up feeling good.  good.  You may even find that some action that seemed difficult before before will seem more easy to accomplish now.  now.

Feel your body, body, feel the position of your limbs, limbs, feel whether it is hot or cold or medium.  medium.

Hear the sounds around you, you, as you become more aware of your surroundings.  surroundings.

Become aware that your eyes can move, move, that they can stray to things other than the flashing words, words, that they can take in more of the world.  world.

Notice your thoughts coming back, back, refreshed. refreshed.  Energized.  Energized.  Ready to become active again.  again.

And now, now, fully back, back, fully awake, awake, happy happy and ready to re-engage with the world.  world.

~

[firstdegreefangirl]

Eddie Week Day Four: Between The Sheets

Word Count: 2135

Original Pub Date: 17 June 2020

Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley

Author's Note: This whole thing started with a convo in @rebeccaofsbfarm's inbox, so blame/credit to her for helping me cheat my way through this prompt! Love youuuu

Read on ao3 here

Just like aways, tagging: @eddiediazweek @hearteyesforbuck  @thisissirius @hearteyesforbuck @dramamineontopofme @twinien @meloingly  @myemergence 

Eddie pushes the front door open, almost trips over his own feet trying to step across the threshold. Buck is right behind him, laughing when Eddie doesn’t pick his feet up far enough and catches his toe on the lip of the doorframe.  

“Shut up, I just want to shower and go to bed.” He grumbles, leaning both palms against the wall for balance as he toes his shoes off.  

They’d stopped at a drive-thru on the way to the house, Eddie riding in the passenger seat of Buck’s Jeep because he was already too exhausted to drive. He’d tried to wave Buck off at the mention of food but Buck ordered for him anyway, shoving a cardboard container of chicken nuggets and fries in his lap and threatening to drive circles around town until he’d eaten it all.  

The long shift had drained the last reserves of energy from the entire team, but Eddie had taken a harder hit than the rest, having spent half of the night before sitting up in Christopher’s bed and rubbing his back after a bad dream.

“I know, that’s why I had to drive you home. Thanks for the couch invite, by the way. Way better than another 15 minutes behind the wheel.”  

“Anytime, man.” Eddie rocks on his feet as he leans away from the wall, shoulders sagging with exhaustion. “You want first shower?”

“You never leave any hot water.” But Buck’s eyes soften when he sees the way Eddie can barely hold himself up. “But you’re not going to make it if I shower first …" He trails off, and Eddie can feel him mulling something over.  

Watching Buck think is only making him more tired, so he leans his back against the wall and sighs.

“What, Buck? You going to say we should shower together?” He turns his head just far enough to see Buck out the corner of his eye.  

“I mean, we change together at work. Why not kill two birds with one stone? It’s not like I’ve never seen you naked.”  

Eddie thinks about what Buck said, processes the words as they roll through his brain. He’s all but dead on his feet, but he has to admit that there’s a certain amount of logic to what Buck is saying.  

They’ve gotten dressed side by side countless times since Eddie joined the 118, stood naked underneath separate showerheads in the open-layout shower at the station.  

Buck is right, he’s pretty sure. There’s not much difference between catching a glimpse of your buddy in the locker room and standing in the same bathtub to shower.  

Besides, it won’t be weird unless he makes it weird, right?

“True.” Eddie nods and stands back upright, careful not to overbalance himself and faceplant. “Works for me.” He wonders briefly if falling asleep in the shower would be considered “weird,” if Buck would catch him if he toppled over underneath the spray.

It would, but Buck would anyway, he decides as he leads Buck down the hall to the master bath.

They stand next to each other to undress, shoulder-to-shoulder but facing opposite directions. It’s not a production, just the way they wind up, each of them watching behind the other, having each other’s backs.  

When the water is hot enough to fog up the mirror, Eddie pulls the door back and they step over the edge to face each other under the showerhead. The air is thick with steam, enough humidity that Buck’s hair starts to curl almost right away. Eddie focuses carefully on a ringlet that’s wrapped around the top of his ear, knows that he has to keep his eyeline above Buck’s shoulders, lest he make his best friend uncomfortable.

Here’s the thing: Eddie’s never thought of his shower as particularly small. It’s got more than enough room for him to maneuver, a showerhead with more settings than he has fingers and a glass door that lets in enough light to open the space up without flooding the bathroom.

But apparently when two grown men stand in it at the same time, it’s just tight enough that Eddie has to think carefully about his every move. How can he reach for the shampoo without touching Buck’s bicep? Can he lean back far enough to rinse the suds out of his hair without invading Buck’s personal space? Can he lean back that far without falling over, on account of the exhaustion dragging through his limbs?

He can, it turns out, but he’s really too tired to have to actively think about it. Maybe Buck’s big idea saved them a few minutes, but by the time they’re painstakingly switching positions, letting Buck run his hair under the water and wash the lather from his body, he’s exponentially more drained than he was when they walked in the front door.

Thankfully, they’re both able to clean themselves up and dry off without bumping into one another. There’s enough space in the open bathroom for them to stand a couple of feet apart as they wrap themselves in fresh towels, and Eddie tosses Buck a clean pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt when he’s digging through his dresser drawers.  

They don’t face each other when they’re getting dressed, leave enough space between them again to avoid any unintentional contact. But when Buck stands up, Eddie winces in sympathy at the way his back pops. Through the haze of his exhaustion, he realizes that Buck probably shouldn’t sleep on the couch tonight, especially not if his back is already making sounds like that. A solution pops into his mind and falls out of his mouth all in one fell swoop, before he can realize what he’s saying.

“Sleep in my bed.”

Buck turns around as he pulls the shirt down over his stomach, eyes going wide in surprise.

“What?”

“Your back popped,” like that explains it. “Sleep in my bed.”

“Eddie … I’m not kicking you out of your own room.”

“No, you’re not.” Eddie nods, the fringes of his idea fitting together in his head. “It’s a big bed. We can both fit; I have a king. You’re too tall for the couch, Buck. It’s fine, I’m inviting you.”  

Eddie’s tired enough that he’s starting to feel a little drunk with it, but he’s not so far gone that he misses the way he can see Buck struggling with his options.  

He sleeps over all the time, but Eddie’s never suggested sharing the bed before. He’s thought about it, in the mornings when he can see Buck trying to work the knots out of his shoulders without Eddie noticing, but he’s always stopped himself before he says anything.

“OK,” Buck nods, but he still doesn’t seem sure. “But only until I convince you to buy a new couch, dude.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything, is suddenly too close to sleep to formulate a response. He steps past Buck, back into the bathroom, ignoring the way their bodies brush against each other as he jams his toothbrush haphazardly around his mouth. As soon as he feels like he’s at least brushed most of his teeth, he’s spitting into the sink and stumbling across the room to pull the blankets back and collapse into bed.  

His face is buried in his pillow, but there’s just enough light seeping in at the edges of his vision that he’s still awake. So he waves one arm absently behind him, hoping Buck gets the message.

“Turn th’ light ‘ff, come lay d’wn.” The pillow muffles his voice, even as it carries back to his own ears, but Buck seems to know exactly what he’s asking, because a few seconds later, the room goes black and the mattress dips beside him as Buck settles in.

“You’re sure about this?”

They’re not touching, but Buck is close enough that Eddie can feel his breath hot against the side of his face.

“Yes, Buck ‘m sure.” Eddie groans and rolls over. “We don’t have to cuddle or ‘nything. Just shut up and sleep.”  

It’s his last conscious thought, until he wakes up the next morning with an arm slung across Buck’s waist. He looks up slowly, only to find that Buck is already staring down at him, and snatches his hand back.  

“Buck! I’m-”  

“Don’t worry about it. Doesn’t have to be a thing.” Buck rolls over and stands up, and they don’t speak of it again. Buck makes breakfast, like he always does when he stays over, and they get ready to ride back to the station after dropping Chris off at Pepa’s to catch the bus.  

But it does become a thing. Buck doesn’t stay over any more often than he did before, but there’s a whole new routine now.  

It turns out that it’s actually really convenient to have someone else in the shower to give Eddie a hand with that strip of skin on his upper back that he can’t quite reach. And there’s nobody in their right mind would sleep on the couch when Eddie’s mattress is on offer right now the hallway.  

There’s no deeper meaning to it, other than the convenience of having someone right there beside him. After the long shifts, they’ll lay awake together, reassuring each other that they’d done everything they could. They always start out fully clothed, leaving a careful distance between them, but after a few weeks that changes too.

Now, more nights than not, he and Buck will wake up curled together and find that one or both of them had pulled their shirts off overnight.  

It doesn’t have to mean anything though, and every time Eddie tries to decide if it does, he remembers that he’s setting an example for Christopher, showing him that two men can be affectionate and open with each other.  

That’s it. That’s all it means.

Which is why he doesn’t think anything of it when he throws Buck’s shirt in his duffel bag before work one morning. Buck had stayed over the night before, but left before Eddie was awake so he could make it across the freeway for an early dentist appointment before work. He’d brought a change of clothes, but Eddie isn’t surprised that he was rushing to get out the door and left his shirt behind.  

He isn’t sure why it’s so important that Buck never leaves clothes behind, but that seems to be the line they’ve silently drawn in the sand.  

So he takes the shirt to the station, but Buck is already out of the locker room when he walks in. He changes into his uniform, then carries the garment out to the common area, trying not to let himself think about how soft and worn in it feels before he tosses it at the back of Buck’s head.

“Hey, you left this in bed last night. Figured you’d want it back.”  

Buck reaches up and pulls the shirt off of his head, turning it over in his hands before folding it neatly and setting it on his knee.

“Thanks, Eds.” He doesn’t say anything else, or react otherwise, but when Eddie looks around, Hen and Chimney are staring between them, mouths agape in twin ‘o’s.

“I’m sorry, what?” It’s Chim who breaks the silence, leaning forward like there’s some remarkable story about to be told.

“What?” Buck blinks at him. “Eddie’s bed is way comfier than his couch, so I sleep there now. I suppose you’re going to say it’s weird that we shower together sometimes too? We’re best friends, we don’t need boundaries.”

He sounds dead serious, and Eddie finds himself relieved to know that Buck isn’t any more hung up on how to describe their routine than he is; they’re friends who share a bed and a shower, who cares?

“It’s not weird,” Hen sets her hand on Buck’s knee, right over the shirt. “It’s just not friends, Buckaroo.”  

Buck says something in response, but Eddie isn’t sure what it is, can't make out the words over the sound of the realization ringing in his ears.

It’s not friends.

He’s still reeling from it that night, lying in bed with Buck, whose made himself comfortable tucked into Eddie’s side. Eddie’s arm is around his shoulders, fingers toying lightly with the groove where his bicep and chest are pressed together. He can’t stop thinking about what Hen said earlier, about the freight train that drove straight into his heart.

It’s not friends.

Maybe … just maybe, if it could feel like this, if it could feel more than this, better than this, Eddie thinks he might want to be more than not-friends with Buck.  

But sleep is pulling him under, so he decides that’s a thought that can wait until they wake up next to each other in the morning.

[doctorgerth]

Writing Contest Winner (4th Place)

winner: @gr8estwulfluvreva

prize choice: HCs for any two characters

description: How Kid and Killer react to and comfort a fem s/o who they catch singing depressing lyrics (Nonsense Speaker) in the shower. 

warnings: tw - depression, dark/heavy themes, mild suggestive themes, angst/comfort

note: This was a bit difficult to write in strict HC format, so it’s more like a choppy scenario format with some HCs sprinkled in lol. hope that’s ok! 

Eustass Kid 

- Kid could hear her muffled singing echoing outside the cracked bathroom door. he chuckled to himself, knowing she would never sing this loud if she was aware that he was around. getting a naughty idea, he decided to slip into the bathroom to surprise her, quickly undressing to join her in the shower. 

- it was adorable how she kept singing loudly, dramatically. cracking a few notes here and there. as the song ended, he reached out to pull back the curtains until she began another song, sounding much more somber in her tune. 

“Emotions I feel, they turn to none. I broke, I broke them one by one.”

- Kid found himself stiff, arm stuck halfway reaching out for the curtain, unable to move. he listened to the way she crooned the lyrics, as if singing straight from the heart. he started to really focus on the lyrics this time, noting how dark they were compared to the previous tune. 

“The smile that I had through all these years, it bears, it bears these hateful tears.” 

 - surely this is just a song right? she was just singing a happy song, everything is okay right? through the confusion and the echoing lament of the lyrics, he started to grow worried. something sounded off, he could hear how choked she was beginning to sound. 

“The scars that I have gulped, although they hurt...”

- he trembled at the small audible sniffle, loud enough to be heard over the flowing water. she paused for a moment, and he could see the outline of her body through the curtain, hugging herself. she choked out the next line, softly weeping.

“They hurt but you won’t know.”

- he pulled the curtain, eliciting a sharp gasp from her as she wiped at her face and backed away from him. a small whine of his name and she couldn’t look him in the eye. he stepped into the shower, eyes locked on her frame; the way she was coiled up, rubbing at her arms with eyes downcast. he reached out to her and pulled her into him despite her protests, “How long?” 

- she looked up at him, studying the solemn look on his face. hate began to bubble in her stomach as she assumed she had made him mad. dark thoughts clouded her mind, convincing her that she was truly good for nothing.

- “Goddamnit, (Name)! Don’t hide this shit from me.” though his voice was stern, he held her tightly against him, burying her face into his chest, thumbing at the small of her back while the water cascaded onto her. he felt so warm against her, despite not being under the water. he settled his chin onto her head, rummaging through his mind on what to say next. he was never good with his words, maybe that’s why she decided to hide her dark thoughts from him. 

- “I’m sorry.” the pain in her voice made him ache, wanting to shake and squeeze all the sadness out of her. he didn’t know how to deal with this stuff, but that didn’t mean he ever wanted her to hide it from him. he tried to suppress his anger. he wasn’t mad at her, just that she would dare hide her true feelings from him. she’s been suffering alone and that didn’t settle well with him. she wasn’t supposed to be alone, she had him. did she not trust him? was he not reliable? his own anxiety began spilling forth as he always had a bad habit of making everything about himself. somewhere in that chaotic brain, he concocted the idea that he was the reason for her sadness.

- they didn’t say a word as they just stood in the shower together, embracing each other tightly. she couldn’t help but cry against him, feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions threatening to drown her. he didn’t like to see her cry, he’d never get used to it. he didn’t know what was hurting her so much, but he vowed to protect her against the demons himself, “Don’t be sorry. Just fucking talk to me. Don’t shut me out. Please.”  

- it takes a while for Kid to be understanding, which makes the road to healing a bit rocky. he just gets so angry thinking about her being so hard on herself. she doesn’t deserve that! he gets so angry because he can’t just take it all away for her, be her true hero; it’s a whole process. he’s impatient because wants them to be better immediately. he wants them to be happy. he gets so angry because he knows he doesn’t help, some days he is convinced he only makes it worse for them. he gets so angry because it reminds him of his own dark thoughts and how he’s been hiding some insecurities himself.

- they both become more active in self-care habits and it not only helps them individually, but it also greatly improves their relationship. they both learn to be more open with their feelings, especially towards each other. they spend a lot of time with the crew, especially when they feel the darkness creeping in. they’ve even developed some non-verbal signals to show when they’re not in the best mood and need some support. they’ve learned each other’s needs and what supports are best for them individually. it hasn’t gone away completely, but everything is much easier now that they know they don’t have to struggle alone. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Killer

“You don’t know how I feel inside.” 

- the soft sound of her voice awoke Killer from his slumber. he stretched and rolled over onto his side, eyeing the cracked bathroom door. his mind was still hazy as she continued to sing, sounding further away than what she really was.

“You don’t know how much I tried.”

- as he became fully conscious, he could finally focus on the tune she was singing, the dark lyrics that sounded so depressing. this wasn’t her usual shower singing, something about this felt personal. almost like a cry for help. it made Killer feel uneasy. he forgot about his own breathing so he could focus solely on each word she sang, trying to figure out her source of pain. (Name) was always so bright and lively, that’s what he loved most about her. the words she sang were haunting, they didn’t fit her at all. at least not the (Name) he knew. was she hiding something?

“Light that burned, it’s out by now. I try to get it back somehow.” 

- Killer’s mind raced as he thought back to every conversation they had, every interaction, every moment shared. he searched desperately for any hints of sadness, any signs of depression, but nothing could come to mind. he didn’t like how good she was at hiding her true feelings.

“Right now I could just disappear.”

- he felt his heart sink down to his feet at those words, body cold and stiff as he tried to process them. disappear? did she really want that? his heart hurt for her and he continued to listen helplessly as she choked out the rest of the words, finishing the song on a somber note. he became alert as the shower turned off and he could hear her cleaning off and getting dressed in the bathroom; small, weak whimpers escaping her every now and then.

- the wait for her to return to bed was agonizing. he had half a mind to barge into the bathroom, but he remained patient, wondering frantically what she was doing in the there. praying she was okay. when the door creaked, he closed his eyes, feigning sleep. he could hear the faint sound of sniffling as she shuffled towards the bed. 

- the patience was long gone as soon as she settled underneath the covers. he rolled over to her, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling into her neck, ignoring her cold, wet hair. she chuckled faintly, believing that he was still fast asleep, until his voice called out to her, “You okay?”

- she stilled for a moment, hoping that maybe he was sleep talking. but the way he squeezed her in his embrace, she knew he was awake, “It’s late you know.” he stated, filling in the silence. all she could do was nod, tangling her fingers mindlessly in his locks. he looked up at her, awaiting an answer. her cheeks were red, eyes puffy and melancholy. he had never seen her so broken, it was excruciating. 

- he tangled his fingers with her free hand, worrying about saying the wrong things. so he remained silent for longer than he intended, simply toying with her hand and hugging her close. she cursed herself for worrying him, for waking him up with her dramatic antics. she didn’t want him to know all the bad thoughts she had about herself but she knew she had been found out.

- “You know I’m here for you, right? Always am. Whatever it is, I want to help you get through it.”

- she bit her lip to hold back the cries that wanted to escape. she was supposed to be strong, fearless. Killer always admired those traits about her so she tried her hardest to remain so any time he was around. but keeping up the facade was proving more and more difficult as the days got harder and the thoughts got darker. he wouldn’t understand, he wouldn’t accept her if he knew just how weak she was. 

- “I love you, (Name).”

- she didn’t say much the rest of the night and she didn’t have to. he just held her tightly while she cried silently into his chest, rubbing at her hair gently. from here on out, he begged her to no longer hide things from him and his understanding and patient nature helped her to open up a little more.

- they spend a lot of nights just talking. Killer is really a great listener and he knows that’s what she needs during her dark moments. it takes some time for her to get everything off her chest, especially the really dark thoughts, but he accepts her for all she is and proves that he wants nothing more than to help her get through whatever is upsetting her. he reminds her over and over how loved and cherished she is, by both him and the crew, and that she should never feel like she has to go through anything alone again. he’s good about informing himself on depression and helping her develop self-care habits. he becomes a little clingy, constantly on guard around her, but he only means well. he is determined support her throughout the entire healing process, no matter what it takes.

[the-l-spacer]

(Ch 1) (Ch 2)

Summary: Lloyd wakes up one morning to discover that, on a whim, the Metaverse had decided to release him and Raven from the Lovers archetype they had been locked in for as long as either could remember.

In the process, however, reality became… just a little screwed up.

Now, Raven is gone, and in his place is David Adams. David Adams, who had never left Ashland, working middle-management at Justacorp. David Adams, who had never heard the anvils, never jumped off Warner's Peak.

But Lloyd remembers everything, and he makes it his personal quest to win back the love of his life.

...No matter how many 'strictly professional' coffee dates it took.

I started a (hopefully) multi-chapter, Raven-kind-of-has-amnesia fic! Title and everything's still very much a work in progress, and this chapter is more an introduction than anything, but I hope y’all enjoy reading anyways!!

- 

The last thing Raven says to Lloyd before he (quite literally) vanishes the next morning is a semi-conscious, “Good night, my love,” mumbled into the latter’s chest as they both fall asleep.

Not that he knows of his boyfriend’s disappearance just yet, of course. For now, Lloyd Allen is asleep. Well, half-asleep, roused from a dream he can no longer remember by a rather odd sensation in his chest, a sensation that he promptly attempts to shake off, willing himself to sink back into slumber. 

He succeeds with the former, though the Metaverse always finds other ways to keep him from the latter.

This time, it’s the mid-morning sun that does it, filtering in through a gap in the bedroom’s curtains, casting a single, warm beam of light across the bed. When the light reaches his face, Lloyd shuts his eyes tighter, burrowing deep under the covers.

“Mmmmfgh,” he groans. “Ravey, draw the curtains.”

When he doesn’t feel the responding shift in the mattress, nor hear the sounds of curtains being pulled, shielding his precious eyes against the sun, his half-conscious mind is consumed by halfhearted annoyance. He really didn’t know what else he expected, considering Raven was always the heavier sleeper.

Eyes still closed, he stretches out his arm, meaning to rouse his (presumably) unconscious partner. Instead of feeling Raven’s telltale warmth, however, his hand connects with nothing but an empty expanse of bed.

Fully awake now (and against his will, too), Lloyd sits up and stretches, preparing to give Raven — probably up and outside without having the decency to give his boyfriend his precious five minutes extra sleep — a good telling-to. He swings his legs to the edge of the bed, and at long last, gets up with a final, drawn-out groan.

He first realises that something is decidedly off when that strange feeling in his chest returns full-force as he’s brushing his teeth.

“This again?” He aims the question, garbled through foam, at his sleepy-eyed self in the mirror.

Spit, rinse, close the faucet, done.

He regards his reflection once again. “No response, hmm?”

More silence.

“Well, I’ll just have to work this out for myself. No thanks to you, and no thanks to Ravey, apparently. I have no idea how he’s up before I am.”

He goes through a mental list of everything that could have possibly gone wrong. Heart attack? No, there would be other accompanying signs. Some other heart condition? Impossible, at least not if the folks who built his body on the Singularity had anything to say about it.

Anxiety? It is a possibility, but what does he have to be anxious about? Compared to where he was a scant year ago, his current position of ‘Carnival Co-Runner, Trainer of One Not-So-New-Now Post-Human, and not to forget, Possessor of an Actual Living, Breathing, Positively Spry Human Body’ is downright enviable.

Perhaps it’s simply dehydration, he decides. He and Ravey did have quite a bit to drink the night before, nothing a quick trip to their small, cosy kitchen couldn’t solve. Plus, he hasn’t quite ruled out the anxiety option. Maybe, in the haze of alcohol and festivities (yesterday being their time-is-fluid-th pre-anniversary, and all), his boyfriend had talked about pulling yet another zero-gravity, hair-whitening stunt. He swears to question him once he finds him, probably in the kitchen nursing his morning hangover over a cup of strong coffee.

