#because!! look at them!! the dynamic is so wholesome we could have had johnny + bobby bffs

[halcyoncyrus]

Johnny and the hybrids

[justalildumpling]

can you describe ur relationship with ur moots using different kpop idol ship dynamics?

(hopefully that makes sense!!😣)

wait i actually love this prompt HELLO??? also, i only chose the mutuals i talk to on a regular basis and feel like i know well enough for this so im so sorry if i didn't mention you😭

@sungbeam ⎯ nct mark & haechan (aka soulmates)

if we haven’t advertised about this enough already, beam and i are certified soulmates like😐 like mahyuck we literally tease each other about our side hoes (*COUGH ch*ngm*n) but we will never hesitate tell each other how much we mean to each other. idk if mark had ever exclusively mentioned this about haechan but i truly believe beam and i were cosmic coincidences (soulmates) like i feel at home with her, she is my safe space

@polarisjisung ⎯ nct mark & yuta (24/7 flirting)

idek how to tell y’all, its literally playful flirts back and forth😭 and like yuta, hua wins most of the time…. literally bf who? but literally i would say our friendship is so wholesome tho, like if we were to meet irl i can imagine us like that one yuta and mark date at the restaurant

@wuahae ⎯ tbz sunwoo & changmin (menaces to society)

it just works. if u guys see our messages to each other it’s literally keyboard smashes and screaming about some random topic😭 we both take turns insulting each other tbh but 🥰lovingly🥰 but also like.... i don't think we can mentally and emotionally go without talking to each other everyday like idk what to tell u we literally are stuck together. ok but jokes aside, i feel like sunwoo clicked with changmin really well and have a deep trust in him just like i feel towards cat

@jaeminvore ⎯ nct haechan & johnny (the enablers)

we’re like… enablers of the inner chaos of each other. literally i could have the most feral thought and nics would be the first to be like yes😁👍👍 just like johnny constantly defending haechan HAHAHHAH

@winterchimez ⎯ tbz jacob & sunwoo (gentle mother with her chaotic ass child)

can i just say how much i adore ally like😭 she is so big sister energy but also like mother energy at the same time!! i feel like with jacob and sunwoo, ally is both very concerned.... towards my chaotic ass irl actions but also like entertained at the same time OAFOEF LOOK- she is my mum (in the non weirdest way possible) period.

@zzoguri ⎯ tba sunwoo & new (tom and jerry)

admittedly... i like teasing moni. why? well,,,, i love them that's why😁 ok. but, like chanhee and sunwoo's relationship i feel like our relationship is the perfect balance of very fun but also very deep at the same time. like we could literally be swearing at each other when playing game pigeon💀 but then could be venting about personal things the next second. i feel like sunwoo can really rely on chanhee for advice or hardships which reminded me of moni💗

@from-izzy ⎯ tbz sunwoo & eric (sibling energy)

i contemplated putting jaemin and jeno down but i feel like izzy and i give off more sibling energy then old married couple JBEWOFOWF i always have fun talking to izzy on vc like i miss her presence if we haven't spoken in a while even tho we might not outright say it

@invuwrld ⎯ tbz younghoon & new (the biggest cheerleaders)

can i just say mona is literally the biggest hypewoman? like. post a pic on deoboyznet and i can bet ur ass mona will be the first one to reply and it will literally make my day LIKE HEAISNPI?!?!?! and i would literally not hesitate to do the same for her. hoon and chanhee seem to hype each other up all the time and their interactions were always so cute to me just like ours hehe

@jaehunnyy ⎯ riize shotaro & sungchan (pair of besties)

IF CHIP ISNT THE IRL VER OF SHOTARO IDK WHO IS because girl. she is literally the sweetest human being ever and just like shotaro, she took me into her arms the day we met and i have never left since

@mosviqu ⎯ svt hoshi & shinee taemin

i always looked up to bar when it came to writing and still do, like i have such high respect for her and still fangirling that we're moots OIUBQOEUFBOW but like hoshi and taemin, i would like to say that we're getting closer hehe

bonus:

@/wuahae @/zzoguri ⎯ tbz new, q & sunwoo

istg there's just chaos when we're together like idek what to tell you. HEAVY EMPHASIS on when we play crazy 8 SKSJSJSJSJ like last time, cat and i literally ganged up on moni😭 like we all love each other but we will literally bicker all the time OIHFOIGHWE (not to mention the fact that we genuinely have attachment issues.......) LITERALLY SOULMATES!!!! (the pattern confirmed everyone)

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

Playing Favorites (part 1)

...here we are not! Or are we?

Anyways, I’m on a ranting streak and I would like to present you with a verbose post about my favorite TS2 premades and why I love them.

It’s gonna be TOP 3! Or... more like TOP 5! No no no, still too few. TOP 10, maybe?

TOP 15 TS2 Premades (according to my personal tastes on 22. 04. 2021) (not in any particular order)

Erin Beaker (Strangetown)

Erin, the ray of sunshine in the Beaker clan. I headcanon her as a very smart but naive young woman who has just returned to Strangetown after graduating with a psychology degree from the La Fiesta Tech. In a fanfic I’m writing she joined Law Enforcement to put her “psychic powers” to use for “catching bad guys and protecting people” but she quickly becomes disenchanted with the actual police-work and starts her own little “adventure” to uncover the truth behind Strangetown’s most infamous mysterious deaths. In my current gameplay she’s in the Paranormal career.

The slow realization that all of her colleagues are scam artists and she might not have any powers either, almost destroyed her. But she didn’t give up. Yes, she may not have “powers” yet but that doesn’t mean she is not going to obtain them. And oh boy, she is. She builds ties with other residents, building her influence, collects skills and rare magical objects and travels a lot to understand and obtain mythical knowledge.

It’s not like she’s building a cult! It’s not how it looks, I swear! She’s way too nice to be a cult leader!

...she’s totally building a cult, although she doesn’t realize it yet.

I love Erin because she is a very flexible Sim. I find it very engaging to play a Sim that has such a different set of beliefs to mine. (Erin would be an anti-vaxxer and a user of essential oils and healing crystals, let’s accept the painful truth.) She also has a very interesting implied dynamics with her brother and with the rest of the Singles squad. She starts with a moderately low relationship with Chloe and it’s always interesting to see where it leads.

In conclusion: High intelligence, low wisdom queen.

Ripp Grunt (Strangetown)

There is something extremely relatable about Ripp. For me it’s the mystery of them growing up badly both toddler-to-child and child-to-teen, despite having been taught all toddler skills and their parents being still together and their mother still being alive. I read that as them struggling with depression since early childhood.

Maybe their parents’ relationship was already in a terrible shape when they were a small child and that’s the reason for their suffering? But Tank and Buck both grew up well under the same conditions which would indicate that there were more issues young Ripp was facing.

As you probably noticed, I headcanon Ripp as being too cool for the gender binary, using both he/him and they/them pronouns.

Anyway, there are many reasons to like Ripp. They stand up against their family’s xenophobia, violent nature and militarism. Having highest relationship with Buck out of the whole family, it is implied they’re a caring older sibling. Also, they’re framed as the underdog in the household, the trademark black sheep of the bunch who is never good enough, and are being actively mistreated by their emotionally distant macho father and physically abusive older brother.

Because of their amount of nice points and their rebellious nature (social conventions what?), I always play Ripp as polyamorous. They’re a Romance Sim, therefore they simply won’t be satisfied with just one partner in the long run but a wholesome consensual non-monogamy simply suits them better than the cheating bonanza Romance Sims often initiate, at least in my interpretation of the character. Let me just enjoy that and not think too much about the fact that since they grew up poorly two times, their life is probably going to be a relatively short one.

