#because Johnny is an old two and three timer

[baobaojng]

push and pull (jung jaehyun)

push and pull (jung jaehyun)

jung yoonoh (jaehyun) (idol jaehyun) x (fem! foreigner) reader - idol!au

themes: angst, fluff, smut

summary: you never expected to meet Jaehyun when you study in Korea, let alone fall in love with him. so when you’re faced with the dilemma of the reality of your life - and even more so his, the battle seems difficult to overcome.

notes: kind of established relationship (the timeline’s fucked but haha joke’s on me), reader and jaehyun are honestly super angsty,  unprotected sex (wrap it up in real life to stay safe)

a/n: i wrote this on a whim for the past two days and aaaaaaa enjoy

wordcount: 10,152

~

There are two things Jaehyun always clarifies whenever all the guys were huddled around in the practice room.

“Yes, I’m sure nobody saw me sneak out of the dorms last night. I checked.” Jaehyun usually puts a hand up as if he’s exorcising Taeyong, who usually was very concerned about these kinds of things. This was the first thing that he always pointed out, the other guys knowing that Jaehyun probably went out (in the wee hours of the night) the most. Paps could snap photos at any given time in any given situation, and if anyone caught them sneaking out at night - new outlets and gossip sites would probably kill them in the morning with rumors and scandals.

Which brought Jaehyun to the second point, when Mark and Johnny would expectantly cross their arms together in a teasing manner. “And no, Y/N and I aren’t dating.” No matter how many times he said it, they always hoped that he’d finally say you were dating.

After all, majority of the time he snuck out to see you.

This time nobody pressed him for any more questions, especially since he volunteered to order and pay for the Chinese food they were going to eat. An attempt to avert the guys’ attention elsewhere.

Exhausted after dancing the same part of their choreography for the umpteenth time, Jaehyun checks his phone for any notifications. Hoping that somehow you’d have texted him, but texting him first was something you rarely ever did anyway. He didn’t even know why.

-

Sometimes you wonder if you’ve been imagining things. Being in Korea for the past couple of years to study (which was a real ridiculous decision knowing you were in for learning how to speak Korean and understand foreign culture while in university), having a pretty good paying part time job, and being friends with kpop idols.

It was a pretty fair thing to think at first - out of the millions of possibilities of how, when, and why you were going to somehow meet celebrities you’ve been following and supporting for years.

You met Mark and Johnny first, the two deciding on a break that day and go out to try a quiet café one of their seniors suggested. Just because it was a little bit more hidden, kind of preferential for idols who just wanted to relax in a space that wasn’t the SM building or their dorm.

Becoming a barista was something you always wanted to try out as a side job anyway, having learned some bar tricks from your cousins growing up. It wasn’t so far off from it. The job paid pretty well too, considering the fact that you were a foreigner and that it was really just a side thing for you to earn money so you could live more comfortably. To your luck, the place your former college dorm mate recommended for you to work with was a low-profile café that targeted audiences like Johnny Suh and Mark Lee. You’ve seen some celebrities come in before, but mostly the actor types.

It was a really quick acquaintance established when the two of them got to the café. You looked a little shellshocked to take their orders because you knew exactly who they were, and they found it a little interesting to find someone like you working behind the counter. Mark ordered twice and Johnny went back and forth with the Korean and the English jokes because it was fun to meet someone new in a place that was as pleasant as the café.

They came in almost every three days from then on, making the same order (after Mark tried almost everything off the menu to make sure he had a favorite), sitting on the same place, and leaving on the same time.

Of course your mind drifted off to many places, thinking about how it seemed so normal and casual for them to treat you like an old friend. For the most part you thought of them in the same way, but a little part of you remembered that they were customers (well, celebrities) and you were the lucky part-timer that took took the afternoon shifts after your classes.

Your existence probably didn’t bother them as much as they did you.

Just when you got used to the normal digital noise of people entering: Mark’s obnoxiously loud hollering to greet you and Johnny’s really lame attempt at trying to ‘step up his intercultural humor,’ they came in with somebody new one time around.

“I’m just getting the usual today, Y/N.” Johnny patted at his stomach, as if you understood the odd relationship he had with his stomach - he fondled it very carefully. A tale of self love that disturbed you just a little bit, but now you were expectantly looking at Mark.

“Sheesh, I don’t know man, I’m probably gonna upgrade sizes on my order today. I haven’t eaten since this morning.” Mark complains to Johnny as you take note of that in the touch screen computer.

Jaehyun awkwardly stood there not really knowing what to say, and you couldn’t bring it to yourself to look at him directly either. But you knew who he was anyway, you’ve probably seen so many pictures of him on the internet to know how he looked like and where his mole was on his cheek. Your peripheral vision wasn’t failing you, and it definitely never has in your lifetime.

While the other two were bickering about food portions, Jaehyun cleared his throat out noticing that you’ve been hovering over the computer screen because you were waiting for them to complete their order. Mark and Johnny were comfortable with you, and Jaehyun felt out of place.

“Just a large iced Americano.” Jaehyun asked in Korean, a little slower and a little bit weirder. He noticed how chopped up his syllables were, but only because you were a little too pretty to be taking his order and because he wasn’t sure if you could understand him. His members outright spoke to you in English.

“Have you eaten?” You boldly asked him referring to Johnny and Mark’s debacle on food, assuming he probably wanted something to eat with his drink because that’s how his members ordered.

He became a little flustered, picking up on the impressive Korean accent you had when you responded to him in Korean, the honorifics perfectly done too. In the same instant his stomach grumbled, and he realized that the answer to your question was no - he hadn’t eaten anything all day actually. Even forgot to eat the apple he brought into his and Jungwoo’s room.

“I— uh,” he continuously stammers, his right hand gripping his left shoulder as a mannerism. Obviously he’s a little overwhelmed by the food choices on the menu. You just flash a little smile to him as encouragement, not even directly looking his way. “What’s your favorite?” He asks and it throws you off a little, you wouldn’t have expected him to ask for a recommendation.

You have to look at him now to be a little more respectful, and when you do— god. Jesus, god, Christ. What was it you said about seeing many photos of him online anyway? Nope, wrong. The millions of photos online didn’t do him any justice whatsoever. He was just unreal in the flesh.

“It’s a little embarrassing.” You’re the one flustered, feeling your cheeks heat up because he’s looking right at your eyes. Meeting your bias in your work uniform wasn’t the ideal situation, it made you feel like putty.

“I’ll take that though, whatever it is.” He hands you his black card (which you find out he does because he offered to pay for everyone’s food, and because he wanted to show off to you), and your fingers brush for a split second. A breathy giggle leaves your lips and you ask him to do the necessary things to have the food credited to his card.

“Thank you.” You mumble under your breath before giving his card back, the three deciding to sit where the two would usually sit. You got to making the drinks while your co-worker served their food to them, a little hyped up that the ‘Cherry Bomb’ dudes brought another member this time around. At this you laugh a little, trying to make a clearer working environment for yourself because your first encounter with Jaehyun had you a little bothered.

It was one thing to say that nobody should have fazed you by now, but you felt like a high schooler - weak at the knees and slowly losing confidence. Stealing the shortest of glances over at Jaehyun, catching him look back at you. Although maybe it was just a trick of your imagination.

But you weren’t imagining things, Jaehyun found himself in a brief state of confusion ever since he saw you when he entered not more than fifteen minutes ago. Having crushes was definitely normal, but you had this very inviting feeling about you.

Mark seemed to notice that Jaehyun was completely out of the loop with the dumb topic Johnny offered onto the table, following where his hyung’s eyes flickered to every few seconds.

“Y/N’s cute, huh?” Mark says, but it sounds less like a question than it’s supposed to be. He knows that Jaehyun never really seems interested in meeting other people, it was probably half the fact that Jaehyun maintained an unamused face in whatever circumstance, and this was a rare instance.

Jaehyun knows he’s caught, but he pulls off the realest fake cough he can. “Yeah, she seems cool.” He plays off like it’s nothing and the other two understand what the answer means even beyond what Jaehyun meant. He was interested.

This time when you try to steal a glance, all three of them are looking at you. But you decide to shoot daggers when you make eye contact with Johnny and Mark, knowing like hell they were intimidated by you at this point. You’ve threatened them jokingly countless of times before for making fun of you or making too much noise, but they always were so genuinely scared. You see the way Jaehyun’s dimples appear when he laughs as he sees his members flinch at you squinting your eyes at them.

“Hoobin,” you call over to your co-worker who was just about to serve the food to the three guys you were having an eye battle with, “I’ll take over, I think you should take an early time out today.” It was a bold decision, and thankfully Hoobin didn’t think twice after being bribed with having to work less. There was no room for you to hesitate, and for some reason you felt a little more confident.

After that you take their food over to their table, Johnny inviting you to pull up an extra chair from the unoccupied table behind. Mark tells you to stay more than five minutes because they “miss you” (as if they don’t see you at least twice a week,) which causes Jaehyun to kick him discretely under the table. That afternoon, Jaehyun sits silently as he eats what he presumed to be your favorite thing off of the menu (which he decided has become his new favorite food order as well) - listening to you talk about your life. Details about how you’re doing well in class these days and this part time job not being much of a hassle.

It was a little unnerving, having him be quiet there. You weren’t so sure if he was uninterested or maybe he didn’t care who you were. All that wasn’t supposed to matter, but something in the back of your head told you that your first impressions should matter. Especially when it came to him.

When you leave to greet the guy taking over the night shift, Jaehyun briefly compliments your food choice because he was looking for some sort of way to say good bye and thank you.

“It’s really no problem,” you chime in, “I’m pretty surprised you liked it.”

Well, Jaehyun was too. He wasn’t the kind to really indulge into something, and he had a feeling that he probably liked it because he was more interested in trying to relate to you.

Johnny and Mark end up not shutting up about how he was so lovestruck by you, even when they got home to the dorms.

Since then Jaehyun came by more often, and to his relief he went there alone. At first always just getting a coffee and quietly sitting down where you could see him, and where he could perfectly see you. Sometimes coming in with Mark and Johnny, and the rare occurrence that they dragged along Yuta and Jungwoo (who quickly became your friends, to Jaehyun’s own disappointment - at not being able to articulate any sense of bravery when he saw you.)

But then he got more attentive and took note to arrive five minutes before your shift ended. The first time he did that, he asked you to stay behind to just have a drink with him because you technically weren’t working anyway.

You couldn’t say no, even though you didn’t know what he was asking you to stay for. Only two minutes of awkward silence passed until he took a crack at a lame joke to fill the air, the two of you ending up bursting with laughter just because it was that bad. Somehow, spending the rest of the afternoon up till the evening just discussing all kinds of things with each other. Leaving the details of your personal lives away, but Jaehyun had no intention of not knowing; he took his chance at asking for your number because he liked talking to you. Even if it meant talking about the milk froth the steaming machine created, and how the smell of coffee when he entered the room always soothed him.

You were a bunch of nerves waiting to be spilt out. The idea of hanging out with Jaehyun was fun, but mostly scary.

-

Being friends with Jaehyun felt a little too much like hiding a secret. Like that time when you got that tattoo and tried to hide it from your mother, scared she’d see when you were too comfortable lazying around the house.

Every time you fell into comfort hanging out with Jaehyun, a voice at the back of your head always reminded you that your relationship wasn’t normal. You had to lay low, be more careful, never a moment where you weren’t vigilant about your surroundings.

Of course it wasn’t normal, definitely not normal for you. There were things you could only plan through words because it meant a lot of risk actually going out to try them in public.

The reality didn’t really bug you that much before; you could say you were content with his company, having so much as prolonged hours with coffee or him going to the cute little studio type apartment you rented near your school’s campus. Now, it was a little bit more bothersome.

Mostly because you swear that it’s the easiest thing in the world— to fall in love with Jaehyun. It was great talking to him, behind what you were used to seeing on camera he’d say things you wouldn’t have thought he’d ever say. Jaehyun had knowledge woven into him in everything he ever mentioned, he tried even in times when he was unsure. There were conquests in his eyes, the way his face would light up in that stupidly handsome dimpled smile. You wanted to try them all, you were sure as hell you wouldn’t hold back if you were given the chance.

But the hard parts of reality always kept you from gambling, from telling him how you felt even though you were sure that he had a good idea of your feelings anyway.

The two of you were having red wine on your living room floor despite the cold of the apartment. He came over about an hour and a half ago, drenched by the rain on his way.

Jaehyun rested his head on the couch, and you notice that his hair is still damp. He’s staring at your ceiling while a sigh leaves his lips.

“You alright?” You ask him, straightening the way you were sitting on the floor.

“Yeah.” He answers anyway, although you know what the fake tone implies. He isn’t.

“Really? You won’t tell me that you aren’t fine?”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to, in fact he’s sure that he always tells you when he feels a little off the rails. Honestly it’s a little hard to trace back the time when he got so comfortable with you, it feels like the two of you just melted into each other’s worlds without ever noticing that you have. Every dumb text and every sneaky hang out.

“I guess I just don’t want to have a heavy conversation with you for once is all.”

You laugh a little, “I don’t care if we both end up screaming and crying, Jae. If you don’t feel good I definitely want to know. How many times will I tell you that it’s much better if you started talking about how you feel?”

Getting rid of that habit was a little hard for him; getting used to always presenting himself on camera as somebody who barely flinched. Somehow it seeped through to who he really was, and it was something that frustrated you when he first talked about this. Bottling up the way he felt just because he thought he needed to be perfect just angered you. You found yourself deeply concerned about him detaching himself with the reality that nobody could ever be perfect, but nobody had to be either.

“I swear this time it’s okay.” His dimples appear in a passive smile, but you playfully shove his arm in response. Careful not to spill any of the wine from his glass to your fluffy grey carpet.

“Liar.” You accuse as you roll your eyes.

To him you look all cute when you’re annoyed. He was going to prolong this for as long as he could; it made a squeezing sensation just between his heart and his lungs. He’d be dumb to say that he didn’t feel anything for you, because he did.

Jaehyun felt a plethora of things.

He felt happy every time he saw you, no matter how rough you claimed to look - even when you admitted you were far too insecure to present yourself to him. Once you called him when you were far out drunk, telling him you believed him to be directly made by God (if there ever was one.) He felt sad when he had to go. When time would have him leave you, because he had this incessant need to be around you for as long as it could. He felt angry too, knowing he wanted to give you so much more. He knew he didn’t just want to be your friend, but what he did for a living prevented him from giving you these things. Possibility of rejection aside, he knew he couldn’t just be around you whenever he wanted and whenever you needed.

“I’ll tell you when I feel like I’ve understood myself.” He promises, admitting you’re right.

That was good enough for you to brush it off; if he didn’t want to talk about it then you wouldn’t press him any further. You weren’t in the mood to put up a fight either, and maybe it was something you wouldn’t understand.

Finishing the wine that filled up half of your glass in one go, you turn to look at him. Not catching how he watched you down the whole thing like a mad man, he tenses because he knows something’s up. You hardly ever shoot down alcohol like that unless you were calming your nerves.

You had something to say, it was the reason why you called him over to hang out in the first place.

“I’m leaving soon.” It’s quick and simple, maybe the one line you chose that delivered the most impact when you were going over how to tell him. You found out you passed the semester a few days ago, and this meant that you had to leave Korea now. A job was already waiting for you in New York - somewhere you always planned on going after you finished up Fashion Design in Seoul. Truth be told, you never expected to pick up friendships— never expected to meet and be as close to Jaehyun when you decided to work in a café. But it became your reality, and the truth of your temporary time in Korea was catching up to you.

“Huh?” He only makes a sound, a little confused when you see his canines just through where his mouth parts. Eyebrows brought together by the lack of context.

“I mean I’m graduating in three weeks, just after other students fix their reconsiderations.” You explain holding in a breath for what you were about to say, even though you’ve practiced it about a hundred times in the mirror, “but after graduation I’m leaving Korea.”

And there it is, the bomb was dropped.

Jaehyun’s mind would like to pretend like he didn’t understand what you just said. In fact he even wanted to play dumb just so you could tell him this was a terrible joke, but you were looking at him the way you always looked at him when you were vulnerable - when you were being completely humanly honest with him.

He doesn’t say anything, not sure how he’ll react. Instead you begin rambling to fill in for the silence, a bad habit you always had. “It’s fine if you don’t want to hang out anymore, I’m not sure how good bye’s are supposed to work,” he doesn’t gloss over what you say, “the possibility of us maintaining this friendship thing is very low anyway.”

“Is that what you think of me? I’d just let go quickly, is that it?” He’s a little hurt; it’s the first time you’ve ever assumed anything of him that actually hurt.

“No,” you shake your head, “but you aren’t the type to forget what life is really like, and who you really are.”

He’s a little burnt, maybe because he knows exactly what you mean. The whole idol thing he got into was consuming. People he used to know were distant, it was even harder to keep up friendships and contact family, they’d meet people all the the time and have them come and go. If anything there was a lot of insecurity and pressure about the way he acted, the way he looked.

He brings his fingertips to scratch over the nape of his head as if he’d be able to claw out answers, or maybe a good response. “Doesn’t mean that I should lose you.” The coarseness of his voice seeps through.

You shrug, sliding your empty wine glass somewhere you wouldn’t knock it over. “People lose other people all the time.”

“You’re really trying to make yourself seem that disposable, aren’t you?” He eyes his glass, the red liquid swirling along with his subtle movements. He can’t find it in himself to look at you, but you’re lucky enough to feel small - not wanting to deal with the scrutiny you were expecting to feel if he did look at you.  If he looked at you now and if he tried to memorize every pore, it would make it feel final.

“Jaehyun,” you use his name, swearing to yourself before that you’d rarely call him this so it would set the tone if you were trying to be serious about something, “I got you into trouble the other day because you snuck out again. No, actually I got you into more trouble than what’s good for you.”

“But I don’t mind that; I’m willing to get in trouble for you even if I get scolded for it.” He admits. For you. Words that probably don’t mean what you think they should, but they do.

“See you’re not so good at thinking about how you also get hurt, Jaehyun. Don’t you think about how hard it’ll be for you if you keep doing that for other people?”

He hisses. “I just told you that I don’t care about that.”

Your legs awkwardly shift around, “but I care about that.”

“If you cared about me enough then you wouldn’t mind it, because you know that spending time with you like this makes me happy.” Jaehyun bites down on his lower lip, suppressing a confession from making it any further off his mouth. “I don’t want to be afraid of losing someone, that isn’t the way to live.”

Compared to how he’s holding back, you can’t just help but take advantage of the wine buzzing through from the back of your eyes to the bridge of your nose. Closing your eyes hoping like the dark will swallow you alive after you say it, you shut them tight.

“I think I love you too much to resist saying no.”

It’s not an instance. It feels like years.

It feels like you’re on a rollercoaster with no safety belt on while you brace yourself for the worst. The plunging silence of all the different memories you’ve associated with Jaehyun. The different scents of expensive perfume he bought, the kind that wouldn’t go away even after he showed up after a work out session. How his ears and his knuckles turned a deep shade of red when it was cold outside, winter season passing you by through worn out coats and you’re lame attempts at teaching him how to wear scarves. His tragic attempts at small talk, never knowing exactly what to say - but always saved by your inability to shut up when faced with anything awkward. The deep honey amber of his voice, each uncomfortable slip of the tongue when he mispronounced things and got embarrassed. Those stupid songs you heard in the background that always somehow reminded him of you from those moments on.

It takes these long seconds for you to prepare to lose him. And maybe it’s what you want; if he decides to reject you know and turn you over like a criminal taken down, maybe it would mean that it would be easier for you to leave him.

The rejection doesn’t come, only the pensive silence of his shock.

He’s still trying to process things. Because you could have said ‘I love you too much as a friend,’ but he also knows you don’t use the word love lightly. In fact you’ve argued about the word multiple times. Accusing him of being too loose with the term. Back then he could easily say that he loved his grey bedsheets, that he loved gardens and clay potted plants. But now, after knowing your perspective on the word, he could only really say he really liked them.

He loves his family, his band members, his cat. He loves his piano, loved his hands. He loves the fans. And he loves you.

It’s his turn to down the rest of his drink, and somehow the last drops taste bitter at the end.  Maybe because the wine had become warm, and his throat’s burning with the words he wants to say.

“Do you love me the way I love you?” Is not exactly how he planned to confess, but you look at him with teary eyes because you don’t need for him to say it twice to know what he means either.

Yes, you think. You loved him to the stars, to where your heart used to cry at sweet nothings of Instagram fan videos of Jaehyun even before you met him. You loved him as a stranger, a fan, an avid fan. You loved him even more now, as a man who breathes air as any other would (which surprised you at first, you thought gods never needed oxygen - but this one did.) You loved him as a real living fixture of bone, skin - imperfections you looked past.

His lips don’t taste like much aside from the wine, the rare instance that he gets you to drink the red kind and you’re doing this. Kissing him past your faintly stained teeth.

But you can feel his warmth, especially now that his hands have lead you to sit on his thighs - calloused fingers tracing back and forth through your jaw like the first time they’ve ever grazed on skin. Your fingers tread along his damp hair, bunching them up similar to how it looks when stylists slick his hair back for him.

Yes. He knows your answer is yes, because he’s never been kissed like this. So much unspoken gentleness, quiet excuses and hushed moans through and through sending goosebumps along his arm. He’s never been kissed in a way that held words. Nobody had ever kissed a confession into his tongue, never with the swirling and nibbling across the lower lip.

He doesn’t think he’s had time to kiss like this either. Jaehyun knows a lot, he’s touched a lot. But always in the quiet of secret, always rushed plans - thinking about how to not get his members into trouble, how not to make a stir in the public eye.

Jaehyun wants to forget the world in your kiss as he finds himself drowning into yours in a matter of a kiss. No— he knew he dipped a toe into the water when you asked him if he ate that day he first met you. And he dove right under all at once when he realized he couldn’t get enough.

Hands are traveling over your waist, your arms wrapping around his neck so delicately. He thinks you are what beauty demands when you two catch your breaths to look at each other, a smile cracking onto your features when you realize how sappy this all is.

“We need to learn how to stop holding back.” You suggest, and his eyes beam at you.

“Honestly we tell ourselves that all the time, we tell other people that way too much too. It’s just that we’re to scared to let go and just do it.” He says in a deep whisper. “So you love me, huh?”

You want to flick the sly look he has on his face, “don’t push it.”

“But you just said we should stop holding back.” He traces the bone of your jaw, just near where it tingles by your ear.

“We might end up saying I love you too much that we might get tired of saying it.” Lame excuses spill from your mouth, things you don’t mean just pop up into your mind because you’re nervous as hell.

-

By the first week, Jaehyun proves you wrong. Neither of you grow tired of saying I love you, it seems like you can’t go on not saying it at least once every hour. You can’t get enough of skin on skin in every second you’re together.

And it’s sinful as much as it is innocent, rough as it is loving. The first time he goes too far, tugging at the waistband of your cotton shorts - the too big neckline of your sweater exposing collarbones.

His hands recoil, not wanting to rush you into anything. But you find that you don’t mind, if it’s him then there’s no reason to hesitate.

“Take me,” you whisper, his eyes sincerely looking into your own in case he can find any trace of doubt, “take all of me.” His stupidly manly chin clenches along with his jaw.

Love is a whirlwind and you’re leading him to sweet chaos. Lips on lips like every kiss is the first. He hovers above you so gently, only enough weight to press your heart enough. You feel like you’re going to explode.

Clothes are let go like shedding second skin - but with no pain, no pauses.

You are the first to be completely naked, lying beneath him in the warm dim lighting of your lamp. Only his torso is exposed, and you can’t say you haven’t seen the expanse of skin in posts on the internet - but seeing it only inches away from your own heaving chest makes it look so unreal.

On instinct you try to cover your chest with your arms, but Jaehyun gently pulls them apart.

His thumbs slide from your shoulders, reaching the hardened peaks of your nipples. Jaehyun’s touch lingering a little longer at the swell of your breasts, mesmerized by something he’s seen a lot - but only because it’s you.

“You’re making this impossible for me.” The voice he speaks in is ragged, enamored by how your chest also irregularly rises and falls.

“What do you mean?” You pause, but get caught in surprise when his wet tongue licks at your nipple. A gasp leaves your lips and he responds with an innocent smirk.

“It’s enough that you love me,” he plants a kiss at your shoulder blades, “enough that you let me love you,” another one on your right breast, “but you want to give yourself to me like this too?” he nuzzles into your chest. “Y/N, are you even real?”

He asks you like you haven’t already been asking that question for millions and millions of times, but he doesn’t know that.

When you respond with only an ‘I love you,’ he still doesn’t believe you’re real. Even until he inserts a finger into your core, curling them as he watched your tensed muscles relax under his touch. Adding in another finger, his thumb massaging your clit - only your moans and your sighs fill his ears.

You’re every sensation, every taste he wants on his tongue.

“Jaehyun.” You gasp over and over as he pumps in and out, fascinated with what only his hands can do. Although you’re on a cloud in paradise, feeling your nerves tense up with every centimeter of movement.

“Yes baby?” He coos as he feels you twitch, trying to resist the overwhelming sensations he’s providing. Not stopping until he feels your walls tighten and tighten around his fingers, your hips moving uncontrollably. With the pace he’s going, you find yourself cumming already.

“Jaehyun!” Your back arches, and he rubs at your overstimulated mound just to ogle at you. You feel whole when he slips inside of you after your almost limbless feeling attempt at taking off his sweatpants, feeling up every expanse he was setting in. He’s big, bigger than what you would have thought. “Fu– Fuck!” You curse under your breath, hissing at his girth.

“You’re so,” he grunts as he starts to move, but your pussy has a vice like grip and it won’t seem to adjust to his size, “so so good.”

There’s an impossible adjustment in your core, but he hits your sensitive spots just right. He seems to pull out more and plunge in deeper - becoming bolder with movement. You try your best not to close your eyes and look at his pair of diluted brown ones. Jaehyun’s got his mouth in a tight line, a dimple popping out as he tries to contain his grunts. The pace your heart beats is impossibly fast, and you wonder why even now that you’ve given all of yourself he makes you feel this way.

Even through the way he cups his hand over your hair, stealing kisses every chance he can get, quickening his pace until you’re moving the bed - somehow he causes this unbearable fluttering in your chest.

“I love you.” You whisper and he halts, catching you off guard. But he thrusts again, kissing any spot of skin his lips could find at the same time.

“I love you.” He repeats even as he runs out of breath. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” The vowels and consonants blend together until in your state of pleasure, the phrase starts to deconstruct - to make less sense. But your hips are arching into his and your fingers are crumpling at the fine linen sheets.

It would be the second time you were cumming, grabbing onto the taut muscles of his forearms clenching around his cock in your convulsions.

This made him go even faster, filling you up with his cum and softly laying against you. Grunting at the sensations.

That night he cleans the two of you up, wanting to snuggle up next to you for the rest of the night.

It’s in love, being in awe about loving someone you still thought was universes and galaxies away. It’s in love of him, the gentle caresses of lamp light upon his face - shadows of his lashes casting on his cheeks. It’s in love of you, the most unexpected kind of person he found completion in.

Somehow the two of you forget that you’re running out time.

-

Guilt is still a foreign concept to you.

It’s something you think about when you sneak out of Jaehyun’s dorm room after a night of making love (after kicking Jungwoo out to sleep in Taeyong’s room, of course.)

