#bears are simple: don’t surprise them; don’t let them get habituated to humans; don’t get in between a mama bear and her babies

[hatshepsut9]

Man: won’t be able to smell your campsite, but might have a gun

Bear: can be kept away by shouting “hey bear”, definitely does not have a gun

Both: you can pepper spray them if they’re trying to kill you

The question to women that’s gone viral:

Would you rather be in the woods alone w a man or a bear?

Majority of women said bear.

Why? Because even if it did maul us, the following would happen-

1. We wouldn’t be blamed for the attack

2. We would be believed

3. People would hunt down that bear without giving it a second thought

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

You ask for prompts and I'm here again to seek new content to read: 3. How often do/can they see each other (due to living on different planets, having stressful jobs, etc) with Gashir (/Garakshir) 🤩🤩

 Eyyyyy. I am just gonna… casually fold into this… a little trans-Bashir as a treat…. because it’s trans day of visibility!!! Also I hc Cardassians as intersex, in the sense of they as a species don’t call themselves intersex, but their genders are far more loosely determined at birth, because there’s not really sexual dimorphism (or rather, there is, but it’s so many different factors that it’s not classified) and then gendering comes later in life depending on what role they’re supposed to play in society ahem – different post to make!

Also Garak has a tail in this, also casually.. also this got longer than intended… oops?

—– Letter Analysis ——

1.

Their lives have a sort of normality that many families in this day and age exist with. Space travel, careers that necessitate being off-planet for long stretches at a time, the struggles of being a representative for entire planets or systems, all of this isn’t out of the ordinary.

Still, it takes them a little while to adjust, if only because they spent so long not getting it together that now that they have, well, they want to savour it. On the flip-side their relationship functions much better than so many who enter into partnerships of some kind without fully considering the difficulties of spending so much time apart and inevitably crumble.

Because of all that time they know, without a doubt, that their lives are entwined for good, regardless of how much of it they spend without one another’s physical company.

They fall into letter-writing naturally. After all, they had been doing the same before, why stop now.  

2.

It has become something of a competition at this point: who can write the longest letter. Thus far, Julian is winning and Elim is still in the process of reading his when they see one another again. He pretends to be blasé about it, but Julian can read him easily these days. He wonders at the time when he couldn’t and can’t really picture it.

While Elim is giving him a back-handed compliment at the way he’s managed to fold three words worth of content into whole paragraphs, Julian realises that he’s never known anyone as well as he knows Elim. And every detail of himself is known in turn. From the scars of his chest surgery that he purposefully kept, to the ridges at the base of Elim’s tail, it feels like everything about them was perfectly made for the other.

It’s strange, how many tiny moments are filled with love, they both learn.

(After Elim sends him a letter of 3000 pages, Julian simply answers: You win).

3.

They consider what it would be like to have a family with the way their lives are run. Elim generally lives on Cardassia unless his diplomatic duties take him elsewhere, while Julian is hopping from emergency to medical find to distress call to conference.

Still, they approach the matter on the premise that it will happen. Their letters during these years follow a trajectory of thought with little variation, as they can’t actually be together for the discussion.

They discuss pregnancy – both of them are capable of bearing a child, but the time needed (nine earth months for humans, even longer for cardassians) makes it a challenging prospect. Moreover Julian and Elim, each for their own reason, have issues with concepts surrounding an uncontrollable force fundamentally changing their bodies.

It doesn’t take them long to agree that adoption was always the only option. Still there’s the matter of their careers being incompatible with children. Neither of them wants to put a child in harm’s way and both of their careers contain elements of danger. I believe, writes Elim drily and with an underlying sadness that Julian wishes he could heal, that this sixth assassination attempt may contain a sign that a child would not be particularly safe in my company.

4.

The way this resolves itself is oddly perfect for what they need and who they are and comes through both of their continued work with mixed-species war-orphans, who more often than not are homeless, ostrasized and suffering from any number of easily treatable diseases. Garak opens a series of institutions in the name of Ziyal and habitually lends a hand in their various gardens where he befriends a number of the kids.