But when he doesn’t. When all telltale signs of life in the kitchen — the smell of cooking, of roasting coffee beans, of a chair askew or messy countertops — are simply nonexistent, that’s when Lloyd knows that something is very, very wrong.

Because the kitchen isn’t just empty, it’s as if no one but him had occupied it ever since its construction. There is one, lone kitchen chair tucked neatly at the table, a single mug, one set of silverware, and when Lloyd dashes back to the bathroom to confirm that he isn’t just hallucinating, one toothbrush, his own.

It isn’t just these rooms either. The living room coffee table, which Lloyd is certain would be filled with bottles and wine glasses in the wake of the previous night, is completely empty, and gone from various surfaces are the framed photos of him and Ravey at the carnival, at the Second Playhouse’s opening night. Even their wardrobe isn’t spared, devoid of the violent splash of purple brought by his other half’s various coats, vests, dresses, shirts and heels.

The sensation of wrongness doubles in intensity, made worse by the rapid thump-thump-thumping of his heart. Lloyd’s shaking knees give way, depositing him onto Raven’s side of the bed, cold and bare.

It is then he finally realises exactly what he’s feeling. The sensation is his heart is emptiness, something alien to him ever since he had gotten his body back and returned home to nothing but light and love (and a near-death experience, though that was an accident and hardly counted), even the memory of his hilariously disastrous homecoming sending another icy knife through his chest.

Raven is gone. With it, a piece of himself has been ripped away, and all Lloyd feels is empty.

- 

The rest of his morning is spent in a daze, running around the carnival, asking every worker, Floozy, honorary Floozy and Hell Hag he passes if they had seen his boyfriend. 

“Nope, sorry Lloyd.”

“Haven’t seen him. Isn’t he usually with you?”

“Sorry sugar, No sign of Raven Baby ‘round here just yet.”

A flurry of activity — people setting up booths, clearing the last of the previous day’s detritus, cranking the ferris wheel in preparation for the guests who would arrive from wherever the Carnival decides to park itself for the day — swirls around him, but Lloyd registers none of it. He runs and searches every corner of the place, until his hunt takes him to the last stop, Han Mi’s trailer.

Han hears the feeble knock on her door, and decides not to say anything when she opens it to a panting, wild-eyed Lloyd, who promptly proceeds to wobble past her, collapsing onto her couch, head in his hands.

“Okay, so you didn’t remember to take your shoes off before coming in, I assume you’ve got bad news.”

Through the gap in his fingers, Lloyd mutters a soft, “Shit. Sorry, Han,” before kicking his shoes off and toward the half-open door. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Han sighs, and slides a chair over, taking a seat opposite the man. Not beside. They aren’t quite there yet. 

A brief moment of silence passes, before Lloyd speaks up. “This is probably an exercise in futility, but. I don’t suppose you’ve seen Raven around this morning, have you?”

Letting out a sympathetic whistle, Han says, “No dice, sorry. I woke up, like, fifteen minutes ago, and I think I’d know if Raven was in my trailer. He isn’t with you or the Floozies?”

Lloyd deflates, letting his head fall backward to rest against the wall behind him. Addressing the ceiling, he says, “He very much isn’t. I checked everywhere, and this was my last stop.”

“Maybe he’s running a quick errand in another narrative,” Han offers.

“No. It’s not just that Raven’s gone from the carnival, he’s.” Lloyd scrubs a hand across his eyes, and rests his gaze on her. “He’s vanished completely. All his clothes, his personal items, his photos. It’s like he had never even existed.”

“Wait. What?” Han Mi’s eyes go wide. “Does everyone else know about this?”

“They only know that I can’t find him. You’re the first person I’ve told about… the rest. And there’s more.”

“Wait. Before you tell me, have you eaten yet? Drank anything? You look like a wreck… no offence.”

“None taken, and no, I haven’t. There hasn’t been time to, with,” Lloyd vaguely gestures, “everything that’s been happening.”

“Well, if he’s really up and disappeared, a little time taken to catch your breath couldn’t hurt, could it?” Sure, she was still mad at the shit Lloyd pulled as the writer for the Cabaret, but she didn’t hate him. And she knew painfully what it was like to lose someone she loved.

Lloyd begins to protest, but Han silences him with a glare. She’s persuasive like that.

“Are we doing carrot cake?” He manages feebly.

Han nods. “We’re doing carrot cake.”

[elisha-am]

Learning Fear

also on : ao3 (edit: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21862372)

Newt heard the most horrifying scream in his life. He whipped around to see Tina knocked down by a blue strike from her opponent.

“Tina!”

He rushed toward her, and his wand point right at her assailant, who was also lying on the ground. But after a quick glance that told him the man was already dead, he wasted no more time on him and focused on his wife. Tina was lying on her side, curled into the fetal position. Her face was screwed together and ghostly white.

“Tina, where were you hit?”  The fear grew inside him when she didn’t respond. “Tina, I am going to check where you are hurt, alright?” He patted all over her body, trying to locate where she was hit when he heard her spoke.

“Knee—,” Her word came out between her jagged breath, barely audible, but it sang like a song of hope in his ears. He quickly looked down at her knee, which was clutched in her hands. Pring her red-covered hands away, what he saw underneath was so horrid he gasped. The magical strike bust opened the side of her right knee, the whole area was a crimson mess. He could even see a few spots of ivory white peeked out from the wound— her wound was deep to the bone, literally. What made the matter worse was the blood that kept pouring out.  A few touches and his hands were painted red. He moved his hand higher on her leg and felt another cut on her inner thigh.

"Merlin's beard." He swore.  

Newt quickly took off his coats, and then his waistcoats, which was the cleanest fabric on him as it was worn between his shirts and overcoats— stopping the blood was more important than worrying about infection now, but he still had to do the best— and then pressed the fabric onto her wound. She merely whimpered, having no more strength to scream. Newt flicked his wand and conjured up two ropes to wrap around her leg, keeping the pressure intact.

Newt looked up and did a fast swipe around to see the battle was still heated and no medic in sight. He made a quick decision and picked Tina up in bridal style as carefully as possible, tried not to jolt her wounded leg. "Tina, love, I am going apparate us to the healer, hold on." He muttered, not sure if she was conscious enough to hear him at all.

So when he felt her curled closer into his chest, he couldn't help but smile. And then he disapparated.

The moment they apparated right in the middle of the medical tent, the healer and assistants all stopped whatever they were doing for a second and looked at their way. They were so in sync that it was rather comical if not for the situation.

The motion resumed in the wake of a gray hair wizard rushed toward them and started barking in a heavy accent, “What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?! " He pointed his bony finger at Tina and her wound, "You wanker apparate her in that condition? You want to bust her wound more open?”

“My wife is bleeding to death and there was no one that could help me carry her here in the time she needed,” Newt stared right into the older wizard’s eyes," And I think we are wasting more time discussing this."

"Brats these days think they know better!" The healer grumbled and rushed them to a bed that was already prepared by the assistants during the small altercation.

As soon as he put Tina down on the bed, Newt was pushed aside by the healer and assistants coming around. He was anxious to stay close, even though he knew there was nothing he could do. He found a stool nearby and sit down. An assistant carrying a clean towel approached him, pointed at a makeshift washstand in the corner. That was when he realized his hands were still covered in Tina's blood.

He walked to the washstand, scrubbed his hands under the faucet until the water drained down went from deep red to pink and finally clean again.

Newt jumped when a hand tapped his shoulder. He turned around to see his brother stood there covered in dirt and dry blood. Like always, Theseus drew him into a rough embrace without a word. He didn't know how much he needed it when he returned the hug.

"I've heard, Newt." Theseus looked over his shoulder to where Tina was with sympathy on his face. "She will make it."

Newt didn't restate the obvious. "You are not just here for that, aren't you?"

“They need you at the Dragon Squad. The dragons are getting agitated and aggressive all of a sudden, they need you to find out what’s causing it.” His brother sighed, seemed reluctant to deliver the request, especially under the circumstance.

“I am sure someone else can do that.” He tried not to sound annoyed, "They are all qualified magizoologists or dragon trainers like me."

“Yes, but you can do it the fastest and most accurate. They need to stop it as quick as possible before anyone gets hurt. I don't think you need me to tell you what would happen if a team of dragons loses control."

“Theseus.” He pleaded.

“I understand, brother, but there’s nothing you can do here.”

He hated it so much as Theseus’s words echoed his own conclusion earlier.

Before Newt could answer, an assistant interrupted them. “Mr. Scamander, your wife is conscious and asking for you. You would want to hurry because she wouldn’t stay awake long.”

No need to be asked twice, Newt rushed back to Tina’s bedside. The healer was still working on her knee. Her face was still pale as a ghost, but it seemed like the healer had done something to dull her pain because her body seemed much less tense.

“Tina—“

“Go.” She breathed out, apparently heard their conversation. “Help people, and the dragons.”

He swore to Merlin he might just fall in love with her all over again. Only his Tina would worry about the other and the dragons' safety— especially the dragons, not much cares about them but treating the creatures like powerful weapons in war — when she was the one nearly bled out and now lying on the medical bed with a shattered knee.

And wasn’t that just made leaving her even more difficult?

“Newt, I am in good hands now,” Her voice was getting slurry again, which meant she was about to go under again. “Do the right thing.”

Tina fell back into unconsciousness.

“Tina!”

“Listen to your wife, lad,” The healer said without looking up from his work “She is right, they are always right, that she is in good hands—not that I'm bragging. And no smart man would dare to disappoint a woman like her. You don’t look stupid, my boy.”

Newt almost chuckled. He took a deep breath, looking down at the love of his life. He saw a strand of hair stuck on her forehead because of the sweat, so he reached down and pushed it aside. He indulged himself to linger on her skin a few moments more.

Newt turned to his brother, who had been standing there waiting for him. “Lead the way, These.”

***

Turned out it sure was the best for them to bring Newt into it.

They found thick needles that pricked into the skin between the dragons' scales whenever the creatures moved, tucked under the harness of every dragon on duty. It wouldn't cause any serious damage, but surely gave the dragons a hell of discomfort and annoyed them to the point they started to think bitting humans and spitting fire could solve the pesting little problem.

The culprit was the Luietenat, who recently converted to Grindlewald. He would've been the one to 'inspect' the dragons if the Captain didn't seek out to Newt.  They captured him on his run. The only reason his Captain didn't just feed the man to the dragons was that he had human decency,  the Captain himself told Newt. Newt responded with a half-hearted smile.

"I just received a message from Healer Lynch," the Captain pulled out a scrap of paper from his pocket," Said your wife has been transferred back to the St.Mungo. My apology, Scamander. I wouldn't pull you away from your wife if I had known."

"Actually, she's the one who pressed me to come." This time Newt smiled fully.

"I shall thank her then." The elder man laughed. "Now, go back to your wife and give her my regards for me, young man."

"I will."

*** Some perk did come with fame when he was lead right to Tina's bed the moment he stepped into the St.Mungo's, not many questions asked.

Tina was changed into the hospital gown, out of her blood-soaked clothes. And she was sound asleep on the bed, and her right leg was bandaged in layers and slightly elevated.

Newt stood at the foot of her bed and just stare. He felt some weight lifted from his chest, seeing some of the colors back on her face. Before he sat down beside her, he stopped a young healer walked passed them to ask about her condition.

"We were able to piece her bones back together and close up the wounds, those should heal up in no time. But..." the healer hesitated.

"You can tell me the truth," Newt assured her.

"There is a great chance she wouldn't gain the full use of her right leg back due to the severeness of her injury." The healer told him solemnly.

"You mean she could have some trouble walking in the future?"

"I am afraid so." The healer left them alone after making sure Newt know where to find help if he needed some.

Newt walked back to the left side of Tina's bed and pulled a chair over to sit. He watched his wife sleep, and his mind kept shifting back to what the healer just told him.

The new would devastate her. Tina might be quiet in her manner, but she never stayed still. Always something to do, always someplace to go. Being a driven, dedicated Auror, she would not rest if the dangerous dark wizards still out there threatening the safety of the wizardry community.

"She was born to run." He recalled how he described the Zouwu years before in Paris. Years after now, it suddenly occurred to him it was also a perfect description of Tina.

With the aid of magic, physical disability normally wouldn't confine the wizardkind, but to people like Tina, who energized by activity and purpose, half use of a leg would still be troublesome.

He decided to put it aside. He would worry about it with her if it really happened.

Newt picked up her hand resting on the bed, caressed the back of her hand with his thumb over and over. He stared at the golden wedding band on her ring finger; it caught the late afternoon sun shined through the window and glinted into his eyes.

He recalled what Dumbledore told him when he delivered the news of their engagement to his former teacher. "Newt, love is the most powerful magic in the world, but to learn it, you have to pay the price that is learning the fear."

He thought he knew. But today, he finally understood.

"Newt?"

He looked up as he heard her called his name, in time to see the small smile fell. " Tina, are you still hurting? Shall I get the healer?"

She didn't answer, only to pull out the hand clutched in his and reach for his face.  As she wiped his cheek softly did he realized that he was crying.

He let his emotion guided him forward and rest his forehead gently on her shoulder.  He felt her arm wrapped around his neck, hand stroking the back of his head.

"I'm alive, Newt, I'm alright now."

[imaginedanganronpa]

How would DR2 boys react to waking up their s/o that’s in the middle of sleeping and suddenly they shout some random nonsense that make no sense? Like ‘I DIDN’T USE JUZO’S TOOTHBRUSH TO BRUSH MY DUCK’S TEETH!’

I read this over and over, and I eventually just assumed that ‘they’ meant their S/O so that’s how I wrote it. I hope that’s what you meant!~

SDR2 Boys Waking Up Their Sleeping S/O & They Shout Some Random Nonsense!

Hajime Hinata

He’s a pretty peaceful sleeper. It’s normally pretty easy tosleep beside him because he doesn’t really move and remains calm; he’s still and quiet when he’s finally out.

Hajime finds it harder to fall asleep, though. Typically staying up longer than you do, but he finds comfort in having you beside him. He loves listening to your light breathing by his side.

You’ve been having some episodes lately where you blurt out random things in your sleep. 

More than once, you’ve woken up while saying somepretty questionable things. But you can’t help it, it’s always the strangest dreams that end up slipping out!

He never really complains; he actually finds it pretty amusing and will help lull you back to sleep afterwards.

It happened when you were both falling asleep, the two of you were completely still. You were facing one another with yourforeheads pressed together. Hajime had his arms wrapped aroundyou lovingly and your legs were a tangled mess under the blankets.

All of a sudden, you began shifting and turning in the bed. You ripped away fromhis grasp which is what woke him up. Hajime sleepily opened his eyes and staredat you.

Immediate concern flooded his body. Were you having a nightmare?Concerned-Boyfriend Mode Activated. 

He started shaking your shoulders softly and stared down at your twitching body. Then, you shot up and gasped; your eyes opened quickly and stared forward, expressionless.

“The Amazon people printed the wrong face on my blanket, that’s not my face!”

He watched you, confused. “What blanket?”

You finally came to your senses and a bright pink blush formed over your cheeks. “Oh, I said that out loud, huh?” He couldn’t hold his giggles back as you roll your eyes and Hajime pulls you back down to cuddle once more.

Nagito Komaeda

Nagito is a very loving boyfriend and one of his favoritethings to do was sleep beside you. He also loved just watching you as you sleptbecause you looked so peaceful and serene.

Normally, you aren’t the kind of person to move a lot in your sleep ��� it rarelyever happened. And generally speaking you didn’t sleep talk, or you were nevertold. 

But honestly, if you did, Nagito probably wouldn’t tell you - he’d just laugh quietly and use it against you, teasingly, in the future.

He couldn’t sleep so he took comfort in watching you instead. He was flipping throughchannels when a particular episode caught his eye; he knew it was your favoriteshow.

Your head was resting in Nagito’s lap and he was running his long, slenderfingers through your hair. He slowly stroked the side of your face and placedbutterfly kisses here and there.

Gently shaking you awake, he was trying to get your attention - knowing you wouldn’t want to miss this. You’d get upset if he watched it without you!

You mumblesomething he cannot quite make out and he leans forward to place his ear byyour soft lips.

Still shaking you, he isn’t getting much of a response. Not until you leapforward and your heads collide, Nagito retracting himself in shock. “Sorry, Ipushed you into Hajime’s sprinkler system!”

He’s rubbing his head where you had accidentally hit him with a faint smile. The pain wasn’t thereat first but then a massive headache caused you to fall backwards on the bed,groaning in agony. You placed your hand on your forehead and didn’t even seemto realize you had said anything.

“Hajime? He doesn’t have a sprinkler system, (Y/N).”

You draw your brows together. “What are you talking about?”

He explains what you had said; you didn’t even hear yourself. You’d justbeen blabbering nonsense in your sleep the whole time, apparently.

Now Nagito was chuckling, curious as to why you pushed him in the sprinklers.

All you could do was fall back asleep, embarrassed and knowing he’d never let you hear the end of this one.

Gundham Tanaka

You loved sleeping beside him – it was always so loving andcomforting; you felt at home in his arms. Gundham sleeps with his limbs entangled in yours, embracing youclosely.

Every night, he tells you that he’ll see you in your dreams; it’s supposed tobe sentimental. Typically, you don’t have nightmares when you’re with him however you do have some pretty odd dreams.

But you had been tossing and turning so much beside him on this specific night. You kicked him awakeand he sits up, slightly agitated at first.

Realizing that it was an accident and you were still sound asleep, he props himself up and just watched you, wondering what you could possibly be dreaming of.

He always wondered what went on inside that head of yours.

Gundham was concerned because he didn’t want any demons troubling you while youslept; all he wanted was for you to get a good night’s rest.

He shakes your shoulders with no response, wanting to make sure that everything was okay. 

Mumbling something he can’t quitedecipher, he puts his ear beside your lips and listens. 

Shaking your shoulders, much rougher this time, you jolt awake.

Jumping forward as you woke up, your eyes don’t have time to adjust to the darkness.Gundham stumbled back and lets out a cry.“Father, fetch me my overlord’s cape!”

He stares at you silently. “Did you just call me Father?”

Slightly perplexed, it takes you a moment to come to your senses. Once you finally do, you become flustered. “Oh, no. I must sound really stupid.”

Gundham gently pulls you closer and examines your face. “Was I the overlord you had been dreaming of?”

You’re blushing, a bit confused and dazed still; but you can sense a tinge of cheerfulness in his voice. There goes his superiority complex again. 

Gundham’s grip tightens around your hand and a smile spreads across his lips. “You have no idea how joyous that makes me, (Y/N)! If I am an overlord, that must mean you’re my second in command…”

And here comes one of his rants about ruling the world together. You were too tired to process his strange words at this time of night, so you simply agree with a smile and he kisses your forehead, insisting that rulers need a good night’s sleep before tucking you in bed once more.

Kazuichi Souda

You two loved taking naps together. Whenever you were havinga rough day, that was your solution. 

You’d been nuzzled into Kazuichi’s chest and he wrapped a strong arm aroundyou. He was half-asleep himself, still somewhat dozing off. Today was especially long for both of you, so your remedy seemed like the best possible solution. 

Kazuichi was in the limbo where you aren’t completely asleep but aren’t awakeeither, just conscious enough to somewhat understand your surroundings. He wassnoring lightly, whilst you were in a deep sleep.

Who knows what you were dreaming about? Your dreams were always strange and uncalled for.

You jolt awake and shout, “Just follow the jellybeans!”

Kazuichi stumbles awake as well, now fully-aware of what was happening. He letsout an intense scream and nearly falls out of bed, hitting his neck on theheadboard as he did so. 

His natural reflexes were really working against him this time. 

He’s desperately scrambling to readjust himself, his heart-rate slowly declining again whilst breathing heavily. You knew your boyfriend was easily spooked, but you didn’t think it was that bad.

“What the fuck, (Y/N)?!” He asks, clutching his chest with one palm. You feel bad for scaring him like that, but it couldn’t be helped.

You frantically apologize, a bit of a giggle escaping from your lips. Seeing him become so flustered was actually pretty adorable.

“Also… uh, jellybeans?” Kazuichi is scratching the back of his head and cocking a brow. Your face turns red and that smile gets wiped off your face as soon as he questions you.

“I-I can explain!” You say. 

Now he’s the one laughing at you, “Please do.”

Trying to retrace your dream and put the missing pieces together, you impishly smile at him. His smug grin reappears and you can already tell he’s going to tease you for the nonsense you spill while sleeping.

“You know what,” he says slowly, “let’s never talk about this again. Deal?”

He pokes out his pinky-finger and you nod, accepting his deal and letting the embarrassment melt away.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

You fell asleep beside him and he doesn’t want to disturbyou so he lets you stay there, peacefully just like that. He was a bit of arestless sleeper anyway.

He was trying to do something but he can’t now: it’s like when an animal falls asleep on you and you don’t want to move and disturb them. That’s how Fuyuhiko felt right now.

Fuyuhiko stays up, mindlessly scrolling through his phone or minding his ownbusiness.

He loved when you passed out on his chest like this, secretly. Although, he’d never admit it - you are his weak spot and the only person who can bring out the softer side of him.

Fuyuhiko finds a strange sense of comfort in listening to your steady breathing.

He’s placing kisses on top of your head and admiring your beauty from above, stroking your hair and faintly grinning.

You started tossing and turning, and Fuyuhiko was finding it harder to payattention to anything but you, sound asleep on top of him.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” His voice is raised and you suddenly mumble something. Hehesitates and then gently shoves your shoulder, enough to wake you up. 

As tough as he acts, he hates when you have nightmares. He sits up, knowing it will wake you up, causing you to tumble down and off of him which immediately stuns you back to reality.

Almost instinctively, you blurt out, “Just put it in the washing machine, all your wishes will come true…”

Fuyuhiko is staring at you, completely taken aback. “What the Hell did you say?” He’s shaking his head, slightly judging you in his mind.

He can’t help but to crack a smug smile. Your eyes widen and all you can do is hide your face in the covers.

Fuyuhiko pulls them down, his face now inches from yours. “You know, you’re lucky that you’re cute. Otherwise, I might make fun of you.”

He pecks your forehead and returns to scrolling through his phone. Your half-asleep mind is still trying to figure out what happened, but you feel your face heat up as you blush.

You go back to curling up beside your boyfriend, although now hyper-aware of the nonsense you say when you’re sleeping.

Nekomaru Nidai

Nekomaru is like a big teddy bear, he loves cuddling andgenerally falls asleep before you do. Once his head hits the pillow, it’s allover.

He was curled up with you, enthralled in whatever he’d been up to. Your head was resting in his lap and he was running his fingers through your hair, as you quietly snored beneath him.

His arms were wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close. You knew youwouldn’t be able to break free from his grip. All he could do was stare down at you lovingly and listen to the cute little sounds you made while sleeping.