You stare at his peacefully sleeping figure, his arms lazily fishing out for your body and you silently thank heavens that he reaches out for a pillow and thinks that it’s you. Because you look at him like this, you look at the mess the two of you have made, and you remember the ‘I love you’ he told you tonight and what it truly implied.

For the past few days of this second week, he’s been telling you he’d do anything for you. Before the prospects of time were realized the two of you were blinded:  him by his own selfish denial of wanting to try, and your generous want to wait.

Until you reminded yourself of who you both were. He would never give this life up, you thought thinking about how much he loved what he did. Singing, dancing, performing - being somebody he constantly tried to rebuild and rebuild and rebuild through all the criticism he received. He still loved it; you’d see that shine in his eyes whenever he talked about his job. How he wouldn’t trade it for anything. And you out of all people would know the feeling of loving something you did. And though you’ve thought of the possibility that he would give it all up for you, you didn’t want to make that choice for him.

Imagining him in the future regretting choosing you instead of chasing his dreams.

You think, sure, maybe if you loved someone enough you would consider giving up all your dreams - everything you worked hard for. Being with the person you loved seemed important enough, although you probably wouldn’t say that you were happy to give up the thing you wanted to pursue.

And of course it was different for Jaehyun, it was different by magnitudes.

“I love you, you know that - right?” He asks you by the end of the second week, although he hasn’t been keeping track. His hands are tracing random patterns on your arms as you lay on the couch with you head on his lap.

All the two of you seem to do is talk about love, and deep down he has to admit that it’s his sneaky way of trying to convince himself that you’re always going to be together. Because when you say those three words back to him, the ribbons of skin that creases with your smile tantalize him.

You just nod, too afraid of making him misunderstand you. For all you know he’s ready to jump ship, but you don’t want him to because he has more oceans to explore.

This is your newfound best friend, formerly only really acquainted with: insecurity.

You wonder if you’re the first he’s ever looked this way to. After all, he’s trained to be charming - trained to always look the part of the ‘first love’ persona he has to carry around. You wonder how easy it would be for him if things didn’t work out between the two of you; thousands of girls came pouring onto him anyway.

The feeling made you small, your mind treading through all kinds of green monsters that didn’t actually exist.

It was a little ridiculous, comparing yourself to every other possibility available to him. He could have anyone he wanted. Someone who was prettier, someone who was Korean - maybe they’d understand him better, or an idol - maybe they’d be the perfect combination.

“Fuck.” He whispers into your ear, as he ruts his cock into you. His right hand is tugging at your hair and you’re carelessly panting in pleasure.

You were barely undressed, only covered in one of his very old sweaters. And he wasn’t much naked either, still wearing the hoodie he wore to the studio.

Apparently practice was tiring today, and they got an ear load from the managers about not meeting some kind of quota. You were feeling a little bit annoyed by graduation preparations for the day, so the two of you found yourselves exhausting frustrations onto each other.

Pressed up against his warm white skin like this, you wonder how long you can make this last in your memory.

Convulsing in overstimulation, you choke out some sobs as your hands messily search for something to grab. His thighs, his arms, any inch of him. Like you were grabbing out for something to take with you when you inevitably have to go.

You want to memorize all of him that you can. When he whispers praises into your ear, when he grunts and uses a little bit more force when he cums inside of you. But also when he kisses at the base of your neck when he’s done. When he only wants to cuddle for the rest of the night and talk about all that’s weighing on his chest.

“Baby?” Jaehyun whispers when you stir in his grasp as the two of you cuddle up in bed.

Being honest is not in your cards, but you remember what you told him fifteen days ago about not holding back. And you think that you were an absolutely overly positive liar.

“Yuno.” His name is course when it leaves your lips, and it doesn’t go ignored by him. “How are we going to make this work out?”

Eyebrows knitting together in confusion, he doesn’t let his confusion go unnoticed. “What?”

You offer him some pathetic semblance of a smile as you slide your fingertips slowly on his arm. “I’m still leaving for New York, you know?” You want him to react differently. In fact you want him to get angry or disappointed, you want him to let go of you so that you won’t have to deal with him letting go of himself just to manage a relationship.

But he doesn’t.

“I know.” He kisses at your temple, “actually I’ve been thinking about it.”

“What’s there to think about?”

Jaehyun hums, “just say the word and I’ll drop everything for you.”

You manage to free yourself off of his grasp within seconds, turning to face him in disbelief. “Jaehyun, no,” you plead with him through the look in your eyes, “don’t.”

“Why?” He looks even frustrated, because just like you - this isn’t the reaction he expected.

“I don’t want you to leave this all behind just because of me,” you feel the tears in your eyes form already, “you love this job, even if it’s too much at times. Jae— you were made to be up there with the stars.”

“Babe,” he takes you by surprise by wrapping his arms around you again, thinking it will

stop the tears from falling from your eyes but it only makes it worse because now you’re crying into his chest, “I just love you, okay? It feels like it’s all I’ve known, and I don’t want to see you this way.”

You’re sure his shirt is left damp by your tears, and you cry even harder because of how stupidly in love he is. Maybe he’s as stupidly in love as you are.

You’re probably the most insensitive, most selfish bitch to ever walk the planet.

That’s what you think the day after when you’re at the airport - bawling your eyes out like a child who’s lost their favorite toy. You have so many bags packed up and you leave in an hour.

You texted Jaehyun earlier today and told him you’d be busy until late because of graduation preparations, but that was a huge lie. Actually you decided not to attend the graduation ceremony and just get your diploma sent out. When he told you he loved you last night you knew it was dangerous for the two of you now, so you thought to clear out your apartment with the help of your co-worker Hoobin and and a few other friends - then book the earliest flight to New York that you could. The place hiring you was eager to have you in anyway.

The goal was to make sure you wiped out any trace of yourself, just so Jaehyun wouldn’t be tempted to find you.

-

Months pass by and you haven’t heard a single from Jaehyun, and truth be told you’ve been trying to avoid everything related to Korean Pop music altogether.

You think that you don’t deserve to hurt, or even miss him. You don’t deserve to yearn for a stupid text or a stupid letter. This is what you wanted. Blocking any form of contact you had with him and the guys and made sure nobody from university gave away your information no matter how much they’d bribe. You checked in once in a while with Hoobin if any of the boys still went to the café, and apparently it was only Johnny and Mark who came around.

No one spoke a word about you, no one ever asked.

Disappearing from the face of the earth like you were some ghost. You were able to do it.

New York was different, a little louder. The structures of buildings were definitely different, but you got used to getting around after a month.

Once in a while you’d go on your usual social media run through and see a video of Mark or Taeyong, and you’d skip as fast as you could in case Jaehyun’s face would appear. They would look different in photos - hair colors changing.

On accident you saw a photo or two of their recent comeback because one of your co-workers was into k-pop and you just couldn’t avoid it.

A picture never hurt anyone, but you learned that it could. You saw Jaehyun again in the photos, this time with hints of green in his locks. The world itself seemed to be turning against you when you’d see him in fashion magazines, as if he was shoving it in your face.

Guilt is no longer a foreign concept to you, and each time you’re reminded of him it hurts you so much.

He looks better lately, you think. Although the bags under his eyes say he hasn’t been well rested, but you aren’t around to tell him to get some sleep anymore. He seems to be working out more, the muscles really making themselves prominent under his favorite black shirts. He’s gotten way more popular individually too, and it’s something you think he’s always deserved anyway.

In your head you try so hard to reduce Jaehyun back into a handsome face popular online in a completely foreign country, maybe if you disassociated your relationship with him it would be easier to cope with having to see his face once in a while when you didn’t mean to.

You hope he’s forgotten about you, you hope he’s not as messed up as you are. In fact, you hope he’s decided to hate you with every fibre of his being. You hope he’s found somebody else who’s a much better fit, someone who can be his best friend and his lover.

Work has been good, great even. You’ve already been offered a few shoots to be in charge of in the Spring editorial of the magazine.

“Hey Y/N, a client specifically called for you last night but you already left so I just gave them your cell. They might be calling soon, is that alright?” The girl at the front desk tells you when you get to work that morning, you just nod quickly because the coffee you picked up on the way to work might spill.

True enough the phone at your desk rings about thirty minutes later.

“This is Y/N Y/L/N, how may I entertain you?” You greet casually, getting rid of the pumps you were wearing on your feet as you relaxed in your office chair.

“Hey, my favorite barista.” The very voice you know as Mark Lee’s is very recognizable, and you’re tempted to hang up but you don’t.

“Hey Mark!” You say, a little too enthusiastically, but he sounds like he doesn’t hate you so maybe this was the right mood to set.

“Don’t ask how I got your office number,” he chuckles, “it was so easy to google search your name because it’s on the homepage of the website for the place you work.” He already reasons out but you laugh it off.

“Yeah it’s fine, it’s comforting to hear an old friend’s voice.” You assure him. “So, you want some clothes done or what?”

He laughs and you try to listen in if there’s background noise, you wonder if he’s in his dorm room alone or if he’s with the other members. “Actually no, not really, but if you still have one of those jackets from your catalog two months ago then can I order one? It was lit.” The word choice is casual, so Mark.

“Oh yeah, just send me over your measurements and I’ll get one custom made.” You take note with one of your post its, “but why else would you call me?”

“You know, Jaehyun hyung.” He clears his throat because you know Mark Lee can’t handle more than three seconds of anything awkward.

You dread this conversation already, “what about him?” You bite your lip like you’re ready to get scolded, but thankfully Mark isn’t like that.

“Look, I know you haven’t heard from us and we haven’t heard from you. None of us know if you’ve moved on with your life, but I’m like sure Jaehyun hyung’s still a walking train wreck about it. We all know that he has no plans to move on.” He admits.

“I’m not doing any better here either.” It’s pretty self-explanatory, and Mark knows it means you still love Jaehyun.

“Yeah, I get that. The two of you are just really dumb you know?” It’s like he finds this a little entertaining.

“Why’s that?” You want to ask him, because you doubt he’s going to give any useful advice.

“Your idea of the best possible scenario is making him leave you behind to pursue his own path, and his idea of the best possible scenario is dropping everything for you and to follow you wherever you are. But hasn’t it occurred to the two of you dumbasses that it will work out if you leave each other be? It only matters if you two love each other even if you’re miles away.” He blurts out in one go and you’re pleasantly surprised, “just call him or call me first when you’re ready. You can trace my number back so just do that if you want to.” He hangs up before you can say anything.

-

You almost choke on your bagel when you see NCT 127 on morning television the day after Mark called you. Yep, you knew you should have put the cream cheese; this bite was hard to swallow now that you were watching them.

So you rush into work again, same hot coffee in your hands as you make your way up to your office floor. Thank god you could hide in the privacy of the office space you had, working in the company meant that they gave you free space to be able to make clothes and relax.

Except when you get there you find out that your concept of having a safe space was completely destroyed. Safe spaces didn’t exist when the things you were running away from

were chasing you from inside your mind. In this case it was made even worse; the thing (person, to be technically correct about it) you were running away from came in the form of Jeong Jaehyun.

He’s just staring there at you, green highlighted hair and all. Same suede shoes, same black shirt, and same olive green jacket.

“What are you doing here?” You’re choking on words but he still stares at you like how Patrick Verona looked at Kat Stratford in that poem reading scene in 10 Things I Hate About You. A look you’ve never thought a guy would ever give to you - but hey, Jaehyun was. In a bittersweet way, he could play that tole.

“Have you eaten?” He pushes your queries aside but he still looks at you like that.

“I almost asphyxiated on a bagel a while ago, actually.” Because of him, you just add in your mind.

“And now you’re drinking coffee?” He chuckles to himself as his eyes shamelessly scan to more than just your coffee cup, “aren’t you tired of that stuff?” You know he remembers that one time you said you were never going near a coffee bean ever again that one time you were tired from your part time job.

That organ in your chest aches, and when you answer with silence it hurts even more.

Why wasn’t he screaming at you?

Why didn’t he look like he was angry?

Why wasn’t he telling you that you were a heartless bitch?

Why was he just standing there looking at you like the first time?

Coffee cup forgotten as you set it down on your desk, Jaehyun standing there looking frozen. He can feel the shift in your posture too, like the two of you have perfected the art of reading each other’s body language.

“This is the part when you tell me you hate my guts, you know?” Your words are teetering uncomfortably, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of all the goosebumps that line your skin.

“I don’t hate you,” he sighs and you notice that he isn’t even running low on patience, nothing angry nor negative replaces his demeanor. Jaehyun remains to be warm, even as you stand far apart. “Why would I ever hate you?” He asks.

When you find it a little bit hard to breathe Jaehyun continues to speak. “I haven’t seen you in so long and you look a bit different in appearance, but I could never be mad at you. I haven’t heard your voice in months aside from the videos I kept in my phone, but I could never resent you. Y/N, I’m standing right in front of you in New York fucking City and I know I don’t have it in me to think a single negative thing about you. I love you even if you’re difficult like that.” He takes five steps forward, but he’s still about ten steps too far away.

Everything rational about you, everything that tells you that this is a mistake shuts down. You want to dissect every single thing about Jaehyun and make all kinds of most probable assumptions about him, but now you know you’re awfully wrong. Every fear you’ve fabricated in your head is the exact opposite thing Jaehyun would have ever done.

“When you disappeared, I knew where you were. I cried like a loser all the time, but I thought that if this was what you wanted then I’d try my best to give you that. Maybe we jumped on way too quickly when we realized we were in love and we stopped thinking logically, but I had so much time and space to think. This time I’m sure about what I want, and it’s still you.” He finishes, taking ten slow steps toward you.

Now you’re a mess of tear works. What kind of man would hang onto love for so long without being sure if your love had also stayed?

“You’re not supposed to want me anymore.” It sounds like you’re sobbing on your words.

He scoffs, but only because it’s ridiculous how much you want him not to love you. “You’re all I want, you’re all I ever want.” His fingertips find their way to tuck your stray strands of hair behind your ear, and your head tilts to face him - his figure towering against yours. While you’re aware you probably look like a whole mess, he looks at you like you’re the most precious thing his eyes have ever lain on. “You can tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll try to move on, but I know I can’t. Or you can tell me you love me and we can make this work without putting our own lives on hold.” He proposes, and you sniffle.

“Of course I still love you,” you punch softly at his chest, frustrated that he could love you like this, “I could have ended up in the North Pole and I know I’d still love you.” You cry even harder, but he wraps you up tightly in his arms - your head buried in his chest.

You relish in this comfort, the familiar beat of his heart and the warmth he exudes. You feel at home again.

“Don’t leave me again.” He asks of you and you nod quickly.

“God, we’re so stupid.” You mutter, tears are still falling from your eyes but at a slower rate.

“I can’t say it’s stupid if we took the time to learn.” He looks so proud of himself at his attempt to sound wise, but you take your small hands and smooth it over his jaw. Thumb on the dimple that peeks when he smiles down at you.

“I’m sorry.” You tell him, but he nods ever so slightly.

“I understand.” He shushes you by closing the distance between your lips, and your heart feels stuffed.

-

Flying from New York to Seoul and back again is tiring, but you weren’t complaining.

The stylists that worked with Mark really liked the jacket you made for him (yes, he really did actually order one) and asked where he got it. A few arrangements later and you’ve graduated from a part time working barista, to foreign exchange student in fashion school, to a trusted collaborative designer for the boys’ clothing.

Maybe the greatest acting gig you were ever going to pull off— pretending not to be dating Jaehyun whenever the other staff members were around.

This time the boys were in the office you had in Seoul, getting measurements taken for their comeback outfits. But everyone else was lounging around in the big couches because they were done, so you were left with your boyfriend in the section where you kept your fabrics.

“Stop making my job harder.” You complain as you wrap your measuring tape around Jaehyun’s thighs.

But he smugly lets out a whistle, “you weren’t on your knees when you were measuring the other members’ pant sizes.” He teases, but he’s right - you were on your knees only for him.

To spite him you place your cheek on his thigh to pretend like you were going to do a better job if you switched up your position. “Babe, I know more about your inches than anyone here.”

“Yeah?” He’s excited.

“I even use my mouth so you can slide it in—“

“Woah, guys, language.” Johnny barges in and you immediately pull away and stand up, and Jaehyun’s just as disturbed.

“Yeah we can hear you, you know.” Mark remarks behind Johnny.

“Well then can you please warn us that we’re audible before I make innuendos about sucking off my boyfriend?” You cross your arms at the two boys who just came in, chuckling to themselves.

Jaehyun rests his chin on your shoulders from behind you, wrapping his arms upon your own.

“We made this union happen.” Mark argues, and you continue to send daggers through your eyes.

Jaehyun kisses at your cheek and Johnny and Mark make sounds of disgust, enough to make them scramble away when you kiss Jaehyun’s cheeks back.

The two of you laugh, catching each other’s eyes when you get lost at your close proximity.

“I love you.” You both accidentally say at the same time.

And like always, you pull each other in.

Fin.

[itsadamcole]

arranged - pt.2

fem!reader x drew mcintyre

reader and Drew go to America for reader’s surprises ...

word count: 5.5k+

warnings: prince!drew, just a lil bit angsty, definitely more fluff than part 1, smut :)

— and here’s part 2. enjoy —

part 1 || masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

You and Drew land in Orlando. It's late January, and a huge temperature difference. It feels more like summer in Florida than it does in Scotland, where it's super cold right now.

A smile hasn't left your lips since you took off, and you're excited to see Candice.

Speaking of Candice, she waits by baggage for you. When you see her, you drop Drew's hand and your things before running over to her. You hug her tight and she says, "Okay, okay. Relax, princess. It's nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too," you say, looking at her. "I haven't seen you since the wedding."

Candice laughs and says, "It wasn't that long ago." She looks at Drew. "Your husband has gotten handsomer since I last saw him."

You giggle and say, "It hasn't been that long, Candice."

She smiles and says, "So, anyway. Come on. The trainers and doctors want to give you a full physical at Full Sail to make sure you're cleared to be in the match this week on NXT."

Smiling, you say, "Sounds great." You look back at Drew. "Ready?"

He nods and says, "Of course."

Candice drives you both to Full Sail University, where NXT is broadcasted from. She asks questions about what married life is like, how Scotland is, and how it's been over there since you married Drew.

It's a short drive to Full Sail from the airport so she doesn't get to many questions in.

During the physical, the doctors and trainers make sure your in tiptop shape to compete. You've lost some muscle mass since you haven't trained in months but it's not that big of a deal. They do the whole work up.

After you've been medically cleared to compete, Hall of Famer Triple H finds you. He says, "Y/N, welcome to Full Sail. We're very happy to have you here as part of our roster in NXT, even though it's for a short amount of time."

You smile and say, "Thank you, Mr. H."

He hands you a black leather folder and says, "Inside, you'll find a part time NXT contract that will have you as part of the NXT roster for six months. Your husband says that after six months, you will no longer be able to compete. As a part timer, you're slotted to be in three matches, one match every two months."

Your eyes widen and you look at Drew before you say, "I thought this was a one match deal."

"I pulled some strings," Drew says before winning at you.

Triple H says, "As of right now, your matches will be against Candice this Wednesday at NXT, a match against an opponent of your choice at Takeover: London in two months, and a match against an opponent of your choice at Takeover: Glasgow in four and a half months."

Your jaw almost hits the floor and you say, "Takeover matches? Like, actual pay-per-view matches."

Everyone in the room laughs and Triple H says, "We wanted to make your last few matches memorable ones. I've spoken with William Regal about this and he's on board. Are you?"

Quickly, you read over the contract and sign it. "I'm on board," you say.

"Welcome to NXT, Y/N," Triple H says, holding out his hand.

You shake his hand and smile. "Thank you for this opportunity," you say.

He smiles and walks off. You look at Drew and he has a huge smile on his face.

"I haven't seen ya so happy about something before," he says.

You smile back at your husband and you say, "I'm living my dream because of you, Drew. Thank you."

Drew says, "I just got us here. Yer talent is the reason yer living yer dream."

"You've never seen me in the ring before," you say, giggling.

Your husband says, "I get t'see ya in the ring on Wednesday."

You smile and shake you head, leaving to go to the hotel to get some sleep so you can train all day tomorrow before Wednesday.

***

Wednesday gets here too quickly. You've brought your old gear with you to wrestle in. It's definitely more revealing than you remember.

You stand in your little dressing room and look in the mirror at yourself.

The shorts got tighter and shorter, and the crop top now tightly hugs your chest. Your cleavage is very exposed and you hope to God that you don't have a wardrobe malfunction while in the ring.

Now that you're the princess of Scotland, you have a lot to be conscious about.

Someone knocks on your door as you're tying up your boots. "It's me," Candice says. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," you say.

The door opens and Candice walks in. She smiles when she sees you in your gear. "Damn, you looked good in the gear then and you look good now," she says. "Anyway, I was thinking. I want to cut a promo before our match tonight. Just a short one. I'll say how a princess shouldn't be in the ring with someone like me and we can go from there."

You nod and finish lacing up your boots. "Sounds good," you say. "I'm assuming that my signing has been a secret?"

Candice nods and says, "Yeah. Drew's being kept out of the crowd until our slot so it doesn't give it away too early that you're here."

Someone calls your name and Candice's name. It's time.

"I've never been so ready to get back in a ring," you say. "Ever since I left, it's been marriage and princess lessons. I'm ready to wrestle again."

Candice smiles as the two of you walk to the backstage area. "You better be," she says.

Several NXT superstars are in the backstage area. The Undisputed Era, Finn Balor, Io Shirai, Timothy Thatcher, Tommaso Ciampa, Rhea Ripley, Johnny Gargano, Indi Hartwell, and Shotzi Blackheart just to name a few.

You stretch out as you wait for your music to hit.

It's been too long since you felt this rush of adrenaline. Before every match and every promo for Ring of Honor, you'd feel a rush of adrenaline to get you pumped up. You last felt this in your last ROH match a few months ago. It's been too damn long.

Candice's music hits and she walks out. You listen to what she says carefully.

"Rumor has it we're in the presence of royalty tonight," Candice says. "Apparently some princess signed with us a few days ago? That's the rumor anyway. I don't think she even deserves to be in an NXT ring."

That's when you're handed a microphone before your music, I Like It Heavy by Halestorm, hits. Of course it's a clean version of the song because this is WWE but it's fine. You're making your entrance for the first time in months.

The crowd loses it as you walk toward the ring in your sparkly red and black gear. You step into the ring.

The music fades out and you're face to face with Candice. She smirks and asks, "Oh, did I hit a nerve, princess?"

You hold your microphone up and say, "I don't deserve to be in an NXT ring?" You scoff. "Please, Candice. I've fought to be here."

Candice says, "You're Scotland's princess. That's the only reason you're here."

These comments are hitting you hard, but you fight through.

"Listen here," you say. "I am a NWA Women's World Champion, a two-time NWA Women's World Tag Team Chanpion, and Impact Knockouts Champion. I deserve to be in this ring for my talent, not by my title."

Candice says, "Then let's go. You're dressed. I'm dressed. Let's get a referee out here."

The crowd cheers and you yell "bring it" into the microphone before throwing it down.

The match begins shortly after. You have Candice in a headlock and you're trying to bring her down onto her knees. She pushes you off of her into the ropes. You bounce off and hit her with a clothesline.

You say, "Oh, look. The princess is the only one still standing."

The crowd laughs and Candice hits the mat before getting up. You're locked in a grapple with her a few seconds later. After a bit of struggling, Candice knees you in the stomach. You cry out and clutch your stomach, falling to your knees. She hits you with a running knee to the jaw, and you sell it well. You fall into your back, knees bent with your feet beneath you.

Candice pulls at your hair to get you up, and the ref warns her of the hair. She says, "Get out of my ring."

You snarl, "Go to hell."

Then you elbow her hard. She backs off you, creating enough space for you to perform a spinning heel kick. She falls but you get her up into your shoulders into a fireman's carry.

You hit the Falcon Arrow on her and go in for the pin.

One. Two. Three. The bell rings and your music blares. The crowd goes insane. You spot Drew in the front row where he would mostly be off camera. He's looking at you in awe as he applauds. You smile as the ref holds your arm up, declaring you the official winner.

***

Days pass by since your match with Candice. It's all you talk about whenever you get the chance. Drew just smiles and listens as you tell him about the rush you felt being back in the ring.

You're driving to your hometown, a little suburb outside of Manhattan. It's been a quiet ride, and that's because Drew is asleep.

Timezones and jet lag have not been your friend during this trip, but it's easier for you to get used to the time change than it is for Drew.

You pull up to your childhood home and tap Drew's shoulder. "Hey, sleeping beauty," you say. "We're here."

He stirs and looks out the window. You smile and he says, "This is yer old house? It's so small."

"I didn't have much," you say. "My parents scrapped together what they could to pay for wrestling school when I was 14 until I was 17. I told myself then that I'd make it in wrestling and I'd pay them back for what they paid for me to go to wrestling school."

Drew looks at you and asks, "Can we go inside?"

You shake your head and say, "It was foreclosed. It belongs to the bank or something. It would be illegal to go in."

Your husband looks back at the house, which has fallen apart with age. It's a one story house. It has one bedroom, a tiny bathroom, and one room that holds the living room, dining room, and kitchen areas.

Drew says, "This while time ya were over here struggling, I was living it up as the prince of Scotland with my rich parents. I used to throw tantrums because they wouldn't get me the newest toy or take me on vacation with them, and your family couldn't afford either."

"We made it through," you say. "My parents live in a beautiful two story house in the nicer part of Manhattan. I paid them back right before I left for Scotland. Every story has a happy ending, Drew."

He smiles a bit and he asks, "Even ours?"

You smile and say, "Especially ours." You lean over the middle console and press a kiss to Drew's cheek. Your lips linger a little too long and he turns his head. You pull back a bit and meet his eyes.

That's when the butterflies flutter in your stomach and your heart races in your chest.

Slowly, both you and Drew lean into each other. Your eyes flicker to the lips you've only kissed twice, once at your wedding and once at a public event right after the wedding.

One of Drew's hands moves and rests on your cheek. You instinctively lean into his soft touch a bit.

Your lips are centimeters away from Drew's. Your noses touch as Drew's other hand moves to cup your other cheek.

"Tell me to stop if ya don't want this," Drew whispers.

You nod a bit and say, "I want this, Drew."

Then his lips brush against yours. A feather light touch. It makes you lean in more because you want more.

Drew guides your lips to his. Your eyes flutter closed as you kiss Drew. Your hands wrap around his wrists as he cups your face.

His facial hair tickles your chin and upper lip as the soft kiss continues.

It's like your first kiss all over again. Your first kiss was at your wedding in front of thousands of people. This one feels different. You never felt butterflies or your heart race when you kissed Drew at your wedding. You do now.

Drew pulls back and looks at you.

"How come ya never kissed me like that at our wedding?" he asks.

You say, "Because I didn't want it then. I wanted it now. I wanted the kiss."

He smiles and pecks your lips one more time before saying, "Show me yer favorite spot."

Giggling, you say, "I can't drive with you holding my face. Hold my hand if you wanna hold something."

Drew smiles and lets your face go. He takes your hand as you drive to your favorite spot.

Your favorite spot, or your safe spot, is a small park. You pull up, and get out.

The sun is setting, and you have a perfect view.

After taking Drew's hand, you walk over to a park bench. You sit down and Drew sits beside you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder as you both watch the sunset.

Drew says, "Ya don't have t'stay if ya don't want."

You look at him and ask, "What are you talking about?"

