#beating myself up for the rest of history because i didnt pay enough attention to tour dates in 2022
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carousel tour black me out is enough to kill a man. anthony and tim joining w guitars+vocals. the fucking cello. i cant fucking be normal about this tour
#I SHOULD HAVE GONE#beating myself up for the rest of history because i didnt pay enough attention to tour dates in 2022#the carousel tour is like my modern ttc
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brenna needs emergency surgery and attempts to break up with tristan
@pcnumbras
britt
brenna knew something was seriously wrong for a couple days now. she couldnt breathe without it hurting and she was throwing up what she shouldnt be. at first she dismissed it as stress but once tristan was home and things were better, the issue persisted and she knew it wasnt right. Sitting in bed, brenna placed a quick kiss on tristan’s cheek before then rushing to the bathroom and threw up. the blood was alarming but something she had become used to. she attempted to get up but it was as though suddenly she didnt have the strength. she rested her head against the wall, “tristan..”
tess
Things had been different since Tristan got home from the hospital. Maybe it was cause he'd had to take a week off before he was cleared to go back. He'd noticed something was off with Brenna though. He'd feared the worst, of course, that she'd relapsed, but he wasn't sure. He trusted that she would tell him herself soon enough. He smiled as she kissed his cheek, letting out a sigh, knowing it was time to get out of bed. Hearing Brenna's voice in the bathroom, his brows furrowed and he got out of bed. The sight in front of him of the blood in the toilet and brenna slouched over by the wall was the scariest thing he'd seen. He could feel his chest pouding as he rushed to her side. "Hey, I'm here baby. Don't worry." He said, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. He stood up and sprinted back to the bedroom to grab his phone and then came back to crouch down next to her as he called an ambulance.
britt
She nodded her head when he ran back into the bedroom. When he came back beside her, tears streamed down her cheeks. “My throat hurts so bad. I dont want to die like this. Please dont let me go in pain. It hurts so bad.” The crying was making it hard to breathe. She took his hand, “I’m sorry..”
tess
Tristan squeezed her hand tightly, shaking his head. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, and he was panicing waiting to hear the sound of the ambulance. "You're not gonna die okay. You need to fight through this, Austen needs you. I need you." He said. "Shhh, save your energy. The ambulance is coming okay."
britt
Seeing the tears, Brenna shook her head, reaching up to wipe them away. “The day of your accident I relapsed but I havent since. I was scared and my stomach was in knots and I...” She shrugged her shoulders. “I need you too.” She felt the urge to throw up again and quickly sat up, gripping on to the side of the toilet bowl as she did so. She leaned back against the wall, “You need to go to work.”
tess
Tristan bit his lip as she wiped away a tear, trying to pull himself together. "Its okay, I understand. I'm so sorry." He knew it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. Like his accident is what led to this. He held her heair back as she threw up again, taking in a deep breath because the action scared him to death. He shook his head, "No I don't. I'm staying with you." He said. He could hear the faint sound of the sirens, so he knew help was getting closer.
britt
“For what? It’s nor your fault, Tristan.” She was grateful for him and knew she wouldnt be able to get through this if she were with anyone else. “I dont want you getting in trouble.” She said, squeezing his hand as tight as she could, which wasnt very tight. “Ask for Sharna. Laurel trusts her a lot.”
tess
"But if I hadn't gotten hurt, maybe you wouldn't have relapsed and you'd be okay right now." He said, softly, closing his eyes for a second before looking at her. He shook his head, to let her know he wouldn't get in trouble. Family emergencies were an acceptable reason to not go to work. Her grip on his hand was weak, but he continued to hold on tight. "I will. Its gonna be okay, they'll take care of you, they took care of me." He said, his voice shaking just the slightest with fear. He knew that throwing up blood was a bad thing.
britt
“It’s not your fault. I shrugged it off but it was hurting to breathe a couple days before your accident happened and its just gotten worse. Like it felt like a pulled muscle in my back.” She smiled as he held on to her hand. “Make sure Austen knows how much I love her, ok?”
tess
“Why didn’t you say anything? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we get you to the hospital.” He said. He could hear the ambulance pull up in front of their house, and though he didn’t want to he let go of her hand so they could get inside the house and get her on the stretcher. “She knows and you can tell her yourself. I love you, I have to go let them in before they break down our door.” He said disappearing for a second to let them inside. “We will be right behind you, love.” He said as he returned behind them. He wanted to go with her, but he couldn’t leave Austen so he’d bring her in their suv behind the ambulance.
britt
“I thought I pulled a muscle in my back.” She said softly. “What if I dont get to tell her?” She asked. They loaded her onto the stretcher and she nodded her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted Tristan to go with her but she knew he couldnt. They loaded her into the ambulance, rushing her to the hospital
tess
Tristan watched as they took her out of the house on the stretcher, and then he rushed upstairs, picking a crying austen up out of her crib and grabbing her blanket and diaper bag and heading out to their car, and buckling her in, just as the ambulance pulled away. Tristan followed right behind it the whole way there, parking the car in the closest spot he could find, and grabbing austins carrier to bring her in too. "My fiance was just brought in on the ambulance. I'm here with our daughter, can I go see her?"
britt
Sharna was walking back to the exam room when Tristan stopped her. She nodded her head, “Yeah, sure. Whats her name? I’ll take you back there.”
tess
He recognized Dr. Stewart from being in the hospital before, and he felt a sigh of relief knowing she wouldn't give him a hard time about not being family "Her names Brenna King. She was throwing up blood. She's got a history of eating disorder." He said, spewing off information that he thought would be useful. He was so nervous, and he didn't know if Brenna was even still conscious enough to tell them these things.
