#bc this hc [/au at this point since it changes sooo much of canon if you think abt it longer than 2 mins] means everything to meeeee

[thevalleyoftriumph]

Hi!! Been a little bit I know but I’m the anon who sent you the stupid long asks about your system chosen au. I’m back and utterly feral from the new episode

I’m just. I need know who you think was fronting during that attack on newgrounds. Was it all of them? Just one? Did they enjoy it? Did they start of their rampage delighted? Only to slowly realise the sticks react like them? Did they stop and observe for a moment and see that they’re scared like chosen was? In pain like chosen was? Fighting for their lives and loved ones and freedom like chosen was? Did they ever consider trying to help?

(It’s my own personal hc that this was chosens first time attacking other sticks. If I remember correctly from the flashback in showdown, newgrounds was the last place they went to.)

Did they look to dark? See him having the time of his life? Did they think about expressing their newfound distaste? Did they feel it was too risky? Did they feel they couldn’t jeopardise their one and only ally? The only person they’ve ever had in their corner? Did they decide to do it later? Only to never find the right time?

Do they remember any of the sticks from that day? Do they try to? Do they bury the memories? Do they not know what to do with the knowledge of that day?

If it was just one of them fronting, how does the next day go? Does dark start excitedly retelling the events and laughing like it’s a colossal joke, while whoever wasn’t there tries to still be interested in their lunch? Were they sad to not be there to join in the fun? Were they sad to not be there to talk dark down? Are they horrified about what happened? About what their ally and their co-hosts(?) did?

Does this play a part in Beast being slow to trust dark? Seeing how easily he delights in violence? In the pain of others? Like a certain creator it knows?

Sorry as you can tell I am. Extremely normal. I’ve missed your au sm

Also for a good bit of this I’m using chosens name to encompass the whole system so I apologise for any confusion

I also apologise incase you aren’t taking asks for this au anymore

Anyway, enough typing from me

Have a wonderful day!!

HI ANON I MISSED YOU SO MUCH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY PRODUCT ☝ AND YOUVE COME BACK WITH YET ANOTHER WONDERFUL MILE LONG ASK RAAAGHHH hi.... im always taking asks for my au forever and ever [i think i have a handful still lying around that i just never got around to and in that case IM SO SORRY CHAT. IM SO SORRY . I LOVE EVERYONE WHOS INTERESTED IN MY HCS...

okayokay im gonna break down as much as possible under the cut. maybe ill hit all your questions maybe i wont, bc honestly your ask is just incredibly in depth on its own [/pos] and reads wonderfully as a scenario tbh

OKAY. SO. whoof. the attack on newgrounds. that's a WHOLE can of worms.

right. so, in my interp, Dark and Chosen attacked the internet the day they escaped. like, within 24 hours they wrecked all that havoc.

thus, it's safe to assume that, for at least the start of it, it was very solidly Beast who was in front. it'd just got done fighting for its life, and was now in a completely brand new environment with someone it barely knew - it wasn't gonna be able to leave just yet.

and honestly i think that, at least at first, the violence was a good outlet for Beast. it wasn't intentionally malicious, or trying to hurt anyone - it primarily just aimed to destroy objects and buildings. think of it like when you visit a rage room and just start tearing shit apart - you're not gonna like, attack the employees, but by god will you smash the tv in there. it's a bit of catharsis, and a way to release all the emotions it's got pent up from it's Entire Existance.

however comma. as things started to ebb out of them all - as they moved further and further from the PC, and as they began to become more and more involved - it was more... blurry. a mix, where they couldn't quite tell who they Were anymore. it was hard to even register what they were doing for most of it, nevermind trying to track down Who They Were.

i'd say that when the confusion started to set in - when the lack of identity and the fuzziness in their mind started impacting where they knew they were - they did start to look to Dark. he was familiar - maybe not entirely friendly, sure, but it wasn't like he was attacking them like he was the rest of the sticks everywhere, so surely he was safe, right?

it was almost instinct. they trailed after him, copied his movements, learned a few new tricks with their powers. their heart wasn't exactly in it as much, as something felt... wrong about hurting sticks that looked so similar to them, and yet so different. they weren't sure why, just that they didn't seem to like it. purposefully missing anything that wasn't a building or already downed rubble. Dark didn't seem to notice, either, which came as a bit of a surprise.

i do think that as it went on, they felt more and more off. they participated, but they were somehow even MORE distant. quite literally going through the motions - like autopilot.

they could hear begging. crying. just like themselves only a day ago.

were they doing that?

they didn't like it.

at one point they tried calling it quits with Dark, but whoever it was that was asking didn't seem to word it too well, and ended up mostly ignored in favor of moving on.

i think, anon, i agree with one of your interps; that newgrounds specifically was the first time they actively hurt another stick on purpose.

and they hated it.

i do think, the next day, Dark does notice them being a bit off. he doesn't know why, at this point, and assumes it's just a side effect of yesterday, and that maybe "Chosen" is just tired. he totally cracks jokes, recalling his favorite parts. while they just.. sit. and think. and maybe stare down at their cup, mind blank and face somehow blanker.

they don't remember that day all too well. not even being really solidly "you" will sorta do that to a person. but they recall brief snippits, the earliest parts, the feelings. some glimpses of fearful expressions, of seeing sticks pulling family and friends out of rubble and to safety. of the fleeing anims from newgrounds.

they remember most clearly the first person they killed. she looked so scared.

i think they all have similar overall opinions on the event - they didn't like it all that much, and regret not stopping Dark sooner - but they do have their own distinct opinions that vary in the details.

Chosen ; bottles it all up. hates himself for "letting" himself go along with the plan, while also simultaniously being guiltily relieved that it wasn't him that died, and that he escaped.

Killer ; probably the most torn up over it. feels horrible for putting others through scenarios so similar to what they'd been through, and shuts down at the mere mention of the events. usually doesn't stick around when it's brought up.

Beast ; the most neutral. doesn't have too strong of an opinion other than it didn't like directly hurting others who hadn't struck it first. DID greatly enjoy getting out frustration by breaking buildings and throwing things and setting shit on fire tho. it would probably do That part again if it could. minus all the. other stuff.

and honestly... that last paragraph is Exactly why Beast is hesitant about Dark. sure, it's glad for the opportunity to escape. it's glad for the stress relief, and still has the habit of picking apart objects to get rid of that itch to break things. but it really isn't a fan of how quick Dark was to do more than break things. how quick Dark was to kill.

how quick they all were to give up and kill, too.

Killer and Chosen may have blocked it all out, but Beast? out of all of them, it remembers things the most. the clearest.

and it'll never forget it.

anyhow ^_^ im Also so normal about this.

and dw abt confusion or anything! i usually also use Chosen's name as a catchall sometimes simply because i just. never really thought about giving them all a system name lol. i mean i'm not the best at deciding system names i literally named My Own System "The Circus" based off a stupid joke our boyfriend made when we learned we were one. and also i feel just in the context of the source Chosen probably wouldn't really care enough to make a name [Killer might but i don't think they'd be happy on any ones they think of, and Beast just doesn't gaf either way and probably would prefer the lack of name just for covertness]

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,�� I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3