"In Scotland," he says. "Ya don't have t'stay. Being king isn't that important t'me if it means that ya don't get t'keep wrestling. I saw ya in the ring the other day, and it's all ya talk about. Ya love wrestling, and I don't wanna take that away from ya."

You turn so you're facing him as you say, "I'm happy in Scotland. Yeah, it was hard at first. I had to come to terms with possibly never wrestling again, and I did. Until you surprised me with this trip. I love that you did this for me, and for that, I'll help you become king and I'll be the best damn queen Scotland has ever seen." Drew smiles and you throw your legs over one of his legs.

You continue with, "Plus, I may or may not have fallen for you completely so I'm not going anywhere. Til death do us part, remember?"

There's almost a sparkle in Drew's eyes when you tell him that you might have fallen for him.

Your husband smiles and says, "I, uh, might've fallen for ya completely too."

You smile and lean into Drew. You kiss him slowly and softly. He kisses you back, pulling you closer to him.

The kiss is slow and full of passion. Your heart pounds in your chest as your lips move against Drew's.

Drew pulls back again and he says, "Let's find somewhere t'stay tonight. Do ya have a favorite hotel?"

You nod and say, "Yeah, it's in the city. Let's go."

The two of you get up and head to your favorite hotel.

***

The San Carlos Hotel. It's a cute little hotel, and not over the top fancy. You rent out a suite for the next few days, and they tell you that your stay is on the house because you're royalty. Sometimes being a royal has its perks.

The suite is a one bedroom suite. A full bathroom and walk in closet. Plus a living room area with a couch and a flat screen, and a kitchen.

Drew smiles when you unlock the door. You both walk in and you say, "Home sweet home while we tour New York."

He looks at you and say, "I'm glad ya didn't take the out when I offered it, Y/N. I didn't know ya were happy in Scotland. Honestly, I thought ya were miserable."

Giggling, you walk up to Drew and say, "Scotland is a beautiful country. I'm happy to be its princess, and eventually queen."

Your husband says, "Scotland's beauty is nothing compared to yers, Y/N."

Your cheeks heat up and say, "You are one unbelievably cheesy prince, you know that."

He laughs and says, "I take good pride in that. It's a talent."

Laughing, you begin to unpack. Drew disappears into the living room.

Once you've finished unpacking, you walk over to the window. You cross your arms over your chest and look out over the city that never sleeps.

Cars are still on the road and people are milling around on the sidewalks even though the sun has set.

You smile and keep looking out the window, until a pair of arms wraps around your shoulders. You don't have to look to know it's Drew. You lean back into him.

"I'll miss New York," you admit. "The city is always buzzing. It's the city that never sleeps, you know."

Drew presses a kiss to your temple and he says, "Just because we're gonna be king and queen doesn't mean we can't leave the country. We're not locked down in Scotland when we ascend the throne."

You sigh and say, "I know."

The two of you stand like that. You both look out over the city for several minutes.

Drew asks, "So, I did good?"

Nodding, you look up at Drew. "You did more than good," you say. "This has been the best trip of my life, and I'm glad you're here with me."

Your husband says, "I hope we can actually try at the relationship thing. I have a lot to learn still and-"

You lean up, pressing a soft kiss to Drew's lips to cut him off. He's caught off guard by the kiss but he kisses you back.

After a moment, you pull back and say, "We're gonna try at the relationship thing." You smile. "But I know that you know a decent amount about some parts of a relationship."

Drew says, "I know a lot less than ya think I know."

You turn in his arms and ask, "So if I asked you to, I don't know, take off my clothes, you wouldn't know how to do it?"

His face gets flustered as he stammers, "Well, I, uh, I know how to take off clothes, Y/N."

"I would hope so," you say, teasing him.

Drew smiles and says, "Listen, I don't know much about relationships but I know a lot about the physical parts."

You stare up at Drew and say, "Show me what you know."

"Y/N, we just talked about trying the relationship thing," he says, smiling. "I don't think we're ready for the next step."

A smile forms on your lips as you say, "We've already skipped a step or two. What's one more?"

Drew pushes some hair out of your face before he cups your face. He says, "I wanna do this the right way, Y/N."

You look up at Drew and you say, "There is no right way when we're in this situation."

He laughs softly and says, "Yer not wrong."

Leaning your head up, you say, "So show me what you got."

Drew smiles and leans down, bringing his lips to yours. The kiss is slow at first, full of passion. You wrap your arms around Drew's waist, holding him close to you.

His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, asking for access. You part your lips slightly. His tongue slips into your mouth. You let out a soft sigh into the kiss.

Your heart is racing in your chest at the thought of Drew taking off your clothes. You've seen him without a shirt on, but he's always seen you clothed.

While you're busy thinking, Drew's fingers have started working on the zipper of the jacket you're wearing. He pushes the jacket off of you and you pull away from the kiss.

Your eyes meet Drew's and he asks, "Ya really want this?"

Nodding, you say, "I want this." You untuck the shirt he's wearing from his pants.

Drew smiles and picks you up by your waist. You wrap your legs around his waist as he walks toward the bed. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck. You take out the hair tie that's keeping his hair in a ponytail.

"I don't want your hair up when we're together," you admit. "I like it down."

Your husband lays you gently on your back on the bed. He looks down at you and says, "Anything for my princess."

You giggle, "So cheesy."

Drew leans down and kisses you. Your fingers slide up into his long locks. One of Drew's hands roams your body over your clothes while you start to unbutton the button up that he's wearing.

Several months ago, you and Drew wouldn't even touch each other. Not even hand-holding. Now, you're underneath him on a bed.

Things have definitely changed for the better over the last few weeks between you and Drew. It feels like euphoria when he kisses you or touches you. You can only imagine how it'll feel when his fingers find their way into your pants or under your shirt.

You're barely able to control yourself as Drew's lips move from yours to your neck. Your eyes flutter closed and you run your fingers through Drew's long locks. His button up now hangs open after you got it unbuttoned.

Drew kisses and nips at the skin on your neck as you push the open button-up off his body. You run your fingers gently up his now bare arms until your hands cup his face. You bring Drew's head up, bringing his face out of your neck. You're breathing a little heavy as you meet Drew's pretty blue eyes.

You lean your head up and press your lips to Drew's hard. One of Drew's hands runs down the side of your body, grazing the side of your breast. You almost shiver with anticipation as Drew's fingers reach the bottom of your t-shirt.

He pulls away from the kiss and looks down at you. You sit up a bit and lift your arms over your head. Drew pulls the t-shirt off of you and discards it somewhere in the room. You're left in just a plain, black bra and pants. You didn't think you'd be doing this or you would have worn a fancier undergarment.

"God," Drew says, eyes wondering over your half naked upper body. Your cheeks get hot as he looks at you underneath him.

He shifts his weight so he's kneeling between your legs. He pulls your hips toward him. You feel the bulge in Drew's pants against your clothed crotch and you gasp slightly. Your husband sits on his heels as he looks at you.

You stare at Drew, waiting anxiously for him to make a move. Your heart racing wildly in your chest.

Drew hooks his fingers into the waistband of your leggings, pulling them off your body slowly. They join your shirt on the hotel floor. He leans down and starts to lightly kiss your belly. You giggle and look down at him. His lips trail up your belly until he reaches the bra you're wearing. He undoes the front clasp and the bra falls open, exposing your breasts to Drew. Your breath hitches as he uses a finger and plays with one of your nipples. He kisses the other breast before sucking on that nipple.

You bite back a moan as you slightly arch your back off the mattress. The hand playing with your nipple moves down your body. Drew's fingers slip into the waistband of your panties and you sigh. You lick your bottom lip as his fingers inch closer to their target.

Your husband's eyes flicker up to your face and he watches for your reaction as two of his fingers run through your slick folds. Your eyes flutter closed and you smile, grasping onto the blankets on the bed.

His fingers tease your clit and you say in a whispered tone, "Don't tease." Drew teases your entrance and you let out a quiet moan.

"That was the prettiest things I've ever heard come from ya're mouth," Drew stares.

You get all flustered and say, "It's not nice to be a tease, Drew."

He presses a light kiss to your jaw and mumbles, "Tell me what ya want, princess."

Almost begging him, you say, "I want to feel your fingers inside me. Please."

Gently, Drew starts to pull off your panties. The fabric is thrown to the floor and you pull off the bra. You're completely naked in front of Drew, and you feel comfortable. You trust that Drew won't do anything to hurt you. He's the kind of man to make sure that you're okay with something before he does it.

Drew runs a finger through your soaked folds before he pushes that finger inside of you. You bite your lip to hold back your moans. Drew's hovering above your naked body. His lips are on your neck again, nipping at the skin and definitely leaving marks.

His finger moves in and out of you. You let your lip go and let out the moans you were holding in. Then Drew adds a second finger. You gasp and moan, "Drew."

"Making ya feel good with just my fingers?" Drew mumbles against your neck.

You nod frantically and say, "I love your finger."

He smirks and says, "I can promise ya that they love ya too."

The speed of his fingers quickens and your hips buck off the bed. You moan his name and a few profanities. A knot forms in your stomach.

You're intoxicated with how Drew is making you feel. You love the feeling of Drew's fingers inside of you. His touch makes you feel euphoric and waves of bliss overcome you with every flick of his wrist.

Your walls clench around Drew's fingers and you cry out, "Drew, I'm about to cum!"

The Scotsman's voice drops a tone and he asks, "Ya gonna cum from my fingers, princess? Do I make ya feel that good?"

Nodding, you desperately say, "I need to cum. Please."

"Go ahead, my love," he says.

Your legs begin to shake as you release all over Drew's fingers. More than you ever have for anyone before. Moans pass your lips as well as Drew's name mixed with profanities. Your breathing is labored as you come down from your high. Drew kisses you as you try to catch your breath.

Your lips move feverishly against his for a few moments before Drew gets back on his knees. You sit up with him between your legs and undo the button on his jeans. You look up at him as you push the dark blue fabric off his body. He's left in his boxer shorts as he sits back. You crawl onto his lap, straddling his huge bulge. You run your fingers down Drew's chest and he looks up at you.

"I have t'get something if we're gonna do this, princess," Drew says, pecking your lips. "Unless ya want to start producing heirs t'the throne right now."

You giggle and say, "Let's wait a year before we start doing that."

He smiles and snakes his way out from under you. You sit on the bed and watch as he grabs a little silver package out of the travel bag. He walks back over to you and you move to the edge of the bed.

You hook your fingers into the waistband of his boxers and pull them down. Drew watches you as his erect member pops out of the boxers. His big, and thick. You swallow a bit and look up at Drew.

He's smirking down at you before ripping the tiny package open and sliding the contents on himself. Drew pushes a piece of hair out of your face and says, "Be a good princess. Get on yer back and spread those beautiful legs for me."

You don't say anything, you just do as your told. You scooch yourself back on the bed and lay on your back. You spread your legs a bit as Drew crawls up to you, hovering over you between your legs. The tip of his member runs through your folds and you sigh.

"I've been missing out on a lot," you admit, looking up at Drew.

Your husband lightly kisses you as he says, "I have a lot t'offer."

Smiling against his lips, you say, "I can see that."

Drew props himself up on his arms, hands on either side of your head. You stare up at him before he asks, "Are ya sure ya want this?"

You nod and say, "I've never wanted anything more."

Then he pushes inside you. You gasp at the small amount of pain you feel before it goes away, turning to pleasure. He thrusts slowly into you, moving deeper every few movements. His length starts to fill you little by little. You're a moaning mess beneath Drew, nails raking up and down his back.

When he's fully inside you and you're adjusted, his hips speed up. He starts thrusting harder into you. Grunts leave his lips as moans leave yours. You wrap your legs around his waist so he has better access.

"Oh, fuck," you cry out. "Don't stop, Drew. Oh, faster. Please."

He listens to your wishes and he moves faster. He leans down and brushes his lips against yours. You lean your head up for the kiss and he pulls back slightly. You chase his lips and they barely touch his.

The tip of Drew's member finds your g-spot and you cry out. That's when he knows he's found the target, and he moves faster. His member slams into your g-spot over and over again. You scream out his name mixed with profanities several times as he fucks you into the mattress.

The same knot from earlier forms in your stomach as Drew builds you up to a second orgasm.

Drew's finally kissing you. Your lips move against his breathlessly and your nails dig into his sides. He twitches inside of you and you mumble, "I'm about to cum, baby."

"Me too," Drew says. "Together."

You nod. He moves a few more times before you both cum at the same time. You around him and him into the condom.

Drew kisses you messily as you both ride out your highs. Your hands are on his face as you messily make out with him.

He pulls out of you and pulls back from the kiss. You whine a bit as he ties off the condom, throwing it away. Drew helps you under the comforter before joining you. Drew spoons you from behind with one of his arms draped over you. You hold his hand as you press your back to his chest.

Both your breathing and Drew's breathing have returned to normal. He leaves soft kisses on your shoulder and a smile is on you lips.

"That was amazing," you say. "I really could've had that the entire time instead of fighting with you."

Drew lets out a breathy laugh and says, "I should've just talked to ya about everything sooner. We could'a done that a long time ago."

You giggle and say, "Now that we have done that, I don't know how long I can go before we do that again."

Your husband says, "Whenever ya want, princess. Hell, if ya wanted another go then I wouldn't say no."

Looking back at Drew, you say, "Calm down. You just made me cum twice within several minutes. I need some time."

Drew smiles and says, "Of course. Were ya seriously about that waiting a year before we start trying for a baby?"

"Of course I was," you say, turning and facing Drew. "I would love to have a baby with you, but I want to make sure that it's something we both want. I'm ten year younger than you, Drew. We have some time."

Your husband smiles wide and kisses you. "I am so in love with ya, princess," Drew coos against your lips.

"I'm so in love with you too, Drew," you respond.

Months ago, you hated the thought of marrying Drew just for him to become king. You never even wore your rings behind closed doors. Now, it's changed into something more. An actual relationship where you love Drew and he loves you.

That's all you hoped for when you said 'I do' to the prince of Scotland.

—

tags: @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan

[qianinterprises]

Unsaid Silence

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: It's worth mentioning that I 1) write this a while back and posted it on a03, 2) wrote this in one night and finished at like 4am, and 3) got a lot of help from my ex-bestfriend.

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Johnny thought it would be fun. Walking around in the darkness with flashlights and friends.

Everyone else thought it was a half drunken joke to cackle about well into the week.

It was all fun and games until they realized... Johnny was serious.

It was not going to be fun.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: this is a horror, read at your own risk, WayV makes an appearance and kinda in a bad way so again, read at your own risk (I love WayV from the bottom of my heart so please don't be offended!)

It shouldn’t have come as a shock to anyone when Johnny announced his bright idea. Yet somehow, it shocked everyone. It was the type of thing that is announced over drinks at the bar, giggled about during late night movie nights, but no one ever stops to wonder if it’s serious, because it usually isn’t.

So when Johnny enlightened the 127 members of his “enthralling idea” to go crawling around the old Daegu Asylum while they were sitting around their bar table, half drunk, it had seemed like a great idea. Mark was particularly amused by the idea. As he sprawled himself across Haechan’s lap, giggling and hiccupping, it was all he could mutter about. How exhilarating it would be to investigate when they finished their schedules up early the next week.

And that was just the beginning. Throughout the rest of the week, everyone had brought it up at least once. Even Doyoung was excitedly chattering about it to his boyfriend over video call one evening. The male on the other end had warned him them that Johnny might not be joking. But it was all too much of a hilarious joke to be serious.

At least, that’s what everyone thought.

When Friday rolled around, they all piled into the vans, sweaty and tired from their latest dance practice, all eagerly awaiting for the rest of their evening and the next day off. The sun was still in the sky, although preparing itself to descend behind the horizon and wake up the rest of the world.

“Are you guys ready for tonight?” an excited Johnny asked the group he was with, practically bouncing in his seat beside Jaehyun.

He didn’t receive a verbal answer. A few grunts of confusion and lazy moans of others who just didn’t care. The only thought on anyone’s mind was shower, dinner or sitting around the television watching a movie.

He took no mind to it, grinning to himself in excitement. He’d spent his week packing a few backpacks for their excursion.

Upon arriving home, Taeyong noted how excited and bouncy Johnny appeared to be, even after a particularly grueling dance practice. He tried not to let it bother him though, or to pay too much attention to that nagging feeling in his gut. All he wanted to think about was getting his sticky body under the hot spray of the shower before crawling into bed with Jungwoo for a nice night of movies and cuddles.

Everyone went their separate ways, into one of the three bathrooms or to change into something more comfortable. Some even opted to flop down on the couches for a much needed break. Doyoung called in a pizza order for dinner before collapsing on the couch beside Yuta and plucking his buzzing phone from his pocket.

He squinted at a particularly coded text from Kun. The male was hardly ever straight forward when either of them ran the risk of one of the youngers seeing their messages, but this one, Doyoungcouldn’t even understand.

“Hyung, how well can you read Chinese?” he asked the elder.

Yuta glanced at him tiredly and then at the phone Doyoung was holding. With a sigh, he looked at the screen and scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

“It says ‘The John Giant serious about dead people’” he read.

Doyoung stared at the black screen of the television in confusion. His boyfriend had never been this hard to read.

He spent the next two minutes pondering the words until Taeil came into view, dressed in cargo pants, a polo shirt, and an X-shaped vest strapped across his chest with small round pockets full of something.

Yuta took one look at him and burst out into giggles.

“What are you wearing?” he asked loudly, laughing and slapping his thighs.

Doyoung just stared at the elder as he pouted.

“Johnny made me wear this! He said something about “needing it tonight,” whatever that means,” Taeil said, walking over to sit beside Yuta.

Understanding slapped Doyoung in the face. He sprang up from the couch, startling the other two with the suddenness before running up the stairs. He slammed open Johnny’s door to see the elder strapping on a vest similar to Taeil’s. He could see what was in the pockets clearly now. Shotgun shells filled with a white substance. If he had to guess, Doyoung would say salt.

“Johnny hyung! What the hell? Please tell me you’re not dressing for what I think you’re dressing for!” Doyoung cried.

Johnny just grinned at him and handed him a backpack stuffed to the brink.

“Make sure everyone gets ready! We leave at dusk!” he beamed.

He didn’t lie. As soon as the sun disappeared and the sky was cast in dark blue’s as the moon and stars came into the light, Johnny was pushing everyone out the door into one of the larger vans that would fit everyone. By this point, everyone knew his intentions. All dressed in movable jeans or cargo pants, polo shirts, hiking boots (or durable sneakers), and either wearing a vest of salt bullets or carrying a heavy backpack.

“I can’t believe he was serious,” Haechan whined.

No one responded, but almost everyone felt the same. It was a tipsy suggestion at a bar one night after practice. Those weren’t supposed to come true and be serious. Yet, here they were. About to go into this Asylum that was supposed “haunted” because Johnny thought seeing ghosts would be fun.

This wasn’t anyone’s definition of fun. Except Johnny’s.

The van came to a stop and Yuta let out a groan.

“Oh lovely. We’re here,” he whined, opening the side door and crawling out sluggishly.

Johnny was still the first one out, and practically vibrating with excitement.

“Come on! Let’s go! Let’s see some ghosts!”

Jungwoo looked at the asylum skeptically. Fear traced in his eyes as he struggled to keep his hands steady at his sides.

“Are you sure we have to do this? We can rent a horror movie instead!” he whined.

Johnny rolled his eyes and grabbed the males hand.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” he beckoned, tugging Jungwoo closer.

Jungwoo let out a screech and wrapped his lithe fingers around Taeyong’s hand, digging his nails into the leaders flesh in his escape to tear himself from Johnny.

“Come on, it’s not that bad. Ghosts aren’t real anyways, guys. I just wanted to look around. Please,” Johnny pouted.

“Why couldn’t we just explore it during the day? You know, when it’s not creepy!” Yuta fired.

Johnny released his grip on Jungwoo and turned his attention to Mark, who was already shrinking back and attempting to hide behind Jaehyun. Only to be shoved out by Haechan, who was already hiding behind the elder male.

“Come on Markie! You know you wanna come in with me!” Johnny cooed.

Mark grumbled, his resolve falling rapidly as he begrudgingly stepped closer to Johnny.

“You too Jaehyunnie! I bet if you use one of the video camera’s to record yourself, you’ll have that girl you’re trying to impress swooning!” Johnny said.

Jaehyun sighed and wrapped a hand around Haechan’s wrist, the youngest protesting loudly as he was dragged to the front as well.

Taeyong groaned and looked around at the remaining members.

“Let’s get this over with. The longer we stand out here waiting, the longer we have to be here. Johnny, you have one hour. I’m setting my timer. If you’re not done in one hour, we’re leaving you here and going home,” he said.

Everyone knew Taeyong was lying. They’d never leave Johnny behind. Taeyong himself would knock the giant out and make Jaehyun and Doyoung drag him out by his ankles if it came down to it.

He received lots of irritated moans and groans, but eventually, everyone was mentally preparing themselves to enter the asylum.

As they pushed open the creaky, moldy door, Taeyong, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Mark, and Yuta switched on the large torch flashlights they had all received in their backpacks, among other things. Broken glass crunched beneath their feet as they entered, and as Jaehyun (who was bringing up the rear) stepped in, the door slammed shut behind them. Jungwoo let out a fearful whimper and Taeyong wrapped an arm around his waist in an attempt at comforting the male.

They walked slowly, shining lights on everything they could, broken lamps, busted out chairs, ancient computers, a gargoyle head, a skull and bones, medical papers. Yuta shuttered against Taeil as the carefully walked past the bones.

“I didn’t think anyone died here,” Mark asked curiously.

“That’s the official statement,” Taeyong answered, hissing when a rat ran across his foot.

He nearly elbowed Doyoung in the nose as he lunged away from the rodent, earning a glare from the other.

“I was young at the time, but my brother told me about it. Apparently, there was this doctor that was experimenting on patients in his office. He was paid by the city to pick random patients and do lab experiments on them to try to “cure their psychosis,”” Doyoung said.

Haechan slammed into Doyoung’s back when the sound of glass shattering filled the air. The younger trembled, burying his face in the back of Doyoung’s shirt and the elder sighed, spinning around and wrapped his arms around the maknae.

“Sorry, I kicked over a mirror and it shattered,” Johnny apologized, bending down to investigate the mirror.

A few jagged shards of glass still clutched the panels of the mahogany brown frame, covered in thick dust. Johnny blew some of the dust away and found bloody fingerprints dotted all over the frame. Curiously, he flipped the mirror over and gaped.

‘Room 513’

The frenzied message appeared to have been written in blood with a shaky hand, the letter’s crooked and jagged.

“Let’s go!” Johnny declared, getting ready to lead the brigade.

“Are you crazy! No!” Haechan whispered back, his body still pressed as close to Doyoung as he could get.

“Uh… guys,” Jaehyun said, his voice wavering.

“It’ll be fun! We have to find out what’s in that room!” Johnny declared.

“Do you even hear yourself? No! We don’t go in strange rooms looking for trouble! Haven’t you watched any horror movies? That’s where the killer is always waiting to slaughter whoever is stupid enough to follow the instructions!” Yuta hissed

From somewhere nearby, a droplet of water could faintly be heard hitting the floor.

“Guys…” Jaehyun tried again.

“Don’t be stupid! Horror movies don’t exist! We’ll never know what’s back there if we don’t explore!” Johnny persisted.

“Johnny no! That is a dumb idea!” Jungwoo cried.

“GUYS!” This time, Jaehyun was yelling.

“What?!” Johnny yelled back, clearly irritated.

“The blood… on the mirror… it’s fresh…” Jaehyun spluttered.

Attention turned to the mirror in time to watch another droplet of blood patter down to the floor.

Haechan let out an ear piercing scream.

“Where’s Taeil hyung?!” he cried.

This sent everyone into a frenzy, particularly Yuta who was determined that Taeil was hiding rather than admitting the fact that he was gone.

“Stay calm! I’m sure there is a rational explanation,” Doyoung tried, but his voice was shaking so much, almost no one believed it.

Taeyong took a shaky breath and counted down the members. Taeil was indeed missing.

“We need to try to find him. We’ll split up into teams of four,” Taeyong said.

He slipped the backpack off his back and pulled out two walkie talkies with full batteries.

He took one for himself and handed one to Doyoung before splitting ways with his companions, Johnny, Junwoo, and Yuta.

Taeyong led the group down the hallway they had been following, carefully watching the floor and walls for any signs of Taeil. He didn’t know whether to be thankful or terrified that there were none.

Jungwoo was practically glued to his back, whining if he became too far out of the youngers grasp.

Yuta was already a mess. Trembling and whimpering with practically every step. Taeyong could almost hear his rapid heartbeat as his desperate eyes drove over the walls, looking for anything that would lead him to his boyfriend.

All of the excitement seemed to have evaporated off Johnny now, replaced with a look of pure terror and self-loathing that Taeyong almost wanted to wipe off his face. But the sick part was, he found Johnny’s mood justified.

“HELP ME!” Taeil’s voice screamed down the hall, rattling off the tattered walls.

“TAEIL!” Yuta screamed, tearing through the hallway, or trying to at least.

Taeyong’s fingers snagged around Yuta’s empty beltloops and held him in an iron grip he didn’t know he possessed.

Yuta squirmed in his grip, Taeyong’s fingers burning with the movements, not that Yuta cared at the present.

“Let me go!” he shrieked.

Taeyong was at a loss. Jungwoo was clinging to his left arm, refusing to let go. Yuta was struggling against Taeyong’s grip, practically ripping the joints from their sockets. Johnny stood stiff as a board, eyes staring off down the hall, glazed over.

“HELP ME!” Taeil’s voice shrieked again.

Yuta let out a loud wail as he struggled to free himself from Taeyong’s fingers, his feet scuffing at the dusty red rug thrown across the floor, kicking it up in large wrinkles until the movement eventually had him face planting into the worn rug, dust particles immediately sprouting into the air.

Jungwoo’s sensitive nose rattled off the walls as his body shook and convulsed by the force of his sneezes, snot blobs springing from his nose to plop gracelessly on Taeyong’s arm. In a crazed rush, Taeyong shoved Jungwoo’s still convulsing body into Johnny’s stiff one as he tore the fabric of his own sleeve to wipe away the disgusting residue of dust.

As Jungwoo’s body collided with Johnny’s the taller male was ripped from the grip of his stupor, arms wrapping protectively around the younger’s waist, steadying him before pulling the other’s shirt over his nose in an attempt at creating a filter between the dust and Jungwoo.

Another scream tore through the hallway, but this time, it wasn’t Taeil’s voice.

Doyoung led his group the opposite direction of Taeyong’s. There had been a narrow hallway that bridged off from what was presumably the main hallway. This hallway was much thinner. The walls were separated by a few yards. As Doyoung led the way, his flashlight barely provided much light in the pitch black. His shoulders brushed against both walls, making him shutter every time his clothed arm touched a paint-chipped dip.

Haechan huddled as close to Doyoung as he could get, practically tripping on the elder’s heels, his arms wrapped tightly around his hyungs middle, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He shined the light against the walls, hoping the clarity would calm his racing mind and open his lungs that had seemed to collapse on themselves.

“It’s ok Hyuckie,” Mark called quietly, a large hand splaying across Haechan’s back, rubbing small circles with his fingers.

It helped that there were others there. The warm body pressed against his chest. The soothing hand against his back calmed him down only slightly. But when that hand suddenly vanished, Hyuck was left shuttering.