britt
“That’s exactly where I was heading.” She said, motioning for him to follow. Sharna frowned, having an idea of what the problem could be. “Do you know of any other symptoms by chance?” She asked, her pace quickening.
tess
He nodded his head, picking up the carrier in one arm and following Sharna back towards where Brenna was. "She's been tired. And she said she thought she pulled a muscle? I don't really know. She's spent a lot of her life hiding these things, I try to be there for her but sometimes I think I don't notice things." He said, shaking his head. He took in a deep breath, tensing up to stop himself from crying. He wouldn't do it in public.
britt
Sharna looked at him, “Hey dont beat yourself up over it. An eating disorder is something that takes time, ok? I dont know much about her family but she seems very structured so I feel like maybe her parents put a lot of pressure on her and sometimes people that grew up that way tend to become reclusive when they’re going through something. It’s not your fault.” She said arriving at Brenna’s room. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before but I want to see what I find out from her and if I’m right, she should be dead by now.”
tess
He sighed, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, they were to her. I just feel like if I'd been paying more attention to her than I was to myself than maybe I would have noticed and could have gotten her to a doctor sooner. " He said shrugging. When Sharna said Brenna should be dead by now, Tristan froze, unable to breath for a moment. "Is she going to die?" He said his voice wavering and quiet.
britt
“Dont do that to yourself. I think she would have killed you if you had paid more attention to her” She assured him. “You have to take care of yourself too.” She smiled then let out a sigh. “It’s a possibility but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that doesnt happen.” Sharna gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ve seen this before and it’s an esophageal rupture. It’s very common in those dealing with an eating disorder but I’ve also seen it in pregnant women and even those dealing with a stomach virus.”
tess
He let out a sigh shaking his head, “I know but it’s my job to take care of them too.” He bit the corner of his lip nodding his head. He was terrified, and he knew they would do everything they could but he could only pray it was enough. When she said esophogeal rupture he nodded his head taking in a deep breath and standing up straighter. “So are you taking her into surgery? Or what is the next step.”
britt
“Yes but you cant take care of your loved ones if you dont take care of yourself first.” Sharna nodded her head, “We are going to take her into surgery. Is there anyone you want us to call before we take her in? If you want some alone time with her, you can go in there.”
tess
"I should be able to take car of all three of us. What kind of man am I if I can't." He said, letting out a sigh. He shook his head when Sharna asked if there was anyone he wanted them to call and he shook his head. "No, I can-- its okay. I'll call her family. Can we just go in and give her a kiss first?" He asked, setting down the carseat and taking Austen out of it. "Come on pumpkin, we gotta go give mama a kiss before she goes to surgery." He didn't want to think about the worst happening to her, but he couldn't let her go into surgury without seeing her and letting austen see her one last time.
britt
“You still can take care of the three of you, it’s ok sometimes to take time for you or ask for help, trust me. As a single mom of 2, ask and accept all the help you can get ok?” She smiled then nodded her head. “Yes of course you can. I’ll give you both a moment alone, ok?” Sharna said, giving another smile. Hearing the door, Brenna smiled, sitting up. “I’m sorry, Tristan.”
tess
"We get lots of help from her brother and sister-in-law, and my mom. Somehow I still missed it though. I want to be able to take care of them myself too. Thats a dad's job, and a husbands job. Which hopefully I will get to be." He said, frowning a little. Walking into the room, Tristan rushed over to her side, taking her hand with his free one. "We love you, okay? So you need to do everything you can to make sure you come back out of that surgery." He said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.
britt
“Laurel. She’s good with kids. I understand and from what I’ve seen, you’re a very good dad and you’ll be a great husband.” She assured him. Brenna wiped her eyes. “I love you both too. So much. I promise that I’ll try, ok?”
tess
Tristan nodded his head, "Yeah, Laurel. We are lucky to have her and Austin." He was greatful for all the help, he just couldn't help but feel a little defeated in this situation. Tristan nodded his head, and held Austen out so Brenna could give her a kiss too. "We are going to be right here waiting for you." He squeezed her hand, not even bothering to wipe the tear from his eye.
britt
”She’s a huge help. I’m glad you have her.” Brenna smiled, giving Austen a kiss on her forehead and then reached up, wiping his tear away. “I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. You deserve so much better.” At that moment, Sharna came back into the room, ”I’m sorry. We gotta take her to the OR. I’ll come get you as soon as surgery is over and she’s in a room.”
tess
Tristan shook his head at Brenna's words, "We just want you, babe." He was scared that it would be the last time he saw Brenna. He took a step back as Sharna came into the room, nodding his head. "Okay, I'll be in the waiting room." He said, biting his cheek and putting austen back into the carseat to take her to the waiting room.
britt
“You have to find someone that wont put you through all this, ok?” She never wanted anyone who wasnt Tristan. She felt that he was her soulmate. Sharna nodded her head as Tristan went to the waiting room and she wheeled Brenna into surgery. After about 4 hours, the surgery was over minus a couple complications and Brenna was put into a room and Sharna came out to the waiting room and over to Tristan. “Tristan? She’s out of surgery and we put her into a room.”
tess
Tristan swollowed hard, shaking his head. He wouldn't ever find someone else. No one like Brenna. Even if she was a twin she was one of a kind and his soulmate. The wait had felt like forever. His mom came and took Austen, and after that he had spent the rest of the time pacing and praying. He wasn't really a religeous man, but it gave him some comfort while he waited. Finally when Sharna came out he perked up again. "Did it go okay? How is she? Is she going to be okay? Can I go see her?"
britt
“There were a couple complications but she’s ok now and she will be ok. Her throat will be sore for a couple days but luckily we were able to do it endoscopically so there are no incisions or anything that will need to heal. Yes of course. I’ll take you to her room.” She smiled, nodding in the direction of the elevators.
