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texanredrose · 3 years

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Okay, to put some limitations on this, I’m only including the WIPs that I’ve done more than a synopsis for... that I can remember... that’s on Google Drive... that I actually think I might post one day... but haven’t posted yet because my posted WIPs are fairly easy to identify... okay... I got tagged by @unsteadyshade and I’m tagging @faunusrights and @alexlayer69

1) Across Time - Inuyasha AU where Weiss gets thrown back in time to the ancient past, where she meets two demons (Yang and Blake) warring against each other over a misunderstanding.

2) Alpha’s Devotion - Omega’s Strength, but from Winter’s POV.

3) Bears, Oh My - An exhausted Winter, lost on a hike, comes across a cabin where Yang lives with her three pet bears.

4) Brave New World - Continuation of the Dishonored AU where Ruby and Winter reflect on the new Mantle.

5) Bruised - Third installment to the ace!Yang AU.

6) Coming Home - Based on Dash’s Tiny Knight AU, Princess Blake is betrayed and stranded far from home and must rely on a reticent knight named Weiss to return to her kingdom.

7) Complications Always Arise - Papa Schnee is demanding Weiss marry before he’ll allow her to take his place as head of the SDC, so Yang volunteers to pretend to be Weiss’ beloved. No one else knows the relationship is fake, least of all Blake and Winter, and it’s just a bunch of pain.

8) Divided - Continuation of the By Moonlight AU where Whitley returns to the castle and Winter’s not upset by that- and Winter’s upset by the fact she’s not upset and has to figure out why her inner wolf is cool with this when she should, by all rights, be furious.

9) Dragonsbane - Mage Knight Winter hears tale of a dragon in the countryside that the local villages wish to see vanquished. Winter, however, has other plans.

10) Eye of the Beholder - Blinded and near death after a battle, Winter is rescued by the mysterious Yang and is nursed back to health despite her protests otherwise. (It’s a Medusa!AU.)

11) Fabled - Fable 3 AU where Princess Ruby and Princess Yang are forced to confront the fact that Queen Raven has lost her fucking mind, only to discover that fear drove the woman insane- a fear they must confront themselves.

12) Fields of Love - Farmer Yang offers a job and housing to apparent single mother Winter and her young daughter Penny. What starts as a kind gesture grows into something so much more.

13) Full Circle - Van Helsing (2004) AU, Winter and Weiss, amnesiacs employed by the church to handle all manner of unholy problems, are sent to discover what happened to King Taiyang. Along the way, they become wrapped up in a centuries spanning prophecy and a bloodline hanging in the balance.

14) High Bar, Low Blow - Yang owns a bar where the gimmick is that everyone’s an out of work actor and the staff is staging an ongoing drama on par with a soap opera to keep their customers coming back. Winter joins the staff and then things get a bit real.

15) Hoodlums and Hijinks - Robin Hood AU where Princess Winter and Princess Weiss are just as in favor for overthrowing the king as the group of bandits run by Ruby, Yang, and Blake.

16) Last One 2: Electric Boogaloo (title subject to change) - a sequel to Last One where the haunt continues.

17) Lexical Access - Sequel to Tip of the Tongue, where Yang gives her girlfriend a bit of roleplaying payback.

18) Little Red - Carmen Sandiego AU where Ruby was kidnapped adopted by a group of thieves and raised to become the world’s greatest thief, but a chance meeting with Penny via a stolen phone opens her eyes to the wider world, and she meets the rebellious heiress Weiss, street smart Blake, and brawler Yang, creating a team that works to foil Ruby’s former friends while eluding capture by mysterious operatives with a somewhat familiar white color scheme...

19) Long Term Investment - Yang, a fae who lives in the woods, makes a deal with Princess Winter to save the Queen. The price? Winter’s firstborn. Winter misunderstands how she’s expected to get pregnant and Yang’s never actually intended to collect. Next thing Yang knows, Winter’s moving into the clearing beside her tree home.

20) Miscalculation - Another Omegaverse AU where Weiss is an omega and Blake and Yang are alphas, except Weiss lied and said she was an alpha when enrolling in Beacon and now she’s locked in a room with Blake and Yang on the verge of starting her heat. Sharing is caring.

21) More Than Words Can Say - Winter, rendered mute by a military accident early in her career, is honestly the best girlfriend Yang’s ever had. However, tonight’s the night they’ve decided to get intimate, and that includes showing some scars that they don’t show often. It’s less about sex and more about trust and intimacy.

22) Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera AU where the mysterious, disfigured shade of the opera house, Weiss, finds herself at odds with the rich, jovial Yang in a competition for Blake’s heart. Then there’s Adam being a dick, too, and the opera house has never seen so much drama.

23) My Heart Will Go On - It’s the Titanic, but double the rich, unwilling-to-marry ladies and triple the won-a-ticket-to-a-ship ruffians. Penny’s there too; she, like Ruby, just really likes ships.

24) One Fucking Favor - Winter’s due for a long assignment and wants to make a sex tape for stress relief purposes. Yang doesn’t ask questions; she’s just the one with the camera. But then, Winter’s partner for the vid doesn’t show up. What’s Yang going to do about it?

25) Prophecy - Star Wars AU where Ruby, Yang, and Blake are trained as Jedi, Winter and Weiss are part of the clone army, and Ruby’s the chosen one. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, but Senator Salem is there to lend a helping hand...

26) Propositioned - Faunus experience bouts of heat; sometimes, they can safely ignore it and go about their lives, but every now and again, they really can’t. Concerned for Blake’s health as she’s skipped too many heats to be healthy, Yang sets up a partner for Blake’s heat. Blake’s not a fan but she does like the idea of banging Weiss Schnee.

27) Proven - ARK: Survival Evolved AU where Winter, after being ‘won’ by Yang, is taken into the bowels of the earth to learn how the underground tribes who inhabit the area survive in such an unforgiving environment. As she acclimates to the tribe’s ways, she finds herself carving out her own path, culminating in facing off against the Queen and proving herself worthy.

28) Reaping What You Sow - When Winter escaped to the countryside with Penny to start a farm, she knew she had her work cut out for her. In need of help and facing a harsh cold season, she hires Yang, a one armed drifter, to help her. The two end up needing the other more than they could’ve imagined.

29) Tear My Heart Open - Blake thought she understood how the world worked. As a member of the White Fang Gang, all she needed to do was keep everyone motivated to continue their ongoing street war against the police and authorities bent on keeping them down. But while running from the cops, she’s offered sanctuary in the home of one Weiss Schnee and her girlfriend, Yang. From there, her perception of the world is completely upended.

30) The Duel - After her father offered her hand in marriage to the winner of a tournament, Winter opted to assume a disguise and fight for the prize herself. In the final match, she faces Yang Xiao Long, a competitor she’s come to know quite well, and she finds her conviction to win wavering slightly. Is it enough to lose her the fight?

31) The Lies We Tell Ourselves - Weiss has made it; she’s opened her tattoo shop in Vale, well away from her father, and aside from a bad first impression with the florists across the parking lot, everything’s looking up for her- until her father finds her. Luckily, Blake’s been through some shit and doesn’t mind helping Weiss drive daddy dearest up the wall, even if it means letting her own parents think she’s dating Weiss. It’s not like either of them is going to catch feelings... unless...

32) The Princess’ Bride - After losing her fiancée to the dreaded White Fang Pirates, Yang vows to take to the sea herself and exact her revenge. Princess Weiss finds herself falling madly in love with Yang, who still loves Blake, and all this is thrown into even more chaos when Yang gets kidnapped and Blake comes back from the dead!

33) Two for One - Yes, another Omegaverse AU. Five years after the fall of Beacon, Yang and Blake cross paths, each believing the other has spent the time keeping their mutual mate, Weiss, safe. When they realize Weiss is with neither of them, old wounds are torn open, but before they can resolve their dispute, Winter captures the both of them and hauls them to a remote part of Atlas where an SDC facility has been turned into a fortress. There, they find a mortally wounded Weiss clinging to life and raising twins daughters; she gives her mates until her death to endear themselves to their children, else the twins might opt to stay with Winter and be kept from Blake and Yang for good. Between learning about their kids, Blake and Yang navigate their complicated feelings and try to reconnect with Weiss, all while a sinister force gathers to destroy the fortress and steal the prize within.

34) Weaknesses - Loosely set in the Glamour AU, Yang is being forced to assume her mother’s position as leader of their vampire coven. Her fellow vamps disapprove of Yang’s werewolf girlfriend. Winter, of course, doesn’t care.

I got lazy and cut a bunch out. No, fuck you, I don’t have too many AUs, I will add more if I want. Also, some of these, the first chapter is posted on my Patreon. Don’t ask me which ones; I genuinely have no idea. I’m bad at this, y’all.

#Me jokingly: I'll number them so I can prove I don't have too many!#Present me is pissed at past me #I just know someone's gonna come at me for this but whatever #I can't control the words they just come as they please

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giffingthingsss · 3 years

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J/C, C/7, and Me

Disclaimer: I am not necessarily a J/C shipper. I just have eyeballs and enjoy the show. Long ass post.

In the Beginning

Was a Janeway/Chakotay romantic plot baked in? I tend to think not. At least not at the very start. But this is pure speculation on my part.

If romance is your goal, then it’s much more interesting to have Chakotay not immediately being 100% supportive. (An AU where they never get lost and it’s just Janeway pursuing this Maquis leader and maybe eventually being persuaded and helping him, please.)

I think initially they were flirting with the idea of Janeway/Paris. The character of Tom was described as being a potential love interest for Janeway. That idea doesn’t seem to have made it past the character sketches, but you can see a trace element of it in the very beginning.

The writers played with a number of character combinations. A pretty natural chemistry was cropping up between Captain and First Officer. Little things were dropped into scripts. Performances certainly came across as interested, whether intended or not, who knows.

Ramping Up

Where before there were hints and moments, Resolutions kicks off a series of flashing red sirens.

From this episode on there would be declarations of... ‘you bring me true peace’, and ‘I’m frickin jealous, okay?’ and bawling declarations of ‘you can’t die!’ These developments are not in the shipper’s imagination. They’re building toward something. Clearly. Obviously. Said all the people with eyes.

For the first couple seasons, Janeway being engaged kind of kept this at bay. But now they’re fully playing with it.

Road Block

However, Kate Mulgrew (and maybe others, I dunno) was like, ‘sure. develop the relationship. but no sex. the first female captain isn’t going to be having booty calls in the ready room. not gonna happen. people are going to take this captain seriously.’

So they played with it here and there, but it could only go so far. Kate seemed to want the best of both worlds. A deep, complicated, growing relationship, that never tipped over into the sexual. Her focus was on getting the crew home.

Beltran flat out says (in one of the books I own that I don’t feel like digging out) that Chakotay was in love with her. But Beltran was getting frustrated. When Year of Hell came around, he apparently called up the writers and said, ‘how long is this guy gonna keep throwing himself at a woman who never reciprocates? it’s getting pathetic. either do something with these two or don’t.’

Loner Janeway

Along the way, I think Kate became enamored with the idea of the loneliness of command, the sacrifices it entails. Fell in love with the poignancy of it all.

This is not something that’s out of character for Janeway. Beyond the fact that in the beginning she was engaged, pairing off was a luxury she didn’t think the captain had. So any kind of romantic relationship she might pursue would have to start with her being broken out of that mindset.

That’s basically what Resolutions did. Once they finally pried Voyager out of her fingers, you could see a burgeoning love very clearly. But then Voyager came back. And with it her... resolutions.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

If they had wanted to snip it and move on, they should have had that conflict between Janeway and Chakotay at some point. Perhaps after Beltran called them up and said, ‘hey. Make up your minds.’

Have the characters actually talk about it and reach a conclusion and there ya go. But maybe the writers just didn’t know wtf they wanted to do with it and wanted to leave their options open. And then did nothing at all.

Me, a Non-Shipper

Personally, I tend to agree with the Mulgrew side of things (and can also see why Beltran would be bored with the eternal holding pattern and not mind when they said ‘hey, you can kiss Jeri Ryan.’)

They developed the Tom/B’Elanna romance, which was great. We didn’t need non-stop romantic plots. I think the shippers could understand Kate’s reasoning and were willing to go with the slow burn...if the writers had actually sat down and decided that’s what they were doing. If only they hadn’t dropped the ball at the very end.

Here’s the thing: if you build up a relationship like that, you can’t be upset when people notice. And you can’t give up on it behind the scenes without telling the audience on screen. ‘There are some lines we never cross’ might have been an attempt, but was too late. And was certainly not closure. The audience deserved better.

C/7? WTF!?

Well, if you thought there was no build up for it, it’s because there wasn’t. If you felt like it was whirlwind and came out of nowhere, it’s because it was, and it did. Apparently even in the writer’s room.

Brannon Braga wanted Seven to die in the finale. He was writing her episodes to gear up for that. Human Error, the episode where Seven experiments with romantic ideas with a holographic Chakotay (with a kiss that was apparently the result of a dare Beltran made to Jeri), was written with Seven’s death in mind. It wasn’t supposed to be the opening salvo of an actual relationship.

I think Seven of Nine should have bit the dust. I think there had to be a real sacrifice for this crew getting home, a real blood sacrifice. Seven of Nine was, for me, designed to be a character that was gonna die tragically. I planned that.... There’s an episode called Human Error that I wrote...she's trying to feel emotions. She actually succeeds and then almost dies. She learns there’s a Borg implant, that if she becomes too human, it will kill her. And it was that moment in my mind that would set up the finale, where she realized she can’t live here, she can’t live there. And she dies getting her family home. - Brannon Braga

I’m glad they didn’t go that way for various reasons. I love Endgame as it is. But it’s interesting to know the thought process. They weren’t gearing up for romance, they were aiming for tragedy. At least Braga was.

Human Error was only about six episodes from the end. At the time of that writing, that's what was in at least his head.

Human Error was not written with an eye toward a C/7 future. Without that episode I doubt highly C/7 would have been a thing. And it wasn’t even written to make it a thing.

Endgame obviously didn't go that way. Janeway-palooza instead. So. What do we do now? What to do with Seven? And from here on, all I have is speculation.

Retooling

'Well, we've got this holodeck scenario from the episode we wrote when we were planning to kill her off that hints that she might like Chakotay. So. I guess we'll go with that.'

It appears to me that they retooled recently written story elements to fit their ending, to provide more motivation for that ending.

They picked the three people it would kill Janeway most to lose. Tuvok, obviously. An ongoing torment, visiting him every week. Seven dies (a remnant of plan A) and in a sense takes Chakotay with her.

This is all fuel for Admiral Janeway without making it about saving her lover (unless you’re a J/7 shipper, in which case, hog heaven).

When you think of it only in terms of ‘what can we do to make the finale work’, it’s not terrible. When you think of it in terms of seven preceding years, it doesn’t work at all. They got myopic.

In hindsight I think the writers could probably admit it was a mistake in terms of the show, and they should have resisted the urge to do something that was thrown together and jarring rather than nothing at all with Seven.

Gossip

Apparently neither Mulgrew or Beltran were opposed to C7 in the end. Maybe because they had at points been a bit frustrated with each other behind the scenes. Whether those frustrations were forefront in anyone’s mind at the time, idk.

I tend to think Kate really was over the idea of Janeway’s destiny having much to do with romance at all.

It is interesting that when Seven first arrived on the show, Kate specifically mentioned not wanting the writers to throw her with Chakotay. At that point perhaps feeling a tad possessive. Perhaps didn’t want him ‘sullied’ by the busty blonde.

But this was seasons in the past by the time the finale rolled around, and I doubt highly it had anything to do with anything. Who knows.

Me on Endgame

Personally, I'm glad Endgame was a Janeway palooza. I love 99% of Endgame. I’m glad it was about Janeway vs.Janeway vs. Borg Queen. I wouldn’t have wanted it to be about J/C either.

But if you’re not willing to go there, leave it then to the imagination. It's cruel to basically tell your audience that these two would be together if not for their delta quadrant circumstances, and then rip the rug from under them the second they get to the quadrant where this romance is supposed to be possible. Not cool, man. Not cool.

When I first saw Endgame (as a non-shipper with eyes) C/7 was jarring and weird. But I thought the scene where Seven was distancing herself was well acted and stirred up an emotion or two (even if it was a little histrionic, considering they'd just started dating). So I wasn’t throwing things at my television. Just confused.

I also basically dismissed their future relationship. They got home after like one date, not ten years of marriage. And now their lives will completely change. So I just kind of hand-waved it away. "It did its job for the episode, but the future's changed and they won't last. So whatever."

Headanons on Janeway’s romantic reasoning and original timeline reaction to C/7

Captain Janeway had no idea how long it would take to get back home. Obviously you hope for tomorrow, but it could be twenty years from now. She resigned herself to not pursue romance. Her sole purpose in life was to get the crew safely home.

So I speculate her reaction to C/7 would be quite stoic. She would recognize it’s not fair for him to just pine away, possibly forever. That she has made this choice and he shouldn't have to be alone because of it. Her being alone is just part of the price she must pay, the burden she must bear. Her own wants and needs must take a backseat. She has greater responsibilities.

In fact, I can see her encouraging C/7. She would see it as a form of selfless love. ‘It doesn’t matter that he’s with me; it matters that he’s happy.’ Of course feelings would rear their heads from time to time, but she would quickly corral them into that channel.

Lots of lovely internal martyrdom. She would make it her mission to make sure they were both okay and happy. A bit of a masochistic streak that she buries under a sense of nobility and sacrifice.

This is the kind of angle I think Mulgrew came to prefer. That lovely little tragic pang. She loves drama, if nothing else.

“It’s a lonely thing, but I’m gonna get this crew home.” - Kate Mulgrew

“You always made it hard for yourself. If there was a rocky path and a smooth one, you chose the rocky one every time.” - Coda

This is a woman with a lot of love to give. But finds herself, or perhaps unnecessarily forces herself, depending on your view, in a place where that’s not a possible life choice. So those instincts expand outward, enveloping them all. She finds fulfillment in the well-being of the crew and the ship as a whole.

Post Endgame

Their trip was shortened by a lot because of Endgame. The future is no longer written in stone. So the possibilities are endless, the sky’s the limit. And apparently Seven’s a lesbian (I haven’t seen it, but I hear tell). So. There ya go.

(She is crying here, btw. I never noticed before I did that episode and feel the need to point it out once again. Lest anyone else still not have noticed.)

If you actually read this whole thing, congratulations. Hopefully it made sense. I now continue with my rewatch and probably won’t talk much about this in the future. Unless something new comes up, I’ll just continue to be a non-shipper with eyeballs, enjoying whatever’s around.

#voyager things #long ass post #of fact and probably fiction #my best current take on what went down

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albatris · 4 years

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ok ok alriiiight ok so the plot of ATDAO

this post is not, like........... well, it’s not gonna be a blurb or a summary or a nice neat synopsis, this is not Professional Writeblr Business, this is, this is, uhhhh

this is like drunk house party logan rambles

works best if you imagine ur just like “hey man how’s it going” super casual and I grasp you firmly by the shoulders and look you dead in the eye and just ramble all of this without taking a single breath

could I have explained in a nice neat concise "elevator pitch" sort of way? probably. mind ur business. that’s not how we do things here at albatris.org

anyway the purpose of this post is “hey people seem to know a lot about the characters and the worldbuilding and the premise but have no clue what happens in the actual story” so I’m not going to be talking about said characters and worldbuilding and premise in depth

in terms of rambles, that stuff’s been covered! this post assumes you know what Ports are, n what the nature of the ATDAO apocalypse is, vaguely what the MCs are like as people......... though I can fetch this info for you if you like

but yeah if you are coming into this post with zero prior ATDAO knowledge........... deeply deeply from the bottom of my heart: sorry

also if this is your first time experiencing One Of These Rambles

also @safe-in-the-steep-cliffs and @siarven I am tagging you because you said you would like to be tagged and also hi and also I hope y’all knew what you were in for

anyway without further ado

(visual representation of my approach to this rant, not of how complicated my plot actually is)

(my plot is not that complicated)

ALRIGHT

there are two viewpoint characters! and two plotlines which converge near the end of the story, but honestly there’s a very real possibility I will decide these are two separate books meant as companion stories to each other because I love making things difficult for myself yeehaw

ATDAO’s co-protags are Tris and Noa, best buds four years and counting. their friendship is one of the single most important aspects of the story, n the ongoing love and trust they have for each other despite the way unfolding events force their relationship to change is integral to the themes and making the heart of the story what it is. I will now proceed to not mention this friendship for the entire remainder of this post. they’re bros. that’s all u need to know. listen. listen. I have a lot to cover

so yeah, ur first key player is Tris Greer, whose parents are dicks but whose siblings are chill. most notably of said siblings there is Jacob, older brother by thirteen years, whom Tris believes is just about the coolest person on the entire planet. this plotline kicks off when Jacob gets caught in the midst of a freak car accident that kills a dude and wrecks a street corner and also somehow causes Jacob to just kind of................. blip out of existence entirely and without a trace?

n Tris is understandably horrified and distressed by Very Much All Of This, but hey, at least there are responsible adults who can look into this obviously Port-related weird disappearance and figure this mess out, right?