“Hyung?” his voice shook at the question.

The other grunted in response and Haechan felt his heart jump into his throat in relief. But the hand wasn’t replaced.

The group toddled along until Doyoung’s leading feet collided with sheetrock. Haechan collided against his back and another body collide against his.

“Oof, hyung, get off me!” he whined in protest at the weight pressing him against Doyoung.

There was a muffled apology and scuffling feet as the body lifted off Haechan’s back, allowing the youngest to back off Doyoung just enough for the male to get himself off the wall.

Jaehyun shined his flashlight against the white wall that was suddenly in front of them, coming out of nowhere. And if Doyoung hadn't turned his head to the right and faced a dooming blackness, he’d have assumed they were trapped at a dead end.

The sharpness of the curve wasn’t expected, and sent a chill down Doyoung’s spine as his flashlight skidded across the dusty red carpet, ensuring that they were indeed headed down another dark hallway rather than dropping into a random pit.

Haechan’s grip on Doyoung tightened as the male took a tentative step into the hallway, his blood running cold at the creak of a floorboard under the other’s weight.

“Be careful hyung,” Jaehyun’s whispered voice was right in his ear.

Haechan shivered away, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up at Jaehyun’s deep voice rattling around in his brain, confusion clouding his mind.

Doyoung hummed in response, focusing solely on stepping on the floor as if the floor could shatter in seconds. Haechan didn’t want to think about how possible that was.

The whole group jumped, Haechan clinging to both hyungs in fear as a familiarly, loud scream echoed off the walls.

“Mark?” there was Jaehyun’s voice again.

And suddenly, Haechan knew why he’d been confused.

“... Mark hyung is gone…” his voice was weak with trembles as tears welled up in the ducts of his eyes.

Taeil’s back hit the wall with a quiet thud, the icy hand on his forearm squeezing tightly as he watched in horror as red letters were spelled out on the mirror, the wound on his thigh still drizzling small spurts of blood, but not enough to be alarming. Not enough to really be… anything.

He was confused.

The freakishly cool body had brushed against his back and tugged him off into the darkness, a bony hand wrapped tightly around his mouth, forcing any cry for help back into his chapped lips. A raspy voice whispered something hoarsely against his ear, trembles tingling down his spine in fear before he passed out.

The wound on his thigh was there when he’d awoken. It looked horrible. Like a stabbed gash. But upon tearing away the fabric of his pants, he found a gash, not much deeper than a small cut, but it admittedly hurt like hell.

A dark figure came into view, soundless footsteps falling on the carpet as the figure approached and a screaming plea tore itself from his throat.

Yuta grumbled unhappily, his body squished and exposed in ways that would make Mark blush in shame. His stomach pressed in on itself at the odd angle, legs dangling uselessly below him.

His body jolted suddenly, pain searing through his ribs at the weight of his body slamming into the solid surface.

“Yah! I’m not a sack of rice!” he protested angrily, slapping at the rigid back.

“Well if you’d stop squirming, maybe it’d be easier to walk!” Johnny snapped back, a hand slapping against the others thigh.

Yuta let out a loud yell and glared at the floor.

“Stop it you two. The last thing we need is for someone else to disappear,” Taeyong hissed through a whisper.

Ever since they’d heard the second scream, they’d been trying to place who it was. All they knew for sure was, either someone else was in the asylum with them, or another member of their group had gone missing. None of them were ready to face any of those options.

Johnny’s foot collided with something hard and movable. It crunched beneath his feet, a sickening crack rattling in his stomach as his legs flew out from under him, the extra body on his shoulder tempting gravity far too much as his plush bum collided with the ground, the floor groaning in response.

A hiss poured from his lips, Yuta’s now writhing body rolling from his shoulder, curling into a ball to clutch at his center. Johnny could faintly see the glisten of tears in his eyes from the glow of Taeyong’s flashlight as Jungwoo knelt down to nurse the male.

Johnny felt bad. Well, he almost felt bad. It was at the brink of building until his eyes fell on the tarnished white walls, his pupils freezing over the words clawed out in crooked, jagged piques, mixing with the paint and sheetrock. His blood chilled and he swore his heart stopped for a moment before clanging loudly in his ears.

“J-Jungwoo… how are you feeling?” he asked shakily, his eyes never leaving the markings on the wall.

“I’m fine hyung, why?” the male asked.

Johnny could feel Taeyong’s gaze burning a hole in the back of his head.

“Jungwoo, don’t leave Yuta’s side, OK?” he urged.

“What the hell is going on?” Taeyong asked, more than a little irritated and frightened.

Johnny had no words for the sight his eyes refused to leave. All his words had seemed to dry up completely now. He simply pointed.

Taeyong put a hand on Johnny’s shoulder to brace himself as he knelt down. A gasp rushing from his lips as his eyes landed on it.

Jungwoo

The lone name was scrawled into the wall like a desperate plea of a sharp nailed child in one last attempt at calling out.

“Shit.”

The word seemed to fall out of nowhere.

A shiver ran through Johnny’s back. That wasn’t any of their voices.

“Let’s keep mo- Jungwoo!”

The boy whose name appeared on the wall was suddenly pressing himself against the wall for support. Choked coughs tearing painfully from his throat and a smell wafting through to Taeyong’s nose. But it was too late.

With drooping eyes, Taeyong’s knees began to crumble, unable to support his weight any longer, rather, falling on top of Johnny, both body’s colliding lifelessly to the dusty floor.

Coughs continued to tear from Jungwoo’s throat as he struggled to keep his eyes open, clutching at Yuta’s limp arm before his whole world faded to black, his body slamming against the red carpet, eyes long rolled into the back of his head.

Doyoung’s breathing came out slow and erratic. Particles of what was hopefully dust swarming the air around him as the narrow walls pressed closer, making it unable to walk straight any longer.

Haechan whimpered beside him. His shoulders pressed between Jaehyun and Doyoungs as they shimmied their way down the hallway. Doyoung’s back was pressed flush against one wall, the opposite wall a foot away from his head now.

“Breath Haechan,” Jaehyun instructed.

Doyoung turned to look at the youngest, his heart clenching at the sight.

Haechan was a mess. His breathing uneven and choppy. His eyes shifting around and his body trembling. Doyoung could imagine his heart was likely also beating painfully against his ribs.

It was a well known fact that Haechan was painfully claustrophobic. He also had a fear of horror movies. And this damn well felt like they were sucked into the middle of one.

Haechan clenched his fingers around Jaehyun’s hand, trying desperately to calm himself down, but that task didn’t get any easier as he suddenly heard creaks in the floor, getting closer and louder.

“Hyung!” Haechan cried, burying his face in Doyoung’s shoulder until the creaking stopped.

“Shh, it’s ok Haechan,” Doyoung whispered softly.

He shined the light of the flashlight down the hallway as let out a deep rush of air as the light hit a wall expanding the narrow hallway.

“Come on, the wall expands back here,” he whispered, itching himself down the wall.

When they finally broke from the narrow hallway, they all felt the air become more open and easier to breath. The air that had stuffed itself in the swell of Haechan’s chest rushed out greedily as he took a few cleansing breaths.

It was pitch black. Even with the flashlights, none of them could see much in front of them. The glow of the lights licked at the inky shadows, but to no avail, simply revealing minuscule secrets of whatever room they were in.

Feeling more confident, Haechan used his own torch light to look around, never leaving his spot between Doyoung and Jaehyun, hand still grasped in Jaehyun’s.

As his light glowed, they fell on a pair of black shoes that he immediately recognized.

“It’s Mark!” he cried, shining the flashlight up the thin legs.

Something felt off as the light trailed up the body. The stature seemed too small and frail to be Mark’s, but Haechan wasn’t going to chase away his own relief.

The light glided over a tiny torso and up fragile arms. That didn’t seem like Mark either, except for the way the arms were crossed over one another almost awkwardly.

Haechan had Jaehyun and Doyoung’s attention. Six eyes trailing up the figure of Mark, checking him for injuries and finding none.

Up a taunt chest and sunken in collar bones.

He looked fine. No injuries. Maybe he’d found a trap door that led him to the room where he’d been waiting for them.

Up narrow face.

A scream ripped from Haechan’s throat. Doyoung let out his own shriek and Jaehyun’s high pitched wails blended horribly with the others.

Piercing red stared directly at them, unblinking, from their friend that shouldn’t be here.

Ten’s red eyes and sunken in state had Doyoung and Jaehyun sprinting from the room, clabbering over themselves, uncaring what the sickening crunching under their feet was or the scraping of metal. They didn’t even pay any attention to the groaning close.

Doyoung’s hand hit a slightly ajar door and he burst through it, Jaehyun following him as they were once again swallowed up by darkness.

“Oh my God,” Doyoung whispered hoarsely.

Jaehyun grunted in response, resting his hands on his knees in an attempt at catching his breath.

A terrified scream startled them both before all was eerily silent. And it was at that moment, that they realized their fatal mistake.

Haechan’s mortified scream still hanging in their ears as Doyoung’s chest tightened.

He’d left the maknae.

Mark opened his eyes into a gray blackness that had his head fuzzy and flittering. Where was he? Was this heaven? He felt so soft. Pillows under his head, blankets delicately draped over him.

A scream broke through the silence of the room and he sat up, eyes snapping back open. He didn’t realize he’d shut them. The bed disappeared, replaced with wet concrete and the smell of sewage. An anger yell snagged his attention once again and the soggy concrete was replaced with pure, fuzzy darkness once again as a familiarly deep voice tendered his ears and calmed his mind.

Johnny’s eyes flew open, staring up at a high ceiling covered in cobwebs that shined in the light of the flashlight. He took the flashlight and sighed as he sat up, his joints stiff from his time on the floor.

How long had he been out?

“Guys?” he asked, shining the light around to where Taeyong, Yuta, and Jungwoo once were.

He gaped as they were nowhere to be seen.

His heart stilled. Eyes frozen over in terror as a realization flashed through his mind.

“I got them killed…”

There was no point in running anymore. His eyes were drawn to the red carpet once again. But now, there was a trail of blood right where Yuta had been laying, heavily pouring further down the hallway like a river.

“No…”

He fell back against the floor. The carpet scratching uncomfortably against his skin, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He only had one person left to live for. And he didn’t deserve him.

Johnny was a murdered. His stupid idea had gotten his friends killed and now, he was left with one person to answer to. A person he’d never be able to look in the eye again. A person wearing all black. A person with dark red eyes. A person carrying Haechan’s lifeless body.

Wait what?!

“Do you see what you’ve done?” Ten hissed, standing over Johnny menacingly.

Johnny gulped. Why was Ten here? What happened to him?

“Congratulations,” the sneer was nasty.

It had Johnny nearly crippled with the gripping ice of the voice.

Tiny arms dropped Haechan’s body to the floor, watching it land with a hard slap against the carpet, his head merely moving with the force of the fall.

Johnny almost couldn’t bring himself to look at the maknae, tears welling in his eyes.

His eyes were open, dinged over in deep gray, gone, cold, dead. His clothes were covered in blood stemming from the long gash around his throat.

Tears fell from Johnny’s eyes.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Ten’s voice hissed.

Johnny gulped as he clutched Haechan’s cold hand.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“You should be.”

The voice wasn’t Ten’s.

Johnny’s eyes widened again in horror as Haechan’s eyes shifted to glare at him, eyes turning as red as Ten’s.

“You killed us,” Ten growled above them.

Haechan stood up as if he wasn’t dead moments ago, effortlessly.

“And now you share our fate.”

Ten lifted his shirt and Johnny’s mind raced as his eyes caught side of the knife buried in Ten’s side. He watched the knife glide from the torn and bloodied skin and he wondered if this was how Ten had died. Slow and painful. But he didn’t have time to ponder this as the knife was plunged deep into Johnny’s chest before both bodies disappeared into dust.

Jaehyun’s knees hit the floor as he stared at the door they had just raced from. There was no sound. No creaking floors. No screaming. No whispering. No groaning. It was silent. Dead.

The thought had Jaehyun shaking as he reached out to grip Doyoung’s shirt, but his palm connected with something warm and wet instead.

“You killed him.” a voice echoed in his ears.

It was strangely familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“You ran and left him there to die.”

Where the hell was that voice coming from.

“He sought you out for protection and you repay him with betrayal.”

Something cold pressed against his head and he froze. He knew that voice.

“I-I’m sorry!” he stammered.

“I don’t think you mean that,” the voice echoed again, the blade of the knife digging into the skin of his temple.

“Please! No! I thought he was with us!” he cried.

He felt something trickle down the side of his face, something warm and wet.

“Pathetic.”

The knife disappeared from his head as a boot clad foot pressed itself against his back and shoved him forward in the darkness. His hand collided with something warm before light flooded his vision, temporarily blinding him before YangYang’s form came into view, red eyes just as piercing as Ten’s.

He didn’t know what happened. Watching Doyoung flail around in terror struck a cord deep within his heart and he couldn’t stop his actions. Xiaojun’s red eyes staring directly into Doyoung’s, knife pressed against the vocalists throat, and he couldn’t take it.

With the press of a button, the pitch black room brightened into a blinding white light that took his eyes a while to adjust too.

“Well that was anticlimactic,” one of them whined, but he couldn’t be bothered to care who.

“Did you really have to cut me?” another voice whined.

“Taeil?” Doyoung’s voice quivered.

Doyoung jumped as hands pressed themselves into the softness of his back as he turned, alarmed to stare at whoever was touching him, only to be met with kind, honey brown eyes that he loved so much. His eyes welled with tears as he lunged for the male, wrapping his arms around him tightly as the door opened again.

“He fainted,” Haechan cackled, half carrying, half dragging a limp Johnny through the corridor and into the room with the cells.

Ten walked close behind, helping carry his boyfriend, guilt nagging at his gut at the terrified expression still on the taller’s face.

“Is he ok?”

Jaehyun looked around frantically, confused as to why suddenly, everyone was in the same space, safe, in the light.

His eyes first landed on Taeil, who’s body was pressed closely on a soft-looking bed with an unconscious Yuta, a tight bandage wrapped around the Japanese males ankle. Taeil brushed his fingers through the males hair, smiling fondly down at him as he stroked over his face with the pads of his fingers.

His eyes drifted over to Mark, who was leaning against a worried and guilty looking Lucas. Mark’s facial expression was somewhere between confused, sick, and delirious as the soft pink blanket draped delicately over his frame.

He caught sight of Haechan, who had flopped on a bed beside YangYang, an angry red welt around his neck surrounded by blood, but upon further inspection, turned out to look more like crushed up cherries.

This was confusing. A mess. Why was everyone’s boyfriends suddenly here? What the hell was all of this.

Johnny’s eyes cracked open after a long half hour and he glanced around the room, eyes smiling happily at the reunited couples.

“Did we win?” he asked.

Ten opened his mouth to respond, a small smile on his lips as he carded his fingers through Johnny’s hair. His response was cut off as the door opened and a middle aged man with gray hair walked in.

“Congratulation NCT and WayV. For participating in this years “horror film” with such a realistic experience, you are all hereby granted a two week vacation from any and all responsibilities along with a full trip blank plane ticket for each of you.”

The males voice was dull and anticlimactic, but as Johnny and Ten looked around the room at the shocked faces of the 127 members, all the guilt he felt putting them through such a horrifying adventure was worth it.

[peach-jaehyunie]

You Were Beautiful Part IV

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (oral, pegging, bondage, vanilla as f*ck, etc.), {not really warnings} fluff, angst

Word Count: 11.3 k

Previous

Lyrics by Cigarettes After Sex, song: Sesame Syrup

A/N: There will be an epilogue, simply because this was getting too long

“You’ve had a long list of lovers, but none of them mattered to you except me. I’ve had a long list of lovers, but none of them mattered to me except you.”

“Have you told Jaehyun you love him?” Misook asks you point blank one day. The two of you have been hanging out together, mostly for a quick coffee or lunch.

“What!” You sputter, choking on your hot tea.

“I noticed, but I don’t think anyone else has really noticed so you’re safe.” She assures upon you upon noticing the look of terror that crosses your face. Over the past few weeks, the thought of telling Jaehyun you loved him became less terrifying. You ran the words over in your mind and they made you smile. You thought them when you and Jaehyun were debating the possibility and probability of the existence of aliens. And you thought of them when you went to sleep at night, and let the warm, comforting feeling wash over you. You accepted it as fact now, but it was still your secret—well, and now Misook’s.

“Would it be awkward if you were at my dress fitting?” Misook asked.

“Yes,” you laugh shaking your head at this ridiculous situation.

Jaehyun is a frowner. And a spontaneous smiler. It’s been almost three months, and the Jaehyun you casually knew was more of an idealist and less curious than the man you were in love with now.

“Do you see it as half-empty or half-full?” He asks placing a glass of water on the table in front of you.

“Do you ever think you’re boring?” You ask looking up from your book, not sparing a glance at the glass of water.

“No, I like all the stuff I enjoy doing—I asked first!” Jaehyun laughed and pointed at the glass as he sat down opposite you. You put your chin on the table, and Jaehyun did the same so you could look at each other through the glass.

“It depends on how thirsty I am.” You finally shrug at him with a grin, and he reaches under the table and pinches your bare leg. You squeal and then scream as he jumps to his feet, causing you to scramble from your chair and run across the apartment trying to escape his reach. Jaehyun soon traps you in his arms as you have no place run where you won’t be cornered. He throws you over his shoulder, and you squirm in his grip between giddy laughter and light pants of breath. He drops you onto the couch before climbing on top of you and pinning you down.

“Do you ever think you’re boring?” Jaehyun asks you, his face is inches from yours and his hair brushes your forehead.

“Often,” your heart is still beating fast from the adrenaline rush you had just gotten. You reach up with your hand to touch him and his grip on your wrist slackens and then finally lets go so that you can brush his hair back from his face. He smiles and his cheeks dimple as he leans into your touch and his eyes gently close. He brings your other wrist up to his face and places kisses all over your hand and on the soft skin on the inside of your wrist. You continue to stroke his hair as Jaehyun kisses below your ear and down your neck, before resting his head on your chest with a sigh of contentment. He lets go of your other wrist so that you can hold him against you, and his hand travels easily up the shirt of his that you are wearing to slide his fingers under the waistband of your underwear, to rest his hand on your hip, before falling asleep there.

“Jaehyun,” you softly say to wake him, and your hands stroke his shoulders and back. He stirs and gently awakes before quickly looking up at you, and in those moments of looking into your eyes after sleep breaks his heart a little; because it feels to him as if you’re already looking at him to say goodbye.

————————————————————————-

“I’m so tired, I really have to get going.” You grimace in apology to Johnny. It’s a lie. You’re going over to Jaehyun’s so the two of you can put on facemasks together.

“We barely ever see you anymore,” Johnny says following you to the door of his apartment, he pouts at you and brushes his hand against your arm.

“Johnny, we work together; we see each other every day!” You laugh and brush your hand against his arm in return. “I promise I’ll see you on Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning.”

Jaehyun excuses his way out of Johnny’s apartment soon after you and arrives home to you already with his new playlist started, getting into your pajamas.

“Hurry up and get into your pjs, Mister.” You say as you slap Jaehyun’s ass and skip out of his bedroom. You have a selection of sheet masks spread for the both of you to choose. After you both pick a mask he nudges you and you look up at him and it’s always the same feeling: the quickening heartbeat and the overwhelming feeling of love for him.

“We both chose firming masks,” Jaehyun whispers with a laugh “we must be getting old.” Yes, but not together you think sadly.

When you are standing together in front of the mirror in his bathroom putting on the masks your eyes meet. You both look rather comical trying to smooth down all the corners and tuck it in around the nose. You don’t know why, but you laugh, completely ruining the positioning of your mask. It’s contagious, and Jaehyun is soon laughing but he runs out of the bathroom complaining about the mask getting crinkled. You take some deep breaths to calm down your laughter, but as soon as Jaehyun enters the bathroom straightening his mask you burst into hysterical laughter again.

“Oh my fucking god,” He mutters running out again trying to control the contagious laughter. “Stop fucking laughing!” Jaehyun falls to his knees laughing as he says this from the hallway. You’re laughing so hard that can’t breathe, and you’re clutching your stomach as you sit down on the floor.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun has crawled to the bathroom door and he hides his face from you as his body shakes with laughter.

“No,” you cry, there are actual tears now and you try to breathe in to stop laughing. You fix your mask with a deep breath, willing yourself to keep a straight face when you finally look at Jaehyun. Your mouth tries to curl up at the corners “I’m fine, it’s okay.” You reassure him, but you quickly avert your eyes just to be safe.

Soon you are sitting cross-legged across from one another holding each other’s hands.

“Tell me about this one time when you were pegged.” You tell him, and Jaehyun lazily strokes the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Well, I lied...it was more than once. I actually really liked it.”

“Do you want me to do that?” You ask, forced to conceal the smile that pulls at your mouth.

“Yes, I would love that.” He says with a squeeze of your hands.

“How old were you when you first had sex?” Jaehyun quizzes next.

“Eighteen,”

“Was he any good?”

“She was nice, and we enjoyed it, but that was nothing compared to you.” His ears blushed pink at your confession.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” You ask.

“Hm, I remember wanting to be a singer, but I also thought being a detective would be cool. I never seriously looked into anything else because I knew that someday I would take over my family’s company.” He shrugged. You leaned over to place a kiss on his hand.

“Do you want children someday?” He asks.

“Yes,” he always asks the questions that hurt.

“How many do you want?”

“Two or three,” you tell him as a lump begins to form in your throat. Jaehyun squeezes your hands as you avert your eyes, afraid of what you might give away.

“I love you.” He says softly, almost as a reminder. As if you need to be reminded of that; it was all you could think about, it consumed you and sometimes came crashing down on you drowning out the rest of the world.

“What does it feel like saying that?” Your voice betrays you slightly by cracking.

“It’s painful, but it’s also like being able to breathe again.” Jaehyun’s words are heavy, but you think that breathing again might be nice.

“How long have you loved me?” And you scan his face, which remains expressionless because of the mask, waiting for his answer.

“Eleven months,” you are both quiet after he says this.

“Do you enjoy taking risks?” He finally asks after a minute.

“Sometimes...if I hadn’t we wouldn’t be here right now.” Your heart had never beat so fast, but you were more in love with Jaehyun than you had been with anyone else in your whole life.

“I’m glad you took that risk.” He says with the smallest smile and his gaze drops to his and your clasped hands.

“Jaehyun,” you licked your lips, and he looked at your face again “You took a bigger risk because you were in love and I wasn’t.” Wasn’t, wasn’t, wasn’t; not ’am not’...because you were now and what if you missed the chance to ever say it. There was nothing you wanted to say to him more, you wanted to tell him every day, and you wanted him to know every minute of every day that you loved him back. Jaehyun noticed your wording, and his breathing became noticeable and he squeezed your hands so tightly they hurt. Say it, say it, say you love him, you coward. The seconds seemed like minutes, and the timer on Jaehyun’s phone went off causing you to jump. He lets go of your hand to silence his phone and quickly pull off his sheet mask.

“Are you now?” He asks grabbing your hand again as his eyes search yours for some sort of answer.

“Yes,” you breathe, and Jaehyun seems to grow smaller “I love you.” You finally croak, and then you feel the weightlessness as you see Jaehyun’s expression soften. It’s as if you can suddenly breathe, you have finally allowed yourself to live your truth. You pull off your mask “I love you, I love you,” Your voice is stronger every time and you have moved closer to Jaehyun and your eyes’ never leave each other. “Jaehyun, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” And he’s cupping your face, which is damp and sticky with mask essence. Then it’s his lips and your lips, you feel that your chest might explode because of how right this feels. The touches are soft and exploratory in a new way, and slow because this is not a desperate act between two people. It feels like this was meant to happen; everything in life has been leading to this moment. His weight pressing you down onto the floor is perfect, every sharp intake of air is perfect: maybe you were wrong, maybe perfection does exist—this was your perfection. Anyone else’s perfect was different, but you had found yours. The secret was out, and it had never felt closer, never felt deeper, and you had never felt more alive while drowning in love.

What you feel in the morning must be happiness, but not the joyful kind. This was mature, fulfilling happiness; not the kind you ever thought existed until one day you just suddenly knew it did. ‘I love yous’ were muttered against each other’s lips, and whispered in ears, and breathed against skin. Every mark sucked onto your body feels different, and the sharp bites on Jaehyun’s neck and hips are out of love. The best part now is that he knows. He knows as he fucks you against the shower wall, or when he bends you over the kitchen counter and covers your mouth with his hand to muffle your moans. He knows when he goes out for late night drives, and you’re falling asleep in the passenger seat as his playlist of mellow love songs envelopes you. He knows you really mean it when you say “Let’s make love on the couch.”, and he knows this is going to hurt like hell in the end.

Jaehyun savours your taste, and the way you grip his hair as he eats you out. Little whimpers fall freely from your lips as his tongue strokes from your slit to your clit. You’re propped up on pillows so that you can watch him, and he makes eye contact with you while he gently sucks your clit. You don’t dare break the eye contact as he continues to suck, lick, and flick the sensitive little hood, and you spread your legs wider as he slips a single slender digit into your wet sex.

“Jaehyun,” you gasp his name, and the sound falls from your lips like it’s the most beautiful word. “ah...yes, yes—no please don’t stop, don’t ever stop” you breathe as he teases you by removing his mouth. You can feel the cocky smile that he tries to hide from your gaze as he places wet kisses along your inner thighs and adds a second finger inside of you. Your cunt squelches from the movement of his fingers which disgusts and, simultaneously, turns you on.

“You sound so good, baby,” Jaehyun growls before swirling his tongue around your clit. Your hips buck up against his mouth and hand, as your head rolls back and a loud whimper slips past your lips.

“Shhhh” Jaehyun breathes against your core “Remember baby, it’s too early for that.” The kisses he places on your hip and lower belly are tender, but he harshly pinches your nipple with his free hand. You gasp and quickly cover your mouth. His fingers fuck you slowly and his mouth is everywhere but where you most want it. You only allow the softest and breathiest moans to slip from your mouth as Jaehyun’s fingers repeatedly graze the sensitive spot inside you.

“That’s better, darling, you were going to wake people up. You’re such a noisy little girl.” He calmly tells you above your light noises, and his mouth quickly returns to pleasuring your little nub. He expertly coordinates the movement of his fingers and his tongue as you lift your hips up off the mattress. His free hand pins your hips to the mattress, and his fingers fuck you faster as you begin to feel an overwhelming sense of warmth in your lower belly and core. Jaehyun’s tongue flicks your clit soft and fast, sometimes alternating between light licks and swirls, but he knows it’s the licks that you like most. The build up to your climax is hot and glorious, and you hold it off for as long as possible—until his fast tongue motions send you over the edge as you squeeze his head between your thighs, and screw your eyes closed tightly as your toes curl in pleasure. Gasps and high moans slip gently passed your lips, and your hand is ready to cover your mouth in case you become too loud. As your orgasm subsides, Jaehyun’s fingers gradually slow to a stop and the licks he places on your core are long and gentle, as he’s careful of your sensitivity right now. He tenderly kisses up your body and lays beside you. Jaehyun encourages you when you roll over to half lay across him by embracing you and pressing kisses to your face and neck. You gladly kiss Jaehyun back and open your mouth to him to make the kiss deeper. This should never end, but both of you are very aware of the calendar on the desk and the letter of acceptance for a PhD program addressed to you that lies next to it. Neither of you is willing to admit that this scares you; the love, the dependency, and the parting. Jaehyun hasn’t asked you when you’re leaving, but you know that he knows the day and he’s just as afraid to talk about it as you are.