In conclusion: Have I mentioned that Romance is my second favorite aspiration?

Vidcund Curious (Strangetown)

Yes, him.

Vidcund is a very unpredictable Sim. He tends to cause a lot of trouble (3 nice points...) and generally sails through life being a jerk. But... A scientist? Unpopular? Cranky? Eccentric? That’s my kind of jerk.

You see, Vidcund’s not your average plant-loving conspirator, he has another side. He has a hidden Family token which makes him act a bit more Family Sim-ish. As a result of that, Vidcund tends to be a very attentive and protective father/uncle.

In my current gameplay, I gave him Family as a secondary aspiration to even strengthen this trait of his. It had mostly positive results but it did make him seem and act even more lonely.

I find Vidcund relatable even though I’m almost his exact opposite personality-wise. Maybe it is because I project my own autistic traits onto him? Maybe it is because he stands out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes (both fashion-wise and in behavior) and no matter what he does he always comes off a bit silly and somehow vulnerable?

I also love how if Strangetown is your main hood, if a Sim uses a telescope during the day anywhere in the game world, Vidcund makes the effort to travel there just to lecture them. It’s like a “Summon Vidcund” spell!

In conclusion: Playing Vidcund Curious is good for my soul.

Jill Smith (Strangetown)

In the shadow of her very popular brother, there is a little girl that will surely conquer the world someday.

Don’t worry, I love Johnny as much as the next person but my favorite member of the household is his little sister, Jill.

She has a vision. A very ironic one, given that she dreams about working with the sea creatures one day while living in the farthest possible place from the ocean but... if it’s ironic, it’s iconic.

Although she does have a token (Popularity) which makes her a bit more unique, there isn’t that much to the actual canonical portrayal, given that she is a small kid when you first play the Smiths and she has little going on for her aside of what is described in her bio. I mean, almost all kids act like they had a Popularity token anyway, the Grow Up aspiration is full of friend-making and socialization in general. But!

What she lacks in the Maxis character-building department, she makes up for in the sheer potential of what you could do with the character.

A human-passing half-alien hybrid who is, moreover, a member of the (in)famous scientist clan (...that what the Curious’ deserve to be)! She has the perfect balance of interesting and peaceful to be that Sim you can do anything with.

In my personal gameplay, she grew up to a teen and I chose Knowledge as her aspiration. She is friends with several stray animals, including the pack leader, so maybe there is a werewolf transformation in her future. She also rolled gay. She’s my laid-back lesbian disaster that knows more about the animal kingdom than pretty much anybody else in Strangetown, takes splendid care of her fish, hopelessly crushes on Lucy Burb and I love her to bits.

In conclusion: She deserves all the love and a career in Oceanography when she’s grown up.

Also, this post is getting massive even for my standards so I’ll cut it here and do the list in several parts.

[cassyapper]

Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

[kaediisarchive]

Final thoughts on the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie.

LOTS of spoilers under the cut! Do not look at this post if you don’t want to see spoilers!

And remember, this is all just my opinion. It’s not like an actual in-depth review because I’m not a film student; this is just my perspective on what I saw as a fan of this franchise.

POSITIVE

Sub-Zero and Scorpion were great. Opening fight was great.

“Eddy Tobias” namedrop lmao

I love the snow preceding Sub-Zero’s attack. Very foreboding.

Score is AWESOME. My favorite soundtrack is probably the one that plays when Sub-Zero is attacking them in the city towards the beginning.

Sonya rigging her house with a secret bunker and trap doors is smart and fits her character.

I like that the dragon logo has an integral meaning to the story.

Loved Jax vs Sub-Zero. Not mad about the origin change of Jax’s arms. I like that he had to work through his feelings of inadequacy and failure; people don’t just immediately bounce back after something that traumatic. I also like that his arcana manifests to protect Sonya rather than in the heat of battle. It shows his emotional priorities and what separates him from people like Kano who manifest their arcana in a fit of rage.

Sonya “Throw Hands on Sight” Blade lmfao. They nailed her fighting style too and I am happy.

Kano is the best thing about this movie. No competition.

Kotal reference!

Nightwolf reference!

Shang Tsung’s soul magic being black and wispy and foreshadowing Noob Saibot.

KANO DID THE HEART RIP

CHEKOV’S GNOME I’M SCREAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG

I love Liu Kang in this. He is 1000000% a Wholesome Boi. I like that he’s younger and unhardened and not the fully realized champion version of his character yet. Let him grow into it so it feels earned later on. I like that he’s the underdog, and I like what they’ve set up for him in the future. Also, the casting for him was perfect and they nailed his fighting style, too.

That little “the FUCK” that the Kano actor improvised(?) in the middle of Liu Kang’s lines made me laugh more than it should have. I don’t know why that moment got to me so much but it did.

I love Kung Lao. And they nailed his fighting style, too! Great to see variation that represents the characters (though there were less shining examples, which I’ll touch on later).

LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP!

Egg roll scene is best scene.

Kabal! I love his dry humor. And his voice reminds me of Duke Nukem, which I’m not mad about. It complemented his dialogue well.

Not mad about Kung Lao’s death because it was meaningful. His fatality on Nitara was sick, too.

Liu Kang taking the ribbon from Kung Lao’s hat and wearing it in his honor, giving an origin for his signature headband is FANTASTIC.

THE PIT!

FLYING BICYCLE KICKS!

LIU KANG’S DRAGON FATALITY!

SONYA’S ENERGY RINGS!

Sub-Zero was a GREAT final boss. They really built him up appropriately to make him feel like it.

Scorpion’s fatality! And his skull face!

NEUTRAL

Not sure how I feel about Sub-Zero being wholly evil and there being no involvement from Quan Chi. It’s more straight forward for sure. It makes him an interesting (and badass) character, and I’m really behind this portrayal in that he is one of the most believable characters in the movie, but I’m not sure if I like the implications for later films in how this has simplified the dynamic in the entire Shirai Ryu vs Lin Kuei plotline. Having Quan Chi be the Machiavelli was always one of my favorite MK twists. And how do we eventually end the feud now? If Bi-Han / the Lin Kuei were wholly responsible, why should Hanzo EVER make peace with Kuai Liang down the line? The complexity feels like it’s been stripped down a bit, but I do love this iteration of Sub-Zero. I truly do. That’s why this is in the neutral category and not the negative XD.

Why didn’t Jax tell Cole when he saw the mark? Why wait until his family gets attacked? Maybe he didn’t want to do it in front of his family to keep them out of it, but that ends up endangering them more. Not a gripe, just a curiosity.

Sound editing was a bit too intense at times for my taste. I have tinnitus, so...big boomy bass with very mild voices is a chore for my ears to switch between. My ears were ringing within the first twelve minutes.

Torn between “fuck you Reiko” and “Reiko deserved better”. He deserved just a little bit better, but Skarlet says “get fucked” anyway.

I don’t like the “shaky cam” used in the fight scenes. Not my cup of tea. Very hard to visually process at times.

Whatever cosmic force is picking the champions for Earthrealm is doing a shitty job at it.

Why did they change the location of the Sky Temple to a desert? Again, not a gripe, a curiosity.

“We will not see another full moon before the tournament begins” THEN WHERE IS THE TOURNAMENT BUDDY???

Not sure how I feel about the “arcana” concept. It’s an okay plot device but kinda hammy.

