#because I cannot conceivably believe in a god who would make the world such a shitty place
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ohholydyke · 3 months ago
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See the thing about fundamentalists and trads and Christian nationalists and MAGA evangelicals and ethnocratic bigots is that they render the faith so boring.
I take no issue with the fact that they would look at me and say that I’m not a member of the faithful because their faith is radically, inherently, ontologically distinct from mine. My God is too big and too loving and too esoteric to fit neatly into the gendered understanding of an authoritarian white father disciplining his children for not perfectly falling into lockstep. My Savior is the man who told the religious leaders “Caesar can have his idolatrous blood money, but give God your heart and your faith,” challenging the notion of an earthly ruler. My apostles wrote of the throne of man being empty—there are no masters or kings or governments, there is only Jesus Christ, Basileus Basileōn, king of kings. I believe in radical oneness with God through Christ—one flesh and one body, biblical marriage with the bridegroom whose flesh and blood make up the holy Eucharist. My faith is Queer, ancestral, esoteric, anarchist, insurrectionary, anticolonial, antiracist, unorthodox, disruptive, free. When I encounter the divine, or pray to the saints, or sit in the chapel to pray, I am experiencing communion with the sublime, in every sense of the word, the same presence that made the apostles fall to their faces before the transfiguration, that shaped the world from void, that animates the deep care and rage which boil into every aspect of my being.
When conservatives tell me I am not a Christian it is only because they cannot conceive of a Christ and a faith so big, so all encompassing, so beyond anything our human minds can comprehend, and they cannot conceive being in tune with this divinity and being left senseless by the knowledge that the divine above all else is us and loves us more than we could ever comprehend, such that experiencing this love is enough to leave one fundamentally, ontologically changed down to the fiber of their being. I feel sorrow for them. I pray that Christ may reach into their hearts and open their eyes, that they may see not only the horrors that they commit but also the deep love and freedom that awaits them through abandoning their fundamentalism and their bigotry.
Or, in other words, me every time I see another conservative Christian whining about how people aren’t doing Christianity right because they don’t adhere to a super narrow and watered down version of the faith:
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lgbtlunaverse · 2 months ago
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So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.
Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.
Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.
If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.
But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.
Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!
This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.
Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.
So he has to live.
Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.
And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#meng yao#nieyao#of course the inherent tragedy is that nmj is totally THE guy to ask if you want your death to mean something#nmj's reaction the the fact that most ppl's deaths are meaningless is to go: yes and I should change this.#If everyone thought like me this wouldn't happen anymore I simply need to get EVEN MORE HARDCORE about justice to MAKE them care#and this quality- which makes him the one person perhaps capable of making jgy's death mean something- also makes him a threat to his life#so jgy kills him because he needs to live. And then his beliefs about the meaninglessness of his own death are doomed to be true#what else was he supposed to do? just die and TRUST that someone would make it mean something?#like his mother trusted that his father would come back for them?#of course he can't do that.#just like how nmj's upbringing means that by the stairs he can't see how jgy- son of a sect leader and extremely capable-#is any different from the men who wrung their hands and told him that wen ruohan is just *too powerful* they can't do anything about him.#(*guy who killed wrh and wil go on to kill jgs voice* i just can't do anything about my dad being evil)#if jgy had agreed to risk his life and asked nmj to make it mean something if he died nmj would have said yes.#which is why he can't understand jgy wouldn't just ASK that.#jgy meanwhile has not been informed that was a fucking option and if he was wouldnt be able to trust that it'd actually happen.#for reasons outlined above#ahhh tragedy and inability of characters to understand each other i love you
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hamliet · 1 year ago
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BSD 112: War and Peace
Now that the manga has finally caught up to the anime, I shall say that I am still pretty convinced Fyodor will pull a Jesus and be fine.
That said, I hella loved this chapter. The themes, man. Essentially Fukuchi is inviting Fukuzawa to become God, though I would NOT be surprised to see a certain new character show up considering this entire chapter is basically Fukuchi and Fukuzawa trading paraphrased quotes from A Certain Novel.
It's a battle of free will vs peace, and how we walk that line as individuals and societies... war is futile and hell, and pointless because what even is a state anyways besides some arbitrary idea we've all agreed to for... reasons, and yet if you remove the ability for war and conflict as a whole, you don't really have humanity but instead mind-controlled slaves.
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War is not a polite recreation, but the vilest thing in life, and we ought to realize this and not make a game of it... as it stands now it's the favorite pastime of the idle and frivolous.”
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Every action of theirs, that seems to them an act of their own freewill is in the historical sense not free at all but is bound up with the whole course of history and preordained from all eternity... Man lives consciously for himself, but serves as an unconscious instrument for the achievement of historical, universally human goals.
It's true that people are born where they are born, and caught up in the stories that are grander than they are. Everyone likes to imagine what they know and what they experience and what they want and believe is True, but is it? Or is it merely a product of how they've grown? Is it a product of the centuries and millennia of people before us who create wars and conflicts and use us in them?
Yes, humans are used as unconscious instruments. But is that all they are? All they should be? Fukuchi seems to think yes. If they're currently used as instruments of war, then why not use them. as instruments of peace?
Fukuzawa, however, thinks otherwise.
It's an existential question humanity has been wrestling over since human beings have existed, and it won't be answered anytime soon because there is no neat answer. It's the paradox of human nature and human existence.
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He had learned that, as there is no situation in the world in which a man can be happy and perfectly free, so there is no situation in which he can be perfectly unhappy and unfree.
Dictatorships are known, obviously, for suppressing free will and free expression.
Now, in War and Peace, Tolstoy's answer is love. And God, who is Love. But love first and foremost since Tolstoy himself wasn't super religious when writing it (later on he was though).
Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here.
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Yet, if you remove the ability to choose love or violence, then:
A man having no freedom cannot be conceived of except as deprived of life. 
And it's pretty clear what lesson Fukuchi has to learn:
Life is everything. Life is God. Everything shifts and moves, and this movement is God. And while there is life, there is delight in the self-awareness of the divinity. To love life is to love God. The hardest and most blissful thing is to love this life in one's suffering, in the guiltlessness of suffering.
Life sucks. War is hell. It makes life feel like it's not worth living. But without free will, you are not alive at all.
For if we allow that human life is always guided by reason, we destroy the premise that life is possible at all.
Anyways, even if Leo Tolstoy does not appear as an actual character with the supreme ability of "War and Peace," well, he sure is influencing this arc a lot.
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paula-of-christ · 8 months ago
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hi! i remember vaguely you posted something about how mormons believe in spirit babies, could you elaborate what that belief means?
I'm going to use the language that the LDS use for their theology and then do some explaining since they use similar words but don't MEAN the same thing that Christians do when they use them.
When Heavenly Father first created the world/universe we live in (note, this is NOT the beginning of time), him and Heavenly Mother (or 'mothers' if you are faithful to what all the LDS prophets/leaders have said, that's right God is a polygamist) had spirit children, becoming angels. One of those spirit children was Jesus, one was Satan. They both came up with ideas for how salvation should come about (I don't remember the details of the supposed plans, I'd have to look it up) but Heavenly Father went with Jesus' plan. So everyone else had to choose sides. 1/3 chose Jesus' side, 1/3 chose Satan's side, and the last 1/3 didn't choose at all. The 1/3 that chose Satan were sent to earth with the 'Mark of Cain' which in the Doctrine and Covenants is explicitly dark/non-white skin. The other 1/3 were punished for not choosing by being sent down while not being in the LDS, so they had to wait until they died and went to spirit prison* to be preached to by the last 1/3rd that followed Jesus and were born into the Mormon church. It might not be exactly 1/3 on all sides, but I know for sure 1/3 was following Satan, because Joseph Smith took that from Revelation.
So basically, when a couple has sex, they are inviting a spirit that already exists, to come and reside in the body that is made. And if the child dies before the age of 7/8, well that spirit just didn't want to be born yet. And if you CAN'T conceive a child, it's because no spirit thinks you're worthy of it.
"Heavenly Father" is what they call God, and according to the LDS he didn't actually make the universe from nothing, but was created by some god before him, and became an exalted man, and got to create his own universe when he became exalted. Jesus is also an exalted man, and is NOT god. Neither is the Holy Spirit. Heavenly Mother is not usually spoken about beyond very briefly because OBVIOUSLY their god wouldn't be able to create spirit children on his own. She is NOT to be worshipped even though she would also be a god. The modern church only ever talks about one but even as early as Brigham Young (the second leader of the LDS after Joseph Smith died), there was the idea of more than one wife of god, because you cannot become an exalted being without being married to at least 3 women. And if you're a woman who is married to a man and he has less than 3 wives, you will not get to rule with him because he will not become exalted.