_________________________________

The secret keeping from everyone gets messy as you and Jaehyun spend more time with each other. The lies become worse and worse: Jaehyun tells Mark that he spent the night at his parents one morning as Mark stands outside of the door to Jaehyun’s apartment, and Jaehyun quickly leaves your bed to meet his friend; your parents catch him in a background during a Skype session, and you introduce him as your neighbour that needed to use your kitchen; Yuta questions it when the lady who lives across the hall from Jaehyun knows your name—and you can’t think up an excuse.

“Mrs. Kang is dropping off a parcel that got delivered to her instead of me, so can you get it from her when she stops by?” You ask Jaehyun one morning as you get ready for work, slipping out of one of his button-down shirts and into the shower.

“Of course,” and he pulls your naked body up against his before you can step into the stream of water, to place a kiss against your lips with a smile. Jaehyun goes back to cutting up fruit for your lunch, which he occasionally enjoys making and packing for you. There is a knock on the door, and Jaehyun quickly rinses his hands and goes to answer it. Two boxes he helped you pack last night sit peacefully next to the door, ready to be sent back to your home and he feels a little piece of his heart break off when he sees them. Was this what you had felt the other day when you saw his wedding tuxedo in his apartment? Jaehyun remembered you averting your eyes when you realized what it was. He is somewhat distracted by the boxes as he opens the door, but standing there is not Kind-but-No-Nonsense Mrs. Kang; it’s Johnny Seo. They are both obviously taken back, neither finding who they expected on the other side of the door.

“Hyung,” Jaehyun starts when he sees Johnny eye him up and down, but his voice fades when he remembers that he is still in his pajamas and there is no way to possibly talk his way out of this. Johnny pushes past Jaehyun into the apartment and stands listening to the shower run, with the younger man standing next to him looking down at his feet.

“You’re so stupid,” Johnny says sadly, shaking his head. “I mean, why now? Why not a year ago? Why not never! Are you just trying to hurt yourself?”

“I love her,” Jaehyun says quietly and he raises his head to look at his friend.

“I know,” and Johnny turns to him, “I know you do.” Johnny notices the boxes now, and their address.

“Look, I’m not going to tell you what you can or can’t do with your life—break your own heart, whatever—but don’t break hers.”

It’s too late for that Jaehyun thinks. Johnny goes to leave, though he has never made it clear why he came in the first place.

“Oh,” Johnny begins, and then he swallows as if he has a lump in his throat, “Tell Y/N that Kun’s going away party is tonight right after work, so if she wants to wear something special she should bring it with her to work.”

“Why couldn’t you text her that?” Asks Jaehyun, though he nods his head to indicate that he will tell you.

“She’s leaving in three weeks, I want to say as much as I can to her face.” Johnny turns slowly and walks out the door, but just as Jaehyun is closing it his hand reaches out to stop it.

“One last thing,” says Johnny, and Jaehyun has an urge to force the door close to shut the two of you off from the rest of the world. “Did you sleep with her before or after the engagement announcement came out?” He knew, and there was no point in lying to him.

“Before,” Jaehyun says grimly, and he frowns as he puts pressure on the door, but Johnny does not recede.

“That was a fucking jackass move, you had months to tell her. You’ll never get to see Y/N’s face that night, and I’ll never forget it.”

————————————————————————————

“Let’s go away next week,” Jaehyun suggests one evening during dinner. “You’ll be done work, and then it can be just the two of us with no obligations to anything. Let’s be nothing but in love for a week.” His words make a piece of your heart fracture, this was going to be over too soon. The days were rushing passed, and you wanted nothing more than to slow the universe down so that you could at least savour every short second you had left with him.

“Okay, that sounds nice.” You smile at him, but sometimes something as simple as looking at him makes you nearly choke with tears now. You swallow them, it’s too soon for that and you don’t want to ruin what time there is. “Considering the time differences in the places we were born, we were born just two months and one hour apart.” You tell him, and you smile but your lips quiver. Maybe it was flower arrangement samples on the table that Jaehyun was supposed to choose from or the property listings that sat untouched on his desk, where he was supposed to look for the perfect house to live in with Misook. Yes, you needed to be far away from the apartments that reminded you of nothing else but the impending separation.

Johnny never says anything to you, but Jaehyun told you that he knows. You silently thank him every day; for treating you the same, for respecting it; even if he saw better than you and Jaehyun that you were just breaking your hearts for each other. Being with Jaehyun is bliss, though. The little arguments about the same things that aren’t that important are perfect; waking up together with messy hair is perfect; adjusting to each other’s idiosyncrasies is perfect. You want no one else, you want nothing else. Jaehyun never asks for you to give up a career you spent years studying for. He never asks for you to stay here and continue teaching while being his mistress, and you are grateful for that. He encourages your ambitions and he asks about your family and home life. You tell him where your favourite places to play as a child were and your favourite games, and you tell him that you want to raise your own children in the house you grew up in.

“It’s perfect for hide and seek because there are all these small hidden closets.” And Jaehyun lightly strokes your face as you say this because you light up while talking about it.

———————————————————————————-

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” You ask leaning against Jaehyun’s car while he insists on loading your bags so they’re packed correctly.

“No—what the hell is in this, it’s so heavy! It’s summer, we’ll be near the beach, why are you bringing so much?” He huffs as he packs one larger suitcase next to his and then places a smaller bag of yours on top.

“Open it,” you say with a sly grin, gesturing to the top bag. He returns the sly expression before carefully unzipping the bag.

“My favourites,” Jaehyun says dramatically as he lifts a pair of green leather handcuffs out of the bag and clutches them to his chest. He rifles through the rest of the bag, nodding his head approvingly until something catches his eye and he stops with a sharp intake of breath.

“Is that...?”

“A strap-on? Yes,” You say in a voice smooth as honey, but you watch him intently to read his reaction. He smiles at the bag, and then at you, he smirks before zipping the bag up.

“We should’ve bought that sooner.” He leans over and whispers in your ear.

“Well, I would have if someone wasn’t so shy about what they like. Oh, I have a very fun game that I’d like to play this week, so I hope you made what I asked you to.” You say as he closes the car door and you each walk around to either side to get in.

“I did, but I really wish you would tell me what it was for.” He whined as he sat in the driver’s seat.

“You’re such a skeptic,” you laugh at him and pinch his cheek, “Don’t worry, you’ll love it.” Jaehyun grins at you before grabbing your hand and kissing the back of it.

“Ready?” He asks.

“Yes,” that was a lie, you weren’t; the sooner you spent this week together, the sooner you wouldn’t see each other again.

You were not the only people with the idea to get out of the city during the sweltering heat. Jaehyun’s hand rested high up your thigh as you sat in traffic, and you were so attracted to him that his hand there made you extremely aroused. You had felt tingly for nearly an hour and were no doubt quite wet. With each passing minute, it felt as if his hand was just slowly creeping up your bare thigh towards your core. You were completely surrounded by other cars and other people when Jaehyun’s hand was finally brushing against your panties, your dress had ridden up so far with his touches that your underwear was nearly visible. You pretend that you don’t notice his hand and he doesn’t move it at all as it rests there. You spare a quick glance, pretending to look at something in his direction; he’s smirking, you know exactly what he’s doing. You try your best to hide the smile that pulls at your lips, and you slide down further in your seat so his hand presses a little more firmly against your centre.

“How are you doing?” He asks as you sigh and close your eyes, pretending like you’re going to take a nap but you’re just irritated by his teasing.

“I’m fine, I could be a lot better.” And your thigh twitches beneath Jaehyun’s fingers. You can hear the smirk in his next words.

“I’m sorry my darling, is there anything I could do to make it better?” His thumb gently strokes your thigh, he’s not going to do anything that you don’t directly ask him to do. You blush heavily and check the cars around you to see that all their occupants are only focused on what they’re doing. You won’t ask him to touch you, that’s degrading when you’re not in a begging mood. You lean your arm up against the window to support your head while also hiding part of your face, and with your other hand, you gently play with the hem of your dress before lightly rubbing yourself over your panties. Jaehyun’s expression is amused “Are you sure there’s nothing you want, baby?” You shrug and just sit there for a minute before running your hand up and down your thigh. The traffic gradually creeps forward, and just when you hit a slight break and can move a hundred feet forward you lightly guide his hand over your centre. He lazily massages you through the thin material. The traffic is stop and go once again as Jaehyun rubs you through the material, but it’s not enough for what you really want. He hums happily, to any onlooker he probably didn’t look like a guy that was about to a finger a girl in the passenger seat.

“Anything else you might like to make the car ride better, darling?” He asks very nonchalantly as if he wasn’t massaging you between your legs. You’re not going to move your underwear for him, and you don’t want to have to ask nicely, but Jaehyun is the competitive sort and he hates to lose or be left out.

“Jaehyun, look if you’re not up for the job I can just do it myself.” You snap as you pull your thighs closed, but before you can extricate his hand he uses it to pull your thighs back open. You hide your smirk as Jaehyun moves to prove you wrong and show you just how up to the job he is. He doesn’t rush, but his actions as he pushes your panties to the side are very deliberate and a wee bit rough. You’re embarrassingly slick already as his finger slowly strokes you. He still hums a little as you sigh in pleasure and contentment. Jaehyun rubs circles on your clit until you’re biting back gasps that threaten to spill from your lips. You’re so close to cumming when he backs off a little, he’s doing something you’ll never tell him you love. He brings you to the edge of orgasming three more times, so it sits like a fiery ball of pleasure and pressure inside of you. The circles he draws are slow and teasing, and then he changes that tempo to quick flicks and then he rubs in circles with slightly more pressure. There is no holding back now as your eyes screwed tight shut as you brace yourself with your arm against the window and you whimper as your climax consumes you and licks at your insides. Your orgasm washes over you in waves that gradually ebb away. Jaehyun guides you through it, his attention never dwindling, while he also steers gracefully through the traffic that seems to be opening up. You look over at his profile, his hand still rests caressing your thigh and his chin is slightly tucked which allows you to see his slight double chin. You smile to yourself and the sun streams in the car window, bathing you in its golden light. Once you’re on the highway and really moving Jaehyun turns on the playlist he made for this trip; it’s soft and summery, you feel like you should be in a convertible with your hair flying everywhere and getting into your mouth whenever you try and speak. You are almost asleep, and his hand feels wonderfully warm against your skin and you can’t help but think that you would happily drive across multiple countries with him.

“Jaehyun,” You murmur and turn your head to look at him.

“Mm-hmm,”

“I love you.” He looks over at you with a smile as these words leave your mouth. Jaehyun brings one of your hands to his lips and gently kisses it.

“I love you, too, Y/N.”

As soon as the car is emptied and the bags are in the little beach house you jump into Jaehyun’s arms.

“Hello, darling,” he smiles as he kisses you.

“Hi, lover,” you say as your lips form a smile against his. Jaehyun carries you as he walks to the couch and sits down. You are straddling him as you sit in his lap while holding and kissing each other. It feels wonderful, an ocean breeze drifts through the open window accompanied by the chirping of birds and insect noises. Jaehyun leans his forehead against yours, “What do you want to do?” he purrs against your skin.

“Mmhhm, have a tour?” You reply as you pull away to look at the little house you’re in. Jaehyun doesn’t miss a beat as he cockily smirks and begins to unbutton his shirt with a shrug of his broad shoulders.

“Well, I mean gladly, but it’s not like you haven’t seen it many times.” You groan and hit his chest when you realize that he’s talking about his body. “Okay, okay,” he concedes as you get off his lap and he places kisses on your hands and one more on your forehead once he stands up. The cottage is small but comfortable, the ground floor being a small kitchen, living room, with the first bedroom and bathroom. The second floor is a loft bedroom with lots of windows, a private bathroom, and a small corner desk; trees shade the afternoon sun from the west. A neighbouring rooftop can be seen through the tree foliage, but otherwise, the cottage is extremely private from the dense trees and shrubs. To the east, the sea is visible.

“The sunrise will be over the ocean here.” You say with a smile as Jaehyun hugs you from behind, and he holds you close as he sways from side to side placing kisses behind your ear. You can smell the sea in the breeze that floats through the room and your mind feels as if it’s in a little lull as Jaehyun slowly backs both of you up before falling into bed together.

————————————————————————————

You wake up from your nap hungry and roll over to find Jaehyun gone. Soon this will be normal, soon you’ll never wake up to Jaehyun again. A pen and unused letter paper sit on the nightstand, and your chest hurts at the thought of losing him.

“Hey, darling, you’re awake,” Jaehyun says softly and pulls you out of your reverie.

“Where were you?” He had startled you, but you try to brush that off with your demanding tone.

“I had to mail something.” He sits down on the bed, and he looks at you with an expression that is sad but also happy.

“Do we have any food?” You ask sitting up and you reach your hand out to hold his.

“No, we’ll have to go shopping.” Jaehyun murmurs against your head as you lean into his chest. His hand rubs circles into your back while you breathe in Jaehyun’s intoxicating scent. This was going to be the most difficult two weeks of your life; it’s only been a few hours yet you can feel the lump in your throat. You refuse to let your emotions get the best of you and are resolved to stay as calm as Jaehyun. You pull away and get up to dress as he sits and watches. There should be a lifetime more of moments like these: kissing him desperately when you’re only half dressed; tugging on his hand as you rush out the door; browsing the aisles of a convenience store looking for items that pique your appetite; intertwining fingers as you sit on the sand at the beach after midnight; curling up against his chest as you watch movies together; leaning over his shoulder when he’s on his laptop while pressing kisses to the back of his neck.

On Sunday you break out the toy that you are excited to use on Jaehyun. After breakfast and a walk, and slipping into something more comfortable (a flowy sundress and some lace boyshorts) you find him out on the patio next to the small pool and gardens; this afternoon will be all about Jaehyun. The breeze gently ruffles his dark hair and the sunlight dapples him through the tree leaves. He’s beautiful in this moment, his eyelids flutter open and close and a small smile appears when he feels you sit down next to him.

“Hello, sweetpea” you coo as you brush the hair back from his temples and place soft kisses around his mouth. You are pleasantly surprised when Jaehyun grabs the back of your neck to guide your lips to his, his eagerness is apparent in the hungry and decisive kisses. Your hands slowly explore his body as he pulls you closer so that you have to straddle him. You suck on his lower lip and pull it between your teeth, as you grind against the front of his pants you gently tug at his hair to pull his head back. Once his neck is exposed you are able to suck and nip at it, earning low moans as he reaches up to play with your breasts.

“You don’t have to, today is about you.” You tell him.

“I know, but It feels good for me too.” And you can’t deny him anything, especially when you enjoy it so much. You continue to lazily roll your hips against his crotch every now and again as your mouths’ meet again and tongues’ explore. Gradually, each hip motion draws a low groan from Jaehyun’s lips and his hand glides up your leg and beneath your dress. He softly caresses your thigh with his long pretty fingers “Let’s go inside.” he says as you suck a mark onto his soft skin. You’re very coy as you lead him into the house, never letting go of his hand as you gently lead him to the couch and have him sit so that you can straddle him again.

“Why aren’t we going upstairs?” He pulls away to ask, he looks disappointed and you let out an airy, tinkling laugh.

“Be patient, my love,” you tell him as you stroke his cheeks and brush his hair off of his face again. His lips are firm against yours as you grip his shoulder and neck gently. Jaehyun’s hand makes its way up your dress so that his hand is resting on your back. This moment could last a hundred years and you wouldn’t get tired of it. The golden sun beams through the tall windows, but a breeze causes goosebumps to prick your skin; except where yours and Jaehyun’s skin touches causing it to burn with desire. Jaehyun inhales sharply as you palm his crotch before slipping a hand up his shirt. You part briefly so that he can remove his shirt and you gently pinch and rub his nipples. His tongue submits to yours, only pulling you closer to himself as you take control of the deep kiss before paying homage to his neck and collarbone. You play his toned body as well you possibly can; reading and reacting to his every twitch and every moan. You don’t leave an inch of Jaehyun’s upper body unexplored; kissing, biting, and massaging all if it.

“Let’s go upstairs now,” you murmur against his soft lips as you kiss his mouth again. Before you can make any protests, Jaehyun has picked you up and slowly makes his way to the loft bedroom with your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Once you reach the bedroom, he puts you down but your lips remain securely attached to each other’s as you back him towards the bed. Discreetly, you turn on one of his playlists that you had saved. You help him remove his last articles of clothing before pushing him down on the bed. A few curses and low groans leave his mouth as you take his cock into your mouth, sinking as far onto his shaft as you can without gagging. You do this a few more times, agonizingly slowly, and Jaehyun’s fingers weave themselves tightly into your hair. You sit up and grab a bottle of lube that sits on the bedside table.

“Do you want me to—?” You leave the question hanging in the air as Jaehyun’s eyes cloud over with lust as he gazes at you.

“Yes,” he says it breathily, it almost comes out as a moan and you smile because you rarely get to see him like this. You squeeze the lube onto your fingers and your mouth returns to his cock as you gently push a digit into him. You don’t want him to come just yet, so you keep the stimulation on his cock to a minimum: licks, sucks, and an occasional bob of your head as you stretch him out to handle three of your fingers. A strangled moan leaves his mouth as you lick his dick and rub his prostate; you smile as you realize this is a side of Jaehyun that you have never seen.

“Please, Y/N, I really want it now.” Jaehyun whines as he grips the bedsheets with one hand and your hair with the other.

“Okay, sweetie, since you asked so nicely.” You say to him with a smile, and he smiles watches intently as you put on the strap on and lube it up.

“Turn around and get on your knees.” You tell him, and just like the first time you were together; he quickly does as you say. You squeeze his ass that is now presented to you and press kisses along his spine. Jaehyun’s breath hitches as you slowly push the toy into him. You keep your pace slow as you apply some extra lube to your hand before reaching around him to stroke his cock as it twitches against his stomach. Sinful moans fall from Jaehyun’s mouth, and he asks you to fuck him faster only for a slew of swears to leave his lips. You are enjoying watching him come so undone like this that you are mostly silent, only focusing on Jaehyun’s mounting pleasure. You sync the movements of your thrusts with the strokes of your slippery hand, bringing Jaehyun to his climax with a groan that he tries to contain only for it to turn into a small cry of pleasure as he spills his seed out over your fingers to drip onto the bed. You massage his back as he collapses onto the bed, shuddering, to regain his breath.

“You did so well, Jae, I love you so much.” You whisper near his ear as you continue to massage him.

“That was...thank you so much; I love you so much, too.” And he turns to look up at you with sleepy eyes.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, sweetpea.” You say as you place a kiss on the soft skin of his forehead.

————————————————————————————

“Is it everything I like?” You ask Jaehyun as he secures the rope that binds your wrists to the arms of the chair your sitting in.

“Yes, I followed your instructions: no annoying moaners, no ridiculous plots, lots of threesomes, realistic sex, and no gratuitous full frontal male nudity—what’s up with that though? What’s wrong with men’s body’s?”

“Nothing’s wrong with them, you’re just really the only man I want to see naked anymore.” You say it sweetly, but still so that he knows you’re telling the truth. He looks at you for a moment, his mouth hangs open a bit,

“That’s...the nicest thing anyone has said about me like that.” And he chuckles before kissing your temple.

“That’s sad,” you say sassily back to him; which is a bit comical as he has you tied to a desk chair sitting in front of the tv, with a sexy top and no underwear on. This was your fantasy, this was the crazy thing you wanted to do this week: be bound and unable to move or touch yourself as you watch a couple hours of porn that he handpicked for you, while Jaehyun goes out for a while to do whatever he wants only to come back to his girl horny and dripping on the furniture.

“Be a good girl for me, won’t you?” He says kissing your mouth.

“Never,” you reply as he pulls away, you’re grinning at him until he pinches your nipple, causing you to yelp. Jaehyun presses ‘play’ on the remote before setting it well out of your reach, and walks down the stairs. You’re watching a woman massage another woman when you hear the door close, signaling Jaehyun’s exit. You feel like such a nympho; within a few minutes you’re tingling pleasantly, but after two short scenes and a third one beginning—a threesome with a strap-on no less—you’re most definitely throbbing. After an hour you can feel how swollen your pussy lips are, and there really is no way to satisfy the ever constant dull throb because you can’t even comfortably roll your hips in the chair with how Jaehyun has your legs tied. You want to be pounded into the mattress like the girl you’re watching now is. You feel thirsty and parched, you just want Jaehyun to hurry home and fuck you until you can’t think or walk straight. Jaehyun comes home early, and you are so relieved to hear the door...only he doesn’t join you right away. You can hear him moving around downstairs; in the kitchen, walking here and there in his bare feet. You call his name a few times, but he makes no answer besides “Hey, I hope you’re being a good girl for me!” He pays you absolutely no attention, frustrating you immensely in your current state. You sit there for a good ten minutes before you start moaning and mewling like the woman on the screen; except she’s moaning “fuck” and you’re moaning “Jaehyun” loud enough for him to hear it. Your eyes are closed and you don’t hear Jaehyun creep up the stairs above your noises until the tv is abruptly shut off. You shudder as your eyes snap open to see Jaehyun standing over you. Hair is wet, as are the swimming shorts he wears, he looks sun-kissed and windswept. He reaches to stroke your face before putting a finger into your mouth to drag your bottom lip down.

“Hello my sweet, I can smell you.” He smiles at you as he kneels down and you blush at his comment.

“Oh my, what do we have here?” He teases as he sneaks his hand between your legs, “Y/N, you have made quite a mess.” Jaehyun tilts your chin up with his free hand to kiss your parted lips, and he swallows the moan that tries to spill from you as he strokes your dripping core. He stands up and pulls off his shorts and then pumps his half-hard cock a few times before guiding it into your mouth. You diligently try and make him hard with your mouth, but your movements are still restricted by the ties.

“Okay darling,” Jaehyun pulls away from you again and his cock stands firmly against his belly, “What would you like me to do?”

“Untie me, please,” You are nearly begging because of how desperately horny you are. Jaehyun unties your wrists and ankles so that your legs can finally part naturally.

“Get on the bed on your knees,” Jaehyun instructs, and he stands there stroking himself while you do as you’re told. “Now take your top off,” and he takes a few steps toward the bed as you comply with this new instruction. He kneels on the bed in front of you and takes a breast in each hand as he kisses you. “Now turn around.” He whispers against your mouth. Jaehyun pushes your upper body forward onto your elbows as he enters you excruciatingly slowly from behind. You gasp and bite back a mewl that threatens to slip from your mouth as he easily slides into you. Within a few thrusts, you can feel your climax bubbling like hot lava in your belly. You can feel your essence run down your legs, and Jaehyun’s thrusts remain slow and deep as he reaches around to rub your clit.

“Jaehyun I’m gonna—I can’t hold it anymore—“

“I know, darling,” he murmurs between your moans, his voice and movements soft and tender as the fire in your belly consumes you. His gentle actions continue until you still against the bedsheets, lightly gasping for air. Jaehyun rubs your back as he pulls out of you and tucks your hair behind your ear. He lays on the bed next to you, “Come here,” and gestures for you to ride him. Your movements are slow and it almost feels a bit much when you sink down onto his cock, but you are able to control the depth and speed while you’re still sensitive after your last orgasm. You thread your fingers through his damp hair as you lean down to kiss him, slowly rolling your hips until the sensitivity fades. His hands never stop stroking and exploring your body, the soft pads of his fingers press, glide and squeeze every inch that he can reach. Jaehyun smells like the ocean, and his skin tastes like the ocean: at this moment he exists in the heat of a summer day. You’re in love with a season that is fleeting and can never be yours; it comes and brings all its joys and wonders, and it leaves you behind burning and touched by its passions. But Jaehyun hasn’t left yet, he is still here—you are still here; you can feel his skin against yours, and his breath intermingled with yours, and his heartbeat against your palm. It is still summer, the leaves have yet to fall. You feel a wonderful and familiar sensation again in your core as the sensitivity is replaced with pleasure. A sheen of sweat covers your body as you ride him, gasping when Jaehyun pays attention to your hardened nipples.

“I love you,” Jaehyun says, and you look down at him with heavy-lidded eyes and parted lips to lose yourself in his lust and love filled eyes.

“Jaehyun, I want you to fuck me—I need you to fuck me like you never have before.” With no warning, he rolls you over so that he’s on top, and his lips immediately find yours as he brings one of your legs up near your head. He holds your legs wide and thrusts slow and deep, his cock grazing over the sweet spot inside of you right away. A bead of sweat from Jaehyun falls on you, and your body’s burn against each other in perfect harmony. He grunts as his thrusts hit you faster and as deep as possible, never letting up, and you hold onto him for dear life as you focus on him here now in your arms to stave off your climax for as long as possible. He pounds into you and you feel like you have forgotten how to breathe, but you must be breathing because you cannot control of moans coming from your lips. The fire you feel in your core is overwhelming, and the lewd noises of slapping skin and gasps and mewls fill the humid bedroom. You cry out as your orgasm overtakes you again, screwing your eyes shut as you bite down on Jaehyun’s shoulder, relishing in the feeling of your cunt pulsing around him. The feeling dies off only to light up once again as he fucks into you hard, and it all feels like too much but Jaehyun is nearing his end as he presses your legs even further apart and up to fuck you impossibly deep and hard. Pleasure swallows you, Jaehyun’s weight crushes you, and he’s whimpering as his cum fills you to the brim and leaks out between each thrust. He collapses on top of you, releasing your legs and burying his head into your shoulder. The heat overwhelms, Jaehyun’s scent overwhelms you, but most of all the feeling of your love for him crushes you and your throat is sore not from your cries of pleasure but from the repression of tears. It’s still summer, it’s too early to mourn for a season that has not passed. You swallow the lump in your throat, “I love you, too” you tell him between your gasps for breath. Jaehyun’s breathing is still laboured as he peppers your neck and shoulder with kisses.

————————————————————————————

You and Jaehyun spend the week sleeping in and walking on the beach with the hot sand scorching your feet. Movies are started, but halfway through you both decide that you’d rather be making love instead. You each enjoy getting handcuffed to the headboard on separate occasions, and the couch becomes a favourite spot for lazier sex. You cook together and eat together, you read books together which only turns into a couple nap session. You stay up late talking to each other with only the moon’s velvety luminescence shining upon your face’s. By the last day, you are living in Jaehyun’s clothes, wearing his shirts as entire shirt outfits around the cottage and throwing on a pair of your own shorts only if you are going out in public. A week is never long enough to live together in love: it flies by in an instant and leaves you kicking yourself for not saying enough. On the drive back to Seoul you hold hands and don’t speak; back to the land of packed boxes and wedding preparations. For a week they were forgotten; reality was put on pause for the sake of impossible bliss. He was like no one else, other lovers paled in comparison to Jaehyun and this love made you feel more alive than any other.

Johnny had arranged a goodbye party for you for the night before you leave Korea. The gang’s all there, with Johnny, Mark, and Yuta being especially clingy. Misook and Minseok are there, but they no longer parade around like the couple the still undoubtedly are; it’s practice for next month and the years to come. You wonder if they will stay together, or if the situation will be too awkward and put too much strain on their relationship. Jaehyun is aloof the entire night and Yuta teases him, “Aren’t you going to miss her!” To which Jaehyun only feigns a chuckle with a slight nod of his head. Ten brings in a cake, slapping away Mark’s hand as he tries to steal a strawberry off of it.