tess
Hearing Brenna was okay, he let out a large sigh, tears of releif falling as his body physically relaxed hearing she was okay. "Oh thank god. " He said, wiping a tear and nodding his head as he followed her. "Will she be able to eat normally and stuff?" He asked as they entered the elevator.
britt
Sharna nodded, “After about a day or two. Right now, we suggest water and things like solid apple juice. If she feels up to trying actual food at any point, just let us know.” Stepping off the elevator, Sharna lead him to Brenna’s room. “Like I stated, there were complications but she’s ok and she will be ok.” Stopping in front of Brenna’s door, she turned to look at Tristan, “Do you have have any questions for me?”
tess
He nodded, trying to take mental notes of everything that sharna said. He was a nervous wreck, unsure of what it would be like when he stepped inside the room. What state Brenna would be in. "What were the complications? What will they mean?"
britt
“Her heart stopped a couple times but she’ll be ok. She’s unconscious right now but she’ll wake up soon, alright?” She stated with a smile. “Do you need me to get anything for you guys?”
tess
When she said Brenna's heart stopped a couple times, Tristan felt like his heart was going to stop. That he'd come that close to loosing her. He nodded his head, "Yeah okay. And uhm, not. I don't think so. I just need her to be okay." He said letting out a sigh.
britt
Sharna frowned, patting his shoulder. “She’s gonna be ok. It’ll be sore for a little while but she’ll be back to normal in no time. I promise. If you guys do need anything, don’t hesitate to have me paged.”
tess
He nodded his head giving her a half smile, “thank you. For saving her.” He said, before opening to door to the room. It broke his heart to see Brenna laying in a hospital bed, but it wasn’t the first time. He walked over to her, brushing a hair out of her face, “you did it babe. You made it through.”
britt
Sharna nodded her head, ”Just doing my job, no need to thank me.” She smiled. It was a couple hours before Brenna finally came to and she looked around the room, a smile gracing her features seeing Tristan. “Hi, babe.” She said, her voice raspy.
tess
Tristan hadn't left his spot next to Brenna since he got in there. He'd let himself doze off a few times, but then someone would come in and check on Brenna and he would wake back up. Hearing a voice beside him, Tristan sat up and smiled. "Hey baby, you're okay." The took her, kissing the top of it.
britt
She smiled, nodding her head. “I could never leave you. I do stand by what I said earlier. You do deserve so much better and I’m so sorry for putting you through this.”
tess
"Good because we both need you." When she said he deserved better he let out a sigh shaking his head, "I don't want anyone besides you. All that matters now though is that you're here and you're talking to me, and not throwing up anymore blood."
britt
She smiled, “All I want is you too. I cant live without you. Throwing up blood was terrifying. I just thought I pulled a muscle in my back because that’s what it felt like.” She loved that he was still by her side through all of this. Even though she did try to tell him that he deserved better, she thought him actually taking her up on the idea would surely send her over the edge. “I gotta be honest about something. I know I let you down and that is eating me alive but the day of your accident, my stomach was in knots and I had the urge to throw up but it wasn’t happening and I just felt worse so I forced it so I guess...I did relapse but at the same time I didnt. It doesnt make sense, I know but I cant handle you blaming yourself. It breaks my heart.”
tess
Tristan let out a sigh, shaking his head, "When I walked in and saw the blood and you leaying there so weak..." He trailed off. It was probably the scariest thing he'd ever seen and something he wasn't likely to forget. Tristan let out a sigh, placing his hands on her face and a kiss on her forehead, "I know babe. I had a feeling, I just-- I guess I just wanted to believe that it was all going to be fine and if it was becoming a thing again you would tell me. I just hate that the stress of me being in the hospital caused it. I can't help but feel a little guilty about that."
britt
“I’m sorry you had to see that. I wish you didnt have to.” She felt bad that he had to see her that way and more than anything she wished she could change that. “I promise I’ll tell you if it happens again. I had been feeling bad for a few days, Tristan. It’s not because of your accident I promise.”
tess
"I wish it hadn't happened, but its in the past okay? All I care about is now." He said, squeezing her hand. He sighed, looking down at the ground, "Promise you won't let things go on for days like that either. If you're feeling bad, you need to see a doctor. I promise I'll do the same, and when the time comes where I need to leave my job, you know I will." He felt like he still had more to give as far as being a firefighter went, but he knew a time would come when he wouldn't do it anymore.
britt
She nodded as he squeezed her hand. “That’s all I care about too, babe. Now.” She chewed her lower lip and nodded her head. “I’ll try not to. I try to take care of everyone else first but I will try not to let things go on.” She smiled then snorted when he said he would leave his job. “You would never.”
tess
He smiled, nodding his head, "Good. You can't care for us at your best ability if you aren't taking care of you. I want our daughter and any future children we have to have their mom around for all those important things in their life, you know?" He said shrugging. " I would too. I don't want to. I feel like I've still got more to learn and more to do there, but I don't want to die either." He said letting out a sigh.
britt
“Future children? How many are we talking?” She asked with a smile. “But yeah, I know what you mean. I want to be around for those too.” She shook her head, “No you wouldnt. Your job is like, the most important thing to you in the whole wide world. You wouldnt leave.”
tess
"Hmm, at least one more. Maybe 2. I don't want to have more mouths than we can afford to feed." He said letting out a chuckle. Tristan let out a sigh, shaking his head, "If you think thats true, then I haven't been a very good dad or fiance. Because you two are way more important."
britt
"I'd be down for two." She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "I get overwhelmed easily. I don't think I could handle more than 3." She laughed. "You can still be a good dad and a good fiancé and still love your work more. It doesn't mean you're not good to us. I've accepted it and I'm ok with it. You're helping people."