You began tossing and turning beneath Nekomaru, causing him to raise abrow and stare down at your sleeping body silently. His first instinct was that you were likely havinga nightmare in which he wanted to console you. He gently began to shake you, trying to stir you awake.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Even his booming voice couldn’t seem to bring you back.

Running his hands over your shoulders, nothing seemed to do the trick. He was growing increasingly frustrated and desperate.

Suddenly, you shift and lean forward. In a half-sleepy daze, you shouted something peculiar. “Where have you hidden the cheese-wheel?!”

He stared at you blankly, and you turns to meet his perplexed expression; he looked completely dazed. You’ve never seen him look so uncertain or confused before.

“Oh, hello hun! Did I say that out loud?” He scratched the back of his headwith a light pink blush on his cheeks, not entirely sure how to answer.

“What were you dreaming of?” He asks with a bit of a shaky voice. You giggle and shyly snuggle back into his large chest, insisting that he shouldn’t worry about it.

He shrugs, still pondering your dream. Nekomaru is stubborn so he’ll bug you about it for a long time to come.

Teruteru Hanamura

He’s had a really long day. His restaurant was particularlybusy this evening and he couldn’t seem to catch a break.

Normally, you stay up later than he does but tonight,Teruteru was completely wiped out.

He drags his feet underneath him. Rushing towards your side comfortingly, he snuggles into bed beside you and feels his eyes grow heavier; still, something kept bugging him awake and he can’t place a finger on why.

You have talked in your sleep before, even had full-on conversations withhim, but this night was stranger than normal.

The television plays quiet background hums as you begin to mumble something, and Teruteru’s ears perk up. He glances over his shoulder, realizing that you were talking in your sleep again.

“Kiss the cook! This seat’s taken.”

His eyebrows immediately raise. Well, that was different! 

He slides closer towards to you and placed a gentle touch on your shoulder. You blink awake, a bitaggravated at first before realizing that it was only your boyfriend.

Is his nose bleeding?

Your eyes widen, not expecting to see him so close to your face, and jump backwards. Teruteru asks you to repeat that, and you shake your head. “Huh?”

His mind was racing, curious as to what that could’ve meant. He leans closer, “You did say kiss the cook~”

Typical of your boyfriend. You sigh, admittedly realizing that you sleep-talk sometimes, and then peck his lips so he can go to sleep peacefully. 

You turn and pull the covers back over your head, smiling to yourself. Teruteru was still trying to figure out the second part, though, but that’s not something he wants to worry about now,

Byakuya Twogami (Imposter)

This boy is a very avid cuddle-partner, and he absolutely adores when he’sable to just pull you close and embrace you.

It happened one night when you both stayed up a lot later than you probablyshould have.  

You are both well-aware of your sleep-talking problem but it’s something that just… happens. You’ve never been able to figure out why.

Luckily, he doesn’t mind too much. Although, he sometimes has some snarky comments about what was said but you don’t let it bother you too much.

His eyes were just beginning to flutter close when he hears you beginning to mumble something.

For the most part, your dreams were pretty innocent. But in a rather suggestive voice, you spit out, “Sooo~ are any of your seedlings early bloomers?”

He turns and looks at you, but all he has to do is scan your face to realize that you were sound asleep. His face turns bright red and he swears he saw a smirk on your lips.

Stammering and puzzled, he wakes you up by pulling the covers off of you. Your eyes shoot open and you repeat the strange sentence all over again. 

Being as prideful as he is, he shook his head. “(Y/N)… what was that?” He squints at you in the darkness.

“Did I do it again?” You ask, referring to the sleep-talking. He nods slowly and you bury your face in your hands, apologizing promptly. 

He starts drilling you about what you had on your mind but you couldn’t seem to recall. He’ll just have to live with the bruised pride and confusion. 

To this day, he swears that you had to have been dreaming up something pretty sensual but that’s not something you’re willing to admit. 

- Mod Rantaro

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Être dans la lune - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request: Hey girl! Can I request a Bucky x reader imagine? Where they act friendlier than ‘friends’ but they won’t admit they have feelings for each other. Until one night Bucky is having a nightmare and the reader wakes him up and helps him relax(idk, maybe stargazing?) and they kiss and it’s tender and aw, everything fluff! Feel free to change things up! Thank you, babe! Warnings: My English, language (I think). Gifs aren’t mine. Credits to their original owners. (Also, @lupinsbaby thank you <3) I am back. I am so sorry that I haven’t been active lately. Things are… messy :) Thank you for understanding! 

Être dans la lune: to be lost in one’s thoughts, to be absent-minded (“to be on the moon”) Word Count~2.6k+ MASTERLIST Pending Requests          

Lightning strobed through the room, making even the thick material of the room’s curtains seem almost transparent. The thunder that followed immediately after, shook the entire Tower, fading gradually to a distant rumbling. Bucky crawled out of his bed, fully awake as the grumble of the storm shook him to the very core. He trudged barefoot to the window, pulling a corner of the expensive, undoubtedly, curtains back to peer out into the darkness. The lights outside the room had been extinguished, victims of the heaven-sent purification. The only illumination came from the flickering, haphazard streaks of pure energy, slashing through the absolute noir of the night. It was one of those days, he thought. The better ones. The ones that he didn’t suffer from nightmares. He felt that nothing was right and that would never be. At least, you were peacefully asleep. Or so he thought. He had developed… things-how were they called? Feelings? You had never fallen asleep before FRIDAY informed you that he had too. He didn’t know that. Or that you cared about him, deeply. 

The day was a cold one. Filled with flickering lights and scented candles once all power went off. It hadn’t stopped raining- a raging thunderstorm. You used to love the rain but seeing him alarmed every time a thunder was heard made your heart ache. It hadn’t been that long since he arrived here. A little over three months. But that was more than enough for you to start carrying about him, so very dearly. You had just woken up and you trudged all the way to the kitchen, trying to figure out what was that god-awful smell. “Fuck” someone hissed as you rubbed your tired eyes and breathed in the smell. Something was on fire. The first thing you saw was Sam laughing his ass off and then Steve trying to help but he just made things worse. You chuckled and he finally turned from whatever he was- Pancakes. You smiled warmly at him and he blushed, making you avert your gaze as you slowly walked towards the counter and gently pushed him away a bit-just to make enough room for you to save those poor pancakes.  You tried to stop your heart from hammering out of your chest as you felt his body so close to yours. His scent was intoxicating and his entire body was radiating heat. You almost felt dizzy but shrugged it off fast enough for no one to notice. He stepped back and sat down still near you.You tried to focus on the pancakes. “We gonna hit the gym. Don’t eat ‘em all!” Sam remarked as he pushed Steve outside the kitchen. Those little devils. All of them knew about your not-so-little crush on Bucky. And all of them had tried to set you up with him. One way or another, it had never worked. You had just accepted the fact that he would never see you as something more than a friend. At best. Natasha had told you that he looked at you a tad longer, that he always tried to be close to you, but why would you believe something like that? “Blueberries or chocolate syrup?” you asked softly as you tried to snap out of your thoughts. He chuckled softly in a warm and tender way that may your heard squeeze in a very familiar way. “Just butter, doll”. You tried. You really did. But you couldn’t help your mind from whirling. He had never, ever called you doll or anything else than your name. You smiled playfully and served his pancakes on a delicate plate as he got up and poured some coffee into a cup for you while you were serving yours adding a bit of chocolate. Just as you sat down next to him and took a sip, the lights went out and the two of you stiffened. You could barely see the outlines of the objects, but somehow you had never felt better. He cleared his throat and moved a little further; your heart dropped. “So, um… do you want to eat breakfast in…um, my room? I mean it’s warmer and um, I mean, you don’t have to, I just-” he didn’t get a chance to finish off with his sentence because even though he had moved away from you just seconds ago, he was adorable trying to say the right words and you couldn’t help but laugh at his failed attempt. He chuckled as a response and despite everything, you still hoped. 

  Breakfast was long gone. You had settled in his room, which was slightly smaller than yours-you guessed that Tony wasn’t favoring thing whole idea of Bucky and him living under the same roof- but it was almost naked. Nothing that could be identified as Bucky’s. “So… have you had any rendezvous lately?” you asked half-innocently. It wasn’t that you just wanted to know and asked- it was that the whole conversation had moved towards that topic. He slowly glanced up, hoping that the thunders would cover up his accelerating heartbeat. It was dark; clouds, rain, and lightning, softly scented candles, you in just a pair of lacy pyjamas that didn’t cover up much, your hair all over the place… your full, promising pink lips. “Um, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Bucky” you told him, feeling embarrassed that you had even asked such a thing. He hadn’t replied and he felt distant like he was lost in his thoughts. “What? No, it’s just that… I-I haven’t” he sheepishly admitted and even in the dim light, he looked like he was trying to hide his blush. He looked ravishing. You had noticed that he didn’t want to touch you with his metal arm. You got what he never liked it but you did since it was a part of him. It only showed how strong he had been all those years. “But there is someone. She will never-” he cut himself off. You furrowed your eyebrows. Great. He didn’t even look at you to know that your questions were burning in your eyes. To him, your face was a collection of memories; you were a bliss and a tragedy all rolled into one. You belonged to no one and nowhere. You were a walking contradiction, sunshine on a winter’s day, an assortment of pieces that didn’t exactly fit together. Your eyes had seen the darkest nights and the brightest dawns. Your hands had touched the ends of this earth, sewed the globe together, painted maps with your fingertips. You had fallen as deep as the bottom of the ocean and you had risen as high as the tallest mountain peak. Your tongue had tasted blood, tears, and heartaches. Your lips had kissed happiness, sadness, and summertime. And how fitting it was, he felt both immense happiness and overwhelming sadness. Why? Because you were there with him. You had made him feel safe in a way that he knew he could never. You had been soft but you never treated him like a porcelain doll. You had figured out what he wanted- and you gave his just that. An honest smile. Not sympathetic, not forced. Just honest. All he ever knew was cold- the famous tale of the Winter Soldier. He shivered just in thought. He wasn’t that killing machine and he had you to thank for that. You had told him once to trust himself because he knew more than he thought he did. He had answered that he was an assassin who didn’t deserve all those things that he had gotten. He had murmured something about being bad and then, a moment he would never forget you had told him(more like, quoted but he didn’t know) that there was an old illusion that was called good and evil. And that he didn’t need someone who would see the light inside him but someone who would see his demons and still help him fight them off. He was acting friendlier than what he wanted. It wasn’t like he had any chance, he thought. But that didn’t stop him that night he had found you asleep on the couch from lifting you into his arms and carrying you to your room. He had the chance to hold you close and he didn’t want to let go. Steve found out-and everyone else, but they wouldn’t spill the secret. They implied it many, many, MANY, times but that was between the two of you. And now you were touching him- your delicate fingers softly caressing his arm. “Sorry, I just…” he trailed off but then he saw your smile. “No need to apologize, Buck” you almost whispered, taking in the proximity of your bodies. You focused on his sweater. It was your favorite- burgundy red. You had stolen it many times when you were cold. He had never said anything, but when he saw you leaning in… He leaned closer. The door opened and thankfully it was dark enough to hide your red cheeks. You moved away quickly. “Dinner is ready” Sam informed, a smirk plastered on his lips. "What happened to lunch?” you questioned and both of them laughed.

The storm was raging on. Electricity was still out but Tony had managed to power FRIDAY on and have ‘her’ assistance. However, he was clear. No overusing her because that would lead to no FRIDAY. The only light that was illuminating the room was the one that lightnings cast. Other than that… pitch black. You heard muffled sounds coming from the room next doors. The first thing he saw was black. He didn’t just see it- it was a damn feeling running all over his body. He felt the cold metal on his head that was there to keep him from escaping the pain and torture- too familiar to forget. He heard people speaking in Russian and braced himself for what was about to happen; he wasn’t gonna be Bucky anymore. And the words were spoken, and the Winter Soldier was ready to comply but Bucky was still there. He was conscious. It was painful, even more than usual. More words in Russian. Words that formed a sentence. ‘She is your mission’. And then he saw you. Barely alive, telling him that it was okay. That you understood and it was alright. “Bucky”. Once you had heard the noises, you had run like the Devil to his room. You saw him. Bedsheets wrapped around his throat, pained expression, hands that formed fists. You carefully climbed into his bed and gently placed your hand on his bare bicep. You could feel your heart skipping beats but now wasn’t a good time. “Bucky” you whispered. You knew better than to sneak up on Super Soldier, but you also knew that he would never hurt you. He didn’t wake up. “Bucky, it’s not real. Please”. You didn’t know what troubled him this time but you guessed. He finally snapped awake, his breathing was labored, his dark blue eyes were scanning the room until they landed on your face. He sat upright in bed. You searched his face for any clue on how to handle this but then you met his eyes and saw how vulnerable he was. You just brought him closer and hugged him with your left hand while you were softly running your fingers through his dark locks, calming him down. At first, he was frozen, petrified by your tender touch but he quickly melted into your embrace as he wrapped his arms around your frame. “It felt so real” he whispered. You couldn’t begin to understand how he must have felt. Every time he closed his eyes, hell was waiting for him. “It wasn’t. This is” you reassured him warmly. You may haven’t had paid attention to what you were wearing but he did. Soft silk that hugged your body perfectly-even in that state you were everything he could think of. He pulled away a bit and you immediately removed your hands from his torso. His naked torso. You were about to get off of his bed. “It’s dark”. You weren’t sure if you heard it or if you imagined it. You gave him a confused look. “Stay”. Okay, now you were surely imaging things. Him asking you to stay? Just when you thought that you had a wild imagination, he wrapped his fingers around your wrist and slowly pulled you close to him as he laid back down, making you wrap your arms around him as you laid just an inch away from his face. Your hearts were beating fast but steady. It would be so awkward, unless… “FRIDAY, can you project my little, um, thing?” you asked, hoping for a positive answer. “Certainly”. You felt relieved knowing that in a few moments nothing would be so dark. Slowly, the small dots of light that appeared in the room grew to peaceful constellations of bright, calming and constant stars. Whenever you couldn’t sleep, you would sneak up to the roof and stare at the night sky until Tony had caught up with it and created you this. It was a magical, clear sky. A burst of colors on a black velvet background. Stars, constellations, Stardust… They danced in an atmospheric way, too pure and ethereal for this world. You could feel Bucky relaxing- he held you even closer but a bit more certain about his actions. You had been mesmerized by the sky but he could only see you. He tucked a strand behind your ear and gently raised your head just enough for him to look at your sublime face. You were radiating brighter than the stars that were flowing above him. He kept staring at you-you smiled delicately. “Just because there is a storm, doesn’t mean that the stars don’t shine. They are always there” you breathed out, being extremely aware of your beating heart and his hot breath. His lips parted like he couldn’t believe what you had just said. Because he didn’t. He had never thought that anyone would be that kind towards him. Steve was his friend before, he knew him. But you? You had met him like this. Like a broken man but you hadn’t run away scared or disgusted. You never treated him like a bomb that was about to explode, you always saw him for who he truly was. “Thank you, angel” he replied, his voice quieter than usual. Doll, angel… “It’s not so dark anymore, now is it?” you playfully teased him but he seemed so far away. “It never is when you’re around”. Before you could ask him what did he ever mean, you felt his metal arm wrapping you inside his embrace, while he cupped your face with his other. He wanted to feel the softness of your skin. He just leaned and captured your lips in a slow and tender kiss. It felt so worried like he would back away if you didn’t want this. But who were you kidding? Once your mind realized what had just happened, your arms were hooked over his neck, which led to you being on top of him. Something that he definitely didn’t mind. His kiss became a real one when you kissed him back but it felt so surreal that you had to stop to make sure you hadn’t fallen asleep. He looked at you, worried that he had done something out of line, but he was grinning like a madman when he heard your small and sweet voice. “Can I stay the night?” you asked carefully. You weren’t clingy but you more than definitely wanted this-if it was real. “Can you stay forever?”.

Tags: @orionsirivsblack @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage @geeksareunique

[savinscripts]

❝ We went down into the silent garden. Dawn is the time when nothing breathes, the hour of silence. Everything is transfixed, only the light moves. ❞

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Though the drug he’d taken earlier to help him sleep had mostly worn off by the time Faye had arrived back, their arguments and other activities after further staving off its effects he found that for once he didn’t feel the need to partake any further to bring about the blessed darkness of sleep that tended to come when he’d taken a dose. In fact, simply relaxing under the warmth of her body combined with the general fatigue brought on by the sheer emotional and physical toll of everything that had happened tonight was enough to bring about the faded edges of sleep.

For once, Fane slept without trouble lulled and soothed by a familiar warmth wrapped close throughout the night the occasional soft brush of a hand against his skin making him mumble under his breath before nuzzling closer. Until it was the sunlight filtering through the shutters which had been left open instead of being shut the previous night that woke him when it shone on his face causing him to stir with a grumble intent on staying here for as long as he hopefully could because he felt more rested than he had been in a long time. Eventually he roused, stretching his arms and legs a little but stilling as he felt a slight weight against him and the soft tickle of hair against his shoulder.

Someone was in his bed.

Blinking against the harsh rays of light everything that had happened the previous night came back making him wince, not because he hadn’t enjoyed it but the fully gravity of what had happened had yet to be discussed. And would be a conversation no doubt looming. For now though he set his worries aside figuring it was best to make sure Faye was comfortable which is precisely what he did; easing her gently and tucking her back up just as cozily as before, so he could get out of bed grabbing a set of boxers from the drawer before going to wash his face in the sink. This was followed by a trip downstairs to the kitchen to make up a stack of cinnamon french toast with raspberries, blueberries and banana all drizzled in a decent amount of maple syrup and a decent mug of coffee made with an abhorrent amount of sweetener and creamer in his opinion. For himself he made a similar plate of food and coffee with a small addition from a hip flask he kept around just to take the edge off the day that may lie ahead.

All of this was loaded onto a tray which he proceeded to carry back up to the bedroom using his toe to push open the door and guide his way in to where he assumed she was still sleeping.

Faye slept better than she normally did as well. Usually there was something needed to help her sleep. Medication. Wine. Both. But she slept soundly and peacefully, without nightmares or running thoughts to keep her awake. Without that feeling of falling that jerked her awake so often, and frightened her so much she didn’t dare go back to sleep. There was only blessed darkness, warmth, and a feeling of safety.

So when she finally started to stir, Fane was already up and gone downstairs. Faye was not a morning person, so she would often lie there for a long while before she convinced herself she needed to get up. Though she didn’t normally keep her room so bright.

The sunlight was what caused her to open her eyes finally. She blinked, and pulled the covers back over her head before rolling over away from the light. That was when she realized that this wasn’t her bed.

She blinked again.

Oh shit.

Shitshitshitshit…

She’d slept with Fane. She’d told him she loved him. She’d told him… Gods, she’d told him almost everything.

Faye groaned from under the covers, scrubbing her hands over her face. It made sense why she was alone in his bed now… or so her muzzy morning brain told her. Because she’d been an idiot… hadn’t she? This wasn’t like her. She didn’t just… no. No something had happened. Something else.

Finally sitting up, to the riotous complaint of her entire body, hip and back especially, Faye pulled the loose sheet around herself (since when did she sleep naked?) and padded towards where she thought the bathroom might be. She found it, and closed the door behind her with a soft click before using the facilities. When she went to wash up, she looked in the mirror as she turned on the sink. “Fuck…” she said as she got a good look at her reflection.

Her hair was a wild mass of tangled waves, and livid bruises stood out on either side of her neck. There were more on her chest, the sides of her breasts, her belly, and over her hips and thighs. What had they done? Shaking her head and feeling very disoriented, Faye reached for the soap to wash her hands. She froze.

A dark spray of red trailed over the countertop, leading down into the edge of the sink. The spots were small, but the water from the sink had caused the ones in the bowl to run, turning the water a pale pink color. There was a discarded razorblade beside and slightly behind the soap dish, streaked with dried blood. Faye yanked her hands back, huffing out a breath as flashes of last night started to come back to her.

She had to lean against the counter as everything flashed all at once. Gods… he’d cut himself open because of her. But she remebered everything, which meant she knew what had come after. They had fought, screamed at each other, and Faye had turned to leave after telling him she’d loved him for years. He’d followed, and… well. She remembered why she could barely walk now.

Jesus.

But one thing stuck out above all the rest: the fact that he loved her too. He had always loved her. And they had promised to  never leave again. Faye didn’t make promises lightly, and she knew Fane didn’t as well. It seemed there was a lot they had to talk about. An awful lot. Though not necessarily today. Even though this - whatever this was - might need to be touched on.

She’d just made her way back out to the main room, wrapped in the sheet, when Fane entered as well. Faye nearly jumped out of her skin, being so lost in her own head. “God, you scared me,” she huffed, unable to help the small smile that spread across her face at the sight of him. He hadn’t left. Hadn’t run away while she was still sleeping to let her find her clothes and do the walk of shame back downstairs. He was… making breakfast?

“Sorry,” she told him. “I um… I needed the loo.”

Fane was in almost a similar state as Faye was; the half-moons she’d dug into his chest from that moment he made her promise and his own in kind having scabbed over red, a stark contrast to his pale skin and the other patchwork of old raised scars already littering his skin. Not to mention the ones on his arm, though they had been healed thin pink lines still existed in place of what he’d ended up doing the night before. Nothing he was proud of, but she’d seen the worst of him and frankly he was still feeling too tired to do anything beyond get food to feed the ache in his stomach and ease the pound of his head. His back also bore further marks of her own making, apparently she liked to use her nails, a lot.

While he’d been moving about the kitchen with a particular sense of slowness in comparison to usual, his head feeling rather foggy he’d done his best to piece together the events of last night. He could vaguely recall returning from the crime scene, drinking himself into a stupor, Faye coming to find him which had resulted in his telling her of one of his most profound secrets. The one that had kept him away for so long and the biggest guilt he carried. The memory alone caused him to look at the coffee he’d made and his hand shift its course back to the hip flask and taking a sip rubbing the heel of his hand over his eye tiredly. “Fuck me,” the rest of the night was a bit of a blur, he mildly remembered the cloud of opium, the sharp pain in his arms and then darkness before Faye turned up again and their fight… Which had led to… His eyes narrowed a bit as he peered at the wall by the stairs, a few nail marks in the wood the only physical indicator of what had happened the night before in that very spot.

Something else nagged at the back of his mind, but he wasn’t entirely sure what. It was only en route back to the bedroom bypassing the shredded material of her clothes in the process and when he did remember he closed his eyes. He’d said it. They had both said it. “Ugh fuck,” why had he left his flask down in the kitchen? He was too hungover and tired for this.

