#bc unlike what a lot of racists think I want to share my art!! I enjoy telling ppl about my culture and about how I do formline art and-

[telekitnetic-art]

about your last post: I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m a Coast Salish artist and have published some art for my tribe but I’m terrified of posting it online for these reasons. I’ve considered a side blog but I’m not sure if it’s worth it :(

I wish I could give some sort of reassurance or advice or hypothetical way of handling it that i'm trying out that might help, but the truth is that I'm just as torn as you are on the subject of sharing traditional art and culture to a broad audience who might or might not respect and appreciate my culture ;o; I don't *want* to have to not share my artwork, but the way the internet is sometimes, it feels like it's better to only share my art amongst close friends/family members because there are so many non-native ppl out there who will do and say hurtful things because they cannot comprehend boundaries and respect for a protected culture that the government and churches and general public wanted to pick apart like carrion while hoping that the people that belonged to it would vanish and meld into society quietly.

[groundramon]

Statement

I didnt want to write this but I’m too fucking tired to respond to anymore people who go into my ask box. I’ve already gotten 4. Leave me alone. Also I apologize for not censoring @ ‘s.  Obviously, do not send hate to anyone.  Because I, unlike Peri, do not endorse that.  Your white knighting will not hurt Peri and it will not help me - it will just help Peri feel more justified.  So seriously, to any of my friends/mutuals/followers reading this - do not.

DISCLAIMER: I knew peri back when he still used they/them pronouns. If I ever accidentally refer to him with those pronouns, please don’t hone in on that, but please DO tell me about my mistake so I can go and fix that. This is not an excuse, its still wrong of me to do and i apologize if I accidentally do it anywhere in this post - it is an explanation and an invitation to hold me accountable without using it to destroy the whole point of my post.

DISCLAIMER #2: there is a lot of nuances to our relationship that I will never be able to describe in text. Such as the fact that as little kids, Peri and our other friends were the ones who “corrupted” my sense of humor (not in a problematic way, I was just a really naive little kid). We always made jokes about me being the least mature out of the group despite being the oldest.

DISCLAIMER #3: Yes, I made mistakes. No, I did not put out a callout about Peri “just to start shit”.  I have apologized for my mistakes and learned better, and would be happy to write another apology genuinely outlining what I did wrong if Peri didn’t lie about me at every given opportunity.

I never put a callout on Peri until now.  Maybe once when this first happened, i told people to unfollow him...I genuinely cant remember.  I know I added him to my carrd as DNI, but he did it first, and I did it in response to that.  And I removed it long ago.  He also mocked me for calling him my abuser after one of his friends block evaded me to tell me to fuck off, and I found out said friend did that because Peri had been calling me “a danger to minors”, a racist (Peri is white and kept making Hetalia jokes up to a few months before we stopped being friends even though literally I never did) and a lesbophobe (ok peri is a lesbian), and more important, accusing me of stalking.  His definition of stalking was to check his twitter profile obsessively.  I know he did this to me, because he mentioned one of my discourse threads about SPOP and misrepresented my argument (he said I called Catra abusive - I called Catradora toxic and clarified that Catra is not an abuser).  I’m not here to debate the definition of stalking, but heres the thing - at that point, it had been...I think 3 months after we broke off?  And I hadnt checked his twitter since a week after we broke up.  Literally.  I’m sure I have no way of proving that now, OVER A YEAR LATER, but it’s true. I have proof about the hetalia joke.  It was literally just a joke about my piccrews looking like America.  But considering years ago, Peri (and our shared abuser who I dont plan on discussing very much publicly for obvious reasons) were the ones who got me into Hetalia, it hits a very sore spot with me to call me a racist right alongside our shared abuser who would go by japanese names for the ~aesthetic~.  And thats the thing throughout all of this - did I do wrong by Peri? Absolutely, and I’m not going to remember everything flawlessly either. I’m not a flawless person and we were friends for like 7 years.  But Peri is acting like he’s never done anything wrong in his life.

