#because I didn't fall all over myself blowing smoke up

[madtomedgar]

Got rejected for the receptionist/secretary position that was advertised as a 2-3 month temp position that *might* have the possibility of going permanent *depending on a possible restructuring* because I was not excited about this as a *permanent * position and said while I liked that the option to stay longer term might be there, I wouldn't be leaving them high and dry if I found something else around the 3 month mark, because the combination of flexibility and stability was attractive.

Good luck to the schmuck who is willing to gamble on a possible restructuring I guess.

[cerberuscomms]

𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 𝟗𝟑 –– 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌.

below are lyrics from the artist halsey, from her albums room 93, badlands, and hopeless fountain kingdom. feel free to change pronouns to fit the ask better! tw for s*xual innuendos/situations/content, drug references, and mental health issues. if you could please give the post a like / reblog, that'd be great! it helps to spread the resource around. this was also made without using a traditional bullet list format to help out mobile users who have been having a hard time copying/pasting from them!

&. ❛ flashing those eyes like highway signs. ❜

& .❛ light one up and hand it over. ❜

& . ❛ i promised myself i wouldn't let you complete me. ❜

& . ❛ i didn't mean to fall in love tonight. ❜

& . ❛ you're looking like you fell in love tonight. ❜

& . ❛ can we pretend that we're in love? ❜

& . ❛ feel like we've been falling down like these autumn leaves. ❜

& . ❛ don't let winter come, don't let our hearts freeze. ❜

& . ❛  would you bleed for me? lick it off my lips like you needed me? ❜

& . ❛  i bet you kiss your knuckles right before they touch my cheek. ❜  

& . ❛ would you lie for me? cross your sorry heart and die for me? ❜

& . ❛ i wouldn't leave you if you let me. ❜

& . ❛ now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it. ❜

& . ❛ already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it. ❜

& . ❛  there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying i should probably keep my pretty mouth shut. ❜

& . ❛ if you want to break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised. ❜

& . ❛ my demons are begging me to open up my mouth. ❜

& . ❛ i sold my soul to a three piece, and he told me i was holy. ❜

& . ❛ what kind of dough have you been spending? ❜

& . ❛ what kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately? ❜

& . ❛ all we do is think about the feelings that we hide. ❜

& . ❛ all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign. ❜

& . ❛ sick and full of pride. ❜

& . ❛ california never felt like home to me until i had you on the open road and now we're singing. ❜

& . ❛ would it really kill you if we kissed? ❜

& . ❛ i remember the fear in your eyes. ❜

& . ❛ could you imagine the taste of your lips if we never tried to kiss on the drive to queens? ❜

& . ❛ because i remember the weight of your ribs if you lied between my hips in the backseat. ❜

& . ❛ you're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope. ❜

& . ❛ you're dripping like a saturated sunrise. ❜

& . ❛ i know i've only felt religion when i lied with you. ❜

& . ❛ everybody wants to know if we fucked on the bathroom sink. ❜

& . ❛ how your hands felt in my hair, if we were high on amphetamines. ❜

& . ❛ we chain smoked until three. ❜

& . ❛ you gripped my hips so mean. ❜

& . ❛ they know you walk like you're a god –– they can't believe i made you weak. ❜

& . ❛ when his hair falls in his face and his hands so cold they shake. ❜

& . ❛ his lips like tangerine and his color coded speak. ❜

& . ❛ i'm such a fool for sacrifice. ❜

& . ❛ every single time make a compromise. ❜

& . ❛ i was pure as a river but now i think i'm possessed. ❜

& . ❛ you put a fever inside me and i've been cold since you left. ❜

& . ❛ you've got your mistakes in a bed back home. ❜

& . ❛ you've got a fire inside but your heart's so cold. ❜

& . ❛ i've done some things that i can't speak. ❜

& . ❛ i try to wash you away but you just won't leave. ❜

& . ❛ i came here so you'd come for me. ❜

& . ❛ i'm begging you to keep on haunting me. ❜

& . ❛ do people whisper about you on the train like me? ❜

& . ❛ you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me. ❜

& . ❛ you can't wake up; this is not a dream. ❜

& . ❛ i think there's a flaw in my code. ❜

& . ❛ these voices won't leave me alone. ❜

& . ❛ i sat alone in bed 'til the morning; i'm crying: 'they're coming for me'. ❜

& . ❛ i tried to hold these secrets inside me. ❜

& . ❛ i can't help this awful energy. ❜

& . ❛ i couldn't stand the person inside me; i turned all the mirrors around. ❜

& . ❛ i'm meaner than my demons. ❜

& . ❛ drowning the thoughts out with the sounds. ❜

& . ❛ don't get cut on my edges. ❜

& . ❛ my tongue is a weapon ❜

& . ❛ if you want to go to heaven you should fuck me tonight. ❜

& . ❛ i find myself alone at night unless i'm having sex. ❜

& . ❛ he can make me golden if i just show some respect. ❜

& . ❛ if i keep my eyes closed he looks just like you. ❜

& . ❛ can you hear my heartbeat fuckin' kicking? ❜

& . ❛ you call me 'sweet thing'. ❜

& . ❛ this is heaven in hiding. ❜

& . ❛ when you start to look at me, a physical fatality. ❜

& . ❛ i can tell you mean it 'cause you're shaking. ❜

& . ❛ as soon as you meet me, you'll wish that you never did. ❜

& . ❛ i got a problem with parties 'cause it's loud in my brain. ❜

& . ❛ i want you to love me now or never. ❜

& . ❛ i can sometimes treat the people that i love like jewelry. ❜

& . ❛ i can't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me. ❜

& . ❛ i run away when things are good. ❜

& . ❛ i never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. ❜

& . ❛ so it seems i broke your heart; my ignorance has struck again. ❜

& . ❛ someone will love you, but someone isn't me. ❜

& . ❛ i gave you the messiest head. ❜

& . ❛ i think you make me a maniac. ❜

& . ❛ i'm thinking, 'damn if these walls could talk'. ❜

& . ❛ i'm about halfway through a cabernet. ❜

& . ❛ told my new roommate not to let you in, but you're so damn good with a bobby pin. ❜

& . ❛ now you're going to play me like a violin, hitting these notes. ❜

& . ❛ i told him i never really liked his friends. ❜

& . ❛ i always make the same mistakes because i'm bad at love. ❜

& . ❛ i never got the chance to make her mine because she fell in love with little thin white lines. ❜

& . ❛ we're not lovers, we're just strangers with the same damn hunger. ❜

& . ❛ i woke up to another mess in the living room, broken bottles all around my feet. ❜

& . ❛ they talk and drink and laugh about things and fall in love in my backyard. ❜

& . ❛ i'm faded away; you know i used to be on fire. ❜

& . ❛ i'm standing in the ashes of who i used to be. ❜

& . ❛ i flew too close to the sun that's setting in the east. ❜

& . ❛ now i'm melting from my wings. ❜

& . ❛ it's my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard. ❜

& . ❛ i still let everyone down when i change in size. ❜

& . ❛ i went tumbling down trying to reach your high. ❜

& . ❛ i scream too loud if i speak my mind. ❜

& . ❛ you said i'm too much to handle. ❜

[pixels-not-dreams]

cloud || dom!kiyomi takada x reader

A sequel to turndown service for @dnkinktober

Kiyomi is smoking on the balcony as you approach. Why does everyone here smoke? You can’t help but wonder if a pack of cigarettes is a requisite badge to live in Light’s Kira HQ. 

“So,” Kiyomi says plainly, blowing a plume of smoke off the balcony and away from you. She's so courteous. “Misa swindled you into eating her out?”

You freeze. Misa must have told her. Your fingers fly to your lips, as if you haven't wiped your mouth. 

“I—she didn't make me do anything,” you say, keeping your voice as steady as you can. “I just…she couldn't sleep.”

Kiyomi rolls her eyes. “She pulls that on everyone.” 

“But you do it,” you blurt before you can stop yourself. Stupid. 

“Yeah, well. I get mine,” Kiyomi says. She's not going to elaborate. 

“I see,” you say. 

“What about you?” Kiyomi exhales a plume. This time, she doesn't turn away. She pulls the smoke back in, through her nose this time. You stiffen. 

“Me?"

“Do you ever get yours?”

“Well,” you say. Your voice is thin and unsupported. “Just this week, Light—”

Kiyomi holds up her hand. “Light doesn't like women,” she declares. She sounds so sure of it. You can't tell if she's sneering or laughing. “He just likes torturing you.” 

You feel heat rise in your cheeks. “That might be so, but he likes me enough to let me come on his hand,” you say. You're getting a little too bold—you don't want to antagonize her.

“Light fingers you,” she says, “because he thinks his dick will fall off if he eats you out.” She takes a long drag from her cigarette and stubs it out. She takes a step towards you and blows the smoke, thin and vaporous, into your face. Your eyes water, but you don't cough. You won't give her the satisfaction. 

“Is that why you and Misa give each other goodnight kisses , then?”

“Precisely,” Kiyomi says. She's inspecting her nails.

“What do you do with Misa-Misa, then?”

“I like to play with her.” Kiyomi pops a mint into her mouth. It’s not often that you see such a courteous smoker. 

“Play?” you ask, knowing full well what play seems to mean in this hotel. 

“I like to take her tits out,” she says, smiling. “Mark them up with my teeth. Pinch her nipples until they look like strawberries. She won't admit it but she likes when I slap her tits.” 

“That's it? You don't let her come?” You couldn’t imagine Misa, who had been so intent on her goodnight kiss, allowing that.

“Oh, she comes,” Kiyomi replies. Self satisfaction suffuses her husky voice. “Sometimes more than once.”

“Just from—well,” you say, gesturing to your own tits.

Kiyomi laughs. It sounds like a wind chime. “I get her all worked up until she can't stand it anymore. She tries to touch herself, but I don't let her. Sometimes she cries.” She looks wistful, saying this. Like she’s looking back on a fond memory from seasons ago. “I tease her hole a little with just one finger. It's kind of pathetic. She twitches all over the place trying to get me to touch her clit.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. The first time, she was so close that I licked it once and she just gushed everywhere. I'd never seen a girl come like that.” You clench your legs together. You’d never heard of such a thing.

“What was it like?” you ask, thinking that if you’d seen something of the sort, you would have fainted on the spot. 

“It was like having a drink thrown in my face,” Kiyomi replies. “She was so embarrassed, but I'd never been so turned on in my life. I didn't care that she'd just finished. I ate her pussy like it was my last meal. I think she came five or six times that night. The mattress had to be replaced.”

“And you?” you ask. “Did you come?”

“Oh, yeah. After she passed out, I got in the shower and fucked myself silly,” she says. ”I couldn't stop thinking about seeing her ankles next to her ears while I rearranged her cunt.”

“Does she ever…to you?”

“She does. She likes it a little rough. When I go down on her, she lays back against her pillows like a porcelain doll, but she makes me sit on her face until she's damn near suffocated.”

“Do you ever…do that to anyone else?” You hope you don’t sound as lamentably transparent as you feel.

Kiyomi raises an eyebrow and moves to pull out another cigarette. “What are you asking?”

You freeze. “I—I don't know, miss.” 

“Are you wondering if I'll do you, too?” 

Fuck .

“No…”

“You don't have to pretend. I'd do it if you wanted.”

“Do what?”

“Y/N-chan, you really are stupid, aren't you?” She flicks her lighter idly. It's a steel Zippo with a heart engraved on the side. 

You say nothing. Kiyomi takes a step forward. She smells like cigarettes and amber and caramel.

“I’d push you against a wall. Like this one.” She pins you with her forearm. 

“I'd touch your neck with my fingers, and then with my lips. And I’d open your shirt. I’d play with your tits, watch your nipples get hard. Pinch them and kiss them until you couldn't stand it any longer. You'd try to touch yourself, but I wouldn't let you.” She takes one deft hand and unbuttons your shirt. You move, and you think it's imperceptible—but Kiyomi sees everything. She reaches up and slaps you as hard as she can.

“I—”

“You don't get to speak.” She wedges her thigh in between your legs, pressing up against your cunt. You grind down on her without thinking, and she twists your nipple until your eyes water—but you don't speak. You can take it.

She unbuttons your shirt and ducks her head, pressing your breasts together so she can suck both at once. Her lips are soft, and every movement of her mouth leaves traces of her berry lipstick. You can feel her tongue against your nipples, warm and rough and practiced. The sounds are obscene. 

“I’d keep going until you were soaked through your skirt.” She pinches your nipple one last time and glides her hand down to your waist, slipping her fingers effortlessly into your underwear. 

“Looks like you're almost there,” she whispers into your ear. When her finger brushes your clit, you bite your cheek so hard you fear your mouth will bleed. She draws circles, slow at first, building up to a clip. Light never touches your clit. He thrusts his fingers into you and pumps them relentlessly. It's not like this. It really is different with girls. It's just like Misa said. 

“Shall I continue, Y/N?” Kiyomi asks lazily. 

You nod weakly. “Please,” you say, your voice shaking. “I—I need more. I need to come.” 

“More?” She says, sliding a finger inside you. You're so wet that it barely registers as it slips in and out.

“I need your mouth on me,” you whimper. She pulls her finger out and replaces it with her tongue. She licks gently at your hole, but true to her word, she doesn't touch your clit. Not yet. 

Kiyomi's eyebrows raise barely. “Misa said you could take direction well,” she says plainly. “It's nice to see you can give it, too.”

She drops to her knees, pushing your skirt up to your waist. You suddenly become painfully aware that you're wearing the plainest panties you own. Kiyomi is probably judging you; she's used to Misa gilding the lily with pink lace, and now she's faced with black cotton boyshorts. 

She doesn't seem to mind. She yanks them off, throws them into a potted plant, and hoists one of your knees to rest on her shoulder.

“You have a pretty pussy,” she says. Your clit is swollen from arousal; she pats her open hand on it, sending a shockwave through your gut. Per Light's request, you keep your cunt trimmed in a neat triangle. It's a relief to know Kiyomi likes it too. 

She leans forward and presses her mouth to you.

“Please,” you say. She keeps fucking you with her tongue, looking up lewdly through her thick lashes. You feel like you might cry. Against your will, you try to rub your clit. She grabs your hand and places it on her head. 

“Please,” you say again. “My—my clit. Lick my clit.”

She pulls away, her lips shiny and slick. 

“Why?” As soon as her mouth is off you, her hands are everywhere, squeezing your breasts, teasing your hole, filling your mouth. “You can't use your hand?”

“No,” you say, breathless, frustrated. “I want to come on your face.” 

[2darklymelanatedstories]

Check on me(ft Piccolo)

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, smoking and alcohol abuse and self harm.

Edited

~

"I've been drinking more alcohol in the past five days. Did you check on me? Did you look for me?"

~Libianca (People)

~

Piccolo has noticed your sudden change. The way you'd distance yourself from everyone, the way you wouldn't bother annoying him anymore. It was all very unusual but he hadn't thought much of it claiming that it's a human thing. He figured you just needed your space so he left you and let you be. Little did he know that space was the last thing you need.

It wasn't till Dende brought it up that he thought to see you. So he did. He went to your apartment to see how you were doing.

He landed onto your apartment balcony. Your sliding door was open and the cool breeze flowing into your room but it couldn't take away the light smell of smoke coming from the inside.

He ducked his head as he walked into your apartment. He searched your living room and the kitchen connected to it to see if you were home, yet there was no sign of you other than the music playing in the background and the two bottles of wine on the floor.

He called out your name but to no answer. Weird. He searched the rest of your apartment till he ended at your room. The door wasn't fully closed so he pushed it open. He walked in and the first thing he noticed was the pills on your nightstand. He didn't quite know what they were for though.

Piccolo felt the wind blow in and noticed the window open. Something wasn't right. He went towards the window when he noticed the smell of smoke again. This time it was much stronger.

The roof.

He flew out the window and onto the the roof of the building where he found your smaller self sitting at the edge with your feet dangling off.

"What are you doing up here?"

You look over at him and he's caught off guard. The dark circles over your eyes which have been due to lack of sleep and the tears and the emotionless expression on your face.

You looked like a zombie.

You blew a puff of smoke into the night sky and looked down at the moving cars.

"Do you think that falling from this height will kill me."

"If you wanted to die, you should have just thrown yourself at Frieza's feet when he came to invade the earth.", he said as an attempt to make you smile. In a way it worked. A small smile appeared on your face. It was a small smile though. That puzzled him.

"I should have gone to him first.", you said as you placed the cigarette into your mouth.

"So this is where you've been."

When you didn't answer he decided to float down and sit next to you.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"So now you care?", you said as you took another huff of the cigarette then blowing out the smoke.

"What do you mean now do I care!?"