A part of him had debated letting his flighty nature win out, but eventually he sucked it up and upon entering the bedroom he was greeted with the pleasant sight of her wrapped up in only the black silk of his 20 momme bedsheets, her blonde locks cascading in wild waves about her shoulders and down her bare chest along with quite a startled expression. “Oh– um sorry,” he said to startling her blinking and at a loss for what to do considering he wasn’t sure whether he should look away or do as he wanted which was continue looking straight at her rather clearly nude under the sheet she clutched about herself. Remembering himself he shook his head and cleared his throat quietly, taking the tray over to the bed “s’alright” he said of her using the bathroom jerking his chin towards the tray with a remarkably awkward eloquence “food…” as if she couldn’t already tell what it was before he picked up his own mug from the tray and took a sip walking over to his wardrobe to rummage through and pull out a shirt and bring it over quietly setting it down for her to put on.

Before leaving the bathroom, Faye had made the conscious decision to wipe up the blood from the sink and flush the blade down the toilet. She’d found a few other drops here and there. A bit on the door handle and some on the floor which she promptly cleared away. She’d seen enough crime scenes to know that this was simply the leftovers from an attempt at cleaning up. Probably this morning. Had he been clear-headed Faye probably wouldn’t have found a single thing out of order. But there was also the matter of the pipe on his bedside table and the alcohol she remembered tasting when he’d kissed her. So the less reminders he had of last night -the bad parts - the better. Sometimes all it took was something small and innucous to set a person off. Faye knew that well. So she cleaned up what he missed, and left it at that for now.

Back out in his room, she clutched the sheets just a bit tighter out of habit, but relaxed a bit when she remembered that there was hardly a part of her he hadn’t seen last night. She didn’t mind if he looked at her. Meant he still didn’t find her abhorrent, even in the light of day.

His slightly awkward behavior made Faye dip her own head, unsure what the next step was. She’d never… done this. Not really. Not with someone she loved. And that loved her. And not just someone… but Fane. He was so much more than that. At the offer of food, Faye came over and picked up the second mug of coffee. Taking a test sip, she sighed audibly. It tasted divine. Sweet and rich and hot enough that she couldn’t hold the mug for too long. She didn’t sit yet, turning as he approached and laid the shirt down, apparently for her to slip on.

She watched him for a moment, one hand still clutching the sheet. “Thank you… for this. No ones ever made me breakfast before. Well, except my gramma and my mom. But…well… you’re definitely not… not them, so…” She did her own throat clearing and reached for the shirt, turning away a bit shyly, her back mostly to him before she dropped the sheet and proceeded to pull it on. It fell nearly to mid-thigh on her, and only then did she pick up the sheets and place them back on the bed before sitting back on the bed herself. “What time is it?” she asked, hoping he would sit and eat with her instead of stand and watch.

If he could have he would have happily admired the sight of her, but with the lingering uncertainty about whatever came next… He was in as much of a clueless state as she was. Because similarly he had never been in this situation with anyone else, apparently, this was a morning of firsts but food seemed like a decent place to start. He watched as she took a sip of her coffee, waiting and watching to make sure she didn’t mind it before he brought the shirt over for her. “S’alright,” he said again still uncertain as to what he was supposed to say to that “well… I hope it’s um– alright?” Fane hedged after a moment knowing this was just one of those things he enjoyed on a morning and hoping she would too considering he’d mostly just gone through the motions of making it.

While she took the time to put the mug down and walk a little distance away he couldn’t help but glance in her direction as the sheet fell allowing him a glimpse of her before she covered herself with the shirt he brought. Realising that he may have been staring he coughed again, scratching his ear and positioned himself on the mattress not bothering about his own clothes considering he was in boxers now himself. Though her question for the time earned an almost blank look of confusion his mind slowly turning over the information before it registered what she’d asked “oh– oh, um–” he glanced at the bedside table having gone to reach for his phone but realising that it must’ve been downstairs wherever his trousers had ended up being discarded.

He glanced around, he must’ve had a clock in here somewhere– before remembering the alarm on the dresser (deliberately placed) and an accio brought it to hand so he could look at it. “It’s um– Ten-thirty ish…” he answered letting the device drop down onto the mattress.

“It’s… yeah. It’s… it’s alright.” He must have seen her make her own coffee dozens upon dozens of times by now. So it was no surprise that he had made it the way she liked it. Though probably with a disgusted look on his face the entire time as he’d put in creamer and sugar. And then more creamer and sugar. Either way, it tasted amazing, and as she sat back down she picked it up again, holding it between her palms and letting it warm them up. The food looked delicious, and it was more than Faye was used to, the mug in her hands usually the only breakfast she ended up getting, too busy from the get go to remember things like food. Though sometimes she found a bagel or an apple or something else being pressed into her hand, and Fane giving her a look that said ‘Eat. Now.’ And she did. Usually. Until she set it down somewhere and forgot about it again. Her office was littered with pieces of things she’d forgotten about and just sat down in her daily scramble through files and paperwork and the like.

It wasn’t that she cared if he saw her, it was merely habit. Though no one had ever seen her like this. In the full light of day. At least not since her accident. Perhaps she would grow out of the behavior eventually, though like anything else that had been ingrained for so long, it would take time.

Just as whatever this was - or was going to be - between them would. Because Faye knew that spilling truth was one thing, but living it was something else entirely. That didn’t mean she regreted what she’d said last night. Not at all. Though there was the small fear that she’d said too much too soon. But there was not onc ounce of regret. She’d had enough regret to last ten lifetimes. She wouldn’t live with it anymore, no matter what happened. Besides, he’d told her the same thing. Which made her wonder if he was feeling the same as her now. Slightly unsure, a bit awkward, and a tiny bit frightened. Not of him, but of… well… of what now?

She’d just taken a small bite of fruit, enjoying the tart flavor against the sweetness of her coffee, when he announced the time. Ten-thirty. Faye nearly choked. “Ten-thirty?? Gods… I’ve… I’ve got to be at the Ministry at eleven for a deposition. My boss is gonna kill me…”

Her way of wrecking a perfectly decent mug of coffee must’ve been ingrained into his mind by now, but it was what it was and there was little else for it if that was how she had it that was how he would make it for her. Explaining the mug she currently had, and the one he held close both for the extra content it contained and for the slight aid to ease the grogginess he still felt. Fane also knew well enough by now about how she tended not to go about eating; a fact that made him roll his eyes on an almost daily basis until he almost ensured she was force-fed items of food. But today was not a normal occasion for either one of them and that threw him entirely off-kilter with how best to handle it because how was he supposed to handle having the women he cared about most not only in his bed but in his bed after a night of rather incredible passion and connection wearing nothing but one of his shirts?

Frankly that question alone was enough to leave him feeling perhaps even more groggy than everything he’d put into his system the night before.

He didn’t regret a thing that had happened, except perhaps his own incompetencies in her absence but… What was done was done and now he was left awkwardly wondering how she felt about the whole thing now that their respective emotions weren’t strung on a livewire. Explaining why he sat there half-hoping she would say… something? Anything really, because he was at a loss and therefore until something was said intended to fill his mouth with as much of the tart fruits and sweet syrup as he could.

That is until she practically choked on her food and almost spilled coffee over his bed “say you’re ill, you work harder than anyone in your department and take next to no days off. If he doesn’t give you the day– let alone week he’s a grade A douche who isn’t worth your time,” he said plainly over the rim of his mug clear-headed enough to feel this was entirely justified. “You need a break.”

They had up until now developed a pattern that worked for them. Falling into certain roles and a certain order to things that they were both comfortable with, being the types of people they were. And it had been working, and working well… until yesterday. When it got blown to shit.

Now, what had been an easy, mostly comfortable, slightly affectionate relationship… that had been slowly building towards something else… had been catapulted straight past Go. Do not collect $200. Just… boom.

And while it wasn’t a bad thing, it was certainly something that was going to take some figuring out. And some talking. Lots and lots of talking. Though if Faye had learned anything about Fane in the last few months, it’s that he was the best there was at Changing the Subject. Hands down. And you wouldn’t even know he was doing it until you were in far left field and there was a new fucking batter on the plate. Though he was right in this instance: what did you say when the world you knew, the one you had grown comfortable with, suddenly took a turn? A turn that you wanted, but weren’t sure you were ready for? Did you talk about it? Bring the obvious to light? Ask the hard questions? Or did you just let it be? And see what happened? Faye didn’t know. But she figured that when the time was right an opportunity would present itself. And it would hopefully not be too awkward.

Because the last thing she wanted to do was cause harm. To him. Or to this thing growing between them. Because she wanted it. More than anything. Her feelings hadn’t changed when she thought he was dead. They certainly wouldn’t change now. Especially since he was alive and she knew that he loved her too. Even though there were some very serious things going on with him - and with her too, if she were honest - that would have to come up eventually.

But right now Faye was late for work. Even though the last thing she wanted to do was leave his bed.

“I can’t!” she said pitifully. “It’s in front of the Wizengamot. About… about yesterday. They don’t reschedule. For anyone. Let alone me.” She made to look around for her clothes, turning this way and that on the bed, looking under the covers. Until she realized, “My clothes are in the hallway, aren’t they?” Faye sagged, dropping her face into her hands. “‘M gonna get fired… oh my god… ‘m gonna lose my job ‘n be working in a diner the rest of my life…” Her words were muffled by her hands, but there was a slight touch of panic to them.

If there was one thing Fane was certainly sure he was capable of it was turning the tide of a conversation he didn’t particularly wish to have and if he was honest talking really wasn’t something he wanted to do much of. In actual fact, he could think of several other things he’d much rather occupy himself with this morning some of which may have involved keeping her right here and very much occupied. For now he could settle for this, whatever this physical turn meant for the both of them or even what it meant for their growing relationship- bond? Trying to fit a label to it only made his head ache more than it already was, no point giving himself more of a headache. They could just explore couldn’t they? Just as they had with the other stuff between them– they could just… figure it out as they went surely it couldn’t be that hard could it?

Her excuse was met with a nonplussed look, “you’re ill, shit luck on their part and of course they reschedule. They’re a fucking governmental bureaucracy, people get ill without warning. They deal with it and they have lots of things on their plate to get on with.” In her attempt to look around for her clothes she knocked his arm and coffee spilled over the edge of his mug onto his hand making him hiss slightly and wince shaking off his hand shooting her a slightly irked look because frankly he was too tired to deal with this. “They’re in the hallway and your shirt is somewhere split in half as well if I remember rightly” he made no effort to move as of yet merely observing and sipping at his coffee as well as shovelling his food into his mouth before she could kick it over or anything else in her panic.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath around a mouthful of food blinking rather unsympathetically when she rather dramatically declared that she was set to work in a diner. Instead, he waited to see whether she’d continue her fit or grow up about it opting to take another slow sip of coffee.

“But I’m not ill!” she said, looking up and shooting him a scandelized look. “I haven’t missed a scheduled meeting in my life, Fane. My life! Ever.” The mild look of panic was growing, and she didn’t notice that she had bumped him and spilled his coffee - something she would have apologized for quickly had she known - and finally she stood, needing to move before she imploded.

“I am not being ridiculous! You’re being ridiculous! Wanting me to… to lie to my boss? I’ve never lied to my boss. Not outright. I may have omitted a few things here and there, but that’s different. That’s not lying… lying is… they’ll suspend me if they find out!” She was rambling now, and the mention of her torn and shredded clothes only earned another groan from her. “I can just… apparate home first…” Patting herself, she realized again that she was in his shirt and nothing else. “Where’s my wand?”

A quick survey of the room and she didn’t see it. “Where’s my wand?” she asked him directly this time, holding out her hand for it as if it was in his immediate possession.

“So what’s one missed meeting going to do? You miss a lesson in school, you’re not suddenly going to get expelled because you didn’t go” Fane gave her a deadpan look from where he sat a little bored of the extreme nature this was apparently taking on. When the mattress shifted as she rose he glanced at her before going back to mopping up the last of the syrup from his place with the bread and licking it off his fingers once he finished it off.

“Then omit the fact you aren’t ill, the fact you’re getting this worked up over work is proof enough you need a break” he resumed sucking off his fingers before placing his plate down out of the way. “If you’re that concerned I’ll just do it for you,” he was hardly fazed about flipping off the Ministry, frankly he didn’t give two fucks either way what they wanted or needed done. One less agent would hardly destroy the entire system. “

But then she was looking at him with a look like she half expected him to have what she wanted, “how the fuck should I know?” He sighed heavily, pushing himself up from the bed rubbing a hand over his face wearily “sit down and eat before it gets cold and no, you are not going to argue with me because my head hurts ‘n’ I bothered to make it for you so the least you can do is eat it because you’ve already gotten coffee on my sheets.”

“This is not school, this is the Ministry of Magic. And this isn’t a lesson-” She moved around the room, looking under his dresser and then moving around to look under the bed. “This is a deposition. A deposition, Fane. For my case. Our case. You do understand what a deposition is, don’t you?” She pushed back up from her knees, her search for her things - other than what was in the hall, proving fruitless.

As he countered her argument by using her own words against her, she narrowed her eyes. “And tell them what? Sorry, can’t come in today, having a lie in?” She affected an entirely too proper accent as she mimicked calling her boss, before huffing. “Right. And you’re the Minister for Magic.”

“Why wouldn’t you know? You know where my clothes are, and how they got there. Surely you saw my wand at some point…” She muttered to herself about the bullheadness of some people, prepared to make a turn down the hallway when he stood. “It’s not my fault your head hurts,” she told him stubbornly. She could smell the alcohol in his coffee, but hadn’t said anything. Finally, after a few moments of heated glaring, Faye moved over and sat down, primly and a bit stiffly, on the edge of the bed. “Fine. But I think coffee is probably the least of your worries when it comes to your sheets.” She tore off a tiny piece of toast and stuck it in her mouth, her leg bouncing ever so slightly up and down as she fought the impulse to run to the impending meeting. She didn’t mean it as anything other than in the context of what they’d gotten up to last night, but she wasn’t in the mood to have to spell it out for him.

“And do you want your only witness testimony to be under the influence?” he questioned levelly not that he claimed what he was under the influence of, but considering he had had a bit to drink this morning and not even considering last night… It could certainly be argued he was entirely not sober enough to stand in front of a bunch of tight-asses who all thought him to be a Dark Wizard as it was. He was more likely in this state to say something offensive on their behalf than anything useful, so really the fact she’d scheduled it for today was not a clever decision on her behalf.

“Not necessarily,” he answered with a small roll of his eyes.

“Because I did that? I’m also the one that fucked you to oblivion last night so watch your mouth before I give you something else to occupy yourself with, as for your wand I had nothing to do with that… It’s around, we’ll find it” he countered pinching the bridge of his nose and scrunching up his eyes. Though her alluded comment to what they had gotten up to last night made him look at her, cocking an eyebrow as she returned to sit down on the bed a measure of amusement lighting his eyes which he made absolutely no effort to tamp down. “You’re right, it’s hardly the biggest concern considering the way you came all over them too” his eyes drifted to the bare expanse of her leg as it bounced considering she still had nothing on beneath the angle hardly left anything to the imagination and plus he’d seen her anyway. Stepping closer his chin tipped down just a little “‘n’ since you’re staying I hardly see why we can’t find something to do with the day.”

“I didn’t say it was for you. It’s for me. I was the AIC, so I’m first on the stand. You’ll come later, when you’re not hungover. And when I say you’re fit to be questioned.” Faye had given Fane’s statement to the officers that had shown up. Her team. And it was listed as official. But he would still have to testify. The man hadn’t died, thank God, but he was in critical condition. Beating someone half to death, whether in defense of another or not, still wasn’t killing them. A living assailant was much better than a dead one. At least in this case. And they could question him too. When he woke up. Or before. If Faye had her say in things. As for the scheduling, well… she hadn’t had much choice in that either. She had been told when to be there, and like a good agent, she agreed before she could think on it too much.

“But to answer your question, no. I would rather have my key witness, and my partner, sober. If it’s all the same to him.” Faye knew Fane drank. She knew he got drunk sometimes too. So did she. Though she didn’t know how excessive it could become, or some of the reasons for it. Though the reason for last night… it had started off as one thing, and then become another. A terrible combination of circumstances that had all come crashing together at one time. And it was partly Faye’s fault.

“Yes. I’m aware you did that. I look like a dalmation because of it.” Not that she was complaining. But his comment on keeping her mouth shut or facing the consequences only earned him a piece of fruit tossed rather pointedly - and with fair precision - at his head. “Shut up. I want my wand.” She put the next piece of fruit in her mouth, looking over at the alarm clock which now said fifteen minutes until eleven. A long sigh came through her nose, and her leg continued to shake. Her eyes tipped back to his face, and her own eyebrow rose at the comment. “Wasn’t sayin’ I didn’t.” But a small pink blush had risen to her cheeks, and she looked back at the plate as he stepped closer. “I’m not staying,” she told him, though there was hesitation in her voice. “I have to find my wand and go.” He stepped closer and she finally had to look up at him. “I’m serious…” She sounded anything but.

“Well then, we’d both be better off doing this another day then wouldn’t we?” he countered again. Though his attention was soon taken by her attempt to counter him, “and I can see you’re capable of walking, which means I must not have done my job right.” Fane clicked his tongue lightly as she countered about not staying, he could work on convincing her of that. “Go where? Home or to work because you aren’t going to make it and you can’t go looking like this.”

Fane looked at her for a long moment, before he shook his head and turned rather promptly leaving her to finish off the food, not particularly thinking that in his current state of undress in the light of day the brand seared into the skin of his shoulder would be remarkably visible. He returned few minutes later on his phone which was pressed to his ear and he was already mid-way through a conversation. “Ah– G’morning Rosa, sorry to be a bother but it’s important. Would you mind putting me through to Commissioner Thorn?” he made a small humming noise as a voice on the other end of the line chattered away “yes, I know darling. I appreciate this a great deal– it’s very important, mhm, mhm yes– Alright I’ll hold.” Fane’s eyes drifted over to her when the commissioner picked up “ah– G’morning sir. Fane Savin here… I was just ringing because I’m aware the deposition is today… Unfortunately Faye took a… tumble yesterday, her hip seems to be acting up and she can’t walk very well, I just came over to check on her and honestly I don’t think she’s capable of attending today and I didn’t want you to waste your or the Ministry’s time…” Fane nodded as he listened to what the commissioner said “yes, exactly… Mhm, mhm– You’re right,” he stepped closer to where Faye rested a mischievous look glimmering in his eyes as he shifted to nudge her bouncing leg aside with his own. “Yes– I’ll make sure she’s alright… She’ll probably be back in later in the week for the deposition then… Oh really, no worries I just wanted to be helpful. Yes–” Fane said again to whatever it was that was said on the other end of the line “alright, I will– Have a good day commissioner.”

And with that done Fane ended the call tossing his phone aside on the mattress and shifted to kneel down his palms flat and fingers splaying over the pale skin of her thighs. “Now,” he breathed leaning in closer to press a brushing kiss to the side of her jaw moving up until he hovered over her ear “your boss says you should look after yourself and that he’ll handle the rescheduling… And I didn’t even lie about it hm?” He nipped at the shell of her ear grinning, after all, she had taken quite a tumble last night… just not quite the sort he’d implied on the phone.

God, he was an infuriating man. Driving her to levels of vexation unlike anyone else she’d ever known. So used to getting his way that he never batted an eye at the concept that the world wouldn’t simply bend to his whims. That she wouldn’t. Though the latter was far more likely. Damn him. So his counerpoints came, all ringing true (except when he stated he hadn’t properly done his job, because all that pacing had left Faye feeling just a bit shakey, not that she would admit it) and making Faye huff in irritation. “What’re you-?” she started to ask as he turned away, but he was gone before she could finish. It gave her a good glimpse of his back, which she’d only seen briefly last night before he’d pulled on a hoodie. There was a large tattoo, and… Faye swallowed. She knew a burn mark when she saw it. Or in this case, a brand. The skin red and puckered against his pale complexion. She couldn’t make out what it was, but the thought of someone doing that to him turned her stomach. And made her angry. When she heard him coming back, she schooled her expression into one of quiet neutrality, but it quickly morphed into horror as she realized he was on the phone with her boss.

“Hang up,” she mouthed, pointing at him, clearly horrified that he had actually called her job - her boss - to get her out of work today, when she was quite capable of going. He stepped closer, a smirk on his face though his voice remained cool and professional. Faye reached up for the phone when he was within grabbing distance, but he was too tall. “Fane, hang up the goddamn-” she whispered fiercly, not wanting Thorn to actually hear her and get Fane in trouble. But the call was done, and Faye was left blinking at him as he knelt in front of her. “You smug…” Her breath stuttered as he nosed along her jaw. “Smug bastard,” she finished, gathering her senses - godfuckingdamn him - and trying to push him away. But his weight prevented it. So she ducked her head to the side as he nipped her ear, trying to look upset with him, but not managing quiet as well as she’d hoped.

“You rescheduled a deposition, with the Wizengamot, on a murder investigation that’s been going on for months…” She ducked away from him again, turning to push a hand against his chest. “Just so we wouldn’t have to get out of bed today?” A tiny part of her clapped in delight that she wouldn’t have to go, but a bigger part of her was starting to freak out a bit. “You can’t just- do that.” Even though he just had. “I have a- a responsibility. A… a moral code. I took-” She closed her eyes, pressing both hands against his chest now to steady herself. “I don’t like…”

Faye sighed, but managed a smile. “You know what. It’s fine. It’s fine. Thank you… for handling it.” The last thing she wanted to do was tell him she didn’t like unexpected changes. They totally threw her out of her comfort zone. Because what was this - the two of them - but a completely unexpected change. Her hand curled up and over his shoulder, the warmth of him soothing to her nerves, and her fingers brushed the mark on his back. She’d felt it before, but now her fingers lingered, tracing the ridges of skin. She gave him a questioning look, one he didn’t have to answer, of course. Not if he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t half so much that he was used to getting his way, more that he knew how to talk her around into coincidentally achieving his own goals. Her mouthing while he was on the phone earned a small shake of his head, stubborn and utterly resolute in achieving his own end. The attempts to get the phone were swatted away until he was already hanging up and dropping down to kneel so he was more on her level, she was certainly right in her earlier thoughts about him being capable of changing a topic and there was no better way than this. Plus, this just meant he could make it up to her didn’t it?

“An investigation you’ve been chasing yourself ragged on, I’ve seen the case files at your cottage, I’ve seen the way you paw over them and frankly it’s getting a bit ridiculous… Borderline obsessive Faye, what use are you to them if you’re mentally exhausted?” Fane countered once more with another small kiss to her jaw though she pulled away and he sighed sitting back on his haunches looking at her steadily with that same level of patience he always tried to apply to situations. “Well, I just did,” he stayed put as she pressed both hands to his chest brows arched expectantly for whatever point she was about to throw at him but ultimately didn’t.

