#bc with long hair I feel like I adhere to society better even if it doesnt make me happy(I feel like short hair is more Me)
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I need advice: I do not know what to do with my hair
#so fun fact about me is that I used to have a fear of haircuts (genuinely) like I would shake in the chair and these past few years ive been#trying to get over it#it has been ok! my hair was like halfway down my back before any haircuts were done and I would cut it little by little testing my fear#and it was going really well. I felt confident#but I wanted to try something different and go shorter than I ever have gone before: above my shoulders#and when that happened it ruined me! I cried for days and I feel like I lost my beauty bc I had connected a lot of my beauty to my hair#my family saying that my hair is so beautiful and dont ever cut it blah blah blah#which was now rly affecting me bc ow now my hair is above my shoulders and it's alley fault and I feel so ugly#all my fault**#it has grown out a bit and I got layers despite a lot of anxiety bc I have curly hair and#I like the layers and I like the short hair#but sometimes society's expectations and my family's gender norms smack my ass and im back at square one of 'I want long hair to feel pretty#bc with long hair I feel like I adhere to society better even if it doesnt make me happy(I feel like short hair is more Me)#and with short hair I feel more me but then I feel out of place and ugly#and ik this is all just identity issues but what should I do for this next haircut? my hair is just past my shoulders. do I just get a trim#or do I get it cut a little more so it's just above my shoulders?#which would make me happy bc That's Me but also not happy bc Society#sorry y'all had to learn about me today but I would appreciate any kind of perspective#apple lady words
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I really liked the way you replied to that anon about shaving or not. I stopped shaving my legs a couple years ago and when I met my ex 3 years ago, she wasnt really okay with my leg hair. I stopped shaving bc 1. Too much effort 2. It defies what society and patriarchy has been feeding me my entire life. We came to a sort of argument about it, and it had always irked me that she only accepted my leg hair because it had a feminist/social justice tone to it. 1 of 2 or 3
“I'm not attached to much of my hair, I shave or dont, buzz my head etc. But it's in the choice, and the liberation that came with telling others "this is how I am, this is how I'll be for you too" I just wanted to ramble I guess, because of your last sentence. And it's totally a personal choice to adhere to your partners preferences in matter of hair, but theres also good in questioning WHY they think it's better shaved. 2 of 3
For instance, I shave my pits bc the hair grows thin but long and it gets caught in my shirts and itches. I pluck my eyebrows because it makes my eyes pop and I think I look hot. But I've stopped making my unshaved legs a Thing and I even forget that I have hair there when theres a breeze. For a second, I panic thinking it's a bug crawling 😂 anyways, my unnecessary and uncalled for 2 cents rant is over, sorry for the long ass thread of asks!! 3 of 3 !”
This is great and sheds some light onto our relationship with our body hair.. if not for societal expectations, we would not think twice about having body hair. We would shave only because we like the way it looks/feels and not have any thought about how others might see it. BUT that is not the world we live in.
As for shaving for a partner... since I have no attachment one way or another. I would probably just let my partner decide.. if it brings her more pleasure to feel a smooth leg... okay by me. The woman I referred to made the request.. almost embarrassed to do so. She did NOT want me to feel shame nor did she want me to think she found me less sexy. She trusted me and knew she could share what she wanted to experience. I thought the request was kind and respectul, and truth be told... sexy.
I don’t have a total preference for body hair one way or the other. I am fine either way for my partner. I do like the feel of smooth skin but it would have to be only if she felt okay with that..
I find hair that has grown out and is in the soft phase to be very sexy. So really, I have over come any expectation of what I “should” like to enjoy what is comfortable on any given woman.
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