#bcus it is incredibly fucked up. but its just also how i live.

[narutomaki]

my vyvanse will wear off and I'll start telling myself shit like "why can't I just be better" and "I just need to be able to so thing I just need self control"

sorry but I need chemically assisted will power tyvm

[jackietaylorsghost]

no exactly! and like. this narrative masterpiece and it winning awards and being a critical darling is SO baffling cus everything it set out to do narratively it fails at. ellie is the person who, after untold suffering and grief, is the one who breaks the cycle of violence but she is the one villainised by the narrative - the david parallel, the loss of everything she loves as punishment, even the loss of her fingers so she can’t play the guitar which made her happy - vs abby who partakes in and prolongs the cycle of violence incredible brutally and is then given a redemption arc that is rushed (it’s literally 3 days) yet lapped up by the fandom when it holds no emotional weight at all. and meanwhile she’s STILL incredibly violent and brutal: see her complete slaughter of her literal own comrades and her behaviour in the theatre. it’s this latter one that baffles me the most and highlights the narrative mess/lack of consistency in the story they are trying to tell. we are meant to be three days into her narrative arc when she has been off bettering herself and supposedly learning lessons that we are meant to be taking from her. but she hasn’t learnt shit. she still behaves that way. she kills Jessie when he’s unarmed. attacks tommy. she’s brutally violent with ellie and dina and only stops because lev asks her too - not of her volition bcus she’s learnt anything across this character building redemption arc she’s meant to have had.

but what is most striking to me when we consider the message the game wants us to get (that everyone has their own lives/loves/reasons/points of views and are all just humans trying to survive) with abby’s line in the theatre scene: ‘we let you live and you wasted it’. that moment would have been the perfect time for her to realise the grief and loss she has passed on to ellie through her revenge. it would have been the moment for her to acknowledge the pain her revenge caused. that this young girl has lost something important to her bcus of what she did. but there’s never that moment. she doesn’t, for some wild reason, realise it when ellie is lying on the floor begging joel to get up and screaming at abby to stop. and by day 3 of abby’s gameplay she hasn’t realised it still. there’s no empathy. no apology. no remorse. just a patronising ‘we let you live’ as though ellie ought to be grateful she’s living a life abby ruined for her, as though she should thank abby even though abby herself should know all too well how it feels to lose a dad. and the real kicker is, it was owen who let ellie live, not abby. so what the fuck?

none of this reckons or deals with abby’s brutality either. her brutality far outstrips anything we saw joel do. it doesn’t reckon with the difference in their actions (one self defence, one purposeful and pointed and personal). it doesn’t reckon with how abby is the person who chose to start the violence. and the notion that ‘she’s just further along in her revenge path than ellie’ is absurd. it’s all happening at the same time. it’s just easy to forget that when abby’s gameplay is SO detached from the plot - it has nothing to do with it for god’s sake! it’s a 12 hour fetch quest. and it also perpetuates the idea that abby can begin this cycle of brutality and violence (im sorry but saying Joel did when he was in a kill or be killed situation is absurd to me, as is conflating joel’s actions with abby) and then just. bow out when she’s done, remove herself from it, and leave ellie to deal with the ramifications and loss and be the one who is fucking demonised. what exactly are we meant to take from that? what the fuck was the game trying to say there? it’s a complete fucking mess. ‘oh im gonna go out of my way to kill this person brutally and slowly, ultimately causing all my friends to lose their lives too, but it’s okay cus i removed myself from it so it doesn’t matter’. like what? and that’s why it falls flat. it’s too inconsistent in its treatment of ellie vs abby and it also never makes us or abby examine her actions and the consequences of them for her. it never forces her to face what she’s done and reckon with it on a personal level.

it’s still so absurd to me that abby just does not give any shits about killing joel. no regret no guilt not even a small moment of reflecting on herself as a person and wondering if she might be letting her morals slide by excruciatingly torturing someone and showing no remorse. she doesn’t even mention it that much aside from saying she thinks owen and mel were bothered by what happened in jackson. how the hell am i supposed to take any lessons about revenge seriously when the initiating act of revenge has no fucking weight on the story of the person who took it 😭

[bittybattybunny]

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

[emilygcaplan]

AN INTERVIEW WITH // Liam Blunden

1. So you’ve just finished uni, how does it feel to be a graduate?! 

Feels pretty good yeah, its better than being at uni because its pretty chilled out. But yeah it feels good to go out to actually do real work, so its quite nice! 

2. So are you actually doing ‘real work’ at the moment?

I’m doing a masters, and I’m freelancing and I’m doing work for another design studio at the moment, and I’m working with a gaming company too. I like to keep busy or you tend to slow down.

3. You just briefly mentioned there that you were doing a masters, can you tell me a little bit about that?

You should only really do a masters if you have an ‘area’, but a specific ‘area’ in mind. So I’ve done graphic design for a while now, and I’m not bored of it but its hard to continuously get excited about the stuff that you do. So, well for me its still amazing because you see incredible stuff, but I’m going to go into user interface and user experience, and I’m gonna try and push it to go into UI and gaming. ‘Cus after I did the mixed reality project last I year I was sort of like I can’t go back to editorial now!

4. What would you say was your biggest achievement while being at uni? I know you’ve had your fair few mega moments, what would you say was the highlight?