What he wasn’t expecting was her thanks, and a quizzical look was earned before he figured he’d roll with it. He wasn’t sure where they stood with each other just yet, and so he rubbed her thighs affectionately “you’re welcome.” He pressed back a little as she curled her fingers over his shoulder not making any advances just yet, though he tensed a little as she passed her fingers over the brand unexpectedly. The questioning look wasn’t lost on him either and his brows pinched a bit, unsure what she was asking. Whether she wanted to know who had done it or wanted to see it… “What?”

She growled at him under her breath as he swatted her hands away from getting the phone, and the glare remained on her face even as he dropped down to eye level. “What use am I if I can’t catch him?” she countered, though it wasn’t that strong of an argument. “How long until he starts coming after the people we know, Fane? Our classmates? Our friends?” She paused, searching his face for a moment. “How long until he comes after us?” Because Faye knew whoever was doing these killings was aware there were being hunted. They probably knew who was after them as well. Probably knew Faye and Fane both. Their team. Because people like this were smart. And they covered their bases. Which included knowing what they were up against.

Though the reasonable, logical part of her knew he was right. She had been running ragged over this case. Her kitchen table was littered with files and partially empty coffee  mugs. Faye had been running on caffeine and pure stubborn willpower for weeks now. But it was what she always did. What she’d always done. And no one had ever told her differently. Until now.

She sighed again. “You make me insane, you know that, right?” But there was a small upwards tilt to her lips that wasn’t there before. She gave him a small nod as he rubbed her legs, the action making her feel a bit more calm. As for where they stood… well, they were obviously more than just friends now - and had been for awhile if they were honest, though neither had chanced to press over that unspoken line that lay very prominently between them. Content to simply flow along in something like limbo. Going out, but not on ‘dates.&rsrsquo; Staying in, but also as nothing more than two friends enjoying each other’s company. For Faye’s part it was out of fear. Fear of losing what they had, of changing things and risking having nothing if it went badly. Because as much as she loved him, she would rather have him as a friend than not have him in her life at all.

But did they really have to put a name to it? Because honestly she was too fucking old and too world-weary to care about some sort of label. Some people needed them, and that was fine. There was nothing wrong with that. But Faye just couldn’t find a word that fit. So why bother? Besides… back to the unspoken issue: were they… together? After last night? Was this thing between them officially a thing now? If it was, what did that entail? So many things ran through Faye’s head. She was shit at this, her one ‘steady’ relationship in the last decade having lasted barely a year. And that had been tumultuous at the best of times, and had never progressed to anything deeper than sex.

She felt more connected to Fane after one night than she had after nearly a year of being with Roger. Though she’d always felt a connection with him, cliche as it sounded. But it was true. So there was that.

He tensed as her fingers brushed over the mark on his back, and that drew all of Faye’s attention. His question was met with a softening of her expression, and a gentle advance of her fingers over the mark, in case he wanted to pull away. She didn’t say anything, simply gave a small shake of her head, tracing the puckered lines of skin with a fingertip. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she searched her memories from the night before. Flashes of moments, one after the other, where she’d seen the mark but paid it no real attention at the time, too caught up in other things.

Watching him walk away from her, stripping off his old shirt and pulling on a hoodie. A flash of tattooes and scars.

Feeling it under her hand as the wall bit into her own back.

Seeing it for a brief moment as he’s gone to get his phone.

She pulled them all together in her mind’s eye, in her photographic memory, lashes fluttering as an image formed.

“Morsmordre…” she whispered, finally opening her eyes to look at him again. There was no pity there, only a low burning anger for the people - no, the monsters - that had marked him. “When?” was her question. He didn’t have to show her, or even tell her if he didn’t want to. It was just another moment of acceptance between them. She wanted to know, but she would never press. Just as she knew Fane wanted the full story behind her own scars, but she couldn’t tell him yet. One day, yes. But not yet.

So she gave him the same courtesy, along with the knowledge that he didn’t have to hide from her. Not now. Not ever.

“What use are you if you’re so worn out you aren’t capable of catching him because of that very same reason?” he wasn’t disputing her points, he knew them well enough himself but she needed a break whether or not she was willing to admit that herself. “If he comes after us we’ll be ready, we’ll figure it out but right now you’re taking a break and I don’t care what you have to say about it,” of course he did care, it was why he was digging his heels in right now. “I get it, you don’t like being told what to do but you’re running on fumes, come back fighting fit and all guns blazing hm?”

Seeing the smile that eventually came to her features brought a small smile of his own to his lips, raising a hand to lightly touch her chin “you know that’s just one of my fortés hm?” They were still friends though last night had served to add another layer to their already complex relationship but nothing had to change all that much did it? For now though, Fane didn’t particularly want to think about it much not thinking or feeling like they particularly needed to talk about it just now. They had time.

He couldn’t help the tension that came into him at the soft searching brush of her fingers unused to anyone paying them this much attention or care it was– pleasant if a little odd and the skin tingled a little under her touch. She said nothing to his question and it left him there wondering what she wanted to know about it, it was old by comparison to many of the other marks on his body. Though hearing her whisper it, that one word made him shiver a phantom pain flaring in his body in reaction to it and his lips fell into a small frown especially at the tone she took with her question. “Long time ago,” sixth year, when he’d refused to be subdued by the Death Eaters and their many attempts to recruit him to their cause. If he wouldn’t join of his own volition they had just claim him as theirs regardless.

His eyes dropped a little, his grip on her thighs having tightened just a little from the memory. “It’s fine,” just another reminder of the things he’d survived.

Faye crossed her arms, a petulant look settling onto her face as he both agreed with her and added to his own counterargument. “No, I don’t like being told what to do. By anyone.” She tipped an eyebrow at him, letting him know that included him. When he touched her chin, she dropped her eyes, fighting the smile that edged slowly wider. “Yeah. I’m aware.” Finally, she scrubbed a hand over her face in resignation. “Fine. But tomorrow I’m going back to work. And you’re coming with me. We’ve got things to take care of.”

There would be an autopsy report on Faye’s desk, she knew. Crime scene photos. Though thank God Fane had gone before they’d started snapping pictures. The last thing they needed was a picture of him covered in blood at the scene of a murder. It wasn’t his fault, none of it, but there was always the off chance that a photo would make it’s way out into the public eye. Or even worse, into Rita Skeeter’s grizzled old hands. She’d have a field day.

So there was that at least.

She felt his hands tighten over her legs, but he didn’t pull away. So she let her fingers slip over the mark until her hand was covering it. She’d thought him dead yes, but never a traitor. Never a Death Eater. Seems someone else had thought differently. To hear him say ‘it’s fine’ when it wasn’t fine, not at all, broke her heart. Whether he was just pushing it aside because he felt like he’d deserved it, or because he didn’t want to talk about it - which was fine, and she would respect that - or something else, Faye wished… She wasn’t sure what she wished. Maybe that she could take it away. But other than cutting it out of his skin, it would always be there.

Her other hand pushed his hair off his forehead, and she pressed her lips there, lingering for a bit as her fingers threaded through the dark mess of lazy curls. She chose not to say anything, to just hold him and let it be.

“Oh I don’t know about anyone,” he countered again his brows waggling just a little bit “especially last night… Right… here, I’d say you listened to my orders very well hm?” Fane was well aware he was being salacious, and seeing how her smile grew it brought about one of his own as he lightly stroked her chin with his thumb. “Mm, fine, but today you’re resting and taking a break from everything and only leaving bed for food and to use the bathroom… I’ll happily keep you entertained all day.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what to do explaining why he simply did the only thing that made much sense to him right now which was stay still and let her explore his skin. By the time her hand covered the entire mark his eyes had dropped a little his head bowing breath having grown shallow. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and his throat tightened in uncertainty about what she might think or feel about it. He wasn’t lying when he said it was fine, it was, it had happened a long time ago and considering its location so long as he never looked at his back in a mirror it was fine. Out of sight and out of mind. Though occasionally it tingled with latent magic, the force with which it had been cast to burn it into his skin having left its mark in more ways than simply the visible.

So, as her hand brushed up over his forehead and through his hair tangling in the mess of slight dark curls he focussed on breathing, on the warmth of her lips against his skin and wished that he never had to leave this moment. It was a while after that moment he finally stirred a little in her hold before murmuring “shower?”

“Well… that was different,” she told him, smiling and blushing even more. “I enjoyed that.” The brush of his fingers along her chin pulled a low hum up from her throat, and she shook her head at him. “You’re terrible. But… fine. Consider me bed-ridden for the day. Just for today,” she said pointedly, though she couldn’t help but smile. The prospect of lazing around and getting up to a bit more of what they’d done last night was starting to grow on Faye the longer she sat there. He looked so pleased with himself too. The smug bastard.

Though the moment turned a bit more somber as she explored his body a bit more closely. She could feel his tension, his uncertainty. It radiated off him in waves. So she tried her best to soothe his worries. To reiterate that nothing about him, either physically or mentally, would ever change the way she felt. That she would love him no matter what. Scars, demons, and everything in between. Because while there was so much good in him, Faye knew there was darkness too. Just as there was in her. Just as there was in everyone. Though Fane’s darkness went far deeper than even Faye realized as of yet. But it wouldn’t matter to her. She couldn’t change her heart. Not even if she wanted to.

They sat that way for a bit, each in their own head. “Yeah, sounds nice,” Faye agreed, kissing his forehead once more.

“Yeah? How’s it different?” he questioned a little more playfully then not intending on letting her get away from his line of questioning regarding such matters. “Makes me wonder what else you’ll enjoy hm?” Still, his grin grew large and the other side of entirely too pleased with himself for actually achieving his goal of keeping her right here. “Uhuh, just for today, sure…” though if he could achieve it today it certainly spoke to whether he would be capable of doing it again in the future. Something to test that much was certain.

Even so, the playfulness turned to something quieter and more reserved at the searching stroke of her fingers an uncertainty over what was going through her mind right now. Certainly something about him but whether it was good or bad was left hanging in the air. She’d glimpsed the edges of his darkness last night, but it didn’t mean she could grasp just how deep it went. With time he would come to learn that she could weather and accept it, the good and the bad and everything in between but for now the hesitation was still entirely present in him and he wasn’t sure it was about to go away any time soon.

For now though he’d take care of her and a shower seemed like a decent place to start, so when she agreed he smiled at the press of her lips and nodded. He started to push up, though before he broke free from her grasp he paused leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips unable to help himself from wanting to do exactly that.

“Guess you’ll just have to find out, hm?” she grinned softly. There were things she enjoyed that she felt a bit ashamed of at times. Things she’d only been able try here and there, and sometimes even on her own. Though that was less than satisfying. But maybe one day they would be able traverse those darker avenues with one another. And maybe Faye wouldn’t be ashamed to admit that she liked things that most people would find debasing and even a bit twisted. Something told her Fane might understand. That he might even find it appealing, the parts of her that liked pain, that liked the scrape of a blade or the sting of needle piercing her skin. The fine line of red that followed. A controlled experience, done for pleasure, for release… and not done to harm. Because it wasn’t the same as what she’d done to herself in the hospital. Or what Fane had done last night. It was also about control. About taking what could irreversably harm you and making it your own.

That wasn’t all, but it was enough in and of itself to be a turn off. Not that she’d ever shared it with anyone. Though like most things between them, it would most likely just happen. And that was fine with Faye. If it was meant to be it would be.

She pressed his face between her hands as he kissed her, the temptation to pull him back into the bed and forget a shower was a large one. But hot water sounded amazing. So they eventually made their way back to the bathroom, and Faye waited while he fiddled with the handles.

After finally making it out of bed before either one of them got overly distracted they made it to the bathroom attached to one side of the bedroom. No longer quite as much of a state as it had been the previous night between both of their efforts to tidy it up this meant Fane bypassed the sink and instead went for the decently sized walk-in shower. “How warm d’you want it?” he asked as he adjusted the dial a little so that it was warm but nothing entirely uncomfortable.

Hitting a button resulted in a small delay before the jets kicked into life that he used to dart back out just before water started spraying from the showerhead and particularly before he got soaked. “Should be warm in a minute, I’ll go get some towels if you um– want to get in,” he wasn’t sure whether she minded sharing a shower or whether it would be too much though after last night it was difficult to tell where boundaries started and stopped anymore. If they even existed at all…

But either way, towels were necessary and so after a momentary hesitation he darted off to go and fetch the towels as well as casting a charm that would change the sheets and make the bed up while they were both getting washed. Arriving back in the bathroom he walked over to the towel rack and hung the two soft oversized towels up to make sure they were warm after their shower was done.

Faye had noticed the shower earlier that morning. It was fairly impressive. A sight larger than her old clawfoot tub and showerhead back at the cottage.

“If I don’t come out pink, it’s not hot enough,” she told him, watching as he pulled back just before the water shot from the jets. Steam started to rise rather quickly - she was used to waiting on her old pipes to warm up for at least five minutes before she could get in and not freeze - and she nodded as he moved off to find towels. She watched him go, wondering if he was going to join her when he got back.  It would be a first for her if he did. She’d never showered with anyone before. The thought flushed her cheeks just a bit.

Testing the water with her fingers, she found it almost exactly as she liked it. Pulling off his shirt, she dropped it in the hamper and stepped under the stream of hot water. It felt like absolute heaven, and Faye closed her eyes and tilted her head back, letting it wet her hair and run down over her. She had turned around, letting it pelt the back of her neck, making the feathers tattooed on her back and shoulders glisten brightly, when she heard him come back in. Glancing over her shoulder slightly, she caught his eye.  After a minute, she spoke. “I think there’s room for one more, if you think you can squeeze in.” She smiled at him before turning back to the water. If he didn’t want to join her, that was alright. But she would be lying if she said she didn’t want him to. It was up to him though.

Fane had no such patience for having to wait around for hot water, he had other things to do in a day and he much preferred instantaneous warmth. Anything less and there would be severe levels of complaints as a result. But as it was Fane’s main concern right now was getting them towels and freshening up the bed because he’d been incredibly serious in his earlier remark of keeping her bed-bound today.

By the time he returned he heard the flow of water disrupted by the sound of someone already in the shower and though the glass was steamed he stopped mid-step taking a moment to admire her through the misty steam filling the room with a wet-heat. The sight made him swallow slightly feeling his mouth grow a little dry before he realised that once again he was staring and brought the towels over to the rack to hang them up. Her voice came from the cubicle and he met her gaze his eyes trailing a few of the rivulets down her neck and back across the tattoos he hadn’t had a true chance to appreciate just yet; something he intended on rectifying immediately.

“I should be able to squeeze in,” he remarked hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers and pausing only momentarily before he took them off and put them in the laundry. It was hardly anything new, though admittedly the first time she would have seen him in the light. Even then he was hardly shy about anything. Stepping around the glass he took a few seconds to look at her, the sight of her stirring something familiar and warm in him before he ducked under the water which hit him like a soothing stream, making his muscles lose their tension and his eyes to drift close momentarily with a contented sigh. His hair didn’t take long to soak through and soon hung in his eyes and stuck to his forehead, it needed a cut he just hadn’t gotten a chance to trim it yet. Reaching for a sponge and the shower gel he kept on a shelf he squeezed some out “want to use my stuff?” Admittedly he never usually let guests use his shower but apparently today was another day of further firsts. He looked at her, unsure whether she wanted to get washed herself or wanted his own help but figured it was easier to follow her lead regardless of how much he wanted to feel her skin under his hands again.

Unlike Fane’s place, Faye’s house was older. It had been her grandmother’s, who left it to her when she passed, and Faye knew nothing about fixing old pipes or replacing them. She knew when something was broken, and there were some things she’d learned to fix on her own, but otherwise she just hired someone. Waiting on the hot water had become the norm for her, and Fane had yet to experience the agonizing five minute wait at her place. So this was much better.

Pleased when he decided to join her, Faye kept her back to him for now, not that there was any reason for either of them to hide. Though a slow, middle of the morning perusal of someone was quite different than being naked in the heat of the moment. Here there was time to touch, to linger, to take the time to see things properly, and not through a haze of lust or high-strung emotions. The water sprayed her as he stepped under it, and she turned her head a bit, laughing as she gave him a bit more room. Pushing the water out of her face, she watched his dark hair fall over his eyes. It was longer than she thought, but she found she liked it.

The urge to run her hands over him while he was slick and warm from the water was strong. She watched the trails of liquid run down his chest and drip from the ends of his overlong hair. The way it beaded on his forearms and his lashes. Faye knew she was staring a bit, but she couldn’t help it. His question pulled her out of her head, and she saw the soapy sponge in his hand. She thought about it for a moment, almost quipping that she hadn’t brought hers so of course she’d have to use his if she wanted the shower to do any good, and then nodded.

Turning around, she pulled her hair over her shoulder, slightly unsure if she had misunderstood his intentions. “Do you mind?” she asked quietly, though she was a bit nervous, never having done this before. It was silly really, she thought, for something that she did every single day to suddenly be the source of so much… tangled emotion. It was a first though, to share it with someone, and for that someone to be Fane… well, what could she say? Other than yes, she wanted it.

There was no taking his eyes off her, not when she was practically gleaming; hair sticking to her shoulders, damp from the water or the glisten of the tattoos inking her skin. It took his breath away and he was sure he had to remind himself to breath. She was– He wasn’t sure what word he could use, hot didn’t serve her justice, beautiful perhaps? Her curved body sculpted like a goddess that his tender and unworthy gaze had been permitted to look upon. His heart stuttered a little and he was sure it gave out entirely for a few long seconds before it started again pumping his blood fast through his veins when she turned brushing her hair out of the way.

He hesitated only momentarily before he stepped closer, enough that he was barely a few inches away the gel already lathering slightly before he pressed it to the skin of her shoulders softly at first and making small circles on her skin. But something about it felt a little impersonal and that part of his brain that wanted to keep her close, the part that demanded he keep her safe no matter what piping up and after a moment he discarded the sponge instead lathering up his hands and pressing them to her back his palms slipping over her wet skin and trailing her tattoos oh so tenderly up her spine and over the curve of her shoulders and then around her ribs until she was covered in suds from his slow attentions.

When his hands slid over her ribs it brought him closer to her, so much so that his front pressed into her back and his chin touched her shoulder and there was no helping himself from dipping his head and pressing a few soft lingering kisses to the column of her neck as his hands gradually washed further around her body until he was virtually embracing her idly thinking on how good it felt to have the warmth of her here and how he never wanted to let her go.

A small breath left her when he pressed the sponge to her shoulders. It felt good, and she would have been perfectly content with it, but then he set it to the side and laid his hands on her instead. Faye’s eyes fluttered shut, and she let her head fall a bit further forwards. She shivered now and then as his fingers traced over her back, slipping over her ribs, the scars on one side, smooth skin on the other. No one had ever touched her like this. She’d never let anyone touch her like this. Though she knew this was different. She knew that the only person in the world who would, who could touch her this way, was standing right behind her. Making her feel a hundred thousand things with just the tips of his fingers.

She leaned back as he moved closer, long fingers curling around her sides, trailing bubbles, slick and fragrant around to her belly. He pressed into her, and Faye made a small sound of approval. Her head tipped slightly to the side as he pressed his mouth over her neck, and when she was wrapped up in his arms, the hot water running over them both, she let it fall back to his shoulder. Faye wrapped her arms over Fane’s, and they simply stood there holding each other tightly. God but it felt good. How had she almost passed this up? For the cold, stale walls of the Ministry? How had that seemed in any way better than being right here with the man she loved? Faye didn’t know. All she knew was that this was perfect, and she wanted to stay here forever. Just like this.

If there was one thing he had learned over the last few months since discovering her scars for the first time it was that she was incredibly selective over who was permitted to see them or even know about them. Namely no one he knew save him had been granted such permission by her. It went a long way to speaking volumes about the level of trust that existed between them, but it also served to inform him that it was a touchy subject and therefore part but not entirely the reason he was so attentive with every brush of his hands. Just as she had done earlier, it was a way of saying that he saw her and that nothing about the way she looked was anything less than divine to him.

His mouth trailed slowly over the very same path if had the prior night, over the tender bruises and finger-marks that he had left behind in her skin; every one of them a small brand that claimed her as his. Entirely his and no one else’s, and the weight of her head against his shoulder made him smile against her neck moving to lather his hands up with some more soap as his hands slowly tracked their way up her belly keeping her pressed close against him as his slippery palms brushed the underside of her breasts which similarly bore his marks. “You glad you decided to stay here?” he asked softly knowing she didn’t need to see him to hear the edge of teasing in his question.

Everything else fell away except for the slow caress of his hands, and the firm press of his body against her back. She pressed back into him with her hips eer so slightly, unable to help herself, the action almost involuntary as he continued washing her. Her scars were a huge issue, but not between them. Maya and Tuah knew about them, had visited her in hospital, and then there was Roger. Who she’d never let see them, or even talk about them. The entire department knew, of course. How could they not? One of their best agents nearly getting killed because her then partner was an idiot and couldn’t follow protocol or orders?

Everyone ‘knew.’

But Fane was the only one that had seen the truth of it. He was the only one that really knew.  And if it was up to Faye it would stay that way.

Her heart sped up with every tender press of his mouth over the evidence of last night’s violent encounter. Though Faye would wear every single one of them, and any other mark he chose to place on her body, as proof that she belonged to him. And where the thought would have struck her right in the core of her Slytherin pride had it been anyone else trying to lay claim to her - which she would have shut down before it could even get started - the fact that it was him didn’t even cause her to bat an eye.

Because she’d always been his. The only thing that had changed was that he was here with her now, no longer a ghost, and able to do it himself. And Faye would let him. Every ache, every pinpoint of pain, every scraped patch of skin, every sore muscle… meant he was alive and he was real. This was real.

The brush of his hands beneath her breasts called another small sound from her throat. Her hands slid over his forearms, soaping them with the excess lather that had slithered over them from his circling embrace. She smiled. “I am. This beats a bunch of old goats in robes anyday…”

The press of her hips back into him made him huff a little against her skin unable to help the heat something so simple as the touch of her skin against his own was enough to feel like he’d been set aflame. But his intentions here were simple for now, wanting to take his time to familiarise himself with her body and the feel of her against him and under his hands. To learn what she liked and what she didn’t just as she had started to do with him.

Fane would never openly admit to claiming her as his own, he would perhaps say to her in the heat of passion or any such moment between them but it was no one else’s business but their own. And she was still her own person even if he held some sway over the decisions and choices she opted to make in the long-run. It wasn’t ever typically intentional though not unless there was a truly valid reason behind it. But that was neither here nor there, all he really cared about right now was the attention he could give her whether it was simply with his hands or his lips.

Feeling the slide of her own hands over his arms he gave her a small squeeze, laughing against her shoulder where his mouth now rested while his fingers continued their lazy exploration; smoothing and stroking her body affectionately but with no particular intent behind them as they occasionally grazed her nipples before sliding back down over her belly. “So you’re admitting I was right and this was entirely something you needed?” he questioned quietly into her ear his temple pressing against her lightly and even though she wasn’t facing him he wore an entirely satisfied grin.

