#because I felt like the fandom focuses heavily on its purity

[chimchiri]

Sooo, I feel the need to vent. This is a very emotional, pessimistic post intended for me to collect my thoughts and get it off my chest. This is not an invite for a discussion about fandom/politics/society. But if you feel the same or similar, feel free to comment or message me. It would be nice to know I’m not the only one feeling like this. Tomorrow will be better, but today I just need to vent.

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I actually, really don’t like fandoms and online spaces anymore. As a whole, on tumblr and twitter, I mean. This includes the ones I’m in. I used to like ‘fandom’ when I was younger. When I drew only for myself, when I basically never interacted with people because German communities didn’t really exist (or I didn’t find them) and I didn’t speak English. I just found content. ‘Pure’ and not ‘pure’. Yes, I love drawing, yes I love the games/shows/books/media I consume. And I love the few friends I made and talk to. But I’m just getting more and more tired. There is only negativity anymore. Either people are hateful for ships, for opinions, for a drawing, for what someone said a few years ago - And people are so damn aggressive most of the time. People get upset over the littlest things, claiming that doing or liking or condoning XY is ‘normalizing’ or ‘problematic’ (I’m mixing a few topics together here, I’m aware of that. This isn’t just about shipping but it’s definitely included)

No one is happy anymore. And if they are then it’s only stuff like “YAAAAS QUEEEN” and “my baby/son” and other phrases like that, to an extend where you’re a hater or problematic if you don’t consider it important or good. Maybe I’m just getting too old for this type of culture/humor. It’s just...It’s always so loud. There are only absolutes with most of the time it being very, very negative. People cry, scream, they interrupt, they are overall just rude. People feel the need to be heard, no matter if they were addressed or not - and this isn’t just about politics. It’s about fandom too. There are non-stop discussions with endless posts of essays to which parties are unwilling to actually listen to the other person, unwilling to understand where they’re coming from and unable to admit they might be wrong wor worse - understand the other person. There’s only screaming. 

Compromise is never an option. Agreeing to disagree is never an option. If you don’t think like me, you’re my enemy. If you have one different opinion we can never be friends, because it’s all or nothing. 

I’m so tired of it all. I feel like I can’t escape it. I’ve unfollowed, blocked and soft-blocked so many people but I’m still tired. I’ve wanted to delete this account several times and just get away but I do still enjoy seeing my friends’ art, and yes, interacting with other people is nice too. And I still love drawing. I’ve always drawn for myself, then for my friends too. I will probably never get tired of this, no matter the negativity.

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This isn’t a sad post per se. I’ve just had these thoughts so many times that I felt the need to vent. It’s not really meant as an open discussion, rather to get it off my chest. I’m not depressed today, nor am I anything similar.  Just pessimistic and exhausted.