Kitana’s fan! But why? Why is it there? I could understand the Kotal and Nightwolf references because Sonya has been researching, but why is Kitana’s fan randomly in an Earthrealm temple? Purely cheap fanservice.

Nitara was really cool. Shame she had to die, but her death was cool and there have to be some characters that get killed off. Wish she had more screentime though; feels like another instance of fanservice just having her show up basically as a namedrop and a quick kill.

The phrase “Are you okay?” was said WAY too much in this film. So much that I actually notices how often it was said, and I usually don’t pick up on these things.

Pretty sure a camera operator fell at one point in a Sonya scene because the camera jerked around violently all of the sudden then stabilized. Whoops.

How did Sub-Zero know to take Cole’s family to the gym? WHY did he take them there?

NEGATIVE

Opening scene was awesome, but it’s emotional impact felt stunted. I feel like the order of events should have been twisted a bit. Hanzo find his wife and son should have been the big emotional climax of the scene, but it felt like a passing moment and gave him no time to mourn and no time for the impact to truly set in with me. It was an “oh no they died” moment instead of an “ OH MY GOD THEY DIED THIS IS SO FUCKED FUCK YOU SUB-ZERO” moment. I dare say that the Legacy web series did it better in spite of their lower budget and overall quality; the series of events had better pacing and gave more emotional impact because of it. I said what I fucking said don’t @ me.

Wish we got more Scorpion. I love Sanada, I love him as Scorpion, but they didn’t give us the time we needed with his character to truly get a grasp of him.

Cole Young is like white bread in a parade of decorative cakes.

Raiden, a normally passionate and protective character whose fatal flaw is that he involves himself too much in events because he cares about the people in his realm and ends up fucking things up because of it, now seems to not care in the slightest. He feels completely uninvolved save for an occasional pop in to give a nod of disapproval. I don’t like this unemotional take on one of the most emotional characters in Mortal Kombat.

Small complaint from my perspective as a martial artist but uh...”Throw your uppercut!” was a bullshit line in a bullshit scene. If you’re locked up with someone like that and the guy has his arms around your neck, you physically cannot uppercut. You cannot fit your arms between his arms because they are cinched tightly around your shoulders/neck. YOUR HEAD is between your fist + bicep and HIS HEAD. In that situation, the guy has also left his body completely unguarded, so the most logical thing to do since you CANNOT reach his head is to go for BODY BLOWS. Beat him until he lets go to protect himself, catch his floating rib with double strikes, or punch the dude in his fucking liver as hard as you can to DROP HIM. Cole is supposed to be an experienced fighter, yet he makes one of the most rookie mistakes a fighter could ever make. Normally I wouldn’t care to point out mistakes in fight choreography or whatever because it’s MK and I expect ridiculousness, but this is the WRONG kind of ridiculous. It’s just NONSENSE.

I have SO MANY issues with Mileena. I’ll make this as short as I can. I don’t like the design of her mouth. I don’t like her weird stacked voice. She shows NO personality, not in her acting or even her fighting style, just an evil minion that got angry because she almost got her ass kicked. The turned one of the principle characters of the entire franchise and a fan favorite into a GRUNT. There is NO mention of Kitana outside of literal “fan”-service. Not even a reference to one of the most important plotlines in all of Mortal Kombat. And then they KILL HER OFF!!! When they do inevitably bring in Kitana WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO SINCE THEY KILLED OFF MILEENA???? I’m heated and biased and they did my girl dirty.

Speaking of doing characters dirty, poor Reptile. They turned him into an actual animal. What a waste.

Why are they so mean to Sonya if she doesn’t have a mark? She wouldn’t be as much of a “liability” if they would take the time to prepare her and teach her how to defend against fighters that have unlocked their arcana. Mind-numbingly stupid logic.

This movie relies A LOT on prerequisite knowledge to work. It’s like they want fans to fill in the blanks for them. But not everyone watching is already a fan; this isn’t an obscure release, this is a blockbuster movie released worldwide. These gaps in lore and prior knowledge don’t make sense for such a broad audience.

Cole Young literally could have just been Johnny Cage.

Where was Raiden when his temple was being assaulted?

Cole’s arcana is LITERAL PLOT ARMOR IM FUCKING DONE

No but for real that’s the most boring decision they just ripped off Jax’s MK11 heater effect and Baraka’s blades (I know they’re tonfa and they aren’t attached and I DON’T CARE). Also, now he’s suddenly good at fighting again? After being dog shit this entire movie??? And tanks Goro?????

If Raiden is an Elder God in this continuity, why is he allowed to help Earthrealm AT ALL? It seems like favoritism and bends the rules that the Elder Gods are supposedly bound by way too much. They really just shouldn’t have made him an Elder God; I honestly think they just said it to introduce the concept without a fuck given towards the actual lore of the Elder Gods.

WHY DID RAIDEN TELEPORT KANO TO SONYA’S HOUSE AFTER HE BETRAYED THEM I HAD TO REWATCH THAT SEVERAL TIMES TO MAKE SURE I JUST SAW WHAT I SAW  WHAT THE ACTUAL NONSENSICAL FUCK

Cole REALLY should not have been involved in that last fight. Especially not after Scorpion shows up. It should have been Scorpion vs Sub-Zero ONLY for the final fight. Cole tag-teaming Sub-Zero with Scorpion cheapens Scorpion’s revenge.

Camera work in the final fight was not good, especially in the first portion. At one point Cole gets thrown into a fence, but it cuts to an awkward inverse angle that makes him look like he’s bouncing off of a trampoline. This continues to happen and ruins several shots for me.

Honestly Scorpion should have just possessed Cole. Permanently. No switching back and forth. No more Cole, only Scorpion.

PREDICTIONS

Lots of dead characters come back as revenants and / or with upgrades.

Kano comes back with cyber eye.

Mileena comes back with full teeth.

Liu Kang becomes MK champion, wins tournament, and kills Shang Tsung. As it should be.

Cole Young helps Liu Kang become champion somehow idk maybe he sacrifices himself or something just please don’t make Cole the champion I will start a riot.

Next movie will start IMMEDIATELY at the tournament since there was supposedly less than a month until the tournament starts in this movie.

New characters coming in will be Kitana, Shao Kahn, Jade, Quan Chi, Kuai Liang, Noob Saibot, Ermac, and Johnny Cage.

OVERALL

This movie was good, bloody fun! It’s not an A++ Oscar-winner, but if you expected that going into it, you played yourself. It was Mortal Kombat; it was stupid, it was gory, and I had a blast watching it. Kano and Liu Kang were the best parts of the movie for me, with Scorpion and Sub-Zero tied for third. Also I popped a lot for the cheap nostalgia hits. I’m overall satisfied with what we got in spite of my complaints, and I only complain so in-depth about the things I love lmao so trust me when I say I’m not actually mad, just nitpicky. I’ve watched it twice now, and I would watch it again. It’s like a 6.8/10 for me.

[honeymoonshimbos]

All-Stars

HI! This piece is one I’ve written in a collab my best friend and I are doing. I don’t have ao3, so I will be posting my works here. However, they have already uploaded the first chapter here https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311690 The AU explores the characters in a more domestic, wholesome setting through a series of one-shots all centered in this universe we have created. There are emotional scenes and funny scenes. It will break your heart and mend it back together, like any good au will. I really do hope you consider checking out that chapter and giving my best friend support.