"I've been feeling like shit lately and whenever I would think of coming to you for help, you'd avoid me. I'm going through a lot Piccolo and the only fucking person I could count on, the only fucking person who knew what I was going through couldn't even look at me! And you expect me to think you care!? Fucking asshole!"

"Asshole!? Newsflash princess, we all have got problems. We literally go through something everyday. What the hell makes you so special that you get to wallow in your self pity-"

SLAP!

He touched his cheek as it burned from the slap you just gave him. You glare at him with tears flowing down your face.

"You don't fucking get it. You hurt me. I could have literally killed myself, I was this close. I hurt myself everyday because I'm alone in this world. The only person I can count on, you, refused to be there for me. Its been a whole month. Why did you bother to check on me now?"

You got up to walk away from him when he grab your arm. He stood tall as he pulls you towards him but it was hard with you resisting his hold and trying to fight your way out of his grip.

It was when he finally got you still when he noticed the scars on your wrists.

"(Y/n) I-you..."

"I've been hurting myself. It helps with the pain."

Piccolo looked down, guilt taking over. He felt terrible and felt sadness for you.

Without warning, he pulled you into an embrace and wrapped his arms tight around you. Almost afraid that if he let you go, he wouldn't get you back.

"I'm staying the night.",he said. "It's not up for negotiation." He cut you off before you could retort.

You went silent and you thought about what he just said.

You could do nothing but agree. You needed the company and support. "Ok.",you said. "I'm sorry I called you an asshole."

"It's alright. I deserved it. I'll never leave you again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"So besides that, what did you think was going on?"

He cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed. "I don't know...menstruation stuff."

And with that you burst out laughing. He grumbles but other than that he's glad he managed to put a smile on your face, even if it was at his expense.

》》》

I started a new account since i couldn't get back into my old one😭😭😭anyway feel free to check out my other work. I'll be bringing them over to my blog soon to finish my Pyscho boyfriend series.

[vampirelova92]

Stuck N The Middle: Honesty 1.2

April•

Dana

Once settled inside the exotic car, it was quiet in the night. The new clean car smell invaded my nostrils as I watched this too good to be true man from inside it. Calen walked around the front getting in the drivers side. After closing his door he pulled out his keys and looked down in between us seeing I had my arm laying on the center compartment. His brown eyes looked up at me as he smirked with his lips.

"Can you move your arm, I need to get sum out of there." He requested respectfully closing his eyes to a squint. Feeling myself blush, I quickly placed my arm in my lap as Calen opened up the center. With his head faced down I could see he had growing in curls on top of his head. He definitely was related to Cooper and Cari, but with a different edge even though he was kind. After a few more seconds of rummaging through the compartment, he closed it and put something white and had the length of a cigarette in between his pink lips. Then he pushed a button behind the right side of the steering wheel, making the Porsche purr to life. A screen over the radio and underneath the dashboard lit up as he put the car in drive and pulled off.

"What's your address so I can put it in the GPS?" He mumbled with what I assumed a spliff between his lips. Of course he smoked weed why wouldn't he. His little high tech car didn't impress me though, I've been around it before. Erin wasn't just amazing and made me fall in love with her because she was a beautiful girlfriend inside and out to me. She also came from a wealthy family, and had at least four different European cars under her belt. Being in the car with Calen, made me feel like I was with her. To be honest it was the first time since coming in contact with him.

"I don't need to, you're going the right way for now," I muttered over at him, "I don't mind being your GPS."

Calen did a low chuckle lighting the weed between his lips, "Fine by me, ma."

"Take a left at the next right, pop." I mocked him looking out my window ready to get out this car. Stopping at a red light I heard him clear his throat exaggerating it, making me look over at him. Holding a squint in his eyes he sized me.

"You mocking me or sum shit?" He asked with a raised eyebrow cooly blowing smoke from his nose.

"What if I am?" I challenged as he continued to stare at me, the green light glowing on his face he pushed on the gas still looking at me. A stare contest began as he continued to speed through the 2am night, never unlocking his brown orbs from mine. Turning the wheel he made the left holding our gaze, stopping at another red light. I couldn't help but laugh at how serious he looked at me still, shaking his head he looked straight ahead. Taking another pull from his blunt he put out the spliff, he put it behind his ear.

"I don't understand your ass, where to next lil princess?" He asked in a low growl letting smoke leave his lips gently, it was almost too sexy. Why do I think that's sexy? I need to get away from him.

"What are you trying to understand? And you don't have to go any further we are here." I told him taking off my seatbelt, I pointed my right thumb to the apartment complex on the right. Calen overlooked the buildings and put his eyes back on me with a smug look.

"I'm surprised you don't know all the ways to get to the apartment." I eyed him.

"I do, why you think I can drive without lookin? Just didn't know u lived with Cari." He swiped his tongue over his bottom lip quickly, "You're distracting."

"I don't know how, not even doing nothing." I sighed.

"Why you kiss me and then act like this." He asked me putting the car in park looking over at me. Taking a deep sigh I decided since he gave me a ride home, I should give him his answer.

"My ex, was at the club tonight and I wanted to make her jealous so I used the next best thing to me to do it." I admitted looking into his brown eyes. Blinking a few times at me, Calen laid his head back on his seat head rest.

"Oh." Was all he said looking up at the roof of his car, "So you're gay."

"Yeah." I nodded as he looked back over at me, he slowly unbuttoned one button at the top of his shirt showing his chest. It was graced with tattoos on it telling me my assumptions earlier at the club were true. Besides this car, Calen was nothing like Erin and that was dangerous.

"Well, should've been told me that, I feel so used for my body now." He played like his feelings was hurt looking over at me cracking a crooked smile. Rolling my eyes at him I shook my head looking away. 

"Yeah, well thanks for the ride Calen it was nice meeting you." I spoke opening up my door, but Calens strong arm reached over my body. His tricep grazing the edge of my areolas through my dress gently, he closed the door back. I blushed looking over at him and his innocent face. He's going to kill me for using him.

He licked over his pink lips before saying, "You may not be interested in me, but Imma still be a gentleman, don't touch my damn door."

Baffled by his words I just stared at him as he winked taking off his blazer, throwing it in his backseat. Opening his car door he stepped out giving me a chance to see the sleeves of tattoos on his arms. It was like he was a walking masterpiece or something, I wished Cari would have told me something about her older brother. Walking around the car after he closed his door back he opened mine, reaching his hand out for me to take it. Standing up out the car with his help he closed the door back, placing his hands in his front pockets looking down at me. He really was taller than me now that I realized it.

"Thanks again, for the ride." I breathed holding my clutch in hand. He made me nervous and I hated it. Only Erin ever made me this close to nervous and Calen was pushing it past that.

"And for the usage of my lips this evening of course." He smirked at me, turning his head to the side.

"Right." I blushed beginning to walk towards my apartment door, going up the usual three steps. Calen stayed by his car but I knew he was watching me. I turned around to give one last look and I was right. He stood leaning against his car just staring at me, that sparkle at me in his eyes.

"Was that your first time kissing a guy?" He asked not having to yell out since it was so quiet on the street, I looked at my phone to use the light so I could get my key in the lock. It was almost three in the morning. Plus Cari and I forgot to keep the porch light on. Turning back towards him I laughed seeing him as he waited patiently for my answer.

"Yes, it was now go away." I told him opening my door. He smirked sparking his blunt again beginning to walk around his car to the driver side.

"It won't be your last." He said making my heart stop as I entered in my apartment closing the door behind me. What a night.

***

The next morning while rolling over in my sheets, I felt another body next to me. I looked over to see Cari knocked out in my bed. I pulled out my phone under my pillow to see it was twelve in the afternoon. She did this all the time when she went over Bryson's house. If you asked me they had a weird relationship. Once they were finished probably fooling around at night, early in the morning he would drop her off back home, and then she would snuggle me. I never thought of going there with Cari in that way, but if she didn't have Bryson couldn't blame me for wondering about a what if. They say it had something to do with the fact that Cooper didn't want to see his sister the next morning knowing what they had done, so since Bryson was not paying half n half on their condo, his say goes. To me it was all so stupid, but hey I had my own stupid moments with people I couldn't take back so I couldn't judge. Starting off with what happened last night with Calen. That damn liquor courage really got the best of me. Shaking my head at myself I slipped out of Cari's grasp going into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Staring at myself in the mirror of a small t shirt and short boy shorts, I wondered what Calen meant when he said that wouldn't be my last time kissing a guy. He was pretty confident I had to admit, but that dick between his legs was the main reason on why he probably would never get me to like guys. Arrogant cockiness bugged the shit out of me, and he had plenty of it. All I could say was good luck to him. Like that would help. Placing my wash cloth back on the bathroom towel rack, I exited seeing Cari sitting up in bed plucking her sleepy eyes from her phone to on me.

"Good day." She muttered looking me up and down.

"Hey." I replied going to my dresser to find some clothes for today. I decided to take a shower after going downstairs to find something to eat, I was starving. 

"You want to tell me now wassup with you and my brother?" She asked meekly, I did a low huff.

"Nothing is going on Carr." I mumbled looking through my dresser drawer for my black graphic tee I wanted to wear today, "You've known me for the past two years, I'm gay remember and your brother is a DUDE!"

"Bullshit, something is and I want you to spill. Now." She demanded at me, I turned around once finding my shirt mugging her smile.

"I'll make breakfast." She spoke all sing songy. If it was one thing I loved about Cari being my roommate it was her cooking, not having the blessing of having my moms home cooked meals since she lived all the way in New York, Cari was as close as I could possibly get.

"Fine, go start cooking I'll take my shower then we can talk." I shook my head going back to the bathroom.

"Alright!" She perked up, I could hear her making her way out my room to go clean up. I'll never hear the end of this. Fuck. After scrubbing and showering for a good ten minutes, I got out drying off and then putting on my skin moisturizer all over my body and deodorant. Spraying my bath and body works spray once on my neck and two times on my chest I got dressed. Keeping my hair in a bun after putting my earrings on I made my way downstairs. As I got closer to the kitchen all I could smell was breakfast food, my stomach began to do numerous flips. Floating to one of the stools at the island in the kitchen I sat and anxiously waited for my plate food. Cari turned around with a dark smile making me roll my eyes at her, knowing she was finally going to know what went down last night. Making my plate she placed it in front of me with a fork in the other hand. I reached for it, but she snatched it back as I picked up a piece of hash brown placing it past my lips. Picking up my cranberry juice I swallowed and took a deep breath.

"When I walked to go sit at the bar from being upset, a guy that I didn't know then was your brother came and sat next to me." I started, making Cari give me my fork. I placed some fried eggs and a piece of pancake in my mouth after soaking it with syrup.

"Okay and..?" Cari drilled growing impatient as I began to dig into my food.

"Somehow, Erin made her way to the fuckin' bar area and was in my sights again, since Calen was sitting next to me and looked interested in me I kissed him in front of Erin." I told her.

"Bitch, whaaaaaaat!?" Cari exclaimed making me look up as I bit into a rogerwood sausage.

"I didn't know he was your brother at the time Cari, and it was just to make-"

"No, no I understand that Dana, it's just out of all the guys in the building you had to pick Calen?" She asked sounding worried.

"See I knew you were going to trip out over this, I don't want your brother. Promise." I said straight up looking sincerely into her grey eyes matching Cooper's, but not Calen's since his was brown. But I could still see the familiarity it was weird with Cari's having more feminine features to them now that I noticed. Such a gene pool.

"Dae, that's what I'm trying to tell you, that's where you're making an error." She told me coming to sit down next to me.

I drank some more juice looking over at her, "What you mean?"

"Did he say anything at all to you when he dropped you off last night?" She asked.

"He asked me if he was the first guy I ever kissed and I told him yeah," Cari watched me cautiously, "Then he said it wouldn't be my last." I shrugged. Shaking my head at his cocky ass.

"Yeah, that definitely sounds like Calen." She scoffed looking away, "Listen to me Dana, Calen gets what he wants when it comes to women, you shouldn't have kissed him."

"Pshhh, Cari please, I already told him I'm not interested if he has a hard time getting it through his big light bright head I won't have a problem with reminding him." I scoffed.

And I mean that shit.

~~

Thanks For Reading!😍

[thessalian]

Thess vs the Valley of the Fallen

I've still been running through Stuff in Horizon Forbidden West in the mornings, but the last day or so it was mostly "Attempt to hunt up THINGS for armour, be disappointed when the Slaughterspine I was hunting didn't turn out to be the really dangerous one, sigh and decide to try again later". But I did trip over a quest, and ... yeah.

So yesterday I tripped over a quest from Nakka in Fall's Edge, when I was trying to tick the "Visit Fall's Edge" box on the main questline. But I can't find the person I need to talk to here and the quest isn't ticking. Lemme check Reddit.

Sooooooooo it just ... stays there until I do the main part of the quest? Really? Couldn't we have at least had it turn off when I actually visit the place? What the--? Oh. Hi, Nakko.

Okay, so, dude's worried about his brother. Who has disregarded orders to avoid the Really Weird Valley with the Really Weird Lights. Kids are stupid. Buuuuut they probably don't deserve to die for it. I mean, there are limits to how Darwinian we want to get here, right?

But first I wanna get that data point I keep missing, or I will forget it again.

I mean, it seems useless, but it honestly doesn't seem to be. There have been at least two data points that I can remember that talked about people struggling to find jobs. That's ... a mood.

Right. Valley of the Fallen.

Hi, Ivvira. Yeah, I feel for you, getting sent out to rescue kids from their own overconfidence. Park rangers used to get that all the time, and there were fewer killer machines back then.

Oh dear. Poor Daxx. Wonder if I can get Ivvira to tell this dude's brother about this.

Huh. That's not too bad a gathering. I expected more in the way of Clamberjaws, since map tells me this is a Clamberjaw site. Maybe it's only a Clamberjaw site after I take out the lures--

Oh. Zenith lures. Well, yeah, protecting their private island, right.

Override you and--

Did ... did you just say "Local vermin"?!?

Did you just add "Yay!" after your fucking kill count, you asshole AI?

Zenith genocidal fuckwits GO DIE IN A FIRE.

Right. Site the second aaaaaaaand ... ah. Spikesnouts. At least I know how to deal with those.

Yep, lemme just loot first-- There was a Skydrifter there? I ... guess I killed it without noticing?

Sorry, Yivekka-- Oh. Hi again, Ivvira--

There ... are Spectres now?!?

Why do I suddenly feel like I did this backwards?!? Oh fuck it; poonk-time is now!

Okay. Yes, Ivvira, you stay here with Yivekka; I will go deal with that last lure.

And this lure-- OH SHUT UP, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE AI! YOU'RE LIKE CLAPTRAP FOR GENOCIDAL MANIACS!

Thunderjaw and Tremortusk? Oof. Okay. Lemme see how much damage I can do without getting close.

...Quite a lot, apparently. Right. Lure the third.

And now the AI has a voice. And ... it really is Claptrap for genocidal maniacs.

Oh. Hi, Erik. Genocidal fuckwit.

Yeah, I definitely did this backwards because now it's telling me to go to the third lure. Gods, I hope I didn't bug this out completely...

I did not. Good. And I have ... another weapon I will never ever use. But thank you anyway.

Right. It's night. If I hurry, I might be able to get myself an Apex Slaughterspine. I'll blow a fast travel pack, just to be on the safe side.

And up the mountain I gooooooooooooo...

Scanning ... it's taking a second--YES! Just want to get the Leaplashers first.

Bye, Leaplashers! Now-- oop I alerted the Slaughterspine AND I HAVE NO COVER SHIT.

Smoke bomb; dodge roll-- AGH!

Fuckthisthingfuckthisthingfuckthisthiiiiiiiiiiiiing...

YES! With my last arrow, too.

Now, lemme just find a workbench-- Oh. I missed a Leaplasher. Now, how far away can I be and still hit?

...Never mind next post code; that was across state lines. Best way to deal with a Leaplasher, in my opinion.

I could fast travel, but I want to get that Redeye Watcher site.

Quietly tracking aaaaaaand--waitwut.

Why are there Bellowbacks THIS IS NOT A BELLOWBACK SITE ON MY MAP WHY ARE THERE BELLOWBACKS?!?

Okay, I don't really need to hunt the Bellowbacks so I'mma just sneak through in the river, thanks.

Redeye Watchers. I don't really need to hunt them either, but what the hell. It'll get me close enough to register the site properly on my map.

And over I go to Lowland's Path. And workbench aaaaaaaaaand...

FULLY. UPGRADED. LEGENDARY. UTARU. WINTERWEAVE. ARMOUR. I AM INVISIBLE!

Right. I was going to be better about food. So I should do that.

Well, I mean, as well as food, I have a D&D thing to do today. At least I'm a little better on the pain scale. Yesterday wasn't great. Had to take a dose of mallet meds to leave the house. Did I mention I hate fibromyalgia? Because I hate fibromyalgia.