He also has a pattern of doing this - he accused me and his ex-friend Rainy (me and Rainy are friends) of making fun of our abuser’s art constantly and probably now making fun of Peri’s art constantly (we did make fun of the abuser’s art, but tbh it was gallows humor, and still not something I’m proud of.  I have literally never made fun of Peri’s art.  In fact, it makes me feel awful that I have a pit in my stomach whenever I see it, because I always enjoyed Peri’s unique art style up until the day we split.)  He’s hurt so, SO many other people too.  I can think of 13 just off the top of my head.  The person who block evaded me to yell at me about something I literally never did?  Literally went through the same shit me and Rainy did.  Most of these people are not going to like me, and yet I could probably ask for their testimony and it would match my experience very closely, except the key difference being Peri gave up on them already.

Peri talked about me THREE TIMES in the last week (I believe - I didnt check dates and i literally found peri’s account accidentally while going through chicken smoothie. yes, it was my choice to scroll down and look for my name, but i was like, the second post on his tumblr and i was just trying to see if the posts were recent or old bc i thought he was inactive on here.

Here are all of the posts in case he deletes them - sorry I dont have timestamps, he went private so I cant get evidence, obviously.

Admittedly, the last one is pretty understandable, I feel the same way going through my old shit and seeing Peri’s posts/art/etc. But two times after that? But no I’m the one for starting shit, even though I can disprove both of this posts.

For that first post:

1. I didn’t debate shit, I asked a question because I saw a bi woman bring up a good point about why bi women shouldn’t be allowed to use butch/femme.  Admittedly, asking your closest (not only! just closest) lesbian friend about all lesbian issues is kind of a dick move, but I was just trying to figure out how to argue against that point so I could support my lesbian friends.  Now I realize that it’s wrong of me to bother getting involved on either side and I should just support my lesbian friends and their voices instead of getting directly involved.  Yes, I was wrong, but i did not argue with a lesbian about whether or not butch/femme can be used by nonlesbians, I was ASKING A QUESTION.

2. I was trying to be a supportive friend. He was crushing on Rainy - who was identifying as a gay (trans) man at the time by the way, but I only ever see Peri use this as evidence for me being lesbophobic, not homophobic and transphobic.  Gee I wonder why?  Oh right, it’s because Peri hates Rainy and doesn’t care.  Anyways, yes, it was wrong of me.  At the time I didn’t understand a lot about comphet so I was just trying to be supportive.  I do think I expressed relief when Peri said he and Rainy had broken up and realized their feelings were platonic, as i was confused about the whole situation.  I was trying not to gatekeep Peri from his own damn community, because I’m not going to tell him his feelings are invalid when I’m not a lesbian.  You cant get mad at me for policing lesbian labels, and then not policing lesbian labels enough- what??  I don’t think I did anything wrong per say in this situation because I was telling white lies to be a good friend but I do know better now and try to emphasize that “and if you find out its comphet and you’re still a lesbian then thats totally valid!!!” and in fact I even think I did that at the time??

Both of these instances (I believe) are buried on an old server that I no longer have access to.  It’s possible they still exist.  But I didn’t think this thing with Peri would last well over a year later so I didn’t bother documenting any of it.  If peri has the screenshots, I would love to see it.  This is not sarcasm, I genuinely want to be informed what I did wrong.  I have a lot of great friends now and I would hate to hurt them by repeating mistakes I don’t even remember making.  I can’t learn if I’m not informed.  Once again, this is not sarcasm, irony, or passive aggressive.  This is genuine.  All I ever asked from Peri was to talk to me.

These are the last messages we exchanged before Peri’s goodbye message.  This is what our relationship was like.  And do NOT fucking tell me “Peri is clearly uncomfortable” - I’m autistic, Peri is neurodivergent, I do NOT read into subtext.  I have an anxiety disorder and will literally never be able to function if I read into everything as passive aggressive.  My autism does not excuse abusive behavior - but if you do not tell me about this behavior, which Peri never did, I can never get better.  I do not read that “im fine” as a silent plead for me to leave him alone when he literally was always talking about how annoyed he was by people overanalyzing his responses, seeing hostility where there was none, and he specifically said not to read into short replies as anything personal.  He said he had compassion fatigue.  Which is why I left him be until I had no choice.