For the sake of this one-shot, some context will be necessary. In this au, Dio (adopted) and Jonathan are in their thirties and are the older brothers of twins Johnny and Joseph (19), Jotaro (17), Josuke (16), and Jolyne (14). Their parents, George and Mary Joestar, have tragically passed, so Jonathan is stepping in as a caretaker for them. Giorno (15) is Dio’s son. Diego Brando (26) is Dio’s brother from his biological mother. That being said, all of these relationships are explored and bring a fun dynamic to the AU.

SO, without further ado, here’s the GyJo you came here for.

“Hey, Gyro? I think I’m ready.”

He didn’t even have to ask what for. Gyro knew. He had been sitting back with Johnny, and the two of them were on the topic of tattoos. Gyro was showing off one he found on the internet that he was thinking about getting, but he didn’t know. He didn’t know where to put it either, so until he figured that out he was refraining. But Johnny… he had this plan since he was 15, and he’s told Gyro about it before one night when the two of them were up too late in each other’s arms knowing they had to be awake for class in just a few hours. A lot of their nights went like that.

Johnny Joestar used to dream of getting 9 stars tattooed onto the back of his right hand. One represented each of his siblings, one represented his nephew Giorno, and two represented his parents. After the accident happened, Johnny couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would always love his parents, don’t get him wrong, but even just thinking about the tattoo made him so sad. It reminded him of his life before it all went to shit. It reminded him of when his parents were still around and how he wanted to show it to them after he asked for money for his 18th birthday from everyone so he could go have the tattoo done.

His 18th birthday was long passed. His desire to get the tattoo faded along with his normal life, and up until now it rarely even crossed his mind because he forced it out so much. Thinking about it was painful. It was easier to just give up the idea until he was ready, if he  was ever ready.

Gyro made Johnny an appointment with his tattoo artist, and Johnny got to work drafting an idea. It wasn’t like he wanted anything complex, but going in blindly and completely trusting someone to permanently ink him without giving just a little example of what he wants was scary, despite how much Gyro trusted the guy. Gyro’s opinion was worth the world to Johnny, and he trusted him a lot, but this was his body they’re talking about here.

Regardless, Johnny had a draft drawn up with the size of the stars and the colors he wanted. When the day finally came around, Gyro and Johnny went to the tattoo parlor. The two waited their turn at the reception desk, and Johnny looked super pale. “You know you don’t have to do this, right? We can go home, pick up some McDonald’s on the way.” There was a McDonald’s right around the corner from Gyro’s apartment, they’d be all set.

“No, Gyro. I want to do this.” He felt… good. This was a good decision. This was something he needed to do. This was something he avoided doing because he knew it might upset him. It’s not like this will be a tattoo he regrets, though. His family will always be his family. He isn’t having a lover’s name inked onto his arm, or someone’s face on his leg. These were simple stars to represent his loved ones. And when he places his hand against his heart, they will all be there too.  

Moments later, the receptionist called them up. They got checked in, and then the artist emerged from a hallway with another client. He usually walked them out. When he saw Gyro, he gave him a small smile. “Good to see you, Gyro. This is Johnny?” He turned to the smaller man. Johnny observed the weird shape of his beard, and the hair on his head too. His barber must be a professional to get a grid-like look like that!

Gyro was pleased to see an old friend, greeting the man in a hug before stepping back. “Yeah. This is Johnny,” he introduced him, then looked toward Johnny and continued the introductions. “Johnny, this is Wekapido.” With that, Gyro made a demonstrative hand in Wekapido’s direction, as if presenting him to Johnny.

Cool. Okay. Awesome! “Good to meet you Wekapido.” Johnny said. Regardless of the lack of smile, Gyro knew he was happy.

“Likewise,” Wekapido said. “Alright, come with me.” He led the two of them down the hall. There were various rooms in the hallway, some of the doors open with artists sitting in chairs on their phones, or washing their hands. Other doors were closed. Wekapido entered one of the empty rooms with an open door, holding it for the others before gesturing to the sink. “So, Johnny, why don’t you wash your hands and then we can get started.

The room was small. There was a sink and counters where a lot of the equipment was kept, things Johnny didn’t recognize. He didn’t know what most of these things did. The room was just large enough for a bench, a stool, two chairs by the door, the sink and counter, and some wiggle room. This was a tough space. Johnny did as instructed after his sky blue eyes took in the room. He washed his hands, then dried them with a paper towel. After he finished, Wekapido invited Johnny to sit on the bench and get comfortable. While Johnny did that, Wekapido washed his hands and got some of the materials ready. Johnny handed over the little sketch outline he made.

Gyro pulled up one of the chairs from next to the door and set it down right beside Johnny. He took a seat with his chest pressed against the back of the chair, manspreading and all. Bless Gyro and his inability to sit like a normal human being. Setting his arm against the back of the chair, Gyro picked up Johnny’s left hand in his own, just rubbing his fingers before kissing his knuckles. Mwah! Some green for you, Johnny. The grin on his lips revealed the little mark he left to Johnny before Johnny even saw his hand.  “Are you nervous?”

Of course he was nervous. Gyro could tell, couldn’t he? There was nobody like Gyro. Johnny just looked over at him, taking a look at his vibrant eyes and the sweet, mischievous smile on his face, unable to fight a soft smile of his own. He reserved all of his smiles for Gyro, and recently they’ve been showing themselves more and more frequently. Only for Gyro. “Yeah, kind of. I’m excited too.” He didn’t tell anyone he was doing this, not even Joseph, so he was really eager to surprise everybody.

Nodding in response, Gyro gave Johnny his best attempt at a reassuring smile. “I’d bet. It’s going to look so pretty, Johnny.” Honestly, it was really cool that Johnny was doing this, and Gyro was honored to be selected to accompany him today. They were getting really serious. If this was the rest of  his life, with Johnny, he would be beyond satisfied. “I love you. Squeeze my hand if it hurts.” Gyro already suspected it might hurt, bad. Johnny was tough, but when Gyro was around he tended to be a bit of a baby.

“I love you too.” Turning his hand around, Johnny grabbed Gyro’s and laced their fingers up together all nice,  just in time to see Wekapido approaching, ready to go through with the inking. Oh, god. Here it goes. Johnny’s pretty blue eyes widened a little when he saw the needle. Quickly,  he looked over toward Gyro. “Why did you let me do this??” He asked in a whisper-hiss. Gyro just laughed and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He knew Johnny would be so grateful later.

He absolutely was.

A few hundred “GYROOOOOOO!!!!!!”s later, Johnny got a tattoo! His hand felt a little sore, numb for sure. The skin was red and swollen, irritated, but it would calm down with time. One of the good things about hands is that they heal faster than a lot of other parts of the body since they’re used so often. Thanks, for the fun fact, Kira.

The two of them were in the car, on the way to the Joestars’ for dinner so Johnny could show off his sick new tattoo. In the passenger’s seat, Johnny rubbed the ten stars with his opposite thumb, but stopped when Gyro took his hand. Touchy-feely Gyro was a giant teddy bear and a big snug bug. Johnny didn’t mind it one bit. He turned down the radio and looked over toward  Gyro with a smile on his face. His side profile was one to admire while he drove. Shining lime eyes illuminated by the setting sun, his patchy facial hair His skin was rich and smooth, glowing a warm tone. Long, dirty blonde hair framed his face and fell down his shoulders, to his mid-back. It was thick, luxurious, the hair of a Roman God. What a beautiful man…

“So, Johnny… What would you say if I proposed with a ring with stars on it? It would match your new tattoo so nice.” There he goes again. They were stopped at a red light, so Gyro turned to look at Johnny, waiting for his reaction.