INCORRECT

the relevant interdimensional authorities are brought in to suss out the situation and these authorities are kind of like “hmmmm idk about this” but are all set to take Tris at least somewhat seriously until they learn the following:

that Jacob had already been reported missing to police in his home state three days earlier

that Jacob was in the midst of several ongoing personal crises and at least one nervous breakdown

that Jacob was allegedly tangled up in some real weird shit that would more than account for a disappearance under suspicious circumstances

that Tris is schizophrenic, prone to hallucinations, confusion, memory issues and quote unquote “letting his imagination and anxiety get the better of him”, and precisely zero people can actually corroborate his story that Jacob was even there are the time of the accident to begin with

and after some back-and-forth and Looking Into The Evidence pretty much everyone in any position of authority comes to the conclusion that this is just Ordinary Regular People Crimes and whatever happened to Jacob had nothing to do with weird apocalyptic energies, and that Tris is (at best) stressed out and delusional or (at worst) lying through his teeth because he knows more than he’s letting on

so Tris is forced to hop pretty quick from “I’m sure someone will handle this” to “no one believes me but I’m sure if I can find some concrete proof they’ll listen and someone will handle it” to Well Fuck I Guess That Someone Is Me

cue bizarre reality-hopping fantasy quest, which is ten times easier said than done when most of the time Tris is terrified enough just, like, going to the supermarket

he enlists the help of his new classmate Shara, amateur paranormal investigator and professional weird-bullshit enthusiast, who agrees to help him puzzle out what the fuck happened to Jacob in exchange for his assistance in mapping out Adelaide’s interdimensional “fault lines” as part of her ongoing quest to track down the source of the apocalypse

she’s got big fuckin dreams, ok, go hard or go home

slso worth noting at this point that there HAS been an uptick in Ports and their related reality-bending strangeness in Adelaide recently which is why this is of particular interest to her currently. gotta find out What Makes The Weirdness Tick, gotta find out Why The Sudden Extra Weirdness

..........and also Kai is there

Kai has no nice neat reason to get involved with the plot, Kai just likes drama and being all up in people’s personal business. Tris brings them on board for one single afternoon like “hey I will pay you some money to come to my house and fix my fucked up phone so I can listen to an interdimensional voicemail” but forgot the apparently key addendum “and then leave”

their first three chapters of knowing each other is basically Tris being like “stop inviting yourself into my house we are not friends” and Kai being like “that’s a rude thing to say to your friend. also your sister gave me the netflix password and I used your kitchen to bake pastries feel free to help yourself”

but yeah so Tris’s story mostly focuses on his quest to figure out where Jacob got yeeted to and how to get him safely home (y’all probably know a bit about The Unreality already maybe?), whilst also dealing with rising family tensions, whatever shifty stuff Jacob was involved with prior to his disappearance, and his own creeping doubts about his perceptions of reality

n I’m also saying flat out it’s not a plot that’s going the “oh the whole thing was just a delusion all along” route because ew

his psychosis is a fairly involved part of his character but the explorations around it are more to do with, like......... the difficulties he has in trusting himself and whether he has the luxury of letting himself get swept into some Big Weird Implausible Adventure when this has extremely different implications for him than it would someone else. n eventually to how his success and survival is not ~in spite of~ but specifically because of the different way he understands and interprets the world and the skills he’s developed

THAT TANGENT WAS A PERSONAL RANT IT WAS NOT RELEVANT I just have words to say on the subject of how psychosis is treated in fiction and didn’t want people jumping to the “none of it is real” conclusion anyway ok moving on

ur SECOND key player is Noa Yun, who has rather a lot on her plate right now. she’s broke as fuck and her mum is sick and her car is making Noises and she’s not getting enough hours at her job at Not-IKEA and everyone is on her back about her failing studies as if that’s a thing she has the energy to care about. feeling rather backed into a corner by life’s bullshit and her financial situation, she blatantly lies her way into a field job at the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities, because A) surely it can’t be THAT bad, and B) what does she have to lose?

so more or less what she’s doing is the equivalent of emergency services for Port-related weirdness, it’s going out and dealing with highly unstable otherworldly energies head on, navigating Weird Phenomena and bendy patches in reality......... it is, among other things, a job that’s relatively easy to get into because no one wants to touch it with a ten foot pole unless they absolutely have to

n the DII is a whole other post, this shit has lots of different functions and levels and branches and corruption and secrets and a tendency to view workers who have to go out and deal with the brunt of the apocalypse head-on as vaguely expendable and I’ve talked about it a bit before and in more Serious Words

things kinda kick off for her when in true Noa fashion she hurls herself into a dangerous situation to help out a coworker, n enters a pretty standard issue “overlap” where the barriers between universes are a little fucky, but hey, she seems to come out of it with nary a scratch, so it’s reasonable to assume everything is fine, right?

INCORRECT AGAIN

she basically gets some whacked-out otherworldly energies latched onto her that are now following her through her everyday life, and it turns out she’s starting to bend the reality around her the way certain types of Ports do, which is! obviously not ideal! she’s not exactly a Port herself, because she’s pretty sure that’s impossible, but it’s clear capital s Something happened to her in that overlap, and she doubts it’s good news. and to make matters even more disconcerting, she’s now being dogged at every step by strange visions of a child who speaks in an unfamiliar language and who seems Real Fuckin Pissed at her

so her thing is basically “I acquired fucked up reality-bending powers against my will and they might be lowkey killing me ‘cause Ports are notoriously unstable like that and also I’m haunted for some godforsaken reason” which all somehow ended up being, like, the least interesting part of her plotline for me lmao

oh and Noa also enlists the help of Shara, Because Ghosts

anyway yeah so her search to find out what’s happening to her re: Weird Children, being a Port-adjacent something-or-other, and whether there’s a way to stop her own unravelling leads her to (rogue computer programmer? mad scientist? general shifty bastard?) Laurence Marrick Thiele, who claims to have suffered a similar affliction in the past and now does some real interesting research on the subject. n this guy. well. he’s got some fuckin stuff going on

he definitely knows more about the nature of Ports than he should. also is he actually researching what he says he’s researching? also what’s with all the weird tech? also did he just straight up murder that guy Avery? all will be revealed later, maybe, if I feel like it

but yeah at about the same time as Noa goes “actually fuck this you’re shady as hell I’m out” she stumbles into, like, The Actual Reality of what Marrick is up to re: manipulating Ports and interdimensional doorways for his own gain, and the various ways this spells bad news not only for her but potentially for the entire city and anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire, and she shifts gear to “actually you know what I’m gonna kick your ass”

there are various reasons for this, but first and foremosterly you have to understand that Noa’s got a fuckload of pent-up rage and she will bring it in full force the moment you say some stupid shit like “some people are expendable” or “it’s inevitable for the greater good”

(there’s also a fun ongoing subplot with her work at the DII where she and her team are investigating a string of strange illnesses with bizarre symptoms that appear to be spreading via obscure radio stations so that’s. happening. I guess?)

but yeah the main story here mostly follows Noa’s attempts to undermine Marrick, bastard supreme, and find a way to fuck him up before he goes, like, Full Cartoon Supervillain, n also like........... her attempts to keep up her work at the DII despite her rising paranoia that the teammates she’s growing to care about will notice her increasingly unstable state and the fact that she’s all tangled up with the very forces they’re meant to be thwarting. n along the way discovering the reality of what happened to her in The Aforementioned Overlap Incident and about her visions and such

so that’s all that. did that make sense

n she’s got a whole arc going on about trust and learning to lean on others, like, she comes into this story as a very standoffish person with lots of paranoia, she’s spent much of her life feeling like she can only rely on herself, n she’s. well. yeah, like I said, she’s got a lot of anger at the world and at the various systems that have failed her and her loved ones, n the story puts her in a position to become even more isolated

and her plotline isn’t so much “you have no reason to be angry or afraid” or her learning to Not Be, It’s more, like........... yeah you have every fucking right to be furious and of course you’re afraid! but there are people around you who love you and who will jump at the chance to defend you and who will help you carry the weight of your anger and grief and none of this needs to be yours to bear alone which is extremely cheesy

which applies to both her Weird Supernatural Goings-On as well as her regular ordinary life goings-on

I feel like Alice and Jet deserve a mention for Noa’s plotline but also this went on and on too long already so. well. Alice and Jet exist! yep. they work with Noa at the DII. I have things to say about them. I will not be saying them today

and uhhhhhh

in general, for Tris, his plotline, you wanna think, like, fantasy/adventure vibes which veer pretty sharply into horror, and for Noa you wanna think...... kinda, sci-fi mystery conspiracy vibes with a dash of some superhero bullshit maybe except not really

and that

pretty much is it I think

also the fact that Kai just invites themself into the plot for funsies and then is dragged kicking and screaming into caring about themself and making positive changes in their life means there was no convenient place in this post to be like

"oh there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop"

but there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop

goodnight! thanks for coming to....................... whatever this was! have a nice saturday everyone

#alcohol mention #just in the first little intro bit #being concise is not my strong suit! this should be apparent perhaps #tl;dr #tris's brother jacob gets lost down the back of an interdimensional sofa and tris has gotta go get him back even though #he's terrified enough just leaving the house let alone leaving this entire reality on a stupid convoluted mystery quest #and noa has a run in with some interdimensional bullshit and acquires Powers and A Ghost neither of which she wants #and then accidentally uncovers the schemes of literal cartoon supervillain marrick and is like #''oh sick i was looking for a reason to go absolutely fuckin ballistic and fuck someone's shit up''#And Both Of Them Make Nice Friends And Learn To Love Themselves :)#atdao #i constantly walk the very fine line between not wanting to be Too Vague about noa's plotline vs not wanting to be Too Spoilery about it #like............... the stuff about the kid and about marrick's endgame i'm never quite sure how much to delve into hahahaha #but yeah anyway #imo i only went on ONE mildly unrelated tangent which should have been cut but i decided to indulge it instead #which is the couple paragraphs about noa's character arc #character arcs not important for this post!!!!!! but also. dfkhgkdfjshg. try and stop me #(i mean i did pretty ok staying on track for the most part i think)#(still a rambly post though)

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shinahbee · 4 years

Text

December favorites 2020!

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GREETINGS

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Hello,

So we have finally reached another year happy 2021! let's all hope this year will be kind to us, as I have mentioned in my previous favorites post, I finished my work term and now will be working on my art more

so please look out for more art coming soon!

also this maybe a little too early to think of but I was thinking of opening an etsy store to sells stickers/ keychains, this was a project that was on my mind for many years actually, but I have never really considered starting it

Please let me know if any of you would be interested if I do start one.

I would also like some ideas as to what type of characters from what show would you like to see merchandise from. I know there are some franchises that are not well known and most people wouldn’t be able to find so much as a fanart of that particular character/show

so if you could all let me know what you’d like to see in the shop I will highly consider it, with that being said I don't have any anime recs this month, mainly cause I was very busy in the month of December and have not watched any dramas or anime in a while,

so just a heads up, that part will not be included this month. The only thing I was watching is bunch of end of the year award shows, so like the drama awards and melon music awards and MAMA awards...haha that seems really boring to discuss so i'll skip that.

My friend and I were discussing and thought that they should rename these music awards as the BTS awards because they won so many lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

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This section of the favorites is on fire! you don’t even know how far deep the rabbit hole i`ve dug myself into.

I finally was able to save my progress and crawl back up to list a few of my favorites/ updates of the old favorites and a special segment to ones that triggered a raging response due to utter frustration

Let’s start with a review of the manhwa I have read and discussed so far

Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (completed)

6) Here u are (completed)

7) BJ alex (completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

so some updates on the previous ones that I have listed out so far, with the exception of the completed ones.

1) Who's baby is it? ; last time I read up to chapter 72 and now they have up to chapter 126 and I have to say so much more has happened in terms of story and relationship development and I especially love the development between

yi yun and his relationship with jinyao, they are acting more and more like a married couple without even knowing it. You see a gradual change within the two of them that shifts from being very comfortably being able to talk about their problems to one another to

physical touches that would make them both nervous, I don't mean physical in a sexual way...it's not at that point yet, it's just holding hands and being near each other makes them, nervous and as an audience I felt that nervous energy

and it makes as the audience appreciate the development even if it is slow, it becomes more realistic over time.

Needless to say, I am still a giant fan girl of this author and her story and I can't wait to see this week’s chapter

2) social temp; I said that I have read the novel so I pretty much knows what happened in the new chapters that were just out, this manhwa is updating a little slow so I have to wait to really comment

When they go further, there is a scene soon that will be the turning point of their relationship so I am excited to see that in the manhwa

3) salad days; There is also a slow development here as well in terms of relationship building, so far they are working on their careers as professionals and dealing with bullying and jealousy from their peers

But it's all part of life so I appreciate that the author included these aspects as an important part of the story and not just focusing on romance alone.

4) To be or not to be; you'd think a person who had studied Chinese for 8 years would be able to read the raws....nope,LOL

So far the story is going into a good direction so I'm hoping to see how this new development will play out in their relationship

5) no way vampires don't exist; I have and fanart and long post dedicated to this alone, so please refer to those for more details. I am happy this is updating again and hopefully all of it will be translated in no time for others to enjoy

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Welcome to heaven

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Okay so that is all for the old ones that I have read, I will include updates throughout my favorites now and then if it is still ongoing.

now let's look at some new ones that I have found this month, these are just a few of the ones I selected out to talk about, but I have read much more as I have said and these were the ones that were the most memorable

1) Unintentional love story- "Wonyoung gets unjustly suspended from work after getting caught up in a corruption scandal. But when he accidentally discovers the chairman's favorite artist Yoon Taejun living under an alias, he is tasked with a tricky new mission. Could this be Wonyoung's chance to get his job back?"

This is the summary from the licensed lezhin website, and it pretty much sums up the story, it is still ongoing right now so I can only comment on how I feel about it so far.

I really like this story its really straight forward and focuses mainly on the two characters and how their relationship went from business partners to eventual lovers

it has minimal drama and works on moving the relationship buildup between the two main characters and I really appreciate that, it makes me less frustrated, since you know there is always that one a-hole that will never take no for an answer

i will discuss that later for the other ones I plan to discuss. But so far the story is straight forward and cute, and I really like wonyoung he is really adorable. This is a manhwa but not in the form of a webtoon, so it's black and white and read in traditional manga style

if you like a straight forward story and development please give this a read, you will enjoy it.

2) Karasugaoka Don't Be Shy!! - "Sou Izuhara, the leader of the crime prevention group "VOICE" that protects east Karasugaoka, realizes he's in love with the man he keeps butting heads with and leader of the rival group "Karasukai," Tetsuji Shinba...!?"

omg finally a manga recommendation? lol. you have no idea how much trouble I had remembering the title of this manga, I didn’t save it into my bookmarks and I usually did that if I was going to talk about it in the favorites.

I went through 5 websites to figure out the name but at least it was found. This story is both comedic and cute and it was a perfect break from the dark stuff I have been reading, I don't believe it has been updated in while so I'm not sure if it will ever be picked up

but there is a decent amount of chapters to get started on. But as the description says that it is a story about two crime prevention group leaders, they look like thugs but they prevent crimes from happening, so like an anti bullying campaign that recruits volunteers. two of the leaders from the largest groups apparently doesn’t get a long

on the surface but one of the leaders Izuhara really in fact admires the other leader Shinba. they start to get along after shiba went to izuharas territory to take care of some suspicious activity on that side and accidentally discovers a whole new side to izuhara due to the fact that he wasn’t wearing his glasses and didn’t know he was talking to shinba

and invited him to hang out together for that day. lol. You probably know the direction this is heading; it all starts from interest in a person right?

anways, I never recommended a manga yet so this would be a good one to read,it has a balance of a good romantic comedy.

3) Semantic Error- "Computer science major Chu Sangwoo is the epitome of an inflexible and strict rule-abiding person. While working on a liberal arts group project with freeloaders who don’t put in any effort, Sangwoo reasonably decides to remove their names from the final presentation. But he didn’t imagine how involved he would become with the person whose study-abroad plans were messed up because of that project. The involved person: the campus star who everyone knows, Department of Design’s Jang Jaeyoung. He has everything from skills, looks, family background and good relationships except for 1 big problem: Chu Sangwoo. What happens when an engineer and an artist whose personalities are like oil and water have to work together? Jang Jaeyoung is like a semantic error in the perfect world of Chu Sangwoo. Will Sangwoo be able to debug this?"

this has got to be one of the most accurate portrays of an antagonist relationship start off ever, it was really comedic and relatable at the same time, if you are in current group assignments and are or have suffered the same as sangwoo, please let me know cause I know I have.lol.

there’s only 16 chapters so far and I believe it hasn’t been updated in a while either so I don’t know if it is discontinued or not.

I can't wait to see the development between the two male leads, because their relationship right now in the manhwa is really hilarious and worth the read.

side note, not that this will ever be considered as a k-drama but I would like to see sangwoo being played by kim soo hyun, because he looks like him in the drama it's okay not to be okay.

4) Tied up in twins- " The story starts off with three friends Jiwoo, sohee and woojung who had been friends since high school began to developed complicated feeling towards one another, woojung had been in love with sohee and sohee had been in love with jiwoo who was in love with woojung, things turned for the worse when jiwoo got drunk one night out and decided to confess his feelings to woojung by going to his apartment, he found 'woojung' standing outside and invited him to go drinking, he finally was able to let out his feelings and 'woojung ' accepted them without hesitation. Jiwoo felt like he was on cloud nine at the moment and slept with 'woojung' that night after thier feelings were made mutual. Turns out 'woojung ' was not actually woojung himself but his twin brother sarang, not knowing this fact he spots sarang with a man from his past eunji that used to bully him during his military service which made him confused and angry that 'woojung ' might be playing with his feelings. Sarang then confessed that he is the twin brother of woojung and both of them decided that that night was a mistake and that they should just forget about it as it didn't happen. Of course fate had other plans as they keep running into each other during difficult times and decided to become friends. It didn't take them long to be attracted to one another which lead them to end their previous relationship, sarang especially was suffering from his cheating boy friend's abuse and jiwoo with his one sided feelings for woojung. After a series of events sarang and jiwoo found that their feeling for each other were mutual and started to dating, which poses a lot more obstacles than either of the two had bargained for...."

This is actually my very own summary since I can't find one for this manhwa, I also did and fanart and discussed why i really like this story in that fanart, so please check out my art for my thoughts on it! Shameless self promo....

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Welcome to hell

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ooo now it's time for the fun part.LOL. Now let me just say that there is sometimes a fine line that defines what shounen ai and Yaoi are, sometimes stories is listed as both because one story that starts off like shounen ai will suddenly become yaoi

I define yaoi as a story that includes all the things that i'm uncomfortable with, which is emotional trauma from sexual abuse, sexual harassment and rape, physical abuse, suicide etc

these stories usually include some or all of the listed above and could make you uncomfortable in many ways, so as a warning if you are bothered by any of that even a little please don't read the ones I’m about to list, because there is a lot of it and there are situations that made me really sick while reading them. on the upside there is a lot of whole heartedness from the love scenes between the two main characters, although it’s like pages of sex scenes, you know from reading that it is between two people that love and trust each other.

so you have been warned, i'm not going to spoil it in terms of story but there is something these ones i chose out have in common and that is a SICK A-HOLE THAT EVERY PERSON WANTS TO KILL.You should have seen all those comments about calling sangwoo (killing stalking) to kill theses mofos and I could agree more, these disgusting human beings made me sick.

so let's begin...btw these are in no particular order, I was going to list these from the least worthy of dieing to most worthy of dieing but you know in the end they should just all die...lol.

1) My Suha -"A skillful secretary by day and choosy cruiser by night, Suha is a young professional who’s in search of some no-strings-attached action. He hasn’t had much luck lately, though, since a handsome face doesn’t always match what’s in a guy’s pants. This might be why he finds himself wondering about his dreamboat boss, Director Park Jiwoon. But there’s no way he can mix business with pleasure… That is, until Jiwoon and Suha run into each other in the gay bar bathroom."

so where to begin, um this pretty much includes all those listed above but it mainly focuses on the relationship between jiwoon and Suha, and it is not abusive and very loving in fact,I'm glad that they show the contrast between how suha's previous realtionships don't work out because of his trauma

and how jiwoon despite being an unwanted heir in his grandmother's eyes was able to give love and protection to the person that matters to him the most. So there's this scum bag...I even forgot his name but the red haired dude in this story he`s the legitimate heir to the family, who is the absolute worse and not only sexually abused Suha when they were younger and also emotionally scar both jiwoon and suha

making them feel incapable of being loved. I didn’t get a good feeling form him when he was first introduced and I was right...lol. But at least the comments section was in agreement; let me sum up my feelings in the form of this gif alone...

you get the point...

I heard it was going to finish soon so hopefully these emotional scars can be resolved and that suha and jiwoon stick together to get through it all. That would be a good ending for them after everything they have been through.You really need to read it in order to under stand why these events happen the way they do but please remember that suha`s inability to feel love stems from the all of his previous relationships not lasting long yes...but started with this red haired mofo. I am never going to let this dude live, let`s just say that.

2) Crash into me- " Seung-chan is stressed. He has enough on his plate with the long hours at work, and now he can’t even get any rest at home! Every night, the lustful moaning and violent banging from the apartment upstairs keeps him awake. Just as he’s at his wits’ end, he chances upon the gorgeous, enigmatic Hyesung outside his building. Surely all those filthy sounds couldn’t be coming from such a pretty mouth? But as Seung-chan soon finds out, there’s a lot more to Hyesung"

from that little description you’ve probably figured out what’s going on with the neighbour next door keeping seung chan awake right? well no surprise sexual abuse, after hyesung was forced to suffer from a ordeal that wasn't his fault the brother of the person that died made it seem like it was his fault and sexually assaulted him

and so this ongoing sexual abuse progressed for several years which lead hyesung feel like life is meaningless and he should just die, until he locked eyes with seung chan walking back to the apartment and thought of jumping out the window, because he had a strange feeling that seungchan who he has not met before would catch him if he did.

I just almost cried from what I just wrote...to think there’s is some a-hole out there that would drive a person to suicide like that just to satisfy his own needs or whatever...i don't even know cause it’s still ongoing...i don’t think any amount of back story will justify any kind of sympathy for this person..

from what I have read so far it seems so be going ending soon so i hope seungchan and hyesung will be able to get through all this and live in peace because of suengchan, hyesung was able to love again and find his worth and is able to fight for himself and I’m sincerely glad that he had met and trust him whole heartedly.

3) Dine with vampire- "Caught in the clutches of an abusive relationship, Sooin longs to escape. A vampire who finds human blood repulsive, Chi-hwan only drinks the blood of other vampires. When chance brings the two together, Chi-hwan makes Sooin an enticing proposal. Chi-hwan will help Sooin get out of his living hell, and in exchange… Sooin has to let Chihwan drink his blood. Will this proposal change both their lives for the better?”

y'all don't even get me started on the mofo in this story....I’ve never felt so much rage from staring at a 2D character on my screen, the amount of times I hissed at him...you don't even know

like I have mentioned before ever since my twilight phase I didn’t consume anything vampire related in a while, I don't really care much for the vampire aspect but I guess it's still important over all

once you start the first chapter you will immediately know why I hate the harry potter a-hole in this story..he is despicable and that’s putting it lightly...but you know he doesn’t last long cause vampire tsukiyama (lol, not his name but they look alike) shows up and kills the mofo

and saves sooin who is the person who harry potter had been sexually abusing...to the point where you guessed it, he wanted to die.

chi hwan agrees to grant any wish sooin wanted in exchange for his blood because being vampire by nature he had not been drawn to anyone’s blood for some reason and had only consumed the blood of other vampires.

of course it was a small price to pay for sooin considering all the misery he had gone through. slowly sooin discovered that love was not abusive through the many times chi hwan...lmao i almost called him tsukiyama again...and he had sex, he discovered that it was safe and gentle and enjoyable

nothing that he had ever felt before, and so they became drawn to each other more than they thought they would to the point where they genuinely care for one another, though of course chi hwan knows that one day sooin will die and he will have to live on forever alone, thus the fate of his vampire blood.

but here’s the catch..it's not a spoiler really cause you knew it was too easy when main villain dies in chapter 4...and he’s on the front cover...which means yes harry potter mofo is back...ugh...he should have burned his body...WTF and as a vampire no less..

i'm like great now look what happened, you should have chopped him up and threw him into the incinerator!

you know that saying " mistakes were made..."

anyways, now he's back meaning shits about to do down and i'm not ready to see it happen, right now they are going through his back story and i’m like sorry author...whatever you try to feed me there’s no way i can have any sympathy for this dick...

so that's all i'm going to rant about for these yaoi titles...i had to go back and read some it again to know what i'm going to write about and i revisited a lot of things i’d rather not.I think the rage I felt was ignited again all of a sudden and I felt utter frustration to finish reading it again, what I am trying to say is, ya`ll need to read this once and that`s it...these aren`t stories you`d want to revisit.lol

so if you like this hell segment let me know and i'll continue it cause there’s an endless supply of content for this genre, I have a few more but i'll save those for next month.

and i'll probably come across more in the mean time to discuss, but I guess this is where fiction and reality divides, cause you know in real life if this crap exists absolutely no one will take this bull crap!