To contrast this, classical Christian theology surrounding the creation of new life is that a father and mother are co-creators with God, and that God creates the spirit of the person at the moment of conception, ie at the moment when man and woman biologically create life, then the spirit is there. It was a little shaky at first of when life started, but it was always 'if there is life, there is a soul, but before there is life, the soul is yet to exist'. One of the things the LDS church teaches is that babies remember what the spirit world is like, because the 'veil' between worlds is thinnest at the beginning and end of life. But eventually as they get older, they forget, and that's why we have to go through life the way we do.
It's all very confusing and doesn't make much sense, but I hope I explained it in a way that can be somewhat understandable (or at least.... answered your initial question).
TLDR: God the father created every soul that would ever live when he created the universe and having sex is just 'inviting' that soul to come down to earth. Having sex outside of a mormon marriage or with the intent of raising the child outside the Mormon church is akin to inviting the spirit to be forever damned. And so conception issued boils down to you not being worthy for the spirit to WANT to be your child.
*Yes its called spirit prison, and the only way to be 'saved' from it is if a mormon on earth goes to the temple and gets a proxy baptism using your name after you have died. This is called baptisms for the dead and the Mormon church got in a lot of trouble when they, for a long time, allowed their members to get baptized on behalf of jews killed during the holocaust. Now you can only get baptized by those who are biologically related to you, but there is almost 0 oversight on it, so even though the person doing it is supposed to get permission from the *closest* living relative, often times they don't and just say they do. How does the Mormon Church know who you're related to? Oh, they just own the largest database of ancestry paperwork in the US, possibly the world. To the point that the US government will sometimes borrow their stuff. The Vatican has put a ban (as well as other independent protestant churches) on parishes giving the Mormon Church or member ANY genealogical or baptismal information, since it is only used to do their weird necromantic baptisms, since no baptism is valid except a Mormon one.
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bestworstcase · 1 year ago
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do you think it will be significantly harder for oz to reconcile with salem’s cause than the rest of rwbyjnor? with the way things are going i can see how the kids could get there but i’m so curious to see how oz will react. even if he is opening up more now, it’s a whole other thing to go back on the mandate and shift his view of salem after how long it’s been.
honestly i think the hardest part is already over in that none of it is buried anymore. for thousands of years ozma wore himself deeper and deeper into this rut, methodically cutting salem out of history until he had nearly absolute control over the fact of her existence. and then he locked the proverbial tower and threw away the key.
he had no plan.
like, prior to the fall of beacon, ozpin was just rotting. he dissociates through all of V1 and only wakes up when qrow alerts him that salem has "pawns" at beacon. and—look.
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beacon academy—the school ozma built—is modeled after salem's father's castle. the headmaster's office is in her tower.
what does that tell us about how ozma conceives of himself, how he feels about his task, about what he really wants?
then the lost fable happens. ruby asks what ozpin is hiding, and jinn tells his whole story. he's made to relive it all over again, see himself make these choices once more. (he sees himself tell the god of light no. he hears himself say "that world just isn't as dear to me without her." he sees her tell him the truth—the gods ended the world—and he sees himself choose to tell her nothing, because he didn't trust her, and keep making that choice for years.)
thennn he spends months boiling in self-hatred and guilt before finding the wherewithal to climb back up and try again. he returns with a narrative monologue about fear, and rising above fear:
"fear of growing closer to someone; a subsequent fear of loss. fear of failure. and, as more people depend on you, those fears can take on greater power. but... fear itself is not worthy of concern; it is who we become while in its clutches. will you be proud of that person? will you forgive them? will you understand why they felt the need to do the things they did? will you even recognize them? ...or will the person staring back at you be the very thing you should have feared from the start?"
i wonder
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what he might be thinking about, there.
anyways, consider the lyrics of 'until the end':
To live free or die, it’s all the same The enemy was right, there’s no reclaiming In waves of shame We’re desperate to make amends But through a simple soul we lie complacent Love brings us dreams But grief makes the heart burst at the seams As light fills my eyes I’ll picture me beside her And pray that I’ll inspire I promise I’ll be here until the end I promise I’ll be here until… ...Our story has been told Til our bodies break down every door Til we find what we’ve been looking for And stare with pride into the face of fear In our finest hour, I’ll be standing here
and also consider the way 'fear' lists his, er, fears:
We live in fear that we might fail Fear that we'll succeed Fear that we may not provide The things our loved ones need
in waves of shame, we're desperate to make amends.
and, we live in fear that we'll succeed.
ozma believes that the only way to save the world is to destroy salem. the only reason he agreed to return to the world at all was because salem was in it. that world just isn't as dear to me without her.
he's been stuck and stagnating all this time because: 1. he believes everything the god of light told him. 2. he, like salem, believes that the gods will rule against humanity. 3. he's terrified of the world ending. 4. he believes the only way to avoid that is to destroy salem. 5. salem is, and has always been, his reason for living.
he cannot destroy salem because she can't be destroyed. but he also cannot destroy her because given the choice between losing her and losing the world, he would choose her. he already did choose her.
he's afraid to fail. but he's even more afraid to succeed.
the point of contention between him and salem, fundamentally—the reason they're in conflict and the reason they haven't been able to reconcile up to this point—is #1. ozma has faith in the god of light, regards him as the supreme creator, and does not believe that there is any possibility outside of the binary given by the mandate. salem rejects that, utterly.
shatter ozma's faith, and reconciliation becomes possible very quickly, because that is what he wants. it's less that he needs to be persuaded to reconcile with her and more that he needs permission, because right now he has it carved into his bones that doing what he wants will doom the world.
i think salem will actually be the one much more reluctant to reconcile, as opposed to striking a truce with the vacuo coalition, because ozma abused her trust in such a profoundly horrible way and she is very obviously not over it. like... as things stand right now, ozma is straight up pining for her while salem desperately just wants him gone. "why do you keep. coming. back."
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intertexts · 8 months ago
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OK. OK OK OK. HI. IM AT WORK NOW SO THIS IS GONNA BE DISJOINTED AND NOT MAKE A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE BUT IM COOKING SO THIS REQUIRES AN ASK AND NOT A REPLY BC THOSE HAVE CHARACTER LIMITS (cooking both metaphorically and literally because it's 95 degrees outside at 9am and it is so so so so fucking humid) oh god get me out of the kitchen before i start burning things!!!
this could be Nothing. bc again I desperately need 2 learn more about cauldron and their motivations and such. BUT. going back to the tide/leviathan comparisons because they're making me kind of insane and i want to give him a Complex about it. because if we're not going to lobotomize him I need 2 hurt him in other ways (sorry dad)
so. this doesn't EXACTLY work 1:1 because there are only 3 endbringers and only 2 of them seem to be element-focused as far as i know. but if we have tide as a comparison to leviathan, we also have MAGMA who could be a comparison to behemoth if my thoughts are correct and behemoth is . big fire guy (he sleeps in a volcano so. I'm assuming.) . granted we also have like. whirlwind and shockwave and seismic who are the other elementals and they don't actually have an endbringer counterpart BUT IM !!!! going a little crazy thinking about like. if tide + his siblings are artificial capes, what if they (or at least he and magma because I'm kind of thinking abt them as the older ones. havent listened to the oneshot in a while so this may not be accurate) were given their powers SPECIFICALLY to be counters to the endbringers. or at least in an attempt to make a cape equivalent of the endbringers to better like... study their powerset or something. (I keep saying cauldron studies things bc I said that with david too and this really just comes from my inherent need for a big evil science team. in worm it seems like they're more capitalism focused but let a guy dream here)
this also brings up an interesting point with Elle who i know u don't know yet but she could be an interesting counterpoint to simurgh? Who as far as I know now isn't necessarily elemental but . neither is Elle really!! and that creates the big disaster in the oneshot bc she can't control her powers and goes kind of nuts about it.
anyway anyway anyway. tldr; tide and magma were specifically created as parallels to leviathan and behemoth, this wouldn't really be common knowledge to the rest of the capes bc of cauldrons secrecy BUT i think ppl would definitely notice the similarities in their powersets and that makes a subconscious fear response in people who have seen an endbringer attack firsthand (I believe in scary intimidating tide supremacy but then you talk to him and he's the sweetest human being in the whole world) . tide and magma both know this and have complicated emotions about it. I think tide has a very bad reaction to the leviathan attack if we are keeping that as an event that happens.
OR IT COULD ALL BE COINCIDENCE AND THIS IS NOTHING. but until i learn more about cauldron I am choosing to view them as my favorite trope of big evil science corporation <3333
OHH U R FUCKING COOKING DUDE YEAH <333
it is. so hard whenever u r talking about cauldron.... mallard conway ass levels of "oh okay i literally Cannot talk about this or else im accidentally gonna say spoilers." but. i DO think this goes so hard & conceivably makes sense for cauldron to do...... man one day in the far future we're gonna have to sit down and talk about if cauldron even would exist in this au. but. for now. hehehe :33 & i will say!!! i will say!!! research is. involved, in what they do. you are not off the mark.
