#because basically doctors are terrified to look you in the eyeball and touch yr unmentionables at the same time‚ even as an adult | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aeide-thea · 2 years ago

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[corporal punishment/child abuse cw]

lol @ the fact that my relationship with my father has to just. absorb and accept the fact that (1) he’ll do things like initially assert he didn’t spank me, when i’m in fact quite sure both my parents did, and that (2) when pressed on this point, he’ll retreat into ‘well, you were really impossible to deal with sometimes!’ which is of course obliquely if not explicitly framing those spankings as justified…

like. holy shit. i mean it’s all so textbook—they didn’t treat my sister and me as brutally as their parents treated them, so what they did must be fine by comparison, right?—but unfortunately the predictability of it doesn't actually resolve the feelings for me!

#but just like. this came up bc we were discussing surgical histories #and like. one time when i was a kid i slipped and got a tear that needed stitches #only bc the damage was to an Unmentionable Area i got put under general anesthesia for it‚ which wasn’t my choice #because basically doctors are terrified to look you in the eyeball and touch yr unmentionables at the same time‚ even as an adult #which like. today if a gynecologist tried that i'd be like. what is this paper curtain accomplishing. can we just not‚ thanks.#but at the time obviously i accepted the treatment i was told to accept #and he was like ‘well then why didn’t you pipe up and say it was your body and your call!’ mostly jocularly but still #and like. (a) i was like ten‚ my dude‚ but also (b) you did not raise a kid who thought they had bodily autonomy like that!!#bc they literally didn’t—you hit me when you felt like it and i had no recourse!#anyway. it’s like. fine now‚ i got big enough to resist and it stopped‚ but like. fundamental betrayal and you gotta just eat it and smile!#formative

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