The last vent I mentioned said “Shitty friends, shitty friends” on his private twitter.  I was worried it was about me and Rainy, because I figured if it wasnt, he would’ve told us who it was about.  And he never did.  So I’m pretty sure it was about us.  After disappearing for the day and making me and Rainy worried that he was suicidal, he sent us this goodbye message in our mutual server (which the only reason i have this is because i sent it to another friend because i didnt know how to feel and needed guidance)

This goodbye letter, despite seeming nice on the surface, blamed the trauma that me and Rainy faced as well as our particular interests for Peri leaving us.  One of my boundaries in our friendship was to tell me if anything was wrong so I could improve it and be a better person, and Peri broke that trust.  He was absolutely a shitty friend in that regard.  But just this goodbye letter I would’ve bought despite being disappointed...if he hadn’t called us shitty before.

By the way, at the time, the only thing I could think this would be about was not trusting Peri’s gut about some randos.  Rainy and I wanted to give those people a fair shot, and Peri accused us of not trusting him because of it.  You do not get to dictate who your friends do and dont hang out with, and you dont get to guilt trip them for hanging out with someone who has literally done nothing to you except act a little bit too much like our shared abuser Moony, wtf?

Peri also accused me of saying he and Moony were the same, when I did no such thing.  Rainy did!  And I immediately chastized Rainy for it, clarifying that I thought they were two different beasts entirely.

I forgot what I was talking about uhhh.  Oh yeah!

I’m not the one still talking about you over a year later.  I’ve moved on.  Remove me from your DNFI.  I didn’t remove you from mine because I realized I was the abuser and you were the victim - I removed you because I’m fucking done with this situation.  I only brought it up with your friend because you LITERALLY BLAMED MY INTERESTS AT THE TIME IN YOUR FAKE-ASS APOLOGY.  And what were me and Rainy talking about a bunch at the time?  Digimon!!  Aka the person who I talked to’s special interest!  I told them I would fuck off if they asked and I encouraged them to talk to you about it and have a genuine conversation.  Because I, unlike you, am a good person who lets people come to their own conclusions.

Also, you were 2 weeks away from being 16, and I was a few months into being 18.  Here are some of our conversations about becoming QPPs!

Should I have entered a QPR with my 7+ year friend who literally shaped me into who I am today when they were almost 16 and I was already several months into being 18?  Probably not!  But adulthood isn’t just some switch that goes off, and I was a dumbass.  Peri’s current GF is apparently being accused of being a predator, or something, according to one of Peri’s other posts?  I dont know whats happening because im not! a fucking! stalker! but Peri of all people should know what it’s like to have a small age gap blown into something bigger than it is.  Peri and I’s relationship didn’t change a whole lot after becoming QPPs - we were still close friends.  But after literally growing up with Peri, I didn’t realize that I needed to enact healthy boundaries with someone so young when they were the one who used to “troll” me when we were kids (AKA pretend to be mad at me or pretend to be someone else and then say “haha just kidding!” just to cause problems).

Peri has clearly built me up to be some kind of villain in his head.  And that’s fine, I really don’t care.  I go months without thinking of Peri, and he’s just a bad memory whenever I do think of him - well until I found out he’s calling me a pedophile and accusing me of making callouts that I never did and generally has been a pot calling the white marble countertop grey for the past year or so.  But I dont care.  I DONT CARE.

But if you want me to stop warning people about you, its simple.  Stop spreading lies about me.  Take my name out of your public vocabulary.  Take me and Rainy off your DNFI.  I do not think about you, I do not talk to people about you very often, most of my current friends didn’t know the things you did until today because I had no reason to tell them.