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MUSIC

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I have been listening to the Start up soundtrack and found a lot of songs i like from it, I don't like the drama and have not finished it, but the soundtrack is bomb

I have also been liking some old pop songs and went down the rabbit hole of 90`s pop songs...Britney spears especially

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so that is all I have for this month, I'm sorry its manhwa and manga focused, i'll have time to watch anime that I need to catch up on and start some drams now so i'll have more

to discuss in the next month hopefully, so please take care of your selves in the new year as well!

take care,

sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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INSTAGRAM: shinb_art

TUMBLR: shinahbee

DEVIANTART: she-be.deviantart.com

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#monthly favorites #shounen ai #yaoi #manga review #manhwa review #manhwa #manga #my suha #dine with a vampire #crash into me #karasugaoka don`t be shy #tied up in twins #unintentional love story #korean manhwa #anime and manga #semantic error #manga recommendation

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chinuppoppins · 4 years

Photo

Dani and Jamie: Revolutionary War AU

(so this is about six pages long and my first fic in 2 years. It was six pages long so I will be posting a part 2 to my AO3 later)

The air outside was crisp and cool, a perfect autumn night. It was nice out on the balcony compared to the stuffy and noisy air in the ballroom behind her. It was not like she hated parties, she just did not like being around a lot of people. It was the looks of pity that she was still given after all this time, the whispers from the patrons how she was too young, too pretty, too delicate to be a widow. It was the ones that were a bit cruel, how he died foolishly and wickedly with no gravestone.

Duels, according to some was compared to suicided. Rumors went around why her late husband, a private in the ongoing revolution, dueled a fellow man, but she new the truth. A rumor, no, a truth about her, how she allowed a woman’s touch to linger and how her husband had to defend her- no, his honor. His pistol backfired after she begged him to raise it to the sky and he laid dead in the mud in Jersey of all places. She had been in their small Philadelphia home before an errand boy came for her. Her husband was already dead by the time she arrived at the doctor’s home and she wept of course and shakily took his cracked spectacles from his greying face. He died for her selfishness and she reminded about that every time she looked in a mirror, he was always behind her, haunting her memories.

“Dani,” She turns around to see her aunt standing at the doorway. “Come inside, you’ll catch a chill from being out here.” The older women smiled. “Besides a group of Washington’s men have just arrived and they are pretty easy on the eyes.” She added with a wink. “And you look like you could use a drink.”

She allows a small laugh to escape her lips before she nods her head and allows her aunt to take her arm and drag her back into the busy room. Sure enough men in blue coats now added themselves to the festivities. Women surrounded them, faces flushed and full of giggles, wine for sure helped give them their glow. She took a glass for herself as she scanned the room, finding a lone solider standing beside a potted plant, inspecting the drooping leaves. Dani sighed as she downed her glasses before pulling the server over to grab another one, she had to keep up an appearance. Though as she made her way over to the lone solider, a friend stopped her for a second. “Careful, Dani.” She slurs just a bit. “That ones a bit odd, a mute apparently.”

Dani raises a brow, even better. She did not have to fake a laugh at terrible jokes. “Odd, just my type.” She jokes as her friend shrugs. So, she makes her way across the room to the odd solider in the blue coat with red and white trim. “I’m guessing that plant is a better conversation than the people in her.” She laughs a bit awkwardly. “Probably better than the night sky.”

The solider turns around and Dani is surprised by his feminine features, she had to blink to make sure that she was seeing delicate features on this man. If she did not know any better- no, masquerading around as a man was a crime that was punishable by death. She knew the story of Joan of Arc. “My name is Danielle, I wanted to thank you for your service.”

The solider smiles softly and nods, not speaking.

“I’m sorry if this seems odd, but could I keep your company for the rest of the night?” Dani asks. “I’m a bit of an outcast myself and I’d rather not be here but being that this is my aunt’s home and I still have to social climb, I have to. So?”

The solider nods and keeps her company. They do not move from the wilting plant, but every time a waiter passes them, either she or the solider grabs them another glass of wine. Dani finds herself a bit drunk as she talks to the solider, well more talks at rather than too. The solider listens and Dani cannot help but to let almost everything off her shoulders. The solider seems intrigued though, their own brow raising when she speaks about the rumor that got his husband killed, while adding with a whisper that maybe it was not just a rumor. Dani’s eyes widen in horror after realizing what she let slip, that rumor, that lie could get her committed or worse. So, she stands up and excuses herself, turning in horror when she realizes the solider is following her. A cool rush of fear washes over her as she picks up her pace, trying to find a lone balcony and when she is unable to find one, she settles to the empty gardens. For a moment, Dani thinks she is alone and lets out a shaky breath before she feels a hand on her arm.

Dani jumps back and lets out a jumble of words. “I- I’m drunk and I just, I don’t- I.”

“It’s alright.” The solider finally speaks, a soft and womanly voice to match their feminine features. “I’m not going to say anything.”

Dani’s eyes widen in awe, because her intuition was right, this solider was a woman and perhaps she was braver than her male counterparts. “You’re- you, do you realize what they would do if they found out?”

The other woman rolls her eyes. “Do you have any idea what they would do to you if they found out about you?” She questions back. “You need to be careful who you tell your truth too, you’re a pretty face, they wouldn’t kill you. They would just try to fix you and I don’t think you want that.”

Dani frantically looks around as she struggles to process this. “I don’t understand.” She finally whispers. “Why would you risk your life to fight in the war?”

The woman sighs. “It’s complicated- family is complicated.” Her eyes narrow. “Why would you tell me your truth?”

“I- I don’t know, I’ve had a lot to drink and I just felt that you were- are,” Dani stumbles, finding herself flushing at the woman’s smile.

“Different?” She finishes and Dani nods. “I am different, and I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with being different.” She shucks her hands in her pockets and toes the grass. “I’m Jamie, but the men in there, they think I’m Michael the Mute, you think you can go along with that one?” She grins when Dani nods. “Good and how about after this party is over and we part ways, you write to me? I’d love to have someone to talk to.”

“Of course.” Dani agrees. It is a nice feeling to have a friend in all of this after all and a friend with a secret that was almost as dangerous as her own.

By the time Dani hears from her dear friend again, a fresh blanket of snow covers the ground, and she took a job as a governess for a prominent patriot family. She is walking the grounds with the two children, reading aloud a story to them as the snow crunches beneath their feet. Their lesson is interrupted when the housekeeper, Mrs. Grose, a tender and devote woman comes out to her with a letter. The older woman raises a brow and of course Dani loses the children to the fresh snow at their feet. “A letter from a suitor?” Mrs. Grose asks while a snowball speeds past their heads, missing them by a mere inch. Despite the chilly air, Dani blushes. She never once thought of Jamie as a suitor. After all, being with another woman was frowned upon. Part of her, however, did not care. She breaks the wax seal and settles down on a bench as she reads the letter with a mile-wide smile on her face. Jamie was brave, very brave with what she was doing. True, Dani didn’t her motives, why she was parading around as a solider. As she reads, little Flora joins her on the bench, peering over her shoulder as she reads about Jamie’s adventures, she was in Jersey now. She spoke about how the men were becoming weary and sick of battle. So many good men lost due to freeing this country and Jamie spoke about the sympathy she felt towards the dead and their families. However, she pauses for a moment when she reads how excited she is to come home and see her. She had hoped to be home around Christmas, however rumors about a new plan to push back the British was in the works. So maybe, just maybe she would be home after Christmas and that she would be honored to be able to celebrate with her. “Miss. Clayton?” Flora’s little voice breaks her trance. “Who is the letter from? Do you have someone special?”

Dani laughs a bit and then nods. “Something like that, it’s from a friend.”

“Just a friend?” Miles asks coyly.

Flora giggles. “Yes, Miss. Clayton. You are blushing.”

Dani folds the letter up and sticks it into her pocket. “This has nothing to do with your lessons today. Now come along, your parents expect you to be fluent in French by the end of this year and my personal life has nothing to do with that.”

Letters come frequently now and Dani always writes back quickly always ending each letter with ‘Yours, Dani’ while every letter to her starts with a ‘My Dearest, Dani’ She is in her room when she reads that and she giggles and giggles and giggles with a flushed face. It was an odd feeling; she never felt this way about her own husband. There was a different feeling with Eddie, almost how friend loves another friend. Reading letter from Jamie made her heart race, her palms sweat and cause her stomach to flutter. Dani felt giddy, like a child on Christmas morning and she becomes even more excited when she reads that Jamie would be visiting her soon, about how they were victorious in Trenton and how she earned this break. It would be after Christmas, possibly after the new year.

Jamie keeps her promise and manages to arrive a few days after the new year to the mansion she was staying in. The children spot her first and perk up from their books. “Miss. Clayton! Miss Clayton, look! It’s the solider you’ve been writing to!”

In her last letter, Dani told Jamie it was okay to be herself. Mr. and Mrs. Wingrave were a different breed of people. They knew about Dani’s truth and never spoke a word about it, they were kind and had open hearts. They understood her and accepted her, and she knew they would do the same for Jamie.

Dani walks from the blackboard to the window to peer out the frost covered glass, forcing it up when she realized that it was Jamie pushing herself through the snow. “Jamie!” Dani shouts, voice full of joy into the winter air. Jamie looks up, using her hand to block out the sun. “You’re early!”

Jamie scoffs. “Yes, well, I wanted to surprise you.” She shouts back. “But it looks like my plans was thwarted by two little imps.” She points towards the children.

Laughing, Dani pushes herself from the window while Flora and Miles watch from the window. “Miss. Clayton was telling the truth, the solider is a girl.” Miles points out as their governess rushes out of the classroom and down the stairs. The large doors fling open and Flora sighs when Dani rushes into her arms while their laughter fills the morning air. “It’s romantic, isn’t it, Miles?” Flora leans on her hand. “To see Miss. Clayton smile like that, it’s perfectly-”

“Splendid, yes, yes.” The older boy finishes as he fixes his jacket. “Come along, Flora, we should introduce ourselves properly.”

“Oh, how exciting!” Flora exclaims. “I have so many questions for the lady solider, how scandalous.” She adds with a giggle.

Miles turns quickly and puts a finger to his lips. “Flora remember that we mustn’t tell anyone about Miss. Clayton and her friend. Remember what mother and father said, if people find out- they won’t be kind.”

When the children enter the foyer, they see their governess taking the blue coat off of her- well the children were smart, they quickly picked up that perhaps that Jamie was more than just a friend even if the adults were too shy to admit it. “This is full of holes.” Dani seems to tease, poking her finger through one of the tears. “Did anyone teach you how to sew?”

The woman shrugs. “Oh yes, fixing the holes is number one on my list, right under evading British gunfire.”

“I can patch that up for you.” Mrs. Grose says as she comes out of the parlor and takes that coat from Dani. “This one here is terrible at it, I’ve seen her attempt it on the children’s clothes. It is her fingers that need the patching up when she’s finished. I am Mrs. Grose, the Wingrave’s housekeeper,” She looks at Dani, smiling. “It’s nice to finally be able to meet you. We have heard so much about you, the children and I light a candle for you every morning, we are just so taken with your bravery.”

“Oh, the children!” Dani had almost forgotten about them; she was just too entranced by Jamie being here. While only meeting in person once, it was the letters that brought them close. The playful nicknames and the plans for the future, hints here there about their past. The little tidbits of information that was passed only between the two, things that she would leave out when she had read them out loud to the children. She spots them though, standing by the staircase and ushers them over. “This young man right here is Miles, and this little lady is Flora.”

Flora pushes herself in front of her brother and curtseys. “Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you. Miss. Clayton told us about your adventures, why, we didn’t even know you were a woman until- well until a few days ago.” She took Jamie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Father says we are fighting for,” She pauses as she recalls her lessons. “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and he says that Miss. Clayton and you both have a right to be happy.” Flora beams as she clapped her hands together. “He and mother have a wonderful offer for you at dinner. It’s perfectly splendid.”

Jamie blinks while impressed with the little girl’s vocabulary. She raises an eyebrow towards Dani as she knelt in front of her. “Well aren’t you an intelligent little thing, how old are you?”

“She’s eight and I’m ten.” Miles speaks up, stepping forward. “And our intelligence is all thanks to our wonderful teacher. Lessons can be boring, but Miss. Clayton makes it fun for us. She says, sometimes it’s better to learn with you hands rather than being in a book all day.”

Jamie smirks while Dani blushes. Jamie once stated in a letter that she learned almost everything she knew today with her hands. It is how she learned to farm and to paint after all. “Well, Miss. Clayton sure knows what she is doing.” She grins over toward Dani. “She is very bright, after all.”

Mrs. Grose looks between the two and then walks over towards the children, standing between them. “Well, I think we’ve bothered you long enough and I think the children deserve the rest of the day off, wouldn’t you agree Miss. Clayton. That way you and Jamie can catch up, maybe show her where she is staying?”

Dani brightens and nods her head. “Yes, of course. I’m sure you two can busy yourselves and stay out of trouble?” The children both nod, Flora exclaiming that she does need some time with her dolls while Miles takes his book into the parlor. “They are only being this well behaved because they are dying to hear your stories.” Dani whispers, as she leads Jamie up the stairs. As they wander into one of the halls, Jamie stops, causing Dani to turn to her in concern.

“Are you sure that it’s safe?” Jamie asks. “You trust these people enough?”

Using both of her hands, Dani cups her face, a serene smile on her face. “I promise you; we’ll be safe here. They actually want you to work here after the war, they want to give us a small plot of land on the Manor to build a home.”

Jamie chuckled as she covered her hand over hers, pressing her forehead against Dani’s with her eyes closed. She felt at peace for the first time in a long time, like this woman was her home. “How did you even find these people?”

“They found me,” Dani sighs. “But that is a story for later, you look exhausted. When was the last time you had a good sleep?”

Pulling back, Jamie shrugs. “I have no idea really.”

Dani takes her hand and leads her to her room. “Well, lucky for you, there are some pretty comfortable beds here.”

Once she gets settle, Dani wants to be courteous and give her some time alone. However, Jamie stops her asking her to stay. So, she does, and they lay into bed together, Jamie reaching out to run her fingers through her blonde hair. Her eyes flutter and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Can I tell you something? Just please don’t start thinking I’m strange.”

Jamie scoffs. “I already think you’re a bit strange, Dani, but that’s what I adore about you.” She adds with a wink. “What it is?”

Dani reaches and takes Jamie’s free hand, caressing her rough knuckles. “Before you came along, I always saw him, my late husband. He was my childhood friend, everyone expected us to marry so, we did. I never loved him, not the way he loved me and that and my attraction to women is what got him killed in the end. Sometimes I would feel him over my shoulder, catch him out of the corner of my eye. I guess the guilt was driving me mad, but then, I read your letters and I just felt- different. I stopped seeing him, he no longer haunts me. I just wish things were different.”

“His pride killed him, darling, not you.” Jamie assures her. “How do you mean though, with wishing things were different?”

Dani smirks, bringing Jamie’s hand towards her lips, gently kissing her knuckles. “I wish I met you earlier. Then we could just be two spinsters, living in a cabin with two cats- maybe a dog too.”

Jamie snorts and rolls her eyes. “Yes, spinsters wouldn’t raise eyebrows. We all know what they are doing in their life of celibacy.” She adds with raised brows, laughing at her own joke before Dani moves in, taking her- hell maybe herself by surprise and kisses her softly and slowly. She pulls away just an inch, a soft laugh escapes her lips. “Never done that with another woman before, hm?

Dani shakes her head and Jamie grins. “No I- you’re the first.”

“Well,” She runs both hands into her hair. “We should keep at it practice makes perfect, after all.” Jamie points out, pressing her lips against Dani’s smiling against her lips when she felt her relax in her arms. They had all afternoon alone and Jamie planned to make it a memorable one.

#dani x jamie #the haunting of bly manor #dani clayton #my edits #sorry the moodboard is kinda blah #finding good pictures of Amelia is rough

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kissjane · 4 years

Text

Reposted from Ao3!

“I let you mooch off of my Wi-Fi and this is how you repay me?”

Lucas blinked.

In front of his apartment door stood a tall, lean guy with storm in his eyes.

“Sorry? Who are you?”

“I live next door, asshole, you don’t even know whose Wi-Fi you’ve been using?”, the stranger bit, as he pushed past Lucas and stepped inside Lucas’ flat.

Lucas stared at the man’s back. Broad shoulders. Sunkissed brown hair that spiked in all directions. And – Lucas whipped his eyes back up. He absolutely did not just appraise his very angry neighbour’s very nice ass.

“Uhm, sorry, but I don’t really know what –”

Mr. Nice Ass turned around, fuming.

“You don’t know about downloading all that shitty porn using my Wi-Fi? I got a fucking bill that’s about my monthly wages, you wanker!”

For a heart-stopping second, Lucas was afraid this guy somehow knew exactly what porn he’d been watching recently. The blood drained from his face.

“Yeah, that’s right, you asshole. You know, I knew somebody was on my Wi-Fi for months, but I didn’t really mind all that much, it was only a couple of gigabytes and it didn’t bother me. But this?”

He waved a bill in Lucas’ face.

“This is fucking insane! So I looked into it and you’ve downloaded half the fucking internet’s worth of porn! Maybe get a fucking girlfriend so you don’t have to jerk off to a hundred versions of ‘Barely legal with big tits’ and ‘Horny MILF’! You are going to pay this fucking bill, I swear!”

Huh? Lucas definitely had not downloaded anything in those categories.

“Look, uhm, you have the wrong guy. That was not me.”

His neighbour scoffed.

“Yeah, right. As if I’d believe a word out of your mouth.”

Lucas stepped closer, but the fury in the guy’s eyes made him retreat hastily, his hands up in a plea.

“Seriously, though, I mean it, I didn’t download those things you’re talking about...”

“Just admit it, fuck. You better have some hundred euro bills to spare.” He threw the invoice at Lucas, who swallowed at the amount.

Okay. He’d have to come clean.

“I swear. If it was me downloading porn on your Wi-Fi, it definitely wouldn’t have been anything involving tits or MILFs.”

The other halted, confused.

“Listen. My porn is situated more in the ‘Big dick’ category. I can show you, if you don’t believe me.”

Read on Ao3

Lucas figured his neighbour, like most straight men, would do anything rather than come anywhere near gay porn, so it was a complete surprise when after a moment of stunned silence his neighbour said in a somewhat calmer voice, “Okay. Show me.”

Shit. Lucas looked at the guy with open mouth.

“You want me to show you my porn history?”

The man shrugged.

“Either it is tits and MILF’s, in which case I already know exactly, or it’s not, in the unlikely case you didn’t just make up that to get out of paying for your jerking sessions. My money’s on the first option.”

Wow. Lucas knew his cheeks were burning red.

“I don’t… I can’t just show that to you! That’s private!”

“See? You are just making it up. I’ll be expecting my payment by next weekend.”

He stormed past Lucas. Lucas’ eyes fell on the invoice again. Fuck, whoever had managed to rack up this much on Mr. Neighbour’s bill must have seen every fucking big tit out there. Lucas really didn’t have that kind of money handy. Fuck. He had no choice.

“Stop!”

He sighed.

“Okay. I’ll show you.” He went to open his laptop, trying one more time. “Are you sure you want to look at this?”

“I won’t make you play the actual videos, don’t worry.”

Certain the blush on his cheeks was now rivalling a tomato, Lucas opened up his internet history, turning away resignedly.

Mr. Neighbour hummed.

“I see. Seems you are indeed not the kind of guy who watches 'Spring break bimbo'.”

Lucas whimpered, his hands in front of his face.

“Sorry. I really thought… you know.”

Lucas still didn’t face his neighbour, utterly mortified now.

“It’s fine… just… go away… Pretend you never were here, please!”

He heard the man pick up his invoice, and move towards the door. Just as he thought it was safe to show his face, close his laptop, curse himself for his lack of willpower and his lack of a boyfriend to take care of this stuff, and bemoan the fact that he could never ever look his neighbour in the eyes again – which was a shame in and of itself, really, because those eyes had been rather beautiful – he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shrieked.

“Oh my god! What did you do that for? You don’t have to creep up on me like that!”

“Fuck, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

They both stood frozen for a second, until Lucas became achingly aware of the hand on his shoulder.

“What do you want now?”, he asked, almost whispering.

“I just wanted to apologize again. I shouldn’t have made you show that.”

“It’s fine, really,” Lucas babbled. God, he just really wished this ordeal could be over already before he just died of embarrassment. “If you could just forget all about the past ten minutes, though, that would be great…”

“Hey. Would it help if I told you I have actually seen some of those videos?”

Wait.

“What?”

Mr. Neighbour grinned.

“I just thought… you seem so embarrassed; I’d thought maybe I could just let you know you do have good taste in porn apparently.”

Lucas groaned.

“God, please… This is just too awkward, you know.”

“I mean it, though. Don’t be uncomfortable. I’m not straight, so you don’t have to be ashamed about what you’re watching on my account.”

Lucas looked up.

“Uhm. Okay. Well, I’m still rather mortified, though. I mean, I never thought I’d be sharing my private internet history with some guy whose name I don’t even know… God. Fuck. This is just all way too much of a mess. How do I keep ending up in this kind of situation?”

“Oh, I’m Eliott. Please, just don’t be embarrassed! I should be the one who feels bad, I made you show me instead of just believing you. Hey, you know what? You can come over to my place and I’ll show you mine!”

Lucas managed a small smile.

“No need, thank you…”

“Seriously though! Stop feeling so bad. God, I feel terrible! How can I make it up to you?”

Lucas turned away and hugged himself.

“You don’t have to! Just… go away, I guess.”

“But I want to, please! At least tell me your name.” Eliott gently turned him around and looked at him with an expression that was completely different from the one he wore when he came in. Lucas now felt a whole other sort of awkwardness. Fuck, Eliott was hot.

“Lucas,” he begrudgingly murmured.

A smile appeared on Eliott’s face.

“Lucas. Nice to meet you. I did see you once or twice before, in the hallway.”

“You did?” Lucas certainly never saw Eliott.

“I did. And I thought you were cute, by the way. Which is why I didn’t mind so much when I thought you were using my Wi-Fi…”

“Whoa.” Lucas held up his hands. There was way too much information in that sentence for his befuddled brain to unpack right now.

Eliott seemed to understand.