This plan also works to ground a lot of Julian’s focus in the space of mixed-species research, specifically writing papers on the future of the galaxy needing to see species integration for the sake of these kids as an inevitability as cultures mix and to understand the medical and cultural implications thereof.

Kira and Ro get heavily involved on the Bajoran side of things – in general a bunch of adults from DS9 days come together to give kids a better chance than they had.  

Beyond that though, they come to realise that they’re okay on family. With these kids – many of whom they get to know personally over the years – with Molly and Yoshi O'Brien and Rebecca Sisko getting older and the two of them functioning as uncles, there’s more than enough for them to be getting on with on the children front: Elim and I were very happy to see you all again – Don’t worry, I’ll keep Yoshi safe – we’ll be making a stop at Bajor where Nerys is very excited to see him again –

Their circle is actually a sizeable, cross-galaxy household. They come to realise that it doesn’t matter if your family is someone you can’t see often, what matters is they’re all inhabiting the same space.

5.

They don’t argue often. With the lack of time they have together, what would be the point of raising petty squabbles. There are things like the time Julian forgot about a very important dinner that Elim was a guest of honour at, which opened up a box of the kind of loneliness Elim thought he’d overcome, but it wasn’t about anger or arguing, it was about the two of them figuring out that sometimes this not seeing one another was actually damned hard. It was about asking for forgiveness and receiving it even before the asking. It was about making sure that they wouldn’t let things ever be unsaid, because their time together – comparative to their whole lives – was always going to be so short.

The actual worst long-standing consequence is that Elim and Julian are political celebrities, and so whatever tabloid-equivalent exists publishes one thousand pieces on their apparently irreconcilable relationship. Julian finds himself referred to as everything from a “heartthrob who found he needed more,” to “a cheater who habitually has several affairs at once.”

It’s amazing, remarks Elim in his latest letter, how these kinds of spurious articles are written even today, and how they still don’t seem to know the facts. On that note I hope you have a wonderful time with Data, and Parmak sends his love from my lap - it’s making it very hard to write this.

6.

They’re both twenty years older by now, but things aren’t slowing down with their work by the looks of things. Julian’s work centres more and more on the various groups whose medical needs are considered less valid or even non-medical, because of their social status and who often have medical issues of kinds that don’t come up in normative societies – mixed-species, augments, A.I. (for awhile his standing suffers, when he argues that mechanical needs for A.I. ought to be taught in Starfleet Medical), non-bipedal species, Ex-B’s, Jem'Hadar, clones.

Elim keeps his Carrington Award on the wall for everyone to see. Partly to mess with him – To The Prestigious Winner of the CA – many of his letters begin for several years after, but mostly out of pride.

(In return and with as much love, Julian addresses him as Ambassador and Castellan – the joke evolves as they find ever more flowery titles for one another. Julian wins this one: My Dearest, the Ambassador to the United Federation of planets, Castellan of the Cardassian Union, Blusher when Being Whispered Compliments about the Length of Your Tail, Not-So-Secret Reader of Austen and Pratchett, Seducer of Doctors (No Doubt Currently Spluttering in Denial), Possessor of Biteable Ridges (Blushing Again, I Hope) and of My Heart… this opening continues a further four pages. The letter itself reads: I expect to land on Cardassia within the next three days. Surprise.)

7.

At the end of it all, Julian finally comes to Cardassia for good. Along the way it’s become his home more than any planet, station, starship, or system, for the simple fact that he’s been returning to Elim, and Elim is home.

There’s a strangeness to all the time they have. The walks they take, the languid mornings, the discussions of books they’ve read whilst in each other’s company, it’s all far more surreal than the years spent wanting to see one another again and catching whatever moments they could.

They can’t shake the habit of writing one another letters, even as they’re sitting in the same room. They don’t need to be long or well-formed any more, although occasionally silly competitions spring up, just for fun.

The one Julian’s reading right now, as Elim’s tail languidly curls around his waist, simply says: I am glad that you’re finally home – E

–— The End ——

Submissions for drabbles are now closed, thank you for sending me asks!