For anyone uninitiated - all you need to know is that this person’s tumblr title is “an aphobic [reclaimable slur]” and so by admission they like to harass other minorities for fun.  Seriously, you don’t have to be an ace inclusionist or even believe aphobia is real to just be a nice person, what the fuck?  This post in particular is extremely telling.

Also they retweeted a post from someone with the username “panphobe” so.

Just a few notes.  Hope the asexual who stans a literal stated aphobe gets tired of licking that boot soon.  And Peri too.  Your obsession with me is more unhealthy to you than it is to me.  Just...drop it.  I will only add to this if more accusations are thrown my way.   I am done with you.  You have a repeated behavior of this shit, and I want to add more things but they’re heresay from other people so I don’t feel comfortable adding them.  But yeah.  Stop hurting people.  Stop bullying people and being angry and aggressive for fun.  You’re not as cute as you think you are.  There’s a reason this shit keeps happening to you.  Get better soon.

As for me, I think I’ll spend the next three months going back to forgetting you exist.  I liked it there.  But you can keep thinking I’m stalking you if you’d like.  I have all the proof and evidence I need that you’re a fucking liar right here.  And most of your tweets accusing me of shit are deleted too.  Now leave me the fuck alone.

PS, even if aroaces arent oppressed, sending them hate messages based on something they cant control is really shitty :) its not like we’re still a minority group or anything!  I’m also literally trans, so you’re proving the fact that the bad exclusionists always target other LGBTs who happen to be aspec for their harassment :) but keep it going keep it going, every spiteful message sent to me specifically because im aspec and part of the LGBT community just fuels my agenda.

[the-cryptographer]

1, 3 (this part specifically: "copy paste a line from the first smutty fanfic you wrote"), and 7 if you'd like.

For the Fandom Humiliation Meme~

1. the worst fanfic I’ve ever written/have thought about writing

Ugh!

I think I already talked about writing most of an extremely angsty Fred & George fanfic about them switching identities and then ‘Fred’ dies. And you already know about me writing about the Kaoru siblings raising their child. What more is there to know?

Here’s some more extreme angst I’ve thought about writing, but am unlikely to. There’s this free-to-play rpg-maker horror-lite game called Ib. It’s about a girl - the eponymous Ib, going to an art exhibit, and getting trapped in the world of the paintings, along with a young man called Garry. Then there’s a girl called Mary within the world of the paintings that wants out. Anyhow, Garry becomes immediately protective of Ib and there’s a lot of cute moments that kind of maybe translate easily into a future ship. Except Garry’s also lavender linguistics coded as gay. Anyhow, I thought about writing a post-canon story where both are a little older, and Ib was crushing hardcore and a little terrifyingly on Garry. And he’s kind of, lol, no. You are a child and I don’t like women. But then they’re both kind of bound together by having gone through this horror game experience with one another, and Garry’s relationships with the men in his life are always falling apart because he’s had this really trippy mind-fucky experience he can’t explain to anyone. And eventually he kind of gives in and sleeps with Ib in a moment of weakness because she’s the only one who ‘gets’ what he’s been through. And Ib’s happy about it but he’s kind of miserable and both are in PTSD hell.

It strikes me as kind of problematic, which was maybe kind of the point. But it also sounds maybe a little bit too heavy even for me rn, so~

3. copy paste a line from the first smutty fanfic you wrote

oh god why?

the only smutty thing i’ve posted is this religious guilt, ethereal, one-of-these-people-is-dead, dubcon femslash that’s part of some angsty narrative for this really obscure video game. i actually love this fic but i think i might be the only one

“You’re not going to stop, are you?” Alouette asks.

Prier hikes Alouette’s dress up further.

Alouette sighs again.

“Very well,” Alouette agrees.

She arches her body up against Prier’s. She stretches one long arm around behind Prier, between her legs. Alouette’s finger nails are long, and scratch lightly against Prier’s skin and flesh, as Alouette peels her lips apart and palms the wetness of her sex.

the first smutty thing i actually wrote might be this Draco/Harry thing though. I actually wrote about writing it on this blog before.