“Okay. We can get back to that later. I wanna make up for making you feel bad, Lucas. Just let me get you dinner or something.” He looked at Lucas with such a pleading look in his sparkly eyes, that Lucas barely remembered why he’d refused in the first place.

And just like that, Lucas knew that Eliott was a whirlwind, a chaotic force of nature, against whom he’d never stand a chance. It was better to give in now.

I had taken the better part of an hour and a giant order of take-out Thai food before Lucas managed to behave somewhat normally after the whole debacle, but once his shame had died down sufficiently, he and Eliott had hit it off like fireworks. They’d talked non-stop, and at some point had opened some wine and started watching a movie Eliott had been adamant about, some foreign indie flick he swore was the best movie ever made and he now knew why fate had led him to Lucas, seriously, Lucas, it was my job in this life to introduce you to it, I swear. Lucas had lost track of the convoluted plot after twenty minutes – I can’t watch the movie and read the subtitles at the same time, Eliott, my brain is not equipped for this kind of multitasking – but he enjoyed Eliott’s ongoing commentary.

After a while though, he got tired, and he leaned back against the couch pillows, and closed his eyes, content to listen to Eliott talking about the photography, the scenography, and other things Lucas knew nothing about. He had a pleasant voice, Eliott, Lucas thought. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and vaguely he thought he wouldn’t mind falling asleep to Eliott’s soft whispers every night.

Suddenly, a hand touched his face, and his eyes flew open. Eliott looked at him, his eyes soft and bright, smiling widely.

“Am I too boring for you?”

Lucas felt another blush creeping.

“Uh, no! It’s just… you know… the movie was complicated and… uhm. Yeah, sorry,” he finished lamely.

“The movie not interesting enough for you, huh? Not enough big dicks?”, Eliott teased.

“Oh my god!” Lucas slapped Eliott on the head with a pillow. “You are supposed to forget that ever happened!”

“Oh, no!” Eliott laughed out loud, and Lucas noticed with fascination how his eyes sparkled and his grin could light up the entirety of Paris. “I plan on telling our grandkids about that with great frequency.”

“Our… grandkids?”

Great, Lucas, way to lose all capability of speech.

Eliott nudged his arm.

“Yeah.” He kept staring at Lucas, but said nothing more. The silence stretched on. It wasn’t uncomfortable, Lucas thought, but the tension between them became more palpable the longer it went on.

“Lucas?”

“Yeah?”

“If you don’t want to talk about those videos you have downloaded…”

Lucas smacked him with the pillow again.

“How about we make one ourselves?”

Fuck.

Lucas almost wanted to ask Eliott to repeat himself, certain he misunderstood, but the smoldering look in his grey eyes was consistent with what Lucas thought he heard.

He gasped.

Eliott’s pupils went dark as they focused on Lucas’ mouth.

Then, Lucas laughed, loud and free. Okay, maybe they could tell this story to their grandchildren in fifty years, he thought.

“Are you sure you’re up for it, though? Remember we are talking big dick here…”

One second, Eliott gaped. Then he leaned over, caging Lucas between his strong arms and the couch, blanketing Lucas with his body, and with his lips a hair’s breadth away from Lucas’, he mumbled: “Don’t take my word for it. Discover for yourself.”

#reposted from AO3 #elu fic #skam france fanfic #elu #I write things #skam france #does anybody want to read the first draft of the start of a jealous!eliott fic?

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

Note

Hi! I tried to send this before, but I’m not sure it went through. Forgive me if you got this request twice. Do you possibly know any fics where John chooses Sherlock over Mary? Specifically after Sherlock comes back, John realizes that his feelings for Sherlock are more than what he feels for Mary? Thank you for any help! Your blog is a treasure! Thank you!

Hi Nonny!

I could have sworn I’ve already answered this ask, but I’m not finding the post nor the offline fic rec list I make in case of Tumblr fuckups, and I apparently didn’t, so… HERE WE GO!!

It’s not all of the fics I have for sure... I just posted the ones I remember! Please feel free, lovelies, to add your own fics!! I’ve certainly missed some!!!

JOHN CHOOSES SHERLOCK OVER MARY

See also:

Sherlock and John’s Wedding

Marriage, Weddings, & Proposals (April 2019)

Proposals

Infidelity

Evil / Not-Nice / Villain Mary

It's a Dummy by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (T, 2,574 w., 1 Ch. || HLV-Remix, Major Character Injury, H/C, Love Confessions, Mary is Not Nice, 3G Moment) – What if Mary had taken the shot?

Let Go by thisisforyou (G, 2,743 w., 1 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious / Worried Sherlock) – In the end, separating John's things from Sherlock's in the chaos of their sitting room is like pulling a limpet from a wet rock. Especially when the rock is clinging on for dear life, because Sherlock doesn't want to let go. Short, fluffy h/c Johnlock oneshot.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,689 w., 8 Ch. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Beach Holidays, Confused Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. || H/C, Injury, Slow Burn) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,494 w., 5 Ch. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w., 25 Ch. || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU || Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w., 10 Ch. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary's betrayal and Sherlock's deceptions.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

#steph replies #sherlock loves john #john loves sherlock #my fic recs #Anonymous #e-rated fics #john chooses sherlock #fic rec wednesday

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mediaeval-muse · 4 years

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Book Review

Not Quite A Husband. By Sherry Thomas. New York: Bantam, 2009.

Rating: 1.5/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Marsdens #2

Summary: Their marriage lasted only slightly longer than the honeymoon—to no one’s surprise, not even Bryony Asquith’s. A man as talented, handsome, and sought after by society as Leo Marsden couldn't possibly want to spend his entire life with a woman who rebelled against propriety by becoming a doctor. Why, then, three years after their annulment and half a world away, does he track her down at her clinic in the remotest corner of India? Leo has no reason to think Bryony could ever forgive him for the way he treated her, but he won’t rest until he’s delivered an urgent message from her sister—and fulfilled his duty by escorting her safely back to England. But as they risk their lives for each other on the journey home, will the biggest danger be the treacherous war around them—or their rekindling passion?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content/Trigger Warnings: dubious consent, infidelity, blood, animal death

Overview: I originally picked this book up because it was on Bustle’s list of feminist romances. I had some success with this list before - I adored The Suffragette Scandal and had a lot of respect for The Raven Prince, so the story of a female doctor defying societal expectations sounded up my alley. Unfortunately, that was the only thing I liked about this book. In general, Not Quite A Husband is not written with a strong sense of direction, and I don’t think it qualifies as “feminist” due to the lack of clear consent during some of the intimate scenes. I didn’t give this book zero or one star because I did like Bryony as a doctor, and her personality was different than a lot of romance heroines I’ve read, but on the whole, I found this book very difficult to enjoy.

Writing: Thomas’ prose is rather plain. While I don’t think romances need to have high brow, poetic, literary prose, I do think they still need to evoke the setting and emotion in order to immerse the reader in the story. While Thomas did have some phrases that did so, much of the book felt like a list of facts or telling rather than showing. The prose didn’t linger on emotional of physical sensations, so the emotional moments didn’t feel weighty and the intimate moments felt robotic. While we get flashbacks so we can see where characters are coming from, we are mostly told rather than shown how characters are feeling in the current moment. For example: “Shame. Self-loathing. Frustration They churned in him, enough to drown him outright” (p. 146). While the hydraulic imagery is nice, I don’t exactly *feel* the hero’s anguish in this passage. Nothing of his inner monologue or POV builds on the feeling of being overwhelmed or unsettled, especially since the scene promptly moves on to dialogue and some exposition.

The scenes themselves also felt awkwardly structured. Thomas had the tendency to end a scene and move on to the next section without giving the reader a sense of purpose or closure. For example, there is one scene where the characters take a break from traveling; our heroine thinks about the region and how she doesn’t want to leave the hero. She becomes overheated, so she fans herself, and our hero speaks to her about the weather. The scene ends with him thinking how beautiful she is. To me, these scenes felt awkward because they didn’t revolve around a milestone in the relationship or reveal much about the characters. The characters don’t discuss the heroine’s feelings about parting, nor does she contemplate how her desire to remain with him are complicated, and we already know the hero is attracted to the heroine at this point, so nothing new is revealed. It just felt like a scene that went nowhere and was just inserted to fill space.

Along similar lines, I think the flashbacks cut in at awkward times. Flashbacks are set apart from the main narrative of this book by italics, and frequently, these italics would interrupt the flow of a scene. I like flashbacks when they are done with a sense of purpose, informing the present action in ways that make the story richer. To me, it felt like flashbacks were inserted randomly in this book.

Plot: This book primarily follows our heroine, Bryony, as she and her ex-husband, Leo, travel back to England from India. Bryony’s sister has asked Leo to track Bryony down because their father is ill, and Leo agrees. The summary on the back of the book suggests that India is a war torn, or that the geography itself is threatening. While we do get some of that, I don’t think the travel narrative was all that exciting. The characters travel, it’s hot, they stop and instruct their guides/staff to make food, and they make puppy eyes at each other while thinking about their pasts. There wasn’t really a feeling of suspense because scenes didn’t build on one another - they just sort of happened, and there were few (if any) external forces that kept Bryony and Leo apart. As a result, I found the travel plot rather dull.

I also don’t think the travel narrative made for a good frame regarding the characters’ backstories. This book makes clear that it’s awkward for Bryony and Leo to travel together because they used to be married, but some event caused them to obtain an annulment and separate. On top of that, Bryony and Leo used to be childhood friends, and both have exciting lives as a doctor and a mathematics professor. None of this backstory seemed to be enriched by the travel narrative - characters weren’t prompted to speak or contemplate their pasts based on events happening in the present, so it felt like things were brought up randomly and for no other purpose than there was nothing else to do. For example, Leo brings out a chess board at one point and the two play a game, but it doesn’t prompt much discussion other than “I didn’t know you played” and “usually men won’t play with a woman who is better than they are.” I wanted to know more - is Bryony a calculating person? Is this a commentary on her life as a doctor/how men underestimate her? I didn’t get the sense that it was, and so many scenes felt empty because the travel narrative and the backstories didn’t line up. Granted, it could have been done differently; characters could have found the journey so boring that they have little else to do but ruminate on their thoughts, but because the writing didn’t evoke the feeling of boredom, I didn’t get the impression that this was the case.

About 2/3 through the book, our protagonists get caught up in one of the uprisings of 1897 in the Swat Valley. Things get a little more interesting from here, but in my opinion, the groundwork wasn’t laid very well to make the uprisings seem like a threat from the get go. I would have liked to have seen Bryony thinking more about how she wants to help people in such a conflict-torn area, or maybe more talk from the Indian characters about how the conflict has affected them. At the very least, I think the conflict could have been built up as the characters travelled, perhaps by them talking more about what they’ve heard about the area as well as the politics involved. Granted, the premise itself is complicated, as we’re following two British characters as they travel through India (there’s some colonial stuff there to untangle), but though I didn’t get the sense that India was being especially exoticized, I also didn’t get the sense that the setting was very important, either. Bryony and Leo could have been in any other location and I don’t think the basic narrative would have changed.

Characters: Bryony, our heroine, is a competent female physician with an aloof personality that is interpreted as cold. For the most part, I liked that Bryony didn’t fit the mold of romance heroines with more whimsical or warm personalities. It made for a different kind of reading experience. However, I don’t think enough was done to show Bryony as a complex character. Her coldness is connected to her childhood trauma and failed marriage, which could have been handled well if we were able to get inside Bryony’s head more. Because of the telling (as opposed to showing), it was hard to determine exactly how the past impacted Bryony in the present. I also would have liked to see Bryony in her job as a physician more, showing off her competence and connecting with patients to show that she’s not truly cold, she just shows emotion differently.

Leo, our hero, is somewhat bland. He’s apparently a mathematics genius, but he barely ever talks or thinks about math. He is shown to be good at running a household and handling logistics, as he plans the whole trip out of India and took care of staff and scheduling while married to Bryony. I wish he had more of an interest or background in using those skills (perhaps by running a business), and that these skills complemented Bryony’s more so that their relationship felt more complimentary. Instead, it seems to get brought up at random, so Leo’s defining characteristic seems to be that he’s attractive.

Bryony and Leo don’t get much interaction with secondary characters for a good chunk of the book. Bryony’s sister and father are like ghostly specters, heard but not seen until 2/3 through the story. The same is true of Leo’s family in that they are apparently very important to Leo, but we are told rather than shown that. By far the strangest choice regarding characters was the fact that during the entire trip out of India, Bryony and Leo are accompanied by a number of guides and staff, but I can’t recall a single line of direct speech from any of them. Given that barely anything happens on this trip, I thought it could have been an interesting opportunity for Indian characters to talk about their lives, or, at the very least, start building a sense of dread or suspense about the ongoing conflicts in the area. Having silent companions felt awkward because, well, we’re in India, but there are few interactions with Indian characters. They’re just there to be hired hands.

Other: I was not a fan of the romance in this book for one reason: neither character seemed to think it was important to get consent before engaging in sexual activities. I’m not saying that all intimate scenes need an explicit “can we have sex?” “Yes” exchange; what I mean is that I want it to be clear that when characters engage in such activity, it’s because they both want to do so. In Bryony and Leo’s case, there were many scenes where consent was unclear. The first time they have sex, Leo is delirious with fever and he just grabs her and penetrates her without thinking. Bryony goes along with it, but I was still very uncomfortable. Bryony likewise goes to Leo’s tent and starts having sex with him while he is asleep. Later, some flashbacks tell us that Leo used to have sex with Bryony despite her showing clear signs of not wanting to do so, and it got to the point where he would start having sex with her while she was asleep, so Bryony would lock her door at night. I hated this so much. I think the point was to show that Leo was trying to make Bryony less cold towards him, but it honestly felt like rape.

In addition to the dubious consent, I couldn’t quite get on board with the characters’ reasons for wanting to be with each other. It seemed that Leo was in love with Bryony in part because he idolized her when they were children, and in part because he wanted to bring her out of her shell. It would have been ok if Bryony’s flaws were actually flaws, and if he had used methods other than what I described above. Bryony, by contrast, just seemed to like Leo because he is attractive. The book states multiple times that she didn’t notice Leo that much as a child, and she only married him because she hoped his popularity would lend her credibility as a female doctor. They ultimately decide to love one another once they have a near-death experience, so all the real growth happens in the last 1/3 of the book.

It gets worse once it’s revealed that Bryony’s coldness stems from the fact that she caught Leo cheating during their engagement. Leo insists it was only one time, and I think that was done sincerely. I honestly wouldn’t have minded a plot where a hero has to gain his love interest’s trust back after such a thing. Where this went wrong for me is that Leo seemed to blame Bryony for the affair by saying she should have stopped him or called off the wedding, and instead of proving to her that he is sorry, he simply focuses on how much pain he is in. Granted, Leo does say that he did wrong and there was no excuse, but I didn’t see him as a kind, considerate enough lover to believe that he had learned or that he was putting Bryony’s well being ahead of his own desires.

Overall, I was disappointed in this book. Not only was the prose and structure rather lackluster, but the dubious consent was enough to put me off, and I’m still not sure if the author meant to portray Indians rebelling against the British as bad or just a thrilling adventure.

#book reviews

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cherrycoveredpythia · 5 years

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Extended thoughts on Brave the Tempest

2017’s Ride the Storm closed out the four-book arc that also included Hunt the Moon, Tempt the Stars, and Reap the Wind. In these books, Cassie battled Ares and his minions while drawing closer to Pritkin and eventually hunting him through time and space. She learns more about her abilities while trying to save his life, and also becomes a reluctant power player in supernatural (and inter-dimensional) politics. Without her faithful companion by her side, she becomes more confident in her own powers and resourcefulness. Of course, she’s still Cassie, so all her discoveries and victories are slapdash and hard-won. But they are still victories. She’s a daughter of Chaos, give her a break.

Brave the Tempest focuses on Cassie’s political duties and her complicated feelings about being a leader and a “hero”. She’s now slain two gods (with help), but that doesn’t result in easy respect from the witches or the vampires. The witches see her as a tool of the Silver Circle, while the vampires see her as an extension of Mircea. They are all so wrong.

Cassie has to demonstrate her full strength to convince these factions to cooperate with her. It works, but nothing is ever simple. In the long run, who will love her and who will fear her?

She’s becoming more like her mother every day.

Overall feelings

There are some amazing, joyful moments here. Please understand that I adore these books and characters, so I say this with love…

… but the book felt disjointed to me. We buzz back and forth from the witches to the vampires to the demons, and then go to Faerie and Victorian England. We get emotional scenes with Mircea, Pritkin, Marco, Rhea, and Rico. Augustine brings home a kidnapped fae. Tami needs to hire some staff but no one will take the job. Fred is a spy. Cassie is exhausted. I felt kind of exhausted too.

Important plotlines: Cassie’s growing pains with her powers, the political trouble with the witches and vampires, and the imminent invasion of Faerie. And then there was the timeline rupture. The rupture was terrifying and the fight with Jo in Victorian London was a full-on horror show. Cassie learned more about Pythian spells and then linked up her powers with Pritkin through the Lover’s Knot spell. She’ll probably need these tools for the coming showdown. She and Pritkin are even more powerful together than they are apart. And they are both forces for good. But will everyone see them that way?

I think Karen is just laying out all the pieces for the next arc. It’s a little messy right now, but it will all fit together soon. I’m glad that Shatter the Earth is coming in December. If I had to wait another two years for the next book, I would be upset.

Favorite moments

Pritkin flirting and Cassie retaliating during S’mores night. Especially the marshmallow at the end. Goddamn.

The Dickening.

Everything related to Saffy and Vi, and seeing Saffy and Rhea becoming friends. I think she is a great influence on Rhea.

Pritkin and Cassie’s meeting with Adra. I high-key love Adra. He’s a really interesting foil for Caedmon, who leads their alliance with the “heavenly” planes. Caedmon is manic and charming, while Adra is pleasant and even-keeled. Except when he forgets to animate his glamourie. I reallllllly want to know what Adra looks like under there, but I figure he’s a Lovecraftian monster that would drive us insane.

Adra shading Pritkin for never attending demon council meetings like other “heirs apparent.”

Cassie nonchalantly offering to bring Adra to the vampire council.

Gertie nonchalantly easing Pritkin out of the room and shifting him to the depot.

Cassie borrowing Pritkin’s powers to suck the energy out of Jo.

Big events and revelations

Pritkin is not shy and neither is Cassie. I thought we would get some pussy-footing about their relationship, but we DID NOT. Pritkin came on strong and Cassie reciprocated. I wish I had a chance to read Siren’s Song first. They had some time to let the tension build and I *do* love a slow burn… torture me, baby!

Ancient Horrors! Children of Tiamat/Tethys! Pritkin is 1/16th divine! Kind of a watered-down Ancient Horror, if you will. Minus the tentacles.

Lover’s Knot

Fucking Jonathan

Invasion of Faerie needs to happen ASAP

Jo is more dangerous as a ghost because ghosts can absorb infinite power. (Can we turn Billy Joe into a super soldier???)

MIRCEA THE BOLD!

Cassie agreed to go find Elena because she’s afraid that Mircea will do it himself. And she doesn’t want to kill him.

Fred is a spy working for MARLOWE! And I guess his master power is camouflaging his aura.

Rico is from Napoli (this explains a lot, because I was confused when he said putanas instead of putane. Dialect!)

NEW PYTHIAN SPELLS: Shards and Chimera!

Young Agnes is a real bitch.

The pros

I said this in a separate post, but I’ll say it here too. Cassie and Pritkin are back together and their relationship is so healthy and mutually supportive that it makes my heart ache. This is real #relationshipgoals. They are confidants and protectors and cheerleaders for each other. They don’t keep secrets or manipulate or gaslight. We need more of this sci-fi/fantasy and romance. There are too many dark, brooding male love interests who are borderline abusive. (Ahem, Mircea.)

MORE LGBT REPRESENTATION!

The emergence of Mircea the Bold. I like Mircea as a character, but not as a love interest for Cassie. I’m happy to see him going through this transformation. He’s becoming more open and genuine. He’s not going to win Cassie’s affections, but I do think that he’s going to redeem himself in Dory’s eyes.

GERTIE IS BACK! And *not* as a roadblock. She’s a powerful woman who helps other women, and I am all. about. that. mood.

The cons

TOO. MUCH. RECAP. Especially recap that broke up highly emotional moments. I don’t care if you are trying to explain things for new readers. Fuck ‘em. Anyone who buys a book, discovers it is part 1000 of an ongoing series, and tries to read it anyways… is a psychopath.

Too many plot-lines

I miss Rosier.

We all knew that something was up with Fred, but I don’t think that his revelation as a spy got as much weight and screen-time as it deserved.

I feel like the “wrap-up” with Jonathan felt rushed. He’s supposed to be terrifying but I’m like “meh, whatever, Jonathan, small fry compared to Apollo and Ares.” But I think she’ll get back to it in greater depth in the next book, so I can deal.

Can we PLEASE have some consistency about Agnes’s age? We see her as a teenager in late 19th-century London, for god’s sake. She must have been *at least* 130 years old when she died, and that’s being charitable. Previously, Cassie has said that Agnes was about 80. Lies.

The questions

1. My BIGGEST question. Cassie is changing. Not just maturing, but changing on a metaphysical level. The coldness, the hunger… I’m frightened for her. It’s not withdrawal from the Tears of Apollo and it’s not normal exhaustion. I have some theories.

Her divine side is becoming stronger and she’s beginning to require life energy in the same way that her human side needs food, water, and sleep. Why is this happening now? Maybe the Tears of Apollo are part of the equation, albeit indirectly. She’s been using more and more Pythian power thanks to the potion, and perhaps that has awakened her divine side more strongly. This is a little worrisome because she may have to feed on a regular basis to stay functional. Can she get all the energy she needs from incubus sex or from the Lover’s Knot? What are the moral considerations here?

Less likely, but she might really be pregnant. I’m not a huge fan of this idea, but Rosier does mention in Reap the Wind or Ride the Storm that the incubus-child feeds on the life energy of the mother as it grows. That’s why his attempts at procreation failed until he impregnated Morgaine, who was part royal fae and part divine. If this is the case, Cassie might be having life-energy cravings instead of food cravings. Or maybe this is the divine/demon/fey version of morning sickness? Pritkin, please start using birth control.

2. What happened with Pritkin in Siren’s Song? Does Jonas know his true identity now?

3. So who is Pritkin’s divine great-great grandmother? Any speculation?

4. Cassie begins to wonder if any of the gods might be open to diplomacy. This must go somewhere. And it’s true, there are a number of gods in the pantheon who are traditionally friendlier towards humans than others. Athena is the first that comes to mind. There’s also the mythic trope of the Trickster/Fire-Bringer who helps humanity: Prometheus, Anansi, etc. And there’s Loki, who doesn’t so much love humans as he loves to trouble the other gods.

MVPs

Ok, Cassie is the real MVP, as always. But barring her, I’m awarding this prize to the no-nonsense, sisterly duo of our hearts: Gertie and Hilde. They are officious and annoying, but that’s because they tell you what you don’t want to hear, and they are RIGHT. They are so right.

