#because YES! THOMAS IS NICER NOW BECAUSE HE'S NOT AFRAID ANYMORE

[thewanderingace]

Downton Abbey: A New Era

A/N: The fact that they made a comment about how a Myrna was nicer now because she wasn't afraid anymore and then the camera immediately panned to show Thomas absolutely kills me.

[thesunflowerinyoureyes]

Memories Chapter 1 - Tommy Shelby

A/N: Well I do hope that you will enjoy this series. I hope I can update a lot and hope it’ll get a lot of love. This chapter will be briefly set in the modern era and will change into Tommy’s era. And if I’m inconsistent with the updates, then my kindest apologies. 

Warning: Contains curse words 

Ship: Thomas+Reader

“See you tomorrow, (Y/N)!” called your friend Martin while he left the Law firm, calling it a day. You gave him a small smile and a wave, ready to drown into more work to get rid of the present thoughts that were swimming through your brain. You stared outside of the window and looked at the pitch, black sky - the moon being the only light that seemed comforting at the time. You stared at the luminous light, your mind becoming clouded with the thoughts you had pushed back for the day. Is life really worth living without him? Would it make a difference if I disappeared from the surface of the Earth and never came back? Then would the lump in my throat and the weight on my chest dissolved? If- You shook your head vigorously, being afraid of your own thoughts - your own capability. Of course, life is worth living without him. You still have your family, friends, your life is still fortunate than some people in this world. But as you tried to think of positive thoughts and aspects of your life, the gloominess of your thoughts still didn't disappear. As you finished up for the night and had walked outside of the building, not only did your spirits feel high but you also had this feeling in your gut. A feeling that something is going to happen, and it doesn’t feel right. You looked up at the people walking past you, looks of content and happiness plastered on their faces. You couldn’t but think that you were the only person that was unhappy with everything with their life. You jogged your memory as you thought about how it all happened.

“But I don't want you to leaveeee” You said as you clung onto your husband’s arm. He gave you a big smile as he kissed your forehead and wriggled put of your grasp, earning a pout form you.

“You know I always come home straight to you honey. So why are you acting clingy today?” Your husband questioned you in a teasing manner which you gave a shy smile to. You knew he always came back. But ever since you woke up in the morning, you had a bad feeling rising in your gut and stomach, as if something awful was going to take place. 

“Don’t worry too much and enjoy your day off hm?” He said in his soft, smooth voice as he headed for the door. You couldn’t but run up and give him a back hug, earning a chuckle from him. 

“I love you” Was all you said as he opened the door, ready to leave for work. 

“I love you too (Y/N)” was his response as you let go and watched him work out the door, and later on, out of your life. 

You checked the clock and it was 5:30pm. He should home by now. Like an instinct, you saw his name on your phone - calling you. You smiled to yourself and picked up the call, ready to hear his voice. But instead it was someone else.

“Is this (Y/N) Cole?” asked the person. You swallowed the lump in your throat and let out a shallow “Yes speaking”

“We’re very sorry to say that your husband Dylan Cole has passed away tragically in a car accident. We tried saving him....” You slowly moved the phone away from your ear, the person’s voice being drowned out by the blankness of your mind. Your heart hammered in your chest, your breath quickened, your hands practically shaking like you were having a seizure. You let out a dry laugh, but reality slapped you in the face again. He was never coming back.

You stopped at the zebra crossing, your face feeling cold by the crisp, night air of January. You let out a big sigh as you waited to cross the road. You were looking at the people standing next to you and smiled at the toddler. He gave you a happy smile back, making your mood lift for the first time in a long while. You carried on looking at the child until you heard a shout from behind you.

“Oh my god Joe!” Was all you heard, and you snapped your head at the woman who had a frantic look on her face towards the road. You snapped your head back towards the road as well and you saw it. A kid about age 9 or 10 had run onto to the road, running to get his ball back. The same feeling came back like a nostalgic feeling. You can’t let another one die with you knowing, (Y/N. Do it. Save him. You ran onto the road as well and like a bolt you had already picked up the child. But you didn’t see it coming. In a split second your body had felt a rather strong thing hit your body, as you felt yourself fly in the air and then land harshly onto the ground. You couldn’t even let out a scream as the world had started to spin, your head feeling light and an excruciating pain overwhelming your body, as if someone had stabbed you all over your body. You felt the oxygen leave your body, your once rapid breathing becoming slower and slower. The loud sound of an ambulance was the last thing your brain could process, as your eyelids felt heavier - droopier. You finally let yourself close your eyes, allowing the darkness to consume you. You saw your life flash right before your vision. From the minute you were playing cricket with your brother from the minute your parents buying you your journal for your 13th Birthday. You saw your first kissed from the day you had finally graduated Uni with a Law Degree, seeing your parents smiling proudly at you. From the day you saw your best friend die right in front of your eyes, from the day you had married the love of your life. From the day of your husband’s funeral up until this moment. Everything in your life added up to this moment in time. It was fix. You saw the last vision of the boy running to get his ball until all you saw was darkness and your mind had turned off...