So, one of the Drarry tropes I like is in those old fics where Draco somehow ends up in Grimmauld Place, right in the centre of the Order of the Phoenix. And I hate how it’s handled alot, but I love the idea. Because Draco is a racist piece of shit and there’s nothing more tragifunny than him getting stuck with a bunch of people who hate him, or at least hate every single thing he values, whereupon stress-induced craziness can happen [… in] this incredibly hostile environment of hostility, where Draco is super far from any position of power, and Harry and co are acting like self-righteous assholes, and Draco’s acting like his usual racist ‘giving-no-shits’ self but he’s not so secretly terrified… In this environment, Draco takes the opportunity to one-up Harry by dominating him… sexually…

And then that kind of reestablishes some sense of normality for Draco, because Harry’s kind of ashamed that he allowed it and wants more, and it gives Draco something to lord over Harry’s head - a foothold to pretend he’s not everyone else’s bitch in this situation (he is). Of course it all comes crashing down at some point, and also love rears its ugly head, and then Hermione defeats Voldie or something, and Draco walks away with a mansion and lots of Galleons and the classist system is depressingly reestablished.

full post

anyhow. I can’t pick out a line from it because that would involve me reading it and having to choose what to share while my face was on fire. so I’ll just copy-paste the whole thing and, if on the odd chance i decide to write the rest of this fic, i’ll remove the majority of it from this post.also it’s not completely written.also don’t judge me.also if you have any concrit it would be super welcome bc i know nothing about writing smut.

Draco wasn’t sure how he hadn’t realised it before,but Potter was a hair shorter than him, when they stood this close. It was onlya fraction of an inch, but Potter was looking down, averting his eyes, andcombined with his height, and measuring the distance Draco had to stare downwas an entrancing activity.

“If you’re not going to say anything worthwhile, youmay as well put that mouth to use otherwise,” Draco snarls. It’s muggle methodshe uses, kicking at Potter’s knees and pushing down on his shoulders, and anangry look flashes on Potter’s face and he makes a half-hearted attempt atresistance. Potter drops unevenly to one of his knees, his glasses knockedaskew, and grapples wildly with the front of Draco’s robes. It’s as if he weretrying to climb vertically up Draco’s front in the attempt to strangle him,pulling himself up by the lapels of Draco’s robes, twisting them in hisknuckles.

But then, by Potter’s own designs, if Draco has readthe situation correctly, he comes face to face with Draco’s cock, alreadyerect, with pre-come beading at the slit, and then dripping, rolling down theunderside of the shaft.

Potter freezes, and that moment feels like forever.It’s Potter staring through the crooked lenses of his glasses, his mouthclosed, refusing to make eye contact with Draco or turn his face away fromDraco’s crotch, and Draco suddenly has a moment of terrible insecurity.

What if Potter thought he looked funny? What ifPotter thought it was strange how pale it was, with blood colouring it red insplotchy patches? What if he thought it was too curved, or too long, or tooskinny? What if Weasley, or one of the other infernal Gryffindors were largeror more aesthetically pleasing?

And, if the thought of being inadequate compared toa Weasley isn’t the world’s biggest boner killer… Draco almost has to pullaway.

But then Potter, without a word, leans forward everso slightly, his cheek brushing ever so softly against the side of Draco’sprick. His glasses slip off his face the rest of the way and clatter on thefloor, and Draco hisses at the attention.

Potter shifts so both his knees are on the carpet,and then, tentatively, runs his tongue along the underside of his shaft,starting from the very edge of his testicles and moving up all the way to presshis tongue flat against the slit.

And well, that’s more permission than Draco hoped toreceive, so he shoves Potter back the rest of the way against the wall, andlines up his cock to shove back and forth roughly into the waiting mouth.

[…]

They don’t talk about it and Draco doesn’t expectthem to.

7. I already answered this one. But if you missed it my guilty pleasures are OT3s and doujinshi. …I think.