#btt spoilers #brave the tempest #my disorganized thoughts #please feel free to disagree and discuss #cassie palmer #karen chance

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blackcatmanor · 5 years

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RWBY Volume 7, Episode 7 Visual Review (Spoilers)

I have been lurking around RWBY tumblers for some time so I thought it was time to join the convo. If you want to see a review and pics of Ep. 7 click below.

The good:

1. Characters that are done right.

a. Ironwood- Tin Man was so greatly written this episode, second to Nora. We got a lot of anger, desperation, and even PTSD from him. He shows symptoms of PTSD with reasonable triggers- seeing the monitors causes him to flash back to the Queen logo that Salem taunted him with at Beacon. I also like his internal conflict about having morals and humanity because he wonders if it disadvantages him versus Salem. It’s an interesting angle to take and hopefully will be explored more hopefully without having him go fully off the deep end.

b. Nora- She is MVP of the episode. I appreciate how much she cares for marginalized people and she confronts Ironwood in a really brave and logical way. However, I didn’t like how Ruby literally tacks onto the end (putting her hand on Nora’s shoulder to add “this plays into Salem’s hand”). Nora did all of the heavy lifting but Ruby tried to step in with her cliché “I’m the protagonist and have to make my speech seem leveled and calm so you trust me” bit. I’m glad it didn’t work and Ironwood pressed on with his orders.

c. Bumblebee- I appreciate Blake and Yang actually getting some screen time to TALK and flesh out their relationship. Clearly killing Adam is weighing on Blake and it was nice to see her bring it up, as well as express her frustration with doing things that, while good intentioned, aren’t right to her. It’s nice to see Yang is open to taking a different path after Blake confronted her. This was a nice issue that they talked through to advance and grow as a fledgling couple.

This has been a big annoyance I had with the Blake and Yang pairing: they had SO MANY issues after V3 that never was addressed. With how angry and betrayed Yang was, the writers built up the feeling that there would be a pretty epic fight between them for TWO volumes and it didn’t pay off. They just literally ignored it like it never happened and went straight into giving each other flirt eyes and going on dates. I hope this is intentional, that they are ignoring and repressing their issues and problems for them to blow up later but I doubt it. But this episode is a step in the right direction for establishing an actual relationship between two complicated characters.

2. Story and lore done right.

a. Penny- The writers did a good job of writing themselves OUT of a corner with Penny. I always thought Penny would come back because she’s a robot, but I also understood how fans felt like it a cheap ploy to hit people emotionally only to basically retcon it away. HOWEVER, the reveal that Pietro’s aura is used to create Penny each time, and he doesn’t have any more to give is interesting and a really effective way to explain why she did come back, but also why it is not an unlimited plot button they can keep pressing.

That being said the line about him not having any more aura to give Penny gives me huge death flags for her. Unfortunately, if she dies again it won’t have the same impact. Sure it’ll be the “for realsies last time” she dies, but since we already went through that it won’t matter the same way it did before. If anything, I hope they turn the death flags on their head a little bit and kill off Pietro. Not that I WANT to see him die, but *if* someone has to for the story, Pietro dying will put a whole new layer of complication into Penny’s existence and make it feel like there are stakes to Penny’s life again.

The Bad:

1. Story stuff done wrong.

a. You tease- Once again we ended on a cliffhanger last episode that teases combat but doesn’t deliver. It would have been nice to see them help Mantle but with the reception of a very hostile Mantle citizenry.

b. Mantle- Speaking of Mantle, an ongoing annoyance I have with this season is the lack of misery in Mantle. They keep talking about how miserable and struggling it is, but whenever they show shots of Mantle, it just looks like a city. It may not look like the nicest parts of a city, but it’s lacking the Misery factor. Maybe show abandoned or crumbling buildings, people en masse living on the streets, etc. Also having more shots in the day where you can see the bleak and sad nature would be nice.

2. Character stuff done wrong.

a. Happy Huntresses- Robyn’s crew have awesome semblances and work in connection with one another- with one girl who can create a mirage to cover their heists and Fiona who can apparently zap away all of the goods into her black hole hand?! OMG! Robyn’s lie detector semblance is neat, but doesn’t really fit with her heist team and it shows with how she just stands to the side and watches everyone else working, or she just yells orders at people. Speaking of Robyn...

b. Robyn the Edgelord- I am having a really hard time liking her, with her smarmy attitude and pithy little nicknames for everyone like Fistacuffs, and Pipsqueak and Wags. Is she SUPPOSED to seem douchey? I was hoping for a Dolores Huerta-infused Robin Hood: someone with a passion for assisting the marginalized with a quick but powerful way of conveying her message but instead she’s just kind of a snarktopus.

c. Ren the bummer- When did he become so Emo and angsty? He went from calm, zen ninja to hyper-antsy, wannabe Ace op kinda out of nowhere. Why? They keep making him turbo annoying without any reasoning, and then they cop-out of an explanation when Nora asks what’s wrong by having him say “I’m not good at talking.” They need to address this quick before it drags too long.

d. Voice acting issues- Is Barbara’s voice acting is getting worse, or is the evolving tone of her character a bad fit? She was great as fun-loving party Yang in volumes 1-3, but all of the dramatic dialogue has been awkward and filled with pauses between words. I think Barbara equates dramatic performance with dramatic pauses. For instance, the line, “We did…….what we had to do,” and in episode 3 when talking about lying to Ironwood she says “Can we….talk about that again?” And two seconds later says “How did Oscar feel about that” in such a robotic tone it was jarring. No one talks like this. Are you forgetting the words you’re about to say as you say them?! What is happening?! I think Arryn does a good job at dramatic acting so the directors know what it sounds like. It’s getting distracting, especially with other talented deliveries in the show.

3. Thoughts for the next episodes:

a. It’s interesting that Qrow explicitly mentions that Atlas is Salem’s next target. With knowledge beforehand will it mean Atlas’ fate will be different than Beacon? (spoiler: Probably not).

b. The Dinner with Jacques will be the perfect time to finally see Willow Schnee, and I hope they don’t blue balls us on this one, too. We could see her forced into the role of political wife, probably even more despondent and desperate than before.

#rwby vol7 #rwby #robyn hill #bumblebee #rwby spoilers #rwby bumblebee #nora valkyrie #ruby rose

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saltybaltic · 6 years

Text

Natasha Romanoff X Reader - Reunited PART TWO

Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow X FemReader Fanfic

Synopsis: Five years ago you and Natasha were a couple. Things didn’t seem to be working well and you both agreed that a break up was the best idea. Now you work for S.H.I.E.L.D and your paths have crossed again. Will it be a happy reunion?

Warnings: Language, sexual themes

Words: 1777

MASTERLIST

--------------

Natasha raised the radio to her ear, trying to hear what, if anything, was being said in the building across from where she was hiding with Clint. They had been given the responsibility of gathering intel on two possible assassins and so far had frustratingly come up with nothing.

Readjusting the frequency on the radio system, Clint glanced up at Natasha, “So you gonna tell me then?”

“Tell you what?” Asked Natasha, raising her binoculars to her eyes and scanning the building opposite.

“Who she is.” Explained Clint, “You’ve never mentioned her before and we know all the same people.”

Natasha fiddled with the zoom on the binoculars “I know plenty of people you don’t know.”

“Not agents.”

“Well how would you know.” She mumbled, tilting her head from side to side as she checked each window in front of her, “The whole point is you don’t know them.”

Letting out a sigh, he paused his fidgeting of the radio as a small sound came through before seemingly deciding it was nothing and continuing to turn the knob, “Must be a big deal if you won’t tell me.”

“Clint as someone I consider a friend I feel it necessary to mention that I will be forced to shoot you if you don’t drop this.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at her comment, “You know you can talk to me?”

Natasha nodded, still not lowering the binoculars from her eyes to look back at the man beside her, “I am talking to you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“If the burning desire to discuss my private life suddenly takes over me for the very first time, you’ll be the one I come to I promise.” She murmured dryly, clearly not willing to entertain the idea any further.

Nudging her gently in her upper arm, Clint smiled warmly, “That’s good enough for me.”

——-

Running in place on the treadmill in the far corner of the gym, Natasha used the towel around her shoulders to wipe the sweat from her brow as she increased the speed setting ever so slightly. She was more than a little irritated that she had forgotten her ear phones for her work out, forced to listen to the radio that was blaring through the speakers on the walls along with the conversations of other agents and colleagues around her. Little did she know her irritation was going to increase even further as two other women joined her by the treadmills, setting themselves up to her left as they loudly continued their conversation.

“So you know that new agent?” Started the blonde woman.

The other woman nodded, “The one from CORPA?”

“Yeah ... well apparently she’s not only gay but also single.”

The brunette woman laughed, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at her friend, “That sounds promising.”

Natasha huffed out a breath, torn between listening intently to the conversation taking place beside her and not wanting to hear another second as she realised who it was about.

“So I asked her out.” Continued the blonde woman, beginning to jog lightly on her treadmill, “And she said yes.”

Clenching her jaw, Natasha literally bit her tongue as she fruitlessly tried to tune out of the ongoing conversation.

“I mean I don’t know where we’re going yet but who cares? She’s a total catch.”

The brunette woman nodded her head enthusiastically in agreement, “Definitely, it’s so hard to find someone nice and normal in this place, most of these agents are so messed up.”

“Tell me about it, so much baggage, it’s so draining.”

The blonde smiled, “I just feel lucky to have gotten in there first, I bet there’s a line of people waiting.”

Slamming her hands down on the controls of the treadmill, Natasha brought it to a loud and abrupt stop. Both women beside her stopped talking instantly, shooting each other a confused glance before frowning over at the red head.

--- Flashback ---

“You’re a dork.” laughed Natasha, settling her back against the park bench and looking out across the large pond in front of her. “How can you eat that, it’s so cold.”

You shrugged, taking another mouthful of ice cream from the cone in your hands, “It’s not that cold.”

“It’s January.” insisted Natasha, rubbing her hands together and blowing a hot breath on to her fingers as if to reinforce her point.

Nudging her gently with your shoulder, you chuckled quietly, “Aren’t you supposedly Russian?”

“I’ve acclimatized.” shot back Natasha with a small grin, “And even in Russia we don’t eat ice cream in January.”

“You were the one who didn’t want me coming to the park alone, no one made you come along.”

Rubbing her hands along her thighs in an attempt to warm up her legs, Natasha burrowed her chin in to the top of her scarf, “Well I didn’t want you to be by yourself.”

“Who says I would have been by myself?” You teased, nudging her again with your shoulder, “I bet there’s a line of people waiting to ask me out.”

“Oh really?” She asked, eyebrow quirking at you as she narrowed her eyes playfully.

“Yep, I bet there’s a lot of women would love to come eat ice cream with me no matter what the time of year.”

As you raised the cone to your lips again, Natasha’s hand shot up before you could react and jabbed the ice cream in to your mouth, smearing it across the bottom half of your face.Jumping to her feet. she threw her head back and laughed loud, your stunned face only serving to amuse her further.

The second you stood up from the bench and shot her a glare, Natasha took a few steps back and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh you better run Romanoff.”

-----------

Her frustration near enough boiling over, Natasha couldn’t even bring herself to say something to explain her behaviour, simply picking up her water bottle and stomping away from the other women like a petulant child. Just listening to their conversation had filled her with rage - the exact opposite effect she was hoping to achieve after an intense cardio workout. However the thing that angered her the most, was the mere fact she was annoyed in the first place.

————

Despite all of your reservations about moving cities and starting a job at an agency you had always competed with, you couldn’t dispute the fact that things were going well for you. You had even had a date a few nights ago with a nice woman named Emma. You had been hesitant to accept her offer when she approached you in the break room, asking if you were single and whether you would like to grab a drink one night. For the briefest of moments Natasha’s face had flashed through your mind and you almost felt guilty for considering going out on a date before realising how stupid that was. The date had been pleasant, easy, relaxed. Emma worked in the IT department and didn’t come with the complications that usually followed in the tracks of dating a fellow agent. However as much as you had enjoyed her company, you couldn’t shake the idea that something had been missing.

It had been another hectic day at work; meetings and conference calls and paperwork had left your head pounding and you desperately wanted to just get home and sit down with a drink.

Sliding your key in to the lock, you paused in the door way with a frown. The lamp in the living room was turned on and you were absolutely positive you had turned it off. Come to think of it, you hadn’t even been home before dark so when could you possibly have switched it on? Instinctively your hand reached the waistband at the back of your pants, gripping the pistol that was stashed there as you slowly and quietly closed the door behind you. You made a face as your first step into the apartment caused the floorboards to creak under foot, tightening your hold on your gun as you took another tentative step forward. You had barely pulled the gun from the back of your trousers when a voice sounded from the living room.

“I’d really rather you didn’t shoot me, if that’s okay ... been kind of a long week.”

You let out a sigh of relief, a feeling that was quickly replaced by annoyance as you placed your gun down on the table by the front door and made your way in to your home, “How did you even get in here, it’s a S.H.I.E.L.D secured apartment.”

Looking up from the drink she was pouring herself, Natasha scoffed, “Please.”

“What are you doing here?” You asked, not failing to notice that she was helping herself to a bottle of your whiskey.

“I’ve come to ask you to do me a professional courtesy.”

You let out another sigh, pushing your hair back from your face and raking a hand through it, “So you want a favour.”

“No I said a profe-”

“I heard what you said Natasha.” You cut in, taking a few steps further into the room so you were now just in front of her, “And I know what you meant by it.”

Seemingly not fazed by your snappy attitude, Natasha finished pouring her drink before waving the bottle in your direction, “Drink?”

“You can’t just break into my apartment.”

Ignoring your comment, Natasha nodded her head, “I’ll pour you one.”

“The whole breaking and entering thing was weird when we were together but I let it go because at least it meant I was going to have sex ... this is just straight up creepy.”

Lips turning up into a smirk, Natasha presented you with a glass of whiskey, “Well if that’s your price for it not being creepy ...”

“Natasha.” you warned, reluctantly allowing her to force the drink into your hand.

She didn’t say anything at first, settling herself down in to your armchair and crossing one leg over the other. Her eyes were locked intently on yours, her elbow resting on the arm of the chair as she slowly swirled the liquid around her glass. Finally after several moments she broke the silence, although her words were not what you had been expecting.

“Are you honestly and sincerely dating Emma from IT?” She said the blonde woman’s name as if it had left a bitter taste in her mouth, nose crinkling ever so slightly with disdain.

“Please tell me you didn’t come here to interrogate me about who I’m dating.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “I’ll take your none answer as a yes.”

“What has this got to do with you again?” you shot back, arms folded across your chest.

“My professional courtesy? If I can get to that please?”

Taking a sip of your drink as you considered her request, your curiosity got the better of you, “Go on.”

“I would really appreciate it if I didn’t have to hear about my ex girlfriend’s love life when all I’m trying to do is blow off a little steam in the gym.”

“What are you even talking about.” You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose and closing your eyes in frustration.

Natasha shifted in her seat, “Your girlfriend has a loud mouth.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

She ignored your retort, “I’d like it if you could get her to shut it.”

You couldn’t help but release a bitter laugh, “You know what Nat, I might have had a hard time reading you when we were together but I could always tell when you were jealous.”

---- Flashback ----

“I just cannot fucking believe you.” You shouted, your voice drowned out ever so slightly as the door slammed open against the wall.

Following you in to your flat, Natasha kicked her heels off by the door, “He deserved it.”

“He’s my boss.” You shot back, slamming the door shut behind the pair of you just as aggressively as you had opened it before spinning back around to glare at the other woman, “Although who knows if he’ll still be my boss come Monday because I’ll be lucky to still have a job.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic.” snapped Natasha, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it on the coat rack.

Narrowing your eyes dangerously at the red head you clenched your jaw in a bid to hold your temper, “Just keep pushing me Natasha I swear to god I’m this close.”

“Yeah and he’s also a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen, how could you let him have his hands on you like that?!”

You threw your coat across the room in the direction of the dining table, “Don’t exaggerate, you were completely out of order.”

“What so I’m just supposed to stand there and watch some guy feel up my girlfriend?!” asked Natasha, the volume of her voice starting to match yours now, “I don’t care who’s boss he is, that’s so not on.”

“Do you know how many strings I had to pull just so you could be my date ... which you insisted on being by the way!” You shouted back, anger burning furiously.

Natasha scoffed, “What, am I supposed to be grateful that you let me be your date? There was me thinking we were a couple.”

“Do you know what? Can you just do me this favour and save the snarky comments for once in your life? You know exactly what I mean, they didn’t want a S.H.I.E.L.D agent there.”

“Bullshit!” She snapped, pointing her finger at you accusingly, “He just didn’t want me there so he could be his usual sleazy self and get away with it.”

Throwing your hands up in despair, you shook your head at her remark, “Are you really this insecure? You’re so jealous of my douche of a boss that you had to make a scene?”

“I wasn’t jealous.” muttered Natasha, turning her head to the side and folding her arms across her chest defensively.

“You’ve never been able to hide when you were jealous.”

------

“Oh don’t start with this.” laughed Natasha, taking another sip of her drink, “I’m not jealous.”

You frowned, “You’ve broken in to my apartment to interrogate me about a woman I’ve been on one date with.”

“Is it not allowed to get to me that I have to hear about one of my colleagues dating my ex?”

“Give her a break Nat it’s not like I walk around with a sign around my neck that says ‘Natasha Romanoff’s ex girlfriend, hands off.’ is it?”

A smirk broke out on her lips, “No but that sounds fun, do you think we could get one made?”

“Come on, be serious.” You breathed out, polishing off your drink in one large gulp before placing the empty glass down on the drinks cabinet, “What do you want from me here?”

“Like I said ... I’d rather not have it rubbed in my face.”

You fidgeted with the glass uncomfortably, not quite able to meet her gaze, “I’m gonna meet people, we work in the same place ... you’re gonna have to deal with it.”

“Can I not be a little bothered by this?”

Letting out a sigh, you finally looked back at the other woman, “Frankly no, we broke up remember?”

Your statement seemed to cause something inside of Natasha to snap as her eyes darkened and she slammed her drink down on to the table beside her, raising her voice slightly from the calm tone she had been using before.

“We broke up because it wasn’t working, not because I stopped loving you.”

There was a long pause as you took in what she had said, running your tongue along your lower lip as you tried to process her words.

“Nat ...”

Trailing off, you realised that there was nothing you could think of to say. Seeing that you weren’t going to reply, Natasha rose to her feet, making a few steps towards the door before stopping just behind you. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, arms folded protectively across her chest.

“Just keep that woman out of my face.”

Without another word, she made her way to the door and left you alone in your apartment with only the memory of her comment to keep you company.

---------

Clint heard his friend entering the room before he saw her; feet stomping loudly against the wood flooring and exaggerated huffs of annoyance as she made her way into the living room. He had been chatting idly with Wanda about nothing of real interest, laughing and joking as he used a cloth to wipe down one of his bows on the coffee table. Clearly the relaxed atmosphere was over as Natasha came to a stop in front of him on the sofa, arms folded across her chest and a childish scowl on her face.

“Fine.” she growled, as if that would explain everything to him.

He resisted the urge to laugh given her mood, arching a brow in question, “Fine what?”

“I’ll talk about her.”

Clint smiled, leaning back against the sofa, “Okay.”

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Wanda gestured towards the corridor, “I can leave ...”

“No, it’s fine.” muttered Natasha.

“So ...” pushed Clint, smiling encouragingly at the red head.

Blowing out a breath to compose herself, Natasha stuttered a few times before finally managing a proper sentence, “We used to date.”

“Well I gathered that much.” chuckled Clint, patting the spot beside him on the sofa, “I assume things didn’t end well?”

Settling in to the seat between Clint and Wanda, Natasha rubbed at her forehead, “No it was ... we agreed on the break up together .... it wasn’t ... working.”

“Okay ...” Started Clint, sensing that this was going to be a long story and wrapping an arm around the red head comfortingly, “Start from the beginning, tell us everything.”

--------------

There was many things in life that you found unpleasant or difficult but attending a party thrown by Tony Stark was not one of them. You had dithered over showing your face for obvious reasons but it had actually been a conversation with Steve Rogers that had changed your mind. In his words: ‘trust me, you won’t want to miss this’.

It seemed he had been right; the entire floor of the tower was packed with people and there was more drinks and food than you could wish to consume in a lifetime. Granted, it was a little over the top but with what you knew about Tony, it was exactly the kind of party you had expected.

You’d spent the evening chatting to colleagues, greeted warmly by Steve and introduced to some people you hadn’t met before. The whole night had been great fun and you had found yourself relaxing more and more into your new surroundings. Being in the company of superheroes and special agents wasn’t exactly something you were used to however it was a nice kind of normal to become accustomed to.

After a few hours you began to feel the flush of alcohol burning your cheeks, excusing yourself from the group you were chatting to and seeking out some fresh air on the rooftop balcony. You had enjoyed several minutes of peace and quiet before she found you, knowing that her presence had been a certainty the second you were alone.

“Enjoying the party?”

You knew she would attempt to fall into trivial conversation, pretending your last encounter hadn’t happened as if not mentioning it would make it forgotten.

“It’s very impressive.” You answered, turning away from the view of the city to look at her.

Natasha shrugged dismissively, “That’s Tony.”

Watching her for a moment, you could see that she looked somewhat uncomfortable, as if she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to say it. Given what had already been said between the two of you, you decided that you could probably do without hearing it.

“I should get back inside.” you murmured, gesturing behind her towards the doors back to the party.

“I just ...” She cleared her throat, side stepping as if to block you from leaving the rooftop, “I’m sorry about ... well ... you know ... the whole breaking in thing.”

You rubbed at the back of you neck gingerly, not entirely sure what to say in response, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not okay ... I ....” She pushed out a breath, obviously not comfortable with the topic at hand, “I talked to Clint ... not that that should interest you but ... well ... I have some stuff to work out I guess.”

Looking Natasha up and down, you almost couldn’t believe how sheepish she looked. She was always so calm and composed but stood in front of you now she looked like a bag of nerves and you found yourself unable to not feel at least a little sorry for her.

“I know this is hard Nat.” You offered, “It’s hard for me too.”

She took a tentative step towards you, hands fidgeting restlessly in front of her, “I guess I never let myself think about the possibility of seeing you again is all.”

“Yeah ... it’s been a long time I guess.”

Natasha bit down on her lip, nodding her head slowly as she stepped forward again so she was now just a foot or two away, “I think I convinced myself that what we had wasn’t real as a way to deal with it.”

You looked down at her feet as she closed the gap further, now stood so close that you could reach out and touch her, “That’s understandable.”

“But it was real.” She added, staring back at you sincerely, “Because it all came back to me the second I saw you again.”

Exhaling slowly, you pursed your lips as she finally stopped just in front of you, “We ... shouldn’t be talking about this.”

“I need you to know why I reacted the way I did.” she stated.