ANYWAY. love this for him so much..... the way he moves and acts in a fight echoes leviathan.... does he have that water afterimage too??? when he's fighting?? because that shits cool as hell he should have it. i'm always just really ill over someone made to be a weapon who never wanted to be one.... tide you have to be at the leviathan fight but you shouldn't be :(((
i gotta listen to the elementals oneshot i have it downloaded rn.. i wanna know elle's deal because you have just said something unwittingly extremely funny & i need to know What happens to her before i comment on it!!!! anyway!!!! thinking abt tide lambert forever & always...
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proudfreakmetarusonikku · 6 months ago
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i'm out here inventing entirely new moral dilemmas in toxic relationships like i don’t think “is your goth robot gf taking advantage of you if she's rapidly ascended from terminator to very adorable skynet upgraded herself to singularity levels on a whim is like five separate gods at this point hurts you for fun and is entirely in this to eventually painfully kill you? or are you taking advantage of her bc she's got near zero socialisation or knowledge of the world she immediately gets attached to anyone who treats her like a person and is terrified of losing that connection she's literally programmed to want to follow orders and tends to obey whatever anyone she trust says without question or hesitation because she literally cannot conceive of people liking her without her being useful she's reliant on you to make sense of the world outside of murder and would instantly believe whatever you say no matter what and she's unable to ever stop obsessing over you to the point you’re basically the only thing that matters in her world? are you both taking advantage of each other? does the fact you’re both mutually entirely down for the fucked up aspects of this relationship mean neither of you are taking advantage of that? does your relationship being a qpr change things? is everything okay up until you kiss and stuff bc despite both being aroace you’re two very easily bored impulsive adrenaline junkie curious teenagers who feel safe to explore stuff like that with each other? does it get more ethical when the two of you become adults or less? is it selfcest to be in a relationship with someone if you consider each other one and the same?” is a train of thought anyone before me has ever had. i'm innovative what can i say.
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demivrg · 7 months ago
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Ultima as a 'Mother' Figure
Ultima used their powers to create humanity, imbuing them with life. They birthed the original humans that eventually repeated the same mistakes as Ultima's species- Relying on near identical magic technology. The Fallen warred against God and their civilization was destroyed, but the side-effect of using magic continued to plague humanity in the form of Dominants and Bearers who suffer the Blight.
When Clive and Joshua confront Ultima at the site of it's abandoned, ashen husk does Ultima mention that humanity was 'nurtured and fed' by them. They also make it a point to dig at Clive's childhood neglect at the hands of Anabella, pointing out that she should have shown Clive the same maternal attentions that Ultima believes they performed.
Maybe the devs included Ultima having these moments of comparing themself to a mother/providing 'their Mythos' and people like Barnabas with the maternal protection and care just because it's fucking creepy, but I can't help but also see Ultima as a bad parental figure trying to control their own children.
Parents have children for various reasons: to leave behind a part of themselves, animal instinct & survival, to better the world with a person who embodies their values that they want to instill. Ultima expects subservience for parenting humanity like that's just what's owed to them for having the 'benevolence' to care for the things that they create. True love is selfless, not a form of currency to be repaid or a tool used to control and manipulate others to your will- Clive's so called 'anime power of friendship' is just another example of the narrative showing how important selfless love and interpersonal bonds are in life, which are values that any parent should perform towards their children. Instead, Ultima (and Anabella) turn their children into vehicles for their own desires or to rectify personal failures they experienced in their own lifetime and try to control everything about their childrens' actions.
I've noticed the fandom making a lot of negative comments about Ultima and the theme of Final Fantasy XVI as "God killed by the anime power of friendship" trope, but I don't believe this is the theme of the game. The theme is about life and what constitutes as living, I think Clive's last conversation with Ultima conveys this in a really obvious fashion. Ultima and humanity both fight to preserve their own lives, but Ultima cannot accept that fear and suffering are intrinsic to the quality of life- One cannot experience joy and fulfillment without suffering and loss. One cannot fully or truly live without the knowledge of death.
Ultima also fears death itself and they fear the lack of control and perfection they believe themselves to embody, which is why they abandon humankind. It wasn't just that the Fallen tried to fight their creator, it was a reflection of Ultima's own flaws- Their heavy reliance on magic. Even as magic is factually the source of the Blight, Ultima cannot conceive of a world without it's use, they STILL rely on magic to make their vision of paradise come to fruition rather than abandon it as a tool the way Clive eventually does. Ultima can be seen as an arrogant being because they think their use of magic will be somehow different than the previous attempts of using it's powers, that their use of magic is the power that is necessary to create a world without fear, death, or loss/suffering.
In a weird way, I think that Ultima earnestly wanted to create a paradise. The issue is that they saw humans as simple vehicles to carry our their plan when they actually gave birth to something unique and worthy- That in the process of creation, left a bit of their own divinity inside of humanity itself and gave them the same potential they believe their species solely possessed.
Anyway, TL;DR- I feel like Ultima as provider/mother figure was very intentional and not just a one-off addition? It would have been interesting if they'd leaned on it even harder, but alas.
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renardtrickster · 2 years ago
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The following is a conversation longpost I had on a Discord chat group with some friends. In it I discuss moral luck, the idea that your average person if they were transported to the Salem Witch Trials would support it, moral nihilism, and cleaning your room.
There's a sentiment I've observed a couple of times right now that's odd to me. Because on one hand, the arguments being made are extremely coherent, and I even agree with some of it. But on the other hand, the act of giving the argument itself makes me deeply skeptical. And the sentiment is the fact that if we were around during the witch trials. You, me, everyone, we wouldn't be the people standing up against the witches. We would be the ones cheering at the gallows. The discussion started in a blogpost about the nature of a "medieval setting", and an objection to someone describing the medieval nobility as "insane". The crux of the matter was the simple fact that the difference between us and the medieval people was not intelligence, really.
The medieval people were as smart as us, same construction for the most part, but they do not have the information we had, and they were taught different things from us. We have been educated from birth to use science, look back at history, and employ rationality, but their history was mostly myth, folklore, and word of mouth. The idea that flesh and stone are made out of the same thing (atoms) is bizarre and unfounded. Spirits and gods control the weather because it's unpredictable and seems to move at its own pace. And this applies to morality to. We have foresight to look at witch-burnings and say "ah, this was just killing women for no reason", but if you were raised to believe that demons are real and people can invoke them and that's why a litter of pigs were stillborn, then you would be more inclined to do so. Especially if you were raised to believe that men and women are different (and have different lots), don't regard or even consider fundamental human rights because such a paradigm does not work in this society, and that objective good and objective evil both exist and if you're not aligned with one, it's with the other. Furthermore, being able to conceive of resisting the system you've been taught is true is one thing. Actually doing it is another. Doing that stuff risks your life. People today have difficulty placing the moral good over personal safety, it would only be harder if your view of the moral good was synonymous with bowing your head down. I think in a vacuum, all of this is fully understandable. I struggle to think of someone who would object, or what arguments one could make against this. My problem is more along the lines of this. What point are you trying to make? What underlying truth are you trying to reach by arguing that the difference between being a civil rights activist in the 1960s and a Klansman was just a matter of luck as to where and when you were born? Because I think my underlying issue is that it suggests a sort of convenient nihilism that begets convenient apathy.
Like, you guys know why Jordan B. Peterson's "clean your room before you change the world" is shit, right? "Clean your room" is a metaphor for having a good fulfilling life. Fix yourself before you fix others. But it's deeply, deeply flawed. Putting aside the fact that JBP himself was addicting to benzos as he became a conservative pundit, it ignores a few truths. First is that sometimes, you cannot be fixed unless the world is fixed. If you're stuck in poverty that forces you to choose between a life of crime or a short but honest one, and things are so unbearable that succumbing to alcoholism is more mentally healthy than living as you do currently, and the system you live in is constructed in such a way your poverty is either guaranteed or nigh inescapable, then "fix yourself first" feels more like a dismissal of problems than earnest self-help. Second is that the cleanliness of a room is subjective. JBP implies pretty hard that the act of being dissatisfied is a personal fault, therefore any desire to change the world is evidence of an unclean room. And third is that people have changed the world with unclean rooms. The Founding Fathers were pieces of shit whose guiding ideals of equality under God were hypocritical because they denied women the right to vote and black people the right to be human, but I'd say that the founding of America was overall a good move. Democracy. Mahatma Gandhi was a piece of shit to his wife and sussy around children, repelling Imperial Britain from India was still good. People keep harping on about MLK cheating on his wife and fucking prostitutes. Do I think that's true? I dunno, didn't look into it. Would I still say he was one of the most important figures in American history even if it was true? Absolutely. In a broader sense, "fix yourself before you fix the world" ignores that humans cannot be fixed.