[kaidoslastbraincell]

you and suguru are hanging out in his dorm room after he's had a falling out with satoru... (season 2 sugu hits different and the latest spoilers have me sad so here's some drabble ~ it's like 3am and my brain won't let me sleep till this is done dammit)

pairing: suguru x fem!reader

genre: not sure tbh....kinda angsty? slightly fluffy?

warnings: drugs (weed) + drinking

recommended song: thinkin bout you by frank ocean

_________________________________

i pushed the door of suguru's dorm room open with my shoulder, my hands full with our sustenance for the night.

"i got the good stuff from shoko," i mumbled, dropping the bottles of whisky onto his bed and digging around in my hoody pocket for the weed our friend had given me.

he stood from his seat at his desk and i immediately had to crane my neck to meet his eyes. a frown creased my brow and he smirked.

"nice to see you too, short stack."

the back of my hand met his chest and i tried to resist the laugh bubbling up my throat. that'd been his nickname for me since we were kids.

while he inspected the bottles, i got to rolling some joints, my fingers moving out of habit until we had a small stack to work through. moving over to the bay window, i slid it open and got comfy on the cushions, pulling my knees up to my chest.

"you coming or not?" i called softly.

his reply was a mere scoff as he brought the bottles and a lighter over with him, taking the seat opposite me and stretching his long legs out to either side of me.

putting one of the roll-ups between my lips, i lit the end, inhaling and holding before blowing the smoke through my nose. i passed it over to suguru and he did the same before passing it back. it went on like that for a while, sips of the alcohol i'd hidden in my room exchanged between drags. my last swig was particularly large as i braced myself to ask a question i knew would cause tension.

"so...you and 'toru made up yet?"

his eyes narrowed immediately and i held his glare.

"why don't you ask him yourself? you're always together," he huffed.

i sighed. "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"exactly as it sounds? if you care so much, why aren't you with him right now?"

"is that what your fight was about? me and him? because i can assure you...there is no 'me and him'."

"that's bullshit. i know he's been pursuing you," he hissed.

"and? he can pursue all he wants. he knows who i have feelings for and it's not him."

"but he knows how i feel about you!"

"so why- wait what?"

"uhhh....heh...did i say that out loud?" he coughed awkwardly.

i sighed...again. "you're a fucking idiot."

"oi! i'm being serious here and there's no use hiding it now. he knows how i feel about you and if he knows who you like too then why does he even bother?!"

"because he's satoru? you know how he is. he's probably trying to get a rise out of you...more so since he found out that i'm into you too..."

"hold on...you serious?"

"yes, dumbass," i rolled my eyes, a shy smile tugging at my lips.

putting the blunt between his lips, he reached for my waist and pulled my forward so i was straddling his lap. when he passed it back to me, his eyes sparkled.

"why didn't you say anything?"

i lifted a brow. "why didn't you?"

"because i was scared of being rejected?"

"there's your answer," i laughed. "anyway, you need to talk things out with him. i hate when you guys fight...it throws the whole group off balance."

"stop talking about him and kiss me."

stubbing the roll-up out on the window frame, i threw the remains into the little ashtray beside us. i shuffled forward slightly on his lap and took his face in my hands. his eyes fluttered at the contact.

"you're so pretty sugu'..." i mumbled, my lips barely brushing against him.

his hands clenched against my hips and i smiled. clearly losing his patience, his arms fully circled around me to pull me closer, his lips finally settling against mine.

[casspurrjoybell-24]

The Alpha's Boy - Chapter 1 - Part 1

Book Two In : The Alpha's Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Alistair 'Star' Claymore-Phoenix

My whole world changed while I was still a toddler.

I couldn't tell you the colour of my mother's eyes, the sound of my father's voice, who my childhood best friend was but I could tell you all about my brother.

I could tell you his hair colour, his voice, how he has freckles marking his nose, how he was left-handed.

How deep he cut my throat thinking it would kill me after stabbing our parents over ten times each.

Lucca Miethke was a monster and deep inside it made me wonder if I was a monster too.

If he could kill his whole pack without a second thought, was I really any saner than he was?

I mean, I had done some fucked up things in my nineteen years of life.

For example, I tried to poison my adopted father before I knew who he was and I'm pretty sure half the things I did just this week would have broken a law or two.

Lucca stole my voice from me for the simple fact that I was a stronger wolf than he was.

He said I was the 'family's favourite' and honestly, I didn't know if he was wrong or not because he stole that from me too.

Any memory I had of my parents was clouded with blood and darkness, smoke and screams. Was I loved? I could remember our father taking me to the lake once.

Did that mean he loved me more?

Was Lucca there that day too?

I didn't know but since that night, life hadn't gotten much easier, even after I was adopted.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Star. Happy Birthday to you."

I stared at the cake as it was set down in front of me, nineteen bright candles lit up the chocolate cake and the words underneath it.

'Happy Birthday Star.'

I sighed, knowing full and well my face was glowing from the candlelight, all eyes on me, ready and waiting.

For the past six years, I was told the same thing.

"When the song is over, make a wish for the perfect gift and blow out the candles."

And every year I wished for the same little things.

When I turned thirteen:- I wished for a bike and got a bike.

When I turned fourteen:- I wished for a new 'Hollywood Undead' hoodie and got one.

When I turned fifteen:- I wished for three tickets to see ''Fallout Boy' for Ivan, Rule and myself and I got them.

At sixteen:- I wished for a car.

At seventeen:- I wanted a night at a hotel, for me and my friends.

At eighteen:- I wanted just to be left alone, for five fucking minutes but I was done with trivial gifts for a wish.

I wanted something more, something money couldn't buy.

I wanted my mate, it sounded cheesy and stupid but it's what I wanted.

I wanted to finally feel happy, to feel whole.

I wanted someone who'd love me like my father and dad loved each other, like how my friends all loved their mates.

I watched everyone around me fall in love and I wanted that, I wanted to be loved.

I didn't want to be looked at like a broken toy anymore, I hated the looks on people's faces when they found out I couldn't talk, that I had no voice.

'Pity.'

I fucking hated pity.

I know it's half the reason my two Fathers 'Dad and Papa' kept me, they felt bad for that poor starved pre-teen that couldn't talk.

Darren even went out of his way to learn ASL, before I was even his responsibly.

I ground my teeth together before I blew out the candles and listened to the whoops and cheers of the people around me, the loudest being my Dad's shout.

I turned my head to the side to see Maddox my smaller, black-haired, blue-eyed brother, with a big grin on his face as he openly eyed the cake.

Malachi, whose face was the same as his brother's but instead of a grin, he wore a face of pure consideration, as he watched the smoke from the candles float into the air.

"Let's eat," a voice cheered and I looked over to my other side, to see my best friend.

Ivan

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS IN LOVE - Chapter 10 - Part 1

BOOK THREE: 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Noah Wright

"What the Hell, Wes?" I seethed, barging past Ciera to get into my home.

When I saw Sam at my doorstep, my heart was pounding.

I wished Wesley wasn't with me but he was and he fucking introduced himself to Sam, I could feel my anger rising.

The knowing look on Sam's face when he heard Wesley's name.

It was like Sam put all the pieces together, the wrong pieces.

Sam probably thought I got with Wesley the moment we broke up.

Hell, maybe Sam thought I did more than just dance with Wesley that night.

"What? I was being nice," Wesley spoke matter-of-factly but with a hint of humor, as he followed me in. Ciera shut the door.

I scoffed.

"You know he knows about you. He probably thinks..."

"Thinks what?" Wesley asked.

"You two are over, Noah."

"Yeah, well, that was still awkward as shit," I grumbled but I knew I lost that argument because Wesley was right.

"Yeah, that was a bit of a low-blow, Wesley," Ciera spoke casually.

"Even I got second hand embarrassment from Sam. I can't imagine how he felt about it."

"He'll get over it," Wesley said.

"Just get what you need," I began walking towards my bedroom.

"And then leave," I said but Wesley grabbed my arm.

"Okay, I'm sorry but don't you think a little that it was nice payback for him and his boyfriend showing up at your work?"

"You're fucked up, ya' know that?" I spoke dryly but without harm.

Wesley chuckled then tugged at my shirt.

"Can I stay the night?" he asked with innocent eyes.

"I'll see you Friday," I said in my form of 'no'.

Wesley sighed dramatically as he turned around.

Ciera held out eighty bucks to him.

He grinned, taking the money and reaching into his cotton bag for a baggy filled with weed.

"Thank you greatly," Wes said to her.

"Pleasure doing business with you. You can see your way out, right?"

"Bye losers," Wes spoke with a wave and Ciera and I returned the 'bye'.

Ciera turned to me.

"Do you want to smoke and watch a movie?"

"I need to shower first," I said, then in a whiny voice...

"Could you please make me some food?"

Ciera rolled her eyes.

"Sure son."

"Thanks, Mom," I replied and headed to the shower.

*********

Grabbing a towel from the tall, narrow cabinet in the corner, I set it on the hook next to the shower before turning on the water, letting it warm up.

Ciera completely took over the decorating in our apartment.

Imagine a goth fairy, yeah that's Ciera.

Most of our furniture was dark wood and she loved fake plants 'because she couldn't keep real plants alive' and a little more than a few fairy statures scattered about the place and of course a bunch of gay shit.

I wasn't be surprised about the fairies though, Ciera had a huge gothic fairy tattoo in her thigh but I actually liked the decorations, not that I'd tell her.

After stripping and deciding the water was hot enough, I stepped in.

It didn't happen all the time but sometimes when I'm showing and I let myself think about Sam 'specifically when Sam and I would shower together' I couldn't control my mind from spiraling.

Like how I'd rub soap slowly all over his naked body or he'd do the same for me or when we'd kiss under the steaming water.

His delicate hands tangled in my wet hair.

I'd press his smaller body against mine.

My dick was throbbing to fuck him again.

To grip his waist and thrust into him until he's moaning my name. I wrapped my hand around my dick and started pumping.

My mind was a lustful haze of Sam.

I thought about the way he tasted with my tongue in his mouth.

I thought about the way he'd lose it when my hand went to his throat or when my fingers slipped into his mouth and he'd suck and lick them before I'd bring them to his ass and fuck, the way Sam would whine and moan when I'd press my dick into him and I would have his back against my chest so I could stroke him until he releases.

"Ah fuck, Sam," I groaned, my left hand flat against the wet, tiled wall while my right hand rubbed me to my climax.

My hand slick with my release.

Once clean and out of the shower, I changed into sweatpants and a hoodie before walking out into the kitchen.

I felt like a pathetic dumb-ass for getting off to Sam while I was sure he was getting off to his new boyfriend. Someone who wasn't me.

My chest squeezed and the tight feeling wouldn't release.

I missed him.

Fuck, I hated that I missed him.

I hated that I didn't hate him and I knew I wanted more than to fuck Sam one last time.

If Sam came to me and told me he broke up with Boring Benjamin, I'd take Sam if he'd let me have him.

I'd never again let him be the one that got away.

I'd make sure to do things right this time but he seemed happy and I knew I should let him be happy even without me.

The selfish part of me, however, was far more needy.

I sighed.

'Stop thinking about him, dumb mother fucker,' I thought as I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

There was hot pasta on the stove which I helped myself to before sitting down next to Ciera on the couch.

She was packing a bowl and had 'The Shinning' paused on the screen.

"Again with horror?" I asked, she was a horror fanatic.

"Hey," she started with attitude.

"I made you..."

"I think I'm still in love with Sam," I cut her off with my confession but felt a little nauseous thinking, Sam might really be the one that got away and I didn't know if I could do anything about that and that thought fucking sucked because I could've prevented this.

Sam and I could still be together but we aren't.

Ciera didn't respond to that, so I continued thinking out loud.

"But at the same time, I don't... I don't know if I want to do anything about it because he..."

I couldn't find the right word, so I settled for...

"He makes me mad but mad like in the 'drives you crazy' kind of mad way. That can't be healthy. Maybe we weren't meant to be together and I don't know if I can handle that," I exhaled and looked at Ciera.

She looked to be lost in thought, absorbing my words but must not have found the answers I needed because she only extended the packed bowl to me with a lighter.

"You can take the first hit."

[ambroziadelphine]

Careful, I bite. Chapter 15

Masterlist

The night went by with just mindless chatter and vague planning on how this will go, seeing as it was pretty straight forward now that we had almost everything. We eventually all turned in for the night, ending up with me here, laying on my bed as I tried to get sleep to visit me but as I lay awake nothing helped. Smoking just got me high out of my mind, sleep didn't even try to take over as I was zooted to the sky, which was strange because I used a strain that normally would knock me out cold within an hour; now I just wanted to be asleep or at least not this high as I stumbled out of my room hugging a fluffy blanket around me, throwing it on the couch in the dim living room.

I stumbled into the kitchen, turning on the kettle as I got a cup down from the cupboard, suddenly feeling dizzy as I leaned back on the counter to stop my head from spinning. Once I felt steady enough I mixed up some hot chocolate, being very careful to not pour the hot water on myself when I carefully brought it over to the coffee table, turning the TV to Spotify and setting it to volume 5 before playing my 'Quiet' playlist, Sparks by Coldplay softly ringing through the apartment as I lit a cinnamon vanilla candle that we always had sat on the coffee table. I glanced at the open curtain of the patio as my leg bounced, taking a minute before finally getting up and quickly shutting the curtain, goosebumps on my skin as I tried to rub my arms for warmth, sitting down and clutching the hot chocolate close to me. I took small sips as I wrapped the blanket back around me, letting my unusually cold figure shiver slightly even with all these layers, sighing as I leaned back on the couch, letting the music flow over me as the song changed. My lips mouthed the lyrics to Romantic Homicide by d4vd as I stared off into nothing for a while, soon and slowly falling to sleep, unaware of the nightmare that laid waiting for me.

---------Tobirama's POV---------

I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, looking at the digital clock beside my bed and sighing as it read 2 am. We had all called it a night at 11 due to the stressful day so I was a little irritated at needing to wake up so soon, but I just got up and left my room, it was only upon exiting the bathroom though did I notice the soft sound of singing and music from the living room, the faint glow from the TV and a candle lighting up the area. I looked at the couch to see Max sat there, bundled up in a fluffy blanket looking like she was freezing to death with how she shivered; I sighed and walked over to her, noticing her closed eyes and deciding to blow out the candle before turning to walk out the room when I paused upon hearing a whimper.

"Stop it.." I could hear her mutter, my shoulders tensing as I slowly turned back to her to see her eyes still closed, her brows knitted together as she looked uncomfortable, maybe even scared. It made my heart ache in a strange way as my brows furrowed. "No.. Get away.." She mumbled, starting to shift in her sleep as she almost tried to move back. I cautiously stepped closer, eyeing her wearily before looking to the TV and getting an idea. I carefully grabbed the remote, turning the music up a little and turning to the next song before getting one of the throw pillows on the chair and placing it on one end of the couch; I slowly tried to ease my hands under her when she curled away from my touch, whimpering again.

"Stop it, Rio.." She muttered making me stop, pulling my hands back as I could feel my gaze soften. She was having a nightmare about him? How awful did he treat her? I know she showed me the scar from him basically branding her but.. "Please, stop.." She whispered, her voice cracking as a tear fell down her cheek. I didn't know what I was doing but before I could think I had a hand cupping her cheek gently, placing my forehead against hers.

"You're okay, Max." I whispered to her softly, her features loosing their fearful edge for a moment. "He's not here. He can't get to you." I said quietly, moving to sit beside her as she turned and all but latched onto me making me sigh.

"Tobi..." She muttered, taking in a deep breath as she blinked slowly a few times, tears beading from her eyes as she suddenly let out a sob, hugging me close as I tried to comfort her, rubbing her back and running a hand through her hair. I feel her shake as she tried to keep in her cries, sitting her on my lap as I shushed her gently, her face was buried in the crook of my neck and I could feel her tears on my skin making my heart clench; I didn't want to see her like this, but how can I help her? The only thing I figured to do was let her cry, keeping her close as she calmed down some, her sobs slowly fading as the song changed, I glanced up at the TV and thought of something I could use to distract her.

"Can you tell me what song this is?" I whispered, her sniffled stopped for a moment as she thought about what I said.

"When the party's over, by Billie Eilish." She muttered against my skin. I smiled and placed a small kiss on her shoulder.

"What about this one?" I asked, changing the song from one soft tune to the next; I could feel her smile softly against my skin after the first few notes played.

"Like real people do by Hozier." She said, a little louder then before as she sighed, her tense body relaxing slightly in my hold. I kissed the side of her head and kept my arms firmly around her, I didn't know if I'd actually be able to help; I guess I surprised myself with how natural I seemed to do this, to hold her, to help her. I felt like I was the one who needed to protect her, but it was conflicting as I still barely knew her or this world.