tess
Tristan smiled, putting a kiss on top of her head, "We can space them out, they don't have to be close together or anything. Not more than you can handle, baby." Tristan let out a sigh, running a hand over his head in discouragement. "I have. Because I do NOT love my work more than you or more than Austen. Honestly thats a little insulting to hear." Did he want to quit his job? No, it made him feel like he was making a difference in the world and he had no idea what he would be doing if it wasn't firefighting, but he wasn't going to let it cost him his family.
britt
“Spacing them out is a good idea I think. But if they end up close together I’m not opposed to that either.” She smiled. His reaction made her want to cry. He wasnt going to make pushing him away easy but she needed him to see that he deserved someone better. “I’m sorry but if I’m ok with it, it shouldnt matter. It’s okay.” She said, giving him a smile.
tess
He let out a sigh, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. He didn't know what to say, so he began pacing silently. "Do you want me to quit right now? God Brenna, its not okay! Its not okay that you really think that lowley of me that you think I love it more. I've been right here for you with everything, how can you not see that you're the most important thing in my life?"
britt
“No, I dont want you to quit. Your job is important to you Tristan. I dont think that lowly of you. You’re with me because you feel like you have to be.” She felt tears pool in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. “You are saving people and that’s what is most important.”
tess
"I'm not with you because I feel like I have to be. I'm with you because I love you. I want to marry you. If I didn't love you, then I wouldn't Brenna. You're the person I want to spend my life with. And what life is it if I don't have you? What good is saving people if I can't save my family." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to prevent himself from crying.
britt
Brenna shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. She needed him to see that he deserved better than her. That there is better than her out there for him. “There’s nothing to save. We’re..” She couldnt breathe because of the words she was about to utter. “We’re over, Tristan.” In that moment, she hated herself more now than she did 5 minutes prior. He was her soulmate and she loved him more than anything in the world. “We can alternate weekends with Austen and during the week you can have her when you arent on shift.”
tess
Her words were like a knife to his chest and he took in a deep breath, taking a step back. "What the hell are you talking about Brenna? You're seriously going to break up with me? I'll send in the resignation right now, I don't know what more you want from me!" He was hurt and angry and confused. Things were fine 5 minutes ago and they were talking about more kids, and then suddenly they changed and he didn't understand. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to keep hurting me, I don't understand. I'm not letting you give up on our family that easily." He said, letting a tear fall.
britt
“Yes. We’re over.” She wished she could take the words back; she wished that talking about their future didnt make her realize all that her existence did was keep him from a happier life. “You’re not sending in your damn resignation. I want you to leave.” She didnt want him to leave though. His words made her stomach tighten and it felt like a knife went straight through her heart. “Why would you want to be with someone that keeps hurting you? I’m sorry my eating disorder is hurting you, I’m sorry my eating habits are hurting you, I’m sorry that I am hurting you.” She couldnt help it; she had started sobbing, despite how much she wanted to hide it. “I need you to realize that you deserve better. I’m trying my hardest to push you away and make you see that but it clearly isnt working. I don’t deserve the life you’re giving me. You have no idea the amount of hatred I have for myself right now, and its done nothing but increase in the past few minutes and knowing that I just...keep hurting you is making it worse because that has never been my intention. Did I want you to quit? Yes, but I never said anything because it is your job and you are so happy so I’d much rather sit, alone waiting for you to come home. I would love to have a day where I dont have to worry about whether or not you’ll come home but it’s your job so I deal with it. I’m sorry if I keep doing things to hurt you. I am so sorry but you deserve so much better than I can give because you have such a big heart and it is one of the many things I love about you. I love you more than I could ever put into words.”
tess
Tristan sighed shaking his head, "I don't want to leave. I want to fight for us." Everything she said to him made Tristans heart break. The way she started sobbing only made it worse, and he looked down at the groun to avoid making eye contact. "Your eating disorder isn't what hurts me Brenna. What hurts me is the fact that you aren't even listening to me. Doing this-- breaking up-- this is not what I want. I don't care if you think I deserve better, I dont want better. I want you. Do you know what makes me the happiest? Early mornings when I wake up, and I walk in to see you attempting to feed our daughter even when she's making a mess. Getting off work and coming home to find you with your hair all a mess, a script in front of you and you taking notes. You, Austen, our life, thats my happy place. You're my soulmate and if you think for a second that I would be happy without you, then you are seriously mistaken."
britt
As he spoke about what made him happy, she couldnt help but smile. He still wanted her. “You and Austen are my happy place too.” She said. “I’m sorry. You just do so much for me and I just...I feel like I’m not good enough for you. But I love you so much. I want more kids, I wanna get married. All of it with you.”
tess
Tristan let out a sigh, moving over closer to her and gently placing his hands on either side of her face, "I love you Brenna. The good stuff and the bad, and I know you don't think you deserve me, but thats because of your mother. You think you don't deserve love and good things and that you're not good enough, but I'm telling you: you are. You are good enough and you do deserve to be loved by me."
britt
She nodded her head, “I love you too. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I want to be loved by you. You mean everything to me.”
tess
"I love you too Brenna, you're my world. My girl. I don't want anyone else, and no one else would make me happy okay?" He said, giving a half smile.
britt
She smiled, nodding her head, “Ok.” She patted the space beside her on the bed. “Please. I just...I just need you.”
tess
Tristan smiled, hesitating for a moment. "Okay but first you gotta make me a promise that you aren't gonna try and push me away and break my heart anymore today." He said, giving a soft smile and raising a brow.
britt
Brenna smiled, nodding her head. “I promise. I’m so sorry Tristan. Our life is my happy place and I just want to make you the happiest you’ve ever been.”
tess
Tristan smiled, sitting down next to her. "I am the happiest... Okay well maybe not at this moment because of whats happened to you today, but I'm happy with my life. All I want is to marry you. And If I need to start looking for another job, I can start doing that. I don't know what yet, but I want to be there for our daughter and you and I don't want you to have to worry about me."
britt
“Good. I am too. My life is perfect because of you and at least I’m ok. All I want is to marry you too. I would love for you to start looking for another job but I cant let you do that. It makes you happy, so incredibly happy. You love saving people so I will have to put my fears aside and just pray that you come home to me.”