[fyrapartnersearch]

It’s 𝔉𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔰𝔶 𝔗𝔦𝔪𝔢, y’all.

Well hey there, stranger! My name's Samvs and I'm kind of in the market for a new writing partner or two. Let me save you some time and give you the important deets up front:

⭐ 21+

⭐ M/M

⭐ Multi-Para / Novella

⭐ Modern or Premodern Fantasy/Horror

⭐ Discord and/or Email

⭐️ EST (if that matters? I guess?)

Still with me? Rad~

Like everyone else posting on here, I'm a huge nerd, y'all. I'm absolutely the type to make playlists for every character and universe, to make big ass Pintrest boards for muses and locations and pets (its an excuse to look at dog pics, tho, lets be real,) and I absolutely love sharing stuff like that with my writing partners. That being said, if that's not your style, that's totally fine! I'm absolutely cool with most styles of collaboration!

That's really what roleplaying is about for me - collaboration. I love writing SO MUCH, but I'm not the type of person to write out a whole novel on my own, so I absolutely adore ooc chatter about the plot, the characters, the fucking memes they would send each other, whatever it may be!

I swear I won't chew your ear off all the time, but you're cordially invited to fantasize with me ✨

As for content, I’m pretty open. Yeah, there’s those few taboo subjects that most folk agree not to touch, but violence, sexuality and dark themes are the salt and pepper of literature. Gotta have a little darkness in your paintings according to Bob Ross, and his word is law. I don’t make the rules.

I don’t like fading to black unless the scene feels repetitive, and while I don’t have any specific kinks to insert, I can’t imagine most of my characters (or anyone else, tbh,) being solely into vanilla missionary.

This is the part where I admit I'm probably not going to be a good match for you if you crave daily replies. I also crave daily replies, but I literally cannot manage my life, my chores, my job, my stupid needy cat and everything else WITH as much writing as I'd like to do a day. I'd guess my average rate of response is a day to three, but there are going to certainly be times when I can hit you back much faster.

In short, I might need a little patience, but I'm more than happy to extend the same to you.

Speaking of, I'm also really not the type to be too butthurt if you bail. It's nice to get a message, but I mean, that's really awkward and I FULLY UNDERSTAND being overwhelmed and stepping away from writing for a bit. If you wanna come back, but the fire sort of faded for the story, hey, that's fine! I have about a billion plots to launch your way and as long as we get along, I'll be here when you're ready to work on something new!

On to those plots, though, because that's the good shit, right? Like, that's what we HERE FOR. Below you'll find a list of concepts I already have rolled up fairly tight into almost-plots; they're flexible and destructible and if combinable, so if anything really speaks to you in pieces, we can work with that! I’m a huge fan of larger casts, too, so if you’re here for an expanding universe, then I am too! In most of these, I don't have a preference for role, but in those that do I've bolded the role that I would prefer <b>you</b> to play.

<I> As a heads up, I've been listening to a lot of true crime podcasts lately so you might spot a bit of a theme in some of them lmao</i>

MODERN:

⭐ Journalist x <b>Investigator/Retired Officer </b>:

<i>[A little bit like modern D&D.] A charismatic Tiefling crime journalist meets an experienced investigator through work and talks this delightfully rough subject into a series of in-depth interviews. Though they have very little in common aside from an expansive mental catalog of crime scene photography, they find themselves talking long after the recording stops each time they meet. When the journalist finds himself suddenly embroiled in real danger, and without the benefit of being able to take it to the police, he turns to his newfound friend. What seemed like simple violence is only the tip of the iceberg, though, and it's up to the two of them to do what they can to divert the Titanic.</I>

⭐ Professional Witch x Client:

<I> Magic mingles with the mundane, and like with every other aspect of western life, cash is king. As long as you have money, witching agencies will be happy to help you find a mystic solution for your mostly monotonous worries, whether you need to break a curse... or cast one.</I>

⭐️ Werewolf x Dog Lover:

<I> There’s been a big, strange dog laying in the alleyway beside your house all night, and it’s dumping rain. You can’t just leave the poor pooch out there, right? Maybe he needs a home! </I>