“It’s not my birthday!” You laugh, thanking Ten and Johnny with hugs. Yuta quickly hands you a knife to cut the cake with.

“The party’s too sad, I need cake now,” He says with a flash of his brilliant smile, a smile that makes you smile in return.

“Wow, Y/N’s slices are so neat and perfect,” Jungwoo says as he leans over your shoulder like a child impatiently waiting their turn.

“Yeah, they’re, like...exact.” Mark makes an awkward gesture with his hands to replicate the shapes of the slices. You laugh out loud, unsure if you’re embarrassed with him or by him.

“I’m gonna miss you, kid.” You tell Mark, smiling at him while Doyoung chuckles beside you as he hands out slices of the cake.

“I’m not that much younger than you!” But Mark laughs too, his nose scrunching as he giggles. You catch Johnny in an intense conversation with Jaehyun out of the corner of your eye, Jaehyun is...someone you aren’t ready to deal with quite yet.

After cake Johnny suggests that everyone go around and say a few words, it’s mostly the same stuff they said at Kun’s going away party. Doyoung thanked you for being a refreshing addition to their group,

“Was it nice to have another voice of reason around, Hyung?” Jungwoo says.

“Yes!” Doyoung exclaims with a gummy smile.

“Thank you for putting up with all of our shenanigans—better than Doyoung hyung does! I sincerely hope you enjoy the rest of your life.” Mark is lovely and sweet as he says this, but you still all crack up at his words.

“The ‘rest of my life’, jeez, that sounds scary.” you joke, but you smile thankfully at Mark.

“Come visit Osaka sometime and I’ll show you around.” Yuta grins and squeezes your hand. It’s Jaehyun’s turn next, and part of you hopes that he doesn’t say anything.

“Study hard and create lots of new memories.” He frowns while saying it and for a moment an awkward silence hangs in the air, which must confuse a majority of the people in the room.

“Yes, lots of new memories—but don’t forget the ones we made!” Johnny jumps in, “Going home to family is so special; take care of yourself and let others take care of you when you need it. Thank you for being more than just a voice of reason and a doting noona—“ the younger boys chuckle “But also for being up for every part of the culture we wanted to show you.”

“Yes, thank you for taking Korean cooking classes with me!” Yuta chimes in and it’s your turn to laugh. Johnny glances at Jaehyun before continuing:

“You will be missed and never forgotten; you left your mark...now go home and have a ‘sincerely’ nice rest of your life, and don’t break too many hearts.” John smiles and winks, there is a round of applause and you are enveloped in a hug by the tall man.

“Thank you,” you squeak as he hugs you too tightly. Jiwoo gifts you a small carved jewelry box, and Taeyong gives you a bag of ramen flavouring packets.

“Do you just have, like, 50 ramen noodles at home now?” You ask him in disbelief.

“Yes,” and he giggles cutely before continuing “They’re the ones you like, and I don’t know if you can get them at home.” You would hug him, but you don’t want to make him all flustered.

Saying goodbye to your friends that you have made in the last two years is harder than you thought, but you also miss your friends and family back home.

——————————————————————————

You unlock the door to the apartment that will soon no longer be yours, and drop the little bag of gifts right inside next to a suitcase. “Those will have to be packed, too.” You mutter to yourself. The light is on in the kitchen, and the tea kettle is nearly whistling. As you lean against the counter and close your eyes Jaehyun’s arms wrap around you from behind and his face presses against you to breathe you in. He left the party with Misook long before you.

“What have you been doing?” You ask as you lean into him.

“Lying on your bed, and going through your drawers to make sure you didn’t forget anything.”

“What’s the hot water for?”

“I thought you might like tea.” He knew you too well, a mug sat on the counter with a tea bag already. This was it, this was the end. This was how summer would come to a close for you in life. You poured the boiling water into the mug and turned in Jaehyun’s arms to face him.

“I love you,” you tell him as you look up at his face and intertwine your fingers on the back of his neck.

“I love you, too.” And he places soft kisses over your forehead and temples. You don’t know what to do, you don’t know how to face the last night: the last time having sex, the last kisses, the last laughs, and the last time waking up next to him. You stand there together for a long time before Jaehyun eventually helps you to get ready for bed.

“What’s wrong?” He asks as you push him away as he tries to help you into your pajama top.

“What’s the point, it’s gonna come off anyway.” You say pulling him to you. You mean to be sexy, but you feel sad, you feel crushed and devastated. It’s not that you don’t want to leave and go home, you just don’t want to leave him. Soberly, Jaehyun takes his t-shirt off and then runs his hands up and down your sides. Your breasts lightly brush against his naked upper body as he dips down to kiss you, and you’re not sure if you can breathe as you pull him down onto the bed with you. You want to feel his weight and see his face tonight, his skin is hot against yours as is the room’s air. It’s a game of equals as you can’t tell who’s kissing whom, and you hook your feet around his waist to keep him against you. You savour the taste of his skin and how his fingers squeeze and grasp your body; his hair is thick and soft between your fingers as you run your hands through it. The emotions you feel right now crush you as you lick a strip up his neck before Jaehyun dips his head down to your cleavage and breasts to nip, squeeze, and suck them. It’s a haze of whispered ‘I love yous’ and ‘you’re beautifuls’ and somewhere in there the last remaining articles of clothing are shed and it’s just two people deeply in love and deeply hurt. You are all sensibility and no sense as you feel tears prick your eyes as Jaehyun’s length slowly enters you; filling you completely. Neither of you masks any sound or a single breath. His thrusts are slow and deliberate, and sweat lubricates your body’s so that your skin glides against one another. For a moment he stops moving and you just kiss each other like...you won’t kiss tomorrow. Your finger nails must leave a few crescent shapes in his skin as you gasp for breath before he rolls the both of you over. You roll your hips against his and attach your lips to his neck. A fiery heat builds in you as he squeezes your ass and encourages tiny bounces from your hips.

“I don’t want this to ever end,” you cry in pleasure having to hold back a physical sob as you collapse against his chest and he rolls over onto you again.

“I’ve got you baby, you’re all mine.” Jaehyun chokes into your neck, something hot and wet falls onto your shoulder. It’s just sweat you tell yourself, but Jaehyun has hidden his face from you while he glides easily in and out of your hot folds. Jaehyun hooks one of your legs over his shoulder so that he can penetrate you deeper as he quickly yet gently fucks you. Your climax builds and nears as he brings a hand to your breast and you feel his thick cock twitch inside of you. Your moans are a chorus together, beautiful but stark in the otherwise quiet room. It’s an empty room; empty shelves and drawers, it’s clean and bare save for the two people joined in a sweaty love-filled union on the bed. Your face contorts in ecstasy as your orgasm peaks when you feel Jaehyun’s seed spurt against your walls. Maybe you have been crying this whole time, you’re not even sure but you feel a plump tear roll down your cheek now followed by another. It takes a moment for you to realize that you are both gasping and crying against one another, and you can feel Jaehyun’s softening cock inside of you as he makes no attempt to move. There is a sob that sits in your throat and threatens to wrack your entire body if you give in to it, you force his face towards yours and are devastated to find it tear-stained and pink. He wipes away the tears hastily, he almost seems embarrassed that you saw them but he kisses the trails your tears have left on your cheeks down to your mouth.

“Why didn’t—“ you choke against the lump in your throat “You ever ask me to stay?”

Jaehyun doesn’t wipe away his fresh tears as he answers, “Because I can’t give you the life you deserve here” and a silent sob shakes your shoulders now “You deserve to be with someone always, and have a family, and a career that makes you proud. You deserve to be surrounded by people that love you—“ you kiss him to drown out your sobs. “I can’t give you enough here because I’m stifled, I am so sorry I wasn’t able to stand up for myself and marry you and have beautiful children with you and grow old next to you.” His hot tears fall fresh on your face and it takes everything you have to suppress your sobs. You can’t give in to them yet, he’s still here in your arms, he’s still loving and holding you. You kiss Jaehyun’s lips to calm the both of you down and it must work because after a few minutes you feel lighter than before and his cock begins to harden inside of you again. You make love three more times that night, each time it feels closer and more emotionally raw than the last.

————————————————————————————

You are exhausted upon waking up and Jaehyun lies next to you, watching you.

“I had to watch you wake up one more time.” He smiles, but it’s a sad smile. Everything is tinged with melancholy this morning; the kisses, the morning routines, the last minute checks to see that you’re not forgetting something. Jaehyun drives you to the airport and gets out to help unload the suitcases you’re taking on the plane with you.

“Passport?”

“Yes.”

“Wallet?”

“Yes.”

“Boarding pass?”

“Yes. I love you.” Jaehyun smiles at your words and takes your hands in his.

“I love you, too, Y/N.”

You reach up to kiss him: yes it’s public—but Jaehyun’s grandmother could have been watching from 5 feet away and you still wouldn’t have cared less. It’s love, and you were losing it.

“Jaehyun,”

“Yes, my little love.”

“Take care of yourself.” You smile as best you can before squeezing his hand one last time and walking away with a suitcase in each hand. He doesn’t call back to you, he doesn’t run after you...he lets you go. There is a part of you that expects that he might have a sudden crazy change of heart and burst into the airport at any second. You board the plane knowing full well that are leaving Jaehyun behind, and that he didn’t follow and that you’re not actually going to run away together. You lock yourself inside the tiny bathroom to cry, but it’s like you’re in shock and the tears won’t come.

You feel numb as you greet your parents at the airport and they drive you home. Your house is mostly empty because your parents are spending most of their summer at the family lake house. Your room hasn’t changed, textbooks still lie around but you left it fairly neat before you left. It was a half-used room then as you spent half your time in a university dorm or your ex’s apartment. You had your big childhood home mostly to yourself now. Your mom has left a pile of mail from the last few weeks on your bed, and your eye catches a letter that sits on top of the pile. Your stomach plummets at the sight of the familiar handwriting, and when you pick it up with trembling hands you can see that it was mailed from Naksan. Tears well in your eyes as you open it and you feel as though you can’t breathe as you read it.

My darling lover,

If you are reading this letter, then I have made the biggest mistake of my life by not following you home or not convincing you to run away with me. As I write this you are asleep in bed next to me. This chapter is over for us, I hope your regrets are few or none. Please start many new chapters; fall in love, have a fulfilling career, and have lots of games of hide and seek with your beautiful children in the house you grew up in. Do not think of me with sadness or regret, but just as a lover you once knew. You laughed in your sleep just now beside me. Did you know you do that sometimes? The you that is beside me right now must be happy, but you that is reading this letter may have tears in your eyes as I have in mine writing this. Wipe them away and cherish them for a few moments and then forget them. Months ago you called this “ill-fated love”, and you were quite right. Thank you for letting me love you, thank you for loving me, and thank you for breaking my heart. One last time: I love you, Y/N...so much that it hurts.

-Jaehyun

“I love you, too” you whisper before your body is consumed with grief and sobs. You collapse onto your bed where your mother finds you inconsolable a short while later, but she asks for no explanations and sits with you rubbing your back and stroking your hair until you cry yourself to sleep.

Next

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY on I’VE GOT A SECRET

1956 - 1966

“I've Got a Secret” is a panel game show derived from “What's My Line?.” Instead of celebrity panelists trying to determine a contestant's occupation, the panel tries to determine a contestant's ‘secret’; something that is unusual, amazing, embarrassing, or humorous. The show premiered on June 19, 1952 on CBS and ran until April 3, 1967. It began broadcasting in black and white, switching to color in 1966. From 1952 to 1960 the show was done at CBS Studio 59, formerly the Mansfield Theatre, now the Brooks Atkinson.

When “I’ve Got A Secret” first went on the air it was an immediate disaster, in part because producers Goodson-Todman tried too hard to differentiate it from “What’s My Line?” It had an awkward courtroom set in which the panelists would interrogate contestants seated in a witness box. After the first broadcast, Goodson ordered the set scrapped and a new one built which would mirror the “What's My Line?” set. One of the show’s two sponsors canceled so for the remainder of the first season the show only aired every other week, alternating with “Racket Squad.”

The show was originally hosted by radio and television personality Garry Moore. After several months of an ever-changing panel, game show host Bill Cullen, acerbic comedian Henry Morgan, TV hostess Faye Emerson, and actress Jayne Meadows became the four regular panelists. In 1958, Emerson left the show to star in a play and was replaced by actress Betsy Palmer. Later that year, Meadows relocated to the West Coast and was replaced by former Miss America Bess Myerson. Other comedians and celebrities appeared as guests on the panel when others were away. The announcer for most of the run was John Cannon.

Moore left the show after the 1963–64 season. When his comedy program “The Garry Moore Show” was canceled by the network, Moore chose to retire from television to travel the world with his wife. He was replaced by Steve Allen, who left his own syndicated talk show to take over the game.  

A typical episode featured two regular contestant rounds followed by a celebrity guest round, occasionally followed by an additional regular round, if time permitted. “I've Got a Secret” was more informal than its sister show “What's My Line?” in most respects. The panel and host were generally on a first-name basis. The formal time limit on questioning was removed early in the show's run, and time limits were set more for entertainment. The men on the panel always wore informal suits or even sport jackets. The panel was introduced at the start of each episode by the host (as opposed to by each other, as on “What's My Line?”), sometimes with a series of descriptive puns, but generally without plugging their other projects.  

“I've Got a Secret,” along with “What's My Line?” and “To Tell the Truth,” were canceled in a mass axing of CBS's remaining panel shows in 1967; the shows were financially successful but were not drawing good ratings. Between 1952 and 1967, “I've Got a Secret” ranked among the top 30 television shows for ten out of fifteen seasons, peaking at #5 during the 1957–58 season. The show was nominated for three Emmy Awards during the 1950s.

The first theme music used on the show from 1952 to 1961 was "Plink, Plank, Plunk!" by Leroy Anderson. The second theme, used from 1961 to 1962, was an upbeat arrangement of the "Theme from A Summer Place" by Max Steiner. The third theme, used from 1962 to 1967, was an upbeat march composed by the show's musical director Norman Paris and played by a live studio combo.

February 8, 1956 at 9:30pm

Directed by Frank Satenstein

The program is sponsored by Winston cigarettes. Because of this, host Garry Moore smokes continually throughout the program. Those contestants who stump the panel win a carton of Winstons and a cash prize [$80 in 1956].

Garry Moore (Host) says that Faye Emerson is on vacation and that Lucille Ball will be taking her place that evening. Unbeknownst to him (supposedly) Lucille Ball shadows Moore on his entrance, making funny faces behind his back. When he turns to introduce her they come face to face and scream. Moore mentions that Lucy is there to promote her film Forever Darling.

John Cannon (Announcer)

The Panel (left to right)

Bill Cullen hosted 23 shows in his lifetime and earned the nickname "Dean of Game Show Hosts". Aside from his hosting duties, he also appeared as a panelist / guest on many other game shows, including “To Tell The Truth,” a sister show to “I've Got a Secret.”

Jayne Meadows was an actress who was also quite a popular game show panelist, often beside her husband Steve Allen, whom she wed two years before this telecast. In 1970 she appeared on an episode of “Here's Lucy” (S3;E16). She is sister to “Honeymooners” star Audrey Meadows, who appeared with as Lucille Ball's sister on an episode of “Life With Lucy” (1987).

Henry Morgan (not to be confused with actor Harry Morgan) was a frequent guest panelist on three of the most popular prime-time game shows in the 1950s and '60's: "I've Got a Secret," What's My Line," and "To Tell the Truth."

Lucille Ball (Guest Panelist). Two days earlier, “I Love Lucy” broadcast “The Fox Hunt” (S5;E16) for the first time, part of the Ricardos and Mertzes trip to Europe.  A few days after this appearance on “I've Got A Secret,” Ball returned to California to begin rehearsals for the classic episode “Lucy Gets a Paris Gown” (S5;E20), in which Lucy and Ethel are duped into wearing burlap bags as fashion. The episode was filmed on February 16, 1956 and aired a month later.

The Contestants

Bertha Pierce is from Olean, New York. Her secret is that she built the chairs that the panel is sitting on. Lucy is put on the spot when asked to go first. She notes that Olean is very close to her hometown of Jamestown. Lucy is startled by the buzzer of the timer. Jayne Meadows guesses the secret correctly.

Seymour J. Seymour is 96 years old and appears on the stage with a patch on his eye, using a cane. Moore says Seymour had a fall in the hotel the previous evening. His secret is that he saw John Wilkes Booth shoot President Lincoln on April 14, 1865. [Seymour passed away two months after the airing of the show.] At the time, Seymour was the last living witness to the shooting. Jayne Meadows guesses his secret and Moore gives Seymour the full prize of $80. Before the show, Seymour informed Moore  that he does not smoke cigarettes, so he is given a can of Prince Albert pipe tobacco instead. [In other instances, the sponsor was not so amenable. Both Groucho Marx and Ernie Kovacs wanted to smoke their trademark cigars on the show, but Winston forbade it. In the case of Groucho, they eventually relented.]

Desi Arnaz (Guest Contestant) is introduced by his wife, reading a script written by the show that comically goes on...and on... and on. The panel leaves the stage while Moore and Arnaz discuss Forever Darling, which opens the next day at the Loewe's State in NYC. [Lucy and Desi expected the film to open at Radio City Music Hall, just like their last MGM feature The Long, Long Trailer. But the Music Hall declined to premiere the film. They did not expect it to be a blockbuster, which it was not.]  Desi has planned to play a trick on his wife by telling everyone else on the panel his 'secret' and telling them to pass their turn to Lucy. Desi's secret is “I love Lucy.” When Bill Cullen disqualifies himself, Lucy is immediately suspicious. Lucy is totally confounded by being the only player and she and Desi devolve into good-natured husband and wife bickering. With a big smile of realization, Lucy finally gets it! Before they depart, Moore reads a wire from the Heart Fund, thanking Lucy and Desi for their time and energy on their behalf.

February 15, 1961 at 9:30pm

Directed by Franklin Heller

The program is sponsored by Bristol Myers' Bufferin. Doing a live pitch for the pain remedy, Garry Moore says that an in-store display features a mirror in which his face appears. The associate sponsor was Clairol.

The show begins with a cold open of Lucille Ball talking to the viewers: “My name is Lucille Ball and I've got a secret.”

Garry Moore (Host) notes that Bill Cullen is on vacation and introduces the panel, staring with Cullen's replacement, Johnny Carson.

John Cannon (Announcer)

The Panel (left to right)

Johnny Carson (Guest Panelist) did a dozen episodes of the game before assuming the hosting duties of “The Tonight Show” in October 1962. He played himself on a 1969 episode of “Here's Lucy” (S2;E11).  Ball made many appearances on “The Tonight Show” during his tenure.  

Betsy Palmer was an actress equally at home on Broadway, film and TV.  She became known for her many appearances in regional theatre, particularly at New Jersey's Paper Mill Playhouse. Later in her career she became famous for her role in the 1980 horror film Friday the 13th.

Henry Morgan (not to be confused with actor Harry Morgan) was a frequent guest panelist on three of the most popular prime-time game shows in the 1950s and '60's: "I've Got a Secret," What's My Line," and "To Tell the Truth."

Bess Myerson was a former Miss American (1945). She was the pageant's first and only Jewish winner. Myerson was a panelist and talk show guest on many television programs.

The Contestants

The Smith Family – four children from Kenmore New York (Herman, Theresa, Mary Margaret, and Ralph) are introduced by Moore. Their secret is that they each have a twin backstage. The Smith Family consists of 13 children.  Henry Morgan guesses the secret. Moore says the odds of such a thing happening are 40 million to one!

Pat Patterson from Washington DC sailed from there to Jacksonville, Florida... in a paper boat made of water-proof cardboard and wood supports. The trip took him six weeks. Patterson is a corrugated box manufacturer. The boat itself is on the stage. Moore is a boating enthusiast.

The panel is sent offstage while Moore introduces a filmed Clairol commercial: “Only her hairdresser knows for sure.” He then introduces Lucille Ball.  

Lucille Ball (Guest) was then starring on Broadway in the new musical Wildcat, her only Broadway credit. Moore tells Lucy that her secret will be to get the panel to imitate her. The panel returns for the questioning. The word “EXCITED” appears on the screen to prompt Lucy. While Betsy Palmer is talking, the word turns to “HAPPY” and Lucy laughs out loud continually. The questioning turns to Henry Morgan and the word turns to “DIGNIFIED” then to “SAD” - Lucy reacts accordingly. During Bess Myerson's turn the word is “NERVOUS”.  During Carson's turn, the word is “ROMANTIC” and then “TIPSY.”  They play out the whole game even though someone gets it early. Moore later confesses that (for the first time ever) he cheated in order not to spoil the fun.  

In closing, there is an extended filmed commercial for next week's sponsor, Winston Cigarettes. The announcer also reminds viewers that Bristol Myers also sponsors “Candid Camera” (consult your local listings).  

March 8, 1965 at 8:00pm

Directed by Paul Alter

The program is sponsored by Toni Home Permanent.

Steve Allen (Host) was a humorist who starred in his own television show on another network five nights a week. More than thirty years later, Allen would guest star as himself on “Lucy Calls the President” (1977). Allen tells viewers that half the panel is on vacationing so his ‘better half’ (Jayne Meadows) and Lucy's ‘better half’ Gary Morton will be sitting in for the absent Bill Cullen and Bess Myerson.

John Cannon (Announcer) 

The Panel (left to right)

Henry Morgan (not to be confused with actor Harry Morgan) was a frequent guest panelist on three of the most popular prime-time game shows in the 1950s and '60's: "I've Got a Secret," What's My Line," and "To Tell the Truth."

Jayne Meadows was an actress who was also quite a popular game show panelist, often beside her husband Steve Allen, whom she wed two years before this telecast. In 1970 she appeared on an episode of “Here's Lucy” (S3;E16). She is sister to “Honeymooners” star Audrey Meadows, who appeared with as Lucille Ball's sister on an episode of “Life With Lucy” (1987).

Gary Morton was a comedian who wed Lucille Ball in 1961. He acted as Producer on “The Lucy Show” as well as making occasional on-camera appearances and doing voice-overs.

Betsy Palmer was an actress equally at home on Broadway, film and TV. She became known for her many appearances in regional theatre, particularly at New Jersey's Paper Mill Playhouse. Later in her career she became famous for her role in the 1980 horror film Friday the 13th.

The Contestants

Marie Rhodes from Los Angeles is Marlon Brando's stand-in. Betsy Palmer guesses her secret. Her husband is his make-up man. She started on Mutiny on the Bounty, in order that she could be with her husband in Tahiti for the year it took to make the film. The most recent film where she stood in for Brando was Morituri, which she says will be released soon. Rhodes has also stood in for many other stars: Anna Magnani, Ben Grauer, Carol Williams, Judith Anderson, Patricia Owens, and others. Steve Allen is fixated on Ben Grauer.

Four Lieutenants in the US Armed Forces: Joe Amlong (Air Force), Billy Mills (Marines), William Stowe (Navy), and Lones Wigger Jr. (Army) enter. Allen declines to give their names at first. Their secret is that each has won a gold medal in the 1964 Olympics in Tokyo.

Lucille Ball (Guest) was then finishing her third season of “The Lucy Show.”  At 9pm that evening, CBS broadcast “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (TLS S3;E23). The evening before, Lucy had appeared on “What's My Line?” She is introduced as the National Chairman for the Easter Seals campaign. 

Before the show, questions were solicited for Lucille Ball. The panel is asked to answer as if they were Lucy. Lucy gives her response as well. 

“Are you temperamental?”  Henry Morgan says yes, but Lucy says no, but that she has flare-ups after long periods of frustration.  

“Are you a natural redhead?”  Jayne Meadows (also a bottle red head) and Lucy both say “of course!” 

“Who has the final say at home?”  Gary naturally says Lucy.  Lucy says the only thing she has the final say on is whether the windows stay open or closed at night.  

“Are you inherently witty or do you have to have a script?”  Betsy Palmer tactfully replies that Lucy is inherently witty but that a good script helps. Lucy says she is not witty, and that she doesn't “think funny.”  

“What is it like to be a millionaire?”  Lucy seriously says she is not a millionaire, which Henry Morgan doubts. Lucy says that all her money goes into her business [Desilu Studios].  

“Do you do your own cooking?”  Jayne Meadows says that Lucy doesn't cook. Lucy says she can cook, but doesn't have time and often let's her husband Gary plan the meals. Gary adds that Lucy makes meatballs that taste like hockey pucks.  

“Are you as funny offstage as you are on?” Gary Morton says that Lucy doesn't think she's funny – but she is.  

“Why do you work so hard?”  Jayne Meadows and Lucy agree that she works so hard because she loves it.  She mentions “The Lucy Show.”  

The program ends with the women sitting on the mens’ laps, even Henry and Betsy, the only two that are not husband and wife. Allen says that the young people will be pleased to know that next week Neil Sedaka will be the guest. As the final credits roll, the network announcer promotes “The Lucy Show” guest starring Arthur Godfrey coming up in a half hour's time.

Two weeks later Vivian Vance appeared on the “I’ve Got a Secret” (guest hosted by Steve Allen). Vivian purposely talked very fast because her ‘secret’ was that everything they said was being written down in short-hand backstage. 

October 17, 1966 at 10:30pm

Directed by Paul Alter

The color telecast was sponsored by Westinghouse. [Note: No color prints were available for preview, so the photographs are in black and white.] The show is sponsored by Lucky Strike cigarettes. [Ironically, during the early years of “I Love Lucy” the show was sponsored by Philip Morris and the writers were prohibited from using the word “lucky.”]  

Steve Allen (Host) was a humorist who starred in his own television show on another network five nights a week. More than thirty years later, Allen would guest star as himself on “Lucy Calls the President” (1977).

The Panel (left to right)

Betsy Palmer was an actress equally at home on Broadway, film and TV.  She became known for her many appearances in regional theatre, particularly at New Jersey's Paper Mill Playhouse. Later in her career she became famous for her role in the 1980 horror film Friday the 13th. Steve Allen introduces her as starring in Cactus Flower on Broadway.

Henry Morgan (not to be confused with actor Harry Morgan) was a frequent guest panelist on three of the most popular prime-time game shows in the 1950s and '60's: "I've Got a Secret," What's My Line," and "To Tell the Truth."

Bess Myerson was a former Miss American (1945).  She was the pageant's first and only Jewish winner. Myerson was a panelist and talk show guest on many television programs. Steve Allen reminds the viewers that she can also be seen on “Candid Camera.”  

Bill Cullen hosted 23 shows in his lifetime and earned the nickname "Dean of Game Show Hosts." Aside from his hosting duties, he also appeared as a panelist / guest on many other game shows, including “To Tell The Truth,” a sister show to “I've Got a Secret.”

The Contestants

Rufus Harley (Contestant) is at first identified only as ‘Mr. X’. His secret is that he is a jazz musician who plays the bagpipes. No one guesses his secret. Harley also appeared on “To Tell the Truth” and in 1968 appeared on syndicated "What's My Line?" during its first week. He released two albums on Atlantic and plays “Feelin' Good” with his Jazz combo on the show. Fittingly, the background is a tartan plaid!

Howard Goodrich and his dog Fritz (Contestant) whose secret is that both he and his dog are wearing contact lenses. Henry Morgan asks Mr. Goodrich if HE has a tail.  No one guesses the secret.