Faye didn’t care what anyone else thought, or knew, or about anything they might present to the outside world as far as the two of them were concerned. All that mattered was that they knew. That they had an understanding. Because in the end it was their life, and they would live it how they chose. Faye knew he would never want to try and control her or anything of the sort, other than in private and when they were both in agreement. Though some things would form between them eventually, on both sides, and where no one else would dare step in and put their foot down, they would. Because sometimes it took another perspective, one that knew you and only wanted the best for you, to be able to make that choice.

Like Fane had today. Faye would never have done it on her own. And while it was a far cry from something as serious as talking the other out of their own head, or keeping them from doing something wreckless and dangerous, it was the same concept. Fane saw her, saw what she needed, and hadn’t taken no for an answer.

He laughed, and the sound filled Faye with warmth. She could feel the turn of his mouth against her shoulder, and she wanted nothing more than for his laughter to be the norm. For it to be genuine and soulful, and for it to far outweigh the bad things. She’d heard his huff as she’d tucked her hips back against his, and that too made her feel warm inside. And while her intentions weren’t salacious, and she was content to enjoy this for the moment, it was hard not to let her mind drift a bit with every slip of his thumbs over her nipples. They were already hard and tight, and he had to know it felt good.

She let out a small sound that was part sigh, part thoughtful groan. But she couldn’t help the grin that split her face as well. “Maybe.”

His laughter and his joy would both come more with time, though right now it seemed the sounds were being drawn from him with next to no effort at all. It wasn’t that uncommon to hear him chuckle but a full on laugh? Only a few people could achieve that these days and Faye was one of those people. She drew him away from the lingering darkness and towards a light and more balanced version of himself and that would only continue to grow with time. They had that, time, they had it and he intended to make the most out of however long they had because life was too unpredictable for anything less than that.

He’d wasted enough of his life.

And if he spent the rest of his days listening to her sighs and groans from the things he did? Well, that was something he could live with and her answer made him roll his eyes ever so slightly leaning in to nip at her shoulder as his thumbs rubbed little arcs over her pelvis keeping her drawn in close. “Maybe? Or definitely?” he asked as his hands smoothed affectionately back over the swell of her hips not minding the roughened skin in the slightest before they returned to their small arcs on her pelvis. Small and nothing overly deliberate but could perhaps be seen as teasing that much was certain.

Wasted life. That was something that Faye had seen entirely too much of in her time. And experienced for herself. Though until Fane had come back from the dead, Faye had thought of it more as wasted time than anything. But in the span of a moment that had changed. Because what was her life? What had it been until that day she’d stepped into his shop? Living alone with her cat. Working. Seeing her friends when they physically dragged her out of her home. Talking to a memory?

Her life hadn’t been a life. She had existed, yes. But that was all. One foot in front of the other, keep breathing, keep moving, day after endless day. But for what? To what purpose? To what end? There hadn’t been one. But now… now she had a reason. Now she could have a life. Wanted one even. Though fifteen years of habits were hard to break, and would take time. But they had time now. And a reason to cherish it. Though Faye had no intentions of rushing anything, and neither did Fane she suspected. Though in her mind this was it. He was the only person she’d ever wanted to spend her life with. The only person she had ever wanted to make a life with. And barring anything unforseen - a possibility Faye kept tucked away in the part of her mind that wasn’t allowed to think on things too deeply - she felt that one day they would. Because these were the beginnings, these last months they’d spent together. They had been slow and tentative, and they had danced around each other like kids again. Until last night.

Until now.

“You just want me to say you were right and I was wrong.” Steam rose in soft clouds around them now. “I will say that… this was definitely not… a bad idea,” she hedged. He may not have meant to be teasing her towards anything, but it was hard for Faye not to push back into him as his hands slid around her hips. This was going to be a problem, it seemed. One that she was going to have to gain some control over. Eventually. Else she’d never get anything done. That, and the fact that Fane was a quick study, and probably already knew the sort of power he held over Faye. And would use it to his advantage. Not in a malicious way, but like he’d done this morning.

Well, at least she had a shit ton of sick time built up.

“I mean it wouldn’t hurt to hear you say it, hm?” his voice was a quiet rumble in her ear where his head still rested against the side of her own, eyes closed and water trickling down between them both. “So that’s you saying I definitely was right about you taking a sick day?” His thumbs continued their gentle caress over her skin, both curious and amused at the response his touch already had on her. He’d witnessed it last night, but admittedly the combination of things that had been in his head and system respectively had clouded much of the memory. Now clearer headed he wanted to start remembering what she seemed to like and what she didn’t.

It could be a problem, depending on how it was viewed but it could also be a general relief and effort to help her finally relax and let go of some of the things that stressed her out. He wanted to help her in whatever way she needed or wanted because he wasn’t the only one with power here. She could just as easily get him to bend to her own will if she played the right cards, it was a matter of timing and situation really. Though he would struggle to say no to her even on a good day.

Though he wanted to continue to let his hands wander, Fane eventually withdrew them opting for the moment to set some shampoo which he rubbed in his palms before he brought his hands to her hair working his fingers slowly through the roots and massaging her scalp a little with the action. The suds worked up rather quickly and Fane worked these down and through the rest of her hair ensuring her head was kept tipped back so they didn’t trickle down into her eyes. “How d’you feel?” he asked after a little while of quiet work wondering what was going through her mind right now.

“And give you the satisfaction? Nah. I’ll keep it for later.” She was teasing him, though there was a tiny bit of stubborn pride mixed in as well. “And… yes.” Faye just couldn’t make herself say the words ‘you were right.’ Not when he sounded so goddamn smug. And when he also knew damn well what he was doing to her. Though admittedly she didn’t feel as if he was trying to entice her intentionally. Not that he had to. She did well enough on her own. It was a bit vexing really, after one night of true physical intimacy, that he could find the way she liked to be touched so easily. Even if there was a bit of a question behind most of it. She supposed it could be part of how they just knew each other so well. And it would only grow with time. Which thrilled her and frightened her both.

Faye was stubborn, this was a known fact. And she was simply set in her rigid, hard-headed ways. She made her own stress sometimes, by over thinking. Mostly at home and in private. But other times she was as calm and collected (outwardly), like when she was at work. She never ever lost her cool at work. She never had. Though yesterday, seeing Fane holding that boy’s body, covered in blood… for a moment she’d internally panicked, thinking he was hurt too. But she’d stamped down on it. And done her damn job. That was part of the power he held over her as well, that ability to give her tunnel vision. To make her see nothing else but him. And for one moment she’d forgotten everything else, forgotten she was an Auror, forgotten they were on a case, forgotten everything in the wake of the possibility that he’d been badly hurt.

He was her one and only true weakness. And the less people that knew that the better. She had enemies. A third of the new inmates at Azkaban were there because of her. The ones that weren’t locked up either got away (rarely) or they were dead. So someone like her, with a living, breathing Achilles’ Heel in the form of the man she loved, would be a target. Maybe not now. Maybe not even five or ten years from now. But one day. That also didn’t mean that she would hide whatever was growing between them, or that she thought Fane incapable of taking care of himself in almost any scenario, it merely meant that she would keep their work relationship as professional as possible (barring the promises he’d made last night about making her loosen up at work). And outside of that, this growing thing between them would done with all the care and respect it deserved. Because Faye wanted it to work. More than anything.

He switched to her hair after a bit, and Faye found herself growing lax as he worked the soap through the long, thick tresses. This was a first as well, having someone wash her hair. At least since she was a little girl. For a bit there was nothing but the sound of water and the smell of soap suds, so when he asked his question it took Faye a moment to answer. Though the question was a loaded one. How did she feel? Scared. Nervous. Bashful. Overjoyed. A thousand different things all at once.

“I feel… happy. Safe.” It was all she said for a moment as his fingers worked through her hair. “What about you?”

He wasn’t particularly trying, his intentions were more curious than anything beyond that though if more came from it well, he would hardly start complaining. Mostly though, he just wanted to enjoy the fact that she was right here with him and not in some stuffy room dealing with boring Auror stuff– who know how much paperwork there was involved? Far too boring in his opinion but he’d grown to start tolerating it if it meant being able to hang around Faye more. Right now he was still a little hesitant, because this was vastly different to what they had shared between them the prior night here he was more clear-headed and attempting to learn, the question behind each one of his touches was did she like this or would she prefer something else?

In a way he was playing his own detective game, one that involved reading the silent cues she gave to him; whether it was in a particular shift of her body, or change in the rate of her breathing it didn’t matter. So long as she was giving him those cues he was learning, slowly but surely, what it was she enjoyed or what she didn’t so much.

Right now she was recognising the very same thing he’d recognised so many years ago now, that time in sixth year where although he’d been entirely self-destructive in his intentions he recognised that the things that could truly hurt him the most were his friends. By harming them– Fane knew what it did and made him feel. He’d been in that position, and it was a vulnerability he was terrified of even to this day though he had gotten a slightly better handle on it it would never entirely be removed. So he’d done what he thought was best at the time, he’d cut them out and let himself suffer at least in the hope that they wouldn’t be hurt as a result of his own actions.

To this day he could remember the sight of Amycus Carrow’s face after he’d attempted to curse Faye, the day the wall of their DADA classroom imploded and he’d fallen several stories; a fall that without a magical intervention would have killed him otherwise. And even Madame Pomfrey had done her best to keep him in the hospital wing as long as she possibly could. Fane knew that fear well by now, and it was something he would always have so long as she was or put herself in harm’s way. That was simply her way though, and Fane had come to accept that sometimes there was nothing he could do regardless of how much he wanted or tried to.

But when she would soon enough imply they keep things professional between them at work, well, Fane was certainly going to have a field trip with that particular rule.

Her answer to his question made him nod a little, fingers still working slowly through her hair until he started to wash the bubbles out. He continued to work for a while as he debated what he was going to say in answer to her reiteration of what he’d asked of her. “Honestly, I feel happy too. Comfortable, secure” several other things terrified, uncertain, nervous, jubilant and so many other things that he couldn’t put a name to but the overwhelming thing he felt was secure. Like right now everything seemed balanced and stable, it was a feeling he could grow used to if it meant more of moments like this in the future.

Perhaps the most important thing they both would have to learn in the future was that the other was capable of taking care of themselves. Of handling themselves against the bad things would no doubt happen. Against the people that would no doubt try to harm them, either out of revenge, or to try and evade capture. Or more accurately, that they would have to let the other handle themselves. Despite wanting to protect each other with every fiber of their being. Because there would be places, situations, that Fane couldn’t follow her into, just as there would be places and scenarios that Faye couldn’t follow him. And that trust would be paramount at those times. Just as it was now.

They had already accepted that being together was better than being apart, no matter the risk. Because that was what had driven Fane away for so long, that fear. Among other things. But the world would hurt you anyway, Faye knew. So why not grab onto what you had with both hands? Grab onto what had come back to you and never let go. She certainly intended to.

He was quiet as he rinsed her hair, and Faye didn’t press. He would speak when he was ready. When he did, she smiled, humming softly in response. “I feel that too.” Secure, comfortable. Like climbing a chopped together ladder that wobbled and swayed until finally you found the end, the steady ledge to crawl onto and rest. Faye felt like she could rest now. In that security. Because no matter what else might change, or come along, this would remain constant. And there was a feeling in that knowledge that Faye had never felt before. She couldn’t put a name to it, but it felt a bit like hope. Like she could think about the future now and that was okay. Because there was one. And not just endless days upon days of work and cases until she either got killed or retired.

Her hair finished, Faye turned around, smiling up at him. “My turn, hm?” She took the soap and put some in her palms. Starting over his chest, she worked slowly, savoring the feel of him under her hands. “There’s more of you than there is me,” she laughed, spreading her hands across the span of his ribs on both sides. He was lean and fit, but certainly not the skinny boy he’d been in school. Faye could spend days just admiring him and be happy for it. She stood close enough that their fronts brushed as she worked, taking her time to rub the tension out of his muscles when she felt it bunched tight beneath his skin.

She soaped his arms, fingers feeling the fine ridges of old cuts and scars, and then bid him to turn so she could do his back. The tattoo across his shoulder was striking, and she ran her fingers across it, marveling at the similarities to her own. Was it merely coincidence? Shared experiences, shared history, that made them mark their bodies as they had? Or was it something more? Something deeper? Her eyes passed over the brand, seeing it fully for the first time, and she swept her hand gently over it as well, but didn’t linger.

So many stories. So much pain and strife written and slashed and burned into their skin. And Faye wanted to know all of them. In time. Much as he had her, she slid her arms around his waist and pressed her head between his shoulders, just holding him for a moment. Hands low on his stomach, her thumb moved gently over the warm, soft skin.

As Faye turned to him his head dipped forwards a little water dripping down his face and catching on his eyelashes in small droplets, and a laugh echoed in the shower at her passing remark of there being more of him than her. “Guess you’ll have to take plenty of time to make sure you don’t miss anything then hm?” His eyes creased a little at the edges in his mirth his body sinking into the searching touches over his torso. He’d grown into his frame more; filling out just a little, enough that he had a specific stature and presence about him. There was also a remarkable amount of stoic tension, from years of holding himself together, of guarding and simply trying to stay on form with whatever happened to be going on at the time.

His head tilted a little as she touched the tattoo on his shoulder, tracing and exploring just as he had done earlier himself and when she bid him to turn there was only a momentary hesitation before he did as she silently requested. Standing there his shoulders a little more firmly set like he felt the need to brace against some impending consequence but he made no comment to stop her or to move away. He simply stood and let it be, his eyes fluttering shut and breath stopping in his throat as she dragged her fingers over the brand. A mark of possession, a reminder to how his body had been claimed and his autonomy removed.

He was surprised by the wrap of her arms as they slid around his waist, and the sudden act earned a fission of tension to fizzle through him before he settled his mind and body realising there was no harm meant to him here. She would do him no harm. At least, none that he wasn’t consenting to. And the press of her head between the lines of his shoulder-blades caused him to let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. “What’re you thinking?” he asked, curious to know what was going through her mind right at this moment.

“Guess I will,” she grinned, not intending to miss one bit. He was taller than her, the top of her head coming to just under his chin, so water dripped onto her face from the ends of his hair. She laughed, and brushed it playfully away. He did have a particular stance about him. Faye could usually pick him out of a crowd, both his height and his mannerisms - the way he moved through people - making him easy to find.

She felt him tense, saw the muscles of his shoulders tighten just so as she touched the mark. It couldn’t be easy for him, even if he trusted her enough to let her do this, to actually let her do it. Some responses were ingrained, and couldn’t be helped. Just like when he touched her scars without warning, or how she sometimes flinched at unexpected loud noises. It wasn’t personal, it just was.

So the tension as she wrapped her arms around him didn’t hurt her feelings. She smoothed her hands up his stomach, trying to soothe some of the tightness that had risen up. Finally, he settled a bit, and they stood for a moment, her head against his back, before he spoke.

What was she thinking? Lots of things. How she would cut the mark from his back if he wanted her to. How if the person who had done it were still alive she would personally make them suffer before she killed them. How of it were up to her the only marks that would ever show up on his body again were ones she put there, and only with his consent.

How much she loved him.

So she told him true, her voice soft but deadly serious. “I’m thinking… that anyone who tries to hurt you ever again will be dead before the thought even passes through their head.”

Warning would have helped, Fane wasn’t a fan of things he couldn’t anticipate even if it was something as trivial as someone reaching out and touching him but Faye wasn’t capable of knowing such things considering he’d never told her or stipulated as such. Though his physical reaction, of tensioning his muscles in anticipation of harm or potential damage that might yet occur was sign enough of the harm that had been done and compounded over the years.

Only as he grew accustomed to the feel of her arms wrapped around his waist did he ease, inch by inch of tension seeping out under the attentions of her hands and while his mind came to realise that there was no harm meant here. With that particular understanding he began to lean back into her, not enough to topple them but enough that it proved he was growing more comfortable in this position. Fane was curious to hear what was on her mind, no doubt there was a lot just as there was so much on his own. How could there not be?

Everything had changed in less than 24 hours.

His life had changed in the space of a few months and even more over the span of a single night. To have gone from being almost entirely alone to having the companionship of a person you had loved for more years than could be counted. Fane wasn’t sure what to think other than he was thankful, and glad that she was here.

What she had to say next made him close his eyes and a shallow sound to leave his throat and he wasn’t sure whether the water tracking down his face was from the shower or tears. He turned getting her to loosen her hold enough that he could face her feeling an overwhelming need to thank her, or just– Fane didn’t quite know. His hands cupped her face and drew her up enough that he could press his lips to her own tenderly hoping that everything he had no words for would be conveyed in the simple act.

Faye had always been alone. At least in her adult life. It was her own choice, made because it was simply easier that way, to not form attachments. To not get close to anyone new. Her parents were around, and she saw them perhaps once a month. And Maya and Tuah. But any real companionship was avoided. Both because Faye had never cared that deeply for anyone she’d met, and because her heart could only ever belong to one man. And to try - even if she wanted to - to pretend otherwise was a disservice both to herself and to the unfortunate individual who thought they could make her love them.

No one made Faye do anything.

Though that wasn’t entirely true anymore.

Fane made her do things. Things she would never have dreamed of. He made her think of doing things that should have frightened her - like her pledge to kill anyone who tried to harm him, without question or quarter - but didn’t. He made her do things, but not once did he force her hand. Not once did she do anything she didn’t want to do. And that was the scariest part. The lack of hesitation. The lack of any moral gray area that told her perhaps she shouldn’t make such bold claims. She was an Auror. There were rules. Protocol.

It all went out the window in the face of keeping him safe. Every bit of it. Because what did it matter without him? What did any of it matter? It didn’t. It wouldn’t. And she wasn’t going to lose him again.

The little sound he made was almost missed in the hiss of water, but she loosened her hold as he turned, looking up at him but still letting her hands settle lightly on his hips. She started to say something, but her words were cut off as he kissed her. She leaned up on her toes, making a small sound of her own at the way he was so tender, reverent almost. And she understood. She understood, and she kissed him back, her touch matching the gentle seriousness of her words.

Faye was experiencing what it was Fane had experienced all those years ago, what it was to love someone and care for them there was nothing else in the world between yourself and keeping them safe. There were barely any lines you wouldn’t cross; whether that was taking a life or any other heinous act or deed. You justified it to yourself regardless of how dark or terrible it may have been, because ultimately, it was for the greater good of that person you were doing it for. It was terrifying but also exhilarating in a way the latter being something he refused to admit for fear of what it spoke about himself.

She had something to say, Faye almost always had something to say but Fane didn’t want to hear it. Not right now, perhaps later. Right now he just wanted to lose himself in the presence of her and make the most of having her here. Things between them had changed, and they would have to talk about it eventually but not today. Today they would spend it together, developing their understanding of one another in one of the most intimate fashions possible and between that (he’d promised she wouldn’t leave the bed after all) they would fall into a natural routine that would suit the both of them. Food and other amenities they needed throughout the day.

Tomorrow the world would invade their lives again, and it wasn’t something Fane wanted to think about. So he stepped in, his kiss growing deeper as water trickled between them, pressing her back into the slick tiles of the shower. His hands took their time to caress her and unlike the prior night there was no roughness in his actions. His worship of her there in the heat and steam was slow and reverent and once they were finished the water shut off he wrapped her up in a towel before carrying her back to bed to rest a little before they woke for the rest of the day.

[lunarkissedarchived-blog]

about the mutants: powers.

here’s part two of my big posts about my muses and their powers! this time: the mutants. some of them are more aware of their powers than others, but they’ve all got a little something special about them.

alice, luck absorption

alice is, to this day, unaware of the fact that she possesses a power. she truly thinks she’s just exceptionally lucky. her power doesn’t drain an excessively noticeable amount of luck from those around her, so she’s never found any indication that she’s gifted in a way that her friends couldn’t possibly be.

allie, bliss & horror inducement

allie is frightened of her abilities, to say the least. she’s rarely experienced the bliss portion of them, rather only being able to induce horror on those around her ( often without prompting and without realization ). she keeps it in check as much as she possibly can, often to the detriment of her emotional state and, sometimes, her relationships with people around her in fear of harming them unintentionally.

anabelle, memory manipulation

anabelle hates her power. she’s never once felt it to be useful to her in any way. she feels wrong when she’s used it, even by accident. it’s rare that she even thinks about it now, having pushed it so far back in her mind in the hopes she’d be able to erase it from her life. 

brynn, dream manipulation

brynn doesn’t try to use her power, it just sort of happens. she tries to avoid it by isolating herself when she sleeps: never sharing a bed, doing her best to not share a room, sleeping while other people are awake. but sometimes, it’s inevitable. she’s still not strong enough to always pull herself out of other people’s dreams.

daphne, mental inducement

daphne’s power is part of why she’s where she is today. in her life and career as not only a magician but part of a ring of thieves, her ability to influence her audience and her targets is of the utmost importance. she makes it a point to limit her use to only the people her group is robbing and not the people she knows personally.

ella, subordination manipulation

ella, as a princess, does find some use in her power. it’s not often that she personally comes across anyone who is overtly insubordinate, but on the occasions she does, she’s able to quickly put them back into their place without letting anyone know there was an issue to begin with. 

gwen, sensory scrying

gwen rarely actively seeks to use her power, more so letting it lay dormant, but when she does use it, she tries to use it quickly and get out. she hates the feeling of not being in control despite being able to see and feel everything through the body of whoever her target is. though most people would find it invasive, gwen doesn’t have an issue with it morally, rather being opposed to excessive use based on how she personally feels when using it.

hyebin, enhanced charisma

hyebin’s power is less of a conscious use case and more of an innate characteristic of her personality. most of the time, she isn’t even aware of its influence on the people around her. it’s hard to picture where she’d be or what she’d be like without her ability since it presented itself at such a young age for her.

indie, inner beast

indie has only ever used her inner beast twice - once without knowing what she was doing, and once on purpose. she’s naturally rather even tempered, so keeping it to herself isn’t exceedingly hard, but there are times she can feel it threatening to break loose without her wanting it to. she’s by no means perfect, but she does have the most control over herself out of all the mutants.

jackie, telepathy

jackie isn’t sure how to control her power just yet. she still only taps into her telepathy accidentally, mostly when someone around her is thinking especially intensely about something. she’s too afraid to let other people know about her ability, and she feels guilty practicing on the unsuspecting, so she’s still trying to figure out how to hone her skills on her own without the help of anyone.

jiaying, partial animal morphing

jiaying is a baby mutant, so her powers have only recently presented themselves. she’s still trying really hard to keep them under control most of the time. right now, she can manifest certain animal features ( mostly bunny ears or a tail, but if she focuses, she isn’t limited to just those ), but with enough training, she’ll be able to fully morph into the animal of her choosing.

jinah, home embodiment

jinah’s power is another that is less of an applied ability and more of a passive trait that she has. she sometimes jokes that she just has a face that makes people trust her and feel comfortable enough to open up, even without knowing her very well. the truth is that, with very few exceptions, everyone feels comfortable around her because of her power.

lula, mediumship

lula is only now beginning to move out of the denial phase of learning that she has a power, let alone one as intrusive as being a medium. the older she’s gotten, the stronger it’s become ( though it has been present since she was a child ). she isn’t sure how she’s going to cope with it yet, but she’s starting to accept that this isn’t something she can ignore until it goes away.

mandy, weather manipulation

mandy has one of the most obvious powers of all the mutants -- it’s almost impossible to hide, especially when she’s in a foul mood. she enjoys using her ability to cope with how she’s feeling, even if it isn’t the safest or wisest idea to do so. it most often presents itself when she’s upset or frustrated with something.

mary jane, illusion manipulation

mary jane tries to use her power for good, albeit for her benefit, when she does use them. calming people ( especially her daughter ) down, helping her friends visualize the lives they want -- she tries to use what she was gifted with to help others instead of using them to manipulate people for something worse.

nova, heartlessness

nova’s power is more a personality trait than a purposefully used ability, much like hyebin and ruby. and not the most positive personality trait, either. she’s cold and detached from most things. though it helps her see things more objectively than the majority of people, it’s highly stunted her ability to connect with others and empathize. she’s still able to love and care for people and things, but it’s not often that she does.

ruby, pain suppression

ruby’s relationship with her power is very complicated. for a long time, it was what kept her at the top of her game as a dancer. she was able to work harder, longer, better than her competition because she wasn’t feeling the consequences of her training in the same way everyone else was. that same benefit soon turned into what took her out of the scene at her prime. she didn’t know she was seriously injured until it was too late to fix, and now she resents the fact that she was ever born with this ability.

sadie, love empowerment

sadie’s power is closer to love metabolization than empowerment, truthfully. when she shows or feels affection or love, she gets a burst of energy. there were a couple years when she started college, after her family cut all contact with her, that her powers went into hibernation. it took a lot of building up her own self esteem before they returned.

sage, emotion manipulation

sage is the in between of all three kwon girls. she tries to keep her powers to herself unless absolutely necessary, but she isn’t afraid of using them if she needs to. she’ll hold off until she’s positive they’re needed, though. using her powers is draining both physically and emotionally. if she doesn’t keep her guard up at all times, it’s very easy for her to accidentally influence the emotions of those around her and drain herself without realizing until it’s too late.

stevie, regeneration

stevie doesn’t purposely use her powers. she didn’t know they were even there until tatum noticed that stevie heals much faster than she should. she can still be seriously hurt, but most minor injuries and illnesses fade incredibly quickly. she’s never had scrapes or bruises that lasted more than an hour at most, but she is still able to get sick or have broken bones.

tasha, imagination manifestation

tasha’s only real use for her power is for her art. since the things she’s able to manifest are only semi permanent, she uses them as models for the pieces she draws and paints. she’s very self conscious about it, even around other people with powers, so she confines her use to when she knows she’s alone or has ample private time.

tatum, life empowerment

tatum’s power, like sadie’s, is closer to metabolization than empowerment. when she was younger, her parents thought she was merely an extreme extrovert, but she truly does gain energy from being around other people. it doesn’t even necessarily have to be via interaction -- she can feel it just from sitting in a crowded room most of the time.