“I swear to god Tommy I watched her hand move man!” Huh? Where the fuck am I? Your eyes felt like they had been shut forever, as your groggily opened your eyes and saw a blaring light. Is this heaven? It doesn’t look like hell. You closed your eyes again while scrunching your nose as well attempting to-

“Dear Lord, she’s awake Tommy! (Y/N)?” Said unfamiliar voice. This time you opened your eyes and your vison became clear. A woman who looked like she was in her mid-forties stared at your face, worry written all over it. 

“Who are you? Where am I?” You asked in a hoarse voice, watching the lady’s face crumple right in front of you.

“You mean you don’t know who I am?” This time you managed to realise she had a rather strong Birmingham accent - something that you didn’t possess. 

“No, I don’t, accept from the fact that you have an accent far from where I come from.” Ouch. That sounded a bit better in my head. You looked away from the lady and looked at the man. He had piercing blue eyes, with a striking jaw line alongside high cheek bones. He’s handsome but who the hell is he? You looked away from his glaring stare and instead took in your surroundings. The walls were eerily white and had rows of beds next to each other. Hospitals don’t look like this anymore. That’s when it hit you. You looked back at the man who was now smoking a cigarette. You eyed him up and down and then it hit you. He was wearing...Edwardian style. Almost. His grey cap was something you had only seen once in your life and that was when your brother had a play on Oliver Twist. You sat straight up in bed but immediately regretting it. A jolt of pain swarm right through your body as you let out a small whimper. 

“Don’t do that, (Y/N), darling you had a nasty accident” The unfamiliar lady spoke as she pushed your shoulder lightly, pushing you back onto the bed. Accident? Oh, shit I did have an accident. There was a little boy who had made a run for his ball...and then I think I got hit by a car? Bus? I don’t fucking know.

“That boy...Is he alright?” You spoke your own thoughts watching the lady tear up slightly. And why the hell does she look like that she’s going to cry me a river?

“Finn’s doing fine (Y/N) because of you.” Finally, the blue-eyed man spoke up, throwing his finished cigarette to the floor.

“Oh okay. When is my family coming to visit me?” You asked looking up at the man only to see him wearing the most confused face ever. 

“Your family died a long time ago (Y/N). Do you seriously not remember anything?” What? No, they’re not. They’re probably more alive than I’ll ever be. How long is this dream going to last for? Is this even a dream?

“What’s the date today?” Was all you managed out, mentally pulling yourself away from your thoughts. 

“March 20th,1919. It’s your birthday in 3 days.” What in the actual fuck? He can’t be serious. This has got to be some stupid joke Martin’s playing on you.

“Is this some joke? Who put you up to this?” You asked in disgust, not in the mood for jokes. His face wore no look and he silently walked away, out of the door. 1919 my arse bruv. 

“They said we could take you home today (Y/N). You just need to get bed rest at home” Said the woman in a happy voice, quickly grabbing your hand as if you were going to disappear from her. 

“But I don’t live in Brum. I live in South England. How did I end up here?”  You spoke to her in a nicer tone this time, wrapping your fingers around her hand gently.

“Yeah you did live in the Southern part of England. But when you 23 you came up North to Birmingham to start a new life.” Well bloody hell. She looks serious as hell. So you get knocked up by a car and now you’re living in the 20th century. Well done (Y/N)

“Who was that blue-eyed man?” You questioned her curiously, your mind wandering back to the strange, attractive man.

“Oh, (Y/N) you probably don’t know who I am as well then. I’m Polly, Tommy’s aunt. That blue-eyed man is Thomas and he’s your...well” She trailed off looking at the hands wrapped together.

“He’s what?” You asked her bluntly and she gave you an unsure look. 

“He’s-” 

“(Y/N) so glad to see you’ve woken up” said a man who wore a long white robe, a stethoscope hanging around his neck. The blue-eyed man name Tommy walked right behind him, making intense eye contact with you. You felt a shiver run down your spine and broke off the eye contact, maintaining your focus on the Doctor.