This wasn’t the first time Gyro asked him something like this. Johnny always assumed they were some twisted, weird jokes. He had an odd sense of humor after all, wouldn’t it make sense? Although there was a small sparkle in his baby blues, Johnny rolled his eyes. “Stars on an engagement ring? The ring will be too small to even see it.” Regardless, Johnny had an appreciation for Gyro’s jokes.

Yeah. Stars on a ring was kind of a stretch. Testing the idea with Johnny wasn’t, though. Gyro just let it end there since the light changed. He was usually more on the aggressive side when driving, but kept himself in check with Johnny around. The last thing he wanted to do was make him uncomfortable, right? He was confident in his abilities to provide Johnny a safe environment, safe enough for him to realize it one of these times when Gyro brings up engagement again. The security veil of jokes was one Gyro could always fall back on when Johnny got irritated, like he did the first few times Gyro ‘joked’ about that kind of stuff. For now, he was alright with them being perceived as harmless jokes.

It wasn’t long before the two of them arrived at the Joestars. It wasn’t a birthday or a holiday or anything, more just dinner with the family. A few other cars were parked outside. Gyro recognized Caesar’s. He parked by the curb and took the keys out of the ignition, turning to look at Johnny who was already releasing his hand and getting out of the car. Gyro actually wondered what it was like to be this close to his family. Gyro was never this close, maybe with Caesar but that was it. He followed Johnny up to the door.

It was Josuke who greeted Johnny at the door; he was most likely in the living room anyway. As Johnny peered inside, he got a glimpse of Okuyasu on the couch. Yep. They were in there. Johnny conveniently lifted his right hand and waved with it. Much like a newly engaged woman in a rom-com, he was absolutely drawing attention to his hand.

“Hey guys- WOAH, Johnny?? When did you get that? Can I see it?” Josuke asked, very eagerly  as he already grabbed Johnny’s hand and held it up for closer examination. While examining that tattoo, he stepped back from the door so that Johnny and Gyro could come inside. With a reaction as strong as Josuke’s, attention was grabbed. Okuyasu was looking at the tattoo after not even a few seconds, and then in came Jolyne, Joseph, Caesar, Jotaro, Kakyoin, Giorno, Dio, Jonathan, and Robert were gathered around, looking at Johnny’s hand, fawning over his tattoo. Even Diego Brando was here looking at it. To Johnny’s surprise, he said it was cool.

“Dammit, now people can finally tell us apart,” Joseph cracked a joke, grinning before he pulled Johnny into a hug. “Damn, it looks good though.” After unhanding his twin, he looked at it again. If he wasn’t mistaken, this was the first tattoo of the family! Dio had none, Joseph had none, and did Jonathan really need to be mentioned? Mom and Dad didn’t have them either.

Silent approval even came from Jotaro, in the form of a nod and a small smile. Jolyne expressed her specific admiration and had to remind everybody that she too planned on getting a tattoo once she was old enough. Then, Jonathan spoke up. “It’s beautiful, Johnny. What does it mean?”

There was the question Johnny was waiting for. Admittedly, he kind of wanted to show off. He held up his hand, and with his left index finger he began to point out the different stars. “One of these represents each of my loved ones,” he said. “A star for Jonathan, Dio, Joseph, Jotaro, Josuke, Jolyne, and Giorno… And then one for Mom and one for Dad,” Johnny explained. There was one star unaccounted for. He pointed toward the star right at the base of his thumb, where his index finger connects. “And one for Gyro.” One for Gyro, of course. Gyro deserved a spot in Johnny’s Hall of Fame. Gyro didn’t even expect a star. He stood beside Johnny, a proud smile on his face before he simply turned and wrapped Johnny up in the biggest Gyro bear-hug he could manage. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was pleased. Patting Gyro’s arms, he got a look at everyone around. Dio was giving an approving nod, Jotaro too. Josuke and Jolyne were fawning over the fact that their older brother got a tattoo. Giorno was admiring the aesthetic of the tattoo, Joseph was brought to tears, and Jonathan just surged over and hugged Johnny too. Johnny was now sandwiched between two big hugs, it was really pleasant.

“That’s beautiful, Johnny.” Jonathan told him after pulling away. So easily moved to emotions as he got older… “Take it easy, though, it looks swollen.” After Johnny insisting he was fine, the emotional moment had passed. Joseph was sniffling all through dinner, though. He was so proud of Johnny. That’s his twin right there!

Dinner went well, as was expected with a Joestar family dinner. They were chaotic, and there sure as hell were a lot of people trying to fit at one large table, but it was always fun. Johnny picked up a few more belongings from his room to take with him to Gyro’s. He was doing it a little at a time, so slowly his room was becoming more and more scarce. Upon arriving home, Gyro packed away the container of leftovers he had been given to keep. Johnny put his stuff in a spot in Gyro’s bedroom. Gyro moved his stuff around to make spots for when Johnny wanted to bring his things over. It was a beautiful thing. The two were so happy together.

Gyro showered before bed, Johnny laid down and watched YouTube. He would shower in the morning. He didn’t want to deal with his tattoo right now. After Gyro got in his pajamas, just his boxers and an old OLD t-shirt that was somehow the comfiest thing in the world, he got in the bed beside Johnny, wrapping his arms around the smaller blonde. It’s CUDDLE TIME. Gyro couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t clutching something, and his giant teddy was elsewhere.

Luckily for him, Johnny settled into his chest. He made such a nice little spoon. Johnny set his phone on the nightstand so it could charge overnight, and he just settled into the comfort of Gyro, his hands against Gyro’s. Safety was best achieved in Gyro’s arms. However, Gyro soon picked up Johnny’s hand, his sensitive tattooed hand, and brought it up to his lips. Gyro pressed a single little kiss, right where his index and thumb met.

Right where his star was…

“Goodnight, Johnny,” Gyro said, Johnny’s name rolling so smoothly off of Gyro’s tongue like it always did.

Johnny could hardly take it. The smile on his face was so big, he could hardly bring himself to reply. He did, though. He couldn’t leave Gyro hanging like that. Johnny wanted him to know just how happy he was that he did that. It was the sweetest thing. “Goodnight, Gyro. I love you.” Just to solidify it, he gave Gyro’s hand a squeeze.

His Italian man practically purred, clearly pleased. “I love you too.”

[fashiontrendin-blog]

We Need To Talk About Armie Hammer's Bonkers Billy Graham Movie

https://fashion-trendin.com/we-need-to-talk-about-armie-hammers-bonkers-billy-graham-movie/

We Need To Talk About Armie Hammer's Bonkers Billy Graham Movie

Armie Hammer is enjoying a nice little career renaissance, one that has earned him a ticket to Sunday’s Oscars, where 2017’s finest movie, “Call Me by Your Name,” will compete for Best Picture. After wading through flops like “The Lone Ranger” and “The Birth of a Nation,” Hammer is once again beloved. In the coming months, he’ll appear in the jocular Sundance highlight “Sorry to Bother You” and a Ruth Bader Ginsburg biopic that’s sure to be part of next year’s awards conversation.

Countless profiles have already traced Hammer’s roots as the aristocratic great-grandson of an oil magnate, and almost all of them herald 2010’s “The Social Network,” in which he pulled double duty playing twin Olympic athletes suing Mark Zuckerberg, as the actor’s illustrious Hollywood breakthrough.