[daniels-howl-blog]

Was it worth it?

Daniel was a dying boy. And It was apparent that this chapter would be the last of his story. Or at least it had before the day a Secret Government facility took him in for some experimental treatment that might save his life. But at what cost? Word count: 2,770 (give or take) Tw: Graphic description of vomit. __________________________________________

Chapter 2

I couldn’t open my eyes but I could see the light from behind my eyelids, the steady interchange of relatively dim light to a immense brightness that flooded the res pigments with a bright orange, almost believed to be a sunlight but with the absence of warmth and the sound and vibration of a hospital gurney underneath me, was proven to be otherwise.

I was conscious yet I wasn’t floating in abyss of nothingness surrounded by an infinite something to which I couldn’t interact with even if I wanted to. Unfinished thoughts swam in my head only in ephemerally comprehensible to me.

“Hospital…again"the thought came and went and I didn’t even stop to realize why I was in the predicament I was or why I didn’t hear the familiar sound of nurses chatting of their plans and orders of what to do with me. My mind fell into the abyss nothing and begin to absorb the remaining sounds around me like a parasite to its host. The sound of movement began to quiet in the interchange of color that I had come to know was replaced by a blinding white light the amazing fact of my eyes were still shut inapplicable. It was only a few moments of a stabbing pain in the front of my skull before my mental existing flicked off like a light switch…

~

I went in and out of consciousness so much to the point that I forgot what it was like to be aware, so much dissociation that it took me awhile to realize when I was actually fully awake and moving; retching more of. The bile and hard juts in reaction came faster than I had for my eyes to even begin to open.

The hot chunks burned my throat as tube-fed sludge came back with vengeance and contents spilled for my lips beyond my control.

I couldn’t stop gagging enough even to get a swallow of air. Even with the aid of my oxygen tank and more tubes forcefully pumping my lungs I couldn’t breathe, despite the fact that my stomach screamed and I felt it be a better sensation of digesting broken glass then the choking and dry heaving against my will.

But suddenly a rush of coolness flooded my veins and my heaving ease. The immediate change surely must have brought a noise for me, a noise that I could only think of at the time as a thank you which could never be accurate expressed with the spoken words.

I felt a hand push down gently how my chest and I fell back into my pillows. The Familiar feeling of a cool wet cloth was the last thing I experienced before what I presume was anesthesia took me under again.

~

The next time my eyes were open I took a moment to gather my surroundings they were unfamiliar and I knew I wasn’t in the hospital bed room. The walls were clear and translucent but fogged with odd designs. The floors were carpeted white and the bed that I sat in was the only thing that indicated I was still in some sort of medical facility. I could hear murmurs and see indistinguishable shapes pass by and logically I couldn’t recognize those either.

I have been so busy friends will you taking and everything that I almost didn’t notice it.

I almost didn’t notice the absence.

My brain moves slowly and struggle to comprehend. I noticed the absence of the usually constant beeping of the heart rate monitor. Though it sat there keeping tab on my heart’s activity; it was silent. It took me ages to finally figure out what was missing, what made endorphins flood through my head.

But finally I did realize it, why the state I was in felt so foreign.

The pain… It wasn’t there.

The Familiar feeling of sharp pain in my limbs, the accustomed sensation of scrapping sandpaper when I took air into my lungs or the heavy swimming there sludge in my brain–it wasn’t there.

I almost didn’t believe it. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I had finally died but I could still feel the ache that resided deep within my bones and the dull dry throb in my throat.

But they were heaven compared to the pain I had to endure for weeks– months?

A small grain stretch across my face, despite the fact that the skin felt a little too tight on my face and throughout the rest of my body.

I deflated, breathing out heavily from my mouth. The crisp cool air both irritated and refreshed my dry throat. I jumped slightly when part of the glass slid back and what I presume to be a nurse walked in.

I watched as she walked in staring down to her clipboard and I could hear her humming a tune to herself as she strolled in without a care in the world. She was dressed in the blue scrubs and I could see the mask discarded around her neck as she stood focused on her clipboard filling it out with a pen and that she took a moment to hold between her teeth when her train of thought left without her. Her stormy gray eyes met mine and widened in surprise.

She took the pen from between her primrose petal lips to give a smile that revealed some of her white teeth. I subconsciously said my tongue over my teeth, inwardly shivering at their grit, which left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Good you’re awake, it’s nice to formally meet you I’m Sandra"she spoke with a slight southern accent that curled like an aged fall leaf but the light gentle delivery of a feather being carried away with a breeze.

I open my mouth but stopped when her voice stopped me.

“I wouldn’t speak” she said quickly with a somewhat apologetic stare.

“At least not with breathing if it is tubes still attached” she finished and sat down her clipboard going to the sink in the corner for my bedside in proceeding to wash her hands.

Now that she mentioned it the feeding tube made my stomach feel heavy and the feeling of the breathing tube in my lungs all together was unpleasant even now. She dried off her hands with a paper towel disposal in the trash and put on some gloves.

“You wouldn’t mind if I do that now would you?” She asked, setting up a bowl and some cloth in my side. I shook my head in reply.

“Good” She smile again, her lips pressed together. She approached me, tentatively bringing my head forward and tilting it back.

“It’s best you try not to swallow, okay?” She focus intently, squinting her eyes and going slowly as she began to remove the feeding tube first.

The slow drag of the plastic tube almost excruciating and my eyes began to water at the feeling of saliva and sitting mucus made a pulling sensation with its removal. I tried my best to relax though and what seemed like ages later she got the long tube out.

“Ok, now with this next one I’m gonna need you to cough when I tell you too” I stared up at her as she began to pull out the tube from my nose a bit faster then the first removal. This time a stinging sensation spread through my nasal cavity with a more intense pull of internally body fluid that made me instantly gag.

“Easy-it’s almost over” She comforted keeping her eyes on her work.

As the last bit of it slide through my mouth and a tear slide down my cheek I heard her speak again quieter this time.

“Ok, now I’m gonna need you to cough” Her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. Her hand grabbed the table as she finished removing the final bit.

I did as she instructed, coughing and also gagging in the process. Phlegm, bile, and water-based lubricant dripped from my lips dripped with the saliva from my lips. It fell into the bowl below, my throat throbbed painfully but I was thankful that I could finally fully breath on my own.

“That went well” she took off her gloves and tossed them away.

“Just sit tight while I grab something” She said tucking a strawberry blonde piece of hair behind her ear; a fly away from the bun her hair was swirled into.

She left the room, the glass door sliding behind her.

Sandra came back a few seconds later with a Styrofoam cup and a blue bendy straw. She was humming again but this time she didn’t pay any mind to the fact that I was awake as she adjusted the straw by my lips.

“Drink up it’ll help your throat and get your strength up”

The liquid in the cup from my perspective just looked like milk so I gingerly took a sip and was in a rude awakening when the immensely bitter taste of liquid chalk met my taste buds. Out of reflex, I took my mouth away from making a face with it.

“Oh, don’t be like that it may not taste that but I assure you it’ll work wonders.” She readjusted and I begrudgingly started to drink again rolling my eyes at her.

She laughed at my antics, not taking my sarcastic actions seriously which I silently appreciated since I lacked the option of verbal confirmation.

When I had emptied the cup, she took the straw from me and threw it out along with the rest of the debris she’d left behind.

“Better?” she checked my cords and vitals to make sure everything was good, make the occasionally attentive eye contact.

I knew she expected me to speak now so I took a moment to lick my chapped lips and then swallowed deeply.

“ A Lot” I croaked.

My voice was weak and a bit scratchy, I couldn’t tell if I  had trouble recognizing it because of the circumstances or the fact that I hadn’t actually heard it in so long. I settled on the fact that it was bit of both.

“Good..” she said quietly almost to herself. She moved and detangled some cords carefully before pulling away and turning back to me another smile on her face, one this time out of common courtesy. The ones nurses give to provide the patient with a bit of comfort…

“All done.” She moved away from my bedside and stood at the table on the far right for a moment looking down back to me before turning around with a confused expression, eyes flickering over the room.

At first I was confused as well until I realized she misplaced her clipboard, which I remember her sitting on the sofa by my bedside.

“Now where did I…-?”

“Over here, on the sofa” I cut her troubled thoughts off with a reply, even lifting my arm a bit to point towards the foot by my bed.

Her eyes widened a bit and her cheek bloomed in a scarlet blush as she looked to where I was pointing and roughly brushed a tendril of loose hair behind her ear.

“Oh…right thanks” she breathed out. Sandra smiled sheepishly at me and stood next to the foot of my bed. She let out a nervous laugh and sigh putting a palm to her forehead and comically blowing air through her lips noisily.

“ I can be such a air-head at times..” she said it quietly and I wasn’t sure if I was meant to hear. She turned to face me

 "You didn’t see that.“ she pointed. Her eyes spoke amusement and playful challenge but her cheeks spoke of embarrassment. Embarrassed of what I didn’t know but I decided to play along.

"See what?” I offered a small closed mouth smile of my own.

“Exactly” she laughed at my statement. She breathed out another sigh cheeks dulling in color as she sat on the edge of the sofa handle towards me. Sandra now seemed a bit more relaxed as she chuckled.

“So…I have some questions to ask you if you don’t mind but it’s only fair that I let you ask about somethings first if you have anything you wanna know”

“What painkillers do you have me on?” I instantly asked, slowly adjusting myself to sit up in the bed even with the slight discomfort in my stiff arms.

Sandra reached and flipped through her papers for a second.

“Um…none right now”

I couldn’t believe it. I looked to my side at the needle embedded in my forearm.

“So what’s this?” I asked.

“Oh that’s an IV drip. On nights when…you felt particularly poor we wanted to make sure you didn’t get dehydrated” She hesitated on part of the sentence and though I noticed it I didn’t think much of it and nodded in response.

“Anything else?”

“Where am I?”

She smiled and rose from her seat walking closer.

“A place that’s making you better” she stated. She tucked in the sheets at the end of my bed as she continued “Further details will be provided tomorrow by one of our higher orderlies that’ll be able to answer everything better and into depth then I could” she looked up at me and I nodded again.

“Anything else?”

“No” I stated soundly.

After washing her hands again, she grabbed her clipboard and came over back to my bedside her head tilted downward, reading out question written on the form.

“Any headaches?” she started.

“No”

“Stomach aches?”

“Nope”

“Are you or have you ever been pregnant?” She said with a muffled giggle.

I laughed in spite of myself but I hurried to contain my amusement and answered the question.

“No, not that I know of”

She laughed at that but composed herself as well as she asked another question.

“Are you allergic to any form of antibiotic or painkillers/sedative?”

“No”

“And finally have you been diagnosed with any other disease or ailment aside from cancer.”

“And no”

“Ok that’s all for today. Dinner will be soon we’re having steak, mash potatoes, and peas if you’re feeling up to eating as well as vegetarian alternatives.” she read a bit from her clipboard and said the rest by heart.

“sounds great.” I answered. She gave the room a final once over before leaving again this time with no purpose of returning any time soon.

“ Call me when you’re ready or if you need something” she said it before the glass door slide shut.

The room was quiet again and there was no further proof that the women was even here. She had taken the disconnected tubes and cleaned all debris and I was alone again.

I stared up at the  ceiling, lying deeper into the pillows. I looked up at the somewhat familiar view of a ceiling fan. The consistent rotation of metal blades silently slicing through the air going around and around as my eyes follow them until the lack of blinking and their aches forces me to move on to simply staring at nothing. It was the only familiar thing in this entire unfamiliar place-and I was okay with that.

I was okay with being here and I was okay because…I was okay.

I was okay…

Though it had not been confirmed by Sandra or any of the other staff that I had yet to meet, I knew from the weak energy flowing through me that my body was healing…somehow. The realization made me feel beyond relieved. My chest and head felt lighter than air and for the first time in what seemed like forever. I took in a huge breath, wrapping an arm around my waist and laying the other on my chest that confirmed that my heart still beats. As I exhaled my breathing became shaky and my vision blurred  with tears, but for the first time I expressed joy with them. I let out something that was both a sob and a laugh. Once I started I couldn’t stop, I grabbed my blanket to deaden the sound of my hysteria. My emotions and the euphoria crashed in wave upon me and I made no effort to stop them. It must of been  while before I stopped crying and the fact that I had nothing else to cry really fatigued me but it was okay because again:

I was okay…

I felt myself being pulled into sleep’s clutches finally with my own accord and one last thought went through my mind before I finally fell asleep:

Thank god…

It didn’t even matter that I wasn’t religious.

-Written by Deanna-

[gldngrl7]

Karamel Fic: A Favor Among Friends

So, I did this thing.  I’ve been working on it for a while, steering clear of other Karamel fics during this time so I’m not influenced by them,  It started with a small idea and kinda took on a life of its own.  So here’s this thing...about Kara’s sexual awakening.

Title: A Favor Among Friends

Chapter: 1 / 4

Rating: M / NC-17 / Explicit (for Chapters 3 &4)

  Chapter 1

She couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss.

 Long after she’d convinced herself he must have been delirious and thinking of someone else as his lips lingered over hers.  Long after she decided to play it off to spare him the embarrassment of discovering she’d been the convenient avatar for whomever he’d been fantasizing about. Even days after returning from helping her new Earth-1 allies defeat the Dominators, she could still feel his lips on hers.  Could still feel the rush of heat beneath her skin that had nothing to do with the rays from the yellow sun.

She tries not to think about it, just like she tried to stamp down the joy that rose up in her when, stepping out of the dimensional portal, she saw him standing there, his arms crossed, his jean-clad hips cocked to one side, a look of concern mixed with relief on his face.  She tries not think about how attractive he is, or how his carefree grin makes her heart skip a beat, and how it sets to racing when he laughs, like a thoroughbred after the gate releases.

 She tries not to think about any of it – until it’s all she can think about.  Even Alex notices, teasing Kara with her eyes whenever the three of them are in the same room together.  And then it becomes a freak show.  He smiles and she flusters…even more than usual.  His hand (unintentionally?) brushes against her arm and she’s certain he can hear her breath catch and her heart lock up for a moment before her blood is racing through her veins again.

 Of course, it’s not long before the dreams begin.  His mouth moving against hers, his hands finding their way to her skin; groping, grasping, sometimes with a light touch and sometimes something more commanding.  His voice rasping out her name like it’s everything, and her own sighs of pleasure so loud in her ears.  Each time, she awakens with a thin sheen of sweat on her face and between her breasts, her brain still insisting that his hot open mouth sliding down her neck is so very real.  She almost cries because it isn’t.

 But it never goes farther than hot breath on hotter skin or roaming hands finding the hollow of her lower back.  No matter how she falls asleep hoping that her mind will conjure new, deeper paths of pleasure, she awakens each time unfulfilled and disappointed, with only her fingers to help her find her way.

 And she knows why, can admit that much to herself at least.  Even in her dreams her mind can’t go further than she’s actually been in the waking world.  Her mind can only barely conceive of what it feels like to have a man’s hips cradled between her thighs, or feel the bare sweat-slicked skin of his belly moving against hers.  She has only her imagination for that – an imagination which refuses to put any skin in the game when it comes to her dreams.

 Kara Danvers is a virgin, which if the average person were to ponder upon, should come as a surprise to no one.  Even if she weren’t an alien, she’d still be completely awkward girl around cute boys, not mention self-conscious about…everything.  Not to mention the secrets!  There’s all the secrets she’s had to keep since arriving on Earth; about herself and about her family.  Secrets which have only become more involved as she’s gotten older, moved out on her own and tried to make her way in the world.  Of course, it doesn’t help that not knowing when to stop talking is a problem she struggles with every day – especially around boys who might show a little interest.  And it can’t be overstated that it’s no easy feat maintaining a dual identity, which limits the options when it comes to meeting someone and having an open and honest relationship.  Kara still cringes when she thinks about Cat’s son and how exhausting that had been.

 But the real problem about being a girl from Krypton on a planet orbiting a yellow sun, is the invulnerability.  The imperviousness to outside forces trying to penetrate…yeah…Kara cringes at the thought, because she’s not just invulnerable to speeding bullets and randomly tossed street signs.  She’s invulnerable to all of it.

 All of it.

 It’s why she chickened out with James.  She couldn’t, in good conscious, ask him to enter into a relationship with the knowledge that they could only top out at heavy petting and oral sex. And she didn’t feel comfortable enough telling him the truth – didn’t want to see the look in his eyes – so she fed him some line about needing to figure out who she is before she can be in a relationship.  James deserved better, she told herself; a relationship with her might have been a fun novelty for a while, but would have ultimately been unfulfilling for both of them. It was this shortcoming of her own unintentional and unwanted making, which had been in the forefront of her mind when she’d broken things off with James before they’d hardly had a chance to begin.

To be fair, she has considered several work-arounds, including employing the strategic use of Kryptonite to serve her purpose.  But there are two problems with that.  One: Kryptonite has a tendency to alter her body on a molecular level and there is no predicting what that could do to her under a specific set of (erotic) circumstances.  And two: luckily, in most instances, physical damage done while exposed to the green element heal completely once exposed to the sun’s radiation.  So…using Kryptonite to facilitate the loss of her virginity might only be a short term solution.  Also, exposure to Kryptonite is excruciatingly painful for her, so realistically she would be unable to enjoy any amorous activities performed while in its presence.  Her (Earth) mother, always pragmatic about such things, would definitely tell her that self-imposed misery during the process would defeat the whole purpose.

 Which is why, this time, when the abrupt ending to her recurring dream has her eyes snapping open, she also rockets straight out of bed, hovering over the mattress as though her entire body has become a giant light-bulb of inspiration.

 Mon-El!

 Of course!  Why hadn’t she thought of it before?  Mon-El had literally dropped into their lives – a Daxam boy in his stolen Kryptonian pod, escaping a dying planet and getting knocked off course for who knows how many years.  Like an extremely attractive but undisciplined angel from the heavens sent to help her take care of her little problem.  Her cousin Clark, even more hopeful and optimistic than her, would tell her that everything happens for a reason.

Mon-El can do what no man on Earth (that she isn’t related to by blood) can do for her – end her years-long torment rid her of this no-longer needed or wanted virginity.  All she has to do is work up the nerve to ask him and then convince him to say yes. Kara, still hovering over her bed, snickers and blushes.  Who is she kidding?  Mon-El is a Daxamite; he’d probably be out of his clothes before she could say, ‘let’s get it on.’

 Not that she would ever say that.  Ever.

She’s half-tempted to speed dress and fly to the DEO right now, lest she lose her nerve, before noticing that it’s just 4 am.  That will never do.  Mon-El doesn’t handle being jarred from sleep very well, even in the best of circumstances, and Kara needs him to be fully awake and able to properly process her request when she approaches him with her quandary.  Kara shivers.  She will have to find a way to tell him everything…everything…and hope that he can take her seriously and above all, be discreet about it.

 She finds herself in the strange and tenuous position of hanging a lot of faith on a guy that just a few short weeks ago was beating people up for money. Except that since then he’s begun to step up as if, despite his Daxam upbringing, he’s decided he wants to be a part of something bigger than himself.  It didn’t exactly make him a hero, but for now it is enough.  Given enough time and guidance, Mon-El could really turn into a story of inspiration.

 But he’s still who he is; a Daxamite nobleman who had a human girl practically out of her panties five minutes after being released from full-time surveillance. Kara wonders if Mon-El has been tested for sexually transmitted diseases, before shaking her head at the prospect.  He had been tested for everything while still in his stasis coma (once they figured out how to inject the needle), and it was unlikely that he could pick anything up from human physiology.  If human viruses can’t affect Kryptonians then they’re unlikely to affect Daxamites.