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When your crush is angry all the time
Ch. 2
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/513b17496f011c4640915d4e5e686074/2f42e70ec2222c21-11/s540x810/8bb77d3f41e58bfc1c9afcf5181ef8ad3428496b.jpg)
Ch.2
DontCryDontCryDontCry
°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•
Y/n pov
First day at U.A. high. This is actually going to be so sick, think of all the boys and girls and weird quirks. Best of all I get to meet boom boom. Hopefully I don't do that thing where I think about him so much I forget we don't know each other, that would be embarrassing.
I smile to myself as I approach the tall building with students flooding in and out. A couple of kids seemed to notice how strange I looked, I didn't have the uniform yet because my mother refused to let me have it. She told me I'd have to get it from her during school so she could show her students how dope her kid was.
Not sure if I should be flattered though. Mom always compliments me like I actually did something to have the power I have. When really all I did was not die. Usually the interaction goes -
"Oh my god, honey you are so fucking cool, look how good you control your quirk, you train so hard!"
"Yea mom, it's crazy how after psychopaths try to breed you at ten years old you learn a thing or two about combat."
Then her face falls into a deadpan to cover her guilt and we move on. Sarcasm is honestly one of my all time favorite coping strategies. Like you can even make it better by not making any facial expression so people's minds are just fully fucked.
My outfit couldn't feel more out of place right now, but I obviously notice the profuse blushing of boys and girls as I make my way through the halls of U.A. If my bestie was here I'm sure people would be fainting, since she makes a habit of dressing in fishnets and chains. I guess I could wear clothes like that but im tired most of the time. So if I don't have to dress up, I won't.
However that doesn't mean I still don't look good. Well, at least I think I do...
This morning I was lazy so I just threw on Baggio black jeans, a cropped tee, and a baseball jersey that I got from when I flew with my dad to America. We watched the game together, but I kinda zoned out the whole time. Of Course I added a couple chains just in case I get to be on top of somebody. Hehe call that ✨funcional fashion✨
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Dw of course I took a picture in the morning to post on insta and brag to my old friends about how I got out of that hell.
I rushed in a door that said 1-b just before I heard a bell go off. The door shut behind me with a loud thud the second the bell stopped. That is one way to get attention, I guess. I didn't even care to take in the faces of the students in front of me. After all, I was only here for one reason. I skimmed the room trying to find that ominous glare, but to no avail. My first thought was that maybe he wasn't in class today. That was before I peeked out the window of the door and realized there were more than one hero classes here.
If he is in the other class, I'll just have to be in there too. Is this stalking? Yes. Will it end badly? Probably yes. However, do I have anything to really lose? Nope. Not a single thing.
"Katsuki Bakugou." I figured I'd say it out loud with a Stern face, just to see if the teacher would be intimidated enough to take me to him.
The teacher and the rest of the class visibly tensed at my stare, but apparently I wasn't intimidating enough.
"Whatever business you have can be settled after class. Now, students, this is the newest addition to class 1-b y/n l/n."
"No."
"Pardos me Ms. L/n"
"I said no, im not gonna be an addition to your dumb class" I mocked him
He then sent me a very odd face, in which he pursed his lips but simultaneously glanced at his students in fear. I suppose they might not be pleased at my rejection, but that's irrelevant. I'm not here for them.
"Oh, so you think you're too good for us!? Huh?"
"Yes."
"Class 1-a scum can have you, you vial worthless, dumb, fat, stup-"
Some angry blonde kid was interrupted by an aggressive bonk on his head. I glanced to his side and made eye contact with a girl, she was quite pretty, but not prettier than boom boom.
"Cool, okay so i'm gonna go to the other class then....sir?"
"Pft, you wish. Sit down. Now."
"I literally didn't ask dude...sir."
"Adding sir doesn't make what you're saying any less disrespectful, now sit down."
I pouted a bit in realization that he wasn't as dense as the police usually are. However that didnt mean I wanted to listen. Plus if I got in trouble, that might be even more fun.
"Again. No."
Suddenly I felt a hard push on my back, I fell to the floor and felt a foot pushed against my back.
"Nooo.Mom, please. Not right now."
"I came here to teach historia you brat."
She took her other leg and swung it back, leaving all her body weight on my back. Then launched it forward to meet with my side just as she took her top foot off my back. I felt the contact of her boot on my bare side and felt the tingle of what I assume is pain rattle through my left side, to my right. Only to be cut off when a new sore of pain spread through my back.
That was what I assumed was my body slamming against the front wall of the class. I kept my eyes clenched shut the whole time, only flinching the impact of the wall. I bounced right off and landed on the floor.
"Yea...okay," I said between groans.
*timeskip*
Lunch
Midoriya pov 😗
It was finally lunch time after miss midnight taught us history. It wasn't my favorite subject, but I still look at pretty good notes. I'll be sure to read over them later in case we have a pop quiz or something.
This lunch period is kinda more exciting than usual because I heard rumors that there is a new hero course student, and new additions don't happen often, so he is probably really good.
After getting my food from lunch rush, I rushed over to my table where me, uraraka, iida, and todoroki sit everyday.