Uhmm biggest achievement – that’s a toughie man! I think probably a little thing was being in Computer Arts maybe. That wasn’t a very big thing, but to me it was pretty cool. They only knew about it because I went to LIFE agency with my swatch portfolio, then they handed that in, and Luke, from the agency, gave it to them because they wanted to a sort of do a promo issue. Then they emailed me when I was on my way back from the dentist (after having a tooth out!), forgot about it, then a couple of days later it actually sunk in. And maybe the other thing was probably going to Hong Kong, helping out there with the letterpress workshops and stuff there.

5. How did you get into going to Hong Kong, was it offered to you by uni or was it off your own back?

Fun story actually, while I was doing my undergrad I was treating it as a fulltime job whenever I wasn’t actually working, or I didn’t have other stuff on. I was in over summer always working on something and trying to improve myself. I started this art group called the 21 Pilots, and it got a bit big so gaming companies were contacting us asking if we could do this and that, but it was all unofficial so I just ran it. And then one day I was just talking to Andrew who knew about it because he had been to one of my shows, and was saying I was going to try and push for a show in Hong Kong, then Nathan walked past and was like “did you just say Hong Kong”?! Then got talking and eventually he was like yeah you should go to Hong Kong and help these guys and get some more artists in and do a show over there. I got TONNES from doing that, but bit wounded I didn’t get to go to Disneyland.

6.  From all of your accomplishments, what would you say has helped define you as a practitioner to help you progress into the ‘real world’?

 The swatch portfolio. I was interviewed two weeks ago for BCU Marketing because they had seen it, and they wanted to show perspective college students portfolios and things like that. And I still get emails about it, I mean I’ve refined it now so its quite cool, but every studio I handed it into was like this is wicked! (E: Luke Tonge even remembered it from when he came in to give us a chat). Yeah that was the first version of it! I remember giving it to Luke because he came in to do a talk to us as well. That’s the biggest thing that got me around, the guys that I worked with at this design studio called Fluid, they actually redesigned it for them to give it away which was pretty cool. I mean I gave them permission to do it so they didn’t steal it or anything, and they still give it out at the licensing awards which is a big deal, and when they go and meet gaming studios they give out this swatch that I designed basically.

7. Where do you aspire to be in say, 5 years’ time?

Oh, 5 years? Well there’s these games called the ‘triple A’ games which are the big games, then there’s ‘indie games’ which are like the little ones. So I’d like to be working in a triple A studio as a user face designer and 5 years maybe gets to the point when I’d even maybe consider being a producer? I mean that would probably take more like 10 years, but yeah that’s what I’d like to be doing. Freelancing is good and I do like it but I like being able to go to places sink my teeth into it and not worry about the money. I always freelance on the side anyway.

8. Anywhere in the country you would like to be based, or are you not bothered?

Most of the studios are in Leamington Spa. (Oh so you wanna stay local?), yeah I wanna stay pretty local but the one I’ve been talking to that is pretty good is just outside of London, which is about 3 hours away. I don’t want to live in London at all though, I have no desire to live in London. I turned down two jobs because of it! I don’t see the point in being a small part of a massive thing, when I could be a big part of a small thing instead. I mean I guess if I was on a massive wage as a director of something then I’d probably move there. I know people that have moved there now after uni, probably 80% of them hate it and wanna move back. Which is controversial yanno, everyone’s different.

9. Let’s talk inspiration. Are there any go-to inspirational people out there that inspire you? Or do you stick to the whole ‘inspirational is everywhere’ mantra?

I don’t think about it. I don’t look for inspiration. I think that if you go out looking for inspiration then you end up regretting ideas. I think you should just go places and do things, and not go to think oh I’m going to get inspired. Just go and do things and do stuff. I’ve been inspired by stuff like typography from amines, colour theory from like women’s magazines. Just random things, just don’t get narrow minded, look everywhere! The only guy I met who I really wanted to meet, and thought was really cool, was Vince Frost. And he signed my book and in it he told Pentagram to give me a job…who knows! I don’t think many people inspire me, they tend to be non-designers, so non-designers are the best inspiration because half the design world is just auto pilots. It’s the same as any job, you just sort of do your job then just go home…I dunno, it’s a complicated issue. 

10. Do you have any words of wisdom to pass on to us budding graphic design students?

Uhmm, well graphic design is such a blanket subject so I will keep it kind of blanket. I would say listen to peoples advice but don’t just act on their advice. Like think is this actually good advice or is this person just trying to look cool? Which a lot of the time they are! And I would say learn additional skills that are outside of your practice. So there was this guy last year called Liam Roberts, he was branding and he knew he was branding, but he was in the mixed reality project for a while, he did a 360 video before that, he learnt motion graphics and he also dabbles in 3D. And now he works in a really good studio down in London actually. But yeah I think have additional skills, you need them! You won’t stand out if you don’t.

11. Are there any regrets you had while at university?

Oooo, while I was at uni? Hmmm, probably chasing the grade, especially first year. Definitely shouldn’t have done that, because design generally you don’t have to go to uni to succeed, you just have to have a good eye, good portfolio skills that kind of stuff. Also not finding out what I want to go into sooner, I want to go into UI and UX but I didn’t discover that until the last two months of uni, so then that’s why I’ve gone on to do my masters to give myself a bit of time. Fuck it! Just do what you want and do it well.