⭐️ Drug Dealer x <b>Cop</b>:

<I> There’s a new party drug on the scene, and it’s making habitual users go feral. Literally. The morphing power of the euphoric powder known as Glimmer isn’t intended, however, and when it’s Fae producer is confronted by an officer on the case of a disappeared partygoer, they realize that there’s more going on here than just a little too much Hoovering. Fae politics and human laws have trapped them in a tight labyrinth that they’ll need each other’s help to navigate and survive.</I>

⭐️ Bonus Concepts:

<I> Fae realms, the intersection of fantasy and politics, odd couples, modern adventuring parties with diverse casts, nonhuman subculture </I>

HISTORICAL/MEDIEVAL:

⭐️ Fae x Adventurer

<I> It’s not every day one stumbles upon a mystic being and survives, and it’s even less common to come out on top. When a wandering adventurer finds a Fae trapped in an iron hunter’s snare in the wilderness, he’s wary to wisdom about setting it free. After cajoling and bargaining and begging, the Fae finally strikes a deal with the mortal; freedom in exchange for a wish. The adventurer can’t make a decision, though, and soon realizes that the Fae can’t leave him until he does, bound by the law of his own magic. Desperate to keep the powerful and beautiful creature with him, he stalls as long as he can. Maybe his wish is just not to be lonesome any longer. </I>

⭐️ Witch x <b>Inquisitor</b>

<I>Most villages have themselves a witch or a cunnung woman, a sage whose strangeness is tolerated in exchange for advice, cures and the promise of peace and prosperity through a little magic when the gods aren’t looking. This village happens to have a cunning fellow, who, perhaps unwisely, takes in a burgled and beaten stranger found on the roadside. It’s not until the unconscious man is already in his home that the witch realized he’s carried back a debilitated inquisitor, a stranger who may bring word of such country practices back to his leaders. Afraid that the burning arm of the church might turn towards his home, the witch has to either hide, show the inquisitor that his people are harmless, or... well, the dead don’t talk, after all, even if that does go against the his vow to defend life. What’s a witch to do? </I>

⭐️ Witch x <b>Fae/Demon</b>

<I> Same inquisition, different witch. Captured by the church and set to burn at the stake, there’s little hope for this one. Resigned to die, the witch is more than surprised when an otherworldly creature offers him a chance at freedom. It comes at a cost: he will be bound to the creature, in body and soul. Depending on his chaotic sponsor’s temperament, that could mean a life of learning deeper magics... or a life of torment and enslavement. A bad life is better than being on fire, though, right?</I>

⭐️ Thief x Warlock

<I> What’s shady, nasty, and might dirk you for a copper piece? Well, it’s both of them, actually. Two adventurers squabble over the prize stored in the city auction house, having both decided to steal it on the same night in unfortunate coincidence. One desires it’s power, the other, it’s weight in gold. Neither realize that they’ve both stumbled into an ancient trap until they split the burden of the curse the artifact truly bears. The curse binds them, and they have no choice but to work together to lift it before it claims their lives. Perhaps fate brought them together... or perhaps it was the wicked call of ancient spirits, begging for release. </I>

⭐️ Bonus Concepts:

<I> Dark magic, pacts and promises, curses, metropolitan adventures and sewer spelunking, social inequality based on fantasy aspects.</I>

It’s a lot of shit, I know. I wrote it. On a <I>phone</I>.

If any of that sounds like your jam and you’re interested in writing with me, then hit me up!

Contact me at <b>transcendthehvnt@gmail.com</b> and we’ll talk it out!

✨

[khione]

Chris McCandless MBTI: ISFP

Reread Into The Wild and felt the need to analyze Chris’s type. Basically just a compilation of quotes from the book and what function I think they display. 

Italics are Chris’s own words, otherwise it’s what has been said about him. 

Fi:

[after being asked if he had a hunting license] “Hell no. How I feed myself is none of the government’s business. Fuck their stupid rules.” 