I plopped the food down onto the table and followed by sitting down and saying hi to my friends. It didn't take that long into their strange conversation about water volcanoes and cheese for me to zone them out in search of the new face.
I don't really know everyone at U.A. that would be crazy. Still, I feel like I have enough knowledge to spot an obviously new face. Plus he is probably with the 1-b students right now. I scan over the whole lunch room, eager to say hi, but I don't see any new guys, or any new faces at all.
Maybe the rumors were just rumors. That's really a bummed, I was hoping I could get yet another cool quirk to write about in my journal.
Most of lunch was spent with my friends talking about weird things called memes (he calls them me me's) and me trying desperately to find the new guy.
Until lunch was just about to end and in came a girl out of uniform, but she seemed to hold one in her hand. She looked fairly (tall/short) and had pretty (h/l) white hair. It seemed almost to glow as she walked in. To me the whole scene played slow motion, her hair bouncing up and down as she walked and the sports baggy jeans risking and falling. They teasingly revealed her belly button every other step as they lifted and sunk.
I sorta wished she would have just put her uniform on because I feel pretty stupid for staring at her belly button.
Her face was pretty too, catching the light above on her cheek bones(im sorry if u dont have prominent ones, just take out bones and leave it as cheeks) making her seem shiny.
I felt my face heat up uncontrollably before I felt a nudge on my thigh.
"Hey deku, I heard that the new girl is actually a midnight daughter. She is in class b, and I guess this morning midnight kicked her against a wall." Uraraka whispered in my ear, loud enough for just the people at our table to hear.
Now that I think about it, everyone was whispering.
"Midnight's daughter. Wahhh! Then she must have a quirk like midnights. If she does then it'll be hard for our classes to keep up with her. Midnights quirk is strong and considering the already rising testosterone level in the boys in 1st year, we could all-"
"Shut up you damn nerd"
I cut off my rambling and looked up to make eye contact with kachan. Why is he even over here? Is he here to beat me up? Or to get ochako?
"Katsuki, that's not nice, plus he is right, what if she can seduce us."
Kachan only furrowed his brows, however me, iida, and even todoroki a little went red with the image in our minds.
"Izuuukuuu"
"Baby, why do you keep looking at my belly button"
"Do you wanna show me how cool your quirk is"
"Nn Gg plus u-ultra"
Oh no. No. No. No. No. Well....wait. no.
I took a quick glance back at the girl who had halted her movements. She seemed like she was frozen and had a big, wide smile plastered on her face. It was pretty cute. Like a little kid looking at candy.
It almost felt like she was looking at me, but I didn't wanna wave, in case she wasn't.
"Oh my, holy fuck, I knew this would pay off!!!!" She yelled, not even minding that the whole cafeteria now had eyes on her.
She began running over to ...my table? Again it was slow motion, and again I kept looking at her stomach. I guess I don't see girls in short shirts often. I felt myself un-blush forcibly just for, you know, protection from bullies.
"Boom boom, shit, I Promised I wouldn't do that. Fuck it. Hi, im l/n y/n and you are boom boom. Wait...."
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING POOP YOU FUCKING EXTRA!"
My eyes can't pick who to look at and they keep going back and forth between the girl and kachan as they ....communicate.
"No I called you boom boom." She dead panned
"THE FUCK, YOU THINK YOUR CLEVER ON SUM SHIT?"
"Well, I am, and I do." Again the girl seemed completely serious.
"WHO THE-"
"Wait, let's go back. You call people extras? Like in a movie, so then you think your the star."
"I AM THE FUCKING STAR YOU WORTHLESS PIECE O-"
"Babe, that's so much better! You're conceited too." She gushed
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING BA-" bakugou almost launched forwards but ochako grabbed his arm to pull him back.
"You are kinda loud, but I guess that makes sense. Hey! I know, tell me something about yourself"
"STOP FUCKING INTERUPTING ME!"
"Oh, my bad hon, go on." She looked up at him like...oh. He is the candy she was looking at.
"Fucking hell, im not your babe or your hun, extra. I'm not telling you shit about myself. Fuck you think this is, the sharing circle?"
The girl didn't speak for a minute, her face was quick to go from anticipating, to confused. What was she confused about?
"I have a new idea" she instantly had a change of aura and her serious face remained, with one eyebrow cocked.
She lifted her hand and pointed a finger at bakugou, then slowly walked forward.
"How. About. You. Tell me what you are sharing..." she winked "circle is."
I noticed that Ochaco , who was now a coward behind the kachan , flushed red. I don't think she was for the same reason as everyone else though. I could tell she was trying to be angry, but seemed to be failing. Bakugou seemed to notice this too.
I wonder why this girl is flirting with him right now, and what was with that nickname.
"H-hey. Um do you two know each other or something."
"No" they replied simultaneously.
"I-um..huh?"
"Oh, right, my bad. Hi, I already introduced my name, but I should explain. You are the attractive fire quirk boy I saw at the sports festival. When I saw how angry you looked, and the fucking DOPE aura you gave off, I begged to get transfered here. Got in on recomendaciones so I could meet you." She said not seeming to care about how truly creep that all sounds.
"THE FUCK, YOU STALKER!ILL KILL YOU!" kachan screamed, subtly grabbing onto his girlfriend's hand, I suppose an effort to comfort her without being 'nice'
"Hm? Oh...yeah. Well, you could say I am like a stalker. However, for a stalker i'm very pretty, so if you could just ignore that..."
"YOU AREN'T PRETTY BRAT, GO SUCK A DICK AND GET OUT OF HERE!"
"Well, that is what I came to you for..." she, again, had a serious aura change and a cocked eyebrow, this time retracting her finger to put her hands in her pockets.
"I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU SLUT"
"Woah, woah, hey, calm down"
I get that he is trying to be protective, but calling a girl a slut is never okay. I wish I could fight back more, but it's not every hero- like to do so without talking first.