So in this sense, I think "you and I would have burned the witches, would have jeered at slaves, would have ratted out our Jewish neighbors to the gestapo", hits on a similar negative note. Because as a screed against moral luck, I like it. I detest moral luck. There are people who hold objectively correct positions and believe all the right things, but were never tested on it. They were born into it, or followed the social trends around them, or otherwise had those positions handed to them on a silver platter. And they disgust me. Partially because a lot of them are abusive pieces of shit who were taught "be good" without being taught how to do that, and partly because they sneer at people who spent portions of their lives as reactionaries when they themselves were one thoughtless night of browsing twitter away from being neo-nazis. So in this sense, I think you should be wary of moral luck. Look out for it, recognize when you're taking your beliefs for granted. Maybe walk yourself through your own positions, explain to yourself why you hold them instead of just saying "well it's the right thing to hold". And recognize that other people have had to work to reach the point you spawned in on. We're deeply lucky we grew up in a culture where equality is a basic ideal held by one of the predominant political parties and that we are taught to hold science and rationality as axioms. The people at Salem did not get this. So rather than sneer at them, construct a belief system that would hold up to these rigors. Don't think "if I were transported to Salem, would I have stood up", think "if Salem were to happen right now, how would I react, how would things change to be more palatable to me, would I continue to oppose a witch trial if the witch trials were against people I despise like nazis or pedophiles or League of Legends players, and do I practice these principles in my current day to day life".
But instead, I don't think this talking point manifests in this way. It instead manifests as a sort of apathy, or condemnation. Like, "hey, if you were born in Salem you would think you were right, so why do you think you're right now". Not as a call for introspection, but as an indictment against outrage or conviction. You may recognize the Third Reich was bad, but only luck prevented you from being a Hitler supporter. You may be calling that man a fascist, and you may be literally correct because the parallels are true, clear, and easily defensible, but it's still a manifestation of the indignant belief that you're right and smart and better than some other you measure yourself against. It seems to be skeptical of the idea of holding beliefs, I think. There also seems to be no way of escaping it. In my earlier screed, the most innately condemnatory I got about moral luck was "you may be lucky, you may be unlucky, as long as you take the time to walk it through and earn it then it's okay". Here, moral luck seems to be inescapable. You were born with the moral luck of being in the 21st century, you can't surmount this luck, accept that you are as much of a dog as a medieval noble enslaving a peasant man, because the only meaningful difference is circumstance. I don't think it's a coincidence that this sentiment was written upon at length by Christian bloggers, or bloggers linking to these Christian blogs. It takes on a character indistinct from Original Sin. But I also said it was convenient, and it's in this same "everything is the same" defeatism. Because the medieval peasants who believed that women were of a lesser type of being, more akin to dogs than to men, thought they were right, and they reached that through the axiomatic tools of their time. And you believe you are right, which you reached through the axiomatic tools of your time. So do you think that in a hundred years, historians will look back upon pro-choicers with the same scorn they will look upon the nazis? Have you not considered, that as times change, our ideas of racial equality will be just as, if not more, derided than the ideals of the KKK? Do you not salivate at the thought that transgender people will occupy the same footnote of historical perversion as the pederasts of Ancient Greece?
It's not even moral antirealism, it's moral nihilsim I think. It just throws its hands into the air, says "well I guess it's impossible to determine what's right or not, because MLK and Stalin could have been the same guy with a twist of fate", and then imagines a world where this is true. Or implicitly prescribes the idea that it's pointless to hold or make beliefs other than The Ones I Like Personally. You can kind of see where I'm coming at, right? It kind of reminds me of progressive (read morally lucky "progressives") who have some fetishistic fascination with implicit bias in this weird, inborn way. Like, feminists who care more about hating men and reminding men who support feminism that they're taught to believe rape is cool from birth and thus are consigned to performing "lesser feminism" or are incapable of being feminists, rather than actually doing feminist stuff. Except in this case the cringe feminists still have the upper hand because they still believe in the idea that you can believe things and defend believing them.
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mausers · 7 months ago
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I hate Biden's fucking guts too, but the other guy...the other ADMINISTRATION, is going to be so much worse in every way. May fucking cancel democracy! Wants to cancel the ACA, cut social program benefits, support anti-trans legislation, do the mask bans, every vile, shitty thing you've already seen them trying gets turned up to 11 with Executive Branch support. All of that stuff is an existential threat to my family, and we live in one of the places they like to test all their shit out. Please do not endanger millions of families like mine to prove a point! Look at the list above and think about what that list looks like here! ALSO: he probably gets to appoint EVEN MORE Supreme Court justices! Ask women in states where they can no longer make decisions about their own bodies how much they appreciate the people who stayed home and let Trump in the first fucking time! Also they've declared that Presidents are now above the fucking law, so God, wouldn't it be great to see what Trump would do with that? NO IT FUCKING WOULDN'T! ALSO: the climate can't afford another round of a Republican administration! They will let fucking oil companies plunder every last wild space they can get their fucking hands on, JUST FOR STARTERS! They will undo or make worse every single thing that did anything to move us towards living on a planet that's not trying to murder us! FUCK'S SAKE! POINT THE FUCKING WHATEVER: The dementia/old thing? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO TRUMP? He can barely form complete sentences half the time! He's old as shit! For fuck's sake, he's also a rapist and we got new stuff saying that likely Epstein helped him expand his monstrosities by raping kids, too. He's been convicted of a number of fucking felonies! He's already tried to overthrow the government once! He's SO FUCKING VILE AND STUPID! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! So I am begging you to just...especially if you do not live in a solidly blue state, please just hold your nose and do it. Vote everything downticket, too! The other administration is going to DO MORE GENOCIDE. They're gonna cut programs people need to fucking survive. They are going to continue to fan the flames of the culture wars to make this happen, classic fucking descent into fascism playbook! They are going to make the world worse in every conceivable way! Again, an administration isn't just the one fucking guy, it's also making the CDC anti-science and a Secretary of Education who actively doesn't believe in public education and a director of the EPA who is a former oil executive. Like, Christ Biden sucks so much, yes! What an idiot fucking racist! Almost certainly I have hated him longer than you! You very likely didn't see the Anita Hill hearing live. I did! I am going to vote for him anyway because the alternative is maybe very literally the loss of the ability to ever vote again, and with absolute certainty much worse outcomes on every other possible front! Fuck! You cannot teach or punish the Democratic Party! Democrats do not move left when they lose elections! I'ma say that again: DEMOCRATS DO NOT MOVE LEFT WHEN THEY LOSE ELECTIONS! They have to be primaried out, and that can only ever happen with engagement at local levels! You want third parties? YOU HAVE GROW THEM FROM THE GROUND UP! You are not getting a revolution! This is not France, there is no support system for any of it, no playbook to make it happen! Unions are growing, help them! Mutual aid is increasing, help your neighbors! Please just vote for the fucker as a baseline "the other thing gets way more people killed" kind of harms reduction action and then do the really important stuff: start working on your local government, mutual aid, joining and promoting unions. That's the stuff that will change things, and you'll feel great about it, too! The presidential vote is just the thing that makes any of that possible! Please don't gamble with a descent into nightmare fuel fascism and vulnerable people's lives because you have confused electoral pragmatism with a popularity contest. I am fucking begging you.
USA please listen to me: the price of “teaching them a lesson” is too high. take it from New Zealand, who voted our Labour government out in the last election because they weren’t doing exactly what we wanted and got facism instead.
Trans rights are being attacked, public transport has been defunded, tax cuts issued for the wealthy, they've mass-defunded public services, cut and attacked the disability funding model, cut benefits, diverted transport funding to roads, cut all recent public transport subsidies, cancelled massive important infrastructure projects like damns and ferries (we are three ISLANDS), fast tracked mining, oil, and other massive environmentally detrimental projects and gave the power the to approve these projects singularly to three ministers who have been wined and dined by lobbyists of the companies that have put the bids in to approve them while one of the main minister infers he will not prioritise the protection of endangered species like the archeys frog over mining projects that do massive environmental harm. They have attacked indigenous rights in an attempt to negate the Treaty of Waitangi by “redefining it”; as a backup, they are also trying to remove all mentions of the treaty from legislation starting with our Child Protection laws no longer requiring social workers to consider the importance of Maori children’s culture when placing those children; when the Waitangi Tribunal who oversees indigenous matters sought to enquire about this, the Minister for Children blocked their enquiry in a breach of comity that was condemned in a ruling — too late to do anything — by our Supreme Court. They have repealed labour protections around pay and 90 day trials, reversed our smoking ban, cancelled our EV subsidy, cancelled our water infrastructure scheme that would have given Maori iwi a say in water asset management, cancelled our biggest city’s fuel tax, made our treasury and inland revenue departments less accountable, dispensed of our Productivity Commission, begun work on charter schools and military boot camps in an obvious push towards privatisation, cancelled grants for first home buyers, reduced access to emergency housing, allowed no cause evictions, cancelled our Maori health system that would have given Maori control over their own public medical care and funding, cut funding of services like budgeting advice and food banks, cancelled the consumer advocacy council, cancelled our medicine regulations, repealed free prescriptions, deferred multiple hospital builds, failed to deliver on pre-election medical promises, reversed a gun ban created in response to the mosque shootings, brought back three strikes = life sentence policy, increased minimum wage by half the recommended amount, cancelled fair pay for disabled workers, reduced wheelchair services, reversed our oil and gas exploration ban, cancelled our climate emergency fund, cut science research funding including climate research, removed limits on killing sea lions, cut funding for the climate change commission, weakened our methane targets, cancelled Significant National Areas protections, have begun reversing our ban on live exports. Much of this was passed under urgency.