“He always wore shoes without socks- he just plain couldn’t stand to wear socks. But McDonald’s has a rule that employees have to wear appropriate footwear at all times. That means shoes and socks. Chris would comply with the rule, but as soon as his shift was over, bang!- the first thing he’d do is peel those socks off. I mean the very first thing. Kind of like a statement, to let us know we didn’t own him, I guess.”

“Didn’t like to be around too many people, though. Temperamental. He meant good, but I think he had a lot of complexes- know what I’m saying? Liked to read books by that Alaska guy, Jack London. Never said much. He’d get moody, wouldn’t like to be bothered. Seemed like a kid who was looking for something, looking for something, just didn’t know what it was.” 

“McCandless explained that he’d grown tired of the ‘plastic people’ he worked with.” 

“Burres also got McCandless to accept some long underwear and other warm clothing she thought he’d need in Alaska. ‘He eventually took it to shut me up,’ she laughs, ‘but the day after he left, I found most of it in the van. He’d pulled it out of his pack when we weren’t looking and hid it under the seat.’”

“Chris thought it was a stupid rule and decided to ignore it.” 

“Chris had so much natural talent, but if you tried to coach him, to polish his skill, to bring out that final ten percent, a wall went up. He resisted instruction of any kind.” 

“..he could be really hard on himself. And he wouldn’t want to talk about it. If I tried to console him, he’d act annoyed and brush me off. He internalized the disappointment. He’d go off alone somewhere and beat himself up.” 

“When Walt and Billie suggested that he needed a college degree to attain a fulfilling career, Chris answered that careers were demeaning ‘twentieth century inventions’, more of a liability than an asset, and that he would do fine without one, thank you.” 

“Chris just didn’t like being told what to do. I think he would have been unhappy with any parents; he had trouble with the whole idea of parents.” 

“He did not confront his parents with what he knew, then or ever. He chose instead to make a secret of his dark knowledge and express his rage obliquely, in silence and sullen withdrawal.” 

“All true meaning resides in in the personal relationship to a phenomenon, what it means to you.”

Se:

“So I explained that trees don’t grow real big in that part of the state, that a bear could knock down one of them skinny little black spruce without even trying. But he wouldn’t give an inch. He had an answer for everything I threw at him.”

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met you though. Tramping is too easy with all this money. My days were more exciting when I was penniless and had to forage around for my next meal.” 

“The freedom and simple beauty of it is just too good to pass up.”

“It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found.” 

“He also turned the tables and started lecturing the grandfatherly figure about the shortcomings of his sedentary existence, urging the eighty-year-old to sell most of his belongings, move out of the apartment, and live on the road.”

“He interrogated me at gunpoint, then growled, ‘If I ever see you around this train again, I’ll kill ya! Hit the road!’ What a lunatic! I got the last laugh when I caught the same train 5 minutes later and rode it all the way to Oakland.”

“The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” 

“Don’t hesitate or allow yourself to make excuses. Just get out and do it. Just get out and do it. You will be very, very glad that you did.”

“Chris was fearless even when he was little. He didn’t think the odds applied to him. We were always trying to pull him back from the edge.” 

“Nuance, strategy, and anything beyond the rudimentaries of technique were wasted on Chris. The only way he cared to tackle a challenge was head-on, right now, applying the full brunt of his extraordinary energy. And he was often frustrated as a consequence.” 

“Chris didn’t like going through channels, working within the system, waiting his turn. He’d say ‘Come on Eric, we can raise enough money to go to South Africa on our own, right now. It’s just a matter of deciding to do it.’” 

“If you attempted to talk him out of something, he wouldn’t argue. He’d just nod politely and then do exactly what he wanted.” 

Ni:

“I think maybe part of what got him into trouble was that he did too much thinking. Sometimes he tried too hard to make sense of the world, to figure out why people were so bad to each other so often. A couple of times I tried to tell him it was a mistake to get too deep into that kind of stuff, but Alex got stuck on things. He always had to know the absolute right answer before he could go on to the next thing.” 

“You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.” 

“Everything I said, he’d demand to know more about what I meant, about why I thought this way or that. He was hungry to learn about things. Unlike most of us, he was the sort of person who insisted on living out his beliefs.” 