Sure. “The Social Network” was Hammer’s breakthrough, and it’s certainly the movie that made him famous. But most profiles overlook the few projects that came before it, particularly one that caught my eye the other day: “Billy: The Early Years,” a biopic in which Hammer plays the one and only Billy Graham, who died last month at the age of 99.

Yep, Sir Armie ― the charming hunk who smooched Leo DiCaprio in “J. Edgar” and took a bite out of Timothée Chalamet’s semen-stained peach in “Call Me by Your Name” ― once portrayed America’s most famous evangelist, a Southern-fried live wire who popularized tent revivals, became the youngest college president in U.S. history, counseled actual presidents in the White House, called homosexuality “a sinister form of perversion” and urged his following to vote for Donald Trump despite the crude “Access Hollywood” tape that leaked during the 2016 campaign. 

But let’s not get sidetracked by Graham’s politics when we have a movie so deliciously bonkers to dissect.

“Billy: The Early Years” is a true wonder of the world, far more vapid and unskilled than your average inspirational biopic. Distributed by Rocky Mountain Pictures, a conservative company that would later release “Atlas Shrugged: Part I” and Dinesh D’Souza’s “2016: Obama’s America,” it opened Oct. 10, 2008, on 282 screens ― a decent number for a limited release ― and collected all of $347,328 at the box office.

Further clogging this enigma, “Billy” is directed by Robby Benson, a minor ’70s heartthrob who lost out on the part of Luke Skywalker, voiced the Beast in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” and helmed a handful of “Friends” and “Ellen” episodes.

According to a Los Angeles Times report from 2008, “Billy” cost $3.6 million ― more than the budgets of “Saw” and “Moonlight” combined. The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association declined to endorse the film, calling it “greatly embellished,” even though it’s a saccharine portrait that paints Graham in an wholesome, exceedingly favorable light.

“They wanted to make a movie about someone whose face could be chiseled into a mountain,” Benson said, referring to the producers, who’d recruited him for the job. “I said, ‘Let’s make it fun and funny.’”

Well, it’s fun and funny, all right. It’s also a fascinating case study of an actor making an odd career choice on the pathway to fame. Let’s recap the film’s highlights.

‘Billy: The Early Years’: An Incredibly Specific Plot Summary 

Following a Brooks & Dunn cover of Johnny Cash’s “Over the Next Hill (We’ll Be Home),” the movie opens with a framing device. Martin Landau ― yep, Oscar-winning Martin Landau ― plays the elderly, hospice-ridden Charles Templeton, Graham’s evangelist BFF who later denounced Christianity.

He’s giving an interview to a documentary crew, though said documentary’s only purpose in the film is to provide Templeton interludes that fade out to reveal Graham-centric flashbacks. Every shot in Landau’s hospital room is overlit like a second-rate sitcom.

The first flashback cue: “Billy’s life was like a fairy tale. […] Billy grew up in a Norman Rockwell painting.” The stage has been set. We transition to Charlotte, North Carolina.

As it turns out, all Billy Graham really wanted to do was play baseball! Armie Hammer ― or someone who looks like him; we only see his backside ― hits a ball into a starry night sky in slow motion.

Six minutes in, here comes the Armie we know and love, dressed in a trim baseball uniform and delivering flowers to his mama.

As we learn, 16-year-old Billy didn’t have much of a thing for religion, probably because of his devout, uncaring father. For example, during a prayer at the dinner table, the little rebel sneaks a bite of food. (Maybe this is a good time to note that it’s the Great Depression? Multiple characters mention it, but the movie doesn’t delve into many of the era’s social dynamics.) 

Billy swears he’ll never become a preacher (or an undertaker, which we can’t fault him for). In his eyes, evangelists are “money-grubbing” hacks, period.

Blissfully, “Billy: The Early Years” has no time to waste. Immediately after he condemns preacher-hood, a farmhand invites Billy to attend to a tent revival. For the uninitiated, that’s an outdoor worship service where a man in a boxy suit shrieks about eternal damnation. There, the reverend addresses Billy directly, leading to the quickest change of heart ever known to changes of heart. Time to go to Bible school! 

But forget all that altar-call stuff. The movie gets good ― real good ― in the next scene, when Armie dons overalls and tends to farm work like something out of a fetish fantasy. Luckily, his mama approves of Bible college! (Told you it was the quickest about-face.)

Oh, and “Billy: The Early Years” Armie is just as handsome as “Call Me by Your Name” Armie, but he’s slightly less sculpted, giving him a plantation-twink vibe. He was 22 when the movie came out, and more young boys would have come out too, had they seen it. (Little did we know the peach-related intrigue that awaited us.)

The movie returns to Landau for some fodder on Templeton’s less dogmatic religious conversion. Boring.

Meanwhile, Billy has begun selling hairbrushes door to door, bringing his chewy Southern cadence and calculated charm to one home after the next. Knock on my door, Billy!

Here he is cheesing at evangelism-school orientation. Look at those blue eyes shimmer.

When seminary begins, Billy’s roommate tells him preaching is no different than selling brushes. Voila! It all makes sense now. But phooey on that one girl in class who rejects his advances. “I just don’t think you’re going to amount to much,” she says, after showing up at a dance with another boy despite having told Billy she’d go with him. Ouch. What a fool.

As for Billy’s first sermon, well, I’m not sure what we’re meant to make of it. Amid a staggeringly earnest story, the scene jolts into a surreal whimsy that’s just plain confusing. Billy stands at the lectern nervously, fiddling with his notes and observing a clock’s defeating tick.

Then, as if a lightning bolt has struck him, he starts shouting to the room in nonsensical fragments (“And what about David and Moses?!”) as the camera zooms toward him feverishly. Zany hoedown music plays as he yaks. At first it seems like a fantasy sequence, something taking place in his head. A homily on LSD, if you will.

But it’s all too real. I think?

The congregation’s reaction shots ― also captured via quick, tilted zooms ― seal the deal. A diamond in the extreme rough, that Billy.

Now it’s back to his romantic life. He’s crushing on the girl who will become his wife, Ruth Bell (played by Stefanie Butler). After he passes her a note in the school library and ignites their courtship, Billy and Ruth start romancin’ it up. Naturally, it’s a sexless arrangement, as far as we see it, until children enter the picture. Gotta stay pure.

But remember how baseball was once the only thing Billy wanted to do? Well, apparently he’s no good at it anymore. Ruth knows how to throw a ball, but Billy does not know how to catch it without hurting his cute little hand. (Or his big hand. Armie Hammer is 6-foot-5!)

He squeals in pain every time. Does it really hurt that much to catch a baseball? (This is a real question. I wouldn’t know.)

Billy then has the dreamiest split-screen phone call with his mother to proclaim his love.

One quick serious note: Lindsay Wagner, the “Bionic Woman” and “Six Million Dollar Man” actress who portrays Billy’s mother, is actually rather lovely in this movie. She has a delicate way of making silly dialogue seem authentic. Bravo, Lindsay Wagner. Someone give her a real role.

OK, so we’re a little more than halfway through this 85-minute gem when, for some reason, Billy starts preaching to anyone who will listen. Literally. I guess that’s what evangelizing means? Sort of? Cut to him standing outside some dilapidated sheriff’s office wearing this oddly patterned suit and converting a nonbeliever in a matter of seconds. And to think how hopeless he was the last time we saw him orate.

Meanwhile, Martin Landau is still stuck in that hospice bed, recounting his own evangelism days and his friendship with Billy, who is now preaching to larger and larger crowds.