It’s been six months.
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addictiveissues · 21 days ago
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Hi there Sister,
Today bringing another piece for our journaling surrounding
🏹 Your Soul Journey
And here we are…❤️
Lesson 139
I will accept Atonement for myself.
Here is the end of choice.
For here we decide to accept ourselves
as God created us.
And what is choice except for uncertainty of what we are...?
No doubt is not rooted here.
There is no question but it reflects this one.
There is no conflict that does not entail the single,
simple question, "What am I?"
Yet who could ask this question
except one who has refused to recognize himself?
Only refusal to accept yourself
could make the question seem to be sincere.
The only thing that can be indeed known
by any living thing is what it is.
From this one point of certainty,
it looks at other things as specifically as itself.
Uncertainty about what you must be
is self-deception on a scale so vast its magnitude
can hardly be conceived.
To be alive and not to know yourself
is to believe that you are really dead.
For what is life except to be yourself,
and what but you can be alive instead?
Who is the doubter...?
What is it she doubts...?
Whom does she question...?
Who can answer her...?
She merely states that she is not himself,
and therefore, being something else, becomes a questioner of what that something is.
Yet she could never be alive at all unless she knew the answer.
If she asks as if she does not know,
it merely shows she does not want to be the thing she is.
She has accepted it because she lives;
has judged against it and denied its worth,
and has decided that she does not know the only certainty by which she lives.
Thus she becomes uncertain of her life,
for what it is has been denied by her.
It is for this denial that you need Atonement.
Your denial made no change in what you are.
But you have split your mind
into what knows and does not know the truth.
You are yourself.
There is no doubt of this.
And yet there are times you doubt it.
But you do not ask what part of you can doubt yourself.
It cannot be a part of you that asks this question.
For it asks of one who knows the answer.
Were it part of you, then certainty would be impossible.
Atonement remedies the strange idea that it is possible to doubt yourself,
and be unsure of what you are.
This is the depth of madness.
Yet it is the universal question of the world.
What does this mean, except the world is mad...?
Why share its madness in the sad belief
that what is universal here is true?
Nothing the world believes is true.
It is a place whose purpose is to be a home
where those who claim they do not know themselves
can come to question what it is they are.
And they will come again until the time Atonement is accepted,
and they learn it is impossible to doubt yourself,
and not to be aware of what you are.
Only acceptance can be asked of you,
for what you are is certain.
It is set forever in the holy Mind of God,
and in your own.
It is so far beyond all doubt and question
that to ask what it must be is all the proof you need to show
that you believe the contradiction that you know not what you cannot fail to know.
Is this a question, or a statement that denies itself in statement...?
Let us not allow our holy minds
to occupy themselves with senseless musings such as this.
We have a mission here.
We did not come to reinforce the madness
that we once believed in.
Let us not forget the goal that we accepted.
It is more than just our happiness alone
we came to gain.
What we accept as we are proclaiming what everyone must be,
along with us.
Fail not your sisters, or you fail yourself.
Look lovingly on them, that they may know they are part of you,
and you of them.
This does Atonement teach
and demonstrates the Oneness of God's child
is unassailed by her belief she knows not what she is.
Today accept Atonement, not to change reality,
but merely to accept the truth about yourself
and go your way rejoicing in the endless Love of God.
It is but this that we are asked to do.
It is but this that we will do today.
Five minutes in the morning and at night,
we will dedicate our minds to our assignment for today.
We start with this review of what our mission is:
I will accept Atonement for myself,
For I remain as God created me.
We have not lost the knowledge God gave us when He created us like Him.
We can remember it for everyone,
for in creation are all minds as one.
And in our memory is the recall of how dear our sisters are to us in truth,
how much a part of us is every mind, how faithful they have been to us,
and how our Father's Love contains them all.
In thanks for all creation, in the Name of its Creator
and His Oneness with all aspects of creation, we repeat our dedication
to our cause today each hour, as we lay aside all thoughts
that would distract us from our holy aim.
For several minutes let your mind be cleared of all the foolish cobwebs
which the world would weave around the holy Child of God.
And learn the fragile nature of the chains
that seem to keep the knowledge of yourself apart
from your awareness, as you say:
I will accept Atonement for myself,
For I remain as God created me.
---------
…and for our journal entry for today:
🏹 What did you learn about yourself with this lesson...?
Enjoy your journaling today-
See you tomorrow for Lesson 140.
Sending Love Immensely.
~ The Sigma Société
P.S. Are you ready to release yourself from self-sabotage...?
Self-awareness is critical to taking control of your life: Understanding your thoughts and behaviors is the first step toward transformational change and personal growth.
The Power to Unwind: Taking Control of Your Life and Overcoming Self-Sabotage
encourages women to reflect on their lives, identify areas where they can take control,
and start making positive changes to overcome self-sabotage.
Click here for your first three chapters.
P.P.S. If it has been over 30 days from your last life assessment
would invite you to complete this with today's journal.
Your invitation is here for the FREE Wheel of Assessment
it is designed to help you see what areas of your life are working for you
and areas that may need your attention to cultivate a bit more in the future
And, If a Sister, Friend, Mother, or Woman that you know of that would like to join you
in this soul journey process... finding the answer to:
Who is she in her inner core?
Please open the door to our internal group here- Alpha Warrior Women- The Tribe
👇 Connect with us
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We are a connected group of Powerful Women…
… that are fully responsible for the future we create by our heart's desire.
We press forward in life through challenges, not merely just survive;
except to show the true Feminine Warrior within.
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yhwhrulz · 6 months ago
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Charles Spurgeon's "Morning & Evening" Devotional for August 29
Morning
“The tree is known by its fruit.”
Matthew 12:22-37
Matthew 12:22
It would seem that the devil had special licence to do his worst among men during the days of our Lord’s sojourn upon earth. Thus was he the more gloriously defeated by the Son of God in many pitched battles between the two champions.
Matthew 12:23
They spoke honestly, but their leaders were prejudiced, and refused to see what was clear enough to the most ordinary understandings. It is a dreadful thing to be so warped by. education as to refuse to admit what is plain to all.
Matthew 12:27-29
For some of the sons of the Pharisees pretended to be able to heal possessed persons.
Matthew 12:30
Let this always be remembered, and let each one ask himself, “Am I with Christ?” If not, remember you are against him. Can you bear this?
Matthew 12:31 , Matthew 12:32
A terrible doom which fell upon these Pharisees and destroyed them. How careful we ought to be to render all reverence and obedience to the Holy Spirit, lest by grieving him away we should be left to final perdition! While the Spirit of God still continues to strive with us we have not committed this deadly sin.
Matthew 12:33
Nothing will suffice but a change of nature. The very root and sap of the soul must be renewed by grace.
Matthew 12:35
That which is in comes out. The stream declares the character of the fountain.
Matthew 12:36 , Matthew 12:37
This makes common talk a solemn matter. Who among us can bear such a test? Let us fly to the blood of Jesus for cleansing from sins of the tongue, and to the Spirit of God to bridle that unruly member.
Sovereign of heaven! thine empire spreads
O’er all the world on high,
And at thy frown the infernal powers
In wild confusion fly.
Like lightning, from his glittering throne
The great arch-traitor fell,
Driven with enormous ruin down
To infamy and hell.
Permitted now to range at large,
And traverse earth and air,
O’er captive human souls he reigns,
And boasts his kingdom there.
Yet thence thy grace can drive him our,
With one almighty word;
O send thy potent sceptre forth,
And reign victorious, Lord!
Evening
“He is not ashamed to call them brethren.”
Luke 8:1-3
Luke 8:1-3
So that our Lord was supported by the voluntary offerings of his followers. He did no more work at the carpenter’s bench, when he began to preach the gospel: his ministry required all his time and strength. It is noble in men, like Paul, to labour at their trade while preaching, but if believers were as generous as they should be, such drudgery would not long be necessary.
Matthew 12:38-40 , Matthew 12:43-50
Matthew 12:43
The evil spirit cannot rest. He is so malicious that unless he is doing mischief he cannot bear himself.