“He’d tell us to think about all the evil in the world, all the hatred, and imagine ourselves running against the forces of darkness, the evil wall that was trying to keep us from running our best.” 

“You weren’t supposed to think about heavy-duty stuff in high school. But I did, and he did, too, which is why we hit it off. We’d hang out during snack break at his locker and talk about life, the state of the world, serious things. I’m black, and I could never figure out why everyone made such a big deal about race. Chris would talk to me about that kind of thing. He understood. He was always questioning stuff in the same way.”

“He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered.’ He possessed grand- some would say grandiose- spiritual ambitions.” 

Te:

“If he started a job, he’d finish it. It was almost like a moral thing for him. He was what you’d call extremely ethical. He set pretty high standards for himself.”

“McCandless’s face would darken with anger and he’d fulminate about his parents or politicians or the endemic idiocy of mainstream American life.” 

“..relieved that he had again evaded the impending threat of human intimacy, of friendship, and all the messy emotional baggage that comes with it.” 

“Chris submitted to Walt’s authority through high school and college to a surprising degree, but the boy raged inwardly all the while. He brooded at length over what he perceived to be his father’s moral shortcomings, the hypocrisy of his parent’s lifestyle, the tyranny of their conditional love.” 

“You couldn’t argue with him. He’d come back with something like ‘Oh, so I guess you just don’t care about right and wrong.’” 

“Chris didn’t understand how people could possibly be allowed to go hungry, especially in this country. He would rave about that kind of thing for hours.” 

“He tended to see things in black and white. He measured himself and those around him by an impossibly rigorous moral code.” 

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/short-funny-quotes-for-any-occasion/

Short funny quotes for any occasion

Has your life been so tough that you cannot remember the last time you smiled? Or even laughed? It happens. Life sometimes decides to betray us and throw us under the bus, draining all the little energy we have and leave us dealing with just too much to afford a good time. However, it is never too late to take a moment and treat yourself to some good time, no matter what. These funny quotes about life may just be the best therapy for you right now. Check them out!

Life is not all about a straight face and furrowed eyebrows. Sometimes all you need is to pause, loosen up, forget about all your troubles and just get lost in the moment. If you have nothing to make you laugh right now, these funny quotes jokes and sayings couldn’t come any other time.

Funny quotes about life

Can you really miss something to say about life? Of course, not in this life! Though life can be hard, tough, too heavy of a burden to bear, we still find a moment to appreciate some funny quotes, happiness and joyful witty sayings about life, just like these ones below!

My silence spoke a thousand words nevertheless you never heard nothing.

My bed is a mystical place where I suddenly recall everything I forgot to do.

Agree to receive who you are. Lest you’re a liquidator.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it having life itself.

I’m sure the world is full of brilliant life. It’s just been too brilliant to come here.

Deception gets halfway around the entire world before the truth even gets a chance to get its pants on.

I may be roaring drunk, Miss, but in the morning, I will be clear-headed and you will still be ugly

Life is agony. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

Two things are endless: the universe and human mindlessness; and I’m not sure about the universe.

Two wrongs don’t make you justified, but they make a good excuse.

Life habitually provides a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.

READ ALSO: 30 best inspirational life quotes to empower your success

Funny quotes about love

Love can always be expressed in many ways. Sometimes in serious tones, painful tones and sometimes just by a happy-go-lucky tone. These funny quotes love sayings are perfect for recounting the fun times you had with your loved ones.

They say that love is more important than money, nevertheless, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

Love is a reciprocal self-giving which ends in self-recovery.

You can’t truly know someone until you have a strong feeling of affection towards them.

Be married by a man of your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight fade away.

Yes, it’s true that love conquers all things excluding poverty and toothache.

Marriage has no warranty. If that’s what you seek, you better go live with a car.

Romance is the glaze, but love is the cake.

My best contraceptive now is just to leave the lights on.

Come on, I wasn’t kissing her, I was just mumbling in her mouth.

Love is the only kind of fire that has no insurance policy.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can ever have, the older she gets, the more focused he is in her.

It’s dangerous to make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours aren’t blind like love is.