"SHUT UP NERD"
After that small exchange everybody's attention fell back to the girl. I think her name was y/n. She looked a bit defeated, I could tell she had a crush on kachan, even if it was small. Her face is blank but usually in situations like this girls get all...tears eyed and. Oh no.
I stood up right next to her.
"Dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry"
"Huh?" She looked over at me confused.
"Dont cry?"
"Why would I cry?"
"Because he has a girlfriend" Ochaco seemed to be making her way out from behind kachan, also a bit nervous for if y/n was to get sad.
"Oh, uhm, I guess i'll just have to be the better person for him or something?" She ...asked herself.
"I've never done this before, but the look in your eyes has a fire behind it, and I wanna see it up close. I'm not gonna give up, we only spoke this once and that's definitely not enough." She made eye contact with him the whole time. Even stated her words like fact. Now, it may have just been me, but he almost smirked.
"That's all, see you in class later!" In class? She is in 1-b? Did she transfer?
Ochaco was now side by side with bakugou looking furious at the new girl. While I eerily peeked up at him and his scary red eyes. They did a quick, up and down movement...I don't think anyone else could have seen it, but I did. Then he went down again and stayed there a bit, he was looking straight past me, so I turned.
There I saw...the new girls butt! He? He checked out her- oh no. Why do I feel like this is the start of something terrible for me....
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Hello new readers, it is me...the autor. Anyone who is ready for this is my favorite bc I don't get many ready. Also sorry for the horny midoriya, if I'm making the characters not innocent, he isnt an exception lmao.
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The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition
Yep, seven. Kind of a lot for a “whole foods” guy, right?
Don’t worry, I’ll explain.
If you’re even a casual NMA reader, you know it’s been a loooong time since I wrote two blog posts in a week. We’re talking years, I think.
Well, I’m here to boldly declare that I’m back. My goal for the year, No Meat Athlete’s 10th anniversary year, is to write a blog post per week, on average. Not because I should, but because I really want to — the time away has renewed my enthusiasm. And after going for so long without writing regularly, I’ve got a lot I’m excited to share.
But writing more is just one of my goals. This year, I gave myself permission to set a bunch of them — not just one or two, like I usually tell people is best — and to make them BIG.
Upgrading the OS
It didn’t take long, though, for me to realize that in order to do more, my “operating system” needs to be better — which means upgrading my daily habits, and to pay particular attention to nutrition, since that affects just about everything else.
For several years now I’ve been careful to cover the bases: vitamin B12, vitamin D, and DHA/EPA, just to safeguard myself against common deficiencies of a vegan diet (and many other diets, too, by the way). But now I’m paying more attention to things like sleep, recovery from workouts, nagging injuries, and even long-term prevention — and because of that, I find myself both more diligent and more experimental with supplements.
Don’t worry, this isn’t the post where Matt turns into a biohacker. In general, my philosophy is still “whole foods first,” and probably always will be. (Not the store — in that case, it’s actually “Whole Foods second,” after we’ve gotten everything we can at a cheaper place!)
In fact, you’ll see that several of what I call “supplements” actually are whole foods; it’s just that I take them like a robot would take fuel. If robots ran on fuel.
So here goes. I’ve listed the daily dose I take next to each.
1. Complement (provides B12, D3, and DHA/EPA) — This one is actually a three-for. I’ve written about Complement at length, since it’s the supplement I created, so I won’t spend long on this one. In a nutshell, here’s why the nutrients it provides are so important:
Vitamin B12 (1000mcg) is just about a no-brainer for vegans. I know there are still a few purists out there who say we can get enough B12 from dirty produce, but I just don’t see the point. Even many non-vegans are deficient in B12, and when I didn’t take it in my first few years of being vegan, I experienced symptoms of deficiency. So I take it, and make sure my kids do too.
Vitamin D3 (2000IU) is the best form of vitamin D, which our bodies make in response to sunlight. Unfortunately, the combination of our modern, indoorsy lifestyles (plus knowledge about the dangers of UV exposure) and a plant-based diet leaves many of us “D-ficient.” Dr. Greger and others recommend supplementing with 2,000 IU of vitamin D daily, so that’s what I take.
Finally, DHA (300mg) and EPA (70mg) are two long-chain omega-3 fatty acids that are important for brain health. We can get ALA, which is another omega-3, from vegan foods like flaxseeds and walnuts, so many vegans assume they’ve got omega-3’s covered. But it turns out that although some people can efficiently convert ALA into DHA and EPA, many cannot. I haven’t done the testing to know whether I or my wife and kids can, so that’s why I take it in supplement form, derived from algae.
You can learn more about Complement here, but see the note at the bottom of this blog post first.
2. Creatine (5g) — This is strictly for building muscle and increasing strength, so I only take creatine when I’m trying to bulk up or doing a strength sport. Creatine is an amino acid that our bodies do make, so it’s not essential. And although we’re completely fine without it, I find it absolutely helps me to build muscle, and the extra motivation that comes from that is reason enough to take it, given that it’s well-studied and appears to be completely safe. (There’s some evidence to suggest creatine helps vegetarians perform better on tests of memory, too.)
3. Magnesium (350mg) — As I mentioned in a recent podcast episode (“Matt’s Quest for Deeper Sleep”), lately I’ve been obsessed with increasing the amount of deep sleep I get each night, as measured by an OURA ring that tells me how much time I spend in each sleep phase.
I get plenty of total sleep, and plenty of REM sleep, but very little deep sleep (which, oddly, is not as “deep” as REM). Deep sleep is very important for tissue repair and recovery. I haven’t figured out whether my body just happens to need less deep sleep than others, or whether it’s something about my diet, lifestyle, and sleep habits that prevents me from getting more of it.