Matthew 12:44
The devil is represented as going out of the man of his own will, and, therefore, when he wills he returns. He calls it “my house” because he had not been expelled from it by divine grace, neither had Jesus taken possession. So men who become moralised and improved entirely of their own accord, and in their own strength, return to their old sins. When grace comes and turns out the devil by force of divine love, he never returns, but unrenewed nature soon welcomes back the tempter.
Matthew 12:44
Many men’s lives are swept from the fouler vices, and garnished with pretty human virtues; but they are not inhabited by the Spirit of God, and hence evil soon gets the upper hand, and the soul becomes worse than before.
Matthew 12:45
Idolatry left the Jewish nation after the captivity in Babylon, but formalism, superstition, and self-righteousness ruled over them, and made them harder to deal with than their idolatrous fathers.
Matthew 12:47
His nightly watches and daily labours were wearing him out, and his relations, conceiving the idea that he must be out of his mind, planned to seize him, and withdraw him from public work. The kindest of men cannot comprehend the zeal of a real fervent heart; they call it enthusiasm, and speak of the possibility of “going too far,” and being too earnest: so are the best men least understood. Our Lord’s mother seems to have had some hand in this mistaken project: blessed as she was she was, not infallible.
Matthew 12:48-50
The spiritual relationship outweighs the natural one. Believers are the true “Holy Family.”
Lord, what are we and what our race,
That thou dost us for brethren own,
Crown’d thus with dignity and grace
To brightest cherubim unknown?
What can we do to make return,
Or half our gratitude express?
To thee our souls’ affections turn,
With all our hearts thy name we bless.
Copyright Statement This resource was produced before 1923 and therefore is considered in the "Public Domain".
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jrhughes · 1 year ago
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God, Sarah, Isaac and Ishmael
(Sunday, October 29, 2023 AD)  
Genesis, Chapter 21:1-34 
Golden Text:       11 Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable. 13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. - Hebrews 11:11-13 
We see that both Abraham and Sarah had trouble believing God, because God has said that Sara, age 89 and Abraham age 99 would have a son named Isaac, that next year. The two of them knew that this was impossible as far as all they had ever learned from the world and their own experience. Sarah had no longer been having her monthly period. She was unable to have children with Abram-Abraham for more than sixty-nine (69) years.  
Several years earlier Abram-Abraham had decided they needed to help God.  Abram and Hagar (maid to Sarah) should be the one to have their baby. So at 86 Abram had gotten a man child from Hagar. But that was more than ten (10) years ago and Hagar had not had another pregnancy.  
All this worldly wisdom and years of experience dictated to them, there were no more babies to come from a 99 year old man and his 89 year old wife, Sarah. 
BUT God assured them Sarah indeed could give birth. Sarah was to deliver a baby the next year.  With God all things are possible. 
Message Text:   -   Genesis, Chapter 21:1-34 
1 And the LORD visited Sarah as He had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as He had spoken.  2 For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.  3 And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac. 
And the LORD visited Sarah. God had promised that Sarah, at age 90, would be the mother of a son and God kept His Promise. That is, God fulfilled his promise to Sarah by giving her, at the advanced age of ninety, power to conceive and bring forth a son. 
For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time. No, this is virtually impossible, but if God says it, it will be done. It will be done. Have Faith in God. Here God uses 90 year old Sarah to be mother to Isaac.  
And He said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him. - Genesis 18:10 and God cannot lie.(Numbers 23:19; Hebrews 6:18).
Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac. Thus Sara, age 90 did give birth to Isaac by her 100 year old husband. Nothing is too hard for God. 
Few under the Old Testament were brought into the world with such expectations as Isaac. He was in this a type of Christ, that Seed which the holy God so long promised, and holy men so long expected. He was born according to the promise, at the set time of which God had spoken. God's promised mercies will certainly come at the time which He sets, and that is the best time.  
When Sarah received the promise, she laughed with distrust and doubt. ...Who would have said that God should send His Son to die for us, His (God the) Spirit to make us holy, His angels to attend us?  - Matthew Henry (1710) 
The naming of a child by its father is usually up to the father or at the least, he has to agree. Isaac - laughter. This name came from God. (Genesis 17:19) 
4 And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him. 5 And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.  
The Covenant. We see that Abraham believed God and cut the covenant of the foreskin of his son Isaac. By this cutting away (circumcision) the males became children of God. Thus Abraham had waited twenty-five years for the fulfillment of the promise - a remarkable instance of faith and patience (Romans 4:20). Isaac's birth was an awesome display of Divine power (Romans 4:17; Hebrews 11:12) 
This all happened when Abraham was 100 years old. Abraham obeyed God. God kept His Promise. 
6 And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.  7 And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age. 
God hath made me to laugh. Sara has the last laugh. After decades of failure in the attempt to bear children, now Sara can laugh. She who has the last laugh, has the best laugh. Now all that hear will laugh and join in her joyful laughter. 
God hath made me to laugh — Sarah alludes here to the circumstance mentioned Genesis 18:12; and as she seems to use the word to laugh in this place, not in the sense of being incredulous but to express such pleasure or happiness as almost suspends the reasoning faculty for a time, it justifies the observation on the above-named verse. See a similar case in Luke 24:41, where the disciples were so overcome with the good news of our Lord's resurrection, that it is said, They believed not for joy. - Adam Clarke (1762-1832) 
That Sarah should have given children suck? Literally, Sarah would have milk filled breasts to feed her new born son, Isaac. One Rabbi believes that Sarah literally supplied milk for other nursing babies.  
For I have born him a son in his old age. Literally, I have born a son to Abram in his old age. Well, yes, Sarah but you had a great deal of help from God.  
8 And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned.  9 And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.  10 Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac. 11 And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son. 
Verse Genesis 21:8. The child grew and was weaned — [-----Anglo-Saxon-----]. Anglo-Saxon VERSION. Now the child waxed and became weaned. We have the verb to wean from the Anglo-Saxon [A.S.] awendan, to convert, transfer, turn from one thing to another, which is the exact import of the Hebrew word. Hence [A.S.] wenan, to wean, to turn the child from the breast to receive another kind of food. ... . At what time children were weaned among the ancients, is a disputed point. St. Jerome says there were two opinions on this subject. Some hold that children were always weaned at five years of age; others, that they were not weaned till they were twelve. ... Hezekiah, in making provision for the Levites and priests, includes the children from three years old and upwards; ... Samuel appears to have been brought to the sanctuary when he was just weaned,...  . 
Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned. And the child grew, and was weaned. So Isaac was weaned. 
WEANED.  to accustom (a young child or animal) to take food otherwise than by nursing 2 : to detach from a source of dependence being weaned off the medication wean the bears from human food Sports Illus. also : to free from a usually unwholesome habit or interest wean him off his excessive drinking of milk.  
Weaning is the process of gradually introducing an infant human or another mammal to what will be its adult diet while withdrawing the supply of its mother's milk. The process takes place only in mammals, as only mammals produce milk. The infant is considered to be fully weaned once it is no longer fed by any breast milk (or bottled substitute ).
The day was celebrated as the child no longer had to be totally dependent upon the milk of the mother. It was a milestone in his/her life. It was a day for a celebration. 
However the celebration was spoiled. Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. As you will recall, Hagar had seen herself as superior to Sarah. Hagar had become pregnant on the first try. Sarah had not been successful in the baby making process for more than sixty years. Sarah was despised. Ishmael had most likely picked up the same bad habits. Sarah saw Ishmael, mocking, treating with contempt, imitate with derision. Sarah exploded: 
Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.  Sarah demanded that Hagar and her son Ishmael be banished from the family. This request made Abraham very upset. Abraham did not see the mocking as serious. Abraham did not want to send them away. So we assume that Sarah prayed as did Abraham. Wherefore Sarah eventually cast out Hagar and Ishmael. (Galatians 4:30) 
It is likely that Sarah wished Abraham to divorce Hagar, or to perform some sort of legal act by which Ishmael might be excluded from all claim on the inheritance. 
The mocking is likely ridicule used by Ishmael on the occasion, and probably with respect to the age of Sarah at Isaac's birth, and her previous barrenness. 
12 And God said unto Abraham,Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.  13 And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed. 
God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice.  God sided with Sarah. God said Sarah is correct. Listen to her. And listen with the intent to do as she has requested. 
And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.  Look Abraham I will also make of Ishmael a great nation. After all I promised that to you.  I will keep all My promises. 
14 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.  15 And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.  16 And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept. 
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away:  Abraham did not hesitate or hold a meeting, ask for help. Abraham obeyed the clear word of God.  
She (Hagar) departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. At first Hagar and Ishmael did not know where to go. They went into a wilderness area, now the Gaza strip. But soon the water was gone. Hagar placed her teenage son under one of the shrubs, to die. She then went a bow shot away (estimate at 100 yards) as she did not want to see Ishmael die and wept. 
17 And God heard the voice of the lad; and the Angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her,What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is. 18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. 19 And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink. 