"I'm sorry for when I called you pathetic.." She muttered after a few quiet moments. I looked at her and furrowed my brows, before remembering and sighing.

"Don't be." I said, brushing some hair out of her face as I gazed into her eyes. "I think you may have been right then.. I was angry Madara got to live a normal life after everything he's done. I didn't want him to get his perfect life when I was stuck with nothing in this world besides my brother. Even if we went back, who knows if we'd even be alive." I admitted hesitantly, it was a hard reality to accept, that I now had to make a new home in a world still unknown to me. I didn't know what I could do, how I'd live. I refuse to rely on Max or Alex my whole life here.

"You were rightfully upset. I should have dropped the discussion even if I didn't agree with it. I'm sorry." I told her, trying to tell her how I was now truly sorry for my previous actions, knowing I have yet to give her that real apology even with.. what happened.. between us. She looked up at me for a moment, my hand moving to brush some hair from her tear stained face as she smiled.

"I forgive you." She said, my own small smile crossing my face.

"I'm glad." I said, she chuckled and leaned up to place a kiss on my lips, my cheeks turning pink in response as I looked away from her in embarrassment. 

"Don't hide from me." She chuckled as she put a hand on my cheek, turning me back to look at her. She wrapped her arms around my neck as she kneeled over me, her legs on either side of my thighs making my breath involuntarily hitch, my arms wrapping around her waist almost like a reflex. "I'm not going to bite, you know." She said, tilting her head at me as she chuckled.

"I might." I muttered, casting my gaze to the side as she smirked.

"Oh? You seemed more bark then bite a few days ago." She said teasingly, my cheeks turning red as the memory of her on top of me flashed through my mind. "You look cute when you blush. Kinda wish I could see you like this more often." She teased, my cheek felt hot as her smile widened, I could only guess what my face looked like to her right now. I huffed and turned my head away from her, only for her to lean in close, her nose brushing my neck as she placed a soft kiss on my collar; damn me for wearing such a loose t-shirt, I couldn't focus with her lips on me like this. My mind was racing as I tried to decide between giving in and figuring out a way out of this, I felt her hands on the edge of my shirt, her hands gently gliding against my bare skin as if waiting for my permission to proceed when I caught her hands.

"W-wait.. I-.. What were you dreaming about?" I asked, stumbling as I tried to think of something to change the subject. She's dealing with so much right now, I can't take advantage of her like this, it'd be worse then what I've already done; I can't keep using her when she's vulnerable, she was drunk the first time, in an already compromising position the second time. I can't keep making this a habit. She paused and looked at me hesitantly, a change in her demeanor making me realize my question may have a heavier answer then I had thought, suddenly feeling guilty for even asking before she sighed.

"Rio.. when I didn't do what he said.. he got violent; but it wasn't just.. hitting me.." She said softly, her hands leaving my skin to lay at her sides making me look at her in concern, noticing how glassy her eyes became at the mention of her past relationship; if you could even call it that. "There were times he would.. force himself on me, sometimes threatening my life if I didn't obey him.." The way she spoke was so numb, like she was telling someone something so detached from herself and mundane, that it didn't bother her, but I could see how it did. Her eyes cast down, more focused on my shirt then me; her hands seeming to shake at her sides just slightly, the way the spark in her eyes and that cheeky attitude vanished like it was never there to begin with. It all made my heart ache as I realized just how wrong I was to judge her when I got here; I judged her for how she looked, the way she acted, her attitude.. I never thought of the person underneath all of that, that here could be something more to why she turned out this way.

"Max.." I said softly, my hands bringing hers to mine as she sighed.

"I don't want pity." She said, staring at our intertwining hands before she looked up at me. "Ever since Rio, I've never felt like I could trust another man.. But after the party.. you made me feel safe, even if it was a rushed and intoxicated decision. You made me feel like you cared." She admitted, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears as I tried to stay calm. Even after how I'm caused her issues over and over again, she's still saying I make her feel safe? I would hardly tolerate my own attitude from the last few weeks if it was given back to me.

"So, tell me if I'm wrong so I can save myself some heartbreak; because you're making me feel something I haven't felt in a long time and I don't know if I can stop it." She said, my eyes widening as I felt my whole body heat up as I took in her words.. She, had feelings for me? She actually had feelings for me.. But how did I feel? I felt something towards her but.. would I deserve it after how harshly I had judged her before? I don't want to hurt her like others have done.

"I.. I do care about you." I said softly after a moment, her hands holding mine as I softly traced her fingers. "I'm just.. I don't want to cause you more pain in the end. You've helped me so much and I've been so ungrateful.. I don't know how to do this, and I don't want to cause more damage that I don't know how to undo." I said softly, her eyes softening as she gave a small, sad smile, her arms wrapping around my shoulders slowly.

"There's nothing you can do, that hasn't already been done to me Tobi." She said gently, I could feel myself freeze.

"Nothing?" I whispered, looking at her with concerned edge to my voice as she sadly nodded, leaning back before she slowly took off her shirt. I quickly averted my gaze out of respect making her chuckle, putting a hand on my jaw to turn me back to her. She didn't have a bra on, leaving her chest bare and exposed to me as my mouth watered at the sight of her beautiful form before pausing as I took a longer look, frowning as I noticed the various scars littering her skin. What looked like knife marks on her biceps, looking almost like an animal clawed her but it was too clean; too precise and perfect to be from an animal. She had scars of what looked like bites and small circular scars littering her shoulders, similar but bigger circular scars on her hip and faint burn scars covering small portions of her forearms. So that's why she always wore long sleeves.. The scars were harder to see due to her tattoo's, some of which seemed to be strategically placed to hide some of the harsher scars which made me feel worse knowing I had judged her for these too. Kami, I am such a fucking asshole.

I hesitantly reached out a hand to touch her skin, feeling goosebumps raised over wherever I'd touch as she closed her eyes and sighed. My fingers grazed over the rough skin on her hip, tracing the circular scars.

"What the hell are these from?" I asked, they didn't have Jutsu and I didn't know of a weapon they could have that would leave this mark.

"Guns are his main weapon of choice if he wanted to make a point of anything. One shot and I'd need to go to the hospital.. I was lucky. If he shot any further inwards, I'd never be able to have kids." She said quietly, I felt anger knowing such a vile man could do this to someone he was supposed to love. I've seen my fair share of horrors of life, but any man who'd even raise a hand to a woman were worse then scum; the most vile type of man I've ever seen, but this was on a whole new level and it made my blood boil. "Tobi.. I didn't tell you just to talk about my scars.." She said making me look up at her, she smiled and leaned closer to me.

"Max.. If you were just having a nightmare about him.. I don't know if-" She cut me off with a kiss, pressing her bare chest against my clothed skin, her arms around my neck as she pulled me closer.

"Look, if you don't want to, say that. My nightmare was of being raped, yes, but I'm not thinking of that when I say I want this." She said after pulling back, staring into my eyes as I looked at her still unsure making her sigh, resting her forehead against mine. "I'm thinking of the fact you are the only man who's given me a choice in this. This isn't just about sleeping with someone to forget what Rio did to me. I need it to be you, Tobirama Senju. A man I trust." She said making my breath hitch, the sincerity in her voice and eyes making me chest swell with an unknown emotion. I couldn't help myself from crashing my lips into hers, picking her up and taking her to her room, not before grabbing her shirt and turning the tv off. 

[nomatterthestorm]

It’s been a while friend! Life has been busy. Random question for you — what would you tell your 18 year old self?

Good to know you're staying occupied☺️

(this is gonna get graphic) I'd tell myself:

1. first stop being a little bitch about what happened with your parents, love your Mom AND your Dad, their problems with each other are not yours no matter what either of them says. Just love me both as much as you can and tell your Dad you love him, he's really a big softy he's just trying to toughen you up but you'll miss him when he's gone, and he's proud af of you as a man.

2. The girl you're with will fucking leave you so start applying for scholarships and go to OSU and have a good time. Meet people and form some meaningful relationships with those who see things the way you do, but also challenge you to change your mind.

3. You're not weird for liking alternative music and hip-hop simultaneously, in fact give it a couple years the world is gonna start making more music that fits your persona. Also that feeling you get when you're in beautiful moments and fitting somber music start playing in your head that makes you feel like you're in a teen Rom-Com will keep happening and this app called tik too is gonna blow up and you'll find that other people actually felt that and make these things called reels that display that feeling vividly for those who don't get that feeling.

4. I don't really know if you could've made it as far as I did without fucking up as bad as I (future me) did but if you can please figure it out. It'll save you 2 years of really shitty depressing filler episodes, smoking cigarettes (even though you quit eventually but for some reason decide to vape instead, because you've always known since like 8 that you'd smoke despite no one in your family smoking.), and that off and on seasonal depression that you'll deal with for a good 6 years. That shit could've really killed us bro, fuck the fights, the robberies, the over indulgence, the guns, the shady nights outside, drug deals, and racism. We could've killed us formal good thing we didnt do boy scouts cause them knots were loooose..thank GOD

5. Be yourself playa, like bro your mom is fucking right you're handsome AF and you'll attract some of the badest women, NO ONE IS OUT OF YOUR LEAUGE. Like I know right now you can't even imagine being THAT GUY because you think you've let people make you feel ugly and less than but you end up being HIM, all you really had to do was stop sacrificing every bit of yourself for all the people you love, cause let's face it you currently love a lot of people and you'll love a lot more.

6. You keep saying you'll save for a BMW coupe, you never do but it doesn't matter dream bigger you'll be in a 2017 BENZ by the time you get here.

7. Save your money, all the little rich kids that call you a bum right now will be hitting you up saying “Hey bro you wanna link” while ending your life because they were forced to get married just to live decent middle-class lives off two-income households, also fall in love with cooking..you eat out all the time..and it's not fast food but you could save like $1500 a month cause you don’t eat fast food for and have formed this habit of not eating the same thing every day, and you don't like left overs, or even driving to get food.

8. You're stretching that $350 paycheck and you're contemplating quitting your job just to sell weed.. that's a bad idea...like a really fucking bad idea, the only thing you learn from it is fast money will never beat moderately consistent progression. You just spent $500 on a section to party for like 4 hours in a club and you've gone back 3 weeks in a row cause you could and it didn't phase you..you have a fuck ton of electronics, live alone in a fully furnished nice apartment and you used to take your ex to dates and spend $300 frequently for the both of you. (also you don’t marry her or all the other loves that came before her, and being single saves you like $1000 a month) Did I mention you only put premium in your car and you always fill the tank...Stay hungry but save and trust no one that doesn't treat you how you treat them.

9. You've learned a lot so far, but I promise it's still not enough, study older people not just in your immediate life but other people’s too. Reacherch endlessly, not just what you like but things you don’t I know you already absorb information emensly but you need to find out how to use all of that more effectively. You'll think you're learning all of this so you can be the Hero you've always wanted to be but really all of this knowledge will keep you from becoming the villain you've always known you were capable of being. There are few things more dangerous than a powerful man who is not self aware.

10. I love you kid. I know we never told ourselves that growing up but seriously I love you so much for being strong and I know you probably heard everything I said and thought “Now I know so I won't do those dumb things” but the truth is you'll likely make different mistakes that'll probably get you here or put you in the ground so it's probably best you ignore me and just do what you were gonna do anyways because we'll get to where we wanna be regardless, and honestly WE HAD TO MAKE THOSE MISTSKES TO GET THIS FAR. As hard as that is to hear. We've been telling ourselves “One day I'm going to be successful, I don't know how but I will” since the moment we used to wait for all our friends to leave the middle school waiting area because we didn't want them to be alone. Then proceed to walk home alone because we knew we could handle the pressure. Like for real we even got away from that creepy fuck that tried to take us by offering ice cream, we were BUILT, BORN, AND RAISED DIFFERENT. We may not have always been deserving but we must continue to thank GOD for his guidance, and now we thank Dad too since he's up there watching the show too.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hiiii long time no see! Can I please request a Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (or Arthur Shelby x reader, you choose!) where she’s a young single mother in her early 20s and she has a daughter who’s around 4 years old? Y/n has not even once been involved in any criminal activity nor have the Shelbys had any interactions with her, until they have a funny first meeting. So you know how Mrs. Connors came to Tommy and Arthur for retribution because of what her husband did? How funny would it be if Y/n’s daughter sneaks into the Garrison and all the way to the back room where the meetings are taking place to bring up a huge “problem” that she has, to Tommy and Arthur. Her problem being something silly like Y/n wouldn’t give her candy or something.😂 Y/n runs in there, completely mortified and honestly scared that her and her daughter have basically run into the wolves den (the Shelbys/Peaky Blinders are scary🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️), but Tommy finds it amusing and Arthur finds it hilarious lol… And thennnn they fall in love (how they fall in love is your choice😉!)

This request was so cute and just brilliant I still don't think I've done it justice. I hope you enjoy it. I'm also really sorry for the delay! Thank you for being you! <3

Warnings: None? Peaky Blinders typical violence and problems - Sexual assault is mentioned and one physical altercation is described between the reader and an attacker in the head cannons at the end.

P.S. I know this was supposed to be a big romance and not a dad Tommy fic - but I couldn't help myself - there is a lot of Ruby and Tommy in this.

Another busy day was winding down in Small Heath. It was not the type of evening you would normally take little Ruby to the shops. She was at an age where she insisted on walking on her own. Normally early in the morning it was not a problem, fewer people meant that you could take your time moving behind her. But today the city seemed to be swallowed by some kind of commotion. Getting everything that you needed you made it to the check out, so far Ruby had listened well earning her a treat. She'd not let go of your skirt once, except for two tumbles to the ground, which she brushed off gracefully. 

You moved up to the counter and ended up getting sucked into a conversation with one of the older ladies that lived in your building. Mrs. Patterson was a sweet woman, she often helped out with Ruby and was always on the lookout for potential husbands. You listened to her chat about how there were meetings with the Shelbys open to the public, while you bagged up your items. 

"Where is little Ruby then?" She asked while blowing the smoke from her cigarette over her shoulder. Your eyes shot down to the hem of your skirt, then you turned around.

"She was right here" You said breathlessly as your heart started to pound. your eyes shot around the market and out onto the busy street. 

"Always wandering that one. Reminds me of my eldest daughter. Here love, I'll hold your stuff, go after her." She moved the brown paper bags behind the counter. You didn't stop to thank her as you went out onto the street. 

_______

The day was dragging on with each meeting more mundane than the next. Thomas knew that this was the best way to meet his goal, and for once he felt like maybe he could help people solve their everyday problems. A welcomed change from the usual darkness he operated in. 

Finally, the last woman wrapped up her dead birds and moved out of the snug thanking them profusely. Arthur finally let out a deep chuckle he had been holding back. Thomas lit a cigarette feeling the weight settle in on his bones once again. So much to do and so little time to do it. 

They sat there in silence for a moment. Tommy watched as the last light of the day poured through the stained glass windows. 

A faint nock landed on the door frame and Tommy looked down to see a small face looking through the slight opening in the door. 

"Come in." Tommy said easily despite the slight bit of discomfort settling in his stomach. Where on earth was this little girl's parents? 

She came into the room slowly looking around taking in the two men. Shyness radiated off of her as she thought out her next move carefully. 

"Are you the men solving people's problems?" She asked, twisting her fingers in her light pink dress. 

"Wh-" Arthur started but Tommy shot him a warning look that shut him up. He didn't like the idea of being alone with an unknown little girl. This was either a trap or a lost kid, neither of which he wanted to deal with. 

"Yes, we are. Where's your parents eh?" 

"My mums at the shop. But I came because I over heard that you - you - both fix people's problems." She stuttered but tried to speak as clearly as she could.

"And what do you need help with, love?" Tommy asked her honestly. She looked too scared to avoid. 

"There's a monster that lives under my bed." She looked at the floor and pink started to color her chubby face. 

"You and every kid in Small heath. What's Your father done about it then?" Arthur asked with humor in his voice. The girl's nose crinkled. 

"I don't have a da" She said just above a whisper. 

"France?" Tommy asked her, and she responded with a little nod. This caught Arthur's attention. There was a moment of silence while he thought about what to say. 

"Look, my ma is too tired to check some nights, but I can feel it there waiting for me. Can't sleep" Her eyes were watery, and Tommy could tell she was genuinely frightened. He couldn't tell if there was something worse going on in her life, or if someone had told her a story to scare her.

"Does it talk to ya?" She shook her head. "We're Gypsy. I'll have something made to keep any monsters or spirits away. Let's find your mother" Her face lit up and she started to thank them. Before she could finish stumbling over her thanks, a woman barged into the room. She scooped the girl up into her arms holding her tightly to her chest. 

"Sir I am so sorry, really I apologize" The fear in her eyes told Tommy she knew exactly what company her daughter had stumbled into. 