“Why are you saying my name so casually?” You earned a snicker from Tommy but when you looked up at him, his smirk dropped - his stone cold face returning upon his features once again.

“It’s because  you’re my colleague honey. Now open your mouth.” You did as you were told while he put a thermometer in your mouth. Then he checked your heart beat if it was beating normally. 

“Well (Y/N) you seem to be fine. You just seem to be suffering from amnesia that’s all. I’ll discharge you today Hun” He concluded while writing down his notes.

“Is it long term or short term?” I asked, anxiety bubbling. Please say it’s none and it’s all just a dream

“I’m not sure. You might have to come back and take a lot of medicine” He said giving you a smile, which you returned. He walked out of the room and you were left with Tommy and Polly once again.

“Come on (Y/N) I’ll bring you your clothes so you can get changed into them.” Polly said kindly as she gave this look to Thomas, which you couldn’t distinguish the meaning of. You watched her disappear out the room and you felt an uncomfortable silence over take the both of you. If he keeps on looking at me in a weird way, then why the hell is he here? 

“Do you hate me?” You enquired, out of the blue, as you looked at his face. He only gave you a shake of the head as he pulled out a cigarette pack. He offered you one which you replied “Sorry I don’t smoke.” You watched him scoff and put the cigarette in his mouth. 

“You get hit by a car once and now you don’t smoke? I think tomorrow the grass will be blue.” He said, in a way which he found amusing.

“I’m sorry but what’s our relationship together? Are we related, like cousins?” You asked and this time you saw his stone cold face smile. Well, at least you made him smile. 

“Is that the best you can come up with? Fucking cousins?” 

You looked at with wide eyes, taking aback with his comment. Calm down mate it’s not actually real.

“Do you actually want to know what our relationship is?” He questioned raising his eyebrow at you. You nodded your head vigorously like a little child, earning another smirk from him. He took one last puff from the cigarette and put it out. He came towards you and lowered his face so it was inches away from yours. You felt your heart skip beat and was about to say something when he pushed his lips onto yours, which you immediately responded to. Holy shit. This is real.

[creativenostalgiastuff]

A Virgil Affliction: Chapter 4: Help

Chapter 4: Help Rating: T Pairings: LAMP/CALM (platonic) Warnings: Anxiety, anxiety attack, discussion of doctor Disclaimer: Not everyone’s anxiety manifests itself in the same way. What is discussed here is by no means a judgement or predictions on anyone or anything. Author’s Note: See the end of the chapter Word Count: 2062 Tag List: @today-only-happens-once @niatsu-fullbuster @rileyfirstname @pineapplebutterscotch @thepoolofthedead (let me know if you want to be added)  Need to catch up? Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

“Will you just shut up?!”

“You may not like the logic, but I am right, Virgil,” shouted Logan back, anger flaring in his eyes.

It had been a week since Thomas had fought with Joan. Virgil had talked Thomas into reaching out to try to repair the relationship, but it took Patton’s help to convince him it was a good idea. Patton had argued it would be good for Thomas and Virgil to make amends with one of their dearest friends before the move.

Thomas eventually had texted Joan and had tried to smooth things over. It was semi-successful, depending on what you were looking for. The two were back on speaking terms, but it was clear that some damage had been done to the relationship. Awkward silence, uncomfortable glances, but at least they could be in the same room again.

In the meantime, Virgil was still a wreck. He refused to sleep, afraid that Thomas would accidently do something regretful. His senses felt like they were constantly on high alert, jumping at every small thing. To make matters worse, the constant state of anxiety and lack of sleep meant that he was lashing out at the other Sides more than ever and they were not taking it well. Their fights were starting to set a sort of predictable routine:

Roman would be the first to get fed up with it all. The number of shouting matches between the two had skyrocketed, often ending in Roman leaving in a huff to go create in his room without Virgil’s criticism.

Then Patton would chime in, trying to help Anxiety see that he wasn’t being very nice. He tried many times to get Virgil to stop and calm down, but often it just lead to Patton feeding off of Virge’s anger. Morality would end up stewing in his frustration silently.

That left Logan to argue with Virgil; Logic versus Anxiety. To be fair, Logan tried really hard to stay level headed and his patience served him well. He would bring up valid reasons for why Virgil’s concerns, while seeming like a big deal, were really not as big as he thought. He’d go through the zones of regulation or the Yerkes-Dodson curve to help prove his point, but it fell of deaf ears. The struggle was that Virgil was very good at tuning him out or shouting over top of him. Eventually, it was inevitable that Logan would simply stop talking, leaving Virgil shouting at him and as the only voice that Thomas could hear.