Her words were so quiet now that you were forced to lean forward to hear her, not missing her gaze drifting down towards your lips, “I know you well enough by now to get why you do these things.”

“No one’s ever understood me the way you do.” she whispered, leaning forward herself now so her nose was almost brushing your own.

You swallowed down the lump in your throat, the sensation of having Natasha so close to you making your head swim, “Nat ...”

She didn’t wait to hear what you would say, moving forward just the few centimetres required and pressing her lips against yours briefly. The kiss was short, almost polite as if she was testing the waters to see what would happen if she did it. You could hear your heart beat pounding in your ears now, breathing increasing as her gaze drifted back and forth between your eyes and lips.

“This is a bad idea.” You stated under your breath.

Natasha nodded her head slowly, “Terrible.”

“We really shouldn’t.”

She nodded again, “You’re right.”

“We broke up for a reason.”

“I know.”

You ran your tongue along your lips, allowing yourself to relish in the taste of her briefly. Her eyes visibly darkened as she watched the action and the way she was looking at you was almost enough for all common sense to go out of the window.

“We can’t do this.” You whispered.

Raising one hand from her side, she placed it loosely on the back of your neck, “I agree.”

“We should stop.”

Natasha tightened the grip of her fingers, “I’m totally stopping.”

Contradicting her comment entirely, the red head didn’t say another word as she tugged your face towards her and crashed her mouth into yours.

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mystokinetic · 5 years

Photo

☆ﾟ*・ﾟWoah is that Alder Forde ? I’ve heard they’re a fae working here as a History of the Fae professor. they came here because or a rather unfortunately misunderstand with a Nephilum and they’ve been working here for 8 years. As a 209 / 28 year-old, I’m sure they’re skilled. Someone told me they’re dramatic and scattered but i think they’re optimistic and earnest. I can’t help but think of cell phones that never work right, laughing at their own jokes when nobody else gets it, and drinking spiked coffee outside in the morning rain when I look at them.

Alder is either very important in Avalon, or exceedingly not so and it all depends on who you ask about the matter. It's his family, really, that makes the difference. The only child of a trio who have so far not really discussed which of his mothers happens to be the biological one, and that is rather important since one of them is quite the well respected warrior and heroic figure so far as Nephilim go and the other is more the healer, homebody sort without much sway in the history of things. His father was never much extraordinary either way, aside from to Alder since he is his father.

Plenty have tried to sort out which he is; simply a typical Fae with no more expectations for greatness than continuing to run the little bookstore and shop for arcane objects that his family owns or the powerful warrior just waiting for the moment to step into his power and take back up the mantle of his mother's purpose. Since none of the trio really think it all too important when it comes to their son's life it's an ongoing debate by outsiders but nothing Alder has ever worried much over because he loves all three of his parents and life growing up was rather comfortable.

It was too comfortable actually, since Alder developed a habit of never wanting to leave the pleasant confines of home or the shop, happy to spend all his time digging through shelves and losing himself in the texts. Which really didn't suit his parents at all, the trio having had their own days of exploration out in the world they certainly didn't want their offspring to deny himself such things.

They had to nearly shove him out the door shortly after his one hundred and thirty-sixth year because, honestly, it was well past time. There was all of Avalon to explore and of course the places where other races existed as well. But for someone like Alder, far more settled with his books and the company of people who didn't really mind his endless chattering it seemed very daunting a task. He failed to see what could be better than what he already knew he could gain by simply sticking close to home. There was obvious potential in his sharp intellect, he was adaptive, they assumed he would fair well enough.

Unfortunately there was less potential when it came to his actual social skills. He knew perfectly well about the politics and the manners of the higher classes, but applying that to himself was complicated. He had grown up under simple terms and some of the arguments of power and purpose outright perplexed him as to why they even mattered. Avalon was lovely, yes, but perhaps not the best place for him if everyone was holding their breath waiting to see what his linage would show.

So off to the morals it was.

They were far more interesting, such delightfully strange creatures, and Alder fell in love with their world and their ways. Simply living such short lives with such furious determination was exciting, their almost alien intensity in emotions was deeply endearing. It wasn't all great, no, a few times during his wandering through human history he saw the ugliness, the pain, and the brutality. There was always a better day though, waiting it out long enough, and that was the best thing about the realm outside of his own home; so much change and so many possibilities. He learned, he roamed, he had a wonderful time all in all. Alder had ever intention of sticking around even longer but he had a real talent for bad situations and even worse luck. If that could have been a magical power he had it in excess.

A little mistake, the wrong person upset by his actions, and suddenly he was in far more trouble than he could talk his way out of. It didn't seem like things were going well for him at all, the threat of his freedom being revoked and the possibility of being banished to some loathsome dark corner of Avalon hanging over him Alder wasn't sure how to unravel the mess.

Well, he had one idea, actually.

Cain wasn't altogether thrilled with the prospects of allowing the Fae to join his staff, there was far too much unpredictable to Alder's very nature but at the same time there was something very useful about his insight and the knowledge that seemed to come so easily to him. It really was uncanny how he knew so much, how much work he put into expanding that knowledge; because honestly at that point his freedom hinged on being useful enough. It's not an arrangement many care for, his grasp of a history he was not there for more than a tiny fraction of is obviously laughable and while most wouldn't question Cain they question Alder plenty.

It doesn't matter though, fear is a great motivator and going back home really isn't in the cards any time soon if he has any say in it.

[Headcanons]

Alder is one of those far too bright and personable sorts, friendly to a fault and with the sort of eagerness that better suits a puppy than a person. His students tend to like him, though a few of them do try to test his good nature, and he enjoys very much being around them. Of course the awkward part is in that some of those students are closer to his own age than they are other staff members but that hardly matters, right?

Now the other staff tends to have varied opinions about how well he can do his job, especially since he is a bit distracted often, but Alder shoulders it with some humor.

Speaking of humor, he likes to think himself reasonably funny. Not always the case, but he thinks so. There is something infectious about the effort though, he simply cannot stand to see people weary and there is apparently very few extremes he doesn't go to in order to cheer up the dreary sorts.

Entirely unknown to him, because he doesn’t really care to know the truth, he is from a very impressive linage of warrior’s blood. His biological mother has earned a great deal of praise and respect for her role in history as a fighter and something of a captain in matters of war and Nephilim affairs. Alder doesn’t have much want to fight but the instincts are there, underused so far but that might have to chance in the future, if he can ever stomach the idea of fighting.

As one would imagine, given his friendly outlook, Alder likes people very much. Maybe more than that he adores them, in no singular sense either. He was raised with a triad family and is himself polyamorous. He's had his share of lovers and friends with a physical connection, he values every one of them for what they brought into his life and how uniquely they influenced his life. Sometimes it gets a bit complicated, yes, but he has a difficult time thinking people aren't worth it. He tries to avoid such things with students of course, generally, because really he wants to stay as much under the radar as possible when it comes to Cain.

Sexuality is quite the open book with him, he certainly doesn’t limit himself to ideas of gender being a necessity for attraction, and while he is very respectful of the feelings involved he does have a very casual personal life. He’d an adventurous type, not really much in the way of dominating but he’s perfectly happy to see where things lead, flexible about such things even though his preference isn’t towards having to be the dominate one with men or women either way. He is rather flexible to suggestion of course and a bit addicted to new ideas so he does enjoy testing the waters so long as there’s not a danger of physical or emotional harm to anyone involved.

Alder is entirely indulgent. Maybe it's part of his Fae genetics, or his time roaming the human realms, but he enjoys his vices very much. Anything with appeal, drinking, food, really good books and movies, even the occasional experimenting with drugs; life used to be overwhelming when he was forced to step out into it but since those days Alder has learned just how wonderful it all is.

Though to a point he is bold but not overly brave. Emotional is a good word for it, his moods are scattered and vivid. Which makes the bad moments very bad, his lowers are a bit intense as well but he usually snaps out it pretty quickly. The problem comes in not being sure where to draw his own lines, throw himself into chaos for a purpose or follow logic and realize the dangers around him. It's never an even scale, or an easy one to navigate.

Phones hate Alder. He has yet to own one that hasn't died a horrible death in some random way, shorted out or just exploded. It's practically a talent and if people are smart they know not to lend him their phones either because it takes him five minutes flat to destroy one without even meaning to.

Fae are graceful and ethereal but Alder is a little less so. He's bound to trip over something during the course of the day, if not a slew of things, because he's not great at paying attention to what he's doing. He's clumsy, he has accepted this, is aware of it and has comes to terms with his lack of all that lofty, magical grace that most of his race seem to have in excess.

Alder knows several languages, mostly because of his infatuation with books. He does actually have an impressive amount of knowledge but since leaving Avalon he's grown fond of human subjects as well. He enjoys a good text detailing the Fae Court affairs of the last century just as much as he's thrilled to get his hands on the newest edition of whatever human literature is on the best seller charts. Because of this he has stacks and stacks of books, comics and magazines around where he lives. It's a bit hard to navigate, actually, he understands his organization system but nobody else stands a chance of making sense of it.

Along with his books and such Alder keeps plants, so many plants. Again, his Fae nature shows through and he is constantly rescuing plants around the campus that are abandoned or dying, whisking them away to home and helping them recover. He's very attached to them, often chats with them and reads to them as though they were his kids.

#elysium:intro #intro [alder]

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tompen94 · 6 years

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Ranting about Kingdom Hearts (cuz I just got into it)

Oh boy... where to begin...

I guess I should start by saying I wasn’t a fan of this series. I had barely heard of it growing up (try being a nerd in Portugal, it’s the worst) and by the time I did all I was hearing was about how convoluted the story was and how it had Disney characters with JRPG ones and I just thought it was weird af.

It wasn’t until the hype for KH3 started building up and one of my friends started showing me trailers for the thing that I got interested myself. As such for the last couple of weeks I took it upon myself to catch up with the series lore-wise. Now I’m caught up (not really but fuck if I have to go through that mobile phone game), so I have some thoughts to spew out.

I should note that KH3 will be my very first experience in gameplay of the series. I only went through the story of the other games, watching their cutscenes. (All-in-one does sound like an appetizing package but I wasn’t willing to spend 100+ euros on something I wasn’t even sure I was gonna like).

I will be going on a game-by-game basis.

Kingdom Hearts

When you wak away~ you don’t hear me say~ (God this song is so good)

What I took from this game is that despite the ridiculous looking premise, it works. I don’t know how putting a FF-looking dude along with Sora and Goofy works, but they made it work. Bravo.

The story was pretty straight-forward. I like that Riku and Sora have very much the same goal throughout the game, only that Riku ended up hanging out with the wrong people and had to pay the price for it.

I really like the scene where Kairi is revived, almost like a reversal of the beginning of the game. She goes to grab Sora and he poofs out of existance. It actually hits pretty hard.

I love that they kept Mickey to just one cameo. They build him up so well and in the end he just appears and basically solves the situation. Great stuff.

Also did I mention how good Simple and Clean is?

Kingdom Hearts - Chain of Memories

This is where some questions start popping up. The rigmarole around Sora’s memories was a bit confusing to me.

Other than that though, this was pretty harmless. Namine is a nice addition to the cast and I like how Sora and the Riku-replica argued over things.

I also like Sora’s final decision to go back to how he was.

Kingdom Hearts - 358/2 Days

Yes, I went through this game before KH2. No I don’t regret it.

I really like Roxas, Axel and Xion. Probably my favorite trio as a whole in the series. They spend a lot of scenes together and they really sell the friendship between them.

Yes they’re always eating ice cream but why is that bad?

Kingdom Hearts II

Omoidasuka~ Haruka harukaaaa~ Mirai wa~ (God this music is so good)

Oh my god this game was looooooong.

I almost forgot the non-plot stuff of this game completely. It’s not to say that it’s bad, but that it is a lot of stuff to remember so I chose to keep the plot-important stuff. Thankfully, that plot-important stuff is really really really good.

I think the final world is worth every pound of a full-price game on its own. I mean, seriously. Kairi and Namine’s escape and rescue by Riku. Ansem’s sacrifice. Xemnas’ questioning (and his voice, so soothing). Sora’s reunion with Riku. And how about that final battle. Oh my god the hype.

I do have a question though. How did Riku obtain his keyblade? It looks like his old bat wing sword so I thought it had been turned into a keyblade, but then in DD he summons the sword so he still has it?

Still, probably my favorite entry in the series.

Kingdom Hearts - Birth by sleep

This one kinda felt like the Star Wars prequels, what with Xehanort constantly goading Terra into using the darkness.

This game’s pacing was weird. One minute we’re trudging through the remaining worlds not explored in KH1, then suddenly Eraqus is attacking Ventus and we’re on the path to the Keyblade Graveyard.

This was the game that started interconnecting the plot too much. There’s no need for Mickey to be here, much less in the finale. Kairi now ended up Destiny Islands because Aqua gave her a charm or something. Sora and Riku got the Kingdom key because Riku was bequeathed by Terra now. The only one that kinda had to happen was the rigmarole with Sora’s and Ventus’s hearts, in order to explain Roxas’s appearance.

Still, the finale was pretty good and it did a good job of setting up Xehanort as the series’ big bad.

Btw, Aqua’s VA was shit. It really distracted me... Like can you at least pretend that you care? Really bad performance.

Kingdom Hearts - Re:coded

Apparently this one’s important to the plot now.

My least favorite entry in the franchise so far. Most of the game is inconsequential, it goes on for too long and for no good reason.

There are a couple of good moments between Data!Sora and Data!Riku, and I like that this game actually gave Sora a goal to achieve in KH3, that of rescuing every other MC trio, but those points are not enough to redem this game.

It felt like a chore to go through this one.

Kingdom Hearts - Dream Drop Distance

This one was mostly fun, but it is also responsible for the meme-status of the franchise’s story. Oh my god...

I actually don’t mind the complicated exam. I also like the idea of a mishap turning Riku into Sora’s guardian angel. However it’s when the Xehanorts start running amok that the plot starts to literally fold in on itself.

It does a decent enough job of setting up KH3 and hyping it up, but this really was where the story started to get convoluted. Before this point it was actually pretty easy to follow for me.

I’m also not fond of the retcon on Organization XIII’s goals.

Also I guess Riku is more special than Sora now? Not that I’m complaining.

Kingdom Hearts - 0.2 Birth by sleep -A fragmentary passage-

This game fixed Aqua and ruined Mickey. I mean, it’s pretty. And Aqua is life. But what the hell did you do to Mickey, Nomura?

You mean to tell me that Aqua was there the whole time and Mickey didn’t try to get her out of the Realm of Darkness? WHAT?! He was there with Riku, and Mickey didn’t even so much as mention Aqua to him? She’s literally there on the beach!

On the other hand though, Aqua’s VA now does a pretty decent job. Aqua herself is given a lot more to do and think about. Her character really benefits from this title. She’s not my favorite character, but I totally get why she’s a fan favorite.

Also terrible excuse to get Sora back to Lvl 1 is terrible.

Kingdom Hearts X Back Cover

On its own, I actually like this. It’s a pretty solid story on how the Keyblade War first sparked.

Yes, the foretellers are idiots who were obviously being played by the Master of Masters, but I think the way they fell out is nicely told. I also think that was the intent of the story. To show how dependent these guys were on the Master and how incompetent they were, so much so that the moment the Master disappears everything goes haywire.

I am a bit reluctant on this as a piece of the Kingdom Hearts story though. More specifically when it pertains to the Dark Seeker Saga. I don’t like how this was shown to us before KH3. Because even though I’m new to the series, I can tell a crazy storyteller when I see one. And Nomura’s incessant need of referencing every single piece of content in KH will rear its ugly head in KH3.

This shit is gonna matter, but it clearly has no place in the story told so far. Yes, it shows the beginnings of the Kayblade War, which is Xehanort’s end goal. But now we have ANOTHER bad guy to look out for in the Master of Masters and what the hell is in the black box, cuz I can assure it will appear in KH3. Isn’t this a bit too much to tack on just before the release of the game that supposedly ends the saga?

And don’t get me started on the fuckton of continuity problems the whole mobile game shabang brings.

Looking onto Kingdom Hearts III

On the whole though, I’m getting this game. If I had to equate it to something it would be to Infinity War in how it is going to converge all of the currently ongoing plotlines. Everything is leading up to this.

That in and of itself is good enough to generate hype, but there are other things that I’m looking forward to in the game.

- The gameplay (again, haven’t actually played any of the games yet, this will be my first experience)

- Playing as Kairi (wasn’t particularly happy with her lack of screentime despite her status as a MC)

- Sora’s goal to help Roxas (and I believe the others connected to him by extension)

- Visiting the Pixar worlds (this stuff looks so good, it looks exactly the same as the movies)

- The epic team-up of all the trios

- The music (of course)

- And probably some other stuff that I can’t remember right now.

May your heart be your guiding key

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts iii #kh sora #kh riku #disney #mickey #chain of memories #birth by sleep #re:coded #dream drop distance #a fragmentary passage #kh aqua #kh terra #kh ventus #roxas #kh axel #xion #keyblade #kh stuff

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kkintle · 5 years

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The Art of the Good Life by Rolf Dobelli; Quotes

Is it better to actively seek happiness or to avoid unhappiness?

Living a good life has a lot to do with interpreting facts in a constructive way.

That money can’t buy happiness is a truism, and I’d certainly advise you not to get worked into a lather over incremental differences in price. If a beer’s two dollars more expensive than usual or two dollars cheaper, it elicits no emotional response in me whatsoever. I save my energy rather than my money. After all, the value of my stock portfolio fluctuates every minute by significantly more than two dollars, and if the Dow Jones falls by a thousandth of a percent, that doesn’t faze me either. Try it for yourself. Come up with a similar number, a modest sum to which you’re completely indifferent—money you consider not so much money as white noise. You don’t lose anything by adopting that attitude, and certainly not your inner poise.

The most common misunderstanding I encounter is that the good life is a stable state or condition. Wrong. The good life is only achieved through constant readjustment.

As the American general—and later president—Dwight Eisenhower said, “Plans are nothing. Planning is everything.” It’s not about having a fixed plan, it’s about repeated re-planning—an ongoing process.

The truth is that you begin with one set-up and then constantly adjust it. The more complicated the world becomes, the less important your starting point is. So don’t invest all your resources into the perfect set-up—at work or in your personal life. Instead, practice the art of correction by revising the things that aren’t quite working—swiftly and without feeling guilty.

First: constantly having to make new decisions situation by situation saps your willpower. Decision fatigue is the technical term for this. A brain exhausted by decision-making will plump for the most convenient option, which more often than not is also the worst one. This is why pledges make so much sense. Once you’ve pledged something, you don’t then have to weigh up the pros and cons each and every time you’re faced with a decision. It’s already been made for you, saving you mental energy.

The second reason inflexibility is so valuable has to do with reputation. By being consistent on certain topics, you signal where you stand and establish the areas where there’s no room for negotiation. You communicate self-mastery, making yourself less vulnerable to attack.

So say good-bye to the cult of flexibility. Flexibility makes you unhappy and tired, and it distracts you from your goals. Chain yourself to your pledges. Uncompromisingly. It’s easier to stick to your pledges 100 percent of the time rather than 99 percent.

Very few people simply accept reality and analyze their own flight recorders. This requires precisely two things: a) radical acceptance and b) black box thinking. First one, then the other.

“Nothing is more fatiguing nor, in the long run, more exasperating than the daily effort to believe things which daily become more incredible. To be done with this effort is an indispensable condition of sure and lasting happiness,” wrote mathematician and Nobel Prize winner Bertrand Russell.

Accepting reality is easy when you like what you see, but you’ve got to accept it even when you don’t—especially when you don’t.

By themselves, radical acceptance and black box thinking are not enough. You’ve got to rectify your mistakes. Get future-proofing. As Warren Buffett’s business partner Charlie Munger has observed, “If you won’t attack a problem while it’s solvable and wait until it’s unfixable, you can argue that you’re so damn foolish that you deserve the problem.” Don’t wait for the consequences to unfold. “If you don’t deal with reality, then reality will deal with you,” warns author Alex Haley.

A basic rule of the good life is as follows: if it doesn’t genuinely contribute something, you can do without it. And that is doubly true for technology. Next time, try switching on your brain instead of reaching for the nearest gadget.

“There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no bold old pilots.”

Pros win points; amateurs lose points. This means that if you’re playing against an amateur, your best option is to focus on not making any mistakes. Play conservatively, and keep the ball in play as long as possible. Unless your opponent is deliberately playing equally conservatively, he or she will make more mistakes than you do. In amateur tennis, matches aren’t won—they’re lost.

disease, disabilities, divorce. However, countless studies have shown that the impact of these factors dissipates more quickly than we imagine.

It’s not what you add that enriches your life—it’s what you omit.

Because our emotions are so unreliable, a good rule of thumb is to take them less seriously—especially the negative ones. The Greek philosophers called this ability to block things out ataraxia, a term meaning serenity, peace of mind, equanimity, composure or imperturbability. A master of ataraxia will maintain his or her poise despite the buffets of fate. One level higher is apatheia, the total eradication of feeling (also attempted by the ancient Greeks). Both—ataraxia and apatheia—are ideals virtually impossible to attain, but don’t worry: I’m not asking you to try. I do, however, believe we need to cultivate a new relationship with our inner voices, one distanced, skeptical and playful.

So take other people’s feelings very seriously, but not your own. Let them flit through you—they’ll come and go anyway, just as they please.

People are respected because they deliver on their promises, not because they let us eavesdrop on their inner monologs.

Two thousand years ago, the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote: “All those who summon you to themselves, turn you away from your own self.” So give the five-second no a trial run. It’s one of the best rules of thumb for a good life.

It’s called the focusing illusion. “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it,” as Daniel Kahneman explains. The more narrowly we focus on a particular aspect of our lives, the greater its apparent influence.

Take the longest possible view of your life. Realize that the things that seemed so important in the moment have shrunk to the size of dots—dots that barely affect the overall picture. A good life is only attainable if you take the occasional peek through a wide-angle lens.

By focusing on trivialities, you’re wasting your good life.

As you can see, if it’s the good life you’re after then it’s advisable to show restraint about what you buy. That said, there is a class of “goods” whose enjoyment is not diminished by the focusing illusion: experiences.

Material progress was not reflected in increased life satisfaction. This revelation has been termed the Easterlin paradox: once basic needs have been met, incremental financial gain contributes nothing to happiness.

Money is relative. Not just in comparison to others, but in comparison to your past.

Buffett’s life motto: “Know your circle of competence, and stick within it. The size of that circle is not very important; knowing its boundaries, however, is vital.” Charlie Munger adds: “Each of you will have to figure out where your talent lies. And you’ll have to use your advantages. But if you try to succeed in what you’re worst at, you’re going to have a very lousy career. I can almost guarantee it.”

“Expect anything worthwhile to take a really long time”

What matters is that you’re far above average in at least one area—ideally, the best in the world. Once that’s sorted, you’ll have a solid basis for a good life. A single outstanding skill trumps a thousand mediocre ones. Every hour invested into your circle of competence is worth a thousand spent elsewhere.