"It's alright. Meetings are open to everyone." Tommy responded easily, taking in the woman's appearance. Her face was flushed making her bright eyes stand out her hair was pulled back but loose curls had come free framing her face. The need to put her at ease overcame the urge he had to laugh about the situation. 

"Well thank you for hearing her concerns, we best be off." She said sternly. 

"No! I haven't told them where we live." The girl cried out, Tommy watched how the woman's face pinched at her words. 

"Alright that's enough, we have wasted enough of their time, love. Thank you both again" She said with a tight smile. Tommy knew that he should have let them go. But there was something about the two of them. She was determined to protect her child, and her child was smart enough to know that she should be afraid of such strange men but was scared enough to prevail. All over a mysterious monster under the bed. 

"I promised her that I would drop off something to ward off the monster under her bed" Tommy studied her features carefully. "At least let me walk you home" 

"Okay" she answered nervously. Tommy knew that she only agreed because she felt she had no other choice. He hated himself for getting out of his chair to follow her out. 

"Arthur, I'll see you back at the shop" Arthur gave him a swift nod while hiding his smile. 

He set out onto the street with the woman, putting his hand on the small of her back to guide her to the inner part of the sidewalk. 

"Thomas Shelby" He said, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh I know who you are.” She went silent for a moment but let out a sigh. “Y/n L/n and this is Ruby." Ruby's head rested on her shoulder smiling over at him. 

"It's nice to meet the both of you." She tossed him a small smile that made his stomach twist. He remembered Grace's smile and his heart dropped this was completely stupid. He didn't deserve whatever life this woman had made for herself. 

"I had to leave my stuff at the shops, do you mind?" Her head nodded towards the entry.

"No, not at all." He opened the door for her, for a moment he considered asking if he should hold Ruby for her but decided that it would only scare her. 

He watched from behind her as she greeted the woman at the counter. The total was mentioned but Tommy had already placed some money on the counter.

"Please I insist" He said, hearing her take a deep breath. He didn't want to hear it, he just wanted to look after them. Even if it was just for an evening. 

He scooped the bags into his arms, and they wished the shopkeeper well. 

"You didn't need to do that" She said sternly. 

"I don't do anything I don't want to do." He answered easily hoping he hadn't upset her. Why he cared was still beyond him. 

He followed her up to her small apartment, making sure not to follow her in as she finally put Ruby down. 

"Thank you," She said, grabbing the bags from him. 

"It was my pleasure. I'll come by tonight with something to help with the monsters, eh?" He said bending down to shake Ruby's little hand. It was something he couldn't understand. He looked down at her and felt a full spectrum of feelings. He didn't like that they were alone. That her mother was too tired to look under her bed some nights. He hated the dark circles under her eyes or how frail she looked caring for a child all alone. Especially in a building that had frequent break-ins, and stood tall in a part of town known for praying on such women and children. 

He had lots to think about on the way home. 

_____________

Panic. It was all consuming and had little to no logic. You knew exactly who had walked you home. Since you were a kid you knew that the Shelby family was not to be messed with, so out of caution you carefully avoided them all together. Now Thomas Fucking Shelby was coming to your house. 

You were beyond angry. There was no way out of this. He had no honor. Whatever he wanted in exchange he would get. 

Tears started to prick your eyes. 

“Ma ‘s alright. He’s going to get the monster so you won’t have to look anymore.” Her big eyes were so earnest it broke your heart further. She was so determined to make things easier on her mother at such a young age. It’s not right, guilt pooled into your stomach. 

Not to mention she hired a monster to fix her imaginary monster situation. Fuck. 

____________________________________________________

Tommy went to Polly and insisted he make a bundle that would keep away any evil spirits. 

“All this for a little girl?” Polly raised her eyebrows and put out a cigarette. 

“Yes,” He answered tiredly. He didn't want to deal with this right now. Polly moved around her bedroom. The room always felt like an island, seperate from the rest of the world. Heavy fabrics hung from the ceiling and her pfume danced through the air. He remembered how he used to hide in here when he was scared, it’s not like anyone would be able to find anyone or anything in this chaos. 

“Little Ruby Eh?” Tommy gave her a nod. “Nothing to do with her single mother?” 

“Just trying to help out.” He leaned against the door frame and let out a sigh. He could feel the lecture coming on. 

“Sure you are dear.” Polly handed him something wrapped in ribbons. “Place it under her bed. And if you're going to try anything with Y/N, don’t. I’ve heard stories about her over the years. She has had a hard enough time, seen enough trouble for a few lifetimes. Be smart about this Tommy.” She looked him in the eyes then patted him on the shoulder. Unfortunately her words only made him more compelled to make it better for the woman. 

He made his way through the spring rain towards her place. Stopping at the landing he reviewed his options. He could turn around now leaving Ruby to manage the monster on her own. Go up and then leave straight away. Or offer his protection, he could try and offer her a better job. Ask her for dinner…. He shook his head and climbed the stairs. 

As he expected Ruby had the door open by the time he reached the top of the stairs. She must have been watching from the window. 

“I was worried you were going to turn away. Or forget where we live!” She held onto his legs tightly. 

“Alright Ruby, s’not how we greet guests.” Ruby reluctantly let go and her mother came scooping her up. 

“So what has to happen to chase the monster out then?” She was playing along, making Ruby’s smile even brighter. Something was hidden in her eyes that Tommy didn’t miss. He wasn’t welcome here. 

“Well, all we have to do is put this under your bed. My Aunt made it for you, said that it will keep you safe against anything intending ill will towards you.” 

“I want you to do it.” Ruby said, and she squirmed for her mum to put her down. 

“You lead the way then” She said, slightly exasperated, placing Ruby on her feet.

Ruby led him through to her room and he made a show of inspecting both the closet then under the bed the same way he used to for Ada. Then after announcing it was all clear he placed the bundle in the center under her bed. He said a few things in Romani and felt her looking up at him as if she could see the magic pouring out of him. 

“No more monsters.” He said firmly. 

Ruby got straight into bed and her mother tucked her in. He kept his distance, standing in the doorway. Wondering what type of magic this woman possessed. Such a pocket of love, warmth, and safety in such a horrible part of town. 

“Good night Mr.Shelby.” Ruby called out. 

“Good night Ruby. Sleep well” He said. She moved out of the room swiftly shutting the door behind her. Leaving the two of them in the hallway. The only bit of light coming from the candle in her hand. 

“I’ve heard awful things about you.” She said bluntly, eyeing him cautiously. 

“I’ve done awful things.” He had no reason to lie to her. 

“Then why do all that?” Her eyebrows raised, and her mouth set in a line.

“Just wanted to help her out.” He responded feeling like he was in a conversation with Aunt Pol. 

“And the groceries?” She quipped. 

“Just wanted to help you out as well?” She threw him off, he almost stumbled over his own words. 

What was so frightening about a woman with a candle? 

Ah. 

That she may never want to see you again. 

She took a step towards him as if to stare him down, all it did was make him want to close the distance between them.

“I felt for her and well, I feel for you too” He looked into her big eyes and could see the understandable delmia. 

A ganster turned partial polition stading in her house trying desperately to charm her. She was too smart for that, he was a massive gamble and not one a struggling single mother would take. Not unless he could show he was serious? 

He looked down at her face, he could lean in and kiss her. Her eyes focused on his mouth and he could tell she was making the wrong choice. He cupped the side of her face and watched her eyes closed. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her in that moment. Throw her against the wall, take her mind off of things for a while. He let himself enjoy the thought, the air was heavy with anticipation, his heart was racing in a way it never did anymore. He hadn’t felt a moment with such passion since Grace, and somehow even that couldn't compare to this. Grace possessed a mystery and a chase, some kind of charming excitement. This was different, deeper, more wholesome? 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. She deserves someone better than he could ever be. His heart gave a painful twinge.

“Thank you for letting me help Miss l/n.” He whispered. 

“Thank you for helping.” she said in a breathy tone. He struggled to let go of her face but he did. 

“Have a good night, love.” He said before moving past her and walking through the apartment towards the door. Each step was heavy but he knew it was worth it. He placed his hand on the cold door handle before she called out in protest. 

“Wait!” He turned to look at her. 

“Look, you're smart enough to know that I’m only barely good enough to walk out of your life.” 

“Do you not feel-” 

“Hardly ever.” He cut her off, she smirked at his answer. “This would be a very rare occasion. We both know you could do better.” 

“Take me to dinner then?” She crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Pardon?” He was at a loss for words. God, she was impossible.

“You're right I could do better, so at least take me out first?” She looked hopeful and he didn't have it in him to deny her. 

“You know who I am, what I do - ” 

“Yes. I’m not entirely sure I trust you just yet if that’s what you're on about.” 

“Why take the risk?” 

“Ruby dragged us into this. Whole city saw you walk me home, and the whole building saw you show up this evening. Not many risks I haven't taken.” she shrugged but he could see that she was tense. 

“I apologize if I’ve harmed your reputation. Wasn’t my intention.” He didnt think about it that way, normally he was one step ahead of things like this, looking her over he could see why his mind was preoccupied. 

“What are your intentions?” She was back to questioning him again. He paused or a moment to think of what to say. “Whatever they are, just promise me you wont bring harm to Ruby.” 

“I promise to keep both you and Ruby safe. Best way to do that is to stay away.” he said quietly. 

“I understand. Normally I’m not so -” She paused, flustered, trying to find the right word. 

“Trusting?”  She nodded. “Me either” Maybe this was fate? He hated himself for making excuses. A good man, the man he wanted to be would leave. Put a mark on her door that would put them under his protection and never step foot in this building again. 

But when had Thomas ever been a good man? 

“Does tomorrow at 8 work for you?” He wouldn't forget the way her face shone when she smiled at him. 

_______________

They moved slowly, dated for a few months before spending the night. They both agreed to keep it from Ruby as she would have latched on to him and been devastated to see the back of him if things didn't work out. 

But to your amazement it did. You had no knowledge about how betting shops worked or what sorts of things Tommy had done in the past. Somehow his dedication to you made you overlook it to some degree. Tommy knew the types of things you wouldn't tolerate and he never pushed you on them. 

Then there was the family. Chaotic but somehow just as magical as he was, it took a while to earn their trust, but once Tommy brought Ruby around the rest was history. She had a way of loving people that brought the best parts of themselves forward. She was always on someone's lap laughing or learning something. 

You knew how Grace died, so you weren't surprised to be targeted here and there. You handled yourself like any poor woman from Small Heath, not something most big name gangsters could account for. You were much tougher than you looked, but you couldn't stomach it when Ruby was involved. 

Your stomach dropped and your heart started to race. You lunged towards the door but Polly held you back. Once you broke free John had you in an iron grip. All you could do was watch from the window. 

Tommy picked Ruby up immediately, holding her tightly, standing tall against the rain sprinkling down. Across from him stood a known rival that was starting to become more and more of a problem. Tommy’s face set in a way that always gave you shivers, you felt yourself start to shake practically going into shock over the situation. 

Ruby on the other hand loved it when he made that face. It’s like she found genuine joy from things that could kill her. Bloody kid starts to laugh her head off. The man was thrown off, looking around trying to make sense of what set her off, Tommy didn't break though. 

“Excuse us.” He called out moving towards the door to the betting shop. You finally pushed John off to almost rip the door off its hinges. Snatching him from her you turned on your heel moving her as far from the situation as you could. Tears ran down your face as you held on to her. 

“Ma s’alright. Da’s going to handle it. I know he will” She started to laugh again in a way that you couldn't help but smile. This kid was going to be the death of you. Polly came through and loaded a gun, putting herself between the office door and the two of you. 

“Auntie, can I hold it?” 

“Not this time love” Polly responded in her sing-song voice. You started to regret your life choices even more. But once it was over you watched her run into his arms earning one of his rare smiles and despite knowing better your heart swelled. 

_________

Head canons that are more like mini chapters….

On their first date he had driven and intended to go up to the front door with two sets of flowers. One for her and one for Ruby - he didn't want her to feel left out - But You were waiting down the stairs for him to keep him out of sight. You then had to tell him he wasn't allowed to see Ruby until things were more serious and you could tell that this was safe. 

He understood that you didn’t get much time off and were exhausted all the time - so when he could see you he would spoil you rotten. 

Despite not being able to see Ruby he always brought a small thing for you to give her yourself. 

You were extremely innocent when it came to the Shelby way of life. You wore Tommy down over time and insisted you knew about everything he’d done. Most of the things you could handle, some of them you had to sleep on. But no matter what you wanted to know everything before dragging your daughter into the family. But story time went both ways. You had to open up about your abusive parents, you got pregnant just before your boyfriend became of age to go and fight towards the end of the war. He passed away within two weeks of being deployed. Leaving you on your own heart broken with a baby. 

Tommy remembered kids like him showing up and not going home. When Ruby called him dad for the first time he got very uncomfortable. She noticed and he tried to explain that he was not her dad, her dad died a hero, that he was just - at a loss of words to explain the situation and she burst into tears thinking he’d rejected her. He figured that he wouldn't be “dad” until they were married & moved in and even then that was only if she wanted to call him that (he honestly didn't think she would want to). She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want her. Naturally you came rushing into the room hearing her sobbing and Tommy’s awkward condolences and explanations about how he didnt want to replace her dad. You came in and tried your best to explain the situation to her. Nothing got through to her until Tommy picked her up and told her that he loved her very much and she could call him dad as long as she never forgot her real dad. After that he was dad, and had to say I love you too at the end of every phone call (John and Arthur found this hilarious and would tease him to no end thinking it was you on the phone. That was until she knew them as uncles in which case they would also have to say I love you too) She expected Tommy to call before bed every night, she lost one dad and was determined to keep track of this one. 

She hated it when he would leave after tucking her in on the nights he could come by. Her sleepy state and kid logic had her convinced some nights that he wouldn't come back so he’d leave her with all sorts of things. Pocket watch, a ring he was wearing, wad of cash. Something of grown up value so she knew he would come back for it. 

You wanted to sleep with him, because the tension between the two of you was unbearable. But you were terrified, only one person had seen you naked like that, and that was pre baby and three sexual harassment episodes ago. Not to mention you only did it twice. It took a long time for him to earn that trust. He knew that bad stuff had happened so when you did trust him, he knew that he couldn't go back to cheating when it suited him and his cause. He wouldn't sacrifice that trust because he knew that if he did, you would without a doubt leave, but also he could see how hard you were working to get past all of that stuff, and screwing you over by being pushy or unfaithful would only set you all the way back and add to the trauma. 

He was never outwardly scared except when it came to you or Ruby. 

Once things got more serious, you were on a date going for a walk by the cut. Tommy had business with Charlie and had left you sitting on a bench to run over quickly. You didn't mind waiting, you lit a cigarette looking at the glassy black water. Until you were approached by a man in a suit. You knew he wasn't one of the blinders, so you ignored him till he came closer. Watching him out of the corner of your eye, you looked directly at him once he came close. He was definitely higher up on the food chain from the way he was dressed and held himself in such an arrogant manner. You stood up and got ready to make a run for it if necessary. He pulled a knife out and told you to stay quiet and follow him. You refused and stayed calm as he made all sorts of threats, you knew you should have made a run for it. But once he said something disgusting about Ruby you snapped. You hit him square in the face with your fist, dodging his knife you both toppled into the icy water. 

Tommy heard a commotion and started to run over just in time to watch you fall into the water like his mother did. 

You were beyond angry - who would ever say something so foul about a child. Only one type of man. You were on top of him immediately and while you both held each other down you were better at holding your breath. 

Tommy ripped you off of him and pulled you up. You coughed and caught your breath watching the man's body rise to the surface. “Oh my god. Tommy, I’ve done it. I killed him.” You whispered in shock. It didn't matter what you’d said, he couldn't hear you or anyone. He hauled you up onto the side and crushed your slender frame, picking you up he ran you into Charlie’s place. Both him and Curly had already started the body handling process while Tommy dumped blankets on you. Running around boiling pots of water. Eventually you snapped out of it and got up to make him sit down, he refused, unable to look at you. You didn't understand so you snapped at him which brought him crashing down into your side holding on you tightly. In a few words you understood that’s how his mother died. That you were going to die. It was the first time you ever saw him break down - you both just ended up holding each other in a death grip crying. Thankfully you were both sobered up by the time the family came around to collect the both of you. Ruby only remembers it as the first time she got to sleep over at Auntie Polly’s house with the whole family. Three of you squeezed onto a twin bed was no problem for Ruby, she got to sleep curled up on Tommy’s chest with her mothers arms around her - in a house full of aunts and uncles - safest place in the universe. 

He proposed shortly after, wanting you and Ruby under his roof. Moving into Arrow House was more exciting for Ruby than the wedding was. 