In the best moment so far (other than the overalls), we get this cool shot of Landau imagining his younger self, played by Kristoffer Polaha.

Polaha’s Templeton is suddenly everywhere in Billy’s life, including at the birth of his first daughter. But Charles’ faith is shaken by the horrors of World War II ― which, sure, fair. Makes sense. Nazis are horrific.

Things keep on zipping, and after a title card informs us that two years have passed, Billy goes from farmland sermonizing to being president of Northwestern Bible College in Minneapolis at the age of 29. He doesn’t want to be one of those money-grubbing preachers he slammed at the start of the movie, so he tells his staff to make sure he’s “accountable for every penny collected” and can avoid whatever might precipitate the “downfall of an evangelist.” 

Here’s when things get Mike Pence-ish. In order to avoid a scandal, Billy decrees that “no man is to be in a room alone with a woman other than his wife.” It’s the most sexually explicit moment yet, other than the overalls. (But just wait.)

Charles’ crisis of faith intensifies as the war rages on. He brings his dilemma to Billy. How can God leave Hitler to run amok? How can the Almighty allow such travesties to blanket the globe? 

They sit together on a couch, seemingly on the precipice of a big ol’ smooch. Little did Armie know, he was auditioning for “Call Me by Your Name” almost a decade too soon. 

Charles abandons the pulpit, but Billy keeps praying nonetheless. When he next sees his friend, it’s the summer of 1949, four years after the end of World War II. Charles has doubled down on his agnosticism, and Billy, now 31, has doubled down on his convictions.

More importantly, they’ve both doubled down on their sexual tension. This is presumably unintentional, but let’s ignore that boring detail and accept the scene at face value.

Now, with less than 12 minutes remaining, a seed of doubt has been planted in Billy.

He has a dark night of the soul ― literally. In the next scene, he teleports like a ghost, appearing in the middle of the woods somewhere. Now we know where that $3.6 million went: The CGI is lit. 

It’s his come-to-Jesus moment. He is coming to Jesus to beg for proof of the Bible’s veracity. “Where are you?” he yells, after which a montage of moments from his still-young life flash by. That’s it! Mystery solved! It only took recalling his past to move on with his future.

“I hear you, Lord,” he says, again proving that Billy Graham had the hastiest religious conversion ever known to preachers whose net worth totals $25 million.

And now, everything’s hunky-dory. Billy’s “early years” are coming to an end, and so is the movie. Suddenly, he’s preaching about his friend Charles in his own tent revivals and telling the masses that Jesus “came from that part of the world which touches Europe and Africa and Asia” ― aka the Middle East ― and “probably had brown skin.”

Considering how much some fundamentalists love White Jesus, this is maybe sort of a progressive idea to include in this otherwise ginger movie? 

Anyway, apparently this is what it looks like to stand in front of a sky. (Note: The sky is gray at the start of this concluding sermon, but grows progressively bluer as Billy continues. It’s a metaphor!)

And the crowd! What a mighty crowd! He made it though the wilderness! (Yeah right.)

That’s the final shot. The end credits roll to the sounds of Michael W. Smith’s “Amazing Love.”

Here’s what we learned about Billy Graham from “Billy: The Early Years”: He’s a walking version of the hymn “Old-Time Religion,” blessed with a pleasant working-class upbringing and a squeaky-clean respectability but cursed by a sex appeal he can’t take advantage of and what seems to be no desire to visit his old friend, who is stuck in hospice giving interviews about Billy’s life.

You should watch this movie. It’s a masterwork to behold. 

A representative for Armie Hammer did not respond to our request for comment.

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2018 NFL Mock Draft: Payments commerce as much as get Baker Mayfield, six QBs go in first spherical

Lots will occur between now and the 2018 NFL Draft. Whether or not it is a blockbuster commerce or an enormous offseason signing, groups with gaping holes at the moment at quarterback can have some readability in regards to the place within the coming weeks. Meaning Kirk Cousins will likely be someplace apart from Washington, AJ McCarron will nearly actually transfer on from Cincinnati and the Vikings and Eagles can have determined whether or not Case Keenum (who could possibly be franchised) and Nick Foles’ (who could possibly be traded) miraculous seasons warrant protecting them round for an additional yr.

No matter occurs, the underside line stays the identical: within the NFL, you are solely pretty much as good as your quarterback. It is why the Texans signed Brock Osweiler to a $72 million deal two offseasons in the past, and it is why the Bears gave Mike Glennon a three-year deal final yr. Neither participant labored out — which nearly everybody predicted — however determined occasions, as they are saying.

So count on these golf equipment which have languished and not using a franchise passer to be daring because the draft approaches. Two years in the past, the Eagles traded as much as take Carson Wentz. Final yr, the Texans did the identical to get Deshaun Watson. Wentz was a legit MVP candidate till he suffered a knee damage in mid-December. And Watson, in six begins, had thrown for 1,699 yards with 19 touchdowns, eight interceptions and a 103.Zero passer ranking till a knee damage sidelined him in early November.

That is the place we level out that the Browns handed on each quarterbacks, and proceeded to go 1-31 since 2016. Which is why they’re taking a QB within the first spherical this yr — even when they signal a veteran — the one query is when.

In the meantime, a group that made the playoffs for the primary time since 1999 regardless of their quarterback, ought to use the draft to handle that urgent want. The Payments, who have been so unimpressed with Tyrod Taylor final season that they benched him for unproven rookie Nathan Peterman in Week 11 solely to reinsert Taylor again into the lineup at halftime after Peterson threw 5 interceptions, are formally out there for a franchise passer, and so they’ll use one among their two first-round picks to land him.

1. Cleveland Browns

Sam Darnold, QB, USC. The Browns, who have been reportedly making an attempt to commerce for Alex Smith earlier than the Redskins landed him, might make a run at McCarron within the coming weeks. No matter occurs, new normal supervisor John Dorsey remains to be drafting a quarterback. And with Darnold broadly thought-about one of the best of the bunch, he makes good sense right here.

2. New York Giants

Josh Rosen, QB, UCLA. Rosen has terrific mechanics and accomplished 63 % of his passes final season regardless that he was victimized by 31 drops. He has struggled to remain wholesome, however with 37-year-old Eli Manning coming into his 15th season, the Giants are out there for his alternative — and it is unlikely they will have the second-overall choose once more anytime quickly. 

Three. Indianapolis Colts

Saquon Barkley, RB, Penn State. If Andrew Luck is not 100 % — and nobody appears to know when he will likely be — Barkley might be for Jacoby Brissett what Ezekiel Elliott was for Dak Prescott in 2016: The world’s most dynamic safety blanket. The Colts have myriad wants on each side of the ball however do not forget, the Cowboys have been Four-12 the season earlier than Elliott and Prescott arrived and promptly went 13-Three.

Four. Cleveland Browns (from Texans)

Minkah Fitzpatrick, DB, Alabama.  A yr after taking Jabrill Peppers within the first spherical, the Browns get one of many draft’s finest defensive backs with the No. Four choose. In a league constructed on the passing recreation, you may by no means have sufficient high quality gamers within the secondary. 

5. Buffalo Payments (mock commerce from DEN)

Baker Mayfield, QB, Oklahoma. Mayfield is not your prototypical NFL quarterback. At 6-foot-1, 220 kilos, and with a demeanor that may typically rub individuals the improper method, he has drawn comparisons to Johnny Manziel. Mayfield is understandably bothered by this, however the Oklahoma star can play. And in Buffalo he could possibly be the ultimate piece to the puzzle for a group that made the playoffs in January for the primary time because the 1999 season.