Lucille Ball (Guest). Earlier in the evening, CBS broadcast “Lucy Flies To London” (S5;E6) which was “The Lucy Show's” set-up for the following week's location-filmed special “Lucy in London.” Lucy promotes the special talking about her love for London, especially Carnaby Street, and the mod fashions. 

To see if American people have taken to these garments, the show has given 100 audience members voting buttons to express their opinions. Three fashion models come out, while Lucy describes their outfits. [Despite the show being broadcast in color, Lucy still describes the vivid colors of the clothing, aware that not all viewers will be watching on a color television.]  

Before asking the audience to vote, Steve Allen asks Lucy if she likes them. Lucy hesitates, but says “On some very young people, at some very special places, for a very short time.” Before finding out the result of the audience vote, Lucy guesses that just 35% of the audience will like them. The panel guesses that probably only 15% to 35% will. Allen surprisingly reveals that only 7% of the studio audience likes the mod fashions. [The clothing was supplied by Lord and Taylor.]

The second poll asks the female audience which of the three looks the audience favors. Lucy thinks 'B' will be the most popular, Betsy says 'A', Bill and Bess says 'C' and Henry agrees with Lucy that it is 'B'.  The results show that 54% of the women liked 'A' – the pant suit; 10% prefer 'B' – the mini skirt; and 36% liked 'C' – the vinyl look.  

The men are then polled and Lucy and the panel stick with their previous selections. Steve Allen likes 'C'. 54% of men liked 'C'; 40% liked 'A'; and only 6% chose 'B'.  

Lucy asks a totally different question of the men; would their wives chose a brand new kitchen or a fur coat. Lucy says that 95% will go for the kitchen. The result says that 54% said their wives would want a new kitchen. Lucy says that if the women were asked, they would chose the kitchen.  

[cyrelia-j]

[Fic] Me Tangere (Jack/Parmak)

Continuing with this since a bug kinda bit me on the pairing. Still for @borg-apologist who I want to give such massive undying thanks to for being so encouraging with this ridiculously self indulgent series. I don't normally do romance but I love this damn sappy over the top gooeyness of this universe and these characters.

Anyway, this is a sequel to Dear Jessie which is from Parmak's POV and can be found HERE

Note: This does feature C132 Parmak (Don’t know what that means? click HERE for the in depth but basically it’s an off canon version who’s different from traditional canon Parmak) and a LOT of headcanon made up stuff.

Summary: Ten years after moving to Cardassia Jack often finds himself reflecting on all the Good things in his life sure to keep his timers for them all. Two and a half kids, one Kelas, and a perfect morning in the garden, and he still can't quite believe it's all real.

Warnings: Fluff to the max, intersex Parmak who's pregnant in this story, talks of Jack's mental, impulse control, anxiety, augment issues, Jack's POV so it's very stream of conscious and Julian still doesn't come off too well because it's Jack's POV, past bad parenting and implied child abuse, Alternate Reality (mainly the same universe but averted Dominion War and some characters meeting under different circumstances), brief sexual content too

So if you wanted a sequel, here's your sequel :)

Juggling was one of the first things that he learned to do when he became aware that he was “different”. His father used to have all sorts of euphemisms that he would use aside from “different”. His father, his mother, any number of black and whites rushing around the busy house like one of the old gala scenes in the movies that he used to enjoy watching. His father would also say that juggling was a Supreme Waste (capitals!) of the gifts that he’d been given and Jack - Jack of all trades he liked to call himself using his middle name instead of the dull old John J”-  said if the old man paid all that money he could do anything he wanted and if he didn’t sleep he’d have more time. The old man didn’t rightly have an answer to that one, Jack winning, counting the score down as he learned to juggle eleven knives at once by the time he was thirteen.

Time, time was something the old man used to rail about. Brevis tui tempu est his old man would drone at him while his mother smiled and told him to listen because the old bastard was very wise. He’d go on about a lot of things often, frequently, all the time Very Loudly until Jack started hiding from him considering the matter of time on one of the high branches of the old oaks where they couldn’t easily reach him; at least not until they cut every one of them down. Jack considered that mutants like him should live longer if anything. But the old man didn’t like his Truths contradicted firing decrees from behind the old mahogany desk like a God himself. That desk was huge, austere, like the old man himself all dark eyebrows, dark eyes, sometimes turning into some giant owl in his vision or morphing to The General telling how some animals were more equal than others.

Jack was more equal than others. Jack was special. Jack was the investment of a lifetime buy sell buy till the old man jumped out the window just like one of those old fat cats in the twentieth century. Didn’t jump so much as pushed but that wasn’t anyone’s business but Jack and God’s and there was no God so it was Jack’s and Jack’s alone, damn right! Ah, amend that amend that, his business was his bondmate’s business too. Bondmate, husband, jailer warden, ah no, Incorrect thought with a capital “I”. Those Incorrect thoughts are fewer and fewer nowadays. Correct thought: Kelas is… everything. Kelas, Jessie, Kiss, and-

“Focus.” Jack hears the child’s voice and looks down, seeing his oldest looking up at him and he sets down all four of the large pots he’s been juggling, one after the other onto the sand. Jessie is nearly five now and is old enough now that ze recognizes when Jack’s mind needs to be tugged back with a small cue; like now. Kelas taught zem that, his brilliant Jessie picking it up so quickly. Correction, he thinks as he looks over to Kelas kneeling in the sand next to Kiss (“Kiss” because Jessie couldn’t say “Kesya” when ze was first born) adding water to the white sand to make a castle little by little. Their  child and Jack’s goddamn genius – is he or isn’t he a mutant little smirk ‘wouldn’t you like to know?’- bondmate is four months pregnant with their third. “Theirs”. That’s the correction that he makes. He’s gotten much better at those Johnny on the spot mental corrections since he met Kelas over ten years ago.

Kelas looks over at him and there’s this soft little smile, this look on his face that’s identical to the one he gave him in the Replimat the day they met, when Jack said he was blind and that Cardassia needed better optometrists if he couldn’t tell the difference between Jack and Julian with those spectacles and... shit... God there’s no God, no proof for God except that smile.  Jack had yelled at him with a jump off the table and Kelas had just laughed and then Jack was right there in his face and he’d stopped and looked down because he was just a little taller than Jack but he could see that Kelas was looking at him not afraid but like somehow Jack’s outburst was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen… I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. No, that’s Keats, not God Jesus, Mary, and Joseph same difference!

Jack thrives on the exercise he gets in that sprawling sand garden, succulents and other desert plants like one of the Zen gardens he’s seen pictures of making it a magical place like falling through a looking glass and finding the gardens of Ginkaku-ji on the other end instead of Underland. Well missing most of the coveted trees but he and Kelas and their family have spent years building it beautiful and art brought to life any why couldn’t the old man pay for some natural artistic painting enhancement because he can speak every language he tries to learn but he can’t capture Kelas or his children in more than memories. Ah right, because life isn’t perfect and if it was it would be dull and Jack is Absolutely not dull. He’s the Best Daddy as Jessie says and Kiss repeats and their children aren’t liars so that’s that. Every morning he’s out here barefoot in his loose trousers -how novel is that for him of all people not to be wearing a shirt?- with katas, with tumbles, sweat drenched before the sun is too high and his pale skin in has to be doused and drenched in sunscreen. Jack hatessunscreen.

He usually walks around the city with his big black UV umbrella.

Sometimes Jessie likes to drag the rake through the sand to make the patterns in the sand of the shared garden; this one is more secluded, closer to their modest dwelling than the others. Sometimes ze and Kiss fight over the rake; sometimes Jack joins in too though more often than not Kelas thwaps his shoulder with a book and tells him playfully to behave. Kelas will raise the big tome kissing him long and sweetly behind it, those full lips begging to be bitten ‘til they’re flushed dark gray, It’s one of many games they like to play, kissing until one or both kids yell “Aha!” declaring they’ve been spotted. They laugh when the book lowers and Jack is red and Kelas is just beaming with his glasses half askew. They have endless ridiculous little games they play and Jack is always amazed by how Good this is. Jack doesn’t remember his parents ever… doesn’t remember old George and Martha ever… old swampy ever being anything but cold to each other snip snap at the table clattering spoons and little presses of napkins to mouths.

“Right here, Jessie Jess mmhm. Your turn?” he asks going to one knee, letting himself be knocked backwards when ze yells “yes!” because they’re outdoors and outdoors they can be loud as they want. He gives a good dramatic death yell as his back hits the ground, holding his baby close a moment as he falls. Almost five, Jessie always corrects him, not a baby, Four years nine months nine days ten hours five minutes three seconds... and Jack watches his mouth, ensuring that any kisses are Cardassian presses of two quick fingers – index and middle – to each other. Things around his mouth make Jack anxious because he wants to nip and that leads to gnawing, to biting and that’s only acceptable if it’s Kelas.

Sometimes Kiss or Jessie will give him little nips to the rings on his fingers to show affection and he… doesn’t know how he feels about that because it’s special and theirs but it’s not typical as Bashir says with those castigating hidden expressions that he thinks that Jack can’t see just like he says it isn’t healthy for them to see the marks and the blood when he and Kelas kiss hard but they don’t get upset, they only laugh at how silly yadek and his red mouth look and… and Jack is Careful, always careful with the two of them because he would sooner die than hurt them and Kelas will tell him that he’s too most conscientious delicate and it isn’t necessary to self-flagellate and if he doesn’t knock it off he’s going to start calling him “Dimmesdale” which is absurd because Kelas is no Hester Prynne in any sense of the character and he should understand that  it absolutely is necessary to be careful because he broke too many children when he was a child even if he didn’t mean it and-

“Focus.” Jessie repeats, this time with a tap to his nose giving him a terribly weighty look; Jessie takes “helping daddy fix his head” very seriously. Jack blinks and nods. That’s a very serious second warning there!

“Right! We’re going upside down today hm hm?” Jessie nods excited, scampering off him, jumping at Jack the moment he stands back up. Jack catches zem easily around the waist, his baby a little monkey climbing up his shoulders. The air on Cardassia brings him alive even if it is warmer than he’s used to. Kelas says with a face, a precious Kelas face that he makes when something irritates him - cute, so cute will always be adorable a hundred two hundred, Jack doesn’t care - that the air of Nokar is the purest most amazing smell. He knows that Kelas still thinks about going back, away from Central, away from the southern continents to the Steppe, to the cold and Jack thinks it’s the funniest thing that a Cardassian would long for the cold but he understands it’s so much more than that.

Kelas is a misfit, a mutant too but a damn perfect one and Jack will fight anyone who disagrees.

But for all the stares and the whispers - which he can hear, always hear with his enhanced hearing - Jack has never found a place more of a home than on Cardassia Prime. Bashir, passing normal Federation mutt, Bashir asked him if he didn’t miss all the comforts of the Federation, the food, the culture, the people who didn’t glare or condescend and a list that went on and Jack had an epiphany. It was brilliant. He wrote it down he was pleased, he read it to Kelas, he read it to Lauren and Patrick and Sarina and a full audience around an evening bonfire to cheers and chirps in fact. Bashir wasn’t a mutant passing as normal, he was a basic passing as One of Them. Jack didn’t read it to Bashir because Bashir wouldn’t get it and the hell with him anyway! Jack didn’t have a lifetime of Federation comforts. He had a prison, he had walls and bars and “do this do that step jump sit behave be Normal!” He had a lifetime of people backing away from him making the sign of the damn cross and ha joke’s on them, mutants aren’t vampires and he could still bite throats out no matter how much garlic they used!

Jack grins big, wide, toothy, vicious as he wants when he looks at his children, when he looks at his Kelas and there’s nothing, no drug, no “Federation comforts” no religion, nothing that could ever bring him the high that their fearless answering smiles brings him. He walks through the streets with every damn one of these Cardassian Morlocks meeting him with a level stare, a sneer, a challenge to prove that he’s their equal. They challenge him when he recites his poetry. They aren’t afraid to shove at him in the crowded markets. They’re not afraid of confrontation, they revel in it, every Sunday morning Jack going into the city to argue with the same old woman selling flowers about every damn thing in the world and no shrinking back when he’s loud, no “shut up” no “behave” no belts no smacks to the mouth nothing but the same irritated arguments that they fling at each other.

Jack keeps grinning like a damn idiot as he looks up, feeling Jessie putting small hands in his ready to be raised up to the top of Mount Parnassus to meet the fabled muses. Jack can see a bit of a tremble of zes arms, but he shouts encouragement, a babbling string at his little hatchling - Kelas says “hatchling” though not properly hatched but that’s pedantic so shut up Jack! - turns himself upside down, holding a count of five before ze flops, Jack catching zem easily, the both of them laughing. It’s a life he never dreamed that he could have and no amount of holofeeds of the “successful augment doctor” like old technicolor popcorn matinee propaganda reels could ever convince him that he and that stupid smiling thing would ever be the same. As long as he lives, Julian will never know what it’s like to have people afraid of him and fuck him anyway. The sharp sound of a clap catches his sensitive ears, head jerking, that instinct relaxing in a split second seeing Kelas applauding him.

Applause isn’t a Cardassian custom, occasionally chirrups or a stamp of feet signify massive approval but Kelas thought the gesture was novel when he learned of it and Jack sees Kiss following along after him when he sets Jessie down. His children love “doing acrobatics with Daddy” and he’s just in awe of how far ahead their development is without being augmented. He teaches the children in their little community they’ve built too and he’s not just biased when he says that Kiss and Jessie are the best of the excitable lot.

“That’s my Jessie Jess hm! Shoot off the guns like Buffalo Bill! There’s a cowboy hm hm! We’ll have you swallowing swords for Emperor Wu mmhm!”

“Ze’s going to be a doctor!” Kelas calls out emphatically with that irritated face.

“Then an acrobat doctor hm. Think if the money you’d pull in adding a few flips to your routine hm. Climb that Bashir beanstalk like a diving board hm hm hop skip splash!”

“Splash!” That’s from Kiss before diving into the half-finished sand castle an explosion of wet sand everywhere on both zem and Kelas. Kelas laughs even as he spits out a mouthful of sand.

“Ah, right, definitely sticking with my usual practice, I think,” he says brushing sand from his lap.

Jack is sure that his face hurts from smiling, Jessie running past him bowling clear into the mess, into Kiss with a yell of “Splash!” the two tumbling around with their little growls play fighting, a little tinkling of beads reaching his ears too as they clank together. Jessie is slim, all limbs like Kelas, a wiry little worm as the two of them wrestle. It seems that Kiss will take after him, stockier, strong - nearly as strong as Jessie at three years six months fifteen days five hours nineteen minutes three seconds. His head is a constant count of every moment of their lives because every atomic second passing by is one that he wants to be thankful for. Kelas suggested that when he told him about the constant numbers and figures and unwanted thought intrusions that he might fill the space with everything positive in his life that he wants to track instead- fill his head so full to bursting that there isn’t room for anything else. So he does.

His head is full of clocks of all colors, shapes, appearance, a clock to count his children’s’ ages, to track the time since he and Kelas met, the time since number three (working title “Seska” still in progress”) was conceived, the time since the community where they live was completed, the time since their petition was approved for Lauren, Patrick, and Sarina to be remanded to their care (take that Nursed Ratched!), and at least half a dozen other events, tracking, counting, numbers flashing but these are Good numbers. Good numbers, good thoughts, his mind is usually a jumble of thoughts, numbers, followed by blinking impulses, little hands that pull at his limbs, his arms and legs, his mouth and make his body sometimes act outside his thoughts. It’s those impulses that he knows make Bashir say that he’s unpredictable and Dangerous and sometimes those thoughts intrude and lock him still afraid to act at all until he can pull himself out of it.

He has one now but it’s not a violent one. He hasn’t had a violent one in years and that one had a very specific trigger. That one was Elim Garak and wasn’t his fault no matter what Bashir said. That was one of the worst ones. That was one of the last ones and Not His Fault! It was Garak. It was Garak’s fault and Jack hates that Bashir thinks it’s some alpha male posturing poppycock that’s completely beneath him but according to Kelas it’s not on his place to speak to Bashir on the wicked devil that he takes to his bed. (Le Démon ! - c'est un Démon, vous savez, ce n'est pas un homme.-that’s Rimbaud predicting the wicked Morlock centuries in advance!). Anyone who scares his Kelas like that… anyone who causes his Kelas to flinch like that, anyone who makes that flash of fear cloud over his eyes is a devil no ifs and or buts and they’re dead!

The first time that he saw Kelas look at Garak, stop, panic, swallow and nearly take a step back terrified he lost it. Jack blanked out. He didn’t think at all. His hand was already moving for Garak’s throat by the time Bashir had tackled him because Bashir wasn’t as fast as him or as strong as him and if it wasn’t for Kelas asking him softly to please forgive it they’d see just how dangerous an augment that he was because no one including him hurts the family he went through hell to have. They used to tell him that he didn’t have empathy, that he was a monster incapable of understanding other people and he almost, almost believed them, but if Frankenstein’s creature wasn’t a monster, if Jack could weep silently, his head buried in Kelas’ lap when Kelas told him softly what Garak’s old iron monkey on his back, what his old man had done that had made him have that fear then he... no... no bad thoughts, not now. This is a Good place and a Good day and those thoughts are banished.

When Jack has that unconscious impulse now it’s to join in that raucous and he turns to Kelas, seeing him shaking the sand off the top of the long sleeveless tunic he’s wearing. meeting Jack’s eyes a moment.

“Splash,” Jack says in a rush and he catches those blue almost violet eyes widen in surprise and his mind would yell at him careful careful but he’s already moving with his hands on Kelas’ shoulders pushing him back to the sand. His mind corrects, his enhanced reflexes able to catch up with that recrimination that caution he’s pregnant he’s old he’s delicate he’s… laughing as Jack lands on top of him. Kelas is laughing loudly.

“Ah I should have known you were going to wait until the sand was gone. You always love getting me dirty!” He exclaims with a laugh as Jack in a rush of expelled nerves puts his face into Kelas’ neck sure he’s getting sand in his own hair now.

Kelas reminds him at least twice a day that he won’t hurt him- that he may be over a hundred but that doesn’t quite mean the same in their years and in any case their skeletons are more dense and durable. Sometimes he demonstrates it. Sometimes Jack even believes him. Jack turns his face about to say something to that but Kelas is already turning, kissing him silly, breathless, swearing at him in that melodic Northern tongue that’s like a slip of hisses, or angry snakes circling his ears.

“…sorry,” he says instinctively because sorry is what they always told him to say when he Did Something and he said it so much he used to like to see how much of a curse he could put behind those words.

“No you’re not,” Kelas mutters, trying not to smile, his hands sliding sandy, gritty over Jack’s sticky sweaty back holding him there on top before Jack can scramble off. “Mmm but that’s alright, I think your punishment should be to finish what you started.”

“Yadek has one baby you can’t give him one yet, Daddy!” he hears Jessie yelling at him and that only makes Kelas laugh even louder, the lines around his eyes crinkling, ridges flushing darker as he just… smiles up at Jack.

“Ah well… perhaps we’ll have to wait then,” Kelas says not moving his hands from Jack’s back in the slightest. His hands are strong, slightly calloused with the work that he does in the lab with Lauren now. He kneads at the muscles with determination and Jack feels like he might pool into goo dripping, soaking into the sand or into Kelas. That’s an idea- totally perfect idea.

“That right hm? No making new babies til this one’s done hm hm?”

“Can’t have two at once,” Jessie confirms terribly seriously. Jack smiles while Kelas keeps kneading at his back. Well, his little hatchling may have a numerical point but there’s always room for more practice because number three took so long it surely was because they hadn’t practiced enough and number four… ah impractical meandering illogical thoughts but-

“Maybe if we make you into an ovipositor... I bet Sarina could do it,” He hears Lauren’s voice and doesn’t ask how long she’s been standing there because Lauren is like the wind flitting in, out, hot, cold, but always there in some form. He doesn’t say that she’s like his sister but he hears their neighbors calling her that without correction and it’s strange but it’s Good and there’s a counter running for the first time someone called her his sister: three years two months five days four hours eighteen minutes thirty four seconds…

“An ovipositor? Ha! You couldn’t make a Kranessan fly hm!” The Kranessans, he learned were famed for their elaborate zip lines through the mountain passes.

“And you couldn’t make old Jala a rich woman if you tried,” she fires back with an arch of her eyebrow holding out her only to have Jessie and Kiss rush past her towards their house. She shrugs with a sigh. “I’ll see that they get to their lesson. Mr. Gok is teaching today and…” She pauses there, letting the old familiar rejoinder slip away unsaid. It’s become more of a small joke between them now.

There’s buzzing that Jack hears just then and he watches as a large dragonfly double wings gold, glistening in the sunlight as it hovers into the yard. Ah, right the little attendance drone, one of Patricks dozens of creations flying, beeping, walking around their compound. The newly elected council’s relaxed restrictions on sedition and unlawful assembly years back were what allowed him and Kelas to work tirelessly into one of the first communal living spaces outside of Central. There were more that had cropped up always monitored for radicals but as more sprang up, as more shared spaces came with their family dining halls and sand gardens and families sharing the grounds outside their modest homes, the more accepted they were.

Ah acceptable as Northerner and outcast refuse but there was no better refuse and no better life and Jack reaches up to sign off on the PADD the dragonfly is holding that Jessie and Kiss will be in class today outside with the other children. He snorts thinking of old Jala and older Gisha (and how Kelas always gets so hotly indignant when he calls them that saying they’re hardly older than he is) always hovering around chattering whenever he and Kelas make love. He’s heard them over stone walls, through fences, once catching their eyes with a curious blink before they waved him on and that… isn’t Normal, he thinks but he sometimes catches other couples or other triads outside their homes together in some partly secluded space with little mind paid. Sometimes he’ll hear a rattle of beads and he can always tell when Jala and Gisha are jabbering at each other about whether it’s better or worse for fertility if one is silent or loud. Jala thinks silent. Gisha thinks loud.

Kelas is always loud and Lauren says the two of them have a bet each time on which it will be.

Jala has yet to win once, and Lauren lets them know she has her data prepared whenever Kelas is ready to go over their new formulations for perfume tonics they’ve devised – fragrant and flavorful particles that confer different effects when “scented” from the air. Kelas looks thoughtful as he hooks an ankle around the small of Jack’s back, pushing that swollen belly up against him completely undoing him.

“Thirty minutes should be enough,” he hears Kelas say thinking sand is a challenge and rough and irritating and sand is nice beneath his bare feet but a cruel menace elsewhere and his hands are already beneath Kelas’ hip with a hurried murmur of “other leg other leg,” getting to his knees. Kelas wrapping around him like a beautiful pale vine, his hair half out of it braid, those glasses already mussed. Jack thinks he hears some impressed click from the other side of the wood fence marveling at his augmented strength.

He prefers to take it slow, to savor every touch, every press of Kelas’ mouth to his chest, every sigh, every push into Kelas’ body and Kelas into his too. Time is short, so short but the longer he can drag every perceived moment out, the closer to immortality in a beautiful vacuum where seconds aren’t ticks but instead Kelas’ breaths and slow steady beats of his heart. Ah, but now time is a rush and it always surprises him how excited his body is for Kelas in ways it is for nothing else.  Ah, the old women think they’ve seen strength? They haven’t seen anything, Jack holding that full weight with one arm now panting, quickly tugging himself free from trousers, from undergarments. Kelas is already whining as Jack starts biting his shoulder ridges hitching the hem of his tunic up with that free hand, Kelas squirming into position, a loud breathy cry when Jack enters him halfway, readjusts with both hands on his ass like he weighs nothing, driving right deep to his center.

And for that moment, time stops.

[mearnsblog]

“Make Mine Music” (1946)

Two of the next three Disney movies are actually compilations of several animated segments. It’s kind of like “Fantasia,” but not all of them are musical, and none are nearly as well-remembered. The first of them, “Make Mine Music” was actually quite difficult to find. It’s the only fully-animated feature to not be on Disney+, so we had to get creative.

Ultimately, we ended up tracking it down. As a package, it doesn’t really work, though I did like some of the segments (almost all of which can be found on YouTube). The best way to look back on this movie is going piece by piece. So now, some quick thoughts on each:

The Great

1. "Peter and the Wolf” - This is an all-timer, if not only for music education purposes. It’s narrated by the voice of Winnie the Pooh, adding some humor to the travels of young Peter, and I love that each character has designated instrumental themes. Never has a French horn sounded more intimidating than when accompanied by a wolf on the hunt. Also: shout-out to the oboe/duck combo. It’s delightful.

The Good

2. “Casey at the Bat” - I deeply enjoy this, but I also learned to probably works better if you’re at least somewhat familiar with the source material. Ali had never heard of the original poem, so it might not be as fun to watch when you’re trying to track the story of the poem while all the extra cartoon stuff is going on. (Try this version narrated by the legendary James Earl Jones!) At points, it can be hard to distinguish between which is part of the poem and which is just a flourish. All the same, I love the story and the Disney version.

3. “The Whale Who Wanted to Song at the Met” - This is so truly bizarre in all the best ways. Somehow, the title is exactly what it is. It’s surreal, and when Disney leans all-in on weird, it can produce some damn entertaining results. Just go watch it.

4. “After You’ve Gone” - Don’t be fooled by the seemingly depressing title. It’s a breezy Benny Goodman interstitial that shows instruments dancing around in various shapes and sizes. It’s over in just a few minutes and worth your time.

The Decent

5. “Two Silhouettes” - Another short segment that has some neat old rotoscoping technology to track two ballet dancers in -- shockingly -- silhouettes. It works! Plus, Dinah Shore’s voice is lovely.

6.  “Johnny Fedora and Alice Blue Bonnet” - This is a cute little love story about two hats in the display window of a store in the city. It’s likely be a tad more engaging for little kids than adults or even older children, so it loses marks there, but it ends in a tidy happily ever after. HATS OFF! (I should log off now.)

7. “Blue Bayou” - The definition of “fine.” It’s two herons swimming through the Everglades in an abandoned “Fantasia” animation that was originally set to a different song. This leads off the American version of “Make Mine Music,” which is probably a mistake since it’s so slow. “After You’ve Gone” would’ve been snappier and more attention-grabbing.

The Bad

8. “Without You” - If I wanted to watch vague nothingness set to some bummer music, I’d just put on some Bread with the Windows Media Player visualizer. The guy’s a fine singer, but this is just a snooze.

9. “All the Cats Join In” - ‘50s romps can be fun! I love “Rock This Town” by The Stray Cats. Alas, they are better cats than the cats shown in this short (another Benny Goodman number), who are just dancing teens. I would’ve preferred actual cats. The song is not Goodman’s best, and the kids are annoying. (There’s also a bit where one guy won’t dance with a girl because her butt is too big?? Then the artist “fixes” it. Neat. Cool.) Get off my lawn, I guess.

10. “The Martins and the Coys” - The original opener for “Make Mine Music,” which was later removed from American releases. That was wise because this sucks. I’m not a huge fan of group folk music storytelling anyway, and choosing to make a cartoon based on the long feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys is a bad choice. It ends with the last two living members falling in love and getting married, only to fight endlessly in their marriage. And yes, I mean literally fighting, too. Great.

So yeah, just Google around to watch the first few of these “Make Mine Music” segments. “Peter and the Wolf” is worth a rewatch, at the very least. Long live the French horn.