Ruby always used to wake up when the front door would open and close. Started off as being afraid that her mum would disappear in the night, but it carried over once they moved to Arrow House, something that annoyed Tommy to no end. She’d be a nightmare to put to bed when he was out and once he would get home in the middle of the night she’d be flying down the stairs and into his arms. No matter what he did she wouldn't let go of him, if he was going to stay up she was going to spend time with him. He tried all the doors in the house but somehow she always knew. So naturally he would finish his paperwork in the stables then take her right back to bed when she would come down to greet him. 

Tags List: @tommydoesntpayforsuits @misselsbells06

[strangerhottotties]

The Shepard of Black Sheep - E.M. (Unedited)

Summary: The first time you meet Eddie Munson and the impossible way he flirts with you. Additionally, when he gets caught with smoking with you in the girl's bathroom.

A/N: Possibly the start of a fic, I'm going to blame being disastrously sick and my fever for this little enemies to lovers ish sort of situation.

Warnings: Angst, meanish!reader, mild violence, language, mild bullying, flirting, smoking, Eddie being extra.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (Valerie James)

September 8th, 1982

Sometimes I feel this distance to everyone. As I get older I get these little glimpses of real life, of actual emotion. Sometimes it's in a song or a memory of when everything was perfect for a split second.

I watch others. I share in there happiness when they finally feel a sense of relief. I crave it so bad sometimes.

I have rarely known peace. My life has been this quiet terror for as long as I could remember, internalizing every scream and curse. Slapping on this friendly face to draw people in because I crave for anyone, someone to finally break through this invisible distance between us.

Slowly driving myself crazy by starving myself of all attention. Like when I slap another sticker or poster over the peeling paint of the walls in my bedroom instead of sanding it down and fixing it. Everytime a new emotion or fear rose I'd jam my heart in to plastic bag and suffocate it or smother it with my pillow.

It never died, but my motto seemed to be 'I'll burn that bridge when I get there.

I never knew it would be Eddie 'The Freak' Munson.

Eddie Munson who was loud and obnoxious and sold drugs. Eddie Munson who's on his third Senior year. Eddie Munson who's greatest achievement you'd ever heard of was vandalizing the bathrooms to advertise his garage grunge band that played on Tuesdays at a bar another town over.

To be honest, I'd always been bitter about him. Deeply so.

The Shepard of Black Sheep, Eddie Munson swooped in to nurture lost souls of Hawkins High School. Freshman year, environmental science you saw him for the first time. He'd rolled in late with those frizzy curls and big dark eyes. Immediately he wasn't... cute? A junior retaking a freshman class, one who didn't give a rats ass that he was interuppting the lecture and neither did he care to even bring a text book.

He passed a freshman girl next him a stunning smile though and your heart nearly fell out of your chest. It made you feel. Immediately, you choked on mix of hot emotions.

The most intense being the rage that he was sending that gorgeous flirty smile at Nelly Victor. Nelly Victor! (I later discovered she was a raging bitch.) Her eye roll did nothing to deter his laissez-faire flirting as he sprawls himself at a tiny, uncomfortable desk, like the prettiest blonde in this new school didn't blow him off.

The teacher seemed to know better than to spir this particular student on. Pressing her lips in a thin line as she heaved a sigh. "Eddie, do you even have your book?" He shoots her a wildly naught grin as well.

The red head in front of me leans over to her perfectly put together friend and whispers, "I hear he deals drugs after school."

"Disgusting," her friend scoffs.

"He's always picking up loners."

"He's obnoxious, I don't know why anyone would want to be friends with him." The red head meets your harsh glare. I had no idea the circumstances that involved everyone here, but the comments that surrounded me were infuriating.

"Why dont you two gossip after class," you snap louder than you intend and watch the two girls turn cherry red. The class turned their eyes on me and I want to sink inside myself with mortification.

When the teacher starts up class again, calling over the giggle that erupted. I wasn't sure if they were laughing at me or the girls. My cheeks burn when I let my hair fall in my face.

"Sorry," I whisper moments later to the girls. The nasty look the little one gave me switched immediately to a confused one. I later found out these girls were Nancy Wheeler and Barb Holland. They didn't hold grudges long against me. Sometimes they'd ask me to study, but it never went beyond that.

However, after class went into full swing, my eyes darted over to Eddie. Who made eye contact with me, but didn't smile. An unreadable expression written on his face had my attention. His dark eyes sucked me in, I couldn't look away for a moment, because in that moment, with him looking directly at me, I felt something.

Relief.

I felt relieved when Eddie Munson's full attention was on me. It was terrifying and overwhelming all at once.

I snapped my gaze away from him but everytime I looked up at him he was staring with that same look. I never heard a word Mrs. Horning said.

It felt like I was an ant he was holding a magnified glass over on a summer day. Roasting me alive. The moment the bell rang I snapped to my feet, gathering books. I expected him to flee as quickly as he could. Instead he stretched slowly in the bustle of people leaving.

On my way up the aisle between the desks I was walking a foot suddenly juts out from a boy still lounging in his desk. I could see his grin out of the corner of my eye, see his friends eyeing me. It wasn't the first time someone had tried this trick on me.

Unfortunately, I had been so overloaded already this class period that my knee-jerk reaction wasn't quite what I had meant. My boot's heel connected with a snap of my leg. He cried out, as I dug into his toes.

"Ow! Fuck!"

"Tommy! Language!"

"She stomped on my foot with her big feet!" He protests when I start walking away. Big feet? That was the best he could do? The teacher tried me with a pleading look but I kept moving towards the door.

"Ms... James was it?" My horrible sense of politeness reared it's ugly head and my body jerked to a stop. I hated getting in trouble. Preferring to roll far under the radar. I turn to look at her. The elderly woman gives me a warn look. "You should apologize." I look back at his smug group of his friends and the silence lingers. Finally, I turn before I can get caught with more and rush the door. Completely ignoring the entire thing.

I needed a cigarette after this.

I was so overwhelmed that I knew I had to skip the next class. I didn't miss Eddie Munsons lingering next to the doorway with a mischievous gleam in his eye. Nor did I miss the way he dragged a finger discreetely over my forearm.

He'd been waiting by the door as I slipped out so he could file out right behind me. "And here I thought you were a going to be a good girl." My breath catches in my throat when he rumbles in my ear. He's leaning so close I can feel his breath blowing my hair a bit. Fire burns up my face.

Out of my comfort zone I was quiet. Focus. But he'd scrambled my frequencies.

"Fuck off. Don't act like you know me." I don't even register the strained whisper is me.

"No, I certainly don't," he agrees as I make it to my locker, ignoring the way people part around us with condescending looks. I was still in 'New Girl' phase. I was used to that at the very least. I jam my books into my locker and replace my bag with them instead. When I slam the metal shut, Eddie's leaning against the metal next to it, eyeing me with that expression still. He smiles, but it's like a mad man. "I thought, maybe this girl is lost, but maybe she's just a bitch." You sour immediately, stepping into his space, which seems to rile him up more, smugness drips off him.

"You wanna see a bitch?" I demand, feeling my blood boil. "I don't need your little pity-party, savior complex. You wanna save someone from loneliness, your hand is right there. Go fuck yourself." With that, you twist and stomp down the hallway, weaving between bodies.

Outside, I found a nice little picnic bench to contemplate and regret over a cigarette and Fleetwood Mac.

Originally I perch on top of it, pulling out the carton of cigarettes I'd rolled yesterday. I draw one out, tapping it against the front of the box for a moment before slipping the filter into my mouth and reaching for my bag t find a light.

The sun is out.

That went perfectly.

This was the last stop. That's what Mom said. No more moving. What a great impression.

The bag is missing the cheap lighter.

Fuck.

With a groan, I fling myself back onto the table. Kicking up my feet, I cross them at the ankle. It was still early enough that gazing directly up didn't blind me. As I'm about to pull the cigarette from my mouth there's a hand, covered in rings lighting it for me.

My eyes dart off to the guy next to me. Unsurprisingly, Eddie Munson is lighting my cigarette for me.

I take a deep drag when he pulls away to light his own as he drops onto the bench.

"I'm not taking off my headphones," I tell him. It's muffled and sounds wrong. Instead he just shrugs and drags out his own Walkman.

That was the start of the uneasy alliance between us. It washed away most of my regrets and eventually it was just ritual.

Eddie joined me frequently for a smoke break by that picnic table. It's fifteen minutes later that he's amusing me with his air guitar, headbanging enough that I think: Wow, this guy's a real fucking dork.

I had no idea how true that actually was as for that inkling feeling came back for the first time in a long time. Relief flooding over me I finally lowered my headphones to hold out a reluctant hand to him. He surprised me by kissing my knuckles.

"Munson," he hums.

"Excuse me?"

"I just figured I'd tell the bitch with a wicked tongue," he starts, pressing another kiss to my inner wrist like we weren't complete strangers and lovers instead, "what her future last name is going to be." It catches me off guard enough that a snort rips its way out of my nose violently before I burst into full blown laughter.

"Have you ever flirted with a girl before?"

"Oh, you wanna show me how it's done then?" He teases back, despite his pale completion reddening.

The challenge has me biting my lip before standing up and closing in on his space. "I'm Valerie," brushing a thumb up over the sensitive skin on the inside of his wrist. I didn't miss his shiver as I leaned in close. "So you have a name to call in your dreams." He scoffs but laughs as you lean away from him, grabbing your bag and starting back towards the school. "See you around... Munson." You flash him a teasing smile, feeling floaty as you approach the school.

...

Junior Year, December 16th, 1984

It was the freshman girls shrieking that made me jerk the headphones off my head. Too much weird shit happened in this town for me. I was half way through my last cigarette already.

"Sorry, 'scuse me, comin' through."

Eddie pops his head around the first stall. "Eddie, this is the girl's bathroom, incase you forgot."

"Like I give a shit. Lemme bum a smoke." He scoffs as he dances his way across the room to me. I roll my eyes at him.

"'M fresh out. Get your own." I grumble, leaning back onto the mirror, now that that I knew there wasn't something dangerous in here. He gives me a big pout that I immediately look away from.

"Aww, c'mon. I left mine on the counter this morning. You know I'm good for it."

"I'm literally smoking my last one right now, no." I grumble as he pressing into my personal space like I hate him doing because of the things it does to me. My boot raises to press on his chest and gently shove him back. Taking another drag, I blow the smoke at him.

He grins like the little devil he is, flipping my stomach up when he snatches my ankle. "I'll kiss your feet to get you to share," he prompts.

Eddie Munson will be the death of me.

His thumb is rubbing little circles on my ankle bone, slowly pressing closer as the cigarette burns. He unabashedly bends my knee up towards my shoulder, straining the joints of my jeans.

He had this awful habit of touching me like this was normal. Bending me in ways that no one else would be allowed.

"Would you fuck off?" I sigh. Eddie shimmers closer, eyes twinkling with mirth as he leans in nearly enough to kiss me. There's a number of reasons there are rumors of us dating. I ignore the thrill of people assuming I'm his because the truth of the matter - I am his. He's just not mine.

He's worn me down to dust over the last three years, playing me like his guitar and I doubt he even noticed.

Then there were times I felt like saw right through my ornery nature. "I'll make it worth your while." I purse my lips, trying not to focus to hard on the way he's watching them.

"What's your offer?"

"Three cigarettes in return, so that's what? Like sixty percent interest." It makes you giggle just a little. You swear his face drops slightly.

"Close, six hundred percent though, not sixty. You forgot a zero." His smile is slipping back, a little lazier perhaps than before.

"A slight miscalculation that is plenty reward for a friend who never comes to any of my shows I should like to remind."

"I've never even heard you play guitar, how do I know you're even any good? Then I'd just be buying a ticket and wasting my money," I toss, arching a brow in challenge to him. His jaw drops, fingers tightening on my ankle.

"You're gonna regret that one, Val. Especially, Friday night." I frown, trying to recall if I had missed something.

"What's Friday?" I ask, as he guides my leg to the side so they'd dangle on either side of me. I can feel the heat of him against me as he plucks the cigarette from my lips and takes a drag.

"After you get out of work, you're gonna come hang out with us at my place." I roll my eyes.

"Oh, yeah, because my mom is totally gonna be okay with that," I respond.

"You've literally never come to hang out with us."

"Are you referring to your dorky hellfire club?"

"It's not dorky," he protests.

"I'm only allowed the car for work, and my mom will never allow me to go anywhere with someone she's never met." My voice simmers down a bit in effort to appease him. "Believe you me, I would love to get out and watch your dorky friends act out your game, but it's not gonna happen."

Eddie mulls over what I'm saying as he takes another drag and offers the cigarette back. His fingers brush my lips as it happens and I stock that sensation away for when I dream tonight. "I could come meet your mom," he urges, "I'll even ditch the jacket and jewelry."

"You'd go to that length?"

"Yeah, just tell her the guy you smoke with in the girls room wants to pick you up in his van. When you introduce me I'll even tell her I got a good job selling drugs." It makes you burst into laughter. Tugging the cigarette free to offer him.

"You know, we actually have a nickname for you in my house," I offer, flushing.

"You've told your mom about me?" I bite my lip, nodding.

"Well, my step-dad, actually."

"The cop? Okay, tell me, I'm nervous now."

"The Shepard." Eddie's head cocks to the side like dog.

"The Shepard?"

"Yes, the Shepard of Black Sheep," I inform him. His eyes dazzle at that, he grins, suddenly snatching up the cigarette and he takes a massive drag.

"I wear that with pride. I suppose there's only one thing for us to do then."

"What's that?"

"You've got to sneak out, princess." His shit-eating grin pulls me in. Our bodies flush against each other.

"Eddie Munson, you terrible influence."

"EDDIE MUNSON ARE YOU IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM!" The familiar voice of the school principals voice shrieks into the room.

"Speaking of sneaking out."

[theflyingfeeling]

@rainbowcamels : so who's your favourite? 👀

me: nah I don't really have one, I love them all equally 🥰

also me: *mostly films Joel during the concert, has an emotional breakdown over his hairflip*

or

Concert report from Särkänniemi May 28, aka Falling in Love With Joel Hokka, part 5295

First things first, the weather report: the sun was out practically the whole time while we were waiting for the concert(s) to start so it was kinda hot and we were a little uncomfortable but then one of @rainbowcamels 's lovely friends went home to get sunscreen for all of us so at least we didn't have to worry about burning our fair Nordic skin lol 😎 A couple of songs into Cyan Kick's set it started to dribble a little and it was cloudy for the rest of the evening which was perfect👌

We weren't too far away from the stage but there were lots of hands and phones and fucking CARDBOARD SIGNS keeping 163cm me from seeing to the stage a majority of the time😐 (pls don't bring signs to concerts, kids..)

Their new background canvas thingy was pretty cool! We were all 😍😍😍 when it was pulled up

Aleksi was the first one to come out (or at least the first one I saw) and omg it was literally the first second of their gig and I didn't expect it to hit me so much but it did, our boys are back home!! 😭🥺 oh lord how I've missed them, it felt like I had come home too, in a way 🖤

The last "song" on their pre-concert playlist was this funny kinda "old-timey" version of We Are No Saints (mainly the "saints are marching in" part) so I did expect them to start with WANS but then again I was SO not ready for them to start with WANS, what an absolute power move 😵

A couple of songs later they played a new song (?!?!!?!?!!?!??!!) AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE IT UNTIL THEY GOT TO THE CHORUS but omg I mean OMG IT WAS ❤❤❤ BECAUSE!!! IT!!! HAS!!! A PORKO!!! GUITAR SOLO!!!

AND I GOT THE SOLO ON FILM AND I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WAS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAA I've been hoping for a proper guitar solo for Joonas 🥺🥺🥺🥺

And ohhh good heavens, Porko's new concert outfit? Color-cordinated, tits out, what more could you possibly ask for 👀

And like. If we had been standing closer to the front we totally would have seen Olli's chest rug because silly man had forgotten to button his shirt all the way up. Silly silly man...