Of course; love is sightless yet marriage is a real eye-opener.

Funny quotes about relationship

The survival of man depends on relationships. No man can exist without any sort of relationship. Be it romantic, symbiotic, or anything, man needs relationships to survive. But most of all, man thrives in a relationship that is full of good moments. These funny quotes relationships tips are a perfect way to express this.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a dirt bag.

READ ALSO: Inspiring new beginning quotes

Funny quotes about relationships

No, you simply cannot survive without a little dose of humour. No relationship can survive without humour. Even if the relationship does not last, even if it left you hurt and broken, these funny quotes life and relationship sayings are what you need to move on.

If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back

I like my coffee like I like my men. I don’t drink coffee.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of is missing, and what’s there stinks.

I’m happy with my relationship status: I’m about to get married. I just don’t know to who yet.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.

The Venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.

READ ALSO: Best music quotes and sayings

Funny quotes about school

There is no point in taking school too serious now, is there? We all go to school to learn and have fun while at it. Check out these funny quotes school sayings and remarks. They will surely make your study life worth a memory.

I just said school starts tomorrow but I never said I was gonna to be there.

As long as algebra is still taught in school, we aren’t going to stop prayer in school.

I go to school, yes, but I never learn what I really want to know.

Whenever I say I miss school, I mean my playmates and classmates and the funny stuff. Not the school.

Did you know; Education is a continuous discovery of our own incomprehension.

You’re taught a lesson then given a test in school but life teaches you a lesson for the test that you’re given.

It’s very impossible for a man to assimilate what he thinks he had it already.

Funny quotes about friends

The main reason why we all got friends is that they make our life worth living. Sometimes they annoy the hell out of us, but most times they create memories that we can never outlive them. And, sometimes, all they do is to put smiles on our faces. These funny quotes for friends perfectly express what friendship stands for in a humorous way.

Friends are like walls, at times you incline on them and at times its better just knowing that they are there.

Did you know that good friends are like stars, you can’t see them always but you know they’re there?

I’m not sure which one is tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

Oh yes; good friends don’t let their friends do crazy stuff alone.

It’s only me and my best friend that do liaise with just facial expressions.

Funny quotes about life lessons

Life is a school in itself. Actually, it is the only school where learning never ends. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but no matter the outcome, you will always walk away with a lesson. The best way to express these lessons is by using funny quotes short sayings and thoughts that compound major lessons into short phrases.

My hypothesis says that the hardest task anyone does in life is to appear normal.

Actually, you can’t always supervise who walks into your life but you can always decide which window you throw them out of your life.

Life’s a garden you simply need to tent it and make it look better.

I realized that life isn’t just a crazy joke, because I don’t just get it.

Relax, life doesn’t have to be ideal to be marvellous.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Funny quotes about birthday

Yay! It’s a birthday. The only day we are allowed to drench others in water as a way of marking a major milestone in their lives. What other better way to express such lovely moments than to use funny quotes pictures and funny quotes motivation phrases to remember such beautiful moments.

You’ve already had of the three ages of man – youth, age, and “you are still strong and looking wonderful.”

You are only young once, but you can stay childish always.

Hey! I hope your birthday is just the beginning of a year full of happiness, Happy birthday!

Happy birthday! You may grow a year old every year, but I hope your spirit remains youthful and stronger.

A simple commemoration, a tweetup of friends; here is wishing you great pleasure, a joy that never ends. Happy birthday buddy.

I can’t believe that someone so troublesome and childish grew up to be someone so lovely. Happy Birthday.

Before you go out today, empty your pockets because It’s your day to have others treat you! I hope you enjoy your birthday-day.

As a surprise gift, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me so I brought myself.

I made you a birthday cake to celebrate, but I couldn’t light the candles; only because the fire department requires a permit for bonfires. Chuckles and cheers!!!!!!.

You want to laugh and forget all troubles? Make use of the best funny quotes for any occasion. A smile a day may just be what you need to keep the doctor away.

Source: Tuko.co.ke

Source: https://www.tuko.co.ke/289685-short-funny-quotes-occasion.html