God heard the voice of the lad; and the Angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven. God heard Ishmael and then the Angel of God called out to Hagar. 
Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.  God instructs Hagar to go hold her son and God showed Hagar a well of water. She filled the water bottle and gave her son Ishmael drink. Ishmael would no longer die from dehydration. 
20 And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.  21 And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt. 
God is always faithful and He kept His Word. Ishmael would become a great nation. The two of them lived in the wilderness of Paran. 
PARAN ..., Biblical appellation for the main desert in the eastern Sinai peninsula. Its boundaries can be reconstructed by means of a number of Biblical references. In their campaign against Canaan, the kings of Shinar, Ellasar, Elam, and Golim reached El-Paran, "which is by the wilderness"  
Hagar having been born in Egypt, Hagar took a wife for Ishmael from Egypt. It is a land of unbelievers. They did not worship the One, True, Living Creator God. 
Meanwhile Back with Abimelech who had been warned of God. Abimelech obeyed God and restored Sarah to Abraham and avoided Judgment. 
22 And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:  23 Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.  24 And Abraham said, I will swear. 
The threat of God that Abimelech was but a dead man helped convince Abimelech and encouraged Abimelech to deal kindly and favorably with Abraham. Now Abimelech offers a peace plan. And Abraham agrees to a covenant of peace. But, one last matter. 
25 And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.  26 And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing: neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.  27 And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant. 
Abraham was upset because he, Abraham had dug a well to water his livestock but the servants of Abimelech had taken the well violently. Abimelech said I did not know of this, until today. You did not tell me. So they made a covenant, a solemn agreement which was signified by taking animals and cutting them in half and laying them out. (Cutting of a covenant) 
Both of them made a covenant. And the two of them, Abraham and Abimelech took sheep and oxen, cutting them before the Lord and made solemn promises before God and to each other. 
28 And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves. 29 And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?  30 And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.  31 Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.   
Abraham set aside seven ewe (female) lambs. The seven were set aside to be evidence of the covenant. They were offered to God and as a promise to one another about the well, the well that Abraham had dug and that the men of Abimelech had violently taken from Abraham. They named the place of the covenant, the place of cutting and swearing one to the other. 
33 And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the Name of the LORD, the everlasting God.  34 And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days. 
And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the Name of the LORD, the everlasting God.
Abraham planted a grove (of trees) in Beersheba ( Pronounce: be-ayr' sheh'-bah) Strongs: No. H884; Orig: from 875 and 7651 (in the sense of 7650); well of an oath; Beer-Sheba, a place in Palestine:--Beer-shebah.  
Here Abraham called (prayed, worshiped) unto the LORD (Pronounce: yeh-ho-vaw');  Strongs No: H3068; ... (the) self-Existent or Eternal; Jehovah, Jewish national name of God:--Jehovah, the Lord.) 
Then Abraham stayed for a good period of time in that land of the Philistines. 
What a magnificent chapter. So full and rich. God kept His promise to Abraham and Sarah.  Isaac was born. Then Isaac was weaned and Ishmael was cast out.  
Abimelech had been lied too, also about Sarah. They again pretended Sarah was only the sister of Abraham, but God came and protected both. God informed Abimelech of the lie of Abraham and Sara and had protected both of them from great sin. 
Then came the well and the agreement about the well at Beersheba. It would be the well of Abraham. Also there was great peace between Abraham, Sarah and Abimelech. And Abraham was free to dwell there in the land of the Philistine for a good period of time. 
PRAYER: LORD, the everlasting and only True God, we come before You amazed at all that You have done in the lives of Abraham and Sara, Your chosen vessels and yet they, like us (me) often have trouble believing You, God. Forgive our (my) unbelief. Help the faith You have placed in my heart to grow as we trust and obey. We cannot see the future.  We cannot predict the future, but You are the God Who knows all and is present always and everywhere. Help me to realize that and fully trust in You. Even speak to me now and help me to realize that You are God and I am not.  We expect that if the worldly influences of the days of Abraham and Sarah were mockers of the faith You placed in us, we should quickly recognize and reject the worldly influence that to this day will make fun of us and try to make us doubt You, Lord. Protect us from mockers that will try to destroy our faith in You. You are the Eternal only True God. Help us to come to You first when we have a problem and not try to solve it in our own ability, our own limited wisdom. Help us to trust in the Lord so that You may direct our paths in all that we do. Since You can bring a womb back to life in a woman 90 years old, truly nothing is too difficult for You. Help us to be true to You in all that we say and do.  May the words of our mouth and the things in our inner being (heart) be always acceptable unto You, my Strength I my Redeemer. We thank you Father for allowing Jesus to come and offer Himself to pay the sin debt, the death our sin has earned for us. Thank You, Lord Jesus. God the Holy Spirit drive everything, not of You out of our life, I pray and make me fit for Your purpose. This I ask in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ, God the Son. Amen. 
May God bless you in all that you do for Him, Brother J.R. Soul winner, Bible teacher, Defender of the Faith
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princesscolumbia · 1 year ago
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In my original household, the central rule was “Do whatever will keep you from getting hurt by the person with the most power.” From this we learned to make choices based solely on fear of consequences, no innate ethical system, so we learned to misbehave without getting caught. We learned that if you can force someone to do something they don’t want to, you’re allowed to, because that’s how rules are decided, the most powerful person always gets their way. We learned that asking questions of someone with power over you is dangerous and you have to figure everything out on your own. We learned to keep secrets about how badly we were hurt. There was no oppenness, no conversation, no negotiation or questions or teaching, just fear and hatred and a lot of pain.
Gonna piggy-back off this for a moment; You know all those evangelicals who push to get laws passed that make it illegal to be queer in public or abolish women's rights or end protections for minorities?
This. This quote is the reason.
See, it's super easy for someone who grows up questioning everything (and is encouraged to) to slip the restraints of an arbitrary set of rules and actually speculate on morality and ethics. Questioning everything leads to actual well reasoned conclusions that best serve all parties involved in anything.
But.
BUT...
It also means that you have to learn to question the authority of the people who you axiomatically trust as "good people." Through sheer statistical numbers, we can infer that 80-90% of "good people" actually are (or at least want to be) good people. And at some point early in their development, they were told that that person (imagine me pointing to the person with the most power) is The Goodest Person Because They Have The Most Power. Maybe they are (good people tend to gather power, but not in the ways you expect, but that's another post) but maybe they're not. The trap, the horrible, hellish, nightmare trap, is the person looking to the most powerful are sincerely wanting to Do Good, so they Follow Orders. If they Follow Orders and Do Everything Right, then they're automatically Doing Good.
Why, this is easy! I'm a Good Boy/Girl (and you know it's a binary) if I just don't think and follow orders! I'll just work within the rules and the rules are absolute and that means I'm automatically good!
And soon, this becomes a crutch. Then a dependency. Then they would be 100% traumatized if you try to even budge that structure and set of rules.
And then, the next horrible step, the part that moves this from "trauma response" to "generational abuse," they repeat the cycle with their children.
When the "good" "Christian" asks with a completely straight face and 100% unironically, "How is an atheist supposed to know right from wrong without God?" and the atheist legit has no answer because they can't understand the basis for the question, this is the divide. The "good" "Christian" cannot conceive of not being told what's good or bad, right or wrong unless the word is coming from a higher authority. And the atheist looks at the "higher authority" and sees an abusive bully (no, not God, but the person who put themselves between the believer and God) and cannot fathom how someone could espouse a doctrine of evil without being evil themselves...
It's nearly an impossible gap. To properly heal the person who's convinced they're doing the right thing while doing evil, you have to completely rip apart their entire world view, likely down to the most basic, childhood trauma level, and then slowly, without once even hinting at the behaviors they grew up around, and you have to do it in a comparative vacuum where nobody else can impact their healing.
And that's a level of pain that, if not consensual, lands you squarely in "evil" territory.
So the people who question everything have to treat the people who question nothing like toxic exes they still have to see at family reunions because That One Cousin swears they can "fix them." We'll be there, but fuck you, we're not talking to you and stay the HELL away from my kids!
a friend of mine is a science educator. not a classroom teacher - he does the kind of programs you see in museums, fun experiments with lasers and dry ice and shit.
yesterday, a young girl asked him why he was allowed to pour liquid nitrogen all over his own arm but he didn’t want her doing it. I braced myself for some dumb “well I’m an adult so I’m allowed” non-answer, but instead he surprised me by giving some of the best science (and life) advice I think you can give a young person:
“well, it’s one of those rules designed to keep you safe. and following the rules really can help you stay safe, but they’re not perfect. sometimes, usually because they’re too simple, the rules let you do things that aren’t safe, or don’t let you do things that are safe if you know how to do them. one of the reasons I’m good at what I do as a scientist is I try to understand how things work so I can figure out my own rules for keeping myself safe. and sometimes my rules are little more complicated than what I might hear from other people, but they work better for me. like, I let myself play with liquid nitrogen, but only in really specific ways that I’ve spent time practicing. you should follow the rules you’re given at first, but if you take the time to understand how things work, maybe you can make your own, better rules.”