“You don’t have to be brilliant,” as Charlie Munger says, “only a little bit wiser than the other guys, on average, for a long, long time.”

“One of the symptoms of approaching nervous break-down is the belief that one’s work is terribly important,” wrote Bertrand Russell. This is precisely the danger of a calling: that you take yourself and your work too seriously. If, like John Kennedy Toole, you pin everything on the fulfilment of your supposed vocation, you cannot live a good life. If Toole had viewed his writing not as his only possible calling but simply as a craft for which he happened to have a special knack, he would probably not have ended up as he did. You can pursue a craft with love, of course, and even with a touch of obsession, but your focus should always be on the activity, the work, the input—not on the success, the result, the output.

So, what to do? Don’t listen to your inner voice. A calling is nothing but a job you’d like to have. In the Romantic sense it doesn’t exist; there is only talent and preference. Build on the skills you actually have, not on some putative sense of vocation. Luckily, the skills we’ve mastered are often the things we enjoy doing. One important aside: other people have also got to value your talents. You’ve got to put food on the table somehow. As the English philosopher John Gray put it: “Few people are as unhappy as those with a talent no one cares about.”

So liberate yourself. Here’s three reasons why you should. First, you’ll be spared the emotional roller coaster. In the long run, you can’t manage your reputation perfectly anyway. Warren Buffett cites Gianni Agnelli, the former boss of Fiat: “When you get old, you have the reputation you deserve.” You can fool other people for a while, but not a lifetime. Second, concentrating on prestige and reputation distorts our perception of what makes us truly happy. And third, it stresses us out. It’s detrimental to the good life.

That’s why one of my golden rules for leading a good life is as follows: “Avoid situations in which you have to change other people.”

Without memory, the experience is perceived as entirely valueless. This is surprising, and it makes no sense. Surely it’s better to experience something wonderful than not—regardless of whether you remember it. After all, in the moment you’ll be having a fabulous time! And once we’re dead, you and I will forget everything anyway—because there’ll no longer be any “you” or any “I.” If death is going to erase your memories, how important is it to schlep them with you until your very final moment?

So don’t be surprised when somebody else judges you “incorrectly.” You do the same yourself. A realistic self-image can only be gleaned from someone who’s known you well for years and who’s not afraid to be honest—your partner or an old friend. Even better, keep a diary and dip back into it every now and again. You’ll be amazed at the things you used to write. Part of the good life is seeing yourself as realistically as possible—contradictions, shortcomings, dark sides and all. If you see yourself realistically, you’ve got a much better chance of becoming who you want to be.

I’m sure you recognize the sentiment: “When I’m on my deathbed, looking back on my life…” A magnificently lofty idea, but rather nonsensical in practice. For a start, almost no one is that lucid when they’re on their deathbed. The three main doors into the afterlife are heart attack, stroke and cancer. In the first two cases, you won’t have time for philosophical reflection. In most cases of cancer, you’ll be so stuffed to the gunnels with painkillers that you won’t be able to think straight. Nor do those afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s achieve any new insights on their deathbeds. And even if you do have the time and wherewithal in your final moments to reminisce, your memories won’t (as we saw in the previous three chapters) correspond fully to reality. Your remembering self produces systematic errors. It tells tall tales.

“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

Not getting bogged down in self-pity is a golden rule of mental health. Accept the fact that life isn’t perfect—yours or anyone else’s. As the Roman philosopher Seneca said, “Things will get thrown at you and things will hit you. Life’s no soft affair.” What point is there in “being unhappy, just because once you were unhappy”? If you can do something to mitigate the current problems in your life, then do it. If you can’t, then put up with the situation. Complaining is a waste of time, and self-pity is doubly counterproductive: first, you’re doing nothing to overcome your unhappiness; and two, you’re adding to your original unhappiness the further misery of being self-destructive. Or, to quote Charlie Munger’s “iron prescription”: “Whenever you think that some situation or some person is ruining your life, it is actually you who are ruining your life… Feeling like a victim is a perfectly disastrous way to go through life.”

Plato and Aristotle both believed that people should be as temperate, courageous, just and prudent as possible.

The circle of dignity draws together your individual pledges and protects them from three forms of attack: a) better arguments; b) mortal danger; and c) deals with the Devil.

Is it worth the price? That’s the wrong question. By definition, things that are invaluable have no price. “If an individual has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live,” said Martin Luther King. Certainly not to live the good life.

If you don’t make it clear on the outside what you believe deep down, you gradually turn into a puppet. Other people exploit you for their own purposes, and sooner or later, you give up. You don’t fight any more. You don’t hold up to stresses. Your willpower atrophies. If you break on the outside, at some point you’ll break on the inside too.

Your circle of dignity, the protective wall that surrounds your pledges, can only be tested under fire. You might lay claim to high ideals, noble principles and distinctive preferences, but it’s not until you come to defend them that you will “cry with happiness,” to paraphrase Stockdale.

Say you’re in a meeting and somebody starts going for you, really getting vitriolic. Ask them to repeat what they’ve said word for word. You’ll soon see that, most of the time, your attacker will fold.

For most people, the circle of dignity is not a matter of life and death but a battle to maintain the upper hand. Make it as hard as possible for your assailants. Keep the reins in your hand as long as possible when it comes to the things you hold sacred. If you have to give up, then do so in a way that makes your opponent pay the highest practicable price for your capitulation. There’s tremendous power in this commitment. It’s one of the keys to a good life.

One: fetch a notebook and title it My Big Book of Worries. Set aside a fixed time to dedicate to your anxieties. In practical terms, this means reserving ten minutes a day to jot down everything that’s worrying you—no matter how justified, idiotic or vague. Once you’ve done so, the rest of the day will be relatively worry-free. Your brain knows its concerns have been recorded and not simply ignored. Do this every day, turning to a fresh page each time. You’ll realize, incidentally, that it’s always the same dozen or so worries tormenting you. At the weekend, read through the week’s notes and follow the advice of Bertrand Russell: “When you find yourself inclined to brood on anything, no matter what, the best plan always is to think about it even more than you naturally would, until at last its morbid fascination is worn off.” In practical terms, this means imagining the worst possible consequences and forcing yourself to think beyond them. You’ll discover that most concerns are overblown. The rest are genuine dangers, and those must be confronted. Two: take out insurance. Insurance policies are a marvelous invention. They’re among the most elegant worry-killers. Their true value is not the monetary pay-out when there’s a problem but the reduced anxiety beforehand. Three: focused work is the best therapy against brooding. Focused, fulfilling work is better than meditation. It’s a better distraction than anything else. If you use these three strategies, you’ll have a real chance of living a carefree life—a good life. Then perhaps even in your younger years or, at least, in middle age, you’ll be able to chuckle over Mark Twain’s late-in-life insight: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

The Greek and Roman philosophers known as the Stoics recommended the following trick to sweep away worry: determine what you can influence and what you can’t. Address the former. Don’t let the latter prey on your mind.

Not always feeling like you need to have an opinion calms the mind and makes you more relaxed—an ingredient vital to a good life.

First: accept the existence of fate. In Boethius’s day, people liked to personify fate as Fortuna, a goddess who turned the Wheel of Fortune, in which highs and lows were endlessly rotated. Those who played along, hoping to catch the wheel as it rose, had to accept that eventually they would come down once more. So don’t be too concerned about whether you’re ascending or descending. It could all be turned on its head.

Second: everything you own, value and love is ephemeral—your health, your partner, your children, your friends, your house, your money, your homeland, your reputation, your status. Don’t set your heart on those things. Relax, be glad if fate grants them to you, but always be aware that they are fleeting, fragile and temporary. The best attitude to have is that all of them are on loan to you, and may be taken away at any time. By death, if nothing else.

Third: if you, like Boethius, have lost many things or even everything, remember that the positive has outweighed the negative in your life (or you wouldn’t be complaining) and that all sweet things are tinged with bitterness. Whining is misplaced.

Four: what can’t be taken from you are your thoughts, your mental tools, the way you interpret bad luck, loss and setbacks. You can call this space your mental fortress—a piece of freedom that can never be assailed.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and you’ll enjoy an envy-free existence. Steer well clear of all comparisons. That’s the golden rule.

So wisdom isn’t identical with the accumulation of knowledge. Wisdom is a practical ability. It’s a measure of the skill with which we navigate life. Once you’ve come to realize that virtually all difficulties are easier to avoid than to solve, the following simple definition will be self-evident: “Wisdom is prevention.”

The fact is, life is hard. Problems rain down on all sides. Fate opens pitfalls beneath your feet and throws up barriers to block your path. You can’t change that. But if you know where danger lurks, you can ward it off. You can evade all sorts of obstacles. Einstein put it this way: “A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”

Wisdom is prevention. It’s invisible, so you can’t show it off—but preening isn’t conducive to a good life anyway. You know that already.

if you want to help reduce suffering on the planet, donate money. Just money. Not time. Money. Don’t travel to conflict zones unless you’re an emergency doctor, bomb-disposal expert or diplomat. Many people fall for the volunteer’s folly—they believe there’s a point to voluntary work. In reality, it’s a waste. Your time is more meaningfully invested in your circle of competence, because it’s there that you’ll generate the most value per day. If you’re installing water pumps in the Sahara, you’re doing work that local well-diggers could carry out for a fraction of the cost. Plus, you’re taking work away from them. Let’s say you could dig one well per day as a volunteer. If you spent that day working at your office and used the money you earned to pay local well-diggers, by the end of the day you’d have a hundred new wells. Sure, volunteering makes you feel good, but it shouldn’t be about that. And that warm Good Samaritan glow is based on a fallacy. The first-rate specialists on site (Médecins Sans Frontières, the Red Cross, UNICEF, etc.) will put your donations to more effective use than you could yourself. So work hard and put your money in the hands of professionals.

you’re not responsible for the state of the world. It sounds harsh and unsympathetic, but it’s the truth. Nobel Prize winner in physics Richard Feynman was told much the same thing by John von Neumann, the brilliant mathematician and “father of computing”: “[John] von Neumann gave me an interesting idea: that you don’t have to be responsible for the world that you’re in. So I have developed a very powerful sense of social irresponsibility as a result of von Neumann’s advice. It’s made me a very happy man ever since.” What Feynman means by “social irresponsibility” is this: don’t feel bad for concentrating on your work instead of building hospitals in Africa. There’s no reason to feel guilty that you happen to be better off than a bombing victim in Aleppo—your situations could easily be reversed. Lead an upright, productive life, and don’t be a monster. Follow that advice and you’ll already be contributing to a better world. The upshot? Find a strategy to help you cope with global atrocities. It doesn’t have to be one I’ve suggested here, but it is important to have a plan. Otherwise getting through life will be tough. You’ll be constantly torn between the things that still have to be done, you’ll feel guilty—and ultimately you’ll accomplish nothing with that burden.

Four: be aware that focus cannot be divided. It’s not like time and money. The attention you’re giving your Facebook stream on your mobile phone is attention you’re taking away from the person sitting opposite. Five: act from a position of strength, not weakness. When people bring things to your attention unasked, you’re automatically in a position of weakness. Why should an advertiser, a journalist or a Facebook friend decide where you direct your focus? That Porsche advert, article about the latest Trump tweet or video clip of hilariously adorable puppies is probably not something that’s going to make you happy or move you forwards. Even without an Instagram account, the philosopher Epictetus came to a similar conclusion two thousand years ago: ‘If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on his way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens to verbally attack you?’

What does focus have to do with happiness? Everything. “Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention,” wrote Paul Dolan. The same life events (positive or negative) can influence your happiness strongly, weakly or not at all—depending on how much attention you give them. Essentially, you always live where your focus is directed, no matter where the atoms of your body are located. Each moment comes only once. If you deliberately focus your attention, you’ll get more out of life. Be critical, strict and careful when it comes to your intake of information—no less critical, strict and careful than you are with your food or medication.

Avoid ideologies and dogmas at all cost—especially if you’re sympathetic to them. Ideologies are guaranteed to be wrong. They narrow your worldview and prompt you to make appalling decisions.

When you meet someone showing signs of a dogmatic infection, ask them this question: “Tell me what specific facts you’d need in order to give up your worldview.” If they don’t have an answer, keep that person at arm’s length. You should ask yourself the same question, for that matter, if you suspect you’ve strayed too far into dogma territory.

imagine you’re on a TV talk show with five other guests, all of whom hold the opposite conviction from yours. Only when you can argue their views at least as eloquently as your own will you truly have earned your opinion.

think independently, don’t be too faithful to the party line, and above all give dogmas a wide berth. The quicker you understand that you don’t understand the world, the better you’ll understand the world.

In several studies, Dan Gilbert, Timothy Wilson and their research colleagues have shown that mental subtraction increases happiness significantly more markedly than simply focusing on the positives. The Stoics figured this out two thousand years ago: instead of thinking about all the things you don’t yet have, consider how much you’d miss the things you do have if you didn’t have them any longer.

Speculation is more agreeable than realization. As long as you’re still weighing up your options, the risk of failure is nil; once you take action, however, that risk is always greater than zero. This is why reflection and commentary are so popular. If you’re simply thinking something over, you’ll never bump up against reality, which means you can never fail. Act, however, and suddenly failure is back on the cards—but you’ll gain new experiences. “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted,” as the saying goes.

the next time you’re about to make an important decision, mull it over carefully—but only to the point of maximum deliberation. You’ll be surprised how quickly you reach it. Once you’re there, flick off your torch and switch on your floodlight. It’s as useful in the workplace as it is in the home, whether you’re investing in your career or in your love life.

No matter how extraordinary your accomplishments might be, the truth is that they would have happened without you. Your personal impact on the world is minute. It doesn’t matter how brilliant you are—as a businessperson, an academic, a CEO, a general or a president; in the great scheme of things you’re insignificant, unnecessary and interchangeable. The only place where you can really make a difference is in your own life. Focus on your own surroundings. You’ll soon see that getting to grips with that is ambitious enough. Why take it upon yourself to change the world? Spare yourself the disappointment.

Not believing too much in your own self-importance is one of the most valuable strategies for a good life.

The upshot? There is no just plan for the world. Part of the good life is to radically accept that. Focus on your garden—on your own everyday life—and you’ll find enough weeds to keep you busy. The things that happen to you across the course of your life, especially the more serious blows of fate, have little to do with whether you’re a good or a bad person. So accept unhappiness and misfortune with stoicism and calm. Treat incredible success and strokes of luck exactly the same.

“There’s an infinite number of winners,” Kevin Kelly has said, “as long as you’re not trying to win somebody else’s race.”

The upshot? Try to escape the arms race dynamic. It’s difficult to recognize, because each individual step seems reasonable when considered on its own. So retreat every so often from the field of battle and observe it from above. Don’t fall victim to the madness. An arms race is a succession of Pyrrhic victories, and your best bet is to steer clear. You’ll only find the good life where people aren’t fighting over it.

As Warren Buffett says, “It’s better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.”

Constantly distinguish between “I have to have it,” “I want to have it” and “I expect it.” The first phrase represents a necessity, the second a desire (a preference, a goal) and the third an expectation.

Seeing desires as musts will only make you a grumpy, unpleasant person to be around. And no matter how intelligent you are, it will make you act like an idiot. The sooner you can erase supposed necessities from your repertoire, the better.

A life without goals is a wasted life. Yet we mustn’t be shackled to them. Be aware that not all your desires will be satisfied, because so much lies beyond your control.

The Greek philosophers had a wonderful expression for the things we want: preferred indifferents (indifferent here in the sense of insignificant). So I might have a preference (e.g., I’d prefer a Porsche to a VW Golf), but ultimately it’s insignificant to my happiness.

Bearing Sturgeon’s law in mind will improve your life. It’s an excellent mental tool because it “allows” you to pass over most of what you see, hear or read without feeling guilty. The world is full of empty words, but you don’t need to listen. That said, don’t try to cleanse the world of nonsense. You won’t succeed. The world can stay irrational longer than you can stay sane. So concentrate on being selective, on the few valuable things, and leave everything else aside.

Recognize bullshit for what it is. Oh, and one other rule, which in my experience has proved well founded: if you’re not sure whether something is bullshit, it’s bullshit.

One: self-importance requires energy. If you think overly highly of yourself, you have to operate a transmitter and a radar simultaneously. On the one hand, you’re broadcasting your self-image out into the world; on the other, you’re permanently registering how your environment responds. Save yourself the effort. Switch off your transmitter and your radar, and focus on your work. In concrete terms, this means don’t be vain, don’t name-drop, and don’t brag about your amazing successes.

the more self-important you are, the more speedily you’ll fall for the self-serving bias. You’ll start doing things not to achieve a specific goal but to make yourself look good. You often see the self-serving bias among investors. They buy stocks in glamorous hotels or sexy tech companies—not because they’re solid investments but because they want to enhance their own image. On top of this, people who think highly of themselves tend to systematically overestimate their knowledge and abilities (this is termed overconfidence), leading to grave errors in decision-making.

If you stress your own importance, you do so at the expense of other people’s, because otherwise it would devalue your relative position. Once you’re successful, if not before, other people who are equally full of themselves will shit on you. Not a good life.

As you can see, your ego is more antagonist than friend.

Stay modest. You’ll improve your life by several orders of magnitude. Self-esteem is so easy that anyone can do it; modesty, on the other hand, may be tough, but at least it’s more compatible with reality. And it calms your emotional wave pool. Self-importance has developed into a malady of civilization. We’ve got our teeth into our egos like a dog into an old shoe. Let the shoe go. It has no nutritional value, and it’ll soon taste rotten.

definitions of success are products of their time.

Once you’ve attained ataraxia—tranquility of the soul—you’ll be able to maintain your equanimity despite the slings and arrows of fate. To put it another way, to be successful is to be imperturbable, regardless of whether you’re flying high or crash landing. How can we achieve inner success? By focusing exclusively on the things we can influence and resolutely blocking out everything else. Input, not output. Our input we can control; our output we can’t, because chance keeps sticking its oar in.

“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

Whichever way you look at it, the truth is that people desire external gain because it nets them internal gain. The question that suggests itself is obvious: why take the long way round? Just take the direct route.

“It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.” (Munger, Charlie: Wesco Annual Report 1989.)

authors Minkyung Koo, Sara B. Algoe, Timothy D. Wilson and Daniel T. Gilbert write: “Having a wonderful spouse, watching one’s team win the World Series, or getting an article accepted in a top journal are all positive events, and reflecting on them may well bring a smile; but that smile is likely to be slighter and more fleeting with each passing day, because as wonderful as these events may be, they quickly become familiar—and they become more familiar each time one reflects on them. Indeed, research shows that thinking about an event increases the extent to which it seems familiar and explainable.”

“Charlie realizes that it is difficult to find something that is really good. So, if you say ‘No’ ninety percent of the time, you’re not missing much in the world.” (Otis Booth on Charlie Munger, In: Munger, Charlie: Poor Charlie’s Almanack, Donning, 2008, p. 99).

“You’ll do better if you have passion for something in which you have aptitude. If Warren had gone into ballet, no one would have heard of him.”

They were all things that were simply a matter of deciding whether you were going to be that kind of person or not… Always hang around people better than you and you’ll float up a little bit. Hang around with the other kind and you start sliding down the pole.” (Warren Buffett quoted in: Lowe, Janet: Warren Buffett Speaks: Wit and Wisdom from the World’s Greatest Investor, John Wiley & Sons, 2007, p. 36).

“If you want to guarantee yourself a life of misery, marry somebody with the idea of changing them.”

Buffett: “We don’t try to change people. It doesn’t work well… We accept people the way they are.”

If social change is your mission, you’ll end up tangling with thousands of people and institutions who are doing everything they can to uphold the status quo. Ideally, you want to keep your mission narrowly focused. You can’t rebel against all aspects of the dominant order. Society is stronger than you are. You can only achieve personal victories in clearly defined moral niches.

“‘Don’t worry, be happy’ bromides are of no use; notice that people who are told to ‘relax’ rarely do.”

Mark Twain: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

Howard Marks: “I tell my father’s story of the gambler who lost regularly. One day he heard about a race with only one horse in it, so he bet the rent money. Halfway around the track, the horse jumped over the fence and ran away. Invariably things can get worse than people expect. Maybe ‘worst-case’ means ‘the worst we’ve seen in the past.’ But that doesn’t mean things can’t be worse in the future.”

“Then at dinner, Bill Gates Sr. posed the question to the table: What factor did people feel was the most important in getting to where they’d gotten in life? And I said, ‘Focus.’ And Bill said the same thing. It is unclear how many people at the table understood ‘focus’ as Buffett lived that word. This kind of innate focus couldn’t be emulated. It meant the intensity that is the price of excellence. It meant the discipline and passionate perfectionism that made Thomas Edison the quintessential American inventor, Walt Disney the king of family entertainment, and James Brown the Godfather of Soul. It meant single-minded obsession with an ideal.”

“Our happiness is sometimes not very salient, and we need to do what we can to make it more so. Imagine playing a piano and not being able to hear what it sounds like. Many activities in life are like playing a piano that you do not hear…” (Dolan, Paul: Happiness by Design, Penguin, 2015, E-Book Location 1781.)

Should you find yourself in a chronically-leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.” (Greenwald, Bruce C. N.; Kahn, Judd; Sonkin, Paul D.; van Biema,

As you age, change your modus operandi: become highly selective. There’s a lovely anecdote from Marshall Weinberg about going to lunch with Warren Buffett that’s worth repeating here. “He had an exceptional ham-and-cheese sandwich. A few days later, we were going out again. He said, ‘Let’s go back to that restaurant.’ I said, ‘But we were just there.’ He said, ‘Precisely. Why take a risk with another place? We know exactly what we’re going to get.’ That is what Warren looks for in stocks, too. He only invests in companies where the odds are great that they will not disappoint.”

Even the notorious U curve of life satisfaction is connected to false expectations. Young people are happy because they believe things can only ever improve—higher income, more power, greater opportunity. In middle age, between forty and fifty-five, they reach a low point. They’re forced to accept that the high-flying aspirations of their youth cannot be realized. On top of that they have children, a career, income pressures—all unexpected dampers on happiness. In old age, people are reasonably happy once more, because they’ve exceeded those unrealistically low expectations.

John Wooden: “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

from Epictetus, the Stoic: “A life that flows gently and easily.”

“Why, my dear friend, do you do it all? If I had all your millions, I’d spend my time doing nothing but reading, thinking and writing.” It wasn’t until I was on the way home that I realized, oddly startled, that that’s exactly what I do. So that would be a definition of the good life: somebody hands you a few million, and you don’t change anything at all.

#the art of the good life #Rolf dobelli #non-fiction #quotes #books

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dashielldeveron · 6 years

Text

A Prologue in Venom

Part One of the Viper AU: a Mob!Tom Holland AU in which you are a political author, Tom’s personal lawyer, and eventually his consigliere.