As always I didn't see much of Tommi because he's hiding in the shadows, this time literally lol because the smoke from the smoke machine was covering him most of the time, but I did manage to capture him on one of my (few) videos 🥰

Niko's facial expressions were also gold as always lol, from the little I saw him because he is stil kinda tiny and crouching on the floor a lot of the time <3

And Joel. Oh, Joel. He was so smiley and beautiful and Joel, oh my god I could look at him for ages 🖤 He said he had missed performing in Finland and just talking in Finnish lol awwwwwwww he's so precious it's always hard for me to look at anyone else but him all the time 🥺🥰

All in all they didn't speak much during the concert though which was a shame but also understandable, they were probably tired af which is why it was so impressive they could STILL put together such a killer show with hardly any ballads to get a little calmdown (for all of us)? They are such energy machines, it blows me away each time and I will never not be amazed by their 200% performance <3

Speaking of ballads, they played Feel Nothing and Bad Idea back to back, which was also expected once the first chords of Feel Nothing sounded, but it still killed us all. Everyone singing along to Bad Idea especially was one of the highlights of the gig, such a beautiful moment and a beautiful song 🥀

All in all the setlist really doesn't give you a change to breathe at any point, so good luck everyone attending their summer gigs, ye gonna die! 😅 (..including myself next Saturday 🤡)

After the concert (and I mean IMMEDIATELY after it ended) @rainbowcamels and I went to one of the rides in the amusement park (Tornado) which was at the same time the best and worst idea ever, some absolute hysterical 40 seconds with the adrenaline from the concert still rushing high, boy it was an experience.. (sorry friend! 😂)

Even though I couldn't see to the stage most of the time, I still had so much fun with @rainbowcamels and her 3 super sweet friends! It was amazing seeing the boys again and to hear/see they're happy to be back home too. I really hope they know how insanely proud of them we are for doing two such amazing tours abroad, they deserve all these goods things they have worked for for years 🖤

[johaerys-writes]

Fandom: The Song of Achilles

Pairing: Achilles/Patroclus

My entry for Day 1: Music & Day 2: Deities of @patrochillesweek​ 2021! Where the Greeks in Troy celebrate Dionysus' festival, and Achilles and Patroclus spend some time alone (~4.5k words, rated E for smut, check Ao3 link for full list of tags)

Read on Ao3!

Chapter 1: With a Shuddering Gasp

The music from the lyres and cymbals drifted through the camp, mingling with the crackling of flames from the many bonfires that had been lit. The celebrations for Dionysus’ festival had been going on for most of the day and the night before, and the scent of incense and wine hung heavy in the air.

I had never before attended such a festival. It wasn’t celebrated this widely in Opus or Phthia, where I had grown up. The Dionysia was among the largest festivals in Athens, celebrated with days and nights filled with drink, dance and theatrical performances of all kinds. Here, in the Achaean’s camp, where people from the farthest reaches of Greece gathered, it had quickly become a tradition.

I had been in the healers’ tent for most of the day, and now the moon hung high over the dark sea. My fingers were red from scrubbing, my eyes were tired, and the pungent scent of astringent was thick in my nostrils. I was weary, but it was a pleasant sort of weariness. When I worked, my mind was free of thoughts, of worries. I focused only on the act of healing, on helping the wounded soldiers as best I could. A bloody skirmish earlier that day had filled the beds in the tent to bursting, yet no lives had been lost. Perhaps the Trojans had been as tired of bloodshed as the Greeks were on that chilly February afternoon.

“Your wound needs to be cleaned and dressed once a day,” I told the soldier I'd been tending to, securing the bandage around his arm. “And stay away from the thick of the fight, if you can help it. Sweat and dirt will only slow down the healing.”

He nodded and stood up, limping away. I brushed the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand, letting out a soft sigh, just as Philomela, one of the healers’ assistants, approached me.

“It’s late, Patroclus,” she said. “You should join the celebrations, before they are over.”

I smiled at her. She was small in stature, with her wild curly hair bound in tight braids. She was one of Menelaus’ women, taken after an attack on one of the northern villages of Troy. She’d been brought to me one day with a cut on her thigh, her knees scraped, her eyes wide in panic and terror. I had been the first to treat her, and she had since regarded me with kindness and reserved affection. Menelaus was kind with his women, and he often let her join me while I worked, helping me, and I taught her what I knew.

“I don’t often join festivals like these,” I told her earnestly. “There's too much noise and commotion, and I am not a heavy drinker.”

“What about your prince?” she asked, her gaze darting away before settling on me again. “Achilles?”

The name was uttered quietly, almost apprehensively. It always stung, just a little, to know that the captives thought of Achilles with so much trepidation. His exploits had earned him something of a reputation, as I understood it: the Greeks revered him, while the Trojans feared the very mention of him. Philomela had visited our camp once or twice, and had seen that Achilles was quiet, almost gentle, when he wasn’t in his armour, yet a hint of disquiet was always there.

I shook my head, dipping my hands in the brass bowl that we used to clean ourselves. The water was cold and refreshing when I splashed it over my face and neck.

“Achilles does not much enjoy noisy gatherings like these either,” I said. “He... prefers being on his own these days.”

It had not always been so. Achilles relished the attention of others; he blossomed with it, and there was bound to be much of it if he joined in the celebration. His campaigns over the last couple of months had been met with overwhelming success, filling his men’s coffers with gold and riches and their camps with slaves. The leaders of the Achaeans would toast him and drink plenty of wine in his honour, the bards would sing of his achievements and his skill in battle until the early morning. Yet, boasting such as this was not always met with alacrity. There were many amongst the Danaans that envied Achilles the power of his station, and sneered at his reputation when they thought he was out of earshot.

Achilles was proud, and rarely paid attention to rumours and gossip. Yet, when he sometimes refused to grace Agamemnon’s lavish dinners with his presence, I could tell it was because the leader of the Greeks occasionally had trouble holding his tongue, especially after a few cups of wine. That was when the older man would gloat and boast, often blowing his own achievements out of proportion, in an effort to measure up to Achilles’ greatness, his promise of glory, the prophecy that had followed him since the moment of his birth, his reputation that only grew, day after day.

One does not need the blood of a goddess, he would say, his cheeks flushed from the drink, eyes gleaming, after recounting a story that was supposedly about a hero of old, if they have the favour of one. Would you not agree, Pelides?

Achilles pretended not to hear, not to know. He would smile at Agamemnon with all his teeth and toast him graciously, as Peleus had taught him, but he was still a man. He had learned to hide his true feelings from others, but I could still see how the whispers fuelled his frustration, how they turned him bitter, even when he insisted they did not.

Achilles was sharp and direct from nature; it troubled him when others were not. He wanted things to be simple and clear-cut, yet, here, they were anything but.

I sighed again, patting my hands dry on a linen towel. Philomela was by my side when we walked out of the tent, and into the festivities. The bonfires were burning high into the night, and from the lit braziers tendrils of incense smoke curled towards the stars. Soldiers and their women gathered around the heat, drinking and dancing to the rhythm of the music that the bands were tirelessly playing. Not a few were wearing animal furs, their faces darkened with soot, as was the custom.

No sooner had I walked out than someone grabbed me by the arm and thrust a cup of wine in my hands. I blinked up, startled, to see Diomedes grinning at me.

"Come," he said. "Drink. Celebrate with us."

I smiled politely and shook my head. "I really should be going back."

"What for?" Odysseus was quick to appear beside him, his usual easy smile ready on his lips. "You've been working all day. Everyone deserves a break, from time to time."

"That's right." Diomedes' wolfish grin got wider, his dark eyes sparkling. "All work and no play makes people dull, haven't you heard?"

Odysseus smiled encouragingly at me behind the rim of his own cup. "Have a drink with us. Just because he doesn't join us anymore doesn't mean you can't."

Of course he was referring to Achilles. It had not gone unnoticed that he had been avoiding gatherings such as these of late. I swallowed as I accepted the cup and reluctantly brought it to my lips. If my presence there could smooth those ruffled feathers, then a drink or two couldn't be that bad, could it?

The wine hit my tongue in a rush of heat, honey and spices. It warmed me as it glided down my throat, pushing the edges of my weariness away. I took another draught, letting its acidic sweetness jolt me awake.

My mild surprise must have been plain on my features, for Diomedes clapped me on the shoulder, chuckling knowingly. "That's it," he said, "that's a good lad. Now, drink up."

I didn't need further encouragement. The wine was unlike any I've ever tried; before long, I had drained my cup, and a servant had filled it to the brim again. The wild cadence of the drums and the flutes matched the beats of my heart, and I wasn't even thinking about my tired and aching limbs when Menelaus' arm wound around my shoulders, pulling me towards the writhing, undulating crowd.

In the smoke of the fires, in the heat of so many bodies moving close together, I forgot about my troubles, my worries. The edges of consciousness blurred, a mist that curled around me, rendering me indefinable. I closed my eyes and simply moved to the rhythm, blending into the crowd like a single petal amongst countless falling cherry blossoms, swirling with the wind.

In the depth of that mist, in the midst of that insubstantial territory, I saw him.

Achilles.

I saw him as he was once, years before, far away from the fires and blood of the war, from the intrigue, the whispers, the jealousy. I saw him running down the beach in Phthia, the pink undersides of his feet flickering. I saw the rich honey brown strands that hid in the depths of his golden hair, the wind that combed through them and brought them before his eyes when he turned to look at me. I saw him swimming in the stream in Pelion, the water running down his limbs in laze swirls.

I could see him clearly in my mind's eye, as if he were there. I could see him laughing, singing, playing his lyre in the pale light of morning, golden and vibrant and carefree. And in him, I saw myself.

I opened my eyes as the beat of the music reached a wild crescendo, as the people cheered and sang at the top of their lungs. Cups were raised high up in the air, wine swirling, overflowing, spilling from its confines and mixing with the brown dirt underfoot. Menelaus was dancing with one of his women — Aristea, his favourite, the fabric of her colourful dress tangling at her ankles as he swirled her about. Her laughter was drowned out by the noise, fading away.

I took a deep breath to center my focus, and stepped back, away from the crowd. My heart was still beating fast, and the music was hypnotic, but I knew I had to return to my own camp before it got too late.

Odysseus and Diomedes were caught in the festivities as well, so no one noticed me slipping away. Only Philomela's eyes caught mine amidst the sea of bobbing heads, and pushed her way towards me. She was holding a bowl filled with the sweets that the slaves had made earlier that day for the festival, dried fruits stuffed with nuts and drenched with syrup.

"For you," she said, smiling warmly at me, "and your prince."

~

The music and noisy chatter from the festival had dulled to a hazy, distant thrum by the time I made my way back to our camp. I was still feeling lightheaded from the drink, breathless from dancing and weaving through the endless rows of tents and throngs of inebriated, laughing soldiers. My brow was damp with sweat despite the chilly night, and my pulse still thumped in my throat in a strange sort of anticipation, a restless hunger. I clutched the bowl close to my chest, and hurried on.

The soft, plaintive sounds of Achilles’ lyre reached me as soon as I caught sight of the Phthian banners, fluttering in the breeze at the edges of our encampment.

Achilles was sitting on a bench, my mother’s golden lyre nestled in his lap. His fingers ran over the strings languidly, plucking notes that were brighter than water from a babbling stream, sweeter than honey. In the fire’s trembling halo, he seemed ethereal, very nearly transparent, yet at the same time more vibrant than I had ever seen him, dispelling the darkness of the night beyond. His hair caught the amber light on the flames and reflected it in aureate strands, his skin shimmered like polished gold, the muscles of his arms rose and fell underneath it like waves with every movement.

Beautiful, my mind supplied, as it always did when I looked at him. I had been gazing upon him since I was a child; it still was not enough for me to get used to him, to the effortless grace of his presence, the perfect symmetry of his eyes, his lips. The festivities that had been raging for a day and a night may have well been for Dionysus, yet it was Achilles, right there before me, who looked like a god, one for whom people gathered on wintry nights like this, to drink and dance and fornicate in his honour.

Would people remember him with kindness, I wondered, many years from now?

His jade green eyes snapped up to mine, and the familiar heat rushed through me, brushing away my swirling, distracted thoughts.

He set the lyre beside him and stood up. “You stayed with the healers until late tonight,” he said.

“I did,” I replied simply, standing at the edge of the fire. The bowl with the sweets was still cradled in my chest. Achilles glanced at it curiously, then at me.

“Is there something amiss?” he asked.

Of course he could tell I was different, just by looking at me, without me having to say anything. He always understood so much more about me than he let on.

“I just like looking at you.”

Achilles tilted his head ever so slightly to the side in question, a tiny fox’s smile curling the edges of his lips. He stood up and paced towards me unhurriedly, his footsteps barely audible on the soft earth.

My pulse raced ever so slightly when his finger brushed carefully under my eye. “You’re flushed,” he said.

“I had some wine. At the festival.”

“Ah.” His finger travelled higher, tracing my cheekbone. “Your pupils are larger than usual. What did you do?”

“Nothing.” I smiled. “It’s so I can see you better.”

Achilles huffed a quiet laugh at that, his features softened by pleasure. He always liked it when I gazed at him, praised him. The sound of his laughter slithered down my spine like warmed honey.

I do not know what possessed me then. Perhaps it was the drink, or the moon that hung high above us like a silver coin, or the way the firelight danced in his eyes and caressed the side of his face, but I had to be alone with him.

I took his hand in mine, walking backwards towards our tent. I could not look away, nor did I want to.

“One of Menelaus’ women gave me these sweets,” I told him. “They’re for you.”

“Is that so?” he hummed, amused. He caught on the game I was playing instantly, by reflex. “Then I’ll be sure to try them.”

We stepped in the tent together, the leather flap closing soundlessly behind us. I set the bowl on the low table that stood in the center of the place that we had come to call home, ever since we’d come to Troy.

We stood opposite each other across the table, facing each other, our breaths the only sounds. I swallowed; I did not know why I was feeling so restless all of a sudden, like it was the first time we had found ourselves alone.

“Take your pick,” I said, gesturing at the bowl.

Achilles quirked a fair brow as he glanced down at them, like a lord perusing a lowly merchant’s stall. “I will not choose at random,” he replied in an artfully haughty tone. “You must choose for me. You are my therapon; I know you will choose well.” He was in a playful mood, smiling at me like a mischievous boy; I loved it when he got like this. I didn’t often get to see him like that anymore.

I picked up one of the sweets and brought it to my lips. My teeth sank in the supple flesh of a dried fig, the walnuts within it softened from the syrup. I chewed slowly, my eyes never leaving him.

“How is it?” he asked. “Is it good?”

I shook my head. “Not good enough for you, my prince.”

Achilles bit back a grin, eyes shining. “Go on, then. Try another.”

And so I did. I picked up the syrupy fruits slowly, one after another, watching him. Every time Achilles asked me how it was, I answered in the same fashion: “Not good enough for you, my prince.”

I tried one of every sweet in the bowl, until my tongue clung to the roof of my mouth with the sweetness. When I had finished my thorough examination, Achilles crossed his arms leisurely before his chest.

“So, what is your verdict?” he asked, smirking. “Which one amongst them is the sweetest for me?”

I licked my lips, sticky with honey and spices, as my heartbeat soared. I reached into the bowl and dipped two fingers in the syrup, then slowly, holding Achilles’ gaze, I lifted them to my neck, dragging them across my skin.

“I am, my prince.”

Achilles’ eyes flashed in the half dark. There was something feral about the way his gaze honed in on me; a hunter’s gleam. He circled the table, closing the distance between us in two well-measured strides. I could smell the sweet scent of his sweat as he leaned in close, and a deeper, muskier one; the smell of his arousal. I bit the inside of my lip as his arm wound around my waist, pulling me until I was flush against him.

“Then I shall have you,” he whispered in my ear.

I shivered when his tongue brushed the side of my neck, warm and slick, velvet smooth. My head tipped backwards and I clung to him, holding him tight against me. His skin was hot to the touch underneath the fabric of his chiton, hotter than my own. Achilles’ mouth traced the hollow of my throat, the line of my jaw, the curve of my chin, before brushing over my own.

“I believe,” he hummed, his tongue flicking over my bottom lip, “this, here, is the sweetest yet.” His hands were on the base of my spine, drawing me in, and I was helpless in his hold. “You chose well.”

A soft moan escaped me, my fingers sinking into Achilles’ fragrant strands while he kissed me until my breath was all but gone from me. I followed the line of his neck, his shoulder, undoing the golden clasps that held his chiton in place. I could feel the weight of his waking interest pressing up against my thigh, and I suddenly couldn’t bear the feeling of clothes between us, or anything else; it had to be just us.

I pushed the fabric down, caressing and kissing every inch of skin I uncovered. I looked up at him when I had sunk down on my knees before him, bare as he was, his form illuminated by the shifting light of the brazier. My pulse hummed in my ears as I let my gaze follow the muscled planes of his chest and stomach, the definition in his arms, the strength of his powerful legs. He was watching me, too, through eyelashes that gleamed like threads of gold.

“My sweet Patroclus,” he whispered, thumb brushing over my lips, and in his gaze that familiar fondness lingered, unchanged through the many years I’d known him.

This. This was how I liked him best. When he was naked before me, body and heart, looking at me like this, touching me like this. This was when I knew he was mine, and mine alone; the world could not take this from me. From us.

I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around him, taking him in my mouth. Achilles shivered underneath me, his lips falling open on a quiet moan. His emerald eyes were dark with wanting, bottomless, when he reached down and threaded his long fingers through my hair. I was caught, pinned under that gaze, magnetised.

“Achilles,” I breathed, kissing the smooth skin of his navel as I stroked him, breathing in the musk of his sweat, the scent that rose from him: sandalwood, pomegranate, almonds and earth.

