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professionalkidd · 8 years ago

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Post Abroad Vacation Depression (PAVD)

I’ve recently returned from my first trip abroad and let me tell you, its was, fucking amazing. Never hit below 80, water clear as day, females everywhere, and an unlimited supply of booze served by curvy bartenders whom I’m 86% sure were getting sick of my shitty spanglish compliments.

Nonetheless, as all good things, you come at the end (or something like that). My friends and I had to leave our new found home and headed back to The States.

From warm sand to frigid snow all in a matter of a 3 ½ hour steaming flight. As the airport alcohol and extracurriculars from the night before wore off, I could feel the all too real depression of reality setting in.

Popularly known as PAVD, or Post Abroad Vacation Depression, this spiritually crushing disease can be fatal if not diagnosed correctly. Below you will find the common symptoms:

SYMPTOMS:

Listening to that one hype pregame song you played every night before going out - You know that one song with the heavy beat that you probably know only the intro/chorus to but still played it ONE LAST TIME before you went out, yeah, DAT ONE. Your subconscious will want to return to the blissful state that said song reminds you of, the common “Take me back” nostalgic feeling. It may sound good the first couple times, but after about the 42nd time, it will only leave you in agony.

Low desire to see anyone that isn’t tan or in a bathing suit - Your mind has just been fed with countless images of tan and half naked people that were friendly and down for almost anything, pretty much the opposite of normal life.

Looking at fun videos/pics from the trip - Chances are you don’t remember taking a good amount of these, but I promise you whatever the content, it is better than what you are doing now and you can’t go back. You may feel like you’re there, having a good time, drinking with your friends, back with that girl you should have hooked up with..YOU’RE NOT. Save it for another day when you’ve accepted the fact its over and you are somberly explaining them to EVERYONE that comes and asks “Hey, how was your trip?! -_-”

Desire for attention - Vacation makes you feel like the fucking man. No one is a dick to you and you don’t give a hoot about your actions, basically your invincible. You quickly realize once you get back to cell service thinking your phone is going to blow up with all these texts, that once again no one loves you but your mom and social media is the only place you have “friends”

Okay, so I may have exaggerated a bit on the “fatal” part a bit earlier, but in comparison to all the white girls that are “literally dying” every minute of every day, this is right up there.

If you find yourself returning from some extravagant vacation from over seas, and PAVD begins to set in, here are a few treatments to get yourself back in shit shot shape.

TREATMENTS: “Embrace it”

Stay in bed- Please don’t misinterpret, you won’t be sick or immobile (unless you caught some terrible disease then stop reading this immediately and get your ass to the doctor) NO, you will simply be so disappointed with your surrounding environment that you will want no contact with anything but your own room. This is by no mean a bad thing “Embrace it”. Your room is your dojo, alllllllll yours. Lock the fucking door if you need to and just do you boo boo.

Be Fat - Well all know the “Vacation Diet” you planned to start months before your trip (but in actuality you starved yourself a few days before then did 7 pushups before you hit the beach) ended the moment you stepped off the flight. Exchanged with familiar foods and foreign booze, the true vacation diet. Fortunately, once you return, you will have the same disregard for you body and health, “Embrace It” Greasy and fatty foods for days, maybe weeks depending how far out you are from your next beach trip. The downside is you will not be in the highest spirits for spirits (alcohol)….but lets be honest, your liver probably held you ransom enough on the trip that you now owe it a great debt.

Sweats - If you are lucky/smart enough to plan your trip so that you return with a full weekend ahead of you, then your in luck! De-vacation yourself with a long shower and pick out your favorite sweats because I promise you that they won’t be removed for the next few days. You’ll be covered in sweat and food stains from head to toe, but there will be few around that want to look at your tan-lined face so “Embrace it!”

Binge Watching - Not that this is any different than your normal day life, but with all this extra-bum activity, you will easily crush a few season of your favorite show. Its your bodies way of tricking your brain into thinking your actually doing something worth while…all while doing nothing at all. Say it with me….”Eeemmbbrraaccceee Iiiiitttttt!!!!”

“Release” (NSFW) - This isn’t the cleanest of treatments, but its completely natural and you’re already a disheveled ball of dirty clothes and blanks so “EMBRACE IT!!” Now, if you have a significant other who DIDN’T go on the trip with you (emphasis the DID NOT because if they did, they are most likely sick of your ass and are alone experiencing the same thing) and isn’t currently disgusted with you’re Post-Trip transformation, this may have just gotten a lot easier. Get them to lend you a hand (or a few fingers for my female readers). However, if you are along which is 97% of us, have some pride and do yourself a service: rub one out! Its no secret there are few better feelings then getting your rocks off. Have no shame and do it for you. You’ll feel a load(s) better!

So if you find yourself walking in your cold empty house, fresh off the flight from what felt like another universe, you were most likely met with a smack to the face with a good ole case of PAVD. Take note of these symptoms and treatments and you just may make it out alive. OR, at least won’t call off/quit your job Monday from the sheer combined depression alone. Eventually you’ll be back to your old sheep life until you sack up again to escape to a better life! To that I say, Happy Travels!!!

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