Warnings: violence, swears, the law.

Summary: an introduction to the ongoing AU of you working for the mob tirelessly out of your innate sense of justice and thirst for the mob boss. You have an incredible mentor who is pushing you down a path of crime in order to do the right thing. Your mentor forgot 1) to mention that your new employer is so fucking charismatic and 2) that you’re a dramatic little bitch.

From: Tracey Prine To: [email protected] Subject: article attached

Thought you might want to see this. You’ve made the papers for your real job for once, although your name still isn’t mentioned—but I expect you enjoy that. It’s all over the news stations, and NPR is currently airing the story. Congratulations. There’s a nice quotation from Polson near the bottom that you’ll get a kick out of.

Additionally, I’m going to need your piece on the refugee crisis within twelve hours if it’s going to be published this week.

Thanks, t.

[attachment]

FALSELY ACCUSED, JULIA LAURENS ACQUITTED

In the late afternoon of October 17, the protracted trial of Julia Laurens came to a sudden end in light of new evidence. Laurens, on trial for the murder of Moira Herrington, daughter of celebrated actors Jay and Melissa Herrington, walks as an innocent woman this morning.

As Moira’s violin teacher, Laurens would have had access to the Herrington residence during lessons on Mondays, but, it turns out, she was not the only one. It seemed like an open-and-shut case when Moira’s body, dismembered, was found in various black bags in Laurens’s garbage bins, along with the ice pick used to gouge out Moira’s eyes under the seat in Laurens’s vehicle on the day Laurens was stopped on the route from the Herrington residence. Laurens had said that she had driven to the lesson without being able to find Moira and was returning home, but the body had already been discovered.

However, as the defence exposed, all supposed evidence was a plant by perpetrator Johnson Mays, a colleague of Laurens who had a secret, unhealthy obsession with the underage Moira. Mays, a mechanic, had attended the weekly game night at Laurens’s apartment on Sunday and had sabotaged Laurens’s car and planted an ice pick similar to the one used. With this setup, Mays would have time to commit the murder during the scheduled violin lesson, while Laurens would have to attend to her car.

You kicked your feet up on the coffee table and flicked through the article. Fucking yes. You’d made national news for being a lawyer, for once. You were the one who’d done the intricate research to discover Mays’s connections, and when Dr. Prine gave you leave, you had driven upstate to investigate Mays’s house under warrant, posing as a general lackey. You had felt the need to see his place with your own eyes, and you had struck gold: not only had you found the real ice pick in his wood pile, but you had found one of Moira’s contacts stuck to the back of his freezer. Her fucking contact. When the lab reports came back, complete with the drop of blood on the ice pick matching Moira’s, you forwarded everything to Dr. Prine, and she sent it to her attorney acting defence in the trial. Mays wasn’t even a player in the game before you, and now the rightful murderer was going to jail. An innocent woman walks free because of you.

Justice felt fantastic. Your work being in the national headlines felt a little better.

You scanned the rest of the article until you reached the quotation Dr. Prine had told you about.

…Out of the clamouring press following the trial, only this was squeezed from a fuming Prosecutor James Polson: “I [redacted] had them. Whoever dug up the dirt on Mays, they’re a [redacted] viper, sinking their fangs into the status quo and letting their venom spread.”

Grinning, you took another bite of Ben and Jerry’s, straight out of the carton. Dr. Prine was right. You were going to have to find a hard copy of the Times so that you could post this on your bedroom wall. You had to bite your lip you were smiling so hard.

You set your ice cream on the coffee table and lay back on the couch to compose a response to Dr. Prine, but you called her instead. As your phone rang, you kicked back and stared at the ceiling fan, its pull making small circles as the blades spun.

“Dr. Prine,” you said when she picked up, “Holy fuck! Holy fuck!”

“Congratulations,” she said, her smile coming through over the phone, “I’m proud of you. You did some really solid work.”

“I didn’t think this would happen! I saved someone’s life! Julia Laurens can go to fucking Hobby Lobby, and no one will accost her. It’s my fault, and she doesn’t even know me,” you said, sitting up to grab your ice cream again.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Well, yeah,” you said thickly through a chunk of frozen brownie, “It is. I wish I could tell my mother, though, but it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Is she still doing all right?”

You swallowed, choking a bit to get it down. “Yeah. How’s work for you?”

“The freshman students write the worst papers I’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Prine with a clattering in the background, “Damn, I just—hold on. Dropped the binders.” A door creaked shut on her end, and Dr. Prine spoke more loudly after. “I miss your work. It was nice grading it, since I didn’t have to mark it up much. These kids can’t even handle a mock trial yet. I worry for your generation.”

“Don’t worry. We’re all just tired,” you said, “Speaking of my work, I’ve almost finished the refugee piece. Once I get a solid closing statement, I’ll send it your way.”

“Well, don’t procrastinate. Your deadline’s soon. You got anything lined up this evening?”

Scrunching your eyes shut, you winced. “Don’t remind me. Polson’s got me doing menial work again. Something totally useless with spreadsheets and the expenses of the fucking break room and secretarial offices. If he knew what I was capable of—”

“If he knew you worked against him in the Laurens trial? I know,” said Dr. Prine, her voice softening, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something. It’s your ticket out of Polson’s firm. I’ve found a place where your talents would be…much more appreciated. You could start within the week.”

“Say more right now.”

***

2,132.

2,132 rejections via mass email, starting in your second year of law school. All from different firms that didn’t want you. Rounds upon rounds of interviews, competing with your friends and total strangers who held themselves like they were Croesus, reaching the final interview, only to get rejection emails three days later from firms you would have quite literally killed people to work for. Years of working for and studying under Dr. Prine, editing her national law journal, diligently dotting the is of her excruciating cases late into the night. Getting a taste of the allure of wealth and entrenched power, and never having it want you outside of the knowledge that you were her student. All of it—from the cases you and she never could crack and stood outside in the rain pulling your hair out over, to the parts of your life you missed out on, like your best friend’s wedding and your mother’s last birthday before you started growing apart—leading up to this: walking into a high-rise building with mirror-like windows in the middle of Manhattan and staring up at an embossed, brass nameplate on a door that read Harrison Osterfield.

The next chapter in your life, and it sank like a stone in your stomach. You raised your fist to knock, but before you could, someone snatched it away.

“Ripley,” said the bony man maybe a decade older than you, pulling on his collar and dropping your hand, “and you’re not getting my first name. We’ve got to get upstairs before they see you. No time to lose. I’m the lawyer you’re replacing.”

Glancing back at Osterfield’s door, you followed behind Ripley up a few floors (the elevator was too risky, he told you.) and into a crusty, windowless office with water damage dripping in a back corner. After closing the door, he sat in one of the two chairs in front of the desk (one leg was propped up by a book) and gestured for you to do the same.

“You’re Dr. Prine’s student, aren’t you?”

“I am,” you said, sinking into the leather, “She also told me that you’d be waiting for me, but considering this business belongs to a Mr. Thomas Holland, one would think I’d be meeting him on my first day.”

Ripley pulled a leg into his lap, resting one ankle on the opposite knee. “With any luck, you won’t have any direct interactions with him. Nasty man in a nasty business.”

“Being in an IT consulting company can’t be that bad,” you said, head snapping towards a bucket against the wall once water dripped into it from the ceiling. “What’s with the, uh…?” You nodded your head towards the leak.

“They shoved me down here while the real office is getting renovated, or so they say. Doesn’t matter,” said Ripley, “You and I have a lot of work to do. You’re one of Dr. Prine’s. So am I. They’re working me to death here, and apparently you’re a masochistic workaholic. I need to get out, and this is—well, what we’re about to do is going to be easiest for everyone in this room.”

You tapped your fingers against the split leather, each landing with a dull thum. “Why do I get the feeling this is going to be needlessly complicated?”

“Please, trust me, or at least trust Dr. Prine,” he said, untwisting the cap of a nalgene from his desk, “It was her idea. I can call her up, if you want.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Shaking your head, you said, “I’ve already seen your credentials. Dr. Prine gave me more information on you than I need to know, Jerome Ripley. I know you’re trustworthy. What’s the plan?”

“I hear you’re into anonymity.”

You always were a dramatic little bitch, so you agreed to the plan: you and Ripley would collaborate on the job until you knew much more of the rope of Osseous Enterprises, and Ripley would fade out as you took on the job by yourself. The plan was sketchy, and everything reeked of ulterior motives. You found yourself addressing stranger and stranger things sent to you in the emails (a lousy lawyer@osseous, how lame) right up until you opened an email from Holland before Ripley could get to it.

Inside were photographs of a human skeleton with the flesh freshly ripped off of it, and that lay to the side of the bones. Boss shot him through the neck, it was labelled, Had me skin it. Wants you to send it along to H. Jones in Queens and cover the death. Victim lived in… And then addresses, social security, et al.

You were supposed to cover up a murder. A murder committed by—oh, um. Hm. You didn’t sign up for this.

Ripley walked into the office right as Dr. Prine picked up on your phone call, and he slapped the phone out of your hands.

Both of them talked you through. The mafia. You were working for the mafia. Not the whole thing, obviously, but you were working for the most prestigious mob family in—fuck, they covered multiple countries, but their base was right here in New York, in the very fucking building you’d been working in for a month—oh, fuck. Were you in the mob? No, you had to be inducted, and to be inducted, you had to be trusted, or at least, even fucking noticed. Osseous Enterprises was a front corporation for Holland’s dealings in the mob, even though it made a lot of money—but significantly less than what was officially recorded. No wonder Ripley was taking certain tasks. He was easing you into it, letting you deal with the surface level shit before you really knew what you were getting into (an aside: this explained why Dr. Prine seemingly sent you to work in business when you specialised in criminal law).

It took hours and hours of skype calls with Dr. Prine and talking with Ripley outside of work to convince you to stay. Dr. Prine appealed to your better nature, damn it, and talked about how even though Holland worked selfishly, he confronted people and solved problems the government was too scared to commit to. All she had to do was talk up your innate sense of justice, and you started changing your mind, albeit with extreme reluctance, especially with the threat of returning to Polson’s firm. Not to mention your first paycheque had your head spinning, and that didn’t hurt your cause.

So, you worked for the mob, and no one knew you did, not even the mob. If Holland knew Ripley were leaving, Ripley would have a knife in his back within the next minute. It was safer for Ripley to phase out, with you proving your worth secretly, until you deemed it time to reveal yourself, after Ripley left.

“It’d be odd if all areas of your life were perfect in tandem,” Dr. Prine would remind you, and you’d affectionately flip her off and get back to writing your next Epiales piece. Deadlines were always too soon.

***

The Epiales project was the only thing going for you right now, aside from the sudden income from Holland. It began your final semester of law school, when you shouldn’t have been taking on anything new at all. You had written, quite frankly, a fucking astonishing article on modern feminism as it functions in the government and in law, and Dr. Prine had featured it in her law journal. You hadn’t wanted recognition, because your views differed drastically from your family’s, and you didn’t want your peers making fun of you, either. You’d decided on Epiales as your penname, because, even though you wanted to follow in the footsteps of political authors throughout history, you couldn’t find a Greek philosopher whose views you agreed with. So, you went with the personification of nightmares, just because it’d be your family’s worst nightmare if they knew you were this politically different from them.

Just as a joke.

But then, the New York Times had bought your article from Dr. Prine and published it on the front page. Eventually, through repetitions of this and an endless string of emails, you had a monthly feature in the fucking New York Times, so long as the article was original to their newspaper and not a republished one from the law journal. They conceded to your continued posting to the Epiales website on the basis that you posted online after they began selling that day’s edition. You didn’t care. You were in the New York Times, for Christ’s sake.

And no one knew it was you. You were completely safe, from hecklers, from your family, from disgusting men threatening to ruin your life and/or end it. You had taken too many precautions. Hell, if someone tried to trace your IP address, it’d relocate to the middle of a sulphur pit in Yellowstone.

Through a series of accidents, you garnered respect.

***

The day you should have been waiting for comments to roll in for your latest instalment on the refugee crisis, Tom Holland needed his lawyer present at a tennis match in the Hamptons. Holland intended to ensure political ties with Senator Hernandez, whose daughter was playing in the tennis tournament. A sizable crowd at a public outing, all distracted and getting steadily drunk? Holland could make his move easily.

Thus there you stood under the scant shade of a pine tree in the ninety-seven-degree heat, sweating through your jet-black blazer, sucking on a piece of ice, and damning Tom Holland to his grave. You glared daggers into the back of his pretty head as he leant against the railing of the pavilion, laughing with the crowd and swirling an old fashioned in his palm against the muted sounds of rackets hitting the ball in the background. When Harrison bent in to whisper to Holland, Tom took off his amber-tinted sunglasses and cleaned them on the inside of his suit jacket, and once finished, he nodded and started weaving his way through the spectators.

Holland wanted his lawyer here yet wasn’t doing anything worthwhile, you thought bitterly. You were too good for him, really, because you’d planted yourself near Senator Hernandez’s bench as he watched his daughter. While Holland flirted, you were eavesdropping and sweating your fucking skin off.

Near the end of the second set, you caved and shrugged off your blazer when you caught the latter half of something Hernandez was saying: “—read it? It’s brilliant. Next time Congress is in session, I’m bringing in that Epiales article.”

Your jaw dropped, and so did the ice from your mouth. Your blazer hung limp from one hand, and you steadied yourself against the tree, your high heels sinking into the earth. Fumbling around for your phone, you barely had time to get to Dr. Prine’s contact entry before someone gently nudged your arm from behind with a glass tumbler, condensation sticking to your skin.

“You look like you’d rather be anywhere else but here,” said Tom Holland, his voice hot in your ear, while he’s standing a little too close for comfort and holding out an old fashioned identical to his, “I can offer a distraction, at the least.”

You don’t drink, but you took what was offered. “Am I that transparent?”

“Like glass, sweetheart. What’s bothering you?” He leant against the tree trunk, slumping a little, and tapped his index finger against his tumbler.

“Afraid I’ve been dragged here for work.”

“On a Saturday?”

You met his gaze, completely fixated on you through the amber sunglasses. “My boss is a bit of an ass.”

“Sounds like it,” Tom said, cracking a grin, “Forcing you to come to some silly tennis match on the hottest day of the month and flat-out ignoring you.”

“It’s better than putting me in a sundress and having me on his arm.” Like Polson did once that summer. You had kicked his ass, verbally, about it, but since he threatened to smear your name through the mud for the rest of your life, which he was capable of doing, it had to be done. “At least I’m here for a reason, supposedly.”

“Who treats his employees like that? Wouldn’t dream of it.” Tom brought his glass to his mouth as his eyes flicked up and down your body, taking his time about it. “Though I’d put you in a green sundress. Something that shows off your shoulders.”

“And I’d put you in navy, in something with a high neckline. Anything to accentuate those pretty-boy cheekbones you’ve got,” you said.

At this, he ran his tongue over his lower lip, pushed off the tree, and took a step closer to you. He may be enjoying it now, but this motherfucker would regret this conversation in about five minutes. To be honest, you were enjoying it a little too much. To have someone as powerful, confident, and attractive (the grey tweed suit buttoned over a tight, white button-down was doing things to you) as Tom was having his complete, unadulterated attention on you? It was a taste of something you denied yourself. But no matter how fast his charisma held you, it was time to wrap it up. You planned to work for this man a long time.

“Listen,” said Tom, “Why don’t I give you a tour of the country club?” He trailed two fingers from your wrist over the back of your hand to take your drink. “It’s not much, but we’ll get you into some air conditioning. We could find a place to talk without anyone overhearing, if you like.”

You rolled your shoulders back, and for the first time, you began to smile. “Hardly professional, Holland. To think I expected better of you.”

He blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Shouldn’t you be giving this attention to Senator Hernandez’s daughter? It’ll be easier to get to him through her.”

And there it was: his face hardened, his eyebrows furrowing and lips puckering very slightly, the brief clenching of his jaw and the flush around the tops of his ears—the face your opponents got in court when your research that would pack the case into a tight box was brought to the stand. “Who are you?” Tom asked flatly.

“You’re going to have to work for that information, Holland,” you said, “Be careful about how you respond. As much as you should like to, you can’t make a scene with so many witnesses.”

“I own all of these people,” he said through his teeth.

“Go ahead, then,” you said, and you clasped your hand behind your back, waiting.

After a beat, Tom sighed exasperatedly and grabbed you by the wrist to pull you somewhere, but before he could take two steps, you yanked yourself out of his grasp. He didn’t even bother looking over his shoulder. “Are you going to follow me?”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

He turned his head enough to look you in the eye. “You’re going to talk.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You appear to know who I am. Use your imagination.” He jerked his head towards the country club’s restaurant, not far from the tennis courts. “C’mon.”

Death sounded good at all occasions for you, but since someone needed to feed your cat this evening, now wouldn’t be the best time to die. Not to mention you still had half a croissant left over from that morning, and you couldn’t let that go to waste. You followed behind Tom at a couple of paces, checking to ensure no one was watching you leave, because it sure looked like you were sneaking off to give him a blowjob behind the ice machine.

He made you go first once you reached the stairs to the upper storey restaurant, and he cornered you at the far end of the balcony, trapping you against the iron railing with the metal pressing into your back and his hands planted on either side of you. Tom stood close enough that you had to lean backwards a little over the railing, and you had to grip the railing just inside of his hands to stay upright.

His mouth twitched. “Why are you here?”

Your gaze flashed from his lips to his eyes. “I’m here to supervise the contract you’re making with Senator Hernandez, and I’m ensuring that he does sign it.”

“And why’s that?” When he jerked forward in an attempt to make you lose your balance, you stifled a cough at the wave of the oversaturated cologne that hit you.

“Like I said, my boss is a bit of an ass.”

“Damn it,” Tom said, breaking eye contact for the first time. Freshly determined, he moved closer, his hipbones poking into you with one hand gripping your waist. “Who’d be stupid enough to provoke me? Who do you work for? Fletcher? The Fratellis?”

“You,” you said, and you left your lips pursed as he flinched away from you and bent over the back of a wrought-iron chair, pressing his fist to his mouth.

“I’m your lawyer,” you said, stifling a smile, “I wrote the Hernandez contract. I’ve also been managing your affairs for some time now, specifically covering your tracks for fucking murder—”

“What’d you do to Ripley?” Tom straightened up and removed his sunglasses. He tucked them over his collar.

“Ripley’s gone,” you said, “of his own free will. Or of his will, at least, since he wasn’t free to leave under your—”

“Where is he now?”

“Sorry. Privileged information. What matters is that Ripley’s gone completely off-grid so that you can’t find him. Even I’m not able to reach him.” You tentatively slid from your corner along the railing nearer to the chair he had propped a foot on. “I’ve been working for you for over a month now. You really should keep better tabs on your employees—though, I suspect, that’ll be part of my job soon.”

Tom snapped his fingers twice. “Name.”

“Paul McCartney.”

He narrowed his eyes, his nose wrinkling in the process, and said, “Your name.”

You didn’t hesitate in saying it, a first for you, and as he mouthed the syllables slowly, you said, “And don’t bother looking me up. I don’t have any social media, nor do I have an online presence at all.” Under your real name, that is. “You can find me in a list of interns for a certain renown professor, but I’m about to give you that information, anyway.”

Tom stared up at you, a curl dangling in front of his eyes. “A freely given piece of personal information?” His fingertips pressed above his left lapel. “I’m touched,” he said, his voice dark.

“My mentor for the better part of my life now,” you said, stepping closer to drag the back of your hand over the iron pattern in Tom’s chair (he jolted backwards, just barely, but you caught it), “has been Tracey Prine.”

He tilted his head, and his jaw hung open slightly, his tongue lingering on the edge of his top incisors before clicking it against the roof of his mouth. “No, she hasn’t.”

“Want me to call her?” You dug your phone out of your pocket and unlocked it to her contact entry, just where it had been before Tom started talking to you. Your thumb waited above the call button for his decision, but whatever. Fuck with him. You pressed it anyway and put it on speaker.

It rang twice before she picked up, and at the sound of her voice stating your name and telling you she’s got a class in two minutes and to check on the Times (you didn’t react to that part), Tom inhaled sharply and straightened his shoulders.

“Not much, Dr. Prine, but I’m here with my employer,” you say, the phone lying flat in your palm between you and Tom, whose gaze flickered from it to you.

“Tell Mr. Holland I appreciate his work ethic and that he should value yours to no end,” she said, “I’ve got to go. Tonight?”

“Tonight,” you said, and you hung up on her.

“What’s…?” When you shook your head, he held out his hand. “Let me see your texts.” He swore under his breath as he scrolled through them, going through months and months of casework for notable trials, and he read the attachments you had sent recently. “Lab work, blood results. An ice pi—holy shit,” Tom said, the hand with the phone falling limply to his lap, “The Laurens trial. You.” The corner of his mouth twitched before breaking into a smirk. “You’re the one that solved everything. You’re that viper.”

Oh, my fuck; he’s heard of you. Tom Holland has heard about you. He’s familiar with your work. Oh, holy fuck. You held it all in for the moment, but if you made it home alive, you were going to marathon Star Wars and call in for takeaway. “That I am,” you said coolly, accepting your phone when he offered it, “and what does that mean for you, Mr. Holland?”

Any evidence of doubt about him evaporated, and his charisma returned almost instantly. He was smiling now, his teeth on display, and he leant towards you. “I want you at my side, Viper,” he said, his hands dangerously close to yours on the back of the iron chair, “I want you to do for me what you did for Laurens. Exclusively. I’ll be your only client. I want you to tear apart my enemies and pick their bones clean. I want you to be merciless, and I want you to be mine.”

That’s a lot of subtext you’ll be thinking about in the shower later. But show nothing; be nothing. “You want an awful lot.”

Tom took a deep breath and moved to sit on the wrought-iron table. “That’s why I’m giving you an out,” he said, crossing his arms loosely, “before you’re in. Because once you’re in, you can’t leave. I’ll make sure of that.”

You took a moment before clasping your hands behind your back and taking a step around the chair towards him. “I want my privacy.”

“I can’t guarantee that. I’ve got to keep a close eye on you, since Ripley slithered away,” he said, “You’re a shot in the dark despite your accomplishments.”

“You will guarantee it,” you said, leaning against the table with the iron pattern pressing into your palm, “Addresses, bank accounts, social security, everything that I don’t give you.”

Tom shook his head. “I can’t—”

“You will. It’s all I’m asking. I’ll be covering your dirty work from the world, so why can’t I hide mine?” It was your turn to be too close, for your breath to be hot against his skin as you said softly into his ear, “Tell me, Holland: are you afraid of the dark?”

tags: @presidentbttrflyfreak @magstorrn @imstarwarstrashokay @infamous-webhead @starksparker @starksmile @pparkerwrites @softspideys @spidereyhes @bi-writes @iron-spiderr @laurfangirl424 @wheremyotpat @valar--m0rghulis @upsidedownparker @hollandroos

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