I loved this response. it’s a great encapsulation of two really important things I think people need to learn and re-learn all the time: on the one hand, listen to genuine authority figures; when someone knows more than you about a subject, don’t treat their expertise as “just another opinion” and act like your ignorance is just as good as their knowledge. but on the other hand, don’t obey anything or anyone blindly. recognize that rules and systems and established ideas are never perfect. question things, educate yourself, question things more.
and then, of course, a parent had to butt in and spoil this wonderful lesson by saying:
“but not the rules mom comes up with!”
everyone in the room laughed. except me. I gave her a death glare I’m pretty sure she didn’t notice.
because no. no. your rules are not above reproach if you’re a parent. the thing about the dictates of genuine authority figures - people who deserve to have power, and to have their positions respected - is that they are open to question. genuine authority figures are accountable. governments can be petitioned and protested and recalled. doctors must respect patients’ right to a second opinion. journalists have jobs terminated and credentials revoked if they fail to meet standards of integrity and diligence. scientists, to bring us back full circle, spend their entire careers trying to disprove their own hypotheses! you know who insists on being treated as infallible? megalomaniacal dictators, that’s who. oh, and parents.
I’m beyond sick and tired of this “my house my rules, this family is not a democracy, I want my child to think critically and stand up for themselves except to me ha ha” bullshit. my friend gave this kid the kind of advice that doesn’t just help people become good scientists - if enough people adopt the mentality he put forth to that girl, that’s the kind of advice that helps societies value knowledge and resist totalitarianism. and her mother shut it down because, what, she didn’t want to deal with the inconvenience of having someone question her edicts about whose job it is to wash the dishes on Mondays?
we already know you’re more likely to be a Trump supporter if you’re an authoritarian parent - and that this is a stronger predictor of your views on the current president than age, religiosity, gender, or race. I’ll say this another way in case you didn’t catch the full meaning: people who believe in the absolute, unquestionable authority of parents are more than two and a half times as likely to support Trump as people who don’t, and that’s just among Republicans. we can’t afford to treat the oppressive treatment of children or the injustice of ageist power structures in our society as a sideshow issue any longer. the mentality that parents should be treated by their children as beyond reproach and above dispute is a social cancer that has metastasized into the man currently trying to destroy the foundations of democracy in this country.
in short: parents, get the hell over yourselves before you get us all killed. and kids, learn as much as you can, and then make your own rules.
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1overbaby · 2 years ago
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EDWARD ART, ‘LEAVE THE FACTS ALONE’ notes
“The reason why i experience loss, is because i believe in loss.”
Things that once were, and things that ARE in the mind, always will be. The idea that i did lose something, is because i believed in loss. But i can enter in myself, and find it again.
Nothing has life unless i spring it up, within me. I am the awareness that brings light to all things within myself. Without my command, it cannot become so.
DO I BELIEVE MY IMAGINATION IS LORD? If yes, i would treat it as such. I would not be so willing to dismiss it. If i view it as silly, then i would not use it well. If i see it as my creator, i cannot turn to another creator. I cannot ask another, i cannot ask a priest, or a king.
Imagination sees you as who you are seeing yourself in the world. We need to leave the facts alone. Hold onto it, persist in it, regardless of the facts.
We do need to fight against something to get something, that is being powerless. You must assume and not lift a finger to make it so. All you have to do is continuously assume you are that thing. The moment you conceive it yourself, you are it. Do i have faith in that, that that is me? Who else could it possibly be, if not me?
The facts change ONCE you change yourself. Therefore, why are we fearing the facts? We have power over them. Let the 3d have it, and change yourself. If i see myself as free, then consciousness sees me as free, then my world shows me as free.
IF WE CAN CHANGE THE FACTS, WHY DO WE FEAR THEM?
If we keep persisting in knowing i am it, leaving the facts alone, then eventually your blessings HAVE to come to you. It MUST. We do not persist in trying to become, we persist in being it, in the mind. Feel you are it, with acceptance. Persist in the acceptance. People around you will change, the world around you will change. You will be lead to your desired outcome.
Once you accept imagination is God, you cannot go to another. You cannot find yourself going to the external, to find an answer, when you know the one with all is within ourselves. THIS IS SO FREEING. I CAN FEEL SAFE IN MYSELF, AND SO BECOME SAFE. I CAN FEEL I HAVE THE THINGS I THOUGHT I LOST, BUT THEN FIND IT WITHIN.
Become attentive to the words you speak within yourself, the whispers throughout the day matters. Change it to be uplifting, for them to free you. Validate yourself. Feel yourself to be what you wish to be and you do not need another thing, person in Caesar to tell you ‘no.’ The world tells me i am worthless? Leave it all alone. I go within, i realise i believed in the loss of my worth. Believe i have it.
We descended, and felt like we lost things. But we cannot lose what we have within ourselves. It is in us, it is there. Seek and you shall find.
YOU NEVER LOST THE THING, U LOST THE IDEA OF HAVING IT.
The mind will give you exactly what you ask of it. You will not get any different.
This is all freeing.
If you experience what you dislike, it is because you believed you lost what you wanted. But you cannot lose anything, ever. All is within. Take an ideal, and fall in love with it. You cannot fail. Love cannot fail. We are the love our lives (:
It will fail you if you go to Caesar. Go to God. God is all giving, all forgiving.
We are one with God, so we are worthy. We are complete. We are completely to deny the facts, and assume that we have complete ownership of the things within ourselves. We can be abundant with the things we wanna be within ourselves.
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mitxxki · 2 years ago
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v. On Confessions: Faith Journey
(Ellainne)
Growing up, I can never say I was the strongest believer of religion. All of those names in the Bible I did not know of, and going to masses bored me to death, I would fall asleep beside my mother who would nudge me awake. My environment and the people I grew up with are Christians. I see them practicing their faith in the religion and I would sometimes find myself participating with them too, solely because I like doing the tasks, like making palm oil during Palm Sunday. I never fully understood the context of doing it though. I just follow through with whatever they say about what I had to do during a certain religious event since it never hurt to be obedient.
I followed whatever belief they had. I never really felt intimate with my religion, like there is a certain disconnect somewhere – a string or a link that I can feel in some certain points of my life that I just cannot seem to find. Then again, it may be just that I do not practice it as much as the next person does. My family never forced me to practice our faith religiously, so long as that I do not deny God and His divinity, and that I do not disrespect the religion. It makes me think that they are letting me be because they have trust that I have beliefs of my own, and that I will never truly turn my back to God as He is the divine being that gifts me my life and everything in it. For that, I am grateful to Him.
They always tell me to pray no matter the occasion. There are other times when I can feel the closest bit to praying, and when it happens, I talk to Him in my head and tell Him of all the silly little human happenings around me. And I can actually feel a weight being lifted off my chest, a firsthand experience about what they call “connection” with God. It was as if He was actually listening to what I have to say. And it comforts me somehow that there is indeed someone out there who will take on some of my burdens by listening to me through my thoughts. I sometimes feel guilty of thinking that I might just be manipulating myself into thinking that that connection was there to feel the least bit lonely. But it was there, and it was magical.
I just believe in what my family tells me about my religion without question. As a child, I cannot remember being baptized. But my parents told me I was, and that it was God’s way of cleansing me of my original sin apparently. As a naïve child, I thought, how come I have already sinned just by being born? It might have been better that I was not conceived if right off the bat, after coming out of my mother’s womb I had already sinned. I was a stupid child. Still am, probably. I did not fully understand how things in the world are, and maybe I never fully will. So then, maybe I will go on to commit even more sins than I can count, commit to more sins unknowingly. Will I unknowingly turn my back on God? Or will I fully surrender myself to Him in the end?
(Here is a picture of me in church during my baptism by the way:
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and this:
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is a picture from my First Communion)
Recently though, I have a feeling that I will be leaning more towards God and His guidance. During our finals exam, I have prayed to Him again and again, have repeatedly asked for his guidance as I answered in the booklets. It was the first time ever that I fully surrendered the fate of my grades. Of course, I studied as much as I can. Maybe that helped. But there is this certain assurance that I got when I affirmed, “I have done what I can. I surrender this all to you, God.” And then I proceeded to take the exam in the calmest state I have ever been. It made me wonder, if it only takes a good amount of studying and faith in God to pass an exam, maybe I should strengthen my faith in Him. He really does bless those who seek his guidance and compassion. There may have been other times where God has granted me what I needed without me realizing it was what I wished for. As I matured, I am starting to realize that I should hone my faith in Him too. The world will always be cruel, and to survive that world I realized I will always need His guidance. If He is to grant me that, then I will infinitely be grateful to Him. And to Him is whom I will surrender my all.
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