6. New York Jets

Bradley Chubb, DE, NC State. The Jets ranked close to the underside of the NFL when it got here to producing a move rush, and Chubb is just too good to move up right here. Sure, there are greater issues at quarterback however the group might handle these wants in free company.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Quenton Nelson, G, Notre Dame. The Bucs’ offensive line was replacement-level in each operating and passing conditions and Nelson will bolster the inside, and within the course of makes life simpler for Jameis Winston, who’s coming off a disappointing 2017 season.

eight. Chicago Bears

Calvin Ridley, WR, Alabama. The Bears’ main receiver final season was Kendall Wright, who had 59 catches for 614 yards. Sure, Kevin White and Cameron Meredith will return, however you may by no means have too many big-play choices for second-year quarterback Mitchell Trubisky. 

9. San Francisco 49ers

Denzel Ward, CB, Ohio State. The 49ers’ move protection was among the many worst within the league, and San Francisco’s defensive backs have been the weakest hyperlink on a weak unit. Ward is not the most important cornerback within the draft however he can cowl, abilities which might be onerous to come back by within the NFL.

10. Oakland Raiders

Tremaine Edmunds, LB, Virginia Tech. One of many NFL’s most disappointing defenses provides one of many draft’s most bodily gifted gamers to shore up the unit.        

11. Miami Dolphins

Josh Allen, QB, Wyoming.  Allen is the fourth quarterback taken, and he offers the Dolphins much-needed insurance coverage towards Ryan Tannehill, who has battled inconsistency and accidents. 

12. Cincinnati Bengals

Connor Williams, OT, Texas. Cincinnati’s offensive line wasn’t even alternative degree final season, and Williams would supply a much-needed improve, not solely making life simpler for Andy Dalton however for Joe Mixon too.

13. Washington Redskins

Roquan Smith, LB, Georgia. With Zach Brown probably turning into a free agent, Smith could be a quicker, youthful, cheaper different. If the Redskins can re-sign Brown and pair him with Smith, all the higher.

14. Inexperienced Bay Packers

Josh Jackson, CB, Iowa. The Packers addressed the secondary early within the draft final yr, and Jackson will be a part of Kevin King in giving Inexperienced Bay one of many longest, most athletic cornerbacks within the NFL.

15. Arizona Cardinals

Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville. If this appears like a stretch it is as a result of it in all probability is. However until the Cardinals are keen to maneuver up in Spherical 1 Jackson will be the solely first-round expertise left on the board. The group might additionally handle the necessity in free company, or select to bolster different wants with this choose, just like the offensive line.

16. Baltimore Ravens

Courtland Sutton, WR, SMU. Similar to the Browns are perpetually searching for a quarterback, the Ravens are yearly seeking a game-changing extensive receiver. They’re hoping Sutton, who is a large downfield goal, is that participant.

17. Los Angeles Chargers

Derwin James, S, Florida State. Sure, the Chargers drafted two defensive backs a yr in the past; they have been late-rounders and never practically the expertise that James is. Plus, in at the moment’s NFL you may by no means have too many competent defensive backs. James is stable towards each the run and the move and can make an already good protection higher.

18. Seattle Seahawks

Orlando Brown, OT, Oklahoma.  The Seahawks might have gone in any variety of instructions with this choose — cornerback and line of defense amongst them — however making an trustworthy effort to guard Russell Wilson looks like the prudent transfer on condition that he spent a lot of the 2017 season operating for his life.

19. Dallas Cowboys

Marcus Davenport, DE, UTSA. Davenport parlays an enormous Senior Bowl week into a robust draft-day displaying and the College of Texas-San Antonio standout brings his pass-rushing abilities to Dallas. He had 21.5 sacks and 37.5 tackles for loss throughout his four-year school profession, and he would be a part of a protection that ranked 15th in sacks a season in the past with 36.

20. Detroit Lions

Maurice Hurst, DT, Michigan.  At 6-foot-2 and 283 kilos, Hurst could also be undersized, however his unbelievable quickness greater than makes up for it. He’ll be an integral piece to new coach Matt Patricia’s protection.

21. Denver Broncos (mock commerce from BUF)

Mike McGlinchey, OT, Notre Dame. The Broncos traded out of their top-five choose and transfer right down to take an offensive lineman to guard whichever quarterback (Hello, Kirk Cousins!) they land in free company.

22. Buffalo Payments (from Chiefs)

Vita Vea, DT, Washington. At 6-foot-Four and nearly 350 kilos, Vea is without doubt one of the greatest gamers within the draft. He is smart in Buffalo with 34-year-old Kyle Williams set to hit free company.

23. Los Angeles Rams

Isaiah Oliver, CB, Colorado. The Rams have big wants at cornerback and edge rusher and Oliver, who’s 6-foot-1 and 190 kilos, has elite measurement and velocity to matchup with NFL extensive receivers.

24. Carolina Panthers

James Washington, WR, Oklahoma State. Devin Funchess was the Panthers’ main receiver final season, adopted by a operating again (Christian McCaffrey) and a participant they traded after eight video games (Kelvin Benjamin). Put one other method: Cam Newton wants one other downfield weapon and Washington could possibly be it.

25. Tennessee Titans

Billy Worth, OL, Ohio State. The Titans’ offensive line was middle-of-the-road in move safety however ranked within the backside third in run blocking. Worth, who can play guard or heart, would improve the inside, which might be welcome information for each Marcus Mariota and Derrick Henry.

26. Atlanta Falcons

Da’Ron Payne, DT, Alabama. The Falcons might lose 4 defensive linemen — together with Dontari Poe — in free company and if Payne remains to be on the board they will give severe consideration to grabbing him.

27. New Orleans Saints

Harold Landry, DE, Boston Faculty. Landry is not a completed product however he can get after the quarterback from Day 1. He’ll be a welcome addition to a much-improved Saints protection that logged 42 sacks final season.         

28. Pittsburgh Steelers

Rashaan Evans, ILB, Alabama. Evans could possibly be off the board by the point the Steelers go on the clock however he would match completely in Pittsburgh. Ryan Shazier suffered a severe spinal damage final season and he was the glue that held the Steelers’ protection collectively. 

29. Jacksonville Jaguars

Mason Rudolph, QB. May six quarterbacks go in Spherical 1? If it occurs, the Jags could possibly be out there for Blake Bortles’s alternative. Sure, he earned the correct to be the beginning quarterback in 2018 however there are not any ensures past that. If he regresses subsequent season the Jags can have Rudolph ready within the wings.                 

30. Minnesota Vikings

Will Hernandez, OL, UTEP. The Vikings need assistance at sort out however Hernandez is just too good to move up right here, and he’ll bolster the inside line of a unit that was alternative degree within the operating recreation final season. 

31. New England Patriots

Ogbonnia Okoronkwo, DE, Oklahoma. The Tremendous Bowl proved that the Patriots desperately want move rushers and canopy cornerbacks.  With Okoronkwo nonetheless on the board, New England addresses the pass-rushing deficiencies and can circle again to these secondary wants in later rounds.

32. Philadelphia Eagles

Ronald Jones, RB, USC. With LeGarrette Blount and Darren Sproles headed at no cost company, Jones would add some much-needed depth. That stated, Jay Ajayi and Tremendous Bowl hero Corey Clement return (together with Wendell Smallwood) however as Blount proved in 2017, you may by no means have too many proficient backs in a recreation the place accidents can derail a season.

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