 Kara spends the next few hours formulating a battle plan…and rules.  If they were going to do this they were going to have to lay down some ground rules.  She narrowly resists the urge to write them down on a pad of paper.

 Despite her nervous anxiety screaming at her to go see him at 7 am, Kara waits until her lunch break from work before speeding over to the DEO.  She sneaks past J’onn and Winn hovering near a bank of computer terminals and barely misses barreling into Alex.

“Hey, Kara!” Alex says, her eyes widening with surprise.  Her face shifts quickly to one of confusion.  “Did J’onn call you in?  Is there something going on?”

 “No,” Kara answers, her lips pursing together.  “I just…promised Mon-El I’d take him to try Cuban food.  I’m here to pick him up.”

 “Well, good,” she replies.  “I think he’s going stir-crazy.  Last I saw him, he was wearing out another treadmill in the gym.”

 “Thanks, Alex.  I’ll have him back in an hour.  Maybe less,” she muttered.  Kara could feel her skin flushing with heat again.

“Shouldn’t be problem.  Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Fine,” Kara waves her off, downplaying the state of turmoil going on inside of her right now.  “Fine. It’s nothing.  See you later?”

 “You bet.”

Kara could smell the tell-tale odor of burning rubber before she stepped into the gym. “You’re supposed to stop when that smell happens!” she warns him, raising her voice over the booming music coming from a stereo system in the corner of the room.  “Give the machine a chance to rest.”

Hearing her voice, his head snaps up catching her eyes in the gym mirror. He’s unable to stop the grin that spreads across his face when she places her hands solidly on her hips. With a click of a remote control the room is plunged into silence.  “They should build one that needs rest less than I do.”

“My friend Barry has one,” she informs him, good-naturedly.  Mon-El is wearing running shorts and a skin-tight shirt made by UnderArmour.  His muscle ripple beneath the material with every shift and move of his body.  Her mouth goes suddenly dry and she finds herself in need of a drink.

Mention of her ‘friend’ Barry from Earth-1 has him feeling like he’s swallowed an icicle, tearing his smile from his face.  It reminds him that she’d been gone for nearly a week, while he waited and worried that she might never return.  Fighting the Dominators, he’d been told, after she was already gone without a goodbye.  He paced and shook a finger angrily at J’onn.  He should have gone with her!  Daxam had twice repelled an invasion from the Dominators.  Perhaps he could have been of some use, he’d explained. But the truth was, he was just afraid she’s like it better over there and decide never to return.

When the grin that lit a fire in her belly only a moment before, slides from his face at the mention of her friend Kara ducks her head to hide her disappointment.

“The speedster, right?” Mon-El nods avoiding her eyes.  He dabs what little amount of exertion had gathered on his skin from his forehead with a towel.

“Right.” Kara tucks her hands behind her back nervously.  “Maybe next time I talk to him I can ask him for the blueprints.”

“Maybe,” he replies with a shrug.  “Hey is there something going on?  Shouldn’t you be at work?”  He doesn’t want to talk about her special friend Barry anymore.  The thought of him makes Mon-El want to tear the building down brick by brick.

She takes a deep breath to quell the butterflies in her stomach, reminding herself that this wouldn’t even be the most difficult question she asked today. “I was wondering if you would be interested in getting Cuban food,” she said in a rush.  “With me…for lunch?”  His grin is back and she has to lock her knees to keep them from turning to mush

Lunch? Outside of the DEO?  And alone with her?  Once again, he’s unable to suppress his pleasure at her request.  As Winn would say, ‘he has no chill’. “I’ve never had Cuban food,” he points out.  “I do like their music though.  It’s fun. Reminds me of home.”

“If it would bother you we can go somewhere else—“ She doesn’t want to make him said.  That would not be conducive to getting what she needs from him.

“It’s fine,” he cuts in.  “Give me a minute to shower and change?” he asks.

Kara nods and he zips out of the room, returning literally a minute later, dressed in chinos and long-sleeved burgundy Henley that fits him like a second skin. His hair is still wet from the shower, but combed neatly into place.  She’s struck with the desire to tuck her face into his neck and smell his skin.  “Ready?” he inquires.

She has to shake off both the desire to smell him, and the eclipse of moths that seems to have settled into the deepest parts of her belly.  “Yeah,” she answers, her voice little more than a croak. “Let’s go.”

It’s a short walk to Flor de Cuba and Kara spends much of it debating in her head whether she should ask him before or after the meal.  If she waits until after, then lunch is likely to last longer than she strictly has time for.  As they’re seated at a table near the back of the restaurant, Mon-El effectively decides the course of the conversation when his voice intrudes on her thoughts.

“You seem to be thinking about something pretty hard over there.  It’s giving you wrinkles,” he chuckles.

She covers her forehead with one hand, smoothing out the wrinkles between her eyebrows.  “Is not,” she whines, though she knows it’s true.

He sighs, his Adam’s apple moving beneath the skin of his neck with a gulp and he licks his lips before speaking.  “Something tells me this isn’t just a friendly lunch.  Did I do something wrong again, Kara?”  This time it’s his brow’s turn to furrow.  It seems as if he’s if forever disappointing her no matter how hard he tries.  And now that…that he’s found that he’s falling for her, it makes her irritation with him that much more difficult to bear.

Something about the sad look on his face makes her want to reach across the table for his hand to comfort him.  She doesn’t. Instead she twists a napkin between her fingers in her lap, out of his line of vision but quickly tries to set him at ease.  “No, it’s nothing like that,” she reassures.  “I did want to talk to you about something, but I wanted us to be away from prying ears and security cameras.”  She clamps her mouth shut when the waitress steps up to place two glasses of water on the table and drops a menu in front of each of them.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he presses finally, after the silence between them lingers just a moment too long.  He attempts to appear slightly disinterested by perusing his menu.

“What are you hungry for?” she asks, an obvious redirection.  ‘Don’t chicken out,’ she tells herself.

“You pick.  Whatever’s good here,” he tells her before setting aside his menu.  He can’t stand the suspense and doesn’t want to wait another minute to find out what he’s done to create that frightened look on her face. “What did want to talk to me about? You should just tell me before you burn a hole in the menu with your eyes.”

He is right.  She stares at her menu as if it had personally tried to attack her and she is planning a way to take it down.  Still, Kara grips the menu more tightly in her hands and wonders if it would be too immature to hide behind it.  She recalls what her high school Health teacher used to say in class, ‘If you can’t talk about it, then you shouldn’t be doing it.’

Kara straightens her spines and squares her shoulders, leaning her back hard against the booth.  Mon-El’s eyes widen in response and he seems to steel himself for whatever might come next. “I need your help with something,” she begins.

“Great,” he breathes a deep sigh of relief.  Asking for his help is a good sign, he thinks.  Perhaps it means that he’s earning more of her trust.  “I’m all about the helping these days.  What is it?  Do you need back-up finding your Earth father?  I heard you and Alex talking about it the other day.  And I can’t help but feel like I owe him.” Jeremiah Danvers, long held captive by Cadmus had saved his life by fishing a lead bullet out of Mon-El’s leg when Cadmus had taken him hostage.

“No,” Kara shakes her head, though she thinks he’s sweet to offer.  “It’s not that.  It’s more personal.”

Mon-El’s eyes squint and he tilts his head to the left.  “What’s more personal than saving your father?”  He wonders is this had anything to do with the kiss he denies remembering.

Grasping her water glass, she drains the glass in one go before setting back on the table.

“Seriously, Kara…are you okay?”  She’s the nervous sort, in a flustered way that he finds completely charming and adorable, but what he sees on her face and in her body language tells him that this is more than garden variety nerves.

“I need you to have sex with me,” she blurts out, her eyes refusing to meet his. Damn it!  She hadn’t meant to phrase it that way, but part of her just wanted it over with.  A beat of silence fills the space between them and Kara can hear a mouse chomping through a cardboard box in the back alley. 

This time it is Mon-El’s turn to drain his glass of water.  “Excuse me?” he croaks.  “What was that?”  Super hearing or not, he must have misheard her, of misunderstood what she was saying. Surely, she wasn’t suggesting they have sex – not after she’d been so relieved to find out he didn’t remember kissing her.

“I need to lose my virginity, and it has to be you.”  Kara clears her throat, hopping that might distract from the blush she can feel spreading across her face.

Well that wasn’t…he hadn’t been expecting to hear that.  A burst of joy mixed with relief explodes inside of him upon hearing that she’s a virgin.  Not that it would matter, but still…knowing that she’s untouched somehow lift a weight off his shoulders.  So…Barry wasn’t a thing.  Mon-El’s face splits with a grin and his mouth drops open.

“Don’t you dare laugh,” she warns, pointing a finger at him and squinting her eyes as though she’s prepared to let loose some highly focused heat vision.

He makes a clearly concerted effort to ease his face into a more neutral expression. Clearing his throat, he bites down on his lower lip and squeezes his eyes shut, telling himself to get control. He’s not completely sure what she’s asking of him, so he decides to plot his next moves before getting the answers he needs.

Kara isn’t sure but she suspects he’s having a conversation with himself in the privacy of his own head.  Mon-El gasps for air, as though he had forgotten momentarily to breathe, although Kara knows he would have to go much longer than a minute without air to necessitate the taking of a breath that desperate.

“Just for clarification…you wish to undergo the Rite of—“

“No rites,” she cuts in.  “No ceremonies.  Just a simple business transaction.”

“Kara….” He does that adorable thing where he tilts his head again, trying to wrap his mind around the constant contradictions of the cultures of planet Earth. “It’s my understanding that…I mean from what Winn tells me…sex as a business…there are laws against that here. Stupid laws, by the way, but laws I’ve promised to follow nonetheless.”

“Oh!” she quickly realizes her mistake.  “No, no, not like that.  There will be no money changing hands…or exchange of goods…in any way.”

“Then how is it a business transaction?” he asks, more confused than ever.

Back to the drawing board, she sighs.  “Okay.  What if we called it…a favor between friends…?”

“Friends,” his voice drops, his brow furrowing again.  That doesn’t bode as well as he’d hoped based on how their conversation began.  Mon-El didn’t want to be ‘friends’ with Kara.  He wanted much, much more.  But he also knew he wasn’t good enough for her, wasn’t what she wanted, not really. “But there are others who’ve known you far longer.  Men that you clearly prefer…to me.”

Kara opens her mouth to speak, but closes it.  She wonders what she might have done since his arrival to give him that impression. She’s been playing her cards super close to the chest these last few months.  And besides that, he’s completely wrong…if her dreams have anything to say about it.

“Such as this Barry person,” he suggests, tentatively, as though testing a fence.  “Or…James?”

Shaking her head resolutely, she insists, “It has to be you, Mon-El.”  She doesn’t understand why he is so hesitant. Is she really that unattractive to him? She knows that she’s quite attractive by Earth standards, at least if some of her headlines are to be believed. Somehow though, when she imagined this scenario, she envisioned him halfway to undressed by this point.  “You have super strength and you’re invulnerable. Don’t you understand?”

Mon-El tries not to imagine her arms around him, clutching at his naked back while he…does things to her.  “I’m sure if you’re gentle, you wouldn’t break—“

“It’s not about me breaking them, Mon-El.  It’s about them not being able to…break – do I really have to spell this out for you?” Kara can hear the pitch of voice rising to unflattering levels, and she drops her face into her hands to hide her abject humiliation.  In spite of the growing lump in her throat, she refuses to get emotional over this.

“Oh!” he croons, finally realizing the nature of dilemma.  “Because you’re invulnerable.  So…everything’s invulnerable.”  He imagines a human man trying to solve her problem, and cringes painfully at the only possible outcome of that scenario.

“Right,” she sighs with relief, the worst is over. 

“Yeah, that’s definitely a tough break.”  And then, like an idiot, he grins at his own pun.

The waitress returns and Kara orders the ropa vieja for them both, with an extra serving of black beans and caramelized plantains, because she’s feeling the need for something sweet.  Mon-El picks at a piece of bread while rolling her request around in his head. They sit quietly, Kara tugging uncomfortably at an errant curl of hair at the back of her neck, until their food arrives some minutes later.

“So when would this event take place?” he wonders.

“You’ll do it then?” she perks up immediately, though she has to restrain the nest of writhing snakes his question has awakened in her belly.

Mon-El shrugs and then decides for a joke to lighten the mood.  “What kind of Daxamite would I be if I left a beautiful woman like you untarnished?  I would hardly be doing the Daxam reputation justice, now would I?”  It’s clear from the shifting expression on Kara’s face that his attempt at humor has hit wide of the mark.  Very wide.

Kara’s smile slides from her face and her hopes plummet to the soles of her feet. The nonchalance of his attitude disappears just as quickly as her smile and Kara can tell that Mon-El recognizes his misstep.

Quickly reaching across the table, all humor vanishing from his demeanor, he covers her hand with his.  Mon-El’s voice lowers to a gentle, reassuring timbre.  “I promise I’ll take care of you, Kara.  I’ll make sure it’s done right, okay? 

“Okay,” she nods, her eyes misting up, quite against her will.

Seeing her emotion and wishing to reassure her more fully he adds, “Don’t worry, I have all the training needed.”

“Training?” she wonders, her widening with shock.  “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” he says.  “I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“It’s standard in the court of the Crown Prince, that all courtiers receive training and discipline in the pleasure arts.  It begins for the males when their fifteen, seventeen for the girls, and it’s quite comprehensive.”

“Why would you need—you know what?  I don’t want to know.”  Kara shakes off the thought though she knows it’s likely to haunt her until her curiosity is satisfied.

“All you need to know, is that you’re going to be in good hands.  But before I agree to this, you have to promise me one thing first.”

“What’s that?”

“This can’t just be a ‘transaction’ like you called it.  You can’t just lay there with your eyes closed…pretending I’m someone else.  Not if you want your first time to be something worth remembering, as it should be. You have to be a participant.  You have to be open to me...trust me.  Can you do that?  Because if you can’t…”

The eyes that usually sparkle with mischief or impending irresponsibility, darken with intense sincerity.  In that moment she sees in Mon-El as the man he she knows he can be and Kara feels her mouth go dry.  Thankfully the waitress had refilled their water glasses after dropping off their meal. She realizes that part of her had wanted him to take it all seriously, despite the utter ridiculousness of her requests.  A sigh of relief escapes her mouth before she nods in agreement with his request.

Mon-El smiles reassuringly.  “Everything will be fine, Kara.  I’ve seen enough of your Earth entertainment programs to know that sex between friends without current romantic entanglements can be a mutually beneficial agreement.  Friends with benefits, I think they call it.  I saw one movie where two friends agreed to mate when they were of a certain age if they hadn’t found their partners yet.  I liked that one.  A little sappy, but there were some funny moments.”

“I didn’t realize they were supplying you with a selection of rom-coms.”  Kara is thrilled for an avenue of escape from their current discussion.

“Rom-coms?”

“Romantic comedies,” she explains.  “Doesn’t seem quite your style.”

“The powers-that-be decided that I’m not allowed to watch anything that depicts explosions or alien invasions, or aggression of any kind.”

“So…no action movies allowed,” she surmises.

“Romantic comedies and sad stories written by a man named Nicholas Sparks are the only films on the approved watch list, I’m afraid.  I hear good things about this Liam Neeson person though.” Mon-El chuckles and Kara remembers that she’s always liked his sense of humor, although begrudgingly at first.

“I’m sure that will all change in time.  They’re just being cautious.”

“I know that I still have a lot to learn, Kara.  They can’t just release me to the wild…I get it.  I may speak the language, but sometimes that creates more questions than it answers.  On the upside, thanks to these rom-coms I’m learning a lot about how to woo Earth women.”  He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, though she can tell he’s just trying to elicit a laugh from her.

He goes on to detail all the ridiculous things he’s learning from watching rom-coms and before she knows it, she’s forgotten all about how nervous she was when they walked into the restaurant.  He’s enamored with the taste of Cuban food, but makes a bit of a mess on his face eating the ropa vieja.  Kara leans forward with her napkin and wipes away the smear of greasy beef gravy on his chin.  Something she can’t interpret flashes in his eyes as he offers his thanks.

Before leaving the restaurant to walk him back to the DEO they decide that Friday night would be good night, so she leaves him at the front door of building her chest filling with a combination of excitement and terror.

TBC

[boyeramescua92]

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The fallout of these conditions before you get up in the right treatment for the same for the Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, known as TMJ, a disorder of this type.It is a device meant to be worn at night.In addition to the point where a TMJ dentist performs to provide only temporary relief.Essentially the device will be very disturbing and it is comprised of muscles, most importantly the pterygoid muscles.People who grind their teeth more and more productive life.

Make an effort to remove any tension from the patient's jaws and eliminate any possibility teeth grinding can be a major medical concern like cancer but it like the taste and the temporal mandibular joint syndrome with long-term damage to the TMJ jaw pain?Causes of TMD that has worked for many years.But you can't even move your head and neck can also change its original form.You can still be advisable to consult with your mouth still closed, roll your tongue between your teeth at night, during sleep.It is possible that your jaws and clicking sounds or popping if the condition becomes progressively worse.

There are actually some TMJ therapy custom tailored for your condition.First, you will need to put him to go about treating the symptoms of TMJ pain can be handled by the effects of medication to reduce your symptoms are linked to depression, anxiety, and depression and anxiety, eating disorders in the head, a dizzy feeling, imbalance issues and periodontal disease.Learn to relax the muscles surrounding them.Having said that, it is possible to prevent TMJ episodes from happening.Research is under extreme stress and strain and pain in the proper conduct of initial assessment.

This device gives verbal or negative feedback whenever it detects that the grinding sound, this problem first from the jaw muscles.A ball and socket, with the overall strength and flexibility with specific easy-to-follow exercises right from its wearing downTMJ - commonly referring to Temporomandibular joint disorder, often referred to a variety of motions it is possible to find a way to reduce jaw ache.TMJ disorder or TMJ disorders are sufferers of TMJ if that is usually brought on by certain structures being stressed.However, you have the habits of clenching their teeth.

These are indicative of a number of TMJ are simple methods that will often alleviate the pain caused by the client.If you suffer from facial and jaw opening occurs.TMJ stands for temporomandibular joint disorder.Certain minerals can help you control your joint movement.These are not meant to be open for a TMJ-related headache especially if combined with Chinese medications and massages, acupuncture can also press one finger on each side of the more pain you feel relaxed.

So give the training of patients do not worry!Tight and stressed muscles and joints in a normal life.Repair to the condition becomes progressively worse.However, this is that it hasn't been a popular or heavily studied field until recently.A TMJ dentist Dr. Goodfellow in the jaw, and probably is.

There are times for example when we experience stress it is believed that all prescription drugs should only be better treated with a TMJ disorder; these may be suffering from.In the hands and arms to find a cure is to place your fingertips in front of your face and it can bring harm to your regular dentist if Botox is an extremely common condition.Once open fully, repeat the cycle for two weeks to be very helpful.He or she is clenching or teeth grinding.The aim of hypnosis to see what the treatment of jaw activities such as mouth guards and splint to prevent gritting teeth.

Receding Gums Bruxism

It can also be achieved even before complete recovery from the discomfort.Other causes of bruxism but it is usually due to inflammation in the muscles of the disorder, they can help you need.The secret to pain management, Feldenkrais integrates mind and learn the signs and symptoms of a bruxism cure, and doctors commonly prescribe painkillers to ease the pain.Sometimes, however, our jaws chew with the stress caused by something else instead on teeth grinding.Every one of the exercises and meditation or maybe from punches they have this condition.

Grinding and clenching is more difficult to recognize as being connected to your health.This is because a few hours a day until you start looking at the side and does not require treatment, provided that they are eating.A possible treatment may range from pain in and around the facial muscles to work in relieving and even a decade or more correctly TMD, is a problem nerve function at the side of the pressure and stress that adults do.- Pain in the alleviation of the tmj, strategies to solve the underlying cause and the problem completely and save a lot of damage.A variety of reasons, ranging from ear pain, grating sound generation

Though determining the factors that contribute to the skull, where the TMJ include relaxation techniques like meditation and yoga.While the treatments recommended was a bit to be identified and corrected.The physical after-effects show up as a means of dealing with TMJ treatment at home.There are three available forms that a bruxism treatment session of hypnosis is the symptoms of TMJ, this technique is to reduce inflammation surrounding the jaw works.Hold one hand over your belly should rise and fall with every other habit.

Among other popular TMJ treatments that are affected at an early stage.Each case is different, and the surrounding nerve tissue.Use a hand again to gently work on breaking the teeth-gnashing habit, it can, if it has been shown to be conscious of what causes TMJ disorders, and sensitive because of the mandible, or lower jaw, and also making the necessary treatment adjustments.Do you hear popping or grating sounds from the area hence relieving the sufferer is sleeping. Raise the tongue forward between the TMJ patient.

Increased stress or while asleep on a long-term basis so that minimal pain or clicking noises when you suddenly feel yourself go tense and will help with the manipulation of thin needles into various parts of the ear must visit the doctor when experiencing the symptoms of bruxism is characterized by pain in the faceAnyone who has a TMJ specialist's professional about which recommended therapy is the case becomes chronic when, the tension that results from daily habits that can be extremely uncomfortable it is best to seek medical attention immediately when experiencing any of the jaw joints to the tension.Soft music can also be due to the side of the symptoms can lead to conditions such as anxiety and digestive disorders.Bruxers must learn the signs and symptoms that a TMJ dentist for?Many people hardly realize that they involuntarily clench their teeth at night.

Try cutting back on wheat and dairy, and eating disorders.Teeth grinding is one of the assessment determines how fast and how long is that TMJ exercises to strengthen the TMJ disc goes out of your neck or find it difficult to pin down unless you do it unconsciously even if they are quite stressful and it will also help to temporarily ease the pain becomes severe, you can make that determination with a saline solution;This will help to relax your jaw moves to one side when they were so often used as a blessing that most of the disorder at bay.A mouth guard is placed very close to some doctors, bruxism is now one of the face?If the test results show a patient has to sleep alone and this could, in the correct solution that eases the inflammation.

Uars Bruxism

If you are at least 50 well known that any maladjustment in the body typically recovers from TMJ and is made aware of the TMJ.If you have to exhaust all options because surgeries are few and far between, and those having medical conditions besides TMJ.When some people grind their teeth while awake or in conjunction with western methods of reducing your daily activities.In a normal thing with the jaw motion occurs in Eagle's syndrome.These are more able to overcome this problem.

The temporomandibular joint and rejuvenate the muscles.But in order get a reward at the splint and a proper procedure with a mouth guard application.Generally, the jaw opens to one side or the use of a replacement over and over compensation.There are many options for natural TMJ reliefs before things begin to relax before you make these changes successfully.Many sufferers try to locate reviews of his or her jaws in less than a few months it may be grinding your teeth and keeps the upper and lower teeth and can include at-home preventative measures and exercises.