Updated ranking

1. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 2. “Fantasia” (review) 3. “Pinocchio” (review) 4. “Bambi” (review) 5. “Dumbo” (review) 6. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 7. “Make Mine Music” 8. “Saludos Amigos” (review)

[junker-town]

A.J. Hinch is the latest pennant winner who won’t manage the MLB All-Star Game

A history of All-Star Game managerial upheaval.

The 2020 MLB All-Star Game will be played at Dodger Stadium on July 14. Dave Martinez of the champion Nationals will manage the National League All-Stars. What we don’t know yet is who will manage the American League.

The midsummer classic traditionally puts the prior season’s pennant-winning managers in charge, but the defending AL champion Astros are without a manager at the moment after A.J. Hinch was suspended by Major League Baseball for the season, then fired for allowing a widespread electronic sign-stealing scheme to take place under his watch.

While it may seem logical that the Astros’ next managerial hire will step in for Hinch, replacing an All-Star Game manager is not that simple. To understand what goes into the decision, we must delve into the game’s history.

The first All-Star Game

We were still 64 years away from interleague play in 1933, when the American League and National League would only square off once a year, in the World Series. But that was between just two teams. The thought of corralling the best (white) players in baseball for one game was an intoxicating idea at the time, so much so that this was the headline in The Sporting News in advance of the game:

Headline regarding the first MLB All-Star Game from The Sporting News on July 6, 1933.

But instead of tabbing the managers of the previous World Series between the Yankees and Cubs, the All-Star Game pit the Giants’ John McGraw for the National League against the A’s Connie Mack for the American League. Heading into 1933, they were the two winningest managers in baseball history, each with 1,000 more victories than any other manager at the time, and they are still the top two in managerial wins to this day. McGraw and Mack would be facing off for the fourth time, having met in three World Series more than two decades prior.

McGraw actually retired midway through the 1932 season, but was brought back for the exhibition. Mack, who also owned the A’s, would manage for 17 more seasons to finish with an unfathomable 53 years working as a manager.

After that first All-Star game, however, the tradition of selecting the managers of the previous year’s World Series began. In 1934, Joe Cronin of the Senators faced off against Bill Terry of the Giants, a managerial rematch of the 1933 World Series.

Since then, there have been just 11 instances in which a pennant winner from the previous year didn’t manage the next All-Star team.

(There are three instances of a pennant-winning manager who was no longer with that team getting to manage the All-Stars anyway. Dick Williams won the World Series with the A’s in 1973 but was fired. He managed the 1974 All-Star Game while representing the Angels. In 2003, Dusty Baker wore a Cubs uniform while managing the NL All-Stars after winning a pennant with the Giants. Tony LaRussa retired after winning the 2011 World Series with the Cardinals, but returned to the dugout for the All-Star Game in Kansas City.)

For the most part, these All-Star managerial oddities fall into two camps — the same team sending a different manager than the previous year’s pennant winner, or a manager from a different team altogether.

Brooklyn Dodgers manager Leo Durocher was suspended for the 1947 season for “association with known gamblers,” and Burt Shotton guided Brooklyn to the NL pennant. But with Durocher back in the manager seat in 1948, he managed the National League All-Stars in St. Louis.

Another Dodgers managerial switch happened after the 1953 season, when reigning pennant winner Chuck Dressen left Brooklyn after a contract dispute. Walt Alston took the reins in 1954, and managed the NL All-Star team.

Casey Stengel was fired by the Yankees after having the audacity to lose the 1960 World Series, so his replacement Ralph Houk managed the AL All-Stars as well. Stengel won 10 pennants and seven championships in his 12 seasons in The Bronx, and his nine All-Star Games managed is a record.

Indians manager Terry Francona was recovering from heart surgery in 2017, so his bench coach Brad Mills piloted the American League All-Stars in Miami.

All of these instances involve the previous season’s pennant runner-up filling in as manager for the reigning winner.

Mickey Cochrane won the World Series in 1935 as player-manager of the Tigers, but missed six weeks in the middle of the 1936 season after a nervous breakdown. Taking his place was Joe McCarthy of the Yankees. McCarthy won four straight World Series with the Yankees from 1936-39 and managed four straight midsummer classics, but he took the All-Star break off in 1940, leaving duties to Joe Cronin of the Red Sox.

Al Lopez of the White Sox got to manage the AL All-Stars in both 1964 and 1965, despite not winning pennants in either of the two preceding seasons. Houk had to step aside from All-Star duties after being promoted to general manager by the Yankees after the 1963 season. And after 1964, Yogi Berra was fired by New York after losing the World Series.

“I would be proud and pleased to have any of our present 10 managers fill in for Houk, but I feel that Lopez earned the honor through his fine job last season,” AL president Joe Cronin said in 1964. (1)

All-Star Game decisions were the purview of league presidents back then, but come from the commissioner’s office now.

The 1965 All-Star Game is especially notable because both managers from the 1964 World Series were canned. Johnny Keane was let go by the Cardinals, so Gene Mauch of the Phillies stepped in to manage the NL All-Stars.

A merry-go-round in New York

You might have noticed a couple names appearing in both lists of All-Star managerial maneuvering. Billy Martin and Bob Lemon took turns for a few years managing the Yankees, each taking over for the other at some point. In the process, each replaced the other in an All-Star Game.

The tumult began on Sunday, July 23, 1978, when Martin was managing the Yankees after a championship and two pennants in the two years prior. At the time, he was once again feuding with outfielder Reggie Jackson. As the Yankees were waiting to board a plane to Kansas City from O’Hare Airport after a series again the White Sox, the cantankerous Martin groused to reporters about his star player and his bombastic owner, George Steinbrenner.

“The two men deserve each other,” Martin said. “One’s a born liar, the other’s convicted.”

As it turned out, referencing his boss’s 1974 conviction for illegal campaign contributions was not the best job-keeping technique, and on Monday, Martin resigned.

Amazingly, a mere five days after his resignation, Martin was introduced at the Yankees’ Old-Timers’ Day. And during the introduction, legendary Yankee Stadium announcer Bob Sheppard revealed that Martin would be back to manage the team in 1980. Martin’s Yankees tenure was as glorious as it was intermittent. He won more than 59 percent of his games in New York, including a championship among two World Series berths. But the eight seasons he managed the Yankees were spread across 14 years, and he resigned or was fired five different times, including once for fighting with a marshmallow salesman.

All Lemon did in 1978 was lead the Yankees to a historic divisional comeback to catch Boston, followed by a second straight World Series for New York. But a slow start in 1979 led to Lemon’s dismissal on June 17.

His replacement was Martin, his promised 1980 return hastened under the circumstances.

Lemon by this point had a stellar baseball resumé. He pitched in two World Series with the Indians, winning one, and was named an All-Star seven times before being inducted into the Hall of Fame as a player in 1976. As a manager, he won 85 games in the Royals’ third season, making them the fastest expansion team to post a winning record. Lemon also won 90 games with the White Sox in 1977 before winning a World Series in New York one year later.

Even though the 1979 All-Star Game took place a month after he was fired, Lemon got to manage the American League as the reigning pennant winner.

“I’ve done everything else,” Lemon said in 1979. “That’s the one thing left to cap off my career.” (2)

Lemon got a second tenure with the Yankees, managing the final 25 games of a strike-shortened 1981 season, then led New York to its fourth pennant in a six-year stretch. This tenure was short lived, however, as Steinbrenner canned Lemon just 14 games into the 1982 season.

This time, it wasn’t the reigning pennant winner Lemon who got to manage the AL All-Stars, but Martin, whose A’s lost to the Yankees in the previous season’s ALCS.

In that four-year span, Martin and Lemon combined for four different managing stints with the Yankees, and they each managed one All-Star Game.

What now?

With Hinch fired in Houston and suspended for the season, he won’t manage the American League All-Stars this July in Los Angeles. No matter whether his replacement is the yet-to-be-named manager of the Astros, or Aaron Boone of the 2019 ALCS runner-up Yankees, there’s a precedent.

The Sporting News, June 20, 1964

Phil Pepe, Lemon Steps Down With Dignity, Class, The Sporting News, July 7, 1979

[mollyalicia3]

Jimmy’s Johnnys— A Minneapolis Institution

Fresh off of his international beach vacation, we catch Rich Anderson, owner of Jimmy’s Johnnys, a small business institution in Minneapolis / St. Paul. We try to keep up with Rich as he’s on the move during this interview, as he is throughout every day, per his preference to manage his business from the field. Rich explains how Jimmy Johnnys was established. My great uncle, Jim Lillemo actually started the business in 1979. (My grandmother’s sister was his wife.) I was going through college for business management and looking around for a business I could start on the side while I kept my full-time job. I kept seeing portable toilets everywhere. So, I told my mom, “I’m going to go buy ten or twelve toilets and start a business.” My mom then told me that my great uncle and aunt had that kind of business and that they were selling it. I called my uncle and said I’d like to buy ten or twelve toilets. He said he didn’t want to sell just that small number of units, but that he would sell me the business and work with me to help the financing make sense for me. I was working as a general manager for Hardees at that time, but I didn’t want to continue that. But, I was making pretty good money there for a young guy. I couldn’t go backward in pay, so I thought I needed to start my own business. Reflecting Rich explains that he was always kind of entrepreneurially lent. I started a limo business in college for my mother. I also did some real estate business. I bought 11 or 12 houses on the VA, through an auction system. But, that’s a pretty capital-intensive business. Then, I bought the business from my uncle in 1999.

Jimmy’s Johnny’s Business Model What does the business consist of, and how did it develop? Jim, the original owner, had multiple businesses when he was getting ready to sell, including septic, septic installation, toilet rental business. He wasn’t focused on the toilet rental business, and wouldn’t go past Interstate 694. My wife and I discussed whether or not we wanted to remain a smaller regional player or go for the gusto and become a full-complement provider. I think we have 19 employees right now. It goes up and down a little seasonally. We have probably 2,500 single toilet units and 11 luxury restroom trailers, including a shower trailer. Most of the luxury trailers go to weddings, but the market is increasing for commercial remodeling jobs. We also have storage container rentals and sales. My first year at the pumper convention, there was a vendor selling a trailer for storage containers. I immediately thought it was a great idea. He had a little bar graph showing strong income in delivery charges for a unit and in picking it back up. While it’s on the customer’s site, it just sits there. There’s no service to do to it, and you get paid about the same as for a toilet unit. Customers who buy the containers like the fact that there are no added real estate taxes, because they’re not permanent structures. Also, they’re waterproof, so they’re great for storing equipment, etc.. The only place I advertise is on a sticker above the urinal in the toilet units. That works really well. Supervisors from jobs call and say, “I was standing at your toilet and saw the sticker, and I need containers.”

A Scale Maintenance Business Model We’re not as big as some of our competitors, but we’re just big enough that we can do anything they can do. When the Super Bowl came in, they wanted 350 portable toilets, and we’re big enough that we could provide that. Other companies in the area have full-time sales staffs. We don’t have any full-time sales people. I do sales, and the staff in our office do some sales calls. We don’t try to grow anymore. I feel like if you get too big you lose the feeling of a small business. We just dedicate everything to service. You’re going to lose some around the edges. But, once we get a client, they usually stay with us. I remind our staff that we’re not the cheapest, but we have better quality and we strive every day to be the best. Our competitors are also very professional and provide good quality too. But, our customers don’t like the idea that when they call them they get people they don’t know. When they call us, they know they’re going to work with the same person every time.

Daily Operations at Jimmy’s Johnnys Rich’s approach to client relations brings his clients up close to top management in a way we’ve rarely seen in a company of the size of his. I give my personal cell phone number to larger clients and those with special events. That way, they know that they can reach me directly if there are any issues. We also have a 24-hour phone number. The recording tells people to call the emergency line if they need help, which is my cell phone. I once heard one of our staff in the office telling a customer who was having an event we were preparing to service, “The owner will be there himself, and here’s his personal cell phone number.” I could tell that that reassurance made an important difference to the customer. It also helps in retention of employees for me to be on sites working with them. Workers have said to me, “It’s not so bad when I have to work a 14-hour day when I know you’re right there too.” Rich notes that this point goes back to the earlier question about growth. If I get any bigger, I would have to be in the office all the time and wouldn’t be able to stay in the field. I basically run all of the operations from my truck seat right here. So, I’m on the phone managing everything every day. I don’t do the toilets every day, since I’m so busy with the storage containers now. It’s a full-time job for one person to run the storages now. We have about 180-200 of those. In winter, when we have more time, I work on selling those. We’ve provided about 300 portable toilets for the Minnesota State Fair. Other than staying onsite along with our team throughout two weeks of that event, I handle the storage containers, and our route drivers do all of the toilet servicing. My wife, Julie manages everything in the business office. She’s converted all of our office functions to digital to create a mostly paperless system. I was skeptical at first, but she had a vision for a paperless management office, and it has been amazing. It’s a very organized system. It’s made it very convenient to access everything we need. We note that this extent of paperless operation makes Jimmy’s Johnnys perhaps the eco-friendly portable restroom company that we’ve featured in American Liquid Waste magazine over the past year, and possibly one of the greenest anywhere in the country.

Nationwide Industry Challenges in Minneapolis Market Does your company have the typical industry problem of finding and keeping good employees? It has been a huge struggle for the last several years and it’s getting worse and worse. We just keep calling our old timers. We have a great team; they’re good guys. The business almost runs itself because they do such a good job. I couldn’t do what I do without such a strong team. Most of them have been with us 5-10 years. We’ve got a core group every year, and we have to add a couple every year because we lose some. We run an ad. It’s very hard to find good people. It’s our number one concern. How is it to work in the Minnesota winter weather? Amused, Rich points to the day of this interview as an example. Just this morning, it rained, then it snowed, then it rained again. A brake drum was frozen, so I had to switch trailers. As far as freezing fluids in the restroom units, we use a brine mix. This year, we completely redesigned that system, so it’s less labor intensive and pretty painless to manage. The bobcat loads the salt, and the process is all really easy to do. We’ve been doing it for so long that we kind of have our tricks of the trade. Even in –20 degrees, they’ve rarely frozen.

Rich Anderson’s Professional Philosophy I’m a big believer in looking professional. I think you can’t really provide a professional service without having good equipment. Our trucks are usually at around 150,000 miles. Every 2 to 3 years, they’re replaced, even our restroom trailers. We also have a great mechanic who keeps everything in good repair. Have you looked at adding some finishing touches to the luxury restrooms, as some restroom trailer companies around the country have been doing? I’ve seen companies bring out staging stuff in the restrooms. Our emphasis is on making sure that it’s brought very clean. We hand-wax the exterior, clean and shiny and new, put scent disks in them, and over-stock every one with all the necessary supplies. I’m usually the guy that delivers those, so I can personally communicate with customers regarding necessary placement and ensure they’re satisfied.

Equipment and Technology Utilization at Jimmy’s Johnnys Do you use any newer technologies to optimize operations or services? GPS is built in the Route Optics system we use. When the drivers open up their route, it gives them turn-by-turn directions. It really has made routes easier. In the old days, there were paper routes. It would take weeks for a new person to learn where everything was. Now, if you go onto 100-acre property, if the person who serviced it last has pushed the button, other people can quickly locate the unit. We bought our own tire changing machine last years. We were spending about $10,000 per year to change tires. Before we got it, every time tires needed changing, two people would have to drive to drop off a truck and then two would have to go back and pick it up. So, that was a lot of labor just to get tires from another shop.

Advice From Rich Anderson for New Entrepreneurs Finally, we asked Rich for some wisdom he could offer for new business owners in the industry during the new year. I don’t’ know how people find me but, surprisingly, two or three people per year call me from around the country and say they want to get into the portable restroom business in their area and ask me for advice. I talk to them about two things—service and patience. So many people want to get into this business and be a big guy instantly. They seem to decide that the only way to grow is to be the cheapest guy out there. Some grow so fast that they go bankrupt. I can suggest to be patient and give good service, and you’ll grow. If you focus on giving good service, when people find you, they don’t leave you. We found through this interview that the continuously-mobile, deeply-insightful entrepreneurial figure of Rich Anderson personifies that timeless core service business principle that quality service reliably leads to a financially healthy enterprise. This is a consistent theme that runs through all of our meetings with business leaders throughout the United States who sustain their companies’ success over time in our industry. Rich Anderson’s additional emphasis on patience does rise to the level of a second core principle in an industry where there is such extreme temptation during startups to grab all that can be grabbed of new business by undercutting prices, without foresight into the consequences of such impulsiveness to clients, employees and business owners. Patience is certainly a fundamental requirement for viability. To go deeper, resolving oneself to be brave in maintaining that kind of difficult and often financially and psychologically painful patience during a startup is a secret understood by those entrepreneurs with the strength of will, and yes, the courage to resist attempts to seize all prospective accounts around them. We thank Rich Anderson for shining a light on the reality that chasing an immediate sense of security and satisfaction is a futile pursuit in our industry and that staying the course of only promising what can actually be delivered with pride in quality is the singular path to long-term success.

http://www.americanliquidwaste.com/2019/01/spotlight/jimmys-johnnys-a-minneapolis-institution/

from Septic Tank Pumping Pros https://septictankpumpingpros.wordpress.com/2019/01/09/jimmys-johnnys-a-minneapolis-institution/

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 46

[wgwhite]

‘The Flash: Rebirth’, A Review. Or, ‘Damn that boy run fast, what he hiding?’

How many times can The Reverse Flash actually mess with Barry’s legos? The answer is indefinitely.

Admittedly, I’m little bit obsessed with The Flash at the moment. I bought a ‘baseball’ cap with his shield on. I’ve delved into the comics at what I’m told is a good in point, and I’ve religiously watched the CW show starting Grant Gustin. Actually I wrote a little piece about that and the Green Arrow adaptation ‘Arrow’ a little while ago (PLUG). Fair warning, this review will feature spoilers.

The Flash Rebirth is the first comic book I’ve A) ever owned. B) ever read. So The Flash has the dual ownership of introducing me to comics and a new monetary sink hole.

Written by Geoff Jones and illustrated by Ethan Van Sciver, Rebirth is a pretty intense read. So intense in fact, that MTV SPLASH PAGE dubbed the graphic novel: “Impressive”.

The book is beautiful in its art, and thought-provoking in its narrative. And, if I’m completely honest, I don’t think I’ll ever tire of Jay Garrak throwing his hat like a metal rimmed frisbee of pain. The old timer’s got a mighty fine throwin’ arm.

The plot: Barry Allan is back from the dead. Like many a costume-clad hero before him, Barry has managed to seduce Death into being more relaxed around him. One day, Death left the gate unlocked whilst he was out running chores, and Barry–the naughty little Red Devil that he is–high tailed outt’a there like only a speedster can. That’s how I imagine it happened, anyway. The comic tells us otherwise. Absorbed into the Speed force, Barry had lost all track of his individuality (I didn’t know the Speed force was actually the Borg, but oh well), until a mysterious villain drags him back to the world of the living for some dark, ominous purpose…It’s The Reverse Flash. I don’t know why they even tried to hide it, it’s so obvious.

Now back in the world of the living, Barry faces his biggest challenge yet: the Costume Kerfuffle! See, Wally West had assumed the mantle of The Flash in Barry’s absence (the presumptuous little so-and-so), and now both men have equal rights to the coveted red cowl. Barry’s solution? Become The Black Flash and officially begin the tenth annual Speeder Games! Completely against his will, obviously. The Reverse Flash, criminal mastermind that he is, reveals his entire genius to Barry in a showdown inside the Speed force.

Eobard Thawne (aka The Reverse Flash) was behind bringing Barry back from the dead. He ran fast enough to generate his own Reverse Speed force and contaminated Barry. Turning him into a weapon to be used against his family and friends. Why? It’s simple really: Eobard Thawne is completely insane. Not content with Barry Allen being legitimately dead, Thawne devised his master plan simply so he could make Barry kill his loved ones with a single touch, and live out the rest of his days as a guilt ridden monster, his legacy destroyed, himself a wreck of a man.

It didn’t quite go down as Thawne had hoped though. Barry sacrifices himself again and the two have a face off inside the Speed force. But soon the fight takes them back to Earth were Jay Garrak, Bart Allen, Max Mercury, Jesse Quick, and Iris West (aka Impulse) have all gathered to watch Wally and Barry finally solve their costume war. Wally’s new threads are a darker, maroon red. His gold lighting bolts are glossy finished. His eyes are white and his nose is covered by his mask. Barry accepts these changes gracefully, donning the classic brighter red suit and yellow lighting bolts for himself. The world rejoices as the bloodiest conflict in recent years is finally at a conclusion. Celebrations are had, the universe is finally at peace. And then all the assembled Speeders join together to beat The Reverse Flash or something like that. It’s all fine.

I found Rebirth to be a fantastic point to join The Flash locomotive. You’re being introduced to a world that’s obviously already in full swing (there’s a comment from Superman about them losing Batman somehow, which shows there’s some major background here), but because we’re following Barry Allen, a man whose been dead for the last twenty-three years, it doesn’t matter that there’s some story we’re missing. We know as much as the perspective character, and that’s all we need.

The story (summarised perfectly above) is gripping in all the right ways. As a first time comic book reader, I did have to get used to the format, but once I was in full swing it was an easy read. My only gripe is the sheer volume of characters involved. Many of whom I didn’t know existed. But, this wasn’t written for the intention of giving new people like myself a place to start (I assume). So Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver have used a wide arsenal of Speeders, heroes and villains alike.

It’s colourful and it’s vivid, but it’s also dark in places. Johnny Quick’s death was particularly harrowing.

All in all: comic good.

* * *

The Flash is a DC Comics Superhero known for his ability to run hella fast. His inception is accredited to Gardner Fox and artist Harry Lampert, but many different characters have been donned The Flash’s mantle over the character’s mammoth seventy-five year run.

The Flash: Rebirth was written by Geoff Johns & illustrated by Ethan Van Sciver.

Here’s a link to the comic on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Flash-Rebirth-Geoff-Johns/dp/1401230016

[ndakota2017]

After Wally and Linda left, we had lunch and headed up to the south unit of Teddy Roosevelt National Park. As we were walking from the visitor center to the rv, we asked a young man how he was doing. He said it wasn't the best day of his life and we asked why? He had locked the keys to his van on the front seat and was thinking how he could get them out. I told him if his window was down a little bit it would be easy since it wasn't it might be difficult. He said if he had a screwdriver he thought he could do it and a coat hanger. We produced a coat hanger and a screwdriver. He got the keys hooked onto the coat hanger by prying open the upper right hand corner of the door and got the keys up to the corner of the door. He got overzealous and the keys dropped off on to the floorboard. At that point it was above my pay grade and we left. A ranger was on his way to help and he was ready to Google how to break in a car. We went on to the 33 mile loop around the south unit of Teddy Roosevelt National Park. It was very interesting as you've seen from the pictures that we took. We got home and relaxed all afternoon. When we awoke the next morning, the clouds had descended on the hills around us. By the time we got ready to go on our walk, you couldn't see 500 yards in front of you. We were grateful we had gone out on a clear day to see the park. By the time we got ready to leave at 9, the sun had burned off the fog and it was sunny and bright. We only drove 30 miles that day to Dickinson, North Dakota. On the way to the campground, we saw a golf course and drove to it for a 9-hole round of golf. It was a nice public course. We have not played since April so it wasn't a very pretty round, but it was fun and we didn't lose a ball. We found a campground not far from the golf course and settled in for the night. When checking-in I mentioned something about Germany. Maureen, our hostess told us she had just checked in a couple from Germany who have lived in the states many years. As she took us to our campsite, she stopped and introduced us to Mike from Munich. He asked us to stop by later so we did. We had a nice talk around 4 and agreed to come back later after dinner. We went back and talked a lot more over some wine and the recipe. They had lived in Oakland and had recently sold their house to buy an RV and were full timers. They did what many people do. They came to North Dakota and got a driver's license and a post office address. An interesting couple and we had a good visit. We thought we might see them the next day or evening, but they had a car and were visiting both units of the Teddy Roosevelt National Park. We decided to stay another night and play the back nine of the same golf course that we had played earlier. It was a good day on the golf course, but not necessarily a good round of golf. I did par two of the last two holes to score 107 for the two days. In the morning, we headed east to the Enchanted Highway,  a 35 mile stretch south of Interstate 94 in the direction of Regent, North Dakota. It has some of the largest sculptures in the world, actually 8 of them. We only saw 7 because one of them was an eighth of a mile off the road on a muddy gravel road. The RV doesn't do mud, so we missed one sculpture. They were all quite interesting and relevant to the area. At the third sculpture we saw two men and a woman having a lot of fun looking at these sculptures. We took pictures of all three of them and realized they were all deaf and possibly mute. We were able to communicate our desire to take a picture of them and they took a picture of us. I thanked her and she signed your welcome so now I know that sign. We were going in the same direction so we met them at each succeeding sculpture until the last one. They were interested in our rv and at the third sculpture I offered them a chance to see it they were interested. They wondered if it were a rental. They are from Washington, DC and they are climbing the highest points in each. One guy is up to number 28, one was up to number 40 and his wife ( a beautiful young woman according to Elizabeth) had just started. You meet some of the most interesting people when you're traveling off the beaten path. When we got to Regent, we were going to just go through town but something caught our eye and we turned around.  We parked across the street from the Regent Museum. We just had to go in and met one of the most colorful characters we have met in all of our travels.  He was giving a couple a guided tour of the museum and asked us to wait for a few minutes in the front lobby.  He asked me if that was my wife and I said no, my wife's at home, that's my girlfriend. He didn't seem shocked at all and I knew we were in for a treat. He came back and introduced himself as “Hello my name is Johnny Cash”. I got it and said, but you're not dressed in black. He didn't miss a beat and said I just washed my clothes. He was very knowledgeable about the region and said he's never been out of North Dakota. I'm not sure about that but he did know a lot about the area. He had walls of calendars in the back that went back over 100 years. We finally found 1946 so he could show us on what day we were born. It turned out the couple he was talking to before us was his grandson and new wife. We got to meet them when we got into the larger part of the museum. He actually had a 1957 Chevrolet, red with a white top four door exactly like one I had in 1976 the 1978. He took us out and showed us an old church that been moved to the museum area 20 or 25 years ago.  It was a very good example of a typical prairie church where people came on Sunday to worship, visit and have a picnic. He told very poignant story about a man who came back looking for his father's church. The man was from California had been searching for years for the church. George asked where the church was and what his father's name was. When he heard that, he showed him on the wall of the church a picture of his father who was the last pastor of that church before it was moved to Regent, North Dakota, for the museum. George said the man was overcome with emotion and cried. He and George were in contact for a couple of years, but George hasn't heard from him and fears he may be dead. We had to leave and get something to eat. We saw on the map that in the town there are actually 30 + buildings that are set aside as museums. We told George we couldn't stay and were on our way. I told two more jokes and he got one in before we left. He's going to be 80 years old in a month and was one of the most interesting characters we have met on our trips. We had an emotional goodbye and we hugged pretty tightly because we knew this is a special time for all of us. We meandered on another historical route until we got to just east of Bismarck. We found a KOA that had no regular rv spots available. They did let us look at some tent sites that have water and electric. We picked a likely spot and settled in for the evening. There was a lot of rain last evening and we finally looked at some TV news. It turned out we're in a middle of a thunderstorm, tornado and hail storm warning area. We said, no problem, we're s from Oklahoma, just another day at the office. It was good sleeping weather.