I’ve been experimenting with a lot of small changes, ranging from obvious ones — like eliminating light from my bedroom at night and limiting screen time after about 7pm — to making changes to my diet (especially around caffeine and alcohol) and supplementing.
Magnesium is a mineral that’s associated with improved sleep and helpful in the absorption of iodine (see below), so it’s a natural one to test.
I’ve only been taking magnesium for 10 days or so, but I suspect that it’s responsible for adding roughly 10 minutes of deep sleep each night. Which doesn’t seem like much, but when I typically only get 30 minutes or so, I’ll take whatever I can get!
Once I figure this shiz out, I’ll write a whole blog post about my sleep project.
‘Supplements’ that are Actually Food
4. Brazil nut (1 small one provides ~100mcg selenium) — We don’t need much selenium, but we absolutely need it. Selenium deficiency is linked to certain cancers, Alzheimer’s disease, and Parkinson’s disease. And, thanks to soil depletion, most plant-based diets are low in selenium. Luckily, a single, small Brazil nut each day provides more than enough. So I eat one a day, in my smoothie, and selenium is taken care of.
(Incidentally, one of the reasons I love the daily smoothie is that it’s easy to toss in things like a Brazil nut, flaxseeds, a slice of turmeric… things I want to eat each day but don’t show up in my diet on their own.)
5. Iodized salt (60mcg iodine per quarter-teaspoon salt) — Let’s be clear here, there’s no reason to supplement with salt; in fact we should limit our intake. It’s the iodine that I want; the fortified salt just happens to be a convenient way to get it.
Iodine used to be in our soil, but with modern agriculture, it’s less plentiful in our food than it once was. Which wouldn’t be a big deal, except that iodine deficiency affects two billion people (!) and is the leading preventable cause of intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Which is why they put it in our salt. Except we vegans like to be natural, so many of us choose unrefined sea salt… which usually doesn’t have iodine added to it.
Non-vegans actually get some iodine from the cleaning products used on dairy processing equipment that make their way into the milk, so it’s less a concern for them. Vegans should make sure we have an iodine source, whether supplemental or with fortified salt.
6. Tart cherry juice (1oz concentrate or 8oz juice) — Tart cherry juice has been shown to reduce inflammation and muscle soreness after workouts, which is why I’ve been a fan for a long time.
Most days out of the week now, I do Muay Thai, a form of kickboxing, and get pretty beat up in the process. So I have a renewed interest in the benefits tart cherries provide.
I don’t like to drink any juice on a daily basis; in general whole fruit is much better. But immediately after workouts is one time when juice may be one of the best things we can consume, for its speed in reaching the bloodstream. So that’s when I try to take my tart cherry juice, about an ounce a day.
7. Turmeric (1 tsp ground or a quarter-inch slice fresh) — Faddish, perhaps, but I think turmeric is legit. There’s a lot of research about how it can help with everything from muscle repair to recovering from hospital surgery, not to mention reducing the risks of cancer and heart disease.
Dr. Greger recommends either a quarter-teaspoon of ground turmeric or a quarter-inch slice of the fresh root daily. Fresh and ground actually do different things, so I try to mix them up, and almost always eat it in combination with black pepper to increase bioavailability.
If I don’t use ground turmeric in cooking or don’t add a slice of fresh to my smoothie, then at night I’ll take it in pill form (turmeric, not just curcumin). But I much prefer getting it in whole-food form.
Blurring the Food/Supplement Line
I actually could go further with the “foods I view as supplements” list, but there’s not a clear dividing line between these and the rest of my food.
For example, green tea. I don’t really drink it like tea: in order to extract the most nutrients, I steep it at close to boiling temperature and for much longer than the tea-types recommend, producing a drink far more tannic and bitter than green tea traditionally is. Or I’ll put the tea leaves directly into my smoothie, not for flavor but for nutrition. Similar with flaxseeds — I don’t eat them as snacks like I do other nuts and seeds; instead I just add them to my smoothie because I know how healthy they are.
But I had to draw the line somewhere. So I did.
What’s Missing?
Believe it or not, there are two other supplements I believe I should be taking, but am not, simply because it’s not convenient to take more pills and I’ve been lazy about it. These are zinc and vitamin K2, both of which are likely deficiencies in plant-based diets.
Zinc: Beans provide plenty of zinc; the problem is that the phytates in beans interfere with absorption. Zinc may be especially important for heart health, and given family history, this is important to me.
K2: Vegans can get plenty of K1 from leafy greens, but K2 isn’t found in almost any plant-based foods, especially not in the West. (It is in natto, a Japanese, fermented soy product, but unfortunately not in tempeh, sauerkraut, or other fermented foods in reliable and appreciable amounts.) K2 is important for both bone and heart health, so not something I want to be missing.
To the Rescue…
Good news here, though. This week, an upgraded version of Complement, called Complement Plus, ships for the first time. (Mine is supposed to arrive today!)
It’s in capsule form instead of a spray, and for me will drastically simplify my supplementation routine, not just by filling the zinc and K2 void, but also by providing iodine, selenium, magnesium (all of which I’m currently making the effort to get into my diet), and of course the “Big 3” that are already in Complement.
When I first announced Complement Plus last year as a pre-order, we sold through everything we had allocated for it. But now we’ve got a few hundred bottles from this first shipment that we can sell, so next week I’ll send the details about how to get a special NMA-reader discount on Complement Plus.
If you’re thinking about getting Complement or Complement Plus, I’d join the email list and wait until then.
It feels great to be writing again. Look for a new post from me next week, and every week after that!
The post The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition appeared first on No Meat Athlete.
First found here: The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition
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