Virgil didn’t back down in these arguments, ever. Why would he? He saw the same events unfold as they all did, but he felt like no one else understood what was going on. He was right, they needed to be concerned about these things. That was his job and he wasn’t about to let Thomas down. It wasn’t his fault that things were falling apart.

And Virgil’s overwhelming voice, often full of distortion when talking to Thomas, was causing Thomas problems. While Virgil did convince him to try to make up with Joan, he was also overwhelming the poor creator. He wouldn’t let Thomas forget this deadline or to set up this video or calling his mom to wish her a happy birthday.  Thomas was spending far too many nights up late trying to get projects done, not eating often enough, and was cranky when dealing with his friends, but Virgil didn’t notice even with the others trying to remind him.

“Will you two please stop fighting,” Patton implored, his arms crossed. The Sides were just called mid-fight from the Mindscape to Thomas’ living room.

“He started it!” Virgil yelled, pointing at Logan accusingly.

Logic adjusted his glasses, “Negative. I simply was stating that it is currently a higher priority for you to get some sleep tonight than you and I re-organizing the closet of memories.”

“Well I don’t care who started it,” Thomas said, anger and exhaustion ringing in his voice. “But enough. Just stop it.” Virgil snapped his mouth closed, his glaring shifting from his target to Thomas.

Thomas let out a breath, “Okay guys, we need to talk.”

“Are you breaking up with us?” Patton said, unable to stop himself from making a joke to cut the tension.

“That would be difficult to do since we are a part of him,” Logan muttered.

“What’s on your mind, Thomas?” asked Roman, seeming relieved that he was finally allowed to say anything.

“Things have been rough recently,” Thomas said, throwing up his arms in frustration.

“Because of everything going on,” Virgil nods.

“Uh no, Virgil,” Thomas says, fidgeting with his hands. “Well, yes, but for other reasons too.”

“Such as?”

“You, Phantom of the Nopera!” Roman shouted before covering his mouth with his hands. He winced, “Sorry. Should have said that nicer.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed, “Me? How? I have just been doing my job.”

“But that’s the thing Virge,” Thomas started slowly, his eyes on the ground. “I know you are just trying to do your job. I know you are just being careful and trying to protect me. But its all getting to be a bit too much.”

Virgil swallowed a lump in his throat, “What do you mean?”

“Do you realize you’ve been drowning the others out?”

Virgil’s eyes scanned the room and noticed the way the other three Sides did seem withdrawn, which was normally his shtick. Logan was standing further back than usual, Patton looked particularly dejected, and Roman seemed smaller than normal with his arms crossed tightly against his chest. Had he really been drowning them out?

“Guys, is that true?” he asked, begging them to tell him that Thomas was wrong, that it was all okay.

“Virgil,” Patton started slowly, seeming to be afraid of what he was about to say. “You’ve just been so worked up recently. And you’ve been very argumentative. It seems nothing we do right now has been enough to make you happy.”

Virgil felt his stomach drop, “I didn’t realize I was impacting you all that much.”

Roman sighed, pulled out a tissue and ran it across his face a few times. Virgil’s fist flew to his mouth to stop himself from gasping at the sight. Roman was wiping away makeup. Dark, heavy shadows much like Anxiety’s own became pronounced on his face. It reminded him of the time they had all gone to his room and his anxiety affected them all. Virgil’s eyes moved to Patton and Logan, both looking sheepishly at the ground.

“All of you?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

A nod was  the quiet answer.

Virgil’s voice cracked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We didn’t want you to worry any more than you already were,” Patton explained.

Virgil took in the sight of the group and felt overwhelming guilt for their pain, but at the same time, “I didn’t think I was wrong.”

“You’re not,” Thomas allowed. “Well, not entirely. You’re right that there is a lot on my plate right now, but sometimes I think you’re focused just on how things are and not things we can do anything about.”

“There just isn’t enough balance right now,” explained Roman. “You’ve been so loud and in your own little world, you haven’t been able to let us speak up. We’re getting drowned out, which is just making it so that the only side Thomas is hearing is you.”

Tears started to fill Virgil’s eyes. He never meant to be a problem. He started to hyperventilate as the gears in his head began spinning faster and faster. His mouth started spouting his thoughts faster than he meant to, “I didn’t know! I’m so sorry. How do I make it stop? What do we do? How do I fix this?”