His hold on the back of my head tightened. He pulled me up gently and nudged me towards our bed, and I followed, half stumbling over my own toes.  

My back sank into the furs as Achilles climbed over me, hovering above me. His smile was half-obscured by the trembling shadows, framed by the curtain of golden hair that fell around his face. The scent of the oil he used wafted in the air when he opened the vial that lay beside our bed.

“There’s more I haven’t tried,” he said.

“Is there?” I whispered. I spread my thighs wider apart, sighing when I felt the pressure of his fingers between my legs.

“Yes.” He kissed and nipped his way down, glancing up at me mischievously every time his fingers and tongue drew more shivers from me. His breath was hot over me when he said, “I have saved the best for last.”

I laughed, but the edges of my laughter broke on a strained sob of pleasure. I could feel him everywhere, his hands wandering all over me, the heat of his mouth swallowing me whole. I closed my eyes and surrendered to him, to this blissful, blessed torture. I was helplessly drawn to him, in his hands a mere plaything. Like the lyre he played, I was but an instrument, his touches drawing sounds from me that were meant for his ears alone.

When my heart had been filled to bursting, just when I thought that I would unravel in his hands, he pulled back, climbing back up the length of me again. His cheeks were flushed and so were his lips, his length hard against my skin where it touched me.

I reached up and cupped the back of his neck, heart beating wildly in my chest. “Is there more you’d like to try?” I asked in a teasing whisper. “Or have you had enough?”

“Enough?” His laughter was husky, a tad breathless. He kissed me deeply, reaching for the oil once more. “I’ll never have enough, philtatos.”

I gasped softly when he pressed against me, opening me up. My arms and legs wound around him, as if by rote, clutching him hard, pulling him to me. We were flush against each other, our bodies locking perfectly like two pieces of a whole. There was no one else but him in the world; there was no room for anything else. Just my skin touching his skin, the smell of his hair and the sweetness of his mouth, his quiet sighs in the half dark, and this hunger: these endless wells of aching want that existed between us, this fire that burned eternal.

We moved and breathed in unison, the edges between us blurring once more, our bodies melting into one. I closed my eyes and lost myself in that heat, that pressure, the pleasure that built and built, yet it was still him that I saw behind my eyelids. Even when my gaze turned inward and I drifted, swimming in the deepest recesses of my mind, I could always find him there, waiting for me, his image crisp as if he were right before me. He was a part of me, as I was of him; there was no me without him.

Achilles buried his face in the crook of my neck as he thrust deeper, harder, more urgently. His brow was damp with sweat now, his fingers digging into the flesh of my thigh where he held me fast. I was pinned underneath him, legs spread open at either side of his powerful hips, my hands roaming over the taut muscles of his back. Muscles that I knew better than my own, lines and angles that I could trace in the dark, with my eyes closed.

“Patroclus,” Achilles said in a shuddering gasp against my throat as his thrusts got faster, more erratic. “Patroclus—”

Achilles often got impatient, chasing his finish like a lion locked on to a deer, yet I didn’t want this to end just yet. I didn’t want to lose this warm, melding feeling. I hugged him tightly and pushed him to the side, flipping us both around.

I pinned his wrists above his head and held his gaze as I rolled my hips slowly, sinking down on him.

Achilles looked up at me, flushed and panting, his skin glistening, his hair spread in lazy golden swirls about his head. I leaned down, pressing my forehead to his.

“The fastest of the Greeks,” I hummed, “in all things, it seems.”

Achilles laughed, the sound vibrating through me where we were connected. “A champion in all things, you mean.” He grinned wickedly, yet it wasn’t long before his laughter turned into breathless, shaky moans again, his length stiffening within me. My name poured forth from his mouth with every breath, over and over, kissing it onto my lips, whispering it over my flushed and warmed up skin.

Achilles had never told me that he loved me, and I had never told him. It was always understood between us, a truth as natural as breathing, buried deep beneath our skin and woven in our bones. Yet when he said my name like this — Patroclus, Pa-tro-clus — repeated it like a chant, like it was holy, I knew well what he meant.

And so did he.

“Achilles,” I whispered into his hair, threading my fingers through his. “Achilles,” I gasped when he bucked, arching underneath me. “Achilles,” I breathed, when I felt the warmth of his pleasure blossoming inside me, when he melted in my arms, when his eyelids fell over his eyes like the petals of a nightflower at dusk.

We lay like this for a long while, arms and legs tangled atop the furs. I held him tight, long after our breaths had eased and our heartbeats had found their natural rhythm. The music and voices from the festival drifted through the leather walls of our tent, mingled with the trill of the crickets, the hoot of distant night birds hidden in the trees. Though I knew where we were, what lay beyond the safe haven of our small home; though the weight of a long day of healing death was quick to return to my limbs, it did not quite stir the peace between us. I had him, like this, soft and pure and unblemished like the first time I’d seen him, the first time I’d kissed him, the first time I’d laid with him. No one could take this from me. From us.  

“Patroclus,” Achilles sighed sleepily, nuzzling into the hollow of my throat, arms coming around me to hold me close.

Yes, I thought. I knew well what he meant, when he said my name like this.

“Achilles,” I whispered in return, and closed my eyes.

~

Thank you so much for reading! Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated :) If you enjoyed this one-shot, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have a great day! <3

[anystalker707]

I Wanna Be Your Slave

Pairing: Frank x [amab] Reader Word count: ~ 2 400 Genre: Fluff / Smut Summary: (Y/n) f*cks Frank harsh as a kind of reward and punishment at the same time. Kind of content: Praising / Hair tugging / Handcuffs / Harsh / Temperature Play / Safe / Dirty talk / Edging / Fingering Requested on Wattpad Help with details by @frank-ieros-lip-ring

*not proofread this is the last part of a 3 parts story, afab reader smut coming soon

"You will never redeem yourself." I light a cigarette, bringing it to my lips. "Stop trying. Once your hands are dirty, the stain never comes off." A smile tugs on my lips, although completely humorless, as I take a drag of the cig, leaning back against the chair, watching the smoke go out through the window. "Not redeeming yourself doesn't mean you can't be a good person. It depends on how much you're up to changing or how well you are with yourself."

"And sleeping at night is just that easy?" Frank raises an eyebrow at me, shifting in his place on the armchair by the other side of the desk.

"If you bury it deep enough." I shrug. "It doesn't matter, honestly. You shouldn't overthink because that's exactly what will end up killing you. Or not. I don't know. I don't like to think about it."

"You're confusing." He twists his lips lightly.

"I guess. But I'm doing well. I'm alive, I'm here, I have you." I let my eyes fall to the papers again, signing my name over the line. "And that's what matters to me."

It's silent, dense. For the first time in a good while, I'm actually the one uncomfortable with the silence I've imposed after my last words and the room has never felt so small. Having feelings for someone like this feels almost wrong. I have a whole company, a whole family to run, but again, it doesn't mean I can't be happy or that I need to live exclusively for them – on the other hand, that'd mean someone else to threaten me with. Sometimes I want to leave Frank.

"I supposed I can live with that," Frank says quietly.

I never look up. A true smile forms itself on my face this time and I only hum in response as I brush the cig's ashes away from the paper.

It's already late at night when I'm heading back to my bedroom, halls dark and only the sound of low chatter filling the ambient. Frank is in the room when I walk in, sitting on the bed only in his underwear, reading a book.

"Who said you could crash here tonight?" I hum, shrugging off my blazer, kicking away my shoes.

"I don't need anyone telling me what I can do or not." He doesn't even look away from his book, turning the page. Not really his book since I can recognize it as one of the books I got in my office.

"True?" I get rid of the suspenders so I can remove my shirt, then do the same with my pants. "Didn't know you'd gotten such a moral around here, Mr. Iero."

"Oh, but I do, actually!" And the way Frank sounds so cynical is somehow so funny.

"Being a bad boy today?" I struggle to hold back a chuckle, suppressing it before I can face Frank. He's about to say something, but I'm taking the book away from his hands first. "Mary Shelley? I never thought you'd like her books. Nothing against, tho," I mutter, marking the page so I can put the book down. "It's a really good book."

"What are you doing?" He shifts on the bed, glaring at me. "I was reading that!"

"You'll have all the time to read, tomorrow." I glare back, but actually amused.

"But–"

"Why don't you stand up for me?" I make a come on motion, ignoring all the questioning looks shot at me.

Frank tenses up, but is eventually doing as told, eyes only meeting mine for a couple of seconds before they're falling to the ground. Not like I need him to look at me right now, after all. I cup his face and let my thumbs run across the soft skin – he leans into the touch, hands resting over my chest.

My lips meet Frank's in a soft kiss, one that's returned only after a few seconds, his lips slowly moving against mine until I set a pace, letting a hand fall to his hip to pull him closer then touch him through the thin underwear; his hands twitch on my chest, closing themselves around nothing.

"Safeword?" I whisper into Frank's ear, giving the side of his face a kiss.

"Redemption," Frank mutters back and I slowly nod.

"Good boy." I step back. "Now, undress and sit on the bed."

Frustration crosses Frank's eyes momentarily, but it doesn't stop him from doing as told, soon becoming unquiet because he's already half hard so, of course, I'm not going to rush things. One by one, the lube, handcuffs, candles and matches come off one of the bedside table's drawers, clearly intimidating Frank.

The candles go on the bedside table, over a couple of saucers whilst a third and a fourth candle are left aside along with the lube, the fire slowly burning and casting a warm light over Frank when I'm finally moving to give him some attention.

Creaking comes from the mattress with it sinking under my knees as I move towards Frank, my hand on his chest slowly pushing him down against the sheets; he chews down on his lip with me straddling his hips, but all I do it for is to use the handcuffs to lock each of his wrists to the bedposts despite his wide eyes watching me in silent complaints. A whine escapes Frank's throat with it, but I silence him with a peck, moving off of him.

"You're not to come until I tell you so, do you understand?" I grab the lube again, kneeling between his spread legs. "As you already know and have experience with, I'll stop at the same moment if you say the safe word. I thought that'd be great to remember."

Frank meekly nods in response, chest falling with an exhale.

The swallows around Frank's hips deform lightly as I sink my thumbs into the skin, rubbing circles into it, and watch him miserably push his hips up. "Please," he mumbles, but I barely give attention to him, starting to press kisses from his belly button down, mouthing around his crotch, seconds that probably feel like forever to him, but compensated with the pleasure once I take the tip of his cock in my mouth. A loud moan comes from him with it, squirming intensifying, in a way I can't help but to feel anxious to finally touch him properly.

I sigh softly, holding onto Frank's hips while taking him in completely, hearing the sound of the metal against clinking the bedposts under the cries coming from him.

"Tell me," I whisper once I pull away, letting my thumb sink into the inside of his thigh to rub circles into it – it's pathetic how he continues whimpering even with such a simple touch. "What are you, Frank?"

"Yours," he manages to say, voice tight.

Great. I fondle his balls lightly, watching his thighs quiver. "My what, hun?"

Frank gasps, a shaky moan escaping his lips. "Slave."

"Good boy." I press a kiss to his thigh and move away from him completely so I can reach for the lube, which makes Frank actually quiet instead of complaining about anything. "I'm gonna fuck you until I come," I tell him, covering my fingers with lube, "and if you come before I tell you to, you'll sort yourself out, okay?"

"No," Frank groans. "I–" He cuts himself off when my fingers start tracing his entrance, feeling it fluttering under my touch, before a finger finally sinks in, which snatches a sound of discomfort from him. "Please, just don't hold me back from cumming, I–" A moan.

"And what if you don't cum until I finish foreplay?" I can't help but to grin. "Then you can cum, but I won't stop until I've done it myself."

Frank mutters something under his breath, something I can't identify whether it's a complaint or a plea, however, he's frantically nodding. "Yes, master."

"Oh, fuck you," I mutter almost in the same moment, feeling my underwear grow way too tight.

With a second finger, Frank is being louder and almost pushing himself down against my hand when I brush against his prostate, not touching it as much as he'd like me to when scissoring and twisting my fingers around. The third finger makes him gasp, only moving more frantically. So hopeless.

"Fuck!" Frank throws his head back and arches his back when I'm pulling my hand away, eyes pressed shut tightly.

"You're doing really well, hun," I whisper, cleaning my hand away so I can reach for a candle.

"S-Sir," he swallows, breathing shakily.

I light the candle with one of the others and, opposite to them, this one burns easier, meaning the wax isn't harmful. Wax soon starts pooling in it and I tilt it to pour the warm liquid over Frank's torso – he lets out a gasp, a moan, as he uselessly tries to escape the inevitable touch of the wax.

"Fuck," he curses, melting down along with the wax.

"Tell me how it feels," I say softly, peeling away some of the dried wax while waiting for more to melt.

"I– It's good," he breathes. "Hurts in a good way." He hums, biting down on his lower lip when I pull onto a chunk of wax. "More, please."

And I do as said, carefully letting it fall over Frank's nipple and appreciating each little sound that escapes his lips – he arches his back like to meet the wax, humming as he moves his hips, pushing himself down and ending up finding a little of friction when his balls meet my leg for a second.

"Such a whore," I whisper, peeling the chunk of wax away from his nipple. "I had no idea you'd like something like this, look at how pathetic you are."

Whatever complaint Frank has is lost among moans once my hand is wrapped around his cock, working on it while I let more of the wax pour over his chest and without many pauses now, snatching a chain of gasps from him whilst he thrusts into my hand.

"S-Sir," he says breathlessly.

"I said not to cum during foreplay." I let go of Frank at the same moment, blowing the half burnt candle out before I can return it to its previous place.

"But master, sir," Frank says and these are honestly the only words I'm able to make out from all the babbling and cries coming from him.

"Shh, baby, it'll be just a moment." I stand up from the bed to get rid of the boxers and grab the lube again. Having my hand around my cock feels like such a relief; I almost immediately gasp, though trying to focus more on lubing myself up than jacking off. "Right," I mutter to myself, returning to kneel down between Frank's spread legs before I can adjust my position, bringing one of his legs up to make things easier. "My pretty boy, all mine," I say softly, "what'd it be of you if it wasn't me, hm?"

"Nothing, sir," he replies. Well, I wasn't waiting for that.

All I do is to flash Frank a smile in response then lean in for a kiss, a short and sweet one.

I use my free hand to guide myself in, not so slowly as Frank doesn't need it at all nor a slow pace at first – his body jerks with the heavy thrusts, instantly snatching high pitched sounds from him with every movement.

Frank is fucking tight, clenching around me each time I slam right back in, not bothering to miss his prostate this time. The pleasure is sent ringing up my spine instantly along with this immense relief, incessantly, and it's all about the small details. Clinking echoes through the bedroom along with the sound of the headboard hitting against the wall, but none of these are as loud as Frank.

"Please– Touch me, sir, touch me," he whines among all the gasps and moans.

"You can cum without it, baby boy," I reply softly, my fingers sinking into his thighs, holding both of them up so I can go in deeper and Frank's squirming shows how successful it is. He starts pleading again, but stops after a harsh slap is delivered to his thigh.

Frank fucking comes. Just now I become aware of his spluttered attempts of telling it to me, which I ignored due to being too focused on observing him and myself instead.

It'd be a lie to say it's like nothing; he immediately tightens around me and my hand shakes, sending some of the wax dripping down my fingers instead. "Fuck, fuck," I mutter, putting out the candle messily so I can set it aside and once again take a hold of Frank's thighs, fucking him through his release.

Frank is so messy, throwing his head back – I don't waste the opportunity, quickly attacking his exposed neck with my lips to leave behind marks among the few tattoos decorating the skin.

His skin is hot. Almost like mine, I imagine, burning, though certainly not as much as the muscles on the back of my thigh, which are already complaining by now with a sharp and annoying pain.

"A good boy, aren't you?" I breathe into his ear, not stopping to thrust in, feeling him pulsate, clench around me just so perfectly. "But also such a whore. Look at how you're letting me use you. Mine and only mine. Who's the only one who can touch you this way?"

"Y-You, sir," he stutters, thighs twitching under my touch already, but it doesn't take long for me to cum already, letting out a low moan escape my lips, mind momentarily going blank with the pleasure climbing up the back of my thighs and unraveling the knot in my lower stomach. My movements don't stop until I can feel the oversensitivity threatening to kick in.

"Hell," I breathe, slowly letting go of Frank. "Hell."

I rest my forehead against Frank's, both of us not sharing a word.

"You did so well, baby, so well," I whisper, moving to release him from the handcuffs and his arms just fall limp to the mattress. Fuck. So small and hopeless. "C'mere." I wrap my arms around him, pulling him close. "Relax for a bit so I can clean you up, hm?" I pull his sweaty strands back from his forehead and press a kiss to it. "I love you, hun."

"Love you, sir," he mumbles, eyes half lidded, though I'm sure he's barely conscious.