Thomas looked to Logan, “That’s my question as well.”

“Well, we have been trying a number of techniques that I would normally recommend, but maybe we can come up with something,” Logan mused. “Would you agree that your normal breathing exercises are no longer proving to be as useful as they have been in the past?”

Thomas nodded, “Yeah, I’ve tried it but it seems to not effect Virgil anymore.”

“Alright, how long would you say we’ve been having these particular concerns?”

Thomas rocked slightly on his feet, “I’d say the last few weeks, but Talyn made a comment before they left for vacation that they felt like I have been off for few months.”

Virgil shook slightly: what had he done?

Logan was silent for a moment, deep in thought. Then he looked sympathetically at Virgil before starting slowly, “I think, and this is just my idea, that we might want to consider talking to a professional about our concerns.”

“What?!” Virgil shouted, standing suddenly. “What are you talking about? Why?”

He could feel himself panicking. What was Logan saying? Were they trying to get rid of him? Was he being that much of a problem? Weren’t they friends?

“Whoa. Deep breaths, Kiddo,” Patton soothed Anxiety before snapping at Logan. “Why would you say something like that?”

“I believe that this is officially something that needs a medical professional’s opinion because I do not know what we can do,” Logan explained, his eyes closed for a moment. “I honestly don’t think this is something we can solve by ourselves. I mean, Virgil, you’ve been trying to keep everything in check, correct?”

Virgil nodded, not trusting his voice.

“And would you also agree that you believe you have been acting correctly?”

Again, he nodded.

“Then it would make sense for Thomas to talk to someone that is more reliable than the internet to see what they recommend to help,” Logan explained calmly.

“I agree,” said Thomas.

“But Virgil,” Logic said as he made eye contact with Anxiety, “I just want to be clear: I do not wish, under any circumstance, to get rid of you. That is not what I want to happen. You are a valuable part of Thomas and I wouldn’t want it any other way. But I think we need to get you some help so you aren’t so… upset. Do you understand that?”

Virgil let out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding with a small nod, “Yeah, I hear you, teach.”

“So it’s decided then,” Roman chimed in, some of his usual bravado coming through. “Thomas will talk to his doctor?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Virgil responded, trying desperately to squash the concern about having to call to schedule an appointment.

Patton smiled, “So we’re okay?”

“Well, we have a plan,” said Thomas nodding. “Thanks guys.”

“Anytime! Until we meet again, Thomas,” Roman said with gusto before sinking back to the Mind Scape.

“See ya later, Kiddo,” Patton saluted before also sinking down.

“Good night,” chimed Logan as he too left.

“And Virge,” Thomas called just as Anxiety was to leave, causing him to stop. “I do appreciate you, buddy. We’ll figure this out. Together.”

Virgil smiled softly before he left for the Mind Scape as well.

He landed at the stairs to be met with the soft smiles of the other three in their spots as well.

“Guys, I’m sorry, I-” he started before he was cut off. The other three converged on him, enveloping him in their arms, a tangle of a hug. Virgil stiffened at first, surprised by the contact. They had been so busy fighting recently, Virgil felt like he hadn’t had physical contact with any of them in ages, but he hadn’t noticed it until now. Slowly, he relaxed a little, breathing in the warm air around them.

“We’re here for you, ya know,” Patton sighed. “We’re not going anywhere and neither are you.”

“You’re not going through this alone,” Logan added.

“We’re all here to help fight for you,” Roman chimed in. “Whatever it takes.”

“After the way I’ve been acting, I’m not sure I deserve that.”

“Nonsense,” Logan sighed, closing his eyes. “Everyone has their own struggles. This is just yours right now.”

“And don’t talk like that,” chastised Patton as he tightened his grip. “I will squeeze the negative self talk out of you!”

Virgil smiled softly, basking in the group hug.

Maybe this would be okay. Maybe the doctor would give them some good advice.

If only he could keep his anxiety about the impending appointment in check….

Author’s note: So this proved to be an easier chapter than I thought it would be. There’s a lot I could say here explaining why this chapter was important for me and everything, but I feel as if that should be discussed at a later time. Just remember, if you struggle with your own anxiety: you are not alone. There are so many resources and methods out there to help you get through this. Don’t lose hope. If you are having your own struggles, reach out and get help. Because you matter, which means your mental health matters. Okay, I’ll get off my soap box for now. Let me know what you think or if you want to be tagged! I’d love to hear from people!

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